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Silent RealitiesSupporting Young Children and Their Families
Who Experience Violence
Elena Cohen and Barbara Walthall
The National Child Welfare Resource Center for Family-Centered PracticeWashington, DC
January 2003
Send comments and suggestions to:Elena Cohen
National Child Welfare Resource Center forFamily-Centered Practice
1150 Connecticut Avenue, NWSuite 1100
Washington, DC 20036202.638.7922
202.828.1028 [email protected]
Document available from:National Child Welfare Resource Center for
Family-Centered Practice1150 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Suite 1100Washington, DC 20036
202.638.7922202.828.1028 fax
Attention: Publications [email protected]
and
National Clearinghouse on Child Abuseand Neglect Information
330 C Street, SWWashington, DC 20447
www.calib.com/nccanch
Funding for the conference was provided by a grant from the U.S. De-partment of Health and Human Services (DHHS), Substance Abuse andMental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), Center for MentalHealth Services (CMHS) number SM52885-01. The opinions expressedherein are the views of the authors and do not reflect the official opinionof DHHS/SAMHSA/CMHS.
Table of Contents
Preface ..........................................................v
Silent Realities ............................................ 1
Helping Children Heal ................................ 9
Helping Adults Heal ................................. 15
Resources .................................................. 21
Preface
This guide summarizes the main ideas presented at an institute held inApril 2000, in conjunction with the National Head Start Associationtraining conference. It is based primarily on presentations by: Elena Cohen,National Child Welfare Resource Center for Family-Centered Practice;Betsy Seamans, Family Communications, Inc.; James Gabarino, CornellUniversity; Betsy McAlister Groves, Child Witness to Violence Project;Jane Knitzer, National Center for Children in Poverty; Michael Rovaris,The Violence Intervention Project for Children and Families; PatriciaVan Horn, Child Trauma Project; and Maxine Weinreb, Child Witnessto Violence Project. Cases used as part of this guide are actual cases pro-vided by mental health professionals.
The authors thank Anne Mathews-Younes, Branch Chief, and GailRitchie, Public Health Advisor for the Special Programs DevelopmentBranch, Center for Mental Health Services, Substance Abuse and Men-tal Health Services Administration, for their invaluable support through-out the duration of the project and the writing of this publication.
Thanks also to the many individuals who provided valuable commentson the material, especially Alicia Lieberman, Child Trauma Project; BetsyMcAlister Groves; Maggie Holmes, National Head Start Association;Cynthia Figueroa, Congreso de Latinos Services; Florence Calhoun;Gwen Freeman, Fairfax County (Virginia) Schools; Deborah RoderickStark; and Patricia Van Horn. We appreciate the tireless work of ElissaGolan and Magdala Labre, who edited the publication, and designerJennifer McDonald, National Child Welfare Resource Center for Fam-ily-Centered Practice.
Silent Realities 1
“We need to name these silent realities:speak out; make the problem heard.”
—Jane Knitzer, 2000
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For many of us violence is a reality every day—in computer games, cartoons, television, mov-ies, newspapers, highways, schools, cities, play-grounds, workplaces, neighborhoods, and inmany homes. Young children may experience vio-lence at very early ages, sometimes even beforethey are born. They may be exposed to traumaticevents as victims, witnesses, or simply by beingaware of the violence around them.
Both children and adults are affected by expo-sure to violence, but it is easy to think that youngchildren are not. After all, young children are notcompletely aware of what is around them, andthey are not able to talk. This is a myth—youngchildren are affected. To help children heal, weneed to talk to them about the violence they seeand hear.
Yet, violence is often a silent reality: children aretoo young to talk about the violence in their livesor too afraid to bring it up; adults may pretendit does not exist or choose not to discuss vio-lence with the children in their care. The realityof violence remains silent. This silence can erodechildhood, wearing away the trust children needand breaking down the important relationshipschildren need to build in their early years.
Breaking the SilenceExperiencing violence means to feel it, not nec-essarily to understand it. Even if infants and tod-dlers don’t fully understand violence, they canfeel danger and loss. For example, babies knowtheir caregivers’ smell, the sound of their voices,the way they hold them, and the rhythms of theday. They notice when these things are disturbedor disappear. Babies also notice moods, like whena caregiver is tense, a teacher is more quiet thannormal, or a father comes to the crib slower thanusual when they cry.
