Running head: UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 1 ... MP 2017.pdf · UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 6 In the same text, excerpted from Alfred Adler’s writing this idea

Running head: UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 1

Toward Increased Understanding and Healthier Expression of Anger

A Master’s Project

Presented to

The Faculty of Adler Graduate School

______________________

In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for

Master of Arts in Adlerian Counseling and Psychotherapy

_________________________

By

Kathleen W. Matay

_________________________

Chair: Marina Bluvshtein

Reader: Liza Finlay

_________________________

July 2016

UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 2

Abstract

In this paper, the author endeavors to deepen the understanding of anger, while encouraging

healthy, useful expression of this powerful emotion. The author discusses several tools and

strategies for increasing awareness of anger and its effect on the mind and body with an eye

toward channeling strong emotion into horizontal striving.


Table of Contents

Abstract ........................................................................................................................................... 2

Introduction: Anger in 2016............................................................................................................ 4

Purposes Served by Anger .............................................................................................................. 5

Anger and Neurosis..................................................................................................................... 7

Contributing Factors and Components of Anger ............................................................................ 7

Definitions of Anger ................................................................................................................... 7

What Exactly Is a Feeling? ......................................................................................................... 9

Emotion vs. Feeling .................................................................................................................. 10

Suppression vs. Repression ....................................................................................................... 11

Four Components of Anger ...................................................................................................... 11

This Is Your Brain on Anger .................................................................................................... 12

Tools and Strategies for Channeling Anger to the Useful Side of Life ........................................ 15

Early Recollections ................................................................................................................... 16

Nonviolent Communication ...................................................................................................... 16

The ABC Approach to Anger Regulation ................................................................................. 18

The Red Cape of Anger ............................................................................................................ 19

Mindfulness............................................................................................................................... 20

Conclusion .................................................................................................................................... 21

References ..................................................................................................................................... 22


Toward Increased Understanding and Healthier Expression of Anger

Introduction: Anger in 2016

Anger. As humans, we readily experience it ourselves, as we recognize it in others. As

individuals, we bear witness to its negative, destructive and violent manifestations. When it goes

unchecked, anger can damage our health, our mental well-being, as well as our important

relationships. Generally speaking, our society does not cope well or respond well to anger.

“Uncontrolled anger has become our number one mental health issue” (Joseph, 2016, para. 3).

In recent weeks, anger has been making national headlines on an all too frequent basis:

Falcon Heights, Minnesota; Orlando, Florida; Dallas, Texas; Baton Rouge, Louisiana; and Nice,

France, to name only a few scenes of the tragic incidents that have garnered media attention and

galvanized groups and individuals into action, from peaceful protests to gun-safety campaigns.

Experts and books abound on the topic of anger, as we collectively struggle to understand

this powerful, motivational emotion. This paper will attempt to help increase the understanding

of anger, so that, as practitioners and parents, we can help our clients and children learn to

channel their anger, understand its purpose, predict its occurrence, recognize its underlying

causes, and express strong feelings in healthier ways. Toward these ends, this paper considers the

purposes served by anger from an Adlerian perspective, explores what is currently known the

physiological and neurological anatomy of anger and, finally, discusses some tools and strategies

for modulating anger and movement toward useful expression.


Purposes Served by Anger

In 1978, Dr. Gary McKay wrote a little yellow booklet called “The Basics of Anger,” that

is widely respected and still used today in the realm of anger management. Dr. McKay passed

away on July 1st of this year, may he rest in peace.

The Parent Encouragement program currently assigns Dr. McKay’s booklet as homework

in a workshop called, “Managing Anger for Parents.” In the booklet Dr. McKay says, “While we

are often aware of the consequences of our anger, we are not always aware of its purpose. Our

purposes or goals are often hidden from us because they are part of our belief system which we

formed when we were very young. We begin to lean the purpose of our own anger as we

understand the common purposes it can serve” (McKay, 1997, p. 2). Dr. McKay goes on to

explain that anger can be used to establish control, to win, to get even and/or to protect one’s

rights.

