EXT. OFFICE LOFT BUILDING - MORNING

MONICA waits outside texting as the Aviato van pulls up. ERLICH, GILFOYLE, DINESH, JARED and RICHARD get out.

MONICAId point out that youre late, but I know how hard it is to get three children into a car.

They all go inside, passing a construction crew.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Monica hits the lights in a huge office space with artsy flairs and cubicle clusters. Nice, but not flashy.

MONICAHere it is, boys. The new Pied Piper.

ERLICHHold on, which of us are the children?

Monica smiles devilishly. The guys walk around, looking at the stark desks, black phones and bright lights.

RICHARDWow. Our new home.

ERLICHNo, our new office. We still have a home.

RICHARDYou know what I mean.

Erlich squints at him suspiciously.

MONICARichard, could I talk to you?

He walks over nervously.

MONICA (CONTD)Peter hasnt heard from you lately.

RICHARDWeve been, uh, busy.

MONICAThere are some people you shouldnt ever be too busy for.

Richard slinks away, half-nodding.

DINESHThis place has a real Fight Club feel to it.

GILFOYLEI thought we said no cubicles.

MONICATheyre not for you. Theyre for the people you hire.

GILFOYLEOh, thats fine then.

Jared points to the large reception desk.

JAREDObviously, well need a receptionist.

GILFOYLE & DINESHOn it!

JAREDWell need accounting, human resources --

DINESHOur receptionist should be blonde with blue eyes, named Cantey or something.

GILFOYLEI dont have an Aryan fetish, but Id also like a girl who makes me want to get out of bed in the morning.

JAREDFellas, Im giving you a list of things we should be thinking about right now.

GILFOYLEIll tell you what Im thinking about right now...

JAREDWhat youre saying - and the lecherous tone youre saying it in - are definitely not acceptable in a work environment.

ERLICHWork environment. Hear this fascist?

Jared looks confused.

2.

ERLICH (CONT'D)Jared, were not corporate like you. You take us out of the Incubator and we shrivel and die. Just like premie babies.

Dinesh and Gilfoyle nod as Erlich types on his phone.

MONICAWhat are you talking about?

Erlich sticks his phone in Monicas face. On it is a picture of a premature baby.

ERLICHPremie. Babies.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

The office is now in full swing, but feels empty without support staff.

CUT TO:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Erlich and Richard sit at a conference table in a glass-enclosed board room. Jared stands.

JAREDPeter has asked me to talk to you about some of the choices youre making.

ERLICHGod, you sound just like my mom.

Silence.

ERLICH (CONTD)My stepdads name is Peter.

The door opens and Dinesh pops his head in.

DINESHJared, where are those file folders?

JAREDExcuse me, gentlemen... Dinesh, those are in the cabinet I just showed you.

3.

DINESHOK. And we really need a coffee maker.

Dinesh leaves. Jared seems frazzled.

JAREDSorry about that. Ultimately, my only responsibility here is to get you to call Peter and ask for his input. Thats it.

ERLICHWere supposed to ask for his help like children? He cant pick up a phone himself? What a power play.

Richard is about to speak up when Gilfoyle comes in.

GILFOYLEJared, how the hell am I supposed to run JavaScript through a Titanium Code Processor? Its for mobile apps, man.

JAREDI told you. I will get to the office management when I am finished with the business management. OK?

GILFOYLESettle down, Jack Skellington.

He leaves. Jared is really annoyed.

RICHARDI think with Peter we should --

JAREDDo whatever you want. Im done here.

Jared gathers his things and rushes out.

ERLICHI forgot to ask if I get an assistant.

CUT TO:

INT. EMPTY OFFICE - LATER

Gilfoyle and Dinesh enter a large office with a desk, a few chairs and a sofa. They both run for the desk chair, but Gilfoyle gets there first and sits.

4.

DINESHDammit. All my moves were based on sitting behind the desk.

GILFOYLEYou just want to hide your boner.

There is a knock at the open door. SABRINA, 22, a cute blonde, comes in.

SABRINAHi, Im Sabrina...? Im here for the receptionist interview...?

DINESHOf course. Welcome.

She shakes hands with Dinesh and Gilfoyle, who refuses to get out of his chair. She sits by Dinesh on the sofa.

GILFOYLEWelcome. Im Bertram and this is my assistant, Paki.

DINESHI am not his assistant.

SABRINAThen what do you do here, Paki?