Traumatic events, like personally experiencing orwitnessing a death or threat of serious injury, arevery intense experiences for adults as well as forchildren. These events can have long-term harm-
Reprinted with permission from: Levin, Diane E. Teaching young chil-dren in violent times. Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social Responsibil-ity, 1994.
ful effects. Talking about traumatic events is of-ten helpful to children and adults. However, bothchildren and adults may find it very difficult totalk about the violence in their lives. As a result,these silent realities of violence often remain un-spoken, making it difficult for both children andadults to heal.
When something traumatic happens, adults mayfeel afraid and helpless because their usual way ofdealing with difficult situations may not work.The fear can be so strong that they are almostfrozen. They may also feel ashamed or embar-rassed, and think: “What’s wrong with me?” or“What are people going to think about me andmy family?” Or, they may think their silence will
Violence in Children’s Lives
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Almost every preschooler sees “mon-sters.” They’re everywhere: under beds,in closets, in fairy tales, and in cartoons.Children use monsters in their earlyyears to help them grapple with theirown dark impulses, and to help them gainsome sense of the world. When childrenwitness or hear violence in their ownhomes, especially involving their parents,some children see their parents as fright-ening as the monsters in their imagina-tions. This is because a young child’s re-ality is distorted and confused. They canconfuse the scary things about their par-ents with the loving, helping qualities oftheir parents. In violent homes, a child’simaginary monsters can take on a senseof reality. Children need their parents tohelp them sort out the monster fearsthat many young children have.
save their children and those around them fromfeeling pain and sadness.
Some adults can bounce back after this first strongreaction. Others have a much harder time return-ing to normal life and may suffer serious emo-tional and social problems. These problems areknown as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).It is usually seen in soldiers when they come homefrom a war and in people who experience trau-matic events such as car crashes and natural disas-ters. Some of the symptoms include:
◆ Thinking constantly about the traumatic event.
◆ Having nightmares.
◆ Avoiding places, people, or activities that re-mind them of the event.
◆ Losing interest in doing things that theyliked before.
◆ Feeling alone, empty, sad, anxious, or uncaring.
◆ Becoming irritable, angry, and easily startled.
Children who experience a traumatic event mayhave many of these same feelings. However, chil-dren are more vulnerable than adults because theyhave not developed skills to understand and dealwith these feelings.
Children may worry that talking about violentevents and the way they feel about them will causeadults to “fall apart.” If that happens, who willtake care of them? Children may think that it issafer to keep the sadness and fear inside than torisk losing their caregivers.
Shattered Trust, Broken BondsYoung children learn to feel safe when their basicneeds are met quickly and in a caring way. Theycan lose this sense of safety to violence. Some-times the emotional scars that result from vio-lence may cause damage and heartbreak to a fam-ily similar to the pain of physical wounds.
Research suggests that experiencing ongoing vio-lence can change the way a child’s brain developsand functions. It can make it difficult for the childto concentrate, learn, feel empathy, and develophealthy relationships.
Children’s ability to show understanding, caring,sharing, and love is connected to the relation-ships they develop as babies and young children.As infants, children develop attachments by learn-ing to trust that parents and other adults willprotect them and provide for their needs. Tod-dlers further strengthen these bonds by communi-
5
cating with adults and children at school. They learnto cooperate, take turns, observe rules, and share.
These early bonds begin to develop the blueprintsfor all other relationships that a child will have.They are important for his or her sense of safety,security, and willingness to try new things. Earlyrelationships also help prepare children to learnand do well in school.
The process of developing trusting relationshipsmay be delayed for children who live in fear. Or,they may not be able to develop healthy rela-tionships at all.
Exposure to violence may be particularly harmfulto children when it occurs very close to them, es-pecially in their homes. Young children may see
DevelopmentalTask
Effects ofTrauma
PossibleSymptoms
InfantsBirth to 12months
Toddlers12 to 36months
Preschoolers3 to 5 years
Building a sense of security in anenvironment in which they cantrust parents, family members,and others to lovingly take careof basic needs.
Growing feelings of indepen-dence. Using words or ges-tures to communicate needsand express feelings. Interact-ing with peers.
Separating fantasy from reality.Realizing how thoughts andfeelings are related to conse-quences. Playing cooperativelywith peers.
The world begins to feellike a scary place. Theattachment process isaffected because theenvironment is not trust-worthy and dependable.
Development of language,curiosity, and exploratoryskills is interrupted.Diminished learning ofpro-social behavior.
Distortion of thinkingabout themselves and theworld around them.
Changes in sleeping andeating patterns; clinginess;and difficulty separatingfrom adults (especiallyparents); inconsolablecrying; fearful of newthings; easily startled, lackof curiousity; sober mood.
