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Self-Esteem, Objectives:Be able to define “self-esteem”.Be able to figure out how high or how
low your self-esteem is.Be able to describe healthy ways to
build your self-esteem.
What is self esteem ?Self-worthConfidence in our ability to think and
cope with life’s challengesConfidence in our right to be happy and
successfulA feeling that we are deserving, entitled
to assert our needs and desires
Benefits of high self-esteemMore persistent at a difficult task Increased respect for oneself and
behave in ways that encourage others to respect (Me)more
Improve unconscious behaviorFeel better, live better
The impact of self-esteem on our lives:How we operate in the workplaceSchoolHomeHow we chose our friendsWho we fall in love with
The higher our self-esteem The easier we are able to pick ourselves up
after a fall (tragedies,problems etc.). The stronger the drive to express our true
nature and the sense of richness within. The better we are able to form nurturing vs.
toxic relationships. The tendency to be drawn to others with high
self-esteem.
Our first steps to building self-esteem is to:
• Raise the level of our consciousness in the face of emotional resistance.
• Claim our personal power.• Identify “pseudo-self-esteem”: someone
that has a lot of worldly success but feels like a failure inside and has a deep sense of inadequacy.
Healthy vs. unhealthy self-esteem Rationality, realism Creativity Independence Flexibility Ability to manage
change Willingness to admit
mistakes
See others as inferior
Fear of the unknown Inappropriate
conformity or rebelliousness
Defensiveness Over controlling hostility
High self-esteem Is the best predictor of personal
happiness. Is like having an emotional surplus, thus
it is easier to love.The opposite is emotional
improvishment, which means you have a lot of unfulfilled needs.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needsDraw a triangleOn the bottom put your basic human
needs, food, oxygen, water, sexNext put shelter, safety, healthThen love and belongingThen education, learning, self-esteemAt the top:self-actualization
A self-actualized person displays:
Acceptance of self, others and natureSelf-direction, highly motivatedProblem-solving abilitySatisfying relationship with others
The needs are simple, but for many of us, we do not feel truly deserving of the higher level needs
What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage
Within ourselves we have:Destructive voicesMemories, unconscious and conscious
of failureFearSelf-doubtSelf-sabotage
Confronting those voicesTry not to run from themTry not to ignore themChallenge them to give reasonsDistinguish between fact and fiction,Distinguish between feelings that are
based on reality vs a non realityperseverance is self-esteem building
Average self-esteem:Fluctuate between feeling appropriate
and inappropriateSometimes act wisely, sometimes
foolishly Inconsistent in behaviorThis relationship with self reflects
relationships with others
What causes low self-esteem?Overly critical ParentsSignificant childhood lossesParental abuseParental alcoholism and drug addictionParental neglect/overprotectivenessParental rejectionParental overindulgence
How can we improve our self-esteem?Living more consciouslyTaking good care of yourselfThe practice of self-acceptanceThe practice of self-responsibilitySelf assertivenessDeveloping support and intimacyThe practice of personal integrity
The practice of living consciously:Watch your thoughts…do you find
yourself saying: I know I am not doing my best but I do
not want to think about it. I know the way I eat is wrecking my
health but…. I know I am living beyond my means,
but…
Living consciously means:Being in the momentA concern to understand the world
around meA commitment to learningTo seek clarityBe aware of values that motivate meDistinguish between facts and feelings
Self acceptanceSelf-esteem is something we
experience, self-acceptance is something we do.
Refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with self.
Listening to feelings can lead to a deeper awareness of important information
Self-assertiveness/responsibilityWillingness to stand up for selfProtecting boundariesTo live by your valuesLearn to be kind without self-sacrificingCooperate with others without betraying
our standards and convictions
Living purposefullyTo live productivelyTranslating thoughts into realityAnswering questions such as: What am
I trying to achieve ? Why do I think these means are appropriate ? Does the feedback from the environment convey that I am succeeding or failing ?
The practice of personal integrity Is the integration of ideals, standards,
beliefs and behaviorsWhen our behavior is congruent with
our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity
When we have lapses in integrity it is detrimental to our self-esteem
One of the biggest enemies to high self-esteem is Laziness:We do not challenge our inertiaWe do not chose to be “awake”We do not wish to experience
discomfortThe greatest problem is that it becomes
a vicious cycle and our “laziness” or inaction damages our self-esteem and we tend to become more lazy.
Self-esteem exercise If I bring more awareness to my life
today….. If I boost my energy level by 5%
today…Write a letter to your “inner child”: Start by taking a few deep breaths, picture yourself
as a child,ask yourself are there any needs that were not met, then write a nurturing letter to sooth your “inner child”.