Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - millbanktheatre.ie · Snow White Possibly The Queen? Audience Participation Number The Rubbish Song – Pre Finale Snow White No Snow White in the

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Script & Dialogue

V1.6

08/09/2018

Snow White Script & Dialogue V1.6 08_09_2018 © Brian Hosford 08/09/2018 2

Characters

Character Note

King Kindly but afraid of the Queen.

King’s Guard Loyal to the King in all things.

Prince Snow White’s true love.

Snow White (Princess) Snow White is a kind and gentle princess, with lips red as a rose and skin white as snow.

Queen (Evil Stepmother) Vain. Evil. Attractive.

Donald Queen’s sidekick. Evil. Sycophantic.

Mary Lou (Royal servant / Storyteller)

Drag – Dame (Male)

Leo (Royal servant / Storyteller)

Drag – Duke (Female)

Mirror Haggard, despondent, cynical. Camp. Trapped by Queen in the Mirror.

Huntsman Servant of the Royal Household

Doc Self proclaimed leader of the group, Doc often loses his train of thought and bumbles around, looking over the dwarfs.

Grumpy Grumpy tends to be irritated with the other dwarfs' antics and opposes allowing Snow White to stay with them.

Happy Fat and jolly with a friendly personality, Happy maintains laughter and joy amongst the dwarfs.

Sleepy While always eager to fall asleep, Sleepy is considered the most observant amongst the dwarfs.

Bashful Being around Snow White increases Bashful's tendency to bury his head but she doesn't mind.

Sneezy A bad case of hay fever causes Sneezy to sneeze violently and frequently but he doesn't let that stop him from having fun.

Dopey Although Dopey may annoy Doc & Grumpy, his intentions are silly and he is often the core of the dwarfs' jokes.


Author’s Notes The name Snow White traditionally refers to her skin being white as snow. Not sure that’s still appropriate, while conscious of the need not to be overtly PC, given that this is a Panto.

It is definitely a family show.

Conventions

The “good” characters enter the stage only from S/R, if possible

The “evil” characters enter the stage only from S/L, if possible

“Oh Yes I Am / Oh No You’re Not” etc initiated only by “evil” characters. “Good” characters don’t argue with the audience but may join on the audience’s side against the “evil” character.

Musical / Dancing / Chorus Numbers

To be agreed and worked into story as part of rehearsal. As at this date, the following is tentatively proposed:

Act 1

Opening Number

Mid-Act after King departs

End of Act 1? To be agreed

Act 2

Opening Number

Mid-Act

Finale

Solos

Prince

Snow White

Possibly The Queen?

Audience Participation Number

The Rubbish Song – Pre Finale

Snow White

No Snow White in the opening number. Keep her hidden until first appearance on stage.

Snow White appears as a child first to say goodbye to the King. Thereafter, she appears as an adult.

Version Notes – V1.6 Interval not yet decided.

General flow of story complete.

Comic situations / slapstick routines / physical comedy to be finalised throughout rehearsals in collaborative/workshop format. Dialogue is up for discussion throughout rehearsal. Rehearsals will be designed to find out what works and what doesn’t work.

Local and National (Political) references are open to change.

In general, ad lib throughout performances is definitely to be encouraged.


Act 1

Intro Sequence Curtains open. Royal Courtyard on Storyboard.

Opening Number, led by:

Mary Lou

Leo

Open to reveal Storybook on Landscape of the Kingdom…..


1) Prologue – Landscape of the Kingdom

Voices Off.

Leo After you, Mary Lou

Mary Lou Oh no, Leo, after you.

As the storytellers enter.

Leo No, no, Mary Lou, I insist, you first.

Mary Lou Oh well, alright then Leo. If you insist. I’ll go first.

Leo But I’ll be first in the end, of course. The Royal court only has room for one number one.

Mary Lou So, I’ll be?

Leo Number two, Mary Lou.

Mary Lou Well, we’ll see about that, after all the people just returned that Miguel D Higgins…..

Leo And gave the boot to [A N Other]

Mary Lou (Turning angry and impatient with the taunting) There’s no need to be reminding me of that, ye big, ye big, ye big. Wow, those muscles are big, aren’t they?!?

Leo Forget it, Mary Lou. I’m not your type.

Mary Lou We’ll see about that after the votes are counted.

Leo (Childish and taunting) We’ll see about that.

As the above is played out, local people (Kids Chorus) make their way on and sit down (DS) in an arc, laughing to each other at the antics of the storytellers.

Mary Lou Anyway, we have guests. Look at all those people out there.

Leo People? Where? Here? I don’t talk to people. Not ordinary people. I talk to Murphs and Justin and Emmanuel but, well, like you know, they’re not ordinary people.

Mary Lou Ahem, we have a job to do. See? They’re all from D’Vine and Stoops and The Sailing Club. Come on, ye big handsome hunk. Turn the page and let’s tell the boys and girls what’s been happening in the Kingdom.

Leo OK, here we go. Hello Boys and girls! How are we all doing today/tonight?

Mary Lou Well, I thought there was somebody out there. Hello Boys and girls! How are we all doing today/tonight?

Leo That’s better.

Mary Lou Would you like us to tell you the story so far?

Leo Roight. So a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

Star Wars Intro Music plays in the background, Cuts abruptly.

Mary Lou (Slaps Leo across the back of the head) CUT. We’ve been through all this. You can’t do anything right by yourself, Leo.

Leo (Nursing his head) That hurt, Mary Lou.

Mary Lou Aw, I’m sorry. It’ll all be so much better when I’m your number 2. We can walk to work together. Stop for skinny lattes.

Leo Go to the gym together.


Mary Lou Well, we won’t have to do everything together. I’ll get the coffees while you’re at the gym. Now, will we try starting the story again?

Leo OK. Here goes. A long time ago. Well, not that long ago really. It’s amazing how time flies. Anyway, our wonderful King married a beautiful servant girl and she became his Queen. All the people of the Kingdom rejoiced and they loved their kindly King and Queen.

Chorus cheers – Off

Mary Lou Soon, the King and Queen announced the birth of a beautiful baby girl. All the people of the Kingdom rejoiced.


Leo There was a lot of rejoicing back then, wasn’t there, Mary Lou.


Mary Lou There was, Leo. And there will be again. Now carry on.

Leo The baby girl was known as Snow White because of her beautiful white gown and bonnet, which the Queen lovingly dressed her in every day.

Mary Lou Are you sure about that?

Leo Yes, Mary Lou! We live in a PC world now.

Mary Lou OK. I’ll take your word for it. Carry on.

Leo Just turn the pages OK?

Mary Lou Ooooooh. What did your last slave die of?

Leo I’ve never had a slave. Simon is my deputy. Turn the pages.

Mary Lou I will whenever you hurry up with the story.

Leo Roight. (Consulting notes) King marries servant girl…Rejoicing… Baby born…Rejoicing…Snow White…Rejoicing.