DINESHI do -- Wait, my name isnt Paki! Thats a derogatory term for South Asians.

Sabrina cocks her head, like shes being tricked.

SABRINATheres no South Asia...

GILFOYLEShes astute.

Gilfoyle smiles at Sabrina. Dinesh rolls his eyes.

CUT TO:

INT. EMPTY OFFICE - LATER

Dinesh is now behind the desk. Gilfoyle sits on the couch next to BEVERLY, 24, hot, dark-haired and sophisticated.

5.

BEVERLYIm fluent in five languages. I was in the Israeli army. I won an Olympic medal.

DINESHGreat. Can you answer phones?

BEVERLYIf the salary were adequate.

GILFOYLEHow much would it cost to get you to polyglot all over the place?

Beverly is very offended.

BEVERLYYoure disgusting!

She huffs and storms out.

DINESHApparently pervert is one of the languages she speaks.

CUT TO:

INT. EMPTY OFFICE - LATER

Dinesh and Gilfoyle both sit on the edge of the desk.

GILFOYLEIf these broads get any hotter, Im going to go through puberty again.

DINESHThe last girl made me wish I was invisible.

There is a knock at the door. The guys perk up.

GILFOYLECome in, mlady.

SYLVIA, 50, frumpy with a friendly mom smile, enters.

SYLVIAHello, gentlemen. Sylvia Fawkes. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

She gently shakes hands with Dinesh and Gilfoyle, then remains standing. The guys arent sure how to react.

6.

SYLVIA (CONT'D)So, youve got yourselves a startup.

DINESHWere a compression-based software company. We won Tech Crunch Disrupt.

SYLVIAWell, isnt that wonderful. Let me tell you what I do: Reception. And I do it better than anybody youll find.

Dinesh is intrigued, but Gilfoyle isnt interested.

GILFOYLEHey, did you hear about that sale at Dress Barn?

He shuffles her out, shaking his head no at Dinesh.

CUT TO:

INT. INCUBATOR LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Dinesh, Gilfoyle and Richard relax while Erlich runs around setting up a projection TV toward a blank wall.

ERLICHLadies and gentlemen, the newest addition to the Incubator, the Sony 4K Ultra Short Throw projector...

He turns out the lights, hits a button on his laptop, and turns on the projector. We see what is on his computer screen: a PornHub video in brilliant resolution.

RICHARDWhoa!

DINESHLook at that definition!

GILFOYLEYou mean on the girl or the image? Actually, both are pretty great.

RICHARDThis thing is amazing. We should get one for the office.

ERLICHNo! The whole point of this is that its something the office doesnt have!

7.

RICHARDErlich, its OK. We still live here.

ERLICHSure, but how long will that last?

GILFOYLEIf your abandonment issues can take a break for a while, Im trying to watch a ten squirt into a solid sevens mouth.

DINESHShe looks like that redhead from today. The one who asked what software is.

RICHARDGirls like that date the kind of guys who bullied us in middle school.

They all think.

DINESHThere was a kid who used to steal my clothes during gym class. Richard Eckman.

GILFOYLEThat name doesnt sound brown.

DINESHDammit, Gilfoyle. Im from Phoenix.

GILFOYLEOh, right.

RICHARDMy bully was Jeremy Jablonski. He wore ripped jeans and used to stick pencils in his butt, then put them in my ear.

Jeremy Jablonskis Facebook page pops up on the wall. He is fat and balding, with a frumpy wife and many children.

ERLICH I present Jeremy Jablonski, loser.

RICHARDOh, wow. Ive always thought about looking him up, but I was afraid hed be Superman or something.

GILFOYLEIf hes Superman, hes only the parts with Ned Beatty.

8.

ERLICHLook at all those children. I can actually hear her vagina whimpering.

DINESHGilfoyle, did you have a bully?

GILFOYLEA tip a lot of kids could learn - nobody bullies you when theyre scared of you.

ERLICHYou may not believe this, but before my tremendous growth spurt - which left me the ideal human male you see before you - I was Randy Hampdens whipping boy.

Erlich searches on Facebook and another page appears. Its Randy Hampden, a handsome, tan, preppy winner.

DINESHHe looks like a leaner Channing Tatum.

ERLICHWeird. Hmm. I always pictured him getting gross like Richards guy. But hes not. Hes the opposite of gross.

GILFOYLEYou mean arousing?

RICHARDHes OK in photos. But youre successful - youve got ten percent of a huge company.

