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                                          By Victoria Rideout

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I stand before the window that makes up the back wall off my office, and stare out into the city.                                     Pinks and yellows make the sky beautiful as the sun sets over the tall buildings. I reach into my pocket                                     and take out a full pack of cigarettes, I shake out one and light it, slowly putting it to my mouth and                                         breathing in the smoke. The first time I walked through this city of New York the first thing that caught                                     my eyes were the brilliant buildings, and how they seemed to reach to the heavens. Just the look of them                                     made me feel powerful. Even though I didn’t create them, I’m part of the society that did, and that                                   means a lot. I still stand at the window, drinking in the wonderful sight as the phone on my wooden desk                                       starts to ring. Silently I drag my hand through my dark hair as I pick up the phone on my desk, irritation                                         seeping into my skin.

“Daniel Smith of SD Electronics speaking, who is this?” I ask this bluntly. I’ve always hated                             talking on the phone with others, and I’ve never really mastered politeness or formalities when talking on                               one. I usually have my secretary take calls, unless its someone speaking about a personal matter. As the                                 voice on the other end begins to talk I understand why the call was sent to me.

“Dan, how have you been,” and excited voice, thick with a southern accent, squeaks into my                             ear, “why don’t you ever call me?” I sigh out a breath.

“I’ve been a little busy, Becky, sorry I haven’t called recently.” My voice is softer now as I hear                                   the worry in her voice.

“You should really come home some time, It ain’t good for you to be working so hard, me and                                   dad are always worried about you.” Hope floods her voice as she says this, and it almost breaks my                                   heart to deny her to see her older brother.

“I’m really sorry Beck, you know I don’t have time right now,” at my pause I here a small                                   breath let out on the other side of the phone, “I promise I’ll come visit when I have time.”

“Its alright, I guess. Talk to ya soon then, bye.”“Bye Becky,” I say quietly as she hasn’t even waited for me to at least say that before hanging                                   

up. I take the cigarette out of my mouth and crush the tip onto the glass ashtray of my desk, slowly I                                         start to put paperwork into a suitcase and pack up my laptop. My thoughts wander to the times of my                                     

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childhood, growing up in a small town in Kansas. I can see my families small town house in my minds                                     eye. It’s a simple but well built house that used to contain a family of four, but the number has been                                       reduced to two in recent years. I slowly put on my coat and take one last look out the window, the                                       sunlight washes my desk in a warm yellow glow. My mother would have loved it in this tall building, she                                     always told me that the only thing she wanted more in this world then children was to have wings. She                                     was the first to leave our house when breast cancer took her. I like to think she might have gained her                                       wings, but thats just my opinion. I slowly pass the desk of my secret as I head out the door to my office.                                           He gives me a quick wave. “Have a good night Daniel, and don’t look so stressed out. If you scare                                     children on the streets its going to be bad for business.” I chuckle as I respond, giving a side glance at                                       the tan, brown haired man, smiling as he sits at the desk.

“William, when did you last see children on the streets here?” I ask jokingly, as he lets out out a                                     small sigh, still a small smirk on his lips.

“You have a good point, but that could change soon.” his smile disappears from his lips,                             interpreting my words to something much more serious. As I’m about to step into the elevator I say my                                   last few words of the night, turning to stare him in the eyes.

“I know all too well about that,” my voice is almost a whisper as I step into the elevator “well                                     then good night William, see you tomorrow.” as the doors slide closed a hear a voice softly calling after                                   me.

“ ‘Night Daniel.”

....I quickly drive home from the office. The sun is still setting and few clouds are in the sky, its a                                       

beautiful night. As I drive I pass bye buildings that never change, always staying the same. As I look at                                     the road in front of me my thoughts switch to my office and my work. I have a few business meeting to                                         attend in the city tomorrow and then I have to travel to San Francisco for one, and stay a few days.

I slowly breath in and smell the soft leather of my car and stale cigarette smoke. I reach down                                   into my pocket and retrieve the small box from my pants, I shake a cigarette out into my hand and light                                       it up with the car lighter. I breath in the nicotine and my body seems to calm down as I drive. Thinking                                         about my buisness leaves me high strung and quite frankly stressed, but I love it nonetheless. SD                               Electronics is my life, I created it through my own blood, sweat, and power.

