Social Interaction

Unit Four

Objectives

Inviting

Dining Out habits

Gifts

Offers

Compliments

Language Appropriateness

Group Task

Social Interaction

Thanks!

Your Objectives

By the end of this unit, you should be able to

recognize various cultural differences in daily social interactions across cultures, such as:

offering an invitation, the acceptance or declining of that invitation;

entertaining guests; presenting and receiving gifts; offering and accepting compliments.

Inviting

Inviting

Questions for group discussion: 1. Is the husband or wife included when one is

invited to a dinner in China?

2. What about in the West? Is the spouse included in the dinner invitation?

Different Inviting Expectations

Expectations about when spouses should be included in invitations differ between China and the West.

Generally speaking for invitations to any meal taking place in the evening, both husband and wife will be included.

Here in China, however, it is quite common for only the husband or wife to be invited to a meal, either in work units or between friends.

In China, when having guests, the hostess will prepare as many dishes as possible in case the guests should be hungry or rather in order to show their hospitality for the guests. The host /hostess will feel very embarrassed if they find that there is not much or nothing left on the table. And the guests, unless insist, might also expect the respect  shown by the numbers of dishes offered on the table, though it might not be quite necessary as a matter of fact.

Meals in China

In the West, there's usually only one main course plus two other side dishes, a salad and vegetable, followed by a dessert, rather than many dishes. Food proportions are usually prepared and served so each guest has a comfortable amount to eat, without having a large quantity remaining.

Meals in the West

Most people in the West don't like to give detailed explanations why they're declining an invitation. Their explanations are usually short and simple, such as " I’m sorry, I can’t get away. ” or “ I’m tied up the whole week.” or “I'm already busy that night”. 

Differences in Declining an Invitation

Differences in Declining the Invitation

However, a Chinese-speaker’s explanation, on the other hand, tends to be more detailed and longer to assure the person who invites that he’s really got something important to do and he usually makes clear what he is going to do.

Differences in Declining the Invitation

The purpose of doing so is ‘to give the other person face’, to reassure the other person of our esteem for them. Thus, if a Chinese gives a detailed explanation to an English native speaker who issues an invitation, the English native speaker may feel that the detailed explanation is not really necessary. Conversely, the English native speaker’s short, un-detailed explanation may strike us Chinese as a bit impolite if we are unaware of their customs.

Dining Out Habits

When someone suggests going for a meal at a restaurant, who is going to pay the bill in China?

What about in America or the West?

Dining Out Habits

Questions:

Footing the Bill

Foot the bill: to pay (an amount of money) when the bill is presented

e.g.: His parents footed the bill for his course fees. They refused to foot the cost of the wedding. The company will foot her expenses.

Dining Out in the West

When dining out with friends, in America and England it is quite common for friends to _____ the cost of the meal _______between them, to go______, or ____ the bill, which implies ______ between friends.

share equally

Dutch split equality

Dining Out in the West

Why go Dutch?

To grab the bill when with friends and refuse to let them contribute may seem to suggest that they are too poor to pay their own. Another part of the reason is to avoid giving financial burden over only one.

Dining Out in China

In China, the one who invites should pay. Or if there is no specific one makes the suggestion, then at the end of the meal, the group membersnormally will fight over paying the bill, for it might be regarded as mean or miser to pay for oneself.

Drinking in a Pub

When meeting at a pub for drinks, a popular pastime in England, each person in the group will take it in turns to buy his round,asking everyone what they would like and then going to the bar to get the drinks. Those who don’t buy a round when it is their turn are frowned upon.

Gifts

Questions: What to take in the West or in China when

visiting friends? How are the gifts accepted in the West? How are the gifts accepted in China?

Differences in Accepting Gifts

Bringing Gifts in China

In China, it is quite _______to present _______ bottles of wine rather than one. Apart from being more generous even numbers of gifts suggest_________. As to types of gifts, ______ is common one to bring with when visiting a family.

usual

fruit

two

good luck

Bringing Gifts in the West However, things are quite different in the West.

Guests invited to dinner in the West frequently bring _____bottle of wine with them . One is quite enough, two are of course welcome but _______and not expected. As they are expected to be consumed at the meal bringing two might even give the impression that the giver is a ______ drinker who fears she will not have enough to drink. Taking _____to such an occasion is unusual. Traditionally gifts of fruit are thought of as only appropriate for visits to people who are_____

one

unusual

heavy

fruit

ill.

Differences in Accepting Gifts In the West, it is regarded as polite to open

______as soon as they are given to you to express ___________. In China, the situation is quite the________. Normally we Chinese feel that if you open the gift as soon as it is given, you might _________the person who gives the gift and you might be thought ______. So Chinese people tend to open the gifts_____ the visitors have left.

appreciationgifts

embarrass

reverses

after

greedy

What’s more, many people send gifts without _______ them, and if they wrap them, they usually tell the receiver____________, and the receiver will ______the sender and put the gift aside without __________ them since they already know what is inside.

Differences in Accepting Gifts

unwrappingthank

what is insidewrapping

Offers

Differences in Accepting Offers

Questions: How do people in China accept the offer? How do people in the West accept the offer?

Accepting Offers in China

When being offered, in China, people’s reply "no" doesn't simply mean no.

Chinese people are brought up to initially decline the offer to show politeness and courtesy, since they don't want to create a problem for a busy host or hostess. Nevertheless, even after declining, the guest is still expecting the offer, so obviously this refusal isn't real, but a way of being polite.

