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Revision DecisionsUsing Mentor Texts to Provide Possibilities for
Writing
Developing Writers
Writing is Hard.Teaching Writing is Hard, too.
“Writing involves a continual series of judgment calls, some so minor and easy that they feel automatic, others so important and difficult that a single paragraph can take hours to write.”
~Nora Bacon
• What can we do to help student writers be willing to make effective judgments in revision?• What can we do to help student writers make more automatic
decisions about their writing while drafting?
DeleteRearrange words and ChunksAdd connectorsForm new verb endingsTalk it out
D
R
A
F
T
Revise with DRAFT
• It's a tiny little room.• It’s almost a closet.• The room has walls that are dingy.• The room has a floor that is
concrete.• The room has one lightbulb.• The lightbulb dangles from the
ceiling.• The lightbulb dangles in a way
that’s slightly creepy.
It’s a tiny little room, almost a closet, with dingy walls, a concrete floor, and one lightbulb that dangles from the ceiling in a way that’s slightly creepy.
We share the model text because it shows options.
Explain Your Choice
•Economy•Emphasis•Effect
Revise with DRAFT
• Beetles are found in grasslands.• Beetles are found in forests.• Beetles are found in jungles.• Beetles are found in lakes and rivers.• Beetles are even found in deserts.• Beetles are not found in oceans.• Beetles are not found in polar regions.
• Except for the oceans and polar regions, beetles are found in almost every habitat: grasslands, forest, jungles, lakes and rivers—even deserts.
The Truth about Repetition
She sighed as she realized she was tired. Not tired from work but tired of putting white people first. Tired of stepping off sidewalks to let white people pass, tired of eating at separate lunch counters and learning at separate schools. She was tired of “Colored” entrances, “Colored” balconies, “Colored” drinking fountains, and “Colored” taxis. She was tired of getting somewhere first and being waited on last. Tired of “separate,” and definitely tired of “not equal.”
~ Nikki Giovanni, Rosa
Revise with DRAFT
• Their vocal cords are capable of speech.• Their brain is not.• Their brain is not completely there.
Although their vocal cords are capable of speech, their brain—what there is of it—is not.
•
Appositives
• Most were young women.• They were ages fourteen to twenty-three.• Nearly all were recent immigrants.• They were mostly Italians and Russian Jews.
• Most were young women ages fourteen to twenty-three, nearly all recent immigrants, Italians and Russian Jews.
Revise with DRAFT
• An experienced tracker can estimate.• A tracker uses a set of footprints.• A perfect set of footprints is two front and two hind.• A tracker can estimate the size of the bear.• The size is of the one that made the tracks.• A tracker can estimate the weight of the bear.
With a perfect set of four bear footprints (two front and two hind), an experienced animal tracker is able to accurately estimate the size and weight of the bear that made them
•
Talk it out.
“Nonfiction writers. . . Often speak of the important role the ear plays in the writing and revising process. When our writing is going well, we don’t worry about sentences. Guided by natural rhythms, one sentence appears, then another and another, and before we know it, we’ve reached the end of the paragraph. If we’re lucky, the sentences will hold, the paragraph will retain its beauty and poise, and the essay will snap into place.Then there are those other times. “
~ Rebecca McClanahan“There are things the ears pick up which the eyes don’t.”
~ Agha Shahid Ali
What about flow?
“If anyone asks what makes a good sentence, the only honest answer is ‘It depends.’ Whether a word is right or wrong, whether an idea should be emphasized or subordinated, whether a sentence should be short or long, simple or complex—it all depends on the purpose of the text, the intended audience, and the sentences before and after.”
~Nora Bacon
Making your own sets
“Barnum had more than just a good nose. He poured over maps and geology books. He chatted with local people. He studied the shape and color and texture of the rock layers. His passion for fossils led him to uncover more and more bones, but he still dreamed of discovering something new.”
• Barnum had something.• He had a good nose.• He had something more than that, too.
A rat can collapse its skeleton, allowing it to wriggle through a hole as narrow as three-quarters of an inch.
• A rat can do something.• It can collapse its skeleton.• Doing that allows it to wriggle.• It wriggles through small holes.• Holes can be as narrow as three-
quarters of an inch.
• A rat can make itself smaller.• A rat gets smaller by collapsing
its skeleton.• Getting smaller allows the rat to
wriggle through small holes.• The holes can be narrow.• The holes can be as narrow as
three-quarters of an inch.
Re-combinings
A rat can collapse its skeleton and wriggle through small holes as narrow as three-quarters of an inch.
A rat can make itself smaller by collapsing its skeleton, allowing it to get through holes as narrow as three-quarters of an inch.
Reflect
• What helped you most to revise the sentences? What did you learn about revising?• Why doesn’t it matter if your sentence doesn’t match the original?
What differences do different constructions create?• What are some patterns you noticed?• Where would you use these patterns in your own writing? How
would they help you as a writer?• What questions do you still have?
Moving Bigger• How can the princples and practices we’ve been practicing apply to bigger aspects of writing than the sentence level—or even paragraph level? • How can DRAFT apply to an entire genre?
References
Anderson, Jeff, and Deborah Dean. Revision Decisions. Portland, ME: Stenhouse, 2014. Arnosky, Jim. Wild Tracks! A Guide to Nature’s Footprints. New York: Sterling, 2008.--- Creep and Flutter: Secret World of Insects and Spiders. New York: Sterling. 2012. Bacon, Nora. The Well-Crafted Sentence: A Writer’s Guide to Style.2nd ed. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2013.Berne, Jennifer. On a Beam of Light: A Story of Albert Einstein. San Francisco: Chronicle.Brooks, Max. The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. New York: Three Rivers, 2003.Fern, Tracey. Barnum’s Bones: How Barnum Brown Discovered the Most Famous Dinosaur in the World. New York: Scholastic, 2012.Gibbons, Gail. Pirates: Robbers of the High Seas. New York: Little Brown, 1995. Giovanni, Nikki. Rosa. New York: Scholastic, 2005.
References Continued
Harkrader, L. D. Airball: My Life in Briefs. New York: Square Fish, 2008.Hillenbrand, Lauren. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption. New York: Random House, 2010.Jenkins, Steve. The Beetle Book. New York: Houghton-Mifflin, 2012.Marrin, Albert. Oh, Rats! The Story of Rats and People. New York: Dutton, 2006.Sheinkin, Steve. Bomb: The Race to Build—and Steal—the World’s Most Dangerous Weapon. New York: Flash Point, 2012. --Two Miserable Presidents: The Amazing, Terrible, and Totally True Story of the Civil War. New York: Square Fish, 2009. Thompson, Neal. A Curious Man: The Strange and Brilliant Life of Robert “Believe It or Not!” Ripley. New York: Crown Archetype, 2013.Turnage, Sheila. Three Times Lucky. New York: Dial, 2012. Underwood, Deborah. The Loud Book. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2011.