Robert Ringer - Winning Through Intimidation

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Published y MJF BooksFineCommunications

322 Eighth Avenue

New York, NY 10001

To Be Or Not To Be Intimidated?

rsBN t-56731-699-9

Library of CongressCard Catalog2004110287

Copyright@ 1973,1974,2002,2004 RobertJ. Ringer

This specialeditionpublishedby MJF Books n arrangement ith

M. EvansandCompany, nc.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced

or transmitted n any form or by any means,electronicor

mechanical, ncluding photocopy,recording,or any information

storageand retrieval system,without the prior written permissionof

thepublisher.

Manufactured n the United States

MJF Books and the MJF colophon

Media, nc.

Q M l 0 9 8 7 6 s 4

of America on acid-freepaper

aretrademarksof Fine Creative

3 2 1



T\t t t t

)LJedicated to the millions of resilient souls who

took to heart Peter Finch's battle cry in the movie

Network-"![s'1g mad as hell, and we're not going to

take it anymore!"-by adopting t as their mantra and

drawing a line in the sand against the intimidators of

the world.





C ONTENTS

Preface I

Introduction 3

Chapter I Shattering the Myths 6

Chapter 2 Replacingthe Myths X6

Chapter 3 PassingMy EntranceExam at Screw U. 26

Chapter 4 My Three Unforgettable Professorsat ScrewU. 3 6

Chapter 5 Type Number Three Is Sincerely SorryThat He GrabbedYour Chips, but the Result Is

)ust the SameAs If He WereGlad 40

Chapter 6 Type Number One Isn't Sorry That

He GrabbedYour Chips,BecauseHe Warned

You Ahead of Time How He Plays the Game 5 6



Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 1-0

Chapter 11-

Chapter 1,2

Chapter 13

Chapter L4

Chapter L5

Chapter 16

Chapter17

Chapter 1-8

Chapter 1-9

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Type Number TWo Isn't Sorry That

He GrabbedYourChips, Because-In Spite

of His Assurances o the Contrary-That Was

His Intention from the Outset

My SeniorYearat ScrewU.

My Graduation rom ScrewU.

Using PosturePower to Get the Ball

Advancingthe Ball to Midfield

Reaching he Opponent's20-YardLine

Scoring

It Doesn't Count Until the Points

Are on the Scoreboard

The Return of The Tortoise

The Return of The Tortoise: Part I

The TortoiseDons His Hare Costume

The Tortoise Returns to True Form

The Ultimate Insurance Policy

Sticking with a Winning Formula

Answer: Not to Be Intimidated

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TO BEOR

l.lOTTOBEINTIMIDATED?





PnEFACE

f you picked up this book in the hopes hat it might explainhow to get ahead n life by intimidating others, I'm afraid

you've made a bad choice. f that's your aim, you might find

The Communist Manifesto, Mein Kampf, or Mao Tse-Tungon

Guerrilla Warfarc more to your liking. As you will see on the

following pages,ToBe or Not to Be Intimidated! is a guide to de-

fending yourself against intimidating people.

Be forewarned:More often than not, those who feign indig-nation over the mere mention of the word intimidatron are the

very peoplewho aremost likely to use t againstyou. So,make no

mistake about it, what I have to say n this book irritates a lot of

people-especially self-righteous,self-anointed saints who are

mastersat intimidating others.They would prefer that most peo-

ple not understand hat intimidation is a common thread that



T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

runs through every business situation and a crucial factor that

decides he outcome of many of life's most important events.

At the top of the list of master ntimidators disguised s(self-

anointed) saints are chest-pounding critics, syndicated colum-

nists, and TV commentators,everon the alert for an opportunity

to seize the moral high ground. Rest assured hat authors, ilm-

makers, and public figures in general ftnd it a distracting but

significant challenge o fend off their intimidating mischaracter-

izations and misleading comments.

What is a tortoise to do about such a relentlessonslaughtof

distortion and truth-twisting, of having to l isten to "the truth

you've spoken twisted by knaves o make a trap for fools? Ayn

Rand offeredperhaps he most rational solution for dealingwith

slandererswhen she said, "Freedom comes from seeing he ig-

norance of your critics and discovering he emptiness of their

virtue." Thankfully, I long agoadoptedher advice,and highly rec-

ommend that you do the same with regard o those who would

try to misrepresenteither your words or actions.



In r rRoDUCTroN

he principles set forth on the following pagesdo not nec-

essarily represent the way I or anyone else may wish the

world to be, but the way it actually is. In other words, t is

a work basedon reality, particularly as t relates to human nature.

Thus, the essence of the philosophy contained herein should

serve you well regardless of how the world around you may

change n the yearsahead.Though technology continually changes,human nature re-

mains constant. People, by and large, are pretty much the same

today as they were in the times of Confucius, Buddha, esus,and

Mohammed, and it's a safe bet that they'll be pretty much the

same 2,000 years from now. For example, fesus, above all else,

crusadedagainst hypocrisy. But today, 2,000 years later, can any-



T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

one seriously say they see evidence that hypocrisy is on the

decline?

|udging from the way most people alk and ast, one is led to

wonder if a resistance o reality is geneticallyprogrammed nto a

majority of the human species.Perhaps eality was only meant to

be embraced elsewhere n our universe. However, unless you

know how to build a spaceship-and fly it-I would suggest hat

it would be much easier or you to join that small minority of

peopleon Planet Earth who are vigilant when it comes to recog-

nizing and acknowledging reality.

Unfortunately, most peoplechoose o live in a world of delu-

sions, stubbornly refusing to accept the unforgiving realities of

life no matter how great the evidence to support such realities

may be. Why? Becauseruth is often painful, and people simply

do not likepain.

Myposition,

however, s that truth, by its verynature, is always preferable o falsehood, egardless f how un-

pleasant t may be. Self-delusion eads o certain failure, and fail-

ure leads o misery. What's sonoble aboutpromoting misery?

Sure, I sometimes think that perhaps t would be easier o

yield to the temptation to become an ostrich and simply hide my

head n the sandsof unreality. In the end, hough, I always man-

age o pull myself back toward realrty,because'd rather go to mygravea battered realist than a bloodied ostrich. And rest assured

that battering is an integral part of the journey-no matter who

you are or what you choose o believe.

As you will see, o a great extent this book is an autobio-

graphical work centeredaround my yearsasa real estate broker,

However, subsequentevents have repeatedly demonstrated to

my satisfaction that the lessons earned during my years n thereal estate business apply not only to all other kinds of busi-

ness endeavors,but to virtually all other aspectsof life as well.

Unfortunately, anyone who misses this central point misses

the book.

Finally, a warning. The following pagesare not suitable for

weak stomachs.The painful tales that lie aheadmay causeyou to



Introduction

recall equally unpleasant experiences rom your own past. With

that caveat, I suggest hat you lock away all sharp obfects andplace the Pepto Bismol within easy reach before commencing

Chapter 1.



Cneptr* [

SnerrERrNG THEMvrgs

he overriding message n many motivation and how-to

books is that if a person ust maintains a positive mental

attitude and works long, hard hours, he ultimately will

succeed.A nice thought, to be sure, but one that borders more on

mysticism than reality.

How many times have you seen a person get all chargedup

after reading a motivation or self-help book, then, after the initialhigh wears off, become more frustrated than ever when he" realizes

that he is no closer to achieving his goals than before reading

'Becaur"I ftnd it cumbersome o use hybrid pronounssuch as "his/hers," andam oP-

posed o debasing he English languageby mixing singularnouns and pronounswith-pluralpronounssuch as "they," I have, for convenienceonly, chosen o usethe mas-

Luline gender hroughout thii book in most instanceswhere the neuter has not beenemployed.

6



Shattering the Myths

the book? Perhaps t's evenhappened o you. To be sure, I experi-

enced his phenomenonmany times earlier n my career.Make no mistake about t, the illusions createdby the hyper-

bole and enthusiasticverbiage ontained n many motivation and

self-helpbooks can be very uplifting, but almost without excep-

tion they fail to addresshe realities that confront a personwhen

he ventures nto the Businessworldungle andcomes ace to face

with its indigenouspredators.

When these face-to-face onfrontations occur, the synthet-

ically motivated individual becomesconfusedandfrustrated when

finding, to his dismay, that |ungle predatorsdon't have much in-

terest in his positive mental attitude or work ethic. Unfortu-

nately, this harsh reality often causes he individual to cling to his

favorite successbook's assurances hat ultimately successwill

come if heiust

toughs t out and adheres o some simple rules.

Sort of like waiting for one's eward in the afterlife.

Like millions of other people, , too, fell into the trap of be-

lieving that my great reward would ultimately come if I just fo-

cused on working hard and displaying a positive mental attitude.

However, fry rewardswere not forthcoming until I invested a

greatdeal of time and mental energy nto carefully analyzing my

frustrating failures of the past and developing the courage to al-low truth and logic to prevail.

The turning point for me came one day when I was having a

discussion with a ffnancially successful acquaintance of mine

l"Yern" ) who headedup his own insurance agency.Vern had al-

ways ntrigued me, because utwardly he seemed ike the world's

least ikely candidate o becomea $uccess t anything, let alone a

successful salesman.He was quiet to the point of being shy, andwas very awkward in his mannerisms. In addition, he gave no

outward indication of harboring a positive mental attitude, and

worked fewer hours than anyoneI had everknown.

Vern's successshattered the archetypal image of the "super

salesman" I had held in my mind from the time I was a boy. It

helped me to better understandwhy so many individuals whom



8 To Be o r No t t o Be In t im ida ted?

others had char acterized as great salesmen often lacked the re-

sults to back up their reputations. I now realize that when a per-son is taggedas a " great salesman," all too often it is the very

reason hat he is not successfulat his cra{t. The problem is that

the individual with a mega-reputationas a super salesmanposes

a threat to a prospect he moment he enters he room. Over a pe-

riod of time, I developed a knack for spotting these paper-tiger

salespeople, nd came to refer o them fondly as he "all show, no

dough" brigade; i.e., they were more successful n attracting at-

tention than getting results.

During one of my conversations with Vern, I pointed out

that the methods espousedn many so-calledsuccess ooks did

not seem o work in actual practice,and askedhis opinion as to

why this was so. His answer was quite surprising. Vern explained

that successfulpeople rurely know the real reasons or their suc-

cess, hough they themselves almost always believe they know.

When I expressedmy curiosity as to why a personwould be un-

aware of how he had achieved his own success,he said it was a

matter of one'sbeing too close o the treesof his business o see

the forest of his success.Absolutely fascinating insight, and one

that I have never forgotten.

With Vern's intriguing observation in mind, over aperiod

oftime I concluded that there were a number of reasonswhy suc-

cessfulpeople,as well as authors of many self-help books,tend to

espouseunworkable solutions. These nclude, among others:

1. Success as a tendency to breed self-righteousness, hich all

too often causesa personto overemphasize, o the exclusion of

other crucial factors, such societal favorites aspositive mentalattitude and work ethic.

2. The media, government, and academia are relentless in their

intimidating efforts to try to make financially successfulpeo-

ple feel guilty. As a result, those at the high end of the ffnan-

eial spectrum are often self-consciousabout their wealth and




tend to repress he realities of how they achieved it. More to

the point, they are concernedabout ittle inconveniencessuch

as beingburnedat the stake by the enviousmasses.

3. Finall, many authors of business,self-help,and motivation

books deliberatelywithhold, for commercial reasons, he re-

alities of what it takes to succeed. t's much easier,and far

more popular, to sell successmyths that people have been

weaned on sincetheir earliest days n gradeschool than to say

things that incur the wrath of society'sabsolutemoralists who

are forever roaming the earth searching for perceived bad

guys.Aspiring authorsof self-helpbooksquickly learn to heed

Publishing Rule Number One: Reality is a hard sel/. Shooting

truth messengerss considereda noble occupation in a West-

ern culture turned upside down.

I want to make it clear that, notwithstanding anything I have

said up to this point, there is no question in my mind that both a

positive mental attitude and good work ethic are important to

one'ssuccess. he problem ariseswhen onereliessolely on these

two virtues to the exclusion of all other factors.Having a positive

mental attitude and good work ethic are two traits that are sooften misunderstood hat I feel it is important to discuss hem in

more detail before moving on.

Positive Mental Attitude. It has been my observation hat most

peoplehave a distorted concept of what constitutes a true posi-

tive mental attitude. "fust fake it till you mak e it" are perhaps

the most damaging motivational words ever spoken, yet I haveheard this phrase epeatedby positive-mental-attitude enthusi-

asts many times over the years.

In reality, you can't acquire apositive mental attitude simply

by standing in front of a mirror and reciting self-energizing slo-

gans, orce-feedingyour mind with positive thoughts, or heartily

shakingpeople'shands(while grinning from ear to ear) and loudly



1 O T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

exclaiming, "Great!" when asked how things are going for you.

This kind of synthetic positive mental attitude cannot bring

about success.

By contrast,a real positive mental attitude can play a major

role in one'ssuccess, ut such an attitude is a result of beingpre-

pared. In other words, a true positive mental attitude is possible

only through one'shaving the ammunition to back it up. You de-

velop a positive mental attitude by beinggoodat what you do,by

being prepared, y understanding he realities of what it takes o

succeed,and by having the self-discipline o baseyour actionson

thoserealities.

Hence, the successcycle is self-perpetual: The more pre-

pared a person s, the more conftdent he becomes,which trans-

lates into a natural positive mental attitude, which in turn

increaseshis chancesof success.You can set all the goalsyou

want, but I can guaranteethat you won't achieve them if you're

unprepared.A positive mental attitude requires preparation, and

the two of them work in concert to help you achieveyour goals.

But even after I concluded that a positive mental attitude

was not a quality one could synthesrzet still found myself ven-

turing into the Businessworld|ungle (specifically,at that point in

time, the real estate brokeragearea of the |ungle|, sincerelybe-lieving that, becauseof my preparation, would succeed n clos-

ing every deal, only to end up having my headhanded to me on a

platter becauseof realities over which I had little or no control.

As I struck out on one sale a{ter another, it became clear to me

that it was iust a matter of time until my self-esteem-and my

self-confidencealongwith it-was shattered.The result was con-

fusion and doubt.Then, at some point in time, it occurred to me that even

though I possessed reasonabledegree f self-confidence ndfelt

I was prepared, was acking a method for sustaining my positive

mental attitude in the face of ongoingdisappointments.This con-

clusion evolved nto one of my earliest heories,and prompteda

major shift upward in my career.




I dubbed t the Theory of Sustenanceof a Positive Attitude

through the Assumption of a Negative Result, which states:Dueto factors beyond one's control, most deals do not close. There-

fore, the key to maintaining a positive mental attitude is to aL-ways assume o negative result. In other words, hope and try fotthe best, but assume the worct. Anticipating continual short-term setbacks has the positive effectof deflating their impact onone's mental state when they occur, which in turn paves the way

for long-tem success.

If, for example,you're in sales which, directly or indirectly,

everyone is), and if you're prepared,you should go in:o everysituation believing that you can make the sale,while at the sametime assuming that you r4/on't make the sale. We're talkinggraduate-schoolstuff here, so admittedly the difference is subtle,

but the differencebetween success nd failure usually is subtle.This realistic approach to life simply takes into accountcircumstances beyond one's conuol, and PMA one-trick ponies

seem totally incapable of grasping this obvious fact of life. Ifyou still have a pulse rate and are over 2l yearcof age, urely per-

sonal experiencehas demonstrated to you that no matter howwell preparedyou are, most situations in life don't work out as

planned. In real estate, or example, a deal can blow up over anyone of a seemingly inftnite number of unforeseen obstacles-e.9.,unwanted third-party opinions, ulterior motives on the part

of the buyer or seller, or even a change n the health or marital

statusof oneof the parties.

Consequently, I ultimately concluded that the only way toguard againsthaving my self-confidenceand belief shatteredwas

to acknowledge the reality that,like it or not, most deals don'tclose. The only way I could sustain a true positive mental atti-tude, I reasoned,was to be come to grips with this reality and as-sume a negativeresult in every deal.

Did it work? Spectacularly.My income skyrocketed duringthe ffrst year that I implemented the essenceof this theory, butit's important to point out that the deals closed during that year



1 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

representedonly a small fraction of the total number of deals

worked on. In essence, simply accessedhe power of the law of

averages.Also, it's noteworthy that I worked iust as hard, and in

many instancesharder,on the scoresof deals hat didn't closeas

did on the ones hat were successful.Given these ealities,there

is no question in my mind that without my ftrm belief in the

Theory of Sustenance f a Positive Attitude through the Assump-

tion of a Negative Result, I would not have had the confidence

and persistence o presson after seeingone saleafter another go

up in smoke.

I guessyou might say that it was a paradoxof sorts in that

I prepared myself for long-term successby bracing myself for

short-term failure. I againemphasize that this philosophy works

only if you arepreparedto succeed. t doesnot work if you simply

use it as an excuse to fail in a situation whereit may have

been possible to succeedhad you tried harderand/or been more

persistent.

With this unorthodox perspective indelibly stamped on my

forebrain, was able o view eachnegative esult asa learning ex-

perience and studiously focus on extracting the lessons earned

from each experience.Then, of utmost importance, I simply de-

leted the negative esult from my mind. When it comes o situa-tions that don't work out, whether in my businessor personal

life, my motto remains: "Next!" Forgetabout t, move quickly on

to the next deal,and let the law of averageswork its wonders.

Working long, hard hours. As to the myth about working long,

hard hours, I cameto the conclusion that the words Jongandhatd

are relative. What one person considers o be working hard, an-other may think of as coasting.What one personconsiders o be

long hours fray, by someone else's standards,be iust getting by.

The whole conceptof hard work, then, tendsto be subjective. t

wasn't so much that I scornedhard work; I didn't-and still don't.

I simply recognizedthat I should not allow myself to be intimi-

dated by those who overemphasizehard work. Subsequentobser-



Shattering the Myths t3

vations through the yearshave, tnfact, convinced me that I work

harderand longer hours than most peoplewho droneon endlesslyabout their labors.

Since "working long, hard hours" is a relative phrase, t logi-

cally follows that there is no set number of hours per day that onehasto work in order to succeed.The amount of time you must in-vest dependsupon your individual ability and the magnitude ofyour goals.For example, a personof greaterability who desires

oearn$100,000 ayear might be able to do so by working four hoursa day,while someoneof lesserability who wants to earn $50,000a year might find it necessary o work l0 hours a day to accom-plish his obiectives.

Also, there is a point of diminishing returns when it comesto putting in long hours. When energy is continuously expended

over a long period of time, both the body and brain decrease heiroutput, quantitatively and qualitatively. Naturally, everyone'sbody and brain have different tolerances, but nonetheless thereis a point at which results begin to diminish in relation to effortexpended.

In fact, there's a point at which one'sresults actually becomenegative. t's an old axiom in football that a tired player is a player

in dangerof being iniured. Likewise, a personwho works too longat one stretch is in dangerof making costly mistakes. Mental andphysical fatigue are natural enemies of anyone who aspires togreatsuccess.

My answer to the "working long, hard hours" adagebecameknown as the Uncle George Theory, which states:If your main

focus is on keeping your nose to the grindstone and working

7ong,hard hours, you're guaranteed to get only one thing in re-tum: Old!

One need only look at the empirical evidence o conffrm thesoundnessof this theory. Haveyou not seen,with your own eyes,that working long, hard hours doesnot by itself assurea person

of success? n this regard, I always think of my Uncle George,who served as my inspiration for the Uncle GeorgeTheory. This




kindly little gentleman owned a corner grocerystole and worked

14- o 16-hourdaysall his life. He neversucceededn getting rich,

but he did get old. This didn't take any greatamount of insight on

my part, iust good eyesight. could see,with my own eyes, he

hours and effort my uncle put in every day, and I could also see

that it never got him anywhere.

Everyone has an Uncle George. Of course,your Uncle George

may be a cousin, a brother, or perhapsyour own father-someone

who has worked very hard over the years,kept his nose to the

grindstone,yetnever achievedany greatdegree f success.When-

everyou have witnessed such a saddrama playing out, you were

observing, ftrsthand, the inherent truth in the Uncle George

Theory.

Perhaps ou're thinking that the world is uniust,andperhaps

you're right. A11Iknow is thatI didn't lay down the framework of

reality; I just learned to acknowledge t. The reality of the Uncle

GeorgeTheory is self-evident to anyone who has a seriousdesire

to discover truth. All that is required to accurately observethis

fact of life is intellectual honesty.By acknowledging this truth, I

was ableto make it work for merather than allowing myself to be

to intimidated by others into believing that hard work alone

would make me successful.The same goes here for what I said about having a positive

mental attitude, i.e., that hard work does not prevent orre rom

being successful;on the conttury, as previously stated, a good

work ethic is crucial to success.The point of the Uncle George

Theory is that hard work alone doesnot dssurcone of success.

never had a problem with working long, hard hours, but I didn't

start making any serious money until I supplemented my hardwork with the realities discussed n the pagesof this book.

By gaining an understanding of what a positive mental atti-

tude means in real-life terms, and by realizing that working long,

hard hours doesn't guaranteesuccess, fiy mind became a clean

slate that was open to new ideas-ideas basedon reality rather

than myths. And in order to construct a workable successphi-




losophy,one that would be able to stand up to the punishment ofreal-world experiences, knew I would have to build a strongfoundation to replace he old one that had not worked in actualpractice.

To accomplish this, I undertook a seriousstudy of my ownpast experiences. tried to be painfully honest in identifying thefactorsthat had contributedto my failures, aswell as those thathad led to success. then beganpiecing together

an overall phi-losophy basedon my conclusions.Though there have been nofundamental changes n my philosophy through the years, thenatural processof maturation assures hat I will continually findthe need to fine tune it. I never cease o be amazed t how eachnew experience eachesme a new,often subtle,twist that I hadn,tthought of before. t continually reminds me how exciting it is togrow

and evolve intellectually to the very end of one,s ourneythrough life.

t5



CHaPTE" 2

RnprecING THE MYrHs

our of the theories discussed n this chapterrepresent he

cornerstones of my reality-based philosophy, and are an-

chored to a fifth theory that I look upon as the bedrockof

my philosophy. I use the word bedtock, becausewithout it I

surely would have spent the rest of my life asan intimidatee. The

bedrock theory I am referring to is the Theory of Reality, which

states:Reality is neither the way you wish things to be nor theway they appeal to be, but the way they actually are.EitheI you

acknowledgereality and use it to your benefit, ot it will auto-

matically work against You.This sounds so elementary at ffrst blush that you might

question why it would deserve he exalted status of being the

bedrock my entire philosophy.Yet, no matter how simplistic it

l 6



Replacing the Myths r7

may sound, it has been my observation hat while most people

pay lip service to the importance of correctly perceiving reality,very few of them demonstrate, hrough their actions, hat they,rereally serious about taking reality into account in their dailyIives. In my opinion, the single biggestcauseof failure lies in theinability to recognize andfor refusal to acknowledgereality.

Like a majority of people, spentmany yearsof my life cling-ing to idealistic beliefsabouthow the world works. For years ac-cepted traditional nostrums and confused the way I would haveliked things to be with the way they really were. In retrospect,arn amazedat how I managed o limp along yearafter year,refus-ing to acknowledge reality in the face of one ugly ending afteranother.

I witnessed many people stubbornly adhering to conven-tional success ules, only to continually

have their fingers sev-eredwhen they reached or their chips. Their wish was that theserules would work; the reality was that they did not. I myself hada masochistic tendency o focus on the other person,sbest inter-est,particularly in businessdealings,naively clinging to the be-lief that my benevolentattitude would be appreciatedand that Iwould be handsomely ewarded.At best, endedup with a hand-

ful of dfii dt worst, I got a ftnancial slap in the face.My wrsh wasthat I would be iustly rewarded Ior my caring attitude; the realitywas that I was not.

Like millions of peoplebeforeme, I went into one deal afteranother on just a handshake,believing the other party's assur-ances that a handshakewas all that I needed-only to have himend up beating me over the head with his other hand! My wrsh

was that I neededonly a handshake; he reality was that I neededa clear,written agreement.

I repeatedly istenedto attorneys nsist that they weren,t deal-killers-that they weren't like those "typical attorneys,, whoconcentrated on ft.nding,rather than solving, problems-onlyto witness those same non-deal-killing attorneys blow up onedeal after another. My wrsft was that each new attorney who




proclaimedhimself to be different from other (deal-killing)attor-

neys would show, through his actions, that he wasn't a deal-

killer; the reality, however, was that the vast maiority of such

attorneysendedup being worce han most of their brethren.

In essence,, like most people n the Businessworld ungle,

wished that the game of business ook place on a nurseryschool

playground; the reality, however, was that it was played in a vi-

cious jungle. concludedthat I must either accept hat reality or,

for my own well-being, give up all my worldly possessionsabi-

cycle, clock radio,and tattered Mickey Mantle baseballcard)and

becomea monk. I opted for the former.

In addition to people confusing their wishes with the way

things really are, there's another important factor that canblind

a person to reality: illusion. It's a lot more difficult and pain-

ful to recognizeand deal with illusions than wishes, but one

gut-wrenching experienceafter another forced me to becamea

hard-nosed ealist. As a result, I ultimately made it a habit to re-

lentlesslyprobe everydeal or illusions, especially f a deal ooked

too good o be true.

THE FOUR CORNERSTONES

Cornerstone No.l-Theory of Relativity: In otdet to settle on a

rational coulse of action (or inaction), one must first weigh all

pefiinent facts n a relative light and carefully define his terms,

Let's take honesty as an example.Everyonedeftneshonesty

to conveniently ftt his own actions.Question: Have you evermet

a personwho admits to being dishonest?Secondquestion:Haveyou ever known a dishonest person? would probably be on

pretty safeground if I wageredthat your answerto the first ques-

tion was negative and your answer to the secondquestion was

affirmative.

Since had dealt with many peoplewhom I considered o be

dishonest, yet had never known anyonewho admitted to being



Replacingthe Myths t9

dishonest, t was clear to me that a term like honesty wasboth

relative and subjective. In fact, every human being interpretseverything n life to suit himself. I'm not just talking aboutotherpeople; 'm talking about you and me as well. we can't help it;we're human. unlike animals, human beings have the ability tointellectualizeand nterpret, so the key issuebecomesobjectivityversus subjectivity. Either through genetics or environment, orboth, somehuman beingsarebetter than otherswhen it comes obeingobjective,and such individuals are much more likely to berational in their interpretation of events. n any case/ nterpretingeventswith a bias toward our own well-being is a perfectlynatu-ral human trait.

once I recognized that honesty was a subjective, relativecharacteristic, realized hat for years had beenoperatingunderthe delusion that there were only two types of people in theworld: honest and dishonest. I now understood that a personcould only be honest or dishonest elative to the facts in a givensituation, or relative to some individual's personalmoral stan-dards.That being the case, f someone ells me that an individualI'm dealingwith is dishonest, t's meaningless o me. I want himto carefully define what he meansby dis&onest in that particularinstanceso I can

then decide f his deffnition is relevant to myobjective.

As another example of relativity, I pointed out in chapter Ithat what is hard work to one personmight be semi-retirement oanother.Hard work, in other words, s a relative notion. Are youworking hard relative to how hardyou usually work or relative tohow hard someoneelse works?A phrasesuch as "working long,

hard hours" has no meaning unless it is clearly defined by theuser.

A final example of relativity is to be seen n the word suc-cess.There s no such thing as absolutesuccess. ou can only besuccessful elative to some standard,whether that standardbebasedon your own goalsor someoneelse'sachievements.whena person talks to me about success/ might have a completely



2 O T o B e o t N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

different mental picture of successhan he does. n orderfor us to

have a rational discussion,he must first defi'newhat he meansbySUCCESS.

It,s important not to allow yourself to be intimidated by

vague or subjective words and statements that are meaningful

only when examined n the clear ight of relativity.

Cornerstone No.2-Theory of Relevance:No mattel how ttue

something may be or how much it may please ou, the primary

factor to take into considetation is how rclevant it is to your

main obiective.

Success esults from focusing primarily on proiects that are

relevant to achievingone'sobiectives.Early n my careert had a

habit of expendingenormousamounts of time andenergyon proi-

ects that were, so to speak,side ssues.Ultimately,I developed

the habit of trying to qualify eachpotential activity by ftrst ask-

ing myself whether or not it would bring me closer o achieving

my goals. f the answerwasno,I eliminated t or put it on the

back burner.

For example, once I becameknowledgeableabout the rele-

vant factors n closing eal estatesales, t becameclear o me that

the seller, inparticular, had a tendency to dwell on qualities of.

his property that were not relevant to the value of his property.A

seller would o{ten emphasizehow much it had cost him to build

his apartment development,office building, ot shoppingcenter.

While I may have had empathy for him in this regatd,his cost of

construction had no effectwhatsoeveron the prospectivebuyer's

determination of the value of his property. f the sellerhad spent

twice as much to build an apartment development as he shouldhave, hat was his problem, not the buyer's.The buyer of income-

producing properties was primarily interested n cash flow, and

had little if any interest n the seller'scostof construction.

Another examplewas when a sellerwould try to impressme

with what an honestpersonhe was, and thus therewas no reason

to worry about my commission.Needless o sa, a discussionof his



Replacing the Myths

honesty wasn't relevant; what was relevant was whether or not

he was willing to put into writing what we had agreedupon withregard to my commission. A discussion of honesty, then, is notonly relative, but also rrelevant when it comes to businessdeal-ings. "Trust me" has becomesomething of a clich€ comedy linein the Businessworld ungle.

Note that I didnot saythat honesty is not relevant, but thata drscussionof honesty is not relevant. In other words, parties to

a transaction need not waste their time trying to impress eachother with their honesty, as such time could be more efffcientlyemployedworking on a written agreement. n business,awrittenagreement s high on the list of relevant factors.

As a final illustration of the Theory of Relevance,whenevera sellerwanted me to lower my commission (which wasvirtually100percent of the time) becausehe "hadn't rearizedhow manyadditional expenses"he wasgoing to have at the closing, that wasnot a relevant factor from my standpoint. Sure, may havebeen agood samaritan and had empathy for the seller in such a situa-tion, but that still didn't make his problem relevant the commis-sion we had agreedupon.

In fact, it was no more relevant than if I had proclaimed thatI neededmore

money than our agreement called for, and that Iwould like my commission to be ncreased.How many sellersdoyou think would react favorably to that kind of logic? The onlyrelevant factor was what our written agreement stated-period.

In becoming adept at recognizingwhat was and was not rele-vant, I found that it was not only important to try to keep buyersand sellers rom drifting onto irrelevant tangents, but to keep my

own attention focusedon relevant factors. I becamedeterminedthat I would not waste time and effort on issuesthat had little ornothing to do with my earning,and receiving, commissions.

Cornerctone No,3-Mortality Theory: Given that your time onearth is limited, it makes good sense o aim high and move fast.

When my participation in the game of life ends, don,t want

2 l



22 To Be o r No t to Be In t im ida ted?

to be caught begging or an extra inning, for one more chance o

grab the brass ring. The fact is that I've never known a personwho was given an extra nning. Most peopleblock from their con-

scious minds the reality that they're going to die, and in a rcIa-

tively short period of time at that. I didn't like facing this reality

any more than does anyone else, but I finally did so after the

Theory of Reality became irmly entrenched in my thinking.

As a result, I quit hiding my head n the fantasysandsof eter-

nal life and faced he reality that I was as mortal as everyperson

who hasever ived on this planet. I figured that, with some uck, I

might be around for another 50 years or so. By the sametoken,

circumstances beyond my control could reducemy secularvisit

to a matter of months, days,hours, or evenminutes. There was

simply no way of knowing.

If there is something beyond our worldly existence,what a

great bonus that will be. However, I had no way of knowing for

certain that there was anything beyond life on earth, so I decided

to base my actions on the assumption that this time around

would be my only shot. I made up my mind that I was not going

to squander-becauseo{ f.eat,ntimidation, or any other reason-

what might be my only opportunity to win at the gameof life. In

the event I had only onelife to live, I figured I had better get on

with it asquickly aspossible.

Cornerstone No. Llce Ball Theory: Given the apparcnt, ulti'

mate fate of the earth and universe, it is vain and nonsensical to

take oneself too seriously.

I call this the Ice Ball Theory as a result of an ominous de-

scription of the earth's future that I read someyearsago.The au-thor explained that our sun is slowly burning out, and that in

about 50 billion years it will be completely extinguished.When

that occurs, the earth will be nothing but a ftozenball of ice. Ac-

companying the explanation was a chilling illustration of what

the earth might look like at that time.



Replacing the Myths 23

As ominous as the explanationand illustration were, came

to the conclusion hat it was ust anotherreality of life, that therewas absolutely nothing I could do about it, and that, in light of

this very long-term reality, the immediate problems plaguing

me-particularly in the Businessworld ungle-were so insignift-

cant as to make me feel like an ant. The reality from my vantage

point was that 50 billion years rom now, when the earth s noth-

ing but an ice ball, my problems of today will be too insigniftcant

to haveevenbeenrecorded. ndeed, herewould undoubtedlynoteven be a record of the entire century in which I had lived most of

my life.

The Ice Ball Theory is the flip side of the Mortality Theory

coin. While on the one hand it makessense o "go for it" in the

time you have left on earth, the Ice Ball Theory eliminates stress

and makes t possible or you to enjoy your quest for success. n

fact, as most successfulpeople have discovered, t's the striving

and struggling for success, ather than success tself, that bring

about the greatestamount of ioy.Having this kind of mind-setputs you at a decidedadvantage

over opponents who tend to view every deal as life or death.

Stressed-outndividuals press oo hard for results at crucial mo-

ments/ while you, by contrast, are able to calmly maintain your

objectivity. And the hardersomeonepresses or a result, the less

likely it is he will obtain it.

Not taking myself too seriouslyhelped me to look at life as a

game,and at business as a sort of poker game within the bigger

game of life. I pictured the earth as a giant poker table upon

which the gameof business s played,with only a ftxed number of

chips on the table. Eachplayer gets o participate for an unknownperiod of time, and the name of the game is to seehow many

chips he canpile onto his stack.(I should point out that years ater, when I becamea student

of Austrian economics, I came to understand that, technically

speaking, he number of "chips" is not at all fixed; quite the con-




traryt in fact. Business s not a zero-Sumgame/ becausemore

wealth is constantly beingcreated.The stories n this book, how-ever, relate to speciftc real estate deals,and rest assuredthat

every real estate closing s a zero-sumgame.That's because he

buyer is only willing to comeup with "X" amountof money/ the

seller insists on receiving "Y" amount of money, and if it turns

out that "Y" just happens o equal //f,//-v7fiich is usually the

case-the real estateagentends up with "2" las n zerol amount

of money.)

The chips themselves,of course areof no particular use to

anyone. In {act, financial gluttons have found, to their dismay,

that either bathing in money or eating it are unsanitary habits

that can causeone to becomequite ill. However,chipsdo serveas

a means to an end. The rules of the biggergameof life provide for

the exchange of |ungle chips for material items that can help to

enhanceone'scomfort andpleasure.

You might be inclined to ask, "If Ltfe s nothing more than a

game,why play so hard to win? " To which I would answer,Why

not try to win-and, as a bonus, have some fun along the way?.

Seems ike common sense o me.

SoI decided o go for all I could get, asquickly as I could get

it, while I was still vital enough to play the game.Recognizing

that both life and businessare gamesalso made t easier or me

not to take myself too seriously,which in turn made t that much

easier o succeed.After all, if life is just a game,why be afraid to

take chances?The reality is that there'sno way that you're going

to get out of the gamealive anywaytso what's the point of playing

a conservativehand?

In the next chapter, I relate some tales of woe thatI experi-

encedprior to grasping he signiftcanceof the Ice Ball Theory, and

explain how these agonizing experienceshelped me to further

formulate my philosophy.As a result, I developedechniquesnot

only to dramatically increasemy earnings,but, more important,

to make certain that I actually rcceived what I earned.

And, of course,had it not been for my earlyunderstanding of



Replacing the Myths 25

the Theory of Sustenance f a Positive Attitude through the As-

sumption of a Negative Result, I would never have been able to

survive the seemingly endlessnumber of heartaches,humilia-

tions, and frustrations that I enduredduring those early yearsof

trial by fire.



CnnPrE.3

Pnssrxc Mv ENTnaNCEExelvt

er Scnnw [J,

hen I entered he real estatebusiness, was both igno-

rant and naive, with absolutely no idea of the devas-

tating realities that awaited me. Little did I know

that I would be able o survive only because f two theories had

developed years earlier. Had it not been for those theories, I

probably would not havehad the courage o becomea real estate

agent, because the discouraging remarks that were gleefully di-rectedat me by numerousreal estatebrokersand salesmenwould

surely have crushed my spirit.

It seemed hat whenever I talked to people n the business

about what was involved in obtaining a real estate icense, hey

would go to great lengths to tell me how tough their profession

was, how it was almost impossible for a newcomer o get started,

26



Passing My Entrance Exam at Screw U. 27

how exceptional a personhad to be to succeedas a real estate

agent,and, in summation, why it would be a mistake for me to

enter their field.

Years earlier, this kind of talk would have totally intimi-

datedme, and I undoubtedlywould havebecomeconvinced that I

would be wasting my time to even make the effort. Fortunately,

however, had paid a lot of dues ong before decided o go into

the real estatebusiness, o I was able to ignoremost of the nega-

tive grenades ossedat me. I had long beforeconcluCed hat all

members of the DiscouragementFraternity had two things in

common: (1) Because hey were insecure they flearcd ompeti-

tion, and {2) hey were ferociousaboutprotectingtheir turf.

The two theories that helped me to survive my entrance

exam (r.e.,hazingby the DiscouragementFraternity) at Screw U.

(my early years n the real estatebusiness)are the focus of thischapter.

The first is the Tortoise and Hare Theory, which states:The

outcome of most situations in life are determined over the long

tem. The guy who gets off to a fast staft merely wins a battle;

the individual who's ahead at the end of the race wins the

war, Battles are for ego-trippers;wars are for money-grippers.

The Tortoise is the unglamorousplodderwho always seemsto find a w^y to come out ahead, hough he has a habit of getting

bruisedand batteredalong he way. He isn't flashyor impressive;

his strengthsare consistency, erseverance, nd resiliency.

The Tortoise is the quintessential antihero. Ben Braddock

(playedby Dustin Hoffman), the shy, stuttering boyfrien d in The

Graduate, wasa classicantihero. He lost everybattle, but some-

how managed o win the war (thespoils of which were none otherthan Katharine Ross).Colombo, the fumbling, stumbling detec-

tive played by PeterFalk in the old TV seriesof the samename,

was slow when it came to ftguring things out, but in the end he

alwaysgot his man.And how about Rocky Balboa SylvesterStal-

lone) n the Rockyseries?

While still in my teens, becameconsciousof the fact that I




was a very slow starter at most things,yet almost alwaysseemed

to find a way to ffnish strong. finally concluded hat it was my

perfectionism that was at the heart of my slow-start habit. I had

an inherent urge to have all the ground rules defined, study the

Layof the land, preparea game plan, and organizeall the details

beforemoving forward. I tried to (andstill do) ive by the words of

Abraham Lincoln: "If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd

spendsix sharpeningmy axe."

As a result of my methodical approach o projects, began, n

a tongue-in-cheekmanner/ to compare myself to the fabled tor-

toise n the tortoise-and-hareale. learned, ver a periodof time,

that it was not so important to be the life of the party or the cen-

ter of attention in a crowd. The important thing was what hap-

pened after the party was over. The big points are scoredwhen

you go one-on-onewith someonebehind closeddoors.

Glibness n a crowd more often than not is just part of the

"all show, no dough" syndrome. So, hough I realized hat I was

not particularly impressive on first meeting-especially in situa-

tions where three or more people were involved-I found that I

could be very effective by doggedly ollowing up with one-on-one

meetings at alater time.

I can't deny that it would be nice to have the kind of person-ality that would dazzlepeopleon ftrst encounter,and I wouldn't

mind being a little faster out of the starting gate, either. The

reality, however, is that I don't have these qualities, and even

back in my teen-dumb days I recognizedmy shortcomings n

these areas.And that in turn causedme to focus on playing the

hand I hadbeendealt to the best of my ability.

