Single Ladies Single Ladies (Put a ring on it!)(Put a ring on it!)

By MiXueBy MiXue

Why is it so hard Why is it so hard to put a ring on it?to put a ring on it?

Finding your own mate isn’t so Finding your own mate isn’t so easyeasy

5 top reasons men don’t 5 top reasons men don’t marry:marry:

1. Sex is easy to get w/o marrying1. Sex is easy to get w/o marrying

2. Less social pressure to marry2. Less social pressure to marry

3. Peter Pan syndrome3. Peter Pan syndrome

4. Greater accomplishments4. Greater accomplishments better choice of wifebetter choice of wife

5. Companionship is easily 5. Companionship is easily availableavailable

5 Reasons why 5 Reasons why “trial” marriage ≠ Marriage“trial” marriage ≠ Marriage

1. Sex1. Sex

2. Finances2. Finances

3. Communications3. Communications

4. In-laws4. In-laws

5. Children5. Children

1. Sex is different outside 1. Sex is different outside marriagemarriage

World has it upside downWorld has it upside down

Sex is:Sex is: Exciting Exciting before/outside before/outside

MarriageMarriage

BoringBoring//a chorea chore

within Marriagewithin Marriage

But the Bible forbids itBut the Bible forbids it

"Don't fool yourselves. Those who live "Don't fool yourselves. Those who live immoral lives, who are idol worshippers, immoral lives, who are idol worshippers, adulterers or homosexuals - will have no adulterers or homosexuals - will have no share in His kingdom...sexual sin is never share in His kingdom...sexual sin is never right: our bodies were not made for that, right: our bodies were not made for that, but for the Lord, and the Lord wants to fill but for the Lord, and the Lord wants to fill our bodies with Himself." our bodies with Himself."

"Avoid sexual looseness like the plague!...you "Avoid sexual looseness like the plague!...you are not the owner of your own body. You are not the owner of your own body. You have been bought, and at what a price! have been bought, and at what a price! Therefore bring glory to God in your body."Therefore bring glory to God in your body."

I Corinthians 6:9,13 Living I Corinthians 6:9,13 Living BibleBible

Sex is marital glueSex is marital glue

For this reason a man shall leave For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.naked and were not ashamed.

Gen. 2:24-25Gen. 2:24-25

Marital sex is a ministry to Marital sex is a ministry to spousespouse

But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.also the wife to her husband.

The wife The wife does not have authority over her own bodydoes not have authority over her own body, but , but the the husband husband doesdoes;; and likewise also the husband does and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own bodynot have authority over his own body, but the , but the wife wife doesdoes..

Stop depriving one anotherStop depriving one another, except by agreement for a , except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that come together again so that SatanSatan will not tempt you will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.because of your lack of self-control.

1 Cor.7:2-51 Cor.7:2-5

SexSex

Is it glue?Is it glue?

or or

Is it velcro?Is it velcro?

2. Finances is not shared2. Finances is not shared

Marriage is learning to Marriage is learning to share share

Only one can sit in frontOnly one can sit in front

What if he makes mistakes?What if he makes mistakes?

Put on your seatbeltPut on your seatbelt

Marriage is an “all-in” Marriage is an “all-in” propositionproposition

Stewardship is God’s WayStewardship is God’s Way

Separate accounts ≠ Separate accounts ≠ OnenessOneness

3. Communications is 3. Communications is guardedguarded

You have to pretend to ignore You have to pretend to ignore your biological clock tickingyour biological clock ticking

Why not take advantage of Why not take advantage of a generous return policy?a generous return policy?

Self-protection kills Intimacy Self-protection kills Intimacy

Commitment means:Commitment means:

No Refund Policy means:No Refund Policy means:

Learning to understand each otherLearning to understand each other

Learning to accept each otherLearning to accept each other

Communicating for the long-runCommunicating for the long-run

Communicating for the Communicating for the Long-run Long-run

4. In-laws aren’t in picture4. In-laws aren’t in picture

Starting on wrong footingStarting on wrong footing

In-laws contribute to your In-laws contribute to your marriagemarriage

They can bring considerable resourcesThey can bring considerable resources (money, property, food, childcare, help)(money, property, food, childcare, help)

They can bring wisdom, experience, and They can bring wisdom, experience, and connectionsconnections

(business, raising family, problems)(business, raising family, problems)

They give the family a context in time and They give the family a context in time and placeplace

(rootedness, history, identity)(rootedness, history, identity)

55thth Commandment: Commandment:

"Honor your father and your "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God which the LORD your God gives you.”gives you.”

(Exo 20:12)(Exo 20:12)

Familial allegiancesFamilial allegiances

Marriage is a new onenessMarriage is a new oneness

For this reason a man shall For this reason a man shall leaveleave his father and his mother, his father and his mother,

and be and be joinedjoined to his wife; to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.and they shall become one flesh.

