SHAPE UP!Five Elements of a Solid College Essay or Personal Narrative

Don’t Sweat ItWriting the college essay can seem like an intimidating task, but it doesn’t have to be. If you simply remember these five essential elements, you will be well on your way to creating an impressive and memorable piece of writing that is sure to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

The Shape Up PlanStoryHookAwesome DetailsPurposeful Diction (word choice)Epiphany

Let’s discuss each one…

1. StoryQuite frankly, the college essay is mislabeled. The most intriguing college essays involve a story with a character (you, of course), setting, some type of conflict, and theme just like the novels and films we enjoy. Just be sure to clearly answer the prompt within the story that you tell.

2. HookBecause admissions officers (and English teachers) are flooded with essays, their attention span is short. You want to grab their attention fast in the opening lines. The following slide contains what many readers consider to be some of the best opening lines from literary works. Use these hooks as inspiration for your own college essay.

What makes these great hooks??Once an angry man dragged his father along the ground through his own orchard. "Stop!" cried the groaning old man at last, "Stop! I did not drag my father beyond this tree." —Gertrude Stein, The Making of Americans

It was the day my grandmother exploded. —Iain M. Banks, The Crow Road

Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board.—Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.—F. Scott Fitzgerald, Great Gatsby

Here are some fairly strong opening lines from the college essays of students accepted to Stanford.

On a hot Hollywood evening, I sat on a bike, sweltering in a winter coat and furry boots.

I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks.

The spaghetti burbled and slushed around the pan, and as I stirred it, the noises it gave off began to sound increasingly like bodily functions.

Cancer tried to defeat me, and it failed.

3. Awesome DetailsSensory details enable the reader to see what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. These details are important in helping the reader become a part of this great story you are sharing. Remember, he or she is relying on your words and images to help them paint the picture in their mind, so give them as many colors, shades, and textures as possible, but always use these details wisely and with a specific purpose.

Here is an example of a paragraph somewhat lacking in sensory detail.

Grandmother Workman reached over and grabbed her grandson's arm. He was nervous because the staircase was so steep, but she leaned against him and they began to climb.

Here is the same paragraph with details for all five senses. Can you find all five? What effect do they have?Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him, breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.

4. Purposeful DictionDiction is word choice… certain words may have the same denotation, or basic dictionary definition, but have very different connotations. Connotations are all the emotions, feelings, thoughts, and images we associate with a certain word. When writing, you must ask yourself, “Which word best reaches my audience (admissions officer/ English teacher ) and creates the effect I am trying to achieve”?

Discuss the different meanings of the words below. How would each word create a different effect?

Example 1 — her thin frame (body) / her starved frame

Example 2 — the children swarmed about / the children frolicked about

Example 3 — unkind / malicious / sadistic

5. EpiphanyColleges (and teachers) want students who are reflective learners, so instead of simply describing the important event or bragging about the accomplishment, expand on the lesson learned. Explain how the experience shaped you into the courageous, generous, or inspired person you are today. You are telling a story and every worthwhile story has a revelation.

Read the following example of a closing for a college essay. What was the writer’s epiphany? Why would his epiphany impress the admissions officer?Thanks to my newfound clarity, the remaining hours of that tense flight slipped away without dread, and I never again obsessed over our odds even as we touched down. Instead, more important things replaced those worries and concerns, such as the duties and goals I aspired to accomplish during my life. Rather than focusing on fear, I resolved to direct my energies and thoughts towards all that I have left to accomplish. While I have no control over possibly perishing in a freak airplane accident, I do have the ability to improve my chance of attaining my dreams; thus, I intend to spend my life constantly looking forward, rather than worrying about how high I rise or how far I may fall.