As I slowly come to a stop outside my flat I envision sleeping in a soft bed but those thoughts                                       quickly switch to me sitting at my desk and looking at letters on my computer. Letters from different                                 departments of my company asking about what they should do next. Important letters that only I can                               respond to. I slowly climb out of my car and throw my cigarette out of my mouth, crushing it under my                                       foot as it hits the ground. The sun is just coming up as my visions of a soft bed are realized and I stumble                                             from my desk to lay my head on a soft pillow.

....

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“Dan how have you been?” a soft voice asks me over my cellular phone. I sit in a hotel roomsmoking a cigarette, my feet are propped up on a desk, as I hold the phone close to my ear.

“I haven’t been bad Becky,” I breathe out and the stress from my body seems to fill the room.“Oh, thats good,” her voice is sweet and familiar as she drabbles on about the unimportant

things in life, “The weather here has been quite cloudy lately, I think we're going to have a storm soon.The river will probably be flowing fast after it rain, I Imagine it will probably be half way up the legs ofthe bridge.” When she says this memories of that bridge come flooding back into my head. Becky and Iused to ride our bikes acrossed it everyday to get into town, and sometimes we would stop and lookover the railing to see how far it was down. As nostalgia hits me Becky continues to talk, switchingtopics in the middle of a thought, her voice becomes quite, “You should really come home and stay withme and Dad for a little bit, we both miss you. The house seems so empty without you.”

“I said I’ll come visit when I’m not busy Becky,” I say this nicely but sternly, shes acting like afifteen year old girl when shes really a twenty­seven year old women.

“Yeah I understand,” her voice is almost a whisper now, “Good night then, talk to you soon.”“Yeah, good night Becky.” As I hang up my cell phone, I silently crush my cigarette on the ash

tray I’ve placed on the desk. I stand up from the green chair I was sitting in and walk over to thewindow. Looking out at San Francisco I notice how the streets seem a little quieter than usual, a littleless alive. I remove myself from the view and sit gracefully down on the queen sized bed, silentlythinking about the office on the top floor on my skyscraper.

....“William It’s nice to see you again,” I say happily as I walk past him, heading for my lonely

office.“Same to you Daniel,” he smiles back.  Quickly I open the door to my office and stride in,

taking in its familiar scent. The back wall window shows me cloudy skies and a sun trying valiantly topoke out through them, have some success. I sit down at my desk and quickly open up my computer,Intrested to see what I have to deal with today. As I look through my email I see a letter sent to me ofthis and last month's sale of different SD Electronic products. As I look through the sales list I realizethat they are down, and not just down but low.

“William!” I call out without even the phone. No even a second passes before I hear quickfootsteps coming towards my door.

“What is it Daniel,” He asked worriedly as though expecting me to have something protrudingfrom my chest.

“Quickly talk to the Advertising Department and tell them to create more hype for our products.Sales are down from a few months ago and we can’t have that.” I say quickly, almost demanding for itto be done at this very second.

“But Daniel shouldn't we just call the manufacturers and decrease supply, sometimes it can’t behelped that we don’t have any demand, thats what other businesses are doing right now.” He says this in

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a questioning tone, as though hes not really sure with himself. “But it can be helped, William, sometimes you just need to make the demand yourself, why

decrease supply when you can get the demand you need.”“Okay, but if this doesn’t work within a few months, just decrease production,” he says this

coolly and calmly as he heads for the door. I know that right as he reaches his desk he’ll call advertising,I trust him with that. I lean back in my chair and open my package of cigarettes, I shake one into myhand and light it. Slowly I watch the smoke rise from the end of the stick to the ceiling, uncurling as itmoves.

....“Danielle its been four months, demand hasn’t increased with our new advertisments, its time to

decrease the supply.” I stare at William with sad eyes, I know hes right but is still hurts my pride. “Andhave you seen the NASDEQ lately?”

