Secrets of Happy Living

8/6/2019 Secrets of Happy Living

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SECRETS OF HAPPY LIVING

Kiruthigha .E.B MBA 09053

Sankar Rajan MBA 09091

Saraswat Bhattacharya MBA 09093

Vinay Gupta MBA 09121

Vivek Ramdas MBA 09123

1



W HY IS HAPPY LIFE SO

IMPORTANT2



LOOK AROUND YOU ,LOOK AT YOURSELF

Look at a bookstore , is the personal

development and self help books are growing at

an alarming rate

Do you find many shows and columns innewspaper too improve life ,reduce stress

Why is there so much importance attached today

to work life balance,(did you find your

grandparents ever talk about it)

3



LOOK AROUND YOU , LOOK AT YOURSELF

How many times have we come across people

with anxiety disorder

People with addictions

THE ANSWER:

Many times ,Almost Daily !!!!

4



THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION

POINTS OUT «..

30% of the adult population suffer from

recognized psychiatric disorder

Depression is the fourth biggest disease and by

2020 it will become the second biggest 1 in 4 adults suffer from serious addictions

1 in 2 people will go through a stage in life where

they consider suicide

1 in 10 people attempt suicide

5



W HY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE

HAPPY6



LETS TAKE A JOURNEY BACK IN TIME

Primitive human mind being ² was to look out for

any danger and avoid it or kill it- survival

Another important aspect ²Must belong to a clan

The stone age persons ambition-The more thebetter

Comparing amongst members to identify the

chief

7



A ND WE CONTINUE DOING THIS EVEN

TODAY

Our mind is in constant look out for trouble-

Is it good or bad ? Dangerous or safe

Our we going to lose our jobs, embarrass our

selves in public, will we get cancer (oh no!!!) We need to have more money, power to be

accepted in society

We keep comparing to identify our worth

8



THE EVOLUTION OF M AN

Our mind has evolved over the last thousand

years, since the very first species

Our minds evolved to help us survive

With each generation our mind has becomeextremely skilled at predicting danger and

avoiding danger

So evolution has shaped or mind to suffer

psychologically

9



SO W HAT IS HAPPINESS10



THERE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT MEANINGS

A feeling of gratification ² we all enjoy happy

feeling so no wonder we chase

The True meaning of happiness is: A rich, full and meaningful life , where are

actions come from our values close to our heart

11



THE HAPPINESS TRAPS12



CERTAIN MYTHS ABOUT HAPPINESS

Myth 1: happiness is a natural state for all

human beings

Myth 2: If you re not happy you are defective

Myth 3: To create a better life , we must get rid of negative feelings

Myth4 : You should be able to control what you

think and feel

13



THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL

The Mind enables us to shape our world ²the

things we want, the food we eat, our career ..

This amazing ability helps us control our

environment Breaking News: This will work in material world,

but what about our internal world ²thoughts

,urges memories

14



C AN WE CONTROL OUR INNER WORLD

Here is a simple experiment:

15



We can control but we have very little control

over our inner mind

Culture teach us to control our feelings, thoughts

etc

16



THE A CCEPTANCE AND

COMMITMENT THERAPY17



DIFFUSION TECHNIQUE

´Relate to your thought in a new way ²accept it ´

The mind is a great story teller hence we all fall

prey to cognitive fusion

y

Thoughts= words in our headsy Images =pictures inside our head

y Sensation feelings inside our body

18



HOW TO DEFUSE A THOUGHT ² COGNITIVE

DIFFUSION

Musical thought ² sing a thought to the rhythm

of the birthday tune

Naming your story

Find out whether a thought is useful to you doesit motivate you

Thoughts are stories, so hold on to your values

lightly not tightly !!!

Silly voice technique

19



WHAT IS DIFFUSION

Diffusion is all about seeing them for what they

really are and making peace with them; allowing

them to be there without fighting them

20



EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIOR

Emotions never control our behavior

It creates a tendency , and tendencies can be

changed

So never try changing your emotions to changeyourself !!

21



EMOTIONS ARE LIKE WEATHER

´ they are always present and constantly

changingµ

A Significant

event

Get Ready

for action

The Mind

gets involved



STRUGGLE SWITCH ² PUT IT OFF

With struggle switch off :

Our emotions are free to move

We don·t waste time and energy fighting or

avoiding them We don·t generate all that dirty discomfort

With the struggle switch on:

Our emotions are stuck

We waste huge energy



JUDGING EMOTIONS !!!