GILFOYLEHes probably gotten ten percent of the tang in Palo Alto.

Erlich is starting to fume.

RICHARDErlich, youre not really getting upset about this, are you?

ERLICHI mean, he was supposed to fade into anonymity, or over-tan himself until he looked like a rotten blood orange!

GILFOYLETake it easy, man. It was a long time ago.

9.

Erlich takes a cleansing breath.

ERLICHThis isnt just. This imbalance in the universe needs to be corrected.

DINESHWhat are you going to do? Put a spell on him?

RICHARDHarass him on social media?

Gilfoyle acts out what he says:

GILFOYLEStab him in the cheek so the knife goes into his mouth hole and then through his tongue?

ERLICHWhat? No. But remind me to lock my bedroom door.

Gilfoyle shrugs.

ERLICH (CONT'D)Im going to meet with him. All unsuspecting-like. Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly...

RICHARDActually, the original poem says, Will you walk into my parlor...

ERLICHGod, you even make revenge boring.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE RECEPTION - MORNING

JULIE, 23, gorgeous with too much makeup, plays on a laptop. In the background, we see Dinesh and Gilfoyle, watching her. The phone rings and she picks it up.

JULIEThank you sooooo much for calling. This is Pie... Piper... Oh, we dont have one.

She hangs up. Richard approaches.

10.

RICHARDUm, sorry. Its, uh, PIED Piper. Not PIE Piper.

JULIEWhat does pied mean? Is that when you get hit in the face with a pie?

RICHARDYeah, something like that. What did they want?

JULIETo talk to the CEO.

RICHARDSo, uh, why didnt you transfer them to me?

JULIEOh my god, youre the CEO?!

She giggles. Richard crinkles his nose and walks away.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHARDS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Richard walks into his office to find Monica looking at a framed photo from Logans Run.

MONICAShes kind of a babe.

RICHARDYeah. If I had a dollar for every time Ive... Um, what are you doing here?

MONICAPeter was concerned when he didnt hear from you. Jared talked to you, right?

RICHARDYes. Its just, I, I dont know. With all these investors coming in, I feel like maybe, um...

He goes to sit in his desk chair and accidentally slips, spinning the chair. He recovers and returns to standing.

MONICAYou OK?

11.

RICHARDYeah. Just, um, getting used to the new office furniture.

MONICAIt can be tricky. So you were saying?

RICHARDOh, I kind of hoped that made you forget. Um, I just feel like - well, Erlich was saying - maybe Peters five percent isnt enough for him to, you know, have so much... control anymore.

Monica starts to respond, when Julie comes on the speakerphone.

JULIE (ON PHONE)Hey, theres a phone call for you.

RICHARDAny idea who it is?

JULIEHe had a weird name. Something like Pete Herkrekory.

Richard purses his lips.

RICHARDPut him through, please.

He takes a breath and sternly looks at Monica.

MONICARichard?

RICHARDIm not going to be manipulated. Im going to tell him that Im in charge --

The phone lights up and Richard picks up the handset.

MONICAYou realize hes a board member of Pied Piper, right?

Richards face freezes. Silently, he holds the phone to his ear.

PETER (ON PHONE)Richard? Hello?

12.

Richard panics and does a perfect impression of the old AOL dialup tone.

PETER (ON PHONE) (CONTD)What? What is happening? Have I dialed the past?

Richard hangs up and Monica lets out a laugh.

RICHARDHoly crap, why are you laughing? That was so mean!

MONICAHey, you were the one playing hardball.

RICHARDI was just trying to stand up for myself.

MONICAIts OK. I get it, and so does Peter. But, to be honest, we believe in your product more than your business acumen.

RICHARDThats fair.

MONICAYou understand that Peter doesnt want to take the reins, right? He just doesnt want to fall off the horse either.

RICHARDThat makes sense. Sorry.

MONICAFirst business lesson: Dont apologize, especially when its for no reason.

RICHARDOK. Sorry.

She stares at him.

RICHARD (CONTD)Oh, right. Um, Im not sorry.

MONICAWell make a tycoon out of you yet.

She winks, then turns on her heel and walks out.

13.

RICHARD(to himself)

What if I dont want to be a tycoon?

CUT TO:

INT. ERLICHS OFFICE - LATER

Erlich stands before a cheap full-length mirror he has leaned against the wall. He wears a blue business suit and a button down shirt, with cuff links and no tie.