Difficulty paying attention;isolation; fearfulness;aggressiveness; anxiousreactions to loud noises;and stomachaches andother physical complaints.
Atypical aggressive behav-iors or withdrawal symp-toms; reexperiencing theevent; nightmares; loss ofappetite; loss of skills;trouble concentrating.
Parents and other caregivers can make all thedifference to a young child who has witnessed violenceby supporting and nurturing them.
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their parents, who are supposed to be loving andcaring for one another, fight, make up, and fightagain. This cycle causes confusion and uncertainty.
Children who experience violence may learn notto trust or love. When someone they love is hurtor disappears, children may unconsciously decidethat this kind of loss is very painful. To stop itfrom happening again, children may detach emo-tionally from those around them. If the event isparticularly violent and hurtful, especially if itcontinues over months or years, children mayface serious problems later in life.
Children who witness violence are at a greater riskof becoming aggressors or victims.
Through a Child’s EyesChildren can react to violence by acting out atany time of the day. Something may happen tomake the child remember the event and becomescared all over again for a brief, intense period.When they feel safe again, children may be ableto express how they feel.
Each child may react differently to violence.Some children may be more depressed, anxious,worried, withdrawn, or self-destructive. Othersmay be more aggressive toward parents and play-mates, may be disruptive or overly active, andbecome careless and accident-prone.
How a child reacts can depend on many things:
Age and developmental stage. Even before birth,children may react to loud noises, to their par-ents’ voices and anxiety, or to violent acts. In-fants, toddlers, and preschoolers may react to vio-lence in different ways (see table on page 13).
Closeness and intensity. Children’s reactions maybe different depending on what happened, howlong it lasted, and how the child was involved.Whether a child hears a shooting and screams ata distance, actually sees the shooting, or a familymember was directly threatened or hurt can makea big difference. The closer the violence is to thechild, the more likely he or she will be affected.
Frequency. Children who face violence over aperiod of time may react differently than thosewho have been exposed to a one-time event. Theymay learn very early about loss, death, and bodyinjury. This may cause them to see the world as adangerous and unpredictable place.
Family and community environment. The envi-ronment may affect how children react to vio-lence. Family, peers, school, and community canhelp make a difference in how children are af-fected by violence. They can help children de-velop early relationships by providing a nurtur-ing environment and compassionate care. Thisenvironment can give children a sense of securityand physical safety, and meet their basic needsfor love, nutrition, and protection. The moreopportunities to succeed a child has, the less likelyhe or she is to become troubled.
Key Points toRemember1. A child of any age can be affected
by violence.
2. The closer violence occurs to children,the more it can affect them.
3. A caring and nurturing relationshipwith an adult can help children healfrom exposure to violence.
4. Early care and education providers canrecognize the signs of violence andhelp prevent or intervene to reduceits impact on children.
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All Children Are DifferentViolence does not affect all children in the sameway. Some may find it easier to cope with trau-matic events than others. These children are re-silient—they can bounce back from harmfulevents and circumstances. This ability to bounceback seems to depend on the child’s tempera-ment, their natural way of responding to theworld, and the balance in the child’s environmentbetween the risks that make children feel unsafeor threaten their relationships and protective ele-ments that make children feel physically andemotionally secure.
These risks include substance abuse, mental ill-ness, community and domestic violence, childabuse and neglect, and poverty.
A strong positive relationship with a competent,caring adult may be the most important protec-tion a child needs. Parents and early care and edu-cation providers can make all the difference bysupporting and nurturing the young child. Thismeans listening and talking to the child; under-standing before punishing; and being consistent,predictable, and repetitive. Ideas on how to helpchildren heal are provided in the next section ofthis guide.
Protect children by giving them information they seemto want and need at a given time. Talking about theviolence with loving adults in their life helps immensely.
2
“We cannot expect children to overcomedeprivations and danger on their own.
There is no magic here. Resilient childrenhave been protected by the actions of
adults, good nurturing, by their assets, andby their opportunities to succeed.”
—Ann Masten, 1998
Helping Children Heal
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Nine preschoolers were on their way home whensuddenly their school bus stopped. A man who wasbleeding heavily had run out of a storefront, crossedthe street, and collapsed in front of the bus. Anotherman with a knife was chasing him. The police camequickly and the bleeding man was moved from thestreet. The children were taken home.