Having christened myself "The Tortoise," my motto be-came: If you slow down enough to loak over your right shoulder,

I'11 passyou on the left; if you slow down enough to look over

your left shoulder, I'Il passyou on the right; and if you try to stop

me from passingyou on either side, I'll maneuver betweenyour

legs, f that's what it takes. That heavy breathing you hear be-

hind you is me-steadily closing in on you.



Passing My Entrance Exam at Screw U. 29

Or, in more direct terms: Quickly getting out of the starting

blocks may get people'sattention, but all that counts rs whereyou arc when the race s over.

In other words, a tortoise focuseson long-term results. If a

stuttering shrimp like Dustin Hoffman could win Katharine

Ross, who knows what treasures might lie ahead for a relent-

less, esourceful eptile?So,after yearsof playing the role of The

Tortoise-of ffnding^way to win somany seemingly ost races-

I wasnot going o allow myself to be intimidated by the Discour-

agementFraternitywhen I entered he real estatebusiness.

The second theory that played a maior role in protecting

me from the Discouragement Fraternity when I ftrst entered

ScrewU. was the OrganicChemistry Theory, which states:Don't

allow yourself to be intimidated by know-it-alls who thrive on

bestowingtheir knowledge on insecure people. Mentally close

your ears and put blinderc on your eyes, and move relentlessly

forward with the knowledge that what someone else knows is

not relevant. In the final analysis, what is rclevant to your suc-

cesss what youknow and what you do.

This theory was derived from an experience had at age2O

that forever changedmy life. When I was in college, took a cur-

riculum that was required or application to-of all things-dentalschool. One of the required courseswas organicchemistry, which

also was one of the most dreadedof all undergraduatesubiects.

The coursewas so difficult that it had a 50 percent student failure

rate.

After attending the first lecture, I becameconvinced that I,

too, was destined o join the legionsof studentswho had flunked

organic chemistry. I had absolutely no idea what the instructorwas talking about. For all I knew, a molecule was a sparepart in

an automobile engine.The worst, however/ was yet to come.

On the secondday,we had our first laboratory session,and it

was like a psychedelicnightmare for me. All I could seewas one

big blur of test tubes,acid bottles, and white aprons. considered

it to be a giant stepforward when I ftnally located my laboratory




desk. As I sat on my stool, displaying what would years later

come to be known as the Dan Quayle ook, I kept thinking that asavior-instructor would appearat the front of the laboratory at

any moment and explain what we should be doing. No such uck.

What was especially disconcerting o me was that all the other

students n the lab appeared o know exactly what they were do-

ing. Could this really be the road eading o Katharine Ross?

Then, all at once, I saw him-tall, slender, and sporting a

blond crew cut and look of self-assurancehat suggested othboredom (with how easy t all was)and disdain (for thick-headed

reptiles like me). As big as life, there he was-standing right at

the end of my laboratory row-the guy who was to be the focal

point of one of the most important revelations of my life, a reve-

lation that I would ultimately transform into a theory to help me

snatch victory from the jaws of defeat ime and again ong after

my graduation rom ScrewU.

Who was this tall, light stranger?None other than-Sound

the trumpets!-a Court Holder. (In the coming years, would find

that Court Holders come in all shapes, izes,and colors; .e., tall

and blond are by no means required physical characteristicsof

this fascinatingspecies.

What qualiftesan individual to be a Court Holder? t's really

quite simple: A Court Holder is a personwho makes a careerout

of holding court. He was the fellow at the last cocktail party you

attended-the one standing poisedand charming, one elbow on

the mantle, a drink in his hand, and a group of information-

starvedpuppies locking around him in a semicircle-explaining

how utterly simple it all is. Most important, a Court Holder is a

master intimidator.A truly professional Court Holder is not particular about

where he holds court, either. He can do it just as effectively

whether he's in a clubhouse locker room, at the offtce, or, bygolly, in a chemistry lab. The only requirement for calling his

court into session s that there be two or more information-

starved subjectswilling to listen to him pontiftcate. Of course,



Passing My Entrance Exam at Screw U.

the more subiects he Court Holder has n his court, the better he

likes it. And the more wide-eyed hey arewith awe,the more in-

spired he is to sprinkle smatterings of his seemingly infinite

knowledgearound the court.

My eyesnearly bulgedout of my head as watched he Court

Holder flipping test tubesaround ike a professional uggler,non-

chalantly lighting his Bunsen burner backhanded,and leafing

throughhis laboratoryworkbook soquickly that I was certain he

would finish the entire course n less han two days.

A crowd was quickly gatheringaround him. Hope shot into

my heart as I bounded down the aisle toward this dazzling para-

gon of knowledge. Surely there must be a crumb or two of wis-

dom he could spare a hopelessly ost reptile like me. Surely he

would not turn me awaywithout his tip of the day.

I was n luck. As the Court Holder breezed hrough thelabo-

rutory experiments for that particular day, he graciously and si-

multaneously held court for a dozen or so puppies and one

tortoise.He eventook the trouble to answera coupleof my intel-

lectually loadedquestions,such as, Er, where do I obtain a key

to my locker?" and "Who do I see about getting a laboratory

apron?" without so much as looking up from his test tubes. I

wasn't even granted a look of disdain like most of the othersubjects n his court. I guess was such a hopelesspudding head

that I was considered o be an untouchable n organic-chemistry

circles.Nonetheless, or me it was true love. Fantasiesof some

day getting an autographedpicture of this modern-day Einstein

floodedmy mind.

This pattern repeated tself for severalweeks, hough I even-

tually did succeed n gettingboth a laboratory apronand a key tomy locker. However, I accepted he fact that I would never be

anythingbut a lowly serf n the Court Holder's organic-chemistry

kingdom. That being the case, decided to play the hand I had

beendealt asbest I could. trudgedahead, ortoisestyle, studying

my textbook hour upon hour each night. Yet, no matter how

much I studied, never seemed o be quite up on what was being

3t



"Oh, Great Blond One, where might I obtain

a key to my laborutory locker!"



PassingMy EntranceExam at Suew U.

discussedn class,and I continuedto be completely lost in labo-

ratory. Regardless f how much time and effort I put into it, itwas obviousto me that I would alwaysbe an untouchable n the

eyesof his majesty, he Court Holder.

Then, one day,a funny thing happenedon the way to court:

We had an examination. As the instructor passedout the test,

you couldhearmoansthroughout the room as the studentsbegan

to glanceat the complex questions.Much to my surprise,how-

ever,whatever had beengoingon in laboratory during the preced-

ing weeks evidently had been explained n the textbook (which I

had virtually memorizedl, becausehe material on the test seemed

pretty familiar to me.

When the exam was over, students came stumbling out of

the classroom ooking shell-shocked nd talking in a thoroughly

defeatedmanner. was too embarrassed ven to mention it, but,

frankly, the questionshad not seemedhat difficult to me. Surely,

I reasoned, must have completely misunderstood the subiect

matter during my long and gut-wrenching study sessions.Why

elsewould the test not haveseemed ery difficult?

When it came time for the test papers o be handedback to

us about a week later, fear ftlled the auditor ium-size classroom.

The instructor announced he "curve" (i.e.,grading scalebased

on averages)or the test as ollows:

48&up A(excel lent)

4A47 B (good)

26-39 C (average)

20-25 D (poor)

19 & under F (giveup andget a BurgerKing applicationf

The instructor told the class hat the scoreshad ranged rom

zero o 105. Therehad been wo bonusquestions,so t was theo-

reticallypossible o score108on the test.)He went on to say hat,

out of a class of approximately 300 students, the next highest

grade after he scoreof 105)was 58.The classgaspedn unison. t

33




was inconceivable hat the secondhighest score n a classof 300

students was47 points lower than the top grade.The instructor said that it was only appropriate o hand out

the paper with the near-perfect score of 105 first, and that he

would then call the rest of the students n alphabeticalorder to

come forward and get their results. The studentssitting around

the Court Holder beganpatting him on the back and elbowing

him ("You sonofagun/ ou . . ."1,but he looked so bored by the

certainty of it all that I thought he wasgoing o fall asleep.

P.S. He should have. Impossible as it seemed, he Court

Holder didn't get the 105. n fact, he didn't evenget the 58. What

this master intimidator did get was a solid 33 that placed him

smack in the middle of the class. Inconceivableas it may have

been, he reali ty was that the Court Holder was only average.He

was, in fact, the Organic Emperor who hadno clothes.

Of course,you've already guessed he punch line. You can

imagine how embarrassed was as I walked to the front of the

room to pick up my 105 test score. Though I looked straight

aheadduring the remainder of the day's session, could feel 300

pairs of eyes staring at me. Telepathically, could hear the Court

Holder's groupieswondering, "Who is this green,scaly character,

anywayT.'ve never evennoticed him in herebefore."

When the bell rang, hustled out the door, feeling too self-

conscious to talk to anyone. I immediately resigned rom the

court and breezed hrough the remainder of the course with a

high ttA." The only thing that put a damperon the remainder of

the year for me wasthe uneasy eeling that the Court Holder was

continually staring at me out of the cornerof his eyeduring labo-

ratory sessions.Egad, loved his crew cut. Why in the heck didmy hair have to be so fi.ne that I couldn't get it to stand up

straight evenwith gum tar?Ah, well, we can't have t all, can we?

BlessedCourt Holder, wherever you may now be, I want you

to know that I shall forever be indebted to you. Since my en-

counter with you in organic chemistry lab,I've met many mem-

bers of your species,and in each case,because f my experience



Passing My Entrance Exam at Screw U.

with you, I was able to quickly identify them as Court Holders.

Further, I've had the self-confidenceo ignore their intimidatingways and go for life's big payoffs without a shred of embarrass-

ment. Yes, it was that Hall-of-Fame Court Holder in organic

chemistry who provided the ftrst step toward my understand-

ing that the refusal to be intimidated was a crucial element in

winning.

In summation, if someonefeels the psychological need to

hold court, that's his business;your iob is to mind your busi-

ness.Don't allow yourself to be intimidated by someoneelse's

knowledge-or apparentknowledge.What anotherpersonknows

or doesn't know will not affect your successone way or another,

so from your standpoint it's an irrelevancy.

Armed with the Tortoise andHareTheory and OrganicChem-

istry Theory, felt qualified and ready o enter that most revered

of all institutions of higher learning, Screw U. These theories

gaveme the strength to withstand the negativebarragesof intimi-

dation directedat me by the DiscouragementFraternity, and the

courage o forgeahead nto the real estatebusiness.

35



cHAPr" I

Mv THnEn

UUToRGETTABLE nornssoRs

ar ScnEw .

refer to my ftrst three years n the real estatebusinessasmy

undergraduatedays at Screw U. because t was during this

time that I was orced, hrough firsthand experience, o come

to grips with the realitiesof the Businessworldungle. In curricu-

lum terms, you might saythat my rnaforwasReality and my mi-

nor was Real Estate.Without question, the most important reality I discovered

during those earlyyearswas that there arebasically only three

types of people n the businessworld. (There s actually a fourth

type-the individual who standsto benefi t directly as a result of

your ffnancial success;L.e, the more you make, the more he

makes. However, the latter type, in its pure form, is a rare excep-

36



My Three Unforgettable Professorsat Suew (J. 37

tion, so it neednot be addressedn this book. The emphasishere

is on the majority of individuals who do not stand to beneftt from

your success.)

Let's assume, or the moment, that you're areal estateagent,

and that you represent the owner of a property. It's nice to say

that the owner will beneftt by your success n selling his prop-

erty,but, as discussedearlier, successs a relative word. Granted,

he will beneftt to the extent he receivesmoney from the buyer,

but he will not benefit by your success n collecting a real estate

commission. Like it or not, it's a zero-sumgame, so collecting

your commission should be your main criterion for success; ell-

ing the owner's property (which is his chief criterion for success)

is but a means o the endyou seek.

The painful reality is that the less the real estate agent

makes, he better t is for the seller(and, heoretically, the buyer,since the buyer is the one who comes up with the money that ul-

timately pays the real estate commission).This is why buyers

and sellers understandall too well the Mideast proverb that "the

enemy of my enemy is my friend." And if you have a commission

or fee owing to you-regardless of the business you're Ln-you

are the enemy of both principals! If you don't believe it, save

yourself a life of grief and becomea California beach bum.There's an old business adagethat "the only way a deal

works out is if everybody beneftts from the transaction, " and, n

theory, I suppose t's true. But in real life, this philosophy doesn't

seemto include deal "pests" who are owed fees and/or commis-

sions for their work. In the real estatebusiness, for example, the

empirical evidence suggests hat the word everybody refers only

to the buyer and seller.Regardless f the type of businessyou're in, the aboveexam-

ple should help you understand why certain people may have

been less than fair with you in past dealings. t may have been in

their best interest to seeyou succeed,but their deffnition of suc-

cessmay not have included having to pay you what you earned.




It's nice to get patted on the back and told what a dandy job you

did, but that shouldn't be your definition of success.What youwant is cash,not kudos.

What I'm talking about here is the Three Type Theory,

which states:Thereare only three typesof people n the business

world (with the one exception noted above),as follows:

Type Number One, who lets you know from the outset-

either through his words, hls actions, ot both-that he's out to

get yout chips. He then follows through by attempting to do iustthat.

Type Number Two, who goesto geat lengths to assureyou

that he would nevet dream of pilf ering yow chips, often trying to

throw you off guard by assuringyou that he really wants to see

you. "get everything that's coming to you." Then, ike TJtpeNum-

ber One-and without hesitation-he goesabout trying to grab

your chips anyway.

Type Number Three, who, like TJrpeNumber Two, assures

you that he's not intercsted in your chips. Unlike TYpeNumber

T,vo,however,he sincerelymeans what he says.But that's where

the difference ends. Due to any one of a number of reasons-

ranging from his own bungling to his amoral standards for rutio-nalizing what's right and wrong-he, like Tlpes Number One

and T\,vo,still ends up trying to grab your chips. Which Ineansthat his supposedgood intentions ate really irrelevant to the

final outcome.

In summation, no matter how someonepositshimself, you

would be wise to assume that he will, in the final analysis, at-

tempt to grab your chips.

So, even though someone may say that he wants to seeyou

"get what's coming to you," that doesn't mean that you have to

believe it. Instead,you would be wise to count on human nature

guiding the other person'sactions when the money's on the table,



My Three Unforgettable Professors t Screw (J. 39

and in turn rely on your own survival instincts to guard against

an attempt to heist your chips.

Let me emphasize that if I could recreatethe world so the

aboverealities did not exist, I most deftnitely would. Alas, how-

ever,humility forcesme to admit that I cannot alterhuman nature

one iota. I am but a messenger, nd, as such, am merely passing

along o you what my firsthand experienceat ScrewU. taught me.

Like it or not-and most peopledon't-the Three Type Theory is

simply arcality of Planet Earth.

In the next three chapters, discuss(in the order in which

they came into my life) three of my most exemplary professors

during my undergraduatedays at Screw U. These noble gentle-

men will forever serve as my stereotypesfor the three kinds of

creatureswho inhabit the Businessworld ungle. They were high-

level frnancialproctologists

whodid a marvelous job of teaching

me how to identify other membersof their species. he lessons

learned from them helped to prepare me for their ruthless rela-

tives who were lying in wait for me in the fungle, and I am forever

in their debt for sharing their wisdom with me.



CHePrE.5

TYpn NuNreEn TSREE s STivcERELY

Sonnv THan Hn Cneneno Youn CHTPS,

BUT THERnsurr Is |usr rHE SelvrE

As Ir HE WBnn Creo

hat makes a Type Number Three so deadly is that

he's neither menacing like a Type Number One nor

diabolical like a Type Number TWo.On the contrary

he hasgood ntentions. He sincerelywants you to geta fair shake,

but, due to some "unforeseen" reason(s), e somehow always

seems o find himself in a position where he has "no choice" but

to grabyour chips.The fact that he is genuinely sorry for having to hurt you

makes it diffi.cult for you to think of him in a negative ight. After

all, the devil made him do it. In essence,what a Type Number

Three is really saying to you when he separates ou from your

chips s: "/ really didn't mean to cut off your fingers,but I had no

choicewhen you rcachedfor your chips."

40



TYpe Number Three Is Sincerely Sorry

My maiden contact with a Type Number Three came on my

very first day at ScrewU. I knew virtually nothing about real es-tate, let alone the warped psychesof buyers and sel lers. Yet, as

fate would have t, the first deal worked on-a $5 million apart-

ment development in Cincinnati-was quite large for a new-

comer to the business.

I had heard umors that the ownersof the Cincinnati project,

which was still partly under construction,were in serious inan-

cial trouble, so decided o try a unique approach. contactedone

of the partnersand, nstead of inquiring about the possibility of

listing his property for sale, asked him for a job. The way I

phrased t was that I would like to "work on solving the financial

problems (his) apartment development was experiencing." He

told me that he couldn't afford to hire anyone, and, even if he

could, he wouldn't hire me, because had no previous real estate

experience.

I quickly assured im that I could make up in energy,enthu-

siasm, and persistencewhat I lacked in knowledge and experi-

ertcetbut he continued to resist. Being the relentless tortoise I

was, I finally offered o work for him on a "prove it or else"basis.

I told him that I would work without a guaranteed salary, and

would evenpay

my own expenses, ut if I solved the ftnancialproblems of his apartment development/ wanted to be "paid

handsomely n return." Slave abor is always an appealingcarrot

to dangle n front of penny-pinching real estate developers,so,

basedon my everything-to-gain-and-nothing-to-loseroposition,

he ftnally relentedand allowed me to work on the project.On the

strength of this shaky and vague verbal understanding, my real

estatecareerwas thus launched.What I was counting on was the Law of Risk and Reward:

The less he risk, the lower the potential reward; the greater the

rrsk, the higher the potential reward. In a perfect world, a sales-

man would have no guarantees, ut would also have no limit on

what he could earn. f my first professor t Screw U. had agreedo

put me on his payroll, it undoubtedly would have been at the

4X



.{^)1 2 , T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

legal minimum wage.As a result, would havemissedout on the

opportunity not only to gain a greatdealof knowledgeabout howthe Businessworld ungle works, but to earnsome seriousmoney

right out of the starting gate. In fact, n retrospect-considering

how valuable my experiencewith my professor urned out to

be-I would have to say that, on a value-for-valuebasis, proba-

bly should havepaid him for all the knowledge acquiredduring

the time I worked on his project.

The Cincinnati deal allowed me to learn early on that most

of the cash-shortage roblems real estatedevelopersexperience

area result of their undertaking projectswithout having much, if

any, of their own cash nvested in them. Nirvana for a realestate

developer s to fi.nda way to "fi.nanceout," i.e., to not put any of

his own money into a project. To accomplish his, most builders

are masters at using mirrors, so to speak, o fi.nesse heir way

from one project to another. An important talent in this regard

is the at of ducking subcontractorswho have the audacity to

demand payment for their services, hen ultimately paying off

accrued construction debts through a pipe dream known ascash

flow.(In most cases, he illusion of a positivecash low is based

on unrealistically low operating expenses nd replacementcosts.

Down the road, of course, the Delusion Fiddler must be paid,

and all too often payment is in the form of a currency known as

bankruptcy.l

My Type Number Three professorwas pretty much of a

silent partner in the Cincinnati project,and t was clear from the

outset that he and the working partner ("Victor Vermin") were

not on goodterms (par or the coursewhen financial problemsset

in). Victor lived in Cincinnati, and was on the building site everyday overseeingconstruction. My Type Number Three professor's

main contribution to the deal was that he had done the initial

spadework in the planning and ftnancing stages.

After a couple of weeks, I decided it was time to go to

Cincinnati and speak directly with Victor, since I figured he



TYpeNumber Three Is Sincerely Sorry 43

would have a more up-to-date eadingof the situation. Little did I

know that it would turn out to be my Businessworld ungle b^p-tism. On severaloccasions, set up appointments with Victor,

traveled all the way to Cincinnati, then sat in his waiting room

for as ong as eighthours. Being he inexperienced wit that I was,

I did not understand hat Victor was a master intimidator, so I

would just sit in his reception room and dutifully suck my thurnb,

play with my yo-yo, and read old issues of Builder's Indigestion

20 or 30 times.

One day in particular standsout in my mind. I had a firm ap-

pointment with Victor at 9:00 A.M., and, just to be on the safe

side, showedup at 8:45 a.m. Not only did Victor not acknowl-

edgemy presenceall morning, but around noon he bolted out of

his office with two other men and hurried right past me, without

evena nod, on his way to lunch. Meekly, I called out to him and

askedwhen he would be ready o meet with me. Without break-

ing stride, and barely looking back over his shoulder, he mum-

bled something hat sounded ike, "Back in a little while."

Why would I enduresuch humiliating treatment? Stupidity,

to be sure.But, in fairness o reptiles throughout the world, it was

the first real estatedeal I had ever worked on. In addition, I was

penniless (the world's most foolproof humbler), had no otherdeals n the hopper,andhad no idea how to go about finding other

deals.

So,at this early stageof my undergraduate tudiesat ScrewU.,

it's not difftcult to recall why, from my perspective,every deal

was life or death. So much so that I felt I couldn't even take a

chanceon going out and grabbinga sandwich for lunch. After all,

I didn't know when Victor might return to his office, and, afterwaiting all morning, I didn't want to take any chanceson missing

him when he returned.

When Victor finally showed up two hours later, I was a very

hungry, very tired tortoise, so tired that I almost didn't look up in

time to see him before he reached his offtce door. This time I



ru



Wpe Number Three Is Sincercly Sorry 45

called out in a much weaker, much more defeated voice, and

this time he totally ignored me. Unbeknownst to me at the time,what I was experiencing were the horrors a tortoise encoun-

ters when dealing from an inferior posture. As his office door

slammed shut, the thought of giving up entered my mind. Fortu-

nately, however, the tortoise within me persisted, and I stub,

bornly sat in Victor's reception room until 5:00 p.m. I ftnally got

to talk with him only because, n desperation, literally lunged in

his path as he was leaving his office for the day.

After a series of punishing experiences ike this, I finally

learned that Victor had talked a mortgagebanker into increasing

the construction loan on his proiect and immediately advancing

some additional funds,provided certain conditions were met. The

most important of these conditions was that he was required

to buy out my Type Number Three professor/snterest in the de-velopment. I asked Victor how much he was willing to pay hispartner, and, after thinking about it for a few minutes, he came

up with a price, whereupon I told him that I would discusshis

offer with my professor.

I then met with my professorand explained the situation,

but packaged t a bit differently. The reason did this was because

not only was my agreement with my professor not in writingeven our verbal understanding did not spell out the precise

amount of my fee. n fact,we had not even specified exactly what

it was that I was supposedo accomplish n order to be entitled to

my unspecifted fee.AII we had was a fuzzy understanding that I

was supposed o be "paid handsomely" tf.I "solved the financial

problems in Cincinnati." This is about as vague as an under-

standing can get-even in the fungle.Closing a deal of one kind or another was beginning to look

like a real possibility, and it was becoming obvious to me that I

needed o get more speciffc with my professor. reasoned hat if I

told him that Victor Vermin was prepared o pay the price that he(i.e.,Victor) had just quoted me, and if that price was acceptable

to my professor, neither of them would need me to make a




deal. (In tortoise language,"Duhhh!"1 At a minimum/ once my

professorknew what Victor's offer was,he would be in a position

to dictate to me what my reward shouldbe.

I therefore told my professoronly that I had been "kicking

around some deaswith Victor," and, though I thought it would

be a hard sell, therewas a chance might be able o gethim to buy

my professor's hareof the proiect at a price that would get him

(i.e.,my professor) ff the hook for most of the debtshe had in-

curred in connectionwith the Cincinnati deal.

Then, I went a stepfurther, because was concerned hat the

price Victor hadquoted me was so ow that it might only succeed

in angeringmy professor.Basedon what he had told me about he

extent of his financial problems, waspretty certain that the sug-

gestedbuy-out price would not completelybail him out of his

ftnancial difftculties. So I quoted him an evenlower price than

the one Victor had suggested, mphasizingthat this wasprobably

the best could hope o do.

It was the age-oldgame of "I go low, you go high, then we

compromise in the middle." (This simple strategyworks iust as

well today as it did for merchants and traders n ancient China,

Mesopotamia, and Greece.Why? Becausehuman nature never

changes.Only a fool-or an intelligent but naive person-giveshis best offer right off the bat.) Even though I had only recently

enrolled at ScrewU., I instinctively knew that my pro{essorwould

want to negotiate he price upward no matter what the initial fig-

ure was that I quotedhim. That being the case,my obiectivewas

to negotiateup to Victor's offering price rather than have o nego-

tiate upward from that price. Never forget: Human beings are

genetically programmed o always want more.As I suspectedwould be the case, my professor's nitial

reaction was that the price I had suggestedwas absolutelyunac-

ceptable. However, after several days of discussions and many

persistent andpersuasive ortoise remarks ater, I was able o get

my professor o seethat, in the long run, it would be better for

him if I could "talk Victor into" buying him out at a price roughly



lYpe Number ThreeIs Sincerely Sorry 4V

equal to the one that (unbeknownst o my professor)Victor hadalready said he would bewilling to pay.

I further convinced -y professor hat the project was des-tined to get into evermore financial trouble (which turned.out tobe a correct assessment n my part),and that he would be muchbetter off to bail out now get off the hook for any personal lia-bility he had incurred,and still manage o come up with enoughcash o pay off at leastsomeof his other debts. n retrospect,

con-sideringall these actors, probablydid him a greaterservice hanany other buyer or seller or whom I subsequentlyworked.

I should point out that in order to arrive at the price I quotedmy professor, subtracted $6,500 rom the price victor had toldme he would be willing to pay. The $6,500cushion representedthe fee r arbitrarily decidedwould be a reasonablepayment for

my services or "solving the financial problems in cincinnati.',Feigningan afterthought, then casually old my professor hat Iwould try very hard to increase he price that he had tentativelyagreedo (i.e., he amount hat was $6,500lower han victor's of-fering price)by "fi.veor ten thousanddollars,,so I could ,,geta lit-tle something out of the deal, too." My professor oddedhis headindifferently. After all, anything I got "over and above,,what he

was supposed o receivewasof no interest to him, right?Not exactly.The reality was that it was purely academic,as

is always the casewith feesand commissions,regardlessof thekind of businessyou're in. It was, n fact, a simple matter of "psy-chologicalpackaging."All I did was create he r//usronthat what-ever fee I receivedwould be over and abovewhat my professorwaswilling to accept.The reality was hat the less receivedas a

fee, he more money my pro{essorwould pocket.Anyone who as-piresto successn any field of endeavorwould do well to becomeadeptat psychologicalpackaging,or elsebe prepared o be over-whelmed by a nasty little human trait calledgreed.This is espe-cially true when dealingwith supposedly goodguys,,who seemgenuinely sincereaboutwanting to seeyou get paid. Good inten-tions aside,neverbet againstgreed!




I now sensed hat it was time to move in for the kill. I meek-

ly askedmy professor f he would mind signing "a simple little

document" saying hat the net pticewe had discussedwas agree-

ableto him. I assuredhim that the only reason or wanting some-

thing in writing was to "have something in my hand" when I

tried to ,,persuade"Victor to acceptmy professor'S off.er" which,

I againemphasize,was $6,500 owet than the amount Victor had

alreadyagreed o pay).

You,reprobablywondering why I was dumb enough o show

Victor a document that statedthat my professorwould take /ess

than Victor had offered.Didn't I rcahze hat Victor would simply

lower his offer to match the figuremy professorhadagreedo? Of

course I realized it! The answer is that I didn't show him the

document. Show Victor Vermin the agreement hat spelledout

my commission?Areyou kidding?Victor ate ittle kids for break-

fast and didn't bother to spit out the bones.He rooted for the

Atlantic Ocean tn Titanic. CharlesManson was his idol. Victor

was a classic,avaricious/mean-spirited eal estatedeveloperwho

took greatdelight in nickel anddiming his adversarieso death-

and anyone o whom he owed money was an adversary.

My real purposefor having my professorsign the "letter of

understanding" was not iust to "have something in my hand"when I went to Cincinnati, but to have something n writing re-

garding my fee.Once my professorhad signedon the dotted ine,

I casually told him that I would probably use $6,500asa "work-

ing numbe{'for my fee, ack it on to the ftgure he and I had dis-

cussed, hen put the total figure nto the documentas he price he

had agreed o accept rom Victor.

It was on-the-job training in psychology and phraseology.When you deal with sick minds, never waste time trying to be-

come a healer.The most humane act you can perform for such a

person s to state things in such a way that it will make him feel

better about how things work out-esp ecially if it involvesyour

getting paid. You can causehim greatstress f you allow him to

believe that he might actually be payingyou what he owesyou.



TVpeNumber Three Is Sincerely Sorry 49

To make it appearalmost asan afterthought, I purposelyputthe sentenceabout my $6,500 ee near the bottom of the docu-ment. In later years/ | reabzed hat my instincts/ even at thatearly stageof my undergraduate aysat screw u., had been verygood,becauseagain and again I was to find that " afterthought"was a pretty accuratedescriptionof how most sellersview a realestateagent'scommission. (Never state/ n an agreement,whatyou want out of the deal beforestating

what the other party is go-ing to get, because he other guy doesn't give a hoot about whatyou want. All he's nterested n is what's in it for him. This is es-pecially true of peoplewho insist that "in order for a deal o workout/ everyonehas to be satisfied."Forgetsuch babble; t's a fairytale that will only causeyou to dropyour guardand osesome f.n-gers n the process.)

Subsequent o my professor's igning the document/ I againwent back to victor and emphasizedwhat a hard sell it had beenfor me to get his partner to agree o his buy-out figure,but that Ihad ffnally succeeded.ust as I had packagedmy presentationofthe deal n sucha way that my professorwould think of my feeas"over andabove"what he wasgettingout of the deal, alsohad tobe certainthat victor didn't getany cute ideasabout beingable o

save$6,500by merely changinghis original buy-out price to onethat was equal to the net figure that my professorhad agreed oaccept.As far as victor knew, the original price he had discussedwith me (again,an amount equal to the price my professorhadagreed o plus my $6,500 ee)was the one that my professorwaswilling to accept.

I told victor that my professorwas very uneasy about the

deal,and that I could not guarantee hat he wouldn't changehismind if we didn't proceedpromptly. This got his attention. Feel-ing that it might be his only opportunity to get his partner out ofthe dealat a price he considered o be a bargain,victor did every-thing he could to help bring abouta quick closing.

of course,with my professor played t 180 degrees pposite,emphasizinghow difftcult it had been for me to get Victor to




agree o ,'his" figure (theone that included my $6,500 ee). ust as

I had done with Victor, I emphasized hat I didn't know how long

I could keep Victor committed to the deal,and urged him to do

everything possible o help get it closed.

As closings go, this was as good as it gets,becauseal l three

parties nvolved-the buyer, he seller,and he realestateagent-

were working hard to accomplish he sameobfective.As we pro-

gressed oward aclosing, I observeda phenomenonthat I was

later to discoveroccursprior to most realestate losings.My pro-

fessor"sharpenedhis pencil" (his words)and continued to find

one cost after another that he either had not previously consid-

eredor hadn't known about.How convenient. In ateryears, his

kind of talk got so old that I hadto restrainmyself rom yawning.

My professorwas a classicType Number Three. Virtually

everyonewho had everdealt with him felt that he was a niceguy

and a basically honest person, but that he had experienceda

stringof bad uck that hadcaused im to "unintentionally" dam-

agealot of peoplealong he waY.

The closer we got to the closing, the more my professor

sharpenedhis pencil. Being a Type Number Three, he was very

nice about t andnevercame ight out andsaid hat he did not in-

tend to pay my fee.He iust mumbled a lot of negatives, nd themore ftguring he did, the more he mumbled-and the rrore con-

cerned became.

In fact, my concernbecameso great that I dared o ask my-

self a question that only an inexperienced eptile like myself

would dare o ask:"If the buyer and seller n a realestatedealare

represented y attorneysat a closing,why shouldn't the real es-

tate agent also be represented y an attorney?"Sort of like thefirst ape-in the Planet of the Apes movie-to have the audacity

to say/ No! " to a human being'scommand.

After all, didn't I have a vested interest in the deal, tool

Nonetheless,every ime the questioncrossedmy mind, I thought

to myself that if I showedup at the closingwith an attorney, my

professorwould take t as an insult to his integrity and probably



TypeNumber Three Is Sincerely Sorry 5n

use it as an excusenot to pay me anything at all. In a sense/myown thoughts were ntimidating me.

Finally, the big day arrived-my first real estare closing. Italked to my professorust a couple hours before he closing wasscheduled o take place,and in typical Type Number Three fash-ion he expressed incereconcernfor my position. He said he feltterrible about t, but, afteraddingup all the figures, here was ust

no way he could spareeven$100out of the proceeds f theclos-ing, et alone$6,500.

I found his remark to be quite fascinating. I wondered howhe could talk in terms of not being able to ,,spare,,when it wasn,tevenhis money he was talking about.Those weremy chips hewas referring to, they weren't his to spare! n addition, I thoughtto myself that whether or not my professor ,felt terrible about it,,

was irrelevant. "Forget the niceties," I thought to myself,,,and

just fork overmy chips."

My professor hen assuredme that in the "not too distant fu-ture" he would "seeto it" that I would get //everydime that wascoming to (me)."Sure,prof,no problem.He saidhe was workingon a number of deals(all pie-in-the-sky, might add),and thatsome were certain to close soon, at which time he would have

plenty of cash with which to pay me. Sure,prof. In other words,he was elling me, "I'm sticking t to you now, but trust me not todo it to you down the road." I ftgured the next thing he would dois pull out a picture of EbbetsField and say, By the way, I havea nice property in New York that you might be interested rnsel l ing."

Luckily for me, I was stone broke. If I had been n a ffnancial

position to wait a few months, or even a few weeks, I probablywould have backedoff, given that I was still at a very easy-to-intimidate stageof my development.But I was so pushed to thewall that I could not wait even one more day, et alone weeks ormonths.

I didn't say anything menacing to my professor,becauseI didn't want to put him on guard. Instead, in response o the




"concern" he expressedabout me, I just mumbled that I would

seehim at the closing and that "perhaps here might be a way to

work something out." He gaveme a "Sute, no problem" nod that

I later realizedwas used in the |ungle as a euphemism for "Yeh,

sure,anything you say, ust take a hike."

I then madea bold decision. scurriedover to the officeof an

attorney friend of mine, showedhim the document my professor

had signed,described he conversation I had just had with him,

and explained hat the closingwas about to take place.The attor-

ney and I then went over to my professor'soffice and found that

al l the parties involved were in the process of preparing or the

closing.

Whereupon my attorney sat down with the other two law-

yers,and the three of them went through the mechanicsof ftnai-

izing the deal.Although I didn't understandthe principle at the

time, what I had going for me at that closing was the unwritten,

universally acceptedunderstanding among all attorneys that I

subsequently dubbed the Universal Attorney-to-Attorney Re-

spect Rule. It's kind of analogous o "honor among thieves." In

street parlance, the unwritten rule among lawyers is: You can

rapeand pillage civilians, but don't mess with the goodfellas in

the club. The simplest way to illustrate this law is to remind youof the last time you were a patty to a lawsuit, and how the attor-

neys or both sides eft the courtroomarm-in-arm while discussing

their upcoming Sundaygolf game.Doesn't it warm the cocklesof

your heart to seethe guy to whom you're paying $200 an hour

shmoozingwith the attorney who is trying to destroyyou?

While the lawyersproceededwith the closing, chattedwith

my professorand victor Vermin about the weather/ extraterres-trial life, and the merits of Metamucil. Sure, t was embarrassing,

but I sucked t up insideand ried to conveya matter-of-fact tti-

tude. I just kept asking myself, "Why shouldn't a real estateagent

also be representedby an attorney at a closing?" Aftet all, I was

too inexperienced o know any better, right?

P.S. got my $6,500fee-at the closing.



"Did you guyshappen to read the National Enquirer

article about extraterrestrials preferfing

Metamucil in the travel-packet size!"



54 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

Finally, in caseyou're wondering, I should point out that I

havenever doubted the propriety of my creativehandling of thistransaction,because had thought it out carefully in advanceand

felt that my actions were iustified on at least three counts:

First, not only did I not have a written agreementwith my

professor, didn't even have a clearverbal agreement.Our under-

standingwas vague/at best.All I had donewas volunteer to try to

"solve the financial problems n Cincinnati," and, f "successful"

lwhich also was not defined), was supposed o be "paid hand-

somely in return." In other words, there was no agreement/writ-

ten or verbal, that morally obliged me to present my professor

with offers to buy out his interest in the property. I was strictly

on my own, and my ftduciary responsibilitywas to myself.

Second,as it turned out, everything I did was, in fact, in my

professor'sbest interest. As I mentioned earlier, aftet analyzing

the figures I became convinced that the project was headed or

evenmore ftnancial difficulties, andmy analysis urned out to be

acctrate.I alsowas convinced that I would neverbe able to work

out a deai f I presentedmy professorwith victor vermin's real of-

fering price. By being a little creative, did him a greatserviceby

helping him to avert what would have been a ffnancial catastro-

phefor

him later on. The bottom line is that both partnersended

up being satisfied with the result, the proof being the fact that

they agreed n writing to the final terms of the deal. t may not

havebeen he deal that either of them wanted, but it was the deal

that they were both willing to acceptat that time and under the

circumstances hat then existed.

Third, and most important from the standpoint of the theme

of this book, is that the events at the closingproved

thatI had

more than ample reason to be cautious about how I handledthe

negotiations. When it got down to the short strokes, my Type

Number Threeprofessor'sactions eft no doubt in my mind that I

would have walked away from the closing with nubs for fingers

had I not taken precautions to protect my own interestsas well

as his.



Tlpe Number Three Is Sincerely Sorry f (

How fortunate I had been. had learned irsthand about the dead-

liness of Type Number Threes without having to experience hesick feeling that comes from having one's chips pilfered at the

eieventh hour. Had my Cincinnati deal not ended on a happy

note, it's very possible that I might not have been able to con-

tinue in the real estate businessdue to my precarious financial

situation.

In addition to learning how a TypeNumber Three operates,

receiveda bonus in this deal in that I got an answer to my naive

question, "Why shouldn't a real estateagent also be represented

by an attorney at a closing?" Firsthand experiencehad emphati-

cally givenme the answer:"He should!"

Regardless f the businessyou're in, never allow yourself to

be intimidated into believing that you aren't entitled to the same

rights as the so-calledprincipals in a deal. I say so-called, be-

cause/ rom your standpoint, yorLarc a principal. If you have a

vested nterest in a deal,you have a right to protect that interest,

regardless f the size of your stake relative to the other players'

shares. ust don't expect the other principals to shareyour view-

point. Forewarned s forearmed.



Crreprr" 6

TYpENurvrsEnONr IsN'r Sonnv

Tner Hr, GnaBBEDYoun CHrns,

BBcnusEHn WenNro You

AHnao on TrrvrrHow HE Prevs rHE Gervrn

lthough I wasn't aware of it, I was already amiliar with

Type Number Ones prior to my entering Screw U. Be-

causehe wearsa black hat, a Type Number One is quite

easy o spot.He doesn'thide the fact that he'sout to grabasmany

chips aspossible,and that anyone who attempts to grabany chips

for himself is viewed as an adversary. n other words, he doesn't

try to be clever; he lays his cards on the table from the outset.What a Type Number One is saying to you when he squeezeshe

last dollar from your deal is: "I rcaLly meant to cut off your fin-gers, iust as I told you I would, and beforeyou rcached for your

chips you should have remembercd my warning."

In this respect, t might be fair to arguethat a Type Number

One is the most honest of the three typesof people n the Busi-

5 6



Tlpe Number One Isn't Sorry 5-l

nessworld fungle. Yet, prior to my experiencesat Screw U., I

thought the word crook was a pretty good description of a Type

Numl'rer One. It wasn't until I becamemore educated hat I was

al'rle o see hat if a Type Number One's menacing gesturesgive

you reason or concern, the solution is simple: You have the op-

tion of not becoming nvolved with him.

On the other hand, if you do decide o become nvolved in a

business ransactionwith a Type Number One, there should be

no doubt in your mind (unlessyour brain is on a life-support sys-

tem) about his intentions. If you end up getting a severemani-

cure, t's likely that you either refused o acknowledge he reality

of with whom you were dealing or you simply weren't prepared.