From an Adlerian perspective, Dr. McKay’s list of purposes might be extended by adding

one or two additional purposes as indicated by the theory of Individual Psychology. Heinz and

Rowena Ansbacher’s keystone treatise, “The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler,” states that,

“The disjunctive emotions, such as anger, sorrow, or fear, are not mysterious phenomena which

cannot be interpreted. They appear always where they serve a purpose corresponding to the life

method or guiding line of the individual. Their purpose is to bring about a change of the situation

in favor of the individual” (Ansbacher & Ansbacher, 1964, p. 227). Following this line of

thought, a fifth purpose might be added to the list of anger’s purposes begun by Dr. McKay, and

that is to affect situational change in favor of the person expressing his/her anger. Then again,

perhaps this can be construed as a specific sub-purpose of exerting control


In the same text, excerpted from Alfred Adler’s writing this idea is expanded, “One

aspect of the emotion, then, is a feeling of inferiority or inadequacy which forces its bearer to

pull together all his strength and to carry out greater movements than usual. Through such

heightened effort his own person is placed into the foreground and made victorious. Thus, as

there is no rage without an enemy, this emotion can only have victory over him for its goal. It is

a popular method, still possible in our culture, to assert oneself through such increased

movements. There would be far fewer outburst of temper if the possibility were not offered of

assuring oneself significance in this way” (Ansbacher & Ansbacher, 1964, p. 227).

Another potential addition to the list of purposes served by our anger is to establish

distance or stave off intimacy. Harold Mosak and Michael Maniacci offer an example from an

actual psychotherapy case in which the client is prone to outbursts of anger at home and at work.

He frequently loses control and sometimes throws things. When the client is asked who is most

affected by his outbursts he first responds that he, himself, is most affected. Then, he comes to

realize that it is actually his wife and his employees: “What the client has just told us, somewhat

hesitatingly, is that his wife not only notices his outbursts, she is upset by them. What he

originally believed to be his problem, an intra-psychic issue, was placed into a social-field

theoretical and transactional perspective. Perhaps there is something in their marriage with which

he is not happy, and through his outbursts he is attempting to communicate it. Perhaps he is

punishing her or intimidating her or trying to push her away” (Mosak & Maniacci, 1999, p. 135).

So, to place anger and angry behavior in an Adlerian context, we would likely assess

movement, purpose (goal), meaning and social interest (Mosak & Maniacci, 1999, p. 143). In the

example above, the client’s movement is exhibited by his wrathful outbursts. His purpose, also

known as his unconscious goal, might be to establish or preserve distance from his wife and


employees. The meaning could be that the client seeks to avoid a sense of vulnerability.

Ultimately, it seems the client has a low-level of social interest that can be encouraged and

gradually increased with self-awareness and as aided by gentle therapeutic intervention. When it

comes to purpose and meaning in an Adlerian sense, Mosak and Maniacci note that they, “Are

closely related but are not identical” (Mosak & Maniacci, 1999, p. 144).

Anger and Neurosis

As Mosak and Maniacci point out, “Neurosis is the natural, logical development of an

individual who is comparatively inactive, filled with a personal, egocentric striving for

superiority, and is therefore retarded in the development of his social interest, as we find

regularly among the more passive, pampered styles of life” (1999, p. 241). Interestingly when it

comes to anger and angry behavior, we might notice a higher level of activity on the part of the

individual, yet we will also observe his movement to be on or toward the useless side of life.

Contributing Factors and Components of Anger

How do we define anger? How do we differentiate it from other similar conditions, such

as hostility and aggression? What are the components of anger? What are the physiological and

neurological changes associated with anger? This paper considers these questions and attempts to

synthesize some meaningful findings.

