Sample Copy. Not For Distribution.the kudiveypu or the traditional ceremonial entry into the bridegroom‘s house of both the brides would be performed on the same day, as it was to

Sample Copy. Not For Distribution.

i

The Fire Within


ii

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iii

The Fire Within

A Novel

By

Dr. Nirmala K. (Nirmala Arya)

EDUCREATION PUBLISHING (Since 2011)

www.educreation.in


iv


v

Dedication

To all those brave survivors of domestic abuse,

all those unfortunate women who silently faced all

odds to survive successfully in their lives.

NpN


vi

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. All characters, names,

places, incidents and events are purely the product

of the author‘s imagination. Any resemblance to

actual persons, living or dead, or actual events are

purely coincidental.

NpN


Nirmala Arya

1

Chapter 1

The Unwelcome Guest

Death, an unwelcome visitor, created a bedlam. In a

family of octogenarians, the unexpected departure

of a junior member was an event that took time to

live down. Distress, shock, and despair unnerved

the parents, grandparents and other relatives. He

had been a brilliant, up - coming doctor. Fate, like

an unknown avenger, had snatched his life away,

descending upon him in the form of brain – fever.

People, both outsiders as well as those

blood relations, crowded around the body for a last

look. The body was honorably laid out near the

central courtyard, on a raised platform. Lighted oil –

wicks arranged in half - split coconut shells, let out

flickering flames, as though they would also be put

out any minute. The smell of incense hid the odor of

the decaying flesh. Huge wreaths adorned the body–


THE FIRE WITHIN

2

they loudly proclaimed the popularity of the

deceased.

The priests enjoined to perform the death rites,

were engaged in instructing the male members of

the family. They discussed the details of the

cremation that was about to take place. Well -

wishers among the mourners read aloud from the

scriptures. The women seemed largely confined to

the inner apartments.

A few women grouped around the entrance to a

pond nearby. They silently witnessed a young

woman, barely in her early thirties, climbing

up the steps that led from the pond towards the

entrance. A priest had instructed her to take a

ritualistic bath in the pond. He was stationed near

the entrance, waving his arms, gesturing frantically,

―Get Out! Out of the way, you Sumangalis!

Out of her way! In case you care for the longevity

of your husband‘s lives, out of the way of this

nascent widow!‖

These words, uttered so authoritatively,

electrified them. No woman, who zealously guarded

her mangalsutra, dared ignore this warning. The

women who had gathered around disappeared in a

trice. They dragged away their curious unmarried

daughters with them, to keep them away from the

ill- omened sight. In their hasty retreat, the eighteen

year old daughter of the young widow, who had

lingered on to give her mother some


Nirmala Arya

3

companionship was also roughly pushed back. The

thoughtlessly uttered words of the priest were

ignored by only her sisters and close friends, who

stood nearby.

Bindu, the youthful widow was led into the

interiors of the tharavad(traditional main house) ,

past the inner courtyard, past the dead body of her

spouse, which she barely noticed, towards a dark

room in the women‘s apartments .She was dripping

wet. She was seated on a bare wooden stool. She

was to remain thus till the entire cremation was

over. A window that opened out to the main

courtyard offered her a view of the commotion in

the central courtyard. She was denied a last look of

her husband‘s body. After all she had lived with

him for a few years. She could see him being borne

away. She observed her daughter, who hovered

around for a final glimpse, being pushed away

from the relatives who crowded around. Bindu‘s

eyes shone bright with the effort she took to control

her tears. Her daughter had returned to the room,

taking a place by her side. Her daughter was taking

this blow really hard. After all, he had not given her

cause to complain, at least in her younger days.

Bindu sat as though turned to stone. Her eyes

were tightly shut, she was praying in silence.

―God! Give me the strength. Let me come out

of this pareekshanam(test) without too much pain.

Help me face the future without doubts and


THE FIRE WITHIN

4

bitterness. Help me fend for myself and my child.