You only deludeyourself if you try to claim that you were drawn

into a transactionunder the guise hat you thought you would be

dealingwith someonewho would be generouswith you. Anyonewho has spentmore than a day at ScrewU. knows a Type Num-

ber One on sight.

My Type Number One professorwas an elderly gentleman

who hadaccumulatedconsiderablewealth through his vast knowl-

edgeof the real estatebusiness,and he proved to be an excellent

teacher.When it came to class,he was to the manner born, yet

he would not hesitate o cut out your heart if you failed to live upto your side of an agreement.At his age and financial station in

life, he didn't need any more chips, so it was the pure fun-the

thrill of crushingdesperate eal estatedevelopers-that attracted

him.

Like so many positive experiencesn life, coming in contact

with my Type Number One professorhappenedon a lark. After

attending Screw U. for severalmonths, I concluded that therewas a big demandamong real estatedevelopers or secondary i-

nancing. Sincemost builders were desperate or money to keep

their paper empires from collapsing, it seemed to me that this

was an areaof the real estate business n which it would be easy

to find and signup deals.

I happened o run acrossmy professor's ame while looking



5 8 T o B e o t N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

through a directory of capital sources in an effort to locate

second-mortgageenders.He special ized n making largesecond-

mortgage loans on income-producing properties such as apart-

ment developments,shopping centers,and o{ffcebuildings.

My professor urned out to be a stern taskmaster who often

tongue-lashedme for being too trusting. Whenever my inclina-

tion was to give a prospective orrower he benefft of the doubt,

his position was that there was no such thing as benefit of the

doubt in businessdealings.His ideaof an everyone-winsdealwas

to tie the other guy's hands behind his back, bind his feet, close

off all avenues f escape,hen "negotiate."

It was through my Type Number One professor hat I first

learned about one of the most important weapons that al l

wealthy peoplehaveat their disposal: tayingpower.I marveled

at how he was preparedto walk away from any deal, because

there was no one deal that was that important to him. As a result,

he could not be ntimidated.

The first deal he and I worked on together clearly demon-

strated his hard-ball approach. I had brought hirn a $150,000

second-mortgage oan application from a desperatebuilder who

was willing to put up nine small apartment propertiesas collat-

eral. My professorexpressedan immediate interest in the loan,and when I relayed that fact to the prospectiveborrower, he be-

came very anxious to have him come to town and inspect his

properties. The situation was ideal for my professor:The prospec-

tive borrower was anxious; my professorcould care ess. f you're

on the anxious end of this kind of equation,you have two strikes

against you beforenegotiations even begin.

After my professor nspected the prospectiveborrower's prop-erties, he shook his head discouragingly and said that he would

need more collateral in order to make the loan. The owner pro-

tested, insisting that the nine propertieshe was prepared o put

up as security constituted more than sufficient collateral. Myprofessor courteouslv thanked the builder for his time. then said



\peNumber One Isn't Sorry q 0

that, under the circumstances,he would be leaving for the airport

right away to try to catch an earlier flight back to New York. It

was an eye-openingexperience o witness a professional ntimi-

dator in action.

The prospectiveborrower,desperateor cash, ooked like he

was going to have apoplexy.He quickly backed off and agreed o

give my professor,as additional collateral, a first mortgageon a

lO-acreparcel of land that he saidwas in the processof beingre-

zoned or industrial usage.

My professornot only accepted he land as additional collat-

eral, but, as we got nearer the closing, insisted on inserting a

clause n the loan agreementstipulating that if the land was not

rezonedwithin l2 months, he could require the borrower to pay

off an additional $20,000on the principal of the loan. This struck

me as a ratherharsh condition,particularly since it

appearedhat

the nine apartment properties alone were more than sufficient

collateral for the second mortgage.But/ as it turned out, I had

only witnessed the tip of the iceberg.My professor'sgreatest

moveswereyet to come.

fust as t began o appear hat all the details for a closinghad

been worked out, and with the borrower looking l0 years older

than when the negotiationshad begun,my professor-"a|ter re'viewing the figures very carefully"-said there was no way that

he could make a $150,000 oan basedon the collateral they had

beendiscussing.He told the borrower that due to this lack of col-

lateral, $100,000was the biggest oan he was willing to make.

At that point, the borrower became outwardly hostile. He

adamantly refused o the lower loan figure, which prompted my

professor o once again thank him for his time and indicate thathe hadbetter things to work on. Result?You guessedt-the bor-

rower limped back to the "negotiatingtable. They finally "com-

promised" at $105,000-meaning that the borrower had to put up

more collateral for less money!

By this time the borrower was beyond desperate,and rest




assured hat his desperationdid not go unnoticed by my profes-

sor. Beforehe was ffnished,my prof took advantage f his intimi-

dating posture to land two final blows.

First, he required that the borrower deposit with him, each

month, one-twelfth of the annual real estate axeson each of the

properties.This meant that the professorwould have the use of

the borrower's tax money until the real estate axeswere actually

due, which in turn deprived the borrower of the use of his own

funds.

The second and final blow, however, was the coup de

grace.When my Type Number One professorexamined the "rentrolls" for eachof the properties, e noticed hat one of the build-

ings, the construction of which had just beencompleted,still had

a considerable umber of vacancies.He insisted hat $20,000of

the $105,000 oan be retained by him until thatproperty

reachedan occupancy rate of approximately 80 percent. The same pro-

testson the part of the borrower; the same hreatsof departureon

the part of my professor; he same result: The borrower endedup

agreeing o all of the professor'sconditions.

Looking back on this deal, I now realize hat it was actuallyjust a matter of at what point the lender was willing to display

mercy. He had the cash; the borrower was desperate.He hadthe staying power; the borrower was running out of time. He was

intimidating; the borrower was intimidated. It was my Type

Number One professor'savorite-and only-kind of deal: otally

one-sided.

Again, in retrospect, had the goodfortune of earning while

learning. I received a nominal loan-brokerage ee for my work,

while having the honor to observe,at close range/how a high-level TlrpeNumber One plays the game. t waspainful to witness-

sort of like watching a lion devour a gazelleon one of those

animal shows on TV-but very educational.

As the professorand I walked out of the building where the

closing had taken place, told him that the borrower seemed ike

a nice guy and that I hoped he would be able to abide by all the



TYPeNumberOnelsn't Sotrr 6l

conditions of the loan agreement'To which my professor dis-

played his best Godfatherlike smile and replied, "That's not pos-

sible." Puzzled,I askedhim what he meant by that, whereupon

he said,"If you take the trouble to read the agreementcarefully,

you'll see that he was technically in default the moment he

signed t."

Now that's what you call a practical courseat ScrewU!

In the months following the closing, the old man began to

take a personal liking to me. I think he was impressedby my

persistenceand attention to detail, and, because of his own

no-nonsense ature, my straightforwardmanner' I was neat and

accurate n my presentations,and if additional information was

rieeded o decidewhether or not to proceed urther with a deal, I

obtained it immediately, even if it meant traveling a great dis-

tance at my ownexpense o secure he necessarydetails' Fortu-

nately for me, I had been well awareof the importance of being

willing to go the extra mile from having observedmy father's

attitude toward work from the time I was a small child.

Early on it appeared o me that my professor eabzed hat it

was in his best interest to seeme make money. He obviously rea-

soned hat the more money I made, he more I would be encour-

aged o work hard to bring him the best deals could find. Soeven

though he was an orthodox Type Number One, he also qualified

as oneof thoserare exceptions spokeabout earlier; .e.,with re-

gardto his relationship with me, my getting paid actually bene-

fited hirl in the long run.

Further, because t was aiso in my best interest to seehim

make money, I went out of my way to protect my professor n

everydeal.To many of our clients, I becamecynically known ashis watchdog.If there was one thing I recognizedeven then, it

was on which sidemy breadwas buttered. The old man and I had

a wonderful relationship, because t was basedon the most hon-

est foundation that any business elationship can have:value for

value.

As harsh as he was with me at times' I not only acquired a



62 To Be or No t to Be In t im ida ted?

great deal of knowledge from my Type Number One professor,

actually grew fond of him. (I think it might havebeen his razor-sharp teeth that held me in awe.) Regardlessof his take-no-prisoners philosophy, I respected im for his candor. would hateto think how much longer t might have taken me to learn manycrucial realities of the Businessworld ungle had I not had the op-portunity to work closelywith this Type Number One professor

for two solid years.He died a short time after I went on to gradu-

ate school, but, whereverhe is today, I'd be surprised { he isn'tstill threatening to go to the airport and closingone-sideddeals.



CHaptn"7

TYpBNumnEn TWoIsN't Sonnv

Tnan HE GnaBBED oun CHrns,

BnceusE-IN Sprruor Hrs

AssuneNcEsTo rHE CoNrneRY-THnr Was Hts INTENTToN

FRoM rrn OursET

iven that a Type Number One is easy to spot, there'sno

excuse or not learning how to defend yourself against

him. And a Type Number Three,becauseof his sincerity

and easygoingmanner, can usually be made to behaveby simply

confronting him with the proper egal tools. But being trapped n

a cagewith a Type Number Two is not a good dea even for an ex-

perienced,educated ungle inhabitant. Until you learn the art ofdealingwith Type Number Twos, your progress n the Business-

world funglewill be painstakingly slow-and unpleasant.

When a Type Number TWo performs chip-replacementsur-

gery on your wallet, all he is saying o you is I meant from the

outset to cut off your fingerc when you reached for your chips,

even hough had assured ou that that was not my intention.

63




A Type Number Two is treacherous,not only becausehe

is hard to recognize,but becausehe's a rneat eater-in {act, themost vicious of all carnivores.To put it in perspective, hink of it

this way: A Type Number Two is to the Businessworld ungle as

Tyrannosaurus Rex is to furassic Park. Becausehe's cunning, a

Type Number Two can sometimes be mistaken for either a Type

Number One or Type Number Three.Deviousnesss his stock n

trade.

It was not until I had completedAnti-Deceit Measures 01

with my Type Number TWo professor that I was preparedtograduate rom ScrewU. Not that I had never encountereda Type

Number TWobefore. t's just that in the past had ailed to recog-

nize members of this cannibal sect for what they really were, et

alone study their sinister methods.

Like his fellow faculty members, Types Number One and

Three, my Type Number Two professorat ScrewU. was not only

a perfect model of his species,but a great eacheras well. He was

co-owner of an apartment-developmentcompanythat had built a

significant number of large apartment projects in the Midwest

and on the EastCoast.My initial contactwith him cameaboutas

a result of making cold calls in an effort to solicit new second-

mortgagedeals.He expressedn immediate nterest

nmeetingwith me, and I made an appointment to comevisit him.

When I went to his office for our first face-to-face iscussion,

I was impressed o the point of being in awe. My Type Number

TWoprofessorspentan inordinate amount of time expoundingon

the virtues of dealing only with people who possessed uckets

of integrity and the highest ethical standards-like himself, for

example-an almost sure sign that the personwith whom you arespeaking is a rapist, murderer, or/ worst of all, an unethical real

estate developer.To boot, he casually tossedaround the namesof

a sampling of competitors as exampleso{ peoplewhom he con-

sidered o be of questionable epute.

Talk about holier than thou, my new mentor was in a class

by himself. And talk about gullible, The Tortoise ate up every



TYpe Number TWo Isn't Sorry 65

word. I hadn't been so enamored since the ftrst time I had laid

eyeson my belovedCourt Holder in organic chemistry lab yearsearlier. onceagain ound myself coniuring up fantasiesof an au-

tographedpicture hanging over my hearth. I sat there listening

to his fecal chatter as though I had just undergonea discount

lobotomy, nodding my headup and down on cue to show that I

was in total agreementwith such clich€s as, "Life is too short to

deal with unethical people." I oohed and aahed as he name-

droppedbig institutions that had ftnanced some of his proiects

or supposedlywanted to lend him money for future develop-

ments. He was wearinga white hat so tall that it nearly touched

the ceiling, and his Saddam-likegrin had the aura of a neon sign

flashing he words, Trust me."

When we finally got down to talking business,he said that his

company "could possiblyuse a couplemillion dollars to take ad-

vantageof someotheropportunities." (Unbeknownst o me at the

time, this was wheeler-dealer ode or: "I'm in desperatetnancial

straits,andneeda quick cash niection to avoidbankruptcy.")

My Type Number TWoprofessormentioned that he owned a

large apartment development n St. Louis, and that he might be

interested in selling it outright rather than obtaining a second

mortgage.He indicated, however, thatit would take a purchase

price n the areaof $10million for him to seriouslyconsidersell-

ing. Here, too, I was too much of a neophyte to understandthat

no matter how convincing a prospectiveseller may appear o be

about not being interested n selling his property for iess than a

certain price, he is almost always either lying or will eventually

cave n and lower his price when a serious buyer enters the pic-

ture. Nothing changesa seller'sview of the world quicker than acheckbookbeingwaved n his face.

As my Type Number Two professorcontinued to pontificate,

I did some rough ffguring and concluded that if I was successfuln

selling his property, I could earn a commission in qhe arcaof

$200,000-$300,000asedupon the Board of Realtors' suggested

commission scale. Such thinking only servedagain to demon-



@,

fft

"Listen up, greenhotn, it's impofiant to deal only

with people of integrity-like me, for exarnple."



Tlpe Number TWo sn't Sorry 67

stratehow much of a greenhorn was at the time. I simply wasn't

sophisticatedenough to understand that sellerscould care lesswhat a Board of Realtors thinks their members' commissions

shouldbe.

Nonetheless, was excitedabout my first opportunity to get

a shot at earninga jumbo-size ommission.I told my Type Num-

berTWoprofessor hat I was conftdent I could find a buyer for his

St. Louis apartment development if he would furnish me with

the necessary data.I gave him a long list of items I thought I

would need n order to put togethera properpresentation,and he

agreed o have his staff compile the information and get it to me

within a week or so.

Now, all I neededwas a little something n writing from him

and would be all set.Sadly,however, was so ntimidated by his

arrogant/self-righteousattitude that I was very meek in request-

ing a written understanding egardingmy commission. As I ver-

bally stumbled around ike the world-classreptilian wimp that I

was, he interrupted me and commenced another sanctimonious

lecture. He so dynamically emphasizedhis unparalleled reputa-

tion {or honesty and integrity that I actually felt ashamed hat I

had dared to ask for a signed agreement. n the privacy of my

mind, Ichastised

myself for being so disrespectful, or having the

gall to ask this towering model of morality for a written docu-

ment. Didn't I realize that when you deal with a man of such

unparalleled ntegrity, you don't needanything in writing?

Clearly, my Type Number TWo professorwas the intimida-

tor, and I was the intimidatee.

Backing off gracefully, assuredhim that my asking for an

agreementwas only a formality, and that in his caseI was notconcernedabout having something n writing. Fluttering my eye-

lashes n blissful ignorance, returned to my office and began ay-

ing out a game plan to market my ffrst major deal. A{ter my

Court Holder experiencen organicchemistry classyearsearlier,

I never thought I could becomeso nfatuated again.Young love is



o 6 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

beautiful to behold, especiallywhen you spend most of your life

hiding nsidea shell.After I receivedall the factsand figures rom my TypeNum-

ber TWoprofessor'soffice, I made arrangements o fly to St. Louisto personally nspect his property.There was big money involved,and I was determined to do such a first-class ob in all aspectsofthis deal hat the seller would actually feel goodaboutpayingmycommission. (Yes, am blushing a bright shadeof greenas write

this l .As quickly as possible, I sent letters to a number of the

biggest real estate buyers in the country briefly describing heSt. Louis property and inquiring as o whether they might haveaninterest in an apartment developmentof this size. To thosewhoanswered n the affi.rmative, I sent a detailed presentation.Fi-nally, after about two weeks, I followed up with a phone call to

eachprospect.One company, in particularr indicated a serious nterest in

the deal,which resulted in an exchangeof numerous phonecallsand lettersbetweenus. I then mademy secondcritical mistake.(The first, of course, was that I had ailowed the seller to intimi-dateme into believing that I had no need or a signedcommissionagreement.Insteadof registering he prospective uyer by certi-fted mail, I relayed offers and counter-offersbetweenhim and theseller by telephone.During this period, however, I did not men-tion the buyer'sname to the seller.

Then, the inevitable: My professorbegan o smell the aromaof money, and reared his chip-snatching Type Number TWo head.He told me that he had just returned from New York where hehad met with someone who, by coincidence, worked for thebuyer with whom I had been negotiating.He said that a mutualacquaintancehad introduced him to the buyer, and that the buyerhad informed him that he had been negotiating through me forthe purchaseof his St. Louis apartmentdevelopment.

In classicType Number TWo ashion, the sellerproceededotell me that he felt no obligation to me regardinga sale of his



Type Number TWo Isn't Sorry

St. Louis property to my buyer, notwithstanding the fact that it

was I who had submitted the propertyto him. The words honestyandintegrity had suddenly disappeared rom his vocabulary. True

to his species,when the chips were on the table, he droppedhis

phony, self-righteousverbiage and warned me, in no uncertain

terms, that I had better not reach or my chips.

I was stunned,demoralized,and confused. tried to pull my-

self together and take a ftrm stand/but the tougher I got, the nas-

tier the my professorbecame. Finally, I committed one of the

most unforgivable sins of deal-making: I began to press.That

quickly brought the matter to a head, and from there things got

very emotional. With a straight face,my professorarguedthat

he had found out that I had simply "contacteda lot of prospective

buyers" and that "anybody could do that." Gee,and here I thought

that's what a real estateagentwas supposed o do.

Although it was clear that I had been esponsiblenot only for

calling the buyer's attention to the propertt but for motivating

his interest n it, the reality was that I was dealing rom a position

of weakness.Oatmeal brain that I was, I had no commission

agreementwith the seller, nor did I have so much as a certified

letter showing that I had registered he buyer with the seller.All

that I hadwerewhat the sellerhad originally told to me would beall that I would everneed-his honesty and ntegrity.

It was obvious that tiptoeing was not going to get me any-

where, so I fell back on my ace n the hole that had landed me

my ffrst real estate commission-the $6,500 had earned n the

Cincinnati deal-and called my attorney into the fray. This time,

however, I was dealing with a hard-core Type Number T!vo, an

outrageous launter of white hats whose unspoken motto was:Cheating isn't everything, it's the only thingl

When my attorney stepped nto the picture, the seller and

his in-housecriminal (er, attorney) shamelessly aid their cards

on the table, pointing out the third and most critical mistake I

had made.Not only did I not have a signed commission agree-

ment or a certifted mail slip proving that I had registered he

69



V O T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

buyerwith the seller, was missing he most mportant legai ool

of all: a real estate icense n Missouri, the statewhere the prop-erty was located.

The seller's attorney gleefully informed my lawyer and me

that, in fact, Missouri had a law prohibiting unlicensed per-

sons from working on the sale of properties ocated within the

state.Accordingly, in the event of a sale,a sellerhad no legal obli-

gation to pay a commission to anyone who did not have a real es-

tate license in Missouri/ even if the agentwas icensed n anotherstate. My attorney quickly checked t out andconfirmed that the

seller'sattorney was absolutely right.

(This wasmy first recollectionof havingan nstinctive liber-

tarian thought. The idea that the government could anoint itself

to have the power to ordain who should and should not be al-

lowed to earn a living selling real estate seemedboth oppressive

and outrageous o me. Later in my career was able to fi.gureout

why those who are already icensed-be they real estate agents,

doctors, hair dressers, ambling casinos,or pimps-are almost al-

ways in favor of ever tougher licensing laws: It keepsthe compe-

tition out! Welcome o the world of government icensing scams/

Mr. T.)

I assessed he playing field, and quickly determined that

what I was involved in here was nothing less than a legal mug-

ging. In fact, had I not had the goodsense o call in my attorney at

the eleventh hour, I feel certain that I would have walked away

from this repugnant experience chipless. t was only becauseof

the Universal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule that I endedup

being given a "tip" from my Type Number TWoprofessor.His at-

torney told my lawyer that if I kept my mouth shut and stayedout of the way, his client would be generousand throw me a

$20,000 bone. Given that it was a bone or nothing, I chosethe

bone. It wasn't the $200,000+commission I had expected o re-

ceive, but it certainly helped me to havean evengreaterapprecia-

tion for the Universal Attorney-to-Attorney Respect Rule-an

invaluable tool when employedonyout behalf.



\peNumber TWo Isn't Sory'-t 1t l

My Type Number Two professorat Screw U. had taught me

well. I had madeone of the biggestapartment-developmentsalesin the history of St. Louis, andwalked away with but a token fee

amounting to about one-fourth of onepercent of the selling price

of the property. carefully analyzedmy mistakes and concluded

that in my first maior deal I had beenmissing not one/ not two,

but all three of the legal tools a real estateagent needs o protect

himself.

Becausemy professorhad been such a master of his highly

skilled craft,Ifelt confident that I could spot a Type Number Two

pretty quickly in the future. I now recognized that whenever a

person spent an inordinate amount of time expounding on the

importance of honesty and integrity, it was a signal for me to pull

out my can of roach killer or, preferably,avoid dealingwith him

at all. I also vowed that if someone efused o sign a commission

agreement with me in the future-reg ardless of the reason-I

would assume hat he was a Type Number TWo and walk away

from the deal.

As with my organic-chemistry-classCourt Holder many

yearsearlier, thank you, TypeNumber Two professor,wherever

you may be. vividly recall your telling me that you would like to

do some building in warm weather climates, so I'm sincerely

h"ppy for you that you're going to get your wish when you pass

on to the next world.



CHeprr^ I

Mv SrNron YpaR AT Scnpw U.

he St. Louis fiasco discussed n the previouschapter (of-ffciaily listed in the Screw U. archivesas ,,the MissouriMassacre")was a maior turning point in my career,be-

cause it forced me to separate eality from wishes-the realitythat the game of business s played in a jungle rather than on anursery school playground; the reality that there are only threetypesof people n the businessworld,

and that al l three are out toget your chips; the reality that I had beendealing rom a positionof weakness and, as a result, had been repeatedlyand unmerci-fully intimidated.

I vowed that I would find a way to strengthenmy posture,and that I would begin to earn, and receive, serious commis-sions.However, I had not yet determined just how to go about ac-

v2



My SeniorYearat Screw U. / - i

complishing this objective. Still reeling from the Missouri Mas-

sacre, I needed ime to clear my head in order to formulate aworkable gameplan.

It took a little overa year fiorme to put the finishing touches

on a reality-basedphilosophy that I felt confident I could imple-

ment. While the lessons rom the Missouri Massacrewere fer-

menting in my mind, along with those learned from my Type

Number One and Type Number Three professors, neededmore

experience n learning how to dealwith the frustrations and hu-

miliations of the Businessworld ungle before would be prepared

to make a significant move up the food chain. My experiences

during the next year-my last yearat ScrewU.-gave me the final

preparation needed.

Three experiences,n particular, stand out in my mind in

this regard,experienceshat showedme not only how to survive,

but to come out on top in the forebodingwilderness of the Busi-

nessworld |ungle. All three were second-mortgage eals,and in

each case he fact that I was dealingfrom a position of weakness

was glaringly apparent o everyone nvoived. These experiences

also underscored or me the inefficiency of working on small

deals.

Following arebrief

accountsof those inal three credits that I

needed o earnmy undergraduatedegree rom ScrewU.

Credit No. 1: Even though I had received$20,000 or selling the

St. Louis property, things were still pretty tight for me finan-

cially, which I increasingly eame o reahzewas at the heart of my

problems.It's a difficult problem to hide. My posture was weak

precisely because neededevery commission so badly. Even ifyou're vigilant when it comes to being careful about what you

sa, your facial expressions, our body language,and the tone of

your voice tend to give you away.And the personon whom you

are counting to pay your fee can usually senseyour anxiety; you

need he monet andhe knows it.

Such was the atmosphere at one of my second-mortgage




closings hat took placeshortly after he Missouri Massacre.My

Type Number One professor ad rejected his particular second-mortgageproposal, o I had taken it to another ender.The onething that standsout in my mind about his deal s that I workedharderon it than I did on many of my later closings hat resulted

in huge commissions,yet I was paid-very begrudgingly-a fee ofonly $1,250 or my services. he critical factorwas that I neededthe $1,250 erybadly,and I let it show.As a result, allowedmy-

self to be ntimidated.I can clearly recall the builder/sattorney telling me at the

closing, n so many words, that if I was a goodboy and kept mymouth shut (shades f St. Louis), might get the $1,250 hat wascoming to me. As I sat here,humiliated, felt a greatdealof self-disdain or allowingmyself to get nto a situation where was heepitome of the proverbial 97-pound weakling. What errors in

judgmenthad made hat causedme to be down on my handsandknees,groveling ike a beggarhoping to be thrown a few crumbs?

Finally, after many sadistic attempts on the part of the bor-

rower's attorney to increasemy anxiety level, the $1,250bonewas relinquished. If tortoises could bark, Legalman probably

would have made me stand on my haunchesand give it a go be-

fore tossing me my meager eward. t was one of the most degrad-ing episodesof my undergraduatedaysat ScrewU.

As I sat through the closing,playing the toady role to the hilt

and meekly doing whatever I was told, I vowed to rectify my pos-

ture in the future so I would never again have to suffer such

degradation. was determined to ffnd a way to maneuvermyself

into a position of strength to the point of becoming virtuallyintimidation-proof. I also made up my mind, right there at the

execution {read, losing), hat I would work only on deals hat held

the potentialf.ora payoff big enough o justify my time and effort.Barking was bad enough, but barking for $1,250was shameful. t

was getting near graduation time at ScrewU., and I was tired of

working on deals o the point of exhaustion,only to end up hav-



I'tN

\ . /

"Down,boy, down. Be good andkeep your

mouth shut, and I might throw it to yott."



J A T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

ing to beg or my commissions,most of which were pennyante n

size.

Credit No. 2: My secondcredit involved another second-mortgage

loan that my Type Number One professorhad turned down, so I

submitted it to another lender in New York. I made up my mind

that I was going to go for a substantial fee in this deal, though I

realrzed would have to structure it in such a way that the bor-

rower would not feel as though it was coming out of "his" money

{shades f my first-ever real estateclosing n Cincinnati}.

As second mortgages go, it was a large loan request-

$500,000-but I felt that the collateral was strong enough o sup-

port such a loan. The lender seemed o agree,and expressed

serious nterest.He sent a representativeo inspect he property,

after which I flew to New York to meet with the lender person-

ally and see f there was anything I could do to help expeditea

closing. At the meeting, I explained hat I hadquoted the prospec-

tive borroweran nterest rate in the area f 13percentplus a front-

end "discount" feeof 10percent.

I also informed the lender that, for psychologicalreasons,

had told the borrower that he (the lender) would be responsible

for paying my fee. reasoned hat if the borrowerpaid me directly,

he would protestmy being paid a $15,000 ee (which I had built

into the 10 percent up-front discount). However, if my fee was

tacked on to the lender'sup-front discount-much the sameas n

my Cincinnati deal-the borrower would think of it as coming

out of the lender'spocket rather than his. It was, of course,pure

paciffcation, but I had already learned how important it was to

humor borrowers and sellers.When peoplecry out to be deluded,

it's inhumane not to accommodate them-especially if they're

sellersor borrowers.

I proceeded o explain to the lender that he neededonly a

7 percent discount in order to bring his effective nterest rate up

to the normal backbreaking evels he was used o extracting, and



My Senior Yearat Screw U. 77

that he could pay me the additional 3 percent discount as my

$15,000ee.Result: Explosion! The lenderwent absolutely berserk.Dur-

ing the ensuingheateddiscussion,he said two things that would

ring in my ears or the remainderof my daysat ScrewU. First, he

said,"You have a lot of nerve trying to earn $15,000on one deal;

why, you're only a broker." Baml Right between the eyes.Talk

aboutpainting a clearpicture of how I was perceivedby a lender.

How could I help but see the light when this killer-lender was

shining it right in my eyes? n reality, he was actually doing me a

favor by indirectly reminding me just how weak my posturewas.

I was onJya broker, and thereforehad no right to earn $15,000on

one deal.Shameon me for trying to grabmore than a petite sliver

of the monstrous oan pie.

Of course, t was all right for the lender to charge hat much,

and more, for such "services" as prepaid nterest or "privileges"

such as prepayment penalties. Why? Becausehe had the right

posture;he was dealing from a position of strength. One of the

fascinatingthings about the human psyche is that people don't

begrudgea wealthy person making mone, but they very much

resent someone of lesser means making "too much" money. I

had been ound guilty of trying to violate one of the most sacred,unwritten rules of the |ungle-the rule that little guys don't

have a right to make seriousmoney. Marie Antoinette said,"Let

them eat cake," which was kind of cute. But this New York

money gougerwith a Pol Pot personality went one step further

and seemed to be saying, "Let loan brokers eat-but not too

much."

The lender'ssecond emark was evenmore unbelievable.Hesaid t was "unconscionable" for me to chargea 3 percentbroker-

age ee for the placement of a second-mortgageoan. It was a re-

markable statement considering hat he was commonly referred

to as the Doctor Death of the second-mortgage usiness.Here

was a man who had built his fortune on the misfortune and finan-



"You have a lot of nerve trying to earn $15,000on one deal.

Don't you understand that you're only a broker!"



My Senior Yearat Screw U. 79

cial desperationof others, who earned nterest rates of l5 percent

andmore (which in thosedaysborderedon loan-shark rates),usedhidden-charge immicks such as "prepaid interest," "discountfees," and "prepayment penalties" to up his take, and who wasnow proclaiming that it wasunconscionable or me to be making

$15,000on one deal. had visionsof the lender's emainssittingon a supermarketshelf, neatly packaged s Soylent Green.

The Theory of Relativity comes nto play here, becauseela-tive to the kind of profits the lender was used to making, my fee

was insignificant. But relative to the crumbs that loan brokersusually have to settle for, my fee was "unconscionable." It wasclear to me that the only way an individual could ever hope tohave his "relativity status//upgradedwas to ffnd a way to changehis posture. t was a matter of perception,of being thought of as

one of those mportant guyswho had a right to earnbig money.The deal,asyou might haveguessed, ever closed.Why? Be-cause had dared o step out o{ line by attempting to earn a mean-ingful fee-without being prepared to see t through. But withgraduation time at ScrewU. nearat hand, I was just about readyto put the final piecesof my reality-basedphilosophy into place

and elevatemy posture to a level where it would be difffcult for

funglepredatorso intimidate me.

Credit No. 3: My final courseat Screw U.-the one that tied theribbon around my diploma-involved a second-mortgageoan onan apartment development in Tampa. Having fulfilled most ofmy undergraduate equirements, was experiencedenoughto beableto quickly spot the warning signs hat indicated that I would

have roublecollectingmy fee f the dealclosed.By this time, getting the borrower to sign a fee agreement

with me was a given, and I didn't need a real estate license inFlorida,because here was no sale nvolved. I was again shootingfor an "unconscionable"eeof $15,000, nly this time it wasevenmore unconscionable,because t was basedon a much smallerIoan than the one in my previous deal. Also, this time around



8O T o Be o r N o t t o Be In t im id a te d ?

my fee wasn't buried in the lender's front-end discount. I put al l

my cards on the table from the outset, clearly spelling out in

our agreement that I was to receive my fee directly from the

borrower.

As things progressed nd it began o look like the deal was

going to close, became so certain that the borrower had no in-

tention of paying me my $15,000 ee that I startedcustomizing a

plan to protect myseif. First, I purposelydid not give the borrower

any indication that I intended to be present at the closing, be-

cause didn't want him to be on guard. waspretty certain that it

would never occur to him that a loan broker would fly halfway

across he country to collect af.eeat a closing,becausea typical

masochist-broker ignorantly and naively waits for his commis-

sion check to be mailed to him. {If you ever ventured into a loan

broker's or real estateagent's offtce and were surprisedto seea

cobweb-coveredskeleton-cigar butt between its teeth-sitting

behind the desk,you were probably looking at a broker or agent

who was waiting for his commission check to arrive.)

I ftgured that as ong as t didn't occur to the borrower that I

might attend the closing, he would not focus, in advance,on

making certain that I wasn't allowed in the closingroom on iudg-

ment day. I purposely avoided discussingmy commission withhim during our many telephone discussions,which must have

had him cackling to himself about how easy he upcoming chip

theft was going to be.

As it turned out, I actually had a very important appoint-

ment scheduled or the same day as the Tampa closing, so, with-

out announcing it to anyone in advance, sent an assistant to

Tampa the night before he loan was to be finalized. I told him toshow up at the closing the next morning, be very friendly and

matter-of-fact, andpresentmy signed ee agreement o the attor-

neys representing he borrower and lender.Given that he had a

law degree, felt there was a good chance hat he could invoke

the Universal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule as a way of pro-

tecting my fee.



My Senior Yearat Screw U. 8tr

The next evening,my assistantcalledme long distance o re-late what had taken place at the closing.Laughingly, he told methat the borrower had done a double-take when he walkedthrough the door. Then, after a lot of mumbling and stalling, theborrower fnally handedover a $15,000check to him, The badnews,however,was that the check was not certified!

Even though I had had very little sleepover the past severaldays and was exhausted

from having worked without a breaksince early that morning, the adrenalin started flowing at machspeedwhen I heard that the check wasn,t certiffed. As early as

fungle 401 you learn that an uncertifted check should be viewedasno checkat all.

I quickly called the airlines and found that if I hurried I hadjust enough ime to throw a few things n abagand make it to the

airport for a late-evening flight to Tampa. On top of everythingelse, hadn't eaten a thing all day,and I was ravenous.My men-tal scalesnstantly weighed he two options.One option was togive in to my hunger and exhaustionand fly to Tampa the nextmorning-very possibly oo late to cash he $15,000check.Theother option was to ignore my hunger and exhaustion and fly toTampa that night so I could get an early start on protecting my

$15,000.Hungerand exhaustionneverhad a chance.I grabbed few necessities, hecked o make sure hat I had

somecash,credit cards/and,aboveall, identification, andyumpedin my car.As is always he casewith late-eveninglights, he tripwas miserable,and I arrived in Tampa feeling like a corpse.Myassistantmet me at the airport, after which we hurried to the mo-tel wherehe was staying. quickly checked n, then sat down to

discuss trategywith him.As you would expect, I always counted heavily on the hare

making the mistake of pausingat some point. Maybe he wouldstop off to have a martini/ or eat lunch, or get some other workdone, or just put "it" of.f. ntil tomorrow because t was so latein the day.Whatever the causemight be, I had developed reatfaith that my opponentwould alwaysbecome ax at somepoint



E 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

along the way and give me just enoughtime to make certain that

the Tortoise and Hare Theory took effect. (I f you slow down

enough to look overyour right shoulder, 'll passyou on the left:

if you slow dov,menough o look over your left shoulde4 I'11pass

you on the right; etc.)

My cross-country rip had beenbasedon an assumption and

a gamble. The assumption was that the borrower was going to

stoppayment on the

$15,000check; the gamble was that he

would make the mistakeof procrastinating nd not take care of

the matter until the bank opened he next morning.

I grabbed a couple hours of restlesssleepat the motel, then

draggedmyself out of bed at the crack of dawn' I was taking no

chances on not being at the front door of the bank when it

opened. felt as though I hadn't slept in a week,but a cold shower

and the thought of $15,000was stimulating enough o keepme

moving.

Finally, there I was-black businesssuit, black-rimmed sun-

glasses,and black briefcase-standing in front of the bank, wait-

ing for it to open. Needless to sat I was the ftrst customer

through the door that morning. I walked directly to a teller's win-

dow and presented he $15,000 heck or payment.Calmly laying

out my personal identiftcation items on the counter/ I explainedthat I would like the $15,000 n cash,with asmany largebills as

possible(so could fi t it all into my briefcase).t was a scene ight

out of Scarface.

You haven't lived until you've walked into a strangebank, in

a Iarawaytown-wearing a black suit, black-rimmed sunglasses,

and carrying a black briefcase-and tried to casha $15,000check.

I think everyone in the bank assumed hat I was connectedwiththe Mafia. Within minutes, a whole cadreof bank employeeswas

buzzing around trying to figure out what to do about this un-

heard-of request. Someone-a strangesomeoneat that-was ac-

tually demanding that a bank come up with real, l ive cash in

olace of a checkl The nerve of someone o want cash.



My Senior Yearat Screw U.

A bank officer ffnally "took charge" and explained that hewould have to call the person who had endorsed he check tomake certain that it was not a forged endorsement.(The checkhad beendisbursedon an attorney's trust account directly to theborrower,and the borrowerhad then endorsed t over to me.)

I argued hat the checkwas drawn on his bank, that he couldexamine he attorney'ssignatureon the front of the check to con-ffrm that it was valid, and that the only other thing he needed odo was conffrm that the funds were in the account. insisted thatthere was no reason o involve the endorser. knew that a callto the borrower/endorserwould be an invitation to a dispute thatin all likelihood would result in payment on the check beingstopped-or at least held up. No luck; the bank offfcer nsisted onmaking the call.

My wheels started turning again, aster this time. I thoughtto myself that even if the borrower was intending to stop pay-

ment on the check, he probably had not had time to thinkthrough just how he was going to do it, because t was drawn onthe trust account of the attorney representing the lender. Afterall, he had been taken by surprisewhen my assistantshowed upat the closing. I was further counting on the fact that, like a true

hare,he would get sidetracked or awhile. I believedthere was areasonable chance that the attorney who had disbursed themoney for the lender might not know what the borrower's nten-tions were (assuming hat his intentions were, in Iact, to try tosomehowstop payment on the check).

I quickly blurted out that I thought the endorserof the checkhad said that he would be orrt of town that day, and that the

banker would probably have more successcalling the attorneywho had originally signed he check. emphasized he logic of mysuggestionby pointing out that the attorney was a customer ofthe bank. Success! he banker took my suggestionand called theattorney instead. To say the least, Legalman was quite surprisedto hear that I was in town, and even more surprised o hear that I

83



B 4 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

was at the bank trying to cash the $15,000check. Nonetheless,

he confirmed that he had signed he check and had watched the

borrower endorse t in my name.

Then came "The Scene." It was destined to rank right up

there years ater with "The Drive" (|ohn Elway),"The Pass"(|oe

Montana), and "The Catch" (Dwight Clark). There I was, stand-

ing in front of the teller's cage n my black suit andblack-rimmed

sunglasses, tuffing $15,000cash nto my black briefcaseas a se-

curity guard dutifully stoodby. I was so focusedon securingpos-

sessionof the $15,000 hat it was not until I clicked shut the

latches on my bulging briefcase hat I noticed that everyone n

the bank was staring at me.

"Crying all the way to the bank" is an old clich6,but in this

casel aughed all the way from the bank'

I have no way ofknowing if it ever came to pass,but the

thought that the borrower might have been calling the bank or

Legalman to see f there was some way that he could stop pay-

ment on the check-while I was on my way to the airport cafiy-

ing a briefcase illed with $15,000cash-made the nightmare of

the previous 12hours a small price to pay.

On the plane trip home, asI laid back in my seat, horoughly

exhausted, I told myself that the time had arrived. Nomore

crawling around on my handsand knees and no more penny-ante

deals.From now on I was going to display a high-level posture,

and the money was going to be big. Graduation time at ScrewU.

had arrived, and my impeccable education had preparedme to

go forth into the Businessworld ungle and start hunting for big

game.



(wYt2

,1t

-=1"$73,700.. $73,200,. $73,300.. "



Cu,opru*I

Mv GneDUATToN FRoM ScnEw U.

A fter completing my Tampa credit at ScrewU', it wastime

l\ to organizemy experiencesnto a workable,reality-based

-L \\ philosophy, then lay out a specific plan for implement-

ing it. My first major decision in this regardwas to switch my

efforts from second-mortgageoans to the saleof large commer-

cial properties.

At ftrst I was a bit apprehensiveaboutno longer specializingin second-mortgageoans, because had worked very hard to

learn the businessand establishmany excellentcontacts.When I

ff.nally made the decision,however, the reasoning usedwas des-

tined to become an integral part of my thinking for the rest of

my life. The reasoning I am referring to is encapsulated n the

LeapfrogTheory,which states:No one has an obligation-moral,

8 6



My Graduation from Screw U.

Legal,or otherwtse-to "work his way up through the ranks."

Every human being possessesn inalienable right to make a uni-Iateral decision to rcdirect his careerand begin operating on a

higher level at any time he believeshe is prepared to do so.