At school the next day, no one mentioned the event allmorning as the children played and participated in classactivities. Finally, at circle time, the teacher said, “A lotof you saw this scary thing on the bus yesterday. Whatdid you think about it? What do you think happened?”Now, they asked many questions: how much blood is inthe body? Was the victim brought to the neighborhoodhospital? Was he sewn up? Did the police arrest theman? Is he in jail? Could he break out of jail? Theyasked other questions, like what happens to the humanbody when it is injured, why this happened, and why theman was chased and stabbed. Their questions focusedon feeling unsafe about what can happen to the hu-man body, the man with the knife, and whether hecould escape from jail. Talking about these fears helpedto release them.
Children who experience a traumatic event needto talk about what happened. But adults oftenfind it difficult to do so. This results in a silenceconspiracy: if the children don’t bring up the is-sue, adults won’t do it either. But silence won’theal the children; talking about it and helpingthem feel safe again will.
Beginning to HealThere are many ways in which teachers, parents,family members, foster or grandparents, and shel-ter social workers can help children begin thehealing process. Here are some ideas:
Help the child feel safe. Healing can only beginwhen the child feels safe. Even children who arestill living in violent environments can feel safe ifthe adults around them are flexible, respond totheir needs, and take care of them one-on-one.Children also feel safer when they can understandand follow simple rules. Consistent routines at
home and in school give children a feeling of powerbecause they can predict what will happen. Limitsand expectations that are clear and appropriate tochildren’s age can be very helpful.
Learn to understand the child. If you have ob-served the child’s daily routines and behavior, itis easier to know when he or she is under stress.This stress may originate from events at homeor in their community, or as a reaction to wit-nessing a frightening event.
Help the child express his or her feelings. Childrenneed time, space, and different ways to express theirfeelings and tell their stories. Many children whofind it difficult to talk about their feelings may beable to express them through art, story time, dra-matic play, and other creative activities.
Help the child feel control over his or her life. Whenchildren know, accept, and take pride in theiraccomplishments, they develop or gain a senseof power. Accepting and taking pride in oneselfcomes from experiencing success and being ac-cepted by others as unique.
Encourage and model nonviolent ways to interactand play. Teachers and parents are the most impor-tant models for behavior for children, who are verylikely to imitate their actions. Adults can help chil-dren by modeling appropriate ways to handle stressor situations of conflict.
Limit the child’s exposure to violent media. Asnoted in Youth Violence: A Report of the SurgeonGeneral, research now indicates that exposure tomedia violence increases children’s physically andverbally aggressive behavior in the short term.Media violence also increases aggressive attitudesand emotions. The Report recommends that par-ents reduce and monitor the amount of mediaviolence and children’s access to it.
Get permission from the family and speak to thechild’s other providers about your concerns. Thefamily is always the first resource for helping chil-dren. Be sensitive to cultural differences. In somecultures, for example, it may not be acceptable
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A “helping adult” is someone who knows a child well,understands the child’s routines, and listens andresponds to the child. A helping adult is usually aparent, teacher, aide, or other adult. This person canhelp a child deal with the stress and trauma of violence.
to express negative emotions. Also, families havedifferent ways to cope with stress, soothe theirchildren, and discuss their concerns.
Dealing with Difficult BehaviorsChildren who have been traumatized by violencemay react by behaving in ways that show theirstress and fear. Here are some ways you can help:
Regression. Children under stress tend to forgetsome of the things they have learned and regressto earlier behaviors, such as bed-wetting, toiletaccidents, and thumb sucking. Adults can relateto children at the age level they have returned toand try to gently help them regain these skills.
Separation fears. Children traumatized by violencemay have difficulty separating from their parentsor other early care and education providers, andbecome clingy. Adults should be patient and givechildren extra time during transition periods in
the day, like when they are dropped off at child-care, picked up from school, or at bedtime.
Fear. After a traumatic event, fear may be one ofthe child’s strongest emotions. Let children knowthat it is okay to be scared; they do not need tobe brave. Let them know they are not alone, andthat you are there to protect and love them.
Breaking the rules. Try to maintain the same rulesand expectations. Knowing what is expected fromthem helps children feel safe. Do not use physi-cal punishment; this only shows that it is okayto use violence to solve problems. Learn othermethods, through parenting classes or other help,to deal with this behavior.
The Effects ofTelevision ViolenceResearch suggests that children who watchviolence on television may:
◆ Imitate the aggressive acts they see.
◆ Become more accepting of violence.
◆ Begin to believe that the world is adangerous place.
◆ Become emotionally desensitized toviolence.
◆ Become aroused by the violence they see.