Help me treat these people, his people, with

forbearance. They know not how they have sinned

against me. Lord! Forgive them their trespasses.‖

None from her husband‘s relatives came near

her. No one offered her words of consolation, but

her own siblings, and her friends. Half way

through the cremation, the priest again approached

Bindu. He demanded that she hand over her mangal

sutra also called ‗thali‘ to him. Custom held that

this thali, the symbol of her wife- hood, be burnt

along with the mortal remains of her husband A

relentless custom that signified the symbolic

severance of all her ties with her dead husband. She

handed over the said piece of jewel in silence. She

was later asked to hand over the remaining jewels

that had adorned her body, especially her bangles.

Traditionally, a Hindu widow was not supposed to

wear bangles. She remembered the custom among

other such communities where the bangles, mostly

glass, were broken by the widows at the time of

their husbands‘ deaths. Bindu had been wearing the

traditional Kerala dress, a two piece of – white dhoti

set,the ‗settu –mundu,‘ which was slowly drying up.

The cremation being over, she was once more

required to take a ritual dip in the pond. Only then

was she given a frugal meal. Her own people left

soon after. She could retire to bed after they had

left.


Nirmala Arya

5

For the next twelve days she had to take part in

the Bali- Karma which followed a similar pattern

–her early ritual bath, the death rites when she and

her daughter had to offer the ‗Pinda‘ a second ritual

dip and her frugal meals. The twelve day religious

rites were symbolic of the departed soul‘s spiritual

path towards the final liberation or moksha. Along

with it came her liberation from the bonds of an

unsuccessful marriage which had spelt doom for

her.

She had the permission to sleep early, though

sleep was a stranger. Her in-laws studiously avoided

her .A chance comment by her sister- in- law,

―What a fate! She has always brought ill-luck

to my brother and my parents‘ family.‖

This chance comment triggered off a chain

of thoughts in her, rendering her nights sleepless.

Scenes from the not too distant past flashed through

her mind.

NpN


THE FIRE WITHIN

6

Chapter 2

Of Promises and Hopes

She had entered the portals of the very same

building twenty years ago, as an eager, young bride.

She had been doing her final B.A. when the

proposal came from a rich, Kerala Brahmin family

from Malabar. The bridegroom was an eligible,

young, bachelor, an M.B.B.S graduate. He was

handsome and fashionable. In fact, Ramesh was

planning to do his P.G soon in medicine. Bindu‘s

father, a P.G himself, had insisted on a good

educational background for the boy. He had been

lucky enough to marry off his other daughters to

men with an educated background. Veena, the

eldest, was married to a bank manager, and Vani the

second daughter to an engineer. He had secretly

desired a doctor bridegroom for his third daughter,

Bindu. Bindu had a brother Madhu just one year

older to her and a younger sister, Leena. Despite his


Nirmala Arya

7

wish for a doctor bride groom, the father had never

dared to express his wishes aloud. Now he was

quite happy that his ambition was realized in the

case of Bindu .In fact, this proposal for Bindu far

exceeded his expectations. The groom‘s family was

a very rich one. They had business concerns and

estates that spelt big money, unlike the middle class

family of Bindu.

The only hesitation Bindu‘s parents had was

the fact that Ramesh‘s family was an extended joint

family with all his brothers and families, his uncles

and aunts the grandparents, were all living together.

Bindu‘s father knew that since she was used to

living in their nuclear family, Bindu would find it

difficult to adjust to such a big family. Yet when he

understood that the aunts and uncles would shift to

their own houses soon after the wedding, he was

relieved. Besides, Ramesh intended to join his P.G

course soon and therefore was planning to move out

with Bindu after marriage. Bindu was also planning

to complete her course, staying for the remaining

months in her own home after marriage. Of course,

only if her in- laws permitted her.

Preparations for the marriage were in full swing–

there was the joyful reunion of the sisters. Bindu‘s

brother, just older to her Madhu was qualifying to

be a doctor himself. But he had decided to get

married only after his sisters‘ marriages were over.