If one aspires o great accomplishments/he must recognize

that the quickest way to the top is not by fighting his way

through the pack,but by leapfrogging ver it. There is, howevet, a

catch. If you aren't prepared o rise above he competition, then,

in spite of any self-proclamations, he realities of the Business-world |ungle will knock you right back into the pack in short or-

der. In other words, though you have a perfect right to proclaim

that you're ready to move upward, no amount of chest-pounding

can overcome ruth.

Conversely, he more you're prepared, he better your chances

of staying on the higher level you have unilaterally chosenfor

yourself. It's enormously frustrating to know in your heart that

you're capableof bigger accomplishments/yet spendmost of your

time and energy ighting day-to-daybattles in the midst of rank-

and-file mediocrity. But if you're truly prepared o move up the

ladder n your profession, here is no law that requiresyou to be

patient and wait for conventional-wisdom adherents to anoint

you.

Put another wat the easiestway to eliminate most of your

competition is to simply refuse to acknowledge t. Without au-

thorization from anyone else,and without being saddledby guilt

feelingsor ill-founded moral obligations,you simply take it upon

yourself to begin operating on a higher level. You don't have to

wait for industry bigwigs, society,or any other abstract entity to

christenyou an expert in your chosen ield.

(Interestingly, years after I had written Winning through In-

timidation, a well-known doctor in Los Angeles, who was mar-

ried to a famous actress/conffded n me that if he had not read

Winning through Intimidation and implemented the Leapfrog

Theory he never would have had the courage o leave his home

town, move to Los Angeles,and becomea "celebrity" doctor.)

6 l




Likewise, had I not implemented the Leapfrog Theory, I

probably would still be begging or crumbs begrudgingly thrownto me by unappreciative econd-mortgageorrowers. nstead

was able to receive, ess than five months later, a sales commis-

sion that was almost twice the combined total of all the commls-

sions I had receivedduring my ffrst three years n the real estate

business.

Once I made the decision o apply the LeapfrogTheory to my

career,I reanalyzedmy most memorable experiences rior to andduring my yearsat Screw J./ extracted the lessons earned from

them, and worked on putting it all together nto a workable phi-

losophy. Most of this was accomplishedsitting on a big rock next

to a river, thinking and taking notes. And the more I thought, the

more I became convinced that intimidation had been at the root

of most of my problems when it came to being short-chipped n

the deals had worked on. Recognizing his fact motivated me to

devise and implement specific techniques to protect myself

against the tactics of the kinds of intimidators who had blud-

geonedme in the past.

In fact, I became convinced, and still am today, that the

problems most people encounter in trying to achieve their

objectives-in business,personal relationships, and virtually all

other facets of life-stem from being intimidated by others. For

real estate agents/ he intimidation comes rom both buyers and

sellers (or, in the case of second-mortgage-loans,orrowers and

lenders). But regardlessof one's business, the problem is the

same-being intimidated into allowing others to control your

destiny. Stated in theory form, what I'm talking about here is

the Theory of Intimidation, which states: The results a percan

achieves are inverselyprcportionate to the degree o which he is

intimidated.

Clearly, it was in the deals n which I had been the most in-

timidated that I had taken the greatest inancial beatings, and it

was in the deals n which I had been intimidated the least that I

had walked away with the most chips.



My Graduation from Screw U. E9

While I felt confident that I had zeroed in on the crux of

the issue, doing something about it was another matter alto-gether. The ffrst step toward solving a problem is to analyze ts

causes.Why and how had I been cast in the role of intimidatee

in past dealings? felt confident that I had more knowledge and

ability than most of the principals with whom I had dealt, but

knowledgeand ability seemed o have no effect on our respective

positions as intimidator and intimidatee. Basedon firsthand ex-

perience, t was apparent o me that the most relevant factor in

my ongoing dilemma was my posture, a conclusion that pro-

duced the PostureTheory, which states: t's not what you say ot

do that counts, but what your postute s when you say or do it.

In real estate brokerage, or example, if your posture sug-

gests that you're "only a broker" (to borrow the words of the

second-mortgageender who believed that my fee was "uncon-

scionable"), and the principals seeyou as nothing more than an

unnecessary nnoyance n their deal,you're going to endup being

intimidated no matter how greatyour knowledge and ability and

no matter how impressiveyour words and actions are.

So in my mind, the overriding question became: What can

I do to improve my weak posture?Clearly, it was critical to fi-

gure out a way to maneuver myself into a position of apparent

power. When I thought of power, I remembered my old Type

Number One professor n the second-mortgageusinesswho was

the epitome of someonewhoseposturewas impenetrable, and at

the heart of his posture power was wealth. His posture was evi-

dent to prospectiveborrowers without his ever having to utter a

word.

However, I also recalled a number of people whom I hadknown to be generally respected-even feared-who played the

game from a position of strength, notwithstanding their lack of

wealth. Obviously, these people had something else going for

them that had nothing to do with monet something that re-

sulted in a powerful image. In casesike these, concludedthat it

was a matter of perception overruling reality. In life in general,



90 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t ed ?

when it comes o substanceversusperception, '11almost always

opt for substance.But, like it or not-fair or unfair-a harshreality of the |ungle is that perception can often carry the day.

And up to this point in my career, t had done an excellent iob of

consistently separatingme from my chips.

The only practical solution was that I could no longer oper-

ate as "only a broker." I had to portray an image that would

change he perceptionof principals in the deals worked on. They

would haveto respectme enough to feel that I had a right to earnbig commissions. t was a silly head game that I recognized

would have to learn to play if I intended to survive n the |ungle.I also recognizedhat it was necessaryo possess certain

amount of rcal power if I didn't want to come acrossas a Wizard

of Oz cione. In other words, I didn't want to rely solely on image

without having something to back it up. Substances important.

And, basedon my Cincinnati and St. Louis experiences, recog-

nized that one of the most substantive things I could do is have

legal strength. believed that if I had the proper egal tools on my

side, t would give me the real power I needed.

During my yearsat Screw U., I had becomeever more careful

about having all my t's crossedand i's dotted. had learned, o my

delight, that whenever brought my attorney into a deal, he Uni-

versal Attorney-to-Attorney Respect Rule came into play and

gave me the power I needed to keep from being cannibalized.

reasoned that if both my legal power and image power were

strong from the outset/ they in turn would give me the posture o

having stayingpower.

The key to legalpower was to use my own past disastersas a

guide to developing he proper legal tools. I had flunkedenoughtests at ScrewU. to be able to tecognize hat there were basically

three critical legal tools at the disposal of any real estate agent

who had the courageand determination to employ them.

The first tool was now obvious to me-a real estate icense

in the state where the property was located. No matter how of-

fended one may be at a state government'sstanding n the way of



My Graduation from Screw U. 91

his selling real estatewithout its approval, the reality is that it

happens o be the way the world works. So accepted his realityand decided that I would have to be licensed in every state in

which I wanted to sell property. It involved a considerableamount

of time, energy/ and investment/ but I ultimately obtained real

estate licenses in 11 states and the District of Columbia at a

time when multi-state licensing in real estatewas virtually un-

heardof.

The second egal tool was a signed commission agreement

with the seller before beginning to work on his property.Experi-

ence had taught me that it was nothing short of suicide to work

on a deal on the basis of a verbalunderstanding.As a graduating

senior at Screw U., I was truly amazedat how many real estate

agentsworked on the sale of large properties without having a

written commission agreementwith the seller. No matter how

many times they are victimized, many real estate agents can't

seem o come to grips with the reality that it is normally not in

the seller'sbest interest to see hem receivea big commission-

or any commission at all!

I had already become pretty successful at secudng signed

commission agreements rom borrowers and sellers,but "pretty

successful"would no longer be satisfactory. vowed that in the

future, no matter how good the deal or how big the potential

commission, I would not expend an ounce of energy until the

seller signeda commission agreement.

The third legal tool was the useof certified mail. At ScrewU.

I had observed hat whenever I used certified mail to submit a

deal o a lender or buyer, then registered he name of the lender or

buyer with the borrower or seller, the principals were far lesslikely to ignore me. As a result of using certified mail, they were

aware hat if a lawsuit were to developover my commission, the

introduction of datedand stampedcertified slips and letters into

court proceedingswould be strong evidenceof my degreeof in-

volvement. I had alreadybeenusing certified mail in my dealings

for quite some time, but now I would take a more seriousand or-




ganizedapproach to this important facet of my business. laid

out a system of certiffed-mail communication that was so intri-cate that I felt confident it would practically prove my case n

court if I ever had to ffle suit to collect a commission.

It's important to point out/ however, that while these legal

tools could be very effective in caseswhere litigation becamenecessart their primary purposewas to help me avoid lawsuits.It was my version of a Star Wars defense o shield my commis-

sions: I wasn't out to attack anlone; I just wanted to make it asdifficult as possible or some echerousprincipal to launch an in-tercontinental ballistic axeaimed at my fingers.

With the techniques I describe n the next chapter, wouldfinally achieve the image power I had dreamed about for so long,and with the use of my three legal tools I would have the rcalpower to back up my new image. But I wanted to take it one stepfurther and back up my imagepower and legalpowerby being thebest at my profession.In other words, I wanted to demonstrateperformancepower. There is nothing more powerful than havinga reputation for getting results. The combination of. mage andsubstance s virtually unbeatable.

Legalpower is essential n the |ungle, but from a self-esteem

standpoint, performancepower is a real high. Nothing beats thefeeling, in your heart of hearts, of knowing that you really do de-serve to be handsomely rewarded becauseyou provided great

value to the party you represented. wanted to make it as difft-cult aspossible for a seller to pass he giggletest while claimingthat I had not earnedmy commission. From now on/ it was going

to be obvious to both the buyer and seller that the initiarion,progress,and conclusion of

the sale were dueprimarily

to the ef-forts of The Tortoise.

The Theory of Intimidation and the PostureTheory put theffnishing touches on the reality-basedphilosophy I had been de-veloping for years, both prior to and during my undergraduatedaysat Screw U. I now believedthat I had the educationand ex-perience o apply my philosophy not only to the earningand rc-




ceiving of large real estate commissions, but to every aspect of

life. No question about it, maioring in Reality at Screw U. wasthe smartest hing I ever did.

At long last, my philosophy was not only clearly developed,

but organized n such a fashion that it was practical to use in

my day-to-day dealings. t was no longer theory but reality. I

had succeededn extracting the lessons earned rom my painful

experiencesat Screw U. and converting them into a workable

philosophy.All that remainedwas for me to customize my tech-

niques to ftt eachnew situation and thereby rearrange he divi-

sion of chips in the dealson which I worked. You might say that

it was my own versionof a redistribution-of-the-wealthprogram.

In the past, had oftenbeenaware of the right thing to do, but had

allowed my emotions to oveffule my intellect. As part of my plan

to changemy image, would now place greatemphasison being

unwavering in my determination to follow my intellect and thus

elevatemy status n the Businessworld ungle.I also recognized hat once I proclaimed that I was above he

pack-i.e., announcedto the world that I had leapfrogged o a

new level-I would be the target of ill will and, n some quarters,

even outrage. Having developeda pretty good understanding of

human nature at ScrewU., there was little doubt in my mind that

my audacious decision to leapfrog my peers in the real estate

business was an almost certain invitation to jealousy, resent-

ment, and scorn.

How did I summon the courage to move forward in the

face of such certain discomfort?Easy. iust kept thinking about

the excruciating pain I had suffered on so many occasions at

Screw U., and concludedthat a little jealous, resentment, andscornwas a small price to pay in return for dignity, peaceof mind,

and financial success.Being liked was not much of a reward for

being poor and disrespected.By the same token, money and re-

spect were more than enough consolation for having a pack of

insecureneuroticsdislike me.

In the next ffve chapters, discusswhat I believe to be the



ftve basic stepsof *

that thesesrepscan be applied to virtually any aspectof life. It,smore than iust a metaphor to say that we sell ourselves o the restof the world everydayof our lives.whether or not you like it, youare a salesman,both in your businessand personal ife.

The ftrst four stepsof sellingare familiar to most people.Be_ing a successful alesman equires:

l. Having a product that other peoplevalue.2. Locatinga marker (i.e.,buyersf or your product.

3. Implementing a salespresentation andf r marketing strategy.4. Closing he sale.

Thesefour stepshave beendiscussed n many salesbooks,but, remarkably, I've never seenthe fffth-and most important_stepdiscussedn any book:

5. GETTING PAIDI

The above two words are the onry ones I have both capital-ized and underlined in this book, which should give you

"p."rry

good idea of the degreeof importance I place on getting paid.Throughout the book I have continualiy used the phrase

"oinrngnd receiving.Why do I keep adding the words ,,andreceivinq?,,Because, severyonewho hasever ried to sell anythinghasdis-covered, o his dismay, it,s one thing to earn a fee,but quite an_other to actually receive it. you make a grave mistake if youdevelop the habit of prematureiy celebrating.Think of it as theBottom-Line Theory which states: you,re not through untilyou've crossedall the t's, dotted all the i,s, and the check hascleared the bank. Everything else s fluff.

In the remainder of this book, it will becomeobviousto youthat the techniques I used to satisfy the ffrst four selling siepswere oriented toward successfullycompleting the fifth and mostimportant step:getting paid.

I again emphasize hat the philosophy I used can be appliednot only to any other kind of business,but to one,spersonal ife




as well. It's just a matter of customization; reality applies to all

areasof life. Regardless f what it is you're trying to accomplish,

always ask yourself: What actions must I take to achieve the

bottom-line result?What must I do to bring about the payoff I'm

after?

It was a long and agonizingroad I had traveled,a road lined

with endless rustration, humiliation, and pain. But The Tortoise

had responded by doing what he is programmed to do from

birth-plodding and trudging forward in the hopes of somehow

finding a way to cross the finish line before the hare awakens.

Now, lo and behold, he time had come for The Tortoise to gradu-

ate from ScrewU. The moment had arrived for him to move deep

into the foreboding nterior of the Businessworld ungle and begin

playing the gamefor big chips. The $l blackjack table no longer

excitedhim. Swingopen he doors o the baccarat oom and make

way {or The Tortoise! {Ifyou're goingto mix metaphors,you can't

do better than foreboding interior of the Businessworld lungle

andswrng open the doors to the baccarat r oom. Hmmm. )

I felt that if I was right about my philosophy, t should result

in my earning, andreceiving,substantial real estatecommissions

on a regular basis.

As I stoodat thegates

of ScrewU. forthe last time, I looked

back at my three professorswho were observingmy departure

with varying degreesof curiosity. With arrns spreadand raised

above my head, each hand displaying the traditional Nixonian

victory sign, I smiled warmly and declared,"Let me make one

thing perfectly clear:You won't haveThe Tortoiseto kick around

anymore."

With that, I turned and mademy final exit through the mag-nifi.cent,blood-stainedgatesof ScrewU., humming the school's

alma mater as I disappearednto the Businessworld ungle in

searchof biggergame.



<--

5-

"Let me make one thing perfectly clean You won't have

The Tortoise to kick around anvmore."



Cneprn"1O

UsrNcPosrunEPowpnro Cer rHEBerr

hen it cameto obtaining a product to sell, rule num-

ber one was to avoid working with other real estate

agents-or/ as they say n the trade, co-brokering.Ex-

periencehad taught me that the worst possibleway to f ind deals

was through othersbrokersand salesmen.

Nonetheless, co-brokering seemed to be a w^y of life for

most real estateagents.Rather than spendingthe time, energy,and money necessary o solicit listings directly from principals,

they preferred o take the easyway out and work on dealspassed

along o them by their peers.One of the main problems with this

modus operandi s that you're too far removed from the person

who is supposed o pay the commission, which in turn dramati-

cally decreases our chancesof getting paid. I felt that an agent

q l




who operated n this manner was kidding himself by not con-

fronting headon the Type Number Ones,Twos, and Threeswhomust ultimately be reckonedwith in every sale f a commissionis to bepaid.

I had known many real estateagentswho spentday afterdaydiscussing multimillion-doilar deals with other agents,seem_ingly achieving fulfillment from their conversationsalone.Theysteeredclear of the excruciating effort it takes to securea listing

directly from a seller, et alone the time and energy t requires olocatea buyer for a property, mplement a marketing method,andclose he sale.

Such an agent limits his efforts to sending out tenth_generation copies of scanty information about properties fur-nishedhim by other agents. t,s a lottery mentality-hoping uponhope that some agent with whom he is dealing will somehow

get lucky and closea sale-and then, the ultimate hope,a smallpiece of the commission will miraculously filter its way downto him.

I'm not saying that a real estate agent should never workwith another broker or salesmanunder any circumstances.Thatwould be ideal,but not practical.circumstances regarding wo ofthe sales discuss ater n this book weresuch that it madesensefor me to pay a co-brokerage ee to another agent. Even n thoseinstances,however, I took matters into my own hands and dideverything possible o control the destiny of the sale.

As a regular habit, though, co-brokering is the best way Iknow of to decrease ne'schancesof receivinga commission,andfor that reason t should be avoidedwhenever possible. n simpleterms, the shortestdistancebetweentwo points is a straight

ine,and when you co-brokera deal,you in effect form a triangle.Theodds against closing a major deal are staggeringeven when youwork directly with a principal. But to try to closea saleunder thehandicap of a third party standing between you and the personwho has the power to sayyes or no is a bit masochistic.

My main interest was now in largeapartment developments,



UsingPosturePower to Get the BalI

and the rule I laid down for myself was to not work on any proiect

that was smaller than 100 units. As I progressed, increased hatminimum to 200 units, but was primarily interested n 300 units

and up.

When calling an owner cold, the ffrst thing I wanted to ftnd

out was whether or not he had a genuine interest in selling his

property.When I phoned or the first time, I made it a point to in-

troduce myself to the owner's secretarybefore she askedwho I

was, and then, in a matter-of-fact tone, I said that I wanted to

speak o the owner about a "personalmatter." The obiect was to

posture myself and make the secretaryassumethat I knew the

owner personallyby volunteering my name rather than waiting

for her to ask.

If the secretarystill insisted on knowing the nature of my

call, I came right out and told her that it regarded he purchase

{not listing!) of one of her employer'sapartment developments.

By wording it this way, I assumed hat if the owner, after know-

ing the nature of my call, did not come to the phone, or at least

return my call, he wasn't seriously interested in selling his

property.

If the owner did not return my call, or if he came to the

phone and told me that he had no interest in selling, I would file

his name andnumber in my tickler system or follow-up at alater

date. would then call him back in six months or so to see f cir-

cumstanceshad changedand if he might then have an interest in

selling his property.At ScrewU. I had learned that most apart-

ment developers ave a building disorder-i.e., they arereadyand

willing, if not able, to build anything, anywhere, anytime-and

the more they build, the more financialproblems they have.

The reasonmost builders frantically lunge from one proiect

to another s to try to keep enoughcashcirculating (forgetabout

profits) to pay for the last "I can finance out" deal-which, of

course/endedup not financing out. A real estatedeveloperwith a

true building disorderwould not hesitate to construct a luxury

high-rise in the Australian Outback if he could obtain financing

99



W,Sr,es)\ffi' l'",h*

"What a location, mate.

This proiect is a guarunteedwinner."



(JsingPosturePower to Get the BaII 1O

for it. In caseyou're a medical buff, it may interest you to know

that in the psychiatric world the term building disorder s almostalways used in conjunction with its sister term, pathological

builder. But for our purposeshere, et it suffice to say that uazy is

crazy no matter how it is phrased.

The owner I was searching or was the person who would

come to the phone and give at least some indication that he

might be interested in selling his property. I say indication, be-

causean owner will rarely comeright out and admit that he's n-

terested n selling his property. Experiencehad taught me that

even n caseswhere an owner was actively trying to sell his prop-

erty, he would almost always act coy during my initial conversa-

tion with him. I ultimately became savvy enough to recognize

that when an owner said something ike, "I've never realiy given

it much thought," he was, in fact, a seriousseller.

Builder-owners,blesstheir hearts area unique species.Not

only do they not necessarilymean what they say, most of the

time they don't even mean what they think they mean. They live

in an entirely different world from the rest of us-one that re-

volves almost entirely around "the next deal"-and they speaka

languageall their own. By now though, I had learned o translate

"builderese"doublespeak nto English pretty well. For example,

"I'm alwayswilling to listen" more often than not really meant/

"I'm desperate.Make me an off.er."

Once he owner displayedan interest in selling, the next step

was to obtain some figures about his property so I could deter-

mine whether or not the deal was makeable.However, I never

asked he owner for this information during my initial conversa-

tion with him, because first wanted to establish myposture.

ScrewU. had taught me that oneof the first things a seller does o

ensconcehimself as the intimidator is to make the real estate

agent ustify his existence.Oncethe seller blurted out something

like, "Who ateyou?" my postureasEI SchlepoTortoise would be

forever stampedon his forebrain.No matter how I responded o

such an inquiry, I would come acrossas "just another real estate



l O 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

agent," and an owner needs another real estate agent about as

much ashe needsanother vacant apartment.So my whole approach was gearedto establishing image

power in an effort to avoid having to iustify my existence. As

per the LeapfrogTheory, I not only had to be above being "justanother real estate agentttt had to be beyond even being asked

who I was. I had to be so far removed from the rest of the pack

that the owner would be too intimidated to dare o ask me such a

question.

I accomplished this by having a unique calling card de-

signed. n addition to eliminating the question of who I was, my

calling card made t almost impossible for an owner to forget me.

That way, even f he wasn't interested n seilinghis property right

noq the chanceswere pretty good that he would contact The

Tortoise down the road f his circumstancesshould change.

My calling card was a spectacular, ull-color, hardcoverbro-

chure costing nearly $5 a copy. The black cover had a high-gloss

ftnish, and the brochure opened from bottom to top rather than

the more traditional right-to-left format. Centeredon the glossy,

black front cover was a breathtaking, full-color photo of the earth

as seen from the Apollo spaceship.Not only was my name not

displayed on the front cover, t did not even appearon the inside

of the front coveror ffrst page.

In iact, all that appearedon the inside front cover were the

following words:

Earth

To Life .........Support

To the ExplorerA BaseTo the Wise ......... An Investment

On the first pageopposite the inside cover was a telescopic

view looking down on metropolitan Chicago. By the time the

brochure fi.nally got around to mentioning my name on the fol-



[JsingPosturePower to Get the BaIl nO 3

lowing page,there was not much else that needed to be said.

Obviously, anyone who used a spectacular $5 brochure as hiscalling card must be somebody. Obviously, anyone who didn't

feel t wasnecessary o evenmention his name on the front cover

or ff.rst wo pagesof his own brochuremust be somebody' I was

overwhelmedby my own modesty.

The remainder of the brochure consisted primarily of brief

statementsalluding to my generalexpertise n the field of real es-

tate. Primarily, though, it contained an abundanceof dramatic

pictures, logos, maps, and other carefully selected items that

didn't have any real meaning, but made it obvious who I was:

Somebody!

In short, the brochurewas ntimidating.

It wasn't that anyoneunderstoodwhat I did for a living after

reading he brochure, hey just knew that I wasn't simply another

member of the pack, not iust another real estateagent.The bot-

tom line was that I no longer had to justify my existence o an

owner. Rarelydid anyone askme to explain anything more about

my backgroundafter receiving he Earth brochure' Bestof all, be-

causeof its spectacularnature, the recipient of the brochurewas

unlikely to throw it away.It would havebeen ike throwing away

a beautifully illustrated hardcover book. Many people kept it

right on their desks as a conversationpiece, or, at the very least,

somewhereclose by where they could quickly pull it out and

show it to visitors.

This being the case,before he owner of a property could ask

me any questionsabout my backgroundwhen we first spokeover

the phone, I took the initiative and suggested hat I send him

some information aboutmyself. Not asking him for any of the

detailsof his property immediately separatedme from the rest of

the pack,because t was the antithesis of how a real estateagent

normally interactswith an owner.

Insteadof the agent'susual stuttering and stammering in an

effort to justify his existence o the principal, The Tortoise acted



l O 4 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

cavalierabout the whole thing. My tone implied that no one deal

was that important to me. And when I took the initiative andsuggested hat it would be a good idea for the owner to learnsomething about me beforeproceeding urther, the owner was al-most at a loss for words. Obviously, I wasn,t a real estateagent,because eal estateagentssimply didn,t talk this way.

After mailing my brochure to the owner/ would wait a weekor so before calling him again,and when I did call I was usually

put right through to him. It was posture power in action! Afterthe unusual nature of my initial telephone nquiry, followed bythe arrival of my spectacularcalling card, he castingof the rolesin the sagawas beginningto change. was well on my way to be_coming the intimidator, while giving the owner a long-overdue,well-deserved opportunity to audition for the role of intimi-datee.Wordscan't express ust how hrppy I wasfor him to be ableto experience he thrill playing such a foreignrole.

Now I was in an excellent position to further qualify theowner of the property by askinghim to relate to me the most per_tinent factsover the phone. developed formulafor calculating,in a matter of seconds,what a property might be worth to a so_phisticated buyer. If you want to work on largedeals, egardlessof the businessyou,re in, it,s critical that that yo,

"o-.iogrips

with the reality that the chancesof any speciffcdeal closing-evenwhen the figuresmake sense-are very slim. {In this regard,never forget the importance of the Theory of Sustenan"" of

"ositive Attitude through the Assumption o{ a Negative Result.)But if the mathematics of a deal are compretelyout of touch withreality, the oddsof closinga dealbegin to hoveraroundzero.Thisbeing the case, becameevermore selective

about the propertiesI worked on.

The key was that I was not just interested in ffnding outwhether or not the owner wanted to sell his property; t was iustas important to find out if the property was saleable.It didn,ttake a Ph.D. from ScrewU. to recognize earlyon that time wasthe most valuable commodity I possessed.Think of it as the



(JsingPosturePower to Get theBaIl nO 5

Makeable-DealTheory, which states: Concentrate your efforts

on finding a few makeable dealsrather than working on a largenumber of unmakeable deals and clinging to the desperatehope

that one of them will miraculously close.

Believing in the efficacy of this theory, I focused on efft-

ciency. Specifically, focusedon finding that one good deal that

had a serious chance of closing rather than working on 30 bad

deals and clinging to the hope that luck and the law of averages

would sooneror later combine to bring about a positive result.

Forget uck. Stupidity not only has ̂ way of stifling good luck,

it can also skew the law of averageso the detriment of the stu-

pid person.Nevertheless,salesmenand entrepreneurs n every

industry seem to have a death wish when it comes to working

on pie-in-the-sky deals that have virtually no chance of clos-

ing. In real estate, found that owners have an uncanny ability to

keep real estateagents hooked on the fantasy that unmakeable

dealscan somehowbe made.

At ScrewU. I finally recognized hat the makability of a deai

revolvedprimarily around cash low (i.e., he cash hat's left over

afterdeduction of all expenses nd mortgagepayments rom gross

receipts),also commonly referred o as "net spendable."Anyone

who hasworked extensively with professional eal estatebuyers

understandshat cash flow is the name of the game.

Contrary to popular belief, most professionalbuyers do not

look at "tax loss" as a primary consideration when purchasing

properties.Myths about the depreciation factor in real estate

dealshavebeenperpetuatedover the years-primarily, I suspect,

by propertyowners-but the truth of the matter is that most buy-

ers ook at tax benefitsas

abonus.Cash flow has, s, and almost

certainly always will be the most important tactor when it comes

to valuing income-producing properties-which is why they're

called ncome-producing n the ftrst place.

Accordingly, whenever an owner spent a great deal of time

talking about the tax-shelter aspectsof his propert, I mentally

rolled my eyes skyward, because knew it was a sign that he



1 0 6 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

probably did not have a saleablepiece of real estate. Sort of

Iike criminal defenseattorneys who, when short on facts, focusinstead on fluff (aka "The O.f. Factor"). Experiencehad taught

me that when an owner's property demonstrateda healthy cash

flow, he would be quick to emphasize hat aboveall other factors.

Another early giveaway o an unsaleableproperty was when

an owner put a greatdeal of emphasis on how much it had cost

hirn to develop the property or how well it was constructed, the

two of which usually go hand in hand. The only time the qualityof construction was important was when it was so shoddy that it

might be viewed as a negatiye. Professionalbuyers give sellers

very little, if any, credit for being dumb enough o overbuild. The

hard reality is that the market value of a propertt being pretty

much basedon cash low, bears ittle relation to the owner's cost

of construction.

Price and value are two entirely different issues.The seller

will always take his cost of construction into accountwhen com-

ing up with an askingprice, but the value the buyer placeson the

property is basedprimarily on cash flow. If an owner overspends

on construction, that's his problem, not the buyer's.

AII this led me to the conclusion that the personwho knew

the least about a property'smarket value was the owner. Never-

theless, I still needed o get an indication of the owner's asking

price, even though I only considered t to be a starting point. I

knew (though I never et on) that the price he initially quoted me

would be much higher than the one he would ultimately be will-

ing to accept.

I don't recall ever dealing with a seriousseller who stuck to

his original asking pdce to the bitter end. Even if a seller really

believed that he wasn't going to budge from his original asking

price, he always endedup compromising once he smelled the un-

mistakable aroma oi chips on the table-especially if he had

financial problems (which was almost always he case|.

Speaking of ffnancial problems, that was another critical fac-



UsingPosturePower to Get the Ball 107

tor in my determination of whether or not a dealwas makeable.

Early in every negotiation I tried to assess he owner's level ofdesperation,and that's where my ability to translate builderese

doublespeak nto English came in very handy. The reality was

that the more desperatehe owner/ the better my chancesof con-

cluding a sale.As a result of my new posture,desperationhad be-

come my best friend. Thus, if the owner's asking price was at

leastwithin shouting distanceof the ball-park price I had calcu-

lated, and assuming there were no extraordinarily negative fac-

tors involved, I would beprepared o move forward with trying to

find a buyer.

Unfortunately, a significant number of propertieswere not

saleableat any price,becausemy calculations showed hat most

propertieshad little or no cash flow. In fact, in many instances

the properties actually had negative cash flows. Nonetheless,

I never met an owner who admitted that his property didn't

have a positive cashflow. The discrepancybetween the owner's

math and reality was causedeither by his unrealistic projections

or by operating statements that conveniently failed to list all

expenses-especially eplacementcosts.

Owners are so unrealistic when it comesto vacancyfactors,

replacementcosts/and other expense tems that are not readily

ascertainablehat I pretty much corrsidered heir proiectionsand

operatingstatements to be useless. nstead, I relied on my own

trusty calculator,and was able o quickly determine-whiie talk-

ing to the owner on the phone-whether or not his property was

saleable. The lessonto be extracted and used in other areasof

one's ife is that many people-probably most people-are gener-

ally unrealistic about most things,particularly

whentouting

their own deals,products,and prospects.Which is why you have

to take most of what you hear with a grain of salt, take matters

into your own hands,and do your homework.)

If there was little or no cash low-or, worse/a negativecash

flow-or if the owner's asking price was light yearsbeyond the



l O g T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

high end of my estimate of the property's value, I bid him adieu

and allowed him to go merrily on his way talking to other real es-tate agentsabout how marveloushis property'sconstruction was/

how much the project had cost to build, or what a great ax-loss

vehicle it provided.

However, if the mathematics fell within my value parame-

ters,I then told the owner that I would have to personally nspect

his property "before making any commitments." With this latter

statement, I had managed, or the third time, to set the stage orrecasting the roles of intimidator and intimidatee before the

owner and I had even met. I could not possibly be a real estate

agent,because here was no such thing as a real estateagentwho

was reluctant to make a commitment.

Step one in this role-reversalgame had been when I had

initially called the owner and suggested hat I send some in-

formation about myself before discussing his property in detail.

Step two had been when he received the Earth brochure from

me. Now, in step three, I was telling him that I was going to

board an airplane, at my own expense,and personally nspect his

property-and that I could not "make a commitment" until I had

completedmy inspection.

It would be unheard of for a lowly real estate agent to talk

and act in such a manner. Clearly, I must be "somebody."

Sowhen I reached he point not iust of finding an owner who

was interested in selling his property, but who had a saleablepropert, my next step was to haul my healthy posture onto a

plane and visit the owner. I could then decidewhether or not I

would be will ing to "make a commitment."

Of course, the real purposeof my trip was to obtain a signed

commission agreement, but how many owners do you think

would have beenexcited about my visiting them had I told them

what my real objectivewas?Zero is a pretty goodguess.

To help me be vigilant about sticking to my vow to never

again work on a deal without a signedcommission agreement,



UsingPosturePower to Get the BaIl I O 9

carried around a little card containing the words of a poem-a

true literary masterpiece-I had composed:

with a wtitten agreement,

Youhave a prafer;

With a verbal agteement,

Youhavenothingbut air.

It has been a sourceof lasting irritation to me that I was not

nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature for this gem-but, hey,

you can't have t all.

Anyone can work on the sale of a property-the more the

merrier as far as an owner is concerned,because t increaseshis

chancesof making a sale at or near his askingprice-but to have

a written authorization to do so/ an authodzation that clearly

spellsout the agent'scommission, s quite another matter.

When I visited the owner's city, the big moment had finally

arrived-but with a new twist: It was the big moment for the

owner, not me. AIter already having been intimidated no less

than three times from long-distance ange/he was about to meet

areal,live tortoise-not just any old tortoise,butThe Tortoise. In

additionto the image I had taken such great pains to cultivate, I

also ound that peoplewere more impressedwith someone rom a

distant city than they were with an expert who might have been

readilyavailable to them in their own town. It seemedas though

the greater he distanceI traveledto visit an owner, the more of

an expert I became.What a delightful delusion I had helpedplant

in the owner's mind. Finally, he was going to be blessedwith the

opportunity to meet the expert from a[ar.When I arrived in the owner's city, I brought with me the

equivalent of a portable office, because made it a point to as-

sume the worst. I assumed, or example, that the owner did not

own a decent calculator. I assumed hat he used a manual type-

writer from out of the fifties. I assumed hat he didn't havea func-



l nO To Be o r No t to Be In t im ida ted?

tional copier. (We're talking pre-Kinko,shere.)And, of course, I

assumed hat his secretarywould becomehostile if I pressedherto retype something. More often than not, most of my assump-tions proved to be pretty accurate.

I not only brought my own calculators, typewriters/ typingpaper,and other suppliesand equipment, I also traveledwith atleast one, and sometimes two or more/ secretaries,dependingupon the sizeof the deal.

Picture the setting:Here was a real estatedeveloperwho hadlong delighted in such knee-slappingpastimesaspounding bam-boo shoots under real estateagents, i.ngernails, hrowing bonesin the middle of a group of l0 or 12 starving co-brokers,and en-gaging in any number of other equally enioyablekick-the-real-estate-agent orture games.Now, at long last, he sat in his officewaiting for his first big meeting with the expert from afar. Andrest assured hat, after such a long wait, I certainly did not wantto disappoint him.

Nor did I. I marched into his offtce, impeccably dressed nmy board-chairman'suniform (blackpin-stripe suite,white shirt,and black tie with the words "|ohn D. Rockefeller,,subliminallywoven through it)-black briefcase n hand-followed by an en-tourageof anywhere from one to three assistantscarrying calcu-lators, extension cords, mortgage-rate books, and a variety ofother materials and equipment that might be needed.As youmight have guessed,rom that point on I was usually in completecontrol of the situation. While my main reason or bringing mytraveling office with me was to make certain that nothing wasleft to chance,there was a bonus to my road show in that it ele-vated my posture yet another

notch. What really carriedthe dayfor me was that I was actually able to pull it off without crackinga smile, notwithstanding the fact that I was usually chucklinginside.

Once we got down to business, played the noncommittalrole to the hilt, having learned ts intricacies from my Type Num-ber One professorat ScrewU. I was in no hurry. I had to examine



II

"Greetings. I've comefrom afar to inspect your property."



l l 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t im id a te d ?

all the ffgures and look the development over carefully before

I could give any indication of my interest or lack thereof. Bythis time, the owner was usually hyperventilating and salivating

simultaneously-a deadly combination that has the potential to

make pathologicalbuilders an extinct species.

My property-inspectionperformancewas carried out in con-vincing style. It consistedof strolling through the proiectand en-gaging n such stimulating activities as staring at bricks, gingerly

tapping walls with my knuckles, and sticking my head downgarbagedisposals-all the while shaking my head from side toside to imply that I was very concernedabout what I was finding.

In other words, I playedalong with the illusion that theseaspects

of a property were important to experts.The realtty, of course, s

that the physical aspectsof a property aretat best, of secondaryimportance to buyers (unless,aspreviously noted, the quality of

construction is so poor that future replacementcostspromise to

be inordinately high).

Again, the critical f.actor was cash flow, and I had already

roughly calculated that-in a matter of seconds-in my o{ftce.Even i{ the development was built like Fort Knox, I knew it

would have little or no affect on the cash-flow numbers. The

only signiftcance that exceptionally good construction or othersecondary actorsmight have was that they might possiblynudge

a prospective buyer a bit toward the high end of his valua-

tion range,provided he was ffrst interested on a cash-flow ba-

sis. Nonetheless, I dutifully played out my inspector role, because

I knew it was important to give the owner exactly what he was

expecting.The last thing in the world I wanted was to be respon-

sible for bursting his delusive little inspection bubble. Remem-

ber, peoplehave a right to delude themselves.

After the inspection, I would sit down with the owner andreview as many other largely irrelevant aspectsof his propertyashe expresseda desire to discuss. Finally, when all the meaning-

less factors had been reviewed to his satisfaction, I zeroed non the only relevant factor: the numbers. This required me to



Using PosturePower to Get the BalI 113

play the role of a surgeon,but instead of asking my assistants

for syringes,galrzet nd scissors, had them vigorously slap mort-

Sage-rateooks, scratchpads,and pens nto my hand on cue. Oc-casionaily,out of the cornerof my eye, would catch a glimpse ofthe owner's awed expressionas I reachedout my hand, withoutlooking up, and shouteda command such as, "Red pen!,, Voila!The red pen instantly appeared n my hand. It was almost asmuch fun asgetting paid. (Well, r'ot that much fun.)

After intensely pounding away on my portable calculatorand feverishly thumbing through rate tables, would finally lookup and utter hopeful words such as, "I might be able to do some-thing with this property at around 'X' dollars above the mort-gage." was careful never to say that I could sell the property.That would have been too direct. "Might be able to do some-thing" was much more mysterious, and kept the owner on theedgeof his mental seat.While they mean essentially the samething, phrasing,as I pointed out earlier, is of greatpsychological

importance in all aspectsof life. Saying hat I could seII his prop-

erty would have made me sound like just another real estateagent/but phrasing t the way I did allowed me to maintain mypostureas the mysteriousexpert from afar.

The first ffgure I threwout to the owner was, of course, al-ways at the low end of what I had calculated to be the broad

market range/so I knew in advance hat I would get a negativere-sponse.My motive, however,was to jolt the owner into comingdown considerably rom his original, and almost alwaysunrealis-tic, askingprice that he had quotedme over the phone.

After the owner counteredwith a different, lower ffgure than

his original one, I would then shake my head slowly from side toside, mumble some unintelligible words, open my rate booksonceagain,andstart punching awayon my calculator. Many mum-bles ater, I would look up and say something like, "Hmmm . . .Well, maybe I could stretch that to 'Y' dollars." I jockeyedaroundlike this with the owner until I felt I had gotten the price down aslow as I could possibly hope to get it at that early stage of the



f i4 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

game. My main objective was to get the owner into the water.

Once that was accomplished, felt confident that the natural

flow of eventswould continually shave he price downward.

I then whipped out my file of pretyped contracts (which I

never referred to as contracts, for reasonsyou should by now

understand)and said, in a matter-of-fact tone/ something to the

effect of, "I like to keep hings simple, soI just usea one-pageun-

derstanding'tosummarize he deals 'm involved n." Hereagarn

it was a matter of word choice.Whether a document is called a

contract or understanding has no legal significancewhatsoever/

but psychologically t can make all the difference n the world to

the person sitting on the other side of the table. Contracts scare

people; understandings"sound nnocuous,especiallyf their pur-

portedpurpose s only to "summarize he deal'" This was a deli-

cate and critical moment. If I failed to get the owner to sign the

understanding, had wasteda lot of time, energy,andmoney.

