SocialAnxiety:

UltimateGuidetoOvercomingFear,Shyness,andSocialPhobiatoAchieve

SuccessinAllSocialSituations

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ContentsBONUS

Introduction

Chapter1–Anxiety101

WhatIsAnxiety?

AnxietyDisorders

AnxietyDisorderSymptoms

AnxietyDisorders’EffectsOnYourBody

HowAnxietyCanImpactYourSocialLife

HowAnxietyCanRuinYourChancesForSuccess

IsThereACureForAnxietyDisorders?

Chapter2–WhatIsSocialAnxiety?

Chapter3-WhatCausesSocialAnxiety?

Behavioral

Thinking

Evolutionary

Biological

TraumaticorBadExperiences

TheDemandsofLife

StressesofthePresent

HowAllofTheseFactorsWorkTogether

Chapter4-WhatAggravatesSocialAnxiety?

UnhelpfulThoughts

Avoidance

Using'SafetyBehaviors’

IncreasedSelf-Focus

FoodAndDrinks

Chapter5–InstantHitsForQuickSocialAnxietyRelief

Nothing

Don’tBreatheTooMuch

ItTooShallPass

TalkToYourself

FamiliarityAnxiety

Chapter6–SelfHelpTacticsForManagingYourSocialAnxiety

WorryingForAnxietyRelief

KnowIfTheAnxietyTriggerIsSolvable

BanishingUnhelpfulThoughts

PatternsOfUnhelpfulThinking

PredictingtheFuture

MindReading

TakingThingsPersonally

OverGeneralizing

FocusingontheNegatives

ReducingInternalFocusInSocialSituations

MinimizingOrStoppingTheUseOfAvoidanceAndSafetyBehaviors

CultivatingRelationships

Mindfulness

StayInTheMoment

LearnToRadicallyAcceptThingsAsTheyAre

CounterTalk

ThinkAboutYourBreathing

ScanYourBody

Chapter7–ProfessionalHelp:Therapy

CognitiveBehaviorTherapy(CBT)

Identify

Evaluate

Replace

Hypnotherapy

HowDoesHypnotherapyWork?

WhatHappensDuringHypnotherapy?

DoesHypnotherapyReallyWorkforSocialAnxietyDisorder?

Chapter8–ProfessionalHelp:PrescriptionMedicines

Tranquilizers

Anti-Depressants

Buspirone

BetaBlockers

MoreCaution

FinalWordOnPrescriptionMedicines

Chapter9–NutritionalTacticsForSocialAnxiety

WholeFoodsToEnjoy

Herbs

Supplements

SupplementaryCaution

HowtoCreateanAnti-AnxietyDiet

6FoodsThatHelpYoutoFightAnxiety

Chapter10–ComplementaryandAlternativeTreatmentforSocialAnxietyDisorder

RelaxationandStressTechniques

DiaphragmaticBreathing

HowtoPracticeDiaphragmaticBreathing

ProgressiveMuscleRelaxation

HowtoPracticeProgressiveMuscleRelaxation

AutogenicTraining

HowtoPracticeAutogenicTraining

GuidedImagery

HowtoPracticeGuidedImagery

Meditation

HistoryofMindfulnessMeditation

WhatistheGoalofMindfulnessMeditation?

HowDoesMindfulnessMeditationWork?

Yoga

Chapter11-HomeopathicApproachtoSocialAnxietyDisorder

AmbraGrisea

ArgentumNitricum

BarytaCarbonicum

Ignatia

Lycopodium

Aconite

Passionflower

Gelsemium

EveningPrimroseOil

Chapter12-UsingThoughtRecordsforSocialAnxietyDisorders

UsingThoughtRecords

UnhelpfulThoughts

HowtouseThoughtRecords

Theactivatingevent

Theconsequencesoftheevent

Yourbeliefsabouttheevent

Yourunhelpfulthoughtstyles

Youroneunhelpfulthought

Replacingthatthought

Chapter13–Let’sGetPhysical…AndCalmer

ExerciseAndPhysicalActivities:OneAndTheSame?

TheRightIntensityForAnxietyManagement

Chapter14–SocialAnxietyInChildren

PerformanceAndInteraction

HowDoChildrenGetIt?

DoesYourChildHaveSocialAnxietyDisorder?

Treatments

BehavioralTherapy

PrescriptionMedicines

Chapter15-11ThingsYouShouldDoifYouHaveSocialAnxietyDisorder

StartSocializing

GetSomeHelp

DevelopSomeHealthyHabits

Read

KeepaJournal

CongratulateYourself

WriteYourGoalsDown

BecomeYourOwnAdvocate

PracticeYourSocialSkills

PracticeAssertivenessSkills

ShareYourExperiences

Chapter16-10ThingsYouNeedtoStopDoingifYouHaveSocialAnxietyDisorder

StopAvoiding

StoptheNegativeThoughts

Don’tPutOffGettingHelp

StopBelievingThatThereisNoHope

StopComparingYourself

StopTellingYourselfYouCan’tChange

StopPredictingThatYouWillFail

StopMissingOpportunities

StopKeepingYourDisorderaSecret

StopBelievingThatYouSufferAlone

Chapter17-8ThingsPeoplewithSocialAnxietyWant

Connection

Understanding

Solitude

Stability

Peace

Confidence

Fulfillment

Growth

Chapter18-10AnxietyMythsBusted

AnxietyDisordersAreNotRealIllnesses

PanicAttacksMakeYoupassOutorLoseControl

PeopleWithAnxietyShouldAvoidStressfulSituations

YouShouldAlwaysHaveaPaperBagInCaseOfHyperventilation

SomePeopleareHabitualWorriersandCan’tBeTreated

AnxietyDisordersareUncommon

AnxietyWillGetBetterOnItsOwn

IJustNeedaDrinkoraSmoketoGetThroughIt

TherapyWillTakeUptheRestofMyLife

YouCanSnapoutofAnxiety

Chapter19-FrequentlyAskedQuestionsaboutAnxietyDisorders

Whatarethemostcommonanxietydisorders?

Whatisgeneralizedanxietydisorder?

Whatisobsessivecompulsivedisorder?

Whatispanicdisorder?

Whatisposttraumaticstressdisorder?

Whatissocialanxietydisorder?

Whatisstress?

Whatarethemainsymptomsofstressinadults?

Arethereanycopingstrategiesthatcanhelp?

Conclusion

BONUS

RecommendedReading

BONUS

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Introduction

“Wearedisturbednotbywhathappenstous,butbyourthoughtsaboutwhathappens”GreekphilosopherEpictetusOfcourse, ifyousuffer fromsocialanxiety,youcouldaddtothatquotebyaddingthewords“orwhatmighthappen”totheend.Social anxiety is a highly debilitating condition, leaving sufferers as completenervouswrecks,nomatterwhatthesituation.There are always going to be peoplewho tell you to “pull yourself together”,without realizing exactly what it is you are going through, even though theythemselvesmayfeeloftouchofanxietywhentheyarenervousorfearfulaboutsomething. The fact is, social anxiety is a big issue, leading to far biggersymptomsandhavingaseriousimpactonlife.If you are suffering from social anxiety disorder, if you feel that others arejudgingyouforbeingnervous,shyorfearfulofasituationthenyouhavecometotherightplace.InthiseBook,Iamgoingtoshowyouhowtoovercomethis,howtogetbackyourconfidenceandhowtoregainthelifeyouoncehad.

Chapter1–Anxiety101“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact yourphysicalhealth,thinkagain.Alloftheseemotionstriggerchemicalreactionsinyour body,which can lead to inflammation and aweakened immune system.Learnhowtocope,sweetfriend.Therewillalwaysbedarkdays.”–KrisCarrBeforewe go specifically into social anxiety, allowme to sharewith youmyownexperiencewith it aswell asexplainanxiety ingeneral soyoucanbetterappreciate the things I’ll be sharingwithyouconcerning social anxiety. Heregoes.Almosteveryweek,Igouponstagetoaddressmorethan1,000peopleduringourchurchservice.Manytimes,thetopicthatI’mexpectedtotalkaboutforagivenweekend service is given tome at least 7 days prior. There are times,however,thatI’monlygivenadayor2togetready.Evenmoreexcitingthanthat,therewere–andstillare–aninstanceortwowhenI’maskedtosubstitutefortheassignedpersonatthestartoftheserviceitself.WouldyoubelievemeifItellyou–andIdon’tmeantobrag–thatitdoesn’tbotherme anymorewhether I’mgiven aweekorminutes to prepare? Here’smore–wouldyouactuallybelievemeifI toldyouthatIusedtobeanervouswreck even just talking to a girl that I like or having to make small talk toanyone?Youmaybewondering,how’dthathappen?Well,here’smystory.Iusedtobereally,reallyshy.LikeIsaid,eventheprospectofhavingtomakesmalltalkisenoughtomakemesweatblood.Tome,engagingatotallyrandomstrangerforsmallbutrationaltalkisjustaboutasriskyasapproachingthesamebutyellingathisorherface“Iamweird!”Howweirdisthat,huh?Butthatwasalongtimeago.LikeIwroteearlier,I’mnowatapointwhereI’mvery comfortable standing in front of more than 1,000 people on any givenSundayalmosteveryweek.Whathappened,youmayask.Well,asmuchasmyhumble self would like to take all the credit for the 180-degree turn, sadly Ican’t.IwouldsayitwasreallyGod’shandthatledmetosituationsthatmoldedmypersonalityandallowedmetoovercomemysocialanxiety.Myfather’sunexpected–andinmyview,untimely–deathin2000compelledmetoseekanswersas towhy ithappenedand to lookforaway tostrengthenmyself in moving on with life. It so happened that there was an upcomingorientationseminarforagroupofsinglepeopleinthechurchthatIwasgoingto

atthattime.Beingquitethereligiouspersonthatmyparentsraisedmetobe,Iregisteredandattendedthat13-weekprogram.At the end of that 13-week program camemy first social anxiety baptism offire: dance in public! I know formost people, it’s a joy. But since Iwas asociallyawkwardandveryshypersonwhohappenstobeasadepttodancingasMannyPacquiaoistosinging,formeitwasanear-deathexperience!Believeme,Itriedexercisingmyrighttovotemyselfoutofitbutallmyothergroupmatesoutvotedmesoagainstmywill,Iwasforcedtohumiliatemyselfbydancinginfrontofpeople.Althoughwewereinagroup,Idancedlikealogsonaturally,people’sattentiongravitatedtowardme–screamingmyname.Thatmade thenauseatingandanxioussensationevenworse. Iwanted tobothhideandpuke.ButIguessGod(orwhateverdeityyoubelievein–orthecosmos)was real! I survivedwas able to go back tomy normal, shy and away-from-peopleintrovertedlife.OrsoIthought.Forsomestrangereason, thepowers thatbe in thatchurchcommunity thoughtI’dmakeforgreatleadershipmaterial.Soaftersomepressurefromleadersandan unforeseen covenant that I had tomakewithGod, I decided to accept thepositionofheadingthenextbatch’sorientationprogram.Thiswouldmeanthatapartfromoverseeingothervolunteers,I’llalsobethespeakeroflastresortforeachandeveryoneofthe13weeklytalks,incasethedesignatedspeakerscan’tmakeit.WhathaveIgottenmyselfinto?Andexactlyas I feared,acoupleof theanointedspeakers failed tomake it totheirtalkssoIhadtoanointmyselfcourageousandgivethosetalks.Nochoice.Eveniftheaudiencewasasmanyas10peopleonly,toasociallyanxiouspersonthatisequivalenttoafilled-upStaplesCenterorQuickenLoansArena.Soafterpreparingmylastwillandtestament,Igavethosetalks.Andyetanotherfunnythinghappened.Isurvived!A couple of talksmorewithmostly friends asmy audience, I slowly becamemorecomfortablewithspeakinginfrontofpeopleandintheprocess,Ibecamemorecomfortabletalkingtojustaboutanyonetoo.Iwasstillshyandanxious,butitwasn’tasbadasbefore.ProbablyitwasbecauseIfeltthatwasasmuchpublicspeakingI’lleverdoinmylife.Boy,wasIwrong.Afterseveralyearsinthatcommunity,Itransferredtoanotherchurch.Becausetheleadershipinthatchurchknewmepersonally,theywerealrightthatItakea

breakfromministryandjustbeamember.Butaswiththepreviousone,Iwaseventuallyaskedtospeakinfrontofthegeneralmembership,althoughthistimeonanalmostweeklybasisandwithalarger,lessfamiliarcrowd.Herewegoagain…anxietymodeon!Oneofthebetterthingsgoingonthattimewastheleadershipletmetakebabysteps.Fromcompleteresttogivingmespeakingassignmentsonceamonthuntilitbecameweekly. Thenfromtheweekly introductions, theyeventuallyuppedthe ante and let me preach on certain services. I became more and moreconfidentandlessanxious–again,notbecauseofmyeffortsbutbecauseofthepeople who surroundedme and who pushedme – however gently – into thelimelight.But that wasn’t the end of it yet. Thiswas a group of peoplewho, atmost,numbered only 80. And because it was a small community church, theyeventuallybecamefamilyanditcametoapointthatitwaslikethefirsttime–mostly friendsandfamily,albeitona largerscale. AndwhenIgotmarried, Imovedtomyspouse’schurch–andthatonewaswaybiggerthanmine.Because itwas a really big church (we’re talking of at least 10,000membersattending 8 different weekend services), I felt at home being an ordinarymember. Finally, I thought! Imean,with all theveterans andmore eloquentspeakersoutthere,Idon’tthinkI’llneedtostepupandspeakonstageagain.Atleastnotononewhereanaverageof1,200peopleattendeveryservice.Again,Iwaswrong.Over the last2years, I foundmyselfbeing led todifferentgroupsand leadersuntil I landed in thegroupofoneof theseniorpastorspreaching in3of the8services. He lacked people to assist him, particularlywith the transitions andexhortationspriortohispreaching.Guesswhat?Iwasassignedagaintospeakinfront–althoughthistime,myanxietylevelshould’vegonethroughtheroof.Me, talk in front of 1,200 people? I don’t care how shortmy talkswill be –that’s1,200people!IfIwassoanxiouswithanaverageof10people,then80,howmuchmoreIshould’vebeenifthataveragecrowdwasmultipliedby15!CanyouimaginemyanxietylevelbythetimeIsteppeduponstageformyfirstevergiginmycurrentchurch?IfIcouldsweatblood,Iprobablywould’ve.Iwaspalpitatingandworse,mymouthandthroatdriedupevenafterdowningawholebottleofwaterminutesbefore.Tomymind,allmypreparationsseemedtohavebeenflushedawaybymyanxiety.Butsomethingwasdifferent.

This time, the anxietywasn’t as severe. In fact, I didn’t tankmy first 1,200-persontalkonstage,unlikemyfirsttalkinfrontof10people.However,anxietystillaffectedmeandIwasn’tabletodoaswellasmyprevioustalksinsmallervenues. Understandable though – this was a crowd that’s at least 15 timeslarger.Buttherestwashistory.Afteralmost2yearsofdoingthisalready,I’mno longer anxious speaking in front of a crowd or making small talk with acompletestranger.Itseemsmysocialanxiety’sgoneforgood.Infact,I’dsayIdon’t panic or get anxious at the thought of speaking in front of more than10,000 people anymore. It seems that 1,000 people was the tipping point atwhichIreallyovercamemysocialanxiety.

WhatIsAnxiety?Simply put, it is a worried, nervous or uneasy feeling about an uncertainoutcome.It’swhatyoufeelwhenyoufirstaskedyourcrushtoyourveryfirstpromorifyou’rethegirl,whenyourcrushaskedyououttoyourveryfirstpromordate.It’sthesamefeelingyougetwhenyoufirstbikedwithoutthosetrainingwheelsor ifyou’re thereallydaring type,whenyoufirstwentskydiving. Forthosewhoarelikeme,it’sthesamefeelingonyourweddingday–atleastyourfirst one. Why? It’s because these days,marriage is no longer the “certain”decisionas itoncewaswith the increasinglyhigh ratesofdivorceallover theworld.Anxiety, however, isn’t the sameasdisaster. Anxiety, at its simplest form, isjustmerelyfeelingworriedornervous.That’sallthereistoit.Assuch,pardonthepunbutitshouldn’tbesomethingtoworryabout.It’shumantobenervousandworryaboutthingsthatnormallywouldmakemostotherpeoplefeelsotoo,such as speaking in front of 10,000 people or dancing in front of nationaltelevision.Anxietydisorders,however,areadifferentstoryaltogether.

AnxietyDisordersAn anxiety disorder is an extreme form of your regular anxiety. It’s actuallyconsidered a mental condition that can make you feel extremely distressed,scaredorfrightenedinnormalsituationswhere justabouteverybodyelsefeelscomfortable,safeorsecure.Undersuchsituations,youcanactuallyberenderedhelpless,paralyzedorevenimmobilizedbysuchfeelingsoffrighttotheextentthat your daily, normal functioning is already impaired. Three of the mostcommonanxietydisordersare:

● GeneralizedAnxiety: Intense,extremeandoftenout-of-this-worldlevels of nervousness andworry evenunder themost normal and safestsituations.● Panic: Feelingsof terror thatsuddenlycomeoutofnowhereoftenand regularly. Usually, a panic attack manifests through chest pains,profuse sweating, a choking sensation or palpitations. The intensity ofsuchusuallyleadstoescalationasthepersonsufferingfrompanicattacksmayfeelthateitherheorshe’sgoingnutsorishavingaheartattack.● Phobias:Thisreferstochronicextremefearofparticularobjectsorsituationssuchasinsects,flyinginairplanes,darkroomsorridingaboat.Whatmakesphobias ratherexcessive iswhen inavoiding theobjectsorsituationsbeingfeared,yourdailylivingisalreadyhamperedbecauseyoualsoavoidthedailyimportantactivitiesinyourlife.● PTSD – Post-traumatic Stress Disorder usually develops when aperson has seen or experienced something that is traumatic. Symptomsmaybeginstraightawayortheycancomeoutweeks,months,evenyearslater. Some of the most common causes include war, being physicallyassaulted,naturaldisasters,etc.andanxietyepisodescancomeonwithoutanywarning.● OCD – Obsessive-compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder,althoughitisonlyjustrecentlythatithasbeenseenassuch.PeoplewhohaveOCD usually find themselves having to repeat certain rituals overand over, including washing hands constant, counting, and checkingsomethingseveraltimes.● Social Anxiety: A specific form of anxiety, this one’s aboutinteractingwithpeople–socialinteractionsandsituations.Thisextremesense of fear andworry about beingwith and around people is usuallyfuelled by worries of being ridiculed, rejected, embarrassed or simply

beinglookedatinanegativelightbyotherpeople.Thisiswhatwe’llbetalkingaboutinalloftheremainingchaptersofthisbook.

AnxietyDisorderSymptomsSohowcanyoudistinguishbetween regular anxiety andananxietydisorder?Here are some regularlymanifesting symptoms thatmay indicateyouhave ananxietydisorder:

●SleeplessNights:Worryingmakessleepingaseasytodoassprintingfor 1 kilometer on a steep uphill road orwhispering to your friend in arockconcert.Why?It’sbecausefeelingthiswayelevatesyourheartrate,which heightens your senses at the time when you’re supposed to berelaxingalready.● Sweaty And/Or Cold Feet AndHands: Because feeling anxiouselevates your heart rate, your body draws more blood to areas that itbelieves need it more and in the process, reduce the amount of bloodflowingtoyourextremities,particularlythehandsandfeet.Asaresultoflessbloodflow,thetemperatureinthoseareastendtodrop.Yourbody,however,maybefooledintothinkingthatthetemperatureinyourhandsandfeetare thesameas thosebodypartswith increasedbloodflowandthus,signalthemtosweatasifthey’rehot.Hencecoldbutsweatyhandsandfeet.● Palpitations: One very obvious effect of anxiety is substantiallyelevated or stronger heart rate/beat. If this seems to happen often andwithoutmuchreasonablebasis,it’sapotentialsignofananxietydisorder.● FeelingLikeYouCan’tBreathe:Anxiety–ordinaryordisorders–makeyoubreatheinmoreairthanwhat’snormalorrequired.Whenyoudothis–hyperventilate–yourbody’soxygen-carbondioxidebalance isseverelydisrupted,whichmakesyoufeel likeyou’renotgettingenoughoxygendespitetheoverabundanceofsuch.●Can’tKeepStill:Allthatadrenalinesecretedbyyourbodywhileit’sinananxiousstatemakesyouunabletostaystillandmakesyourestlessandonedge.● FeelingNauseous: Whenyou’reanxious,yourstressmechanism’sturned, changing many things inside your body such as disruption –particularly suppression – of your stomach’s digestive function. Whenthathappens,oneoftheundesirableeffectsisfeelingnauseousor,worst-casescenario,you’llpuke.●HardMuscles:No,I’mnottalkingaboutbeingfitandmuscular.I’mtalking aboutmuscles that are chronically tensed. This is because your

body turns on its fight-or-flight mechanism whenever you’re anxious.This fight-or-flightmechanismprepsyourbodyup to takeoffordefenditselfquicklybytensingthemusclesunconsciously.It’slikepreparingtoliftabarbellorsprintinginarelayrace.● ParchedMouth:Yourmouthdriesupduetoanxietyduetoseveralreasons. When you’re anxious, you tend to – however unconscious –breathe through the mouth and the air passing through it dries up thesaliva.Anothereffectofanxietyisacidreflux,whichalsodriesupyourmouth by hampering your salivary glands’ ability to produce enoughsalivatokeepyourmouthmoist.

AnxietyDisorders’EffectsOnYourBodyAnxietydisordersarenolaughingmatterbecausetheycanseriouslyimpactyourlife.Forone,suchdisordersputsyourbodyinachronicstateofhyperdriveandstress that greatly increases your risks for some of the most serious healthproblems like high cholesterol, diabetes, short-term memory loss, digestivesystemproblems,heartdisease,heartattackandweakenedimmunesystem.Anxietydisorderscansignificantlyincreaseyourriskfordiabetes,especiallyifyouhave a sweet tooth. It’s because stressful situations tend tomakepeople,youincluded,eatsugar-ladenfoodsjusttobeabletocope.Andbecauseanxietydisorderstendtoputyourbodyinachronichyperdrivestate,youtendtoburnmorecalories,whichmakeyoufeelyouneedmoreenergyandfast.Andguesswhattypesoffoodsanddrinkscanhelpenergizeyoufast?That’sright–sugaryfoods!Thesamegoesforyourriskofhighcholesterollevels.Thisisbecauseanxietydisorders tend to over-stimulate the sympathetic nervous system into releasingspecifictypesofhormonesthatmayleadtohigherriskofincreasedcholesterollevels.Anxietydisorderscanalsocompromiseyourbody’sability todigest the foodsyoueat.Why?It’sbecauseanxiety,beingprimarilyamentalactivityorstate,heightens your brain’s activity and in the process, makes it slow down yourbody’s other important functions, which include digesting the stuff you wolfdown. This increasesyour risks fordigestiveproblems likediarrhea, bloatingandindigestion.AnxietydisorderscanalsomakeyouresembleDory,thatadorablyforgetfulfishinthehitmovieFindingNemo,whichwasreleasedin2003.Inthemovie,Doryhad short-term memory loss, which looked very cute and adorable on her.However, the only thing that anxiety will make you resemble Dory is theforgetfulness part, not the cute and adorable parts. Why? Anxiety heightensyourcortisol levels (a stresshormone),whichcanseriouslyaffectyourmentalperformance,particularlymemoryandrecall.Yourchancesofgettingthesnifflesandcough,amongothers,alsoincreasewithanxietydisorders. It’sbecausethiscondition–ifchronic–tendstomesswithyour immunesystemover themediumto longtermprimarilyduetocortisol itproduces. Andwith a compromised immune system, expect to get sickmoreoften.

Lastly, anxiety disorders can increase your risks for heart diseases. This isbecauseitcanresultinchronicallyelevatedheartrateandbloodpressure,bothofwhichfurtherincreasesyourriskofdying,especiallyduetoaheartattack.

HowAnxietyCanImpactYourSocialLifeSocialanxietyandphobiaswillget in thewayofyourrelationshipsandsocialinteractions.Whatwouldotherwisebefunandenjoyablemomentscanbecomemoments of terror and panic,which can amongother things, isolate you frommostoftheworld.