◆ Use the violence on television to justifytheir own aggressive behavior.
Adapted from: Bushman, Brad J., & Huesmann, L.R. Ef-fects of televised violence on aggression. In Singer,Dorothy, & Singer, Jerome L. Handbook of children andthe media. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.,2000, pp. 223-254, as referenced in Youth Violence: A Re-port of the Surgeon General.
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Anniversary reactions. Children’s reactions to vio-lent events can occur after a lot of time has passed.They may begin to show signs of stress aroundthe anniversary of the date when the violent eventhappened. Anniversaries provide an opportunityto acknowledge the feelings that are still thereand also talk about new feelings and thoughts.
Nightmares. Nightmares are common in childrenwho are under stress. The following strategies maybe useful:
◆ Create conditions that nurture sound, peace-ful sleep. For example, maintain bedtime ritu-als and put the child to bed at the same timeeach night. Make sure that the child does nothave any caffeine or sugar before going to sleep.
◆ Encourage the child to express his or her wor-ries during the day so that they are not lurk-ing in his or her mind at night.
◆ Talk to your child about the bad dream. Helpthe child come up with an ending that he or
Ten Ways to Calm an Anxious Child
1. Respond as quickly as possible to the child’s signs ofdistress by approaching the child and showing interestin what the child is feeling.
2. “Listen” to what the child is saying with words and actions.
3. Take the child’s feelings—especially fear and anger—seriously.
4. Get another adult to take care of the other children soyou can talk to the child privately.
5. Relax. Be as low key as possible when helping a childcalm down.
6. Restate what the child is saying back to the child to makesure you understand the child’s concern.
7. Provide appropriate outlets for strong emotions, includ-ing anger, frustration, sadness, and loneliness. Examplesinclude letting the child use a punching bag, going withthe child to a quiet corner, playing with a tape recorder,running in a special “running space,” or painting.
8. Do not personalize it. You are not a “bad” caregiver andthe child is not a “bad” child.
9. Comfort the child with extra hugs, a place on your lap,or special soothing at bedtime. Infants may need moresoothing or rocking.
10. Be there for the child. Nothing is more reassuring thanyour presence and care.
Some Native Ameri-can Tribes believe thatgood and bad dreamsfloat around at night.They make a dreamcatcher out of awood hoop with aweb of sinew andfeathers and place itover the bed of anewborn, a child, or
a newly married couple. As it swings freelythrough the night, it catches the dreams as theyflow by. The good dreams float through theweb, down the feather, and onto the sleepingperson. The bad dreams get tangled in the weband disappear at dawn’s first light.
Try making a dream catcher, put it near yourchilds’s bed, and explain the ritual to your child.
she would like. Go over the “good” endingbefore the child goes to sleep.
◆ If your child is afraid, reassure him or her ofyour love and that you will take care of himor her. “I won’t let the monster hurt you. Iwill chase it away.” Also, assure the child thatthe nightmares will go away with time.
When To Seek Professional HelpThere are times when it may be necessary to gethelp from a mental health professional. Here aresome behaviors to watch out for:
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Infants: Babies grow so rapidly during the firstyear that “normal” development varies greatly fromchild to child. However, you may want to seekprofessional help if your baby shows no curiosity,extreme passivity, lack of response to adults, andconstant difficulties sleeping or eating.
Toddlers: Danger signs for toddlers include ex-tended periods of sadness when they lose interestin their daily activities, can’t sleep, lose their ap-petites, and have exaggerated fears of being alone.Other signs include abrupt changes in behavior;hyperactivity; and complaints about stomach-aches, headaches, and dizziness for which nophysical cause can be found.
Nurturing EnvironmentsNurturing environments are those where:
◆ Children feel “listened” to. Children expressthemselves more in actions than in words.Most of their behavior has meaning. For themost part, children’s behavior is their bestattempt to get what they think they need,whether or not the adult understands.
◆ Children feel safe and protected. Thereare different ways to raise a child, andparenting styles may vary. Using disciplineas a form of teaching, and setting firm lim-its and consistent rules at home and inthe early childhood programs help chil-dren feel and be safe.
◆ Children feel that they are loved and val-ued by the adults who care for them.
“I know you are scared of something right now. Let’sthink of what we could do to make you less frightened.”One technique is to draw a picture with the child of abig ball of scary feelings. Help the child make the ballsmaller and smaller until only a tiny bit is left. Tellthe child that he or she will soon feel that way too.
