8/6/2019 Rudy Jacobs - Scammer

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Rudy, an ungendered person from an un-named country who happened to stumble accros an extra$10,000,000 (USD, of course) that needed to be transferred quickly to an offshore bank account in order to be collected. Rudy and its pals were gracious enough to offer me, Sir/Madam (I¶m still not sure howhe knew my name), 40% of their treasure in return for providing my overseas bank account number. Now, I must admit, in similar situations I might be hesitant to hand over access to my life savings, but notthis time. Rudy, my dear non-gendered friend, had enough forsight to clarify that this deal is in fact,

100% risk free! I know, your question now is, how do I get in on this? Well, sorry beloved reader, thereare only so many $10,000,000 searching for offshore accounts out there. It¶s a pretty exclusive deal. Inthe following response I made sure to express my gratitude for inclussion in this transaction as well asrequest a minor favor of my own from my newfound friend/business partner, Rudy Jacobs:

Dear Rudy, 

I must say that my surprise is that of an abandoned, thirsted pup faced with endless motherly nipples fromwhich to quench my thirst. Thanks be to you and yours for my inclusion in this very exclusive request.At this time my bank account lies dormant in an Italian community by the name of Sicily. If you haveheard of its whereabouts please blink twice. Now we proceed. Once my account numbers have beendivulged I will request of you this little service. For it too has rightfully befallen me to be the recipient of 

materials that some would then withhold from my grasp. To be specific, Thomomys Feces, otherwiseknown as Gopher Droppings. Please, let me offer to you this story of mistaken trust« 

Twas the year 2009 (also known by the phrase, ³two years ago´), when to my surprise I learned swiftly of the existence of my long forgotten father. Little did I know he would turn out to be the dictatorial ruler of a small village in Southwest North America. It is very important to our business that you understand thenext portion of my story. If after having heard of this tragic tale, you comprehend its meaning, pleasestand halfway, remaining in your pose for a matter of 5 seconds. Thank you. Proceeding. My father, thedictator, saw to my future in a way most unexpected but beloved by me. Gophers, the long-time-tyrantsof his small village, had for years to pass, terrorized their civilization with the most atrocious ferocity. Inan effort to terminate this Gopher population, it was discovered (by which methods we know not and prefer not to investigate further) that the feces of the Gopher contained a revolutionary teeth whitening

ingredient. As patents pending would permit, my father entrusted the future revenues of this vast worldof Gopher Feces to me without limitations. However, as the situation presented itself and I had little to noknowledge of either my father¶s identity or the marvelous properties of Gopher Feces and the income itwould proffer me, my long lost brother, being a lawyer took control of the feces fortune in my absence.Unfortunately, control has thus remained, being unavailable to myself. 

Rudy, this point is one in which I plead for your assistance. As my account number is provided I wouldurge you to consider my funnel offer of your funds for mine. I will accept your funds if at the same timeyour acceptance of funds from my long lost brothers financial accounts (of which transfers he will, of course, be unaware) are slowly but steadily transferred to your account then to my Italian/Sicilian accountfrom which I will be the end recipient. If this agrees with you, please nod in recognition. Thank you.

Please ponder my proposed offer and be sure to remember that as life goes, there are gophers and millionsof dollars which normally stand apart, but sometimes they are one in the same.  

Forever yours, 

Sir/Madam Baidu