HABIT #5

Seek First to Understand, THEN to be Understood

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood

See things from another point of view before sharing your own point of view

Listen first, talk second Everyone wants to be respected and

valued for who they are People won’t expose their “soft”

middles unless they feel genuine love and understanding

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be understood

Five Poor Listening Styles Spacing out Pretend listening Selective listening Word listening Self-centered listening

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood Spacing Out

When someone is talking to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off into another galaxy

Being caught up in our own thoughts Daydreaming Focusing on things other than the task at

hand

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood Pretend Listening

Pretending we are listening by making insightful comments at key junctures: “yeah” “Uh-huh” “Cool” “Sounds great”

Speaker feels as if they are not important enough to be heard

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood Selective Listening

Paying attention to only the part of the conversation that interests us

Starting your own conversation based on what interests you in the other person’s conversation

Focus becomes on you The other person is not being heard and

feels unimportant

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood Word Listening

We actually pay attention to what is being said, not how it is being said

Missing out on body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions

Missing out on the emotions behind the words

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood Self-centered Listening

Seeing everything from our own point of view

Instead of standing in someone else’s shoes, we want them to stand in ours

Leads to: Judging—making judgments about what is

being said Advising—giving advice based on our own

experiences Probing—digging up emotions before

someone is ready to share them

Habit #5—Seek First to Understand, then to be understood

Genuine Listening Listening with your eyes, heart, and ears Stand in their shoes Practice mirroring—repeating meaning, using your

own words to sum up what the other person just said, acting warm and caring

Giving Feedback Will this feedback help this person, or am I doing it

just to fix them and suit myself Send “I” messages

“You” messages sound condescending and threatening

Assignment #7—Part 1

The poor listening style I struggle with most:

Assignment #7—Part 1 What poor listening style annoys you

the most when you are trying to say something you think is important?