Madhu was just older to Bindu, Bindu was the third


THE FIRE WITHIN

8

daughter. She had a sister younger to her. To all of

them, including Bindu, this marriage proposal

seemed to be, a dream come true. Bindu was quite

happy as she was not too interested in continuing

her studies. The brother and sisters along with their

parents were involved in the purchase of sarees and

ornaments, the pre- wedding activities. Bindu‘s

father had wanted the marriage to be conducted in

their traditional house in their country-side. Though

Ramesh‘s father had wanted to conduct it in his

own house. Finally Ramesh‘s father agreed to fall in

with the wishes of the girls‘ parents, on condition

the kudiveypu or the traditional ceremonial entry

into the bridegroom‘s house of both the brides

would be performed on the same day, as it was to be

a double wedding. They were informed of this only

later. Ramesh‘s brother, younger to him by a year,

was also getting married at about the same time.

Bindu‘s mother had misgivings about this: she

felt that if two marriages were conducted at the

same time and place, one was sure to be unlucky.

The others allayed her doubts by pointing out that

there were about two day‘s difference in the

Muhurthams between the two marriages to be

solemnized. The marriage of Ramesh‘s younger

brother was to be performed at his bride‘s

residence. The two marriage parties would join

together and proceed towards the residence of the


Nirmala Arya

9

bridegrooms after their respective marriages for the

kudiveypu ceremony on the same day.

Bindu‘s sisters teased her about the prospective

bride-groom:

―Bindu, you must be dreaming about Ramesh

all the time. He does look like a film star or a

charming prince who‘s arrived on horse – back to

carry you off to his castle of dreams.‖

They remembered when he had come to ‗see‘

Bindu. They had all been taken in by his charm

and politeness. And now they had caught Bindu

looking in rapt admiration at his photo that he had

sent later. Bindu‘s romantic temperament was a

standing joke with her sisters and friends. She had

taken his snap to college and listened with pride to

rave comments of her friends:

―He‘s dashing, Bindu dear.‖

―He looks like the hero in ‗Ram – Lakhan,‘ ‖

―His mooches are too thick –you could ask

him to thin them down a bit.‖

Bindu couldn‘t stop blushing. The rest of the

comments were A---they embarrassed her. She now

observed herself in the mirror, in the privacy of her

home. She was not unimpressed – a tall and slim

figure, rather on the bony side, with fair skin,

delicate oval face, dimpled chin, slightly pouting

lips, and enormous dark eyes .She patted her long

brownish hair that reached down to her waist .She

felt that she did suit tall , slightly fair and handsome


THE FIRE WITHIN

10

Ramesh. She was essentially simple in her attire –

not for her the modern and fashion crazed dresses of

her friends. She believed that basically every youth

in Kerala at heart yearned for a nadanpennu --

one with tulsi leaves in her freshly bathed long hair,

and the fragrance of jasmine flowers on her person

– a sight that would cool the eyes of the Malayali

male.

‗You need a bit of poise and polish, Bindu‘

She was taken aback as her elder sister Veena

surprised her from behind.

―I hear that Ramesh is a pucca fashion

conscious young man, aniyathi(sister). You‘ll have

to acquire a taste in modernity, girl.‖

Her elder sister Veena prided herself on her

sense of the ‗modern,‘ as she called it. But her

brother-in-law was a simple, unassuming character.

Her sister had managed, through constant

persuasion to spruce him up. Now-a-days he looked

quite smart, she had to agree. Thank God, thought

Bindu, I wouldn‘t have to nag my man thus just to

make him presentable. As for smartening herself

up, she was confident that with time, she could also

be acquainted with and master these so called

fashionable manners and modern attires.

The marriage, as expected, was a grand affair.

The marriage ceremony in their community was a

lengthy affair lasting for about nearly two hours.

