Rhymes of the Rookies by Christian, W. E

8/14/2019 Rhymes of the Rookies by Christian, W. E.

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Title:RhymesoftheRookies

Author:W.E.Christian

ReleaseDate:October27,2004[eBook#13886]

Language:English

Charactersetencoding:ISO-646-US(US-ASCII)

***STARTOFTHEPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKRHYMESOFTHEROOKIES***

E-textpreparedbyAlHaines

RHYMESOFTHEROOKIES

SunnySideofSoldierService

by

W.E.CHRISTIAN

1917

TotheColors

Here'stotheRedoftheFiringLine;Here'stoaWorldWhite-Free;

Here'stotheBlueoftheYankeeSign;Here'stoLiberty!

--W.E.C

To


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THEODOREROOSEVELTColoneloftheRoughRiders

Who,morethananyotheronemangivesoutTheSpiritandtheMeaningoftheAMERICANSOLDIER

CONTENTS

MYBUNKIEOUROFFICERSPAYDAYTHEARMYGROUCHWEANINGTIME"HANDSACROSSTHESEA"THEHIKEA-B-COFARMYLIFEASOLDIER'SPRIMERTHETALEANDWAILOFAROOKIE

AMARINE'SHYMNHERE'STOTHESIXTEENTHHIKINGINTHEPHILIPPINESTHEMOUNTAINBATTERYSONGTHECAVALRYSONGTHEREDGUIDONTHECONSCRIPTTHESLACKERPREPAREDNESS"BEANS"ADVICETHESCENTOFTHECOCOAMENOFTHEHOSPITALCORPS

GARRISONLIFETHEPHILIPPINITISTHEEASTISA-CALLINGTELLYOURTROUBLESTOTHECORPORALOFTHEGUARDGENERALORDERSOFTHEKITCHENPOLICEISHEASOREHEAD?FUNSTONYEAR2016INCHIHUAHUAWITHPERSHINGINMEXICOOLDBALDY"KAISERBILL"THERAWRECRUITSERVINGINTEXAS

O'REILLY'SGONETOHELLONTHE"BORDER"ROUTINETHEUNIFORMINTHECOLDGRAYDAWNOFTHEMORNINGAFTERTHEOTHERSIDEOFTHEPOSTERARMYFEVERONETOTHEARMYBEANLITTLETHINGSSING-A-SONG-A-SIXPENCE


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QUEENOFMAYAYOUNGROOKIE'SLAMENTDANNYDEEVERBALLADPUZZYLAPPINSACYNIC'SVIEWOFARMYLIFETHESONGOFTHESHOVELANDTHEPICK

ARMYSLANGENGLISHARMYSLANGWORDSTOTHEARMYTRUMPETCALLSFIRSTAIDINCASEOFACCIDENTSFRENCHMONEYENGLISHMONEY

MYBUNKIE

He'smostlygnarlsandfrecklesandtan,He'dsurelycomeundersociety'sban,He'saswearin',fightin'cavalryman,But--he'smybunkie.

He'sweatheredthewindsoftheWesternwaste.(You,gentleChristian,wouldcallhimdebased)Andhe'slovedathiseaseandmarriedinhaste,Hasmybunkie.

InaPhilippinepaddyhe'ssleptintherain,Whenhe'sdrunkrottenboozethatdrivesyouinsane,Andhe'softencourt-martialed--yes,overagain,Ismybunkie.

He'sbeenontheboozethewholebloomingnight,Tomountguardnextmorningmostawfullytight,

Thoughhe's"dressed"likeasoldierwhengiven"GuideRight,"He'smybunkie.

Hedoesn'tknowBrowningorIbsenorKeats,ButheknowsmightywellwhentheothermancheatsAndhelickshimandmakeshimthelaughofthestreets,Doesmybunkie.

HestandsbyandcheerswhenI'mhavingfun,Andwhenitisoversays,"Prettywelldone,"Buthetakesalargehandiftheyrushtwotoone,For--he'smybunkie.

WhenTapshasblownandallthetroopisasleep,Wenudgeeachotherandgingerlycreep,Towheretheshadowshangheavyanddeep,Iandmybunkie.

Andthenwhenthefire-fliesflitteringroam,Wesitclosetogetheroutthereinthegloam,Andtalkaboutthingsappertainingtohome,Iandmybunkie.


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Iftheslowtropicfeverisa-shakingmyspine,Andtheyblow"bootsandsaddles"tochasethebrownswine,He'llgivemealeg-upandridemeinline,Willmybunkie.

AndifIgethit--hisarmgoesaround,Andraisesmetenderlyoffoftheground,Andthewordsonhislipsareacomfortingsound,Thewordsofmybunkie.

OUROFFICERS

I'mgoin'tobedischarged,sir;Mytimeisnearitsclose,Iwanttotellyou,cap'en,You'rethebestthecountrygrows.Theyain'tnomaninalltheworldCanbeatthearmyman,ThatwearstheshinylegginsandThatdoesthebesthecan.

I'veseenthem,sir,inbattle

Withthebulletsflyin'round,I'veseenthemlyingwoundedWiththeblood-stainsontheground.I'vewatchedthemwhenthefeverWasa-ragin'inthecamp,I'veseenthemnursethecholera--A-wrestlingwiththecramp.

I'veseenthempintothatol'flagAnotherglorymore,ThatmadethestripeslookbrighterThantheyeverdidbefore.Theyweren'twinningV.C.'s,either,

ButbecausethecountrysaidForthemtogo,theywent.Theydoneitorthey'redead.

We'velotsofmenofthiskindan'Ofcourse,we'vesomethatain't,We'llcoveruptheirfacesInthepicturethatwepaint.I'llfollowmenlikeyou,sir;Youcan'tgotoofastan'far,You'reofficersandgentlemenLikeCongresssaysyouare.

IwishIcouldre-up,sir,Tillyougetyoursilverstars,I'msureyou'lldothemcredit,sir,Asyouhavedonethebars.IknowIshouldn'ttalksomuch,ButsomehowI'minclined,Onleavin'theoldoutfitJusttospeakthecompany'smind.


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PAYDAY

Oh,it'searlyinthemorning,Themulesbegintosqueal,Youhearthecooksa'bangin'pansTogetthemornin'meal;TheBugler,sorto'toodlin,OutsidetheColonel'stent,Andyoukindo'feeldownhearted,'Causeyourlasttwobitsisspent.

Withaleggin-stringyou'refussin'Whenthebandbeginstoplay,Andyoulisten,andstopcussin',--Whatisthatthebuglessay?Oh,it'spay-day,pay-day,pay-day,Andthedrumsbegintoroll,AndtheysuredocarrymusicTothebustedJohnnie'ssoul.

Somethinkaboutthegirlsthey'llget,Andsome,aboutthebeer;Somesaythey'llsendtheirmoneyhome,

Andallbegintocheer.Thegameswillsoonbegoin'Snapyourfingersatthedice;Withthecanteenspigotsflowin''TiltheBarkeep'soutofice.

Forit'spay-day,pay-day,pay-day;Can'tyouhearthebuglescall?TheprivatesandtheNon-Coms,TheofficersandallHavebeenwaitin',waitin',waiting'Tilthey'rebrokeorbadlybentForthecoinsstackeduponblankets

Andtableinatent.

Fifteendollarsinthemornin'Bytheevenin'inthehole;And"PrivateJonesisabsent,Sir."WhentheSergeantcallstheroll.Theofficersarelookin'upThe"ArticlesofWar";There'ssixteenintheguard-house,AndtheProvosthassomemore.

THEARMYGROUCH

WhentheGrouchgetsupatreveille,Heputshiselbowonhisknee;Hisheaduponhishand;Andtho'he'sslepttenhoursormore,Hisbackisweak,hisfeetaresore,Andhecanhardlystand.And,ashegoestogethischow,Hesays,"ByGosh!--Idon'tseehow


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Asoldierlivessolong.ThespudsisrottenandtheslumIsalwaysworsethanonthebum.Thecoffeeistoostrong.ThatcowwaskilledtenyearsbeforeTheyorganizedthisbloomin'war;Theseflapjackstastelikewood."Andsohegrowlsthroughalltheday,Andfillshiscomradeswithdismay;They'dkillhimiftheycould.When"FirstCall"wakesupBillyLott,HesitsuponhisArmycot,Andwhistles"CaseyJones,"Andashejumpsintohisshoes,Hesays,"ByJinksI'vehadasnoozeThat'sgoodforskinandbones."AndBillyalwayshasasmileThatyoucanseeforhalfamile,Andwhenhestopstosay,'HowDo!'HechasesdimplestoyourcheeksThatstaythereforacoupleofweeks,Andhemakesyouhappytoo.

WEANINGTIME

(ToA.W.D.)

Mothers,O,yemothersoftheland!Withbroodsofsisters,brothers--handinhand--'Tisweaningtime.ClipyethethreadThatapron-stringsthelad!Givehimhishead!PluckfromyourteattheclinginglipThatshouldbetightwithvalor'sgrip!"Youweremychild-in-arms,"shesaid;"SuckledIyou,andgaveyoubed;

Butnowyouaremyman,myson.Forbattlelostorbattlewon,Go,findyourcaptain;takeyourgun,TostandwithFranceagainsttheHun!Recknotthattearsmightwetyourcrib;NorfearmyfondlingofthebibYouwore--whenyouaregone.Yourmotherwillnotbealone;Herlove-matewillbeDutyDone:Hernightswillkissthatmidnightsun.Iftears?TheywillbetearsofJoy,Forhavingmilkedaman,myboy.Farewellandlive,heartofmyheart.

Godsteelmysoul!Ibidyoustart!Hegoes!GodknowsIidolhim.AndmaynobackwardglanceUnheartmenow.ToFrance!ToFrance!FairFranceofLaFayette'sromance.Myman-in-armsadvance,advance!Takedownyourgrand-sire'scrimsonedlance!Forman-wideFreedomandforFrance!"


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"HANDSACROSSTHESEA"

We'reoffforFrancetomake"Fritz"danceTothetuneofshotandshell.We'llmarchrightintooldBerlin,AndgivetheKaiserhell.

TheFrenchareright--they'llholdthefight,AndBritish"drives"arefine;ButPershing'sboyswillfindbuttoysInthe"Hindenberger"Line.

Weleaveheartsdear--thecoastweclearFortheocean'swideexpanse.AsubmarineontheoceanseenWillhavebutlittlechance.

Thecauseisjust--yetmorewetrust--FortheHonordebtweoweCanne'erbepaid.'TwasthetimelyaidOftheFrenchmanlongago.

ForLafayetteiswithusyet,Stillheldinmemorydear.Ourheartsnowburntogivereturn,Whilehisnameweallrevere.

Oh!we'reofftoFrance--wewantachanceAttheecstaticthrillOfbeingtheretohaveashareInthefuneralof"KaiserBill."

THEHIKE

Theordersare,"Preparetohike!"Sopackyourwarbag.Hitthepike.Throwbackyourshoulders--keepthestep,Forthisiswherewegetthepep.

"Preparetohike,"theordersare.Anddon'tyoudaretoaskhowfar.We'llgetwhat'scoming,don'tyousee?Sowhat'stheoddstoyouandme?

Preparetohike!Rollupyourkit.Straponequipment.HittheGrit

Yourcornswillripenontheroad,--Justparethemdownwhentapsare"blowed."