ERLICHThats right, you evil bastard. This is what you made me. You made me into a man.

Julie pops her head in.

JULIETheres some person here for you.

ERLICHIs it Randy?

JULIEI dont know. Wait, youre Eric, right?

ERLICHIts Erlich. Im a board member, so you might want to write that down.

Julie looks annoyed and leaves. Erlich follows.

CUT TO:

INT. RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS

RANDY, tall and tan like a model in a Ralph Lauren ad, stands waiting. Erlich walks up with his hand out.

ERLICHRandy Hampden! How the hell ya been?

Randy smiles and shakes Erlichs hand.

RANDYNot too bad. I see youre doing well.

ERLICHWhat, this?

Erlich makes an elaborate sweeping motion with his arms.

14.

ERLICH (CONTD)Just a little something I threw together. Hey, why dont we go into my office?

Erlich leads Randy toward his office.

CUT TO:

INT. ERLICHS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Erlich sits at his desk while Randy sits across from him.

ERLICHWhere are my manners? Would you care for a beverage?

RANDYId love an herbal tea.

ERLICHGood man. One sec.

Erlich calls Julie on the speakerphone.

ERLICH (CONTD)Julie, can I get an herbal tea in here?

JULIE (ON PHONE)Sure. Where are you?

ERLICHIn my office.

JULIE (ON PHONE)OK. And who is this?

Erlich is peeved and a little embarrassed.

ERLICH Its Erlich.

JULIE (ON PHONE) Oh. Hi, Eric. One more thing...

ERLICHYes?

JULIE (ON PHONE) We dont have any hairball tea.

ERLICHKeep it up, Julie.

15.

He hangs up.

RANDYDont worry, every startup has a problem hiring staff at first.

ERLICHProblem? We dont have a problem.

RANDYNo, I just meant --

ERLICHListen, pal. I know what you meant. Now lets talk about why youre here.

RANDYYou said you wanted my contracting company to do some work for you.

ERLICHWell, newsflash. That was bullshit.

RANDYOK...

ERLICHYou made my life a living hell in high school. You have no idea what I went through. The tears, the bed-wetting --

Randy nods sympathetically.

RANDYI thought this might come up. Ive got to tell you, I feel really bad about all the terrible stuff I used to do to you.

ERLICHWait, what?

RANDYI think about what a bully I was all the time. See, my daughters eight and she has a learning disability. She gets bullied every day and it breaks my heart.

Erlich looks at him suspiciously.

ERLICHSwear to god? Youre not messing with me?

16.

RANDYNo, not at all. Her name is Amelia and shes my angel. Heres her picture.

He opens his wallet and shows Erlich a photo.

ERLICHAww, man. Shes so cute. Youre really messing up the speech I had planned.

RANDYYou can still say it. I deserve it.

ERLICHNo, Ive lost momentum. Because of your stupid cute daughter with her dumb dimples.

Randy smiles and offers out his hand. Erlich shakes it.

CUT TO:

INT. RECEPTION AREA - LATER

Dinesh and Gilfoyle talk as they return from lunch.

GILFOYLEPeople think were like the old men in Rosemarys Baby. But Satanists are more like Wiccans with balls.

DINESHSweaty, hairy, low-hanging balls.

They walk up to the reception desk, where Julie is poking at a laptop screen with her finger.

GILFOYLEYou all right there?

JULIEI cant figure out how this fricking giant tablet works.

The guys look at each other.

DINESHThats actually a laptop.

JULIEGod, who uses laptops anymore?

17.

GILFOYLESoftware companies seems likes too easy an answer.

JULIECan I do this stuff on my phone? Because I type way faster on there.

The guys stare at her in disbelief.

DINESHHave you had a chance to call UPS yet?

JULIENo. I know you wrote the number down for me, but I cant read Arabic.

She holds up a piece of paper. On it is sloppily written 1-800-PICK-UPS.

DINESHOK, thats it.

He looks to Gilfoyle, who nods begrudgingly.

DINESH (CONTD)Julie, this isnt going to be easy...

JULIEOh my god. Why do I suddenly feel like youre breaking up with me?

DINESHBecause Im business breaking up with you.

Julie stares blankly.

GILFOYLEYoure fired.

JULIEWhat?!

Her eyes start to well up as she pouts.

JULIE (CONT'D)I mean... I cant even... See if I let you in on my closet organization app!

