SEP 1st - ISSUE #12

collegeMoneyA banker was recentlyarrested for embezzling$100,000 to pay for hisdaughter's college edu-cation.

As the policeman,who also had a daugh-ter in college, wasleading him away inhandcuffs, he said tothe banker, "I have just one question for you.Where were you going to get the rest of themoney?"

Proposal.... JODI LEE

On Bended KneeI love you to the highest degree

My feelings as deep as the deepest seaMy love would last a lifetime,

I guaranteeA happy future together, I see

Now, if only you would heed my pleaWhen I go on a bended knee

Hoping that my wife you will beWhen I ask “Will you marry me?”

MARK

Serving riley, geary & Clay CountieS VOLUMe 1, ISSUe 12

TO ADVerTISe cAll 785-307-0450

“Connecting Customers to

Businesses...That’s What We Do Best!”

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Each issue of theOrANgE PEEL gAzETTE

is now

Mailed to EVErYhousehold & PO Box

on Fort Riley

Our way of saying“THANKS” to all the

hardworking Men & Women

serving our country. lIKe us on Facebook:www.facebook.com/opgkansas

Visit us Online at:www.opgkansas.com

read OPG Online at:www.issuu.com/opgks

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Clay County.......... PG 3Riley County.......... PG 4Geary County.......PG 5Monthly Drawing. PG 6Sudoku Comp........PG 7Kids Page.............. PG 9Classified.............. PG10Crossword..............PG11

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1What is the nature ofyour emergency?Caller: I’m trying toreach nine eleven butmy phone doesn’thave an eleven on it.Dispatcher: This isnine eleven. Caller: Ithought you just saidit was nine-one-oneDispatcher: Yes,ma’am nine-one-oneand nine-eleven arethe same thing. Caller:Honey, I may be old,but I’m not stupid.

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Report CardEight-year-old Sally brought her report cardhome from school. Her marks were good ...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, herteacher had written across the bottom:

"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has onefault. She talks too much in school. I have anidea I am going to try, which I think may breakher of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting anote on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works onSally because I would like to try it out on hermother."

BirthdayParty A lady is throwing a Birthday party forher granddaughter, and had gone allout.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.Just before the party started, two bumsshowed up looking for a handout.Feeling sorry for the bums, the womantold them that she would give them ameal if they will help chop some woodfor her out back.Gratefully, they headed to the rear of thehouse.The guests arrived, and all was goingwell with the children having a wonder-ful time.But the clown hadn't shown up.After a half and hour, the clown finallycalled to report that he was stuck in traf-fic, and would probably not make theparty at all.The woman was very disappointed andunsuccessfully tried to entertain the chil-dren herself.She happened to look out the windowand saw one of the bums doing cart-wheels across the lawn.She watched in awe as he swung fromtree branches, did mid-air flips, andleaped high in the air.She spoke to the other bum and said,"What your friend is doing is absolutelymarvelous.I have never seen such a thing.Do you think your friend would con-sider repeating this performance for thechildren at the party? I would pay him$50!"The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Letme ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50,WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHERTOE?"

Sandwich A prominent politician was pleased andproud that the local sandwich shop in atown he was visiting had named a sand-wich after him. He was somewhat lesspleased after he found out what was init.

"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

inCreAse sAles 785-307-0450PAGE 2

- CALL thE ORAngE PEEL gAzEttE -

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OPG WEATHER

Instructions:1) Look Outside2) Select Appropriate Icon (a,b,c,d or e)3)Impress your Friends!

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“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!”