Leo Oh yeah, now it’s the sad bit now.

Chorus “awwwww” – Off

Mary Lou I know that. They don’t. Sorry about the spoiler, boys and girls.

Leo The kindly Queen took ill. She died while Snow White was just a baby.

Chorus “awwwww” – Off

Leo The King mourned for a year and a day.

Mary Lou And so did all the people of the Kingdom.

Leo But then the King met a beautiful woman from a kingdom far away. He married her and she became the new Queen.

Mary Lou But she was not like the first Queen. She was vain and evil and filled with her own ambition to rule the land.

Chorus “booooooo” – Off

Leo She put one of the King’s Guards under a spell, trapping him inside her mirror. She gave him power to see far into the distance and forbade him from ever telling her an untruth.

Mirror (Off) Hello! Hello! Hello!

Mary Lou I knew we shouldn’t have mentioned the mirror this early.

Leo Well, it’s too late now. He’ll want to tell his own story.


Mirror hops in (or whatever way he can enter) over previous line

Mirror I want to tell my own story.

Mary Lou & Leo Yea, we know. But don’t be long!

Mary & Leo get increasingly impatient with Mirror as the scene progresses

Mirror I was one of the King’s Guards. I was always partial to a sweet sherry from the King’s bar of a Sunday afternoon.

Mary Lou & Leo Get on with it!

Mirror OK. OK. Very cosy, that pair. The Queen found me and told me that her sherry was much nicer. So I thought sure well, I’d give it a go.

Mary Lou & Leo Get on with it!

Mirror OK. OK. Anyway, I had a swig. I fell asleep and when I awoke (ahem), I was trapped inside a mirror. Look! Like this! Trapped! Trapped! Oh, the torture! The inhumanity!

Mary Lou & Leo Right, that’s enough. Off.

Mirror Alright. Put me down. I won’t be long. So, boys and girls, I can see far into the distance. But I must answer whatever question the Queen asks of me truthfully or the Queen will kill the other King’s Guard, my BFF.

Mary Lou & Leo Your what?!?!

Mirror My best friend and loyal companion.

Mary Lou BFF doesn’t stand for that, does it boys and girls?

Leo Come on, off with you. Now. Get out.

Mirror See you in a while, boys and girls. Laters.

Mirror hops out

Mary Lou Is he here for every show?

Leo Not if he gets a crack.

Leo chases Mirror off

Mary Lou The producer is waving at us. He wants us to hurry up. There’s an ad break coming up.

Leo Ads? In Panto? Well, I can’t wait to tell Davy & Tom Boylan, the finest butchers in Rush, for all your fresh meat desires.

Mary Lou And I can’t wait to hear what Rocco from the Little Chip Inn has to say about this when I tell him after he’s finished cooking the most beautiful flavoursome chips in all of Fingal.

Off – “Get on with it!!!”

Leo Right, boys and girls. The up to date news from the Kingdom is that that the King never really stopped grieving for the first Queen. The Real Queen, as we call her. He misses her more and more every day. And the more Snow White grows up, the more he misses her. Because she is becoming more and more like her mother every day.

Mary Lou And the Queen is horrible to Snow White. She treats her like trash. Sorry, dirt. Garbage. What’s the word? I know we don’t have any here in Rush because the Tidy Towns people do such great work keeping the place tidy. Don’t they, boys and girls?

Leo When the King is around, the Evil Queen…

Mary Lou Boooooooo


Leo Thank you, Mary Lou. When the King is around, the Evil Queen dresses Snow White in beautiful clothes. But when he’s not around, she dresses her in rags and makes sit in the kitchen with us. She makes her do all the nasty jobs.

Mary Lou This morning, the King is going to a far off land on a peace mission.

Leo Our King makes peace, not war.

Mary Lou And the Royal Household will gather in the Courtyard to say goodbye…..


2) Castle Courtyard

Found On – Townspeople gathered in the Royal Courtyard Storytellers stand and watch. They adore Snow White and bow when the King enters.

Voices Off.

Snow White Hello, Boys and Girls! Oh look, boys and girls. The courtyard is full of people, waiting to wave goodbye to Daddy. I wonder where he is. Probably giving his horse some breakfast for the long journey.

Voices Off.

Queen Oh, I wonder where he is. Feeding his horse. As if.

Townspeople cower down at the sound of her voice.

Voices Off.

Donald He has people to do that. Big oaf wouldn’t know how to feed his horse.

Queen Shut up, Donald. You little toad. Lie across that manure so I can get past you.

Donald OK, my most beautiful Queen.

Evil music plays as Queen enters, followed by Donald, covered in manure. Storytellers jump as they see her and then waft Donald’s aroma away.

Throughout, they taunt Donald and pick on him and laugh at him. Townspeople fall down as Queen enters.

Queen Oh what are you all booing about? You pathetic load of whining brats. Shut up. Haven’t you ever seen a Donald before?

Donald I think they’re booing you, my Queen.

Queen kicks Donald on the ground.

Queen What? Me? The most beautiful woman in all the land? Why would they boo me?

Mary Lou & Leo Can’t imagine / No idea / Beats me / Very strange altogether

Queen Shut up you two. Pair of clowns. They weren’t booing me, sure you weren’t, boys and girls?

Audience (led by Townspeople) – “Oh yes we were”

Queen Oh no you weren’t! X 3

Queen You’ll all pay for this later! Snow White. Come here!

Snow White Yes, mother.

Queen Don’t call me that! Now, when your father arrives, you stand by my side and hold my hand. And smile. Understand.

Snow White Yes, mother. I mean…

Queen Just get it right or you’ll be cleaning out Donald’s toilet for the rest of the year.

Mary Lou & Leo kick Donald

Trumpets Off, followed by cheering King enters with King’s Guard with coconut shells & Horse following

All on stage bow, except the Queen. Donald bows when kicked by Horse

King Greetings, my loyal people. I have a bitter-sweet task today. I must go on a peace mission to help those in a stricken land.

All cheer

King But first, I must say goodbye to you all.


All weep

King But I will return to you all in the Spring Time.

Mary Lou Oh yeah, it’s summer time now. We forgot to tell you that earlier.

Leo The seasons go by very quickly here – no idea what the weather will be like in the next scene.

King Snow White, come here. My dear daughter. You will be in charge of my household while I’m away. The Queen will be busy looking after the Kingdom so you must help and look after the castle and all of the servants.

Snow White Yes, father. I will take good care of all your loyal servants.

Mary & Leo (To Donald) You’re history, Toad Man.

King Even the Toady guy. What’s his name?

Donald Donald

King Yes, Donald. Thank you. Whoever said that.

Donald (To Mary Lou & Leo) You’re history, Toad Man. Nah nah nah nah nah.

King And now I must depart. Farewell to you all.

