Down & DirtyREESE MADISON

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© 2011 Reese Madison. All rights reserved.

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First published by AuthorHouse 12/1/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4685-0709-6 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-0710-2 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011961202

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Edited by Lynne Foster

Contents

Pr olog u e

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2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1 0

1 1

1 2

1 3

1 4

1 5

1 6

1 7

Prologue

Joe,

Hey kid, how ’s it going? Not bad here, sam e old club shit.Gunner had his fun w ith a m idget, (or is it little person?) on thepool table the other night. You know how these rallies can get. Ithink she lost a bet, not sure. All I know is I’ll never get thatim age out of m y head.

Salina is fine, she had to s lap another w hore out of here fortrying to s teal from Frito. I hate that she has to deal w ith thosebitches .

The guys took your bike out and got her ready for you s inceyou told m e about the R&R you’re up for. It’ll be nice to have youhom e a year early.

We got a new Prospect nam ed Beans, evidently he farts a lot. Is tay aw ay from him . Mick says he’s a good m echanic, sow hatever. If he patches in I’m changing his nam e.

Pulled in tw o m ore cars out of the canal this w eek, and one outof a house. One guy had a s troke, the other tw o w ereham m ered. Seem s like a lot of people are driving into houseslately. Oh w ell, it’s good for business .

Let’s see, w hat else? Oh yeah, you know that bartender CarlyI’ve told you about. That bitch is crazy. Knuckles kept grabbingher ass the other night after a few too m any shots . She grabbedhis balls , reached in his pocket and s tole his keys , thenhandcuffed him to the railing on the front porch so he w ouldn’tw ander off and get hit by a car or som e shit. Only bitch I knowthat carries handcuffs but not a knife. I haven’t laughed thathard s ince Gunner tried tickling her tits out of her top.

She seem s to put up w ith Gunner pretty w ell, w hich surprisesm e. He and half the club have asked her to be their old lady, butshe just laughs and tells them they can’t handle her. She’d m akea great old lady, s tubborn as hell, but doesn’t take any shit. Thegirl’s got balls , and a great rack, but don’t tell Salina I said that.

Speaking of good old ladies , Mom called, she said Pop isdriving her nuts and she w ants half his chapters in the divorce. Icould hear Pop in the background telling her she could have m ines ince I w as the traitor that forced him into retirem ent. Som ethings never change.

That’s about it. Hurry up and get your ass back hom e. I can’tgive you a Council title until I know you’re hom e for good, butyou’ll alw ays be w elcom e in Church.

Love you Bro,

-Slider

Ev er y w eek for th e la st n in e y ea r s m y oldest br oth er h a sw r it ten to m e a bou t th e clu b. For th e la st th r ee h e’s w r it tena bou t th is ch ick Ca r ly . Sh e sou n ds en ter ta in in g .

I ca n ’t w a it to g et ba ck to Ex iles, a ch a pter of th e m otor cy cleclu b m y fa th er sta r ted in 1 9 3 9 . Th ey let m e pr ospect a tsix teen th en for ced m e in to th e Ma r in es a t eig h teen beca u se Iw a s a stu pid kid w ith a n a sty tem per th a t kept ca u sin gtr ou ble for m y self a n d th e clu b.

I took m y tem per ou t on ter r or ists, a n d tr a in in g th e m en tor epla ce m e, for th e la st n in e y ea r s. Fir st fou r a s a Ma r in e a n dth e la st fiv e a s a Na v y Sea l. Now it ’s t im e to g o h om e. Ba ck toth e clu b, ba ck to m y fa m ily . Tech n ica lly I h a v e a y ea r left ,bu t sin ce I’v e don e so m u ch ov er th e y ea r s th ey a ppr ov ed ay ea r of R&R fir st . Kin d of a pr e-r et ir em en t.

Th is Ca r ly ch ick is dr iv in g m e n u ts. I’v e h a d plen ty ofw om en , bu t th r ee y ea r s a g o I sta r ted pictu r in g h er in m yh ea d w h en I w a s w ith som eon e else. I g a v e u p a w h ile a g obeca u se th e m en ta l im a g e w a sn ’t en ou g h . If sh e en ds u p adisa ppoin tm en t it w ill be n ice to m ov e on . If n ot , th a t g ir l is infor a su r pr ise.

I’m th e best a t w h a t I do beca u se I r efu se to ta ke n o for a na n sw er . If I w a n t som eth in g , I g et it . Th a t ’s pa r t of w h y I g otsen t in to th e m ilita r y to beg in w ith . If I w a s a better m a n I’dth a n k m y br oth er a n d fa th er , bu t I’m n ot a g ood m a n . I’v ebeen ca lled da n g er ou s, m ea n , sca r y a s h ell, a n d a ccu sed ofh a v in g n o m or a ls, bu t n ev er a g ood m a n .

Th e g r u n t beh in d th e desk fin a lly br ou g h t m e m y pa per sa n d I a lm ost th a n ked h im . Th is pa per w or k pisses m e off toom u ch for m a n n er s so I ju st took th em a n d left .

My bu ddy Giz m et m e ou tside for a fin a l r ide in h is Hu ey .Fifteen h ou r s la ter I h oped I w a s m a kin g m y la st dr op ju stou tside m y h om etow n . I g a th er ed th e sh oot , folded it like I’v edon e ov er a h u n dr ed t im es, a n d w a lked str a ig h t to th e clu b.Th e w h ole t im e I fou g h t th e u r g e to g o to th e ba r fir st a n dch eck ou t th is Ca r ly ch ick.

1

My n a m e is Ca r ly Mich a els. I’m tw en ty -fou r w ith lon g r edh a ir a n d a v iciou s sh oe fet ish . I w or k a s a ba r ten der for th eloca l biker ba r m ost n ig h ts of th e w eek. I’v e been h it on bya lm ost ev er y biker th a t ’s w a lked th r ou g h th a t door ov er th ela st th r ee y ea r s. So fa r I’v e m a n a g ed to a v oid g ett in g ta n g ledu p w ith a n y of th em .

It ’s a lit t le a fter six , so I ex pect som e of th e loca ls to sta r ttr icklin g in soon . I pou r ed m y self a g la ss of w in e in a coffeecu p like I u su a lly do a n d ch a n g ed th e r a dio sta t ion on th e n ewXM sy stem th e ow n er in sta lled. Th e g u y s st ill u se th e ju kebox , bu t it ’s been a ct in g u p la tely so th e ow n er decided XMw a s ch ea per th a n fix in g it .

A lm ost ev er y on e th a t com es in h er e belon g s to th e loca l MC,or m otor cy cle clu b, kn ow n a s Ex iles. Th ey ’r e a la r g e g r ou p ofa bou t a h u n dr ed people, m ost ly m en . Rick, th eir h a cker a n dlow er lev el cou n cil m em ber , on ce told m e th ey don ’t likepa tch in g in w om en beca u se th ey don ’t like w om en g ett in gh u r t . Bein g a m em ber m ea n s fig h t in g for th e clu b w h en th et im e com es, w om a n or n ot .

Slider is th eir Pr esiden t , a n d th e Pr esiden t of ev er y ch a pterw est of th e Mississippi. I a sked h im on ce w h y h e liv es in th islit t le tow n ou tside of Ph oen ix n a m ed A pa ch e Ju n ct ion . He toldm e h e liked th e m ou n ta in a n d th e sm a ll tow n feel.

Slider ’s a g ood g u y , bu t I w ou ldn ’t cr oss h im to sa v e m y life.He’s a big du de in h is m id fift ies w ith lon g g r ey h a ir a n dequ a lly lon g g r ey bea r d. I’v e on ly seen h im m a d a few t im es,a n d th a t h a d m e cow er in g beh in d th e ba r , oth er w ise h er em in ds m e of a big teddy bea r .

Sa lin a is h is old la dy . Sh e’s a bea u t ifu l br u n ette in h er m idth ir t ies w ith a sm okin g h ot lit t le body . Sh e’s a lso m ea n a s asn a ke if y ou piss h er off. I like it w h en sh e com es in to th e ba rbeca u se I g et to see Slider dr ool a ll ov er h er . It ’s cu te. Sliderw or sh ips th e g r ou n d sh e w a lks on , th er efor e sh e’s tr ea ted like,a n d often r efer r ed to by h im , a s h is qu een .

Sh e’s a lw a y s been v er y n ice to m e, bu t w e’r e n ot close sin ceI keep tu r n in g dow n offer s by m em ber s to be a n old la dy . I’v eh a d a cou ple cr u sh es on som e of th e m em ber s, bu t by th e t im eI th in k a bou t m a y be da t in g on e of th em , som eth in g h a ppen sa n d I w ith dr a w . Th e life of a n Ex ile is a sca r y on e.

I don ’t kn ow m u ch a bou t th eir cu r r en t bu sin ess pr a ct ices,bu t I kn ow th e h istor y . Slider ’s fa th er sta r ted th e clu b in1 9 3 9 in Ca lifor n ia . He h a d a dr ea m of bu ildin g a g r ou p ofm en w h o didn ’t h a v e to liv e by th e r u les of g en er a l society .Th ey fu n ded th eir lifesty le by r u n n in g g u n s fr om Mex icoth r ou g h th e U.S. a n d u p in to Ca n a da .

I do kn ow th a t Slider h a tes a n y dr u g r u n n in g oth er th a nsom e w eed a n d a lit t le coca in e. Ex iles h a v e r u n off m or e th a non e dr u g or ien ted g a n g ov er th e y ea r s.

Rick w a s th e fir st to a r r iv e ton ig h t . “ Hey bea u tifu l. I g otsom eth in g for y ou .” He tossed m e a br ow n pa per ba g I kn ewh a d m y w eekly sta sh in it . I like to sm oke pot a n d dr in k w in e.Su e m e.

“ Th a n ks ba be.” I ca ll a lot of people ‘ba be’.

He took th e beer I h a n ded h im , “ It ’s g oin g to be a bu syn ig h t , Slider ’s br oth er ju st r olled ba ck in to tow n .”

“ Th e Ma r in e?” I a sked r em em ber in g th e g u y s ta lkin g a bou th im th e oth er da y .

“ Tu r n s ou t h e’s a lso a Na v y Sea l. Big m ea n fu cker too. If Ir em em ber cor r ect ly h is fa th er pa tch ed h im in so h e cou ldfor ce h im in to th e m ilita r y . Sin ce 1 4 h e w a s a r epu ta t ion form a kin g tr ou ble for th e clu b.”

“ Gr ea t . I h ope h e doesn ’t pick fig h ts, Bobby ju st g ot n ew poolst icks.”

“ He’s pr etty qu iet so fa r . I g u ess th e m ilita r y did h im som eg ood.” He lea n ed ba ck a n d looked ou t th e door a t th e sou n d ofbikes r ollin g in . I lov e th a t sou n d.

A m in u te la ter th e g u y s w a lked in like som eth in g ou t of am ov ie. I a lw a y s g et a lit t le sm ile on th e in side seein g th ese bigpow er fu l lea th er -cla d m en w a lk th r ou g h th e door . Th ey a llw ea r bla ck lea th er v ests w ith v a r iou s ba dg es a n d th e sa m epa tch a n d r ocker s on th e ba ck.

Th e top r ocker sa y s ‘Ex iles’, th e bottom on e sa y s ‘A r izon a ’.Slider is th e Pr esiden t of th e en t ir e w ester n sta tes so h e h a s aba dg e on th e fr on t u n der h is ‘Escon dido’ ba dg e th a t sa y s‘Or ig in a l’. I th in k th a t m ea n s h e w a s a m em ber of h is fa th er ’sor ig in a l ch a pter befor e m ov in g ou t h er e to A r izon a . Th eba dg es ten d to con fu se m e.

I sta r ted pou r in g pitch er s a n d h a n din g th em to th e ser v er s.Rick w a s a lr ea dy h ea din g ov er to th e ta bles th e g u y s u su a llyta ke ov er . I looked a r ou n d for a n ew fa ce a n d fou n d h impr etty ea sily . Wow , th a t ’s a big du de.

I w a lked th e la st tw o pitch er s ov er to th e ta ble so I cou ld sa yh i.

Slider ’s V ice Pr esiden t Goa t spoke fir st , “ Hey Red, n icesh or ts.” He looked m e ov er like h e u su a lly does. Goa t is am iddle a g ed m a n w ith sh or t sa lt a n d pepper br ow n h a ir a n d a

g oa tee.

“ Th a n ks. I w en t sh oppin g y ester da y a n d g ot a bu n ch of sh it .You g u y s w a n t to tr y m y a ttem pt a t h om em a de ta m a les?” Ia sked kn ow in g th ey ’d ea t w h a tev er I pu t in fr on t of th em .

“ You kn ow it .” Gu n n er , Slider ’s Ser g ea n t a t A r m s ch im edin . Gu n n er is a bou t th ir ty y ea r s old w ith lots of ta t toos a n d am ea n str ea k a m ile w ide.

“ I’ll be r ig h t ba ck.” I sm iled a n d ca u g h t th e n ew g u ylookin g a t m e beh in d a lon g da r k ch ocola te bea r d w ith lig h tg r een ey es. “ You m u st be Joe.”

“ I a m .” He sa t ba ck to g iv e m e a lookin g ov er . “ You a r e?”

“ Ca r ly , or Red, doesn ’t m a tter . Welcom e h om e.”

“ You cou ld.”

“ Wh a t?” I w a sn ’t su r e if I h ea r d h im r ig h t .

“ Welcom e m e h om e.” He cla r ified.

Slider cou g h ed, “ Sor r y br o, Red doesn ’t pla y w ith u s. Sh e’stoo sm a r t .” He w in ked a t m e.

I sm iled a n d la u g h ed a lit t le, “ You kn ow I’m ju st w a it in g forSa lin a to w ise u p a n d lea v e y ou so I ca n h a v e a ch a n ce.” Itea sed. Slider kn ow s better , so does Sa lin a . It ’s a joke sh e a n d Ista r ted a cou ple y ea r s a g o w h en I g ot to kn ow h er ov er a fewdr in ks on e n ig h t .

“ Not a ch a n ce. Sh e ev er lea v es m e I’d be a r u in ed m a n .”

“ A g ir l ca n dr ea m .” I left to g o g et th e ta m a les I’d m a de th ism or n in g . I like to cook a n d th ese g u y s like to ea t , so it w or ksou t . Th ey ten d to ov er t ip m e w h en I feed th em so I ca n a ffor d

to cook a g a in a n oth er da y .

I filled a cou ple or der s w h ile th e m icr ow a v e h ea ted th eta m a les befor e h ea din g ba ck to th e ta ble. “ Th ey m ig h t be alit t le spicy .” I w a r n ed th em .

“ Good. I like spicy .” Gu n n er flir ted. He’s pr oba bly th eh or n iest ba sta r d h er e.

“ I’m su r e y ou do.” Ju st th en I felt tw o la r g e h a n ds on m yh ips pu llin g m e on to a la r g e la p. I r ea lized it w a s Joe a n dtu g g ed h is bea r d. “ Wh a t do y ou w a n t?”

“ I h ea r y ou n eed a m a n .” He looked dow n a s h is h a n d r a nu p m y th ig h .

I la u g h ed, “ Like I n eed a r a sh .” I stopped h is h a n d befor e h eg ot too fa r .

His oth er h a n d m ov ed m y h a ir off m y sh ou lder , “ Too ba d. Icou ld en joy y ou for a lon g t im e.”

I stood u p to esca pe, “ I’m su r e y ou cou ld.” I pa tted h issh ou lder a n d w en t ba ck beh in d m y ba r . Bein g pu lled in to on eof th e g u y s la ps is n o big dea l, th ey do th a t a lot . Especia llyGu n n er . He likes to t ickle m e in h opes a boob w ill pop ou t a n dh e ca n sn ea k a peek. I don ’t r ea lly ca r e, it ’s kin d of fu n .

Som eth in g a bou t Joe’s ey es w a s lin g er in g in m y br a in . Th econ tr a st of lig h t ey es a n d da r k h a ir w a s ja r r in g . He h a s lon gda r k la sh es a n d a lig h t ta n . A lm ost Ir ish lookin g I g u ess.

I kept ca tch in g h im lookin g a t m e th r ou g h ou t th e n ig h t .Wh en I w en t to collect em pty pitch er s h e r a n h is fin g er dow nth e ba ck of m y leg m a kin g m e ju m p w h en it t ickled. I scoldedh im a n d w en t ba ck to w or k.

A cou ple of th e g u y s u su a lly h a n g a r ou n d to m a ke su r e I’moka y w h en I lock u p for th e n ig h t . Ton ig h t Joe w a s th e on lyon e left a t tw o-th ir ty w h en I w a s r ea dy to g o.

I w a lked ov er to ta ke h is em pty bott le, “ Closin g t im e.”

“ Th en close.” He h a s a deep dem a n din g v oice.

“ You h a v e to lea v e fir st .” I picked u p m y pu r se a n d open edth e door for h im .

He stood u p a n d w a lked u p to tow er ov er m e. “ I n eed a pla ceto cr a sh .”

“ A n d th is is m y pr oblem h ow ?” I pu sh ed h im ou t a n d pu lledth e door sh u t to lock it .

“ I don ’t do h otels.” He in for m ed m e.

I w a lked to m y tr u ck, “ Th en I su g g est y ou m a ke fr ien dsfa st .”

He h eld m y door open for m e to clim b in . “ Wh y don ’t y ouh a v e a m a n ?”

I sta r ted th e en g in e a n d looked a t h im . “ I h a d a ba dex per ien ce a few y ea r s a g o. Slider h elped m e ou t of it , I g u essI’v e been a lit t le g u n sh y sin ce.”

“ I’m g oin g to follow y ou h om e, a n d don ’t w or r y , th e la stth in g y ou ’ll g et fr om m e is a ba d ex per ien ce.” He sh u t m ydoor . I sh ou ld be w or r ied, bu t I didn ’t g et a cr eepy v ibe fr omh im . He sh ou ld sca r e m e, bu t h e doesn ’t . I don ’t kn ow if it w a sbeca u se I kn ew h e w a s a soldier , or Slider ’s br oth er . Ma y beboth .

I’v e on ly kn ow n Slider a n d h is ‘fa m ily ’ for a bou t th r eey ea r s, bu t I kn ow h e doesn ’t toler a te a bu se of w om en in a n y

w a y sh a pe or for m . Biker ’s flir t a n d sn ea k a feel r eg u la r ly ,bu t th ey don ’t cr oss a n y m a jor lin es. Th ey ’r e u sed to m e a n dw h a t I let th em g et a w a y w ith . Ou r n ew ser v er is st illin t im ida ted, so th ey don ’t tou ch h er or pu ll h er in to th eirla ps, bu t th ey do v er ba lly flir t . I a ssu r ed h er th ey w ou ldn ’t doa n y m or e if sh e didn ’t a llow it .

I a llow it beca u se it ’s th e on ly for m of a ffect ion I g et . It ’s a ll In eed. Lett in g a m a n in to m y life is ou t of th e qu est ion a fterth e la st g u y . I st ill ow e Slider for h elpin g m e ou t of th a t on e. Ig u ess I feel like I w ou ld be disr espect in g w h a t h e did for m e if Ida ted a g a in , especia lly ou tside h is clu b. It ’s n o secr et h e’d likem e to h ook u p w ith on e of h is g u y s.

I dr ov e to m y a pa r tm en t a n d sh ook m y h ea d w h en Joepu lled in n ex t to m e. I g ot ou t a n d locked m y tr u ck.

“ You ca n ’t be ser iou s. Wh a t m a kes y ou th in k I’m g oin g tolet y ou sta y h er e?”

He w a lked ov er a n d pu t h is a r m a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s.“ Wh a t m a kes y ou th in k y ou ca n stop m e?”

“ I’ll ca ll Slider .” I th r ea ten ed.

He pu lled a cell ph on e fr om h is pocket a n d h eld it ou t form e, “ Go for it .”

I pu sh ed it a w a y , “ Nev er m in d.”

“ Wh y w ou ld y ou ca ll Slider a n d n ot th e cops?”

“ Beca u se th e cops a r e in Slider ’s pocket . Th ey ’d ta ke on e looka t y ou r cu t a n d w a lk a w a y u n less I w a s a ctu a lly h u r t .”

“ He ta kes a fter ou r fa th er .” He sa id m ost ly to h im self.

“ I w ou ldn ’t kn ow .” I u n locked th e door a n d w a v ed h im in .

“ Tr y n ot to br ea k a n y th in g , it ’s a sm a ll pla ce a n d y ou looklike a bu ll in a ch in a sh op.”

He m otion ed for m e to g o in fir st . “ Wom en fir st , in y ou g o.”

I w en t in side a n d tu r n ed on th e lig h ts. “ Wh y don ’t y ou ju ststa y w ith Slider a n d Sa lin a ?”

“ You ’r e m u ch n icer to look a t .” He pu lled h is ja cket off a n dh u n g it on th e ba ck of on e of m y din in g r oom ta ble ch a ir s. It ’sn ot r ea lly a din in g r oom , m or e like th e a r ea betw een th ekitch en a n d th e liv in g r oom .

I pou r ed a g la ss of w in e a n d pu lled m y h eels off. “ I don ’th a v e a n y w h er e for y ou to sleep.”

“ You don ’t ow n a bed?” He sa t on m y cou ch a n d pu lled bigbla ck biker boots off.

“ You a r e no t sleepin g in m y bed.” I flicked h im in th e ba ckof th e h ea d.

He g ot u p a n d follow ed m e dow n th e h a ll. “ You g otsom eth in g a g a in st th e clu b?”

I tu r n ed w a lkin g ba ckw a r ds, “ No, w h y ?”

“ Gu n n er sa id y ou ’v e h a d a lot of offer s.”

“ Oh th a t . Yea h . It ’s n ot th e clu b, or th e g u y s. It ’s th elifesty le I’m n ot ex cited a bou t . Men sleep a r ou n d on th eir oldla dies, fig h t too m u ch , th a t kin d of th in g .”

He took m y h a n d a n d spu n m e a r ou n d. “ I h a v en ’t h a d aw om a n in m on th s.”

“ Me eith er .” I la u g h ed beca u se it w a s tr u e. I t r ied m y h a n da t bein g a lesbia n a few m on th s a g o ou t of cu r iosity . It w a s

oka y , bu t n oth in g I g ot too ex cited a bou t .

“ You ’r e g a y ?” He a sked pu llin g m e a g a in st h is ch est .

“ If th e m ood str ikes.” I tea sed lookin g u p.

He ben t dow n a n d set h is lips close to m in e. “ I’m g oin g tokiss y ou , th en y ou ’r e g oin g to g et in th a t bed a n d sleep n ex t tom e. I’m cla im in g y ou a s m y old la dy , bu t I w on ’t for ce m y selfon y ou .”