Michael Miller785-632-0166Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Eastern time

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Did You Know...60 cows can produce a ton of milk each day.....rain contains vitamin B12

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Clay County...........................missy scott

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stylist..........................michael stoddard

785-307-0450www.opgkansas.comread Online-www.issuu.com/opgks

email-mike@opgkansas

published by The Orange peel Gazetteof northeastern Kansas

pO Box 262, Clay Center, Ks 67432

The Orange peel Gazette reserves the right to refuse any submitted advertising. Offensive,

derogatory or religious material is not permitted.please do that somewhere else. This is an

entertainment publication so relax, read it andhave a good time. smile at someone today. anymistakes are a trajedy and we are sorry but it

happens-we’ll fix it. Thanks for reading these tinywords! all rights reserved. all rights reserved-

Copyright 2011 Orange peel Gazette of northeastern Kansas.

OF NOrTheASTerN KANSAS

reAch cuSTOMerS IN Three cOuNTIeS AS Well AS hOMe DelIVery

TO eVery hOuSehOlD & PO BOX ON FOrT rIley. yOur AD+OPG=SucceSS

785-307-0450

Men's, Women's, Mixed and Youthleagues available.

Call (785) 630-0708 for more information or to sign-up.

Leagues now formingfor the fall season!

A Ride To Remember10th ANNIVERSARY

ALR POST 101 ALWAYS rEMEMBErED - ALWAYS HONOrED-NEVEr FOrgOTTEN

SEPTEMBER 11. 2011-Ride starts at 12pm in Clifton

please Join the american Legion riders in a remembrance ride to all who have fallen. Bring your flags, we will be riding with full flags.all can join in, whether you ride or drive.rider’s meeting at 11:30. The ride will begin in Clifton at 12pm. arrive early to check in.ROuTE:Morganville, Green, Wakefield, Longford and end in Clay Center at approx. 5:30pm. Ride is about 88 miles.

maps & InfO can be obtain by calling Denise farmer at 785-630-1355 or email at [email protected] and Ceremony to begin at 5:30pmThe event is free to all who would like to attend. Commemorative t-shirts will be available for purchase!

SEE YOu THERE! Alonzo Dexter Post 101, Clay Center 785-630-1355

Hanson

811 FIFTh ST, clAy ceNTer Any new orused vehiCle!785-632-2112

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“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!” PAGE 3

LipstickA principal of a small middle school had a prob-lem with a few of the older girls starting to uselipstick. When applying it in the bathroom theywould then press their lips to the mirror andleave lip prints.Before it got out of hand hethought of a way to stop it. He gathered all thegirls together that wore lipstick and told themhe wanted to meet with them in the ladies roomat 2pm.They gathered at 2pm and found theprincipal and the school custodian waiting forthem. The principal explained that it was be-coming a problem for the custodian to clean themirror every night. He said he felt the ladies didnot fully understand just how much of a prob-lem it was and he wanted them to witness justhow hard it was to clean.The custodian thendemonstrated. He took a long brush on a handleout of a box. He then dipped the brush in thenearest toilet, moved to the mirror and pro-ceeded to remove the lipstick.That was the lastday the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

Candy BarsLittle Johnny was sitting on a park benchmunching on one candy bar after another.Afterthe 6th one a man on the bench across from himsaid, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn'tgood for you. It will give you acne, rot yourteeth, make you fat."Little Johnny replied, "Mygrandfather lived to be 107 years old."The manasked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars ata time?"Little Johnny answered, "No, heminded his own business!"

Camping TripThe loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remain-ing campsite. Four children leaped from the ve-hicle and began feverishly unloading gear andsetting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather fire-wood, while the girls and their mother set up thecamp stove and cooking utensils. A nearbycamper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That,sir, is some display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system: no onegoes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."

ShoplifterMy friend, the manager of a grocery store,nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escortingthe suspect to the office in the front of the store(near the cash registers), when the shoplifterbroke from his grip and tried to run. After ascuffle, my friend pinned him against the walland looked up to see a number of surprised cus-tomers staring at him."Everything's fine, folks,"he reassured them. "This guy just tried to gothrough the express line with more than tenitems."

What you call dog with no legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he

ain't gonna come.