W hy am i feeling like this Tries to pinpoint feelings leads

to the thought that life isproblems

What have I done to deserve this This sets you on self blame

Why am I like this Search entire life history for reasons

why you are like this. This leads to

anger, resentment and it often ends

up blaming your parents

What is wrong with me Shifting through your faults, flaws

and defects

I cant handle this Your mind is feeding you the story

that your weak, something bad is

going to happenI shouldn·t feel like this Your mind is trying to fight reality

that reality is wrong ² ´give me my

realityµ

I wish I didn·t feel like this Wishful thinking



EXPANSION

Making room for unpleasant feeling sensation

and urges

The key :observe and be aware of yourself

y

Step 1:observey Step2 breath

y Step3 Allow and acknowledge those feelings

25



URGE SURFING

OBSERVE

y O=observe

y B=Breathe

y

S=surf y E=expand

y R=refocus

y V=value

y E=engage

26



CONNECTION

Connection means fully living in the present;

focusing on and engaging on fully whatever we do

²Being in present

The simple 5 things technique Connecting with morning routine:)

27



V ALUES

Values are ideas and beliefs we hold dear to

heart- how we want to live be treated and so on.

Be in connect with your values- and make clear

what is important to you

-The Bulls eye worksheet

28





THE BULL·S EYE EFFECT«.



COMMITTED ACTION

Take effective actions

- Guided by values

Take actions again and again

Happiness is not pleasure, success, mood,

it·s a stable state of mind

31



A WARENESS LEADS TO H APPINESS

What is awareness?

It·s having a 3600 vision of our surroundings

It is having awareness

About me Within me

Without me

Relevant to me

32





A WARENESS: UNDERSTANDING THE VIEWS

Reality

Your

ViewMy

View

34



WHAT IS AWARENESS

Wis

L ve / Neg ,

Neur tic

Awareness

35



WHAT SHOULD ONE DO FOR BEING AWARE

Effort, Hard

work

DisciplineKnowledge

36





H APPY LIVING WHAT IS A HEALTHY

PROCESS

38

Being Doing Having

Healthy Process

Having Doing Being

Unhealthy Process



HEALTHY PROCESS BEINGDOINGHAVING

Excellence happens because ones ¶being·

(sum total of his strengths, interests and innate

talents)

Flows into his ¶doing·

(the work or profession that he has chosen)

The ¶havings· or the rewards associated with the workin terms of promotions, monetary rewards, name,

fame, respect etc. accrue to him because of his

outstanding work quality 39





THE CHANNEL OF FLOW: STATE OF BLISS

A very highly skilled person is engaged in a task,

which is difficult and complex enough to engage

his complete attention.

The person gets completely immersed in the taskthat he loves to do as well is very good at.

In such cases the work becomes a joy and hours

can pass in a state of bliss such that he forgets

himself

So, to be happy at the cognitive level, a person

has to not only be very skilled at some vocation

but also has to find opportunities to express his

skill 41



CRITICAL A SPECT: CONTROL OF EMOTIONS

42



IDENTIFYING YOURSELF

43

NormalSelf

Narcissistic

Self

Real Person: Weak , Vulnerable

Artificial Person: Superhero, Sky high ego

We may give more credit to ourselves than

required Bottom-line: Find out our own weakness and

address the problem



INTEGRATED PERSON

44

Self

actualizing

man

Spirit

(Spiritual)

Heart(Emotional)

Mind

(Cognitive)

Body

(Physiological)

Respects his body; Follows

healthy ha bits

Invests constantly in their

chosen vocation; deals with

infor mation ver y effectively

Emotionally free; invests in nourishing relationshi ps

Enjoys what he does;

encourages & su pports

growth of other s

Self

actualizing

man

Spirit

(Spiritual)

Heart(Emotional)

Mind

(Cognitive)

Body

(Physiological)

Respects his body; Follows

healthy ha bits

Invests constantly in their

chosen vocation; deals with

infor mation ver y effectively

Emotionally free; invests in nourishing relationshi ps

Enjoys what he does;

encourages & su pports

growth of other s



SPAN OF ATTENTION AND ITS QUALITY

45

HU

H HH

H UU

H

H

HH

UH H

H

H UU

H

H

H

Mind as a bucket which accumulates ha ppiness as H and unha ppines s as U

Self ObjectQuality o attention

Causes quality o

ex perience

Self ObjectQuality o attention

Causes quality o

ex perience

The quality of the self·s attention to the experiencewhich ensures happiness or lack of it

This is one of the main reason even rich people may notbe happy

E.g. Enjoying a cup of coffee, Natural beauty etc. Paying attention to each and every pleasurable activity

can go a very long way to enjoy our material prosperityand adding to our overall happiness and gratitudelevels.



MEMORIES : A PERMANENT IMPRESSION

46

HU

H HH

H UU

H

H

HH

UH H

H

H UU

H

H

H

Mind as a bucket which accumulates ha ppiness as H and unha ppines s as U

One needs to be constantly aware of what ishappening in one·s life on a moment-to-moment

basis.

