Six Steps to Better Writing

with Claire Kelly

Writing Centre

Topics

1. Beat the Bugbears2. Clear Your Diction3. Select Sentence Length Wisely4. Document Sources Rigorously5. Signpost Your Work6. Create Compelling Thesis

Statements/Research Questions

1. Beat the Bugbears

(illus. Sir John Tenniel, Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.)

What AreGrammatical Bugbears?

O Usage & grammar mistakes, frequently merely conventional or formal errors

O Many do not impair the effectiveness of the communication

O Do we have to avoid them?O Consider how “status markers”

overshadow a writer’s message:

Hamlet was suppose to chastise his mother and kill his uncle, but his essentially contemplative nature prevented him from taking effective action until events outpaced him.

suppose to

Where Writing Places You

On a porch playing the banjo . . . ?

In an office making decisions . . . ?

Grammatical Bugbears

Cannot be ignored:O use toO should of / would of / had ofO it’s (“its”) / who (“whom”) /

their (“there”)O with regards toO affect (for “effect”)O accept (for “except”)O alot (for “a lot”)

MS Word May Not Help!

MS Word May Not Help!

Memory TestO On the next slide you will see three

familiar expressionsO Memorize them—you have 10

secondsO When the screen goes black, start

writing!

Memory Test

A stitch in in time saves nine

A bird in the the hand is

worth two in the bush

Variety is thethe spice of

life

Why We Miss BugbearsO We see what we expect to seeO We interpret as we readO We are probably our own worst editors

because we know what we meant to say

O The best help you can give another writer is to point out inefficient, unclear writing honestly!

2. Clear Your Diction!O Writers complete an apprenticeship

that emphasizes expansiveness and dilation over precision and economy

O Elegant variation can be the enemy of conciseness

O It is time to choose . . .O The right words and O Words you know and can use well.

Cut Clichés• At the end of the day• Fairly unique• I personally• At this moment in

time• With all due respect• It comes down to

• Absolutely• It’s a nightmare• 24/7• It’s not rocket science• The bigger picture• Going forward

• “The bigger picture”

Novelty & VocabularyO “make it new” is not the always best

advice for selecting wordsO Accuracy and familiarity (of

individual words, not phrases) are crucial

O The evil comes from clichés and unnecessarily obscure words—which do NOT really impress people

Complex DictionO What do people REALLY think of

overly complex diction?

O D. Oppenheimer, Stanford U (2003): O people who use unnecessarily

complicated language are viewed as less intelligent than people who use more familiar language

Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized

Irrespective of Necessity:

Problems With Using Long Words Needlessly

Effective Diction

Diction should be . . .O As simple as the subject permits

(but no simpler!)O As fresh as possibleO Exact and concreteO Appropriate to the audience and

the writer

The aforementioned contretemps makes Cordelia feel really bad about things.

Avoid “Ready-mades”O to the extent that O plays a leading role in O on a daily basis O the fact that O in the event that

Watch for Inflation

• Based on the fact that• Due to the fact that• Exhibit a tendency to• For the purpose of• For the reason that• In spite of the fact

that

Because

Because

Tend to

For

Because

Although

Nominalizations

allocation allocate

assessment assess

compliance comply

determination determine

expectations expect

exposure expose

[had] hopes [of] hoped

Other Types of Repetition

Pointless bifurcation: O basic and fundamental O last and final O issues and concernsO full and complete

Why Wordiness?O Most of these choices are the result

of “length anxiety”O From early grades, length is the

measure of achievementO Students learn to pad—to be honest,

they are taught to do it

3. Select Sentence Length Wisely

O Students are often urged to vary the form and length of their sentences

O Length in the wrong place is dangerous

O Proceed with cautionO Select length with a clear purpose

LENGTH QUALITY8 words very easy11 words easy14 words fairly easy17-19 words standard21-24 words fairly difficult25-28 words difficult29+ words very difficult

Complexity/Wordiness

The goal of the work was to confirm the nature of electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields at high pressures and electrode gaps which approach those obtained in engineering practice, prior to the deter-mination of the processes which set the criterion for breakdown in the above-mentioned gas in uniform and non-uniform fields of engineering significance.

We studied the electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields at high pressures (760 torr), using typical electrode gap distances (1 mm).

Why Variety?O There should be a relationship

between the length of a sentence and its purpose

O Variety for its own sake is not enough

O A long sentence should be long for a reason.

Accumulatio—and Contrast

Falstaff is not evil because of his ambition, but because of his gluttony, his sloth, his skill at concealing the truth, his reluctance to recognize his vice, his inability to reform himself, and his ability to make all of this seem humorous and attractive. He makes a bad companion for Hal.

Variety in LengthO More gradual variations in length are

possibleO A number of short sentences in

succession can create a feeling of urgency in a narrative—or boredom in a report.

O Increasing length of successive sentences can build to the climax of an argument

O Variations in length should always reflect the rhetorical goal and should never impede clarity.

Long, Graceful Sentences

O A long sentence should still be readable

O Key tactic: Move from subject to verb quickly

O Avoid delaying the subject-verb progression with long intervening elements

O A sentence which moves from subject to verb rapidly will still be readable even when it is quite long

Long Subject

Explaining why Shakespeare decided to have Lady Macbeth die offstage rather than letting the audience see her die has to do with understanding the audience’s reactions to Macbeth’s death.

18-word subject—in a 29-word sentence !

To the Subject and Beyond

Because Shakespeare wanted the audience to focus on Macbeth’s death, he decided to have Lady Macbeth die offstage. 1. Turn a long subject into

an introductory clause2. You do not have to state

“explaining why” Just because you ARE explaining why!

3. Don’t waste time telling the reader that you WILL say something—later.

Not Long But Bad

The initial cooling tower circulating water performance flow test was conducted by the research team.

