ShameWhat is it?

Found out for being a worse person

Losing your dignity in front of others

The guilt of hurting someone

Losing your self-respect

Match the pictures to the labels as best you can. What is shame, in general?

Which definition best sums up the others?

1. Looking different, including dressing wrong or strangely.2. Being personally rejected as a friend or from a group for your

personality or style.3. Failing at something4. Showing up your true feelings to someone who doesn’t care5. Being tricked or used by someone to do something6. Being criticised or told off in public7. After lying, stealing, or hurting someone8. Not controlling a bodily function eg being caught farting/

picking your nose/ wetting yourself9. Knowing that you have a bad habit you try to hide10. Being seen naked by someone you don’t mean to11. Being betrayed by someone you love12. Not being brave enough to do something others want you to

do13. Not being independent eg relying on someone else to do

things for you

Mark the situations that you would find shameful.

Order them to find what the 3 most shameful are.

1. Explain what the most shameful situations are for you & why

2. Explain in your own words what shame is for you. (bodily, emotional, social, to do with your ability, own expectations)

**What is the difference between shame and guilt?

No Shame1. In Genesis, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” They had given themselves completely to each other “as one flesh” . They were confident in each other’s love. Being naked in front of each other was not a problem, because they lived in love & trust. Living in God’s presence, and knew only goodness.

2. When they disobeyed God, ate the fruit, and fell away from God, “their eyes were opened, and they saw that they were naked”. They saw that they could be greedy and selfish. They realised that their love could be selfish - they could use each other for their own pleasure, not in a self-giving and loving way. This awareness made them feel uncertain - vulnerable - afraid of being misused & of their own ability to misuse another person.

1. Why did Adam & Eve feel no shame in the beginning?

2. Explain what changed after they fell away from God.

3. How can shame be a good thing?

**Do you think the insights in this story are true? Is this how things have become between men and women?

3. Shame is actually a good thing – it protects our dignity, from abuse by others – without love. If you have no shame, you have no dignity or self-respect to lose. But people who have given themselves to each other in true love, have no shame, because they have no fear of being hurt.

Recap..

• Shame is…• Naked people feel shame because..• Shame is a good thing because…

Sometimes shame is NOT a good, protective feeling that comes from us - but from other people making us feel we are worthless. Which of these have you heard before?

• "You'll never amount to anything!“• "You are worthless!“• "I wish you were never born!“• "What would _____ think of you if they

knew...?“• "You look ridiculous!“• "Don't you have any self-respect?“• And it comes from being threatened

"I can and will treat you any way I want to... You are a worthless weakling at my disposal!"

With your partner, come up with or positive statements starting with “I am...” to build up someone who is being made to feel shame in this way.

What sort of person would say this? Why?