RomanceA Workshop for

Loving Well

“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you." -- Zig Ziglar

Disclaimer• Romance largely deals with Eros• The students from NIC and the local

High schools are here at my request–Love (and romance) are learned

behaviors–“Date Rape” and abusive relationships

start in High School–Nights like tonight, but more importantly

your mentoring, will help ensure these young people forge functional, loving relationships

Why am I Here?• I believe in romance.• I believe romance, like love, is

learned and can be taught.• I hold academic credentials in

Marriage and Family Counseling• I am proudly, an incurable

romantic!

What is Romance?• Romance, like love, is something

different to everyone• Read “The Five Love Languages”

by Gary Chapman• Read it again as a couple!• Consideration, kindness,

thoughtfulness, but mostly it’s love in action.

What Romance Isn’t• Love- this is what most women

think it is• Sex- this is what most men think it

is• A barter system• Martyrdom

Why “Do” Romance?

• It keeps loving feelings alive.• To be a good example to your kids• At the end of the day, romance is

fun!• “Why a Romance seminar during

Domestic Violence Awareness Month?”

“Love may make the world go round, but it is romantic love that makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones

Romance Package Draw

“There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving.” - Aldous Huxley

Get into the Habit• Use a calendar- Outlook, your PDA• Celebrate your anniversary every

month in a small way- one rose, a small card or sticky note

• Say something nice to your partner once a day

• Once a day, every day, tell your partner how much you love them

• In short order, you will find yourself looking for romantic opportunities all the time

“Any time not spent on love is wasted” - Torquato Tasso

Nothing but Time• Write a love note–Start simple if you have to “I love you”

works great–Write a “Sullivan Ballou” letter–Make an audio love letter–Roll a love note and put it in a balloon–Write love notes on the eggs in the

refrigerator• Do a household chore she hates to do• Have a “Movie Date” at home w/

popcorn, candy, low lights, etc.

“People who are sensible about love are incapable of it”- Douglas Yates

Gifts vs. Presents• Both are good, realize the difference• Gift- something you are sure the other

person wants• Present- something you want the other

person to have• Both stand in for you when you can’t be

there• Both symbolize your love- it’s not about

the stuff it is the meaning behind the stuff• Usually time together is the best gift of

all !!

Gifts vs. Presents

Gift• Elegant, satin lingerie• Book by her favorite

author• Her favorite perfume

Present• Sexy lingerie• A book you wish she

would read

Gifts vs. Presents

Gift• A new putter/ fishing rod• Tickets to his favorite team• Cooking his favorite meal

Present• Clothes you want him to wear• Tickets to the opera• Cooking your favorite meal

Her to Him

Him to Her

Romance Package Draw

Books You Must Have

• 1001 Ways to be Romantic- Greg Godeck• The 5 Love Languages- Gary Chapman• Love- Leo Buscaglia• Song of Songs- Bible• The Art of Kissing- William Cane• The New Sensual Massage- Nitya Lacroix• 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex- Laura Corn• The G Spot- Alice Kahn Ladas

Help on the Web• www.1001waystoberomantic.com• www.1800flowers.com• www.threestooges.com• www.perfumania.com• www.victoriassecret.com• www.adamevetoys.com• www.godiva.com• www.inncrawler.com

Romance Package Draw

“One does not fall ‘in’ or ‘out’ of love. One grows in love.” - Leo Buscaglia

Ideas too Cool not to Share

• Message in a bottle• Candy bar coupons• Buy The Art of Kissing – include coupons

for the different kinds of kisses• Recite poetry to her – then a poem you

wrote• Create a “romantic jar”• Play a romantic song on a guitar or piano• Give her a gift on your kid’s’ birthday

Key Take-Aways• Be romantic- even if you are bad at it, you will

get better with practice• Be supportive and encouraging- even if your

partners first few romantic attempts don’t go well

• Feel free to steal ideas where you find them• Romance is different for everyone• If whatever you do is done with love, passion,

and an overriding concern for “the other” you will be well on the road to loving well