GILFOYLEOK.

18.

JULIESneak peek: Its called Clos-slut.

GILFOYLEOh no. What have we done.

The guys walk her to the door as Jared runs up, frazzled. He has Post-its all over the front of his shirt.

JAREDWheres Julie going?

DINESHDid you really think she was working out?

JAREDWell, no. But --

JULIEHey, I work out all the time! Just look.

She strikes a pose. All the guys are perturbed.

JARED(to Gilfoyle)

Yeah, I get the decision. But we really need some administrative help here.

GILFOYLETake it up with the CEO... Julie, if you need a shoulder to cry on about this --

JULIEYeah, right. If youre not paying me, I dont even have to look at you. Yuck.

Gilfoyle pushes Julie out the door.

GILFOYLEHiring her wasnt anything like porno promised.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE LOUNGE AREA - LATER

Erlich guides Randy to the lounge area, where Richard works alone on his laptop. Erlich and Randy are laughing and getting along.

19.

ERLICHHere we have our lounge, featuring original 1928 Le Corbusier LC-series chairs.

Richard looks up, concerned.

RICHARDOriginal? Really?

Erlich is annoyed.

ERLICHNo, theyre from Design Within Reach. Dont you have an office?

RICHARDYes. But its... its a stressful environment, like the principals office.

ERLICHPull it together, buddy. We have company.

Dinesh and Gilfoyle approach.

ERLICH (CONTD)Coworkers, this is Randy Hampden.

The guys recognize the bully.

DINESHOh, hey... Youre the guy who...

RANDYI guess you heard about my past.

ERLICHIts all good. We talked it over and everythings cool.

GILFOYLEReally? Just like that?

ERLICHYeah, for reals. Hes a good guy now.

RANDYErlich is so kind to absolve me.

ERLICHJust trying to do the right thing.

20.

RANDYYou know, theres a Pakistani proverb that says, Be beautiful yourself, and you will find the world full of beauty.

They all nod, surprised by his thoughtfulness.

RANDY (CONTD)Or maybe it was from India. Or Afghanistan. Eh, whatever. Theyre all the same anyway.

Randy laughs and slaps Erlich on the back, then walks away, ready for more tour. Erlich makes a yikes face and follows. Gilfoyle looks at Dinesh, who is incensed.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHARDS OFFICE - LATER

Richard sits in his office, stressed out. He tries to distract himself by playing a Lumosity.com game.

RICHARDNo! Not the green train!

He shuts his laptop and hangs his head in his hands.

RICHARD (CONTD)Call Peter... Peter needs attention... Peters a board member... Well, its my company!

Richard slaps his palms on the table and groans. He grabs his jacket and walks out.

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR AREA - SAME

Erlich and Randy are saying goodbye at the elevator.

ERLICHI guess this is farewell.

Randy opens his arms.

RANDYBring it in.

Erlich hugs him tightly, then shakes his hand.

21.

RANDY (CONTD)Thanks for this.

ERLICHNo, thank you.

Randy steps in the elevator. Richard runs up and gets in.

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

The doors close. Richard is very anxious; Randy notices.

RANDYYou all right?

RICHARDNo. I dont know. Im just, uh, having some trouble dealing with an investor.

RANDYIf Ive learned anything from Erlich, its that you need to treat everyone with respect. If you give it to them, theyll give it back to you.

This hits Richard and he thinks about it. The elevator doors open. Randy gets out, holding the door.

RANDY (CONTD)You coming?

Richard is inspired.

RICHARDActually, no. I have a call to make.

Randy waves and leaves. Richard stays in the elevator.

RICHARD (CONTD)Oh, I have to hit the button.

He does.

RICHARD (CONTD)Come on.

The doors dont close, so Richard hits the button twice.

RICHARD (CONTD)Oh, please dont make me wuss out.

22.

The doors start to close as Richard exhales.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - SAME

Gilfoyle walks around drinking a soda. He hears a frustrated scream from Jareds office and goes in.

GILFOYLEWhats wrong, man?

Jared stares at him like hes mental.

GILFOYLE (CONT'D)Uh oh. Did they discontinue that real doll you wanted?

Jared is in no mood for this. His desk is covered in accounting ledgers and office supply catalogs.

JAREDYou cant just open an office without staff! How am I supposed to field calls from investors when Im stocking the supply closet? Im only one man!

GILFOYLEWell, I finished all my coding early. So if you need any help, Ill be sleeping under my desk. Do not disturb.