Definitions of Anger

Many and various definitions of anger exist, from the short and simple: “A strong feeling

of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility” (Apple, 2015, para. 1), to the considerably more

convoluted and complex. This paper offers the following definition of anger from “Anger

Related Disorders,” edited by Eva L. Fiendler, as one that is particularly detailed and

comprehensive:


Anger is a negative, phenomenological feeling state that motivates desires for actions,

usually against others, that aim to warn, intimidate, control, attack, or gain retribution. It

is associated with cognitive and perceptual distortions and deficiencies, such as the

following:

Misappraisals about its importance (e.g., “It’s awful”)

Misappraisals about the capacity to cope (e.g., I can’t deal with this”)

Justice-oriented demands (e.g., “He should treat his son fairly and with more respect”)

Evaluations of others (“She should have known better than to try to cheat … )

Dichotomous thinking (“Either he’s my friend of he’s not, It’s just that simple! Is he

with me or against me?”)

Overgeneralization (e.g., “Since he didn’t call me, it clearly means he doesn’t like me?)

Attributions of blame coupled with beliefs about preventability and/or intentionality

(e.g., “It’s all her fault. If she had really thought about it, she would not have said that.

She was just trying to get his goat”)

Subjective labeling of the feeling (e.g., “I feel really pissed”)

Fantasies of revenge and punishment (e.g., “Now I’ll teach her a real lesson!”)

Anger is also typically, but not always, associated with the following:

Physiological changes (e.g., heart rate, sweating)

Socially constructed and reinforced patterns of behavior that define how to act when

angry (e.g., using a loud voice, using profanity, pointing fingers, glaring, crossing the

arms, smirking). (Fiendler, 2006, p. 5)

Having a working definition in mind is useful to further exploration of the complex

condition of anger. As it happens several of the contributors to Fiendler’s book are notable


Adlerians, including Daniel Eckstein, Al Milliren, Paul Rasmussen and Robert Willhite, author

of “The Family Game of Anger — Breaking the Cycle.”

Fiendler’s book also provides a helpful differentiation of anger from two other conditions

that it is commonly associated with, ‘hostility’ and ‘aggression’:

Anger refers to an experienced negative feeling state that varies in intensity (labeled

from annoyance, through anger, and then to fury) and duration (fleeting states to

enduring grudges).

Hostility refers to a set of negative attitudes that set the stage for anger and aggression.

Aggression refers to gross motor behavior, with an accompanying intent to harm”

(Fiendler, 2006, p. 6).

What Exactly Is a Feeling?

An article by Antonio Damasio and Gil Carvalho, called “The Nature of Feelings:

Evolutionary and Neurobiological Origins,” provides a fascinating explanation of what a feeling

is, both physiologically and neurobiologically:

Feelings are mental experiences of body states. They signify physiological need (for

example, hunger), tissue injury (for example, pain), optimal function (for example, well-

being), threats to the organism (for example, fear or anger) or specific social interactions

(for example, compassion, gratitude or love). Feelings constitute a crucial component of

the mechanisms of life regulation, from simple to complex. Their neural substrates can

be found at all levels of the nervous system, from individual neurons to subcortical

nuclei and cortical regions. (Damasio & Carvalho, 2013, p. 145)


Emotion vs. Feeling

The words, ‘emotion’ and ‘feeling,’ are often used interchangeably. This fact is

especially noticeable as one is conducting research on a topic, such as anger. If only to provide

clarity for the author, this paper includes a brief discussion and a helpful graphic, in exploration

of the distinction between these two words.

Debbie Hamilton, author and blogger, posts regularly to her website called, “The Best

Brain Possible.” In her article, “What’s the Difference Between Feelings and Emotions?” Ms.

Hamilton provides the following explanation:

Emotions are lower level responses occurring in the subcortical regions of the brain, the

amygdala and the ventromedial prefrontal cortices, creating biochemical reactions in your

body altering your physical state.” Meanwhile, “Feelings originate in the neocortical

regions of the brain, [they] are mental associations and reactions to emotions, and are

subjective being influenced by personal experience, beliefs, and memories” (Hamilton,

2015, para. 4).

Simply put, emotions are seated in the body, while feelings are seated in the mind. Our

bodies experience emotions on an instinctual level, and our mind — seemingly simultaneously

— generates a corresponding feeling, a personal interpretation, private logic, if you will.