King kisses Snow White and shakes hands with the Queen, who crushes his hand. All weep, as King leaves with Horse and King’s Guard

Musical Number Townspeople & Snow White fill the stage

Alternate verses – Queen & Donald When Snow White has stage, Mary Lou & Leo taunt Donald

After number, scene ends with Mary Lou & Leo turning the page to the Queen’s Quarters and looking worried


3) Queen’s Quarters

Found On – The Mirror Evil music as the Queen and Donald enter

Mirror Good morning, my Queen

Queen Oh cut the pleasantries, you big tart. We all know, you can’t stand me.

Donald Yeah, cut the pleasantries, you big tart. We all know, you can’t stand her.

Queen Thank you, Toady. (Kicks Donald)

Donald That’s your fault. (Kicks Mirror)

Queen Enough. Now with the King gone, I will rule the entire Kingdom.

Donald Except the Royal Household. Snow White is in charge of that.

Queen Well she won’t be in charge of anything much from the kitchen.

Donald But the King said…

Queen Shut up! (Composing herself) Now, Mirror, you and I have some work to do.

Mirror Yes, of course. I forget myself. Go for it.

Queen Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror Why, you are, my Queen

Queen In all the land?

Mirror In all the land, there is no fairer than you, my Queen.

Queen You see, boys and girls. I am the fairest in the land.

Audience (led by S/R Off if necessary) – “Oh no, you’re not”

Queen Oh, yes, I am X 3 Tell them, mirror. Who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror She’s right, I’m afraid.

Queen exits. Evil laugh. Donald skips behind, thumbing his nose at the audience.

Mirror But not for long. As the years go by, Snow White is becoming fairer and fairer and soon she will be the fairest in the land.

Mary Lou You can’t ever tell here that.

Leo You know what will happen if you do.

Mirror I can’t lie to her. You know this.

Mary Lou Why not, you big old looking glass.

Leo Oooh, hit him where it hurts!

Mary Lou Shut up. We need to get to the bottom of this.

Mirror Because if I do, she will wreak vengeance on my friend, the King’s Guard

Leo Something funny about this. We’ll protect hi. Anyway, he’s away with the King and that stupid horse on their peace mission.

Mirror It can’t be done. When the time comes, I will tell her about Snow White.

Scene ends. Mary Lou and Leo enter to turn pages as Mirror exits sadly.


4) Castle Kitchen

Found On – Snow White (now an adult and in rags), Mary Lou & Leo

Mary Lou So the seasons have gone by at an alarming rate.

Leo The King has still not returned and his people are fearful for his wellbeing. Snow White wishes every day for his safe return. We try not to talk too much about him but she asks about him every day.

Mary Lou As you can see, Snow White has grown into a beautiful young woman.

Leo This is our way of telling you that years have gone by rather quickly. We wanted to bring you all the things that have happened in the meantime but most of you have the concentration span of chickens so you’ll have to take our word for it.

Snow White Do you think father will ever return?

Mary Lou Of course he will. Won’t he Leo?

Leo I should think so, Mary Lou. But we must keep ourselves busy.

Donald enters Off – booing

Donald What are you all booing about?

Mary Lou They’re booing because you keep licking up to the Queen.

Leo And she’s the enemy of our people.

Donald Oh, fake news! You should watch FOX more often.

Mary Lou Anyway, what do you want?

Donald The Queen needs water from the well for her bath. Snow White is to fetch it. Then she has to give me a bath later.

Leo Well, that’s not happening.

Donald Well, she needs the water anyway. Get to it.

Donald runs at Snow White. Mary Lou & Leo cut him off and chase him out.

Snow White I’ll go to the well. See you later, boys and girls.

Mary Lou & Leo turn the pages to the Courtyard and the Well As they re doing this, we hear Heigh Ho in the distance

Mary Lou What was that?

Leo Sounds like…

Mary Lou Seems that way.

Leo They’re early. Very early.

Leo Yes, thank you, Leo

Mary Lou & Leo make light of it and try to cover up the mistake with the technical & stage crew. They exit.


5) Castle Courtyard

Found On – Snow White (with a bucket) at the well & townspeople Musical Number

Snow White sings “I’m Wishing” * Prince enters S/R

Prince Hello

Snow White Oh

Prince I’m sorry, did I frighten you?

Snow White Oh

Snow White runs to the townspeople, who gather around her as she hides herself from Prince

Prince Wait, please

Prince concludes musical number with “One Song” ** while Snow White listens At conclusion of song, she exits

Prince Hello? Could anybody tell me where I could find your King?

Mary Lou He’s off on a peace mission

Prince Do you know when he will return?

Leo No, we don’t, I’m afraid. He was due back a long time ago. But he will come back. We know it. Who are you anyway?

Prince I’m a Prince from a distant land. I bring him news. His work is a great success and he is needed to sign the peace accord.

Mary Lou Hmmm. Well he headed east about 10 years ago.

Leo Seems strange that the King wouldn’t know this already.

Prince Well, we’ve been having trouble with rural broadband and the pigeons have all gone on strike.

Mary Lou Leo and I will sort all that out when we’re in power. Won’t we, Leo?

Leo We sure will, your Princeliness. Phew, he’s gorgeous.

Mary Lou He sure is. I’m coming over all peculiar like.

Prince East, you say! Horse. To the east!

Noises Off – coconut shells

Leo Well, that was refreshing. I think I need a lie down.

Mary Lou Think I’ll join you.

Scene ends as Mary Lou & Leo dreamingly turn the pages to the Queen’s quarters


* I’m Wishing ** One Song

Make a wish into the well That's all you have to do And if you hear it echoing Your wish will soon come true I'm wishing (I'm wishing) For the one I love To find me (To find me) Today (Today) I'm hoping (I'm hoping) And I'm dreaming of The nice things (The nice things) He'll say (He'll say) Ha ha ha ha ha (Ha ha ha ha ha) Ha ha ha ha ha (Ha ha ha ha ha) Ha ha ha ha ha (Ha ha ha ha ha) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm wishing (I'm wishing) For the one I love To find me (To find me) Today [Prince]: Today!

Now that I've found you Hear what I have to say! One Song I have but one song One song Only for you One heart Tenderly beating Ever entreating Constant and true One love That has possessed me One love Thrilling me through One song My heart keeps singing Of one love Only for you

Lines in () are echoes from the well.



Found On – Mirror and Donald Mary Lou & Leo look on

Donald Who was that singing out there?

Mirror Snow White and Prince Charming

Donald The Prince Charming

Mirror Do you know another?

Donald I know the best Prince Charming. The bestest, in fact.

Mirror Whatever

Evil music – Queen flourishes in

Queen Shut up with the booing.

Donald They weren’t booing you, were you boys and girls?

Queen You just never know when to stop talking, do you Donald?

Donald Well, in fact, I don’t think I do. I’m the bestest talker in all the land.