JAREDIf only sarcasm made this all easier.

Gilfoyle smiles, amused.

GILFOYLEI think theres someone you need to meet.

Jared is unsure, but follows Gilfoyle out.

CUT TO:

INT. RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS

Gilfoyle and Jared walk up to the reception desk, where Sylvia - the middle-aged lady from before - is manning the operation. She wears two headsets, one on each ear. She speaks into them, deftly muting either as she goes, as she writes notes with a pencil on a legal pad.

23.

SYLVIAAnd that comes in a card stock too?

She mutes one headset.

SYLVIA (CONTD)Thats a question for a specialist. Ill have to forward you to Dinesh Jugtai to answer that. Please hold.

She mutes the other and forwards the call simultaneously.

SYLVIA (CONTD)Then Ill take five hundred buck slips in the same font.

Jared is shocked and pleased. Sylvia mutes both headsets.

SYLVIA (CONTD)Hey, sugar. Im Sylvia. You need anything, Im your lady.

Jared hugs Sylvia, who smiles and continues working.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHARDS OFFICE - SAME

Richard picks up the phone. He takes a deep breath and dials.

RICHARDMonica, its Richard for Peter.

MONICA (ON PHONE)Are you OK? You sound a little manic.

RICHARDI just have to do this before I lose the nerve.

MONICA (ON PHONE)One minute.

Richard holds out his hand, which shakes violently.

PETERHello.

RICHARDPeter, I wanted to talk to you about your role with Pied Piper.

24.

PETERYes.

RICHARDIm honestly not sure what it should be at this point --

PETERI see.

RICHARDNo, you dont. Because Im not finished.

PETERGo on.

RICHARDI cant tell you how much I respect you and how much I appreciate all your help.

PETER You cant?

RICHARDI want you to know that youre a vital part of this company and you always will be. But Im the president, and I need to start handling things like an executive.

Silence.

RICHARD (CONTD)Um, I mean, if thats OK.

PETERRichard, keep doing what you are doing. Ill be here if you need me.

RICHARDSo youre not mad?

PETERIf you want to run your own company, dont ever ask anyone that question.

RICHARDRight. Im learning these things.

PETERGodspeed.

Peter hangs up. Richard smiles, finally relieved. Suddenly, there is a loud blast from the parking lot.

25.

RICHARDWhat the...?

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Richard runs out into the open space, where everyone is crowded around a window.

RICHARDWhat happened?

Erlich waves Richard over and points outside. Randy is in the parking lot, screaming expletives next to his truck with four flat tires.

DINESHI put nails behind that racist bastards tires... Sorry, Erlich.

Erlich ponders his feelings about it, then shrugs.

ERLICHHey, my karmas clean. Fuck him.

He high-fives Dinesh.

CUT TO:

INT. INCUBATOR LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Erlich, Richard, Dinesh and Gilfoyle sit around eating Chinese food and watching Alien on the projector.

RIPLEY (VO)This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off...

Erlich stops the movie on his laptop and a browser window pops up on the wall. The guys are pissed.

GILFOYLEWhat the hell?!

ERLICHYou have got to see this...

GILFOYLEI have got to see the end of this movie.

26.

RICHARDYeah, you left off Come on, cat.

DINESHThat is like the defining moment of the film.

Erlich makes an exaggerated ugh noise and pushes play.

RIPLEY (VO)Come on, cat.

Erlich immediately stops the movie again and the guys grumble.

ERLICHHappy?

DINESHI didnt know you were going to rule this projector with an iron fist.

ERLICHTheres only one thing I dont do with an iron fist, and its because that would hurt my ding-dong.

He enlarges a Facebook page. It belongs to Sylvia Fawkes.

RICHARDIs that our new receptionist?

ERLICHIndeed. So we all know what Sylvia looks like now, but check this out...

He clicks into her photo folders and blows up a picture. It is Sylvia at 20, wearing a bikini. The guys gasp.

RICHARDShes beautiful.

GILFOYLEShe looks like a 1980s Kate Upton.

DINESHIm going to have dreams about her that Ill regret later.

ERLICHWell, get your semis ready for this next photo. Its hotter than the first one...

27.

They are excited, on the edges of their seats. Erlich goes to the next photo: A close-up of present-day Sylvia without makeup. The guys scream in horror. Erlich laughs.

RICHARDYoure a dick.

THE END.

28.