“Basic emotions are instinctual and common to us all. The meanings they take on and the

feelings they prompt are individual, based on our programming, past and present. Feelings are

shaped by a person’s temperament and experiences and vary greatly from person to person and

situation to situation” (Hamilton, 2015, para. 10). Hamilton’s explanation echoes the concept of

Lifestyle. It makes sense that an individual’s personal relationship with anger and his/her

resulting expression of that anger would be a result of his/her private logic.


As an end note, Ms. Hamilton explains that the resources she relied on for her article

came mostly from the work of Antonio D’Amasio and other neuroscientists. She concludes that

her interpretation of emotions and feelings is one of many interpretations; no one singular

interpretation being, “right” (Hamilton, 2015, para. 18).

Suppression vs. Répression

While we are considering semantics toward the better understanding and healthier

expression of anger, this paper will attempt to clarify the difference between ‘suppression’ and

‘repression.’

One of the myths about anger, is that holding it in — that is to say attempting to contain it

rather than express it — is dangerous to our health. With this in mind it is helpful to consider that

to ‘repress’ an emotion is to deny or refuse to acknowledge it on an unconscious level. To

‘suppress’ an emotion is to acknowledge but consciously choose to channel one’s feelings and

actions in a positive, useful manner (PEP, 2014). This paper discusses the myths about anger in

further detail in a later section.

Four Components of Anger

The Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) offers a workshop called, “Managing Anger:

A Parent’s Guide.” The workshop is designed to provide parents with a deeper understanding of

anger so that they can model healthy expressions of anger for their children and also teach their

children how to regulate their own strong emotions. The PEP curriculum presents four

components of anger:

1. Triggering Event

2. “Hot” Thoughts

3. Body’s Response (Physical and Neurological)


4. Behavior or Action/Reaction

The first component is the triggering event. Something happens to set off the anger

process. The PEP leader asks the class to consider typical situations or events that spark anger

for them and explains that, the same event or scenario does not always trigger anger. Often there

is an added element of stress in place at the time of the catalytic event. Stress elevates the

underlying emotion to a heightened response, a more intense experience of anger that can result

in a disproportionate reaction.

The provoking event, in combination with an element of stress and an underlying,

primary emotion, will often initiate the second component, “hot” thoughts. These thoughts or

perceptions cross a person’s mind when a perceived transgression has occurred. PEP groups

these hot thoughts into four categories: Minimizing, Awfulizing, Demanding and Shaming or

labeling (MADS).

The third and fourth components are discussed in greater detail below. The third

component, the body’s response, is considered neurologically, with respect to changes that occur

in the brain, and physically, with respect to changes that occur in the body as a whole. The fourth

component, composed of resulting behavior and the individual’s chosen response

(action/reaction), is also briefly discussed.

This Is Your Brain on Anger

When a person’s anger response is triggered, many changes occur simultaneously in the

brain and in the body; and it all happens very quickly! During an episode of anger, two

chemicals are secreted in the brain, epinephrine and norepinephrine. These chemicals combine to

numb pain and produce a surge of energy. This can explain why a person who experiences pain

can react angrily and how an athlete can play through an injury (PEP, 2015).


Dan Siegel, neuroscientist and author, has devised a simple way to demonstrate what

happens in the brain as we experience anger. Parents can use his ‘Hand Model of the Brain’ to

help their children understand what happens when they are experiencing anger. The hand model

provides a visual explanation for what happens when the ‘upstairs brain’ the cerebral cortex

where logic and problem solving occur, essentially separates from the ‘downstairs brain’ the

amygdala, where big emotions are generated, the flight, fright or freeze response (Siegel, 2012).