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call Missy - 785-632-4990 or email - [email protected]

What is a Qr code?a Qr code (abbreviated fromQuick response code) is aspecific matrix barcode (ortwo-dimensional code) thatis readable by dedicated Qrbarcode readers and cameratelephones.

scan ‘em and seewhere they go!

Got a Qr code- send it to us, we’llprint it!

Wear short sleeves!Support your right to

bare arms!

“Fast, Clean, Quality Work”

CommerCialresidential

ExpErt InstallatIon

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[email protected]

785-632-0453cell 785-200-4866

MISSMARIE’S

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Full Breakfast!Homemade Fries!

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“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!”PAGE 4

kids....THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE?

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like

sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --

Alan, age 10

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who

they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and

you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --

Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the

person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool

to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE

MARRIED?

( 1 ) You might have to guess, based on whether they

seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE

IN COMMON?

( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them

to get to know each other. Even boys have something to

say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette,

age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that

usually gets them interested enough to go for a second

date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE

THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would

call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about

me in all the dead columns.-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

( 1 ) When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't

want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you

should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right

thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

Things You Didn’t know....A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating oneolive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until thechild reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn'twear any pants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will haveproduced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose andears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer thanleft-handed people do.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Starfish haven't got brains.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches foreach gallon of diesel that it burns.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that theystart with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using theletters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

And finally...You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by apoisonous spider.

Did You Know...the hydrochloric acid found in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve a nail.....Kiwi birds are blind

TO ADVerTISe ON The

rIley cOuNTy PAGe

call Tom - 785-307-0450 or email - [email protected]




COLLECtiBLES & MOrE

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“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!” PAGE 5

Excuse Notes...Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced hiship.John has been absent because he had two teethtaken off his face.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre inhis side.Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He hasvery loose vowels.Irving was absent this morning because hemissed his bust.Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his fa-ther's fault.I kept Billie home because she had to go Christ-mas shopping because I don't know what sizeshe wear.Please excuse Harriet for missing school yester-day. We forget to get the Sunday paper off theporch. and when we found it Monday, wethought it was Sunday.Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot towake him up and I did not find him till I startedmaking the beds.Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. Wehave to attend a funeral.

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it

anyway." - Joey Adams

Did You Know...American's eat 18 billion hot dogs a year.....the Earth weighs 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons

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GeAry cOuNTy PAGe

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New born babies have 350 bones

(by age 5 the amount of bonesmerges to 206)

Old DeskI took my family to a museum which included anold one-room schoolhouse. In the classroom Ipointed to a desk that had an empty hole for anink bottle.

Realizing that the kids had never seen anythinglike that before I asked them, "What do you thinkthis hole was for?"

My twelve-year-old had a ready answer: "It'sa soda can holder."

Medical RoundsWhile making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you cansee," she says, "the patient limps because hisleft fibula and tibia are radically arched.Michael, what would you do in a case likethis?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limptoo."

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CanariesA lady went to a pet shop. "I'd like tobuy two yellow canaries," she told theowner.

"We don't have any canaries, but wehave these," the owner said, as he showedthe lady some pale green parakeets.

"That's not what I'm looking for," thelady stated.

But the pet store owner refused to giveup. He said, "Just think of them as yellowcanaries that aren't quite ripe yet."


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PAgE 6 Orange Peel gazette - Sep 1 / Issue #12

The BluffA big-city lawyer was representing the railroadin a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. Therancher's prize bull was missing from the sec-tion through which the railroad passed. Therancher only wanted to be paid the fair value ofthe bull.The case was scheduled to be tried be-fore the justice of the peace in the back room ofthe general store.The attorney for the railroadimmediately cornered the rancher and tried toget him to settle out of court. The lawyer didhis best selling job, and finally the rancheragreed to take half of what he was asking.Afterthe rancher had signed the release and took thecheck, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloatinga little over his success, telling the rancher,"You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, butI put one over on you in there. I couldn't havewon the case. The engineer was asleep and thefireman was in the caboose when the train wentthrough your ranch that morning. I didn't haveone witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you,young feller, I was a little worried about win-ning that case myself, because that darned bullcame home this morning."