He didn ’t w a it for m e to a n sw er befor e kissin g m e like am a n qu en ch in g h is th ir st a fter a y ea r in th e deser t . I th ou g h ta bou t pu sh in g h im a w a y , bu t h e’s a da m n g ood kisser . Hesa id h e w a sn ’t g oin g to for ce h im self on m e, n ot like th a ta n y w a y , so I en joy ed h im u n til h e let m e g o.

He st ill h a s on e h a n d bu r ied in m y h a ir a t th e ba ck of m yn eck a n d th e oth er on m y bu tt . “ Do w h a tev er y ou w om enn eed to do a n d h u r r y u p.”

“ You ’r e a w fu lly bossy .” I stepped ba ck on ly to h a v e h isfin g er s slow ly tr a il a r ou n d m y n eck a n d pla y in th e clea v a g ebefor e let t in g m e g o com pletely .

“ Hu r r y u p Ca r ly . I’m n ot a pa t ien t m a n .”

I w en t a bou t m y r ou t in e a n d fou n d h im a lr ea dy a sleep onh is ba ck on top of th e cov er s. “ If y ou sn or e I’m kickin g y ou .”

2

I slept pr etty g ood con sider in g th er e’s a str a n g er in m y bed,a t lea st u n t il I felt som eth in g t icklin g m y ch eek a n d n eck.

“ Hey ! Cu t th a t ou t!” I sw a tted bu t h e ju st ca u g h t m y h a n da n d h eld it .

“ Get r ea dy , w e’r e g oin g to th e clu b.”

“ Wh y ?”

“ I n eed Slider ’s oka y to m a ke y ou m y old la dy . Sh ou ldn ’tta ke lon g .”

“ Ex cu se m e?!” I r olled ov er on ly to be tr a pped by th a t bigbody a n d th ose bea u tifu l g r een ey es.

“ I told y ou la st n ig h t . You ’r e m in e n ow .” He let g o of m yw r ist a n d r a n h is h a n d dow n to r est on m y h ip. “ You h a v e th ebody I n eed, on e th a t ca n h a n dle m e.”

“ I a m n ot y ou r s.” I a r g u ed a s h e r a n th a t bea r d ov er m ylips. I t r ied to sw a t it a w a y bu t h e w a s h a v in g n on e of th a t .“ Cu t it ou t!” I fin a lly ca u g h t it a n d h eld. “ You ’r e a pa in .”

“ A n y pa in y ou g et fr om m e w ill be plea su r a ble.” He kissedm y n ose. “ Let g o, it ’s n ot a lea sh .”

I let g o. “ Get off m e, y ou w eig h a ton .” He’d m ov ed h is legbetw een m in e.

“ Kiss m e fir st .” He ba r g a in ed.

“ No. You ’r e n ot su pposed to be h er e in th e fir st pla ce.” Iscolded h im .

“ You m ig h t a s w ell g et u sed to it , besides y ou didn ’t seem tom in d la st n ig h t .”

“ You stole th a t on e.” I ca u g h t m y self tou ch in g h is bea r da n d pu lled a w a y . “ Will y ou plea se g et off m e?” I’m n otcon v in cin g sin ce h e’s a lm ost too cu te lookin g a t m e like th is.He r ea lly w a n ts to kiss m e.

“ I w ill, for a sm a ll pr ice.”

I sig h ed, “ You kn ow , if y ou w er en ’t so da m n cu te r ig h t n owI’d kick y ou .”

He low er ed a n d kissed m e w ith th a t th ir st I r em em ber fr omla st n ig h t .

A fter w a r ds h e let m e u p to g et r ea dy for th e da y like h epr om ised. Wh en I pou r ed a bow l of cer ea l h e w en t to ta ke ash ow er w ith ou t sa y in g a w or d. Wh ile I a te I th ou g h t a bou th im .

He’s r ea lly h ot , a n d I m ea n deliciou s h ot . He’s ta ll, v er yw ide, str on g a s a n ox , a n d th ose ey es h a v e pr oba bly sedu cedm or e w om en th a n I’v e m et in m y lifet im e.

Wh en h e w a lked ou t in ju st a tow el I cou ldn ’t ta ke m y ey esoff h im . “ Nice ta ts.” A n d ev er y th in g else. Holy sh it h e’s likeon e big pile of bea u t ifu l m u scle.

“ You g ot a n y ?” He a sked ta kin g th e bow l a n d spoon to fin ishm y cer ea l.

I a dded som e m or e cer ea l a n d m ilk to top it off for h im . “ Ju ston e.”

“ Wh er e?”

“ Not tellin g .” I ta u n ted h im .

“ Som eth in g to look for w a r d to fin din g .” He fin ish ed th ecer ea l a n d w en t ba ck to m y r oom to g et dr essed.

Wh en h e ca m e ba ck ou t I a sked, “ Don ’t y ou h a v e a n y m or ecloth es?”

“ Not y et . You ’ll ta ke m e to th e Ha r ley dea ler a fter I cla imy ou w ith th e clu b.” He told m e.

“ Oh r ea lly ? You th in k so?” I la u g h ed.

He picked u p m y pu r se a n d h eld it ou t for m e, “ Don ’t m a kem e th r ow y ou ov er m y sh ou lder .”

“ You do th a t , a n d I’ll kick y ou .”

“ Let ’s g o Ca r ly , I don ’t h a v e m u ch t im e. Th er e’s a job th isa fter n oon I n eed to be in on .”

I sn a tch ed m y pu r se. “ No. You a r e n ot cla im in g a n y th in g ,or a n y on e. For g et it .”

He sig h ed a n d closed h is ey es for a secon d befor e fish in g m ykey s fr om m y pu r se. Th en h e ch a sed m e to th e kitch en w h er eh e tr a pped m e a n d tossed m e ea sily ov er h is sh ou lder .

“ Kick m e a g a in a n d I’m g oin g to sm a ck y ou r a ss.”

I sm a cked h is. “ Pu t m e dow n !!”

He did, a fter lockin g m y door a n d ca r r y in g m e to h is bikew h er e I la n ded on h is sea t . I t r ied to g et off bu t h e clim bed onin fr on t of m e a n d g r a bbed m y a r m s to w r a p a r ou n d h im .

“ Sit st ill, a n d don ’t fa ll off.” He fir ed u p th e bike a n d took off.

I pin ch ed h is stom a ch a n d sides u n t il g iv in g u p, it obv iou slydidn ’t ph a se h im .

He pu lled in pa st a g a te th a t open ed a s w e a ppr oa ch ed,pa r ked n ex t to a la r g e w a r eh ou se lookin g bu ildin g w ith ag a r a g e a tta ch ed, a n d pu lled m e off ju st a fter sw in g in g h islon g leg ov er to sta n d u p.

“ Let ’s g o feisty .” He pu t h is a r m a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s.

I tu r n ed a n d spu n fr ee. “ No! You a r e NOT doin g th is!”

Slider w a lked ov er , “ Ea sy Red.”

I looked a t h im , “ Wh a t th e h ell?!”

“ Sor r y ba be, bu t if m y br oth er w a n ts y ou , h e’s g ot y ou . I’lla llow it .”

“ A llow it?! It ’s MY life!” I y elled.

He closed in , “ Not a n y m or e. Yell a t m e a g a in a n d y ou r oldm a n w ill be m a kin g su r e y ou g et a pu n ish m en t befit t in gy ou r cr im e. Sin ce y ou ’r e n ew , I’ll fill y ou in . Ru le n u m beron e, don ’t y ell a t a Pr esiden t . Do ev er y th in g Joe tells y ou , a n dkn ow y ou r pla ce. Got it?”

I’v e n ev er seen th is side of Slider . He w a s dea d ser iou s. In odded feelin g r ea l fea r fr om h im , dir ected a t m e, for th e fir stt im e. I don ’t like it .

“ Good g ir l. Now be n ice to m y br oth er , h e n eeds a g ood oldla dy to keep h im str a ig h t .” He sm a cked Joe on th e sh ou lder .“ Com e on , w e h a v e a m eet in g a n d Sa lin a w a n ts to ta lk toCa r ly .”

Joe tr ied to pu t h is a r m ba ck a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s bu t Iju m ped a w a y a n d stu ck m y ton g u e ou t a t h im . He sh ot m e adir ty look bu t let it g o beca u se Sa lin a sh ow ed u p.

“ Com e on g ir l, let ’s g o ta lk a n d lea v e th ese boy s to th eir

bu sin ess.”

“ Gla dly . Wh a t th e h ell ju st h a ppen ed? I didn ’t th in k th eg u y s cou ld ju st kidn a p a g ir l like th a t .”

“ Slider ow n s th is tow n ba by , h e ca n do w h a tev er h e w a n ts.If h e sa y s it ’s oka y for Joe ta ke y ou a s h is old la dy , th er e’sn oth in g y ou ca n do a bou t it .” Sh e ex pla in ed open in g th e doorto h er office, or w h a t I a ssu m ed w a s h er office sin ce th er e’s ag ia n t sig n on th e door th a t tells m e it ’s a n office.

“ I cou ld r u n a w a y .” I sa id w ith lit t le con v ict ion .

“ You cou ld, bu t y ou ’d h a v e to g o ea st of th e big r iv er , a n dev en th en h e ca n pu t a bou n ty on y ou . He’s Slider h on ey , ifh e w a n ts to fin d y ou , h e w ill.”

“ I kn ow . I’m ju st pissed.”

Sh e h a n ded m e a bott le of Ja ck Da n iels. “ Her e, h a v e a sw ig ,a n d don ’t w or r y a bou t it . Joe’s a g ood g u y . Slider w ou ldn ’ta llow th is if h e th ou g h t y ou ’d be h u r t .” Sh e a ssu r ed m estea lin g a dr in k a fter I took on e.

“ I’m n ot w or r ied a bou t bein g ph y sica lly h u r t . If I sta r tlikin g th is g u y a n d h e h u r ts m y h ea r t , I’m g oin g to fileth im .” I stole th e bott le ba ck for a n oth er dr in k.

Sh e lit a join t . “ Th is is w h er e w e h a v e to discu ss th e r u les.”

“ I kn ow th e r u les, th a t ’s w h y I don ’t da te m em ber s.” Icom pla in ed.

“ So y ou kn ow a bou t th e ‘w h a t h a ppen s on th e r oa d, sta y s onth e r oa d’? r u le?”

I r olled m y ey es a n d sa t in a ch a ir . “ My fa v or ite on e.” Th isis a n old r u le th a t a lot of th e g u y s st ill u se. It m ea n s if y ou

m ess a r ou n d on y ou r old la dy it better n ot be a t h om e, a n d itbetter n ot follow y ou h om e.

“ Yea h . It g ets ea sier to tu r n a blin d ey e a s t im e g oes on , bu tdon ’t g et m e w r on g , Slider ’s been bu sted a t im e or tw o.For tu n a tely I kn ow h e lov es m e, a n d h e let ’s m e bea t u p on h isbig a ss w h en h e g ets ca u g h t .” Sh e sa t beh in d th e desk.

“ I’m n ot su r e th a t w ou ld be en ou g h for m e.”

“ It ’s u su a lly ju st a sh ow of g r a t itu de fr om on e ch a pter toa n oth er for fa v or s a n d sh it . If th ey r efu se it ’s a sig n ofdisr espect . I don ’t pr eten d to u n der sta n d it eith er , bu t I tr y totu r n a blin d ey e.”

“ Well I w on ’t . If Joe w a n ts m e a s h is old la dy h e’s g oin g to bem in e a n d m in e a lon e or I’ll m a ke h is life a liv in g h ell.”

Sh e la u g h ed, “ I like y ou r spu n k. You ’ll be g ood for h im .”

A fter w e ta lked for a few m or e m in u tes th e door open ed a n dJoe w a lked in , “ Let ’s g o w om a n .”

I stood u p a n d looked a t Sa lin a , “ Th a n ks.”

“ You bet . Now th a t y ou ’r e fin a lly a n old la dy I’ll see y oum or e often , so th a t ’s g ood. Keep y ou r ch in u p ba be, it ’s a g oodlife on ce y ou g et u sed to it .”

“ I’ll h old y ou to th a t .” I joked a n d w a v ed m y fin g er sg oodby e to h er .

Joe pu t th a t big a r m a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s, “ Ha v e a g oodta lk?”

“ I like Sa lin a , a lw a y s h a v e. You on th e oth er h a n d, n ot som u ch .” I pin ch ed h is side u n der h is cu t .

He g r a bbed m y h a n d a n d kissed m y pa lm , “ A s lon g a sy ou ’r e m in e.”

I clim bed on h is bike, “ Wh y m e?”

He cu pped m y fa ce lookin g a t m e, “ I told y ou , y ou h a v e th ekin d of body I n eed to ta ke m e. I like y ou r fir e. I n eed a w om a nw h o doesn ’t ta ke a n y sh it , a str on g w om a n , on e I r espect . On eI ca n cou n t on for h er loy a lty a n d dedica t ion to m e, a n d th eclu b. A fig h ter w h o w on ’t be ta ken in by lies a n d bu llsh it .”

“ You don ’t kn ow m e w ell en ou g h to ex pect a ll th a t .”

“ I kn ow y ou better th a n y ou th in k.” He kissed m y lipsqu ickly a n d g ot on in fr on t of m e.

He r ode m e to th e ba r w h er e I a sked h im , “ How cou ld y oupossibly kn ow a n y th in g a bou t m e?” I clim bed off.

“ Slider ’s w r it ten to m e a bou t y ou for a few y ea r s.” He’s st illon h is bike a n d r ea ch ed ou t to pu ll m e to h im by th e w a ist .“ I’ll be ba ck ton ig h t to ta ke y ou h om e. Beh a v e y ou r self.”

“ You beh a v e. I kn ow y ou h a v e a job, tr y n ot to g et killed,” Ipoked h im in th e ch est . “ a n d beh a v e. If I fin d ou t y ou ’r efu ckin g a r ou n d on m e I’ll kill y ou both .”

He took h is g la sses off a n d looked a t m e, “ Ex cu se m e?”

“ I kn ow th is lifesty le y ou dr a g g ed m e in to. Wor r y in g a bou ty ou is on e th in g . Wor r y in g a bou t w h er e y ou r dick w a s befor ey ou br in g it h om e is a n oth er .”

His ey ebr ow s w en t u p a n d for on e of th e few t im es in Joe’slife I a lm ost sa w h im sm ile. I defin itely sa w a m u sem en t a n dsu r pr ise a t m y w or ds. “ Don ’t w or r y a bou t th a t ba be. If Iw a n ted to fu ck ev er y th in g in sig h t I w ou ldn ’t h a v e ta ken a n

old la dy like y ou . Not a ll m en n eed to sa m ple a ll th e w om enw h o offer th em selv es u p.”

I g r a bbed h is bea r d a n d lea n ed in to focu s on th ose ey es,“ You better n ot . Ride sa fe.”

“ Wh a t ’s w ith y ou a n d g r a bbin g m y bea r d? It ’s n ot a lea sh .”He a sked scoldin g m e a t th e sa m e t im e.

I pu lled h im to m e, “ Wa n t to m a ke a bet?” I kissed h impa ssion a tely befor e let t in g g o a n d w a lkin g in side. I h ea r d h imw h ist le a lit t le befor e lea v in g . It m a de m e sm ile to kn ow h ew a s pr oba bly lookin g a t m y bu tt .

Wor k w en t a s u su a l, m in u s th e h a n dfu l of biker s th a t w er eon th e job, a n d th e flir t in g I w a s u sed to fr om th e g u y s. Th eflir t in g h a d com e to a scr eech in g h a lt .

I a sked Rick a fter a w h ile, “ Wh y is ev er y on e tr ea t in g m ediffer en t? It ’s cr eepy .”

He sm iled, “ You ’r e Joe’s old la dy n ow ba by , a n d n obody isstu pid en ou g h to fu ck w ith y ou . He’s a v er y la r g e, v er yda n g er ou s m a n . We’r e h or n y , n ot stu pid.”

I la u g h ed. “ So m u ch for m y t ip ja r .”

“ Mon ey w on ’t be a pr oblem for y ou g ir ly . I’d be su r pr ised ify ou ’r e st ill w or kin g h er e a fter ton ig h t .” He in for m ed m e.

“ Wh y ?”

“ We don ’t like ou r w om en on displa y for oth er m en , n ot liketh is. A r ou n d th e clu b it ’s oka y , bu t n ot a r ou n d th ese oth erslobs w h o don ’t kn ow th e r u les. He’ll pr oba bly m a ke y ouqu it .”

“ A h sh it .” I pou r ed a sh ot of w h iskey a n d dow n ed it . “ Th is

jer k is r u in in g m y life.” I n eed to stop doin g sh ots or I’ll sta r tov er -pou r in g dr in ks. I ca n ’t h elp it , th is da y feels like a r ea llyw eir d dr ea m .

Rick looked tow a r ds th e door a t th e sa m e t im e I did, “ Her ecom es th e ‘jer k’ n ow .”

“ Gr ea t .” I com pla in ed.

Joe w a lked str a ig h t tow a r ds m e a n d flipped th e ba r fla popen . “ Com e h er e w om a n .”

I ba cked u p, “ You ’r e n ot su pposed to be ba ck h er e.”

He ca u g h t m e a n d kissed m e solid befor e pu llin g ba ck. “ Getm e a beer a n d g iv e n ot ice. You don ’t w or k h er e a n y m or e.”

“ Now w a it a m in u te.”

“ No. Do w h a t I tell y ou .” He or der ed.

Slider w a lked in a n d r a ised h is h a n d to tell m e h e w a n tedbeer s, n ow . I looked a t Joe, “ I’m n ot qu it t in g .”

He kissed m y for eh ea d a n d pa tted m y bu tt , “ Don ’t a r g u ew ith m e.” He tu r n ed a n d w en t to sit w ith Slider a n d h is g u y s.

I looked a t Rick, “ A r e y ou kiddin g m e?”

He la u g h ed sta n din g u p, “ Welcom e to th e clu b Ca r ly .” Hetu r n ed a n d h ea ded ov er to th e g u y s.

I filled pitch er s a n d h a n ded th em to th e ser v er s.

Joe ca lled th e m a n a g er ov er a n d qu it for m e a bou t h a lf a nh ou r la ter . Wh en Bobby told m e h e w a s sor r y to lose m e, I lostm y m in d.

I w a lked ov er to Joe a n d sm a cked h im h a r d in th e ba ck of

th e h ea d. “ You a ssh ole!! I told y ou I w a sn ’t qu it t in g m y job!”

He tu r n ed, stood u p, a n d ba cked m e to th e ta ble I tr ippedov er . “ You don ’t sm a ck m e w om a n .”

I poked m y fin g er in h is ch est , “ You don ’t qu it m y job form e!!”

“ A n d y ou don ’t a ct like th is a s m y old la dy .” He ca lm lyin for m ed m e.

“ You for ced th a t on m e.” I sh ov ed h is ch est .

He qu ickly tossed m e ov er h is sh ou lder a n d looked ba ck a tth e g u y s, “ Ex cu se m e g en t lem en , I h a v e a w om a n to ta m e.”He w a lked ou t th e fr on t door a n d set m e on th e ba ck of h isbike a n d g r ipped m y ja w to look a t h im . “ Ba d m ov e Ca r ly .”

“ Oh sh u t u p.” I cr ossed m y a r m s a n d pou ted.

He clim bed on in fr on t of m e a n d r ode u s ba ck to m y pla cew h er e h e ex per t ly picked th e lock sin ce m y pu r se is st ill a t th eba r .

I w en t str a ig h t for m y w in e com pletely fu ll of a n g er . “ I h a tey ou !”

“ Oh ca lm dow n .” He h u n g h is ja cket w h er e h e’d h u n g it la stn ig h t .

“ No!! You ju st h ija cked m y life y ou big jer k!!” I y elled a fterdow n in g h a lf a g la ss of w in e a t on ce.

He slow ly sa u n ter ed in to m y kitch en w ith a less a n g r y lookn ow . “ You ’r e m y old la dy n ow . No m or e sh leppin g beer s forh or n y m en .” He took m y g la ss a w a y a n d dow n ed th e r estbefor e sett in g it dow n on th e cou n ter .

“ How th e h ell a m I su pposed to pa y m y bills?”

He closed in , “ I cla im ed y ou , y ou r bills a r e m in e n ow .”

“ Rig h t , n ow I’m a kept w om a n ?” I don ’t believ e th is sh it .

“ You cou ld sa y th a t .” He cu pped m y fa ce h oldin g m efir m ly . “ Now kn ock it off. My w om a n doesn ’t n eed to w or k,a n d sh e defin itely doesn ’t liv e in th is sh it h ole. Tom or r ow y oufin d u s a h ou se. Got it?”

“ Yea h r ig h t , w ith w h a t?”

“ I’ll sh ow y ou la ter , r ig h t n ow I w a n t y ou to stop bitch in g .”

I stu ck m y ton g u e ou t a t h im .

He closed h is ey es in fr u str a t ion . “ Now y ou ’r e in tr ou ble.”He g r a bbed m e by th e th ig h s a n d w r a pped m y leg s a r ou n dh is w a ist m a kin g m e g r a b h is sh ou lder s to ba la n ce.

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?”

He w a lked m e to m y bedr oom a n d tossed m e on th e bedbefor e clim bin g ov er m e a n d dr iv in g t icklin g fin g er s in to m yside. “ You n eed a n a tt itu de a dju stm en t.”

I scr ea m ed la u g h in g a n d squ ir m in g like a n idiot . “ Hey !!Stop th a t!!”

He pin n ed m e a n d con tin u ed h is a ssa u lt u n t il I cou ld ba r elybr ea th e. “ A r e y ou don e y et?”

“ You ’r e doin g it ! Stop! Oka y ! You w in !!” I cou ldn ’t ta kea n y m or e.

He stopped a n d m ov ed m y h a ir off m y fa ce a s h e h ov er ed,“ Fr om n ow on y ou ’r e a n obedien t old la dy u n less w e’r e a lon e.Sm a ck m e a g a in a r ou n d th e g u y s a n d I’m g oin g to spa n k

y ou r ba r e a ss r ig h t in fr on t of th em . Got it?”

“ Good lu ck w ith th a t .” I scr ea m ed beca u se h e sta r tedt icklin g m e a g a in . “ Oka y !! Fin e!!! Ju st stop!”

He stopped a n d r a n h is la r g e w a r m h a n d u p m y th ig h a n du n der th e ba ck of m y sh or ts. Th ose lig h t g r een ey es h eldm in e, “ A s m u ch a s I w a n t y ou r ig h t n ow , I’m g oin g to en joysedu cin g th ese cloth es off y ou .”