HowAnxietyCanRuinYourChancesForSuccessTosucceedinlife,you’llneedtotakerisks.Thegreaterthesuccessyouwanttoexperience, the higher the risk youneed to take. Anxiety disorders, however,lower your risk tolerance bymagnifying the risks significantlymore than thepotential rewards. With risks seemingly becomingmore imminent andmuchgreater than the potential rewards, you may be inhibited from even trying tosucceed.

IsThereACureForAnxietyDisorders?Well, there is good and bad newswhen it comes to curing anxiety disorders.Out of my exceedingly optimistic and kind heart, I’ll give you the bad newsfirst:No,itcan’tbecured.Sothenexttimeahuckstercomesuptoyouofferingacure foranxietydisorder for theunbelievably lowpriceofyour life savings,it’stimetokicksomebuttandbustsomeface.It’llmakemoresensetobelievein the fat-loss claims of those home shopping network gadgets than it is tobelievethatthereisindeedacure.Having done awaywith the bad news, are you ready to know the good one?Here it is: You can effectivelymanage it so that itwon’t interferewith yourability to live life to the full. Yes,youcanmanage it sowellandminimize itthatitnolongerbecomesadisorder.Inchapters2,3and4,I’llexplainwhatissocialanxietyasaparticularformofanxietydisorder,thereasonsbehindsuchadisorderandthethingsthatyoumaybedoingthataggravatessuchacondition,respectively.Therestofthechapters– from5 to 9 –will be about howyou can effectivelymanage social anxietydisorderforpersonalsuccess.

Chapter2–WhatIsSocialAnxiety?Social anxiety disorder used to be termed as “social phobia” and it is morecommon than we have ever been led to believe. Literally millions of people,acrosstheentireglobe,sufferfromanxietydisorder,atraumaticanddevastatingcondition, on a daily basis. For some, it may be caused by a specific socialanxiety,forothersitcouldbemoregeneralized.According to research in the United States, social anxiety disorder has beenlisted as the third biggest psychological disorder, following alcoholism anddepressionandtheresearchestimatesthatabout7%ofthepopulationcurrentlysuffersfromaformofsocialanxietydisorder.Peoplewithsocialanxietyaregenerallydescribedashavingaveryhighlevelofshyness.Weallfeelabitshyornervousattimesbutsomepeoplefeelitmoreextremely.Forthesepeople,itcanbeverydebilitating.Itaffectstheirabilitytogooutandsocialize,tomeetnewpeople,togetinvolvedinnewthings.Itmayevenstarttoaffecttheirabilitytogotoworkorschool.Someof thesituations thatcan trigger feelingsof socialanxiety include:●

Speakinginpublic●Speakingwithpeopleinauthoritypositions●Speakingwithortoagroupofpeople,evenanindividualattimes●Eatingamealinapublicplace●Anysituationthatisperformancebased●Beingcriticizedorteased ● Being made to be the center of attention ● Interpersonalrelationships, romanticorotherwise● Beingwatchedwhile theyaredoingsomethingWhentheyareplacedin thesesituations,peoplewithsocialanxietydisordermayexperienceanynumberofsymptoms,manyofthemphysicalandallofthemuncomfortable,including:●Afeelingofbutterfliesinthestomach●Heartbeatingrapidly●Excessivesweating●Blushing●Somepeopleevenhavefeelingsofnausea● Drymouthandthroat● Trembling●

Troubleswallowing● Muscle twitches,usuallyaround thefaceandcheeks● IntensefearTheywillworrythatotherpeoplenoticewhatishappeningtothemandwillbenegativetowardstem,unfairlyjudgingthem.Theeasiestwaytodescribehowapersonwhohassocialanxietydisorderfeelsisto say that they feel as though they are in the spotlight, being singled out forattention,andthateveryonethinkstheworstofthem.Theybelievethattheyarenogoodinsocialsituationsthattheyareincrediblyboringandhavenothingofinterest tocontribute toa situationorconversation.After theyhaveattendedasocialeventofsomekind,theywillshredtheeventtopieces,pickinguponand

focusingonlyonareaswheretheyfeeltheydidbadly.This iswhymost peoplewho suffer from social anxietydisorder avoidpublicplaces; avoid getting involved in social events if they can. If they have to beinvolvedthentheywillstayoutoffocus,hideinthebackgroundandtrynottodrawattentiontothemselvesiftheycanpossiblygetawaywithit.

Chapter3-WhatCausesSocialAnxiety?

There are a number of different explanations as towhat causes social anxietydisorder.Everyperson isdifferent andeveryperson is likely tohavedifferenttriggers. Here I am going to go over the most common reasons why peoplemightsufferwithsocialanxiety:

BehavioralThere is a theory that suggests some people develop a social anxiety disorderbecauseofthingsthatmayhavehappenedinthepast.Youknowthat,ifachildtouches something hot, like an oven door for example, the pain would teachthemthatovendoorsaresomethingtobeavoidedbecausetheygethotandtheycan hurt you. Similarly, social situations where you were made to feelhumiliated,embarrassedorfearfulcouldhaveaneffectonhowyoufeelinfuturesocialsituations.Youmaybeafraidthatallsituationswillbelikethisand,asaresult,youstarttoavoidthem.

ThinkingAnother theory lends itself to the thought that some people have a style ofthinkingthatleadstosocialanxiety.Someonewhoisanxiousinsocialsituationswillpredicttohimselforherselfthattheywillperformbadlyandtheywillthinkthat everyone is watching them, judging them all the time. People who aresociallyanxiouswilldoubttheirownabilitiestoblendinandjoinin,believingtheyareboringandthatnobodywantstohearwhattheyhavetosay.Thinkingpatterns like this automatically make what could be simple nerves intosomethingfarworse.

EvolutionaryEvolutionary factors may also play a part in social anxiety disorder. Tounderstandthis,rememberthathumansareasociableraceandwetendtoenjoybeing in company. Some people don’t like to think that theymay upset otherpeopleanddon’twanttoendupbeingrejectedso,forsomepeople,thestartofasocial anxiety disorder is a simple fact of being over sensitive to negativeevaluation.Thismaybewhymanysociallyanxiouspeopledoeverything theycantoupsetotherpeopleand,inthelong-termtheydomoreharmtothemselves.

BiologicalThereisalsothesuggestionthatsocialanxietydisordermayhavefamilialties.Lookbackthroughyourfamily–ifsomeoneelsehassocialanxietyissuesthenthere is a good chance that you may inherit their personality traits. Geneticmakeupmayplayabiggerroleinsocialanxietylevelsthanwereallyknow.

TraumaticorBadExperiences

Whensomeoneexperiencessomethingbadortraumatic,extremedistresscanbefeltatthetimeithappens.Butitdoesn’tendtherebecausethatexperiencecanleave itsmarkon thatperson.Someof themorecommonof theseexperiencesthat are reported as happening to socially anxious people start in their schoolyears.Bullyingisaprimeexample,oranythingelsethatsinglesapersonouttobeodd,somewhatdifferent,andunacceptableintheeyesofotherpeople;allofthesecancontributetowardssocialanxietythroughoutlife.

TheDemandsofLife

Whenyou talk to peoplewhohave social anxiety disorder,mostwill say thatthey have always had it while others will say that it started when they wereteenagers or in their early twenties. Teenagers and young adults have a lot ofstumbling blocks to get over, especially socially,when they start to gain theirindependenceandbegintoestablishtheirroleasanadultintherolesthatsocietyexpects of them.Getting through these challenges is not easy and thepatternsthat theseyoungadultsdevelopmayhavean impacton their life in the futureandmakesomethingshardtodealwith.

StressesofthePresent

There are two types of stress that are likely to have an effect on the level ofanxiety that a person feels – significantmoves that server to cut contactwithcolleagues,friendsand/orfamily;andsignificantchangesthathaveaneffectonthewayapersonrelatestoothers,perhapsachangeintheirjobatwork.Thesedemandthatapersonadaptstoanewsituationquicklyandtakesupagreatdealof energywhen, in all likelihood, there is little to spare.Confidencehas tobebuiltupadthisisatimewhenoldvulnerabilitiesarelikelytosurface.

HowAllofTheseFactorsWorkTogether

Mostproblemshavemorethanonepotentialcauseanditcanbehardtoseparatethem.However, the likely causesof a social anxietydisorder canbe split intotwo different categories – stress and vulnerability, Vulnerability is somethingthat isdeepseated;characteristics thatmakeapersonsusceptibleand theycanbe biological or psychological – in some cases, a combination of both.Psychological factors usually come from things that the person experiencedearlierinlife.Stressincludesanydemandsthatarebeingplacedonapersonintheirpresentdaylifeandcircumstancesthatmaybehavinganeffectonthematthetime.Inallhonesty,youcannotpinpointonesinglereasonwhyapersonmaysufferfromsocialanxietydisorder.Intruth,therewillbemanyfacetstothereasonand,tobefair,itisprobablylessimportanttoknowwhatcauseditthanitistoknowhowtoovercomeit.

Chapter4-WhatAggravatesSocialAnxiety?

Forthemostpart,wearetheonlythingthatpreventsusfromovercomingsocialanxiety.Itisourthoughtsandfeelingsthatputastumblingblockupandstopusfrommovingforward,inmanycasesdoingnothingmorethanexacerbatingtheproblem.Thefollowingwillgiveyousomeinsightintowhatisstoppingus:

UnhelpfulThoughtsOur own unhelpful thoughts make it difficult to overcome social anxiety.Socially anxious people have negative thoughts about themselves and theirabilitytocopeinsocialsituations.Thisservestolowertheirconfidencelevels,which,inturn,makesitmoredifficultforthemtogetinvolvedinsituations.Andthat means that they don’t give themselves the chance to test their socialinteractivityskills.Thesekindsofthoughtsalsotendtohaveadamagingeffectonpeoplewhoareabout to enter a social situation.The thought that theywill performpoorly orwilldosomethingtoupsetsomeonetendstohaveaninfluenceonthewaytheyfeeland,asaresult,thewaytheyinteractwithothers.Followingasocialactivitythatpersonwillthensitandanalyzehowtheybehavedandbelievethattheydideverythingwrong.Thus,itiseasytoseehowunhelpfulthoughtscanplayabigroleinstoppingpeoplefromovercomingtheirsocialanxiety.

AvoidanceManypeoplewithsocialanxietydisorderwillgooutoftheirwaytoavoidsocialsituationsandsocialcontact inanyformatbut if theyreallycan’tavoidit thentheywillstayoutofthewayandtrytogetoutofitasquicklyastheypossiblycan. While this is a somewhat understandable method of coping with socialanxiety, it is also the biggest reason why these people find it so difficult toovercome.Byavoidinganysocialcontact,theyaredenyingthemselvestheopportunityforpositiveexperiencesthatcangoalongwaytowardsprovingthattheirunhelpfulthoughtsandfeelingsarewrong.And, the longer theycontinue toavoidsocialcontact,theharderitistofacethem.

Using'SafetyBehaviors’Sometimes, socially anxious peoplewill usewhat they call safety behavior tohelpthemfeelcomfortableinsocialsettings.Examplesofthistypeofbehaviorinclude:●Stayinginthebackground●Keepingquiet●Stayingclosetopeopletheyknowwell●Avoidinganyeyecontact●DrinkingforcourageAlthoughbehaviorslikethesecanmakeapersonfeelalittlebetteratthetime,they are not really very helpful long-term strategies for dealing with socialanxiety.Similartoavoidance,safetybehaviorsstopapersonfromprovingthatthey can cope in social situation, simply because they are hiding behindsomethingorsomeone,andtendtoputtheirsocialsuccessdowntootherfactors.As a result, their confidence levels remain low and their social anxiety is stillverymuchinforce.

IncreasedSelf-FocusSocially anxious people tend to spend a lot of time focusing on themselvesduringsocialsituations.Sadly,thisisanotherbigreasonwhytheyfindithardtoovercomesocialanxiety.Forexample,theymaybetryingtoworkoutiftheyareblushingorsweating,whethertheyarestammeringorstutteringand,asaresult,they are making things much worse. They hope that nobody notices,significantlyoverestimatingjusthowvisibletheiranxietylevelsareandmakingthemselvesveryself-consciousintheprocess.Plus,while theyarefocusingonthemselves, theyarenotconcentratingon thesituationor theconversationandmay come across as distant or uninterested. The fact that they are notconcentratingmakes it harder for them to join in, thus reinforcing their beliefthattheycannotcopeinsocialsituations.

FoodAndDrinksAlthoughanxietyisprimarilyamentalissue,itisalsoanutritionalone,tosomeextent.Why?It’sbecausecertainfoodsanddrinkscanaggravatethephysicalsymptomsofsocialanxiety,whichcanmakeyoumoreanxiousandsoonandsoforthoritcaninterferewiththebeneficialeffectsofotherfoods.Itcancreateaviciousdownwardspiralintoanxietyabyss.Speaking of social anxiety aggravating foods, here are some of the foods youshouldminimizeorifpossible,avoidaltogether:

● SugaryStuff: Especiallythosethatarechockfullofrefinedsugar,these kinds of food can aggravate your social anxiety through aphenomenonpopularlyknownassugarcrash.Thishappenswhenyoueatalotofsimplecarbohydrates–likesimpleorrefinedsugars–thatcausesa sudden spike in your blood sugar, to which your body reacts bysecretinginsulin.Theinsulinactsquicklytobringyourbloodsugarlevelsback down to normal but the problem is it often overdoes its job andresultsinlowbloodsugarinstead,whichmakesyoufeellethargicorevensleepy. This is called hypoglycemia and repeated sugar spikes andcrashes stimulate the production of stress hormones cortisol andadrenaline,whichcausesoraggravatesanxietyandpanic.● Caffeine:Awell-knowneffectofcaffeine,whichisresponsibleforits ability to keep you awake and alert, is elevated heart rate and alongwith elevated heart rate is elevated blood pressure. Unfortunately, botharephysicalanxietysymptoms.Consumingcoffeeandotherdrinkswithhighcaffeinecontentwillmakeyouexperiencesymptomsthatcaneithertriggeroraggravatesocialanxietysuchasnausea,restlessness,inabilitytosleepandagitation. If youbelieveyouneed it tobe alive, alert, awakeandenthusiasticallthetime,itmaybethatyou’resufferingfromchronicsleepdeficit.Assuch,yourbestbetwouldbetogetenoughofit.●AlcoholicDrinks:Despitetheprevailingsocialnotionthatalcoholisone of the best relaxants ever known toman, the fact is it can actuallyworsensocialanxietysymptoms.Thisisbecausealcoholhastheuncannyability to screwupyourbrain’s serotonin levels–and it’s thishormonethat’s key to mood regulation. And apart from mood sabotage, mostalcoholicdrinksalsocontain–surprise–sugar,whichyoualreadyknowtobeasocialanxiety-aggravatingingredient.Together,thisBatmanandRobin tandemof alcohol and sugar can lead to feelings of nervousness,

confusion,restlessnessanddizziness–symptomsoforcanworsensocialanxiety.

Alwayskeepinmindthatevenagramofpreventionreallyismuchbetterakiloofcurewhenitcomestomanagingyoursocialanxietyverywell.Assuch,it’sbesttowatchwhatyoueatanddrinkfortomorrowyoumaynotbemerryduetosocialanxiety.

Chapter5–InstantHitsForQuickSocialAnxietyRelief

“Handleeverystressfulsituationlikeadog. Ifyoucan’teat itorplaywith it,justpeeonitandwalkaway.”–AnonymousfromPinterest.comNooneisexemptedfromexperiencingpanicorsocialanxietyatsomepointinlife.Theonlythingsleftfordiscussionaretheintensityandfrequencyofsuchexperiences. Why? As humans who live in an imperfect world, there willalwaysbesomethingthatcanmakeeveryoneofusfeeluneasyorconcerned.Somecausesofanxietyarequitepettylikewhenwe’rerootingforourfavoritebasketball teamwho happens to haveAndreDrummond[1] on the free throwline for two free throws that caneitherwinor lose thechampionshipgameorwhenLionelMessi is attempting tomakeagoal againstoneof football’sbestgoalkeepersifnotthebest,ManuelNeuer.Someareatadbitmoreseriouslikewhenyou’re inanopen-microphonekaraokebarandyou find themicrophonewas suddenly given to you,with yourmouth still full of nachos, to finish thesong IWill Always LoveYou by the lateWhitneyHoustonwhile your onlypublic singing experience is limited to singing the Star-Spangled Bannertogether with the rest of your elementary school classmates in your school’sopenquadrangle!Andofcourse,therearesomewithreallyhighstakesinvolvedsuchaspitchingyourcompany’sservicestoamajorclient,thesuccessorfailureofwhichwilldetermineifyou’llstillhaveajobthenextday.Socialanxietiesthataren’tdiagnosedtobeachronicmedicalcondition,suchasthe examples above, aren’t as serious as diagnosed social anxiety disorders.Thatdoesn’tmeanhowever,thatyoushouldn’ttakethemseriously.It’sbecauselike in the last example above, itmaycost you something important andkeepyoufromlivinglifetothefull.Socialanxietiescanbemanagedwell–youcanenjoyquickrelief–whenyouexperience them every now and then. In this chapter, let’s look at differentquickandpracticalwaysyoucanwinoveryoursocialanxietyepisodes.

NothingThat’sright,thatwasn’tatypographicalerror.NeitherareyouexperiencinganOTBEorout-of-the-bodyexperience.Oneofthebestwaystoquicklydealwithyour social anxiety attacks is really, just do nothing, which is actuallyoxymoronicbecausebyconsciouslytryingtodonothing,you’reactuallydoingsomething here. Ohwell,whatever. The point is just do nothing apart fromdoingnothing.Here’swhyitworksformanypeople.Consideryouranxiety tobeabonfireonacoldwinternight. Ifyouwant thebonfiretogoaway,youdon’tactuallyneedtodoanythingbutlet itbe. Aftersometime,thebonfirewilldieanaturaldeathforaslongasnoadditionalwoodorflammablematerialisaddedtoit.Yousimplystarveittodeath.And that’swhat this tactic isabout–starving theanxietybeast todeath. Youdenyit theopportunity togrowhealthy,bigandstrong. Youmaynotknowitbut there are many ways that you think you’re killing anxiety while in factyou’rereallyfeedingthemonster:●Avoidingsocialsituationsthatmakeyoufeelnervousoranxious;● Denyingthatyouarenervousandanxious;●

Forced relaxation,which isn’t really relaxation tobeginwith;● Putting inmoreefforttoensureperfectionatwhatyou’redoinginsteadofbeingexcellent;●Tensingourmusclesunconsciouslyofcourse;●Tryingtoohardtobanishnegative thoughts fromyourmind; and● Waiting for– andhoping that itexists–therightmomenttosmackyourfearsonthenoggin’andkillit.There’s nothingwrong in doing something for quick anxiety relief and as I’llshowyoulateron,therearethingsyoucandothatwillhelp.Buttherearemanyinstanceswhereindoingnothingisthebestsolution,especiallywhenyoufinditdifficult or impossible to not over-apply well-known quick relief tactics forsocialanxiety.

Don’tBreatheTooMuchYes, asmuch as breathing is good, nay necessary, overdoing it can aggravatesocialanxiety.Rememberhowwetalkedaboutoneofthesymptomsofanxiety– feeling like you can’t breathe? Breathing in toomuch air – also known ashyperventilating–canmakeyoufeelasifoxygenisinsuchshortsupplydespitebreathingmorethanyourusualsupplyofthestuff.Andoftentimes,thenormalreactionistobreatheinmoregulpsofaireitherbytakingevendeeperbreathsorbreathing much faster as if panting, both of which actually aggravate thesituationevenmore.But how can breathing too much air lead to feeling there’s less of it in ourlungs?Geekyprofessormode…ON!Thereasonliesinhowourbodiesmakeuseofallthatair–dirtyorotherwise–that we breathe in. Our bodies need sufficient amounts of carbon dioxide inorder to process or obtain oxygen that’s transported in our blood. And whowould’ve thought that waste product we breathe out is actually necessary toprocessoxygen,eh?Whathappenswhenyoubreatheintoomuchairisthatthere’ssomuchoxygenforyourbody’snormalcarbondioxidelevelstoprocess. Infact,doingsocanevenreducetheamountofnecessarycarbondioxideinyourbodyasyoubreathemoreofitoutduetotheexcessiveoxygenamounts.Withlesscarbondioxideinyour body, the amount of oxygen your body can process out of the availablesupplyalsodecreases,hencethefeelingofshortnessofbreathdespitebreathinginmoreair.Feelinglikeyou’regoingtodiefromshortnessofbreathisonesurefirewaytofantheflameofyoursocialanxietyattack.Andbreathinginmoreair–asthenatural response might be – only pours more gas on it. That’s why youshouldn’tbreathetoomuchwhenfeelinganxious.Justbreathenormally,that’sit. I’m not talking about deep belly breaths – just your normal, regularbreathing.Thenyoustarvetheanxietybeast.

ItTooShallPassAnother way of managing the social anxiety beast – particularly non-chroniconesthataren’tmedicallyconsideredasdisorders–istosimplyacknowledgeitsexistence and that its existence is just like the craze about Miley Cyrus’scandaloustwerkings–temporary.Whenyoudothat,youempoweryourselftoletitbeandrobthesocialanxietysituationofitspowertowreakhavocinyourlife.Tomakeitmorerelatable,allowmetosharemypreviousexperiencewiththistacticwithinthecontextofmymarriage.Therewere timeswhenmywife takes leapsof faithbyrisking theprospectofanother sleeplessnightby lettingmeknowsomething that I amdoingwrong.AndeventhoughoftentimesIreactwithpeaceandharmonyinthebeginning,itescalateswhenmywife–withthebestofintentions–continuestoprodatwhyIdiditorwhyIcontinuetodoit.AfterIexplain(morelikejustify,hehehe)attheendofeachprodding-round,shewouldprodevenmoreuntilallmypatienceandunderstandingisusedupanditbecomesanargument.Thenanepiphanyhitmeonetime-Ifigured,whynotjustacknowledgewhatIdidwrong,thatitwaswrongandsimplytellherI’lleventuallybeabletoarrestit with her help. Guess what, it worked! Whatever tension built up in thebeginningquicklyevaporated. Therewereevenmomentswheretensiondidn’tevenarise,howeversmall.ByacknowledgingwhatIdidwrongaswrong,takingupthecudgelsforitandbelievingthatit’smanageableandwilleventuallyberectified,Iallowasituationtorunitsnaturallyquickcourseenroutetoitsswiftdeath.Inmanyinstances,it’s the samewith social anxiety in that itmerelywants to be acknowledged.Andlikeareasonableperson,itgoesawayaftergettingthatwhichitwanted.Sohowcanyouletnon-chronicsocialanxietymomentsrunitsnaturallyquickcourse? Simply believe it’s like a strong thunderstorm in the Sahara desert –quick and temporary. Be aware that physiologically speaking, it’s just atemporaryadrenalineandcortisolrushthatwillsubsideasquicklyasitfloodedyoursystem.Inmanycases,allittakesisseveralminutestosubside.Another way of letting your non-chronic social anxiety episodes run theirnaturallyquickcoursesisbyacceptingtherealitiesofitstriggers’existenceandthat its potentially ill effects are very minor in most cases – nothing lifechanging. For example, if its your turn to report the company’s monthly

financialperformancetotheBoardofDirectors,don’tresistorjudgeitaseitherpositiveornegative.Simplyacknowledgethatyes,youwillhavetodoitsoonerorlaterandthatgivenyourbossesassignedyoutodoitmeansyouhavewhatittakes to successfullypull itoff. If everyoumakeamistake, it’llprobablybeveryminorandnon-consequential.