We'rebilledtohike--thebuglesblow."'Tiscolumnright"andoffyougo.Civilianswatchaswepassby--Wewatchthegirlieswinktheeye.

Prepardnessistheslogannow,Andrumorsaysthere'llbearow--


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ArealoneontheWesternFront.We'redrillingforthisspecialstunt.

Preparetohike!Getinthegame.Yourfeetgetsore,butdon'tgolame,Justsetyourjaws,withstiffenedlip,Andholdthelineswithsandand"zip."

Warmaybe"Hell."Soletitbe.Yet,mustbefought,iflibertyIsstilltoreignuponherthrone,--Elseallislost.Thebestisgone.

Preparetohike!OncemoreIsay.Roundoutyourmusclesforthefray.Life'snotworthlivinganymore,ShouldTeutonforceinvadeourshore.

A-B-C-OFARMYLIFE

AistheARMY,Withitsshot,anditsshell,

BistheBATTLEThatmakestheWar,Hell.CistheCAVALRY,DashingandBold,Disthe"DOUGHBOY,"Whomthetrenchesmusthold;E,ENGINEER,Wholaysouttheplot,Fthe"FIRSTAID,"Withstretcherandcot;Gisthe"GUARD,"Our"Border-Patrol"--HisHEADQUARTERS,

Thehigh-rankingrole.IistheINFANTRY,That'shotontheHike,JisJAW-BONE,Oh,"Pay-as-you-like";KistheKITCHEN,Wheretheyturnoutthe"stew,"LisLANCE-CORPORAL.Whoranksjustafew;MistheMESS,Wheretherationsareserved,Nis"NON-COM,"Whose"Stripes"aredeserved;

OistheOFFICER,"Spickandsospan,"PisthePRISONER,Who's"undertheban,"QistheQUARTERS,With"lightsoutatTaps,"RistheROOKIE,Whomeveryoneraps,SistheSERGEANT,Whokeeps'eminline,


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TisTATTOO,Three-quarterspastnine,UistheUNIFORM,Buttonssobright,VistheVOLLEY,ThatsettlestheFight;WtheWAGON,With"fourArmymules,"XtheeX-soldier,Whoseardornowcools,YistheYOUNGSTER,Justoutofthe"Point,"Z--can'tyoutellThisline'sout-of-joint?

ASOLDIERSPRIMER

Aman,ahat,ablouse,agun,Callthisasoldierjustforfun.Adogtent,blanket,candle,match,Hishomeisbuiltwithraredispatch;Withhardtack,bacon,armybeans,

Armylifeisnotwhatitseems.Adampcoldnight,achinghead,Thenextdayfever-soldierdead.Thestoryisbrief(weknowitwell),Andplainismoral--"WarisHell."

THETALEANDWAILOFAROOKIE

WhenIwasyoungIsaidtomyself,Chooseacareerandstartafterthepelf,Earlytobedandearlytorise,

You'resuretogetwealthyandawfullywise,SoIstartedouttolookaround,Butnicefatjobsweren'teasilyfound.

However,whiletakingawalkdownthestreet,Abrightcoloredpostermyeyesdidgreet,"YoungMenWanted."Isaid,"That'sme,"AndsteppedupclosersoIcouldsee."JointheArmyandseetheWorld,"Myfingersaroundmylastdollarwerecurled.

SoIwentaroundwheretheyhungouttheflag.Butthat7-yearhitchmademyinterestlag.

Theyexplainedit,however,andmadeitquiteplainThattojointheArmywouldbemygain.SohereIaminthedamnPhilippines,Theyfeedmenothingbutbaconandbeans.

Thelandofthegoo-gooisnoplaceforme,Thereasonporqueiseasytosee.Ineverwasstrongforbugsandlizards,Ortheamoebicbugthatticklesyourgizzards.Ihaveareverseonfleasandsnakes,


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AndIhatethenoisetheGekkomakes.

Ihavethreesquarefeetofpricklyheat,Andsomedhobieitchthatcan'tbebeat,I'vehadthedengueandalsothefever,OfalldiseasesI'vebeenthereceiver.I'mbittenbyallthat'sinventedtobiteus,AttheendoftheyearI'llhavePhilippinitis.

Alongcentipedejustcrawledinmybunk,Thistropicalserviceiscertainlypunk,Notachanceintheworldtogooverthehill,Andhalfmytimeisspentinthemill.ButwhyshouldIworry,I'llsoonbefree.A"G.C.M."doesthetrickforme.

AMARINE'SHYMN

FromtheHallsofMontezuma,TotheshoresofTripoli,Wefightourcountry'sbattlesOnthelandasonthesea.

FirsttofightforrightandfreedomAndtokeepourhonorclean,WeareproudtoclaimthetitleOfUnitedStatesMarine.

FromthePestHoleofCaviteTotheditchatPanama,YouwillfindthemveryneedyOfMarines--that'swhatweare;We'rewatchdogsofapileofcoalOrwedigamagazine,Tho'helendsahandateveryjob,WhowouldnotbeaMarine?

Ourflag'sunfurledtoeverybreezeFromdawntosettingsun,WehavefoughtineveryclimeorplaceWherewecouldtakeagun;InthesnowoffaroffnorthernlandsAndinsunnytropicscenes,Youwillfindusalwaysonthejob--TheUnitedStatesMarines.

Here'shealthtoyouandtoourcorpsWhichweareproudtoserve,Inmanyastrifewehavefoughtforlife

Andneverlostournerve;IfthearmyandthenavyEverlookonheaven'sscenes,TheywillfindthestreetsareguardedbyTheUnitedStatesMarines.

HERE'STOTHESIXTEENTH!


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(_AtoastbyanofficeratSanAntoniobanquet_.)

Here'stothe"SixteenthCavalry,"A"Colt"thathasjustbeenfoaled;Bredwithno"Past,"--butaFuture,WhichTrainingandTimewillunfold.

This"Colt,"withhismilk-teethgivespromiseOfgrowingtobesomefinehorse,Andifwegivehim"rightraising,"Besurethathe'll"comeacross."

Our"Colt"isas"sound"andas"quiet"Asanyoldhorseyouwillsee,And,asforhis"fitconformation,"--That'sjustasfineascanbe.

Here'shopingthathegetsgood"grooming,"Good"grazing'"--good"stable"--good"stall;"Sowhentheysound"BootsandSaddles,"The"Colt"cananswertheircall.

Here'shopingthathegetsgood"forage,"Well"watered"--with"all-fours"wellcleaned;

AndnothavetopatrolthehotBorder,--Atleast,--untilheis"weaned."

We'llswearbythis"Colt,"whois"hoof-marked"Withthe"16thCavalry"brand;Andwe'llwarrantwhenhe"cutshismolars,"He'llbeasgoodasthebestintheland.

We'llseethathegetsfearlessriders,Whoare"kindly"andknowevery"aid;"Soifeverabattleisbrewing,He'llgotothe"Charge"unafraid.

He'llcomparewithallCavalryhorses,No"I.C."marksforhisneck;Instead,uponhisnewbrow-bandResettedBlueRibbonsbedeck.

Nomatterthe"sire,"nomatterthe"dam,"His"strain"is"pure-blood"--tho"unregistered"yet;He'll"runinthemoney,"--whenputtothetest,To"wininthestretch,"--onthatyoucanbet.

Sohere'stothe"SixteenthCavalry,"TheyoungestofCavalry"mounts;"Hehasn'ta"Past"anda"Pedigree,"

But's"all-horse,"--andthatiswhatcounts!

HIKINGINTHEPHILIPPINES

(_FromaMarine'sDiary_)

(AONE-DAYHIKE)


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RiseandShine,thebugle'scalling!Springuplivelyfromyourbeds!Intolinewe'llsoonbefalling--Shakealeg,yousleepyheads!

Bettermakeahastytoilet,Liketheotherfellowsdo,ForI'llguaranteeyou'llspoilit,Longbeforethedayisthru!

Betterseetheshoesyou'rewearingHaveaheavypairofsoles;Oryou'lldosomeawfulswearingWhentherockscomethrutheholes!

HaveyourcanteenfilledandreadyHaversackswungonyourbelt,WhereitwillswinggoodandsteadyAnditsweightisscarcelyfelt!

Atyourbreakfastdon'tyouhurry--Eatanotherdishofbeans;Foryou'llneedit--don'tyouworry--HikinginthePhilippines!

Upthedustyroadwe'vestarted--RoutStep--walkingatourease;Soontheevenlinesareparted--Allarewalkingastheyplease.

LongbeforethesunhasambledO'erthegreenhillsonourright,Faralongtheroadwe'verambledIntheearlymorninglight.

Thruthenarrowtrailwe'rewalking,Stickingtothenarrowpath.

Justbehindussomearetalking,'Wayaheadwehearalaugh.

Nowaslenderbridgewe'recrossing,Overtoa"goo-goo"farm--WhereaCarabaoistossingUphishead,ingreatalarm.

Herewestoptorestatrifle--Sipadropfromourcanteens.Gee!It'stoughto"pack"arifle--HikinginthePhilippines.

'Roundthenarrowpathwe'returning;Thoit'searlymorning,yet.Downthesunisfiercelyburning--Bringingoutthedropsofsweat!

WherethetropictreesareshadingOutthesunlightoverheadLeggings,shoesandall,we'rewadingThruashallowriver-bed.


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YoucanhearthebamboocrackingUnderneathourheavytread,Whiletheforesttrailswe'retackling--Following,wherewearelead.

YouhavegottobeaHikerTokeepupwiththeseMarines,Notabigfour-flushorpiker--HikinginthePhilippines!

Wherethebigmangoesaregrowing,Wehavehalted--StackingArms,Faraway,arooster'scrowingOnoneofthenativefarms.

Underbranchesofbigpalmtrees,Wearerestingeasynow--WelcomingthecoolingseabreezeWhilewe'rewaitingforourChow.

PlainestfareisafiestaWhenyou'veHikedforhalfaday;AndalittlenoonsiestaHelpstopassthetimeaway!

LikearibbonallunraveledStartsthelineathalfpasttwo,TherearenewtrailstobetraveledBacktooldOlongapo!

THEMOUNTAINBATTERYSONG

1.

Fallin.Fallin.Attention,youred-leggedmountaineers,

Withyourgunandpackandboxoftack,"non-coms."andcannoneers,BaptizedinMindanao,besidetheSuluSea.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.

2.

I'dratherbeasoldierwithamuleandmountaingunThanaKnightofoldwithspursofgold,aRoman,GreekorHun,ForwhenthereistroublebrewingtheyalwayssendformeTostarttherowwitharow,row,row,fromamountainbattery.Tostarttherowwitharow,row,row,fromamountainbattery.

Here'stopackandaparejo,thecradle,guntrail,Andthatdarnedoldfool,thebatterymule,thatwasneverknowntofail.Soraiseyourglasseshighanddrinkthistoastwithme:Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.

THECAVALRYSONG


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Come,listenuntothissong,I'mashappyascanbe,I'mmasheranddasherintheU.S.Cavalrie;Istandupstraightwithlegsapart;bowedslightlyattheknee,Withfoldedarmsacrossmychest,'tistheposeoftheCavalrie.

Chorus:

SofillyourglassestothebrimAndbraceyourcouragewithslowgin,IwilltellyouallitisasinToserveintheInfantrie.

