Relationships by Design

RELATIONSHIPS BY DESIGN DIGITAL TRANSFORMATION KIT: E-BOOK

A Digital Transformation Kit for Attracting Love From Within

!You experience the world around you as a reflection of your inner world, focusing your external awareness on elements that are already present within you. This makes it difficult to attract your desires if they don’t exist within you.

There are four key elements fundamental to attracting love from within. These are: connection, self-love, mindfulness and trust.

Are you connected with what your heart truly desires?

Do you believe you are worthy of love?

Are you free from all the emotional baggage from your past?

Are you too busy controlling your life to actually enjoy it?

�1COPYRIGHT MONIKA NYBOM


The first element is connection. To attract the love you desire from within, you need to be able to reconnect with your authentic desires. That means that you need to figure out what your heart wants. In order to do that you need to re-connect with your wise inner self instead of listening to your ego. Your wise inner self is the part of you which is unhindered by fears, anxieties, and limitations. It is the loving part of who you are. Over time we disconnect from this part of ourselves, but it is possible to reconnect with your core inner desires because you were born connected to them. You are not connecting yourself for the first time but re-connecting yourself to your wise inner self.

Attracting love from within means you must love and respect who you are. Self-love is the second element of attracting love from within, and it is about treating yourself like you would like to be treated by others. That means transforming any fears you may have into love. You are worthy of love because your inner essence is pure love. Fear does not define you.

Attracting love from within demands mindfulness. To be mindful you must heal, forgive, and let go of the past. You can break free from the past by learning from it, by giving yourself the gift of forgiveness, and by using your ability to let go.

The final element required to attract love from within is trusting that life has your best interests in mind. Trusting in life requires relinquishing control and surrendering to your desires. There is nothing passive about this process. When you surrender your desires to life, you remain open and aware of what steps you need to take to reach your desires. When you surrender, you remove the grip your ego has on your life.

Below are my seven steps to inner transformation, born from these four elements. Following these steps will empower you to attract the love you desire, leaving behind fears or rejection and struggle.



Step #1: Start giving to yourself first !“You’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t remain conscious.” - Buddha

Love. Respect. Kindness. In order to receive these qualities from others, you need to start giving it to yourself first.

I’m reminded of this wisdom each time I fly, when the crew requests all passengers put their own oxygen mask on first before assisting children in case of an emergency.

Before you can share love with others, you must learn to love yourself. That’s the only way it works because you can’t receive from others that which you can’t give to yourself and vice versa. By loving yourself, you also show others how they can love themselves. Loving yourself is a gift that keeps giving.

By making self-love a priority, you learn to appreciate yourself in ways you never knew were possible. This boosts your inner power, confidence, and self-worth, which exudes attractiveness.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !The most effective way to boost self-appreciation is to invoke it daily. Do this by taking a few moments every day to give yourself compliments in the mirror. Look

yourself in the eyes and speak from your heart.

Focus on the positive aspects of yourself. Do you consider yourself smart? Say it to your reflection. Do you think you are kind? Then say it. Say, “I am kind.” Is there a part of you that feels your own beauty? Then say, “I am beautiful.”

Flatter your body. Tell your body that you appreciate what it does for you. Thank your body. Become


“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.”

-RENÉE BROWN


aware of how it feels to say, “Thank you,” to your own body. Connect with that feeling.

Speak to your heart and soul. You can also use Louise Hay’s “I love you” mirror exercise and tell your reflection that you love who you are. How would it feel to take this a step further and tell yourself that you are love incarnate? That you are light? That you are free, grounded, connected. You can say anything you like to your reflection. Be mindful of how it feels to communicate with yourself in this way. Remember to always keep your words empowering and positive, and be kind to yourself throughout the process.

Step #2: Embrace your vulnerability !“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” - Renée Brown

Being vulnerable is a universal fear. We’re afraid of being exposed and judged and increasing our risk for heartache. What is worse, heartache or a closed heart? A closed heart can’t feel love. If you want to feel love, you need to embrace your vulnerability.

Are you having trouble opening up to another person?

How much are you protecting yourself?

How does it feel to protect yourself?

Being unguarded is untouched freedom. Just by opening up you are allowing more freedom to trickle down into your life.

Being unguarded means being authentic.

It means feeling alive.

It means sharing your inner self with others.



Before you can share your most intimate self with others, you must learn to accept yourself. Start by challenging your perceived flaws. Are your flaws truly flaws? What if someone else sees it as a positive trait? When I was in my early teens, I was teased because I had slanted eyes. Today, it’s what people compliment me on the most. It’s what makes me unique.

In the words of Dr. Dain Heer from Access Consciousness, “What if every wrongness of you is actually a strong-ness of you?” Read that last sentence a few times and let the message sink in.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !How would you feel if you continued your conversations with the mirror completely naked?

Without clothing, there is nothing to hide behind, and you are truly open. Stand up straight. Shoulders back.

Challenge your perceived flaws. Challenge their foundation.

Where do those beliefs about yourself originate?

Are they valid today?

Continue to give yourself compliments as instructed in Step #2, But this time do it naked.

Step #3: Let go of the past !Let go of the past.

Let it go.

How much time and energy do you spend thinking about what has happened to you as opposed to what is currently happening to you right in this very moment?

The past is gone. It is done, and thinking about it on repeat without any insight not only robs you of being mindful, it makes it impossible to start new relationships on a clean slate.

Don’t let past transgressions hold you back from romantic fulfilment. Bitterness and regret will taint your relationships


“Forgiveness isn’t for anyone else; it’s only for you.”

- MONIKA NYBOM


and prevent you from forming meaningful connections.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !Instead of re-digesting past regrets—learn from your past and move on. There’s something positive to learn from every situation in life.

