Sovereignty Radio Play

1 | S o v e r e i g n t y b y J a s o n O ’ M a h o n y

Sovereignty: a drama of Irish politics for radio.

By Jason O’Mahony

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Sound of traffic on a late night street.

Music, people laughing in a pub in the distance.

DANNO: No….no….no…nuttin’ there…Jesus GER will you get a move on!

GER: Will ye wait! The thing is falling out of me hat!

DANNO: The thing! The thing! It’s bleedin’ tinfoil!

GER: It’s stopping the CIE from listening into my thoughts. They’re always at that, the CIE!

I saw it, they’ve got satellites and them drone things. It’s not just buses they’re into

anymore. See them Leap Cards? They give free ones to Al Quaeda so they can track

where they are. That’s how they got Bin Laden, you know. He had a Leap Card in his

pocket when they found him…I saw him on the 46A once.

DANNO: What are you shiteing on about? Bin Laden on the 46a!

GER: It’s true! It’s like after World War 2. Hitler ended up working in a chipper in

Drimnagh. Me mother swears he used to give her two singles of chips every

Saturday.

DANNO: Would ye ever shut the fu…here we go! Laptop, looks like a pretty gamey one too,

keep an eye out…don’t be looking at me! Keep an eye out that no one’s coming, for

fuck’s sake.

Sound of a car window being smashed. Car alarm goes off.

DANNO: Go….go….go!

Music for RTE Radio News.

NEWSREADER: Good evening. Canvassing is continuing amongst National Party deputies in the

election to replace the late Taoiseach Edward Meaney TD, who died unexpectedly

last Friday. Political correspondents are almost united in predicting that Minister for

Finance Stephen Sperry will defeat the Minister for Education KATE O’HARA, and will

be elected Taoiseach and leader of the minority National Party government

tomorrow evening. Meaney, a deputy since…”


Sound of radio being switched off.

TOM BURKE: Almost united. I love that. Just in case one of the pol corrs happens to suddenly take

one gin too many on-board, go on Vincent Browne, and calls it for you.

KATE O’HARA: We always knew it was a longshot Tom. At least it’ll make it harder for Stephen to

drop me from the cabinet. Alas, you’ll just have to tolerate being a ministerial

special advisor for a few more years.

TOM BURKE: Don’t be too sure about that. Sperry’s Mr National Party. His grandfather was in the

GPO. He doesn’t think the likes of you should even be in the party, you being nice to

the gays and the foreigners and all that crowd.

KATE O’HARA: In the GPO? His granddad was a bookie!

TOM BURKE: I’m not saying he was shooting at the Brits. He was probably taking odds on the Brits

winning. I’m just saying, Sperry is party royalty. You’re just some blow in. One of

those fancy book-readers Ed Meaney brought in to broaden the party base, before

one rasher sandwich too many brought him home, God rest him.

You were never even a county councillor. Sure I’ll bet you’ve never even fixed a

penalty point.

KATE O’HARA: I was a senator!

TOM BURKE: You were a Trinity senator. That’s not the same. You might as well be the MP for

Downton Abbey.

KATE O’HARA: Well you’re right. I’ve never fixed a penalty point.

TOM BURKE: And no one ever got elected in Ireland under the slogan “She applies the rules fairly

to all”.

Sound: A text message arrives.

TOM BURKE: Right, the new figures, let’s see... the Indo is calling it 60 for Sperry, 18 for you. That

sounds about right.

KATE O’HARA: Still, 17 National Party TDs openly voting for a liberal. That’s got to be something.

TOM BURKE: Yeah, well don’t lose the run of yourself. At least half are voting for you because

they can’t stand Sperry, have a grudge, or in one case, inherited a grudge from his

father against Sperry’s father.

KATE O’HARA: What? Who?

TOM BURKE: Fergal Harte. His old man and Sperry senior had a furious row over a selection

convention in 1982. Snots flying. At least two broken jaws, and a Ford Cortina was

torched in the hotel car-park. Why do you think the party imposes both candidates

there now, without a convention, every time out? Because in 1987 one fella brought


a revolver to the meeting, that his father got off a blue shirt when he shot him in

1934.

KATE O’HARA: You don’t get that in the Trinity Seanad campaign.

TOM BURKE: No, but I’ll bet the remarks about who is wearing last season’s outfits are vicious.