I'macavalrymansofierceandbold,asoldierthruandthru,Irideahorsebecauseofcourse'tistheproperthingtodo.Iwearmyspursbothnightanddaythateveryonemaysee.WhateverelseImighthavebeen,I'mnotintheInfantrie.

WewenttofighttheChinahordewithsabre,horseandgun.We'dmeetthemandwe'dbeatthemjustthewayitshouldbedone;Butweleftourhorses,cornandhayoutontheshipsinTakuBayAndconsequentlyhadtostaywhilethedoughboyshikedaway.

I'mamanofexperience,I'vebeentoFortMonroe,I'vegarrisonedFortHamiltonandthePresidio.

IwentouttothePhilippinesandintheWalledCitie.IfoughttheFilipinoWarintheCoastArtillerie.

Chorus:

Somakewayfortheredstripeman,TheprideofourarmeeAndlethimtellthegloriesofTheCoastArtillerie.

AboutanothersoldiermanI'dliketosayaword:He'sneitherfishnorfleshnorfowl,butheisabird,Hefindshiswayo'erforeignseasbysunandmoonandstar,

ButhecouldnotfindhiswayacrosstheIslandofSamar.

Chorus:

Somakewayfortheweb-footmanThegoodU.S.Marines.Theyneedfourguidesforeveryman,OutinthePhilippines.

THEREDGUIDON

Come,fillupyourglasses.I'llgiveyouatoast.We'lldrinktotheredandtheblue,Thefirstinthebattle,thelastfromitspost,Oldcomradessofaithfulandtrue.Here'stofriendswhohavepassedo'erthelastlongdivide,Theirspiritisstillmarchingon,AsitdidinthedayswhenwemarchedsidebysideAswefollowedtheredguidon.

Chorus:


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Thenhere'stothecrossedcannons,theyneverwillrun,Thelimberandrollingcaisson,TheclankofthecollarandrumbleofgunAswefollowtheredguidon.

We'vesoldieredtogether,braveheartsevertrue,We'vemarched,wehavefoughtandwe'vebledForthedearoldflagwithitsred,whiteandblueThatfloatsinthebreezeoverhead.We'vejokedandwe'velaughedaroundthecampfire'sredglareFromCubatodistantLuzon,Aswetoldtheoldstoriesthatdriveawaycare'Neaththefoldsoftheredguidon.

Come,tossoffyourtankards,we'lldrinklonganddeep,Braveheartsevergallantandtrue,Tofriendswhonowrestintheirlongpeacefulsleep,Whoonceworetheredandblue.We'llprovetrueinthefutureastheyinthepast,Oldcomradesofgunandcaisson;We'llfightliketruesoldiersfromfirsttothelastAswefollowtheredguidon.

Chorus:

Thenhere'stothecrossedcannons,theyneverwillrun,Here'sthelimberandrollingcaisson,TheclankofthecollarandrumbleofgunAndHurrahfortheRedGuidon!

THECONSCRIPT

"Lifeisreal;lifeisearnest"--butaGambleafterall,"TenmillionConscripts"areansweringtheCall;

TenmillionmenofwhichIamOne--Whatwerethe"odds"when"thewheelwasspun"?Whatwerethe"odds"thatFatewouldselectMeforaConscript--anotherreject?FatewastheGambler;Iwasa"chip,"Deathwasthe"stake"heldinLife'sgrip;IamaConscriptplayedinFate'shand,WhentheGame'sover--howwillIstand?Death,willitlose,orLife,willitwin,Who'llbethe"winner"atthegreat"Cash-in"?TenmillionConscriptstoanswertheCall,Andatthegusts,theleavesmustfall:Withsubmarineslaunchingtorpedoesbelow,

Whichtroopshiptoatomsaretheytoblow?Ghostsofdiseaselurkingincamp,Spectralsicknessintrenchessodamp;Tenmillionbulletsrippingtheair,WhichConscripttobestricken,andwhenandwhere?Tenmillionshrapnelshriekingo'erhead,WhichConscripttoreckonamongtheirdead?Thousandsofwounds,a-gapingandwide,Whowillrecover,andwhowillhavedied?Millionsofmotherssoanxiousathome,


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Whowillwearcrepeforlovedones,alone?Millionsofsweetheartswho'llweepo'erthe"lists,"Whichloversthelipsne'ermoretobekissed?AllisaGamble--thisWar-GameofChance--ThelifeofaConscriptoverinFrance.The"RouletteofLife"isspinningsofast,The"redballofDeath"mustdropinatlast;Whichnumberswillwin,whichnumberswilllose,The"odds"orthe"evens,"the"reds"orthe"blues"?YetHopeisthe"Banker"andHewillrepayThechancesthatConscriptsmusttakeinthefray;AndFate'saGoodsport,when"dealingthecards,"He'llgive"Fifty-fifty"toConscriptforodds.

THESLACKER

Whydon'thevolunteertoserveInUncleSammy'sgrandreserve?Heknowsquitewellhiscountry'scall;Hasnoregardforthis,atall.Heneverthinkstodohispart,BecausehehasaSlacker'sheart.

Hewalksalongthestreetquitespry--Tofeignindifferencehemusttry,Whensuddenlyhetakesaffright,It'sjustapicture(whatasight)OfUncleSamwithpointingfinger.Takeitfromme!Hedoesn'tlinger.

"Whydon'tyoudoit?doitquick!"TheSlacker'sskullisverythick.Itneverpenetratesthegray,WhatUncleSammy,hastosay."IwantyouNOW!"Oh,whataMutt.

Thewordsfallonabrainlessnut.

Heliedonregistrationday--Conscription'slawhe'llnotobey.Heseeksthenuptialvowstotake,Oranyotheruselessfake.Whateverelse,he'llneverfight.HehastheSlacker'sear-marksright.

Oh,whatauseless,shamelesspest,Ablotonhumankindatbest.HisfeelingsareforSELFalone.Hewouldnotgiveadogthebone.

Beholdhisattitude--hispose.TheSlacker'sringisinhisnose.

Forcountry'scall--forcountry'ssake--ForLibertyhewillnotstakeHisbit,norwillheeverbeButhalfaman.Nothe--nothe.Hisformulacontainsnosand--It'splain,heistheSlacker"Brand."


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Andvisitsmanyisles.

"Ubiquitous"shouldbehisname,He'sseensomanyscenes,ButallhissoldierfriendspreferTocallhimsimply:"Beans"!

Asaproper,firstclasspassenger,Is"Beans"nameonship'slog;You'dthinkhisnamewaspedigreed--Thewayhe"putsondog"!

Yetheisnotafullbloodpup,Butjusta"yellowcur":A"Nervy-NattyGentleman"--Withallhisfuzzyfur.

HechowsawhileatGrandeIsle;Andtherehe'llmakeastay,Untilhetiresoftheirmess;Thenpromptlysailsaway.

He'lltakeaboatdownSubicBay,TofarOlongapo,

Andwhenthingsgetmonotonous,Then"Beans"isprompt-to-go!

Hegoeso'ertoCorregidor,Andvisits"C.A.C."Andifhedon'tlikevisiting--Hemerelysailsthesea!

HevisitsFortMcKinley,AndCavite,too;Now,whereBeanshasnotbeen,forsooth,IwishIonlyknew.

Iknowthatallthesailors,AndallthesoldiermenDocallhim"Beans,"andlovehimForheistheirdandyfriend.

Hewagshistailingreeting,Andbarksatfriendswithjoy;Butwhenhisship'sa-sailing,ForBeans,it'sShip-A-hoy!

Sohere'sto"Beans"old"Sea-dog,"Wholovessowelltoroam;Iwishhe'dtrytosettledown

Andmakeourplacehishome.

ADVICE

BetterstartinsoldieringandmindyourP'sandQ's,Cutoutgoingabsentandeaseuponthebooze,Don'tkickbecause,you'reonfatigue,butmindwhatyouareabout,FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyou


19/57

ifyoudon'twatchout.

Don'tgoa-missingreveille;andbeinbedbycheck,Don'tbuckagainstthecaptain,oryou'llgetitintheneck.Besuretoturnoutpromptlywhenyouhearthesergeantshout,FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyouifyoudon'twatchout.

Becauseyou'vegotsomeservicedon'tthinkyouknowitall,You'llgetyourextrasjustthesameifyoushouldmissacall.Takewhattheyhandyouweekly.Don'tgrumble,frownorpout.FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyouifyoudon'twatch

out.

THESCENTOFTHECOCOA

Youhaveheardoftheancientincense;OfthedewofHermannyou'veread;YouhavebeentoldofthepreciousointmentThatpoureddownonAaron'shead;Buttellme--withallyourknowledge,Yourtheory,studyandtoil,Haveyouheardofanequalorsequel

Tothescentofthecocoanutoil?

Atfirstitisalwaysrepulsive,Makesyougagandbackoffindespair;Butwhenyou'vegotthescentofthecocoa,Justascent,amerewhiffintheair,Thenyou'regone,boy,yes,andforever,Where'erinthisworldyoumayroam;WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaYouforgetallthepreceptsofhome.

YouforgetthosemostnobleteachingsOffortitude,temperanceandtruth

Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa.You'regone,boy,goneandforsoothThoughyoutryhardandstrivetorecover,PraytoGodandhisangelsaswell,Ifyou'veoncegotthescentofthecocoaYou'redestined--yourfutureisHell.

ButwhyshouldyoubepredestinedBythescentofaninnocentoil?Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa


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NomorecanyoubreakfromitstoilThanagamblercanbreakfromhisventures,Thedrunkardturnawayfromhisrye.WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaThelongingistheretillyoudie.

Thegreatworldatlargedoesn'tknowall,TheguiltyonesseldomconfessWhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaWaftedupfromthebrightpassingdressThattheirthoughtsarenotthoseofangelsSweetandpureasthedewoftherose,Thatit'snotjustthescentofthecocoaButtheperquisitethatwithitgoes.

Therearetimeswhentherighteousaredoubtful,Therearetimeswhennomandoubts.WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaThere'samanandhisconscienceatouts;Recklessofmoraldestruction,Fearlessofanguishandpain,Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa'Tisthatscentthatyoulongforagain.

OnemaypartfromtheOrientgladly,Fromitsgarlicanddhobieandgoats;Butifhe'soncegotthescentofthecocoaAshesitsandinreveriedotes,--Histhoughtswillreverttotheeastward,TothelandofyellowandbrownAndhesighsforthescentofthecocoa,Andthesightofapinagown.

MENOFTHEHOSPITALCORPS

They,too,haveheardthedrum-beat,Theyfollowthebugle'scall,ThosewhoareswiftwithpityOnthefieldwherebravemenfall.

WhenthebattleboomissilentAndtheechoingthunderdies,Theyhastetotheplain,redsoddenWiththebloodofsacrifice.

TheflagthatfloatsabovethemIsmarkedwithacrimsonsign,Pledgeofagreatcompassion

Andtheriftedheartdivine.

AndsotheyfollowthebugleAndheedthedrumbeat'scall,Buttheirerrandisoneofpity:--Theysuccorthemenwhofall.

GARRISONLIFE


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Iwanttogohome,wailedtheprivate,Thesergeantandcorporalthesame,ForI'mtiredofthecampandthehikin',Thegrubandtherestofthegame.I'mwillingtodoallthefightin',Forthatisagametwocanplay;ButIwanttogohome,formegoil'sallalone,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.