Accepting Offers in China

So the host will keep offering, and ignore the polite declining. This tradition of the host's continuing to offer and the guest's continuing to decline, asking the host not to bother, is a habit that shows courtesy and politeness in the eyes of the Chinese.  

Accepting Offers in the West

In the West, people get used to accepting the offer directly, "no" means no, "yes" means yes.

Compliments

Questions for group discussion: How do most people tend to respond to

compliments in China? How do most English native speakers tend

to respond to compliments?

Differences in Compliments

Normally, when hearing compliments, a typical Chinese reaction is to show________ and humility by saying such words:“na li ,na li”, or “cha de yuan” (far from good). Such attitudes towards praise and compliments are considered to be _________ and are regarded as_______. virtuesappropriate

modesty

Differences in Compliments

Differences in Compliments

When commenting on a purchase, Chinese people often ___ or __________ tell whether the price is cheap or expensive and often the exact price. Many Westerners feel it ________ to talk about the price of possessions.

voluntarilyask

repulsive

Language Appropriateness

Guessing Relationships

When people talk to one another, the way they talk is usually affected by the speaker’s or listener’s social status or role. They may speak formally, less formally or intimately, and by listening to their conversation, it is often possible to figure out their relationship.

Guessing Relationships

Useful Expressions: Clearly Terry and Anne are friends. This can be seen from the way they talk to each ot

her and the informal expressions they use, such as …

It seems likely that Mr Wild is a university lecturer and James is a student. This can readily be deduced from what is said and the manner in which it is said.

Formally Inviting

We were wondering if you and Mary would like to come to have dinner with us.

If you could manage, we’d like to attend our speech contest on Thursday morning.

May I have the pleasure of your company at dinner?

Perhaps you’d care to come to a party on Saturday.

We should be delighted if you could spend an evening with us.

Accepting a Formal Invitation

What a delightful idea. Thank you. That’s really very kind of you . We’d be delighted to accept your invitation. That would give us the greatest of pleasure. It would give us great pleasure to enjoy Christmas

with you.

Declining a Formal Invitation

That’s very kind of you, but owing to a prior appointment, I won’t be able to come to meet your friend.

Much to my regret, I wouldn’t be able to attend your party this Saturday.

Much as I should like to, but I’m afraid I won’t be free next Sunday.

What a pity, I’m afraid I’ve already got something fixed up for then.

Informally Inviting

Betty and I will throw a dinner this weekend, we’d like you to come.

Can you come over and join us? I’d very much like you to come to our dinner

party. We’re having a dance on Sunday. I hope you

make it. We’re having a party this weekend. Will you join

us?

Informally Inviting

Come and see me next Friday. Like to come to our fancy dress party? What about meeting my wife? Why don’t you come on a holiday with us? You must join us for lunch. How about having a drink with me this afternoon? Do join me for a coffee.

Accepting an Informal Invitation

All right then! Great, I’ll count on it! /I won’t say no! I’d love to join you for lunch. /Look forward to . Ok. /Lovely. /Rather!/ I’d love to! Well, good for you! / You bet!

Declining an Informal Invitation

No, I don’t. Sorry I can’t. But thanks anyway. No, I wouldn’t.

Accepting a General Invitation

I would very much. Thank you . I’d like nothing better. I’d like to. It would be very nice to attend your we

dding ceremony. I’ll be a little late, is that ok? Thank you. I’d love to very much. That sounds a very nice idea. I do very much. Thank you.

Declining a General Invitation

I’m afraid I can’t come tomorrow. I’m terribly sorry, I don’t think I can. That’s very kind of you, but I have an

appointment Friday evening.

Formal Compliments

I really must express my admiration for your competence.

I think you deserve the highest praise. If I may say so, the crispy fried duck is delicious. I like to express my admiration for your

generosity. May I say how charming you look?

Responding to Formal Compliments

How kind of you to say so. That’s very kind of you, but in all truth I feel the c

redit should go to Mr Harrod. I appreciate your remarks, but I honestly don't thin

k it was anything to shout about.

Informal Compliments

I like the design! I love your coat! I say, I like your brooch. I’ve got to hand it to you; you really did a good jo

b.

Just look at it. Isn’t that amazing! Mm! You look great. Wonderful! Your presentation is smashing. Now that’s absolutely super! 

Informal Compliments

Responding to Informal Compliments

Oh, I’m flattered. Oh, thanks!

Paying Compliments

I do envy you. You are so beautiful! I do think that’s charming. I must say the soup is really very good. I should say this shirt matches your trousers

fabulously. Its’ an unforgettable experience. It’s lovely! It’s so brilliantly beautiful! Oh, how nice.

Paying Compliments

Oh, isn’t that lovely! Oh, wouldn’t that be nice! That’s a very nice hairstyle you’re wearing. The hat suits you very well. You have a good taste. You look really wonderful in that blue skirt. You look very smart.

Responding to Compliments

Do you really think so? I’m very glad you like it / think so. It’s very nice of you to say so. Oh, thank you , but I have a lot to learn yet. Thank you, but it’s not really all that good. Thank you very much for saying so. That’s very kind of you.

Group Task

Simulation game:Dinner Party

You are divided into groups of five or six, one is supposed to be the host or hostess who is holding a dinner party, and the others would be either the Chinese guests or English speaking guests. Provide some probable problem situations concerning compliments, politeness, hospitality, gifts, and some offensive questions etc.

And there should be a bilingual speaker. He or she might help offer some interpretations or explanations to both sides when some misunderstandings occur.

Simulation game: Dinner Party

Thanks!