I su n k m y fin g er s in to th a t bea r d I’m oddly a ddicted to n ow .“ You sh ou ld kn ow m y la st ex per ien ce w ith a m a n w a s n ot ag ood on e. I like y ou , bu t I don ’t kn ow y ou w ell en ou g h to fa ll soea sily for y ou r sedu ct ion s.”

“ You don ’t h a v e to fa ll ea sy , a s lon g a s y ou fa ll. Wh a th a ppen ed to y ou Red? Wh a t did th a t ba sta r d do to y ou ?” Hea sked a s I en joy ed fin g er com bin g h is bea r d.

I took a stea dy in g br ea th , “ He g ot h y ped u p on cr a ck, t iedm e u p a n d fu cked a w h or e in fr on t of m e befor e h oldin g akn ife to m y th r oa t for th r ee h ou r s. Th en h e r a ped m e in th ew or st possible w a y . I r a n to Sa lin a w h en h e pa ssed ou t . Slidera n sw er ed th e door . Th e sh ith ea d h a sn ’t been seen sin ce.”

He lifted u p r a isin g h is ey ebr ow s, “ He didn ’t w r ite to m ea bou t th a t .”

“ Wh y w ou ld h e?”

“ Slider w r ote to m e th e w h ole t im e I w a s in th e ser v ice. Forth e la st th r ee y ea r s h e’s w r it ten on a n d off a bou t y ou . Hen ev er sa id a n y th in g .”

“ It ’s n ot ex a ct ly a h a ppy stor y .”

He set h is for eh ea d on m in e. “ I’m sor r y ba by . I’ll n ev er h u r t

y ou like th a t , n ot ev en close.”

I let ou t a br ea th I didn ’t kn ow I w a s h oldin g . “ I kn ow . I ca nsee in y ou r ey es th a t y ou ’r e n ot a m on ster .”

“ I a lw a y s looked for w a r d to r ea din g w h a t Slider w r ote a bou ty ou . I w on ’t let a n y th in g or a n y on e h u r t y ou ev er a g a in , Ipr om ise.”

“ Som eh ow I believ e y ou .” I r ea ch ed a r ou n d a n d pu lled th eh is h a ir fr ee fr om th e pon y ta il.

“ Good. Do y ou believ e in lov e?”

“ I su ppose.” I pla y ed w ith h is h a ir th a t fa lls n icely ov er h issh ou lder n ow .

“ If I told y ou I lov e y ou , w ou ld y ou th in k I w a s sa y in g it ju stto g et in y ou r pa n ts?”

I la u g h ed beca u se it sou n ded r idicu lou s. “ No. For som er ea son I don ’t th in k y ou ’d be th e ty pe of g u y to th r ow th a tw or d a r ou n d ju st to g et la id.”

“ You ’r e r ig h t , I don ’t . I’v e n ev er told a w om a n I lov e h er . Ilov e y ou Ca r ly . Don ’t a sk m e w h y , or h ow I lov e y ou a lr ea dy ,ju st kn ow th a t I do, a n d I’d do a n y th in g for y ou .” Hea dm itted.

“ You r ea lly lov e m e?” I stopped pla y in g w ith h is h a ir a n dfocu sed on h is ey es.

“ Yes.” He w a s ser iou s n ow .

I blin ked a cou ple t im es. “ I don ’t kn ow w h a t to sa y .”

“ Wa n t to m a ke ou t like h or n y teen a g er s?” He low er ed h ish ea d a n d kissed m y n eck.

I la u g h ed h u g g in g h im , “ Oka y , bu t n o h u m pin g m y leg .”

He pr oceeded to kiss a n d tou ch m e sw eet ly for a lon g t im e. Ifou n d m y self clin g in g to th is m a n w h o w a s a ll bu t a str a n g era n d y et I cou ldn ’t g et en ou g h of h im . He’s m a kin g m e feelsa fe, a n d lov ed. Lov e. I’v e n ev er lov ed a n y on e. His a dm issionca u g h t m e off g u a r d. Men don ’t sa y th ey lov e y ou lig h t ly , ifth ey do, it ’s u su a lly ju st to g et in y ou r pa n ts.

Joe h a d a ll bu t m a r r ied m e in th e ey es of th e clu b, a n dton ig h t h e sa id h e lov ed m e, a n d pr om ised to pr otect m e fr oma n y a n d a ll pa in . I’m n ot su r e h ow to h a n dle th is. It m a kes m elike h im a lit t le m or e th a n I sh ou ld for a m a n I ju st m et .

He fin a lly slow ed h is w on der fu l a t ten t ion a n d r olled on toh is ba ck, “ Oka y , th a t ’s a ll I ca n ta ke. You ’r e ju st to da m nta sty .”

I la u g h ed a n d r olled ov er to cu r l u p in h is a r m pit a n d tou chh is stom a ch . “ Now w h a t a m I su pposed to do? I don ’t h a v e ajob th a n ks to y ou .”

“ Go look a t som e h ou ses tom or r ow . Wh en y ou fin d th e on ey ou w a n t , ca ll m e. I’ll ta ke ca r e of th e r est .” He h u g g ed m e. “ In eed a cold sh ow er .”

“ Go a h ea d. I n eed som e m or e t im e to let th is a ll set in befor eI’m r ea dy for for m or e th a n th is r ig h t h er e.”

“ I kn ow .” He sa t u p pu llin g h is sh ir t off. “ Do m e a fa v or a n dw a sh th ese cloth es so I don ’t h a v e to pu t dir ty sh it ontom or r ow u n til y ou ta ke m e sh oppin g .” He u n dr essedcom pletely .

I th ou g h t a bou t n ot lookin g , bu t h ey , h e’s th e on e w h o’su n dr essin g . I en joy ed th e v iew a s pa y m en t for bein g h is

la u n dr y m a id. “ Wh y don ’t y ou h a v e a n y cloth es?”

“ Th e on es I w en t in to th e ser v ice w ea r in g don ’t fit a n y m or e.Sh oppin g is n ot m y idea of fu n . I pu t it off. I’v e been infa t ig u es for so lon g I w ou ldn ’t kn ow w h er e to sta r t .” Hew a lked h is g lor iou sly n a ked bu tt in to m y ba th r oom . I g ot ag r ea t v iew of h is per fect bu tt .

I g a th er ed h is tr a il of cloth es a n d h a d a n oddly dom est icfeelin g pickin g u p a fter h im . I g et th e feelin g I’lll be pickin gu p a fter h im for a lon g t im e. It m a de m e la u g h . I sn iffed h isdir ty cloth es befor e pu tt in g w a sh a bles in th e w a sh er a n dh itt in g th e lea th er stu ff w ith a da m p w a sh cloth follow ed by adr y on e so it didn ’t lea v e spots. I don ’t kn ow a n y oth er w a y toclea n lea th er .

Th e cloth es defin itely n eeded w a sh in g , bu t I don ’tr em em ber h im st in kin g . Ma y be I’m too distr a cted by th oseey es a n d th a t cr a zy fu n bea r d. Th er e’s som eth in g a bou t th a tbea r d I ju st ca n ’t h elp pla y in g w ith . I lov e ta n g lin g it in m yfin g er s. Gr a bbin g it to pu ll h im in for a kiss is ju st pla in fu n .

I ch a n g ed in to com fy sw ea ts w h ile h e sh ow er ed a n d tu r n edon th e TV to distr a ct m y self fr om w a n tin g to g o in th eba th r oom a n d ta ke a peek. He r ea lly is n ice to look a t .

He sh u t th e sh ow er off a n d ca m e ou t w ith th a t tow el a r ou n dh is w a ist a g a in . “ Th a t didn ’t h elp, bu t th ose u g ly sw ea tsm ig h t .”

I la u g h ed, “ Th a t w a s th e idea .”

He th r ew th e cov er s ba ck, ditch ed th e tow el a n d clim bed in .“ Get u n der h er e.”

I fu m bled th e cov er s a n d fou n d m y w a y u n der n ea th ,

“ Beh a v e.”

“ Oh h u sh .” He pu lled m e ov er a n d r ested h is h ea d on m ysh ou lder .

I h eld h is h a n d on m y stom a ch . “ A r e y ou a lw a y s th isbossy ?”

“ Yes. Wh a t a r e y ou w a tch in g ?” He n ot iced th e TV .

“ I h a v e n o idea .” I r ea ch ed for th e r em ote a n d tu r n ed it off.Joe sn or ed lig h t ly w ith in m in u tes a s I pla y ed w ith h is h a ir .

3

Th e n ex t m or n in g I w oke u p w h en h e sta r ted kissin g m e. A tfir st h e w a s g en t le, th en h e g ot a lit t le br a v e. I sta r ted tow on der if h e w a s r ea lly a w a ke w h en h is h a n ds boldly fou n dm e a n d tou ch ed. I bit h is ja w .

He su dden ly lifted u p, “ Sh it . Sor r y .”

“ You w er e a sleep.” I a ccu sed h im .

“ I w a s.” He m ov ed h is fin g er s, “ Wh oops.”

I la u g h ed a n d g r a bbed h is bea r d like th a t lea sh h e a ccu sesm e of u sin g it for to g et a kiss. He con tin u ed to tou ch a n dqu ickly br ou g h t m e ov er th e best clim a x I’v e ev er h a d. Ia r ch ed a n d m a de som e w eir d n oise in ou r kiss m a kin g h impu ll u p.

“ You oka y ?”

I la u g h ed likin g th e con cer n in th ose sex y g r een ey es. “ Youcou ld sa y th a t .” I r ea ch ed dow n a n d pu lled h is h a n d fr ee.“ Th a t ’s en ou g h .”

He bit m y low er lip g en t ly a n d g r oa n ed. “ A lr ig h t , g et u p.”

“ I ca n ’t , y ou ’r e la y in g on top of m e.”

He r olled on to h is ba ck. “ Ru n w om a n .” He w a r n ed m a kin gm e la u g h a n d r u n . I sh ow er ed a n d g ot dr essed to fin d h im alit t le w h ile la ter m a kin g eg g s on th e stov e.

“ Sm ells g ood.” I pou r ed som e or a n g e ju ice.

“ Th e dea ler open s a t ten . I fou n d som e h ou ses on lin e I w a n ty ou to look a t a fter w a r ds.” He told m e.

“ You ser iou sly w a n t m e to bu y a h ou se?”

“ Yes.” He tu r n ed a r ou n d a n d cu pped m y fa ce to set th oseey es on m e. “ You ’r e n ot a ba r ten der a n y m or e, y ou ’r e m y oldla dy . Set u s u p so I ca n focu s on th e clu b.”

I sw a llow ed, “ I h a v e n o idea w h a t I’m doin g .”

“ You ’r e a sm a r t g ir l, fig u r e it ou t . Ca ll Sa lin a if y ou n eedh elp.” He let g o a n d r ea ch ed in to h is ba ck pocket , “ Spea kin g ofw h ich , h er e.”

I took th e fa n cy n ew ph on e. “ Wh a t ’s th is for ?”

“ You n eed a secu r e lin e w h en dea lin g w ith clu b bu sin ess. Ipu t th e n u m ber s y ou ’ll n eed in it a lr ea dy .” He tu r n ed ba ck toth e eg g s a n d pu t th em on a pla te.

I looked a t th e ph on e. “ Nice.”

“ You w a n t som e of th is?” He a sked a ll bu t pu sh in g a for kfu lin m y m ou th .

I took th e bite. “ Su r e.” I lov e eg g s.

He con tin u ed feedin g m e in betw een sh ov elin g eg g s in h isfa ce for th e n ex t few m in u tes. He’s a v er y str a n g e m a n . I’msta r t in g to like h im a lit t le m or e beca u se h is bossy a tt itu dea m u ses m e.

Sh oppin g w ith Joe is a n ig h tm a r e. He m a de m e pickev er y th in g ou t a n d r efu sed to tr y a n y th in g on . I fin a lly g otfr u str a ted a n d ju st piled a bu n ch of sh it u p on th e cou n tera n d h eld m y h a n d ou t for m on ey . He h a n ded m e h is cr editca r d a n d didn ’t ev en look a t th e bill.

He took m e ba ck to m y a pa r tm en t bu ildin g , a fter stoppin ga t th e ba r for m y pu r se, lookin g a n n oy ed a fter th e w h ole

ex per ien ce.

It m a de m e g ig g le. “ You ’r e kin d of cu te w h en y ou ’r eflu ster ed.”

He stom ped h is foot pla y fu lly a t m e m a kin g m e r u n to th edoor .

I u n locked th e door dr oppin g ba g s of h is n ew cloth es in h ispa th . “ Stop!”

He picked u p th e ba g s a n d tossed th em a side. “ I’v e g ot a bou tten m in u tes to pu n ish y ou .”

I ba cked u p to th e kitch en , “ You better n ot h it m e.” I scoldedkn ow in g h e w ou ldn ’t . His ey es told m e h e w a n ted som eth in gelse.

“ You kn ow better , a lth ou g h a g ood spa n kin g m ig h t kn ocky ou dow n a n otch .”

I g r a bbed h is bea r d w h en h e g ot close. “ You don ’t w a n t to doth a t . You like it w h en I g et on y ou r n er v es.”

“ I lov e it .” He kissed m e u n til m y toes t in g led befor er ig h t in g h im self. “ I’ll be on a job u n til six . Fin d u s a h ou se,keep it m odest .”

“ You a r e so w eir d.” I g r ipped h is ja cket a t th e zipper s.

“ A n d y ou ’r e bea u tifu l.” He r a n h is fin g er dow n m y n eckin to m y clea v a g e a n d sn u ck a peek.

I sw a tted h is h a n d a w a y , “ Go to w or k.”

“ Bu y a h ou se.” He low er ed h is h ea d to m y ea r . “ I lov e y ou ,be ca r efu l.”

Befor e th a t cou ld r eg ister h e w a s ou t th e door a n d I w a s

w a tch in g h im r ide off a r ou n d th e cor n er th r ou g h th ew in dow . “ Weir d. Th e m a n is ju st w eir d.” I la u g h ed a n d ca lledth e r ea l esta te a g en t on th e com pu ter h e’d left u p on th escr een fr om th is m or n in g .

I looked a t six h ou ses a n d took pictu r es to sh ow Joe la ter . Itw a s a lm ost eig h t a t n ig h t befor e I g ot ba ck to m y a pa r tm en t. Iw a s so t ir ed I didn ’t th in k to look for h is bike a s I u n locked m ydoor .

I ju m ped w h en I sa w h im sit t in g a t m y ta ble a s I tu r n ed th elig h t on . “ Geezu s. Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?!”

“ You ’r e la te, a n d y ou didn ’t a n sw er th e ph on e toda y .” He’sobv iou sly m a d.

I pu lled th e ph on e fr om m y pu r se. “ It ’s r ig h t h er e. If it r a n gI didn ’t fu ckin g h ea r it .” I g u ess I’m cr a n ky too. Lookin g a t a llth ose h ou ses w a s dr a in in g .

He h eld ou t h is h a n d, “ Giv e it h er e. Did y ou fin d a h ou se?”

“ I took a bu n ch of pictu r es.” I pu lled m y ca m er a ou t a n dth r ew it a t h im . It bou n ced off h is sh ou lder . “ I took pictu r es,y ou decide. I’m g oin g to ta ke a ba th .”

He ca u g h t m e a r ou n d th e w a ist a n d pu lled m e in to h is la p.“ Not y et .” He ta pped th e scr een on th e ph on e tu r n in g th er in g er on . “ It h elps if y ou tu r n th e da m n th in g on .”

“ Wh a tev er .” I pu lled h is h a ir fr ee beca u se I don ’t kn oww h a t else to do.

He h eld th e ca m er a u p a n d poked m e in th e stom a ch w ithit , “ Don ’t th r ow sh it a t m e.”

I m ov ed m y lips to h is ea r , “ A r e y ou g oin g to y ell a t m e a ll

n ig h t or kiss m e?”

He tu r n ed a n d kissed m e a lr ig h t . I w r a pped m y a r m sa r ou n d h im a n d felt th e str ess of th e da y m elt a w a y u n der h ish a n ds. He scooped m e u p a n d ca r r ied m e to th e cou ch w h er eh e br oke ou r kiss sett in g m e dow n .

He tu r n ed th e ca m er a on . “ Did y ou fin d on e y ou like?”

“ I don ’t kn ow .” I took m y sh oes off. “ I’m g oin g for w in e, doy ou w a n t som eth in g .”

“ I’ll ta ke a beer . Wh a t do y ou m ea n y ou don ’t kn ow ?”

I pou r ed w in e a n d fou n d a cold beer for h im . “ I don ’t kn owa n y th in g a bou t bu y in g h ou ses. You sh ou ld do th is, it ’s y ou rm on ey .”

He took th e beer lookin g a t th e pictu r es. “ Th ey a ll look th esa m e to m e.” He h a n ded m e th e ca m er a ba ck. “ Get w h a tev eron e y ou w a n t . I’ll ca ll th e r ea l-esta te a g en t in th e m or n in gw ith pa y m en t in str u ct ion s.”

“ I th in k I’d r a th er ten d ba r .” I com pla in ed feelin gcom pletely ou t of m y elem en t.

“ You ’ll liv e. On ce y ou g et th e h ou se don e y ou ca n sta r t aba r a t th e clu bh ou se.” He took h is boots off.

“ Wh a t?”

“ Th e g u y s w a n t a ba r a t th e clu bh ou se, y ou ca n r u n th a ton e if y ou ’r e bor ed. Sa lin a w ill h elp set y ou u p. Th er e’s a r u nth is w eeken d, so m a ke su r e y ou h a v e r idin g cloth es.”

“ Wh a t r u n ?” I sipped m y w in e.

“ It ’s for kids, som eth in g a bou t Ch r istm a s g ifts a n d sh it . I

don ’t kn ow , Sa lin a a r r a n g ed it a ll.”

“ Oh y ea h , I kn ow th a t on e. Cool. Usu a lly I ju st w a tch fr omth e ba r a s ev er y body r ides by .”

He sa t in th e cor n er of th e cou ch w ith h is a r m s a lon g th eba ck to look a t m e. “ I n eed y ou to a n sw er th e ph on e w h en Ica ll y ou .”

I sig h ed in fr u str a t ion , “ Th en tu r n th e da m n v olu m e u p onit !”

“ Ca r ly .” He sa id m y n a m e like I w a s th e on e bein g difficu lt .

“ Oh pipe dow n . I h a d a lon g da y doin g sh it I kn ow n oth in ga bou t a n d n ow y ou ’r e n a g g in g m e.” I stood u p. “ I’m g oin g tota ke a ba th , y ou sta y h er e a n d lea v e m e a lon e.” I set th eca m er a on h is leg , h e pu t it on th e ta ble a s I g ot u p.

“ Not a ch a n ce.” He sa id, bu t didn ’t g et u p a n d follow m e. A tlea st n ot u n t il I w a s ch in deep in bu bbles.

I looked u p a s h e stepped in to m y t in y ba th r oom a n d lea n eda g a in st th e cou n ter . “ You ’r e im possible.”

“ A n d y ou ’r e bea u tifu l. Wa s it th a t ba d sh oppin g for ah ou se?”

“ It w a s a w fu l. I don ’t kn ow w h a t to look for , a n d if I bu ysom e piece of cr a p y ou ’r e g oin g to g et m a d a t m e. It ’s m or epr essu r e th a n I’m u sed to. I felt tota lly a lon e.”

“ It ’s g ood for y ou . You n eed to lea r n to do sh it y ou ’r e n otu sed to. A g ood old la dy ta kes ca r e of th e dom est ic stu ff h er oldm a n doesn ’t h a v e t im e to dea l w ith .” He in for m ed m e.

“ I’ll m a n a g e, it ’s ju st fr u str a t in g . Th en to com e h om e a n dh a v e y ou a ll ben t ou t of sh a pe ov er th e da m n ph on e. Th a t , I

cou ld h a v e don e w ith ou t .”

“ You ’ll g et u sed m e soon en ou g h . A r e y ou don e bitch in g ?”

“ I a m n ow .” I stu ck m y ton g u e ou t a t h im .

“ Good. Hu r r y u p, y ou ’r e n ot th e on ly on e th a t h a d a lon gda y .”

I spla sh ed h im w ith w a ter a n d bu bbles, “ Get ou t of h er e.”

He stepped tow a r ds m e a n d r ig h t in to th e tu b displa cin gm ost of th e w a ter a n d su ds a s h e br ou g h t h is big body dow non top of m in e cloth es a n d a ll.

“ Da m m it Joe! You ’r e m a kin g a m ess!”

“ Wh o ca r es.” He looked dow n , “ Th e v iew is better n ow .”

I g r a bbed h is bea r d lift in g h is fa ce ba ck u p a n d fou n d h isey es a lm ost pla y fu l. “ Wh a t a m I su pposed to do w ith y ou ?”

“ It ’s a lon g list , y ou m ig h t n eed to w r ite th is dow n .”

I la u g h ed a n d dr ov e m y fin g er s in to h is h a ir a s I pu lled h imdow n for a kiss. It didn ’t la st lon g beca u se h e slipped a n den ded u p slidin g dow n a n d pu llin g m e on top of h im .“ Wh oops.” Wh en Joe sa y s ‘w h oops’ it ’s n ot h u m or , it ’s m or esa r ca st ic.

I la u g h ed la n din g on top of h im . “ You ’r e a m ess.”

“ I w a s.” He a g r eed.

“ Wa s?” I looked u p a n d beg a n pilin g w h a t bu bbles h a dsu r v iv ed on to h is bea r d.

He pu lled th em ou t a n d sm a sh ed th em in m y fa ce m a kin gm e spit a n d blow th em ba ck. “ Wa s. Now g et u p so I ca n g et ou t

of th ese w et cloth es.”

“ I ca n ’t believ e y ou did th a t .” I’m st ill la u g h in g .

“ You better g et u p.” He w a r n ed m e w ith w a n der in g h a n ds.

“ I ca n ’t , I’m stu ck.” It w a s tr u e, th e on ly w a y for m e to g etu p w a s to kn ee h im in th e th ig h .

He sh ifted a n d ea sily stood ta kin g m e w ith h im . He set m eon m y feet in th e tu b a n d lifted m y ch in . “ I n eed y ou to w a shth ose cloth es y ou bou g h t m e toda y .”

“ Oka y , bu t y ou h a v e to g et ou t of h er e.” I sn a g g ed m y tow elto cov er m y self.

“ Don ’t both er h idin g fr om m e.” He pu lled th e tow el a w a ya n d sn u ck a peek befor e I cou ld sw a t h im a w a y .