Up to that point, I had relied on my image power to support

my posture. Now I neededreal power in the form of a legally

binding document in order to maintain my strongposture. con-

sideredthis to be such a critical step that I took the trouble to

develop,over a period of time, a complete seriesof "understand-

ings" in an attempt to cover nearly every conceivablekind of

situation. I did not usean attorney to help me construct theseun-

derstandings,or two reasons.

First, I did not want my understandings to look too legal.

Lengthy,complicated-lookingdocuments-particularly onescon-

taining a lot of legalese-tend to make people back away. If a

document was too legal looking, the owner might want to bring

inhis attorney to review it. And once Legalman stepped nto

the picture, I knew from past experience hat I may aswell pack

up my rate books, calculators,and secretaries,and return from

whence I came.

In fact, I went into everydeal assuming hat therewas a deal-

killing attorney waiting in the wings. While I knew that I would

have to come face-to-facewith Legalman if and when it came



Using PosturePower to Get the Ball n 5

time for a closing to occur/ therewas no way that I wanted to go

up against that master problem-finder before I even had a com-mission agreementsigned.

The second eason wrote my own understandingswas that Iwanted to make them as practical as they were legal. PracticalLaw is not taught at Stanford,Harvard,or any of the other presti-gious law schools. It is offeredonly at Screw U. Having studiedthis all-important subjectduring my stay at that hallowed insti-

tution of higher learning, I was well equipped o write practical,yet substantive,understandings.

Virtually every sentence n my pretypedunderstandingswasinsertedspecifically to avoid a replayof somepreviousnightmareI had experiencedduring my undergraduatedaysat ScrewU. I ul-timately developedabout 20 understandings,but it never ceased

to amazeme how those TypeNumber Ones,Tivos,and Threesal-

ways managed o come up with a new maneuver to try to sepa-rate me from my chips. And every time they did, I added yetanother clauseor two to my understandings n order to prepare

for the next time I might be confrontedwith the samemaneuver.Becauseof the brevity and lack of legal terminology in my

understandings, lus the fact that I had firmly establishedmyself

as someoneof importance, I was usually able to get the owner to

signon the dotted line without his summoning Legalman. t wascritical to get the agreement signed quickly during that firstmeetingwhile my posturewas at its peak.

In this regard, wo items wereof particular importance.First,

I extractedas much information aspossible rom the owner overthe phoneso the blanks in tne agreement-with the exceptionofthe askingprice-were pretty much fflled in prior to my arriving

at the owner'soffice. Second,n the event some changesdid haveto be made in the agreement, hey could be made quickly andeasily becauseof my modus operandi of traveling with a fully

equippedoffice.

I developed hese two techniques specifically to avoid thepossibility of having to fumble around at the moment of truth. I




was cognizant of the fact that there was a point in time when the

iron was as hot as t was going to get, and that it was critical tostrike-i.e., to get the agreementsigned-before things cooled

down.

If the seller signed my understanding (read, commission

agreementl, looked at it as he equivalent of a touchback n foot-

ball; i.e., I was starting out ftrst-and-tenon my own 20-yard ine,

with 80 percent of the field stiil standing between me and the

goal ine.



C'eprE.lL L

AoveNcrNG THE Ban

ro MToFTELD

inding a market for the properties I had under contract was

the least difficult of the ffve seiling steps, because t's to a

buyer's advantage o look at asmany dealsaspossible.And

since a buyer normally has no ffnancial obligation to an agent,he

welcomes any and all submissions.He has everything to gain and

nothing to lose by looking.

The catch is that most buyers are not really buyers at all. I

wasted an enormous amount of time, effort, and money before

I ftnally realized that most people who claim to be real estate

buyers seldom, if ever, actually buy anything. |ust as sellers

are continually able to lure real estate agents into working on

unmakeable deals, so too are agents lured into wasting a great

n7




deal of time and effort talking to wannabe buyerswho never buy

anything.I cannot imagine a more sadistic set of circumstances han a

well-meaning but naive real estate agent trying to sell an un-

makeable deal to a non-serious buyer. Any agent who allows

himself to get into such a situation ends up feeling like a ping-

pong ball, with the would-be seller and non-seriousbuyer being

the paddles.

How do you spot a non-serious buyer? First, you have tounderstand that even though an individual or company is listed

in one or more directoriesas a buyer doesnot meanthat he's a se-

rious buyer. Second,no matter how big a real estate company

may be, it doesn'tnecessarilymean that it is actively involved in

the purchaseof properties. n fact,I found that the vast maiority

of public companies isted in real estatedirectoriesare ocusedon

specialty fields such as hotels or nursing homes,building theirown properties,or making interim mortgage oans.

Eventhose who really are nterested n purchasingproperties

are often "out of the market" at any given time. (That is to sa,

they are not currently purchasing propertiesbecause hey either

don't have enough cash available or are concentrating their ef-

forts on problems with existing properties.)So even though the

names of prospectivereal estate buyers are readily available to

any real estate agent, t's wise to invest the time andeffort neces-

sary to qualify suchbuyersbefore sending hem submissions.

Over a period of time, I becameadept at spottingnon-serious

buyers,because hey all tend to talk and behave n the sameman-

ner. For example, f you ask a non-seriousbuyer about his guide-

lines for purchasing properties,he will most likely tell you that

he doesn't have any guidelinesand that he's "willing to look at any-

thing." But the fact is that most serious buyers dohave definite

guidelines,because hey know exactly what they're looking for.

Another tip-off to a non-serious buyer is that he tends to

dwell on questions of secondary mportance, such as those per-

taining to location, construction, and/or ageof the property.As I



Advancing theBaIl to Midfield

previously pointed outr such questions are reasonableand nor-

mal, but not until the buyer is ffrst satisfiedwith the numbersand has decided hat he has a deffnite interest in purchasing the

property. If the numbers don't add up, it simply doesn't matter

where the property s located,how well it's built, or how old it is.

Serious,sophisticatedbuyersget down to the nuts and bolts right

away, because hey understand the mathematical guidelines for

evaluating cash flow-again, the key factor when it comes to

evaluating ncome-producingproperties.

In addition to having everything to Sainand nothing to lose

by looking at as many deals as possible, a non-serious buyer

ffgures that there's always a chance that he might run across attsfss,lt'-l deal where the numbers are too good to be true. I

should say,however, that if I had ever been lucky enough to work

on a so-calledsteal (which, by the way,l v;xsn/1-n6r am I certain

that such an animal really exists), I certainly would not have

needed o call upon a non-seriousbuyer. I had plenty of serious

buyerswho would havebeen delightedto gobbleup such a deal.

In order to locate seriousbuyers, I useda technique similar

to the one I used for finding makeable deals.My initial obiec-

tives were to learnwhat type of propertiesa buyer was interested

in and what his general guidelines were for analyzing such

properties.

It wasmuch easier o getbuyersto come to the phone than it

was to get throughto owners/because, snoted, t's in the buyer's

best interest to work with as many real estate agents as pos-

sible. Also, sincethe buyer normally has no commission obliga-

tion to the agent, he can take an ostrich attitude toward the

subject of the agent'scommission. Buyers usually find it all too

convenient to hide their heads n the sandwhen the seller starts

to cut off the agent's ingers at the closing. The buyer's boilerplate

excusewhen the ftnger-cutting ceremony begins is: "The com-

mission is betweenyou (the agentland the seller. don't want to

get involved." The compassion s enough to bring tears to one's

eyes.

119



l 2O To Be o r N o t t o Be In t im ida ted?

It would be appropriate to describe he buyer's attitude as

premeditated apathy,a phenomenon you can observe all aroundyou in iust about every walk of life. If something doesn't directly

affect their own well-being, most people-particularly when it

comes to money-are quick to use the excuse,"I don't want toget involved." Real-life stories of people ignoring the cries of

someone being murdered are well known. True, few real estate

agents are murdered at closings, but commission muggingscer-

tainiy arecommon.My initial purpose n calling a buyer was to ftnd out what his

guidelines were so I would not waste a lot of time sendinghim in-

formation about properties that did not meet his criteria. This

was a problem, however, becauseeven though a buyer was more

than happy to receive submissions, knew that he would not bereceptive to answeringquestions for a real estate agent over the

phone. So, ust as had donewith property owners, I took the ini-tiative and suggestedhat I ffrst send he buyer some information

about myself andmy operation. nto the mail went my attention-getting $5 Earth brochure, again followed by a telephone call aweek later. As with sellers, the reaction among buyers was that

The Tortoise must be "somebody."When I called the buyer the second time, I was not "just

another real estate dgerrt't; was the mysterious expert fromafar who used a spectacular hardcover brochure as his calling

card. During the secondcall, I explained hat since we wereboth(meaning the buyer and r::,el usy people, thought it would save

a lot of time if he could answer a few quick questions over thephone. That way, I explained, I could avoid sending him proper-

ties that did not fall within his guidelines.

Already possessinga strong posture becauseof the image I

had created rom the outset/ I wasusually able to gain the buyer's

cooperation with respect o my request.Forpurposesof recording

the information, I developedwhat I referred o as a "Buyer Infor-

mation Form," which, when properly filled out, allowed me to



Advancing the BaIl to Midfield

make a quick determination as to whether or not a property fit a

buyer'sguidelines.The first question on the form was unusual, to saythe least.

It askedwhether the buyer was a principal or broker' The reality

was that not only were most of the entities who were listed as

buyers in real estate directories not serious or currently active

buyers,many of them were really just brokers posing asbuyers.

Who needsanother broker? The differencebetween their modus

operandiand mine was that I was actually doing the dirty worknecessary ot only to locate sellers,get them under contract/and

closedeals,while thesepretenderswere doing nothing more than

actingaspassivemiddlemen.

As an example, a large construction company might have

been listed as a real estatebuyer even though it had never pur-

chased a property. The president of that company, however,

might just happen to be a licensedreal estate broker who tookother agents'deals (submitted to him becauseof his company's

misleadingclassiftcationas a buyer)and resubmitted them to le-

gitimate buyers n the hopesof sharingcommissions.Very cute'

Why would the big-shotheadof a substantial real estate irm

be interested n earning a real estatecommission when he seem-

ingly has bigger fish to fry? I found that a common, naive trait

amongreal estateagentswas their failure to understand hat nomatter how wealthy a principal may be, he is never above aking

a few more chips off the table for himself. One of the reasons hat

the rich get richer is becauseof the very fact that they arealways

interested n acquiring more chips! ln The Art of the DeaI, Don'

ald Trump said {in alluding to what he believed to be a $10,000

overchargeby a subcontractor) hat if the time ever camewhen

he was no longer willing to give his attention to a $10,000 tem,

he'd quit the business.

Becauseof the shock value of my unusual first question, I

found that the "btJye!'would normally, in a reflexive manner,

tell me the truth-or, at the very least, stutter around enough to

\2 \



n22 To Be or No t to Be In t im ida ted?

make it obvious to me that he was, n fact,primarily interested n

acting as a broker. And once becameconvinced hat he was justa broker fronting asa buyer, I immediately eliminated him frommy list of prospectivebuyers.

If , however, the buyer managed o get by that all-importantftrst question, I would then breeze hrough the rest of the form ina minute or two. The more deals submitted to a buyer, and themore I questionedhim about the deals hat were not of interesr ro

him, the more specific the information I was able to add to hisform.

Most important, after a reasonableperiod of time I was ableto tell whether he was really a seriousbuyer or just a curiosityseeker.Curiosity seekersnftltrate everybusinessand every walkof life, and, for the sake of efficiency, it,s important to learn toweed them out asquickly aspossible.To do that, you have to be-

come adept at recognizing their wide variety of intimidatingpitches and disguises.

Why would someonechoose to be a curiosity seeker?Whoknows? Maybe he's bored.Or insane. Or maybe it,s just humannature. Whatever the reason, strongly suggesthat you not wastetime trying to ftgure it out. Instead, learn to write off curiosityseekersas ust another oneof thosegreatmysteriesof life.

Ultimately, I put together a small but valuable hard-coregroup of serious buyers with whom I developedexcellent per-sonal relationships. It is somewhat of a paradox hat even thoughan agent/ in most cases, echnically works {or the seller, t is thebuyer with whom he has an ongoing relationship.

Was it really in the best interest of each of my buyers to seeme get paidl After all, in theory a buyer can purchasea property

for a lower price if the seller does not have to pay a commis-sion. Notwithstanding, since the relationship between an agentand buyer has the potential of being long term/ and since a seri-ous buyer wants to look at asmany dealsaspossible, t actually isin his best interest for aproductive agent to receivehis full com-mission at every closing.



Advancing the BaIl to Midfielil 123

When it comes o a buyer'sdetermining how valuablea con-

tinuing relationship with an agent s, the deciding factor is howwell the agentdoeshis job. That'swhy I considered t to be so m-

portant to have a strongposture n the eyesof the buyer aswell as

the seller.My objectivewas to haveeachbuyer considerme to be

sucha valuableresource hat he would be motivated not to resort

to premeditatedapathywhen it came ime for my commissionto

be paid. The ideal, of course,would be for him to insist upon my

beingpaid as a condition of the closing.Unfortunately, I never quite achieved hat statuswith most

of my buyers, although the majority of them did give me their

moral support{which was nice, but, to my dismay,my office and-

lord refusedto accept moral support aspayment for my monthly

rent).Evenmoral supportwasvaluable,however,because n agent

who has both the buyer and seller plotting againsthim may as

well avoid the bloodshed (i.e.,his own) and not even bother to

show up at the closing. In other words, better moral supportthan

outright apathy.

Beforegoing on to the third step of selling, I would like to

give you an example of what can happen to an agent when he

does not have the support of the buyer. It was a situation in

which I had all the legal tools on my side-a real estate icense n

the state where the property was located, a signedcommission

agreementwith the owner, and heapsof certiffed mail-yet still

managed o losemy chiPs.

The buyer ("Charlie Cheet") was primarily a developerof

large apartment projects, but he had recently put out the word

that he was interested n purchasingexisting apartment develop-

ments. Because viewed Charlie as an exceptional prospect, I

paid a personalvisit to him at his office in Florida for the purpose

of ftnding out what his guidelineswere.

A short time after returning from Florida, I sent Charlie, by

certified mail, a presentationon a group of apartment properties

in Houston, the asking price for which was $10 million. Then, a

curious thing happened.From out of the blue, I receiveda call




from a total stranger ("Larry Lyar,,l who told me that he was

"associatedwith" Charlie Cheet. I was not yet sophisticatedenough to understand hat vagueexpressions uch as ,,associated

with" are almost always an early warning sign hat a commissionheist is on the horizon.Larry emphasized hat he did not work forCharlie as an employee,but as an independent ,associate,,

{an-other red-flagword that often translates nto ,,unemployedflake',1who had the responsibility of reviewing deals or him. He said

that in return charlie gavehim a participation in any propertiesacquiredthrough him.

Perhapsby this time I wasa bit overconfidentand didn,t real-ize that no matter how much experienceyou may have, there,salways another vile creature urking in the depths of the funglewho is capable of coming up with yet another new gimmick.There is, however, a common thread that runs through every new

gimmick, no matter how cleveror different it may be: t is alwaysdesigned o separate ou from your chips.

As always, I did a ffrst-class ob in gathedngall the data onthe properties and putting together a professionalpresentation.However, I did not present he information to Charlie Cheet, theapartment-builder-turned-buyer, ut to his,,associae,,,Larry Ly at.(This now-puzzling decision gave me the distinction of demon-

strating that I could do a perfect imitation of Homer Simpsonyearsbeforehe was nvented.f even went to the expenseof flyingLarry to Houston to inspect the properties,andspenta great dealof time wining and dining him.

Following our trip, every time I askedLarry what the statusof the deal was, he assuredme that he and Charlie Cheet were"working on the numbers" and would soon give me an answer.

This went on for months, until I ftnally assumed hat CharlieCheet was not a seriousbuyer.

That mistake led to the Assumption Theory, which states:Assume nothing!

I woke up one day to ffnd that my assumptionhad been en-



Advancing he BalI to Midfreld I25

tirely wrong. Charlie not only was a seriousbuyer, he had already

closed the Houston deal without my knowledge! Larry Lyat, of

course,was nothing more than a blue-suede-shoe roker who got

a commission out of the dealwithout evenhaving to split it with

the scalyguy who had presented t to him and who had done all

the work. Shameon me. I was a foolish-looking reptile who had

gotten caught in a classicsting. As you might have guessed, 'm

not real closewith Charlie CheetandLarry Lyar anymore.

Why did I not sue Charlie Cheet when I had all three legal

tools in my possession? ecause y this time I had a pretty good

understandingof practical law (as opposed o theoretical law)'

Consider he following:

1. Both Charlie Cheet and the seller claimed that they had been

talking to each other about the properties before I had regis-

tered Charlie with the seller.(At no time during our negotia-

tions had either of them evenhinted at such a thing, let alone

madean issueof it. By contrast/my treacherousType Number

Two professor n the Missouri Massacrehad at least had the

decency o let me know earlyon that, notwithstanding the in-

disputable acts,he intendedto stick it to me and not give me

credit for the buyer I had brought to him.| So not only was the

buyer not giving me his moral support,he was actually siding

with the seller.Any time that the buyer and seller arewilling

to-lie in concett, it's time to fold /em-extract the lesson

Iearnedandgo take a disinfectantbubblebath.

2. Charlie Cheet refused to accept any responsibility for Larry

Lya{s actions, insistingthat he had never authorized Larry

to say that he was his associateor in any way represented

him. Though Charlie sugar-coatedhis words, his position,

plain and simple, was that it was my tough luck if I had been

taken in by a master serial iar. (Is t starting to soundfamiliar

to somememorable experienceout of your own past?l




3. Larry Lyar,upstanding young lad that he was, n turn insisted

that I had somehowmisunderstoodhim and that he had nevertold me that he was associatedwith the buyer. n |ungle terms,this one fell into a category known as ,,The Big Lie.,, Nomatter how sophisticatedor experienced ou may be, it,s im-possible to be fully prepared to cope with a |ungle creaturewho is willing to take it to the limit and resort to The BigLie. Regardless f what legal tools you may have on your side,

never forget Businessworldfungle Rule No. l: If you insist onsleeping with big dogs,you're guaranteedto end up with bigfleas.The fleas got from Larry were big enough o pick up mywallet and throw it down a sewer.

4. Even though it was obvious to me that this fungle trio (i.e., n_cluding the seller)had succeeded n putting me through thewringer, I was realistic enough to know that there was enoughconfusion surrounding the facts (suchas the involvement ofCharlie's Cheet's "associate,,,Latry Lyar, andCharlie,s will-ingness o sidewith the seller) o give somesmart litigation at_torney sufficient ammunition to cloud the issuefor a judgeor

iury.

5. Our court system is an important weapon that fungle crea-tures use to offsetTortoise-like legal tools.Because f the timeinvolved in bringing a casesuch as this to trial, the guy in thewrong almost always has the advantage.After some cursoryinvestigation, I concluded that it would take anywhere fromthree to ftve years or the matter to beresolved n court, and inthe meantime I would not only have to comeup

with bushelsof cash to pay onerous egal feesand court costs, also wouldhave to invest considerable ime and energyand be further ag-gravated n the process.

6. There was a strong rumor that the seller of the propertiesmight have to declarebankruptcy (apparently he proceedsof



Advancing the BalI to Midfield 127

the salewere not enough o bail him out of his troubles),and,

after investigating the rumor, I concluded that his imminentffnancial demisewasa definite possibility. This being the case,

I recognized hat even f I won in court, it could prove to be a

chiplessvictory.

When I weighedall the facts, it simply did not add up to a

smart gamble of my time, energy,and money to pursue the mat-

ter. I had abeady earned hat the fungle has its own set of rules

for meting out iustice-something about survival of the fittest, or

some such thing. Plain and simple, if you lose your case n the

fungle,you loseyour case-Pefiod.

My lesson in the Houston deal again confirmed that even

though the buyer doesnot normally pay the salesman's ommis-

sion, it was important to develop good relationships with my

buyers. Had the buyer of the Houston deal been on my side, it

could have madea major difference n the outcome.

Notwithstanding the Houston fiasco,once I had obtained a

product to sell and hadat least one seriousbuyer whose Buyer In-

formation Form indicated that he was a good prospect for the

kind of property I was offering, I consideredmyself to have ac-

complishedsales step number two: locating a market for my

product.

In playing-field terms, I had advancedthe ball to perhaps

midfield-which meant I still had a long way to go to reach the

endzone.



Crreprn"I2

Rr,acHrNG THE OppoNENT's

2O-Yeno LINE

gain, it was of prime importance to me to perform at ahigh level, not only because t gaveme credibility withboth buyers and sellers,but should I ever have to take

legalaction to collect a commission, I felt my performancewouldbe a major factor in my favor.

I worked out a system for gathering property informationand preparing presentations that not only was detailed, butunique in concept. My information-gathering system made itpossible for a person with very little real estate knowledge toobtain the pertinent facts. |ust as I had managed, hrough experi-ence/ to develop commission agreements hat became ncreas-ingly sophisticated, I likewise developeda series of ,,properry

Data Forms" to fit every conceivable ype of situation.

128



ReachingtheOpponent'sZ}'YardLine !29

I taught severalof my secretarieshow to use these forms

quickly and efffciently, which made it possible for me to make

my exit after obtaining a signedcommission agreement rom the

property owner. Leaving one of my secretariesbehind to gather

the property information was a big stepforward, because t freed

me to work on other deals'To an extent, then, I guessyou could

say that I was successful n cloning myself'

After my secretary had gathered all the information, she

would return to my office and submit her completedform to an-

other personwho would then useher material to preparea profes-

sional presentation of the property. when the presentationwas

completed, I would review my Buyer Information Forms (dis-

cussed n the previouschapter|and decidewho the bestprospects

were for that particular property.

I would then implement my third legal tool: certiffed mail'

Certifted mail was a potential savior,becausen the event I should

have to take legal action to collect a commission, certified-mail

slips could be the deciding factor.It was a goodexampleof recog-

nizing and acknowledgingreality-the reality that I might have

to take legalaction to collect a commission,no matter how hard I

might try to avoid becoming embroiled in a lawsuit' Again, my

approachwas to hopefor the best but assumethe worst (suste'

nance of a positive attitude through the assumption of a negative

result). f I never needed o usethe certified-mail slips, all the bet-

ter, but a certified-mail slip is like a gun: When you need t, you

need it bad and you need it fast. Hence, I made it an ironclad

rule to sendeverypresentationby certified mail to all legitimate

prospects.

You may think that I was a bit paranoid,butfuture events

proved that no matter to what extremes I went to protect myself

in the Jungle, was, in fact, almost always underprotected'

About a week after I sent a presentationby certified'mail, I

would call the prospectivebuyer to see f he had an interest in

further discussing he property. If he was not interested, would

try to find out precisely why, then note the reasonson his Buyer



1 3 O T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

Information Form. But if he indicated that he did have an interest

in the propert, I would immediately registerhis name with theowner via my new best friend-certified mail.

My next objectivewas to get the prospectivebuyer to meetwith the seller and inspect his property.To bring this about, I fo-cused on getting asmuch relevant information aspossibleflow-ing back and forth between the buyer and seller.Given that myprimary objective was to make certain that I received my fullcommission if the deal were to close,a steady low of informa_tion moving between buyer and seller was of no small impor-tance. Why? Because,among other things, it would be clearevidence to all concerned hat I was the major force not onry inbringing the buyer and seller together, but in getting the dealclosed.

Regardless f what businessyou,re n, when it comes o salesor deal-making, t's critical that you to build a clearrecordof yourinvolvement-not just to use as a last resort in court, but as aconstant reminder to all the principals involved that you are/were instrumental in making the dealhappen.

Becauseof my strong posture/ I was normally able to keepthe lines of communication flowing through me rather thanaround me-a psychologicalmust when it comes o maintainrngone'sposture. Long-distance elephonecallswere also mportant,because hey becamea matter of record and, if necessary, ouldhelp to substantiate the degreeof my involvement in a deal.Never forget that your phone bill is a permanent, irrefutablerecord that has the power to destroy that most devastatingof allfungle weapons-The Big Lie.

If a buyer told me that he would liketo speakdirectly withthe seller, or vice versa, handled it smoothly. Rather than dis-

playing nervousnessover such a request,which would have de-noted weakness,without hesitation I indicated that I thought rtwas an excellent idea (even hough I really thought it was a hor-rible idea).However, I subtly maintained control of the situation



Reaching he Opponent's2D-YardLine 131

by telling (rather than asking) he buyer or seller,whichever the

casemay havebeen, that / would set up a conferencecall among

the three of us. The key here was that I neither hesitated nor

askedanyone'spermission. Rather, responded mmediately and

stated,with conffdenceand authorit, preciselyhow the request

would be handled. As a bonus,being bold and taking the initia-

tive added o my aheadystrongposture.

I knew all too well that if I allowed the buyer and seiler to

talk to eachother without my beingon the phone, would be ask-

ing for my ffrst posture puncture.Posturemaintenance s a deli-

catematter. No matter how slight that first puncture may be, it's

malignant in nature. For this reason, always tactfully and subtly

tried to block any direct conversationbetween buyer and seller,

because knew that private communication between two carni-

vores could be the first step toward eliminating my anticipated

payday.

There was only one thing more dangerous han the buyer

and seller talking to each other over the telephone,and that was

{Gasp!) heir meeting face-to-facewithout my being present. Of

course, didn't need to worry about that possibility untii I had

the buyer nterestedenough n the property to bewilling to spend

the timeandmoney to travel to the seller'scity'

My feeling about getting the buyer to inspect the property

was very much like that of a life insurance salesmanwho feels

that he's hree-quartersof the wa)' toward making a sale f he can

fust persuade he prospectiveclient to take a physical examina-

tion. If a buyer was motivated enough to fly to a distant city to

meet the seller and inspect his property, I then metaphorically

thought of myself asbeing in scoringposition. Obviously,no sale

wasgoing o take placeuntil the buyer made such a trip. Sure,he

could determine his initial interest basedon a handful of figures

he had receivedup to that point, but there was no way that he

wasgoingto get seriousabouta purchaseuntil he had personally

met the sellerand staredat a few bricks.




In this regard, did two things to expedite he prospective

buyer's decision to get on an airplane. First, I spoon-fedhimany and all information he requested. t was important to takematters into my own handsand remove as much responsibilityas possible from everyoneelse.If , for example, here were legalquestions about the mortgage, nstead of spendingseveral daystrying to track down the seller's attotneyt then waiting severalmore daysfor him to getback to me with an answer/ would un_dertaketo research he needednformation myself.

I actually trained one of my secretaries o read mortgages,mortgage notes/ deedsof trust/ mortgage-commitment letters,and most other documents involved in real estate closings. shegot so good at it that sheoften was able to obtain the answer to abuyer's egal question n 15minutes or so, which made t possibleto avoid waiting a week or two to get the answer rom some lazy,negligent, fee-building attorney. Of course,some lawyers mightprotest that she was violating the government-enforcedegal mo-nopoly laws regardingthe practice of law, but from my stand_point she was merely savingeveryone ime andmoney by findingthe information the buyer hadrequested.And, to boot, she wasn,tarrogant about it, she returned phone calls promptly, she con-veyed the information in an intelligible manner, and she didn,tbili at the rate of $200an hour. Nirvana for an enrrepreneur.

Similarly, if an accounting question cameup, I found that bytaking matters into my own hands by having one of my peoplework on it, I could usually come up with the answer n a matterof minutes, whereas t might have taken a week or two to trackdown the seller'saccountant o obtain an answer.

The second hing I did in an effortto hasten he buyer,sdeci-sion to visit the owner's property was to continually impress

upon him my belief that all his questions could be answeredquickly if he would meet with the seller and personally inspecthis property. Each time I obtained another answer for him, Ireemphasized he point that a trip was sure to savehim a lot oftime in the long run. If the buyer was really serious,my gentle,



Reaching he Opponent'szD-YatdLine X33

repeatedsuggestionwould usually result in a commitment to

make the trip.Experiencehad taught me that it was critical to get the buyer

to personally nspectthe property at the earliestpossibledate,be-

cause ime is alwaysagainst he personwho is trying hardest to

get the deal closed.That's because ime brings into play the Fid'

dle Theory, which states:The longer you fiddLe atound with a

deal, the greater he odds that it will nevet close.

Nero fiddied while Rome burned, and too many salesmen

and entrepreneursdo likewise as they watch their dealsgo up in

smoke. This reality is as true in a love relationship or any other

aspectof life as t is in a businessdeal.Never forget that time is

your enemy when it comes to closing deals.Why? Becausecir-

cumstancesconstantly change. n a real estatedeal, or example,

the mortgage endermay suddenly decide hat it wants an unrea-

sonable fee in exchange or allowing the property to be trans-

ferred to another owner/ the seller's wife may talk him out of

going through with the sale,or the buyer may close another deal

and decide hat he doesn'twant to make any more purchases or

awhile.

The only thing that I could be certain would never change

wasmy desire o collect a commission, soI had a big incentive to

keep pushing everything forward as quickly as possible.Conse-

quentl, I tried to undertake as much responsibility as I could,

andnot rely on the seller'smotivation to sell or the buyer's moti-

vation to buy. The only motivation I could count on to remain

constantwas my motivation to collect a commission.

The Fiddle Theory and the Tortoise and Hare Theory ftt to-

gether ike the proverbialhand and glove.As The Tortoise, I had

always trudged ahead relentlessly, hoping that the other guy

would momentarily relax. By not fi.ddling around, I always Rg-

ured that I might get there a week, a day,an hout, or even a

minute earlier, which experience had taught me could mean

the differencebetween making or losing a sale.Speakingof ex-

periences, he one I had in Tampa years earlier-showing up at




the bank ffrst thing in the morning and collecting my $15,000

commission in cash-was always n the forefront of my mind tokeep me focusedon the importance of the FiddleTheory.

By assumingas much responsibility as possiblefor answer-ing questionsand gathering nformation, and by continually sug-gestingto the buyer that he could probably have all his questionsansweredat one time if he would personally visit the owner, Ioften was able to speedup the buyer,s decision to inspect the

property.This was of great mportance,becauseoncehe made hedecision to invest in a trip, I knew I was getting close to scoringterritory.

Whenever possible, would make arrangements o travel tothe buyer's city ahead of time so he and I could ,,review thedetails of the deal on the plane" on the way to seller,scity. Inreality, of course, had ulterior motives for making such an out-

of-the-way trip. First, I wanted to make certain that the buyerandseller did not meet before arrived.Second, t gaveme the oppor-tunity to developa more personal elationship with the buyerandhopefully inspire in him a senseof loyalty to me.

At best, I was hoping to make my relationship with thebuyer so solid that he would refuseto go through with a closing ifthe seller started to reach for my chips.At a minimum, I wanted

to nurture.our relationship to the point where the buyer wouldat least feel uncomfortable being a party to a closing in whicha game of pin-the-tail-on-the-tortoise was an entertaining sideattraction.

If I was unable to accompanythe prospectivebuyer on hisflight to the city where the property was located, I did the nextbest thing: I met his plane at the gatewhen it landed.One way oranother, I wanted to make certain that I was always positionedbetween the buyer and seller,which is why I took the initiativein all aspectsof the negotiations.

In previousyears,my knowledgehad usually beenmore thansufftcient, but becauseof my weak posture, it hadn,t resulted nbig paydays.Now my posture was stron& because possessed



ReachingtheOpponent's2D'YardLine 135

both imagepower and legalpower. My objective at thesebuyer-

seller meetings was to display so much knowledge about theproperty and the closing of the dealthat even the sellerwould be

embarrassedo challenge my right to a commission. (If you're

chuckling and shaking your head rom side to side over that last

comment/ you're starting to get it, becausemy obiectiveproved

to benothing more than naive andwishful thinking. sellersalways

challengeagents'commissions.

From start to finish I did everything within my power to see

to it that the buyer and sellerwerenever togetherwithout my be-

ing present. You might say that The Tortoise portrayed Mary's

Little Lamb-everywhere the buyer went, I was sureto go' When

all the buyer'squestionshad beenansweredand a dealhad been

structured, I personally accompaniedhim to his departuregate

at the airport. I never left town ff.rst,even if it meant missing

my last flight out and having to stay overnight. Not until the

buyer'splanehad pulled safelyaway from the gate did I shedmy

lambskin andrevert back to beinga tortoise.

If everything went as planned, and the buyer and seller ver-

bally committed to moving forward with a deal, I had success-

fully accomplishedsalesstepnumber three: implementation of a

marketing strategy. At that point I considered myself to be in

scoring position-at about the opponent's 2O-yard ine' I knew I

was getting close,because could seethe blood of intimidatees

who had dared o try to score n previousgames.

As most everyone knows, however, moving the ball those

last 20 yards s a real gut check, t's where the defensegetsnasty

and the play getsugly. No doubt about it, a tortoise has to be pre-

pared o leave t all on the field in order to cross he goal ine'



EH'il

"I could swear you look different than when I sawyou inNew York, but I can't seemto put my finger on what it is.',



CHepr'.13

SconrNc

nvariably, shortly after the buyer and seller arrived at a gen-

eral agreementon the terms of a sale,a strangething would

occur: Would-bepurchaserssuddenly started beating a path

to the seller'sdoor. t was like magic.For months' evenyears, he

seller had not been able to ffnd a seriousbuyer for his property

prior to my entering the picture' Then, suddenly, it seemedas

though peoplewere standing in line to buy his proiect afterwe

had alreadyverbally agreed o the terms of a deal'

This phenomenonoccurredwith such regularity that I even-

tually came o count on its happening n everydeal. nfact, once

recognized t asa predictablepattern, I figured out a way to use t

to my benefft.I took on the auraof a clairvoyant by assuring he

seller,well in advance, hat onceI found a seriousbuyer for him,

137



1 3 E T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

"wannabe buyers" would start bangingon his door. I cautioned

the seller not to take such belatedoffersseriously,becausefthese soon-to-appearbuyers,, had a legitimate interest in hisproperty, they would have made offers a long time ago.Conse-quentl, when phantom offers beganto make their predictableappearance,t servedonly to add o my alreadystrongposture,be_cause it reafffrmed in the buyer,s mind that I knew whereof Ispoke.

It's important to analyzewhat caused his suddenbarrageofphony offers to appeareach time I was about to close a sale,be-cause/again, he psychologybehind it affectsevery area of one,slife. It 's a phenomenon hat can be explainedby the Boy-GirlTheory, which states:Everyone wants what he can't have, anddoesnot want what he can have.

It doesn'tget any more basic than this. The Boy-Girl Theoryis one of the most ingrained of all instincts governing humanrelationships. It must surely have been in effect the day intel-ligent man first appearedon earth. There are very few adults, ifany, who have not played the boy-girl game n high school,coi-lege,or beyond. n high school, the easiestway for a guy to land agirl {or vice versa) s to "play it cool.,, n contrast,he canvirtuallyassure hat he won't land the object of his affection if he salivateson his shirt everytime shewalks by.

IJnfortunately, this syndrome doesn,tstop in high schoolorcollege; t stopswhen life ends on planet Earth.When you seeaguy who looks like a compressedversion of Frankenstein,sMon-ster walking down the street with a gorgeouswoman on hisarm/ you can't help but wonder what she could possibly see nhim. What you are probably witnessing

is the result of the Boy-Cirl Theory-physical shortcomings notwithstanding, the mini-monster probably just knows how to play it cool. Women lovemen who play hard to get; men love women who play hard to get.And we accuseanimals of acting only on instinct.

Beware:The samepsychologyapplies n business.No marterhow successfula personmay be, human nature is such that he rs



\,, /

Tlt

"Oooh, Frankie, you'te suchabtute."



\ 40 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

inclined to want the deai he can't have and not want the dealhe

canhave. Because f this reaiity, the neareroneof my dealsgot toa closing-i.e., much like the gal who,s about to get married, itwould soonbecomeunavailable-the more other buyers,both se-rious and non-serious, magined that they wanted to buy theproperty. The apartment developmentthat had been on the mar-ket for months or yearswas about to becomea bride. An agreed-upon selling price is about ascool as a property can play it.

In most cases, f course/ his suddensurgeof offersamountedto nothing more than a panic reaction on the part of felrow realestateagentsand buyers.Sinceother agentshad absolutelynoth_ing to loseby inundating an owner withverbaloffers, I could usu-ally count on a herd of these characterscrawling out from undertheir rocks as a closingbegan o look more like a probability thana possibility. It cost them absolutely nothing to make verbal of-fers that soundedmore attractive than mine, but coming up withcashwas quite anothermatter.

Once the Boy-Girl Theory took effect, invariably it wouldlead to a corollary problem: Not only did other buyers suddenlystart imagining that they wanted the property, but often theseller would beginthinking that he did not want my buyer,soffer,because it was a deal that was now in hand. psychologically

speaking,oncehe had a written offer, t became he woman whowas too available.

This secondphenomenon can be explained by the Better-Deal Theory, which states:Beforean individual closesa

,,deal,,'

it's human nature for him to wofty that there may be a betterdeal down the road.

It's a theory that holds true regardlessf whether the deal n-volves real estate, nsurance,vacuum sweepers, he acquisition

of a hundred-million-dollar company-or a marriagepartner.It,san almost uncontrollable urge for a person o wonder, at the lastmoment/ if he might not be missing out on a better deal some-where down the road,

Becauseof this instinct, the seller,smind was all too open o



Scoring

the last-minute verbal offers that were sure to be directed at

him. He was ripe for these buyers on white horses who cameprancing in at the eleventh hour, because he thought had already

crossedhis mind that if he closedmy deal,he might miss out on

an opportunity for a better price on his property iust around the

next bend. Sowhen real estateagentscame scurrying to him with

offersfrom mysterious clients at the last moment, he wanted to

believethat their offers were real. Greed s a greatcatalyst for al-

lowing one's wishes to override reality. As a result, the seller

would be much more inclined to take seriously an offer that, un-

der normal circumstances,he probably would have quickly dis-

missedashaving no substance.

To combat the negative effects of the Boy-Girl Theory and

the BetterDeal Theory, my obiectivewas to do everythingwithin

my power to bring the deal as quickly as possible to the point

where the money was on the table and the paperswere ready

to be signed.Then it was put-up-or-shut-up time-time for the

army of mystedous buyers to put up their money or crawl back

under their rocks. I'm happy to report that rarely did they do any

putting up, and usually it was fust a matter of time until the

seller would begin to question whether there really was a better

deal down the road.

Once my buyer's chips were on the table, the Boy-Girl

Theory would begin to have a reverseeffect in my favor,because

a seriousbuyer doesnot leavehis cash ying around forever.The

more a seller hesitated, he more likely the buyer would begin to

show signs of having secondthoughts himself about the clos-

ing. And when that happened,t tended o cause he seller to bet-

ter appreciatethebird in the hand-the deal he might lose if he

didn't geton the stick and get it closed.The fact that the babblers

in the bleachers read, eal estate agents and would-be buyercl

hated to see the property being taken out of circulation didn't

matter to the selleronce he realized hat they were unable or un-

willing to come up with cashwhen my buyer's chips were already

on the table.

t4l



-

1 4 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e In t im id a te d ?

To bring the deal o the put-up-or-shut-upstageasquickly as

possible, always tried to analyzewhat the real objectivesof thebuyer and sellerwere,aswell as what their key obiections were.Isayanalyze rather thanfind out, because t hasbeen my experi-ence that parties to a deal very often are not consciouslyawareof what their real objectivesand objectionsare.Also, becauseofa variety of ulterior motives-or out of pure embarrassment-either the buyer or seller,or both, might purposelysuppress heir

true objectivesand/or objections.Two objectivesof which I could always be certain, however,

were that the buyer wanted to buy the property for the lowestpossible price and the seller wanted to sell the property for thehighest possibleprice-the epitome of a conflict of interest. Thisis precisely what selling is all about. If there were no basic con-flict of interest betweenthe buyer's and seller,sobjectives, herewould be no need or an agent.The better an agent s at being ableto resolve this inherent conflict between buyer and seller, thebetter his chancesof earning (though not necessarily eceiving)his commission.

If I was able to correctly analyzeand satisfy the basic objec-tives and objectionsof the buyer and seller-especially the basicconflict over price-I then focusedon the sfrortest oute to a clos-ing: Taking it upon myself to essumeas much responsibility aspossible.The FiddleTheory was always foremost n my mind, be-causeonce the buyer and seller spelled out the terms of a deal,knew that time was of the essence.An extra week, an extra day,or evenan extra hour might mean the differencebetweenmakingor blowing the sale.