TalkToYourselfWhilemostpeoplefindthispracticetobeeitheroddorworse,crazy,it’soneofthebestwaystoexperiencerelativelyfastrelieffromnon-chronicsocialanxietyepisodes.Despitethelackofanyclearscientificevidence,manypeoplebelievethatwhatwespeak,oursubconsciousmindstakeasrealityandthusactonthatperceivedreality.Ifthisweremerelyquack-science,whyisitthattherearetonsofbooks–bothphysicalandelectronic–onthesubjectmatter?Oneoftheoldestbooksintheworld alreadywrote about the powerof self-talk. TheBible says inProverbs18:21thatthepoweroflifeanddeathisinourtongues.TheKindleStorebest-sellingbookCEOYourselfbyRitaMonroeextolsthevirtueandpowerofhowwetalktoourselvesanditsabilitytohelpussucceedinlife.Asidefromconvincingourselvesintocalmness,talkingtoyourselfalsohastheextrabenefitofdrawingourattentionawayfromthecauseofouranxieties.Inasense,it’sanotherwayofstarvingthebeast,albeitindirectly,intodyingaquickandnaturaldeath.Howdoyouactuallytalktoyourselfwithoutlooking,soundingorfeelinglikealooney?Well,therearedifferentwaystodoit.Thekeythreadthattiesallthesedifferent ways together is positively assertive and not passive aggressive, theformerbeingtellingyourselfwhatyouwanttofeelandthelattertellingyourselfwhatyoudon’twanttofeel.Insocialanxietysituations,youshouldtellyourselfthat“You’recalmandrelaxed”(positiveassertive)insteadof“I’mnotanxiousand stressed”, which is passive aggressive. For clarity’s sake, passive-aggressiveself-talkisdenyinghowyoureallyfeel.The 3 ways you can talk yourself out of social anxiety episodes is throughproblem solving, distracting memories and affirmations. Let’s start withaffirmations.Affirmations are the most popular of self-talks and are positively assertivestatementslike:

●Iamontopofthisanxiousepisode;●ImaybeanxiousbutI’mmorepowerfulthanmyanxiety;and● BecauseI’mmuchbiggerandpowerfulthanmyanxiety,Ifunctionnormallydespite.

If you find that after the first application, you’re still anxious about a socialsituation,don’tdespair,especiallyifit’syourfirstgoatit.Justcontinuetalking

toyourself inarelaxedmannerwithoutexerting tomucheffortandover time,thiswillbeaneffectivesocialanxietyepisodeender.Anotherway to talk toyourself for socialanxiety relief isbyusingdistractingmemories.Here,yousimplytellyourselfaboutyourmostfavoriteexperiencesandmostjoyfulmemories.Onegoodthinggoingforthiskindofself-talkisthatit’sbasedonsomethingthat’salreadyhappened,givingittractioninyourmindandheart.Andbecauseofitsjoyfulemotionallinks,itcanbeaverypowerfulagentforexperiencingfast,non-chronicsocialanxietyrelief.Insteadoftellingyourself that youwant to be calm in this room full of strangers, you can tellyourself about the timewhen you felt comfortable in similar situations in thepastorhowcalmandpeacefulyoufeltwhenyouwerelyingonahammockatthebeach.Just because distracting memories have the benefit of proof doesn’t meanaffirmationsareuseless.No,therewillbesituationswhereaffirmationswillbemoreappropriateandeffectivethandistractingmemoriesandviceversa.Withsufficientapplication,you’llbeableverygoodatknowingwhenandwhere toapplythetwo.Lastly, you can simply solvemath problemsor other verbal puzzles verbally.The benefit of this approach is distracting you enough until the anxiety beastdiesitsquickandnaturaldeath.

FamiliarityAnxietyAvoidingfamiliarones,e.g.,friends,places,lookstobeareallybadideaatfirstglance. Imean,whyonearthwouldyougo tounfamiliarpeopleorplaces toovercomesocialanxietyepisodes?Wouldn’tunfamiliarityaggravateyoursocialanxiety?No, not really. This tactic is consistent with the starving the beast strategy.How? Running to familiar people and places act like security blankets,especiallyduringuncomfortablemoments.Thishastheoften-overlookedeffectof feeding the beast – empowering it even! It’s because by doing so, yousuggest to your subconscious mind that yes, you can’t overcome your socialanxietyanditstriggeronyourown…thatyouneedtodependonothers,betheypeople,placesorsituations.Sothenexttimeyoufeellikeyouwanttorunintothearmsoffamiliarpeople,places and situations as ameans of overcoming anxiety…don’t! Simply stayput, relax, breathe normally, speak to yourself and simply allow your anxietyepisode to just starve, sputter and die a natural death. Your chances ofexperiencingquicksocialanxietyreliefarehigherwhenyoudo this insteadofrunningtothecomfortsofyoursecurityblanket.

Chapter6–SelfHelpTacticsForManagingYourSocialAnxiety

Theinstanthittechniquesenumeratedinthepreviouschapterare,asmentioned,meant for isolated social anxiety episodes that aren’tmedically classified as achronic disorder. There are times, however, that such social anxiety episodestendtobemuchmorefrequentandforsuchcases,you’llneedmorethanaBandAid-likeapproach.Thereare2waystodothis:self-helporprofessionalhelp.Inthischapter,we’lltakeacloserlookatthefirstone.Thankfully,thereareseveralself-helptacticsthatwecanusetoovercomesocialanxiety, including:● Worryingforanxietyrelief;● Knowif theanxietytrigger issolvable;● Banishingunhelpful thoughts;● Reducinginternalfocusinsocialsituations;● Minimizingorstoppingtheuseofavoidanceandsafetybehaviors;and●Cultivatingrelationships.Itisn’thelpfultotryanddoeverythingatonceso,let’stakethingsslowlyandworkthroughthisonestepatatime:

WorryingForAnxietyReliefOneunorthodoxtacticforeffectivelycopingwithandmanagingsocialanxietyisto worry regularly. Yep, you read that right – worry regularly to effectivelymanageanxiety!Whyonearthshouldyoudothat?Here’swhy:Doyouknowthatregularlyworryingisagoodwaytominimizetheeffectsofsocialanxiety?Here’sanillustrationofhowitworks.MywifeandIlovetorideourfixed-gearorfixiebikes.Youknow,thosebikeswith only one gear that doesn’t allow you to coast and doesn’t have brakes.Regularlyriding thoseseeminglysuicidalmachinesallowsus toreleaseall thepent-upenergyfromdoingmostlyintellectualwork,whichoftentimesmakesusfidgetyandrestless.Asweexpendtheexcessenergy,wefindthatweareableto concentrate better on our work because the fidgety and restless feelingsdisappearoraresignificantlyreducedtothepointthattheydon’tinterferewithourwork.Sincewe live inan imperfectworld, thereare times thatbiking regularly isn’tfeasibleor evenpossible. If suchperiodsof time extend tomore thanwhat’sreasonable,wetendtobecomeagitated,restlessandfidgety,whichsignificantlyaffectsourabilitytoconcentrateonourhighlymentaloccupations.Wetrydownplayingtheeffects,buttherearejustsomethingsinlifethatdon’tgoawaybysimplydownplaying.Thisisoneofthem.Wehadtoacceptit’sanintegralpartofourmentalhealthandperformance.Knowing that,wedoourbest to take the timeandrideour fixiebikesat leastonceaweekfor45minutesoritsequivalentspreadoverthewhole7days.Igettodothelatterbybikingtoworkeveryday.Mywifedoesitdifferentlybutthebottom-lineis,webothdoourbesttogetourregularweeklyridesinforoptimalmentalperformance.Youcandosomethingsimilarforyoursocialanxiety:setasidetimetoregularly“worry”.Thiscanhelpyouinyoureffortstoeffectivelycopewithandmanagechronicsocialanxietyepisodesinthelongrun.Buthowdoesworryingregularlyhelpyouworryless?One way is that worrying on purpose helps you meet your personal worry“quota”,whichhelpsyougetitoveranddonewithbythetimeyouneedtobecalm and relaxed. It’s like doingwhat you can now and not procrastinating.Youletworryrunitsquicknaturalcourseat themostconvenient time–when

you’renotdoinganythingthatcanbeaffectedbyyourworrying.AnotherwaythishelpsisbywhatIcalltheBuffetEffect.No,IamnottalkingaboutWarrenBuffetbutabuffetlunchordinner.Whenyoustuffyourselfwithsomuchofyourfavoritefood,usuallyatabuffet,youbecomesosatiatedthatyou no longer want it. It’s the same – by worrying regularly at the mostopportunetimes,youcanmakeyourmindfeelsosatiatedwith“worrying”thatitcannolongerstandtoworryasmuchasyouusedto.Yousimplytireyourselfoutbyworryingregularly.Anotherwaythatregularworryinghelpsyoumanagesocialanxietymuch,muchbetter isbyconditioningyourmindtopostponeit toamuchbetter timeof theday,sayonyourcommutehomefromwork.You’reactuallytrainingyourbraintopoliceyoursocialanxietyandputitinitsproperplace.Youmaynotbeabletoeliminateitbutattheveryleast,youputitwhereitdoesn’tdomuchdamage,ifany.Lastly, a possible way that this works is that you simply make yourself tooimmunetoanxiety,muchlikeplayingelectricguitarfrequentlyhelpsyoubuildcallousesonyour finger tips andmakes it perfectlypainless toplayguitar forhoursonendcomparedtowhenyoufirstdidso.Youalsobuildupyourmentalstrength and stamina for it like when you gradually increase your runningdistanceortheweightofyourbenchpress.Nowthatweestablishedthatworryingregularlycanbegoodformanagingyoursocial anxiety, how do you exactlymake time for it? Well, it’s really a no-brainer. Simply do it as youwouldmake time for your favorite activity likeeating,exercise,bookreadingorTVwatching.Justdoitatyourpredeterminedtimeandplace.Overtime,beingabletoholdofsocialanxietybecomesmucheasierknowingthatyouhavethattimeofthedaytoactuallyindulgeinit.Whatabout socialanxietyepisodesat themost inopportune timesof theday?Simply write down what’s making you socially anxious at that time, put thepaperinyourpocketandgobacktoitlaterduringyourregular“worry”time.

KnowIfTheAnxietyTriggerIsSolvableIsolovemathwhenIwasstillstudying.Infact,IloveitsomuchthatIamnowdoingworkthat’snotanywherenearusingmath.Yeah,baby!Seriously speaking,mathematical problems canbe classified into solvable andnotsolvable.TherewasatimewhereIspentmorethanhalfoftheallottedtimeto answer a specific, mind-boggling problem, which I never got to finishanyway.Becauseofmycramminghabitsbackduringmycollegedays,Iwasn’tabletocomprehensivelycoverallofthelessonsprior.Tomychagrinaftertheexam,myclassmates toldme that problemwas simplynot solvable or has nosolution! If only I had known, I could’ve topped that examand graduated asbatchvaledictorian…inmydreams.Seriously, there’s a lesson to be learned there somewhere when it comes tomanaging your social anxiety. Wait, I’m looking for it…oh there it is! Thelesson is: If you know before hand if what’s causing your social anxiety issomethingthatyoucanaddressorsolveornot,youcanactaccordingly.Iftheideathatpeoplemaynotlikeyourspeechesgivesyouenoughheebie-jeebiestoexperienceapanicattackeverytimeyoucometoeventswhereyouregularlydoso,knowingthatyoureallyhavenocontroloverhowpeoplewillperceiveyourspeeches and that there will always be a person or two who won’t like yourspeechescanfreeupyourmindandhelpyourelax.Ifthetriggerissomethingyoucanactuallydosomethingabout,thenyoucanalsorelaxknowingyoucanactually do something to minimize the trigger. Either way, it helps you tomanageyoursocialanxietymuchbetter.There are 2ways to know if your social anxiety trigger is somethingyou cansolveornot.First,askifyouthetriggerorproblemisarealorimaginaryone?Often times, you’ll realize that your social anxiety triggers aren’t actualproblemsorconcernsbutaremerelyall inyourhead. Forexample, it’smucheasiertobanishthethoughtofbeingjeeredatthefinancialmanagementseminaryou’llbeconductingtomorrowwhenjustyesterday,youwereinthenewspapersbecauseyouweregivenaprestigiousawardforbeingvotedasthebestfinancemanagerbyaleadingbusinesspublication.Theotherwaytofindoutifthetriggercanbesolvedoraddressedisbyaskingifyou’reinthepositiontoactuallydosomethingaboutit?Forexample,youmaybeworriedaboutbeingridiculedbythepersonyouwanttointroduceyourselftoataprestigiousbusinessnetworkingcocktail.Knowingthatthereactionofthe

personisbeyondyourcontrol,youcanbesetfreefromtheobligationtoworryabouttheresultsandfocusinsteadofwhatyoucancontrol–thedecisiontotaketheopportunitytoexpandyourbusinesscontacts.Now that you knowhow to determine if the trigger is solvable or not,what’snext?It’seasy,simplydiscardtheproblemortriggerifitisn’tsolvable.It’stheonlychoicereally.Butwhatifitis?Justbecause it isdoesn’tmeanyouhave theobligation tofix it immediately–whetherimmediatelyorlateron–orworryaboutituntilthecowscomehome.Anexampleofthiswouldbe,say,theworryorfearthatthepersonyouwanttointroduceyourselftoatthatbusinessnetworkingcocktailwillaskyoutosolveaverycomplexstatisticalproblemtoproveyourworthasabusinesscontact. Isthat solvable? Yes, by Googling about how to solve such problems andmastering it in thenext30minutesorbefore thatperson leaves. Bydoingso,youcanactuallyhelpmanageyoursocialanxietyparticulartothatperson.Butshouldyouactuallydoit?Onewaytofindoutistoaskyourself:Isitproductive?Inthiscase,woulditbeworththeworry,crammingandmissingoutonestablishingothernewbusinesscontactsjustforthisperson?Obviously,itisn’t.Soevenifit’ssolvable,itisn’tsomething worth worrying about or taking responsibility for whether now orlater on. When you realize these things, you’ll be surprised at how calm andrelaxedyoucanbeafterwardsandhoweffectivelyyoucanmanageyoursocialanxieties.

BanishingUnhelpfulThoughtsWeknow that thewaywe thinkwill have somekind of impact on our socialanxietyandsocialsuccesses.Ifyouwalkintoasituationfullofconfidence,youwillbreeze throughwithflyingcolors,but ifyougo infeelingshyor thatyouarenogoodinsocialsituations,youaregoingtostruggle.Therefore,it isveryimportantthatwerememberthesebarriersareonlythoughtsandthoughtscanbebanished.Tellyourselfthatyourthoughtshavenorealbasis,norealstandingormeaning and are certainly not a fact. Question every thought you have andchallenge it. Talk about how you can change theway you think. If you thinkabout something in an unrealistic way, ask yourself what the basis for yourfeelingis.Bydoingthis,youwilleventuallystarttoseethingsmorerealisticallyandthatwillhelptoreduceyoursocialanxiety.PatternsOfUnhelpfulThinkingYoumust first be able to recognize that you are having an unhelpful thoughtbeforeyoucanchallengeit.Mostunhelpfulthoughtsfollowapatternandbeingaware of that pattern can help you to bemore aware ofwhen you are havingthesethoughts.Someofthecommonpatternsare:PredictingtheFutureSociallyanxiouspeoplespendagooddealoftimethinkingaboutwhatisgoingto happen in the future, predictingwhat is going to gowrong, instead of justlettingitgo.Mostofyourpredictionswillneverhappenand, insteadyouhavewastedalotoftimeandenergyonitfornothing.MindReadingYou are assuming that other people are thinking bad thoughts about you, thatthey are talking about youwhen, in actual fact they probably haven’t noticedanything different about you.All this does is lower your confidence and yourself-esteem,makingthesituationfarhardertocopewith.TakingThingsPersonallySociallyanxiouspeopletendtotakethingsverypersonally.Ifsomeonearoundyou isquiet, it doesn’tmeanyouhaveoffendedhimorher in someway,youhaven’tdoneanythingwrong,butyouwillautomaticallyassumeyouhave.OverGeneralizingYoumay find that, because of one incident that happened just one time, you

assume that all similar situations aregoing to end the sameway. Just becauseone presentation went wrong, it doesn’t mean that all future ones will. Thechancesareitwasaoneoffandeverythingelsewillbejustfine.FocusingontheNegativesSocially anxious people spend a lot of time dissecting social situations andlookingfor thebits that theythinkwentbadly.Whatyouwon’tdoisfocusonanypositivepartsofthesituation,lookingsolelyforthebadineverything.Thereare things thatyoucando to learnhow tochallengeunhelpful thoughtsonceyouhaverecognizedthatyouarehavingthem.Youmustaskyourselfsomequestionswitheachthought.Let’stakeasituationwhereyouareabouttomeetsomeworkcolleaguesofafriendofyours.Firstofall,youwillfeelalittleedgy,perhapsself-consciousandyouwillthinkthatyouwillhavenothinggoodtosayandthey’llthinkyouarejustanidiot.Tochallengethatthought,askyourselfwhatevidenceisthereofthis?Tellyourselfthatyoucopedjustfineinprevioussimilarsituationsandyouneverstruggletofindsomethingtosaynormallysowhywouldyouthistime?Whatyouareactuallydoinghereispredictingwhatisgoingtohappen.Youareassumingthat thingsarenotgoingtogowellbutyoucan’tsaywhyyouthinkthat.Askyourself this–whatwouldyourfriendbethinkingifheorsheknewthathiswashowyoufelt?Theywouldprobablylaughandtellyouthatyouwereworryingovernothing,thatyouaregoodcompanytobeinandthatyouwillbefine.Nowmoveon6months.Howwillyoufeelaboutthissituationthen?Youwon’tcare, it’s gone and youwillmore than likely have forgotten about it anyway.Howdoesthisunhelpfulthinkingaffectyou?Therearenobenefits toit, that’sfor sureand its costyouyournervesbeforeyouevenget there.Howelsecanyou lookat the situation? In apositiveway!Youarenot theonlyonewho isgoingtobetalkingandthefocusisn’tgoingtobesolelyonyousowhynotjustgoandenjoyyourself.Trytoapplythese typesofquestionseverytimeyoufeelanunhelpful thoughtcomingon.

ReducingInternalFocusInSocialSituationsSociallyanxiouspeoplespendagreatdealof timefocusingontheirownbodyreactions in social situations. This is out of a fear that everyone can see youranxietyandyou tend tospenda lotof timefocusing internally, trying toworkout of your blushing/sweating/stammering/shaking is visible. We focus onourselves in thehopethatwecanreassureourselves thatotherscannotseeouranxietysignsbutallwearedoingismakingthingsmuchworse.Wehaveahabitofoverestimatingthevisibilityofouranxietyandthisjustmakesusfeelmuchmoreconsciousofourselves.Notonlythat,whenwearefocusingonourselves,we’renotfocusingonwhat’sgoingonaroundusorontheconversationandthatmakesitsomuchhardertojoinin,leadingtolessinteractionthannormal.Becauseofthat,wetendtothink,evenmore,thatwearenotgoodinsocialsituations.Inreality,socialanxietyisrarely visible to others; think about everyone you have been around recently.Youknowhowyoufeelbutcanyoutellhowtheyfeel?Thefollowingtipsaredesignedtohelpyouinsocialsituations:

●Trytoreducehowmuchtimeyouspendfocusingonyoursymptomsinsocialsituations●Keepitinyourmindthatanxietyisrarelyvisible● Evenifyoudoshowvisiblesigns,itdoesn’tnecessarilyfollowthatpeoplewillthinkbadlyofyou.● Rememberthateveryonesuffersfromanxietyatsometimeintheirlife●Justbecauseyouareanxiousinasocialsituation,itdoesn’tmeantthatyourperformanceisbad●Youarenotthefocusofattention,eventhoughyoufeellikeyouare● Trytoconcentrateonthesituationyouarein.Forgetabouthowyoumaylookorhowyouareperforming,thatisnotimportant● Nevergoover thesituationinyourmindafterwards,unless it is topickoutthepositives.●Nobodyperformsbrilliantlyallthetimeinsocialsituations● Don’t worry about silences n the conversation. It doesn’t meaneveryone is looking to you; the whole gathering has a responsibility to

keeptheconversationgoingand,sometimes,silenceisgood●Beyourself,always

Minimizing Or Stopping The Use Of Avoidance And SafetyBehaviorsSociallyanxiouspeopletendtoavoidsituationsthatmakethemuncomfortablebut, ifwekeepondoingthat,we’llnevergoanywhereandwewillnevergiveourselves thechance toprove thatwecancope inasocialsituation.Themorewe avoid them, the lower our confidence falls and the worse the situationbecomes.Aswellasavoidancethough,theuseofsafetybehaviorisjustasbad.Bysafetybehavior,Imeananythingthatmakesyoufeelasthoughyoucancopewithasocialsituation.Theymayhelpyoutostartwithbutinthelongterm,youare doing yourself no good.All you do is teach yourself that, to copewith asocial situation without becoming anxious, you should drink/stay close to aknownperson/nottalk,thingslikethat.Whatyouareactuallydoingisstoppingyourselffromlearningthatyoucanactuallycopejustfinewithoutrelyingonacrutchofsomesort.What you must do is slowly confront your fears, the reasons why you feelanxioussocially.Youmustalsofaceasocialsituationheadon,withoutrelyingonsomethingorsomeoneelsetogetyouthroughit.Itisn’tgoingtobeeasyandyouwill find thatyouranxiety levelswill riseevenfurther.However, researchshows that, the longeryoucanstay inasituation thatmakesyoufeelanxious,withoutusinganysafetybehavior,themorelikelyit isthatyouranxietylevelswill drop and youwill begin to realize just how good you fell about it. Thiscould take up to half an hour, but more often than not, it is a much quickerprocess.Perhapsmoreimportantly,onceyouhavedonethisonce,thenexttimeyou will find it easier and, through each situation, your anxiety levels willdecrease until you can attend a social situation without feeling any anxietywhatsoever.What you are doing is proving to yourself that you can handle situations thatcauseyouanxietymuchbetterthanyoueverthoughtand,themoreyoudoit,thehigheryourconfidencelevelswillbeboosted.Thatsaid,itmaystillbedauntingfor you to actually face a social situation that makes you anxious so thefollowingfivestepsaredesignedtohelpyouthroughthat:Step1–ComingUpWithIdeasforYourExposureHierarchyWhile it may be daunting to consider facing a social situation, you shouldapproachitgradually.Createsomethingcalledanexposurehierarchy–simplyalistof thesocialsituationsthatcauseyouadegreeofanxiety.Theideahereis

thatyouconfront thesituations thatmakeyou the leastanxious firstandworkyourwaythroughthelevelsasyourconfidenceincreases.Considerallsituationsthat:

●Makeyoufeelsomekindofanxiety●Youdoyourbesttoavoidgoingto●Youdoyourbesttoescapefromoncethere●Youonlygotoifyouusesomekindofsafetybehavior

Do not leave anything out and make sure you are totally honest about thesesituationsaffectyou.Step2-RankingyourhierarchyNowthatyouhaveyourlist, it’stimetoputtheminorder.Useascaleof0to100,where0istheleastanxiousand100istheabsolutemostanxioussituationyouhaveeverbeen inor thatyoupredictwillbe themost anxious.Onceyouhave ranked (honestly) each itemonyour list, put them inorder from least toworst.TakesometimetoreadthroughthelistandmakesureyouhavemissednothingoffStep3–ConfrontingtheFirstSituationNowthatyouhaveyourlist,orhierarchy,andyouarehappywiththeorderthatit is in, it’s time to start confronting the situations, one at a time. The firstsituationistheonethathasorthatyoupredictwillcauseyoutheleastamountofsocialanxiety.Whileyouaretacklingthisitisvitalthatyou:

●Rememberyouranxietylevelswillraisetostartwithbut,ifyouholdoutandstayput,itwilldrop.● Remember that there isnothingwrongwithfeelinganxious. It isanatural reaction,perfectlyhealthyandweall feel itatsomepoint inourlives.Yes,itcanbeanunpleasantexperiencebutitisnotadangerousoneanditwillpassifyougiveit,andyourself,achance.

Whenyoufacethesituationyouhavechosenfromyourlist,trytoremaininituntil your anxiety level hasdroppedby at least 50%.Let’s say, yougo into asituationandyouranxietylevelrisesto50onthescale.Trytostayputuntilithasdroppedto25orlower.Howlongthistakeswillvary,frompersontopersonandfromsituation tosituation. Itcould takeup to45minutes,but isgenerallymuchquickerthanthat.

Beawarethatsomesocialsituationsdonotallowyoutostayinthemforalongperiodandyouranxietylevelmaynothaveagreatdealoftimeinwhichtofallbutthat’sOK.Youcanstilltakeawayfromthatsituationalevelofconfidencethat you didn’t have before and that should make you feel more comfortableaboutothersituations.