The SalesmanA young zealous boy wanted desperately towork at a department store. He approached thestore manager who responded they needed nohelp. Quite persistent, the boy returned againand again until the manager finally said "We'rehaving a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't youshow up and you can give it a try." The elatedboy returned the following day and proceededto sell. At the end of the day the store managercalled the youngster over and asked how hehad done. The boy responded that he had sold$79,083.50 worth of merchandise. The man-ager asked how he had done so well. Theyoung man said, "Well this guy was going fish-ing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks, hesaid sure, That's $1.50. I asked if he had a nicefishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite ex-tension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nicereel, not yet replied the customer... so I got hima nice quick release reel for $35.00. I askedwhere he was going fishing and he said Straw-berry Reservior. I told him the best places tocatch fish are near the center, "Do you have aboat?" The man said he didn't so I set him upwith a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for$28,000.00. Then I asked if he had a trailer. Hedidn't, so I got him a double axle trailer for$3,000.00. Then I asked what he had to tow theboat. He only had a station wagon, so I toldhim that just wouldn't do, but we could get hima nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually, rackedand packed with a tow package, trailer hitchand everything for $48,000.00. He wanted itall." As you can imagine the store manager wasastounded. "And to think it all began with thatman asking for a package of fish hooks?" Theboy replied, "Oh no, it all began with him ask-ing for some tampons which were $3.50, so Ireplied, "Well you aren't going to be doingmuch else this weekend, you might as well gofishing!"

The SalesmanI believe my daughter wants a pair of glasses. Idon't know why she does. Perhaps glasses arenow "cool" to have in school? But though shesees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.

I took her to the eye doctor just to check it outthough. She was asked to read the bottom row ofletters on the eye chart.

She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"

What do you get when you cross thegodfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand.

Did You Know...Niagara Falls could fill 4,000 bathtubs every second.....13 people die every year from vending machines

inCreAse sAles 785-307-0450 PAGE 7

- CALL thE ORAngE PEEL gAzEttE -“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!”

Complete the Sudoku grid above and EMAIL

the 3 numbers that appear in the grey boxes

(from top to bottom) along with your name and

address to [email protected] announced next Issue!Winner will be chosen from all correct entries Answers must be received

on or before Sep 9.

SuDOku COMPETITION

Win $10

SuDOku COMPETITION

WINNER!

ANSWERS

5, 9, 1

AuG 15,2011ISSuE #11

Congratulations to Penny S. of Clay Center!

She is the Aug. 15th/Issue #11 Winner of the

$10 Sudoku Competion!

Thank you for all the entries!

GOOD LUCK IN THIS WEEKS COMPETITION!

Opee Gazette says: Let’s play!

Who Wants To be A Zillionaire?

$470,000 Question...What is the longest river in the world?A) Amazon B) NileC) Mississippi D) Missouri

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$472,000 Question...What is the largest coffee growing country inthe world?A) Columbia B) EgyptC) Brazil D) Chile

$473,000 Question...What country is also know as the country ofcopper?A) England B) PersiaC) Zambia D) Egypt

$474,000 Question...Where is the coldest place on earth located?A) Siberia B) AlaskaC) North Pole D) Hawaii

$475,000 Question...What do the Japanese call their country?A) Nippon B) NissanC) Tokyo D) Volvo

$476,000 Question...What is the worlds oldest known city?A) Cairo B) BudapestC) Baghdad D) Damascus

$477,000 Question...What is the biggest island in the world?A) Hawaii B) AustraliaC) Iceland D) Greenland

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Camping TripTwo young men were out in the woods on acamping trip, when the came upon this greattrout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoyingthe fishing, which was super.At the end of theday, knowing that they would be graduatingfrom college soon, they vowed that they wouldmeet, in twenty years, at the same place andrenew the experience.Twenty years later, they met and traveled to aspot near where they had been years before.They walked into the woods and before longcame upon a brook. One of the men said to theother, "This is the place!".The other replied,"No, it's not!".The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize theclover growing on the bank on the other side.Towhich the other man replied, "Silly, you can'ttell a brook by it's clover."