Queen Good grief. By the way, who was singing just now?

Mirror Snow White and Prince Charming

Queen WHAT!!! The Prince Charming?!?!?

Mirror Not this again.

Queen Hmm. Mirror, we have work to do.

Mirror GULP!

Queen Sorry?

Donald He said “GULP”

Queen Right. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror In all the land?

Queen Yes, in all the land.

Mirror The fairest?

Queen Yes, the fairest!

Mirror Of them all?

Queen (Deep breath) Yes, of them all!

Mirror In all the land?

Queen How long does this continue before I smash you into a thousand pieces? I’ll ask again. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror In all the land, Snow White is fairest of them all.

Mary Lou faints. Leo picks her up. Leo faints. Mary Lou picks him up. Dialogue continues

Queen WHAT!?! You lie!

Mirror I cannot lie. You know this. You made me like this.

Queen Have you made a mistake? Look again!

Mirror In all the land, Snow White is fairest of them all.


Donald Third time lucky?

Queen Donald, summon the Huntsman. Tell him to bring his axe.

Queen & Donald exit Mary Lou & Leo grab the mirror

Mary Lou You big shiny two-faced turncoat.

Mirror There is nothing I can do.

Leo We should smash you to pieces here and now.

Mirror You may need me in the future.

Mary Lou We must go find Snow White

Leo To the bat mobile!

Mary Lou Or the kitchen, maybe?

Leo OK. We’ll start in the kitchen.

Mary Lou & Leo exit Queen & Donald return with the Huntsman, with his axe

Queen Take Snow White deep into the forest and kill her.

Huntsman But, my Queen. Why? What has she done?

Queen Never mind. You don’t ask questions.

Donald Yeah, it’s none of your business.

Queen Shut up, Donald! Take her and kill her and tell me when it is done.

Huntsman Yes, my Queen.

Huntsman exits.

Queen I will be the fairest in the land again before long and I will be rid of that Snow White.

Queen exits. Donald skips behind. Donald returns to turn the page.

Donald Now, we’ll see what happens to your precious Snow White.


7) The Forest

Voices Off

Snow White Isn’t it a lovely day, Mr Huntsman? What’s your name, by the way?

Huntsman Bernard

Show White Really? You struck me more of a Vladimir or an Igor. You know, the strong, silent type.

They enter

Huntsman No. It’s Bernard. Now hurry along.

Snow White So where is this herb that you r mother needs?

Huntsman Deep into the forest. It cures her cough really well.

4 small animals enter from the wings. 2 rabbits & 2 squirrels. 2 run ahead while the other 2 bite the Huntsman on the ankles

Snow White Oh look. Aren’t they so cute?

Huntsman Ow!

Snow White What happened? Oh (laughing), they’re just playing with you.

When Snow White is looking, the animals are cute. But they turn on the Huntsman when she is not looking.

Huntsman No they’re not. They vicious!

Snow White Oh don’t be silly now. They’re just cutsie little animals. They just want to play.

Huntsman Ow. Oh sweet….that really [Sound Effect] hurt.

Snow White Bernard. I’m shocked. Look at their tiny little faces. They just want to be friends.

Snow White bends down to cuddle the animals. Her back is to the Huntsman. He draws out his axe and raises it above his head.

Rabbits run at him. Squirrels try to shield Snow White. She turns around but falls back to the ground.

Mayhem as all 4 animals try to disarm the Huntsman, who keeps his axe over his head.

Snow White Agghhh. Bernard. What are you doing? They’re just tiny animals.

Huntsman I…I…I…thought we might have one for our dinner.

Animals look on as if to say “yeah right – pull the other one”

Snow White But there’s plenty of food in the kitchen. We don’t need to kill these little guys.

Bernard Perhaps you’re right.

He reaches down to help her up. As she stands upright, he raises the axe again. Animals again swing out of his legs. He freezes as she looks into his eyes.

Snow White Bernard! What is it? What’s wrong?

Huntsman It’s you. It’s you I have to kill. I have orders to kill you.

Snow White faints. As Huntsman bends down to pick her up, the animals lie in front of her

He lays his axes aside and they stand down.

Snow White But why? Why Bernard? Who would give you such an order?

Bernard The Queen, my Lady.


Animals Boooooooooooooo. (Encouraging the audience to join in) Boooooooooooooo.

Snow White The Queen? But Why?

Huntsman So, the boys and girls already know this bit. While I bring you up to speed on the last 15 years, why don’t they take a look and see what’s happening back at the ranch, er castle?

Animals turn the pages to reveal the Castle Courtyard


8) Castle Courtyard

Voices Off

Mary Lou Hurry up, Leo. There’s no time to stop for a manicure.

Leo I don’t want a manicure. I just want to touch up my tan.

Mary Lou Your tan? I’m sweating here. I have a face like a beetroot.

Entering Leo looking radiant.

Mary Lou looking the worse for wear.

Leo Hello, boys and girls. We’re looking for Snow White. We can’t find her anywhere.

Mary Lou Maybe the boys and girls have seen her. Have you seen Snow White, boys and girls?

Leo What? The forest. What’s she doing there?

Mary Lou We better go to the mirror and ask him what the update is.

Leo To the bat mobile!

Mary Lou We don’t have a bat mobile!!!

Leo Well, I’ll get Pascal to buy us one in the budget.

Mary Lou Right. But right now we need to go ask the mirror what’s going on.

Leo So we’ll go to……..?

Mary Lou The Queen’s boudoir.

Leo (Sniggering) Her what?

Mary Lou Her boudoir.

Leo What’s that?

Mary Lou Her bedroom!

Leo In the bat mobile?

Mary Lou No. We’ll walk!!!

Leo I think we should run.

Mary Lou More running?!?

Leo Sure. Come on, Mary Lou

Exit as they turn the pages to the Queen Quarters



Found On – The Mirror

Mirror Oh hello, boys and girls. What a pickle we’re all in. The whole kingdom is in uproar. Oh, look who it is. This pair of eejits, thinking they’re going to solve all our problems.

Mary Lou and Leo enter

Mary Lou (Panting) Mirror, what’s happening?

Leo You know, I’m missing my Pilates class for this.

Mirror It’s far from Pilates you were reared.

Mary Lou Actually, it’s not, you know.

Mirror Ooooh, meow. And I’m sure there were plenty of Pilates where you came from anyway.

Leo Never mind all this. My personal trainer says I can make up an extra class tomorrow.

Mary Lou There won’t be a tomorrow for us if the Queen gets her way.

Voices Off The Queen approaches – we hear her evil laugh

Mary Lou and Leo hide The Queen and Donald enter

Queen Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror Snow White.

The Queen is dumbstruck

Donald That’s it?!? Snow White!!! No build up. No dramatic tension.

Mirror Ah, go and ask me [Sound Effect]

Donald Nice!!!