“ Get ou t of h er e! A n d don ’t lea v e th ose w et cloth es on th eca r pet .”

He u n dr essed, g r a bbed a n oth er tow el, a n d left th eba th r oom .

I r olled m y ey es a n d pu t m y h a n d ov er m y fa ce. “ He’s w or seth a n a teen a g er lea v in g da m n cloth es a ll ov er th e floor .” Ih a d to la u g h th ou g h .

I fou n d m y com fy sw ea ts a n d sta r ted la u n dr y w h ile h eflipped ch a n n els fr om th e cou ch . It ’s too la te n ow to r ea llycook a n y th in g so I m a de a cou ple sa n dw ich es th en sa t dow nn ex t to h im h a n din g h im on e.

“ Th a n ks ba be.” He a te it in a bou t fou r bites.

“ Geeze, h u n g r y ?”

“ Not r ea lly .” He’d fou n d som e ba seba ll g a m e to focu s on .

I fin ish ed m y sa n dw ich a few m in u tes la ter a n d n ot iced th eca m er a w a s n ex t to h im on th e ta ble. “ Ca n y ou h a n d m eth a t? I w a n t to look a n d see if I ca n fig u r e ou t w h ich on e tog et .”

He tu r n ed to m e, “ Com e g et it .”

I la u g h ed, “ No, y ou ’r e too distr a ct in g .” I h eld m y h a n d ou tim pa tien t ly , “ Ju st g iv e m e th e ca m er a so I ca n g et th is ov erw ith .” I beg g ed.

“ Spoilspor t .”

He left th e n ex t m or n in g a r ou n d ten , so th a t ’s w h en I ca lledth e r ea l esta te la dy . I w a n ted to look a t tw o h ou ses on e m or et im e befor e I decided, th en I ch ose th e on e I liked a n d told h er .Sh e sa id to w a it for m y ca ll, a n d a s soon a s ev er y th in g clea r edsh e’d h a n d m e th e key s a n d w e w er e g ood to g o.

I w en t to th e clu b to fin d Joe beca u se I h a d g ood n ew s, a n dn oth in g else to do. Th e g u y s open ed th e big g a te for m e r ig h ta w a y , I a sked w h er e to pa r k, a n d sa t in m y tr u ck for am in u te befor e g ett in g ou t . I’v e on ly been h er e th e on e t im ew ith Joe so I n eeded a m in u te to br ea th e, fin d som e str en g th .

Wh en I w a s a ssa u lted a r ou n d tw o y ea r s a g o I r a n to Slidera n d Sa lin a ’s h ou se beca u se ev er y body kn ow s Sa lin a is th equ een of pa r t ies, so ev er y body kn ow s w h er e th ey liv e.

I’m su r e I’m sa fe h er e, bu t I’m st ill n er v ou s a s h ell bein gh er e a lon e. I’v e been in v ited to Slider a n d Sa lin a ’s for th eirpa r t ies, a n d m a n a g ed to m a ke it to on e cookou t , bu t oth er w iseh er pa r t ies h a v e been w h ile I’m w or kin g , so I r ea lly don ’tkn ow th ese g u y s ou tside m y en v ir on m en t a t th e ba r .

I looked a r ou n d ch eckin g ev er y body a n d ev er y th in g ou t .

Men w or ked on m otor cy cles in th e g a r a g es, v a r iou sw a r eh ou ses w er e closed u p, a n d th e a ctu a l clu bh ou se seem eddea d. Biker s a r e n octu r n a l, so th er e’s pr oba bly n ot m a n y h er eth is ea r ly .

I open ed m y door w h en I sa w Sa lin a step ou t of h er officea n d h ea d m y dir ect ion . Rig h t a bou t th en a scr ea m in g lit t leblon de w ith tor n cloth es a n d tea r s r u n n in g dow n h er ov erm a de-u p fa ce ca m e ba r r elin g tow a r ds m e scr ea m in g “ Ra pe!He’s tr y in g to r a pe m e!”

I ca u g h t h er a r m befor e sh e cou ld g et in m y tr u ck. “ Wh oa !Wh a t th e h ell? Wh o’s tr y in g to r a pe y ou ?”

Sh e poin ted beh in d m e, “ Him !”

I tu r n ed a n d sa w Gu n n er w a lkin g like a m a n on a m issiontow a r ds u s. “ I sin cer ely dou bt th a t .” Gu n n er ’s a n u t , bu t h e’sn o r a pist .

“ He h it m e!” Sh e plea ded.

“ Now I kn ow y ou ’r e ly in g .”

Gu n n er g r a bbed h er a r m a n d sw u n g h er to th e g r ou n da fter pu llin g som eth in g ou t of th e ba ck of h er skir t . “ Stu pidbitch .”

“ Wh a t h a ppen ed?” I a sked h im .

He h eld u p a w a llet , “ Bitch blew m e th en tr ied to distr a ctm e to g et m y w a llet .”

I la u g h ed a lit t le. “ Th a t w a s stu pid.”

Sa lin a w a lked u p, g r a bbed th e g ir l by th e a r m a n d sh ov edh er tow a r ds th e g a te. “ Get ou t y ou stu pid w h or e. Don ’t ev ersh ow y ou r fu cked u p fa ce h er e a g a in or I’ll kill y ou m y self.”

Sh e th r ea ten ed.

Gu n n er a n d I w a tch ed a s Sa lin a r ou g h ly sh ov ed th e g ir lth r ou g h th e g a te m a kin g h er stu m ble a n d fa ll.

I looked a t Gu n n er , “ Rem in d m e n ot to piss h er off.”

“ Sh it , th a t ’s n oth in g . Th ese da m n w h or es a r e g ett in g ou t ofcon tr ol.” He com pla in ed tu r n in g h is a t ten t ion to m e n ow ,“ Wh a t ev er h a ppen ed to th e old da y s w h en w h or es w er en ’tth iev es a n d lia r s?”

“ You ’r e a skin g m e?” I la u g h ed.

“ We n eed som ebody to ta ke con tr ol of th ese bitch es. Th is isth e secon d t im e th is w eek on e of th em h a s tr ied stea lin g .”

“ Rea lly ? You g u y s don ’t h a v e som ebody to keep ta bs onth em ?”

“ No, Slider h a tes it w h en Sa lin a h a s to step in , a n d n obodyelse w a n ts to dea l w ith it .” He ex pla in ed lookin g ov er m ysh ou lder , “ Her e com es y ou r old m a n .”

I tu r n ed, “ He r ea lly is big isn ’t h e?”

“ Ru n s in th e fa m ily . See y a la ter Red.” He left a s Sa lin a a n dJoe ca u g h t u p to m e fr om differ en t sides.

“ Wh a t w a s th a t a ll a bou t?” He a sked lookin g a t m e.

“ I g u ess y ou g u y s h a v e th iev in g w h or es in th e m idst .”

Sa lin a set h er h a n d on m y low er ba ck, “ Wh en y ou ’r e don eh er e, com e see m e in m y office.” Sh e pa tted Joe’s a r m a n d left .Sh e h a s a v er y con fiden t w a lk. I’v e a lw a y s en v ied h er sty le.

I looked u p a t Joe, “ I picked a h ou se, sh e’s r u sh in g th epa per w or k th ou g h n ow .”

He ben t dow n a n d kissed m e solid, “ Good g ir l.” He pu lled h isw a llet ou t a n d h a n ded m e a cr edit ca r d, “ Use th is to bu yfu r n itu r e a n d sh it . A g a in , keep it m odest , bu t g et w h a tev ery ou n eed.”

I took th e ca r d, “ Do sh oes cou n t?” I tea sed.

“ Get w h a tev er y ou w a n t .” He sou n ded a n n oy ed.

“ I th ou g h t y ou ’d be h a ppy .”

“ I don ’t like m y w ife bein g a m bu sh ed by a w h or e w h en sh ecom es to see m e.” He pu t h is a r m a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s a n dled m e to th e sh a de closer to Sa lin a ’s office.

“ I’ll ta lk to Sa lin a a n d see w h a t ’s g oin g on th er e. How lon gdo y ou n eed to sta y h er e toda y ?”

“ We h a v e a job in a bou t a n d h ou r , sh ou ldn ’t ta ke lon g .Don ’t for g et th e r idin g cloth es for th e kids r u n th is w eeken d.”He r em in ded m e.

“ Like w h a t?” I’v e been w ea r in g , or ca r r y in g , jea n s perSa lin a ’s su g g est ion sin ce h e m a de m e h is old la dy .

“ A sk th e Ha r ley dea ler . Get a n ice sex y lea th er ja cket ,m a ke su r e it ’s bla ck.” He slow ly ba cked m e to th e w a ll.

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?” I pu t m y h a n ds on h is w a ist .

He m ov ed m y h a ir a n d r a n th e ba ck of h is h a n ds dow n ov erth e g ir ls. “ Gett in g a fix befor e I h a v e to focu s on w or k.”

Th is m a de m e la u g h beca u se h e h a d a cer ta in desper a t ionin h is ey es. “ Rig h t h er e in fr on t of ev er y on e?”

“ A bsolu tely .” He dov e in a n d kissed m e lon g a n d h a r d a s h ish a n ds m em or ized m y body .

I w h im per ed w h en h e g r a bbed m y th ig h s to w r a p m y leg sa r ou n d h im a s h e set m y ba ck a g a in st th e w a ll to pr ess h isbody to m in e. By th e t im e h e let m e g o I w a s su r e h e w a sr ea dy to ta ke m e r ig h t u p a g a in st th is w a ll.

He u n w r a pped m y leg s a n d set m e dow n a s h e stoodu pr ig h t . “ Th a t w ill do for n ow .”

“ I th in k I for g ot m y n a m e.” I tea sed tou ch in g m y lipa bsen t ly .

“ Go ta lk to Sa lin a . Wa it .” He pu lled a set of key s fr om h ispocket . “ Ta ke th is, lea v e th e g u y s y ou r tr u ck.”

“ Wh y ?” I took th e key s beca u se I ca u g h t th e Mer cedes keyfob a n d g ot cu r iou s.

“ Beca u se it ’s sa fer th a n th a t piece of sh it tr u ck. Th e g u y sw ill fix it u p for y ou to sell it , or pa r t it ou t . You decide.”

“ Rea lly ? You ’r e g iv in g m e a ca r ?”

“ Yes. I ca n ’t h a v e m y w ife br ea kin g dow n on th e side of th er oa d, m a kes m e look like a lou sy old m a n .” He told m er u n n in g h is th u m b ov er m y ja w a g a in .

“ Be ca r efu l w h en y ou g o ou t .” I told h im beca u se h e lookslike h e’s g ett in g r ea dy to lea v e.

He kissed m y ch eek, “ See y ou a bit .” He tu r n ed a n d w a lkedtow a r ds th e g a r a g e. Nice bu tt . Th a t th ou g h t m a de m e la u g h .He r ea lly is g or g eou s. I g u ess if I’m g oin g to be kidn a pped a n dm a de a n old la dy it m ig h t a s w ell be by th e big g est , sex iestm a n on th e pla n et . He’s g oin g to be a h a n dfu l to liv e w ith , Ig u ess I better g et u sed to it .

I tu r n ed a n d w en t in to Sa lin a ’s office. “ Hey .” I jin g led th e

n ew key s. “ Wa n t to g o sh oppin g a n d g et lu n ch in m y n ewca r ?”

“ Hell y es.” Sh e g ot u p g r a bbin g h er pu r se. “ Wh a t a r e w esh oppin g for ?”

“ Ev er y th in g .”

A s w e w a lked a r ou n d th e m a ll w e ta lked a bou t th e pr oblemw ith th e g ir ls, or w h or es if y ou ca n stom a ch th a t w or d. Ipr efer g ir ls, sh e seem s to a g r ee.

“ So, th ey ju st sh ow u p r a n dom ly ?”

“ Yea h . Th e la st g ir l th a t tr ied to or g a n ize th em took off w itha pr ospect a fter g ett in g kn ocked u p.”

“ Geeze. I w on der if Joe w ou ld th r ow a fit if I stepped in a n dm a n a g ed th is. Gett in g a m bu sh ed like th a t in th e pa r kin g lotis u n cool. Besides, it ’s n ot r ig h t for th e g u y s to be a ccu sed ofr a pe.” I com pla in ed.

“ A sk h im . It w ou ld be n ice to h a v e th a t situ a t ion u n dercon tr ol.” Sh e picked u p a sta ck of tow els for th e a lr ea dyov er flow in g ca r t . “ I’m g oin g to ca ll pr ospects a n d h a v e th emcom e g et som e of th is. Th er e’s n o w a y w e’r e g ett in g it a ll inth e ca r .”

“ Good idea . Is th er e a pla ce to sta sh th is stu ff u n t il I g et th eh ou se key s?”

“ Yu p.” Sh e pu lled h er ph on e ou t a n d ex per t ly in str u cted apr ospect to do ex a ct ly th a t . I like h er a bility to sou n d fir m y etcoa t it w ith en ou g h su g a r to m a ke y ou w a n t to do w h a tev ersh e w a n ts.

Joe ca lled m e a r ou n d din n er t im e a s w e w r a pped u p ou r

spen din g spr ee a t Cr a te & Ba r r el. “ Hey .” I a n sw er ed.

“ Wh er e a r e y ou ?” He a sked in th a t dem a n din g , a n n oy edton e h e a lw a y s h a s.

“ Fin ish in g u p a t th e kitch en stor e. Wh a t do y ou w a n t fordin n er ?”

“ Food. Com e to th e clu bh ou se fir st .” He a ll bu t or der ed. Th isis ju st Joe’s w a y . I don ’t th in k h e kn ow s h ow to com m u n ica tew ith ou t sou n din g like h e’s ba r kin g or der s.

“ Yes Dea r . I h a v e to a n y w a y , Sa lin a ’s w ith m e. Nice ca r byth e w a y .”

“ Hu r r y u p, I n eed m y fix .” Mea n in g m e.

“ You ’r e a n u t .” I la u g h ed.

“ You h a v e n o idea . Com e str a ig h t h er e w h en y ou ’r e don e,w e’ll fig u r e ou t food la ter .”

“ Oka y , sh ou ld be a bou t h a lf a n h ou r a t th e m ost .”

“ Fin e. Lov e y ou .” He h u n g u p w h ile I str u g g led for ar espon se.

I looked a t m y ph on e like it w a s lookin g ba ck.

Sa lin a a sked, “ Wh a t?”

“ He keeps tellin g m e h e lov es m e a n d th en n ot w a it in g form e to r espon d, n ot th a t I kn ow h ow to.”

“ Th a t ’s pr oba bly w h y h e doesn ’t w a it .” Sh e la u g h ed. “ Her ea lly sa id th a t a lr ea dy ?”

“ Yea h , a lm ost r ig h t a w a y . I’m n ot su r e w h a t to sa y . I’v ekn ow n h im for fiv e m in u tes.”

“ Slider a n d I h a v en ’t seen h im sin ce h e w a s eig h teen a n dw en t in to th e ser v ice, th a t w a s n in e y ea r s a g o. He w a s a bigt im e tr ou ble m a ker ba ck in th e da y . I th in k th a t ’s w h y Slidera n d h is da d a ll bu t for ced h im to g o in to th e Ma r in es.”

“ Rea lly ? Wow . Wa it , th a t m a kes h im tw en ty -sev en .” I don ’tkn ow w h y I didn ’t th in k to a sk h im befor e. He looks y ou n g insom e w a y s, bu t m a tu r e in oth er s. Like h e’s seen a lot m or eth a n m ost people tw ice h is a g e.

Sh e picked u p ba g s n ow th a t I’v e sig n ed th e r eceipt .“ Th er e’s som e big a g e differ en ces betw een Bu ll’s kids. Sh ir leya lw a y s th r ea ten s to div or ce h im for h is in discr et ion s, bu t w ea ll kn ow better .”

“ How old is Slider ?”

“ Fifty . Bu ll sta r ted y ou n g w ith Sh ir ley . Joe a n d Slider h a v ediffer en t m oth er s ev en th ou g h th ey w er e r a ised by Slider ’sm oth er , Sh ir ley . Bu ll liked to sleep w ith ev er y w om a n w h ow ig g led h er bu tt in fr on t of h im , th er e’s a few illeg it im a tekids floa t in g a r ou n d. Joe’s m om died in ch ildbir th so Bu lla sked Sh ir ley to ta ke h im in .” Sh e ex pla in ed on th e w a y toth e ca r .

“ Da n g . I bet sh e lov ed th a t .”

“ A ctu a lly sh e tr ea ted h im like h e w a s h er ow n . I a sked h era bou t it on ce, sh e sa id it w a sn ’t th e ch ild’s fa u lt h is fa th ercou ldn ’t keep it in h is pa n ts. You w ou ld h a v e n ev er kn ow nSh ir ley w a sn ’t Joe’s m oth er , a lth ou g h I w on der som etim es ifth a t ’s n ot w h y Joe’s a lit t le off.”

We g ot in th e ca r , “ He kn ow s, r ig h t?”

“ Oh y ea h , th er e’s v er y few secr ets in th is fa m ily . Th e clu b

is fa m ily in ca se y ou h a v en ’t fig u r ed th a t ou t .” Sh e poin tedou t .

“ Yea h , th a t ’s pr etty ea sy to see. I’m ju st w r a ppin g m y h ea da r ou n d Joe’s m oth er dy in g in ch ildbir th , it ’s so sa d.”

“ I ca n ’t im a g in e h ow y ou feel bein g to a br u pt ly br ou g h tin to th is life a n d h is. I’m so u sed to it I ca n ’t im a g in e bein g aciv ilia n .” Sh e la u g h ed.

“ I sh ou ld be fr ea kin g ou t , bu t a ll h e h a s to do is look a t m e,or kiss m e, a n d I m elt like bu tter .”

“ Slider h a s th a t effect on m e too.”

“ Th en h e lea v es a tr a il of dir ty cloth es on th e floor a n d Iw a n t to th r ow som eth in g a t h im .” I joked.

Sh e la u g h ed, “ No dou bt .”

We h ea r d a son g w e both kn ew a n d cr a n ked it u p to sin g likeidiots on th e w a y ba ck to th e clu b. I th in k I h a v e a fr ien d forlife.

I pa r ked a n d Sa lin a g ot ou t to g et a pr ospect to u n loa d ou rspoils. Th r ee g u y s ju m ped u p to oblig e h er .

I la u g h ed, “ Th a t ’s a m a zin g .”

“ Pr ospects a r e g r ea t , en ter ta in in g a s h ell som etim es too.Th ey ’r e a lw a y s tr y in g to plea se to g et in to th e clu b, so th ey ’lldo a n y th in g , som etim es som e r ea lly cr a zy sh it .”

“ Nice. A r e y ou a m em ber ?” I don ’t kn ow w h y it didn ’t occu rto m e to a sk befor e.

“ No, th er e’s n ot too m a n y fem a le m em ber s. I like to th in k ofit a s w e’r e too sm a r t to be m em ber s. If y ou w a n ted to be a

m em ber y ou ’d h a v e to fin d a spon sor a n d pr ospect for a y ea r .Joe w ou ld n ev er a llow th a t , if for som e r ea son h e did, it w ou ldta ke a u n a n im ou s v ote by th e cou n cil, a n d Joe w ou ld block ita n y w a y h e cou ld I’m su r e.” Sh e ex pla in ed w h ile lig h t in g ajoin t a n d sh a r in g w ith m e.

“ Hm . Spea kin g of th e dev ils.” I sa w Joe a n d Slider h ea din gtow a r ds u s fr om th e g a r a g e.

“ I th in k w e sh ou ld ta lk to th em a bou t th e g ir ls. We n eed tor esolv e th is soon .” Sh e sa id a s th ey a ppr oa ch ed.

“ Good idea .” I lov e to w a tch Joe w a lk. He’s g ot th is pow er fu lpr esen ce th a t sa y s y ou ’d be stu pid to g et in h is w a y . Un lessy ou ’r e m e, th en y ou better sta y pu t . Joe’s str ide is lon gen ou g h th er e’s n o w a y I’d g et a w a y .

Slider pu t h is a r m a r ou n d Sa lin a ’s sh ou lder s a n d kissed h erch eek, “ Ha v e fu n ba by ?”

“ Yu p.” Th ey w a lked in side a h ea d of u s.

Joe cu pped m y fa ce a n d kissed m e to m y toes for a g oodm in u te befor e pu llin g u p a n d lookin g a t m e. “ Th e r ea l esta tea g en t dr opped off th e key s.”

“ Sh e w a s su pposed to ca ll m e.” I com pla in ed.

“ I ca lled h er . It h elps to g et th in g s don e fa ster w h en y ousca r e people.” He did th e a r m a r ou n d th e sh ou lder s th in g likeSlider h a d don e w ith Sa lin a a n d I g ot a w a r m sen se of bein g apa r t of th is la r g e fa m ily for th e fir st t im e. Don ’t a sk m e w h ysu ch a sim ple g estu r e br ou g h t th a t on .

On ce in side a pr ospect br ou g h t Sa lin a a n d I w in e a n d th eg u y s som e beer s. Most of th e cou n cil m em ber s a r e h a n g in gou t , pla y in g pool, a n d dr in kin g .

Sa lin a took a sip of h er w in e a n d looked a t Slider , “ I th in kw e sh ou ld let Red g et th e g ir ls or g a n ized. Ha v e h er fin d ar epla cem en t w h en it ’s t im e, bu t som ebody h a s to dea l w ithth is sh it .”

He looked a t Joe, “ It ’s u p to y ou Br o, sh e’s y ou r old la dy .”

Joe looked a t m e, “ You w a n t to do th is?”

I sh r u g g ed, “ Mig h t a s w ell.”

“ A s lon g a s it doesn ’t in ter fer e w ith w h a t I ex pect of y ou .”

“ I’ll do m y best .” I kept th e dir ty look I w a n ted to g iv e h imon th e in side a n d sipped m y w in e in stea d.

I th in k h e sa w th e h in t of a n n oy a n ce on m y fa ce bu tig n or ed it . “ Wh a t a r e y ou g oin g to do?”

“ Ca ll th em in for a m eet in g tom or r ow . Set som e g r ou n dr u les, m a ke su r e th ey h a v e a doctor sig n off on a clea n bill ofh ea lth , th a t kin d of sh it . I’ll pr oba bly h a v e to w r ite som e stu ffdow n la ter . Rig h t n ow I’m t ir ed fr om a ll th is sh oppin g .”

“ Fin ish y ou r w in e a n d w e’ll g o.” He h ooked h is fin g er u n derm y sh ir t on m y sh ou lder a n d pu lled it tow a r ds h im .