Justas I had done

in implementing my techniquesfor find-ing deals, I tried not to dependupon the performanceof any ofthe other parties. From the moment the buyer and seller ver-bally agreed o the terms of a sale,my entire officestaffwas avail-able 24 hours a day. There was no way that I was going toallow my commission to be tied to the abilities and/or motiva-tion of the buyer or seller to get things done,nor to the incompe-



Scoring t43

tence,apatht and/or negligenceof their secretaries, ttorneys, or

accountants.

I recognizedearly on that documents were a key element in

getting a deal closed. consideredsome documents to be so im-

portant that, if a big enough commission was at stake, I would

have one of my secretaries ersonallyfly to a city to pick them up

from one of the parties, then fly to another city to hand-deliver

them to the appropriateparty. Once I was nside the 2O-yard ine,

the stakeswere big enoughand the odds n favor of a closing high

enough o make it worthwhile to risk significant time and capital

in an effort to ward off unnecessarydelays.

My techniques often astonished the employeesof both the

buyer and seller. Life, for them, was quite simple. If someone re-

questedsome information from them, they gathered t at their

leisure,put it in an envelope,applied a first-classpostagestamp,and dropped t in a mail box at the end of the day.To pick up the

telephone and call the information in to the party requesting t,

which might save three or four days, was unthinkable. And to

boardan airplane andhand-carrya document to someonewas to-

tal insanity. OnIy a tortoise would be crazy enough to do such a

thing-and I often did. (Little did I know that a gentleman by the

name of Fred Smith was about to descendupon the Milky WayGalaxywith a long-overdue ervicecalled FederalExpress,which

would alleviate the need o resort to such rashaction.I

Plain and simple, f you aspire o a high success ate when it

comesto getting results, you must shake the habit of assuming

that someone-particularly someone whom you do not know

very well-will see o it that important detailsare taken careof.

Instead,get in the habit of taking matters into your own handsand moving swiftly once the goal line is in sight. Think of your-

self as a great quarterback:When the game gets down to those

final minutes, take control!

I{ all went well, I succeededn advancing he ball to the one-

yard line, the point at which the chips were on the table and the

documentsready o be signed.But that last yard is almost always



144 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

the most brutal. My education at Screw U. had taught me that

when I arrived in town for the long-awaited closing, there were

stiil two potential obstacles hat could keep me {rom scoring.

The first and most awesomeobstaclewas the Attorney Goal

Line Defense.No NFL team can match the Attorney Goal Line

Defense n intensity. Simply put, there is no way that any attor-

ney worth his salt is going to just sit back and allow a deai to

close without at leastputting up a ffght.

There we were-the buyer, the seller, and me-sitting in a

room together, chips on the table, the deal ready to close.Pre-

dictably, at that point, who should appearon the scene?Not Su-

perman . . . not Plasticman . . . not Cookieman. Lo and behold, t

was none other than-alert the media-Legalmanl Onto the fteld

he would trot, flapping his BrooksBrothers cape n the wind and

cackiing ashe openedhis briefcase ull of little deal-killing good-

ies. "Would this be an easyone o kill?" he wondered o himself.

Would hebe able to destroy his deal without working up a sweat,

or would this beone of thoserarebut difftcult challenges or him?

Legalmanwould immediately begin to implement the "he-

we-I" evolution strategy.At the outset/he would talk in terms of

he (the seller) n discussing he property and the closing.Then, in

a relatively short period of time, the word le would subtly evoiveinto we (i.e., the seller and Legalman).At that point, the selier

was no longer in full control of his destiny. Nay, it was now he

and Legalman who were making the decisions. Finally-you

guessedt-Legalman, in a galling display of doublespeak,would

mag1cally transform we into 1 {as n Legalmanl. Some things in

life are nevitable, and Legalman's he-we-I" evolution strategy s

one of those inevitabilities. From that point on, it was entirelyLegalman'sdeal.The buyer andseller had been reduced o bother-

some but necessary ystanders o Legalman'sclosing.

Now, if the buyer and seller were nothing more than ne-

cessarybut bothersomebystanders n the eyesof Legalman,can

you imagine how he viewed The Tortoise? He might have con-

sideredme to bebothersome.but he certainlv could seeno reason



aa:

--_ -..-.--\\| '+-Jt

L t r t t

L-AtJ

/-l*-1- _ -----t

"I haven't given up a score n the last eight deals,

and I don't intend to start now."

I

l:




why I was necessary.As a result, when Legalman made his ini-

tial entrance into the deal, he was usually taken aback by mystrong posture. After all, wasn't I "just a real estate broker?"

What was I even doing at the closing, anywayl How dare not be

intimidated?

In order to understandhow incredible such a situation was

for Legalman to digest, you have to appreciate he fact that there

are many natural predators n the |ungle, creatureswhose sur-

vival dependsupon the killing of their prey.One of those preda-tors is Legalman,and he preysupon deals. I'm not sure whether

that makes him a carnivoreor vegetarian.)The fact is that Legal-

man's {inancial survival dependsupon his ability to kiil deals,

and the creatureswho spawn those dealsare more often than not

salesmen, businessmen,and entrepreneurs.Where Legalman is

concerned,we're talking about a literal life-or-deathmatter here.

After all, if every deal closed smoothl, he could become an en-

dangered pecies.

Talk about a conflict of interest. My singular ocus was to get

the ball over the goal ine, while Legalman's raining had speciff-

cally preparedhim to keep green upstarts like me from moving

the ball that last yard.Anyone who cannot fully grasp he reality

that the primary function of Legalman is to kill deals would be

wise not to step foot in the fungle.Honesty compelsme to add that I do not blame Legalman or

his deal-killing ways, given that his law-school training specift-

cally prepared him {or the life of a predator.A Phi Beta Kappa

friend of mind once told me that during his three years of law

school, the emphasis was almost entirely on how to find prob-

lems. He said he could not remembera

singlecourse hat

wasfo-cusedon how to solveproblems.With that kind of training, why

shouldn't we expectLegalman o be a dealassassin? ringing him

into a deal is like throwing him a pieceof raw meat. (Hmmm . . .

maybehe is a carnivore.)

I knew that Legalman would expect me to come crashing

through the middle of the line to try to pick up that last yard,



Scoring I4V

and that he would set his defensesaccordingly. So, to cross

him up, I would usually try to fi.nessemy way over the goalline. With a well-executed end sweep/or perhapsa screenpass

to the outside, I might just be able to make that last yard un-

touched. Straight up the middle looked far too treacherous to

attempt.

In other words, I never tried to push Legalman or get tough

with him. The big fella with the cape s hard to intimidate, be-

causehis law-school training continually reinforced in his brainthe notion that no one merits a higher station in life than

lawyers.By the same oken,Irealizedthat it would be a fatal mis-

take for me to cower. If there was one thing I had to give Legal-

man credit for, it was his killer instinct. I knew that once he

sensedweaknesson my part, he would ride roughshod over me. If

I adopted he "Yes,Your Highness" attitude that so many of my

comrades n the pack had been ntimidated into acceptingwhen

dealing with attorneys, I knew that Legalmanwould knock the

ball from my graspand most likely recover he fumble.

I therefore displayeda calm, matter-of-fact attitude. When I

spoke, it was with an air that implied that I had no concerns

about anything, and that a ciosing was a foregone conclusion.

Problems did not represent obstacles o a closing, but normal

"points" that had to be "handled" as a natural part of every

deal.Suchan attitude was confusing o Legalman,becausehe ex-

pectedme to display he typical real estateagent'spanic mode.By

acting unconcernedabout each deal-killing goody that he pulled

from his bag, I was able to throw Legalman off balance and

thereby weaken his defenses.He was totally unprepared o deal

with someonewho

seemedto not even acknowledge his deal-

killing treachery.

As Legalman injected one problem after another into the

deal, would say things like, "That's a very good point (not prob-

iem). I'm glad you brought it up." I would then proceedto state

{not ask) a number of ways that we (not just Legalman) would

(not could) handle (nor solve) that particular point lagain,not




problem). But never did I directly challengeLegalman. My atti-

tude was that it was assumedby everyone nvolved that therewas going to be a closing, and that the only purpose of our all

being present was to work together to "handle" the normal

"points" that are nherent in everyclosing. ust businessasusual.

Legalmanhad never been up against a tortoise before. Old

standby "problems" such as needing some obscure document

from the mortgage ender-problems that Legalman had always

counted on to stall a closing for at leasta week or two in ordertogive the FiddleTheory time to take effect-were dissolvedbefore

his very eyes. accomplished this by merely dispatching one of

my secretaries rosscountry to pick up the document in question

and hand-carry t to the party who requestedt.

After handling some of Legalman'sbestshots n this manner,

he might, if I were lucky, begin to tire and conclude hat the long

lunches, golf games,and martini hours he was missing by trying

to keep this strange reptile from traveling one lousy yard were

not worth the effort. Hopefully, then, he would easeup just

enough to allow me to nudge the nose of the ball over the goal

Iine. In other words, t was a war of attrition.

However, in the event Legalman held his ground, I imple-

mented the Boy-Girl Theory as a last resort. In the most casual

mannerf I would say something to the effect of, "Well, I guess

that's it. It looks as though we fust won't be able to close this

one."

When it got to that point, it was time for the seller to fold his

hand or become a big boy. Meaning it was time for him to reas-

sume control of .hisdeal, time to stand up and let it be known

that he was onceagaincalling the shots.

IJnfortunately, not many sellershave the nerve to take such

bold action. About the only thing that seemed o work was to

raise the seller's ear of losing the deal that was on the table, So

if there was no other way to handle Legalman'sGoal-Line De-

fense, here was still hope if I could instill fear n the seller'sheart

that he was about to lose the deal.With the psychologyof the



Scoring t49

Boy-Girl Theory thrashing about in his nimble brain, he might

just be willing to commit heresyand ffnd the nerve to standup to

Legalman.

Before leaving the subject of the Attorney GoaI Line De-

fense, should point out that there is one factor that is evenmore

important than all the techniques I have already described or

overcomingLegalman'sbagof little deal-killing goodies.The fac-

tor I am referring to is financial desperation on the part of the

seller. Unfortunately, a real estate agent has no direct control

over this f.aetor, ut the more desperatehe selier, the better the

chances hat he will not allow Legalman o sabotage he closing.

Even though an agent has no dfuect control over this factor,

he does,of course, have indirect control by virtue of his having

the power to choosewhich dealshe works on, Which getsback

to the strategy o{ working hard to find makeable deals rather

than working on a lot of unmakeable deals n the hopes hat one

will accidentally close. n reality, the degreeof financial despera-

tion on the part of the seller is the single most impottant factorin determining how makeable a deal s. The more financial prob-

lems the seller has, the more successyou'll have in keeping

Legaiman off the playing ff.eld.

In summation, it's importantto grasp he reality that Legal-

man hasbeen, s, and always will be a major obstacle-and, more

often than not, the major obstacle-to closing deals. Since the

general population will never understand that an attorney is no-

thing more than a collegegraduatewith a specialpiece of paper

on his wall that grants him a monopolistic right to practice in-

timidation on civilians, you are at a decided advantage f you do

possess uch an understanding.Further, it is essential or you todevelop echniques or protecting your deals rom the clutchesof

this deal-thirstypredator f you aspire o a high degreeof success

in the |ungle.Surprisingly, he buyer's attorney (asopposed o the seller's

attorney) seldom causedme problems,becausehis client was in

the businessof buying properties. f the buyer was a seriouspro-



l 5 O T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

fessional whose main line of businesswas the purchase of in-

come-producingproperties,his attorney knew all too well that itwas in his best interest to leavehis bag of deal-killing goodiesat

home and do everythingpossible o help his client closesales.

The other obstacle hat usually confronted me at the one-

yard line was the seller's dirty laundry, which could include any

one of a number of surprises.Some of the more common of these

surpriseswere undisclosed,major liens against he property (even

though the seller had repeatedly assured he buyer that none ex-

isted), the mortgageholder's refusal to allow the property to be

transferred from the seller to the buyer (eventhough the seller

had assured the buyer that the mortgageehad already given ap-

proval for the transfer),and many more vacancies han the seller's

offtcial "rent roll" had indicated. {To this day, a favorite trick of

sellers s to ftll vacant apartments with relatives, riends, and em-

ployeesuntil after a closing takes place.)

Sooner or later, a real estate agent needsto come to grips

with the reality that no matter how many times the seller assures

him that all the information he has submitted is correct-that

there are no hidden surprises-there will be severalmajor, undis-

closed items of a deal-killing magnitude that surface as a sale

nears the closing stage.

I always tried to soften the blow of the inevitable dirty laun-

dry by preparing the buyer for it aheadof time. fust as I fore-

warned the seller that there would be a sudden surge of phony

offers once he had a verbal agreement with my buyer, so too did I

warn the buyer that he could count on many negativesurprisesas

we neareda closing.This not only helped o mentally prepare he

buyer for the seller's inevitable dirty laundry, but again made meappear o be very sawy when the inevitableproblemsarose.

Of course, used he same kind of semantics did when turn-

ing Legalman's problems into normal "points" that had to be

"handled" as a part of every closing. I createdan atmosphereof

expectancy rather than surprise with regard o the inevitable ap-



Scoring 15tr

pearanceof the seller's dirty laundry. In addition, I found that

most sophisticatedbuyershad enoughexperience o tealize hat aseller'sclosing surprisesare simply part of the game. My objec-

tive was to just try to eiiminate asmuch of the shock value of the

dirty laundry aspossible.

If the problemscould be resolvedby sending someone o an-

other city to pick up a document or administer somepersuasion,

again took matters into my own hands and did what had to be

done.However, if the problem could not be resolvedby physical

means, here was always the hope that I could persuade he seller

to lower his selling price enough to adjust for the dirty laundry

that appeared n the sceneat the last moment.

If that didn't work, I tried to see f either a sale-leaseback r

contingent-paymentsale could satisfyboth sides.Al l else ailing,

my last resortwas to again all back on the psychology of the Boy-

Girl Theory. I would talk to the buyer in private and remind him

of all the reasonswhy it was a gooddeal,hoping to createa sense

of fearover the possibility that he might lose the " girl."

Of course, f the dirty laundry was too outrageous-as was

often the case-at some point I had to be willing to walk away

from the deal.As I pointed out in the Theory of Sustenance f a

Positive Attitude through the Assumption of a Negative Result,

there are often factors that are beyondone'scontrol. As a result,

no matter how well I managed o finesse my way past Legal-

man, the seller's dirty laundry would often stop me before I

crossed he goal ine.

But even if I managed to get past both Legalman and the

seller's dirty laundry, I still had to complete the fffth and final

selling stepo{ selling: getting paid.

After all the time, errergy,and money I had spent in obtain-

ing the product, locating a buyer, implementing a marketing

method, and closing the sale, t was all for naught if I didn't get

credit for the score. f I was careless noughto commit an infrac-

tion on the touchdown play,all the effort I had expended o move



152 To Be o r No t to Be In t im ida te d?

the ball downfield was meaningless,becauseclosing a deal and

not getting paid is analogous o scoring the winning touchdownand having it calledback becauseof a penalty.

Above all, then, I had to become an expert at avoiding a"penalty" once I got into scoring position, and I realized that myability to do so very much dependedupon my ability to defendmyself against he intimidators who were ready o pounce on methe moment I tried to touch the ball.



CHeprn

"L1

Ir DonsN'rCouNtIJNrrr rnn PorNrs

Anp oN THE SconBsoARD

lf-n successfully accomplishing the first four steps of selling,

ll *ort of my efforts were directly or indirectly geared oward

fl ,.rcceeding at the fffth and most important step: getting

paid. Contrary to what most peoplenaively assume, he object of

the game s not to close deals.The object is to walk away with

chips in your hand.

In real estate brokerage,selling a property is only a means

to an end, that end being the pocketing of a commission by

the real estateagent. As I have repeatedly stated, there's a big dif-

ferencebetween eatning a commission and teceiving a commis-

sion. When I closed a sale, I was fully aware that I had only

earned-not received-a commission.And to make certain that I

153



\ 5 4 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

never lost sight of what my real objectivewas, I carrieda second

card in my wallet that contained yet another literarv master-piece, o wit:

Closing deals s so much trash,If you, my friend, don't get no cash.

Again, no Nobel Prize.Maybe someday.

In some of the most trendysuccess ndhow-to books, hereis usually a greatdealof emphasisplacedon doing what,s in theclient's best interest, and I totally concur with the idea of goingthe extra mile for one'sclient. Above all, I believe n the conceprof value-for-value.Nonetheless, t's curious to me that no bookever seems o addresswhat's in the best interest of the salesman,broker, ftnder, or other personwho puts the deal ogether-in real

estate or any other field. Above all, I have never seenanythingwritten in any success r salesbook about how to accomplish themost important stepof selling:getting paid.

At ScrewU. I had come to the conclusion that the emphasisof most salesmen,entrepreneurs, nd deal-makerss misdirected.It is, indeed, noble to have the client,s best interest at heart, butyour wife and kids might feel just a bit more secure f you also

bad your (and their) best nterest at heart aswell. I never walkedaway from a closing without feeling that I hadperformeda valu-able servicefor my client, so I had no trouble sleepingat night onthat score.What was a problem,however/was that the principalsin most of my dealsseemed o considerme to be out of line if I inany w^y suggested hat I wanred to make certain I got paid. Incaseyou hadn't noticed, there'snot a whole lot of altruism in the

fungle.There is no conflict of interest in doing what you agreed o

do for someoneand gettingpaid{or doing it. In selling real estate,I found that the only conflict is the one created n the seller'smind when it suddenly occurs to him that if he doesn,tpay the



It Doesn't Count llntil the Points Are on the Scoteboatd 15 5

real estateagentthe agreed-upon ommission, t will mean more

chips in his pocket. All I did was put a stop to allowing the sellerto intimidate me into thinking that my only concern should

be his welfare, and that being concernedabout my own needs

was in some way unethical' Such thinking is sheer, ntimidating

rubbish.

If you're over2I , you are certainly aware that one of the

most commonly used ntimidation ploys is to make a person feel

guilty for not properly concerning himself with the other per-son's welfare; i.e., concentrating too much on his own well-be-

ing. We hear this kind of gibberish rom shameless oliticians all

the time. During election campaigns, hey love to rail on end-

lessly about the disparity between "the rich" and "the poor'"

Welcome to the world: Of course here'sa disparity between peo-

ple at the top of the ffnancial ladder and those at the bottom'

There'ssupposedo be! That's what freedomandfree markets are

all about. To paraphraseWill Durant, freedom and equality are

sworn and everlasting enemies. Nonetheless, political rabble-

rousers have been winning the minds of the masses through

class-warfare ntimidation since the days of the Greek and Ro-

man Empires.

Remember, the Theory of Intimidation states that the re-

sults apersonobtainsare nversely proportionate o the degree o

which he is intimidated. By developingtechniques to dramati-

cally improve my posture, positioned myself for accomplishing

my ultimate objective-getting paid. In the final analysis,what I

really did was separatemyself from the rest of the pack by learn-

ing how to copewith intimidating peopleand thereby increasing

my chancesof receivingwhat I earned.

Speciftcally,as a closing drew near, I took three important

steps o maintain my strongposture:

l. I kept my finger on the pulse of the deal 24 hours a day so I

could pinpoint the time and place of the closing.



156 T o B e o r N o t t o B e In t im id a te d ?

2. I continued to nurture my relationship with the buyer in the

hopes hat, at a minimum, I would havehis moral support.

3. I showedup at the closing with my attorney, and countedonthe UniversaiAttorney-to-Attorney RespectRule asmy insur_ancepolicy if all else ailed.

If, despite my strong posture and all the precautionsI had

taken, the seller still tried to cut off my ffngerswhen I reachedfor my chips, I dispensedwith the niceties and drew my mentalsaber from its sheath. At that point, tactfulness was set aside,and it was showdown time. Regardless f whether the sellerwastrying to stealpart or all of my commission, I was militant whenit came to protecting my chips. My attitude was unyieldrng,solidly backedby the wisdom of the Bluff Theory, which states:

The secret o bluffing is to not bluff .In other words, never lay down an ultimatum unlessyou,re

prepared o follow through with it. Wealthy people,as you haveundoubtedly observed, end to beexcellentbluffers.My TypeNum-ber One professorat Screw U. had taught me the importance offtnancial staying power. He was always prepared o walk awayfrom a deal,because here was no one deal that was rife or deathto him. If borrowers thought he was bluffing, they did so at theirown peril. He wasn't. When he threatened o walk away from adeal, he meant it. He was always the intimidator, and theprospectiveborrower either willingly accepted he role of intimi-dateeor he didn't get the loan. Role assignmentswere not subiectto negotiation with my professor.

If the secret o not bluffing was to havestaying power,and fwealth was the backboneof such power, recognized hat I wouldhave to ffnd a substitute for wealth-at least until I reachedapoint where I, too, possessed ignificantffnancial resources.Com_mon sense old me that the only logical substitute was determi-nation. The nice thing about determination is that it,s iust as



It Doesn't Count Until the PointsAte on the Scoteboard 157

available to you and me as it is to Bill Gates. I simply drew an

imaginary line in my gray matter and said to myself, "This is

where intimidation stops.Beyond his line, all bluffs get called."

with determination as my substitute for wealth, if the seller

started to reach for my chips, I moved swiftly in an effort to

throw a monkey wrench into the closing. It was critical not to

get lulled into fiddling while the horse was making a dash for

the barn door. If I allowed a closing to occur without getting

paid, the problem of securing my chips would become nfinitely

Sreatet.If the sellerdid manage o make it through the closingwith-

out paying my commission, and if he continued to refuse o pay

me within a short period of time thereafter, then had no choice

but to resort to the one thing I speciffcally had been trying to

avoid from the day I first talked to the seller: egal action. unfor-

tunately, becauseof the way the legal system works in the U'S',

even the winner of a lawsuit usually endsup losing' Legalman's

fee-building techniquesvirtually guarantee his. But if that was

the only courseof action left to me, I did not hesitate to take it. I

wasn't bluffing.

Thankfully, more often than not things went asplanned,and

I didn't have to resort tolegal action. It was a great feeling to

be able to trot into the end zone untouched, and exhilarating to

look back over my shoulder and see that no penalty flags had

been dropped.Then, and only then, could I delight in watching

the points go up on the scoreboard.

At that point-and only at that point-I had completed the

final and most important step of selling: Setting pcid' When the

gamewas over, was not alwaysthe most popularguy at the clos-

ing, but I had long agodecided hat I would rather have the seller

taking my name in vain as I waiked away with my chips than

have him talking about what a nice guy I was as I walked away

without rny fingers.

In the final chapters of this book, I relate blow-by-blow de-




scriptions of the deals closed during the first complete year in

which I put my reality-basedphilosophy and techniques nto ac_tion. Thesedeals esulted n my receiving$949,901 n real estatecommissions/ yet I was the same tortoise who had barked for a$1,250 bone just a couple years before-with one exception:Myshell was now protectedby an intimidation-shield coating of thehighest quality.



t-1 1l nUneprE" I )

THn RprunN or THr,Tonrotse

he last time I had ventured into the state of Missouri-

almost two yearsearlier n St. Louis-I returnedhome de-

moralized and defeated. had dared to stepout of line and

challenge he precedent hat it was okay for principals to inflict

cruel and unusual punishment on real estateagents. had scored

a touchdown and audaciouslysuggestedhat the points be put on

the scoreboard. had beenthe bad ittle tortoise who had tried to

reach in the cookie iar and ended up getting spanked, he wise-

guy real estateagentwho had the gall to expect to be paid his full

commission iust becausehe had been successful n selling the

owner'sproperty at a price that was acceptable o him. It was in

St. Louis where I had presumptuouslyreached or my chips and,

t59



15O To Be or No t to Be In t im ida ted?

aspunishment for my crime, had had my entire hand cut off by a

white-hat seller.It was my devastatingexperience n St.Louis,more than any

other, that had prompted me to vow to find a way to strengthenmy posture.I had promisedmyself that I would leapfrog o a newlevel and that I would find a way to make certain that in the fu-ture I would actually receive what I earned. t was only fitting,then, that less than two yearsafter the low point of my careeratScrewU. I should return to the state of Missouri to work on thebiggestdeal of my life. It was also a poetic coincidence hat mysecondMissouri dealhappened o approximate he sizeof my ear-lier St. Louis sale.

I first made contactwith the three partners the,,BoozeBroth-

ers, so called for their unwavering commitment to make hardliquor an integral part of every meeting-morning, noon, andnight) who owned the KansasCity propertiesshortly after mak-ing the decision to work full time on large, ncome-producingreal estate. (It is noteworthy to point out that had it not beenfor the Leapfrog Theory, I never would have pursued the Kan-sasCity deal,because still would have been ocusedon second-mortgage oans.)After a couple weeks of analysisand numeroustelephone conversationswith the BoozeBrothers,

decidedthatthe deal looked makeableenough to warrant my investing someserioustime and money. It goeswithout saying hat I cautionedthe BoozeBrothersover the phone that I personallywould havetoinspect the propertiesbefore could ,,makea commitment.,,

The best writer in Hollywood could not haveput together amore dramatic scdpt. How different it was from my previous ex-perience in

Missouri only a short time before. n the St. Louisdeai, I had been assuredby my Type Number TWoprofessor hathis integrity was beyond reproach and that I had no need for asignedcommission agreement.His self-righteousness ad totallyintimidated me. But when I arrived in KansasCity, my posturewas very different. I was the expert from af.ar, nd, as such, wasalmost immune to intimidating tactics.



The Returnof The Tottoise 16l

The fact that the eight properties were spread hroughout a

number of small towns (in both Missouri and Kansas|close to Kan-

sas City made my inspection task unusually difficult' Luckily,

the owners felt that there was nothing too good for the expert

from afar,so they rented a small, privateplane for the inspection

tour. This made t possible for me to complete my inspection of

al l eight apartment developmentswithin 24 hours after my ar-

rival. When I ftnished this meaningless,exhausting tour, there

was only one thing I knew for certain: I never again wanted to

see a garbagedisposal,air-conditioning unit, or cheap wall-to-

wall carpeting.

Then came the big moment-not for me, but the owners' I

did some incoherent mumbling, punched a few buttons on my

calculator, then played out a dramatic pause that would have

made Marlon Brandoenvious' The ownerswere in luck. The ex-

pert from af.arhadbeen atisfiedwith the inspection, and his cal-

culations had come up positive. While cautioning the Booze

Brothers not to become overly optimistic, The Tortoise merci-

fully let them know that he thought he might be able to "do

something" with their properties. There is no greater feeling of

brotherhood han giving hope to a threesomeof alcoholics.

By sheercoincidence, happened o have eightpretyped

"un-derstandings"with me-one for eachproperty-which I matter

of factly pulled from my briefcaseat iust the right moment. I em'

phasized hat the understandingscould, of course,be terminated

unilaterally at any ime, and that they did not preclude the own-

ers from working with other agentsregarding the sale of their

properties. Beforeyou could say, "Pardon me, did you say you

were a broker?" the understandingswere signed and the expertfrom afarhad disappearedacross he wheat fi.eldsof Missouri. |ust

who was that scaly green stranger, anyway?Was he forJeal, or

had the owners ust been dreaming that an expert from afar had

descended pon them? Would he everreturn?

Not to worry. The Tortoise's return trips were to be numer-

ous. But first there was an important item that had to be taken




careof. while I hadobtainedone of my threeessential egal ools-

signed commission agreements or each of the properties-I didnot have a real estate icense n either Kansas r Missouri. Shortlybefore ffrst contacted he BoozeBrothers,however, had nquiredabout becominga licensedreal estatebroker n both states. hadalreadybegunworking my way through the massivered tape hathad to be dealt with in order to be scheduled o take both real es-tate broker's examinations, but at the time I signed the KansasCity agreements had not yet taken the test in either state.

Once the eight commission agreementswere signed,how-ever, t becamea top priority to dowhateverwasnecessaryo ob_tain the appropriate icenses.The hard lesson I had previouslylearned in the Missouri Massacrewas still fresh in my mind: Aselier is not legally obligated to pay a real estatecommission toanyone who is not licensed n the statewhere the property is lo_cated. I had long agoresignedmyself to the realities of the gov_ernment protection racket {i.e.,

,,l icensing,,),and accepted he

fact that the only way to deal with it was to comply.Accordingly, in the weeks following my initial visit to Kan-

sasCity, while working to find prospectivebuyersfor the proper_ties, I also made time to travel to |effersonCity, Missouri, andTopeka, Kansas, o take the real estate

examinationsfor Missouriand Kansas.Luckily, I passedboth tests,andshortly afterwardre-ceived my real estatebrokerage icense n both states. then pos-sessed wo of the three legal tools necessaryo give real power tomy posture a f.arcry from the Missouri Massacre n which I hadpossessed one of the necessaryegal tools.

The KansasCity dealwas a milestone in my career n that itwas the first

time I had speciffcallygearedall my efforts towardmaking certain that I got paid if a sale was ftnalized. Tellingfriends and acquaintanceshat I had closedanothermultimillion-dollar dealno longer itillated me. To my chagrin, found that mygrocer and landlord dealt only in cash,not closings.So this timearound in Missouri, my main emphasiswas on making certalnthat I walked awaywith my chips.



The Return of The Tortoise r63

After my first trip to KansasCity, I worked nonstop putting

togethera detailed,accuratepresentation of the BoozeBrothers'

eight properties, then sent it (by certified mail, of course) to a

number of qualified buyers. t was about a month later that I reg-

istered (alsoby certified mail) with the BoozeBrothersa real es-

tate investment trust that had showed a gteatdeal of interest in

their properties.

After a number of telephone conversationswith the presi-

dent of the real estate nvestment trust ("Ernest Ego") and the

BoozeBrothers, Ernest indicated that he was prepared o travel

to KansasCity to inspect the propertiesand meet with the own-

ers.Another inspection-ugh! More garbagedisposals,more air-

conditioning units, more bricks to stare at. Everyonepretended

as though they were intensely interested in every aspect of the

tackily constructedapartments, hough I had the feeling that the

BoozeBrotherswere just hoping that none of the buildings would

collapseduring Ernest'sobligatory nspection.

Finally, the time came o sit down in the BoozeBrothers'of-

fice and see f we could structurea deal.The discussionswent ex-

traordinarily well, so much so that in a relatively short period of

time Ernestwas prepared n principle to buy the properties'

When Ernest and I left Kansas City {with mymaking cer-

tain that he boardedhis plane before I boardedmine), all three

entities-i.e., Ernest, he BoozeBrothers, andThe Tortoise-were

in agreementon the general erms o{ the deal. Unlike so many

nightmares of the past, it was not just the buyer and seller who

had worked out a verbal agreement/ while that unnecessary

nuisance-the real estateagent-panted and dutifully waited in

the reception room. I had taken charge rom the beginning, andeverystep of the way my focuswas on keepinga tight grip on the

reignssoI would be n a position o getpaid f the saleclosed.

It hadn't goneunnoticed by me that' from the outset/ Ernest

seemedunusually anxious o make the deal.His public company

was only a coupleyearsold, but in the past 12 months or so he

had made severalmaior acquisitions. In studying his company's



! 64 To Be o r No t to Be In t im ida ted?

annual report, it was clear that if Ernest succeededn purchasing

the eight KansasCity properties, t would elevatehis firm from asmall, rapidly growing real estate nvestment trust to a seriousforce o be reckoned with in the real estate ndustry. For this rea-son, t was obvious that he wanted the dealbadly.

I therefore sensed that it was the right deal, in the rightplace,at the right time-and that I was the right tortoise, in theright place, at the right time. For a real estate agentt his is asgoodas t gets.

First/ you have to be prepared;secoDd, ou have to find theright opportunity; third, you have to come through at the mo-ment of truth. Most people get plenty of opportunities duringtheir lifetimesf so that's rarely the issue.What counts s how wellprepared hey areand how good they arc at taking advantageofopportunities when such opportunities make their appearance.had beenblessedwith many excellent opportunities in the past,but had blown them because wasn,t prepared.That, however,wes no longer the case.There was no way that I wasgoing to al-low myself to be intimidated, because was now dealing rom aposture of strength. My image was excellent, and,of utmost im-portance, had all three legal ools locked safelyaway n my files.

In addition, I had donean outstanding jobof securingall theinformation Ernest had requested n the performanceof his due

diligence,and I was now following through on everydetail. Wasit possible, I wondered to myself, that it was meant for me toreturn to Missouri-the state where the St. Louis debaclehadoccurred-to prove that I ftnally understood how to handle themaster ntimidators of the Businessworld ungle?Could thereac-tually be justice

for reptiles in a world infested by white-hattedhumanoids?

After a couple more weeksof hammering out the detailsviatelephone,we all lagain,me included)decided hat it was time romeet in KansasCity and try to finalize the terms of a sale.Thistime, however, there were three additional parties involved in the



The Return of The Tortoise 165

transaction: the BoozeBrothers'attornet Ernest Ego'sattorney,

and-you guessedt-The Tortoise'sattorney!By now, nothing that the expert from afar did could surprise

either Ernest or the BoozeBrothers, but it was difficult for their

attorneys to fathom the idea of a real estate agent being repre-

sentedby an attorney at a closing. Truly, these were uncharted

waters for Legalman.

I of course went through the formality of properly acknowl-

edgingall of Legalman'snormal deal-killing goodiesas "points"

that would have to be "handled" so we could get on with the clos-

ing. When appropriate, stated (not asked)many ways that we

{not just Legalman}would (not could} handle (not solve} he par-

ticular points (not problemsI n question.

I also had some help in ffnessingmy way around Legalman.

As I pointed out, I had determined from the outset that Ernest

was anxious to make a deal n order to speed he elevation of his

companyto a more exaltedstatus.The price that he indicated he

was willing to pay was, in my opinion, considerably n excessof

the true market value of the properties. nterestingly, though, the

price we had beendiscussingwas still considerably ess han the

original asking price of the principals, which again emphasized

the reality thata sellernevergiveshis true price at the outset.

Though they came acrossas "Aw, shucks" cowboys, he fact

is that the BoozeBrotherswere no dummies. Above all, they were

excellent actors, and they knew full well that the price we were

talking about-approximately $2.7 million over and above the

combined mortgages-was a golden opportunity to unload their

cardboard-and-scotch-tapepartment complexesat a hugeprofit.

Being superbsalesmen hemselves, the Booze Brothers,for

effect,continued to cry the blues and complain about the price all

through the negotiations. However, while putting on an admit-

tedly convincing show, heir desire o closethe deal could be seen

in their actions, and that desirewas critical to my being able to

offset the Attorney Goal Line Defense. I felt pretty certain that




behind closed doors they were tossing Legalman biscuits and

trying to keep him in his cage.Oscar-winning performancesofdissatisfaction notwithstanding, it was obvious that they wereanxious o finalize the sale.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed witnessing the BoozeBrothers performances. 'd rather watch an experienced eal es-tate developerhype, con, and lie his way through a deal than siton the SO-yardine at a SuperBowl game.And when you,re ucky

enough to get three of them together in one deal, they feed oneach other's performancesmuch like great Broadwaystars. Tothis day, admire their professionalism(asactors, hat is).

Nonetheless, felt securewith the BoozeBrothers,becauserecognized hem as Type Number Ones. From the outset theyhad made it clear that the name of the gamewas to get the bestpossibledeal for themselves,and I appreciated heir candor.As Iexplained earlier, if you're prepared when you deal with a TypeNumber One, he's the least dangerousof all |ungle creatures. ou

alwaysknow exactly whereyou stand with him, which givesyouthe opportunity to implement whatever precautionarymeasuresyou deemnecessary.

The negotiations and legaldocumentation went on for threedays,night and day, and had everyone walking around in a stuporfrom mental and physical exhaustion. On the secondday, not-withstanding my strongposture, he BoozeBrothersbegan o hintthat there might be a need to perform the usual commissiondec-tomy. (Those eaderswho sell real estate or a living are no doubtfamiliar with the term commissiondectomy.Itis a delicatesurgi-cal procedureaimed at removing all or part of a real estateagent,scommission from his grasp.Sadly,most real estate

agentspracti-

cally volunteer for this pain{ul operation by leaving their com-missions unprotected and exposed o the avariciousappetitesof[unglepredators.l

The Booze Brothers pointed out that Ernest and they werestill several hundred thousand dollars apart, with no apparentway of closing the gap. t seemed o them that the only way the



'*('

(,

bil--,-a\N},,I\ 'r/t

-</

"It's gettingharder and harder to remove

these things from rePtiles."




deal could be put togetherwas for The Tortoise to be more ,,rea_

sonable"with regard o his commission,but I quickly assured lithe parties hat I had no interest n submitting to a commission-dectomy procedure.

To my dismay, however, my tough stancedid not seem toruffle anyone,and I was pretty certain that i knew the reason ortheir conftdence.All the partieswere fully awareof two of the le-gal tools I had in my bag-signed commission agreementsor the

eight properties and certified mail registeringErnest,scompanyas the buyer-but they undoubtedly assumed hat The Tortoisewasnot licensed o sell realestate n either Kansas r Missouri. Af-ter all, it would have beenunheardof for anyone o havethe fore-sight-let alone the willingness to spend he time andmoney_tofight his way through all the red tape, apply for real estate bro-kerage icenses in two far-off states/study the rearestate icens-

ing Iaws of those states/ hen travel thousandsof mires to takethe required examinations and become ordainedby their stategovelnments.

No question about it, their assumption was reasonable. tdefinitely was unheard of for someoneto go to such extremes-unless,of course, hat someonewas a relentless ortoise who hadundergonea major commissiondectomy in the very same stateless than two years earlier.

Though I can never prove it, I have always felt certain thatbetween the second and third days of our closing meetings inKansasCity, the BoozeBrothers,attorne, asa formality, checkedwith the Kansasand Missouri Real Estatecommissions to con-ftrm that I was not a licensedbroker in either state.The reasonfor my belief is that the atmospherechangeddramaticaly whenwe met on the third day. Here they were-Ernest, the BoozeBrothers,and their respectiveattorneys-in the midst of what ap-peared o be a routine commissiondectomy,when, on the thirdday, everyone suddenly seemed o be very concernedabout myunwillingness to submit to the operation.

As the hours passed, ncreasing time and attention were



The Return of The Tortoise 16 9

devotedto the commission "problem," with more and more of

the conversationbeing directedat my attorney and me. To their

dismay, however, we didn't budge an inch. I was absoluteiy {asci-

nated by how an agreed-upon-in-advanceayment for a job well

donecould be verbally transformed nto a "problem." I kept won-

deringwhat word they would have used to describe he situation

had I not produced a buyer for their Leggo-like properties'

The attorneys worked into the early hours of the morning

to get all the documentation in order and sort out al l the legal

details related to the sale of the eight major properties. Secre'

taries typed away frantically, copying machines ran continuously,

and a variety of strangepeople dashed n and out of the Booze

Brothers'attorney'soffices o sign mysterious documents'

When we finally stoppedworking at the end of the third day,

it was two o'clock in the morningand everyone was thoroughly

exhausted.Ernest, the BoozeBrothers, my attorney, and I went

back to the motel wherewe were all staying. (TheBoozeBrothers

lived in Lawrence,Kansas,but the closing was scheduled o take

place in Kansas City, Missouri, so they, too, were staying over-

night.) As we climbed the stairs on the way to our second-floor

rooms, Ernest suggestedhat we all come to his room "to relax

andkick arounda few points."Now, I might be a tortoise, but I'm not so slow that it wasn't

obvious to me that Ernest, following another grueling, 16-hour

workday, had better things to do at two o'clock in the morning

than iust "relax and kick around a few points" with a trio of

drunks and guy walking around with a shell on this back.

As we climbed the stairs, I thought to myself, "This is it'

You'vewaited almost two years or this moment. You've enduredendless rustration and humiliation, but, in typical tortoise fash-

ion, you kept trudging ahead. You studied, you analyzed, you

planned,you followedthrough.And this time you're prepared' t's

clearthat the ball is going to go over the goal line; the only ques-

tion is whether or not you're going to get credit for the score.And

that's going to be determined by whether or not you allow your-



r70 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

self to be intimidated, make a mistake,and have he touchdown

calledback.You have to play it cool, rememberthat the only wayto bluff is to not bluff, andhave he self-disciplineand determina-tion to do the right thing rather than yield to the temptation toact on emotion." As I enteredErnest,s oom/ I reminded myselfthat nothing about this deal had happenedby accident, and Imentally vowed that I would maintain control of the situation toassurehat no last-minutepenaltiesoccurred.