Ask yourself, “What has this person taught me by being in my life?”

Learn the positive lesson, forgive those who have wronged you, forgive the situation, and let it go.

When you let go, you actually set yourself free from the past so that you can live fully in the present.

Forgiveness isn’t for anyone else; it’s only for you.

When you forgive easily, you free up more space to live mindfully in the present and be open to new opportunities. You never know who you’ll meet tomorrow, so learn to trust in your life instead of trying to control it, and let go of whatever is holding you back.

Keep in mind that forgiving and letting go is not always easy, and there will always be reasons as to why you can’t or shouldn’t forgive. For many, forgiveness is a process and that is okay. You can choose now to start the process, note the benefits, and keep letting go until you are fully free of the past. Remember: by holding on to all those negative memories or feelings, the only person you are hurting and holding back in life is yourself.

Step #4: Be mindful in your relationships and in your life !We spend most of our time being too busy to stop and appreciate life as we’re living it. When was the last time you made a conscious effort to live in the present? Being present will help you to slow down and focus on your surroundings.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !Remind yourself throughout the day to periodically stop what you’re doing and bring yourself to awareness. Ask yourself questions like, “What am I seeing, feeling, and hearing right now?”

What are you really seeing? Expand your vision.



Ask yourself, “What am I feeling on my skin, what am I feeling inside my body? Where in my body do I feel it? How does the feeling hold me?”

What are you hearing now that you are paying careful attention to the sounds around you?

Tell yourself, “I’m here now,” to bring yourself back from the past or imaginary future. Feel free to do whatever works best for you.

The special someone who has the potential to get your fire won’t be found in your thoughts about the past or in your daydreams. They can only exist in the present moment.

The present moment is the only moment in which you can capture opportunities.

Learn to honour it.

Step #5: Re-connect with your inner desires

!“Don’t get confused between what people say you are and who you know you are” - Oprah.!When you we were born, you were all heart and soul. Pure love. There was no trying, no pretending. You were effortlessly yourself and you knew exactly what you desired. That was a time when anything seemed possible, and in that realm of possibility you knew who you were. You felt connected in your life. Time brought experiences

and events that may have introduced fear into your life. !It is fear that causes separation. It is reconnection to the love within you that unites.!Choose to transform the fear by reconnecting with your heart.!


“Don’t get confused between what people say you are and who you know you are.”

-OPRAH


Reconnection with what your heart desires can be reached through silencing the ego and its messages of illusion and fear. By silencing the ego, you are at one with yourself. You can relax and reflect without judgment. You will feel grounded and present. This process is called meditation, reflection, contemplation, or stillness. At its core, it’s all about making an intimate connection with yourself. !APPLIED ACTION TIP: !Since meditation connects you with your wise inner self and authentic desires, it’s worth your while to include it in your daily schedule. If you are a beginner, 10 minutes per day is a great start. All you need to do is find a quiet space where you can clear your head of all thoughts and concentrate on your breathing. Imagine serene imagery and focus on releasing any negative energy you may have. At first, it takes a long time to really get into meditation. That is why I’ve created three meditations for you as part of this transformation kit. Use them regularly and enjoy this sacred time with yourself.!While meditating, feel free to ask yourself questions. The answers will come in their own way when you are ready for them. !Here are some good questions to ask yourself: !What elements do I desire from a loving relationship? What actions do I need to take to manifest my desire? What do I need to let go of? What’s holding me back? What am I grateful for in my life? !Talk to your wise inner self and get to know what that wise part of you desires. You’ll know what that is because it will feel light and expansive for you. Reconnecting with your desires will create a sense of space inside you that wasn’t there before. Listen to one audio track daily for optimal connection. !!!!!!!!



Step #6: Enjoy your own company

When was the last time you treated yourself to a night out alone? Being alone shouldn’t be miserable. In fact, learning to enjoy your time alone will improve the quality of your romantic relationships. Whole people are perfectly fine enjoying time by themselves. They think they are pretty good fun to be around and enjoy their own company. If you’re able to take on the world solo, dating will be a breeze.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !The next time you have a weekend to yourself, pamper yourself and live a little. Go out for a movie, treat yourself to dinner, and revel in your own company. Be mindful of how it feels. Enjoy the journey without judgment. Just be. Be who you are, and get familiar with how that feels. Remember to be kind to yourself in the process.

!!!



Step #7: Be grateful !“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melody Beattie

Gratitude is a powerful life changing emotion and acts as a powerful unifying agent. You can give thanks anywhere,

anytime. Counting your blessings increases the amount of dopamine produced by the brain, improving your mood and making you happier overall. So give your mood a boost by reminding yourself daily of everything you are grateful for.

APPLIED ACTION TIP: !Choose a specific part of your day to focus on giving thanks. Examples include during your daily shower, dinner or your work-transit. Gratitude is also included in the Morning Indulgence meditation included in this kit.

Conclusion !After reading through these steps, take a few moments to reflect. You may even meditate if you wish. Once you feel you’ve absorbed the true message, go back to the beginning and answer the questions again.

Are you connected with what your heart truly desires?

Do you believe you are worthy of love?

Are you free from all the emotional baggage from your past?

Are you too busy controlling your life to actually enjoy it?

By utilising all the steps I’ve outlined, you will be ready to take control of your life and fulfil all your innermost desires.

Thank you for subscribing to my mailing list. I hope you’ve enjoyed this free gift, and I look forward to connecting with you soon. For more empowering tools and resources, be sure to reserve your place for the Relationships by Design e-program via email: [email protected]


“Gratitude turns what we have into enough…”

-MELODY BEATTIE

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Relationships by Design