●Rememberthatanxietyisnotasnoticeableasyouthink.● Don’tusesafetybehaviororavoidancetactic–allthesedoisslowdownwhatprogressyouaremaking.Ifyoucan’tdropallofthematonce,cutthemoutofyourbehavioroneatatime● Focusontheconversationandthepeopleinthesocialsituation.Donotfocusonyourownfeelings,symptomsorperformance,especiallydonotfocusonwhatyouthinkothersarethinkingaboutyou

Dobearinmindthatnotallsocialsituationscanbepredictedupfront.Youareboundtogetcaught insituations thathappenoutof theblueorbyaccident.Acompletestrangeraskingfordirections,forexample,mayapproachyouandyoucertainlycan’treallyplanforthat.Again,thisisOK.Ifyoudofindyourselfinthatsortofsituationbeforeyouareready,justdoyourbestandtrytoremembersomeofthetipsyoulearntearlier.Anotherthingyoucandoisbeopportunistic.Lookforsituationsthatarecomingupandprepareyourselfforthem.Step4-RepeatingtheExposureTaskOnceyouhave faced the first taskandcompleted it,do it again.Andkeepondoingituntilyouarecomfortableinthatparticularsituationandyounolongerfeel anxious, either thinking about the situation or being in it. Each time youconfrontthesituation,youranxietylevelswilldropjustalittlebitmoreandyouwillfinditeasier.Trytodoiteverydayifpossiblebut,ifnot,neverleavemorethanacoupleofdaysbetweenotherwiseyouaregivingyourselfachancetostartthatnegativeandunhelpfulthinkingagain.Step5-MovingOntotheNextItemonYourHierarchyYouhavedoneit;youhaveconqueredthefirsttaskonyourlist.Youshouldbevery proud of yourself and you should be feeling might happy about now.You’vetakenthefirststepinbeatingsocialanxietydisorderandyoushouldnowbefeelingalevelofconfidencethatsaysyoucanmoveontothenextsituation.So, on to the second one on the list and, don’t forget, once you have done itonce,keepondoingit,overandoveragain,untilyouarecompletelyconfidentand not anxious at all.Do this for every situation on your list until you have

reachedtheend.Itdoesn’tmatterhowlongittakes;thereisnosettimelimit,itwill takeas longas it takesyoutoovercomeyourfearofsocialsituationsandregainyourconfidence.Asyouprogressthroughthelistandyourconfidencegrows,youshouldfinditeasiertotacklethehigheranxietylevelsituations.Althoughyouwillstillfeeladegreeofanxietyandfear,itwon’tbeasbadasitwouldhavebeenbeforeyoustartedthis.TroubleshootingIfyoufindthatanattemptatfacingasocialsituationdoesnotgoquiteaswellasyouhadthoughtitwould,don’tworryaboutit.Thiswillhappenandtheeasiestthingtodoistotryagain–butdon’tleaveittoolongbeforeyournextattempt.Ifitstillseemsasifitisgoingtobetoohardtoachieve,lookatbuildinganextrastep or two before it on your list – perhaps you have under or overestimatedother situations and you are trying to make too big a leap. Keep on pushingthough,itwillworkandyourconfidencewillgrowagain.

CultivatingRelationshipsAlthoughthistacticseemscontradictorytothatofavoidingfamiliarpeopleandsituations,itisn’t.Thekindsofrelationshipswe’retalkingaboutherearethosewithpeoplewhocanidentifyorrelatetoyoursocialanxietystruggles.Inotherwords,withpeoplewhoarealsomanagingorcopingwithsocialanxiety.Betteryet,thosewhohavealreadycometoapointwheretheirsocialanxietynolongercontrolsthem.Being part of a good support group can go a long way towards effectivelymanagingandcopingwithyoursocialanxiety. Itcan, forone,makeyou feelyou are not isolated in your struggleswith social anxiety. Knowing there areothers like you who are going through the same or who have alreadyexperienced how it is to manage it well can give you the necessaryencouragementandresiliencyinthefaceofyourchallenges.Anotherwaythatflockingwithotherbirdsofsimilarfeathersisthatyougettosee,hearandlearnfirsthandhowtowinoveryoursocialanxiety.Readinggreatresource materials can give you lots of theoretical wisdom but nothing beatswitnessing how its done to fully appreciate and learn how to manage socialanxiety.Lastly, cultivating relationships is also fun because if you know you’re withpeoplewhoarealsosociallyanxious,nothingcanbemorereassuringtoyouthatyoureallywon’tbejudgedorcriticized.Infact,youcanevengettoshareandheardifferentstoriesandlaughtogetheratwhatyouaregoingthrough,makingitamuchlighterchallengetobear.

MindfulnessSocialanxietyisn’tjustfeelingedgyornervous–weallfeelthatwayeverynowandthen.Asociallyanxiouspersonwillexperienceunrealisticallyexaggeratedthreats, hyper-arousal, chronic negative thinking and powerful fear in socialsituations most people would find non-threatening or normal. Because theseexperiences trigger thatperson’sfight-or-flightresponsesystemintohighgear,social anxiety can also lead to themanifestation of significant symptoms likedigestion problems, elevated heart rate, palpitations and high blood pressure.Thesesymptomsmaybecomeverysevere that it impedesaperson’sability tofunctionnormallyonadailybasis.Cognitive-Behaviorisoneofthemostpopularprofessionaltreatmentprogramsavailable formanaging and copingwith social anxiety. Also known asCBT,this primarily involves changing a person’s thoughts in order to manage andcopewith social anxiety.We’ll get intomoredetails onCBT inChapter 7onprofessionaltherapies.Mindfulnessisthepracticeofbeingawareofourfeelings,thoughts,surroundingenvironment and bodily sensations moment-by-moment. This is another wayyoucancopewithandmanageyoursocialanxiety.UnlikeCBT,mindfulnessismoreconcernedaboutchangingaperson’srelationshipwithhisorherthoughtsinstead of the thoughts themselves. When practicing mindfulness, a personfocuses on bodily sensations that are felt during social anxiety episodes ormoments.Ratherthanwithdrawfromoravoidthosesensationsorfeelings,theperson chooses to be “in themoment” and fully experience the social anxietysymptoms. And rather than staying away from negative thoughts, the personreceives them in order to acknowledge and see such thoughts’ inaccuracy orinvalidity.Although this practice seems counter-intuitive at first glance, it can be veryhelpful in terms of managing your social anxiety by helping you distanceyourselffromthosenegativethoughts. Thishappensasyoupractice theartoflettingdisruptivethoughtsgoasawayofrespondingtotheminsteadofavoidingthem, which in all possibility isn’t doable. When you remain in the present,you’ll learnthatyoursocialanxietysymptomsarenothingmorethanreactionsto perceptions of being threatened. Responding to these thoughts instead ofreactingtothemcanhelpyouoverridethatfaultyfight-or-flightresponsesystemthatkicksintohighgearduringsocialanxietyepisodes.

A survey of 19 studies on the effectiveness of mindfulness conducted byVollestad,NielsenandNielsenfoundthatanxietysymptomsweresignificantlyreduced through mindfulness. As such, practicing mindfulness can be aseffectiveasCBTforwaylessmoney.Theyalsofoundsignificantreductionsindepressionsymptoms,whichisinterestingsincedepressionisestimatedtoaffectup to40percentofpeople suffering fromsocial anxietydisorder. The surveyconcludes that changing the relationship between a person and his or herthoughtsonanxietycanbehelpreducefeelingsofdistress.Simply put, beingmindfully anxious can be a goodway tomanage and copewith it. The more you realize that your social anxiety isn’t an accurateperception,it’llloseitspoweroveryou.Sohowcanyouusemindfulnesstohelpyouincopingwellandmanagingyoursocialanxiety?Herearepracticalwaysyoucandoit.StayInTheMomentOftentimes,wepumpourselvesupsomuchinpreparationforsocialeventsbytrying to recall many details about how things went such as if we offendedsomeonewith ourwords, how the atmospherewas during the event and howwelldidwehandleourselvesduringtheevent,amongotherthings.Theproblemwiththosethingsisthatthey’renotthemoment–they’repast.Stayinginthemomentmeansknowingthatthisisaneweventonanewdayorevening. Part of being in the moment too is simply looking at eventsobjectively,i.e.,nojudgmentsorevaluations.Thisincludesnotblowingthingsoutofproportionevenbeforetheyhappen. Doingthistendstobecomeaself-fulfillingprophecyoffailure.LearnToRadicallyAcceptThingsAsTheyAreRadicalacceptanceisa termthatmaybeconsideredpeculiar tothepracticeofmindfulness. It means to simply accept all feelings and thoughts with nojudgments, regardless of how “bad” or “good” they seem. It’s easy to beobjective about thoughts that are more, well, objective. It’s a different thingaltogetherwhenyoutalkaboutthingsthatreallyscarethelivingdaylightsoutofyou.Theabilitytoreallydothisrequiresmucheffortandpracticebutit’sworththeeffortbecauseitdoeshelpbringdownstresslevelsandcontributestoimprovingyoursenseofcomfortandwellbeinginuncomfortablesituations.

CounterTalkIf a negative or anxious thought persists despite doing your best to radicallyacceptthemforwhattheyreallyare,counteractthenegativeself-talkbyaskingyourselfquestionssuchas:

●Isthereproofforthisnagginganxietythought’svalidity?●Isthisnaggingthoughtalwaysvalid?●Hasthisthoughtoccurredorhappenedbefore?●Seriously,whatarethechancesofthisnaggingthoughtcomingtrue?●What’stheworst-casescenarioforthisandisitreallythatbad?●AmIlookingatthewholepictureorjustapieceofthepie?●AmIbeingobjectiveoremotional?

After asking yourself these questions, it’s time to counter attackwith positiveaffirmations or self-talk and writing them down can help a lot. Catchingyourself engaging innegative thoughts and retaliating to themwith supportiveand positive affirmations concerning you, the chances of amental turnaroundbecomes significantly higher. With enough regular practice, you’ll empoweryourself to change your thinking and emotionsmore consistently, particularlyduringsocialanxietyattacks.Forexample,ifyouregularlyexperienceanxietyattacks(fearofbeingridiculedin public) prior to entering a room full of people you don’t know, whichcontinuetopersistdespiteradicallyacceptingsuchthoughts,simplyaskyourselfanyorallofthesequestions:

●Arethereanyreasonsformetobelievethisfear?●Hasthisfearmaterializedbefore?● Seriously, what is the probability that this will actually happenconsideringithasn’tbefore?●Istheworst-casescenarioforthisfearreallythatbad?●IsthisfearamyopicvieworamIlookingthewholepicture?●AmIbeingobjectiveoremotionalaboutthisfear?

You can then counter by telling yourself that you’re confident being aroundstrangers and that there’s no chance they’ll ridicule you because these areeducated,culturedandmanneredpeople.ThinkAboutYourBreathingWhenyoufocusonyournormalbreathing(nothyperventilating,mindyou),youare able to bringyour focusback into themoment to groundyou and remove

yourfocusfromanxiousthoughts.Here’sagoodwaytodothisexercise:● Putyourhandoveryourdiaphragm,feelingitexpandasyouinhaleand contract as you exhale. Remember, don’t hyperventilate – justbreathenormally.● Asyoudothis,focusyourattentiononall thebodysensationsyoumayfeelwithoutevaluatingorinterpretingthem.●Continuefocusingonyourbreathandrelaxwhenyouexhale.Dothis10timesbeforerepeating.

When you focus your attention on how you breathe, you calm your centralnervoussystem,reduceyourbody’sstresslevelsandloweryourbloodpressure.Doing so also gives you the benefit of being distracted away from whateveranxiousthoughtsorfeelingsyoumaybeexperiencing.ScanYourBodyThisactivityisanotherintegralpartofthemindfulnesspractice.Itallowsyoutopay close attention on each part of your bodywith no judgmentswhatsoever,helping you relax them. You can scan your body with eyes open or closed,sitting,standingorlyingdown.Youcanevendothiswhilefallinginlineatthegrocerycounteroratthebank,whilewaitingforyourdoctor’sappointmentandevenwhilehavingyourhaircutatthesaloon!Thecoolthingaboutitisthatit’snotobviousyou’redoingit–atleastitdoesn’thavetobe.

Chapter7–ProfessionalHelp:Therapy

There are many cases where social anxiety disorders are managed and copedwithverywellwithself-helptechniques.Andthat’sgreat.However,therearecasesthataremoreseriousandrequirethehelpofmedicalprofessionalsintermsofmanagingandcoping.Thereare twotypesofprofessionalhelpyoucanget formanagingandcopingwithmoreseverecasesofsocialanxiety: therapyandprescriptionmedicine. While it is notmyplace to giveprofessional adviceonhow tomanage socialanxiety, I can orient youon the common therapies andprescriptionmedicinesthatlicensedprofessionalswillprobablyprescribeforyou.It’smyhopethatthisand the next chapter on prescription medicine will help clarify anymisconceptionsaboutprofessional therapyandmedicine thatyoumayhaveorsimplyhelpinformyouinyourdecisiontoseekprofessionalhelp.Inthischapter,we’lltakealookatthecommontherapiesforsocialanxiety.

CognitiveBehaviorTherapy(CBT)Widelybelieved tobe themost acceptedandmostpopular anxiety therapyallover theworld, ithasbeenshown tobeeffective inhelpingpatientsdealwithanxiety disorders, including social anxiety, generalized anxiety, phobias andpanicdisorders,amongothermedicalconditions.WithCBT,peoplewhosufferfromsocialanxietyare taughthowtoaddress theirwrongnotionsandharmfulthinking patterns about themselves and the rest of the world as a means ofcopingwithandmanagingtheirsocialanxiety.As the name implies, its main components are cognition and behavior. Thecognitiveaspect,orcognitive therapy, isconcernedwithaddressing theeffectsofundesirableorwrongthoughts(orcognitions)onaperson’sanxietydisorder.The behavioral aspect of the therapy dealswith that person’s reactions to andbehaviors in particular situations or events that trigger or aggravate his or heranxiety disorder. CBT’s underlying principle is that anxiety disorders –includingsocialanxiety–areduetoaperson’swayof thinkingandnothisorherpersonalexternalcircumstances.WithCBT,theprofessionaltherapistassistsyoubyhelpingyouchangethewayyouthinkbyposingchallengestoyourundesirableorwrongthinkingpatterns.Suchthoughtsarebelievedtobethesinglebiggestreasonforanxietydisordersand as such, they need to be replaced by positive and healthy thoughts. Thisprocess can be broken down into 3 important steps: identify, evaluate andreplace.IdentifyTheprofessionaltherapistfirsthelpstheclientidentifytheirscaryandirrationalthinkingpatternsbyaskingthemwhatwasrunningthroughtheirmindswhentheanxietydisorderorattacksfirststartedtohappen.Oftentimes,thiscanprovetobe quite a challenge for both the therapist and the client because often times,clients aren’t totally aware of when the disorder first started to manifest andwhattheywerethinkingatthattime.Buttheextenttowhichthisisidentifiedisalsotheextenttowhichthetherapycanhelptheclientsuccessfullymanageandcopewiththeiranxietydisorder.EvaluateAfter the undesirable or wrong thinking patterns have been successfullyidentified,thetherapistassiststheclientinevaluatingthemandevenchallengingthose thoughts. After the client has evaluated those thought patterns, the

therapistchallengessuchthoughtsandevaluationsbyaskingforproofastotheirvalidity, analyzing those though patterns and even determining the extent towhichthosethoughtpatternsactuallycametopass,i.e.,howoftentheyactuallyhappened. The therapist challenges these thinking patterns by objectivelyassessing the chances of the anxiety trigger actually happening, weighing thepros and consof eitherworrying about that trigger or avoiding situations, andexperimenting.ReplaceThe final part of CBT is where the professional therapist assists the client inremovingthoseundesirableandwrongthoughtpatternswithdesirablyaccurateones. The therapist can utilize realistic and calming affirmations to help theclientmanageandcopewiththeiranxietyattacksandepisodes.

HypnotherapyTheuseofhypnotherapyasa formof treatment for social anxietydisorders isrelatively, it evolved fromwork thatwasdoneonanimalmagnetismbyFranzAntonMesmer,anAustrianphysicianfromthe1700’s.However,itwasn’tuntil1958 that hypnotherapy was recognized by the AMA (American MedicalAssociation) as a valid medical procedure. Since that time, hypnotherapy hasbeenusedtotreatanumberofdisorders,notjustanxietybutalsootherchronicconditionsthatarelinkedanxiety,suchasirritablebowelsyndromeandasthma.This type of anxiety therapy makes use of – surprise – hypnosis, which isdefinedasaprocessofbringingapersontoaheightenedawarenessstate(alsoknownasatrance)byusingintenseconcentration,focusedattentionandguidedrelaxation.Underthistypeoftherapy,themaingoalistomaketheclientfocusonjustonethingandexcludeeverythingelse–andImeaneverything! Whenthecliententersintoatrance,theprofessionaltherapist,alsoknownas–surprise–alicensedorcertifiedhypnotherapist,isabletogivesuggestionstotheclient’ssubconsciousmindonhowheorshewillpositivelymanageandcopewiththeirparticularanxietydisorderandanalyzethereasonsforit.When theclient is ina tranceorundera stateofhypnosis,heor shebecomesmoreopentodiscussionsandsuggestionsconcerninghisorheranxietydisorder,whichcangreatly increase thechancesof successfullydealingwithor treatingtheanxiety,phobiaorfear,amongmanyotherthings.Hypnosis,however,isn’tforeveryone.Peopleundertheinfluenceofalcoholornarcoticsareadvisednottoundergohypnosisbecausetheirmindsarenotclearatthatpoint.Unfortunately, most people the same way the government is trusted byconspiracy theorists trust hypnosis. It’s mostly because of how the mediainaccurately portrays hypnotists as scheming con artists or worse, criminals.Truthofthematterishypnosisisnotdangerousbecauseitisn’taformofmindcontrolorbrainwashing.Evenunderhypnosis,thehypnotherapistwon’tbeabletomaketheclientdosomethingwithouttheirconsentorpermission.

HowDoesHypnotherapyWork?Hypnotherapyisbasedontheideathatcertainevents,thingsthathavehappenedto us at some time in our lives, have become linked to both emotional andphysicalreactions.Whenweexperienceaparticulareventagain,theemotionalorphysicalreactionsarereactivated,whethertheyarehealthyonesorunhealthy.As well as the actual hypnosis, a person may also be given a post-hypnoticsuggestion,onethattellsthemtheywillfinditeasytorelaxwhentheywantto.

WhatHappensDuringHypnotherapy?Before you begin a session of hypnotherapy, the therapist will look at yourmedicalhistory,theywilldiscusstheproblemthatyouareseeingthemforandtheywillexplaintoyouhowhypnotherapyworks.Duringthehypnoticstate,aperson’sbloodpressuretendstolower,asdoestheheartrateandtheywillexperiencedeeprelaxation,accompaniedbyachangeinbrainwaves. It is in this state thatapersonbecomesopen to suggestion.Eachsession should last between 30 and 60 minutes and, at the end, you will bebrought out of the hypnotic state and back to being alert to reflect on whathappenedandhowyoufelt.

DoesHypnotherapyReallyWorkforSocialAnxietyDisorder?Atthisstage,fewstudieshavebeendonetoassesstheimpactorhypnotherapyon anxiety.However, there have been controlled randomized trials carried outandthesehaveshownthathypnotherapycanhelptoreduceanxietyandcanalsohelptoenhancethebenefitsofcognitivebehavioraltherapy.Beforeyouattendahypnotherapysession,therearesomethingsthatyouneedtoconsider. First, although it is a rare occurrence, it is possible for somepsychologicalproblemstobemadeworsebyhypnotherapy.Forexample,ifyousufferfromBPD(bipolarpersonalitydisorder),anydissociativedisorderorhaveever been the victim of severe abuse, you should make your therapist awarebecausehypnotherapymaynotbethebestcourseofaction.Aswell,youshouldalsoattendhypnotherapysessionsonlyafterreceivingadiagnosisfromamentalhealthprofessional.Thatistheonlywaytoensurethatthehypnotherapyisbeingusedintherightwaytotreattherightproblem.

Chapter8–ProfessionalHelp:PrescriptionMedicines

Our thoughts andemotionsare, at theverycore,physiological innature. Ourbrainsproducecertainhormonesorchemicalsthatinfluencethewaywethinkorfeelaboutpeople, thingsandsituations. Sowhilepsychologicalapproaches tosocial anxietydisorders canyieldmeaningful success inmanycases, there arestilltimeswhenthey’renotenoughandthesolutionliesingoingphysiologicalviaprescriptionmedicines.Unfortunately, prescriptionmedicines,much like hypnotherapy, have gotten areallybadrapthesedaysespeciallyfromtheall-naturalandorganic-is-the-only-way-to-gosegmentsof society. They’vecrucifiedprescriptionmedicinesas ifthesewere the reincarnations of the devil himself or at least creations of suchreincarnations. While it’s trueprescriptionmedicineshavebeen abusedmanytimesandhasleadtodeaths,theproblemisn’twiththemedicines–it’swiththeuserswhoillegallyandwithoutprescriptionsobtainedandconsumedthem.Thekeytosuccessfullyusingprescriptionmedicinesforsocialanxietydisorderscan be summed up in 5 words: prescribed by a health professional. Nocompetent and trustworthy health professional will prescribe pills for socialanxiety without first considering other non-medical ways of managing andaddressingsuch.Medicationsshouldbethelastresort.Herearesomeofthecommonprescriptionmedicinesfortreatingnotjustsocialanxietybutanxietydisorders ingeneral. ThereasonI’mdiscussing themwithyouisso thatyoucanmake informeddecisionsandaskyourdoctors therightquestionsifandwhentheyprescribethesemedicinesformanagingandcopingwithyoursocialanxietydisorder. Remember, this isnot inanyway,shapeorformasubstituteforprofessionalmedicaladvice.

TranquilizersAnti-anxiety medicines are called tranquilizers. The most common kind oftranquilizer used for treating anxiety disorders are Benzodiazepines orBenzies[2]forbrevity.Theseinclude:● Ativan(Lorazepam);● Klonopin(Clonazepam); ● Valium (Diazepam); and ● Xanax (generic nameAlprazolam).These anti-anxietymedicines are so effective that they can give anxiety reliefwithin30minutes toanhour. Ifonly for this reason,Benziesare theprimaryprescription drugs of choice for quick relief for extreme anxiety and panicattacks.ButaswithmostgoodthingsinGod’sgreenearth,itisn’tperfectasithassomeside effects ranging from irritating to serious. These include impairedcoordination, sleepiness and brain fog, all of which can seriously affect yourstudies,workandcriticaldailyfunctionslikedriving.Somepeoplenotedthatitfeelslikehavingawickedhangoverthenextdayafterawildnightofdrinking.OthersideeffectsoftakingBenziesinclude:● Clumsiness;● Confusion;● Depression;● Emotionalnumbness;● Forgetfulness;● Impairedthinking;and●Sluggishness.And oh, I forgot to mention some really serious side effects like: ●

Aggressiveness;●Hallucinations;●Mania;and●Rage.

Anti-DepressantsAlsoknownasantideps,thesemedicinesareprimarilyusedtotreat–surprise!–depression. These medicines include tricyclic anti-depressants (TCA),monoamineoxidaseinhibitors(MAOI)andselectiveserotoninreuptakeinhibitors(SSRI).Inmostcases,antidepsarethepreferredanti-anxietydrugbymostdoctorsbecauseof the lowerriskofbecomingdependentonthedrugsorworse, abuse. The tradeoff for lower risk for dependency and abuse is quickrelief. WhileBenziescangiveyouquick relief at the riskofdependencyandabuse,antidepscantakeawhiletokickinandgiveyourelief.Howlongis“awhile”?Well,between4to6weekslong.Whenyoursocialanxietydisorderiskickingoverdriveandyouneedrealtimerelief,antidepsain’tgonnacutit.AndjustliketheBenzies,antidepshavetheirownshareofsideeffectssuchas:●

Headaches;● Nausea;● Nervousness;● Sexual dysfunction;●

Sleepiness;●Upsetstomach;and●Weightgain.Oh, another issue that you’ll need to consider prior to obeying your doctor’sprescription – if he does prescribe this – is the possibility of experiencingwithdrawal symptoms when you stop taking antideps, particularly if doneabruptly. Personally,Ididn’texperiencewithdrawalsymptomswhenIquitonmyantidepscoldturkeybutthegeneralconsensusamongexpertsisthatthereisthatrisk.Considermeamutantorageneralaberrationofthepopulationthat’swhyIdidn’tsufferwithdrawalsymptoms.