I looked a t h im a n d sa w th a t lu st in h is ey es h e g ets w h en h ew a n ts to kiss m e. “ Beh a v e.” I w h isper ed so on ly h e cou ld h ea ra n d pu lled m y sh ir t ba ck u p on to m y sh ou lder .

He m a de som e kin d of disa g r eea ble n oise in h is th r oa t befor efin ish in g h is beer a n d w a it in g m e ou t to fin ish m y w in e.

Ou t of h a bit I sta r ted for m y n ew ca r w h en w e left a fewm in u tes la ter .

Joe ca u g h t m y a r m , “ Lea v e it . You r ide w ith m e.”

“ Oh .” I g u ess it ’s g oin g to ta ke som e pr a ct ice befor e I g etu sed to th is.

He h elped m e on th e ba ck a n d r ode u s ba ck to m ya pa r tm en t for pr oba bly th e la st t im e.

On ce in side I qu ickly kicked ou t of m y sh oes a n d flopped onth e cou ch . “ I’m u sed to bein g on m y feet , bu t th a t w a s a lot ofw a lkin g .”

Joe ca m e ov er a n d qu ickly scooped m e u p.

“ Hey ! Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?” I w r a pped m y a r m s a r ou n d h isn eck.

He set m e on th e bed a n d r em ov ed h is ja cket a n d bootsbefor e cr a w lin g ov er m e w ith th ose sex filled ey es.

I took a h a n dfu l of th a t bea r d. “ Joe?”

“ Wh a t?” His h a n d is a lr ea dy u n der m y sh ir t a n d h ea din gu p.

“ Th is is m ov in g w a y too fa st , n ot to m en tion I’mex h a u sted.”

He sa t u p a lit t le a n d pu lled m y sh ir t off ov er m y h ea d.“ Good th in g for y ou I’m n ot .”

“ Ser iou sly Joe. I’v e kn ow n y ou less th a n a w eek.”

He r a n h is fin g er t ip ju st u n der th e edg e of th e la ce tr imth a t ’s m y br a . “ Wh a t do y ou w a n t to kn ow ?” He sett led on toh is elbow n ex t to m e st ill t r a cin g a n d en joy in g th e v iew .

“ I don ’t kn ow , Sa lin a told m e a bou t y ou r m om toda y . It ’sn ot th a t th ou g h . I’m n ot on e to ju m p in bed w ith a g u y a fterkn ow in g h im for th r ee da y s.”

“ I don ’t r em em ber y ou ju m pin g .” He poin ted ou t a n dsta r ted a fr esh fin g er tr a il dow n m y stom a ch .

“ You kn ow w h a t I m ea n .”

“ Hm .” He slid dow n a n d sta r ted kissin g m y stom a ch .

“ You ’r e n ot listen in g a r e y ou ?” I tu g g ed h is pon y ta il befor eta kin g it ou t .

“ I’m listen in g .” He u n fa sten ed m y jea n s.

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?” I pu sh ed h is h a n d a w a y bu t h e ju stw en t r ig h t for th e zipper .

“ Wish in g y ou ’d h u sh u p a n d r ela x .” He pu sh ed th e fa br ica side, “ Rea lly Ca r ly ? Pin k flow er s?”

“ Wh a t?” I la u g h ed a lit t le.

“ You h a v e on a bla ck la ce br a , a n d u n der w ea r w ith pin kflow er s.” He scolded.

“ So? I n eed to do la u n dr y .” I defen ded m y self.

He sa t u p a lit t le a g a in a n d ea sily pu lled both fa br ics clea noff.

I cr ossed m y leg s, “ Hey !!”

He w en t to h is kn ees, pu sh ed m y leg s a pa r t a n d pu lled m eby th e h ips to th e edg e of th e bed. I th ou g h t h e m ig h t w or k h isw a y to th e g ood stu ff slow ly , bu t I sh ou ld h a v e kn ow n better .He dov e in w ith n o m er cy .

“ Hoa sh it !!” I h ea r d m y self sa y a s h e fou n d th e fir st clim a x ,th en a n oth er , a n d a n oth er . I ba r ely n ot iced w h en h e r ea ch edu p a n d tor e m y best br a r ig h t dow n th e cen ter a n d g r a bbedtw o h a n dfu ls.

I felt m y body g iv e in to h im com pletely . For a split secon d Iw a s em ba r r a ssed a bou t bein g n a ked a n d m a kin g su ch n oises.Th en I for g ot m y sh y n ess a s h is m a g ic h a n ds con tin u ed tow or k th e str ess of th e da y fr om m y body a n d m in d.

Wh en h e fin a lly slid u p to h ov er ov er m e I cou ld ba r elybr ea th e a n d th e tr em blin g w a s u n con tr olla ble.

He looked m e in th e ey es a n d r a n th a t th u m b ov er m ych eek a g a in . “ You n eeded th a t .”

I la u g h ed, “ Not th a t y ou g a v e m e m u ch ch oice.”

“ If I left it u p to y ou y ou ’d st ill be str essed ou t .” He a r g u ed.

“ Wh a t a bou t y ou ?”

“ Wh a t a bou t m e?” He a sked con fu sed.

“ Don ’t y ou w a n t to, y ou kn ow , r ela x too?”

“ Wh en y ou ’r e r ea dy I’ll kn ow . Un til th en I’m g oin g to cr a w la ll ov er y ou so y ou ca n ’t h elp bu t g iv e in .” He sta r ted t icklin gm e.

I la u g h ed a n d g r a bbed h is ea r s so h e’d kiss m e a n d stopt icklin g . It w or ked. I fell a sleep sou n dly in h is a r m s a lit t lew h ile la ter .

4

Th e n ex t m or n in g h e w oke m e w ith th a t bea r d t icklin g m yn eck.

I sw a tted a t h im , “ Da m m it Joe.” He sh ou ld ju st ch a n g e h isn a m e fr om Joe to Da m m it Joe.

“ Wa ke u p bea u tifu l.” He or der ed. Sin ce h e follow ed it byca llin g m e bea u tifu l, I don ’t m in d.

“ No.” I tr ied to pu ll th e cov er s ov er m y h ea d bu t h e’d bea tm e to th em a n d a lr ea dy h a d a fir m g r ip. “ Ug h . You ’r e a nin su ffer a ble m or n in g per son !”

“ If y ou on ly kn ew .” He ta u n ted kissin g m y sh ou lder .

“ Ha h a . Wh y do I h a v e to g et u p?” I tr ied to r oll on to m ystom a ch a n d h ide bu t h e pu lled m e on to m y ba ck in stea d. Heh a d been spoon in g m e befor e th a t .

He sta r ted kissin g m y th r oa t a n d slow ly dr a w in g th ebla n ket dow n to keep h ea din g sou th .

I g r a bbed h is bea r d a n d pu lled h im to look a t m e, “ Qu it !”

“ Nev er .” He g en t ly bit m y ch in . “ Get u p or I’m g oin g toh a v e y ou for br ea kfa st .”

“ I ca n ’t g et u p, y ou ’r e la y in g on m e.” He h a d u sed h is leg tokeep m e fr om esca pin g w h en h e r olled m e ov er .

“ I g u ess y ou ’r e stu ck th en .” He fou n d a h a n dfu l a n d w okeu p th e g ir ls. “ A r e y ou on bir th con tr ol?”

I blin ked n ot su r e if I w a s h ea r in g h im r ig h t . “ Wh a t?”

“ You h ea r d m e.” His h a n d slid fu r th er sou th a n d stopped onm y stom a ch .

“ No, I w a sn ’t pla n n in g on g ett in g in v olv ed, a n d I don ’t likeu n n ecessa r y ch em ica ls in m y body .” I ex pla in ed g r a tefu l h ea sked.

“ Do y ou w a n t kids?” He’s m ov in g th a t h a n d fu r th er dow n .

“ Ma y be som eda y . Do y ou ?”

“ A bsolu tely . If y ou don ’t w a n t to g et kn ocked u p in th e n ex tcou ple w eeks y ou better g et on som eth in g .” He w a r n ed m e.

“ I don ’t h a v e h ea lth in su r a n ce.”

“ You don ’t n eed it . We h a v e a m em ber w h o’s a doctor . He’llh ook y ou u p.” He kissed m y n ose a n d tou ch ed m e so I g a sped alit t le. “ You g et fiv e m in u tes th en w e h a v e to g o. I h a v e am eet in g .”

“ I n eed m or e th a n fiv e m in u tes to g et r ea dy .”

“ Th a t ’s n ot w h a t I m ea n t y ou h a v e fiv e m in u tes for .” Heclosed in a n d kissed m e w h ile h is m a g ic fin g er s w a lked m er ig h t ov er tw ice.

I w a s clin g in g to h im w h en h e lifted u p, “ Oka y ba be. Getdr essed.”

I tou ch ed h is soft low er lip. “ You a r e a v er y str a n g e m a n .”

“ I’v e been ca lled w or se.” He r olled on to h is ba ck. “ Ru nw om a n , befor e I for g et y ou ’r e n ot r ea dy to be kn ocked u p.”

I esca ped for a sh ow er a n d clea n cloth es. I ca u g h t m y self inth e m ir r or a n d h a d to ta ke a dou ble ta ke. To a n y on e else Ipr oba bly looked th e sa m e. To m e, I look differ en t . Like a

w om a n w h o kn ew a secr et , a n d th a t secr et is th e w a y Joepla y s m y body like h is ow n per son a l g u ita r . He str u m s a n dtw ea ks u n t il I m a ke sou n ds I’v e n ev er h ea r d, a n d felt th in g s In ev er kn ew ex isted.

He’s m a kin g eg g s a g a in . “ I g u ess I sh ou ld sta r t m ov in g stu ffto th e n ew h ou se h u h ?”

“ I’ll h a v e pr ospects to do it . I w a n t y ou a t th e clu b w ith m etoda y , a n d tom or r ow is th e r u n .” He h a n ded m e a pla te.

“ Th a n ks. Wh a t do I do a ll da y a t th e clu b? Besides tr y tobr in g som e or der to th e g ir ls.” I a dded r em em ber in g th e g ir ls.

“ You ’ll fig u r e it ou t . Som eh ow a ll th e old la dies seem toh a v e sh it to do, h ell if I kn ow w h a t .”

I la u g h ed, “ I’m su r e Sa lin a w ill fill m e in .”

Sa lin a h elped m e r ou n d u p th e g ir ls in th e clu bh ou se a tn oon . Sh e sa t ba ck a n d let m e ta ke th e r eig n s beca u se sh ekn ew I m ig h t n eed th e ba cku p if th ey qu est ion ed m ya u th or ity , bu t didn ’t w a n t to be in v olv ed. Not th a t I h a v ea n y a u th or ity . I’m st ill n ot su r e if Joe is a cou n cil m em ber orif Slider lets h im sit in on m eet in g s beca u se h e’s h is br oth er .

“ Oka y la dies.” I h a n ded ou t th e list of r equ ir em en ts Sa lin aa n d I h a d dr a w n u p a n d copied in h er office a lit t le w h ile a g o.“ If y ou w a n t to w or k h er e I n eed th ese th in g s don e a s soon a spossible. Ma ke su r e y ou sen d m e a g ood pictu r e w h en y ou tex tth e n u m ber I pu t on th e pa per . I w ill be ca llin g th e doctor ’soffice y ou g et th e clea n bill of h ea lth fr om , so don ’t tr ya n y th in g sn ea ky .

“ Th e r a tes a r e listed, a n d n on n eg ot ia ble w ith ou t m y sa y -sofir st . You don ’t sh ow u p h er e a n d w or k u n less I tell y ou , or

y ou a sk m e fir st . If y ou en d u p w ith a r eg u la r I n eed to kn owth a t too. I’ll be ta kin g fiv e per cen t for n ow to pu t in a fu n d forem er g en cies. You ’ll g et to v ote on w h a t a n d w h en th a t m on eyis u sed, bu t I’ll be h oldin g on to it . A n y qu est ion s so fa r ?” Istopped a n d lea n ed on th e ba r .

On e pr etty g ir l w ith r ed h a ir r a ised h er h a n d, “ Does th ism ea n y ou ’r e ou r Ma da m ?”

I la u g h ed, “ I su ppose it does. Listen , th er e’s a n oth er w a yy ou ca n m a ke m on ey if y ou ’r e in ter ested. Ha v e a n y of y ouev er don e a n y film w or k?”

Som e sh r u g s, m ost ly n o’s.

“ Oka y , I’m n ot in to kin ky sh it , bu t I th in k w e ca n pu ttog eth er som eth in g ta stefu l. Get m e y ou r con ta ctin for m a tion , th e clea n bills of h ea lth , a n d w e’ll g o fr om th er e.Dea l?”

Su r pr isin g ly ev er y on e a g r eed. A cou ple g ir ls cla im ed toa lr ea dy h a v e r ecen t doctor ’s n otes a n d pr om ised to br in gth em in tom or r ow .

We ta lked on a less for m a l lev el for a w h ile a n d I a lm ost feltth e ex citem en t in th e r oom g r ow a s th e idea of bu ildin gsom eth in g tog eth er for m ed. It w a s fu n n y h ow a lit t leor g a n iza t ion a n d h ope of a better fu tu r e lifted th e w eig h t inth e r oom .

Sa lin a g ot a ca ll a n d left w ith a w a v e. A lot of th e oth er g ir lsleft to g o g et th eir a ffa ir s in or der so th ey cou ld sta r t m a kin gm on ey a s soon a s possible.

I’m sit t in g a t a ta ble w ith Sta cy a n d Gin g er discu ssin g th efin er poin ts of bu ildin g a w ebsite, a n d h ow ex a ct ly w e w a n t it

por tr a y ed. Th ey ’r e sm a r t g ir ls, w ith som e pr etty cr ea t iv ea n d ta stefu l idea s. I ca n see tu r n in g th is ov er to th em in ay ea r or so if it ta kes off.

I fin a lly sa t ba ck a fter th ey left a n d looked a r ou n d. “ Th ispla ce is a sh it h ole.”

Sa lin a w a lked ba ck in a t th a t m om en t, “ No sh it . I’v e beenw a n tin g to fix it u p for y ea r s, bu t didn ’t w a n t to do it a lon e.On ce in a w h ile I h a v e pr ospects clea n it u p, bu t th a t ’s a s fa ra s w e g et .”

“ Hm . Wa n t to m a ke it a r ea l ba r ?”

“ Ca n ’t , Slider h a s a r a p sh eet , a n d sin ce h e ow n s th epr oper ty h e ca n ’t g et a liqu or licen se.” Sh e ex pla in ed pou r in gu s w in e.

“ I’ll ta lk to Joe, h e m ig h t be a ble to h elp.”

“ Help w ith w h a t?” He r ou n ded th e cor n er a n d ca m eth r ou g h th e door .

“ We’r e ta lkin g a bou t fix in g th is pla ce u p, m a ke it a r ea lba r , bu t Slider ca n ’t g et a liqu or licen se.”

“ He doesn ’t n eed on e. I ow n th e con tr ollin g sh a r es of th epr oper ty , if y ou w a n t a licen se, g et on e.” He sta ted like it w a sth e m ost sim ple th in g in th e w or ld.

Sa lin a a n d I looked a t ea ch oth er .

I sa id, “ I g u ess th a t sett les th a t . Wa n t to do it?”

“ Hell y es!” Sh e cla pped. “ I’m g oin g to g o fin d m y h u sba n d.”

I looked a t Joe a s h e a ppr oa ch ed, “ Th a n k y ou .”

“ Yu p. I g otta r u n ou t for a bit . Slider ’s pu tt in g th e clu b on

lockdow n u n til w e g et ba ck.”

“ Wh y ?” I felt a lit t le sick w ith w or r y .

“ We g ot a Mex ica n g a n g tr y in g to sett le in ov er on th e ea stside. Th ey ’r e r espon sible for a cou ple h om e in v a sion s a n dSlider ’s h a d en ou g h .”

“ You ’r e g oin g to fig h t?”

“ Ma y be, depen ds on w h eth er th ey ta ke th e sh ow of n u m ber sa s a sig n a n d g et ou t , or fig h t to g et th e ter r itor y .”

I n ot iced h e looked th icker a n d poked h is ch est . “ You ’r ew ea r in g a v est .”

“ I’m n ot stu pid.” He picked m e u p by th e w a ist a n d set m eon a ta ble a n d h eld m y ch in . “ Sta y h er e, keep y ou r ph on e ony ou , a n d don ’t dr in k too m u ch . We m ig h t n eed a h a n d if th isg ets u g ly .”

“ I ca n ’t sh oot th e br oa d side of a ba r n a t ten pa ces.” Icon fessed.

“ Not like th a t . Ma ke su r e y ou h a v e th e key s to th e SUV ’sr ea dy to com e g et u s if w e n eed y ou . I’ll sen d y ou th e GPScoor din a tes to y ou r ph on e w h en w e g et close.”

“ I’m sta r t in g to g et sca r ed.”

He r a n th ose th u m bs ov er m y ja w like h e does, “ I lov e y ou ,don ’t ev er for g et th a t . If y ou n eed som eth in g to keep y ou bu systa r t on th is pla ce. Slider doesn ’t kn ow it , bu t if I die y ou g etm y con tr ollin g sh a r es.”

“ Wh a t??!” I blin ked.

“ Sh h . Don ’t w or r y a bou t it , n oth in g is g oin g to h a ppen to

m e. I h a v e m y r ea son s for w h a t I do, y ou don ’t n eed tou n der sta n d th em r ig h t n ow .” He kissed m e pa ssion a tely a s Iclu n g to h im w ith fea r , desper a t ion , a n d n eed. I n eed h im tobe oka y .

He fin a lly stepped ba ck ta kin g m y h a n ds. “ St ick close toSa lin a , sh e ca n sh oot th e flea s off a dog a t fou r h u n dr ed y a r ds.In fa ct , h a v e h er sh ow y ou h ow to sh oot . Th e soon er th ebetter .”

“ I ba r ely kn ow y ou a n d I’m sick to m y stom a ch w or r ieda bou t y ou .”

He lea n ed in a n d kissed m y n eck u n der m y ea r , “ I lov e y outoo.” He tou ch ed m y fa ce a n d left qu ickly lea v in g m e sit t in gth er e in sh ock.

Sa lin a fou n d m e a few m in u tes la ter , “ Com e on Red, let ’s g osee th em off. It ’s tr a dit ion . I a lw a y s keep m y ey es on th e g u y sa s lon g a s I ca n .” Sh e w a v ed h er h a n d for m e to join h er .

I ju m ped off th e ta ble. “ Th is is g oin g to su ck isn ’t it?”

Sh e pu t h er a r m a r ou n d m y w a ist , “ Yes. Th er e’s a lot ofg ood h a v in g th e clu b a s y ou r fa m ily , bu t th e ba d is n ev er a n yfu n . It m a kes u s str on g er , closer . You ’ll u n der sta n d a s y ea r spa ss.”

“ I don ’t ’ w a n t to lose h im , or see h im h u r t . I feel sick.” Ia dm itted.

Sh e g r ipped m y h a n d. “ Su ck it u p ba by doll. You ca n pu kew h en th ey ’r e ou t of sig h t . Str on g m en n eed str on g w om en .We ca n on ly be w ea k w h en th ey ca n ’t see u s.”

I took a stea dy in g br ea th . “ Oka y . Su ck it u p.” I told m y selfa n d w a tch ed a s th ey ex per t ly filed ou t on to th e str eet a n d

disa ppea r ed in th e dista n ce.

Th en I pr om ptly th r ew u p in on e of th e la r g e ba r r el tr a shca n s w ith Sa lin a h oldin g m y h a ir . “ Ca lm dow n g ir lie. Th ey ’llbe oka y .”

If on ly sh e w a s r ig h t . My ph on e r a n g a bou t tw o h ou r s la ter .“ Joe?”

“ Get Sa lin a a n d m eet u s a t th e h ospita l off Dobson . Slidertook a h it in th e sh ou lder , h e’s oka y , bu t it ’s a big bu llet a n dh e’s in su r g er y . Tr y n ot to fr ea k h er ou t .” He in str u cted.

“ A h sh it .”

“ Hu r r y u p ba be.” He h u n g u p.

I looked a t Sa lin a , “ We g otta g o. Slider g ot sh ot in th esh ou lder . Joe sa id h e’s oka y , bu t n eeds su r g er y a n d to m eetth em th er e.”

Sh e sh ot u p like a ca n n on ba ll. “ Let ’s g o!!!!”

I dr ov e fa st w ith a n en tou r a g e of bikes th a t by th e t im e w eh it Pow er Roa d h a d picked u p a police escor t . Fu ckin g cool. Ifelt like r oy a lty . Roy a lty th a t n eeded h er pr in ce to be in on epiece. I kn ow Joe ca lled m e, a n d h e sou n ded fin e, bu t I n eed tosee for m y self. Now I g et h ow Sa lin a feels.

I sla m m ed on th e br a kes in fr on t of th e Em er g en cy Rooma n d w a tch ed Sa lin a r u n in side so fa st I a lm ost m issed it . I g otou t a n d looked a r ou n d to fin d Joe w a lkin g tow a r ds m eseem in g ly fr om th e sh a dow s.

I r a n to h im a n d ch ecked for h oles. “ A r e y ou oka y ?”

He g r a bbed m y h a n ds a n d kissed m y pa lm s. “ Ea sy ba be. I’mfin e.”

I ju m ped u p a n d w r a pped a r m s a n d leg s a r ou n d h im a s Ibu r ied m y fa ce in h is n eck to kiss h im ov er a n d ov er . “ Yousca r ed m e so ba d I pu ked.” I la u g h ed a s h e h eld m e t ig h t .

“ Oka y , ea sy n ow .” He pu lled m e off a n d set m e dow n . “ Pu llit tog eth er . We n eed to be h er e for Sa lin a u n til h e g ets ou t ofsu r g er y .”

“ Did a n y on e else g et h u r t?”

“ No, th ey ta r g eted Slider to m a ke a poin t . Th is is g oin g tog et w or se befor e it g ets better .” He told m e lea din g m e in side.

“ Wa it , I sh ou ld pa r k th e ca r .”

“ Pr ospects w ill ta ke ca r e of it .” He m otion ed to a cou ple g u y ssta n din g n ea r by .

Sa lin a w a s ta lkin g fr a n t ica lly to a n u r se. We w a lked ov era n d h ea r d th e n u r se g iv in g h er n o in for m a tion w h ich on lym a de h er m a d.

I took h er h a n d, “ Hey , let h er g o ch eck on h im .” I looked a tth e n u r se. “ Ca n y ou g o see w h a t y ou ca n fin d ou t , m a y be g iv eu s a t im e fr a m e or som eth in g ?”