BearsThe National Park Rangers are advising hikersin Glacier National Park and other RockyMountain parks to be alert for bears and takeextra precautions to avoid an encounter.They advise park visitors to wear little bells ontheir clothes so they make noise when hiking.The bell noise allows bears to hear them comingfrom a distance and not be startled by a hikeraccidentally sneaking up on them. This mightcause a bear to charge.Visitors should also carry a pepper spray canjust in case a bear is encountered. Spraying thepepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensi-tive nose and it will run away.It is also a good idea to keep an eye out forfresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears arein the area. People should be able to recognizethe difference between black bear and grizzlybear scat.Black bear droppings are smaller and often con-tain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur.Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain smallbells and smell of pepper..

The FrogOnce upon a time, there was a little green frogwho had a very big mouth.The frog was hopping down the road when hemet a cat. He looked at the cat and then shouted,'CAT! WHAT DO YOU EAT?'The cat replied, 'I drink milk,' and returned tocleaning its whiskers. The little frog said, 'OH! THAT'S NICE!' andcontinued down the road.Then he met a dog. 'DOG!' shouted the frog,'WHAT DO YOU EAT?' The dog said, 'I eat meat.'The frog shouted, 'OH! THAT'S NICE!' and con-tinued down the road.He met a cow grazing along the road and, eventhough the answer was obvious, the big-mouthedfrog shouted, 'COW! WHAT DO YOU EAT?'The cow blinked and said, 'Why, I eat grass, ob-viously.'The frog shouted happily, 'OH! THAT'S NICE!'and continued down the road.He found a large snake coiled in the center of theroad and shouted, 'SNAKE! WHAT DO YOUEAT?'The snake hissed and looked at him before reply-ing, 'I eat little frogs with big mouths.'The frog blinked, then whispered in a very smallvoice, 'Oh... that's nice.'

“The Hottest Little Paper In Town!”

Printed with permission fromAmerican rifleman magazine.

www.americanrifleman.orgwww.nra.org

Robert Parsley waswatching television oneevening when he hearda noise outside. hequickly grabbed hisSmith & Wesson Model360 revolver cham-bered in .357 Mag. toinvestigate. The door-bell rang several times.Parsley looked out thewindow and saw a mantugging on the lockedscreen door. Holdingthe gun behind hisback, he turned on theporch light and askedthe young man what hewas doing. He claimedhis wife was in labor,and heavily perspiring,he said that he neededhelp. But Parsley foundthe man’s story suspi-cious. His instinctswere correct: Earlierthat evening the manstole an excavator andused it to severely dam-age a church. Parsleylowered the gun, bring-ing it into view. “Sorryfor waking you!” theyoung man said as heran off. Two policecruisers pulled up withtheir spotlights onsearching for a suspect.Parsley told them inwhat direction the sus-pect had fun and theyfound him breakinginto a nearby home.(WTVD-ABC,Raleigh,NC, 05/20/11)

Home alone in his two-story house, a manheard a knock at hisdoor. Glancing out thewindow, he was threemen sneak around tothe back sliding door.The sound of breakingglass made it clear thatthe men were enteringthe house. The home-owner went upstairs,locked himself in a bed-room and got his gun.At least one of the bur-glars approached thebedroom door and wasabout to enter when theresident opened fire.,killing him. The otherburglars fled, one ofwhom was nabbed by aresponding officer’spolice dog.(The News Tribune, Tacoma,

WA, 04/05/11)

Did You Know...a flea can jump 350 times its body length.....you can only see a rainbow if have your back to the sun

lIKe uS at ...www.facebook.com/OPGKansascurrent Issue Now ONlINe- www.issuu.com/opgks

See Page 6 for

more info!