BuspironeAlso known as BuSpar, this is a relatively milder reincarnation of the deitycalledtranquilizers.Thewayitworksforanxietyreliefisthatitincreasesyourbrain’s serotonin levels and reduces that of dopamine. Given it’s a kind oftranquilizerliketheBenzies,it’snotasfastingivingrealtimeanxietyrelief–ittakes2weeksonaveragebeforereliefkicksin.Givenit’smuchsloweractingthantheBenzies, ithasitsshareofadvantages.First,itdoesn’tsedateyouasmuchasBenzies.Second,itdoesn’timpairyourcoordinationandmemoryasmuchas its stronger siblings. Lastly,with lowerstrength come lower risks for dependency, abuse and withdrawal symptoms.But it still comeswith side effects: ● Constipation; ● Diarrhea; ●

Dizziness;●Drowsiness;●Drymouth;●Headaches;and●Nausea.

BetaBlockersAlthoughthistypeofprescriptiondrugisprimarilytakenfortreatinghighbloodpressure and heart problems, it’s also used to helpmanage anxiety disorders.Betablockerscanhelpyouexperienceanxietyreliefbyblockingtheproductionofnorepinephrine,astresshormonethat’sprimarilyresponsibleforourfight-or-flightresponsesystemaswellashelpingcontrolotheranxietysymptomssuchasvoicetremors,elevatedheartrate,dizzinessandshakinghands.

MoreCautionRegardless of the anti-anxiety prescription medicine, you should avoidconsuming prescription painkillers, sleeping pills and alcohol because mixingthemcanprovetobefatal. Ifyou’reonanti-anxietymeds,you’llneedtoskipthe anti-histamines too if youwant to increase your chances of enjoying yournewfoundanxietyreliefforalongertime.Senior citizens, pregnant women and substance abusers (both recovered andrecovering) should also avoid anti-anxiety prescription medicines. Seniorcitizens,duetotheirageandhealth,aremuchmoresensitivetothesideeffectsof these medicines unlike younger people. Even the tiniest dosages of suchmedicinescanleadtoconfusion,amnesia,imbalanceandsymptomsofdementia–allofwhichcansignificantlyincreasetheirrisksforaccidentsandinjuries.If you’re pregnant and care for your child, skip these prescriptionmedicines.It’s because they can be transported to the placenta, increasing your unbornchild’s risk of suffering from sleeping problems, breathing difficulties, weakmusclesandirritabilityafterthey’reborn.Andevenifyoutakethemafteryougivebirth,takenotethatthesemedicinescanalsocomeouttogetherwithyourbreastmilk.

FinalWordOnPrescriptionMedicinesAsmuchasprescriptionmedicinesareeffective inprovidingyouwithanxietyrelief,theirdocumentedsideeffectsshouldmakeityourlastresortformanagingandcopingwithyoursocialanxiety.Andofcourse,itshouldonlybedoneupontheprescriptionofyourdoctor.

Chapter9–NutritionalTacticsForSocialAnxiety

Howmanytimeshaveyouheardthesayingthatyouarewhatyoueat?Tosomeextent,itistrue.Youeathealthyfood,youbecomehealthy.Youeatgarbage,your body becomes garbage. You eat foods that help you keep calm, youbecomecalmer.Eatingtherightfoodscangreatlyincreaseyourabilitytomanageandcopewithanxietywell.Eatingrightincludeswholefoods,herbsandsupplements.

WholeFoodsToEnjoyNomatter how you put it, eating whole food is always healthier than eatingprocessedones,regardlesshowhealthymanufacturersclaimtheirfoodstobe.Agreatguidingprincipleastoevaluatinghowhealthy–orunhealthy–afooditemis:thePaleoPrinciple.Thisprinciplestatesthatthecloserafooditemistoitsoriginalform,thehealthieritis.Sobetweenapieceofappleandasliceofapplepie,it’sclearwhichamongthetwoishealthier.Why is processed food inferior to whole ones? Most of the essential andbeneficialnutrientsoffoodarelostwithsomuchprocessing,includingcooking.Worse, some kinds of processing actually make foods unhealthy either bychanging the food’s molecular structure or by adding unhealthy ingredients.And ifyouwant tobeable tomanageandcopewithyour social anxietyverywell, you’ll need all the nutrients you can get and minimize unhealthyingredientsaswell.Intermsofcopingwithandmanagingsocialanxiety,orjustaboutanyanxietydisorder, theMayoClinic promotes several dietary practices. One of them iseatingabreakfastthat’shighinprotein.It’sbecauseeatingproteinmakesyoufeelfullforlongerperiodsoftime.Italsohelpsyoustabilizeyourbloodsugarlevelsforstableenergytherestofthemorning.Another dietary practice the Mayo Clinic espouses is going for complexcarbohydratesinsteadofsimpleones.Carbohydratescanhelpyoumanageyoursocialanxietyasitpromotesmoreproductionofserotonininyourbrain.Asyoulearned earlier, higher levels of serotonin are beneficial for anxiety as it helpscalm you down. Why complex carbs? It’s because complex carbs help youkeepastablebloodsugar level,whichnotonlymakesyoumoreenergeticandalert but also lowers your risk for diabetes. Those are 2 less things toworryabout.DrinkingenoughwaterdailyisanotherhealthydietarypracticetheMayoClinicispushingforcopingwithandmanaginganxiety.Dehydrationcanaffectyourmoodinwaysthatmaytriggeryouranxiety.Asageneralguideline,gofor6to8glassesdailyanddon’twaitforyoururinetoturndarkyellowincolorbeforegoingforagulp.Bythattime,you’realreadydehydrated.The Mayo Clinic, as with all other nutrition experts, also push for eatingbalanced,healthymeals,whichisalsoimportantforoptimalmentalhealth. Inparticular, load up on fresh fruits and veggies, and omega-3 fatty acids rich

fisheslikesalmonandtrout.Justkeepinmindthatevenifyoueathealthyandbalancedmeals,youshouldstillbecarefulnottoovereat.Someofthebestwholefoodstoeatformanagingandcopingwithyoursocialanxiety–oranyanxietydisorderingeneral–include:

● AcaiBerries: Aswithblueberries, thisisanothersuperfoodthat’spackedwithphytonutrientsandanti-oxidants.● Almonds:Itshighzinccontentisonegoodreasontogonutsaboutthis nut. Zinc plays an important role inmaintaining a balancedmood,which helps reduce anxiety. It’s also rich in iron, which is importantbecause anemia can aggravate your anxiety by making you feel morefatiguedthanusual.● Blueberries: This nutritionally dense super food packs a lot ofphytonutrients,anti-oxidantsandvitaminsthatcanhelpfightingstress.● Chocolates:Hallelujah!Yes,youreadthatright!Holdyourhorsesthough, I’m not talking about those highly processed and sugar-filledcommercialversions likeCadbury,SnickersandHershey’s. I’m talkingabout sugar andmilk-free dark chocolate – the purest form. Pure darkchocolatescontainmood-improvingcompounds.Italsohelpsbringdowncortisollevels.Remembercortisol–astresshormone?● Seaweeds: A great whole grains alternative for getting enoughmagnesiumandtryptophan.●WholeGrains:Thiscanbeverybeneficialforyoubutonlyifyou’renot sensitive to gluten. Whole grains are loaded with magnesium (notgettingenoughofwhichcanaggravateanxiety),complexcarbsforsteadyenergyandtryptophanforproducingthecalminghormoneserotonin.

HerbsBesidesmakingmany of your dishes evenmore delicious, did you know thatherbscanalsohelpyouwithyoursocialanxiety?Oneofthereasonsisbecausethey’re all-natural and are thus healthy. Second, some herbs have anxietymanagementpropertiesthatcanhelp.Theseherbsinclude:

●Lavender:Oilextractedfromthisherbwasfoundtobeaseffectiveasa known anti-anxiety Benzie – Lorazepam – in managing persistentgeneralizedanxietydisorderinastudydonein2010.Thegoodpart?Itdoesn’thave thesamesedativeeffects. How touse this? Startwith80milligramsdailyasaromatherapyforanxietyrelief.● Passionflower:Studieshaveshownthatthisherbworksjustaswellas some Benzies for coping with and managing anxiety but – as withlavender – with less sedation, according to the University ofMarylandMedicalCenter. Itwasalsoshown inanotherstudy that ithelps reduceanxiety,agitation,irritabilityanddepressioninformeropiumaddictswhoare recovering. How touse this? Startwith90milligramsof its liquidextractoracupofpassionflowertea3timesdaily.● LemonBalm:Normallyusedwithotherherbs,thisherbcanalsobebeneficial formanagingandcopingwithanxietyon itsown. In2004,apublishedstudywasconductedthatshowedlemonbalm(600milligramstobeexact),madethestudy’sparticipantsmorealertandcalmaswellasreducingtheirstresslevels.Howtouse?Startbydrinkingteamadeof1teaspoonofdriedlemonbalmupto4timesaday.●ChamomileTea:Thisisoneteathatdoesn’tstimulateyouintobeingmore alert but instead helps calm you down,making itmuch easier foryou to copewith andmanage your social anxiety disorder. It containsbeneficial compounds thatmimic the effect of another Benzie, Valium,thatbinditselftoyourbrain’simportantreceptors.Infact,aUniversityofPennsylvania study revealed after taking chamomile tea for 8 weeks,subjects’anxietysymptomswentdownsignificantly.● Hops:Sorry,thisdoesn’trefertothefinishedproduct(beer)buttheingredientitself.Inparticular,hopextractscanbeusedforaromatherapynyourpillowsbuystuffingthemwithit.It’srarelyconsumedasteaduetoitsbittertaste.

SupplementsThese days, it’s practically impossible to get all of your daily nutritionrequirementssolelyfromfood.It’sbecausemostagriculturalsoilthesedaysarealready fatigued, i.e., significantly reduced nutritional content, due to over-farming.Infact,thepeoplefromagesagoseemedtobewiserthanusintermsof acknowledging soil fatigue. TheBible’s old testament required the Jewishpeople to let their agricultural soil rest foroneyearafter every7yearsbynotplantinganythingonthem.Another reason for not being able to get all our nutritional requirements fromwhole foods – particularly veggies and fruits – is storage and transportationacross great distances. Long storage periods tend to remove most of foods’mineralsandvitamins,particularlyVitaminB-complexandC.Finally, heating food also leads to nutrient destruction, particularly cooking athigh heat. As eating raw foods that aren’t named sushi and sashimi areunpalatabletomostpeople,it’shighlyunlikelythatallnutrientscanbeobtainedfromeatingwhole,rawfoods.Doyouwant toknowhow impossible it is toget allyour recommendeddailyallowance(RDA)ofessentialvitaminsandminerals?ConsiderVitaminE,theRDAofwhichisroughly30IUorinternationalunits.Foryoutogetthismuchfromfoodeveryday,you’llneedtoeat:

●10poundsoronaverage40earsoffreshcorn;●2poundsofwheatgerm;●3poundsofalmonds;●33poundsofspinach;or●50poundsofbroccoli.

When you consider the impossibility of eating that much food in one day,consider too the fact that this is just forVitaminE alone. How about all theother importantVitamins andminerals? I can tell as early asnow that if youtriedit,yourtummywouldexplode!Now that I’vemade thecase for supplements,hereare somesupplements thatmayhelpyoucopewithandmanageyoursocialanxietywell:

● Gamma-AminoButyricAcid: AlsoknownasGABA for brevity,someevidenceexistsconcerningitsabilitytohelpimproverelaxation.Assuch,it’sbelievedtohelpinmanaginganxietysymptoms.● Kava: This is themostcommonandpopularanxietymanagement

supplement in themarket. It’s also possibly the one that has themostscientificbacking.Studiesrevealedthatitcanstandtoe-to-toewithsomeofthemorecommonanxietyprescriptionmedicinesinthemarket.Evenasasupplement,it’smuchliketheprescriptionmedsinthatitdoesn’tmixwellwith alcohol, alongwithotherprescriptionmedications. Also,youmay do well to avoid this if you have a history of liver illness or analcoholic, either recovering or still one. But even if you’re in the clearand this isn’t pharmaceutical grade stuff, you’d do well to get yourphysician’sclearancefirst.●Magnesium:Itiswidelybelievedthatnotgettingenoughmagnesiumcaneitherresult inoraggravateanxietysymptomslikepanicdisorderorsocial anxiety. This is because magnesium is an essential mineral forhealthynerves,whichcanaffectanxietylevels.● Melatonin: The supplement formof this sleep-inducing hormonethat’s naturally occurring in your body is regarded as an anxietymanagementaidwithgoodpotential. It’sbecauseit’srelaxingeffectonyourbodymayhelprelievesomeofyouranxiety. Takecautionthough,melatoninneedsprescriptioninsomeareassomakesureyouhaveoneifyou’re in a placewhere it’s needed. Also, it canmake you fall asleepagainstyourwishes,particularly inhigherdosages. Assuch,makesureyoustartwithhalfofthesmallestdosagepossibletogaugetolerance.● Passionflower:Youcanalsogetthisherbinnutritionalsupplementform. AlthoughnotaspotentasKava, itdoesn’t react toalcoholand isstillgenerallybeneficialformanaginganxietylevels.●ValerianRoot:Thesupplementformofthissleepinducingherbcanhelpyourelax,whichisgoodformanagingyoursocialanxiety.Infact,some studies have validated it’s ability to help improve symptomsassociatedwithanxiety.● VitaminB12: Aswithmagnesium, this vitamin is essential for ahealthy nervous system. Some studies also showed that supplementingyourdietwithVitaminB12canhelpimproveanxietysymptoms.

SupplementaryCautionDespite not being considered as pharmaceuticals and hence, no prescriptionsneeded,youwoulddowell to consult firstwithyourphysicianprior to takingthese supplements. Better safe than sorry as these can impede your ability towork, studyordoother important things, especially ifyou’re suffering fromamedical condition or are taking other prescription medicines or supplements.Preventionisalwayssuperiortocure.

HowtoCreateanAnti-AnxietyDiet

Wecannotplacetheblameforanxietyonfoodbutwhatyoueatandhowyoueatdoesplayapart inhowyoucopewith anxiety.Some foods are “designed” tocreate the symptoms of anxiety while others can help you to fight thosesymptoms.The truth is that diet reallydoesmatterbut it is avicious cycle.Manypeoplewhofeelanxiouswilleatcomfortfoodstomakethemfeelbetter.Butthefoodyoueathasadirecteffectonthewayyoufeelandthelevelsofanxietyyoufeel–highsugar,highcarbfoodsmakeyoufeelbetter,butonlyforashortwhile,whileotherfoodsreleasecertainfeel-goodchemicalsintoyourbody.Gettingthebalance right can be a very valuable tool in helping you to cope with thesymptomsofasocialanxietydisorder.We’veallheartheterm“eatinghealthier”,it’sonethatisthrownaroundquiteabit thesedaysbut,whenitcomestoanxiety,eatingahealthierdietreallydoesmake a difference. Filling your plate with vegetables will fight your anxietysymptomswaybetterthanaplatefullofunhealthyburgers,Theway to create an anti-anxiety diet is to remove certain foods – those thatcouldverywellbecontributingtoyouranxietysymptoms.Thefollowingfoodsshouldberemovedor,attheveryleastmoderated:

●Friedfood-theseareextremelydifficulttodigest,haveverylittleinthe way of nutrition in them and also contribute to the risk of heartdisease.Ifyourbodycannotproperlyprocessthefoodyouareeatingyouwillstruggletofightoffanxietysymptoms●Alcohol-manypeoplewithananxietydisorderturntoalcoholinthemistakenbeliefthatitwillmakeeverythingbetter.Itdoesnot.Asidefromthefactthattoomuchcanmakeyoudostupidthings,alcoholdoesnotdoyourbodyanyfavors.Itisdehydrating,throwsyourhormonesoffbalanceandknocksoutyournutritionalbalanceaswell.And the toxins that aregoingintoyourbodycancausephysicalanxietysymptoms.● Coffee-Caffeineisastimulantand,inmoderation,itwillnotcauseanyissueswithanxietysymptoms.However,themoreofityouconsume,theworseyourriskbecomes.Coffeealsocausesyourhearttobeatmorerapidly aswell as other sensations that can lead to panic attacks. Limityourintaketoonecupperday.

● Dairy-Dairyproductsarenotactuallybadforyou,solongasyouconsume them in moderation. Large amounts of dairy can cause youradrenalinelevelstoriseandthatcancontributetoheightenedanxiety.Cutdowntheamountyoueatand,ifyoufindthateatingdairyiscausingyoursymptomstoworsen,cutbackagainorcutitoutaltogether.● RefinedSugar -While the sugar in fruit is not bad, the sugar indessertsis.Inthesamewaythatcaffeinedoes,sugarstimulatesthehumanbody to produce a certain shakiness that can help to exacerbate any ofyouranxietysymptoms.●FoodThatFormAcid-Yoghurt,eggs,pickles,wine,sourcreamandliverallcreateacidinthebodyandthereisaverygoodreasontobelievethatthesefoodsalsoreducethelevelsofmagnesiuminthebodyaswell.Low magnesium is one of the contributors to or causes of anxiety,especiallyinthosewhoalreadyhaveananxietydisordersocuttingthesefoodsbackoroutaltogetherisawisedecision.

While avoiding these food types is not going to cure you of your anxietydisorder,itcancertainlyhelp,especiallyifyoufindthatyoueattoomuchofoneormoreofthem.Youdon’thavetoeatarabbitfooddiet;mostfoodscanstillbeeaten but moderation is the key here if you want to help yourself to reduceanxietysymptoms.Remember this–abody that isnutritionallysound ismoreabletofightoffthesymptomsthanonethathasbeenfilledfullofjunkfoods.

6FoodsThatHelpYoutoFightAnxiety

So,youknowwhichfoodstoavoidbutdoyouknowwhichonestoeatmoreof?The following foods can help to reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Eating ahealthy diet helps your hormones to function properly and that leads to anoverallsenseofwellbeing.Trytoincludethesefoodsinyourdiet:

● Fresh Fruit – Your body needs a certain amount of sugar andcarbohydrates but it doesn’t need the refined ones. Fresh fruit containsnatural sugars that are converted into energy and burned off. They alsocontainnutrients thatarenecessary, includingvitaminsandantioxidants.Blueberriesandpeachesaretwooftheverybest.●Vegetables-Vegetablesareevenmoreimportantthanfruitespeciallyif you have an anxiety disorder.Most vegetables contain high levels offiber and are packed full of vitamins, especially those that are rapidlydepletedinthosewithanxietydisorders.● Water-Mostpeoplearedehydratedbecause theydonotconsumeanywherenearenoughwater.Dehydrationputs thebodyintoananxiousstateandthatcanmakeitmuchhardertofightoffthesymptoms.Aimtodrinkatleast1½to2litersofwaterperday.● FoodsRichinTryptophan-Thesefoodshavebeenproven tobehighly effective at helping to reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Theyincludeacomponentthathelpsyoutorelaxnaturallyandcanalsohelptoincreaseyourmetabolism,whichisalwaysabonus.Thesefoodsincludepoultry,soy,sesameseedsandoats.●FoodsThatAreRichinMagnesium–around25%ofthepopulationisdeficientinmagnesiumandthatisonenutrientthathasalargeroletoplay in the human body, Magnesium is involved in more than 300different processes in the body and it is crucial that you get sufficientamounts.Foodsliketofuandblackbeansarerichinmagnesium.● Omega-3FattyAcids–Whileresearchintoomega-3fattyacidsisstill ongoing, we do know that is a vital nutrient for anxiety anddepression. You can get omega 3’s from fatty fish, like salmon andmackerel,wintersquashandflaxseed.

Chapter10–ComplementaryandAlternativeTreatmentforSocialAnxietyDisorder

Complementary and alternative treatment is one of the fastest growingapproachestohealthcare,fullybackedupbyvastamountsofscientificresearchandevidence.Complementarytreatmentisused,asthenamesuggests,alongsidetraditionaltreatmentsandthemostcommonlyusedoneisaromatherapyusedasa way of reducing pain and discomfort following major surgery. Alternativemedicine is used instead of conventional treatment, for example, the use of aspecial diet as a way of treating cancer, rather than opting for surgery,chemotherapyorradiationtreatment,whichwouldnormallyberecommendedbyamemberofthemedicalprofession.TreatmentforSocialAnxietyDisordersAtthismomentintime,thefollowingalternative and complementary treatments are used to help treat social anxietyanddepressivedisorders:

RelaxationandStressTechniquesRelaxation techniques can produce short term, somewhatmodest reduction inanxiety in people who have ongoing health issues, like inflammatory boweldisease or heart disease, those who are undergoing breast biopsies, dental orother medical procedures. Relaxation techniques have also been shown to beuseful in adultswith anxiety,more specifically the older adults. In thosewhohave generalized anxiety disorder there are studies that show CBT cognitivebehavioral therapy) may be more useful and effective in the long term thanrelaxation. For people who have the symptoms of depression, relaxationtechniquesmay showamodest benefit but are nowhere near as good as or asbeneficialasCBTorotherpsychologicaltreatmentforms.Relaxationtechniquesareconsideredtobeanimportantpartofmanytreatmentsfor anxiety disorder,most specifically, social anxiety disorder.An example ofthis is thosewhohaveagenuine fearofpublic speaking, a fear thatparalysesthem,makesthemstutterandstruggle.Deepbreathingandmusclerelaxationaretwo techniques that can be practiced while the person imagines himself orherselfstandingupinfrontofa largegroupofpeopleandspeaking.Therearefourmaintechniques thatmaybeusedin the treatmentandallof thesecanbepracticedforanykindofanxiety.

DiaphragmaticBreathingOtherwise known as deep breathing, this is the art of learning to expandyourdiaphragmwhen you breathe. This is tomake your stomach rise and fall, notyour chest and the reason why this works is because, during an anxiety or apanic attack, you tend to take short shallow breaths, which only adds to theanxiety symptoms.By learning how to breathe deeply and slowly in a settingthat is relaxed, you will be able to bring it into action whenever an anxiousfeelingora timeofstressovertakesyou.It is important to learnthis techniquebecauseall theother relaxation techniquesarebuiltwithdeepbreathingas thebasis.

HowtoPracticeDiaphragmaticBreathing● Get yourself into a comfortable position, be it standing, sitting orlying●Layyourhands,oneonyourstomachandoneonyourchest●Inordertomaximizeyourintakeofoxygen,youmustlearntheartofbelly breathing, or breathing deeply from your abdomen. Focus your

attention entirely on your breath until you can feel your stomach risingandfallingsignificantlymore thanyourchestevery timeyou inhaleandexhale.● Breathe indeep throughyournoseandhold thebreath for severalseconds● Exhalethebreaththroughyourmouth.Thetimethatittakesyoutoexhaleshouldtwiceaslongasittooktoinhale.Onepatternthatyoucouldget into is the4:7:8pattern– inhalefor4seconds,hold thebreathfor7secondsandexhalefor8seconds.●Dothis4to8times,uptothreetimesdaily

Ifyoufindthatyouarestrugglingtofocusonyourbreathing,thinkaboutusingasimplephraseormovementthatisrepetitivetohelpyou.OneresearchgroupinItalyusetwogroupsofparticipantsinastudyandaskedeachgrouptorepeatabitoftherosaryorayogamantrasixtimesinaminute,correspondingwiththenaturalfluctuationsinthecirculationsystem.Bothgroupsfounditmucheasiertosynchronizetheircardiovascularpatternsandincreasetheirintakeofoxygen.