“ Su r e.” Sh e w a s g r a tefu l for th e r escu e a n d left qu ickly .

I h u g g ed Sa lin a , “ He’ll be fin e. A lit t le bu llet in th e sh ou lderis n oth in g to h im . Com e on , let ’s g o ou tside a n d pa ce. I th in k Ih a v e a join t in m y pu r se.”

Sh e n odded a n d w e w en t ou tside lea v in g Goa t a n d Gu n n erto w a it for a n y in for m a tion .

I lit th e join t a n d pa ssed it to h er . “ Her e, tr y to ca lm dow n .Slider w on ’t like seein g y ou a ll fr ea ked ou t .”

Joe pu t h is h a n d u n der m y pu r se a n d lifted it u p, “ Wh a t th efu ck is in th is th in g ?” I ca r r y a big pu r se.

I la u g h ed offer in g h im a h it . “ I liv e ou t of th is ba g .”

He took a cou ple h its a n d h a n ded it to Sa lin a . “ He’ll bea lr ig h t Sa l, don ’t str ess.”

“ How did th is h a ppen ?! You g u y s a r e su pposed to pr otecth im !!” Sh e y elled scoldin g h im .

“ Sh it h a ppen s Sa l, y ou kn ow th a t .” He told h er . He kn ewcoddlin g w a s n ot w h a t sh e w a n ted. Un like m e, I ju st w a n tedJoe to tr a p m e u n der h im on th e bed a n d kiss m e u n til m ycloth es m elted off.

“ I kn ow .” Sh e seem ed to ca lm dow n n ow .

A few m in u tes la ter Gu n n er w h ist led a n d w e r a n in side tofin d ou t Slider w a s fin e a n d sh ou ld be w a kin g u p in a fewm in u tes. Wh ew .

We fou n d h is r oom a n d w a ited u n til h e fin a lly open ed h isey es, “ Fu ck, th a t h u r t .” He com pla in ed kissin g Sa lin a ’s h a n d.“ Hey ba be.”

I w en t to th e oth er side of th e bed, “ You oka y ?”

He looked a t m e, “ A h , m y fa v or ite ba r ten der . You don ’th a ppen to ca r r y w h iskey on y ou do y ou ?”

I r ea ch ed for m y pu r se a n d pu lled ou t a pla in silv er fla ska n d h a n ded it to h im . “ Her e. It ’s th e g ood stu ff forem er g en cies.”

He h eld it u p in a ppr ecia t ion , “ I a lw a y s kn ew y ou ’d m a ke ag ood old la dy .” He stole a sw ig befor e h a n din g it ba ck.“ Th a n ks Red.”

“ You bet . We’r e g oin g to lea v e y ou tw o a lon e. I’ll see y ou inth e m or n in g .” I tou ch ed h is a r m . “ I’m g la d y ou ’r e oka y , bu ton ly for Sa lin a .” I w in ked tu r n in g ou r old joke a r ou n d a g a in sth im .

“ I see h ow it is. Get ou t of h er e.” He sm iled a lit t le befor ecou g h in g .

Joe pa tted h is leg , “ Need a n y th in g else Br o?”

“ Noth in g m y w ife ca n ’t h a n dle. Th a n ks g u y s, see y ou in th em or n in g .”

I h ooked m y a r m th r ou g h Joe’s a n d stole a sh ot fr om th efla sk m y self n ow th a t th in g s h a v e ca lm ed dow n a n dev er y body is oka y .

“ Sin ce w h en do y ou ca r r y a fla sk of w h iskey ?” He a skedw ith a h in t of a m u sem en t.

“ Sin ce for ev er . You n ev er kn ow w h en a n em er g en cy sh otw ill com e in h a n dy , like toda y .” I ex pla in ed.

“ Did y ou see th e w a y h e looked a t y ou ?”

“ Wh a t? Like I h a d w a ter for a m a n w h o’d been in th e deser tfor ten y ea r s?”

“ Th a t too. You took h im ba ck in t im e. A t im e w h en it w a sn or m a l to ca r r y fla sks a n d do a ll kin ds of oth er sh it I’m n otg oin g to br in g u p.” He tr a iled off ta kin g th e key s fr om th epr ospect .

He dr ov e u s h om e like a ba t ou t of h ell. I w a s w h itekn u ckled on th e a r m r est th e w h ole t im e.

“ Da m m it Joe! You dr iv e like a m a n ia c!” I scolded h im a s h eopen ed th e door to ou r n ew h ou se for th e fir st t im e. Not m u ch

h a d been u n pa cked, bu t th e bed w a s set u p, if n ot m a de.

He fou n d a beer a n d m y w in e w h ile I m a de th e bed. “ Youca n dr iv e fr om n ow on . Wh en I h a v e a steer in g w h eel in m yh a n d I ten d to dr iv e like it ’s a Hu m -V .”

I stopped tu ckin g sh eets a n d took th e g la ss of w in e. “ I’m sog la d y ou ’r e oka y .”

He tou ch ed m y h a ir , “ I kn ow . I fig u r ed th a t ou t w h en y ouju m ped m e in th e pa r kin g lot .”

“ Sor r y a bou t th a t .”

“ Don ’t be, y ou ca n ju m p m e a n y t im e.” He sa t a n d h eld h isfoot u p. “ Ca n y ou do m e a fa v or ?”

I set m y g la ss dow n a n d h elped h im ou t of h is boots. “ It ’sbeen a lon g da y a g a in . I see w h a t y ou m ea n a bou t old la diesa lw a y s seem in g bu sy .”

“ You g et th e g ir ls str a ig h ten ed ou t?”

“ Yea h . It ’ll ta ke som e t im e, bu t th ey sou n d ex cited. A r e w est ill doin g th e r u n tom or r ow w ith Slider dow n ?”

“ Yea h , Goa t w ill lea d in h is pla ce.”

“ Good. Wh er e do w e r ide in th is pa r a de?”

“ Ju st beh in d th e cou n cil tow a r ds th e fr on t .” He sta r tedr em ov in g h is ja cket , th en sh ir t , bu llet-pr oof v est , a n d so on .

I g u ess I’v e lost th e sh y n ess a r ou n d h im n ow beca u se Ipicked u p m y w in e a n d en joy ed th e v iew . “ You h a v e a lot ofsca r s.” I n ot iced ou t lou d.

He tu r n ed h is g or g eou s n a ked body to m e a n d stepped closeen ou g h th a t if I didn ’t look dow n I w ou ldn ’t see too m u ch .

“ Wa n t to cou n t th em ?”

I sm iled tou ch in g on e on h is sh ou lder . “ Ma y be.”

“ I’m g oin g to sh ow er fir st , ca r e to join m e?”

I a ctu a lly con sider ed it a n d h a d to sh a ke th e idea a w a y .“ You ’r e tr icky . No. Go befor e I do som eth in g stu pid a n dch a n g e m y m in d.”

He w a lked con fiden t ly to th e n ew ba th r oom . “ You r loss.”

I w en t to th e box es m a r ked w ith m y n a m e a n d ‘cloth es’ tofish a r ou n d for som eth in g to sleep in , ev en th ou g h I didn ’tsleep in a n y th in g la st n ig h t . Th a t m a de m e sm ile th in kin ga bou t it . I w on der if I’ll en d u p n a ked a g a in . Pa r t of m e h opedso, th e oth er pa r t n ew I sh ou ldn ’t .

I sm a cked h im on th e bu tt w h en h e em er g ed in a tow el.“ You sta y ou t h er e.”

He sn a tch ed m y cloth es fr om m y h a n ds, “ You w on ’t ben eedin g th ose.”

“ Hey !” I tr ied to g et th em ba ck bu t h e ba cked m e to th eba th r oom , pu sh ed m e in side a n d pu lled th e door sh u t . “ Jer k!”I h a d to la u g h . Joe h a s a n odd w a y of a m u sin g h im self a t m yex pen se.

For tu n a tely on e of th e pr ospects w a s sm a r t en ou g h to h a n ga r obe on th e ba ck of th e door .

Wh en I fin ish ed clea n in g u p I fou n d h im w ith a cou ple pizzabox es in th e kitch en . “ Hu n g r y ?” He pu sh ed a box tow a r ds m e.

“ Su r e.” I picked ou t a piece a n d took a bite. “ Th a n ks. I didn ’tev en kn ow I w a s h u n g r y u n til I sm elled th is.”

“ You ’ll n eed y ou r en er g y in a lit t le w h ile.”

“ For w h a t? Or sh ou ld I a sk?”

“ I don ’t th in k y ou r ea lly w a n t m e to v er ba lize w h a t I h a v ein m in d.” He a ssu r ed m e.

“ Ju st r em em ber I h a v en ’t h a d t im e to g et on a n y bir thcon tr ol, so don ’t g o too fa r .”

“ Too ba d.” He sa id qu iet ly .

“ Wh a t?”

“ Noth in g .”

“ Joe? A r e y ou a n x iou s to h a v e kids? Is th a t w h y y ou ’r er u sh in g th is a n d tellin g m e y ou lov e m e a lr ea dy ?” I h a d tokn ow .

“ Don ’t be a n idiot . If it w a s ju st kids I w a n ted I cou ld h a v ekn ocked u p h a lf a dozen w om en by n ow .” He scolded m e w itha h in t of a n g er I h a dn ’t seen befor e.

“ Oka y , ca lm dow n . You h a v e to u n der sta n d m y su spicionw ith a s fa st a s y ou ’r e m ov in g .” I ex pla in ed.

“ I kn ow w h a t I w a n t w h en I see it . I w a n t y ou . I w a n t kidsw ith y ou a n d if y ou w a n t to g et m a r r ied leg a lly ju st tell m ew h en a n d w h er e to be.” He stepped tow a r ds m e.

“ How a r e y ou so su r e of th is? I m ea n , w h a t if I tu r n in tosom e psy ch o bitch ?”

“ Th en I’ll t ie y ou to th e bed u n til y ou a ct r ig h t .” Heth r ea ten ed w a it in g for m e to fin ish th e piece of pizza I’d beenw or kin g on .

“ V er y fu n n y .” I tou ch ed h is ch est w ith th e per fect pa tch of

ch est h a ir .

“ Wh a t do y ou w a n t?”

“ Wh a t do y ou m ea n ?” I’m con fu sed.

“ You ’r e stu ck w ith m e n o m a tter w h a t . Wh a t do y ou w a n tth a t w ou ld m a ke y ou h a ppy bein g stu ck w ith m e?”

“ Noth in g . I don ’t th in k ‘stu ck’ is a fa ir w or d.” I’m st ill alit t le con fu sed.

“ Wh a t w ou ld y ou ca ll w h a t I’v e don e?” He u n tied m y r obeso I g r a bbed th e str in g s.

“ Cu t th a t ou t . We’r e tr y in g to h a v e a con v er sa t ion h er e.”

He pu sh ed m y h a n ds a w a y , “ A n sw er th e qu est ion .” Helow er ed to m y ea r a n d kissed m y n eck a fter m ov in g m y h a ira w a y .

“ I ca n ’t w h en y ou ’r e doin g th a t .”

He lifted u p w a it in g for m e to look a t h im , “ Wh a t ’s y ou rdr ea m ? Wom en h a v e idea s a bou t th e per fect life. Wh a t ’sy ou r s?”

“ I don ’t kn ow . I n ev er th ou g h t a bou t it .”

“ Wh y ?”

“ Beca u se I n ev er th ou g h t I’d be w ith a n y on e like th is. I w a sper fect ly h a ppy kn ow in g I’d be th e old ba r m a id w ith n in eca ts a t h om e to g r eet m e.” Sca r y pa r t w a s, th a t w a s pr ettym u ch tr u e.

He n a r r ow ed h is ey es lookin g a lit t le con fu sed n ow too.“ Beca u se of w h a t th a t g u y did to y ou ?”

I sh r u g g ed, “ I g u ess. I th in k th a t ’s w h y I like w or kin g a t th eba r w ith a bu n ch of g u y s I kn ew I’d n ev er g et in v olv ed w ith . Icou ldn ’t stom a ch w or r y in g a bou t som eth in g like th a t ev erh a ppen in g a g a in .”

He r a n h is fin g er t ips dow n th e cen ter of m y ch est , th r ou g hm y clea v a g e a n d dow n to m y stom a ch w ith ou t open in g m yr obe. He’s v er y sen su a l for a big pow er fu l m a n .

“ Do y ou th in k I cou ld do som eth in g like th a t to y ou ?”

I la u g h ed r ea lizin g h ow a bsu r d th a t sou n ded, th en itstopped m e. “ No, I don ’t . I don ’t th in k y ou w ou ld do a n y th in gto h u r t m e, n ot on pu r pose.”

“ Wh a t does th a t m ea n ? On pu r pose?”

“ I don ’t kn ow , I g u ess if y ou did h u r t m e I w ou ld kn ow itw a sn ’t deliber a te. Neith er on e of u s is r ela t ion sh ip m a ter ia l.We’r e g oin g to m a ke m ista kes.”

“ Pr oba bly . Do y ou believ e m e w h en I tell y ou I lov e y ou ?”He’s ch a llen g in g m e n ow .

“ I g u ess th a t ’s th e pr oblem . I w a n t to, bu t it ’s h a ppen in g sofa st I don ’t tr u st m y self. I’v e m a de som e pr etty stu pidm ista kes in m y life.”

“ I’m n ot g oin g to be ea sy to liv e w ith , a n d I h ope y ou ca ncom e to lov e m e h a lf a s m u ch a s I lov e y ou . I’ll g iv e y ouw h a tev er y ou w a n t to m a ke y ou h a ppy , a n y th in g bu t th efr eedom to lea v e m e.” He pr om ised.

“ I don ’t w a n t to lea v e y ou . I’m ju st n ot su r e w h a t to do w ithy ou .” I pu t m y h a n ds on h is h ips a n d pu lled h im a g a in st m e.“ You ’r e kin d of cu te, a n d ju st a lit t le bit sex y . I like th e sou n dof y ou r v oice, a n d th e w a y y ou look a t m e w h en y ou w a n t to

kiss m e. You sca r ed m e toda y . I th in k th a t m ea n s I like y ou .” Ipu t m y th u m b a n d poin ter fin g er close tog eth er , “ A lit t le.”

He kept h is ey es on m in e a s h e closed in to kiss m e w ith n otju st h is lips, bu t h is h a n ds. Th e r obe is n ow h a n g in g on m yelbow s a s I sin k m y fin g er s in th a t lon g soft h a ir of h is w h ileh e seem s to be m em or izin g m e w ith th ose v er y ca pa blefin g er s.

Th en h e lea n ed h is h ips in to m e a n d pu lled m y h a ir so I’dlook u p a s h e br oke ou r kiss. His ey es told m e I’d cr ossed a lin e.Ton ig h t h e w a s g oin g to n eed m or e fr om m e. Th a t sh ou ldsca r e m e, bu t I w a n ted to g iv e to h im . In th is m om en t I cou ldg iv e ev er y th in g to h im . Lose m y self in h im .

“ Tou ch m e.” He sa id w ith difficu lty .

“ Not in h er e.” I took h is h a n d a n d pu lled h im to th e cou ch .“ Sit .”

He sa t a n d I w en t to m y kn ees to g et h is box er s ou t of m yw a y . I kissed a n d pla y ed u n til h e m a de a w on der fu l sou n d ofm a n ly r elea se for m e. I’v e n ev er don e th is, so I’m clu eless. Ig et th e feelin g th a t didn ’t m a tter . I’v e been a sked to do itbefor e, bu t a lw a y s r efu sed con sider in g it dem ea n in g a n ddisg u st in g . Th er e’s n oth in g dem ea n in g or disg u st in g a bou tJoe.

I r ested m y h ea d on h im to let h im r ecov er .

He pla y ed w ith m y h a ir . “ Th a n k y ou ba by .”

I kissed h is h ip a n d looked u p, “ You ’r e w elcom e. Th a t w a s afir st , so I h a d n o idea w h a t I w a s doin g .”

He pu lled m e u p in to h is la p keepin g m y r obe betw een u s bysit t in g m e sidew a y s. “ It ’s better th a t w a y . Ex per ien ced

w om en don ’t pa y a tten t ion , y ou do. You don ’t m im ic som estu pid por n m ov ie like th e r est .”

“ Por n m ov ies a r e like com edies to m e. I a lw a y s fig u r ed th eyw er e r idicu lou s.” I la u g h ed pla y in g in h is bea r d.

“ Do y ou w a tch m u ch por n ?” He tea sed.

“ No, bu t I’v e fa llen a sleep on th e cou ch a n d w oken u p in th ew ee h ou r s of th e m or n in g n ot bein g a ble to fin d th e r em ote.Mor bid cu r iosity I g u ess, bu t th ey a lw a y s m a ke m e la u g h .” Iex pla in ed.

“ Gir l on g ir l is th e on ly kin d I’v e been a ble to w a tch form or e th a n a few m in u tes.” He a dm itted.

I set m y h ea d on h is sh ou lder a n d kissed h is n eck, “ Toom u ch in for m a tion Joe.”

“ Wer e y ou ser iou s a bou t h a v in g been w ith a w om a n a fewm on th s a g o?” He slipped h is h a n d u n der m y r obe to h old on eof th e g ir ls.

“ Yea h , it w a s a n ex per im en t . I fig u r ed sin ce I cou ldn ’t fin d am a n , m a y be I cou ld sw itch tea m s. It w a sn ’t a w fu l, bu t Ididn ’t feel th e n eed to g o ba ck.” I ex pla in ed.

“ Gla d y ou g ot it ou t of y ou r sy stem . I don ’t see sh a r in g y ouw ith a w om a n a n y t im e soon .”

I sn u g g led in th in kin g I cou ld sleep r ig h t h er e. My big , sa fe,w a r m Joe. I th in k I’m fa llin g in lov e w ith h im .

“ A r e y ou fa llin g a sleep?”

“ Ma y be?”

I felt h im kick h is box er s off th e r est of th e w a y a n d sta n d

u p. “ It ’s g oin g to be a lon g da y tom or r ow . Wea r som eth in gsex y so I ca n sh ow off m y bea u tifu l w ife.”

I h eld on a s h e w a lked. “ Th a t ’s th e th ir d t im e y ou ’v e ca lledm e th a t .”

“ We’r e n ot leg a lly m a r r ied, bu t y ou ’r e m y w ife a s fa r a s I’mcon cer n ed.” He cla r ified.

“ No fa ir m a kin g m e fa ll in lov e w ith y ou .” I tea sed a s h e setm e dow n .

“ Keep th e r obe on , or ch a n g e in to som eth in g I ca n ’ta cciden ta lly lose m y self a n d fin d y ou in m y sleep.” Hew a r n ed kissin g m y for eh ea d.

I w a s so t ir ed I didn ’t ca r e so I kept th e r obe on a n d cr a w ledu n der th e bla n kets. Joe clim bed in a n d spoon ed m e a m in u tela ter . I slept like a ba by in h is a r m s.

5

He w oke m e u p a g a in w ith th a t bea r d t icklin g m y n eck!“ Da m m it Joe!!” I r olled ov er a n d ca u g h t th e m isch ief in h isey es. “ You do th a t to a n n oy m e don ’t y ou ?”

“ You ’r e fu n n y w h en y ou ’r e m a d a t m e.” He sa id it sosw eet ly .

“ Oh g r ea t . Th a t ’s w h a t I n eed, a m a n w h o en joy s a n n oy in gm e.” I tea sed a s m y fin g er s fou n d th a t bea r d.

“ You n eed m e.” He in sisted.

“ Ev iden t ly .” I sh ifted u n der th e bla n kets a n d r ea lized ou rn a ked bodies a r e a lit t le too close, I m u st h a v e lost th e r obe inm y sleep. “ Oka y , t im e to g et u p. How m u ch t im e do I h a v e tog et r ea dy ?”

“ A bou t a n h ou r . I g et ten m in u tes.” He kissed a n d tou ch edu n til I w a s m a kin g th ose w eir d n oises a n d a r ch in g for h im fora w on der fu l ten m in u tes. Th e m a n m u st h a v e a n in ter n a lclock beca u se w h en I fou n d m y th ir d it w a s ex a ct ly tenm in u tes la ter . He slow ed a n d let m e g o.

“ Ru n w om a n .” He fell on to h is ba ck so I esca ped befor e h ech a n g ed h is m in d.

He fix ed eg g s a g a in befor e r idin g u s ba ck to th e clu bh ou se. Ih a d to esca pe h is w a n der in g h a n ds tw ice beca u se I ch ose th esex iest r idin g g ea r I cou ld fin d. I sw ea r h is ey es popped ou t ofh is h ea d w h en I w a lked in to th e kitch en . Th a t w a s th e ju stth e fir st t im e toda y I h a d to tell h im to beh a v e. Th e secon dtim e w a s w h en I clim bed on th e ba ck of h is bike a n d h e did adou ble ta ke. It w a s v er y fla t ter in g to be og led by su ch a

bea u tifu l m a n .

We pa r ked a t th e clu bh ou se a n d I w a tch ed h im dow n th r eedon u ts w h ile I dr a n k coffee a n d ta lked to a h a n dfu l of th e g ir lsw h o w er e a n x iou s to g et m e th eir pa per w or k.

We a ll r ode ov er to th e Ha r ley dea ler sh ip a n d m et u p w ithth e oth er ch a pter s in th e v a lley a n d a bu n ch of loca ls. Youdon ’t h a v e to h a v e a Ha r ley for th is r u n , bu t th ey defin itelyou tn u m ber th e oth er bikes. I r ea lly like th e cu stom bikes th a tsh ow u p for th ese th in g s. For th e fir st t im e I g ot to see th e a llcopper ch opper I’v e seen on TV so m a n y t im es u p close. It ’s sou g ly it ’s cool.

Th e pa in t jobs on som e of th ese bikes a m a ze m e. I took a lotof pictu r es a n d th ou g h t a bou t pu tt in g tog eth er a n on -lin eph oto a lbu m for th e clu b of a ll th e r u n s. Th e g ir ls keptju m pin g in a n d fla sh in g th eir boobs m a kin g m e la u g h . Mig h tn eed a specia l licen se for som e of th ese pictu r es.

On ce w e h it th e r oa d, a n d th er e w a s n oth in g bu t r ollin gth u n der a s fa r a s I cou ld see in fr on t a n d beh in d m e, I fin a llyu n der stood w h y th is is so popu la r . It ’s like a fa m ily r eu n ionbu t lou der a n d big g er .

Th e w om en w er e dr essed sex y -cool. Th e com bin a t ion offba d-a ss lea th er -cla d m en r idin g a big lou d r oa r in g m a ch in ew a s ex h ila r a t in g .