During the Managing Anger workshop, PEP leaders show a video clip of Dr. Seigel

demonstrating the hand model, which can be viewed by following this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74Oxw

Alternatively, practitioners, instructors and parents can give this simple demonstration using this

brief script by way of explanation:

Hold hand up in open position

Palm facing outward, the upper wrist represents the brain stem which regulates essential

body functions, such as breathing, heart rate, and most of the flight, fright or freeze

responses

Fold thumb over palm

Thumb represents the mid-brain which stores emotions and memories

Fold fingers over thumb

Fingers/fist represent the cortex: the back of the cortex controls hearing, sight and sense

of smell; the front of the cortex is where our high-level thinking occurs

Fingertips are our pre-frontal cortex which deals with regulating emotions, relationships,

flexibility, intuition, self-awareness, and morality. Notice how close our pre-frontal

cortex is to our mid-brain where our memories are stored.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74Oxw


What happens when we have had a hard day at work, we’re stuck in traffic, the kids are

screaming, etc.? We get angry and flip our lid - Keep thumb in place, extend fingers. The

prefrontal cortex is no longer functioning. It virtually goes dark as shown in brain scans.

Raise other hand making a fist. What if there is a child watching us during this state?

What are they likely to do? They might flip their lid, too (as a result of mirror neurons).

Now we have two irrational people and higher likelihood of conflict. (PEP, 2015, p. 18)

Another visual version of this flipping-your-lid phenomenon, in the form of a child-friendly

cartoon, can be found in the book, “The Whole Brain Child,” co-authored by Dan Siegel and

Tina Bryson (Siegel & Bryson, 2011).

Other responses that occur in the body during anger include the following: the nervous

system is activated, messages of physical pain are blocked, the heart rate accelerates, breathing

becomes labored, sweat glands are activated, blood pressure elevates, digestive and reproductive

functions halt, a surge of energy is produced, and pupils dilate to sharpen vision.

Individuals experience the effects of anger differently and might exhibit any of an array

of other physical symptoms, including, the sensation of heat in the face, tension in the neck,

grinding of teeth, clenching fists, tightening in the stomach, shallow breath, sweating and

shaking (PEP, 2015).

Ultimately, as a result of external stimuli and myriad internal responses, an individual’s

anger will manifest in his/her behavior. During a surge of anger, logical, creative, and problem

solving processes are impaired. Thoughts are distorted as the rational mind disengages. Often the

behavior we exhibit while angry is based on poor judgment, misperceptions, temporary inability

to think clearly. Depending on our learned behaviors and cultural upbringing, our age and our

gender guiding lines, we might raise our voices or seethe quietly, we might lash out or withdraw


completely, we might successfully restrain ourselves from reacting disproportionately or we

might ‘blow our top.’ In any case, after a surge of anger, we generally feel tired and depleted,

sometimes followed by guilt or regret which can, in turn, contribute to our general stress level

and the cycle of anger and emotional imbalance - uninterrupted - can begin again.

Tools and Strategies for Channeling Anger to the Useful Side of Life

With increased awareness and conscious intervention, unhealthy patterns of anger can be

broken. Neuroplasticity, the idea that the brain can alter its own structure and function through

thought and activity, gives great hope for positive change (Doidge, 2007).

Don Dinkmeyer and Lewis Losoncy’s book aptly named, “The Encouragement Book:

Becoming a Positive Person.” Dinkmeyer and Losoncy reassures its readers that, “Our behavior

is influenced not just by the objective event, but by our unique interpretation of that event. It is

not the neighbor’s response to our barking dog, but how we interpret their feelings and beliefs

about our dog which concerns us. Thus, if we believe they are angry and we are inconsiderate,

we respond to our perception, even though the neighbors may merely be annoyed and believe we

are careless. Thus, we have an inappropriate response. This could have been avoided had we

listened more carefully to their feelings and beliefs. When we comprehend the individual’s

private logic, we can be more encouraging” (Dinkmeyer & Losoncy, 1980, p. 33). Recognition

and acceptance that each person is doing his or her best, under the circumstances is key,

especially given that we may not be aware of all that is going on - for better or worse - in another

person’s life. In other words, we can choose to give others and ourselves the benefit of the doubt.

“Since we cannot do better than our best, we should feel self-esteem and self-acceptance in our

efforts” (Dinkmeyer & Losoncy, 1980, p. 34).