ProgressiveMuscleRelaxationIfyouareoneofthosepeoplewhoworksouthard,thinkaboutthis–haveyouevernoticedhowyoufeelwhenyouhavejustfinishedaworkout?Yourmusclesare fatigued to thepoint thatyour entirebody is relaxedand this is theobjectbehindPMR–progressivemuscle relaxation.Alternatingbetween relaxedandtensemusclescanhelptoinduceafullbodyrelaxation.Progressive muscle relaxation was first introduced by Edmund Jacobsen, anAmericanphysician in the1930’s.The technique isusedasawayof reducinganxietybyalternating the tensionand therelaxation inallof themajormusclegroupsinthebody.Peoplewho sufferwith social anxietydisordermost likelyhave tensemusclesmostofthetime.Bypracticingprogressivemusclerelaxation,youlearntohaveabettercontroloverthewayyourbodyrespondstoanxiety.Itisnormallyusedasacomplementarytherapywithbehavioraltherapytechniqueslikesystematicdesensitization. However, it can be used alone. If you practice this right, youcouldendupfallingasleepinwhichcase,welldone,becauseyouhaveachievedadeepenoughlevelofrelaxation.If you sufferwith any kind ofmedical condition, youmust consultwith your

doctorbeforedoinganyrelaxationtechniques

HowtoPracticeProgressiveMuscleRelaxation●Findaplacethatsquietandfreefromdistractions●Liedownonthefloororlaybackinachair● Loosenoffnayclothingthatistightandtakeoffglassesorremovecontactlenses●Haveyourhandsrestingyourlaporonthearmsofthechair● Take a few breaths, slow and even. Practice your diaphragmaticbreathing● Focusallyourattentionofyourforehead,squeezingthemusclesinthe forehead for about 15 seconds.Make sure the rest of your body isrelaxedandonlytheforeheadmusclesaretensed●Feelthosemusclestighteningupandtensing●Nowcountslowlyfor30secondsandreleasethetensionslowly.Feelthe difference between your tensed muscles and relaxed muscles.Continueuntilyourforeheadiscompletelyrelaxed● Next focus on your jaw, tensing and holding themuscles for 15seconds●Releasetotheslowcountofthirtysecond● Theneckandshouldersarenext.Raiseyourshoulderstoyourears,increasingthetensionandholdingfor15seconds.Releaseforthecountof30seconds●Drawyourhandsslowlyintoafistandpullyourfistsintowardsyourchest.Holdfor15seconds.Releasethetensionandcountfor30seconds● Increasethetensioninthebuttocksfor15secondsandthenreleasethetensionslowlyfor30seconds● Increasethetensionslowlyinyourlegs,concentratingonthecalvesand quadriceps. Squeeze as hard as you can and then release over 30seconds●Lastly,thefeet.Increasethetensioninyourfeetandyourtoesslowlyand tighten up themuscles as hard as you can. Slowly release over 30secondsandnoticethetensionslipping.

Asyoudothis,concentratingononepartofyourbodyatatime,noticehowallyour tension disappears,melting away as if it were butter left out in the sun.Enjoythefeelingofcompleterelaxationthattakesoveryourbodyandcontinuebreathingslowly,deeplyanevenly.

AutogenicTrainingAutogenic training is a technique that is similar to that of meditation. Underautogenictraining,youwillrepeatstatementstoyourself,aboutparticularpartsofyourbodyandtherepetitionofthesestatementsisthoughttoinfluencehowyourautonomicnervoussystemfunctions.Andthisincludesyourheartrate.Autogenic trainingwasfirst introducedin1932asarelaxationtechniquebyAGermanypsychiatristcalledJohannesHeinrichSchultz.Henoticed thatpeoplewhounderwenthypnosiswentintoastateofrelaxationwheretheyexperiencedheavywarmfeelings.Hewantedtorecreate that inawaythatreducedanxietyandtension.Itisthoughtthat,byrepeatingaseriesofstatementsaboutwarmthandheavinessinpartsofthebody,theautonomicnervoussystemisaffectedinapositiveway.Although it isn’t quite sowell knownas a relaxationmethod asother methods, a study carried out in 2008 found that autogenic training wasefficientintreatinganxiety.Withsocialanxietydisorder,autogenictrainingcanhelptorelaxapersonandtohelpinthereductionofsymptomswhenusedasacomplementarytreatment,especiallyintermsofrelaxingandcalmingapersonin social situationsandperformance related situations.Practicedoftenenough,thewords“Iamcalm”couldbesufficienttobringaboutastateofrelaxationatthetimeyousaythem.Again, if you suffer from any psychiatric or medical conditions, you shouldconsult with your doctor before beginning this, or any other, relaxationtechnique. Autogenic training is not to be used if you suffer from severeemotional or mental disorders. If you do start to do this, you should stopstraightawayifyouexperienceextremeanxiety,restlessnessoranyothereffectsthatcauseanadversereaction,eitherduringorafterthetraining.

HowtoPracticeAutogenicTrainingFind somewhere that is free of distraction and quiet. Get into a comfortablepositionandremoveglassesorcontacts.Loosenoffanyclothingthatistightandrestyourhandsonthearmofthechairorinyourlap.Takesomeslow,deepandevenbreaths,breathingfromyourabdomen,Practicesayingthefollowingstatementsquietly:

●Saytoyourself,"Iamcompletelycalm."● Now focus on your arms and say to yourself, "My arms are veryheavy."Saythis6times●Followthisbysaying"Iamcompletelycalm."●Focusonyourarmsagainandsay,"Myarmsareverywarm."Saythis6times●Followbysaying,"Iamcompletelycalm."● Focus on your legs and say, “My legs are very heavy. Say this 6times.●Followbysaying,“Iamcompletelycalm”●Focusonyourlegsagainandsay,“Mylegsareverywarm”.Saythis6times.●Followbysaying,“Iamcompletelycalm”●Saytoyourself“Myheartbeatiscalmandregular.Saythis6times●Followbysaying“Iamcompletelycalm.”●Saytoyourself,“Mybreathingiscalmandregular”.Saythis6times●Followbysaying,“Iamcompletelycalm.”●Saytoyourself,“Myabdomeniswarm.”Saythis6times●Followbysaying,“Iamcompletelycalm.”●Saytoyourself,“Myforeheadispleasantlycool.”Saythis6times●Followbysaying,“Iamcompletelycalm.”● Enjoy how the relaxation makes you feel, the warmth and theheaviness.Revelinitandembraceit.● Whenyouready,saytoyourself,“Armsfirm,breathedeeply,eyesopen.”

GuidedImageryHowmanytimeshaveyouwantedtoescape,toleaveitallbehindandheadforsome warm tropical island or lock yourself away in a log cabin on a snowyhillside?Notmanyofusactuallyhave the time, letalone themoney, to fulfillourdeepestwishesbutyoucandothenextbestthing–guidedimagery.Thisisa

techniquethatinvolvedtheuseofallsensestovisualizeyourselfinacompletelyrelaxedsetting.Onceyourmindisthere,yourbodywillfollowandenterintoastatethatisfullyrelaxed.Dobeawarethatthiscansendyoutosleepsodonotdoitwhenyouhavetobesomewhere!Thebesttimetodothisisatnight,justbeforeorwhenyougotobed.Theuseofguidedimageryforrelaxationisagoodtechniqueforthosethathavesocialanxietydisorders.SomeofthemostcommonthingsthatpeopleimagineorvisualizearethesoundsoftheseawashinguponasunkissedTropicalIsland,orcurledup infrontofahuge, roaring logfirewhile thesnowsettlesoutside.Theidea is tocomeupwithascene that relaxesyou,notwhatyouare told toimagine.Itreallydoesnotmatterwhatthesceneis;whatisimportantisthatyou“experience” every sound, every smell and every sight, that you transportyourselftothatplacewhenyoucloseyoureyes.Once again, medical advice must be sought before trying this if you have amedicalcondition.

HowtoPracticeGuidedImageryWewillusethepopularbeachsettingforthisbut,whenyoutryit,imagineyourownpersonalplaceofrelaxation.

●First,findaplacethatisquietandfreeofdistractions●Removeglassesorcontactsandloosentightclothing● Restinacomfortablepositionandplaceyourhandsonyourlaporrestingonthearmsofyourchair●Next,takesomedeepandevenbreaths,directlyfromyourabdomen● Whenyou feel thatyouare relaxed,closeyoureyesandpictureawhite sandy beach. You are lying on this beach, surrounded by sand,swayingpalmtreesandcrystalseaslappingattheshore.● The sky is cloudless above you, you can feel the heat of the sunwarmingyourbody● Breatheindeeplyandsmell thetropicalflowersandthesaltof theocean●Hearthewavesrollinginandthebirdschatteringinthetreesaroundyou● Feelthesand,warmandinviting,beneathyourskinandnoticehow

freshatropicalfruitdrinktastes●Staythereforaslongasyouneed.Noticehowmuchcalmerandmorerelaxedyouareandenjoythatfeelingasitspreadsownyourbody,fromthetopofyourhead,toyourfingertipsandthetipsofyourtoes●Noticehowfarawaythosefeelingsofstressandanxietyseem● Whenyouareready,countfrom10backwardsto1andslowlyopenyoureyes.Youwillfeelalertbuttotallyrelaxedatthesametime

Meditation

There is someevidence to suggest thatmeditation canbeused successfully tohelp relieve the symptoms of anxiety and depression, especially in adults.Mindfulnessmeditationisgrowingfastasanadditionto traditional treatments,such as medication, and to other complementary treatments of social anxietydisorder,suchascognitivebehaviortherapy.Mostpeople,whenyoumention theword“meditation” to them, automaticallythink of sitting on the floor, legs crossed, closed yes and chanting the samephrase repeatedly. While some forms of meditation do involve this, mostlyconcentrativemeditation,mindfulnessmeditationisfarmoreopen.

HistoryofMindfulnessMeditationMindfulnessmeditationisfirmlybasedonBuddhismanditsrootsarefirmlyinSenandTibetanmeditation.ItfirstbecamepopularintheUnitedStateswhenapsychologistbythenameofJackKornfieldbecameaco-founderoftheInsightMeditation Society in 1976. Since then, the popularity of the practice hasincreased,withthehelpofexpertslikeJohnKabat-Zinnandthedevelopmentofaprogramforstresstreatment.Mindfulnessmeditationisthecorecomponentofthis program and, since it began, it has also been used as a complementarytreatment alongside ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It has alsobeen incorporated into other psychotherapy models, like DBT (dialecticalbehaviortherapy).

WhatistheGoalofMindfulnessMeditation?The ultimate goal of mindfulness meditation is to develop an awareness ofexperiences, internal and external. Instead of using analytical thinking oremotion to react to events or thoughts, youwill learn how to disengage yourresponsesand regulate them.Forexample, ifyouwereabout togivea speechand you noticed that your hands were beginning to shake, mindfulness

meditation can help you to avoid the panic and stop it from spiraling out ofcontrol.Youbeawareoftheanxioussymptombutyouwouldpayitmuchheedandwouldnotreacttoit.Mindfulnessmeditationhasbeenshowntohelpwithbalancingemotions,increasingrelaxationandinregulatingbehavior,aswellasliberatingyoufromautomaticreactions.

HowDoesMindfulnessMeditationWork?Mindfulness meditation works by changing your thought processes, yourattentionandyourawareness. It trainsyouhow tobeawareofand toobserveyour emotions and thoughtswithout actually reacting to them.Over time, youwillbe“de-conditioned”totheextentthatyoucanexperiencenegativeemotionsand negative thoughts without reacting negatively and without trying tounderstand them. You will break the connection that exists between youranxious thoughts and your panic symptoms and you will train your mind tobehavedifferently.When it is used aspart of a therapy treatmentplan,mindfulnessmeditation isdirectedataspecificconcernsuchasnegativityinyourwayofthinking,orthephysicalanxietysymptoms.Researchshowthattakingpartinan8-weekcourseis effective in lowering the symptoms experienced with panic and anxiety.Mindfulnessmeditation is useful in treating social anxiety disorder, because itcan act on a number of different areas – attention, thoughts, awareness,behavioralpatterns,psychologicalresponses,spiritualityandrelationships.During the therapy,mindfulnessmeditation can be used asway of increasinghowawareyouareoftheissuesyouexperienceandthehelpstochangehowyoureact and how you respond. In general, it is used as a way of cultivating astrongerawareness,betterself-control,andabetterabilitytoregulateemotionalreactions.You can use the following mindfulness meditation script to help you toovercome social anxiety disorder. The script has been based on a basicmeditationandisaimedatpeoplewhosufferfromanxiety.

●Findaquietplacethatfreeofdistractions,choosingatimewhenyouknowthatyoucanbealone●Setatimerforanywherebetween20and40minutes,tosignaltheendofthemeditation–thisisatypicallengthoftime● Begin by seating yourself comfortably – sit in a chair with acomfortablebutalertposture,yourbackstraight,yourfeetflatonthefloor

andyourhandsrestingcomfortablyinyourlap● Ensue thatyouarebalancedandarenotstraining tomaintainyourposition●Loosenanyclothingthatistightandshutyoureyes●Graduallybecomeawareofhowstillyourbodyis●Relaxyourchest,yourstomachandyourshouldersandstarttofocusonyourbreathing● Breathedeeply,inthroughthenose,allowingtheairtogodowntoyourdiaphragmandthenreleaseit●Repeat,lettingtheairflowthrough●Asyoubreatheoutnoticehowcalmyoufeel● Asyoustarttofindacomfortablebreathingrhythm,feelthetensionandthestressflowoutofyou● Asyoubreatheout,becomeawareofanythoughtsorfeelings thatyou have. If yourmindwanders, if you start toworry about things thathavehappened,orthingsthatmayhappen,thisisnormal● Someof these thoughtsmaybedistressingbut try toobservethemandnotjudge.● Note the feeling or the thought andwhat it is about – perhaps anupcoming social event or a conversation that you feel could have gonebetter.● Ifyoufindyourattentiongrabbedbyanegativefeelingorthought,noteitandthenfocusonyourbreathingagain●Trynottocriticizeyourself● Noticethefeeingbutdonotfollowitand,mostimportantly,donotallowyourmindtogoafterit●Recognizethatitisonlyathought,noticeitandthenletitgo● Pictureyourselflyingonthebeachonwarmsand.Thebreezeblowsrefreshinglyoveryou,youcanhearthewavesrollingintotheshoreandyoufeelyourbodyrelaxing●Concentrateonyourbreathing,imagineittobelikethewavesandthewind

● Remaincalmasthewindblowsoveryouandthewave’srollin;letyourthoughtsmoveandchangeatwill.Breathe●Nowyoumustbringasituationtomindintentionally;asituationthatbringsonfeelingsofanxiety.Imagineyourselfinthatsituationandkeeptheuncomfortablethoughtsinyourmind.Relax,letthemfloatoffbutdonotresistthem.Simplyacceptandletthemdissolve●Youcannotexpectanxietytodisappearcompletelysodonotresistit;accept,letitcome,welcomeitandthenletitgo.● Count for15seconds;allowyourbrain tobeginstrengtheningandestablishingnewpaths.●Themorethosepathsareused,thedeeperthegrooveandtheeasieritwillbetofillthemwithhappierthoughts●Whenyouareready,bringyourattentionbacktoyourbreathing●Moveyourattentiontoyourbodyandthentoyoursurroundings●Openyoureyesandstretch

YogaYoga combines the use of meditation, physical posturing, breathing exercisesand a distinct philosophy. Studies have shown that practicing yoga and otherphysicalformsofexercisecanhelptoreducetheheartrate, thebloodpressureandcanalsohelptoreducethesymptomsofdepressionandanxiety.Regularyogacanhelptokeepyoucalmandrelaxedasyougoaboutyourdailylife.Itcanalsohelpyoutofindthestrengthtofaceuptoeventsastheyhappenwithout feeling restless or anxious. Practicing yoga to the greatest benefitinvolved the use of asanas, which are body postures, pranayama’s, which arebreathingtechniques,meditationandthephilosophyofancientyoga.Ithasbeenshowntohelpthosewithsocialanxietydisordertocarryonwiththeirlifeinarelaxedandstrongerway,withamorepositiveoutlookonlife.The following techniquescanhelpyoucalmyoumindandsayhello toanewandpositiveyou.Thebestwaytodothisistogotoayogaclassandlearnthetechniquesproperly.

● Useasanas togetyourbodymovingand freeyourmindofstress.Learn how to do these yoga postures to remove tension and negativityfromyourentiresystem:

oDhanurasana–theBowPoseoMatyasana–theFishPoseoJanuShirsasana–theOne-LeggedForwardBendoSetubandhasana–theBridgePoseoMarjariasana–theCatStretchoPaschimottanasana–theStandingForwardBendoHastapadasana–theStandingForwardBendoAdhomukhaShwanasana–theDownwardFacingDogoShirshasana–theHeadstandoShavasana–theCorpsepose

Whenyouhavecompletedthesessionofasanas,oryogaposes,liedownintheYogaNidraandgiveyourbodyandmindachance to relax.This ishelpful influshingtoxinsfromthebody,oneofthebiggestcausesofstress.

● Use pranayama’s to breathe properly and relive anxiety. Byconcentratingonyourbreath,youcanfreetheclutterfromyourmind,getrid of the negative thoughts that cause anxiety, Learn the followingpranayamas:

o Kapal Bhati Pranayama – the Skull Shining BreathingTechniqueoBhastrikaPranayamaoNadiShodhaPranayama–AlternateNostrilBreathing–thisishighly effective for stress relief because the exhalation is longerthantheinhalationsoBhramariPranayama–BeeBreath

Follow this upwithmeditation to freeyourmind.This is an excellentwayofrelaxing your mind, of freeing it from distractions and providing you with asenseofpeaceandofcalm.Observedailyhowyourmindworks,howitkeepsyouinvolvedinconcentratingonsmallandpettythings,andstopconcentratingon the things that causeyou anxiety. It can alsohelpyounot to broodon thefuture,toworryaboutwhatmighthappen.I have no doubt that you have heard the term “adrenaline rush”. This iswhathappenstouswhenanxietysetsin,whenyoubecomeworriedaboutaparticular

threat.Let’ssaythatyouareabouttostepontoathrillrideatanadventurepark.At the tie, the adrenalin hormone in your body peaks and that leads to a fastheartbeat,yourmusclestensingupandprofusesweating.Scientificstudieshaveshownthat,ifyoutakepartinregularmeditation,youcanreducehowmuchofthishormoneisactuallyproduced.Next, you must learn the ancient philosophy of yoga and apply it in youreverydaylife.Theprinciplesaresimpleyetprofoundandtheyarethesecrettoalong, happyandhealthy life,TheSantoshaprinciplewill teachyou the strongvalueofbeingcontentedwhiletheAprigrahprinciplecanhelpyoutoputasidefeelings of greed, the desire to havemore possessions, both of which lead toanxietyandstress.TheShauchaprincipletalksaboutmindandbodycleanlinessand this is a useful one if one of the causes of your anxiety is the thought ofinfectiousdisease.Lastly,wecome toprayer.This isabsolutely thebest formof supportand thereassurance youneed to remain free of stress and anxiety.Developing a dailyprayerhabitwillfillyouwithpositivity,energyandwillhelpyourmindtocalmand be still Prayer instills a sense of confidence, positivity and calmnessinstantly.Thinkabouthowyoucanhelpotherpeople insteadofbecoming rooted in the“meandmine”stateofmind.Helpingotherscanhelpyoutorelievestressandanxiety,aswellasmakingyoufeelmuchhappier.Banishnegativepeopleandsituationsfromyourlife.Keepyourselfsurroundedbypositivehappypeopleandyouwillfindthatyourmindislighter,happierandyourwholeattitudetowardslifewillbedifferent.

Chapter11-HomeopathicApproachtoSocialAnxietyDisorder

Left untreated, social anxiety disorder can lead to several other psychologicaldisorders. A homeopathic approach can be adopted andmay be helpful in allareas of this disorder by using a holistic approach to look at each personindividually.Eachpersonhastheirownpersonalityandthisisderivedfromtheirgenes,howtheywerebroughtupandtheirbackground.Beingabletoenforceamental calmness means the potential to revitalize longevity, dynamism andwellness.Homeopathic remediesare tobe takenalongsideahealthydietand lifestyle tohelp make your mind and emotions healthy again. It’s no good trying theseremediesifyoudon’tmakethechangesinotherareasofyourlife.Homeopathycanhelptoenrichyourmentalhealth,canboostthewayyoufunctioninsocialsituationsandremovethemarkersforanxietybyprovidingyouwithasenseofcalmandpeace. Itcanhelpyou toovercomephobias,overpoweryouranxietyandgiveyourself-assuranceamuch-neededboost.One note about homeopathy – these remedies are all-natural and can be usedalongside traditionalmedications. They are not potent, they are not toxic andthey are not habit-forming or addictive. Below,we look at some of themorecommonhomeopathicremedies thatcanbeusedinyourfight tosubduesocialanxiety disorder. Although these are natural remedies, please make sure youseektheadviceofyourdoctorbeforestartinganyofthem.

AmbraGriseaThisisoneofthebestremediesforpeoplewhosufferfromagoraphobiatotheextentthattheygonumbwithfearatthethoughtofgoingout.Theyabsolutelydreadmeetingpeople,wanttobeleftaloneallofthetimeandcannotphysicallydoanythingwhileotherpeoplearearoundornearthem.Peoplewiththisformofanxietyarenotable toexpress themselvesandhave toput ina lotofeffort totakepartinanyconversation.Theyareveryself-conscious,worryingconstantlyabouthowothersseethemandwhattheythinkofthem,oftheirhabitsandthewaytheywork.Peoplewhosuffer thisbadlyareusuallyanemic,weekendanddon’tsleepwell.

ArgentumNitricumThisisahighlyfunctionalremedyusedinthetreatmentofpeoplewhoareverynervous. They may experience absolute fear at the thought of meeting newpeople, of speaking in front of people and may get very shaky. They mayexperience spasms in the throat and tongue muscles, distorted senses andshaking throughout the whole body. They are highly emotional, very hesitantand lack confidence. They are fearful, either falteringwhen they speak or notbeingabletotalkatall.Theymayfalterintheirgait,theysufferwithafearofimpending doom, can’t bear darkness or crowds.Their actions can be seen asirrationalandneurotic.Thisisagoodremedyforpeoplewithanxietydisorderstotakebeforetheyattendabigevent,suchasasocialgathering,anintervieworapublicspeech.

BarytaCarbonicumThis is used to great effect in individual who suffer with a real lack ofconfidence, are very shy and have few to no friends. They may be veryconfused, will have a fear of meeting new people and will grieve over smallthings.Theymayexperienceaphonia,whichisanabilitytoproduceavoiceandtheywillverydependentinrelationships.Theycaneasilybesuppressedbecausetheywillfearargumentsandwillbeveryaloof,highlyinhibitedandwillbelievethatpeoplearetalkingaboutthemorlaughingatthem.Thiswillstopthemfromgoingoutbecausetheywillfearbeinginpublicplaces.

IgnatiaThis is a good remedy for peoplewho are emotionally sensitive andwhowilllose the ability to speak after experiencing a traumatic event. They will verylikelysufferwithhyperesthesiatoalloftheirsenses,averyheightenedphysicalsensitivity,andtheircoordinationwillbesomewhatdisturbedattimes.Theywillbealertandveryapprehensiveabouteverything,highlysensitivetothepointofhysteriaattimes,veryeasilyexcitedandwillbequicktoperceivethings,usuallybelieving that others are against them. Because of this, they will closethemselvesoff,broodquietlyandexhibitextrememoodswings.Theywillalsorejectanycompanywithoutanycommunication.

LycopodiumSometimesknownasjustLyc,thisremedyhasbeenshowntoproviderelieftothosewhosufferwithananxietydisorderthatresultsinareallackofconfidenceand very poor self-esteem. Although it can be used by people who havegeneralizedanxietydisorders,itisbestusedbypeoplewhoseanxietycomesonvery quickly, without warning, usually in social situations. It will beaccompaniedbyawholehostofphysicalsymptoms,likeaveryrapidheartbeat,nausea,tremblingandsweating.ManyofthosewhouseLycopodiumfindthatitstabilizestheiremotionsandtheirnervoussystemtotheextentthattheyareabletocopebetterandexperiencelessphysicaloremotionalsymptoms.

AconiteAconitehasbeeninuseformanycenturiesasanherbalhomeopathicremedyforanxietyandpanic.Itisveryusefulforthosepeoplewhoseanxietysymptomsareasaresultofinsomniaoranothersleepdisorderthatcausenervousness.Itisalsohelpfulforthosewhosufferwithirrationalfearsthatcomeaboutfornoapparentreason.Aconitehasalsobeenusedformanyyearsasahomeopathic treatmentforhysteriaandanumberofphobiasbecauseithasaverycalmingeffectonthebrain.Itisfrequentlyrecommendedforuseintreatingmoodswings,restlessnessandnightmares.