ForI'vemarched'tilmethroatwasa-crackin','Tilcrazedforthewantofadrink,I'vedrilled'tilmebackwasa-breakin',An'Ihaven'thadtimetothink.AndI'vehadmeshareofpolicin',AndguardandI'mtiredofmelay;Formegoil'sallalone,an'Iwanttogohome,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.

Dotheyheedusa-dyingingarrisonlife?Theysayit'sthewaterandsuch,Wethinkthatmoreaptit'sthehikin',Forthelifeofaprivateain'tmuch;Butweknowwecanfightifwehaveto,

Andtheywon'thavetoshowustheway,Butmegoil'sallalone,an'Iwanttogohome,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.

THEPHILIPPINITIS

Myfriend,haveyouheardofthetownofManila,OnthebanksofthePasigRiver,Wherebloomsthewait-awhileflowerfair,Andthe"sometimeother"scentstheair,Andthesoft-go-easygrow?

ItliesintheValleyofWhat's-the-use,IntheprovinceofLet-her-slide.Thatoldtiredfeelingisnativethere,It'sthehomeofthelistlessIdon'tcare.WherethePut-it-offabide.

THEEASTISA'CALLING

TheysaythattheEastisalluring;Thebalmygreenislesofthesea.Butwithalltheirwildsplendorassuring,

Theyhavenofascinationforme.

IcampedwiththeboysatSiassi,Waydowninthatsequesteredisle,Wherethegarbofaprimitivelassie,Wasnaughtsaveageestringandsmile.

Ihikedo'erthehogtrailsofJolo,Intheblisteringraysofthesuns,Asthewildsavagewieldinghisbolo,


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Fellbeneaththeonslaughtofourguns.

Withacartridgebelt,rifleandknapsack,Itrampedthroughthewoodedravine,Onarationofhardtackandbacon,Andaswigfromarustycanteen.

InMindanaoislandsodreary,FromMalabangtoHawaiianhill,Everfaithfulthoughfootsoreandweary,IshoulderedmyKragforthedrill.

Ontheoutpostwhennightdarkenedo'erusAlonevigilIkeptthroughtherain,AndwatchedforthebloodthirstyMoros,Thatprowledthroughthedesolatecayan.

IhaveseenthehalfcladFilipino,InhisnipathatchedshackinLuzon,Dispensingthetubaandbino,Amidstourgaylaughterandsong.

Atevethebrown-huedsenoritas,Strolledleisurelyoverthegreen,

Inhobblesandgaudycamisas,Theirmorelovingthanhandsomequeens,

TheymaysaytheEastisa'calling,Thepicturesqueislesofthesea,Butwithalltheirwildsplendorenthralling,Theyhavenofascinationforme.

TELLYOURTROUBLESTOTHECORPORALOFTHEGUARD

Ifnumberoneyouarewalking,

Andtoacomradetalking,Whilearoundthecountrygawking,Keepingneitherwatchnorward,Andanofficerunsaluted,Swearsatyouwithvoicepolluted,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.

IfyouareatthebridgeofSpain,Andaforeignladyvain--WhileanativewithareinJerkstheskinnyponyhard,Whentoheraidyou'llturn,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.

IfontheEscoltaposted,Andthesunyourbackhasroasted,AndrebelchieftainboastedAshehandedyouhiscard--ThathesoonwouldcleanyououtAndputyourDewey'sfleettorout,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.

Iftothecanteenyouaresent,


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Andyourframewiththirstisrent,Andyourspiritsdroopedandbent,Andthesoldiersandthesailorsbottle-crazed--Allaredrinkingfizzescool,Donotraveandactthefool,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.

Ifyoushouldabottleget,Nomatteronwhichbeat,Oramorselsweettoeat,Inthedrearytimessohard;Youwillfindafriendtoshareit--CallpromptlyfortheCorporaloftheGuard.

GENERALORDERSOFTHEKITCHENPOLICE

MyGeneralOrdersare:

1.Totakechargeofthesespudsandallgravyinview.

2.Dishsluminamilitarymanner;keepingonthealertandobservingallmeatballsthatgowithinsightorhearing.

3.Toreportanyprivateornon-comwhoasksforthirds.

4.Toreceive,transmitandobeyallordersfromandallowmyselftoberelievedbytheMessSergeant,firstandsecondcooksonly.

5.Toquitthecoffeeonlywhenproperlyrelieved.

6.Torepeatallcallsfor"seconds"fromthediningroom.

7.Toholdconversationwithnoonewhoasksforonions.

8.Toallownoonetopassthecookstobaccoorbooze.

9.Tosaluteallslumnotincasedinanovercoat.

10.Inanycasenotcoveredbyinstructionscallthefirstcook.

11.Incaseoffiretakeouttheashesandgetabucketofcoal.

12.Betweenreveilleandretreatturnoutthecookandthecook'spoliceforallobjectsfoundintheslum,suchasbedbugs,lizards,cockroaches,snakesandotherinsectsnotonthebilloffare.

BYORDEROFGENERALR.U.HUNGRY:PeelemSpud,CommandingKitchenPoliceBrigade.

OFFICIAL:O.U.Meatball,Major,3rdCookCorps,BrigadeAdjutant.


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ISHEASOREHEAD?

You'veheardofthefamoussixhundred,whoatBalaklavafell;Whochargedlikedeath'savengersstraightintothemouthofhell.Butthere'sdeedsunsung,unheardof;bravedeedsgonebyunseen,Justlistentothetaleofasoldier,toldinoughtthirteen.

PartoftheColonialArmyfordutyinthePhilippinegroup.IfIhadtheginkthatsentmeIsurewouldmakehimlooptheloop.Ourvaloristesteddaily.Wefightthemosquitosandheat.ThecountryisfineforaGu-Gu,butIlongforoldMarketStreet.

Thehikingisfineforasoldier,youfillupondustontheroad,Andtoeatonadustystomachmakesyou

feellikeanytoad.Youmaytalkofaseven-yearenlistment,Godhelpmegetthisonein,WhenyoudooneontheArchipelago,youwillneverbefreefromsin.

Theyworkyoufrommorningtillevening.They'vegotyou,there'snopullingout.Canyoublameusfordrinking,oldtimer,nochance,here'stoyou,oldscout.Ourtroublesmaybeallimaginaryandcausedbytoomuchsun,Buthowmuchimaginingiscalledforin

thewargamestheyplayforfun.

Itrytodoalltheyrequireme,but,God,whocandoallthat?Themanisnotmadewhocanobeyallordersofamanwithagoldcordonhishat.Somearebetterthanothers,theydon'tfeelthepolishandsuch,ButI'velearnedmylesson--they'llgetyouindutch.

Don'tthinkforaminuteI'masoreheadbecauseIaminforbob,

Mymusclesshuregothardinthearmy;Icand----!easygetajob.Andifsometime,inthefuture,Iwouldhatesomeonetothinkmeafriend,I'lladvisehimtoenlistinthearmy,goodnight,Iknowthatsureishisend.

FUNSTON


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Neveranystyleabouthim,Notimposingonparade,Couldn'tmakehimlookheroic,Withnoendofgoldenbraid.Figuresorto'stoutanddumpy,Hairandwhiskerskindofred,Buthe'salwaysmovingforward,Whenthere'stroubleonahead.Fivefootfive,ofnerveanddaring,Eyespaleblue,andsteelybright,Notafraidofmanordevil,ThatisFunstoninafight.

Fightingsincehelearnedtotoddle,Soldiersincehegothisgrowth,KnowstheSpaniardandthesavage,Forhe'sfoughtandlicked'emboth,Notmuchfigureintheballroom,Notmuchhandatbreakinghearts,RottenringerforApollo,Butrightthingwhensomethingstarts;Justabunchofbrainsandmuscles,Butyoualwaysfeelsomehow

Thathe'llgetwhathegoesafter,Whenhemixesinarow.

Weylerfoundoutallabouthim,Setapriceuponhishead;Aguinaldo'scraftywarriorsNearlyfilledhimfulloflead.Yellowmenandyellowfever,Triedtocutoffhiscareer;Butsincehefirsthitthewartrail,Hehasneverslippedayear.AndtheheartofallthenationGivesapatrioticthrob,

AtthenewsthatKansasFunstonHasagaingoneonthejob.

YEAR2016INCHIHUAHUA

ThroughthemesquiteinoldChihuahua,AimlesslyonedayIstrode,TillIchanceduponafigureStandingsilentintheroad.Suchanodd,ungainlyfigure!Istopped,thenstaggeredback,

ThinkingitanancientspiritThathadwanderedfromitstrack.

Acampaignhatwasonhishead,Withstrapbeneathhischin,Onhislegssomebatteredleggins,Andhisshoeswereoldandthin.Onhisshoulderwasamusket,Redwiththerustofyears,Likehimself,thewholeequipment,


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Seemedtojustifymyfears.

"Whatmasqueradeisthis"?saidI,Thoughmybreathcamequickandshort,Thenhe,fromforceofhabit,Broughthisrifletoaport."Longyearsago,"heanswered,Inamildandpatienttone,"TherewastroubleinChihuahua,WhereVillausedtoroam.

"WhenIlefttheStatesforMexico,WiththeRegularCavalry,Wenumberedseveralthousand,Young,healthy,strongandfree.Alltheothers,--theyaresleepingOnthehillsideoverthere,FarfromhomeandlovingkindredAndthenativecountrydear.

"Perhapstwentydiedfromsickness,Victimsofthefever'srage,Oramoebicdysentery,Alltherest,--fromripeoldage!

I'mthelastofallthosethousands,ThroughthisplaceIstillmustroam,Waitingforexpectedorders--WelcomeorderstogoHOME."

WITHPERSHINGINMEXICO

WhenI'veservedoutthisenlistment,AndmytimeintheReserves,Why,IamgoingtotreatyourstrulyTothetreatthathedeserves.

ForIamtiredchasingVilla,InthisGod-forsakenland,Whenthere'snothingmuchbutcactusAndtheuselessmilesofsand.

WheretheRioGrandeisflowing,ByElPasonearFortBliss,There'salittlegirlworthknowin',Andshe'sa'savin'meakiss.Oh,Imetheroncea'walking,Withredcoralsinherhair;

Wherethegreaserssita'talking,

Inthelittlepublicsquare.There'srealfoodthere;whitewomen;Mostthingsamancouldwant;Andapooltogoinswimmin'AndaChineserestaurant;Where,acrossthehotChopSuey;IfyougivetheChinkawink,He'llproducealittleteapot,Fullofsomethinggoodtodrink.


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Oh,I'mtiredofCactuswhiskey,Thattheystopthetruckstosell;Foronebottle'smightyrisky,Andtwostartsamanforhell.AndthefirsttimethatI'mable,Whentheyhandmemydischarge,Watchmeleanacrossthetable,Andsay:"Bo,givemeadrinkof'large.'"

Sogood-bye,Adobeladies;MyregardstoUncleSam;LetoldPanchogotoHades;AdiostoCol.Dublan!Theycan'tbindmewithalasso,OncethislittleDoughboy'sfree;There'sagirlrightinElPaso,ThatI'mboundhe'sgoingtosee.