Queen What do you mean Snow White? But I ordered that’s she be killed!

Mirror Well, you should have picked somebody other than Bernard then.

Donald Hmph. Bernard. Couldn’t kill a fly. You should have picked me!

Queen You?!?

Mirror (Wheezing laugh) You?!? But don’t you have bad heels?

Donald Fake news!

Queen Enough! Where is she now?

Mirror I don’t know. She is somewhere deep in the kingdom but I cannot see her.

Queen You lie!

Mirror Again with the lying! You know I cannot lie to you.

Queen Donald, bring me the potion bottle with the nose on the label.

Donald reaches behind the set and retrieves the bottle without looking

Mirror What are you going to do?

Queen I’m going to kill Snow White myself. And when I get back, I’m going to kill Bernard.

The Queen drinks the potion. A puff of smoke and she is turned into an old hag. Donald looks around quizzically

Donald Hello. You haven’t seen the Queen, have you?


Mirror Good grief.

Hag It’s me, Donald! The Queen. I turned myself into an old hag.

Donald Good grief.

Hag Now, bring me the basket of apples that I’ve been storing up for this very moment.

Donald reaches behind the set and retrieves the basket without looking Mirror looks on in amazement

Donald Can I have one?

Hag NO!

Mirror Go on. Let him have one.

Hag Come, Donald. We have work to do.

Hag and Donald exit Mary Lou and Leo return

Leo Mirror, do you know where Snow White is?

Mirror No.

Mary Lou & Leo Tell us, you vain little….. Tell us or we smash you….. and this time we mean business.

Mirror I cannot see where she is. Something tall in the kingdom is blocking my view.

Leo Well, it could be me. I’ll stand aside for a moment.

Mary Lou You’re not that tall.

Leo Tall and dashing, I believe is the term.

Mary Lou Ohhhh. Right, what’s blocking your view?

Mirror Something very big on the horizon. Green. Tall. Rising out of the ground. Covered in grass.

Mary Lou Tesco?

Leo The theatre?

Mary Lou The library?

Mirror It has grass on it!!!

Mary Lou & Leo Give up.

Mirror A mountain!!! You idiots!!!

Mary Lou & Leo Euuuuooooo! Who’s in a mood?

Mirror Get moving!

Leo Eh, where?

Mary Lou To the forest?

Mirror TO THE MOUNTAIN!!!

Leo Ah ha! The mountain is in the way!!!

Mary Lou To the mountain!

Mary Lou and Leo exit, turning the page to the Forest as they go.


10) The Forest

Entering S/R – Snow White & The Animals Animals Running ahead

Snow White Oh, boys and girls. What should I do? The Queen wants to kill me. And I’m in the forest all alone. [Animals tug at her] Well, I have these little guys to keep me company. But Leo and Mary Lou are back at the Castle and they’re probably worrying about me. What should I do?

Heigh-Ho heard again Animals run about and drag Snow White along. Exit S/L

One animal runs back and changes the page to reveal the outside of the Cottage. Snow White and other animals re-enter S/R

Snow White Oh, look, boys and girls. What a beautiful little cottage. I wonder who lives here?

Animals turn the page to reveal the inside of the cottage. Door appears. Snow White and animals enter, as furniture appears. Place is messy. Plates, cups, pots, pans, clothes everywhere.

Snow White Oh what a cute little place. And what cute little chairs. But, my oh my, what a mess these people have made. Come on, guys, lets tidy this place up.

Snow White sings “Whistle while you work” as she and the animals tidy up the cottage. When they are finished, Snow White is tired.

Snow White Well, boys and girls, it’s been such a long day. I think I need to lie down and get some rest. See you later!

Snow White and the animals exit S/R. Heigh Ho starts. Stops. Starts. Stops. Off “Are we OK to go this time?”

Off – “Get on with it” Heigh Ho in full throttle as Dwarfs enter theatre.


11) The Cottage

After Dwarfs finish Heigh Ho, they enter the cottage They see how tidy it is.

Doc Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Grumpy Surprise? Get my shotgun and I’ll hunt down whoever did this!

Happy Well, I’m sure I agree with Doc. This is most agreeable, don’t you think, boys and girls?

Grumpy Happy! Happy! Happy! Always Happy!

Happy Happy by name, happy by…

Grumpy Yeah, yeah, we know.

Doc Maybe we should find out who did it.

Happy And thank them. After all, it was getting very difficult to find my vest each morning.

Grumpy Thank them. Why, I’m gonna ring their neck. I’m gonna tear them, limb from limb. I’m gonna shred them and sprinkle them on my…

Doc Well, Doc, maybe we should find them first, eh? Now, no more talk of guns for the moment please.

Grumpy Grrr, hmmphhhh, grrrrr

Happy Where shall we look?

Meanwhile, Sleepy has fallen asleep and is propped up on a piece of furniture. Dopey is sloped up against him and is playing with a toy he has taken from his pocket. Bashful watches the discussion between the 3 with avid

interest, getting quite frightened when Doc gets angry. Sneezy sneezes in time with Bashful’s fear.

Doc Maybe upstairs might be a good place to start.

Grumpy I’ll lead the way. Come on, men!

They fall over each other, trip and bump into each other s they go to follow Grumpy, who becomes increasingly annoyed by their incompetence. Eventually they arrive in the bedroom, with Dopey turning the page as they tip-

toe in. Once inside the bedroom, they discover Snow White, asleep in one of the beds.

Mayhem ensues in silence. Bashful faints frequently. The others must stop Sneezy from sneezing. Happy is smiling broadly. Doc is inquisitive. Grumpy is held back by Dopey and Sleepy. Sleepy keeps falling asleep, Dopey

catches him, wakes him; and then goes to restrain Grumpy again. The animals, who are awake, try to stop Grumpy whenever he escapes from Dopey and Sneezy.

Eventually, Snow White is woken by Sneezy, the dwarfs having failed to stifle his last sneeze. They all run and hide behind each other in line, with Grumpy at the end and Doc at the front.

Snow White screams. Bashful faints and they fall in a heap. Doc dusts himself off and stands with Grumpy.

Snow White Oh, hello there. Well, you’re all so cute.

Doc Well, hello. And who might you be?

Show White Why, I’m Snow White. The Princess.

Doc The Princess? Well, I’m Doc. And this is Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful, Dopey and Grumpy

As Doc introduces them, they act out their character traits.

Snow White Hello, pleased to meet you.

Happy Was it you who tidied up the kitchen?

Snow White Well, yes, it was. I hope you don’t mind. It was terribly messy.


Grumpy Well, maybe that’s the way we like it.

Snow White Oh, I’m so sorry.

Doc Oh, don’t mind him. [To Grumpy] Will you please mind your manners.

Happy Excuse me, Ms White.

Snow White Oh, it’s Snow White.

Happy Excuse me, Snow White. Did you happen to find my vest?