Th en th er e’s Joe. Ta lk a bou t pow er , a n d I’m w ith h im . A tfir st I didn ’t r ea lly g et it . Th en a s I in tr odu ced m y self a n d sa wth e looks on som e people’s fa ces I kn ew th er e w a s som eth in gspecia l a bou t bein g w ith h im .

A s w e r ode I w on der ed w h a t it w a s. I m ea n , I kn ow I en joybein g w ith h im , a n d often w on der w h y h e ch ose m e, bu t to

see h ow people r ea cted w ith su ch su r pr ise th a t I w a s h is oldla dy m a de m e w on der . Wa s it beca u se h e’s Slider ’s br oth er ?Wa s it beca u se it h a ppen ed so fa st? Ma y be I’ll a sk Sa lin a la ter .

Sh e h elped or g a n ize th e r u n so sh e ca m e to see u s off, bu tw en t ba ck to sta y w ith Slider a t th e h ospita l for th e da y . Sh edoesn ’t r ide a lon e, a n d a bsolu tely doesn ’t r ide w ith a n y on eelse, n ot for th is stu ff. Sh e sa id on ce in a blu e m oon sh e h a s toca tch a r ide w ith Goa t or Gu n n er , bu t th a t doesn ’t h a ppenv er y often .

Ha v in g m y h a n ds on Joe’s w a ist a n d h u g g in g h im du r in gth e r ide w a s n ice. He’s so da m n big th a t w h en h e’d lea n ba ckin to m e a lit t le I cou ld kiss h is n eck, so I did. He’d r ea ch ba cka n d h old m y leg for a w h ile som etim es. I br a ided h is pon y ta ilsh or t ly a fter w e sta r ted beca u se it kept sm a ckin g m e in th efa ce.

We did th e slow pa r a de th in g th r ou g h dow n tow n . I n ot iceda lot of th e g ir ls a n d som e of th e g u y s w er e w a v in g , so I w a v edw h en it seem ed a ppr opr ia te. A t th e en d of th e pa r a de r ou tebikes sta r ted g oin g th eir sepa r a te w a y s, ex cept for th e closerloca l ch a pter s. Th ey follow ed u s ba ck to th e clu bh ou se. Itsh ou ld pr oba bly be ca lled a com pou n d th e w a y it ’s g a ted off,bu t th a t seem ed like too h a r sh of a w or d.

I lea r n ed th a t a fter a r u n like th a t th e ch a pter s w ill g ettog eth er a n d pa r ty like w ild a n im a ls. Wh a t I didn ’t r ea lizew a s Sa lin a h a dn ’t fin ish ed pr epa r in g for it beca u se Slider h a dg otten sh ot .

I ca lled h er w h en I r ea lized w e w er e g oin g to n eed beer a tth e v er y lea st .

“ Hey g ir l, h ow ’s th e kin g ?” I a sked w h en sh e a n sw er ed.

“ Gett in g a n tsy to g et ou t of h er e, bu t g ood.”

“ Wh a t else do I n eed to do for th is pa r ty ?”

“ Oh sh it . I for g ot a bou t th a t . I don ’t kn ow w h er e m y h ea dh a s been . Get a cou ple pr ospects a n d h it th e g r ocer y stor e a n dWa lm a r t , bu y u p a bu n ch of beer a n d w h iskey . Th e liqu orstor es a r e u su a lly m or e ex pen siv e. Th e oth er ch a pter s br in gsom e sh it , bu t w e a lw a y s r u n low if w e r ely on ju st w h a t th eybr in g . Gr a b a bu n ch of h ot dog s a n d w h a tev er else looks g ooda n d ea sy to r oa st of a n open fir e. Th ey ten d to h a v e on e or tw ofir es g oin g , a n d th e food w ill keep th em fr om g ett in g toodr u n k.”

“ I ca n do th a t . A n y th in g else?”

“ Na h , ju st do th e best y ou ca n . I w a n t to be a g ood h ost , bu tSlider w on ’t let m e lea v e.” Sh e com pla in ed.

“ Don ’t w or r y a bou t it , I ca n h a n dle it . I’ll sen d a pr ospectov er w ith m y fla sk la ter .”

“ He’d like th a t . Th a n ks Red. Sor r y to dr op th e ba ll like th a t .Sh it .” Sh e cu ssed h er self.

“ Th a t ’s w h a t y ou g ot m e for n ow . See y ou tom or r ow .”

I told Joe m y pla n s a n d h e h elped m e r ou n d u p som epr ospects. It sh ou ld h a v e ta ken lon g er , bu t th ese g u y s kn eww h a t th ey w er e doin g , a n d th ey w er e a n x iou s to g et ba ck topa r ty , so it took a bou t a n h ou r to g et beer , ice, soda s, liqu ora n d food.

A fter th e pr ospects u n loa ded th e booze a n d food I m a de su r eth e cooler s w er e fu ll a n d people sa w th e food on th e picn icta bles. I ca n see w h y Sa lin a g ets in to th is. It ’s fu n to see th elooks of a ppr ecia t ion a s people g r a b cold beer s a n d pu t h ot

dog s on st icks. By elev en ev er y on e h a d a dr in k a n d fou n dw h a tev er food th ey w a n ted.

I w a s h a ppily sta n din g n ex t to Joe a s w e listen ed to stor ies ofr u n s a n d jobs h e’d m issed ov er th e y ea r s. He’s pr oba bly h ea r da bou t a lot of th ese fr om Slider ’s let ter s, bu t listen ed a n y w a y .

Beca u se of m y la ck of kn ow ledg e on h ow th ese th in g s w en tdow n I told th e g ir ls to en joy a n d keep w h a tev er th ey m a de. Ia lso w a r n ed th em th a t a n y dr a m a on th eir pa r t w ou ld n ot betoler a ted a n d w ou ld la n d th em on th e oth er side of th e g a teper m a n en tly . Th ey didn ’t seem to h a v e a n y pr oblem s th er e.

I w a ited u n til th er e w a s a br ea k in th e con v er sa t ion befor en u dg in g Joe.

He looked dow n a lr ea dy h a v in g h is a r m a r ou n d m e.“ Wh a t ’s u p ba by ?”

“ I n eed to g o sit dow n , it ’s been a lon g da y .”

“ Let ’s g o.” He led m e ov er to a picn ic ta ble a n d pu lled m e tosit on h is th ig h . “ You did g ood g ett in g sh it tog eth er a t th e la stm in u te.”

“ Th a n ks. Ha v in g pr ospects h elps.”

“ Yea h .” He su dden ly n ot iced m y ov er flow in g clea v a g e w a sa ll bu t in h is fa ce a n d u n sn a pped th e top sn a p of th e lea th ertop.

I w a s r eliev ed r ea lizin g ju st h ow da m n t ig h t th is th in g is.Th en h e u n sn a pped th e n ex t on e fin din g a n ipple ju st u n derth e lea th er . “ Ea sy th er e.”

He looked a t m e, “ No w a y .”

I la u g h ed w h en h e sh ifted m e to str a ddle h is la p a n d

a br u ptly u n sn a pped th e la st few to ex pose m e fu lly for h ish u n g r y m ou th . A t fir st I t r ied to h ide w h a t h e w a s doin g , bu tw h en I looked a r ou n d I sa w plen ty of topless g ir ls, a n d plen tym or e h a ppy biker s. Oh w ell. I g u ess if y ou ’r e n ot th e on ly on eit ’s n ot a big dea l.

Biker s lov e boobs. I’v e a lw a y s kn ow n th is, bu t h a v e n ev erbeen to a r ea l pa r ty like th is w ith th em , so it ’s a ll n ew to m e.I’ll a dm it it took a lit t le g ett in g u sed to, bu t th e cool n ig h t a ira fter bein g sh ov ed in th a t t ig h t lit t le lea th er top a ll da y , a n dth e w a y h e tou ch ed a n d pla y ed, w ell, it felt too g ood tocom pla in .

Wh en h e’d g otten h is fix I pu t th e g ir ls ba ck lea v in g th e toptw o sn a ps u n don e, for m e a s m u ch a s for h im .

Joe ca u g h t m e sm ilin g a s h e m ov ed m e ba ck to sit t in g onh is th ig h like I sta r ted. “ Wh a t a r e y ou sm ilin g a bou t?”

I lea n ed m y h ea d on h is sh ou lder , “ Ju st h a ppy .”

“ Good.”

I sn u g g led in a n d r ested for a w h ile. I cou ld h a v e sleptex cept for th e m u sic g ot cr a n ked u p a n d th er e w a s ju st toom a n y people com in g ov er to w elcom e Joe h om e fr om th eser v ice. I g u ess h e w a s pr etty w ell kn ow n befor e h e left . Weg ot a g ood h a n dfu l of con g r a tu la t ion s for m e becom in g h is oldla dy too, w h ich I th ou g h t w a s sw eet .

I g ot a secon d w in d a r ou n d on e in th e m or n in g a n d stood u pto str etch . Joe took it a s a n oppor tu n ity to kiss m e lon g a n ddeep w ith th ose w a n der in g h a n ds.

Wh en h e let g o I w en t to g et u s fr esh dr in ks. Th a t w a s a n icebr ea k. On m y w a y to on e of th e cooler s I sa w a g ir l w h o looked

a lit t le too y ou n g to be h er e sta n din g a lon e w ith a n ot soh a ppy look on h er fa ce.

I w a lked ov er to h er , “ You oka y h on ey ?”

“ I’m oka y .” Sh e sa id, bu t h er v oice cr a cked.

“ Yea h , I don ’t th in k so. How old a r e y ou ?”

“ Th ir teen , I th in k.”

“ You th in k?”

Sh e looked pa st m e, “ You sh ou ld g o. If h e th in ks I’m ta lkin gto y ou I’ll g et in tr ou ble.”

I stepped a side a n d tu r n ed to see w h o h a d h er so sca r ed.Nobody I r ecog n ized. “ Is th a t y ou r fa th er ?”

“ God I h ope n ot .” Sh e sa id u n der h er br ea th .

“ A r e y ou sleepin g w ith h im ?” I a sked qu ickly a n d qu iet ly soh e cou ldn ’t h ea r a s h e g ot closer .

“ Sh h . Ser iou sly .”

“ You ’v e g ot to be fu ckin g kiddin g m e.” I looked a r ou n d foron e of ou r g u y s. Sh it , n obody .

Th e h om ely lookin g g u y w ith scr a g g ly h a ir a n d r ed ey esw a lked u p. “ Ma kin g n ew fr ien ds pet?” He a sked ta kin g h era r m .

“ Let h er g o.” I or der ed.

“ Fu ck y ou .” He tu r n ed on m e n ow .

“ Wh o a r e y ou to h er ?”

“ Non e of y ou r fu ckin g bu sin ess bitch .” He slu r r ed.

Oka y , I’v e been ca lled th a t befor e, bu t on ly pla y fu lly .Ca llin g m e a bitch like th is, w a s n ot g oin g to g o ov er w ell. Ith in k I ju st g r ew a g ia n t pa ir . “ Ca r efu l, th is bitch , w ill r ipy ou r ba lls off a n d sh ov e th em dow n y ou r th r oa t if y ou don ’tlet h er g o.”

“ Go a h ea d, g iv e it y ou r best sh ot .”

Befor e h e cou ld fin ish I boldly w a lked u p w ith m y tem per onHig h , g r a bbed h is dir ty ja cket a n d kn eed h im a s h a r d a s Icou ld r ig h t in th e n u ts.

He dou bled ov er r ea ch in g for m e, “ Ow ! Bitch !!”

I g r a bbed th e g ir l a n d sh ov ed h er a side befor e kickin g h imin th e ch est kn ockin g h im to th e g r ou n d. Wh en y ou w or k in aba r fu ll of r ow dy biker s y ou lea r n a th in g or tw o. Th is is on lyth e secon d t im e I’v e ev er lost it like th is.

He str u g g led to g et u p so I stom ped on h is g r oin kn ockin gth e w in d ou t of h im .

I tu r n ed a n d sa w Sta cy , “ Ta ke h er to Sa lin a ’s office, n ow !”

Sta cy im m edia tely took th e n ow cr y in g a n d scr ea m in g g ir la w a y ju st a s Joe sh ow ed u p.

“ Ca r ly !! Wh a t th e h ell is g oin g on ?”

“ Th is piece of sh it is r a pin g th a t th ir teen y ea r old g ir l,tr y in g to pa ss h er off like sh e’s old en ou g h .” I str u g g led to sa ybeca u se I’m a lm ost w in ded. Not fr om kickin g h is a ss, bu t th ea n g er th a t ex ploded in side m e g ot m y a dr en a lin e g oin g bigt im e.

Joe g r a bbed th e g u y a n d pu lled h im to h is feet . “ Is th istr u e?”

“ Hey m a n , I don ’t kn ow h ow old sh e is. I ju st like t ig h ty ou n g pu ssy .”

“ Sh e told m e sh e th in ks sh e’s th ir teen . How lon g h a v e y ouh a d h er ?” I a sked h im a s Joe kept h is g r ip on th e g u y s sh ir t .

“ I don ’t kn ow , h er m a m a dr opped h er on m y la p ten y ea r sa g o.”

Joe sh ov ed h im ba ck to th e g r ou n d a n d looked a t th eh a n dfu l of ou r g u y s th a t h a d g a th er ed n ow . “ Tie h im u p inth e g a r a g e u n til I fin d ou t w h a t ’s g oin g on .” He took m y a r ma n d w a lked m e to Sa lin a ’s office. “ Did y ou ju st kick h is a ss?”

“ I don ’t kn ow , bu t if h e’s been doin g w h a t it looks like h e’sbeen doin g , I’ll kill h im m y self if y ou don ’t g et r id of h im .” Ipr om ised.

Joe h eld th e door to Sa lin a ’s office for m e befor e follow in g m ein side.

Sta cy w a s tr y in g to con sole th e cr y in g g ir l.

I n odded for h er to step ba ck a n d kn elt in fr on t of th e g ir l,“ Hey , look a t m e. You ’r e sa fe h er e, h e ca n ’t tou ch y ou , n ota g a in .”

“ My ba by . He’ll kill m y ba by .”

I sa t h a r d on th e floor a s m em or ies sla pped m e in th e ba ck ofm y m in d. “ You h a v e a ba by w ith th a t ba sta r d?”

Sh e n odded cr y in g h a r der .

I looked u p a t Joe. “ Plea se, plea se g o g et th a t kid.” I beg g eda s m u ch for h er a s m y self.

“ You g ot it . Fir st I n eed to h ea r fr om h er . Wh a t ’s h e been

doin g to y ou ? A ll of it , don ’t lea v e a n y th in g ou t .” He or der edfir m ly .

Sh e ch oked. “ He m a kes m e do w h a tev er a w ife is su pposed todo. If I don ’t h e pu n ish es m e. He’s g oin g to kill m y ba by .”

“ No h on ey , h e’s n ot . We’v e g ot h im r estr a in ed. Wh a t elsedoes h e do? Tell m e n ow a n d w e’ll n ev er ta lk a bou t it a g a in ,oka y ?” I beg g ed h er .

Sh e lea n ed dow n a n d told m e in m y ea r . I don ’t bla m e h er . Icou ldn ’t im a g in e sa y in g th ese th in g s ou t lou d.

I sig h ed a n d h u g g ed h er w h en sh e sa t ba ck u p. Sh e flin ch edtr y in g to h u g m e ba ck so I lifted h er sh ir t . “ Oh sh it .” I tu r n edto Joe.

His ey es took on a n a n g er like I’v e n ev er kn ow n ju st befor eh e tu r n ed a n d w a lked ou t sla m m in g th e door beh in d h im .

We a ll ju m ped.

I looked a t Sta cy . “ Go g et Doc, a n d a bott le of w h iskey .”

“ You g ot it .” Sh e ech oed Joe’s w or ds.

I looked ba ck a t th e g ir l, “ Wh a t ’s y ou r n a m e sw eeth ea r t?”

Fr esh tea r s flow ed, “ Mich elle.”

“ Oka y Mich elle. Tr y to r ela x . Th a t big g u y w h o w a s ju sth er e, h e’s g oin g to fix th is. We’ll g et y ou r ba by for y ou a n dy ou ’ll n ev er see th a t m a n a g a in .”

“ I don ’t w a n t to g o in to foster ca r e.” Sh e’s r ea lly sca r ed.

I took h er h a n d, “ Look a t m e.”

Sh e did w ith sca r ed br ow n ey es.

“ It ’s oka y . If y ou don ’t w a n t to, y ou don ’t h a v e to. We’llfig u r e th is ou t , r ig h t n ow I w a n t y ou to r ela x .”

Doc kn ocked r ig h t befor e en ter in g w ith h is ba g . “ Hellola dies.” Doc is a lw a y s h a ppy .

“ Hey Doc. Th is is Mich elle. Sh e’s pr etty ba n g ed u p. Ca n y oulook h er ov er , m a ke su r e sh e’s oka y ?”

Mich elle pu lled h er kn ees u p. “ No.”

“ It ’s oka y Mich elle, h e’s a r ea l doctor , a n d I w on ’t lea v e th er oom . He’s n ot g oin g to h u r t y ou .” I pr om ised h er a s I took h erh a n d.

Sta cy ca m e ba ck a fter Doc w r a pped Mich elle’s m idsect ionbeca u se of som e br oken r ibs. He g a v e in str u ct ion s a n d som epa in pills for m e to dole ou t to h er in ca se sh e g ot su icida l.

Sta cy h eld u p th e bott le a n d th r ee pa per cu ps. “ Wh o n eeds ash ot?”

I looked a t Mich elle, “ I w a n t y ou to ta ke a cou ple sips to ca lmy ou r n er v es. Rem em ber w h a t Doc sa id a bou t tr y in g to sta yca lm a n d br ea th e so y ou don ’t g o in to sh ock?”

Sh e n odded st ill sh a kin g .

Sta cy pou r ed a lit t le bit in to a cu p a n d h a n ded it to h er .“ Dr in k th is h on ey . Goa t sen t Gu n n er , som e of th e g u y s, a n dtw o of m y g ir ls to g o g et y ou r ba by . He’ll be h er e soon .”

Sh e n odded a n d took a sip. “ Th a n k y ou .”

“ Sta y h er e w ith h er Sta cy . I’m g oin g to g o ch eck on th in g s.”I stopped a t th e door a n d looked ba ck a t h er , “ You r g ir ls?”

Sh e sh r u g g ed, “ Som eda y I’m g oin g to ta ke ov er a n d r u n

th in g s for y ou . You don ’t seem like th e Ma da m ty pe.”

I la u g h ed, “ You ’ll be g ood a t it . Th a n ks. I’ll be ba ck in a bit .”

I w a lked ov er to th e g a r a g e a n d fou n d Joe liter a llypou n din g th e h ell ou t of th e g u y . I flin ch ed a s h e pu n ch ed. Joecou ld kill a r h in o w ith th a t pu n ch .

“ Oka y ba be!” I kn ew better th a n to g et too close.

He stopped a n d looked a t m e, “ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g in h er e?”

“ I w a n t to m a ke su r e w e g et th e ba by befor e y ou kill h im .”

He stepped ba ck a n d looked a t Goa t . “ Ca ll Slider . Fin d Tin y .I w a n t th is m u th er fu cker ’s ta t .”

Goa t n odded a n d left .

“ You w a n t h is w h a t?” I a sked pickin g u p h is bloodied h a n d.I’m n ot su r e if it ’s h is blood, or fr om th e piece of m ea t n owslu m ped in a ch a ir .

“ His ta t too. I’m ta kin g h is cu t . No cu t , n o ta t .” He h eld m yja w w ith h is clea n h a n d a n d looked m e in th e ey es, “ If y ouev er g o a fter som ebody like th a t w ith ou t g ett in g m e fir st I’mg oin g to pu t a fu ckin g lea sh on y ou .”

“ Sor r y , th a t w a s stu pid, bu t I lost it w h en sh e told m e h owold sh e w a s.”

“ I didn ’t sa y I didn ’t u n der sta n d, I sa id don ’t do it a g a in .” Hefir m ly told m e.

I n odded, “ Oka y , sor r y .”

He kissed m e qu ickly befor e sta n din g u pr ig h t a g a in a s th r eela r g e biker s w a lked in w ith Goa t .

Th e on e w ea r in g th e Pr esiden t ba dg e su r v ey ed th e a r ea .“ Wh a t ’s g oin g on Joe?”

“ You r boy h er e h a s been r a pin g a th ir teen y ea r old g ir l.Kn ocked h er u p a n d bea ts h er . I w a n t h is cu t a n d h is ta t .”

“ Th a t g ir l h e br ou g h t toda y ?” Th e m a n a sked lookin g a t th eda m a g e Joe h a d don e to h is g u y .

“ Yes. Sh e’s in Sa lin a ’s office. My w ife ta lked to h er ea r lierton ig h t . I sa w th e br u ises on h er tor so.”

“ Sh e h a s tw o br oken r ibs a n d a lot of tea r in g , if y ou kn oww h a t I m ea n . Th er e’s a lso a la r g e kn ot on h er h ea d I w on ’t g oin to deta il a bou t , bu t let ’s sa y sh e didn ’t g et it fa llin g dow nsta ir s.” I ch im ed in .

“ Sh e h a s a kid w ith h im ?”

“ Yes. We sen t som e people to g et it .” Joe told h im .

Th e m a n kn ow n a s Tin y g ot in th e h a m bu r g er ’s fa ce. “ Th istr u e? You fu ckin ’ kids a n d w ea r in g m y color s?”

Th e bloody m ess n odded on ce. Tin y looked ov er a t th e tw om en w h o follow ed h im in . “ Ta ke th e cu t , see th a t th e ta t isr em ov ed pr oper ly a n d dr op h im a t th e h ospita l a cr oss tow n .”He looked a t Joe, “ With h is r a p sh eet h e w on ’t be ba ck. Sor r ybr oth er . Th is sh ou ldn ’t h a v e g on e dow n on y ou r tu r f.”

Joe took th e m a n s h a n d, “ A s lon g a s it ’s ta ken ca r e of.”

“ It w ill be. We oka y ?”

“ You bet . Ju st keep a better ey e on y ou r sh it . If Slider h ea r sa bou t som eth in g like th is a g a in h e’ll r epla ce y ou .”

“ I w ill.” He looked ba ck a t th e soon to be ex -m em ber , “ You

w a n t to do it? Or y ou w a n t m y g u y s to do it?”

“ I’ll do it . It ’s m y w ife w h o fou n d ou t , a n d m y ter r itor y .”

“ He’s a ll y ou r s. Wh a t a bou t th e g ir l?” Tin y looked a t m e.

“ Sh e sta y s w ith m e.” I in sisted.

He n odded. “ Let m e kn ow if th er e’s a n y th in g else I ca n do.”

