Snapshots and Sensory Details in Writing

Elisabeth Charboneau

Ramsey Junior High School/Middle School

elisabeth.charboneau@spps.org

Demographics of Ramsey Junior High/Middle School in St. Paul

About 550 students (will be 750 in fall with 6th grade added)

Approximately 75% of our students receive free/reduced lunch

ELLs: 14%, but 30% are second-language learners

SpEd: 17%

Black 40%

White 25%

Asian 23%

Hispanic 10%

Native American 2%

Turn Around School

Three years ago, the district brought in a new principal

Each year for the past three years, we have had at least one new administrative intern/assistant principal

More than 50% of the staff is new to the school within the past three years

I have taught at Ramsey for two years (I was also a student there myself)

My Classroom

Background on lesson

Used in a 7th grade Foundations unit while students are working on writing personal narratives, but could be applicable for any narrative/creative writing unit

Before having students write their own personal narratives, we look at several excerpts from memoirs written by a variety of authors

I’ve changed this lesson somewhat, so I’d appreciate any constructive criticism you have to offer

Standard

7.7.3.3.d. Use precise words and phrases, relevant descriptive details, figurative and sensory language to capture the action and convey experiences and events.

Bellwork 7-19-13In your writer’s notebook:

Brainstorm a list of three memories you have of a particular moment that stands out vividly in your mind—try to name the location and event

Examples: 1) Sitting in the hospital waiting room, waiting for my younger brother to be born

2) Walking to the end of the beach path in Le Havre, France to clear my mind after a bad day

3) Going downhill skiing for the first time in the mountains

Goal/Guiding Question

Goal: I will be able to use “snapshots” in my writing to add sensory details to my descriptions.

Guiding Question: What is a snapshot and how do I use them?

Review

What are sensory details?

Reviewing Sensory DetailsFirst write your name on the note card I

give you

Purple=Sight (things you might see)

Green=Sound (things you might hear)

Blue=Touch (things you might feel)

Orange=Smell (things you might smell)

Reviewing Sensory Details

Number your note card 1-4, leaving at least two lines for each number.

1.

2.

3.

4.

http://www.huttoedc.com/facts.aspx

http://www.zmescience.com/ecology/environmental-issues/green-forest-06062011/

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2008/04/corzine_blasts_ny_officials_fo.html

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5bqxlphX51qe0os7.jpg

Snapshots

A snapshot creates a picture in the reader’s mind. To write a snapshot, you want to zoom in and study the scene you want to recreate closely. Slow down your senses. Really observe the world you are trying to recreate. What do you want your reader to see, hear, taste, smell, or feel?

Example-Little House in the Big WoodsLaura Ingalls Wilder may have begun writing with this

idea in mind: “Ma put the kids to bed and did some sewing till they fell asleep.”

To improve on this, she may have asked herself the following questions:What did Ma do to put the girls to bed?What did the girls look at?What did Ma’s hair look like?What were Ma’s hands doing?How much light was in the room?What did the needle sound like when it hit against

the thimble?What did the thread sound like when it went through

calico?

Example-Little House in the Big Woods

Before: “Ma put the kids to bed and did some sewing till they fell asleep.”

After: “Ma kissed them both, and tucked the covers in around them. They lay there awhile, looking at Ma’s smooth, parted hair and her hands busy with sewing in the lamplight. Her needle made little clicking sounds against her thimble and then the thread went softly, swish, through the pretty calico that Pa had traded furs for.”

Another example Without a

snapshot:

My mother was sitting

by the fireplace.

With a snapshot:

She was sitting by the fire with her head down, looking at the dog. As she was looking, she was petting the sleeping dog with a brown and shiny coat. She was being warmed by the fire in the olive and black stove. She was sitting with her other hand on her lap holding a cigarette. She seemed to be thinking hard about something, something important to her. Maybe her children, maybe her dog. No one knows what.

References

After the End by Barry Lane

http://www.ashland-city.k12.oh.us/staff/jurawson/PDFs/snapshots.pdf

Barry Lane’s snapshot—writing his favorite day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxdrOWUCu48

Explode a Moment—Barry Lane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA9YeKBRaL8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KykziiHpyuo&feature=endscreen&NR=1