PAUL: Sorry Tom, Kate, look at this. It’s doing the rounds on Twitter.

TOM BURKE: Let’s see…ah here…


NEWSREADER: …sources in the Meaney camp are refusing to comment on the news of a

Garda raid on the Minister for Finance’s home last night. The Garda Press

Office has confirmed that the raid occurred, and that a number of

computers were confiscated by Gardai for examination by the Garda

Technical Bureau…”

Sounds of quiet pub. Glasses, drinks being poured, people talking.

MARTINA ROCHE : …no, you can’t be serious. I’m not telling my editor that a raid on the next Taoiseach’s house the night before he’s elected was not sanctioned by the Minister for Justice. No Garda is going to put his career on the line like that.

DAVE: Martina, I’m telling you. A registered package arrived at Garda headquarters

yesterday, with conclusive technical proof that the Minister for Finance’s home computer had kiddie porn on it. You know what the new commissioner is like. By the book? She wrote the damn thing: within an hour of technical confirmation of probable cause, she had us up getting warrants. She’s obsessed with being accused of being under political pressure. Last Christmas she sent the Minister a Christmas card by registered post, so it would be transparent, for Christ’s sake.

MARTINA ROCHE: But this is obviously a set up. DAVE: Maybe it is, I don’t know, but we had to act. Imagine it emerged that we

hushed it up until after the vote? Not this commissioner. ***** Sound of a mobile ringing. TOM BURKE: Tom Burke…yeah..what do you think Fionnan? That I abseiled into Sperry’s

house and planted kiddie fiddler stuff on his machine? Fionnan, I can’t get the timer on my video to stop flashing 12 oh oh…yes, I still have a video…no, yeah…I’ll check.

KATE O’HARA: I’ve just had Tommy Joyce on to me, asking how do I feel about ensuring

that Mayo gets to keep a minister of state?


TOM BURKE: Tommy Joyce? Jesus. He actually named his eldest after Sperry. There’s a lot

of fellas thinking hard this morning. KATE O’HARA: But this is madness. The timing is so obviously an attempt to damage Sperry. TOM BURKE: That’s not what you said when they door-stepped you this morning. KATE O’HARA: I was, and am, uncommitted. This needs to be investigated before people

jump to conclusions. Stephen is entitled to a fair hearing. TOM BURKE: (applauds)…oh well done…the perfect non-answer, Kate. Why didn’t you

come out and say that this was obviously an attempt by someone to sabotage Sperry?

KATE O’HARA: You know damn well why. TOM BURKE: Go on, humour me. KATE O’HARA: Because… TOM BURKE: Because it might be true. It just might be. If I had to absolutely put money

on it I’d say it wasn’t, and that Stephen Sperry is far more interested in drink and slightly plump Dail secretaries than kids, but you can never be certain, and that’s exactly what the parliamentary party is asking itself now.

KATE O’HARA: Even though this is a fix?

TOM BURKE: Sure, it is almost certainly is a plot to stop him, but supposing they elected

him Taoiseach and it turns out to be true? Or supposing it takes weeks or months to find out, during which the international media go bananas speculating as to whether the Prime Minister of Ireland is a kiddie fiddler? That’s why we’re all playing it safe. Me. The PP. You.

KATE O’HARA: Some of them want to postpone the vote. TOM BURKE: Until when? If we knew the investigation would take a few days, maybe, but

not for much lonGER. The country needs a Taoiseach. I mean, the Tanaiste is 78, you know. He hasn’t stayed awake through a full parliamentary party meeting since Albert.

KATE O’HARA: So we could win this? TOM BURKE: Possibly. But I wouldn’t rule out a rerun in six months. ***** NEWSREADER: (Sound of cheering and applauding)…O’Hara by 3 votes. The Minister for

Finance, Stephen Sperry, has announced his resignation from the cabinet in order to clear his name….


Sound of car interior. Police sirens/motorcycles outside. TOM BURKE: How was the President of Ireland this evening? KATE O’HARA: Do you know, I think Enda prefers being President to Taoiseach? He was as

relaxed, and he doesn’t look 72 either. TOM BURKE: That buzzcut suits him. Very Walter White. Here’s the first pass at the

cabinet. I think you’re mad with those two, by the way. Sound of paper unfolding. KATE O’HARA: The constitution says I can nominate two senators to the cabinet. They’re

both highly capable women. TOM BURKE: It’s been nearly 40 years since a senator was nominated to cabinet. It’s not

like the parliamentary party even want you as Taoiseach. This is just getting up their backs.