The research team tested the circulating water flow of the cooling tower.

A strong verb—in the active voice—appears early in the sentence.

4. Document Sources Rigorously

• Close work with sources is crucial—record every source as you use it (hard to find later!)

• Three basic techniques:1. Block quotations2. Embedded quotations3. Paraphrase with citationIn scientific and technical fields, #3 is the overwhelming choice.

Block Quotations

As this passage reveals, the description of the setting of "The Lottery" is deceptively pleasant:

The morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the fresh warmth of a full-summer day; the flowers were blossoming profusely and the grass was richly green. The people of the village began to gather in the square, between the post office and the bank, around ten o'clock; in some towns there were so many people that the lottery took two days and had to be started on June 26th, but in this village, where there were only about three hundred people, the whole lottery took less than two hours, so it could begin at ten o'clock in the morning and still be through in time to allow the villagers to get home for noon dinner. (782) There is no indication of the dark meaning of this gathering.

144 words—my goodness!

Bulk QuotationO Not only is this overkill, but it fails to

emphasize the key detailsO All we know is that something is

missing from the passage: an explanation of what is going on

O Need we read the whole passage for this?

Embedded Quotation/Paraphrase

The setting of "The Lottery," evocative of flowers, green grass, and "the fresh warmth of a full-summer day," is deceptively pleasant. A small crowd forms in the square, amiably confident that their business will soon be finished, allowing them "to get home for noon dinner" (782); there is no indication of the dark purpose of this gathering.

57 words—And more analysis!

Less Is MoreO The specific details are highlighted

by being separated from the original passage

O The passage is shorter and contains more editorial comment

O There is no interruption in the flow of the argument

PlagiarismO Probably widespreadO CBC ‘s “Ideas” program suggested that

nearly all students plagiarize (2009)O Unnecessary: Simply QUOTE

Bradley vs. WegmanO 2006: Edward Wegman (George Mason

University) wrote a report critical of current climate science (attacking Thomas Bradley among others)

O 2010: Thomas Bradley (University of Massachusetts) alleged that Wegman reproduced sections of a textbook he wrote without quoting—and he was right!

O However, as Steven McIntyre pointed out, Bradley’s textbook contains plagiarism. . . .

Bradley & FrittsOnce the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed into a new set of n coefficients corresponding to the original (intercorrelated) set of n variables. These new coefficients are termed weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p. 346)

Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)

Bradley & FrittsOnce the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed into a new set of n coefficients corresponding to the original (intercorrelated) set of n variables. These new coefficients are termed weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p. 346)

Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)

Quibbles: “are termed” vs. “referred to”“discussed earlier” vs. “described in the previous section”SAME order of ideas EXACTLY

42/55 words (76% PLAGIARISED!

Do Cheaters Prosper?

O Moral of the story: document your sources RIGOROUSLY, or the debate will be about plagiarism and nothing more

O Plagiarism Roll of (Dis)Honour:

Stephen E. Ambrose, Civil War historianDoris Kearns Goodwin, biographer of the Kennedy clanDavid Rotor & Douglas Tipple, Public Works Dept. consultants30 Carleton University engineering students (2002)

5. Signpost Your WorkO Introductions and conclusions do

most of the signposting work in short papers

O Long reports require structural guideposts to keep the reader on track

O Transitions and headings can aid reader navigation

O Internal previews and summaries make the shape of a document clearer—even to the writer!

PreviewDeciding whether to expand the company’s activities to include equipment rental depends on a number of local factors as well as on the national supply situation. This analysis will focus on local competition, availability of skilled installers, and the total market size.

Internal SummaryThus, although there is no significant local competition, few qualified installers operate in this region, which represents only a moderate-sized market. These conditions suggest that a gradual, low-capital approach might be most suitable. Such a strategy has been successfully employed in the Fredericton area.

Previews and Summaries

O Generally, previews and internal summaries mirror primary-level headings

O Use summaries before and previews after headings

O Tell readers what is coming and what they should now know

A Note on RepetitionO Parts of reports will convey the

same informationO Necessary structural repetition, not

wordinessO Keep each section independentO Make each clear and easy to read

even if readers skip opening material (many will!)

O Make structural repetition meaningful

6. Create Compelling Thesis

Statements/Research Questions

O A clear, succinctly-presented judgment or question

O Must be worth pursuing (e.g., not merely factual or opinion)

O Evidence must be attainableO Statement/question must reflect

what you have actually done—so it is both the first and last part of a paper that you work on

Defining Your Thesis• Know your subject• Know your general topic• Restrict or narrow your topic• Know your purpose• Know your audience

Too Broad

“What effects do tests have on learning?”O Narrow the field (learning what?)O Specify the “effects” you will target

Revised Question

“Does attempting (but failing) to retrieve target vocabulary items enable better acquisition of these items during subsequent encoding?”

Field: retrieval of vocabulary items

Effects: better subsequent retrieval

Qualifying Thesis Statements

Indirect Hedging: O Possibly,O It seems that,O Perhaps. . . .

Intensifying:O Obviously,O Clearly, O This passage proves that. . . [you will

never see this in a research report!]

Common Thesis ErrorsBlanket statements

O “Poverty hurts everyone.”

Pretentious languageO “In terms of its impact on society, poverty

has many negative aspects.”

Vague promisesO “This essay will be about poverty.”

SubjectivityO In my opinion …, I think …, I believe …, I

feel …

Final NotesO Every change affects clarity and

concisenessO Reducing waste makes room for

more real content—without wearying the reader

O Bugbears can seriously weaken a paper—but real value comes from skilful use of evidence and carefully observed logic

O Following a rubric can never guarantee excellence—but it can curtail vices