Did you Know......The Orange Peel Gazette

has readers in riley, Geary

& clay counties...Is the

funniest Free paper

in town...is the BeST,

MOST AFFOrDABle way to

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cAll TODAy!

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OPEN

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Flea & Tick Collars

TONS OF FOOD-IN STOCK!

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“Thanks for all the CommunitySupport on our trips to helpJoplin!” - Emily

Good Luck to all the STUDENTS going BACK TO SCHOOL!

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805

STArT

FINISh

loSt!helpopee Jr.find hishat onthe otherside ofthemaze!goodluCK!

“o“orangerange YYouou aa-MaZe--MaZe-inging””

Color Me!

Did You Know...ants don’t like baby powder (talcum powder).....a rat can tread water for 3 days



Kids PageOpee Jr’s

785-238-6813

Good For ONE FREE Game of Bowling per person per day. Not Valid on

Cyber Bowl. Shoe Rental Not Included.Offer Exp. 09/30/11

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Q. Why did the man put hismoney in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hardcash!

Q. Where do polar bearsvote?

A. The North Poll!

-TO ADVerTISe- OPee Jr’S KIDS PAGe

call Tom - 785-307-0450or email - [email protected]

on

Knock Knock!Who's there? Cows

Cows who? No they don't, they MOO!

Knock Knock!Who's there? Cargo!

Cargo who? CarGo Beep Beep!

Knock Knock!Who's There?Beets

Beets who?Beets me!

Mother: Come on John you have to get out ofbed or you'll be late for school.

John: Ahh mum do I have to, all the teachershate me, and all the students hate me too.

Mother: Yes you do.

John: Give me a good reason

Mother: You're 44 and your the Principal!

Connect

the dotS. . . . .

FULL SIzED MAt-

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yOur AD APPeArS ONlINe FOr Free! GO TO www.opgkansas.com

Type Or prInT 20 WOrD maxuNDer $99 Free!

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all ads must contain phone number and price-no email addresses please

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-Merchandise Ads Only-Private Ads only, No FREE Business Ads-Item must be under$99&clearly stated in ad-O.P.G. reserves the right to reject any ad-Ad Runs for 2 weeks (one Issue)-Limit (2) ads per household per issue-No Animals in FREE ads

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bUSINESS & sERVICES dIRECTORYTo Advertise for only $10 per Issue Call 785-307-0450 or email [email protected]

ANIMAlS FOr SAle

Dog Blessed Kennel www.dogblessedkennel.com785-256-6648 or 785-249-9046Cute puppies looking for loving homes!

D & D Kennelwww.dndpuppies.com785-692-4373Check out our puppies that are available now & ones coming soon!

AuTOMOTIVe

Quick lane Tire & Auto center375 Grant Ave, Junction City800-444-5114Premium Oil Change $29.95! Stop by today!

BeD & BreAKFAST

The ABBI 800 N. Buckeye Ave, Abilene785-263-4900Come stay the weekend iin affordable luxury!

lAWN cAre

Turf Managementwww.turfmngt.com785-410-0394Lawn Care ~ Snow Removal ~ Leaf Removal

PAINTING

Jill & Stacy’s Painting and WallpaperWashington, Clay, Riley & Geary Areas785-275-1076 or 785-568-2033Painting-Wallpaper-Tile Work-Repair

Did You Know...most cows produce more milk when they listen to music.....spiders have transparent blood

uNclASSIFIeD

Page 10

New Parts-4 SpeedCLEAN CAR!!