KATE O’HARA: Appointing senators to cabinet is party policy. It was in the manifesto. TOM BURKE: So was a united Ireland, restoring Irish and draining the Shannon. I think we

even mentioned putting Craig Doyle on Mars. It’s still going to irritate the PP.

KATE O’HARA: Wait ‘til they see the political reform bill. And anyway, Dev decided to let me

appoint senators. You think they’d respect the wisdom of our founding father.

TOM BURKE: Yeah…anyway…the secretary to the government was on. He says there’s a

COLONEL HARRISON waiting to see you. Who’s he? KATE O’HARA: She. I’ve no idea. Enda said that I should take the meeting, and told me to

expect the call. He said it was very important, and he was telling me as one former Taoiseach to his successor.

TOM BURKE: I hope this isn’t where the Davos crowd replace you with a giant talking

lizard. KATE O’HARA: I suspect the parliamentary party would prefer that. Sound of car door opening, cameras flashing, questions being shouted. Sound of phone buzzing. PAUL: COLONEL HARRISON to see you, Taoiseach. KATE O’HARA: Thanks PAUL, send her in. Sound of door opening.


COLONEL HARRISON: Taoiseach. Colonel Susan Harrison. Formerly of the Permanent Defence Forces.

KATE O’HARA: Have a seat, colonel. I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage. The

president has said I should meet you, but I’ve no idea what for. I am rather busy naming my cabinet, as you no doubt know.

COLONEL HARRISON: I will be very brief, Taoiseach. This is just a very quick meeting that

every Taoiseach gets when they’re appointed. KATE O’HARA: You’re not going to tell me we’ve a UFO hidden in the Curragh, are

you? COLONEL HARRISON: Not in the Curragh, no. We keep that in Knock. Now, here’s the

standard text. In 1968 Jack Lynch, Liam Cosgrave and Brendan Corish held a secret meeting where they agreed that developments in Northern Ireland had the potential to seriously destabilise Irish democracy. All three agreed to set up an organisation, which was designated G68, to provide for a special intelligence and action capability should it be required. G68 answers directly to the Taoiseach, has its own private funding, and is available to do things the Gardai and the defence forces can’t.

KATE O’HARA: Like what? COLONEL HARRISON: Well, we dealt with the Haughey issue in 1970, for example. KATE O’HARA: G68 stopped Haughey providing guns to the IRA? COLONEL HARRISON: Good God, no. We framed him. KATE O’HARA: I’m sorry? COLONEL HARRISON: Charles Haughey had nothing to do with the arms being supplied to

the IRA. We framed him, to give Jack Lynch a means of getting him out of the cabinet. Don’t forget, Haughey was the coming man. We had to stop him.

KATE O’HARA: That’s outrageous Colonel! COLONEL HARRISON: Well, it would have been, if it weren’t for the fact that Charles J.

Haughey was British Intelligence’s man in the cabinet. They recruited him in the early 1960s. Ever wonder why nobody could ever find out the source of his wealth? Now you know. Codename was Nobleman. I reckon he picked that himself.

KATE O’HARA: But Haughey was on the republican wing of the party. COLONEL HARRISON: Actually, he only sounded like he was. Loads of guff on things that

didn’t matter, like the Falklands. When he got into power he did a u-turn on everything from extradition to the Anglo Irish Agreement.


Haughey was the Brits Nixon going to China. Of course, at that stage we’d sent the British a signal that we weren’t going to tolerate this carry on. By the time he was Taoiseach he was very clear as to how far he could go, as were the Brits. I mean, sure, we didn’t want the Provos taking over the place, but we were buggered if the Brits were going to run it either.

KATE O’HARA: You sent the Brits a signal? COLONEL HARRISON: We blew up their ambassador. We’re quite good at roadside IEDs.

But anyway, that’s all ancient history. I just need to bring you into the loop about three things. First, G68 is available to you if you need us. You can get me on the number on that card. Secondly, the Minister for Energy is working for the CIA, and thirdly, there is a secret treaty in existence with the United States, signed by Sean MacBride in the 1950s, which puts Cork Harbour, Dublin, Shannon and Knock Airport at NATO’s disposal in the event of a war in Europe. Alright? I won’t waste anymore of your valuable time. Congratulations, by the way.