As detailed below, tools and strategies are available that can move us toward healthier

expressions of anger. This paper will describe a few, including early recollections, nonviolent

communication, the ABC approach to anger regulation, understanding that anger is a secondary

sentiment, using ‘The Red Cape of Anger’ as a visual aid, and mindfulness. Also it is helpful to

consider that anger can be a catalyst to change and that—anger when applied creatively— can be

a force for good.

Early Recollections

In their article, “Emotion, Experience, and Early Recollections: Exploring Restorative

Reorientation Processes in Adlerian Therapy,” J. Graham Disque and James Bitter present a

model for a counseling process developed by Ed and Barbara Janoe in the early 1970s. The

Janoe’s model integrates body awareness and early recollection. The approach can be used to

help clients increase their awareness of the interrelatedness of their symptoms, experience and

emotions. Disque and Bitter suggest that the Janoes model can be used as a restorative process

for persons who have experienced trauma and persons whose memories are infused with fear.

This author extrapolates that this approach might also be useful with clients who experience

disproportionately angry responses to the stimuli of life (Disque & Bitter, 2004).

Nonviolent Communication

Marshall Rosenberg founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984. Prior to

that time, Rosenberg applied his nonviolent communication (NVC) process, also known as

Compassionate Communication to assist with federally-funded school integration efforts in the

1960s. He also traveled the world applying NVC to bring peace and to mediate conflict in the

war-torn areas of Nigeria, Sierra Leone, and the Middle East (Rosenberg, 2015, p. 244).


Compassionate Communication can be a powerful tool for use in preventing the arousal

of anger and for working more effectively through bouts of anger when the occur. The NVC

process has four components: 1) observe without evaluating, 2) gently state feelings that result

from the observation, 3) state the needs that are associate with the expressed feelings, and 4)

make a specific request based on the needs of the situation. The fundamental steps seem quite

simple, and yet can be challenging to implement. As with any skill, practice makes progress (p.

6).

In his book, “Nonviolent Communication,” Rosenberg included a chapter called, “Taking

Responsibility for Our Feelings,” in which he outlines the four options we have for receiving

negative messages, we can: 1) blame ourselves, 2) blame others, 3) sense our own feelings and

needs, or 4) sense others’ feelings or needs (2015, pp. 49 - 51). In the book, Rosenberg goes into

greater detail about each of the options, but doesn’t it seem logical that a calm and reasonable

response to hearing a negative message would involve a combination of the last two options?

Taken together, the NVC process and the book seem deeply congruent with Adlerian Theory.

Chapter 5, in particular resonates with the Adlerian construct that emphasize the importance of

balancing freedom with responsibility. Coincidentally, the chapter opens with a quote from

Epictetus, “People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them.” This author

noted that Epictetus’ words have an Adlerian ring to them.

Rosenberg also offers counsel on how to express anger fully. He says that, “We are never

angry because of what someone else did. We can identify the other person’s behavior as the

stimulus, but it is important to establish a clear separation between stimulus and cause.” (2015, p.

142). NVC espouses that we use our language to explain or justify a perceive cause and effect

relationship between what others do and how we feel about what others do. Rosenberg stresses,


however, that “The cause of anger lies in our thinking — in thoughts of blame and judgment”

(2015, p. 143).

Beyond encouraging others to read this book, this paper will add one more note of

interest about NVC. Apparently, a participant in one of Rosenberg’s workshops asked how NVC

might be used to alleviate ‘road rage.’ Rosenberg empathized with the dilemma of feeling

constantly stressed and angered by other drivers, because he himself spent so much time

traveling by car to his various NVC events. So, he experimented with applying NVC while he

was driving and discovered that he was able to significantly reduce his stress and the occurrence

of angry thoughts and feelings by focusing on his own feelings and needs and by empathizing

with the other drivers (2015, p. 199).

The ABC Approach to Anger Regulation

Awareness, Backing Off and Considering Choices, these are the ABCs of anger

modulation. This approach can be shared with clients and parents and, in turn, parents can be

coached to teach their children these steps. The Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) presents

this model as part of the “Managing Anger: A Parent’s Guide” workshop. This paper provides a

brief overview of the process.