call Todd785-632-7434

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reAl eSTATe

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Loan...In New York, a guy walks into a bank. He tellsthe loan officer that he needs to borrow $5000because he is going to Europe for a two weektrip. The loan officer says the bank will needcollateral for the loan so the guy hands him thekeys and the title papers to his brand new Fer-rari that is parked in the street in front of thebank. Obviously, a $250,000 Ferrari is morethan enough collateral so the loan officer giveshim the $5000. The guy leaves and the loan of-ficer drives the Ferrari into the bank's under-ground parking garage and parks it.Over the next few days, the big joke among thebank employees is all about the foolish man thatput up $250,000 collateral for a measly $5000loan.But, two weeks later, the guy returns fromhis trip and repays his loan. Plus $26.92 interest.The loan officer says to the guy, "I want tothank you for your business, but I'm curious.While you were away, I checked and found outyou are a multimillionaire. I don't understandwhy you bothered to borrow $5000 when youhave so much money."The guy replies, "Whereelse in New York can I park my Ferrari for$2.00/day and expect it to be there when I re-turn?"

Insurance PolicyVandals had set fire to a farmers haystack whichthen spread to his barn. While he surveyed thewreckage, his wife called their insurance com-pany and asked them to send a check for$30,000 the amount of insurance on the barn.“We don’t give you the money,” a company of-ficial explained. “We replace the barn and allthe equipment in it.” “In that case,” replied thewife, “cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

AppointmentThe secretary said to her boss."You have an ap-pointment at 12"The boss said who is it withShe said,"its the invisinble man"The bosssaid,"Tell him I cant see him"

BorntobeFree!

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Did You Know...there are more than 50 different kinds of kangaroos.....March 14 is 'save a spider day'

Across1. Driven transport5. Jewish teacher10. Kind of instrument14. "By yesterday!"15. Betelgeuse's constellation16. "Cogito, ___ sum"17. Rarely20. Back21. Outdo22. Annexes25. Dates26. Chop (off)29. Piques31. Can't stand35. "The ___ Daba Honeymoon"36. Andrea Doria's domain38. Arabic for "commander"

39. Fab Four film43. Otherwise44. Character45. Poetic meadow46. Mideast capital49. Goose speech50. Time zone51. Froth53. Big laugh55. Astronomer58. Choker62. Destination of the disgruntled?65. Dirty coat66. Sea gear67. Ball field covering68. Barley beards69. 1980's-90's ring champ70. Cut down

Down1. Golden Triangle country2. "___ She Lovely?"3. Disabling spray4. "La Bohème," e.g.5. Howard of "Happy Days"6. Victorian, for one7. Food collectors?8. Dense mass9. Accustomed10. Learn again11. "Aeneid" figure12. These may be inflated13. Family head18. Deep blue19. Old weapon23. Attracted24. Taste, e.g.26. Cake part27. Ancient editorial marks28. Buddy-buddy30. Pole position?32. "South Pacific" hero33. Trig functions

34. Foot the bill37. Dislike intensely40. Flyers41. Like old recordings42. Obliquely47. Slay48. Most healthy52. Compassion54. Licks55. Cultivate56. Long, long time (var.)57. Sonata, e.g.59. Daunting exam60. "Buona ___" (Italian greeting)61. Glimpse62. Fed. construction overseer63. Blood group system64. Gabriel, for one

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Quick WitA police officer in asmall town stopped a

motorist who wasspeeding down MainStreet. "But officer."

the man began, "I canexplain,".

"Just be quiet,"snapped the officer."I'm going to let youcool your heels in jail

until the chief getsback..."

"But officer, I justwanted to say...."

"And I said to keepquiet! You're going to

jail!" A few hours later theofficer looked in on

his prisoner and said,"Lucky for you that

the chief is at hisdaughter's wedding.He'll be in a good

mood when he getsback." "Don't counton it," answered thefellow in the cell."I'm the groom."

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Did You Know...all the people on Earth could fit into a 1 km cube......a platypus can eat its weight in worms every day

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Retail design, yard signs, banners, vehicle graphics, wraps and much more.