Forshe'swaitin',myAnita;InthePlaza,intheSquare;Wherethelittlefenced-infountainThrowsitswaterintheair;Wheretheoldpetalligatorstays,Andwinkshisknowin'eye,

Andsays,"Patience,Senorita,"He'llbewithyoubyan'by.

OLDBALDY

The"BlackEagle"said,"Ithinkitbutfair,ThatIshouldberulerofbothlandandair,Andhavealltheotherbirdsundermyreign.HowgreatIshallbeoversuchadomain."

Theothersprotested,saying,"Thisyoucan'tdo;

We'llneversubmittoaswell-headlikeyou.Beforewe'llcomeunderyourdespoticrod,We'llfighttotheverylastdropofourblood."

Butthe"BlackEagle"answered:"I'llhavewhatIwish;I'llpayyouforsuckers,andcatchabigfish;I'llclipyourwingsoffwithabigpairofshearsThatIhavebeengrinding,thelastfortyyears.

"I'llhookmybigtalonsrightintoyourbreast,Andgetawild'Turkey'tohelpdotherest.We'llpluckthatfineplumageallofffromyourback;Andyou'llfinddesolationthebrandofmytrack."

Andsothefightstarted.Itwaxedfierceandlong;Andprovedthe"BlackEagle"unusuallystrong.Withthreeyearsoffighting,hestillwasintact,Andseemedtobevictor--infightandinfact.

Butatthisverymomentofluckforthe"Black,"Avenerableeagleflewintohistrack.Hewasgray,hewasbald,hewasancientaswell;Andjustwherehecamefrom,there'snousetotell.


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This"Bald-headedEagle"washailedwithdelight,Whentheotherbirdssawhewasgoingtofight;Butwhentheybeheldthetacticsemployed,By"BaldytheGreatOne,"theywereoverjoyed.

ForhehookedhiscurvedbillinthetopoftheheadOf"OldBlackeytheTerror,"thenquietlysaid:"Justwatchmytalonsclipuptohisthroat.Withonestillfree,Iwillpickthisoldbloat."

Thestrugglewasfierce,andthefeathersflewhigh;The"BlackOne's"fineplumagecameoffrapidly;"OldBaldy's"quickwork,andtomakegoodhisword,LeftnaryafeatherstickontheBlackbird.

Thefightatlastended;the"Black"gaveitup,With"Baldy"victorious,awardedthecup;Butthe"BlackOne"wasstrippedofallhonorandfame.Hasaplaceinthisworldwithadishonoredname.

Itmaybeafable,buthistoryrecordsThisdefeatofthe"FowlofGreatBoastingWords."Howthe"PrussianBlackEagle"thatthoughthecouldscratch,

Foundin"OldBaldy"farmorethanhismatch.

"KAISERBILL"

There'saGuyacrosstheSea,Andthe"Devil'sown"ishe.Death!Destruction!Misery!That'stheKaiser.Don'tyoufancyhe'safool.Satanne'erhadsuchatool--Whetherdemon,fiendorghoul

AstheKaiser.

AtthebottomoftheoceanLiethevictimsofhisnotion.BathesinhumanbloodforlotionDoestheKaiser.WhilehisTeutonChoirsings,Inthemilitaryrings,Ofthe"DivineRightofKings."KaiserBill.

Kindererst,unddendevimmen--Shooddemubviledeyisschwimmen,

Denyougifdermenatrimmen,KaiserBill.Fordervooritmustpemineown,SoI'llpederKingalone,MitaunifersalthroneKaiserBill.

Butwe'lltossyououtthetip,(Thoughthecensorsealthelip)Thathe'llsoonbe"onthehip"--


29/57

WilltheKaiser.Forhissubmarinesaresinking,Andhismenintrenches,stinking,WhiletheWesternworldislinking'GainsttheKaiser.

He'llbepickedupinabasket,WithaU-Boatforacasket,Andanameplate,ifheaskit."KAISERBILL."Then"submerge"inkerosene,KeptinmemoryevergreenAstheprofligate,obsceneKaiserBill.

THERAWRECRUIT

SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:Begob,ye'reabad'un;Nowturnoutyourtoes;YerbeltisunhookitYercapisoncrookit

Yemaynotbedhrunk,Butbejabers,yelookit;Wan-two!Wan-two!Yemonkeyfaceddevil,I'lljollyyethrough!Wan-two!Time!Mark!YemarchliketheaigleinCintheralPark.

SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:AsaintitudsaddenTodhrillsuchamug;Eyesfront!yebaboonye!Chinup!yegossoon,ye!Ye'vejawslikeagoat--

Halt!yeleatherlippedloon,ye!Wan-two!Wan-two!Yewhiskeredorang-outang,I'llfixyou!Wan-two!Time!Mark!Ye'veeyeslikeabat,canyeseeinthedark?

SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:Yerfiggerwantspadd'n--Sureman,ye'venoshape;BehindyeyershouldersStickoutliketwoboulders;YershinsareasthinAsapairofpenholders;

Wan-two!Wan-two!Yerbellybelongsonyerback,yeJew!Wan-two!Time!Mark!I'masdryasadog--Ican'tspakebutIbark!

SERVINGINTEXAS

TooldSatanTexaswasgiven


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BytheLordwholivesinHeaven,AndtheDevilquoth"I'vegotwhat'sneededTomakeagoodHell,"andhesucceeded.Heputsharpthornsalloverthetrees,Andmixedupsandwithmillionsoffleas;Hescatteredtarantulasalongtheroads,Putsthornsoncactus,andhornsontoads.HelengthenedthehornsoftheTexassteers,Andputanadditiontotherabbit'sears;Heputalittledevilinthebroncosteed,Andpoisonedthefeetofthecentipede.Therattlesnakebites,thescorpionstings,Themosquitosdelightwiththeir,buzzingwings;Thesandbursprevail,andsodotheants,Andthosewhositdown,needhalf-solesintheirpants.Theheatinthesummerisonehundredandten,ToohotfortheDevilandtoohotforthemen;Thewildboarroamsthruthebackchaparral,'Tisahellofaplacethathepickedforahell.

O'REILLY'SGONETOHELL

O'Reillywasasoldierman,theprideofBattery"B."Inallthebloomingregimentnobettermanthanhe;TherankingdutyNonCom.,heknewhisbusinesswell,Butsincehe'stumbleddownthepole,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.

Chorus:

O'Reilly'sgonetoHell,sincedownthepolehefell.Theydrankupallthebugjuicethewhiskeymanwouldsell.Theyranhiminthemill.They'vegothimintherestill.Hisbobtail'scomingbackbymail,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.

2.

O'Reillyhitthebottleaftersixyearsupthepole,HeblewhimselfatCasey'splaceandthenwentinthehole,Hedrankwithalltherookiesandsavedhisfaceaswell.Thewholeoutfitisonthebum,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.

Chorus:

3.

O'ReillyswipedablanketandshoveditupIhear;

Heshoveditforadollarandinvestedthatinbeer,Helickedacoffeecoolerbecausehesaidhe'dtell,He'stendaysabsentwithoutleave,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.

Chorus:

4.

They'lltryhimbyCourtMartial,he'llnevergetachance


31/57

Totellthemhowhismotherdiedorsomesuchsonganddance.He'llsoonbeinCompany"Q"a-sleepinginacellAbigred"P"stampedonhisback,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.

ONTHE"BORDER"

ThisistheLandThatGodforgot.Arizona.ThisisthelandThattheDevilbe-got.Arizona.Inrespects,it'spossiblyBetterthanHell,InNaco.Hotair,mixedWithsulphursmell,InNaco.ThereeveryacreIsdesertsand,TotaketheplaceOfthe"Brim-stone"Land.

InHell.Also,wehavethePrickley-pear,InNaco.Sage-brushandcactiThatmightcompareTopitch-forks.ButshouldyouaskmeWhereI'ddwell--Naco,orinthatplacebelow--JustthreewordsFrommymouthwouldflow:"MeforHell."Conditionsaresettled

DowninHell;WhileontheBorder,Younevercantell.Arizona!Hell,yes!Nowatchfulwaiting,Nopeaceataprice,LikeNaco.TheDevil'spolicyIsfirmandconcise,InHell.Nofriendlyraids,NorMexicanstrife;

LikeNaco.One'sdieiscast:ToboilforLife,InHell.Incaseoftrouble,Ofanykind,--TheDevilactsWithoutchangeofmind.Naco--Hell.Thinkofthewonderful


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PeaceSublime,InHell.IonlywishThatpeaceweremine.

ROUTINE

(FromaMarine'sDiary.)

5:05A.M.--FIRSTCALLIheardtheFirstCallsound,andthen--Justyawnedandwenttosleepagain.

5:10A.M.--REVEILLEAtReveilleIshookthedope,Brokeoutatowelandahunkofsoap.

5:20A.M.--ROLLCALLMynamerangoutupontheair;Ihollered,"Here,"forIwas"there."

5:25A.M.--SETTING-UPEXERCISE

Tookexercise,withoutarest;IliketheBreathingMovementbest.

5:45A.M.--CHOWOh,whatadifferencebreakfastmakes!'TwasPunkandJava,DogandCakes.

6:10A.M.--FIRSTCALLFORDRILLFirstcallforDrillremindedme--I'lltrytherearrank--"numberthree."

6:20A.M.--DRILLStreetRiotDrillandCompanysquare;

Inearlywentupintheair.

7:20A.M.--RECALLFROMDRILLRecallwasmusictomyears;Ihadn'tfeltsotiredforyears.

8:00A.M.--COLORSTheGuardturnedoutforUncleSamAndhandedhimthe"GrandSalaam."

8:10A.M.--SICKCALLOnefellowwenttoshowhiscornForthere'saHiketo-morrowmorn.

8:20A.M.--FIRSTCALLFORTROOPIshavedandwashed,thencleanedtheGat,Andhadtenminutesleftatthat.

8:30A.M.--TROOPTheCaptainsizedusupforfair,Butnokickcomin'anywhere.

8:45A.M.--GUARDMOUNT


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GuardMount,mynamewasn'tbooked;HowisitIwasoverlooked?

RESPITE

NomorecallstoanswernowTilIhearthemholler,"Chow"Forthisismyeasyday:GuessIrateitanyway.

12:00N--CHOW--LIBERTY

Chowwastheregularmenu,Spudsetcetera--carabao.Iheard"Liberty"whenitwentButIdidn'thaveacent.

1:00P.M.--POLICEGladIhavenoworktoday;I'llturninandhitthehay.

AFTERNOON--NOCALLSWokeuppromptly,halfpasttwo;WalkedaroundOlongapo.

Camein--playedacheckergame;Wrotealettertomydame.

5:00P.M.--CHOWSuppersurelywassomeclass!SteakandOnions--Apple"sass."

6:00P.M.----COLORSSixo'clockwhencolorswent;Guardturnedoutandgave"present."

8:30P.M.--TATTOOCameinearly,tookashower,

Readabookforhalfanhour.

9:15P.M.--CALLTOQUARTERSLetdownmyMosquitonet--PuffedaDurhamCigarette.

TAPS--P.M.SafelyinmybunkIcurledAndwassoon--deadtotheWorld.

THATUNIFORM

Tisstrange,butyet'tistrue,weseeSanemenwhoseemtothinkthatwe,Whoweartheblue,arenotthesameAsothermen.WehaveanameScarcethoughtofwithrespect;'tisusedTofrightenchildren,andabusedBythosewhoonlywishtoshowAfewofthemanythingstheydon'tknow.