KATE O’HARA: What? Wait..you can’t just…say that all again..that CIA thing. COLONEL HARRISON: Oh, don’t worry about that. The Americans have had someone in

the cabinet or the secretaries general since the 1950s. It’s the Americans, what are you going to do? They were afraid of communist infiltration, bless them. We know, they know we know, and I have lunch every few months with the US ambassador to trade notes. Especially with the Travers deal coming up.

KATE O’HARA: And this secret treaty? Is it even legal? COLONEL HARRISON: If World War Three breaks out I don’t think we’ll all be worrying

what’s happening down in The Four Courts. I can see Joe Higgins charging down with his Zimmer frame alright, I suppose. Anyway, how do you think we get all those J1 visas and pre-clearance in our airports?

KATE O’HARA: I can talk to you later, then? COLONEL HARRISON: Anytime night or day Taoiseach. I’d ask you be discreet about our

chat? Normally, you’d verify this with your predecessor. But Enda, Brian, Simon or Bertie can qualify anything I’ve told you.

KATE O’HARA: Just one more thing colonel: if G68 is there to protect Irish

democracy, why aren’t you investigating how I got elected Taoiseach? I mean, that kiddie porn stuff…

COLONEL HARRISON: What makes you think we’re not? KATE O’HARA: I see. Alright, thank you Colonel.


COLONEL HARRISON: Thank you, Taoiseach. ***** RTE News Music: NEWSREADER: …The cabinet is meeting today to approve the state entering an

agreement with Travers International, the multinational headed by MATT TRAVERS, the world’s fourth richest man. IDA Ireland has already suggested that if agreement is found, the deal could result in the creation of over 50,000 jobs in Ireland, and would be by far the biggest foreign direct investment in the history of the state.

TOM BURKE: Drones. KATE O’HARA: What? TOM BURKE: Drones. Military drones. Travers International, amongst other

things, is the world’s largest manufacturer of military drones. KATE O’HARA: The Shinners will love that. TOM BURKE: They will, you know. Travers is proposing a significant factory or

facility in each of the party leaders’ constituencies. They’ve already announced as much to the local papers, recruited local councillors, started sending out tenders for local suppliers, auctioneers, business. That’s one silent steamroller he’s got right there, working away, manufacturing support in the country, parish by parish.

KATE O’HARA: I feel like I’m being bounced into this…I mean, I’ve read all the

briefing papers. Aside from a few commitments on local infrastructure, they’re not looking for anything we don’t give to any other FDI.

TOM BURKE: Ask him tomorrow, so. Maybe he wants us to rename the country:

Ireland-A Travers International Subsidiary. KATE O’HARA: You think you’re being funny. You’re not. Within 18 months of

signing this deal, Travers will be the biggest economic player in the country short of the government.

TOM BURKE: Maybe he wants to meet Bono. KATE O’HARA: Meet him? For this sort of money he can buy him. We’ll throw in

Killiney and all. ***** Sounds of a café, plates, people eating, a cash register, food frying.


MARTINA ROCHE (half whisper): DANNO! DANNO! Here! DANNO: How are ya, MARTINA. It’s freezin’ out, isn’t it? MARTINA ROCHE: Have you no coat, DANNO, going out in that top. DANNO: I had a coat but….a fella round our way took it. He’s not a very nice

man, MARTINA. MARTINA ROCHE: Did you swap it DANNO? DANNO: It’s freezin’ outside, isn’t it? MARTINA ROCHE: Jesus DANNO I thought you’d given up using that shit. DANNO: I’m not using, I’m not using. I’m not using that much. MARTINA ROCHE: Ah for fuck’s sake DANNO. You promised me you were given that

shit up. DANNO: I’m sorry, I will, I will, I just need, you know… MARTINA ROCHE: Have you eaten? Do you want a plate of chips? DANNO: I’d love a plate of chips. It’s freezin’ out, isn’t it? MARTINA ROCHE (to waitress): Mary, battered sausage and chips, and a large Coke please love,

thanks. DANNO: Ah, a battered sausage, thanks MARTINA, I haven’t had a battered

sausage in ages. MARTINA ROCHE: That’s all right. You said you had something for me. DANNO: What? MARTINA ROCHE: Something about a laptop, your mate GER? DANNO: GER? He’s a head the ball. A mentaller. He told me that they filmed

the landing on the Moon in a studio. MARTINA ROCHE: Maybe they did. DANNO: Yeah, but he says the film studio was on the moon. MARTINA ROCHE: That’s lovely, DANNO. What about a laptop? DANNO: A laptop? Oh yeah, a laptop. It’s in me Dunnes bag here. Sound of plastic bag rustling, being put on table, booting up.