Snow White Well, I found a number of vests. They’re washed and the little birds are drying them.

Grumpy Oooh, the little birds are drying them. Well, thank you. I’m sure you’d like to be getting back to wherever you came from.

Snow White Oh, of course, Mr Grumpy. I’ll be on my way.

Doc Now, let’s not be too hasty. What brings you to the forest, Snow White?

Snow White Well, it’s quite a long story.

As Snow White tells her story, the animals sit on the floor and listen intently with the dwarfs. All the dwarfs are hanging on to her every word. Grumpy pretends to be dis-interested and cynical about the

whole thing. One of the animals turns the page as we switch back to the forest, where our Leo and Mary Lou are walking

with Bernard.


12) The Forest

Leo and Mary Lou enter, pushing Bernard ahead of them.

Leo So, Bernard. Weren’t so brave after all, were you?

Bernard I never claimed to be brave.

Mary Lou Where to next.

Bernard I can’t remember.

Leo & Mary Lou WHAT!?!

Bernard Well, it was dark and overgrown and well, I really don’t have a good head for forests and things. I’ve spent most of my life inside the castle walls, you know.

Leo But you’re the Huntsman.

Mary Lou So, don’t you like, you know, hunt things?

Bernard Well, technically, yes. But I usually buy the meat in the butchers. It saves a lot of time.

Leo Great, a Huntsman who doesn’t like the countryside.

Mary Lou So, any ideas? Any tree or bush you might recognise?

Bernard Well, they all look the same to me.

Leo Wait! I recognise that tree!

Mary Lou And I recognise that rock!

Bernard Really? That’s fascinating. Have you been here before?

Leo & Mary Lou No. Never.

Bernard Well well. What clever people you are. You certainly are a wonderful team….

Dawning realisation on Leo and Mary Lou, as Bernard continues to blather on

Mary Lou Yes, Bernard. Do you have any idea why we recognise this part of the forest?

Bernard Well, as I say, you must be very clever people.

Leo Even though we’ve never been here before.

Bernard Well, yes, quite, indeed.

Leo and Mary Lou start to beat Bernard. Dialogue continues over beating.

Leo We’ve come back the way we came.

Mary Lou Exactly the way we came. We’re going to be here for months at this rate.

Leo Actually, that might suit us.

Mary Lou What? How could that suit us? What about Snow White?

Leo Well, things are moving rather quickly on the other pages. So in fact, time is passing slowly over there. And now that the Queen is an old hag, it’s going to take her quite a while to get to the cottage. So if we take a long time…..

Mary Lou OK OK. I get it. But we don’t have to stop beating this idiot, right?

Leo Of course not.

They exit, turning the page to the cottage.


13) The Cottage

Snow White, the Dwarfs and the animals are still in the bedroom. Happy and Bashful are crying and hiding their tears

Sneezy is stifling a sneeze. Sleepy is trying very hard to stay awake. Dopey is looking dreamily at Snow White.

Snow White And that’s how I ended up here.

Doc Oh my, of dear, of what a terrible story.

Grumpy Oh dear, oh my. Huumpph. That’s what I say. Throw her out.

The animals run at Grumpy. Dopey falls over.

Snow White Well, of course, I don’t want to outstay my welcome.

Grumpy Out. Off with you. If that evil Queen finds her here, we’re all toast.

Happy Oh, yes please. With some butter.

Grumpy slaps Happy on the back of the head. Happy pokes Grumpy in the eye.

They tussle and Doc separates them.

Grumpy Hmmphh. Not so happy now, are you?

Doc Now let’s all stay calm. Let’s weigh up the options.

Happy Yes, I think she should stay.

Grumpy Well, we’ve managed fine without her type around here for generations.

Doc Her type?

During the next sequence, the dwarfs agree with Grumpy and Doc alternatively

Grumpy Big people. What have they ever done for us?

Doc Well, Snow White cleaned up that awful mess downstairs.

Grumpy OK, apart from cleaning up, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc They built the bridge over the valley that saves us a long journey to the mines every day.

Grumpy OK. Apart from cleaning and bridges, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc That built that road that Dopey uses to go to the orchard.

Grumpy OK. Apart from cleaning, bridges and roads, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc Well, you know it’s safe to walk the forest at night now that the police have sorted out all those nasty trolls.

Grumpy OK, apart from cleaning, bridges, roads and police, what have big people every done for us?

Doc Well, that nice man at the end of the lane always lifts me up to see the over the wall into the castle whenever I go to town.

Grumpy OK, apart from cleaning, bridges, roads, police and lifting us up, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc They buy all the jewels we dig out of the mine.

Grumpy OK, apart from cleaning, bridges, roads, police, lifting us up and commerce, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc Why, I’m sure there’s something else. But I can’t seem to think right now.

Happy They always give us lifts in their coaches whenever we go to visit the dwarfs in the valley.


Grumpy OK, apart from cleaning, bridges, roads, police, lifting us up. Commerce and transport, what have big people ever done for us?

Doc I think Snow White should stay here with us.

All the other dwarfs and the animals cheer and celebrate.

Grumpy We’re doomed. Doomed, I tell you!

Snow White Oh, thank you, Doc. Grumpy, you’ll see. We’ll all be so happy here.

Grumpy Hmmphh.

Snow White kisses Grumpy. Furious, he retreats to a corner and quietly strokes his forehead. Scene closes and Dopey turn the page.


14) The Forest

Queen (Old Hag) & Donald enter, walking through the forest

Queen Wait for me, you little toad.

Donald Hey, less of the toad business. You need me to make you great again!

Queen When we get back, I’ll make you into whatever I want.

Donald Don’t forget, I’m the greatest servant that ever was.

Queen How long before we get there.

Donald Well, according to the story, er, I mean this map, we’ve at least a week to go.

Queen A week!

Donald Look, it’s the longest journey EVER! More miles than anybody else has EVER travelled. In the history of epic journeys.

Queen SHUT UP. When we’re finished, I’m going to be the fairest in the land again. [To audience] And you’re precious Snow White will be no more. I’m the most wonderful Queen that ever was!

Oh no you’re not etc.

Queen We’ll see. Come on Donald!

Donald mocks the audience as he turns the pages and they exit.


15) The Cottage

Snow White and the dwarfs are finishing their dinner

Happy Well, that was the finest meal we’ve ever had.

Doc It was simply delicious. Thanks you, Snow White

Grumpy Not too bad, I have to admit.

The dwarfs get up from the table.

Snow White Oh no. Manners please. You must wash up after you.

Grumpy WHAT?!? I thought you were going to do all that.

Doc Well, of course. Where’s your manners? [Hits Grumpy over his head]

Grumpy Hmmphh.

Happy Come on. Let’s get this done. Then we’ll have music.

The dwarfs tidy up Whistle While You Work.