Beforedescribingwhat took place in Ernest,s oom/ I shouldpoint out that there was anothersignificant factor in this dear. naddition to the approximately l,2SOapartment units that madeup the eightproperties,Ernestand the BoozeBrothers lanned oenter tnto a contingent agreement or Ernest,scompany to pur_chasenearly 1,000additional units that were to be built in thenear uture.

It was unclear as to whether I, as the licensed real estareagentwho had initially brought Ernest and the BoozeBrothers o-gether, would be entitled to a commission on these additionalproperties f andwhen a dealwasconsummated.When I had origi-nally discussed he eight propertieswith Ernest, I also pointedout to him the possibility of purchasing additional units to bebuilt in the future, so I certainly had a reasonable laim

to a com-mission on theseproperties.However,up until the meeting n hismotel room/ everyone nvolved, including myself, had conspicu-ously avoided talking about where The Tortoise stood with re-gard o the to-be-built units.

After we assembled n Ernest,sroom/ the BoozeBrotherswent through a continuation of their Oscar-worthy performancesabout how much of their

own cash hey had put into the buildingof their apartment developments (even though later, manymonths after the closing, they laughingly told me how they had,in fact, ovetfinanced the projects-meaning that they had actu-ally put money into their pockets rom the ftnancingthey had ob-tained for constructionf and how they would barely realize aprofit from the saleas t was now structured.



The Return of The Tbrtoise 17',!

Ernest made it clear that he had already agreed o a higher

price than he should have (andhe was absolutely right), and ap-

pealed o my rationality. There was no way that the deal could

standa $375,000 ommission 3 percentof approximately$12'5

million). Surely The Tortoise would not blow up a sale of this

magnitude by refusing to accept a commission in the range of

$150,000o $200,000. ealestateagents ust weren'tsupposedo

make$375,000

on onedeal.My impertinence was galling. Wotse,

I couldn't evenseem o conjureup the decency o feel guilty.

It was, in fact, the defining moment that soonerot later ar-

rives n every contest n life: To be or not to be ntimidated! That

is the question.

Even though I still had a strong posture, in no small way

aidedby my having the right legal tools on my side,Ernest and

the BoozeBrotherswere countingon my sanity and ogic. Surely I

would not be crazyenough o throw away the opportunity to earn

a handsome,six-ffgurecommission; surel! I would see he logic

in taking a $150,000 commission rather than no commission

at all.

But Ernest and the BoozeBrothers knew nothing about my

undergraduatedays at ScrewU. Or about my previous involve-

ment in the Missouri Massacre. r aboutmy agonizingwait of al-most two years or this very moment to occur. Or about the fact

that nothing in this dealhad happenedby accident.Or about my

beingwell aware hat this was the right sellerand the tightbtyet

in the right placeat the right time.

It was the perfect situation, one I had long dreamedabout' It

was time to put it all on the line. It was time to bluff by not bluff-

ing. It was time to go for the touchdown and not be intimidatedinto settling lor a measly field goal. It was time to suck it in and

hang tough. My determination was unwavering. I had taken my

stand,and there would be no backing down. I could almost hear

the crowds chanting, "Green Power! Greenpower!"

After repeated, ain attempts to try to 8et me to come to my

senses,Ernest and the BoozeBrothersbegan o get testy. Timing



-

[ 1 2 T o B e o r N o t t o B e In t im id a te d ?

is a critical factor in every deal, and I knew that the time was

right for my now historic TortoiseBriefcaseAddress.In a dead-pan/ matter-of-fact manner, I said, ,Boys,there,sno sensegoingaround n circles al l night. It looks like we aren,tgoingto be ablework this dealout, so let's just write if off to experience.Hey, it,snot the last deal n the world."

I then looked at Ernest and said, ,'Don,t worry, I,m workingon a lot of other properties.Sooneror later, I,l1 comeacrossa dealfor you where the mathematicsmake sense.,, hen I turned tothe Booze Brothers and said, "As to your properties, ,ve beentalking to several other prospectivebuyers, and I think I cancrank up some serious nterest in the next coupleof weeks.,, youcan ust imagine how happyErnestwas to hear hat.l

I then put my papersback in my briefcase,closed it, andsnappedhe latches shut-very slowly-one latch at a time. ThenI rose,smiled pieasantly,started oward the door,paused, lancedback over my shoulder, and, in the most cavalier manner, said,"Wlty don't you guys get some sleep. ,ll be in touch with you inthe next coupleof weeks."

I was consciousof my everymove and every word as I com-pleted the Tortoise BriefcaseAddress n a style that rivaled someof the Booze Brothers' greatestperformances.

will always re-member the distance-I was approximately three feet from thedoor-when Ernest and the BoozeBrothers yelled out, in unison/"Waitl" That was the most telltale word anyonehad ever spokento me. That one word confi.rmed hat I had beenright all along-that this was the right buyer and the right seller n the right placeat the right time.

WhatErnest had meant by that one word was that there wasno wa, after all the effort he had put into this deal, hat he was

going to miss the opportunity to propel his company into a sig-nificant real estate nvestment trust just because ome eal estatebroker happened obe uazy.

As for the Booze Brothers,the word wait was their way ofsaying that there was no way, afterall the work they had done,



The Return of The Tbrtoise 173

that they were going to miss the opportunity to pocket a $2+mil-

lion proftt just becausesomereal estatebroker was too stupid to

understand he consequences f his actions.

Unbeknownst to either Ernest or the BoozeBrothers, from

the outset of this deal I had operated under the assumption

that I would never receive a dime for the sale of the to-be-built

units. First I realized, hat there was at least a reasonablear-

gument that I was not legally entitled to a commission on those

units. Second, 've never had any faith in contingent closings.

How was I to know if the apartments would ever be built, and,

even if they were, how could I be sure that Ernest would ever

complete the purchase?And the way the Brothers Boozedrank,

how could I be certain that they would even ive that long? Sadly,

one of them did passaway not too many yearsafter the closing.I

I againmade t clear that therewas absolutely no negotiation

regardingmy 3 percentcommission for the sale of the eight prop-

erties.However, "iust as a matter of trying to help pull this deal

together," I said that I would consider taking an additional

$50,000cash right now in lieu of any future commission on the

units to be completed and purchasedat a later date. In other

words, I was going to give the BoozeBrothers (and, heoretically,

Ernestf he opportunity to saveseveralhundred thousanddollars{my potential commission) down the road by coming up with a

mere $50,000more right now.

When Ernest and the BoozeBrothers came out of the ether,

the commission we ftnally agreed upon as a comprcmise was

$426,901lg-about $50,000more than the approximately $375,000

commission I had been shooting for. Let me tell you, that kind of

compromisemadeup for a lot of pastcommissiondectomies.In the end,ErnestEgoand the BoozeBrothersstructured the

KansasCity deal so there would be two closings,asideand apart

from the contingent purchaseof the to-be-built apartments for

which I had agreed o forfeit any claims to a commission. Four of

the properties were closed mmediately, for which I received a

commission of $221,446.50. he secondclosing, for the remain-



-


ing four apartment developments,was setfor two months hence,

and would result in my receiving an additional commission of$205,454.89.

When I had vowed to leapfrog o a new level and ffnd a wayto actually pocket what I earned, had no idea hat I would returnto Missouri soil to make goodon my vows. It was a greatendingfor what easily could have been a movie script. Happily, though,it wasn't a script; it was real life. For the ff.rst ime, I had experi-

enced he thrill of a major victory over big-leaguentimidators.Driving over the bridge separating downtown KansasCity

from the old airport, my commission check safely ocked away inmy briefcas€,Dy attorney looked over at me and asked,,'Well,

how do you feel?"

Without hesitating, looked at him and replied, ,Deserving.,,



Cnaprr.16

THpRr,runx or THETonrorsr:Penr II

he secondKansasCity closing, ike all closings,had more

than its shareof problems.For starters,much of the dirty

laundry that normally comes o the surface ust prior to a

closing predictably did not show up until after the ftrst Kansas

City salewas consummated. With eachnew surprise, Ernest Ego

became ncreasinglyupsetwith the BoozeBrothersand more hesi-

tant aboutclosing on the secondgroupof apartments.About two weeks before the scheduled second closing, Er-

nest's attorney sent a letter to the Booze Brothers' attorney in

which he stated hat before the secondclosing could take place,

the dirty laundry discovered since the ffrst closing would have to

be rectiffed. He encloseda copy of a letter from Ernest that l isted

no less than29 unpleasant surpriseshe had been confronted with

t75




since taking over the first four properties. suddenly had visions

of my additional $205,000+commission going down the drain

along with the BoozeBrothers' dirty laundry.

The next day, Ernest's attorney sent another letter to the

Booze Brothers' attorneyt this one listing a number of legal and

tax problems that he had discoveredsince he first closing. I had a

feeling that Ernest's attorney, at his direction, was reaching into

his bag of deal-killing goodies o gum up the works, becauseEr-

nest was probably looking f.ora way to back out of the second

closing.

From my standpoint,there was too much at stake to surren-

der without a fight, so I rolied up my sleevesand worked around

the clock to try to resolve he problemsand pull the deal back to-

gether. I employed everypsychologicaltool at my disposal o try

to keep peacebetween Ernest and the Booze Brothers. Things

were becoming very heated between them, and the BoozeBroth-

ers made it clear to me that they felt they had a valid purchase

agreement with Ernest for the secondgroup of properties.They

alsomade t clear hat they weregoing o institute a massive aw-

suit against Ernest'scompany if he did not go through with the

secondclosing.

I was experiencedenough by this time to know that theworst possibleway to try to get the other side to accede o your

wishes is to make hostile threats, so I urged the Booze Brothers

not to threaten Ernest with a lawsuit. I remindedthem that there

was big money involved, and that threats would only succeed n

provoking Ernest into taking a tougher stand. f you push a per-

son to the point where he feels that he has to stand his ground n

order to save ace-sort of a knee-jerk,machoresponse-emotiontends to overrule ogic.

I told the BoozeBrothers hat I would set up a conferencecall

with Ernest, andthat if we ali kept calm andworked together, he

"points" (that old standby word for "problems") in question

could be "handled." I then made a separate ali to Ernest and as-



The Return of The Tortoise: Part II t 77

suredhim that the BoozeBrotherswere honorablepeopleand had

only the best of intentions. I said that even though the BoozeBrothers had not mentioned the possibility of a lawsuit to me

(which,of course, hey had), suspected hat it was only a matter

o{ time until Legalman would suggest that they institute legal

proceedingsf the secondclosing did not take placeon schedule.

painted a gruesomepicture of a New Yorker coming to Missouri

or Kansas,or both-Booze Brothers' turf-and trying to win a

caseagainsta bunch of "wholesome" country boys.

I further reminded him what a greatpublic relations roll his

company was on/ and that he should consider what a lawsuit

might do to his company's image. The ffrst Kansas City purchase

had given him a lot of favorablepublicity, and the public was

taking note of the fact that his company was growing rapidly. I

opined hat with the company'sstock climbing as t had been, he

possibility of a major lawsuit and the attendant bad publicity

could knock the props out from under its market value. In addi-

tion, I pointed out that negativepublicity could be a hindrance to

his acquiring other properties n the future.

Finally, I told Ernest that because he Booze Brothers were

reasonablepeople, there was no question in my mind that the

"points"he had

discoveredsince the first

closingcould be easily

"handled" if we worked together n a spirit of cooperation. then

let him know that I was going o setup a conferencecall with the

BoozeBrothersso we could proceedwith ironing out the details.

By giving the samepacification speech o both sides, man-

aged to diffuse a potentially explosive situation. I made each

party believe hat the mind-set of the other party was cooperative

and reasonable,a mind-set they had not been willing to displaywhen talking directly to eachother. Now that I had changed heir

perceptionsof eachother'sattitude/ I felt it was safe o move for-

ward with a conference all,

The cali worked like a charm.During the discussion,both Er-

nest and the BoozeBrothers alked in a cooperativespirit, with no




sign whatsoever of hostilities. We calmly reviewedthe 29 points

on Ernest's ist and discussedhe best way to resolveeach tem.Compromise proved to be the order of the day. t was agreed hat

as soon as the Booze Brothers had taken care of the items they

promised to correctt the second closing would commence. Sure

enough,within a week both sideswere satisfied and prepared o

closethe secondgroup of apartments.

There was another fairly signiffcant changethat took place be-tween the first and second KansasCity closings.The Leapfrog

Theory had worked spectacularlywell for me, and I was deter-

mined to move onward and upward. Now that I had succeededn

Ieapfroggingover the rest of the pack, I wanted to goeven higher,

so high that future closings would be even smoother than my

first KansasCity closing had been with regard o receiving my

commission.

And higher I went-about 41,000 eet higher. n a fit o{ youth-

ful impulsiveness/ I purchaseda Learjet (on credit, of course)-

long beforeGulfstreamshad become commonplace oys for every

corporateexecutive worth his salt. My rationale for making such

an elephantinepurchasewas two-pronged:(1) t would be an effi-

cient tool that would allow me to bepersonally nvolved in many

more deals simultaneously, and (2) t would add considerably o

my posture and make it even more difficult for buyersand sellers

to intimidate me.

In retrospect, he former was a more defensible ationale han

the latter, because here s no question that a privateplane s a re-

markable efficiency tool. As to my strong-posture ationale,how-

ever, while my Learjet was an ef{ectiveprop in this regard, rom a

cash-flowstandpoint a private jet is a bit more suited to a Fortune

500 board chairman than a real estate agent.Nevertheless,being

the young, impetuous tortoise I was, I ffnancially obligatedmy-

self to this overheadhog.

My arrival for the secondKansasCity closingwas a real-life

enactment of every real estate agent/swildest fantasy.This was



The Return of The Tortoise: Part II 179

one time that I did not fly with the buyer to the seller'scity, nor

did I even concern myself with arriving in KansasCity aheadofthe buyer. By the day of the closing, both Ernest and the Booze

Brothers had been made aware of the fact that the expert from

afar had purchaseda private jet, and I had made arrangements

aheadof time to have them meet me at the KansasCity airport.

{Try to getabuyer and seller o do that if you're a real estateagent

flying commercially!)

The setting was like something out of a novel. Ernest and

one o{ the Booze Brothers were sitting in the coffee shop of the

main terminal at a table next to the window. Nicely, this gave

them a perfect view of the airport's main runway. There they

were, drinking coffee and waiting for-of all people-the broker

to arrivel A new precedenthad been set for the relationship be-

tween buyer,seller,and broker.

Suddenly, rom out of the cloudsstreaked a shiny, blue-and-

white Learjet, ts jet engines screaming through the skies as it

descendedoward the runway. ErnestEgo and the BoozeBrother

watched as my Learjet touched down, then taxied to a private

aviation hangar. The expert from afar, who was really nothing

more than a good real estate broker who had learned the art

of handling intimidators, had arrived. The closing could now

proceed.

Need say hat therewereno late-nightmotel-roomdiscus-

sions his time around?The closingwent smoothly, andI walked

awaywith another$2O5,454.89smy commission or the second

phase f the KansasCity sale.

This time, as we went over the bridge on the way to the air-

port/my attorneyaskedme, "Well, how doyou feelnow!"

I thought about it for a moment, then looked at him and an-

swered, Gee,almost intimidating. "

P.S.Not only did Ernest Ego never buy the second phase

(i,e., he to-be-built apartments), ut the BoozeBrothers,who, not-

withstanding their windfall proffts, got into serious ffnancial

trouble shortly after the secondclosing,never succeededn build-



l 8O To Be or No t t o Be In t im ida ted?

ing the additional units. Last I heard they were seenstanding on

a street corner and carrying signs that read: Will Develop RealEstate or Food.

And Ernest Ego?Like so many real estate nvestment trusts

of those early years,his company ultimately endedup in bank-

ruptcy. Makes a guy wonder if having a good-paying ob isn't abetter way to go.



I

AM

=FY---a-t

f f i .o47affIo -ll=*

hl\LL-

YELOPL l{rjr

V C

EA

"Hey, gays,why not toss n the towel andgive Hollywood a try instead!"



Cnaprr"LT

THETonrorsn

DoNs Hrs HenE Cosrurvrr,

fter the KansasCity textbook illustration of how to ap-

ply my reality-basedphilosophy to big-money deals, I

inexcusably deviated from own rules and managed to

find a way to get burned again. The setting for this sad Tortoise

tale was Dayton, Ohio. It was obvious from the beginning that

the main principal in the Dayton deal ("Mr. Biggshotte"f was a

classicType Number One, so there was no excuse or letting myguard down.

It was a difffcult deal,because had to invest an inordinate

amount of effort into getting my commission agreement signed,

which should have alerted me to trouble on the horizon. After

severaldiscussionswith Mr. Biggshotte,he informed me that hisproperty was actually owned by a limited partnership and that he

r82



The Tortoise Dons His Hare Costume 183

was one of the three generalpartners.He assuredme, however,

that he "controlled the deal" and hat there would be no problem.When Mr. Biggshotte finally signedmy commission agree-

ment, he inserted a handwritten clauseat the bottom of the last

page hat stated that the agreementwas not valid unless executed

by his two partners.He assuredme that this was merely a "ges-

ture of respect" so asnot to offendhis Washington,D.C., partner

("SamSewage")bymaking it look as hough he had entered nto

a deal without his knowledge. Mr. Biggshotte also assuredme

that SamSewagewould do whatever he askedof him. Further,he

told me that even f his partner refused o sign the agreement, e

still possessedhe legal authority to bind the partnership. The bot-

tom line was that Mr. Biggshotteverbally guaranteedme that he

would make the commission agreementvalid with or without

Sam Sewage'signature.

Mr. Biggshotte then called Sam Sewageand set up an ap-

pointment for me to come to Washington to talk to him in per-

son. The next day, flew to D.C. and, shadesof my early days at

ScrewU., spent a couple of hours sitting in Sam's eceptionroom,

waiting for him to see me. Finally, my self-respectcame to my

rescue. askedmyself how in the world I had gotten into a situa-

tion where I was againsitting dutifully in somerude monger's e-

ception room/ waiting for him to blessme with a few minutes of

his valuable ime.

Having come to my senses/ got up, walked over to the re-

ceptionist's desk, and asked her if I could use the telephone. I

then calledMr. Biggshotteand told him that I was going to Ieave

unless Sam Sewagemet with me immediately. Mr' Biggshotte

tried to calm me down, and assuredme that he would callSam as

soonas got off the line.

Sureenough,within a few minutes Sam Sewagegrantedme

an audience. restrainedmy urge to spill a bottle of Liquid Paper

on his powder-bluepolyester suit, and instead suggestedhat we

go over the details of the deal.After a few minutes of prefacing e-

marks, I explained he commission agreement o him, but, to my



r84 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

dismay, Sam said that he would need a day or two to study the

agreementbeforesigning. Though he emphasized hat he didn,tseeanything wrong with the agreement/he saidthat, as a matterof principle, he didn't like to ',rush into things.,,

I was pretty fed up after having to sit in Sam,swaiting roomso long, particularly after traveling all the way to Washington/ soI was not about to lower myself and try to pressurehim into sign-ing againsthis will. Instead, acted casualand told him to look

over the agreementand get back to Mr. Biggshottewhen he wasreadyto sign.

On the way home, one of those fateful coincidencesof lifeoccurred.During an hour's layover at the pittsburgh airport {myLearjetwas down for repairs), bumped into none other than thethird partner in the deai {"Eddie Enigma,,). was never quite cer-tain exactly what Eddiecontributed to the partnership.He had noreal estate expertise/had apparently donenone of the work withregard o the ftnancing or building of the project,and, I was told,had liquid assets hat would make dinner atTacoBell seem ike abig night on the town. Mr. Biggshottehad simply told me that Ed-die was not a factor in the deal andthat I should just ignore him.

On the flight home, I told Eddie that I had just come fromWashington and that, though Sam Sewage ad not yet signedtheagreement,he had assuredme that he would do so shortly. I thenshowed him several copies of the agreement/which containedMr. Biggshotte'ssignature,and suggestedhat he also may as wellsign it since it was not valid anyway until Sam Sewagesigned.

Surprisingly, EddieEnigma actually signed he document asper my request/ so I was now missing only Sam Sewage,s igna_ture. At this point, I was pretty

conftdent, becauseall the evi-dence ndicated that Mr. Biggshottereally was the one who wasin control of the deal. Regardless,he had alreadypromised methat he would honor my commission agreementeven if SamSewage efusedto sign it.

As you might have guessed,after reviewing the agreementfor a few days, Sam Sewagedid, in fact, refuse o sign. Notwith-



The Tortoise Dons His Hare Costume 185

standing,Mr. Biggshotteurgedme to proceedwith working on a

saleof the Dayton property.He deleted he clausehe had addedat

the bottom of the agreement egarding he other partnersrsigna-

tures,then initialed the deletion. (At a later date, alsogot Eddie

Enigma to initial the deletion.) Mr. Biggshotte explained that

he and Eddie controlled more than two-thirds of the partnership,

and,as a result, they had the legalpower to bind it and enter into

an agreementwith me.

Even though the agreementwas not as ironclad as I would

have liked, I decided o move forward with working on a sale of

the Dayton apartment development anyway.There were three

reasons or my decision.

First, as I pointed out, from all indications it appeared hat

Mr. Biggshotte eally was n control of the deal,which evenEddie

Enigmahad confirmed, and it was Mr. Biggshottewith whom I

was dealing.

Second, n order for a sale o be consummated,Sam Sewage

would have to sign the closingdocuments, andhis signing would

be de-factoproof that he did, in fact, approveof the terms of the

sale.

Third, I was on strong egalground, because was licensed o

sell real estate in Ohio, and, in addition, Iplanned to make cer-

tain that there would be plenty of certiffed mail in my ffles as evi-

denceof my involvement. In fact, the real estate aws of Ohio,

like most states,protected he "procuring broker" even f he only

hada verbal agreement.

As always,I gatheredextensivedata on the property and put

together an impressivepackage.This soon led to a serious nter-

est on the part of the same company that had purchased theSt. Louis apartment development where I had undergone my

most painful commissiondectomy.My contact at that company

("Arnold Apathy") was also the same person with whom I had

negotiated the St. Louis deal, which should have been another

red flag for me had I not beensleepwalking.After all, Arnold had

spoken rrary a word on my behalf when my Type Number Two



1 E 5 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

professor tuck it to me in the Missouri Massacre. ookingback

on it now, it's hard for me to believe that I moved forward withworking on this deal with the knowledge that there were poten-tial problems with both the buyer and seller.My only excuse sthat this took place many yearsbefore I had undergonemy firstbrain-transplantsurgery.

It goeswithout sayingthat I sent the deal to Arnold Apathyby certifted mail, and that I also registeredhis companyby certi-

ffed mail with Mr. Biggshotte.Before inspecting the property,however, Arnold sent an outline of an offer to me, and askedthat I have the sellersign t if it was acceptable.t was a reason-able offer-$800,000 over the mortgage,subjectonly to Arnold,sinspection of the property-and I was successful n gettingMr. Bigg-shotte to sign it.

About a week later/ Arnold Apathy came to Dayton to in-spect he property. t was the usual,meaninglessstaringat bricks,touring of bathrooms and laundry rooms, looking down garbagedisposals,and opening closet doors.Arnold let it be known thathe wassatisffedwith what he had seen,andat that point I thoughtwe wereheaded or a quick closing.

Mr. Biggshotte,who had et me know from the outsetthat hewas in desperate fnancial straits, said that the only way he wasinterested n going through with the deal was if the buyer couldclose t right away.So, to expedite he handling of the myriad de-tails that would have to be taken careof beforea closingcould oc-cur, Mr. Biggshotteand I flew to New york a couple weeks aterto meet personallywith Arnold Apathy.

It was during that New york trip that I began o get lulledinto a false senseof security.Even

beforewe went to Newyork,

Mr. Biggshotteand I had becomepretty chummy, and he continu-ally praised me for the great job I was doing in handling all as-pectsof the deal.He told me point blank that he had neverseenareal estatebroker do such a thorough, efftcient job and be so ag-gressive n moving a deal forward. In fact, he lavished so muchpraise on me that, much like my eternal nemesis, the hare, I



I

ilu'.yivw,



l E 8 T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

began o relaxand hink to myself, ,Howsweet t is.,, hadn,tex_

perienced his kind of infatuation since I first spottedthe courtHolder in my organicchemistry lab.

Another reason or our buddy-buddy elationship was that Iliked Mr. Biggshotte'scandor.He didn't exactly have a sterlingreputation, which was understandablegiven that he was an ex-treme TypeNumber One who hadno qualmsabout trying to grabboth his and everyoneelse,schips. During one of orr.

"orrro"r."_ions, when he and I were chatting aboutbusinessphilosophy,hesaid to me, "Let's face t, in businessevery guy grabshis bestholdand goes or all he can get, any way he can get it. Everythingelseis 8.S." This hardly shockedme, consideringwhat I had beenthrough both during and after my daysat Screwu. How could Ideny that therewas a certain amount of truth to what he wassay-ing, consideringmy ffrsthand experiencewith disorganized rimein the |ungle. It wasn't the way I wished things would be,but theway I had to admit they really were.

During our New York trip, Mr. Biggshotteand I tied the bowaround our friendship. He continued to praiseme, and I contin-ued to lap up every word. Ignoring rcality and displaying a shock-ing ability to rationalize away he facts, ffguredI had nothing tofear,because not only possessed n ohio real estate icense,

asigned commission agreement with Mr. Biggshotte and EddieEnigma, and plenty of certiffed-mail slips asproof of my involve-ment, I alsohad the advantageof knowing Mr. Biggshotte,s usi-ness philosophy. My impeccable lack of logic was analogous oa person deciding that even though he had advanceword thatarmed banditsweregoing to rob a bank within the next ffve min-utes, it was safefor him to go inside because

he was wearing abullet-proof vest.

About two weeks after our New york trip, Arnold Apathysent me a purchase agreement for the Dayton property. To besure, the fact that all mail and communications were beingchan-neled through me gave me a great senseof security. Mr. Bigg_shotte continued to praiseme for the outstanding ob I wasdoing,



The Tortoise Dons His Hare Costume t 89

and Arnold Apathy displayedconsiderably more respect for my

position in this deal than he had in the Missouri Massacre. t

looked like a slam-dunk.

As we got nearer to a closing, however, Arnold Apathy de-

mandedthat Mr. Biggshottesupply a considerableamount of ad-

ditional information. As usual, I took matters into my own hands

and did most of the work. In fact, in this particular deal my staff

and took careof things that normally could be handledonly by a

seller,sown personnel.with his blessing,my staff virtually took

over Mr. Biggshotte,soffice and provided such information as

rent rolls, tax bills, and a long list of other items that required ex-

haustinghours andnumeroustrips to Dayton'

Finally, the day arrived when Arnold Apathy was satisfied

and ready for a closing.Becauseof Mr. Biggshotte'sdesperation,

the Attorney Goal Line Defensewas almost nonexistent in this

deal.Legalmanprobably igured that the only way he would ever

get his bill paid by Mr' Biggshotte was to actually help (blas-

phemvt) get the deal closed.witnessing Legalman wave aside

problems s about as common as viewing Halley's comet'

On the day of the scheduledclosing, one of the more com-

mon dirty-laundry probiems surfaced. The insurance company

that held the mortgageon the property refusedto allow a transfer

of the apartment development o the buyer. The insurance com-

pany was unhappywith Mr. Biggshottebecauseof his delinquent

mortgage payments, rent rolls they had iound to be less than ac-

curate,and a number of other questionable tems. Here I was on

the one-yard ine, a commission of approximately $97,000within

my grasp/ and {rom out o{ nowhere the insurance company was

trying to gum up the works by refusing to allowthe sale to go

through.

What to do?My old standby,of course:Take matters into my

own hands. I flew to cincinnati (where the insurance company

was located) with my attotney and Mr. Biggshotte'What tran-

spiredat the insurancecompany'sofftce that day was like some-

thing out of a soapopera.Mr. Biggshotte beggedalmost to the



point of tears,but

"tood irm. My attorney tried a tactful approach,but to no avail. Iappealed o their powers of reason.Forget it. It was obvious thatthe boys n the blue suits didn't have agreatdealof sympathy forpathologicalreal estatedevelopers.

It didn't make any sense o me. Here was an opportunrtyfor them to get rid of Mr. Biggshotte, Sam Sewage,and EddieEnigma,all of whom they obviously disdained,and securea sub_

stantial real estate company in their place. So where was theirlogic?Foolish tortoise that I was, it didn,t occur to me that whatthe insurancecompany was anglingfor was quite simple:Blood!

The next time you walk by one of thosebeautiful insurance-company skyscrapers, ememberthat al l that glassand steelyousee s held togetherby dried,human blood. Theseare he same n-surancecompanieswho run those upbeat ads on television, theoneswhere their friendly insuranceagentsarealwayshelpingoutsome raumatizedneighborhoodamily. Insurancecompaniesmayseemstuffy to most of us, but they know all the angles.They,vebeen around since the stone Age, and have seenevery trick. In-surance-companyexecutives know all about Mr. Biggshotte,s)unglephilosophy of grabbingyour best hold and goingfor every_thing you can get. They also routinely crush hotshot real estatedevelopersike Mr. Biggshottewithout giving it a second.hought,

Finally, out of the goodnessof their hearts, the insurancecompany's oot soldiersdecided hat they weregoingto allow Mr.Biggshotte o donate a couple pints of blood in exchange or ap_proving the transfer of his property. After more begging,moretears, and more hard-luck stories, Mr. Biggshottebegrudginglyagreed o allow the insurancecompany to

stick the needle n hisarm and draw the required amount of blood under the euphe_mism of "mortgage transferfee.,,

After we left the insurance company,s offtces, Mr. Bigg_shotte, though bitter about being forced to make a donation tothe insurancecompany'sbloodbank, was alsoelated hat the salecould now be closed.He had beenon the vergeof rosing he deal,



The TortoiseDons His Hare Costume l q 1

but now it looked like it was goingto be finalized' Mr. Biggshotte

gushed all over me and my attorney, telling us how gratefui he

was for what we had done for him and that he would never forget

it. To his credit, he admitted that without us he didn't believe

that he would have been able to get the insurance company to

agree o the transfer. Bottom line: Without me/ he would have

had no deal,and the project would have endedup in BustedProi-

ects Heaven.

Suchgratefulnesswas pure ecstasy or me, so much so that I

quickly stepped nside a phone booth and changed nto my tat-

teredhare costume,which I hadn't used n years' t was ike turn-

ing againstmy own people . . . €(, reptiles. There was no more

need o be on guard, hought I, because ny fool could see hat the

deal was in the bag. Rather than being focused on my commis-

sion,one would have thought that my main concernwas in see-

ing to it that nothing got in the way of my flaming romancewith

Mr. Biggshotte.The gushing, the praise, and the back'slapping

was so intense that it borderedon amorous' So much so that I

told my attorney that he neednot accompanyus to the closing' I

had, n fact, totally lost my mind!

Sooff to Dayton I went with my new best friend, Mr. Bigg-

shotte,who continued to talk as though he owed hisvery life to

me. But, alas, his time it was I who went under the ether.Shades

of my performance n Victor Vermin's reception room in Cincin-

nati years earlier: The last thing I remembered was waiting

around in an attorney's reception room/ sucking my thumb and

playing with my yo-yo while the closing was taking place n an-

other room. Finally, Mr. Biggshottecamebustling out of the clos-

ing room and announced that everything was "done" and that" we'reall goingout to dinner to celebrate."

Swift-witted soul that I was, I asked Mr. Biggshotte, "lJh,

what about my commission?" "Don't worry about it," my new-

found best friend retorted, "I'm taking care of everything."

"Cosh," I thought to myself, "and for a moment there I thought I

might havea problem." Mr. Biggshotteseemedso iubilant that I



lrBt\lqPHl(dNt3

"HoId up on the ptaise, sweetheart, while I slipinto something more suitable for the occasion."



The TortoiseDons His Hare Costume 193

hated to do anything to dampenhis spirits, so I decided not to

presshim. Mother Teresawould have been proud of my compas-

sionatemind-set.

All parties to the closing were at the victory celebration

dinner*Mr. Biggshotte,SamSewage,Arnold Apathy, their attor-

neys, and, yes, even Eddie Enigma. From my standpoint, Sam

Sewagewas the key to the deal, becauseby signing the closing

documents,he, in effect, had made a legal representation hat he

approvedo{ the sale.

Even at the celebrationdinner, Mr. Biggshottecontinued to

heappraise on me in front of everyone. was so flattered that I

was tempted to pull out my yo-yo and perform a couple new

tricks I had learned in the reception room while everyoneelse

had beerrbusy with more mundane matters-like closing the

sale.Everything was quite lovely until I happened o notice that

the first coursebeing servedwas turtle soup,which finally folted

me out of my sedation. t's wonderful being invited to dinner,but

not when you're on the menu!

Finally, it all started comingback to me-my yearsat ScrewU.,

my pastexperiencesn the |ungle, the defensive echniques had

developed. reminded mysel{ that I had been deaiing with an

archetypal Type Number One, a nastyjungle predator who had

made it clear to me from the outset that the name of the game

was to get as many chips as possibleby whatever means neces-

sary."Mustn't panic," I thought to myself. I had to find a way to

talk to Mr. Biggshotte n privateasquickly aspossible.

After about an hour, Mr. Biggshotteexcusedhimself to go to

the men's room. This was my big chance.I, too, excusedmyself,

but no one bothered to even acknowledge me. It's as though Iwere invisible. My separation rom the closing had been carried

out with such graceandfinesse hat most of the celebrants'proba-

bly wonderedwhat I was doing at the dinner. For them, it was a

celebration; or me, it was the last supper.

The men's room wasn't my idea of an ideal placeto conduct

business,but I had no choice. By this time, I had shedmy hare




costume and, as a true tortoise again, was determined to get to

the crux of the issue right then and there. It's not easy o act ca-sualwhen you're standingnext to a urinal andwatching someonerelievehimself, but I tried my best. I told Mr. Biggshottehat Ididn't want to ruin his celebration,but that I hadnot yet receivedmy commission.

Then came the now-famous Dayton Men's Room Address,which many scholars ank right up there with the GettysburgAd-dress and The Tortoise Briefcase Address I had delivered rnKansasCity. Mr. Biggshottesmiled warmly, put his arm aroundmy shoulder without first washinghis hands!), ndsaid, ,Listen,

Arnold Apathy is holding up some of the funds for a few monthspending my performanceof certain conditions in the sale agree-ment. On top of that, the insurance company hit me with a sur-prise transfer ee this morning, so there isn't a dime left to giveyou today.But as soonas we work out the other tems, I,ll haveenough to pay you." Mr. Biggshottehad given new meaning tothe word galL, considering he f act that, by his own admission, twas l who had savedhim with the insurance compan, and thathad I not doneso therewould not haveevenbeena closingl

He then looked me in the eye-as his smile broadenednto atoothy grin reminiscent

of the Big Bad Wolf in his infamous ver-bal exchangeswith Little Red Riding Hood-and said warmly,

"Don't wofiy,I'l l take careof you (heh,heh).,,

On numerous occasions, n the months following the clos-ing, Mr. Biggshottereiterated to me that I had done a fan-tastic iob of selling his property and, in particular, saving himfrom the clutches of the insurancecompany.To his credit, he re-

peatedly told me that I had more than earned my full com-mission. Notwithstanding his ongoing praise and admissions,however,he pointed out the facts of life-that because e had ter-rible ffnancial problems, he could only offer me two alterna-tives: I could either wait until he "straightenedhimself outffnancially" {whateverthat was supposed o mean}or I could filea lawsuit against him {in which case,he said,he would resort to



\

/\/ \'2{\ / \

' \ / t

"Don't worry,I'll take care of you (heh,heh)."



-


every dirty trick

or four years|.

book in order to drag he suit out for three

P.S.At my deposition, ong after I had ffled suit against Mr.Biggshotte,Sam Sewage, nd EddieEnigma, I drew a great oundof laughs from their attorne, the judge, the court reporter, andeven Mr. Biggshotte himself when I reiterated the latter,s finalwords to me in the men's room/ and added:"The trouble is, Iwasn't smart enough at the time to understandwhat he meant

when he saidhe would'take careof me.' " The judge oved t, but,unfortunately, I wasn't gettingpaid to entertain judges.

Ultimately, we settled the suit for $35,000.At the time, Iwas bitter. However, in retrospect,considering he |ungle charac-ters with whom I was dealing, think I was very lucky to end upgetting even a third of my chips.

Why had I agreed o the $35,000 ompromise?

First, Eddie Enigma had declaredbankruptcy shortly afterthe closing, so I had no recourseagainst him. Second, t turnedout that there was a clause n the limited-partnership agreementthat, contrary to what Mr. Biggshottehad assuredme, specifi-calTy reventedhim from entering into a contract or the sale ofthe Dayton property without Sam Sewage'sapproval. It wentwithout saying that Sam Sewageand Eddie Enigma would, ongeneral fungle principles, support Mr. Biggshotte in The BigLie and claim that I had beennotified of the existenceof the saie-prevention clause prior to my working on the deal.Third, SamSewagepointed out that he had specifically refused o sign theagreementwhen I visited him in Washington, and, even thoughthis was technically a moot point by virtue of his beinga party toclosing the

sale,udges

havebeenknown to listen to irrelevancieson more than one occasion.

Each of my commission agreements lwaysclearly spelledout that whoever signed he agreementwas doing so as an indi-vidual and assuming personalresponsibility for any all commit-ments called for in the agreement, regardless of the actualowning entity. As a consequence/he only real hope I had was to



The TortoiseDons His Hare Costume r9v

go after Mr. Biggshotte, and I didn't like the prospects of collect-

ing from him. Indicationswere that he had been n financial diffi-culty sincenursery school,and, from what I could gather, hings

were only getting worse for him. I had to consider the possibility

that if the suit draggedon much longer, Mr. Biggshotte might ioin

many of his fellow real estatedevelopersand go belly up. In that

event, I would have spent a greatdeal of additional time, energy,

and money,and still not havecollecteda penny.

I therefore decidedto grab the $35,000 and chalk it up to

experience.Shame on me. I had possessed great image, I had

managed o collect all the necessary egal tools, and I had exe-

cuted my duties to perfection, all to no avail. In addition, I had

recognizedearly on that I was dealingwith a classicType Num-

ber One, so I felt I was fully preparedto handle his treachery.

Nonetheless,when it cametime to show my Tortoise stuff-when

I reached the one-yard line-I blew it. I was so busy lapping

up Mr. Biggshotte's lattery that I committed an infraction on

the touchdown play. And that, for an experiencedgraduate of

ScrewU., is indefensible.

My attorney knew better than to ask me how I felt after the

Dayton closing,but, if he had, would have replied, "Dumb'"



C'eprr.18

Tnn TonrorsnRErunNSTo TnuEFonrvr

fter the Dayton fiasco, I was determined never again tobe lulled into a mental lapse when money was on theline. I vowed that in the future I would move swiftlv at

the first sign of trouble. In my next deal, n which both the princi-pals and their properties were located in Memphis, I was waryfrom the outset, because immediately spotted he two partnersas classic Type Number

TWos.There was no doubt in my mindthat they were devious,and that they would try to separatemefrom my chips at the ffrst opportunity to do so.

One of the partners ("Bubba"), himself an attornet was ahabitual back-slapper-always laughing ioking and teliing youwhat a "good ole'boy" you were-a wheeler-dealerwho had littlein common with the pure version of Legalman.Wheeler-dealer

1 9 8



The Tortoise Returnsto Ttue Form 199

attorneys either do not practice law at all or practice it only as

a sideline, using their law certiffcate as a respectabie ront formaneuvering heir way into businessdeals.

The other partner ("Mumbles"f was an entirely different

breedof Tlpe Number TWo.He simply mumbled his way inco-

herently through every conversation,which made it easy or an

alert-again ortoise to recognize hat he was not to be trusted.

What with being constantly slapped on the back and told

that I was a good ole'boy by Bubbaand being periodically mum-bled at by Mumbles, I had all I could do to protect my flanks' I

was, of course, icensedas a real estatebroker in Tennessee, ad a

signedcommission agreementwith Bubba and Mumbles, andhad

madecertain that plenty of certiffed mail went back and forth be-

tween my office and the principals, so I was in a strong legal posi-

tion. I alsohad the standard mage actorsgoing for me, including

my flitting in and out of Memphis via private jet.