PassionflowerPassionflower is the homeopathic remedy you are most likely to have heardabout.It is themostpopularherbalremedyusedfor treatinganxietyandpanicanditisoftenrecommendedbyholisticpractitionersaspartofthetreatmentforpanicattacks.Ifyouareapersonwhosufferswithpanicattacksthenyouknowjusthowdebilitatingtheycanbeandyouknowwhatnegativeeffects theycanhaveonyourlifeandonthepeoplearoundyou.Therehavebeenmanystudiesthathave lookedat thebeneficialpropertiesofpassionflowerbut thebestwasonethatwascarriedoutin2011inNorway.Astudytookplaceon200subjectsand it was determined that blends of herbal remedies that containedpassionflower showed benefits akin to those seen with medications such asXanax, Ativan and other similar benzodiazepines. However, if you are takingany of the prescribed medications, you should not take anything that haspassionflower in it without first consulting with your doctor or any licensedhealthcare practitioner, as the combination could have the result of veryexcessivedrowsiness.

GelsemiumGelsemiumisaveryeffectivehomeopathicremedyofthosewhosufferwithananxiety disorder that causes constant jitters. While a low level of anxiety isnowherenearasdebilitatingaspanicattacksthatcomeonsuddenly,anydegreeof chronic anxiety is not pleasant to live with. Gelsemium is also known asyellowjasmineanditworkstoslowthenervoussystemdownandcalmingthemindwithoutcausingexcessivesleepiness.Thisisagoodonetousewhenyouare in a social situation, at work or anywhere where anxiety symptoms maystrikeyou

EveningPrimroseOilThishomeopathicremedyhasbeenusedforcenturiesasamedicinalherb.Itisoneofthemosteffectiveremediesusedinthetreatmentofalltypesofanxietydisorder.Ifyoursymptomsincludechronicnervousness,panicattacksorsocialanxiety, you will find many benefits in using Evening Primrose Oil. This isbecause the oils has a nutrient in it called gamma linoleic acid. This helps toimprove the function of the nerves and stabilizes the hormones. It is morecommonly used to treat mood swings that are associated with premenstrualsyndrome andmenopause.Youmay need to use it regularly for at least threeweeksbeforethebenefitsbecomefullyclear.Althoughmostoftheherbalremediesavailabledonothaveany,oratleastveryfew,sideeffects,itiswisetoconsultyourdoctorfirst,beforeyouaddittoyourdailydiet.Itisalsowisetocheckwhetherthehomeopathicremedywillinteractinanegativewaywithanyprescriptionmedicationsyoumaybetaking.Theseare justa fewof the remediesavailablebutallof themcanhelpyou toreducethesymptomsofyouranxietydisorderquitesignificantly.

Chapter12-UsingThoughtRecordsforSocialAnxietyDisorders

Thought records, also known as thought diaries, are commonly used in thetreatment for social anxietydisorder.Theyareaway forpeople tounderstandtheir negative thought patterns and to change them. The cognitive-behavioraltherapymodelworksonthepremisethatbehaviorsandemotionscanbechangedbecause they are partly as a result of your own thoughts. Albert Ellis, apsychologistcameupwiththeABCbehaviormodel:

●A–anactivatingevent●B–triggersthoughtsandbeliefs●C–thatresult,inturn,inconsequences

Itmayseemtomanypeoplethattheirfeelingsaredirectlyattributedtocertainsituations,butyoumaybesurprisedto learnthat there isanotherstepbetweenthe situationand the resultingemotions.That step takes the formofyourownthoughts. Perception plays a large part in determining how you feel about apersonorasituationand,formostofus,thethoughtprocessissoautomaticthatwedon’tevenrealizethatwehavehadcertainthoughts.Let’sjustimagineforaminutethatyouareatapartyandyouarechattingawaywith someone when he or she yawns. Depending on your particular thoughtsabouttheyawn,yourfeelingswillbedifferent:

●Ifyouthoughtthatthepersonwasrudetoyawn,thechancesareyouwillfeelannoyed● If you thought that the yawnwasmeant to signify he personwasboredwithyou,youmightfeelsomewhatbadaboutyourself● Ifyou thought that theyawnwas tellingyou theotherpersonwastired,there’sagoodchancethatyouwillbeindifferent

Just one single event can cause amultitude of different emotions and they allcomefromyourthoughts.

UsingThoughtRecordsThought records or diaries are often used in cognitive behavioral therapy as awayofgettingapersontopayproperattentiontotheirthoughtsandtogetthemtowork onways to change them.While thismight seem like an awful lot ofwork to start with, as time goes by, it becomes an automatic process and thediarieswillsoonnotbeneeded.CBTthoughtdiariesareusefulforthepersonmakingtheentriesaswellasforthe medical professionals. The person can read through the events they havewrittendown,theycanmonitortheirownthoughtsandseewhereitispossibletomake changes. To be of the absolute best use, these diaries should be useseveral times a week after any situation that provokes anxiety, even a smallamount.

UnhelpfulThoughtsMostpeoplewhohavesocialanxietydisordertendtohavetwotypesofnegativethoughts. First, they will overestimate the likelihood of something truly badhappening and second, theywill overestimate howbad the situationwill be ifthat terrible thing happens. It is because of this, because of the unhelpfulthoughts,thatrealityisdistorted.Thethoughtsarenotrationalintermsofhowthat person perceives themselves, of how they perceive others and how theyperceive the world. Core belief lies at the heart of most of the unhelpfulthoughts,someofthosecorebeliefsbeingthat“everyonehastolikeme”or“Ican’tevermakeanymistakes”.Usingthethoughtdiariesonaregularbasiswillhelpapersontoidentifypatternsintheirthoughtsandwillalsopointthewaytothecorebeliefthatliebehindthenegativethoughts.

HowtouseThoughtRecordsWhenyoufirstbegintousethoughtrecords,youmayfinditdifficulttoseeyourwayaroundcreatingabetterstyleof thinking.Given timeandregularuse, thenew,betterthoughtswillsoonbecomebelievabletotheextentthattheyarethefirstthoughtsyouhave.Althoughmanytherapistswillprovideaformforyoutocompleteforeachdiaryentry, you can do whatever feels right to you, so long as your thoughts arerecorded.Whatyoumustrecordisthefollowinginformation:

TheactivatingeventDescribeindetailtheeventorsituationthatcausedastrongnegativereactionoremotion, such as anxiety or panic. It could be a situation that happened, athoughtyouhad,arecollection,anythingthattriggeredtheemotion.Onlywritedownthefactsoftheevent

TheconsequencesoftheeventDescribewhattheconsequencesoftheactivatingeventwere.Forgetaboutyourthoughtsatthisstage;writedownwhatyourfeelingswere,youremotions.Howintense,onascaleof0to100,wastheemotionorfeeling?(0beingthelowestand 100 being the highest.) Pick the one emotion or feeling that you mostassociate with what happened and underline it. Write down what, if anybehaviorsoractionsyoudidortookpartinwhiletheeventwashappening.

YourbeliefsabouttheeventDescribewhatyourbeliefsareabouttheevent.Thiscouldincludeperceptions,attitudes,thoughtsandexpectations.Writedownwhatyouwerethinkingaboutat the time,what thoughtwent through your head.Dig a little bit deeper andthinkaboutwhat isbehind those thoughts.Askquestions like,“whatdoes thatsay about me?” or “and this is bad, because?”. Keep digging until you canidentifytheonethoughtthatisthemostdistressing.Underlineitandrateit,from0to100,onhowmuchyoubelieveit.

YourunhelpfulthoughtstylesDescribeanythoughtstylesyouhadthatwereunhelpful,intermsofrelationshipto your beliefs. Examples of unhelpful thought styles includemental filtering,thinking only in black and white, jumping quickly to conclusions. Overgeneralizingthesituation,turningitintoacatastrophe,personalizingit,labeling,magnifyingandminimizing.

Youroneunhelpfulthought

Gobacktothatoneunhelpfulthoughtthatyouunderlinedandevaluateit.Thereal key to being able to change your thought patterns lies in your ability tochallenge the thoughts thatyouhave.Consider theevidence that there is,bothforandagainstthatonethought,thatonebeliefthatstandsoutaboveallothers.Howrealisticisthatthought?Ifyoudidn’tsufferfromanxiety,howwouldthesituation have played out? Is there anything that you are ignoring, any otherexplanation?Askyourselfhowanotherpersonwouldseethesituationandhowheorshewouldreact.Beveryobjectiveaboutthethoughtsyouhave.

ReplacingthatthoughtFinally,basedonwhatyoudiscoveredinthelastbit,writeoutsomealternativethoughts, thoughts that are more balanced, thoughts that can replace thatunhelpfuloneandturnthesituationaround.Then,gobackandfindtheemotionthat you most closely associate with the event and rate it again, followed byratinghowmuchbeliefyounowhaveintheoriginalunhelpfulthought.

Chapter13–Let’sGetPhysical…AndCalmer

Onethingthat’softentakenforgranted,especiallywhenitcomestomanagingand coping with social anxiety – or any other anxiety disorder – is physicalexercise. Studies have shown that apart from lowering your risks for heartdisease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity, regular physicalexercisecanalsobebeneficialwhen it comes tomanagingsocialoranyotherforms of anxiety disorder. Exercising is one great way to naturally relieveanxietyandmanagestresslevels.

ExerciseAndPhysicalActivities:OneAndTheSame?Manypeopleassumethetwoareoneandthesame.Soifyouassumedthesame,don’tfeelbadandstressoverit.Youwon’tgotojailforassumingsuch.Apartfrommusclecontractions,thetwoareverymuchdifferent.When you say physical activity, you talk about anymovement, which causesmuscle contraction. Anything. You blink your eye, that’s physical activity.When you take out the trash, that’s physical activity. When you eat, that’sphysicalactivity.Exercise isaformofphysicalactivitybut itdiffersfromallothers in termsofbeingspecific. Whilephysicalactivitiesdiffers inpurpose–fromkeeping thehouse clean to grabbing a bite – exercise is done deliberately in terms ofduration, intensityandmovementwith thegoalof improvingphysical strengthand stamina and cardio vascular health. Exercise activities include hoistingbarbellsanddumbbellsinthegym,runningfor5kilometersattheovaltrackorswimming,amongothers.Speakingof intensity, the term isdefinedas the amountof effortyouexert indoing something. In exercise terms, it’s measured in terms of MetabolicEquivalentsorMET.Thissimplyreferstotheratioofyourexercisingmetabolicrate over your resting or basemetabolic rate. One unit ofMETconsumes anestimated1calorieperkiloofbodyweighteveryhour.There are different intensity levels when it comes to exercising but these aregenerallyclassifiedas light,moderateorvigorousorhigh intensity. There’savery technical – and geeky, by the way, method of estimating your currentexercise intensity level but of course, who has time to waste for that? Thesimplest but relatively goodway to estimate your current exercise intensity isthroughthetalktest.The talk test goes like this. While exercising, try to talk. If you can talknormallywithoutanyeffort,you’reexercisingatlowintensity.Ifyoucanstilltalkclearlybutwithsomeeffort,thenyourexerciseintensityismoderate.Ifyoucanhardlytalkandarestrugglingtocatchyourbreath,that’shighintensity.

TheRightIntensityForAnxietyManagementWhen it comes tomanaging and copingwith your social anxiety, the optimalexercise intensity ismoderate. Why? Low intensity isway tooeasy tomakeanymeaningful impact suchasweight loss,whichcangoa longway towardsimprovingyourself-esteemandconsequently,reducingsocialanxiety.Highintensityiscounterproductive,asitwillmakeyouevenmorestressedandcan aggravate your anxiety symptoms. Since your goal is to cope with andmanage your social anxiety well, the last thing you need is more stress andanxietysymptomsright?Right!Moderateexerciseslastingatleast30minutesdonethriceaweekisoptimal.It’sneither too easy tomake any significant impact nor too stressful to aggravateyourexistinganxietyissues.

Chapter14–SocialAnxietyInChildren

Socialanxietydisordersaren’tjustconfinedtoadults–childrencansufferfromthemtoo.Childrenwhodosufferfromsocialanxietyandphobiaareprimarilyscaredofbeing criticized. Oneway theynormally express such anxiety is byaskingthingslike:●Whatifdoorsayastupidthing?

●WhatifIspeakoractwrongly?Anotherwayyoungchildrenexpresssocialanxietyandphobiaisbycryingandthrowingtantrumswhentheyarefacedwithsituationsthatscarethemandthesebehaviors are often misinterpreted as merely being hard-headed, stubborn orworse,beingspoiledbrats.Thefearthatcausessuchbehaviorcanresultinthemanifestationofsocialanxietysymptomslikeshortnessofbreath,sweatingandshaking. Worse, these can also interferewith their normal, daily activities asthesemayoccurfarinadvanceoftheactualsituationoreventthatcantriggerit.Thefearordreadchildrenwithsocialanxietyfeelisgreatlyoutofproportiontotheactualthingtheyfearmayhappenoritsconsequences.

PerformanceAndInteractionWhenitcomestochildren’ssocialanxiety,thereare2maintypes:performanceandinteraction.Children may experience social anxiety attacks as triggered by things likeordering food in restaurants, speaking in frontof theclass,buyingcandy fromthestoreandevenprayinginfrontofasmallgroupofpeople.Theseeventsoractivitiesarerelatedtodoingthingsor“performing”andthosewhosufferfromthistypeofsocialanxietyfearbeingjudged,ridiculedorhumiliatedincasetheyscrewthingsup,nomatterhowminorortrivialthemistakemaybe.Childrenmayalsoexperiencesocialanxietyepisodestriggeredbysimplybeingaroundpeople– interactingwith them. Triggersituationsmayincludeusingapublicrestroom,goingtothearcade,attendingabirthdayparty,goingtochurch,goingtothedoctor,goingtothehospitalandattendingafamilyreunion,amongothers. It is often the case that children who suffer from interactional socialanxietyalsosufferfromperformancesocialanxiety.

HowDoChildrenGetIt?One way children suffer from social anxiety is through genetics – it’shereditary.It’sobservedtobemorecommoninchildrenwhohaveaparentorother1st-degreerelativeswhohavethedisorder.Anotherway that childrenmay suffer from it is through experience. A childwho may have suffered a traumatic social experience may experience socialanxietydisorder. Takeforexample,childrenwhoarebulliedinschool. Sincebullyingisasocialeventandoftenhappensinfrontofmanyotherchildren,thehumiliating experiencemay be impacted on the child’s psyche and he or shemaylearntoassociateitwithbeingwithotherchildren.Itmayalsobethatthesocial anxiety is genetic but the manifestation was triggered by traumaticexperience–acombinationofthetwo.

DoesYourChildHaveSocialAnxietyDisorder?Foryourchildtobediagnosedwithsocialanxietydisorder,heorshemusthaveasevereenoughfearofbeinghumiliatedinsocialinteractionstothepointthatdailynormalfunctioningisalreadyimpaired.Heorshewillmostlikelydohisorherbesttostayawayfromsituationsoreventsthatheorshefeelaredirectlyrelatedtotheiranxietyforfearofsufferingtheirpotentialconsequences.Yourchild, if with social anxiety disorder, may experience a very acute form ofanxiety and can manifest social anxiety symptoms such as profuse sweating,trembling and shortnessof breath. Younger childrenmay throw tantrums andcry as an expression of their social anxiety episodes. Another way a child’sanxietymaybetriggerediswhenheorshefeelsthatheorshewillbenegativelyjudgedorevenpunishedformerelylookinganxious.For your child to be considered as having social anxiety disorder, the anxietymustmanifestwhileinthepresenceofhisorherpeersinsteadofjustbeingwithadultsandmusthavebeenpersistingformorethan6monthsalready.Theonlypersonwhocanconclusivelyandvalidlydiagnoseyourchildforsocialanxietydisorderisalicensedmedicalprofessional.Itmaybepossible thatyourchild, ifheor shehas it,mayeitherdeny feelinganxiousinsocialsituationsordownplaythesymptomsofsuchforfearofbeingjudged, scrutinized or even embarrassed. When this happens, the diagnosingmedicalprofessionalwillhavetospeakwithyou(parents),nanniesandteacherstogetabetterunderstandingofthesymptomsheorsheismanifestingandmakeanaccurateevaluationanddiagnosisofsuch.

TreatmentsIf your child is officially diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, don’t losehope.It’sbecausesocialanxietyisaverytreatableconditionthatrespondsverywell to behavioral therapy,minimizing the need for prescriptionmedicines atsuchayoungage.Thegoaloftherapyissimplytohelpyourchildchangehisorher way of thinking as the primary form of coping with or managing socialanxiety. Even for childrenwho are under a combined program of behavioraltherapyandprescriptionmedicines,behavioral therapyworkswell to thepointthattheydon’ttakethemedicinesforlong.BehavioralTherapyWith behavioral therapy, a licensed therapist will most probably begin withcognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help improve your child’s coping andsocial skills in situations thatcan trigger their socialanxiety. CBThelpsyourchild to learn that they actually have the power to manage or control theirundesirablereactionsandanxiety. Therapyteachesthemtoovercomefearandmodifytheiranxiousthinkingpatterns.Anothertypeoftherapy–exposuretherapy–involvesgraduallyexposingthemtosituationsthattriggertheiranxietyinaverycontrolledmannerwiththegoalofgettingthemusedtosuchsituationsandovertime,reduceorminimizetheiranxietyepisodesduringsuchsituations.

PrescriptionMedicinesIn case behavioral therapy isn’t enough, doctors may prescribe medicines foryour child’s social anxiety to help alleviate it. In many cases, prescriptionmedicineshelpbehavioraltherapymoreeffectiveandasmentionedearlier,theseareusuallytakenforashortperiodoftimeonly.As with adult social anxiety, your child’s doctor may prescribe selectiveserotoninreuptakeinhibitors(SSRI)orbetablockers.Thesemedicinescanhelpreduceyourchild’sanxietybycurbingtheir fearful responses tosituations thattriggersocialanxietyaswellasminimizingthephysicalsymptomsofsuchlikeprofusesweating,palpitationsandshortnessofbreath.

Chapter15-11ThingsYouShouldDoifYouHaveSocialAnxietyDisorder

While having a social anxiety disorder can be debilitating, there are plenty ofthingsyoucandotohelpyourself,likethefollowing11suggestions:

1.StartSocializingWhileitcanbeextremelytemptingtostayawayfromsocialsituationswhenyouhaveananxietydisorder,themostimportantthingyoucandoistogetoutthereandbeseen.Thatmeansthat,insteadofturningthemdown,youshouldacceptinvitations and go to places that make you uncomfortable. At the same time,makesureyouarementallypreparedtohandlewhateveryoumayface.

2.GetSomeHelpDon’tleaveit,don’twait.Ifyouhaven’tsoughtoutanyhelp,youneedtodoitnowIt’snogodputting itofforwaitinguntilyounext fall intoacrisis,makethat appointment today. If you think that youwill be embarrassed to speak toyourowndoctoraboutit,callamentalhealthhelpline,justtotakethatfirststep.Youmightfindthatspeakingtoafacelessstrangeronthephoneismucheasierandmuchlessintimidating.Itcouldbetheonethingthatleadstoyougettingthehelpthatyouneed.Onlyyoucantakethatfirststepthoughsodoittoday.

3.DevelopSomeHealthyHabitsDoallthatyoucantomakesurethatyourphysicalhealthisuptoscratch.Poorhealth can contribute to anxiety problems so make sure you get plenty ofexercise,includingsomeweighttrainingandcardiovascularexercise,andtakealong hard look at your diet. If you atmainly junk and unhealthy foods,makesome serious changes today. Stay away from alcohol and caffeine and, if youfeelanxious,drinkchamomiletea.

4.ReadReadeverythingyoucanfindaboutyouranxietydisorderandwhatyoucandotohelp improve it.Readstoriesaboutotherswhohaveovercome theiranxietyand how they did it, what gave them the push to do it. Read plenty ofmotivationalbooksonthesubjectoflife.Educationcan’thurtyouanditmightjustgiveyou thepushyouneed to startmakingchanges toyourown life andyourownmentalwellbeing.

5.KeepaJournalMakesureyouwriteinitdailysothatyoucanmonitorhowwellyouhavebeenimproved.Writedownyourexperiencesandyourthoughtsbecausethiswillhelpyoutorecognizewhenyouaredroppingbacktooldhabitsandyourunhelpfulandnegativethoughtpatterns.

6.CongratulateYourselfYoumay not be all that confident at public speaking but there are plenty ofthings in your life that you can be proud of. Recognize that, because of youranxiety disorder, you have to facemore challenges than anyone does and, nomatter how small theymay be, you should feel proud of any accomplishmentthatyoumake inyour life.Somedaysyoumightevenbeable tocongratulateyourselfjustformakingitoutofthehouse.Buildonthesmallachievementsandyouwillstarttofeelsomuchbetteraboutyourself.

7.WriteYourGoalsDownIt simply isn’t enough to be vague about the goals you want to achieve. Itmatters not what your goal is, whether it is to overcome all or a particularsymptomofyoursocialanxiety,orifyouwanttobebecomeanaward-winningauthor, it isvital thatyouwriteeverygoaldownonpaper.Thatway, theyarerealgoals,theyaremeasurableandyouhavesomethingtolookbackon.

8.BecomeYourOwnAdvocateThe only personwho can really look out for you is you and you are the bestpersonforthejob.So,gatherupalltheinformationyoucanaboutsocialanxietydisorder,orwhatevertypeofanxietydisorderyousufferfrom.Thiswillenableyoutobeabletomakebetterdecisions.Joinself-helpgroups,talktoothersandhelppeopletounderstandthestrugglesthatyoufaceeverysingleday.Ifyouareatasocialgatheringandyoureallyfeelthatyouneedtogetaway,takeabitoftimeout.Nobodybutyouknowswhatitisliketobeyou,tofacewhatyoudoonadailybasis.

9.PracticeYourSocialSkillsNoteveryoneisbornknowinghowtobesocial,withthegiftofthegabbutyoucan alwaysmake some improvements on the skills that you do have. Practicemakingintroductions;practicemakingbettereyecontact,practicerememberingnames and learn how to give out compliments. If youwant to polish up yourpublicspeakingskillsorjustbecomemoreconfident,looktoseeifthereareanycoursesyoucantakeatyourlocalcollegeoruniversity.

10.PracticeAssertivenessSkillsTwothings thatgo togetheraresocialanxietyanda real lackofassertiveness.Therealproblemwhenyouarenotassertive is thatotherpeoplearenotgiventhechancetohelpyouortomeetyourneeds.Understandthedifferencebetweenassertivenessandaggressiveness–theyarenotthesamething.Beingassertiveisallaboutgoingafterwhatyouwantbutnotinanaggressivemanner–itisaboutbeingclear,rightfromthestart,whatyouneed.

11.ShareYourExperiencesWhetheryouarehalfway throughconqueringyoursocialanxietyoryouhavemanaged it, what you have been through is valuable so share it with otherpeople. Join anxietygroups and talk toothers, tell themofyour struggles andhowyouovercamethem.Itwillhelpotherstorealizethatthereisalightattheendof the tunnel and that theyarenot alone. Itwill alsohelp tomakepeopleawareofaproblemthatiskeptfirmlylockedawaybehindcloseddoors.

Chapter 16 - 10 Things You Need to Stop Doing ifYouHaveSocialAnxietyDisorderHaving a social anxiety disorder is nothing to be ashamed of. You are mostdefinitelynotalonebutwhiletherearelotsofthingsyoushouldbedoing,therearealsosomethingsyouhavetostopdoing.

1.StopAvoidingAvoidance comes in many guises. Some people drink a lot when they go tosocial gatherings, just to give them the courage they need to get through thenight.Somepeoplewon’tmakeeyecontactwhentheytalktoothersortheymayreadaspeechwordforword.Nomatterwhatitis,nomatterhowsubtleitis,youmuststoptheavoidancetactics;theyonlymakethingsworseoverthelongterm

2.StoptheNegativeThoughtsNegative thoughtsareoneof the rootcausesofsocialanxietydisorder.Aswediscussedearlier,thereareseveralformsoftreatmentforanxietydisorder,suchasAcceptanceandCommitmentTherapy(ACT)orcognitive-behavioraltherapy(CBT) that have their basis in identifying and changing negative thoughtprocesses. If you are struggling on where to begin, start to keep your ownthoughtdiary–thiswilltellyouhowoftenyouhavenegativethoughtsandthenyoucanbegintoworkonchangingthem.