Despite having purchased wedding sarees, the


Nirmala Arya

11

ornamented, silk sari-clad body of the bride was

seen very little. The conventional attitude of the

bridegroom‘s father and grandparents insisted on

traditional attire for the brides, which meant that

she was to be covered by a lengthy piece of off-

white cloth, almost like a hood or veil with only

part of her face, hands and feet alone being visible.

In Bindu‘s case, all her make-up and gold

ornaments were wasted. But they were examined

later by her in-laws and other invitees.The

bridegroom sported the dhoti and the uthareeyam.

(a band made of sacred cloth worn around

shoulders)

The marriage was conducted with the sacred

fire as witness – Bindu had only a hazy memory of

the actual stages of the marriage ceremony-later

explained to her on request by one of her brothers –

in – law: The ritualistic chant of ‗Sahadharmam

Charatha,‘ denoting her bounden duty of co-existing

henceforth in harmony with her wedded husband;

the ‗Panigrahana,‘ ceremony when her husband first

held her hand in his, as part of the ritual, and the

‗Saptapadi,‘ or the ‗seven steps‘ jointly taken,

symbolizing the ultimate spiritual maturity they had

to attain by transcending various hurdles in the

world. It was all done with the sacred ‗Agni‘ (Fire)

as sakshi (witness), similar to any other traditional

Hindu marriage. There were other rituals

accompanied by regular incantation of Vedic


THE FIRE WITHIN

12

hymns, sung at weddings by the priest and other

experts. Bindu understood that the religious rituals

were over when she became conscious of the

‘Aarpu vili.’ This was the name given to an almost

hoarse shouting indulged in by the men of the

bridegroom‘s family, as a mark of celebration for

winning the bride and letting the neighbors know

that a new bride had been brought into their family.

It is perhaps a remnant of the pre-historic practice

of battle cries by those who won and in winning

could bring home as bounty the women too, thought

Bindu.

NpN


Nirmala Arya

13

Chapter 3

A New Beginning

Bindu realized that it was almost daybreak. She

got up, and went through the mechanical motions of

cleaning herself, brushing her teeth and prepared for

her ritual bath previous to the rites to be performed.

Her daughter accompanied her and did what was

required of her. After her second bath once the

functions were over, she was called in to breakfast.

She spoke little, uttering monosyllables whenever it

was needed. A few sympathetic well - wishers and

neighbors had gathered in the women‘s sections of

the inner Nalukettu. Bindu was not in a mood to

meet them, but courtesy demanded that she go to

them.

― Kashtam! It is a great pity that Ramesh was

struck so young! He had such a good name as a

doctor! Bindukutty, what are your future plans?‖


THE FIRE WITHIN

14

―It is sad that you have only a grown up

daughter. Had you a son, he would have taken your

responsibility on his shoulders. What is a woman

without a husband supposed to do? Oh! It is

terrible.‖

Bindu silently had to bear these scorching

words of sympathy that rubbed salt into her

wounds, which she dared not express. At least these

folks had shown the minimum courtesy of sharing

her sorrows or at least making a show of it, which

was more to their credit when compared to her stiff

upper lipped in-laws. Her elder sister – in –law,

Malu edathi, could be overheard commenting :

―Why are you all gathered here? She doesn‘t

need your sympathy. She brought this all on herself.

Even God could not bear my brother‘s suffering. So

he has mercifully been called back. And she is left

behind to suffer for her sins.‖

If words and scorching looks could fatally

suffocate a person, thought Bindu, she would have

been dead long ago. She mutely witnessed the so

called well-wishers vanish. She got up without a

word, and retired to her room. She tried to read

from some hymn books, but found her mind

wandering to scenes from the past.

Bindu recalled in graphic detail, the ride after

marriage to the Tharavad in the beautifully

decorated cars. Her sisters had helped her fill in the

missing details.


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Sample Copy. Not For Distribution.the kudiveypu or the traditional ceremonial entry into the bridegroom‘s house of both the brides would be performed on the same day, as it was to