COMIC SLAPSTICK, involving Dwarfs putting things away. TO BE SET IN REHEARSAL When finished, they sing for Snow White.

The Yodel Song. Song ends.

Snow White Now, let’s get you all to bed. You’ve a lot of work to do tomorrow.

Happy Will you tell us a goodnight story?

Snow White Why, of course I will.

Dopy turns the pages to the bedroom. Bashful and Sneezy roll out the beds.

Sleepy falls into bed. The others follow.

Happy Tell us a happy story.

Snow White tells the story of the Prince and her. Grumpy feigns disinterest in the story until the end, when he can’t help himself but ask a question.

Snow White Once there was a Princess.

Happy Was the Princess you?

Snow White And she fell in love.

Doc Was it hard to do?

Snow White It was very easy. Anyone could see that the Prince was charming. The only one for me.

Happy Was he strong and handsome?

Doc Was he big and tall?

Snow White There’s nobody like him. Anywhere at all?

Happy Did he say he loved you?

Grumpy Did he steal a kiss?

The other dwarfs look around in amazement!

Snow White [Singing] He was so romantic…Some Day My Prince Will Come *


At the end of the song, Snowe White kisses them all goodnight, blows out the candle and exits. Moonlight shines in.

Doc Goodnight Snow White.

Happy See, Doc. See how happy we are?

Grumpy Hmmphh. Happy! My foot.

They all settle down. Twisting and turning. Silence for a moment. Then Loud fart sound.

Grumpy Who did that?

Doc [Chuckling] Excuse me. Why I haven’t had such fine turnips since I was a boy.

Loud fart sound.

Grumpy Now who was that?

Happy Oh, I beg your pardon. The turnips were mighty fine.

Multiple fart sounds.

Grumpy All right, who did that?

All the dwarfs laugh and continue with several more fart sounds.

Grumpy All right. All right. Quit it.

Silence. Then a single major fart sound.

Then silence. Then as Snow White re-enters

Grumpy Excuse me. I don’t usually eat turnips.

Snow White Why, Grumpy. I’m surprised at you.

All the dwarfs laugh

Grumpy But but but…It wasn’t just me…But…but…but

Snow White Now, Grumpy. Go to sleep and don’t keep everybody awake.

Snow White exits. Dwarfs laugh hysterically.

Scene ends with more fart sounds. Animals turn pages.


* Some Day My Prince Will Come

He was so romantic I could not resist

Someday my prince will come Someday we'll meet again And away to his castle we'll go To be happy forever I know

Someday when spring is here We'll find our love anew And the birds will sing And wedding bells will ring Someday when my dreams come true


16) The Cottage Exterior (Day Time)

Snow White and the animals are found on.

Snow White Well, what a beautiful day, boys and girls. The dwarfs and I are very happy here in this little cottage. I don’t think anything could stop me from being happy for the rest of my life.

Queen and Donald enter. Animals go ballistic.

They run at Donald but are afraid of the Queen.

Queen I’m an old woman who time is short and whose legs are tired.

Donald Or are you an old woman whose legs are short?

Queen slaps Donald.

Snow White Oh, hello. What brings you to the forest?

Queen I’m on a visit to the valley.

Donald You wouldn’t believe how long it took us to get here. And I’m running really short of fake tan. You don’t happen to have nay to spare, do you?

Queen slaps Donald. Donald falls over.

Snow White Oh, are you OK?

Queen He’s fine. He bounces back every time. I wonder could I trouble you for a glass of water please?

Snow White Oh, of course, I’ll be right back.

Queen addresses audience.

Queen Now, your precious Snow White is in my grasp. Her pretty skin and beautiful smile. She’s the most stupidest girl in the land.

Oh no she isn’t etc. Donald gets into the swing of things.

Queen Shut up. She’s coming back.

Snow White Here you go.

Queen Oh, thank you. Now, you must have one of my apples before I go on my way.

Animals go berserk, trying to snatch the apple away from her but she thwarts them. Donald gets into a fight with the animals.

Snow White Now, now. The kind lady has given me a gift. I’ll have it after my dinner. Thank you.

Queen NO. NOW. I mean, ahem, it will spoil if you leave it. Taste it now.

Snow White Oh, very well.

Animals try to stop her but she bites the apple. She feels faint and falls to the ground.

Thunder sounds. Lightning, Animals run and hide. Queen cackles in triumph &She returns to her old self.

Queen At last, I’m rid of the horrible Snow White.

Donald Oh, where did you come from?

Queen Shut up. We have to get back to the mirror!

Donald turns the page as they exit.


17) The Forest

Leo, Mary Lou and Bernard are still walking

Leo Well, at least we’re getting plenty of exercise, eh Mary Lou.

Mary Lou Oh give it a rest about the exercise. My dogs are barking!

Bernard Dogs? Where? I’m not terribly fond of dogs.

Leo A huntsman who doesn’t like the countryside or dogs! Jeez.

Mary Lou I can’t take much more of this. And I forgot my makeup bag.

Bernard What’s that sound?

In the distance, we hear horse’s hooves. The hooves get louder, as the three look around.

Eventually, the King, his Guard and the Prince enter S/R

King Aha, Leo and Mary Lou. And Bernard too! Tis good to see familiar faces.

Leo My liege.

Mary Lou My kingliness.

Bernard My God. I’m done for.

King What brings you top the forest.

Leo You know, you really couldn’t have come back at a worse time.

King Why? What is the matter? I’m back from my peace mission. Took a little longer than I thought, mind you. But how goes all in my Kingdom.

Mary Lou Oh, wonderful. Not a bother. Everything is just hunky dory.

Bernard Oh, yes please. Cheese and Onion if you have some.

Leo Shut up, you idiot!

King I’m sensing that all is not well.

Mary Lou Oh no, everything is fine. Oh, and who might this be?

King My guards. You remember him? Mind you, he’s put on a few pounds.

Leo Eh, no. The other guy. He’s gorgeous.

King Ah yes, the Prince. He helped me on my mission and I’ve brought him back to introduce him properly to Snow White. He says he met her once in the courtyard.

Mary Lou Of right, GULP. Well, why don’t you all ride back to the castle and we’ll catch up with you all later? We’ve a lot of catching up to do, isn’t that right, Leo?

Leo Oh yes. A lot of catching up.

King Now, now. Tell me what is going on here? Something is afoot.

Bernard Something is afoot alright.

Leo & Mary Lou Well, you see…it wasn’t our fault…the mirror…we didn’t ask her to do it…he wouldn’t tell us where she was…she sent this idiot to kill her…then she’s going to do it herself…

King Silence. One voice. Tell me what’s going on!

Leo& Mary Lou begin the story. Miming as lights fade and Bernard turns pages.



Mirror found on Queen and Donald enter

Mirror Well, if it’s not the Lone Ranger and Bozo!

Queen It’s done! Done, I tell you!