MARTINA ROCHE: DANNO, this better not be you two just stealing stuff. I’m not interested.

DANNO: No, no, this is good stuff. When I saw this I said I knew who might

appreciate this. MARTINA, that’s who. My friend MARTINA. MARTINA ROCHE: Where’d you get this? DANNO: From GER! MARTINA ROCHE: And where did GER get it from. DANNO: He found it, somewhere. MARTINA: DANNO, this is an Apple Air laptop. You don’t just find..what’s the

Centre for a New Ireland? DANNO: He took in from a car on Stephen’s Green, you know, he knows a

fella who’ll buy stuff, and it was just sitting on the back seat under a jacket…

MARTINA ROCHE: You know an awful lot for a fella who wasn’t there, DANNO. DANNO: What? No, I….I….just look at the stuff. GER’s big into his reading and

history and the politics and all that…he said you’d understand all this stuff.

MARTINA ROCHE: Alright, I’ll take a look. DANNO: He said the laptop is worth a thousand euro. MARTINA ROCHE: 50 quid and a plate of chips. DANNO: Done. ***** Sound of cameras clicking. MATT TRAVERS: Madame Taoiseach, it’s an honour. KATE O’HARA: Kate, please Matt. For a man investing 14 billion euro into the

country, you get first name privileges. MATT TRAVERS: That’s very kind, Kate. The Irish are still teaching the rest of the

world a thing or two about warm welcomes. REPORTER: Will you be discussing anything specific today, Taoiseach?


KATE O’HARA: No, the agreement between the Irish Government and Travers International has already been agreed in detail. This is just a final thank you meeting before the formal signing tomorrow.

MATT TRAVERS: I’m hoping for a nice pair of cufflinks though! Sound: polite laughter from the assembled media. KATE O’HARA: Ok, thank you all. Time to get Matt a cup of tea and a chocolate

digestive. MATT TRAVERS: A what? KATE O’HARA: A cookie. Sort of. Sound: door closes. They are alone. KATE O’HARA: Actually, I do have some cufflinks for you. Perhaps a bit naïve a gift

for the world’s fourth richest man? MATT TRAVERS: No, that’s very thoughtful, really. Thing is, once you pass your first

100 million, the money doesn’t really matter other than as a means of keeping score. I mean, I can only be in one corporate jet at a time, no matter how rich I am.

KATE O’HARA: You’re not tempted to go all James Bond baddie, no? All Charles

Foster Kane, and start building monuments to your legacy? MATT TRAVERS: What, gold plated yachts? Nah, not me. I drive a second hand car. KATE O’HARA: Yeah, but the last guy who owned it was Steve McQueen. MATT TRAVERS: Look who read their briefing paper! KATE O’HARA: Tell me this: why are you doing this? I mean, I know about the tax

breaks, and the education, and we’re in the Eurozone and all that, but to move your entire operation to Ireland? The whole thing?

MATT TRAVERS: You’re making me have second thoughts, Taoiseach. KATE O’HARA: We’re delighted to have you here, I just wonder why the world’s

largest privately owned company is coming here. Our tax arrangements are good, but not that good.

MATT TRAVERS: I thought about this for a long time. Sure, we could be just another

US company in Ireland, and the IDA would roll out whatever coloured carpet we want, but this way is different. I don’t want to be in Ireland, I want TI to be part of Ireland. We’re even going to name our new drone the Banshee.

KATE O’HARA: The left will love that.


MATT TRAVERS: Yeah, but the 50,000 people working directly for me, and the

200,000 earning a paycheck from TI spinoffs will love us more. It’s the sheer scale. And there’s you, of course.

KATE O’HARA: Me? MATT TRAVERS: Hell, yeah! We’re a progressive company, and here we are setting

up in a country with a liberal female prime minister with big ideas about political reform, separating the legislature from the executive, appointing experts to the cabinet, and someone who can give us a voice in the European Union. I’ve read a lot of what you wrote before you went into politics about governing a modern country, about a technocratic middle way approach to social problems. No bullshit problem solving: that’s the TI way.

