Show, Don’t Tell!

Or: How to write narratives in a more vivid and interesting way.

The Basics

• Showing will use sensory information.

• Showing will use active, specific verbs.

• Showing will usually incorporate dialogue.

• Showing will utilize imagery (word pictures).

• Showing will have a close psychic distance (we’ll explain this one later).

Using Sensory Information

• “Telling” sensory information usually consists of simplistic statements, such as “it smelled,” “he coughed,” or “she looked pretty.” See what happens when we SHOW these things instead:

• My nostrils constricted in an effort to keep the noxious vapor from assaulting my lungs.

• His throat made a sound like a blocked toilet as he hacked into his hanky.

• It was as if all the light in the room centered on her, luminous and incandescent: the sun of a small galaxy.

Using Active Verbs• Verbs can be incredibly specific—so why

not pick the one that best applies to your situation?

• Think, for instance, about walking. You could stride, meander, ramble, amble, gambol, sashay, strut, stumble, skip, misstep, glide, stroll, hike, wander, float, or mosey. Most verbs have variations in meaning, so spend a little time looking for the right one!

Using Dialogue

• They had an awful fight. She threw all of his stuff out the window.

• “You jerk!” she screamed. “Take all of this garbage and leave! I never want to see you again! Look out below!”

“But, baby, listen,” he pleaded. “It was all a mistake—wait! Wait! Don’t throw the stereo!”

“Don’t you ‘baby’ me!” she shrieked. “So, what do you think? Think your Cardinals Commemorative Bier stein can bounce? Bonsai!”

• Dialogue can also be useful in less dramatic circumstances.

“How was school?”

“Fine.”

“And how was practice?”

“Fine.”

“How are your grades?”

“Fine.”

“And that nice girl--?”

“She’s fine.”

“Is that all you have to say about everything that happened today?”

“Yeah.”

“Could you please tell me something with a little detail?”

“I dunno.”

“For Pete’s sake! I could have a better conversation with the dog!”

Isn’t that much more effective than “his vague answers irritated her?”

Using Imagery

• This is the fancy, poetic wording (hence the phrase “word picture”) that will really help fill in the scenery and other sensory information. For example:

Comprehension arrived like the spring. After a semester of winter, the formulas suddenly bloomed forth in vivid detail. She understood trigonometry at last!

More imagery…

• The mountains rushed into the sky, sheer and immoveable. Her lungs filled with air so crystalline it revitalized her weary, aching muscles, and she longed to climb higher, to reach the peak above the clouds where the world was carpeted with ghosts of rain and bathed in blazing sunlight.

Psychic Distance, or: How close the reader is to what’s happening• For personal essays, it is important that the

reader feel connected to the writer. How connected do you feel to this?

• A man stepped out into the storm.

• Pretty vague, right? The psychic distance is, well, distant. It’s hard to care about what’s happening.

Let’s try this:

• Chris squinted his eyes against the driving rain.

• That’s much closer, right? We have a name and a little sensory detail. What about this?

• I was soaked within seconds. Splashing across the parking lot in my soggy jeans and swamped sneakers, eyes squinched against the onslaught of needle-like drops, pores contracting lest they, too, become waterlogged, I silently cursed myself for being too cool to carry an umbrella.

Get it?

• SHOWING lets your reader into your experience—so work with the prompts provided and see what you can do!