Beginning with awareness, parents are encouraged to understand the developmental ages

and stages of children, particularly the age-appropriate behaviors that are relevant to their current

family dynamic. PEP also encourages parents to empathize with their children’s temperament by

understanding their unique combination of in-born character traits. “Temperament Tools,” a

book by Helen Neville and Johnson is an excellent resource for this. Identifying angry behaviors,

the parent’s and the child’s, is also part of the awareness process.


Backing off, is the next step. PEP encourages families to brainstorm at a time when

everyone is calm. Parents can set aside time for the family to talk about the best ways to back

off, such as counting to ten, taking deep breaths, or going to a ‘happy place’ mentally or

physically. Creativity is encouraged here. Parents can use ‘when … then’ statements. For

example, “When you are able to talk in a normal vice, I would be happy to discuss this.”

When a child is angry, it is important for parents to respect their feelings and provide

emotion coaching, by acknowledging their anger and expanding their understanding of their

emotional experience by making some guesses as to the primary emotion. Compassion and

empathy are also critical to the process. Parents can model this and encourage their children to

practice these imperative capacities.

To complete the triad, parents can model and teach their children about considering

choices. A brief array of options includes: using “I” messages, framing the problem, considering

that anger is a choice, and training children to understand the consequences of their choices and

actions.

The Red Cape of Anger

Anger is often a secondary response. That is to say that it rarely occurs as a single

emotion. We gain a deeper understanding of our anger when we consider the core, underlying

emotions that are usually associated with the external display. These underlying emotions are the

original, or primary emotions that often represent a sense of vulnerability that we are

unconsciously masking. We can think of these primary emotions as unmet or unacknowledged

needs (McKay, 1997).

In the PEP Managing Anger workshop leaders use an actual red cape to visually

demonstrate this concept. The red cape has labels sewn into its inner lining. Each label contains


the name of a primary emotion that commonly underlies the original bodily sensation of anger.

The PEP leader typically describes or role plays a scenario where a person is visibly displaying

his/her anger. An onlooker (or the person on the receiving end of the anger) sees only the red,

angry, exterior of the cape, they do not see (or are not shown) the more tender, vulnerable

emotions underneath the cape. Figure 1 (below) provides a photograph of ‘The Red Cape of

Anger.

Figure 1: The Red Cape of Anger

Mindfulness

Much has been written recently about the virtues of mindfulness and meditation. This

paper will touch lightly on the topic of mindfulness, as its author has much of her own work to

do in this department. Still, it seems timely and worth sharing a few words from Thich Nhat


Hanh, a renowned Zen master, poet, author and founder of the Engaged Buddhist movement. His

words instill hope:

The capacity of being mindful, the capacity of being understanding, loving and caring is

the Buddha in us. Every time we are capable of generating mindfulness, it makes the

Buddha in us a reality. With the Buddha in you, you have nothing to worry about

anymore. Everything will be fine if you know how to keep the Buddha within you alive.

It is important to recognize that we always have the Buddha in us. Even if we are angry,

unkind or in despair, the Buddha is always within us. This means we always have the

potential to be mindful, to be understanding, to be loving. (Hanh, 2016, p. 171)

Conclusion

Long ago, when humans lived as hunter-gatherers, anger served a useful, life-preserving

purpose. In today’s modern, relatively more civilized society anger remains as a vestigial

emotion, often serving purposes unconsciously known to us. Practitioners and parents can use

what we know about anger to help clients and children. The tools and strategies described above

—as well as others not touched upon here— can be employed to promote social interest via

healthier expression of anger. Let us go forth and commune compassionately with others.


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Damasio, A., & Carvalho, G. (2013). The nature of feelings: evolutionary and neurobiological

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Dean, J. (2012). The upside of anger: 6 psychological benefits of getting mad. PsyBlog.

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Running head: UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 1 ... MP 2017.pdf · UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSION OF ANGER 6 In the same text, excerpted from Alfred Adler’s writing this idea