Sample College Application Essay #4

Sample Essay #4Accepted by Harvard Of all the characters that I’ve “met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to em-ulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life. Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout, I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I’ m not yet prepared to lead. I’ m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom neces-sary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.

ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS:This essay is a great example of how to answer this question well. This applicant chose characters who demon-strated specific traits that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal (being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us a good deal about him-self, his values, and his goals while maintaining a strong focus throughout.

Sample College Application Essay #4

Sample Essay #4Accepted by Harvard

Of all the characters that I’ve “met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is some-thing I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.

Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout, I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I’ m not yet prepared to lead.

I’ m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help oth-ers. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistica-tion, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.

ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS: This essay is a great example of how to answer this question well. This applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific traits that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal (being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while maintaining a strong focus throughout.

Name:_________________________

Hour:________

Below is a college entrance essay written by an ACHS student applying to Illinois State University. Pre-tend you are an admissions counselor for ISU. It is your job to evaluate this student, based on this essay, for admission to ISU. You should evaluate both for skills (grammar, mechanics, structure), style, and content. You may write directly on the essay.

In the first person, write a narrative essay of approximately 500 words that describes you and your educational and career goals. Describe how you plan to reach your goal(s). Then describe what you imagine your work day will be like when you are working in your chosen field. Provide the reader with a vision of what you will be do-ing and why you want to do what it is you are doing.

Hello, my name is ACHS Student, and I’m applying for admission to ISU. My goal is to attend ISU because I saw that you have a nice campus in your broacher, even though I’ve never visited. Also, I have a lot of friends that are also applying to ISU, so I thought it would be nice to go where my friends are, too. Plus, I want to be a teacher, and I’ve heard ISU is a pretty good school for becoming a teacher at.

To describe me, I would say I am an outgoing student and that I did pretty good in school. I have some classes that were better than others, but mostly I did alright. I was involved in a lot of school activities my freashman year, but I had to drop some of them because I needed to work to get my car and insurance. I was in Spanish Club and Volleyball, though, and I thought they were fun. I used to coach little kids in volleyball, too, and I like that, which is something that made me think I might be good at teaching. All my teachers really like me, and I get along with everyone and I have a lot of friends. So overall, I’m outgoing.

I plan to reach my goal of becoming a teacher by attending classes in teaching at ISU. I don’t know exact-ly what I want to teach yet, but I know I want it to be high school, because I don’t like little kids and middle school kids are sometimes jerks, so I think high school would be best I know I will like teaching at that level. I think maybe I will teach Social Studies because it’s easy for me and I always get As in it. I know I don’t want to teach Math because I’m bad at it. I’ve had fun Social Studies teachers who don’t assign to much work but make the class fun, and I want to be like them.

I imagine my work day will start at whatever time school starts. I will go to school and teach my classes, and then maybe coach volleyball cause I played volleyball in highschool only for my first two years after that I worked at Wal-Mart and I didn’t have time to play. I know I have to grade and stuff too, but I don’t think I’ll have trouble with that. Also, I get a lot of vacations, and that will be good for when I have my family, which is something else I want. These are the reasons I want to teach.

So in conclusion, I want to go to ISU and be a teacher, probably in Social Studies, because ISU seems like a nice campus. Even if I have to go to CLC for a year, I still want to go to ISU after that.

Now that you have read and evaluated the essay, write a response below that indicates whether or not you would admit this student to ISU. Be thorough in your response and specific in referencing the essay with regard to skills, style, and content.