Gen 2:24Gen 2:24

In-laws can torment your In-laws can torment your MarriageMarriage

Who should protect you Who should protect you from in-laws?from in-laws?

Your HusbandYour Husband

You have no You have no “in-“in-laws,”laws,”

if you are if you are outlawsoutlaws

5. Children5. Children

Children only reveal your need Children only reveal your need to work togetherto work together

..

God gives you 9 monthsGod gives you 9 months

to prepare for arrival of child who will to prepare for arrival of child who will

testtest and and strengthenstrengthen your oneness. your oneness.

Parenting is for Real AdultsParenting is for Real Adults

Co-habiting vs MarriageCo-habiting vs Marriage

Focus is on own Focus is on own needsneeds

Focus is on other’s Focus is on other’s and family’s needsand family’s needs

Co-habiting is man’s ideaCo-habiting is man’s idea

Marriage is God’s idea:Marriage is God’s idea:

““For this reason a man shall leave For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”become one flesh.” Gen Gen 2:242:24

Difference between Difference between co-habiting & marriageco-habiting & marriage

Co-habiting: 1 + 1 = 2Co-habiting: 1 + 1 = 2

Marriage: 1 + 1 = 1Marriage: 1 + 1 = 1

Who gains by co-habiting?Who gains by co-habiting?

the man or woman?the man or woman?

Co-habiting is:Co-habiting is:

Sex w/o commitmentSex w/o commitment Separate financesSeparate finances Guarded communicationsGuarded communications No real “in-laws”No real “in-laws” No children issuesNo children issues Not a Real MarriageNot a Real Marriage

Co-habiting is NOT trial Co-habiting is NOT trial marriagemarriage

Cohabiting saddles a future marriage withCohabiting saddles a future marriage with

bad habits and attitudes bad habits and attitudes

towards one another towards one another

that are very hard to undo.that are very hard to undo.

God forbids it because it is not His plan.God forbids it because it is not His plan.

What is a Christian woman What is a Christian woman to do today?to do today?

Contentment vs anticipation & Contentment vs anticipation & preparationpreparation

Problem of fewer Christian menProblem of fewer Christian men

Married need to be recruited to helpMarried need to be recruited to help

Triple A rated womanTriple A rated woman

1.1. AttractiveAttractive

2.2. ApproachableApproachable

3.3. AgreeableAgreeable

AttractiveAttractiveBut the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his

appearance or at the height of his stature, because I appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God have rejected him; for God seessees not as man sees, for not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearanceman looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD , but the LORD looks at the heart.” looks at the heart.” (1Sa 16:7)(1Sa 16:7)

(Esther 2:12) Now when the turn of each young (Esther 2:12) Now when the turn of each young lady came to go in to King Ahasuerus, after lady came to go in to King Ahasuerus, after the end of her twelve months under the the end of her twelve months under the regulations for the women--for the days of regulations for the women--for the days of their their beautificationbeautification were completed as follows: were completed as follows: six months with oil of myrrh and six months six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and the cosmetics for women--with spices and the cosmetics for women--

AttractiveAttractive

Improve selfImprove selfCultivate aestheticsCultivate aestheticsGet rid of bad habitsGet rid of bad habitsKeep learningKeep learning

AgreeableAgreeable

““Marriage is God’s way of redeeming Marriage is God’s way of redeeming us us

from our own selfishness”from our own selfishness”

Follow his leadershipFollow his leadership

SubmissiveSubmissive

Learning Submission @ Learning Submission @ HomeHome

(1Co 7:37) But he who stands firm in his (1Co 7:37) But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin own virgin daughter,daughter, he will do well. he will do well.

(1Co 7:38) So then both he who gives his (1Co 7:38) So then both he who gives his own virgin own virgin daughterdaughter in marriage does well, in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.will do better.

Learning Submission @ Learning Submission @ ChurchChurch

(1Ti 2:11) A woman must quietly (1Ti 2:11) A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire receive instruction with entire submissiveness.submissiveness.

(1Ti 2:12) But I do not allow a woman (1Ti 2:12) But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.man, but to remain quiet.

(1Ti 3 – male leadership in church)(1Ti 3 – male leadership in church)

Learning Submission in Learning Submission in Marriage Marriage

(1Pe 3:1-2) In the same way, you wives, (1Pe 3:1-2) In the same way, you wives, be be submissivesubmissive to your own husbands so that to your own husbands so that even if any even if any of themof them are disobedient to the are disobedient to the word, they may be word, they may be won without a wordwon without a word by by the behavior of their wives, as they the behavior of their wives, as they observe observe your chaste and respectful your chaste and respectful behavior.behavior.

