Roles –Lesson 3

Roles –Lesson 3

� Reading the scripture in a different version of the Bible can offer a fresh perspective.

For example:

Jesus and His Church

The Message Version

Ephesians 5:23-33

23The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their

husbands.

25Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as

Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting. 26Christ's love makes the church whole. His words

evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27dressing her in dazzling white

silk, radiant with holiness. 28And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favour-

-since they're already "one" in marriage.

29No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and

pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, 30since we are part of his body. 31And this is why a man leaves

father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." 32This is a huge mystery, and I

don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33And this provides a good

picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her

husband.

Start by pointing out that the relationship between a husband and wife is the reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Talk about the two-way interaction between Jesus and the Church and the way they behave towards one another.

(You can use your own favourite photo)

� Diagrams can be used to illustrate a point effectively. You could use a whiteboard, notice board or large piece of paper to draw on.

� To show how the roles of Jesus and the church and the church to Jesus are applicable to the marriage relationship you may wish to read them as promises to each other rather than as a list. Below is only a suggestion this is much more effective if you make it personal.

It is important to point out that although the roles between husband and wife are similar to that of Jesus and the church the husband’s role is in no way redemptive.

An extension of this illustration is to write (or stick) words relating to Jesus around His name on the picture as you talk about them and the words around the church as you talk about the churches’ role.

� Use a cheap plastic car, cut in half (in the middle

from top to bottom). Start the lesson with the car together, representing the couple each functioning in their role together to make the marriage run smoothly. Separate the halves of the car. This

represents dysfunction when each spouse does not do his or her role.

� Use an old-fashioned balance weighing scale. As each role

is taught, place an item representing that role on the appropriate side of the balance. The balance will go up and down during the teaching but will balance out in the end. (You will need to find items that will balance or attach plasticine to the objects to get them to balance).

� As an alternative, to the above, give the item you choose as a gift to

each other during the lesson. Fulfilling your role is a gift, which blesses your spouse and your marriage; you are both blessed and fulfilled when you are functioning properly. (You may wish to stage a mock row where you start withdrawing your gifts from each other, as this spirals there is nothing left to make the marriage work). When the couples are asked which they prefer, it is an obvious choice.

� Responding with empathy, not sympathy.

“Submission is a key element in the smooth functioning of any business, government, or family. God ordained submission in certain relationships to prevent chaos. It is essential to understand that submission is not surrender, withdrawal, or apathy. It does not mean inferiority, because God created all people in His image and because all have equal value. Submission is mutual commitment and co-operation. Thus God calls for submission among equals. He did not make the man superior; He made a way for the man and woman to work together. Jesus Christ although equal with God the Father, submitted to Him to carry out the plan for salvation. Likewise, although equal to man under God, the wife should submit to her husband for the sake of their marriage and family. Submission between equals is submission by choice, not by force. We serve God in these relationships by willingly submitting to others in our church, to our spouses, and to our government leaders.”

Anon.

When you sympathise with

someone it is like climbing in

a hole with them.

When you empathise you

provide a ladder to help them

out of the hole.

� Here are some suggestions of items you can use to illustrate the roles of the husband and the wife. Remember that each person is unique so use something that is relevant to the gifts and abilities that God has given you.

Who’s

Role?

What Role? Items that could be used to

illustrate this role.

Husband Reassurer Give a rose, a greeting card, or jewellery …a gift of assurance

Wife Supporter Golf tee, or candlestick – a candle (husband) needs a candlestick (wife) to be used.

Husband Leader Bible, ‘president’ nameplate, or leader badge

Wife Helpmeet, Helper comforter

Pocket size sewing kit. A blanket (wrap around the husband to show comfort and warmth.

Husband Provider Money (a joint cheque book), monopoly ‘house’, Bible (spiritual provision as well as natural).

Wife Administrator Pen, pencil, small calendar

Husband God’s heart Red heart (paper)

Wife God’s love A cookery book, a loaf of bread, or some other home comforts.

Husband Lover, protector

Umbrella – Illustrates the protection over the relationship.

Wife Lover Scented Candle

Husband God’s Sovereignty Crown (a paper crown), sceptre

Wife Creativity Needlework, knitting, or paintbrush. Use something that you are creative in.

Husband Intercessor, Warrior Toy soldier, GI Joe figure / action man, toy sword or water pistol (that could really wake everyone up!)

Wife Intercessor, Discerner

Plastic praying hands, a torch (The darkness will always have to go when the light is shone into it).

Quotes:

“My wife and I give each other an allowance. We can only spend money on ourselves and we can spend it on anything we like. It is really fun and works great. Each of us can buy things we never would be able to justify if we took the money out of our monthly budget”.

‘Wit and Wisdom for your Life Together’ by Mike Yaconelli p.8

“Every gift has a curse. You can’t have one without the other. If your spouse is very organised, chances are they aren’t too good at surprises. If you are impulsive, chances are you aren’t too good at organisation. That’s good. That is why you were attracted to each other. Each of you needs what the other doesn’t have.”


“The success of your marriage is not determined by the set of principles that apply to everyone. The success of your marriage is determined by a unique set of principles that apply only to the two of you. It doesn’t matter what works for everyone else, it matters what works for you. I do the cooking. She does the finances, I do the shopping and she does the organising. It doesn’t matter whether it fits anyone else’s mould it fits ours.


“Successful marriages are not clones of other successful marriages, they are a kind of one-of-a-kind creation carved from a one-of-a-kind union of two one-of-a-kind people who have a one-of-a-kind love for each other.”


“Marriage is not about fixing, it’s about mixing. Love doesn’t drive us to fix the other person, it gives us the courage to mix strengths and weaknesses, our positives and negatives, our hopes and our fears into an invigorating marriage full of life and newness and dreams.”


“The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none”.

‘Your Daily Walk through the Bible’ by Bruce H. Wilkinson p. 145

“God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters.”


“One live coal may set a whole stack on fire”.


“Duties delayed are the devil’s delight.” ‘Your Daily Walk through the Bible’ by Bruce Wilkinson p.249

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Roles –Lesson 3