Our original commission agreement called for a purchase

price of about $1.2 million over a combined first-mortgagebal-

ance of roughly $3.6 million, or a total purchase price in excessof

$4.8 million. About a month after we signed the agreement, he

companywho had purchasedboth the Dayton and St. Louis prop-

erties submitted a written offer of $950,000 (over the existing

mortgages) or the two apartment developments. Arnold Apathy,

who had been the point man for his firm on the Dayton and

St. Louis deals, visited Memphis to inspect the properties, at

which time the sellers informed him that a $950,000offering

price was too low. With that, Arnold departedMemphis, and the

situation was left hanging.

In the meantime,Ernest Ego, he head of the real estate n-

vestment trust that had purchased he KansasCity properties,

madean offer of $1.4 million {overthe mortgages) or the Mem-

phis apartments,but it was part cash,part stock. Trooping back

to Memphis with Ernest, I succeeded n getting Bubba and

Mumbles to sign a tentative agreementto sell at the $1.4 million

ffgure. However, after Ernest and I left Memphis, Bubba and



2OO To Be or No t to Be In t im ida ted?

Mumbles managed o nitpick and chisel to such an exrreme that

both Ernest's$1.4million offerand Arnold Apathy,s$950,000 f-fer dissolvedbeforemy eyes.

fust about the time I was ready to throw in the towel on theMemphis deal, I was ableto come up with yet a third prospectivebuyer, this one from Pittsburgh.I succeededn getting one of thepartners n the buying group to rravel to Memphis and meet withBubba and Mumbles. After many hours of negotiations, he re-

turned to Pittsburgh to discuss he deal with his partners.Shortlythereafter,another one of the Pittsburgh partnerscame to Mem-phis, and he submitteda purchase ontract hat called or $1.025million over the mortgages.However, the offer had a number ofonerousstrings attached o it, which resulted n Bubbaand Mum-bles turning it down. About a week later, the pittsburgh buyinggroupupped ts offer o $1.275million, but the terms of the new

offer were even more onerous han those in the first offer.Following the final Pittsburgh offer, Arnold Apathy stepped

back into the bidding and raisedhis offer to $l million. However,having witnessed how Bubba and Mumbles had a penchant fornitpicking and dragging hings out, he was smart enough to at-tach an important condition: The offer had to be acceptedwithin20 days. Nonetheless,Bubba and Mumbles continued to resist,and to my surprise,Arnold increasedhis bid yet again-to $1.1million, but $200,000of the purchaseprice was to be in the formof a l}-year secondmortgageat the rateof 6 percentper annum.

After a few more weeks of ffddling, Bubba and Mumblesmanagedto play all three hands against each other so clumsilythat they ended up with no offersat all. Normally, if I was luckyenough to find just one seriousbuyer for a property, I felt

Iwas

in great shape.But in this case had managed o bring no lessthan three buyers to Memphis, and all three had drifted awaywhile Bubba and Mumbles continued to excel n the art of fiddleplaying.

I was becoming convinced that Bubbaand Mumbles, eitherout of sheer stupidity or masochistic design,were intent on ftd-



The TbrtoiseReturnsto Tlue Form 2O1

dling their projects into bankruptcy. However, before officially

writing the deal off as ust anothera bad experience, he tortoisein me decided to presson and present the deal to a few more

prospectivebuyers. Incredibly, I was able to come up with yet a

fourth prospect, his one from Cleveland. Which gaveme hope,

because ompared o Cleveland,Memphis must have ooked like

the FrenchRiviera to the buYer.

Like the three previous prospects, the Cleveland buyer

("Gentleman im") indicated hat he, too/ waspreparedo make a

trip to Memphis. I was starting to worry that I was getting pulled

into wasting still more valuable time and money by making a

fourth trip to the land of Bubbaand Mumbles. I also wondered f

they weren't just getting somesort of perverse hrill out of having

peoplemake offers to them. In the end, though, persistencewon

out, and back to Memphis I went. And, lo and behold, after the

usualho-hum physical inspection,Gentleman )im madea verbal

offerof $1. cashover the mortgages.

On this trip to Memphis, however, it became clear to me

that Bubba and Mumbles were in even more serious financial

trouble than I had originally suspected. n fact, after Gentleman

fim and I departedMemphis, I found out that Bubba and Mum-

bleshad made a special trip to New York in an attempt to revive

Arnold Apathy's offer. In an apparentstate of panic in which the

Memphis Muttonheads again tried to play all the prospective

buyers against one another, Mumbles sent me a telegram from

New York stating that he and Bubba would accept Gentleman

fim's $1.1million offer,but only on two conditions'

The flrst condition-surprise!-was that I had to agree to

cut my commission to $50,000.The secondconditionwas that

Gentleman |im would haveto make the $1.1 million verbal offer

o{ffcial by noon the next day. As I emphasized earlier, bluffing

wealthy people s futile, becausehey have stayingpower.Gentle-

man |im, of course, efused o be hurried into an official acknowl-

edgement,so there was no deal.

A few days ater, I receivedanother telegram from Mumbles




(who was still wanderingthe srreetsof New york trying to put to-

gether a deal) n which he informed me that he and Bubbawereunilaterally canceling our commission agreementand that allthe deals I had presented o them were offfcially off the table.Sure,Mumbles; whatever you say. I,vealwaysbeen ascinatedbyunilateral proclamationsthat imply that the personmaking themhas the legal authority of an emperor. Engaging n Napoleonrchallucinations is the sport of choice for real esratedevelopers.)

In the meantime/ unbeknownst to Bubba and Mumbles, Isucceededn getting Genrleman fim to put his $1.1million offerin writing, so I had anothermajor decision to make:Should stopthrowing good money afterbad,or was my investment in Mem-phis already so great that I couldn,t afford to stop trying to pura deal together (aka "the previous investment trap,')l The irre-sistible aroma of money won out. I decided o try one more time,but promised myself that, regardlessof the outcome, this wouldbe the last trip I would make to Memphis.

I explained to the now extremely panickedBubbaand Mum-bles that Gentleman fim was very serious about going throughwith a quick closing on their propertiesat the $ .l million ftgure,and that they had better get their act together if they wanted tobail out. That's when Mumbles mysteriously andsuddenlydevel-oped the ability to speakclearly. He proceeded o let me knowthat, in fact, t had beenmy commission that hadbeenat the rootof blowing up each of the other deals. He went on to say thatthere was no way I could expect to make the $140,000 ee calledfor in our agreementunless I could get Gentleman |im to comeup to the original $1.2+million asking price. (Of course,experi-ence had taught me that even if a

seller believedthat he wouldpay me my full commission if he got the price he was asking,hewould stil/ find a reason o argue that my commission was toohigh. In other words, it has ess o do with sellingprice than withthe seller'smental il lness.)

Things were gettin g Wetty ugly, but reality was emerging. Ihad to make a decision. had alreadymade an incrediblesix trips



The Tortoise Returns to Ttue Form 203

to Memphis, including four trips with serious buyers, and had

producedno less han four written offers. n eachof the first three

cases,BubbaandMumbles had fiddled arounduntil the offershad

slipped away, and I was certain that the fourth offer was also

about to go south on me if somethingpositive didn't happenvery

quickly. There certainly was no way that I was going to get lured

into making another trip to Memphis, or even submitting the

properties o another prospectivebuyer, if Gentleman |im's offer

wasn't accepted.Similar to my Dayton deal, then, I rationalized

{that terrible word again) hat if I could make any commission at

al l on this deal, would look at it as ound money.

So, after severalhours of negotiations, I agreed o lower my

commission o $75,000on a saleprice of $1.1million' We drew

up a new commission agreement similar to our initial under-

standing,with an addedclausestating that Bubbaand Mumbles

agreedo accepta purchaseprice of $1.1million from Gentleman

Iim. It also called for them to pay me a $75,000commission if the

dealwas finalized.

Subsequently,Gentleman im formalizedhis $i.1 million of-

fer, and we beganworking toward a closing. As we neared the

closing,however,both my attorney and I beganhaving difficulty

getting either Bubbaor Mumbles on the phone-a sure sign that

storm clouds were startingto gather.Finally, on the Friday before

the first closing (thesalewas to take place n two stages,because

the secondof the two propertieswas not yet completed),my at-

torney and I managed o get through to Bubba'

He was his goodold, jovial self, spewingout a nonstop series

of good-'ole-boy ines. He assuredus that/ as far as he knew,

"everything was all set" and that he "didn't foreseeanyprob-

lems" with my commission.By then, however, t was easy or me

to translatehis assurancesnto meaning that I was about to be-

come the victim of anothercommissiondectomy f I didn't move

fast. It was sort of like an NFL owner assuring he media that he

has no intentions of ffring his head coach-which, of course,

reallv meansthat the coach s on the vergeof unemployment'




Given that Bubbawas an attorney and that my attorney had

alreadyhad severaldiscussionsboth with Bubbaand the attorneyrepresentinghim and Mumbles in the sale of their properties,thought it would be a good idea to rely totally on the UniversalAttorney-to-Attorney RespectRule. In a strategicmove, decidedto sendmy attorney to the Memphis closing alone, figuring thatmy presencewould iust serveas an irritating reminder to Bubbaand Mumbles that I actually had to be paid a commission. I fig_

ured that my attorney should have no problem dealingvrith hiscounterpart in Memphis, given that the universal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule was honored hroughout the world.

At the closing, my attorney presenteda copy o{ my signedcommission agreement to Legalman,as well as to a representa-tive of the title company handling the transaction. Legalmanthen askedmy attorney if he would pleasewait in the receptionroom so the buyer and sellerscould talk in private. No problem.They then proceeded o give a whole new meaning to rwo words:gall andcrooked.unbelievably, al l the partiesworked in concertto close the deal while my attorney sat trustingly by himself inthe reception ooml

Gentleman |im, though sympathetic to my position, fol_lowed the Arnold Apathy line and pleadedbuyer impotence-i.e.,the matter of my commission wasbetween he sellersandme. Tohis credit, he did insist that my name be inserted n the purchaseagreementas the broker of record.However, the agreementalsomade it clear that it was the sellers, responsibility to pay mycommission, so, giving Gentleman |im the beneftt of the doubt,he may havenaively assumed hat it would be paid right after theclosing,

If so,he was wrong. My attorne, much like The Tortoise nthe Dayton deal,had beencaughtsucking his thumb in the recep-tion room while the chips were changing hands behind closeddoors. had never considered he possibility of Legalman gnoringthe sacreduniversal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRureand bla-tantly deceivinga fellow lawyer.



The Tortoise Retutnsto Ttue Form 2O5

When my attorney called me and relayed the bad news, I re-

member thinking to myself that no matter how careful I was, it

was mpossible to covereveryconceivableway that a seller could

think of to prevent me from collecting my chips. At this point,

therewas no question n my mind that the only limit to crooked-

nesswas a serial crook's creativit, and real estatedevelopers n

particular tend to be very creative.

The coup de gracecame the day aftet the Memphis closing

when I receiveda certifted etter from Bubba'sand Mumbles' at-

torney proclaiming that our commission agreementwas termi-

nated for "bteach" on my part, and that it was completely null

andvoid. (ThoseNapoleonicproclamations nevercease o amuse

and amazeme.) t was obviously an absurd letter, but it was quite

a learning experience.The letter was dated the day after Bubba

had assuredme andmy attorney over the phone that "everything

was all set." It waspostmarkedSunday{the day after it was writ-

ten), making it obvious that the sellers had intended for it to

arrive subsequent o the closing on Monday.

In other words, while Bubbahad been telling my lawyer over

the phone that he "didn't foreseeany problems" with my com-

mission,he and Mumbles had alreadybeenplanning to sendme a

letter claiming that I wasn't entitledto any commission at all.

Then, at.the closing,Bubba,Mumbles, and Legalmanhad eased

my attorney out of the room and hurried through the proceedings

beforehe could figure out what was happening. we're not talking

about fungle creatures here; we're talking |ungle lice' There's a

pretty ugly differencebetween the two.

I had been through many repugnant situations-both during

and after my days at ScrewU.-but I had never seen anythingquite like the shenanigans hat were resorted to in Memphis'

when it came to out-and-out, diabolical plotting in an effort to

defraud, Bubba and Mumbles were in a class by themselves' I

wasn't shocked that the principals were trying to cheat me out

of my commission; that's par for the course in the real estate

brokeragebusiness. was just awed by the extent to which these




two felonious organismswere willing to go to accomplishtheir

objective.Because he Universal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule

had been violated, my attorney took the matter personally.Hesent Bubba'sand Mumbles' attorney a letter in which he stated,among other things, that the letter he had sent to me on the eveof the closing was unfoundedand ridiculous, not to mention thatit was far too late. In addition, my attorney admonishedLegal-

man for communicating directly with me when he was wellaware that I was represented by an attoffrey. what's the worldcoming to when you can't dependupon the universal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule?The next step s all_outanarchy.

It was my good ortune, however, that the saleof the smallerof the two Memphis propertieshad yet to be closed,and that thesecondclosing could not occur until all construction and occu-pancy requirements were met. My attorney and I hired a brightyoung trial lawyer in Memphis to intervene before the secondclosing, and he proved to be aggressiveand tough. He was suc-cessful n obtaining an attachment against the property involvedin the secondclosing, for which I had to put up a bond.

Unlike Dayton, I had moved swiftly, and, aidedby a bit ofIuck, managed o avert a total catastrophe. was able to salvagemy reducedcommission asa result of having the usual threecru-cial legal tools in my bag: (i ) a real estate license in the statewhere the propertieswere located,{2)a signedcommissionagree-ment/ and (3)plentyof certifiedmail in my ftles.

In addition to suing Bubbaand Mumbles, I alsosued he titlecompany.About a week after the suit was filed, I wrote a letter tothe presidentof the title company n which

I stated hat I thoughtit was shameful that his firm would be a party to suchblatant de-ception. I again put him on notice about the commission agree-ment that existed between the sellers and me, and enclosedanother copy of the agreement. also told him that I was holdinghim personally responsible or seeing o it that my commissionwas paid at the second closing. Obviously, however, he didn,t



The TortoiseReturnsto Tlue Fotm zOV

give a hoot what a shell-shocked eal estate agent thought, be-

causemy commission was not paid at the secondclosing.

The only thing that savedme was a court order that held up

the proceedsof the sale. Shortly after he year in which I closed

the Memphis deal, Bubba and Mumbles, undoubtedly out of fi-

nancial desperation,made a $50,000settlement offer' My Mem-

phis attorney encouragedme not to be in any hurry to accept he

of{er,and I probabiy should have listened to him. However, the

day before the ftrst depositionswere to be taken, I decided to

accept t.

Why? Again, I had examined he downside closely,and prag-

matism prevailed.BubbaandMumbles, like so many other devel-

operswith whom I had dealt,were in shaky financial condition,

to put it mildly, and I had to consider the possibility of both of

themendingup in bankruptcy court. And if that were to occur/ I

probably wouldn't be able to collect anything at all. I also had to

consider he fact that the party in the wrong alwayshas an advan-

tage, that being the fact that the wheels of iustice turn very

slowly. In the meantime, the person in the right has to spend

thousandsof dollars in legal fees, ravel expenses/and other re-

lated costs. had no choice but to face the reality that even if I

won in court, I would likely net much lesshan the

$50,000being

offered.Welcome to the fungle,Mr. T ' . . again.

The Memphis tale of deceit is a perfect example of why I

have emph asized hat the main purpose of real estate licenses,

brokerageagreements,and certified mail is to avoid lawsuits. If

the person you're dealing with decides to go {or your chips,

notwithstanding his knowledge of the legal tools you have in

your bag, he reality is that you probably arestill going to end uplosing. At the very least, you will net a lot less than you would

havemade had it not been necessaryo litigate' Bottom line: You

either win in the |ungle or you're unlikely to win at all.

The Memphis deal also reaffirmed the fact that sellers-

particularly TypeNumber Twos-will go to virtually any extreme

to avoid paying a commission. In addition, it againreminded me



2O8 To Be or No t to Be In t im ida ted?

that-like insurance companies-banks, title companies, and

other institutions have built their corporateempires on humanblood, and that I should not allow myself to be lulled into a falsesenseof security iust becauseestablished irms are involved ina sale.

Finally, it put me on guard to the reality that Legalmanwasquite capableof participating in a devious plot againsta fellow at-torney in an effort to do me out of my commission.Granted, thiswas an unusual role for Legalman,as he normally abides by theUniversal Attorney-to-Attorney RespectRule and ust playsgood,hard-noseddefense,but it was yet another fungle danger o be onthe alert for in the future.

All in all, though, the Memphis outcome was a plus. I hadspottedBubbaand Mumbles asType Number Twos from the out-set, and had just playedalongwith their phony act. I also had notonly securedall the necessaryegal tools, but, aswas not the casein Dayton, once the sellershad begun to swing their axe, I pulledmy hand away and ook swift action. True, Bubbaand Mumblesdid manage to nip off the ends of a couple of my ffngers,but atleast I had beenquick enough o walk awaywith sufficient chipsto be able to afford a new paint job on my badly scarredshell.



Cnaprr.19

TnB UrumernINsuneNcrPorrcv

y Dallas closing-the saleof two apartment develop-

ments totaling approximately 340 units-served as a

model for the successfulapplication of my reality'

basedphilosophy. t was quick, smooth, free of anxiety,and there

were no last-minute hitches.

TWo actors, n particular, were especially significant in this

deal.First, I usedmy strongposture o persuade he seller to signa commission agreementbasedon St/zpercent of the total selling

price rather than the 3 percent figure I normally used..Aftermy

Dayton and Memphis experiences, was a believer; i.e., I as-

sumedthat every seller worth his salt would, at a minimum, try

to at least whittle down my commission-regardless of where I

started he "bidding."

209



2 1 O T o B e o r N o t t o B e I n t i m i d a t e d ?

That being the case, thought it would be interesting to see

if starting out at ahigher commission figurethan I hoped o actu-alry receive would produce better results. when the inevitablecommissiondectomy attempt began, I would then be able to af-ford to have my commission cut. [t was just a matter soothingthe seller'ssick mind. The important thing wasfor him to believethat he had succeededn shafting the real estateagentwho hadcommitted the dastardlysin of selling his property for him (and

probably saving his financial hide in the process), ven if his be-lief was an illusion.

The seller ("Paul Pervertte',I ived in SanAntonio, but com-muted regularly to Dallas.My image was strong rom the outset,and I developedan unusually good rapport with him. ShufflingPauIback and forth betweenDallas and SanAntonio on my Lear-fet didn't do anything to hurt my image or rapport with him ei-ther. |ust a ye^r earlier, I may not have been able to get paul toeven sign a commission agreement. Now, with my Earth bro_chure, Learjet, and the addition of one other factot-a ttackrecordof having closeda number of veriftable maiordeals-I notonly was able to get Paul to sign an agreement,but one that cailedfor a commission percentage early double that spelledout in myprevious agreements. n f.act, t was about 25

timesgreater

thanthe percentage had received n the St. Louis Massacreust a fewyearsearlier. I was very consciousof the fact that it was not whatI was saying and doing that made the difference n my ability tosteerand control the situation; rather, it wasmy posture.

Since our agreementcontained an askingprice of nearly $3million, my commissionwasofficiaily slated o be about$165,000.However,

I alwayskept in mind that what I wasactually shootingfor was a commission in the areaof $90,000 based n Bpercentofthe asking price|.Further,I realizedthat if I was fortunate enoughto conclude a sale, he ftnal selling price, as n all sales,would un-doubtedly be considerably ess han the original askingprice.

Sure enough, when money finally changedhands, the price



The Ultimate InsurancePoIicY 211

was closer o $2.7million. (Technically, t was ess han $1.7mil-

lion, because he buyer actually purchasedonly a one-half nter-

est in the properties, then leasedhis half back to the seller.)My

commission endedup being $100,000,or nearly 4 percent of the

final purchaseprice and more than 6 percent of the fuil purchase

price (i.e., the total value of the property basedon the one-half

purchaseprice). As a result, by starting out with a higher com-

mission rate in my "written understanding" I was able to walk

awaywith about $20,000more than I would havemadeunder my

standard3 percent formula.

The second signiffcant factor in the Dallas closing was that

I had an additional insurancepolicy going for me to make certain

I got paid. As usual, in addition to my commission agreement,

possessedhe other two essential egal tools: a brokerage icense

in the stateof Texasandplenty of certified mail going rom me to

the principals. More important, however, was the fact that I was

dealingwith a buyer {"Manny Moral") who was willing to break

the apathy barrier and insist that paying my commission be a

condition of the closing. {Thebuyer was actually a real estate n-

vestment trust of which Manny was the president.I

There were many reasonswhy I enioyedsuch strongsupport

from Manny, but I believe themost important one was that he

hadthe foresight to realtze hat it was to his advantageo see o it

that I was treated .airly.Even hough I had nevercompleteda sale

with Manny, I had submitted many presentations o him, and,be-

ing a maior buyer of properties,he was sawy enough o recognize

that my work was very professionaland that I could be an excel-

lent sourceof properties or his trust. He had often indicatedhow

impressedhe was with the thoroughnessand accuracyof my pre-sentations,and he appreciatedmy promptness in following up

wheneverhe showedan interest n a property.

It was an ideal situation, one that remindedme Yerymuch of

the association had enjoyedwith my elderly Type Number One

professorat Screw U. when I was in the second-mortgage usi-




ness. was beginning to seehow the buyer-support actor could

bepowerful enough to offseteven a lack of one or more of the es-sential legal tools in the event I was unable to acquire hem.

I had come 180degreesrom the point where had been ust afew yearsearlier.In the Dallas deal, had everyexit covered.paul

Perverttehad nowhere to turn, and, as a result, did not even at-tempt a commissiondectomy-which was a first. In fact, thingswent so smoothly that I was never even sure whether paul was aType Number One or Type Number Two. And it really didn,tmatter, becauseby gaining the buyer,s full support I removedtemptation from the seller,sgrasp.Helping paul pervertte avoidsin was one of the most humanitarian acts I haveeverperformed.

Also, since Paul was n the usual seller,s inancial bind, I wasable to extract excellent cooperation rom Legalman.As a result,the closingwent more smoorhly than I evercould have magined.It was by f.ar the quickest sale I had ever made,with less thanthree months elapsingbetween the time my commission agree-ment was signedand the actual closing.

Though it was obvious o me that I had Manny,s ull supporr,I nonethelessbrought my attorney along to the closing. Mannyhad assuredme that it wasn't necessarybut I was glad that I did,because t also gave my attorney the opportunity

to develop agood relationship with Manny, which in turn made future clos-ings even easier to handle.After all the papershad been signedand the closing was wrapped up, I left Dallas to tend to anotherdealwhile my attorney stayedbehind to collect my fee.And thistime, he did, What a differencea goodrelationshipwith the sellerhad made, and what a differencea good posturehad made in en-hancing that relationship.

When my attorney remitted the commission check to me, heencloseda letter in which he pointed out that, becauseof someof the usual last-minute contingencies, Manny,s attorney hadwanted to escrow $100,000from paul,s proceedsand $25,000from my commission. Manny, however,had insisted hat none ofmy money be held back.My attorney closed he letter by saying,



The Ultimate InsurancePolicy 213

". . . (this) ndicates to me that he (Manny)certainly thinks a good

dealof you." That statementsummedup my current posture n a

nutshell. Although I couldn't count on having such a great nsur-

ancepolicy in every future closing, in the Dallas deal I felt I had

achieved he optimum posture or a real estateagent'

Not very exciting to write about,but I only wish that all my

previousclosings,aswell as the scoresof deals hat didn't close,

had been iust as unexciting. Of course,had that been the case,

would not have had the material to write this book. What creates

excitement is problems-excitement you don't need if you're

looking to be paid a commission. n Dallas, I had pulled $100,000

worth of chips off the table without even getting so much as a

manicure.

As a result of this unique experience, t was now clear to me

that the easiestway to win against ntimidating sellerswas to put

a greatdeal of effort into forming goodrelationshipswith buyers.



CseprB"2 O

SrrcrrxcwrruWrNNrNc Fonrvrur,A

y next closing in Omaha, followed quickly on theheels of my Dallas success.This time around, wasn,table to negotiate an agreement with the higher-than-

usual commission rate I had secured n the Dallas deal,but I wasagain working with Manny Moral, so I felt comfortable. In addi-tion to having the support

of the buyer, there were three othersignificant factors in the Omaha deal.First, it was a complicatedsale,not only because here were

15properties involved, but also because t was structured similarto the Dallas deal; .e., t was technically a purchaseof a one-halfinterest in the propertieson a sale-leasebackasis. n Omaha, thedeal called for Manny's company to pay $1.3million for a 50 per-

214



Stickingwith aWinningFormula 215

cent interest in the properties/ then lease its half back to the

seller "ScottScamm").

The secondsignificant factor in Omaha was that even though

the saleprice was technically only about one-half of the original

asking price, and even though my commission agreementcalled

for only 3 percent of the total selling price, I was able to get paid

on the basisof a 100percent salerather than the 50 percent sale

that was technically concluded.since scott had legally sold only

a one-half nterest in his 15 properties, he real selling price was

more in the areaof $4'5 million rather than the $9 million+ ask-

ing price that was stated in my commission agreement. Accord-

ingly, he could have made a good argument that my commission

should be only 3 percent of approximately $4.5million, or about

$135,000.But because had the full support of the buyer, I was

able tocollect a commission of $238,000. That's an additional

$103,000 ust for putting in the time and effort to initiate and

maintain a goodrelationship with Manny Moral.

So, by having completely reversed he roles of intimidator

and ntimidatee, I was ableto perform a "reversecommissiondec-

tomy" on the seller; .e., I receiveda commission check that was

actually higher than the commission that was spelled out in my

agreement. It was a delicious triumph,especially considering the

fact that I didn,t have the advantageof having a Sr/zpetcent com-

mission rate in my brokerageagreementas did in the Dallas deal.

My rationale or insisting that my commission be basedon a

100 percent sale price was that both the buyer and seller were

fully awarethat the sale of a one-half interest was merely a stfuc-

turing convenience and that, for all practical purposes, Manny

Moral's company was really buying the properties outright' Fur'ther, I had done the same amount of work as f the deal had been

closed on a 100 percent-salebasis, so I saw no reason why I

should be penalized as a result of structuring technicalities'

In fact, there were a number of stipulations in the purchase

agreement whereby Manny's company could end up owning the



2n6 T o B e o r N o t t o B e In t im id a te d ?

other half of the properties,either through default or by purchas-

ing them at avery low price. And, asyou might haveguessed, e-fault is preciselywhat endedup happening.

The third significant factor in Omaha was that I ran into anew variety of Type Number TWo.When you categorizepeopleinto just three group types, you obviously get many subtle varia-tions within eachgroup. In the caseof Omaha, the seller,ScottScamm,was a "dumb asa fox,, TypeNumber TWo.He wasa bear-

like figure-probably 240 poundsor more-and came acrossas avery docile, nice guy, always scratchinghis head and professingto be confused. (Was t possible, wondered,that he and Mum-bles may have evolved from a common ancestral tree of horsethieves?)The dumb act is a disarming, tried-and-true gimmickthat tends to relax the opposition, becausea person who uses tdoesnot posea visible threat to his targets.

Scott also had another tool that he employed with perfec_tion. Not only was he a huge man, and not only fid he appearto be docile and confused,he also spoke with a thick Baltic ac-cent. This was the real clincher, because-and perhaps his is aresult of American arrogance-U.S. folks tend to make the mis-take of assuming that someone with a foreign accent isn,tsharp. As it turned out, though, Scott was one of the most cun-ning, clever people I would encounter in the real estate busi-ness. t was a great earning experience or me, and one in which Iwas againableto earnwhile I learned.

After getting Scott to sign my commission agreement, lefttwo of my secretariesbehind in omaha to gather the materialneeded to do presentationson the 15 properties.About a monthIater,I registered he eventual buyer-Manny Moral,s

real estateinvestment trust-with Scott. Shortly thereafter, I flew to Mil-waukee to pick up Manny in my Leariet,and we cruised downto omaha for another one of those thrilling episodesof brickstaring.

Fortunately, t was summer, so Omahawas still accessibleoaircraft. During most of the winter, omaha looks like a throw-



Sficking with aWinningFormula 217

back to the Ice Age.Even Clevelandstarts to sound ropical if you

spend oo much time in Omaha in the winter. So, aking advan-

tage of the nice weather/ I suggested hat Manny, Scott, and I

view the l5 properties rom my Leariet.

If you've neverflown on a Leariet, there'sno way you can ap-

preciatehow ill-advisedmy suSSestionurned out to be. The in-

side of aLeafiet s about the sizeof a coffin; I mean, f you're over

10 years of age, here's no way you can stand up in a Learjet.

About the only movement it was ntended to allow for is scratch-

ing your ear.

Nonetheless, there we were, buzzing over Omaha at an al-

titude of fust a few hundred feet, with the massive, 240-pound

ScottScamm----comicallyeminding me of BrerBear-hurling him-

self from one side of the plane to the other and shouting, in his

thick Baltic accent,that we were just coming over . ' . no, we

were just going over . . . ro, we had iust passedover another one

of his properties.Justabout the time Manny or I would be getting

to the window through which he was pointing, Scott would be

lunging to the other side of the plane, usually resulting in a "shall

we dance" type of collision situation on our knees. t's a wonder

the plane didn't roll over. I darn near cracked my shell getting

slammed around between Brer Bear and the sides ofmy flying

coffin.

After we landed,Manny and I, bruised and battered,contin-

ued our tour of the 15 propertieson the ground. That, however,

turned out to be an evenworse experience'Scott drove us from

project to proiect, and the ride was more frightening than our

Leariet tour had been. (That night I had a nightmare that I was

driving in heavy traffic in a small town in Lithuania, and all theother cars on the road were being driven by clones of Scott

Scamm.Terrifying!)

After the normal back-and-forth hassling, including a coura-

geousgoal-line stand by Legalman,we managed o get the deai

closedon the 50percentsale-leaseback asis'Having had proof in

Dallas that I had Manny's full support, I did not even bother to



5)

"Du . . . vee ius p&z over annuder vun of mine properties.',



I

Stickingwith aWinningFotmula 219

attend the closing. nstead, had my attorneycollect the $238,000

commission check or me while I was off working on other deals.

I could not help but recall how iust a few yearsearlier I had

startled everyone n that fi.rstdeai in Cincinnati by showing up at

the closingwith my own attorney. Now, working from a posture

of strength-which included the full support of the buyer-not

only was it taken for granted that my attorney would be at the

closing, it was not even necessary ot me to take the time to be

there myself.

Omaha was the last sale I closed during the ftrst l2-month

period in which I implemented my reality-basedphilosophy, and'

it was a perfect note on which to end the year's work. By this

time, the Earth brochure, the Leatiet, and a track record of many

major closingshad becomemy trademarks.Groveling around on

my handsandkneesor bonesnow seemeda distant nightmare to

me. In Omaha, had againproven to myself,beyonda shadowof a

doubt, that it wasn't what a personsaid or did that mattered,but

what his posturewaswhen he said or did it.

Understanding he reality of the Theory of Intimidation and

the PostureTheory had led to the ultimate in real estatebroker-

age: he performanceof a "reverse commissiondectomy." I love

you, Manny.



I

CneprB" 2X

ANswEn:

Nor ro Bn INrrrvrroanBo

isplayedon the following page s a summary chart of thedeals 've describedn the previoussix chapters.Thoughall these saleswere closedduring the first year follow-

ing the implementation of my reality-basedphilosophy, it,s im-portant to realize that they representonly a small fraction of thetotal number of dealsthat I worked on during that time period.As everyone who has had any experience

n selling knows, thelaw of averagess a salesman'sbest friend. No matter how goodyou are/ you will only close a small percentageof your deals. ttherefore logically follows that having asmany deals n the hop-per aspossiblewill directly affect the number of dealsyou close.

Without an understandingof the Theory of Sustenanceof aPositive Attitude through the Assumption of a Negative Result,

220



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it's unlikely that I would have closedeven one of the deals isted

in this chart. The disappointment and frustration I endured inworking on the scoresof properties that did not closewould havetotally discouragedme had it not been for my understandingofthe reality that most dealsdo not closebecause f factorsbeyondone'scontrol.

In other words, I came to view bad endingsas nothing morethan temporary setbacks,as just part of the game. One of themost important words when it comes to mental-health mainte-nance s "next." It doesn'tmatter whether you/vebeenshafted na businessdeal or jilted by a sweetheart,developing he mentaltoughness o say o yourself, "Next," will give you a new outlookon life. Given that so many things in most people's ives have ahabit of not working out asplanned, I believe hat one of the mostimportant keys to happiness s having the ability to move on.

Once I had developedmy reality-basedphilosophy,I realizedthat my successor failure would rest more on the implementa-tion of the Theory of Reality than on any other factor.(Reality isneither the way you wish things to be nor the way they appearto be, but the way they actually are. Either you acknowledgereality and use it to your benefit, or it will automatically workagainst you.,/This is the theory that proved

to be the founda-tion for the rest of my philosophy. Without it, all my other theo-ries combined would not have given me the results I obtained,nor could the perfect implementation of the operational tech-niques I developedhave led to success.The failure to recognizeand acknowledge reality is a lethal problem,becauseyou cannottake proper action unless you correctly perceive he facts.

It was my relentlesspursuit oI reality-'my determination torecognize and acknowledge truth no matter how unpleasant itmight be for me to do so-that was most responsible or my beingable to turn the tables on the intimidators who coveted mychips. Only after I had correctly analyzed he brutal nature ofthe Businessworld fungle was I able to structure a reality-based



Answer: Not to Belntimidated 223

philosophy and techniques for putting that philosophy into ac-

tion. This is what allowed me to benefft from reality rather than

allowing t to work againstme.

As a natural consequence f my reality-basedphilosophy, al l

my techniques were directly or indirectly aimed at the most im-

portant reality of all: No matter how well I performed my job, no

matter how many deals I closed, the bottom line was getting

paid.lt was reality that had led me to this fifth step of what I had

always heard describedas "the /our steps of selling." One last

time in honor of al l those brave, fallen comrades-real estate

agentswho lost their dignity, ftngers, and, in some cases,entire

hands on the battleffelds oI far off enemy strongholds ike Oma-

ha, Dayton, and Memphis: Closing deals s not the name of the

game; t's only a means o an end.One's exit strategy must be fo-

cusedon walking away with chips in one'shand,In every areaoflife-whether businessor personal-getting paid is the bottom

line. If you think this applies only to real estate brokerage,you

missed the book. In that event/ return to pageone immediately

and start readingagain-slowly this time.

Like most people I had known over the years, I had often

beenguilty of ignoring the realities of the Businessworld ungle

because had difffculty accepting their brutal nature. What Iftnally came to realize,however, was that whether or not I ac-

ceptedthem did not change he fact that they existed. It wasn't

until I forced myself to stop being an ostrich and acknowledge

reality that I was able o start making seriousheadway n the |un-gle. Relative to many of the childish rules taught in numerous

how-to and successbooks, the realities of the fungle may seem

brutal; relative to the devastatingconsequenceshat are likely toresult from following such naive prose,however, the reaiities ofthe |ungle don't seemall that bad.

When I look backon |ungle characters ike my Type Number

Three professor n my ffrst deal in Cincinnati, Mr. Bigshotte in

Dayton, Bubba and Mumbles in Memphis, and Scott Scamm in




Omaha, I can't help but experiencea warm feeling of nostalgia.

What the heck, they were just taking their best intimidation

shots at me, which is how indigenous creatures tght for their

placeon the fungle food chain. It's ali part of the game.

Me? I keep reminding myself of the IceBall Theory and try to

remember that business s just a gamewithin the biggergameof

life. And when you're playing a game, t's amateurish to be mad

at your opponent ust becausehe outwits you. I guess still havea

perverseadmiration for all those Type Number Ones,Twos and

Threes who made so many hig plays against me. All they were

trying to do was win by the rules of the game. It's iust that the

gamehappens o be played in a iungle-the Businessworid ungle-and the rules arepretty loose.

On the other hand, just becauseyou admire an opponent's

ability doesn't mean you should help him get more of your

chips. Believe me, fungle creatures ove it when someone s ig-

norant enough to give them help, but they certainly don't expect

it. On the conftary, they assume hat you will alwaysdo what's in

your best interest/ so why disappointthem?

Unfortunately, one of the realities of the Businessworld un-gle is that no matter how well you do your job, you don't neces-

sarilyget

whatyou

deserve.f you think otherwise,you may well

end up turning into a cobweb-covered keleton waiting for your

commission check to arrive. Remember, looking out for your

own interests doesnot conflict with your doing a good ob for the

person who is supposed o pay you. All you're doing is helping

him to not "forget" about your cut.Regardless f what some un-gle predatorswould like you to believe,you do have a right to be

fully compensated or your services,so never allow a master in-timidator to con you into thinking otherwise.

Nor should you feel contempt for Legalman. You must

understand that he is not singling you out when he kills your

deal. If there's one thing Legalman is not, it's prejudiced.He

doesn't discriminate when it comes to killing deals.Though it



Answer: Not to Be In timidated 225

may not seem like it when it's your deal that's in his crosshairs,

the truth of the matter is that he's ust as happy to kill the nextguy'sdeal as yours. So f Legalmanshould be successful n stop-ping you on downs at the one-yard ine, be a good sport about it

and give him his due credit-but, for goodnesssakes,be sure to

developa strategy or neutralizing him in your next encounter.

Peoplehave often asked me how they can tell whether or not

they are properly coping with intimidation. To help each reader

determine the answer to this question for himself, I have de-

signed he following test. (I am honored to tell you that the board

of regentsat ScrewU. is seriouslyconsidering adopting this test

aspart of the school'scurriculum.|




HOW WELI ARE YOU HANDTING

THE IMTIMIDATORS IN YOUR IIFE?

l. Do you often get invited to dinner, only to discover that

you're the first courseon the menu?

2. Do you ask Legalman'spermission beforegoing to the rest

room?

3. Are you working longer and harder hours, but just getting

older?

Are you in awe of peoplewho wear white hats?

Do you often askyour mirror:

MfuroL mfurcr

On the wall,

Who has the most positiveattitude

Of them all!

. . . onlyto have your mirror answerback:

"Spareme."

6. Do you ffnd yourself panting whenever a Court Holder enters

the room?

7. Do you often wake up in reception rooms only to ftnd that

you've been sucking your thumb and playing with your

yo-yo?

Did you go to the last costumeball dressed sa hare?

Do you walk around feeling secure becauseso many people

have told you, "Don't worrt I'll take careof yott?"

8 .

9 .



14.

15 .

Answer: Not to Be Intimidated 227

10. Have you noticed your ftngers getting shorter and shorter

eachyear?

11. When your house went up in flames and the firemen came

crashing through to saveyou/ were you sitting in your fa-

vorite arm chair calmly playing the fiddle?

12. Do you become easily infatuated when someone tells you

what a great ob you're doing?

13. Do you find yourself bluffing more but walking away with

Iess?

When you were a little boy, did you always want to grow up

to be a goodole'boy?

Do you bark a lot at closings?

Grading scale: If you answered either yes or no

to any of the abovequestions,you flunked. Why?Because t was a trick test. I just wanted to see

how seriouslyyou take yourself. My hope is that,

at the very least, I succeededn this book in get-

ting you to think about the Ice Ball Theory. No

matter what your feeling is about the rest of my

philosophy, you salvaged something from these

pages f you can accept the reality that nothingyou do is going to matter much 50 billion years

from now anyway. (In fact, with all due respect,

it's not going to matter much 50 years rom now.)

So relax . . . chill out . . . don't take yourself so se-

riously. And remember,above all, it's just a game.




Oops! Gotta be running along now; iust saw an opening to

the left of some hareout there n the |ungle; have o keep movingwhile he's still daydreaming.Maybe I'll be seeingyou around the

fungle from time to time, and perhapswe can reminisce about

our undergraduatedaysat ScrewU. and tradeLegalmanstories.



"Gotta go now. Maybe I'll be seeing you

around the lungle from time to time."

Documents

Robert Ringer - Winning Through Intimidation