3.Don’tPutOffGettingHelpIf you think that youhave an anxiety disorder but have not yet been properlydiagnosed,itistimetotakethestepofgettingsomehelp.Itwillprobablybethemostdifficultstepyoueverhavetotakebutitwillbethestartofanewwayoflife foryou.Beingproperlydiagnosed is theonlyway toget the righthelpsohaveachatwithyourdoctor.Ifyouranxietystopsyoufromdoingthis,writeitalldown,maketheappointmentandhandoverwhatyouhavewritten.

4.StopBelievingThatThereisNoHopeThereisalwayshope.Youmaybelievethatmedicationwon’tworkorithastoomanyrisks.Youmightthinkthattherapyisforlosersbut,really,whenyouthinkabout it, what do you have to lose by trying? There are properly establishedtreatmentsforeachanxietydisorderandyouoweit toyourself togetyourlifebackontrackbygivingthematry.

5.StopComparingYourselfYou are you.You are not someone else and the only time youwill ever feelgoodwhen you compare yourself to others iswhen you are doing better thantheyare.Getusedtothefactthatthereisalwaysgoingtobesomeonewhohasmoreconfidencethanyoudo,whomoresociallyadeptorwhohasmorefriends.Insteadofwastingtimeandenergycomparingyourselftoothers,workonself-improvements. The real measure of your success is how well you are doingcompared to a month ago, six months or a year ago. Not how you compareyourselftoalltheothersaroundyou.

6.StopTellingYourselfYouCan’tChangeYoumightfeellikeyouweredealtaroughhandoryoumightthinkthatyouarejusttoooldforhelp.Nomatterwhatyourreasoningis,stoprightnow.Thereisalways room for changeandeveryonecando it.You justhave to identify thethings thatyoucanchangeanddo itwhile accepting the things thatyoucan’tchange.Socialskillscanbeimprovedwithpracticeand,withtherightexposure,youcanbemorecomfortableinsocialorperformancesituations.

7.StopPredictingThatYouWillFailBecausethemoreyoudothat,themorechancethereisofyoufailing.Insteadofthinkingabout the thingsyoudon’twanthappening, turnyourattention to thethingsyoudowanttohappen.Ifyouareduetogiveaspeech,thinkofyourselfas confident and outgoing. If you have to attend a social gathering, imagineyourselfasarealsocialbutterfly.Ifthesethingsdon’thappen,atleastyoucansayyoutried,thatyougaveyourselfeverychance.

8.StopMissingOpportunitiesDid you pass up on the offer of a promotion atwork?Did you drop out of acollegecourseorisitthatyouhaven’tsteppedoutofthehouseforalongtime,despite the opportunity to do so? If this is you, you care allowingyour socialanxietydisorder to ruleyour life, tomakeyoumissoutonopportunities.Youwillendupwithalotofregretsaboutthethingsyoudidn’tdoordidn’ttry.Ifyoumakeamistake,atleastyouwillknowthatyouhavetried,thatyouwentforit.Donotletyouranxietydisordertakeyouoverandstopyoufromgettingwhatitisyouwantfromlife.

9.StopKeepingYourDisorderaSecretSocialanxietydisorderstendtofosteranauraofshame.Youfearthatotherswillsuddenly findout thatyou suffer fromanxiety thatyoucan’t cope toowell insocialsituations.Whyhideit?Startbeinghonest,withyourselfandwithothers.There is no need towalk up to a stranger and tell that you suffer from socialanxietydisorder,althoughhatsofftoyouifyoudobecausethatmeansyouhaveovercomeahugehurdle!Youcantellyounearestanddearestthough,tellthemwhatmakesyouanxious,Farfromlaughingandpointingatyou,theywillgooutoftheirwaytohelpyouand,oneday,youmayevenbecomfortableenoughtotellthemeverything.

10.StopBelievingThatYouSufferAloneOne of the biggest problemswith anxiety disorders is that you spend so littletimetalkingtootherpeoplethatyoumaynotrealizetheyhaveproblemsaswell.Youmightthinkthateveryonearoundyouisconfidentwhentheyareinasocialsituationbutmanyofthemarenot.Therearelotsofpeoplewhosufferthesamestrugglesthatyoudo;talktothem,readotherpeople’sstoriesjustsoyouknowthatyouarenotfacingthisalone.

Chapter17-8ThingsPeoplewithSocialAnxietyWant

Just because you have a social anxiety disorder, it does not make you anydifferent from anyone else. Like them, youwant to connectwith people, youwanttoachievethingsandyouwantpeaceinyourlife.Youalsowantalevelofunderstanding from other people. If you suffer with an anxiety disorder, youmightfindthatIamtalkingaboutyouinoneofthese:

1.ConnectionPeoplewhohavesocialanxietydisordermayfearsocialsituations,facingotherpeopleorinteractingsociallybuttheydostillwantpeopletheycancallfriends.Veryoften,beingonyourowncancausefeelingsofdepressionandlonelinesstoset in. You can overcome your anxiety by getting the right treatment and bybuildingupyoursocialskills.Youarenotalone;weallfeelabitawkwardwhenwetrytomakefriendswithsomeonenewbutitdoesgeteasierovertime.

2.UnderstandingMorethananythingelseintheworld,apersonwhohassocialanxietydisorderwants tobeheard, theywant tobeunderstood,not justasapersonbutalso inrespectoftheirsymptoms,ofthestrugglestheyfaceonadailybasis.Learningmore about the disorder can help if you are trying to understand and help afriend or familymemberwho has an anxiety disorder. If you suffer from thedisorder and you are surrounded by people who do not understand, print anarticlethatexplainsorleaveabookthattalksaboutitlyingaround.

3.SolitudeAsmuchasapersonwithsocialanxietywantstobeabletoconnectwithothers,theyalsoneedtobealoneattimes.Sometimes,socialanxietywilloverlapwithintroversionand this canbe theperfect time to let yourbatteries recharge andyourstrengthgatherupforanothergoatinteracting.Extrovertsgettheirstrengthfrom being surrounded by other people but introverts sometimes need to bealonetomakethemselvesfeelbetter.Ifyouareanintrovert,don’tapologizeforneedingtimetoyourself,evenifyouareinthemiddleofasocialgathering.

4.StabilityEspeciallyemotionalstability,whichisoneofthebiggestgoalsofmanypeoplewith social anxiety disorder. Some want to be able to manage their feelings,thoughts and emotions better, to understand exactly what triggers off theirsymptoms of anxiety. They want to know how they can balance out theiremotionswhen they face those situations. Sometimes it is better to just be atpeace,atonewithyourfeelings,ratherthantryingtocontroltheanxiety.

5.PeaceWhen you sufferwith social anxiety, there are quite a fewways that you canachievepeace.Youcantakeupyoga,mindfulnessmeditation,deepbreathingoranyotherpractice that isdesigned tocreateanawarenessofasituationand tobring yourmind in tunewith your body.ACT (Acceptance andCommitmentTherapy)isoneofthetreatmentsonofferthatcanhelpyoutotakeadvantageofthese kinds of exercises while you work on reducing the symptoms of youranxiety

6.ConfidenceFor some people with anxiety disorder, confidence is their biggest goal.Confidencecanonlygrowwhenyouarepreparedtofacedownyourfearsandworktoovercomethem.Facethesituationsthatbringfeartoyourlifeandbuildupyourconfidenceslowly.Eventually, thetriggers thatstartedyoursymptomswillhavelesseffectandyouwillhavetheconfidenceyouneedtocope.

7.FulfillmentSomepeoplewhohavesocialanxietydisorderfeelthattheycannotachievetheirgoalsbecauseof thedisorder.This interfereswithhow fulfilled they feelwithlife.Everyoneneedsapurpose in life, everyoneneedsgoalsandbeingable toface the fears and achieve the goals can bring a real sense of fulfillment andachievement.

8.GrowthMany people who have social anxiety disorder want to experience personalgrowth. They will read any self-help books and look at other stories on howpeoplehaveovercometheirfearssothattheycanlearnhowtogrowandbetterthemselves.

Chapter18-10AnxietyMythsBusted

Areyouoneofthosethathasbeentellingyourselfthatyouwillgetbetter,thatyoudonotneedanyhelp?Ifyouare it’s timetolookat these10mythsaboutanxiety that I am going to bust right out of the water. Part of what may bestoppingyoufromgettingthehelpyouneedisthat,ingeneral,youmaywellbefunctioningok.Moreoftenthannot,apersonwithananxietydisordercanseemlike nothing more than a habitual worrier, rather than someone who may bestrugglingwithamentalhealthdisorder.Evenso,youmaynotbelivingthelifeof fulfillment that you really want to live. The true extent of your anxietydisorder will have a strong influence on your decision of whether to seektreatmentornot.Readthefollowingwell;itcouldbethethingthatmakesyoutakethefirststep.

AnxietyDisordersAreNotRealIllnessesEveryone suffers from a certain amount of anxiety in his or her life, it’s onlynatural. Sometimes it is even very helpful. However, an anxiety disorder is averyextremeformofthemild,occasionalanxietythatweallfeelanditcanbeextremely debilitating to the extent that it causes serious impairment ofjudgment.Ifyouhaveeverbeendiagnosedwithaseriousdisease,suchascancer,youwillhavebeenthroughanumberofdiagnostictestsinordertoreachthatdiagnosis.Althoughtherearenoactualtests,nobloodtestsorscansthatapersoncanhaveto diagnose social anxiety disorder, there are plenty of other ways it can bedetermined.Thatdoesn’tmakeitanillnessthatisnotrealbecause,believeme,itisveryrealespeciallytothosewhohaveit

PanicAttacksMakeYoupassOutorLoseControlPassingouthappenswhenapersonexperiencesasuddendropinbloodpressure.That does not happen during a panic attack. In fact, the complete oppositehappens.Whenapersonsuffersapanicattack,theyexperiencearaiseinbloodpressure and an increase in heart rate and that anyone means that it is notpossibletopassoutwhenyouarehavingapanicattack.These attacks are dreadful, not just to experience but to see as well. Fear ofhavingapanicattackmakesthemfarworseandthat isanothergoodreasontoseektreatmentforanxietydisorders.Itmayinterestyoutoknowthatatleast20to 25% of the population has had a panic attack at some time or another,However, only about 2 to 3% have actually gone on to develop a panic oranxietydisorder.Thisdisorderisaveryviciouscycle–worryingabouthavingtheattacksisactuallymorelikelytomakethemhappenandtheywillbeworse.Someof the treatment involves learningtoacceptpanicattacksandtoride thewavewhentheyhappenbecausenothingbadisgoingtohappen.That in itselfcanlessentheseverityandtheoccurrencesoftheattacks.

PeopleWithAnxietyShouldAvoidStressfulSituationsFirstofall,itiscompletelyimpossibletoavoidsituationsthatmaybestressful.Second,ifapersonwithanxietydisorderweretodothat,theywouldbeseeingthemselvesas fragilepeopleand that can lead to thedisorder symptomsbeingmuch worse. Avoiding stress is not always the best way to avoid anxietyalthough itmay seem that it is. It isn’t easy to avoid these situations and it ismostdefinitelynoteffective.Fora start, life is fullof little stresses, situationsthat are unexpected andnot all of themwill trigger the symptoms in a personwithanxietydisorder.Ifyougetintothehabitofavoidingsituationsandplacesthat are likely to cause anxiety, all you are doing is reinforcing the disorder,Effectivetreatmentwillinvolvethesafeandgradualexposuretothesource,thetriggersofyouranxietysymptoms,teachingyouhowtocope,notavoidit

YouShouldAlwaysHaveaPaperBagInCaseOfHyperventilationIt is not true that hyperventilation is always dangerous and having to carry apaperbagwithyouallthetimedoesnothingmorethanheightentheanxiety.Itisconsidered to be a safety behavior, something that is based purely on the fearthatsomethingbadwillhappenand thatyoumusthaveaplan tocopewith it.Yes, you do need to have a plan but not a paper bag. Safety behaviors arenothingmorethanavoidancetechniques,andtheystopyoufromreachingdowntothecauseoftheanxietydisorder.

SomePeopleareHabitualWorriersandCan’tBeTreatedThereismostlikelyageneticparttoanxietybuttherighttreatmentcanhelptogetitundercontrol,beittherapyormedication.Arecentreviewdeterminedthataround two-thirdsof theanxietydisordersdiagnosedaremost likely inherited.Youdonotneedtoacceptthatyouareahabitualworrierandputupwithitforlife because the disorder can be treated successfully. The most effectivetreatmentisCBT–cognitivebehavioraltherapy–inarecentstudyof134adultsbeing treated for anxiety disorders, it was found that cognitive behavioraltherapyeducedthesymptomsmuchmoreeffectivelywithin3monthsthananyoftheothermoretypicalapproachesdid.Thestudyalsofoundthatthepositiveeffects of the therapy lasted for at least a year; CBT is all about identifyingthoughts and behaviors that are positive and finding alternatives for thenegatives.

AnxietyDisordersareUncommonIn fact, they are not. Around 18% of the US population, almost one in fivepeople,hassomekindofanxietydisorderinanyyearthatyoucaretoexamine.Although millions of people live with an anxiety disorder, many are verysurprisedtolearnthattheydonotsufferalone.However,itiseasytounderstandwhytheymightthinkthattheyaretheonlyonebecausesomeanxietydisorders,particularlysocialanxietydisorderandobsessivecompulsivedisorder,cantrulyleave people isolated. You may never meet another person with an anxietydisorderuntilyoutakethestepofreachingoutforhelp.Arecentstudyshowedthat themostcommon typesofanxietydisorderare:● Aspecificphobia–12.1%ofadults● Asocialphobia–7.4%ofadults● Generalizedanxietydisorder–2%ofadults● Separationanxietydisorder–1.2%ofadults●

Panicdisorder–2.4%ofadults● Obsessivecompulsivedisorder–1.2%ofadults

AnxietyWillGetBetterOnItsOwnNo, it reallywillnot.Onaverage,apersonwithananxietydisordermaywaitaround10yearsbeforetheyseektreatmentforit.Thosewhocanstillgotoworkandfunctionas“normal” tendtowait longer,hopingthat itwill justgetbetterand go away by itself. The reality is, it doesn’t. The reality is, you are mostlikelymakingthingsworsebywaiting.Ontopofthat,around60%ofthosewhohave an anxiety disorder also have depression and that requires separatetreatment.

IJustNeedaDrinkoraSmoketoGetThroughItOneofthemostcommonformsoftreatmentseenamongstpeoplewithanxietydisorders is self-medication.However, this isnoteffectiveandcanveryeasilymakethingsmuchworse.Forsomepeople,adrinkortwomayhelpthemtogetthrough an event without too much anxiety but self-medicating, be it withalcohol, drug, even cigarettes, is just another way of avoiding the truth, ofavoiding the disorder rather than seeking treatment for it. Self-medicating canalso be detrimental in the long run. Research shows that peoplewho have ananxiety disorder are up to two timesmore likely to smoke than someonewhodoes not. Not only does smoking, drinking or taking drugs not tackle theunderlyingcauseoftheanxiety,italsoaffectsyourhealth.It increasestheriskfactors of heart disease, lung disease, liver disease, stroke and cancerssignificantly. Insteadof falling into this trap, seekhelp for theanxietyand foraddictionifyoufindthatyoucannotgiveupthesubstancethatyouchosetohelpyouthroughit.

TherapyWillTakeUptheRestofMyLifeWrong.Improvementcanbeseenwithinafewsessionsofcognitivebehavioraltherapyand thatcanbeanything forma fewdays toa fewweeks.Even thosewho seek treatment for their anxiety are under themistaken belief that itwilltake forever for them to get better.Cognitive behavioral therapyprovides youwiththetoolsthatyouneedtouseeverydayandat least755ofthosewhogodowntherouteofCBTreportareductioninsymptomsofatleast50%.

YouCanSnapoutofAnxietyYou cannot overcome an anxiety disorder without appropriate help and youcertainlycannotjust“snapoutofit”.Ifyoudonothaveananxietydisorder,youmight think that someone who fears meeting new people, who fears socialsettings,beinginanenclosedspace,evenfearinggerms,isjustbeingridiculous.Itisnotuncommonforsomepeopletosaytothosewithananxietydisorderthatthey should just “get over it”. There is no magic cure, no wand that can bewavedandallyouranxietyjustmeltsaway.Thepeoplewhosaythesethingsdonot understand the depth of fear that a person has, the degree to which theiranxiety disorder is affecting themAnxiety is a very vicious cycle.Worry andfear lead toapersonavoiding thedisorder,avoiding thesubjectaltogetherandthis leads only to a strengthening of thatworry and fear.Breaking out of thatcycleinvariablyrequiresthehelpofprofessionalsso,ratherthantryingtofightitsilently,alone,takethestepofseekingthathelp.Oftakingbackthecontroloveryourlife.

Chapter19-FrequentlyAskedQuestionsaboutAnxietyDisordersFinally, to recap, these are themost commonly asked questions about anxietydisorders.

Whatarethemostcommonanxietydisorders?●Generalizedanxietydisorder●Obsessivecompulsivedisorder●Panicdisorder●Posttraumaticstressdisorder●Socialanxietydisorder

Whatisgeneralizedanxietydisorder?Generalizedanxietydisorder,orGADasitisotherwiseknown,isatensionandanxietythatisexaggeratedandwilllastformonthsonend.Around6.8millionAmericansareaffectedbyit,equatingtojustover3%ofthepopulation.PeoplewhohaveGADanticipatecatastrophichappeningsandexcessivelyworryaboutalotofdifferent things–money,health,work,carrepairs,evenappointments.GADaffectsmorewomenthanmenandtheanxietycanreachaseverelevelthataffectslifeandrelationships.Symptoms include headache, fatigue, tension and aches in the muscles,trembling, twitching, sweating, irritability, hot flashes and a difficultyswallowing.Itusuallystartsgraduallyandcanstartatanytimeinlife.

Whatisobsessivecompulsivedisorder?Better known as OCD, this is an anxiety disorder in which a person exhibitsritualistic behavior caused by fearful ideas. The obsessions are impulses orthoughtsthatarerepetitive,perhapsthroughafearofhurtingsomeoneorfromfalling ill through another person’s germs.These can create anxiety and stressbut, although thepersondoesnotwant these feelings, theyarequiteunable tostop them from happening. Some of the behaviors that may be exhibited arefrequenthandwashing,frequentcleaning,constantlyhavingtocheckthatalightorelectricalapplianceisoff.

Whatispanicdisorder?Panicdisorderiswhenapersonisgrippedwithrepeatedandunexpectedintensefearthatisnormallyaccompaniedbyphysicalsymptoms.Thoseincludepainsinthechest,palpitations,dizziness,shortnessofbreathordistressintheabdomen.Characteristicsincludeasuddenparalyzingattackofterrororfear,coupledwithexcessive sweating, a pounding heart, feelings of faintness or dizziness andweakness.Thepersonexperiencingtheattackmayfeelchilledortheymayfeelflushed.Theirhandsmaybenumbor theymayhave tingles in themand theymayfeelsickorfeelasthoughtheyarebeingsmothered.Apanicattackusuallyproducesthesensationoftotalunreality,arealfearofdoomorthefearoflosingcontrol.Panicattackscanoccurwhenapersonisawakeorasleep.

Whatisposttraumaticstressdisorder?Otherwise known as PTSD, this usually occurs when a person has beensubjected to a terrifying ordeal or event during which physical harm wasthreatened or actually suffered. The most common events are death, war,earthquake,caraccident, fireor floodand it iscommon forpeopleexposed tothesesituationstofeelfear,sadness,worryorangeraftertheseevents.However,if the symptoms carry on, become very severe or the person finds themselvesreliving the event, these are all signs of PTSD and the person may find itdifficulttofunctionproperly.

Whatissocialanxietydisorder?This is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive feelings of selfconsciousnessandanxiety insocialsituations. Itcanbe justone typeofsocialsituationoritcanencompassallsocialsituations.Somepeoplefearspeakinginpublic,othersexperiencearealfearof justbeingaroundanyperson,betheyafriend,familyorastranger.

Whatisstress?

Stress is a normal response to a situation in which a person feels threatened,upset or angry. It is a physical response, often known as the “fight or flight”syndromeandthisiswhenthebodyrespondstoacertainsituationbyproducinghighlevelsofhormones,includingadrenalineandcortisol.Itisthesehormonesthatgetthebodyreadyforaction.

Whatarethemainsymptomsofstressinadults?● Cognitive-Memoryproblems,aninabilitytoconcentrateproperly,the likelihood of making poor judgments, anxious thoughts, racingthoughts,excessiveworrying● Emotional-Irritability,moodswings,shorttempers,notbeingabletorelax,feelingoverwhelmed,agitatedandlonely● Physical-diarrhea,constipation,dizziness,nausea,pains inthechest, racingheartbeat● Behavioral-eatingmoreoreatingless,sleeping too much or not being able to sleep, isolation, neglect ofresponsibilities,procrastinations,turningtoalcohol,drugsorcigarettestocope,nervoushabits,likepacingorbitingthenails

Arethereanycopingstrategiesthatcanhelp?Yes,thereareandthefollowingaretenofthemostcommonstrategiesusedindealingwithstressorstressfulsituations:● Keepingarealisticoutlook●

Facingthefear● Relyingontheinnercompass● Turningtoreligionorspiritualpractices● Seekingsocial supportandaccepting it● Imitatingsturdier rolemodels● Staying ingoodphysical shape● Maintainingamentalsharpness●Findingwaystoacceptthatsomethingscan’tbechanged●Lookingformeaningsandopportunitiesinthefaceofadversity

ConclusionI hope that you have found this eBook helpful. I have tried to give anunderstanding ofwhat social anxiety is andwhat a personwho has itmay befeelingaswellsometechniquesonhowtofaceitdown.Pleaseremember,thesetechniquesarenotjustaoneoff;theyarethingsyoucandoforaslongasyouneedto,foraslongasyouaregainingabenefitfromthem.Socialanxiety,indeedanyanxietydisorder,canbeextremelydebilitatingtothepersonwhoissufferingfromit.Ihavetriedtogiveyousomecopingsuggestionsaswellastellyouaboutthemedicalandalternativetherapiesandtreatmentsthatareavailable.Theonlypersonwhocandetermineifyouneedtreatmentornotisyou but bear in mind that leaving it and hoping that your anxiety will justmagicallydisappearbyitselfwilljustmakethingsworse.Anxietydoesnotgoawayonitsown,wecannotwaveawandandmakeitalldisappearbut,ontheotherhand,ifyouseektherightkindofhelpearlyenough,thetreatmentortherapydoesnotneedtolastforever.Inmanycases,justafewsessions can give you enough help and the tools necessary for you to go outthereandstartyourwoncourseof treatment,yourownhealingprocessand togiveyousomestrongcopingmechanismsso thatyoucanstart livingyour lifeagain,insteadoflettingtheanxietyandthefearcontrolyou.If you find that nothing has changed, that you still feel unable to face socialsituationswithout feelingsociallyanxious, itmaybe time toseekadvice fromyourdoctor.Heorshecanrecommendotheroptionsthatmaybeofmorebenefittoyou.Theonlywaytodealwithfearbeitofasocialsituation,oranyotherfearthatcausesyousevereanxiety,istofaceitheadon.Hidingawayoravoidingtriggerswilljustmakethesituationworseandyouwillbelesslikelytobeabletocopewhenyouarethrownintoasituationthatcantriggerofananxietyattack.Faceyour fears, stare them in the eyes and don’t back down. Force your fears toretreatinstead,forceyourfearstohandyoubackyourlife.Think strong and youwill be strong.Think positive and youwill be positive.Banishnegativityfromyourlifeforgoodandneverletitdarkenyourdoorgain,at least not to the extentwhereyour life is takenover.And remember, tellingpeopleaboutyourfearsmakesyouastrongerperson,notaweakerone,becauseitmeansthatyouarefacingthem.

Thankyouforpurchasingthisbook.Ifyoufoundthisbookhelpful,pleasebesokindastoleaveareviewtohelpmeprovideyouwithmorebeneficialbooksandresources!

BONUS

Socialanxietyisjustoneaspectofyourhealthandwellbeing,andIamcertainlyglad you started there. If you are interested is taking your health (and lifeultimately!)tothenextlevel,Irecommendtheguidebelowtolearnothereasy-to-followtechniquesyoucanapplytoday!

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P.S.Checkoutmyotherbookstooifyoufoundthisonehelpful.

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