34/57

Weread"thesoldierscametotownAndraisedparticular----,"andsoondownAcolumnormoreofsuchvilestuff;'Twouldmakeusallcry"Hold!Enough!"Yousee,there'sscarcelyanythingTowriteabout.Whilethesethingssting,What'sthattous?Wemaylosebyit;Butthepublic'sfed,yegods,thediet.

Anoldsaw,which,perhaps,e'enyouHaveheard,andsomethoughttrue,Seemstohavebeenforgotten,quite,Orelsewedonotthinkitright.Ourfathersusedtothinkthatway,Butwearewiser(?)inourday.Trytorememberit,ifyoucan,Tisthis:"Theclothesdon'tmaketheman."

Don'tturnthesoldierdown.Youmay,Foraughtyouknow,orotherssay,Beentertaining,unawares,Anangel;and,ifnot,whocares?For,behegood,bad,weakorstrong,'Midsummer'ssunorwinter'sstorm,

Youcallonhimtorightyourwrong,Althohewearsauniform.

INTHECOLDGREYDAWNOFTHEMORNINGAFTER

BringmeadryMartini,waiter,Chaseinsomethingthat'swet,Iwasouttoaclambakeyesterday,AndIhaven'tgotoverityet.

Throwmeapleasantlook,waiter,

Smileatmepretty,don'tfrown,AndpoursomeglueonmybreakfastSoIcankeepitdown.

Iheartheyhavediscoveredthepole,waiter,IwishIhaditherenow,Theycan'tcomeanytoocoldformeToputonmyachingbrow.

Manyaschoonerwaswreckedlastnight,Andthewavesranmountainhigh.Personally,Iwassousedtothegills,ButtodayI'mawfullydry.

Itwasaterriblenightatsea,waiter,Andmanyaremissing,Ithink,ButasnearasIcanrememberInevermissedadrink.

Theoneinbluegotmypurse,waiter,Herside-kickgotmyclock,Idon'twanttoknowwhattimeitis,Pleaseleadmedowntothedock.


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Leadmedowntothedock,waiter,ForawaterygraveIpine,TheplaceforamanthatispickledIsovermyheadinbrine.

TelltheminOlongapo,Idiedasaheroshould,Uptotheneck,incold,coldsudsGuaranteeddrawnfromthewood.

I'dliketoleaveyouagift,waiter,JusttoremembermebyAndtoshowyouthatI'mnottight,Youcanhavemypieceofpie.

AndafterIsinkinthewater,waiter,You'lldomeafavor,Ihope.Tellthem,ifIblowupbubblesItwasn'tfromeatingsoap.

THEOTHERSIDEOFTHEPOSTER

TheytoldmethattheArmywasajoyforevermore;TheytoldmeofthepleasuresI'dhaveinitbythescore;TheytoldmeofitscomfortsandthejollylifeI'dlead,ButbythundertheyhavefooledmeandI'msorrowfulindeed--IeverjoinedtheArmy.

TheytoldmeofthepolishedbootsandthebuttonsbrightI'dwear,AndofthesplendidthingsI'dfinduponthebill-of-fare;Butneverawordtheytoldmeinthefinerecruitingshop,Ofhoeingweedsupontheroads,orhaulingouttheslops--WhenIjoinedtheArmy.

Theytoldmeofthepleasanthours,awayfromeverycare,Icouldspendwhennotonduty,intownoranywhere;Butathingtheynevertoldmeisthepunishmentthey'dmeteOuttoalucklessrookiewhowentabsentfromretreat--InUncleSamuel'sArmy.

Theytoldmeofthecanteen,wheregoodlagerbeerissold,Andofthefineposthospital,thatcuresallkindsofcolds;Butahintabouttheguard-housetheynevertomegave,Thatskeletontheykepthiddenasthoughburiedinagrave--UntilIjoinedtheArmy.

Theyshowedmegoodlookingchromosofgoodlookingsoldiermen,

WithlittleV'supontheirsleevesandhatstheyshoneliketin;ButthereisoneuncannypicturetheynevertomeshowedOfasoldierwithaknapsack,andhehittinguptheroad--IntheU.S.Army.

Theytoldmeofthenicesoftbunk,madeoutofwovenwire,WhereIcouldlaymycarcass,whenevermyboneswouldtire;Butawhisperofthepickandshovelwasnevertometold,SoI'mponderingo'ermycontract,andIthinkIwassold--WhenIcameintoUncle'sArmy.


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Theytoldmeofthenon-coms,whoknewasoldier'sworth,WhomadetheArmyjolly,aplaceofendlessmirth;ButnotawordtheytoldmeoftheamountofbeerI'dbuy,Justtokeepa"standin"withthosethatrankuphigh--InSammy'ssplendidArmy.

Theytoldmeofthebill-of-farethatchangedwitheveryday,AndwhenlandedintheArmyforthirtyyearsI'dstay;Butnotawordtheytoldme(Nowondertheyweremum),Aboutthestufftheyfeedus,commonlyknownas"Slum"--InourconqueringArmy.

Itishintedthatexperienceofallothersistheschool,Wherecommonsensealoneislearned,byhimthatplaysthefool;AndthoughIhatethemedicine,Imusttakeitwithawill,Andkeepconvincingmyself,itdoesmegood--It'stimetoleavetheArmy.

ARMYFEVER

Whenyourfirsthitchisover,andyouhavecashedyourfinalsfew,

Andabreakfastandaboatrideareallthat'sleftforyou,Andyoutoywithyourcollarasyoudonyoursuitof"citz,"Whileyourbunkie,sittingnearyou,hasthebluestkindoffits;Youa-bubblingoverwithpleasureatthethoughtsofgoingout;Thefriendsathomewillwelcomeyou,ofthatthere'snotadoubt;Anditneverseemstostrikeyouthatyouhavemadeabeatentrack,Intheseyearsyou'vebeenasoldier--thatyoumightcomeback.Soyouhastenoutasboatcallgoes--lastcallyouhavetostand--Andyouwavefarewelltocomradesasyoupushawayfromland.Firstcallfordrillissoundingfromthebugler'sthroatofgold,Butyouarefree--"don'thavetostandnodrillinheatorcold."Altho'yougettowonderingasthingsfadefromsight,Ifdrillingreallywassobadaswalkingpostatnight.

Youthink,ofcourse,whenfirstdischarged,onefeelsjustsortofsad;Butit'sArmyfeversymptoms--Andyou'vegot'embad.You'reinbusinessontheoutside,andyou'remakinggood,itseems;Butthebuglekeepsa-calling,anda-callingthroughyourdreams.Thensomedayyoumeetasoldieronafurloughforaweek;Andyouthinkitonlyfriendlytogouptohimandspeak;Andyoufindyouknewhisbrother,orhiscousin,orhisfriend,Andyourjobupontheoutsidehasfoundasuddenend;Foralongingfiercecomesoveryou,andyoucannotresist--It'sthecrisisofthefever--andyoureenlist.

ONETOTHEARMYBEAN

I'veeatenfunnydishesonLuzon'stropicalshore,I'veeatenJapan'sbambooshootsandoystersbythescore.OfcaviarI'vehadmyshare,Iloveanchovies,too,AndwaydowninoldMindanaoI'veeatencarabao;OfJohnnyBull'soldrareroastInearlygotthegout,AndwithchumsatHeidelbergIdinedonsauerkraut;InChinaIhaveeatennativericeandsippedtheirfamousteas;InNaplesI,'longwiththerest,atemacaroniandcheese;


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InCubawhereallthingsgoslow,manana'stheironewish;Idinedonthingsthathadnonames,buttastedstrongwithfish.InMexicothechiliburntthecoatingoffmytongue;AndwithIrishlandlordIdinedonpigsquiteyoung,Yetyoumayhaveyourdishesthatisservedtokingsandqueens,ButIamhappyandcontentedwithadishofArmyBeans.

LITTLETHINGS

Littledropsofwater,LittlegrainsofsandMakethemightyoceanAndthedesertland.

Littlehoursofdrilling,Little"rifleshoots"MakeefficientsoldiersOutofrawrecruits.

LittlehourssomespendinBreakingliberty,Oft'amounttosomething

MorethanE.P.D.

Littlewordsofkindness,Whenyouspareafew,Soundallrighttosomeone;Dotheynottoyou?

SING-A-SONG-A-SIXPENCE

Sing-a-song-a-sixpenceEvery-bodydry--

Half-a-dozenPrivatesOpeningsomerye.

WhentheryewasopenedTheBucksbegantosing:EveryblessedoneofthemFeelinglikeaking.

TheSergeantattheGuard-houseSawthemwalkingstraight--Markedthem"CleanandSober,"Whentheypassedthegate.

But,whenTapswasover,Theysanganddancedajig,AlongcameaCorporalAndslammedthemintheBrig.

QUEENOFMAY

Ifyouwake,why,callmeearly--callmeearly,won'tyou,bunk?


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ThecaptainsaysI'llbeanon-com.,ifIdon'tgetonadrunk.ThensomedayI'llbeasergeantwiththreestripesuponmyarm,Zigzag,liketheoldrailfencesonDadPosey'sCountryfarm.Callmeearly,thoughI'mdreaming,wakemeupthatImayseeHowthesunthatsinksingrandeurrisesinobscurity.I'vebeenaprivate,bunkie,suchasprivatesseldomare,Bornemyshareofpubliccensure,letithealwithoutascar.TilluponthefairescutcheonofmynameandhumblerankCaptainsayshe'lladdthetitleandastripeoneitherflank.ThenI'llbeanon-com.,bunkie,wakemeupthatImayseeMyownglorybubbleappearing,hearitburstatreveille.Wakemeearlyfrommyslumbers,henceforthIwouldearlyrise,Healthandwealtharecommonvirtues--dawnwillbrandmeboth,andwise.Bunkie,I'llbebosstomorrow,uniformedinblueandwhite,KnewI'dgetit,ifthecaptainonlydidwhat'ssquareandright.ButIwillnotchastisethecomradeswhomaydoubtmywordislaw,I'llbeeasywiththem,bunkie,patient,'thotheyfeelnoawe.Bunkie,I'mgrowingsleepy;wakemewhenthemorningbreaks;Foruponthetrackofmerit,Iwilllandthenon-com.stakes.LetmehearthejoyfulclamorwhenIwakefrompleasantdreamsThatthefellowsrisewhengreetinganoncom.,whoiswhatheseems.Wakemeearly,bunkie,comrade,tellthefellowswhoIam,NotforgettingallthefavorsIwilldoyouwhenIcan.TellthemthatIwouldn'thaveit,ifitsacrificedtheirlove,

TellthemthatI'mthesameasever,thoughtheythinkmefarabove.Bunkie,IhavedreamedsooftenofthebuffthatIshallwear,ThatIfeelthehonorgreaterthanamanlikemecanbear.LongI'vewaited;longI'vecherishedthoughtsofhowI'dlookandfeelWhenthecaptainsaid:Howard,here'sastripetoaidyourzeal.ThenI'dbeanon-com.,bunkies,thenI'dwritetodadandsay,Modest-like:"ACorporal'sgreetingstohisfolkssofaraway!"