Mirror What’s done?

Queen She’s dead.

Mirror What?

Donald She’s dead.

Mirror Thank you, Toady. That was a rhetorical question.

Donald A what? Is that from the Failing New York Times?

Queen Shut up! Mirror, I have a question for you!

Mirror Really? Well, I didn’t see that coming.

Donald Like Crooked Hilary!

Queen Silence. My question.

Mirror Go for it!

Queen Well, you could be a bit more enthusiastic.

Mirror Zippidee do da.

Queen [Cackling] AHA. I am the fairest of them all! Snow White is no more. She sleeps with the fishes.

Donald Really? I didn’t notice any fishes in the forest.

Mirror Oh good grief.

Queen Well, she sleeps the eternal sleep. Now, mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Mirror You, my Queen, are the fairest in all the land…

Queen Ha ha. At last, I am the fairest of them all.

Queen and Donald go to exit

Mirror But should Snow White awaken from her sleep…

Queen turns on her heels, knocking Donald over

Queen What do you mean by that?

Mirror You cannot take life from somebody as beautiful as Snow White. Your powers are not as strong as you think. Your apple merely put her into a deep sleep. But should she awaken…

Queen How could she wake up? Who has powers greater than me?

Mirror A kiss from her one true love would waken her.

Queen And who might that be? Tell me, you twisted shiny old bucket.

Mirror Euuuwww. Hit me where it hurts, eh!?!

Queen Tell me or I’ll get this idiot to break you into a thousand pieces!

Mirror Her Prince Charming, of course. The one who sang in the courtyard.


Queen But he went off to help that idiot husband of mine. Your beloved King. They’ll never make it back here alive.

Mirror Ah, but today, they arrived back in the Kingdom. Their mission is over. And now, the King seeks Snow White. The Prince has asked the King permission for her hand in marriage.

Queen What?!? He’s back!!!??? Donald, sell the BMW! Buy a Toyota instead.

Donald [To the audience] Anybody else really confused about timelines here? You see, it seems we were walking in the forest for weeks. Snow White seemed to be pretty well set up in that cottage. No sign of that other Leo and Mary Lou. And after we did the whole apple thing, we seemed to get back here pretty quickly. Now the King is back on the same day. All seems pretty suspicious to me. I blame the media, of course.

Mirror It’s a Panto, you idiot. You suspend your intelligence. Oh, of course, that might be difficult for you, Toady!

Donald All right, that’s it!

Queen Enough!!! We need to get back to the forest. We have to stop the King. Or the Prince. I’ll need a new poison. No, they’ll never fall for that again. Come on, we’ll think of something on the way.

Donald What about your old hag potion?

Queen Oh, we don’t have time for that.

Queen pulls out a false nose (carrot shaped) and puts it over her face

Donald Oh, hello. Have you seen the Queen?

Mirror It’s a wonder you never get anything done!

Queen [To Donald] Grab him and bring him with us!

Donald Right, off you go.

Mirror Well, in all my days, I’ve never been so affronted…

They exit. Donald returns to turn the page.


19) Cottage (Exterior)

The dwarfs have placed Snow White on a bier. She is surrounded by flowers. The animals sit at the base. The dwarfs sit around her.

Grumpy holds her hands in his.

Doc Well, boys and girls. This is the saddest day we’ve ever had in the forest.

Happy And nobody is happy today.

Grumpy I knew no good would come of all this.

Dopey puts his arms around Grumpy, who cries into Dopey’s chest.

Doc We can’t even think what to sing. Even the birds are quiet today.

In the distance, we hear horse’s hooves. The hooves get louder, as the dwarfs and animals look around.

Eventually, the King, his Guard, the Prince, Leo, Mary Lou and Bernard enter S/R

King Good day, my loyal subjects.

The dwarfs and animals stand and bow. Except Grumpy

Doc We are sorry to bring you such bad news, my liege. Snow White has died.

Grumpy This is the saddest day we have ever known and I cannot to bow to you. Especially since we live in an autonomous collective. But we won’t go into that today. I’m not leaving Snow White’s side for any man.

King Not even for her Prince?

Grumpy What? Her Prince? He’s here?

Prince Yes.

Grumpy stands aside. The Prince walks to where Snow White lies, as we hear One Song in the background

They watch as he bends to kiss her She wakens, as the background music changes to Some Day My Prince Will Come

The dwarfs and animals And all the good guys cheer and celebrate. Leo and Mary Lou faint.

Snow White Oh my, what happened? Oh, you came for me. Oh, my little friends. And Father is here! What a day this has been!

Doc Yes, Panto timelines are funny like that.

King Snow White. You fill my heart with joy. Go with your Prince and be happy. And as for you all, we have much to talk about when we get back.

Snow White kisses the King, the dwarfs, Leo and Mary Lou goodbye and waves to the animals Snow White and Prince leave as Some Day My Prince Will Come plays again.

Leo, Mary Lou and Bernard look worried but relieved. They all watch as they leave

THEN The Queen, Donald and the Mirror enter. The Queen whips off her fake nose.

King Ah, my Queen. How wonderful to see you. How have you been?

Queen Oh, er, em, well, you know, pining away. So, eh, when did you get back? If I’d known you were coming, I’d have baked a cake.

Donald Really? I didn’t know you baked.

Queen Shut up!


King So, my loyal subjects have been telling me all about you.

Queen Oh, well, that’s nice of them. All good, I hope.

King Not quite. Guard, bring me the stocks.

Guard exits

Queen So, how was your mission?

King Never mind all that. Mirror, I free you from your bond.

The Mirror steps out from his trap. His face lights up and he faints. Leo and Mary Lou pick him up.

Leo There’s quite a lot of fainting, isn’t there?

Mary Lou For a Panto, yes.

Donald You know, I pictured you completely different.

Mirror Thank you, my liege.

King Your torment is over. Go and be happy.

Guard returns with 2 sets of stocks.

Guard Both of them?

King Oh yeah

Guard places the Queen and Donald in the stocks, helped by Leo and Mary Lou

Donald I’ll appeal this to the Supreme Court

King Go ahead. Be my guest.

Queen This is intolerable. Boys and girls. Help me.

King Fire at will, my people.

The animals and dwarfs throw fruit at the pair, as they shriek and protest The other depart

The Guard and the Mirror embrace Bernard kneels before the King, who places his hand on his shoulder in forgiveness

The King, Leo and Mary Lou look back at the audience and walk off arm in arm

Queen You’ll pay for this

Donald I’ll be back. Just you wait and see.

Courtiers return and carry off the Queen and Donald in the stocks.

Curtain

Leo and Mary Lou return in front of Curtain

Audience number – the Rubbish Song

FINALE

Documents

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - millbanktheatre.ie · Snow White Possibly The Queen? Audience Participation Number The Rubbish Song – Pre Finale Snow White No Snow White in the