KATE O’HARA: Lucky for you I just accidentally became Taoiseach, so! MATT TRAVERS: Yeah, lucky for us.

***** TOM BURKE (voicemail): This is TOM BURKE. I’m obviously off plotting some piece of political

skulduggery or other in a smoke filled room in breach of the Tobacco Control regulations. Please leave a message after the beep.

Sound: voicemail beep. MARTINA ROCHE: Tom, this is MARTINA ROCHE. Give me a call urgently. I need to talk

to you about something. Sound: mobile phone ringing. MARTINA ROCHE: PHILLIP! Find anything? PHILLIP (on phone): Yeah, after much digging and all sorts of favours pulled in and

promised, including All Ireland tickets you’re going to have to deliver on.

MARTINA ROCHE: Yeah, yeah, go on. PHILLIP: The Centre for a New Ireland is a think tank. They’re based in Ely

Place. Mostly economic and political research. Very big on flying all sorts of academics, politicians, civil servants, journalists off on fact finding missions to places like New Zealand to look at their electoral system. No shortage of money, it seems.

MARTINA ROCHE: And where’s that coming from? PHILLIP: Ah, that’s the tricky bit. Took me a whole afternoon and two Garth

Brooks tickets. The funding goes around in circles, through layers


and layers, back over to philanthropic organisations in the states. Now, finding out who funds them was even more fun, and I haven’t got a full picture, but it would seem like Travers International is very concerned about the state of Irish democracy. They’ve put almost…MARTINA? You still there?

BISHOP: Hang up if you don’t want to feel this blade any closer to your windpipe. MARTINA ROCHE: OK, alright, there, it’s done. BISHOP: Where’s the laptop? MARTINA ROCHE: It’s in the boot of the car. BISHOP: That’s the Fiesta just outside? The blue one? MARTINA ROCHE: Yes, yes, that’s it. BISHOP: Right, we’re going out to it. Remember, I’ve got this blade in your

back, OK? Get your keys. Sound of keys being picked up off a table. Sound of a door opening onto a quiet suburban street. BISHOP: Not a… Sound of an electrical discharge, followed by a body falling on gravel. COLONEL HARRISON: Ah, Tazer. Your only man. Bet he didn’t like that. Now, let’s see who

this fellow is. Look at that, no wallet…but we have a mobile phone. That’ll do. Miss Roche, if you could just grab that laptop and come with me.

Sound of a car boot opening. MARTINA ROCHE: Who are you? COLONEL HARRISON: I can’t tell you that, I’m afraid. Get in the car. MARTINA ROCHE: I’m not going anywhere… COLONEL HARRISON: Ms Roche, I won’t deny it, I’m not going to kill you. But I can easily

render you unconscious, as I did with this fellow. I have, as Liam Neeson says, a certain set of skills. Please. You won’t come to any harm. If I wanted to kill you you’d be dead by now.

Sound of car doors opening, engine starting. Background sound: They’re inside a moving car. COLONEL HARRISON: That’s was fortuitous timing, wasn’t it? MARTINA ROCHE: He works for Travers International, doesn’t he?


COLONEL HARRISON: That’s a very interesting idea. Look, I’m afraid I’m going to have to take that laptop. National security and that.

MARTINA ROCHE: I will in my boll… COLONEL HARRISON: One way or the other I’m taking it, Ms Roche. But you’re a journalist,

you need stories. See that flash drive in the cup holder? That’s got photos of a well-known senator, renowned for his conservative Catholic views, in bed with a young man half his age. Young man who’s a leading light in the Pro-Choice campaign. Sure all that would make that story better would be if you threw in a bishop. All the verifying dates, credit card bill for the hotel, some cctv footage, it’s all there. That’s your quid pro quo. That or I have to give you a thousand volts and you wake in a ditch in Bohernabreena in desperate need of a clean pair of knickers. Your call.

***** Sound: computer beeps. Keyboard tapped. KATE O’HARA: What am I looking at here? TOM BURKE: What looks like a plan by MATT TRAVERS to take over the country,

or at least, the bits that matter to him. This here is a list of people Travers intends to get nominated to key positions. Minister for Foreign Affairs, Minister for Finance, Minister for Industry, Minister of State for Europe, European Commissioner, basically people who can either influence Irish or EU policy for Travers International. This is the quid pro quo for the massive investment.