AYOUNGROOKIE'SLAMENT

AsIsitinthegleamofthecampfire,

'NeaththeOrientalskies,InfancyIpicturethehomelandshoreAndatownIhighlyprize;It'sGardner,dearoldGardner,Atownsodeartome,ButI'mmanymilesawayAcrossanendlesssea.

Iattheageof17was--FickleasaclamItookatrainforFitchburgAndjoinedoldUncleSam.TheysentmeontoSlocum,

Andfilledmeuponbeans.TheymademetakearifleAndapairofkhakijeans.

TheysentmetothePhilippines,Wecallitnoman'sland.Weneverseeaflakeofsnow,Webakeoureggsinsand,Wehikeo'erburningmountains'Tilitdrivesusnearinsane,


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WepitchourcampinaricefieldInastormofdrizzlingrain.

AtnightwewalkouroutpostWithagreatbigheavygunAnd90Dum-DumbulletsTomaketheMorosrun.They'reaccurateasaweaselAnd,boys,theyneverfan,Youhavetokeepyourearsprickedup,Forthey'llgetyouiftheycan.

Now,boys,youmaythinkGardnerslow,Butthatnotionyou'lldestroyIfyoueverholdyourhandupTobeasoldierboy.YouhavenodearoldMother.Tomendyourtatteredpants,Whenyoustickyourselfwithaneedle,Withrageyou'llfairlyprance.

So,boys,Ifoundmybigmistake,Iwasaltogetherwrong,Andthat'sthesimplereason

Isingthislittlesong.Sotakeapieceoffool'sadvice,Andneverrunaway,JuststayindearoldGardnerWherelifeisbrightandgay.

DANNYDEEVERBALLAD

"Where'reallthesoldiersgoin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Whataretheyalla-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Idunnowherethey'regoin'to,"saidFiles-on-Parade,

"Idunnowhatthey'regoin'todo,"theColorSergeantsaid.Forthey'regoin'backtowardsU.S.A.andleavethePhilippines,They'retirin'oftheIslandsandtheArmy"porkandbeans,"That"singletime,"and"twopermile"--theyallknowwhatthatmeans--Sonowthey'realla'goin'toleavetheArmy.

"Whereisthe'Doughboy'goin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Backtohisfarm!Backtohisfarm!"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Behindtheplow!Behindtheplow,"theColorSergeantsaid.Nohikingo'erricepaddies,--butfurrowedfieldsofcorn,Togotobedrealearlyandgetupinthemorn',Tobehisown"K.O."oncemore,inthecountrywherehe'sborn,

Sosoonhe'llbea-quittin'oftheArmy.

"WhereistheTroopergoin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Perhapshe'llpackanArmymule,"saidFiles-on-Parade,"OrgooutWestto'cow-boy,'"theColorSergeantsaid.He'sfondofhis"caballo,"andheloveshisold"outfit,"Andifthey'dchangethoseArmybills,hewouldn'teverquit,ButChairmanHay,andothers,haveforcedhimintoit.Sosoonhe'llbedischargedfromouttheArmy.


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"Whereisthe'Gunner'goin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"He'sgoin'tobea'jackie,'"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Asailorlada'forethemast,"theColorSergeantsaid.Forhe'drathertrytheNavy,anddrawasailor'spay,Than"single-time"inJolowiththreelongyearstostay,Wherethereain'tno"two-centmileage,"whilea'cruisin'acrosstheBay,Sonowhe'llsoonbequittin'oftheArmy.

"WhereistheArmygoin'to?"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatisita'goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Theboyswillsoonhavedonetheirtime,"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Andfewof'emwill'hitch'again,"theColorSergeantsaid.FortheTransportsbringone"rookie"totaketheplaceoften,"OldTimers,"whoaregoin'home,andwon't"hitch"upagain,Andthey'llhaveaRookieArmy--insteadofSoldierMen.Forthey'rebreakin'uptheArmyintheIslands.

PUZZYLAPPINS

Whenacrudeandhopefulrookie

TothePhilippinesIcameTohikethegloriouspathwayOntoshoulderstrapsandfame,Ithoughtofmother'scounsel,AndIscornedthedrunkard'scup,ButIlandedonthesickreport,Andthat'swhatdidmeup.

"You'vebeendrinking,"saidthesurgeon,"You'vebeendrinkingonthesly.You'vebeendisobeyingorders;'Tisuselesstodeny.LetmetellyouontheQ.T.

ThatIamgoingtomarkyou'duty'You'vebeendrinkingunboiledwaterIcanreaditinyoureye."

I'veabunkiewhoisarestlessdog,Andhedoesn'tcareafig,Sotheymarchedhimtotheguard-houseAndtheymadehimdofatigue.He'sagamblin',ramblin'rascal,Anallaroundjovialsport.TheyhadhimuptheotherdayBeforeasummarycourt.

"Chargedwithdrinking,"saysthecaptain,Andheseemedto"winkaneye.""ForyoucouldnotstandtemptationAndyoudrankwhenyouwasdry.Youaregrinning,PrivateBrady,Andyouwilldrawfivelessnextpay-day,AndfordrinkingunboiledwaterDon'tforgetIcinchedyouhigh."

SinceoldPharoahfollowedMoses,


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Andwasfollowedbythesea,SergeantPotter'sbeenasoldierAnd'tilGabriel'sreveilleHe'llbeansweringtothebuglecallAtsunset,noon,andmorn,Buthe'sgottheDenguefever,Anditmakeshimflushandworn.

"You'vebeendrinkingunboiledwater,"Saysthecaptain,"thatiswhy.""No,thecaptainismistaken,"Saysthesergeantwithasigh."Ineverdodrinkwater,ThoughmaybeattimesIaught'er;IneverdodrinkwaterWhen'JohnStink'andTuba'snigh."

Thebanditplayedamournfultune;ThesoldierscrowdaroundAsacomradewrappedinGlory'sflagIsloweredintheground.Therearethreeresoundingvolleys,TapsdieoutintendertonesAndwe'remarchingtothequickstep

FromthegraveofCorporalJones.

"Itwasdrinking,"saysthecaptainAsatearwasinhiseye."ItwasallthroughdrinkingwaterThatthecorporalcametodie.'Twastheunboiledwaterthatkilledhim,WithgermsandthingsitfilledhimButnowheisdrinkingfromtheJordanWherewe'lljoinhimbyandby."

ACYNIC'SVIEWOFARMYLIFE

OnceIwasafarmerboy,atillerofthesoil,Ilikedthework--Ineverwasachaptoshirkfromtoil.ButIthoughtI'dchooseabroaderlife(Imusthavebeenanass).ItookonintheArmy--andnowI'mcuttinggrass.

Ithoughtmyfarmlifenarrow,fortheremysimpleworkWasplantingthingsandtendingthem,andthisIdidnotshirk.I'dchargeofallthehorses,too,andhandledthemfirstclass,ButsinceIjoinedtheArmy,Iamsimplycuttinggrass.

Igetupinthemorningtothesoundofmartialstrain.

Thesergeantsays:"Gogetthatscytheandsharpenitagain.Thegrasshasgrownsixinches,men,whilewehavebeeninbed,Sohustle,soldiers,hustle--don'tletitgetahead."

TheChiefofStaffsitsupaboveandwonders"wotfell?"Themoneygoesbymillions,buttheArmyisasell.Weprivates,ifwedaredto,couldeasyhitthemark,It'sgrassthattakesupallourtimefromearlydawntodark.

Weallwouldliketosoldierandgetpreparedforwar;


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It'swhatweleftourhappyhomesandjoinedtheArmyfor.We'dliketolearnourdutiesfrom"skirmishdrill"to"mass."ButallwelearnwithUncleSamisgrass,grass,GRASS!

Ihatethesightofanythingthathasacolorgreen;Mydisposition'sruinedandIhaveaswoolenspleen.Andwhenmytimetocashincomes,IprayagraciousGod,ThatI'llbeburiedoutatsea--notplacedbeneaththesod.

THESONGOFTHESHOVELANDTHEPICK

TheSergeantsays:"Mygunisrusty,AndIguessitmustberight.Butyououghttoseemypickandshovel;Theyarealwaysshiningbright."

Chorus:

Farewell,Bunkie,Imustleaveyou,AndleaveyoumightyquickForI'llbed----difIcansoldierWithashovelandapick.

Thereishashthat'shot,andhashthat'scold;There'shashthat'snewandhashthat'sold;AndHashthat'smixedintoskilligbee;Butwithmetheydon'tagree.

Chorus:

So,Farewell,Bunkie,Imustleaveyou,AndIleaveyouwithadash;ForI'llbed----difIcansoldierOnUncleSamuel'scornbeefhash.

ARMYSLANG

B-ache--tocomplain.

Beans--thecommissarysergeant.

Bean-shooter--acommissaryofficer.

Belly-ache--tocomplain.

Blackstrap--liquidcoffee.

Blind--sentencedbycourt-martialtoforfeitureofpaywithoutconfinement.

Bob-Tail--adishonorabledischarge,oradischargewithouthonor;tobe"bobtailed"--tobedischargedortobegivenadischargewithouthonor.

Bone--tostudy;totry;tocultivate.


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Bonebootlickon--tocultivatethefavorof.

BootsandSaddles--trumpetcall.

Bootlick--toflatter.

Brig--guard-house.

Bow-legs--cavalrymen.

Buck-private--atermsometimesusedinreferringtoaprivate.

BuckingforOrderly--givingclothingandaccoutrementsextracleaningsoastocompetefororderly.

Bunkie--asoldierwhosharestheshelterofacomrade.

Bust--toreduceanon-commissionedofficertothegradeofaprivate.

Butcher--thecompanybarber.

CannedHorse--cannedbeef.

Chief--namebywhichthechiefmusicianofthebandisusuallycalled

bytheenlistedmen.

Cit--acivilian.

Cits--civilianclothes.

C.O.--commandingofficer.

CoffeeCooler--onewhoseekseasydetailsawayfromtroops;onewhoisalwayslookingforaneasyjob.

Cold-feet--fear,lackofcourage(tohavecoldfeetistobeafraid,tolackcourage).

Commissaries--groceries.

Crawl--toadmonish.

Dog-robber--namebywhichtheenlistedmencallasoldierwhoworksforanofficer.(Anoffensiveterm,theuseofwhichgenerallyresultsintrouble.)

Dough-boy--infantryman.

Dough-puncher--thebaker.

DownthePole--todrink,afterhavingstopped.

Duff--anysweetedible.

Fatigue--extrawork.

File--anumberonthelineallist.

Fogy--tenpercentincreaseinpayforeachfiveyears'service.


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Found--tobefounddeficientorwantinginanything,especiallyanexamination.

Frenchleave--unauthorizedabsence.AbsentonFrenchleave--absentwithoutauthority.

Goat--juniorofficerinpost,regiment,etc.

Goaty--awkward,ignorant.

GuardHouseLawyer--asoldierwithasmatteringknowledgeofregulationsandmilitarylaw;quiteloquaciousandliberalwithadviceandcounseltomenintheGuardHouseorothertrouble.

Hand-Shaker--asoldierwhotriestowinthefavoroffirstsergeantortroopcommander.

Hardtack--hardbread,biscuits.

HashMark--enlistmentorservicestripe,wornonsleeve.

Hike--amarch;tohike;tomarch.

Hitch--atermforenlistmentperiod.

Hive--todiscover,tocatch.