Preschoolers: You may consider seeking profes-sional help if your preschooler withdraws fromadults, peers, and friends; shows panic reactions;appears depressed or unhappy much of the timeat home or school; acts much younger for anextended period of time; or constantly misbe-haves at home or school in ways that are not typi-cal for the child.
If you are worried about your child, you maywish to consult with a teacher, faith leader, pe-diatrician, or family doctor to refer you to a men-tal health professional.
3
“Adults need support, too. They need to talkabout their feelings and gain support in helping
children. We can help build their strength.”
—Maxine Weinreb, 2000
Helping Adults Heal
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After you are exposed to a traumatic event, yourbody and mind need to be replenished and re-newed. Otherwise, you may become depressed,sleep deprived, and physically ill with headaches,stomachaches, and other pains. You may havetrouble remembering things or become con-fused—you may even feel you are losing your mind.
When parents and other providers are tired, anx-ious, jumpy, and distracted, they may have a hardtime dealing with the difficulties of parenting orhelping a child. This is especially true when boththe adult and child are under the stress of vio-lence and trauma. By taking care of yourself, youwill be better prepared to help children heal.
Caring for YourselfParents and early care and education providersmay have many different strategies for taking careof themselves. Here are some ideas:
Make a plan. Planning to do something for your-self means you are already taking care of your-self. Especially during a difficult transition, hav-ing a plan can make you feel more in control ofyour life. And this, in turn, can make you feelbetter about life.
Stay healthy. Increased stress can seriously hurt yourbody. By taking care of your mental, physical, andspiritual needs, you will be better prepared tohandle difficult situations. For example, eating wellwill give you the energy you need to care for ayoung child. Exercise can help reduce stress, in-crease energy, and improve your mood. For some,going to church, visiting friends, or being in con-tact with family is a way to feel better.
Learn about the effects of trauma on your life andon the lives of your children. Understanding whatyou are going through and what you can expectin the future is another way to feel more in con-trol of your life.
Allow yourself to “feel.” Name each feeling as itarises. Talk to yourself about what you are expe-
riencing. It may also be helpful to keep a journaland write down your feelings, reactions, and re-flections each day.
Ask for support. Seek out friends, relatives, faithleaders, or others you can trust. Talk to them aboutyour feelings and experiences. There is no shamein seeking professional help; ask for professionalmental health services when they are needed.
Do you need professional help?During stressful times, it is natural for people to havetrouble sleeping and concentrating. They may also find itdifficult to have fun doing activities they once enjoyed.Some people may turn to alcohol or other drugs, or mayisolate themselves from others. These and other reac-tions may continue for a long time. Help is available from amental health professional such as a clinical social worker,family therapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensedmental health counselor.
Here are some questions that may help you decidewhether to seek help from a mental health professional:
◆ Are you very often irritable, annoyed, impatient, or angry?
◆ Do you experience an ongoing sense of numbness orsense of being isolated from others?
◆ Are you highly anxious most of the time about yourown safety or that of someone you love? Is this anxi-ety interfering with your ability to concentrate or liveas you would like?
◆ Are you often preoccupied with the violent event,death, or injury of a loved one (or certain aspects ofit) even though it happened several months ago?
◆ Do you find yourself doing things that might be harm-ful to you over time? Are you drinking more than youused to; using more prescription or nonprescriptiondrugs; driving in an unsafe or reckless manner; orthinking seriously about suicide?
◆ Is there some aspect of what you are feeling that makesyou wonder whether you’re normal or going crazy?
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How Early Care ProfessionalsCan Help Parents Help TheirChildren Parents and other family members are the mostimportant people in children’s lives. They canplay an important role in helping children healfrom exposure to violence. But they may alsoneed help from early care and education provid-ers and other professional staff.
When some parents are approached by the earlycare and education provider, they may feel theyare being blamed for their children’s problems.Early care professionals can help parents developstrategies to interact with their children in posi-tive ways.
Domestic violence situations may be especiallydifficult. Abused parents may not be able to copewith the situation or with their children’s behav-ior in reaction to the violence. They may feel
guilty for not protecting the children or for notleaving the abusive situation. They may no longersee themselves as competent parents. Sometimes,the abuser may criticize his or her partner in or-der to justify his or her actions. For example,children may say that their mother is being abusedbecause she is lazy or stupid.
The following are suggestions for early care andeducation providers for working with parents:
Be respectful. Approach families in ways that re-spond to their cultural, racial, ethnic, and linguis-tic backgrounds. Always take family members’concerns about their own safety seriously. Listento them when they talk about things that havehelped and might protect them. Remember, thefamily knows its dynamics better than any out-sider. Respect the family’s need for privacy.