(Eph 5:22-24) Wives, (Eph 5:22-24) Wives, be subjectbe subject to your own to your own husbands, as to the Lord.For the husband husbands, as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself head of the church, He Himself beingbeing the the Savior of the body. But Savior of the body. But as the church is as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives subject to Christ, so also the wives ought ought to beto be to their husbands in everything. to their husbands in everything.

ApproachableApproachable

Develop a “quiet and gentle spirit”Develop a “quiet and gentle spirit”

(1Pe 3:3 NASB) Your adornment must not (1Pe 3:3 NASB) Your adornment must not be be merelymerely external--braiding the hair, and external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;

(1Pe 3:4 NASB) but (1Pe 3:4 NASB) but let it belet it be the the hidden hidden person of the heartperson of the heart, with the , with the imperishable imperishable qualityquality of a of a gentle and quiet spiritgentle and quiet spirit, which is , which is precious in the sight of God.precious in the sight of God.

Approachable vs Approachable vs IntimidatingIntimidating

Cultivate femininityCultivate femininity

Keep stretching yourselfKeep stretching yourself

Develop life-giving & nurturing Develop life-giving & nurturing skillsskills

What can you do while What can you do while single?single?

"It is as important to "It is as important to

become become the right partner the right partner

as to as to findfind the right partner." the right partner."

Single Devotion Single Devotion

but one who is married is concerned but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests may please his wife, and his interests are divided. are divided. The woman who is The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit;may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.may please her husband.

1 Cor 7:33-341 Cor 7:33-34

Ministry of a single:Ministry of a single:

1. Service1. Service

2. Focus on others2. Focus on others

3. Hospitality3. Hospitality 4. Evangelism4. Evangelism

Fighting the Dark SideFighting the Dark Side Envy, jealousy, coveteousness Envy, jealousy, coveteousness

discontentment, worrydiscontentment, worry

Self-indulgenceSelf-indulgence

overly concerned with selfoverly concerned with self

No accountabilityNo accountability

pamper & cultivate sinpamper & cultivate sin

LonelinessLoneliness

hyper-busyness/depression/illegitimate relationships hyper-busyness/depression/illegitimate relationships

Envy, jealousy, Envy, jealousy, covetousness covetousness Cultivate GratitudeCultivate Gratitude

(Php 4:6) Be anxious for nothing, but in (Php 4:6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.made known to God.

(Php 4:7) And the peace of God, which (Php 4:7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Christ Jesus.

Self-indulgenceSelf-indulgence

Cultivate GenerosityCultivate Generosity

(1Ti 6:18-19) (1Ti 6:18-19) Instruct themInstruct them to do good, to do good, to be rich in good works, to be to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is they may take hold of that which is life indeed.life indeed.

No accountability No accountability

Cultivate Trusted FriendsCultivate Trusted Friends

(Jas 5:16 NASB) Therefore, confess (Jas 5:16 NASB) Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.righteous man can accomplish much.

Avoid ungodly influencesAvoid ungodly influences

Be careful of inputBe careful of input Virtual relationshipsVirtual relationships

Past sexual relationshipsPast sexual relationshipsPity/emasculating partiesPity/emasculating partiesChic “porn”Chic “porn”

Avoid IdolatryAvoid IdolatryWorkWorkDream husbandDream husband

Cultivate non-single friendsCultivate non-single friends

Loneliness Loneliness

Cultivate Your Closest Friend Cultivate Your Closest Friend

(Pro 18:24) A man of (Pro 18:24) A man of too manytoo many friends friends comescomes to ruin, But there is a friend who to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.sticks closer than a brother.

(Heb 13:5) ... for He Himself has said, (Heb 13:5) ... for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

What if I never marry?What if I never marry?

Worse things than being Worse things than being single:single:

Married outside God’s willMarried outside God’s will Unhappily marriedUnhappily married DivorcedDivorced Living with a guyLiving with a guy Samaritan woman’s experienceSamaritan woman’s experience Disobedience to GodDisobedience to God

Marriage is TemporalMarriage is Temporal

"For in the resurrection they neither "For in the resurrection they neither marrymarry

nor are given in marriage, nor are given in marriage,

but are like angels in heaven.”but are like angels in heaven.”

(Mat 22:30)(Mat 22:30)

What is eternal?What is eternal?

Your own soulYour own soul

Other SoulsOther Souls

Word of GodWord of God

Don’t waste your life in the Don’t waste your life in the pursuit of only temporal thingspursuit of only temporal things

whether you are whether you are

marriedmarried or or singlesingle..

Seek a life that has Seek a life that has

an an eternal ringeternal ring to it to it