KATE O’HARA: You agree? This is real? COLONEL HARRISON: There’s no Garda report of a break-in to any car owned by anyone

associated with the Centre for a New Ireland on the day Ms Roche says her source stole this. However, we did check with the insurance companies to see about a claim, you know, the corporate tendency to tick boxes, and we found the car of the centre’s director had in fact been broken into, with a laptop claimed for . My people…

KATE O’HARA: Your people? You have people? COLONEL HARRISON: A life of collecting favours, Taoiseach. My technical people have

looked at this. The electronic signatures, the emails, all look real. Or a very elaborate forgery. Oh, one other thing: perhaps it’s a pure coincidence, but this laptop is the exact same make and model as the one recovered from Stephen Sperry’s house.

KATE O’HARA: What about this mobile phone you took from the man who attacked

MARTINA ROCHE?


COLONEL HARRISON: Nothing. One off pay as you go phone. But I got some prints off the phone. His name is Bishop. He’s Matt Travers’s driver, bodyguard and general henchman.

KATE O’HARA: How did you find it, anyway? What led you to her? COLONEL HARRISON: These two laptops, the Sperry one and this one, were bought

separately. But someone, some unpaid office intern, I suspect, put them on the same warranty policy. My tech people tracked the second one and turned on the camera. I recognised Ms Roche off the telly, as it were.

KATE O’HARA: You can just do that? Turn on laptop cameras without people

knowing? COLONEL HARRISON: Oh yes. It’s enough to make one paranoid, isn’t it? TOM BURKE: That’s all lovely, but all we have is a document which could be fake

from an organisation which might be connected to Travers. Not a lot to go on here, is it?

KATE O’HARA: I suppose I could always ask him?

***** Sound: Intercom buzzing. Secretary (male): Mr Travers is here, Taoiseach. KATE O’HARA: Send him through, please. Sound: Door opens. MATT TRAVERS: Taoiseach. Good to see you again. KATE O’HARA: Matt, good to see you again, and thanks for coming up. I just

wanted to run something past you. That’ll be all, thanks Sean. Sound: door closing. Sound: paper file rustling. KATE O’HARA: Matt, I want your opinion on this. It was passed to me by some

security people. MATT TRAVERS: Security people? Sounds serious. KATE O’HARA: It might be nothing. Just have a quick skim over it. I’ll make us

coffee. Sound: cups, coffee being poured, stirred, cups placed on table.


KATE O’HARA: Matt, did you, or Travers International have anything to do with Stephen Sperry’s resignation?

MATT TRAVERS: Yes. Yes, we did. KATE O’HARA: Why, in God’s name? MATT TRAVERS: Because we saw an opportunity. As I said, I’ve read everything

you’ve written. You’re a genuine reformer, and when Taoiseach Meaney died we saw a chance to help a genuine reformer take office.

KATE O’HARA: So I could appoint your puppets to the European Commission? So

Irish ministers would go out to Brussels with Travers instructions in their back pocket? You don’t know me that well, Matt.

MATT TRAVERS: Kate, have you read this list? Actually read it? These are world class

Irish professionals. Every one of them. With your reforms, you could appoint the best Ireland has to offer, not just jumped up county councillors. Irishmen and women could be running the European Commission, the European Council, the European Central Bank.

KATE O’HARA: For Travers International, not Ireland. MATT TRAVERS: It’s the same thing! KATE O’HARA: You’re deluded if you think that, Matt. MATT TRAVERS: It’s the same thing, Kate. You can pretend all you want, but since

Lemass this country has done a deal with US investment. We create jobs, you fight for our interests in Brussels, whether it’s blocking a European wide corporate tax or keeping the Single Market open, that’s what Ireland is for. I’m taking this to its logical conclusion. I’m about to move thousands of employees and their families here, and spend €14 billion. You honestly think I’m going to leave my investment in the hands of people who let their banking system disintegrate before their eyes because they were too busy attending funerals in their fucking constituencies? I’m going to save this country from itself.