Talk to parents about their children. Help parentssee the progress their child is making in formingfriendships, taking turns, and being a member ofthe classroom community. But also let parentsknow if you notice something different about theirchild, such as if their child is expressing new fears,playing alone more often, or being more clingy.
Help family members talk to their children aboutviolence. Most adults find violent events inexpli-cable and horrifying. They are not sure how toexplain violence, death, and serious injury toyoung children. Help parents and other familymembers respond to the child’s worries truth-fully and honestly and with whatever reassuranceis possible. Children must understand that whathappened is not their fault.
Help parents understand the importance of limit-ing their children’s exposure to violent media. Letparents know that watching violent movies andtelevision programs can be very stressful for theirchildren. It can cause fear and nightmares. Tele-vision programs may affect children even if theyseem not to be paying attention. Parents can helpby limiting their children’s television viewing,The stress of violence often affects a mother’s relationship
with her child.
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watching television with their children, and moni-toring their own viewing.
The Role of Staff Who HaveExpertise in Mental Health orSocial WorkThese staff members can help parents in the fol-lowing ways:
Help parents make a plan. Help the non-offend-ing parent put a plan in place before a domesticviolence crisis happens. The plan should describeways to keep the parent and child out of imme-diate danger.
Involve others who can help. Ask the parents’ per-mission to talk about their situation to the ex-tended family and others. Talk to extended fam-ily and other professionals and staff from agen-cies that may be involved with this family suchas the pediatrician, the sibling’s school counse-lor, the faith leader, or others. Keeping this in-formation confidential is very important.
If the family is in a dangerous situation, providesupport, information, and assistance. An abusedparent may need help in understanding the courtand legal system and the legal terms used. Theparent may also need help in developing a list ofquestions or concerns to share with a lawyer or toknow what options to consider. You may also helpthe parent by contacting a shelter, alternative hous-ing, or a support group.
Support families in whatever way you can beforeyou report an incident of domestic violence, whichmay create bigger problems and be very hurtful tofamilies. In some ways, it can re-victimize the vic-tim. If you feel you must make a report, makesure to tell the family what you will be doing, ifpossible, and remain available to the family af-terwards. Otherwise the family can feel betrayedand may be retraumatized.
Where to Find HelpIf unsure where to go for help, check theYellow Pages under “crisis intervention ser-vices,” “mental health,” “hotlines,” “hospitals,”or “physicians” for phone numbers and ad-dresses.
In times of crisis, the emergency room doc-tor at a hospital may be able to provide tem-porary help for an emotional problem, andwill be able to tell you where and how to getfurther help.
Listed below are the types of people andplaces that will make a referral, or providediagnostic and treatment services:
◆ Family doctors
◆ Mental health specialists, such as psychia-trists, psychologists, clinical social workers,or licensed mental health counselors
◆ Police, if you feel someone is in immediatedanger
◆ Staff at local early childhood education orchild care centers
◆ Counselors or advocates at domestic vio-lence shelters
◆ Early childhood or family support pro-grams
◆ Family service or community agencies
◆ Community mental health centers
◆ Clergy
◆ Private clinics and facilities
◆ Employee assistance programs
◆ Local medical, psychological, or psychiatricassociations
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The Role of AdministratorsWorking with traumatized children is stressfuland exhausting. Teachers, child care providers, andothers who work with young children and theirfamilies in communities plagued by violence of-ten experience burnout and fatigue. They mayexperience the same feelings as the children withwhom they work, such as isolation, anger, sad-ness, and horror. Some of them may have diffi-culty sleeping, eating, and concentrating.
Here are some ideas for administrators:
Create a supportive environment. Create an at-mosphere of trust and support among adminis-trators, consumers, board members, and others.Listen to the expressed needs of staff. Increasestaff comfort level and provide a safe forum forstaff members to share their feelings, concerns,attitudes, and beliefs.
Provide training and resources. Provide specifictraining to help staff build their confidence indealing with the emotional and behavioral chal-lenges of the children in their care. Make clinicalsupervision and on-site mental health consulta-tion available.
Help staff prepare for emergencies. Develop poli-cies and procedures for emergencies both in theprogram, during the weekend, and when takingchildren on field trips.
Help staff cope with stressful situations. When acrisis occurs, ensure that staff have the resourcesand support they need to successfully resolve theconflict and meet the needs of the children andfamilies involved. Make professional help froma mental health specialist available for staff dur-ing and after a crisis.