This helps one to collect ¶H·s from pleasurable

experiences and to avoid ¶U·s as much as possible. An awareness of this fact may help one to sort out

many of one·s bad habits, which generate

unpleasantness



V ALUES OF A HAPPY PERSON

Truth

Honesty

Integrity

Respect for human dignity: Love & Compassion Belief in the virtues of hard

work or industriousness

Respect for laws and norms

Cooperativeness

47



WHY PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY

Thoughts Produces feelings

Feelings like

y Frustration

y

Procrastinationy Pressure

y Jealousy

y Greed

y Anger

y Guilt

y Revenge

y Anxiety

y Worry48



FORMULA FOR HAPPINESS!!

X+Y+Z+W= Happiness

y X Work

y Y Play

y Z Mouth shut!

y W Meditation/ Reflection

Whatever is happening is happening and

whatever is not happening is not happening!!

49



50



Control the life-shaping power of

your thoughts and attitudes

Old Traditional View

Pessimism Optimism

New View

Optimism

Low HighPessimism

Low High 51



Hard optimism is all about not thinking negative.

Think positive vs Eliminating negative thoughts.

An attitude of positive expectancy energizes us, calls out

our potential and heightens our awareness of opportunity.

A negative frame of mind saps your energy as well as the

energy of people around you, weakens your confidence,

hurts your creativity and problem solving skills.

52



Hard optimism doesn·t come from merely repeating

positive statements to ourselves to ourselves.

It comes when we change how we deal with our negative

thoughts and feelings.

Positive thinking is important but nonnegative thinking is

the essence of hard optimism.

Optimism or pessimism - ultimately it·s your choice

´What an interesting life I had. And how I wish I had realized it

sooner.µ53



Assess your current level of

optimism

A lot of people are reading themselves wrong.

Is optimism inherited?

To a certain extent.

But it can also be developed over time i.e. shaped by

your early upbringing plus the influence of life·s ups and

downs.

54



Children rank particularly high on optimism but it drops

significantly once they enter puberty.

Females have greater emotional range than men i.e.

more optimism and pessimism.

Fate doesn·t determine our emotional fortune.

Fate is one thing, but how we choose to face it is quite

another.

55



Circumstances are going to affect your attitude.

DNA also has its say in who you are and how you feel.

But your own consciousness bats last.

Change the way you look at life and you literally shape a

different life for yourself.

´Be careful how you interpret the world: It is like that.µ

56



Develop the explanatory style of an

optimist

Each of us has an inner voice that only we can hear.

Those of us who end up with an optimistic explanatory

style have an inner self that reaffirms our ability and

predicts good fortune.

Those who have a pessimistic explanatory style have an

inner voice that criticizes our performance and warns of

trouble to come. 57



How optimists interpret bad events :-

� Transient

� External

� Specific to the situation i.e. not pervasive.

How optimists interpret good events :-

� Long lasting

� Internal

� Pervasive

´What the caterpillar calls a tragedy, the master calls a

butterfly.µ

58



Eliminate the explanatory style

that pessimists use

Where do you think most of the bad news comes from

that·s floating around in your head?

From yourself since you talk more to yourself than to

anyone else in the world.

59





Pessimists warped explanations for good events :-

� Success gets attributed to external factors.

� Good fortune is a random event i.e. temporary.

� Causes of good events are specific in nature.

´Whenever he thought about it he felt terrible. And so, at last,

he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it.´

61



Recognize and dispute pessimistic

thoughts

Five enemies of optimism :-

� Concern

� Complaining

� Commiserating

�

Criticizing

� Catastrophizing

62



Kill negative thinking while it·s young.

When worry first sets in take a moment to reflect on past

successes.

Deliberately change your inner voice from ´problem

talkµto ´solution talkµ.

If you·re hit with the urge to complain put it on hold until

you·ve scanned for good news.

63



Resist the urge to commiserate with others. It is not

rewarding and just sucks all the optimism out of the air.

Beware of falling into the trap of criticizing.

Never catastrophize. Catastrophizing is a feeding frenzy

of brooding about the past and imagining worst-case

scenarios for the future.

´The door to hell is locked from the inside.´ 64



Use positive reappraisal to handle

problems and disappointments

When adversity hits, our innate response is to focus

sharply on the dangers,difficulties and downside.

Nothing wrong with this. But how long should we let it

continue.

After the initial shock wears off, shift your focus away

from what·s troubling about the situation and search

intensely for what·s potentially good. 65



Optical illusion ² Ugly old woman vs Beautiful young

woman.

Positive reappraisal refers to deliberate switching of your

attention from worst-case to best-case thinking.