“Well, no I can’t say I have.” I answer almost sheepishly.“It’s not looking too good for other companies either, stocks are dropping William, and ours is

too.” He put emphasize on the last part as though he needed to make sure I understood the meaning ofthis, the seriousness of what this could mean. Slowly he starts rubbing his temples with his hands.“Danielle, for gods sake,” he stops and seems to be thinking, “no for your companies sake, open upyour damn eyes and start seeing.” William begins to walk out the door to my office then stops, a suddenthought seeming to hit him, “ Oh, and your sister called today, I told her you were busy though, just likeyou told me too.” Silently he slips out the door, and I’m left alone in my thoughts. My shoulders slumparound me as I take out a cigarette, barely noticing how the packet is almost empty. I put it to my lipsand light it, my mind whirls from what William has said. I’m afraid it might be too late.

....As I drive home that night, my body seeming to crumble against the stress of life, I notice

something out of the corner of my eye. I see a child standing on the streets.....

I sit in my office once again, looking at the latest reports on the production rates, and prices,both are falling fast. Just the other day a well known electronics company went under, I knew the manwho ran it well. I don’t know what to do as I sit in my leather chair and stare out the window, theclouds have covered up all the blue in the sky, the melancholy site fits my mood. I jump as I hear myphone ring, It hasn’t happened in so long I had forgot what it sounded like. I twist around in my chairand pick up the phone.

“Danielle Smith of SD Electronics speaking, who is this?”“Hello Dan.” a small voice answers back.“Hello Becky,” I answer quietly, mimicking her own voice, “I’m quite busy right now, can I talk

to you later?”“Umm, no I’m going to be busy later actually, I was just calling to hear your voice I guess.”

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“Becky, I don’t have time for this.” I answer as anger boils inside of me, “You need to realise Iam running a business and you need to stop being a nuisance.” Regret floods my body as I say thesewords, replacing the angry. I hear a soft breath over the line, I can almost see her tears, “I’m sorry, Ididn’t mean that.” I’m almost whispering.

“It’s fine Daneille, I understand,” her voice sounds broken and hurt, “I’ll be goin’ then, Bye.”“Before she hangs up I quickly answer, “Bye Becky.” Slowly I hear the click of my call being

lost. The noise seems to sounds off my world falling apart, something that I can’t help.....

I sit at my computer desk drinking watered down whisky as I try to understand how my worldwas crushed, and how its to late to fix it. I have fallen to the bottom of a bit while I wasn't looking whereI was stepping and know I don’t see how I can climb out. I look out the window and watch rain hit theglass, it slowly runs down the smooth pane as gravity pulls at it.

My cell phone buzzes in my pocket, I fish it out and put it to my ear. “Hello.” The answeringwords are lost in a haze as my comprehension of their meaning vanishes and all I can understand is thatthe voice is heavy with sadness, and something like regret is pounding in the back of my eyes. As I clickthe end call button I sit motionlessly, breathing in stale air, trying to understand what I’ve just heard. AllI can think is, “Shes gone,” and nothing else. I stand up and reach for my keys on the desk, I think it’stime to go home.

....Rain hits the road as I drive in silence, my hands hang loosely from the steering wheel. The                                 

wipers on my windshield push the water to one side and I watch as it gently flows down, imitating the                                     river following the road beside me, a river that I’ve followed a millions times in my life. My eyes don’t                                     seem to recognize that I’ve seen this place before but my memories tell me I have. The memories of my                                     sister and I swimming in the flowing water, of the time she lost her shoe to the currents and I had to                                         chase after it for her. The fog on the road seems to make images of these moments, as though the land                                       remembers them too. As I see these moments guilt rises up through my veins and washes through my                                 body, I tighten my grip on the steering wheel and breath out.

I look out the windshield again, the rain seems to have picked up, and I can’t see anything                                 anymore. I feel drops of the warm water land on the leg of my pants as is slowly soaks through my                                       jeans. I keep driving. Through the haze in my eyes I find my package of cigarettes and slowly empty the                                     last one into my hand, I put it to my mouth without lighting it. Up ahead I can see the road turning, my                                           foot slowly puts more weight onto the gas pedal, my hands don’t attempt to turn the wheel. As I breath                                     in the stale tobacco ash of my car and the smell of sweet leather I whisper my last words of the night                                         into the silence of my car, a smirk slowly forming on my face“This is going to be bad for business.” I                                       open my eyes wide and I don’t stop.

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