Resources
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Organizations
A variety of organizations can provide additional materials and information on the topic of childrenand violence. Other materials, from publications to training videos, are also available. A listing ofthese additional resources follows.
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry(AACAP)
Telephone: 202.966.7300Web site: http://www.aacap.org
American Psychological Association (APA)
Telephone: 800.374.2721; 202.336.5500Web site: http://www.apa.org
Center for Mental Health Services’ KnowledgeExchange Network (KEN)
Telephone: 800.789.2647Web site: http://www.mentalhealth.org
Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV)
Telephone: 303.492.8465Web site: http://www.colorado.edu/cspv
Child Welfare League of America
Telephone: 202.638.2952Web site: http://www.cwla.org
Child Witness to Violence Project (CWVP)
Telephone: 617.414.4244Web site: http://www.bostonchildhealth.org/special.CWTV/overview.html
Children’s Defense Fund
Telephone: 202.628.8787Web site: http://www.childrensdefense.org
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Telephone: 415.252.8900Web site: http://www.endabuse.org
Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health
Telephone: 703.684.7710Web site: http://www.ffcmh.org
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Head Start Information and Publication Center
Telephone: 866.763.6481; 202.737.1030Fax: 202.737.1151Web site: http://www.headstartinfo.org
National Association for the Education of Young Children
Telephone: 800.424.2460; 202.232.8777Web site: http://www.naeyc.org
National Center for Children Exposed to Violence
Telephone: 877.496.2238Web site: http://www.nccev.org
National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Telephone: 802.296.6300Web site: http://www.ncptsd.org
National Child Welfare Resource Center for Family-CenteredPractice
Telephone: 202.638.7922Web site: http://www.cwresource.org
National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect
Telephone: 800.394.3366; 703.385.7565Web site: http://www.calib.com/nccanch
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Telephone: 800.799.SAFE (7233)Web site: http://www.ndvh.org
National Early Childhood Technical Assistance System(NECTAS)
Telephone: 919.962.2001Web site: http://www.nectas.unc.edu
National Head Start Association (NHSA)
Telephone: 703.739.0875Web site: http://www.nhsa.org
National Resource Center for Safe Schools
Telephone: 800.268.2275; 503.275.0131Web site: http://www.safetyzone.org
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TrainingMaterials
National Technical Assistance Center for Children’s MentalHealth
Telephone: 202.687.8635Web site: http://www.georgetown.edu/research/gucdc/cassp.html
Office of Justice Programs (OJP), U.S. Department ofJustice
Telephone: 202.307.5933Web site: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov
Parents Anonymous®
Telephone: 909.621.6184Web site: http://www.parentsanonymous.org
Zero to Three:National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families
Telephone: 202.638.1144Web site: http://www.zerotothree.org
ACT (Adults and Children Together) Against Violence
This video-based violence prevention program focuses on adults who raise,care for, and teach children ages 0 to 8 years. Its goal is to make early violenceprevention a central and ongoing part of a community’s violence preventionefforts. ACT Against Violence includes a community training program forcommunity leaders. More information and a list of resources is availablefrom: http://www.ACTagainstviolence.org.
Safe Havens Training Project
This three-part video-based training program gives early care and educationproviders the support they need to help children feel safe. The videos aremini-documentaries about children and violence. The workshops teach aboutchildren’s responses to violence and offer ways to support children and thosewho care for them. Available for $195 from Family Communications, Inc.,tel: 412. 687.2990, Web site: www.fci.org/early_care/violence_main.asp.
Shelter from the Storm: Clinical Intervention withChildren Affected by Domestic Violence
Shelter from the Storm, a 236-page manual, is a curriculum for training childmental health clinicians who work with families and young children affectedby domestic violence. It is designed for use by trainers who are experiencedchild mental health clinicians. The manual provides information and case
examples, contains six training modules, a computer disk with PowerPointpresentations, and handouts. The manual provides 13 hours of training thatcan be delivered as a two -day session or used in discrete sections. Availablefor $125, plus $8.95 shipping from the Child Witness to Violence Project,617.414.7425; www.bostonchildhealth.org/ChildWitnesstoViolence/re-sources/html; email [email protected].
Strong at the Broken Places: Turning Trauma intoRecovery
This documentary shows how personal loss and suffering can be turned intoa powerful tool for restoring hope and changing society. Available for $195from Cambridge Documentary Films, tel: 617.484.3993, Web site: http://www.shore.net/~cdf.