Eyeing adversity from a positive angle opens up our field

of view.We start looking at the situation with a broader and

longer-term perspective. 66



People who practice positive reappraisal have a way of

emerging from difficulties stronger, happier and better off

than before.

How you construe a situation literally helps create the

reality.

Learn to exploit adversity.

´No sense being pessimistic. Wouldn·t work anyway.´ 67



Make hope a habit

Research shows that hope plays a surprisingly potent role

in giving people a measurable advantage in realms as

diverse as academic achievement, bearing up in onerous

jobs and coping with tragic illness.

Hope helps move us in the direction of our goals and

ambitions.

68





Most of us make the mistake of counting on hope to ´just

happenµ.

We should realize that this is a skill we should develop.

Always give hope a fighting chance.

´What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

compared to what lies within us.´

70



71



VIEW OF EDWARD DE BONO«

´Just as burning is the proper function of fire,

happiness is the proper function of man·s

existence.µ

Twin aims of living in current meta-system, -

Happiness & Dignity.

Dignity is happiness with one·s self.

Happiness must be realized here, in this life.



IT IS A DELIBERATE EFFORT«.

Myth is that to try to culture happiness may

seem to destroy spontaneity of nature.

Today·s world is not that peaceful & romantic.

World became complex and pressures are greatand confusing.

Deliberate effort must be made to culture

essential ingredients of happiness.

Self awareness and acknowledgement is the key.



COUNTER PARTS OF H APPINESS«..

Pleasure

Its very real. So real that brain·s Pleasure centre can

be stimulated externally.

Natural purpose is like the sugar coating on pill to

make man do necessary thing to survive. Over indulgence is like a child eating a full bottle of

iron pill and gets poisoned.

Greed, selfishness and self indulgent is the

consequence.

No natural cut off to it. So its us who have to balance.



Excitement

Highly short ter. Soon wears off and demands more

and more effort.

Boredom, ingredient for further unhappiness, is

created by excitement. Most of the time counter productive, blunt our

senses.

Have to be cultured very carefully.



Enthusiasm

Opposite of apathy, so life enhancing.

Can be attached to anything.

Not that counter productive without balance.

But excessive enthusiasm can lead to frequent

switching of interest.

Possibility of being carried away, unable to invest

effort and interest in absence of it.



Joy

Pleasure of more aesthetic and intellectual type. Circumstances arouse joy may be recognized, but not easily

produced on demand.

A combination of circumstances and mood.

Interest Permanent source of pleasure.

Distinct source of happiness in itself.

Durable, dependable and permanent.



Relief

Freedom from fear and worry, freedom from guilt,

freedom from pressure.

Though brief, covers specific moments of happiness,

but still very important. In today·s world, relief from complexity and confusion

is real happiness.

Relief from being able to make a difficult effective

decision is also real happiness.



Peace

More than just the absence of discomfort.

More than just relief, complacency and smugness.

Proper functioning of human system.

No excess friction or strain, unconstrained happiness.









CONCEPT OF SELF SPACE, AND LIFE

SPACE«.

Life SpaceSelf Space

Near

Happiness

Ego

Near

Dignity



THE LUMP EFFECT«..



TO STRIKE A PROPER BALANCE«..

Problem of happiness is the problem of balance.

We prefer to deal with polarized, either/or

decision.

Concept of ´Cut Offsµ and ´Trade Offµ is very

important.

Awareness of one·s own temperament and past

experiences.

Development of will power and discipline, also

sensitization through deliberate training.





L ANCE AMSTRONG

87



THE LIFE AND CAREER OF L ANCE A RMSTRONG

Lance has won the Tour De France, the toughest

and most prestigious cycling event for 7

consecutive years 1999 -2005.

What makes this record even more remarkable is

his well documented recovery from a near fatalattack of cancer.

Lance recovered from this painful experience to

become, against all expectations the most

successful cyclist of his generation.

88



F ACING THE DEATH«

He had symptoms of pain in testicles earlier. He

ignored.

Later started coughing up blood, and went for

diagonosis.

Though mispredicted by some doctors as sinius,

finally Advanced Testicular Cancer was

diagnosed.

Due to late discovery it turned to metastasis, and

spread to lungs and brain from abdomen. Immediate surgery and chemotherapy was

needed, still leaving less than 40% chance of

survival.89



DWELL WITH DEATH..

Only one thing, beyond everything, that immense

will power and trust in himself.

Didn't panicked, didn·t lost focus

Took intelligent rational decision.

Chose a different combination of chemotherapy

medicines.

Etoposide, Ifosfamide, and Cisplatin. Using

Ifosfamide instead of Bleomycin, to avoid lung

toxicity. Decision saved his career.

Fought internally a lot, came back in training

after five month.90



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Secrets of Happy Living