New Employee

The manager of alarge office asked anew employee tocome into his of-

fice. "What is yourname?," was the

first thing the man-ager asked.

"John," the new guyreplied. The man-

ager scowled."Look, I don't know

what kind of anamby-pamby placeyou worked at be-

fore, but I don't callanyone by their firstname! It breeds fa-miliarity and thatleads to a break-

down in authority,"he said. "I refer tomy employees by

their last name only- Smith, Jones,

Baker - that's all.Now that we got

that straight, what isyour last name?"

The new guy sighedand said, "Darling.My name is John

Darling." The man-ager said, "Okay,

John, the next thingI want to tell you..."

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WaiterA waiter brings the cus-tomer the steak he or-dered with his thumbover the meat."Are you crazy" yelledthe customer, "stickingyour thumb in mysteak?!""What" answers thewaiter, "You prefer itfell on the floor again?"

Whatever it is I didn't do it!

longford PRCAlongford PRCA

longford, KSlongford, kS

The 56th AnnualThe 56th Annual

FridayFriday saturdaysaturdayFREE BBQ Sandwich

with Admission! SERVING BEGINS AT 6 PM

sponsored by Farmers & Merchants State

Bank, Wakefield

Wild Steer Scramble(teams of 3 try to catch, saddle, & ride a

steer into the center of the arena)

6 Standard PRCA EventsSaddle bronc, Bare Back, Saddle bronc, Bare Back,

Calf Roping, SteerCalf Roping, SteerWrestling, Bull Riding, Wrestling, Bull Riding,

& Team Roping& Team RopingWPRA barrel racing

"Free Style Bullfighting""Free Style Bullfighting"Kids Calf Scramble (kids try to rope a calf)

Mutton Bustinkids 4 to 10 yrs old, and up to 60 lbs

- limit 20 riders each night

Family Fun DayKids Pedal Pull-Craft Show

Bake Sale-Kids RodeoTurtle Race-Kids Games & More

Parade

Wild Steer Scramble(teams of 3 try to catch, saddle, & ride a

steer into the center of the arena)

6 Standard PRCA EventsSaddle bronc, Bare Back, Saddle bronc, Bare Back,

Calf Roping, SteerCalf Roping, SteerWrestling, Bull Riding, Wrestling, Bull Riding,

& Team Roping& Team RopingWPRA barrel racing

"Free Style Bullfighting""Free Style Bullfighting"Kids Calf Scramble (kids try to rope a calf)

Mutton Bustinkids 4 to 10 yrs old, and up to 60 lbs -

limit 20 riders each night

Dance to DJ "Almost Live" Following Rodeo performanceCoolers welcome, no glass. Admission will be charged.

Specialty Act by 3 D Productions - sponsoredby Twin Valley Telephone

www.longfordrodeo.com

6:00 - 10:00-

5:30 -

7:30 -

Later-

7:30 -

SEP 2 SEP 3

$5(12 & UNDER)

$10

ticketsTicketsADULTS

KIDS

$3(12 & UNDER)

$8

See You there!

advance ticketsadvance tickets

ADULTS KIDS

SEP. 2-37:30 pm

AbileneRittels

Clay CenterRay’s, Mayo’s, CPS, Green Team, Long’s

LongfordCoachlight, Reed Service

MiltonvaleCitizen’s State Bank

MinneapolisCity Pharmacy, D&G Oil

SalinaHorseman Headquarters,

Vanderbilt'sSolomon

Bush's MarketWakefield

Farmers & MerchantsState BankManhattan

Tractor SupplyRiley

Riley Animal Clinic

Clay Center

LongfordRodeo!

CR 422 15

18

I-70

7782

Junction City

FortRiley

Milford

Riley

Leonardville

Ogden

Wakefield

Chapman

Manhattan

On the corner of CR 422 & Cherokee Rd

STOCK CONTRACTOR

Documents

SEP 1st - ISSUE #12