Hobo--theprovostguard.

HolyJoe--thechaplain.

Hop--adance.

How--formofsalutationindrinking,meaning"Here'stoyourhealth,""Myregards,"etc.

I.C.--condemnedbyaninspector.

Jaw-bone--credit(togetthingson"jawbone,"istobuyoncredit).

Jump--toadmonish.

K.O.--thecommandingofficer.

Major--namebywhichthesergeant-majorisusuallycalledbytheenlistedmen.

Mill--Guard-house.

Mule-skinner--ateamster.

Non-Com--non-commissionedofficer.

O.D.--theofficeroftheday.

OfficersLine,orOfficersRow--therowofhouseswheretheofficersandtheirfamilieslive.

OldIssue--anoldsoldier.


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OldFile--anoldofficer.

OldMan--thecompanycommander.

OnOfficialTerms--nottobeonspeakingtermsexceptofficially.

OntheCarpet--calledbeforethecommandingofficerforadmonition.

Openers--catharticpills.

OrderlyBuckle--asoldierwhengoingonguardwhostrivesbyextraneatnessofappearancetobedesignatedasorderlyforthecommandingofficer.

OrderlyRoom--companyoffice.

Outfit--one'sorganizationinthearmy.

Over-the-Hill--todesert.

P.--Prisoner.

Pills--thehospitalsteward.

Punk--lightbread.

Q.M.--thequartermaster.

Q.M.D.--quartermaster'sdepartment.

Ranked-out--tobecompelledtovacatebyasenior,as"toberankedoutofquarters."

Red-tape--officialformality;thatis,thecloseorexcessiveobservanceofformsandroutineinthetransactionofbusiness.

RegimentalMonkey--thedrummajor.

Re-up--tore-enlistatonce.

Rookie--anewrecruit.

Sand-rat--anofficerorsoldierondutyintheriflepitattargetpractice.

Saw-bone--thedoctor.

Shave-tail--anewsecondlieutenant.Socalled,aftertheyoung,unbrokenmulesintheQuartermaster'sDepartment.

Shovedup--topawn.

Shutters--camphororopiumpills.

Sinkers--dumplings.

Sky-scout--thechaplain.

Sky-pilot--thechaplain,


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Slap-Jacks--pancakes.

Slum--astewofmeat,potatoesandonions,mostlypotatoesandonions.

SoapSudsRow--thelaundresses'quarters.

Soldier,to--tosoldier,toserve;alsotoshirk.

Soldiers'OnePerCent--onehundredpercent.

Sow-belly--bacon.

StarsandStripes--beans.

Striker--asoldierwhoworksforanofficer.

Take-on--tore-enlistbeforetheexpirationofthreemonthsafterdischarge.

TheOldMan--termsometimesusedbyofficersandsoldiersinreferringtothecommandingofficer;sometimesusedbysoldiersinreferringtotheircompanycommander.

ToTakeAnotherBlanket--sameas"Take-on."

TopSergeant--firstsergeant.

UpthePole--toswearoffdrinking.

Yellow-leg--cavalryman.

Youngster--ayoungofficer(afirstorsecondlieutenant).

Wagon-soldier--lightorfieldartilleryman.

Wind-jammer--atrumpeterorbandsman.

Wood-butcher--companyartificer.

ENGLISHARMYSLANG

GravelCrushers--infantrysoldiers.

PoulticeWallahs--RoyalArmyMedicalCorpsmen.

DoolallyTap--whenasoldierbecomesmentallyunbalancedheissaidtohavereceivedthe"DoolallyTap.""Doolally"isacorruptionofthe

nameofanIndiantown,Deolali.

BunWallah--asoldierwhodrinksnothingstrongerthantea,andisinconsequencesupposedtoeatvoraciouslyofbuns.

Chips--theregimentalpioneersergeant,whoisusuallyasergeant.

LanceJack--alance-corporal.

QuarterBloke--thequartermaster.


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Rookey--arecruit.

Scrounger--amanwithplentyofresourceingettingwhathewants.

Yob--onewhoiseasilyfooled.

Bobygee--asoldiercook.InIndiaanativeone.

Baggies--sailorsintheNavy.

Badgy--anenlistedboy.

Long-facedChum--acavalryman'stermforhishorse.

Rooty--bread.

Slingers--amealofbreadandtea.

Muckin--butter.

BullyBeef--thetinnedmeatration.

Lamping--eatingheartily.

C.B.--confinedtobarracks.

ChuckingaDummy--whenamanfaintsonparadeheissaidto"havechuckedadummy."

ClinkorMush--theguardroom.

Brief,ChequeorTicket--dischargedocuments.

Dock--amilitaryhospital.

SwingingtheLead--theequivalentof"tellingthetale."

Weighedoff--whenasoldierhasbeenawardedpunishmentforanoffenseheissaidtohavebeen"Weighedoff."

HighJump--anappearancebeforetheC.O.toanswerachargeofbreakingregulations.

LostHisNumber--amanissaidtohave"losthis(regimental)number"whenheisreportedforanyoffense.Itis"lost"becauseitisplacedonthereportsheet.

Stir--imprisonmentinadetentionbarracks.

ChancingHisArm--committinganoffenceinexpectationthatitwillnotbediscovered.AN.C.O.issaidtobe"chancinghisarm"becausehemaybedeprivedofhisstripes.

Jankers--defaulter'sdrill.

Dog'sLeg--thefirststripereceivedonpromotion.

Bundook--arifle.


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Bobtack--powdermixedintoapastetocleanbuttonsandbrassworkonequipment.

Muck-in--sharein.

Square-Pushing--courting.Yourbestboots,cap,etc.,arecalledsquare-pushingboots,etc.

Square-bit--yourbestgirl.

Atcha--allright.

Blighty--home.

WORDSTOTHEARMYTRUMPETCALLS

REVEILLE:

Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emupinthemorning;Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,Ican't

get'emupatall;Corp'ralsworsethantheprivates;Sergeantsworsethanthecorporals;Lieutenantsworsethanthesergeants,Andthecapt'n'stheworstofall.

Chorus--

Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,etc.

MESSCALL:

Soup-y,soup-ysoup,Withoutasinglebean.Pork-y,pork-y,pork,Withoutastreakoflean;Coffee,Coffee,Coffee,Withoutanycream!(Or,theweakesteverseen!)

SICKCALL:

Comeandgetyourquinine,comeandgetyourpills,Oh!comeandgetyourquinine,comeandgetyourpills.

STABLECALL:

Comeallwhoareableandgotothestable,Andwateryourhorsesandgive'emsomecorn;Forifyoudon'tdoit,theCol'nelwillknowit,


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Andthenyouwillrueit,sureasyou'reborn.

TAPS:

12

Fadesthelight;Love,goodnight.AndafarWhenthedayGoethday,MustthougoComethnight;AndthenightAndastarDayisdoneLeadethall,Leavemeso?SpeedethallFaretheewell;Totheirrest.Nightison.

ANOTHERVERSION.

WhenyourlastDayispast,FromafarSomebrightstar

O'eryourgraveWatchwillkeep,WhileyousleepWiththebrave.

FIRSTAIDINCASEOFACCIDENTS

Thefollowinghintsareonlyintendedasaremindertoassistyouwhenindoubt.

TOSTOPBLEEDING.--Placeapadofcleanclothonthewoundandbandagefirmly.Raisethepartaffected.Ifraisingthelimbsorapplyingthepaddoesnotcontrolthebleeding,compresswithyourtwothumbsoverboneandasnearthewoundaspossible.Givenostimulantsaslongasbleedingremainsuncontrolled.

BURNSANDSCALDS.--Excludethepartfromtheairatonce,bydustingflouronitandcoveringwithcottonwool.IfthereisablisterdoNOTpickitfor24hours.

SoothingapplicationsareCarronOil,SaladOil,Vaseline,Lard,etc.Ifthereissevereshock,giveitimmediateattention,evenbeforeattendingtotheburnorscald.

FRACTURES.--Thetwomainclassesoffracturesaresimpleandcompoundandthefirstaidtreatmentyougiveistopreventthesimplefracturefrombecomingthemore


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seriouscompoundfracture,whichhasawoundcausedbythejaggedendofthebrokenbone.

Attendtothepatientonthespot,andfixtheinjuredlimb,atonce,bysplintsandbandages.Usegreatgentleness.

Ifthereisawound,cleanseitandapplyantisepticdressingbeforeputtinglimbinsplints.

Disturbthelimbaslittleaspossibleandmakethepatientcomfortableuntilarrivalofdoctor.

SNAKEBITES.--Tiesomethingtightlyaroundthelimb,betweenthewoundandtheheart.Givepatientagooddoseofbrandyorsomeotherspirit.

Encouragethebleedingbysqueezingthebittenpartandbathewithwarmwater.Ifbreathingisbad,useartificialrespiration.

POISONS.--Inthefirstplaceendeavortofindoutthepoison.Ifyoucannot,andtherearenostainsaboutmouthorlipsandnoburningsensationinmouthandthroat,giveanemeticorticklethroattomakepatientvomit.Emeticsare:three-teaspoonfulsofmustardinpintoftepidwater;saltandwater,twotablespoonfulstopintofwarmwater.(SeeFirstAidforPoisoning.)

Whentherearestains,etc.,givecream,whiteofeggs,oliveorlinseedoil(nooil

withphosphoruspoisoning).Antidotestofollow.

GRITINTHEEYE.--Donotrubtheinjuredeye.Byrubbingtheothereyeyouwillbringtears,whichmaywashthegritout.Ifnot,rollbacktheuppereyelidoveramatchorpencil,andremovethegritwiththecornerofyourhandkerchieforsmallcamelhairbrush.

Iflimeineye,washoutatoncewithwater,thendropoliveorcastoroilbetweenthelids.

Donotattempttoremoveanythingdeeplyimbedded--dropinoliveoilandbandage.

FAINTING---Thepatientisveryfaintandpartiallyorcompletelyunconscious.Pulseisweakandrapidandbreathingquickened.Noconvulsions.

Placethepatientinalyingpositionwith


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theheadlowerthantherestofthebody.Loosenhisclothingatneckandchest.Givepatientplentyoffreshair.Sprinklefaceandchestwithcoldwaterandapplysmellingsaltstonose.Rubthelimbstowardbody.Givestimulantwhenpatientisabletoswallow.

SPRAINS.--Asprainisthetearingoftheligamentsorcapsuleofajointandburstingofsmallbloodvessels,andswelling.

Applycoldwaterdressingsaslongastheygivecomfort,andafterwardsapplyhotfomentations.Restthepartinaneasyposition.Ifmovementoflimbbeessential,bandageittightly.Ifindoubt,treatasafracture.

[*]FRENCHMONEY

5centimes(onesou)......=1cent25"......=5cents50"......=10"1franc......=20"2"......=40"5"......=1dollar

ENGLISHMONEY

HalfPenny...............=1centOne"...............=2centsThreePence...............=6"

Six"...............=12"OneShilling...............=24"Two"...............=48"HalfaCrownorTwoShillingsSixPence..=60"FiveShillings...........=$1.20Ten".............=2.401Pound..................=4.80

[*]Frenchcurrencyhasdepreciatedsincethewarabout10percent.,sothattenpercent.deductionshouldbemadeforaccuratereckoning.

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Rhymes of the Rookies by Christian, W. E