KATE O’HARA: You arrogant bastard! MATT TRAVERS: You guys just don’t get it. I should hardly be surprised, coming to a

country that called the world war against fascism The Emergency! The world is changing. It’s run by giants now. The US, China, Russia, Brazil, and Europe. This country, every country, has a choice. You can have sovereignty, or you can have prosperity. You can’t have both. Sure, you can have your own currency and taxes and interest rates and decide which products can and can’t be sold here and at what price, but you can’t do that in a vacuum, because there are always other sovereign


nations willing to undercut you, the way you undercut the British and the French and the Germans. Ireland undercuts the Bundestag’s ability to tax German companies by letting them locate to the IFSC. Now you’re shocked that someone might undercut you? Ireland has an opportunity to put its people at the top table. Not just on the European Council, but President of the Council. I can help you.

KATE O’HARA: Help Travers International. MATT TRAVERS: Yeah, that too. But what’s new about that? Irish ministers go to

Brussels to fight for Irish farmers every week. Hell, you recalled parliament to change national law. National law! For a single beef exporter. What’s wrong with them going to fight for Ireland’s biggest private employer? I’m just making sure that you won’t be sending the usual collection of publicans and schoolteachers. The sort of people who committed this country to bailing out bondholders not because they were bad people but because they didn’t know any better, because they though sub-prime was referring to a poor quality cut of meat.

KATE O’HARA: And if I say no? MATT TRAVERS: Then I fly back to the States and announce that Travers is having

second thoughts. And then the leaders of the People’s Party and Social Democrats will come scuttling out to see me, and just before the next election I’ll announce, with them on either side of me, that they have convinced me to come back and invest in Ireland. A wonderful piece of news that every local radio station, newspaper and blogGER I own in this country will communicate, word for word, every minute until polling day. You tell me what happens next, Kate.

KATE O’HARA: I could go public with this. This conversation has been recorded, you

know. MATT TRAVERS: Not with this little device here in my pocket, it hasn’t Sound: finGER tapping on plastic

But sure, you could. Either way, I deny it, say the Irish Prime Minister is delusional and announce I’m investing in Estonia as a result. See how your voters and opposition parties take that. Think they’ll stand with you? One thing about the Irish: they love blaming each other. I mean, one crowd of you invited Strongbow in to fight the other crowd. Given a choice, your opposition parties, hell half your own party, will side with me over you. Kate, I‘ve got to get to the airport. Let me know what you decide.


Sound: door opening, then closing. Sound: door opening. TOM BURKE: Jesus. KATE O’HARA: Hear that? TOM BURKE: Every word. COLONEL HARRISON: And not a word recorded. That little gadget, all seventy five grand of

it, does exactly what it says on the tin. KATE O’HARA: Funnily enough, I’m not sure there’s a word I disagreed with. TOM BURKE: I’m sorry? KATE O’HARA: I’m just saying. Almost everything he said was the truth. There is no

such thing as sovereignty anymore. We actively choose to trade it for wealth. Our currency, our interest rates, our border controls, what we import and export. He wasn’t lying.

TOM BURKE: We’ve no choice. KATE O’HARA: Of course we do. Nobody forced us to join the EU or let US

companies in or join the Euro. We pretend we have no choice, but we always have. We want the same standard of living other western countries have, and that means we have to make the same compromises they do. We trade sovereignty for iPhones and new cars and two weeks in Spain like everybody else.

TOM BURKE: So we just sign up? Surrender? Become a division of Travers

International? KATE O’HARA: Not quite. See, he’s wrong about one thing.

He is right that pretty much every country has ceded sovereignty to the ECB, or the IMF, or whomever. We cede our money, our health and safety rules, our employment laws, who gets to live in the country and who doesn’t. We traded all those. That’s the price we pay for the standard of living we want. But there’s one thing no country has ceded, even today, even in the 21st century.

TOM BURKE: What? A place in the Eurovision? KATE O’HARA: The right of a sovereign nation to defend itself, and take action

against its enemies. Ready, Colonel? COLONEL HARRISON: Yes, Taoiseach….(presses button. Beep sound. Speaking into phone)

this is Harrison. Do it.



NEWSREADER: We’re interrupting this programme to bring you a newsflash. The American

billionaire, MATT TRAVERS, has been killed in a car-bomb explosion whilst travelling

to Dublin Airport early this evening. The Irish Republican Socialist Front, a previously

unheard-of group, has claimed responsibility. The Taoiseach, Ms O’Hara, has

condemned the attack and pledged that the Gardai will not rest until the murderers

of Mr Travers and his bodyguard are brought to justice. Calling Mr Travers one of

Ireland’s greatest friends, Ms O’Hara said that….”

End.

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