“ Th er e is. You ca n g et a don a t ion tog eth er to h elp h er g eth er life tog eth er .” I don ’t kn ow w h er e th a t ca m e fr om , bu t itseem ed n a tu r a l to a sk.

“ Don e.” He w a v ed for h is g u y s a n d left .

I looked a t Joe. “ Wa it u n t il w e h a v e th e kid in ca se h e lied.”

“ No pr oblem . Go g et m e a beer w h ile w e w a it .”

“ Will do. Th a n k y ou , for sta n din g by m e, a n d u p for h er .”

“ Th is sh it doesn ’t h a ppen in ou r clu b, n ot u n der m y w a tch .Slider is g oin g to h it th e r oof.”

“ He’s on h is w a y ba ck. Wh en I ca lled a n d told h im I cou ldh ea r Sa lin a y ellin g a t h im to sta y pu t .” Goa t sa id sh a r pen in ga la r g e kn ife. He h a n ded it to Gu n n er , “ Wa n t th e h on or sbr oth er ?”

Gu n n er sm iled w ickedly a n d took th e kn ife, “ Fu ck y ea h .”

I left to g o g et th a t beer . I’m a fr a id to a sk w h a t th ey pla n todo w ith th e kn ife. A fter g ett in g Joe h is beer a n d ch eckin g onMich elle I w en t to w a it by th e g a te w ith a join t for th e ba by .

Wh en th ey a r r iv ed I h a d Doc ch eck ou t th e lit t le on e befor eh a n d deliv er in g h im to h is y ou n g m oth er . Sh e con fir m ed itw a s h im so I w en t ba ck to th e g a r a g e to g iv e Joe th e oka y .

Slider w a lked in r ig h t a s I w a s a bou t to lea v e. “ Hey Red. Ih ea r y ou been bu sy .”

“ Ju st sa v in g y ou n g g ir ls fr om r a pe a n d bea t in g s. A ll in ada y s w or k.” I h u g g ed Sa lin a .

“ Goa t , g iv e m e th e r u n dow n th en let ’s g et th is ov er w ith .”Slider or der ed.

I took Sa lin a ’s h a n d, “ I don ’t w a n t to see th is.”

Sh e w en t w ith m e h a ppily , “ No, y ou don ’t . He’ll on lyscr ea m for a few m in u tes befor e pa ssin g ou t fr om th e pa in .Th e kn ife is better , th e la st g u y g ot h is bu r n ed off a n d th eg a r a g e stu n k for a m on th .”

“ Oh g r oss.”

“ Wh er e’s th e g ir l?”

“ In y ou r office. Wh a t sh ou ld I do w ith h er ?”

“ Good qu est ion . Let ’s g o ta lk to h er .”

We fou n d Sta cy tellin g Mich elle som e fu n n y stor y th a tseem ed to h a v e th e g ir l m or e r ela x ed.

Sa lin a m otion ed for Sta cy to sta y sea ted w h en sh e stood u pa s w e w a lked in . “ Don ’t g et u p.” Sh e looked a t Mich elle g en t lylift in g h er ch in , “ How old a r e y ou h on ey ?”

“ I th in k th ir teen or fou r teen . I’m n ot su r e.”

“ You been w ith h im a ll y ou r life?”

Sh e n odded.

“ Well, y ou ’r e w ith u s n ow . Nobody w ill h u r t y ou a g a in .”Sa lin a w en t on to in tr odu ce h er self a n d a sked to h old th e

ba by .

I w en t ov er to w h er e Sta cy h a d booze a n d stole a sip, “ Youkn ow a n y body th a t ca n don a te som e kid stu ff for ton ig h t?”

“ Yu p. My sister h a s a sh it loa d of kids. Bitch br eeds like ar a bbit . I’ll ta ke h er th er e ton ig h t , it ’ll be ea sier sin ce it ’s sola te. I ca lled h er a lit t le w h ile a g o. Sh e’s g ett in g r ea dy for u sn ow .”

I took a lon g er look a t Sta cy , “ You r ea lly a r e g oin g to be ag ood Ma da m . I’m g oin g to sta r t h a n din g th in g s ov er to y oufr om h er e on in . Oka y ?”

Sh e h eld h er h a n d ou t for m e to sh a ke, “ Dea l.”

“ Dea l.” Fr om th a t n ig h t on Sta cy beca m e th e th ir dm u sketeer . Sa lin a , Sta cy , a n d I w ill g o th r ou g h a lot of sh it iny ea r s to com e, bu t tog eth er , w e com e th r ou g h it closer , a n dbetter for it .

6

Th e n ex t m or n in g I picked u p Mich elle fr om Sta cy ’s sisterbeca u se Sta cy w a s w a it in g for a deliv er y a t th e clu b.

Th e ba by slept in th e ba ck sea t w ith Mich elle. I’mbor r ow in g a n in fa n t ca r sea t fr om on e of th e m em ber s. I g u essI better ta ke th is g ir l sh oppin g . I looked in th e m ir r or , “ Howy ou doin g ?”

Sh e looked ou t th e w in dow . “ Sca r ed.”

“ Of w h a t?”

“ Ev er y th in g . Befor e I w a s a fr a id of h im , n ow I don ’t ev enkn ow w h a t to be a fr a id of, I ju st a m .” Sh e a dm itted.

“ Tr y to br ea th e. I w on ’t let a n y th in g h a ppen to y ou ,n eith er w ill Sa lin a . Slider w ill m a ke su r e y ou g et w h a t y oun eed to g et y ou r life tog eth er . Sa lin a a n d I w ill be h er e fory ou . You ’r e n ot a lon e. Sor r y to du m p y ou on a str a n g er la stn ig h t .”

“ Th a t ’s oka y , it took m y m in d off ev er y th in g . Th a t w om a nh a s a lot of kids.”

I la u g h ed, “ So I sa w . Did y ou g et a n y sleep??”

Sh e sm iled, “ No, bu t I w ou ldn ’t h a v e a n y w a y , so it w or kedou t . I told h er I cou ld ba by sit for ch ea p sin ce I g ot n oth in gelse.”

“ Th a t ’s a g ood idea . We’ll fig u r e it a ll ou t , don ’t be a fr a idsw eeth ea r t , n obody h er e is g oin g to h u r t y ou .” I tr ied toa ssu r e h er .

Sh e w iped a tea r a w a y . “ Th a n ks. If m y son is sa fe th a t ’s a ll In eed.” Sh e looked dow n a t h im .

“ Wh a t ’s h is n a m e?”

“ I don ’t kn ow , I ju st ca ll h im m on key .”

“ Th a t ca n be h is clu b n a m e, bu t h e sh ou ld h a v e a pr opern a m e.” I w in ked a t h er in th e m ir r or .

Sh e sa t ba ck like sh e w a s th in kin g . “ Wh a t ’s y ou r h u sba n d’sn a m e?”

“ Joe.”

“ Too pla in . I w a n t h im to be differ en t .” Sh e decided.

“ I a lw a y s th ou g h t Sh a le w a s a cool n a m e.” I sa id a bsen t ly .Th er e’s n o w a y th is g ir l is g oin g to let som ebody else n a m eh er ba by . I w ou ldn ’t . Ma y be I’m selfish . It ’s pr oba bly Joer u bbin g off on m e.

“ Hm m . I like th a t . Let m e th in k a bou t it .”

I pa r ked th e fa n cy Mer cedes a n d h elped h er ou t of th e ba cksea t . “ We’ll sta r t ou t in th e clu bh ou se. Th er e’s a n a pa r tm en tin th e ba ck w ith a ba th r oom y ou ca n set u p ca m p in for n ow . Idon ’t th in k w e’r e ex pect in g g u ests a n y t im e soon .”

“ Th a n ks. I w on der if I ca n w a it ta bles h er e.”

“ Sin ce I ow n it , w e’ll see. You ’r e a lit t le y ou n g , bu t I th in k Ica n fig u r e som eth in g ou t .” I open ed th e door so sh e cou ldca r r y th e ba by in side.

“ Holy sh it .” Sh e sa id befor e m y ey es cou ld a dju st .

“ Oh m y God. Wow . Th ese people w or k fa st .” Th er e’s am ou n ta in of ba by stu ff in th e m iddle of th e da n ce floor . I

th in k th ey don a ted ev er y th in g th is kid w ill n eed u n til h e’slike fiv e y ea r s old. Da n g .

“ Is th is for m e?” Sh e a sked sit t in g in a ch a ir .

I sa w a h u g e ca r d a n d h eld it ou t for h er , “ It h a s y ou r n a m eon it .”

“ You open it .” Sh e sh ow ed m e sh a kin g h a n ds.

“ Oka y . Br ea th e.” I sa id open in g th e ca r d. It w a s a tw o footca r d w elcom in g a ba by boy in to th e w or ld. I sh ow ed it to h era n d r ea d w h a t Sa lin a h a d w r it ten a lon g th e bottom :

Michelle and baby,

Welcom e to Exiles . We take care of our ow n. All of this isyours . Make the m ost of a fresh s tart.

Love, Salina and the club.

Sh e fin a lly took th e ca r d, h eld it to h er h ea r t , a n d cr ied.

Wh en sh e ca lm ed dow n en ou g h I pu lled h er u p a n d h u g g edh er . “ I kn ew th ey ’d h elp y ou ou t , bu t th is ev en su r pr ises m e.”I la u g h ed.

Sh e la u g h ed a t th e en d of h er cr y ju st a s Sa lin a a n d a n olderla dy w a lked in .

Sa lin a cla pped h er h a n ds on ce a n d sa id, “ Da m n !! Now th a t ’sw h a t I ca ll g en er osity ! I a sked for don a t ion s, a n d th ey a lw a y scom e th r ou g h , bu t da m n !”

I h u g g ed Sa lin a , “ Th a n k y ou , th is is a w esom e.”

I looked a t th e oth er la dy , “ Hi, I’m Ca r ly .” I h eld m y h a n dou t for h er to sh a ke.

Sh e h eld h er h a n ds u p, “ Sor r y , m y a r th r it is is so ba d if Ish a ke y ou r h a n d I’ll be in pa in th e r est of th e da y .”

“ How a bou t a h u g th en ?”

“ Sou n ds g ood. I’m Jea n n ie. Nice to m eet y ou Ca r ly .” Weh u g g ed.

“ You too.”

Sa lin a pu lled a cou ple ch a ir s ou t a n d m otion ed for u s to sit ,“ Her e’s th e dea l. Jea n n ie’s h u sba n d lost a leg to dia betes, a n dh er a r th r it is is m a kin g it too difficu lt to h elp h im ou t like sh eu sed to. Sh e a g r eed to let Mich elle m ov e in , in ex ch a n g e forh elp a r ou n d th e h ou se.”

Mich elle looked a t m e, “ Rea lly ?”

“ Don ’t look a t m e.” I n odded to Jea n n ie.

Jea n n ie took Mich elle’s h a n d g en t ly . “ I w a s a colleg epr ofessor u n t il m y h a n ds g a v e ou t . I’ll ca tch y ou u p on y ou redu ca t ion . If y ou don ’t m a ke it to pu blic sch ool for a pr operg r a du a t ion I’ll m a ke su r e y ou g et th e h om e sch ool equ iv a len t .Oka y h on ey ?”

Mich elle picked u p h er ba by a n d h u g g ed h im beca u se h esta r ted fu ssin g . “ I don ’t kn ow w h a t to sa y .”

“ You don ’t n eed to sa y a n y th in g , ex cept th a t y ou ’r e g oodw ith th is.”

Sh e n odded. “ I ca n ’t believ e y ou ’r e a ll bein g so n ice to m e.”

“ Th is is h ow it ’s su pposed to be Mich elle.” Sa lin a told h er .“ Wh a t h a ppen ed to y ou n ev er sh ou ld h a v e h a ppen ed. Tin ysh ou ld h a v e seen w h a t w a s g oin g on , bu t h e m issed it . Tin y isu n der Slider ’s com m a n d, w e ta ke ca r e of ou r bu sin ess a n d ou r

fa m ily .” Sa lin a looked a t m e, “ How did Tin y m iss th is?”

I sh r u g g ed.

Mich elle sa id, “ He kept m e h idden in h is h ou se, n obodykn ew a bou t m e u n til th is r u n . I g u ess h e th ou g h t I looked olden ou g h n ow to pa ss a s h is old la dy .”

I sig h ed, “ Well, it ’s ov er n ow . Let ’s r ou n d u p som e pr ospectsa n d g et y ou sett led in a t Jea n n ie a n d Bill’s.”

Jea n n ie offer ed to ta ke th e fu ssy ba by a n d Mich elle g la dlyoblig ed. “ I th in k I ca n h old a bott le, bu t dia per ch a n g in gm ig h t be ou t . You r r oom n eeds to be clea n ed u p too, bu t th a t ’sw h a t pr ospects a r e for .” Sh e looked a t Sa lin a , “ Th a n k y ou Sa l.I w a s r ea lly w or r ied a bou t h ow I w a s g oin g to ta ke ca r e ofBill.”

“ Com e on , let ’s g o pla y Ma r th a Stew a r t a n d g et th is g ir l’sn ew life sta r ted.” So w e did. It took u p m ost of th e da y , bu t w eh a d a bla st . Sta cy join ed u s for a few h ou r s befor e I g a v e h erth e ch or e of sett in g u p a da ta ba se on h er la ptop to tr a ck th eg ir ls sch edu les a n d m on ey .

Sa lin a a n d I h a d dr iv en sepa r a tely in ca se on e ou r old m enca lled u s off for som e r ea son or a n oth er , so I w en t str a ig h th om e to sh ow er a n d ca tch a n a p befor e Joe g ot h om e.

I la u g h ed w h en I open ed th e g a r a g e a n d h is bike w a sa lr ea dy in side. I looked a t th e clock on th e da sh of th eMer cedes a n d r ea lized w h y , it ’s a fter six . Wh oops.

I w en t in side a n d fou n d h im in th e kitch en lookin g in th efr idg e. “ Hey ba by . Hu n g r y ?”

“ Fu ckin g sta r v in g .” He com pla in ed.

I h opped on m y toes a n d kissed h im . “ Go sit , I’ll fix y ousom eth in g .” I’m r ea lly too t ir ed to cook, bu t I sh ou ld fix h imsom eth in g . It ’s n ot th a t h e’s ex pect in g m e to, bu t I feel like Iow e h im for sta n din g by m e du r in g th e w h ole Mich elle th in g .

“ Wh y a r e y ou so la te? A n d w h er e’s y ou r ph on e? I ca lled y outw ice.” He sm a cked m e on th e bu tt a n d w en t to sit a t th ekitch en ba r .

“ It w a s a bu sy da y g ett in g Mich elle m ov ed in . I th in k th eyca n ta ke it fr om h er e.”

“ Let m e g u ess, y ou st ill h a v en ’t dea lt w ith th is bir th con tr oly ou ’r e in sist in g on ?” He is g r ou ch y .

“ Sh it , n o. I keep g ett in g distr a cted by oth er stu ff.” I fou n dth e sa u sa g e a n d pu t it in a bow l to sta r t m ea tba lls for pa sta .

“ Ta ke ca r e of it tom or r ow .” He or der ed.

“ I’ll t r y . I m ea n t to do it toda y .”

“ Don ’t tr y , do it .” His ton e is n ot g ett in g n icer .

I stopped a n d looked a t h im , “ Giv e m e a br ea k w ill y ou ? I’ma lit t le bu sy doin g sh it I h a v e n o idea h ow to h a n dle. It ’s beena cr a zy w eek a n d I don ’t n eed y ou g iv in g m e h ell on top of it .”

“ Com e h er e.” He w a v ed m e ov er sta n din g u p.

I sig h ed a n d br a ced m y self for h is tem per a s I w a lkeda r ou n d to h im . I looked u p, “ Wh a t?”

He pu t on e of h is la r g e fin g er s u n der m y ch in a n d low er ed,“ Go see Doc tom or r ow or I’m g oin g to be pissed. I’m lea v in g inth e m or n in g for a job u p in Sea tt le. I’ll be g on e a bou t fiv eda y s. If y ou ’r e n ot on it w h en I g et ba ck I’m tu r n in g y ou ov erm y kn ee.” He th r ea ten ed.

“ Oka y , ca lm dow n . It ’s n ot like I’m doin g th is on pu r pose.” Isu n k m y fin g er s in to h is h a ir a n d pu lled h im in for a m u chbetter h ello kiss.

His stom a ch g r ow led m a kin g m e la u g h so I pu lled ba ck.“ Let m e feed y ou so I ca n ta ke a bu bble ba th . I’m dea d on m yfeet a fter toda y .”

He sm a cked m y bu tt a g a in , h e does th is pla y fu lly , it doesn ’th u r t . “ Hu r r y u p. I pla n to g et y ou n a ked a n d on th a t bed a ssoon a s y ou ’r e don e.”

“ If I don ’t fa ll a sleep fir st .” I la u g h ed fin din g som e w in e tocook by .

“ I’ll w a ke y ou u p.” He’s lost th e g r u m py ton e n ow .

“ No dou bt . How w a s y ou r da y ? I didn ’t see y ou w ith a ll m ydr a m a .”

“ Noth in g u n u su a l, ex cept Gu n n er ’s pa n ic w h en h e g ot th er esu lts of a DNA test fr om a ch ick h e w a s a ccu sed of kn ockin gu p.”

“ Oh y ea h ? I didn ’t kn ow th ey cou ld do DNA tests befor e aba by w a s bor n .”

“ I don ’t kn ow a n y th in g a bou t it , ex cept h e w a s da m n h a ppyw h en it ca m e u p n o w h er e close to h is kid.”

“ Wh a t h a ppen ed to th e g ir l?”

“ He sh ow ed h er th e g a te a n d told h er to h a v e a n ice life.”

I la u g h ed, “ Sou n ds like Gu n n er . Th a t m a n h a s m or e tr ou blew ith w om en .”

We a te tog eth er a t th e kitch en ba r ch a tt in g like w h a t I ca n

on ly a ssu m e cou ples do. It w a s oddly dom est ic. I lookeda r ou n d a n d r ea lized I st ill h a v e a lot of u n pa ckin g to do h er e.Gr ea t . A fter I see Doc tom or r ow I’ll focu s on th a t w h ile Joe isou t of tow n .

“ A r e y ou g oin g to ca ll m e w h ile y ou ’r e g on e?” I a sked w h enh e pu lled m y sh ir t off ov er m y h ea d a s h e ba cked m e to th ebedr oom .

“ I a m .” He a ssu r ed m e.

“ Good. It ’s g on n a be w eir d bein g h er e w ith ou t y ou .”

“ Spea kin g of w eir d, I w a n t a fa v or befor e I g o.”

“ Wh en a r e y ou lea v in g ex a ct ly ?”

“ Fir st th in g in th e m or n in g , y ou ca n sleep in for on ce.”

“ Wh a t ’s th e fa v or ?” I h elped h im fin ish u n dr essin g m e a n dtu g g ed h is sh ir t to ta ke it off. He’s too ta ll for m e to g et it ov erh is h ea d.

He h a ppily oblig ed tossin g it a side. He flu ffed th e g ir ls, “ Iw a n t th ese,” h e u n fa sten ed h is belt , “ a r ou n d th is.”

“ Th a t doesn ’t sou n d w eir d.”

“ It cou ld be a lit t le m essy by th e t im e I’m don e.”

“ I th in k I’ll liv e.” I la id ba ck on th e bed a n d w a tch ed a s th isbig bea u tifu l m a n kicked ou t of h is jea n s a n d cr a w led ov erm e. He kissed m e u n til I w a s lost in h im . Th en h e kissed m e inth e pla ce th a t m a kes m e g r ip cov er s for dea r life.

A s I r ecov er ed h e slid u p a n d pu t m y h a n ds w h er e h ew a n ted so h e cou ld fu lfill h is fa n ta sy . I w a tch ed h is fa ce a s h ew a tch ed h im self betw een th e g ir ls. I like h ow m u ch h e’s

en joy in g m y body . He doesn ’t ju st w a n t to selfish ly ‘g et off’,h e w a n ts to plea se, to lin g er , to w a llow , for h is plea su r e a sm u ch a s m in e.

Wh en h e g ot close I kn ew to br a ce for h is r elea se. Let ’s ju stsa y bein g sh ot in th e fa ce h a s a w h ole n ew m ea n in g . Bein gth e n ice g u y h e is h e ju m ped u p a n d br ou g h t m e a cou pletow els, on e w et a n d on e dr y .

“ Sor r y ba by , bu t th a n k y ou . I’v e been w a n tin g to do th a t .”

I la u g h ed clea n in g u p. “ Don ’t a polog ize. If y ou ’r e h a ppy , I’mh a ppy . Besides, y ou r fa ce w a s pr iceless.” I tea sed a n d cu r ledu p a g a in st h im . On ce a g a in I dr a ped m y leg ov er h is w a s ou tcold in secon ds. He’s like a big str on g sa fe pillow .

Th e n ex t m or n in g h e kissed m e lon g a n d h a r d befor e Iw a tch ed h im r ide off for fiv e da y s. Fir st th in g I did w a s g o seeDoc like h e in sisted.

I w a s a fr a id w e’d h a v e to w a it for th e pill to kick in befor ew e cou ld ta ke th is to th e n ex t lev el, bu t Doc h a s som e kin d ofsh ot th a t ta kes effect in for ty eig h t h ou r s. He told m e w h a t itw a s, bu t I for g et . A ll I kn ow is I n eed a fr esh sh ot ev er y th r eem on th s a n d if m y per iod disa ppea r s, n ot to be su r pr ised. Godbless Doc.

I spen t th e n ex t fiv e da y s g ett in g th e h ou se in or der . Sa lin aca m e by to h elp a n d dr in k w in e w h en sh e cou ld. Sh e’s a bu syg ir l keepin g Slider ’s books. We ta lked a lot a bou t w h a t to dow ith th e ba r w h ile th e pr ospects scr u bbed a n d clea n ed it .

Joe ca lled m e tw ice a da y . He didn ’t sa y m u ch ex cept to a skw h a t I w a s doin g , sa y h e lov ed m e, a n d tell m e to beh a v e. Ia lw a y s g ot th e ‘I lov e y ou ’ ju st befor e h e h u n g u p, n ot g iv in gm e a n y t im e to r espon d. I’m pr etty su r e I lov e h im , a n d I’d

tell h im if h e g a v e m e a ch a n ce. Ma y be w h en h e g ets h om e.A lth ou g h it sou n ds ch eesy to tell h im I lov e h im r ig h t w h enw e’r e a bou t to m a ke lov e. I w a n t h im to kn ow it ’s r ea l, a n dn ot ju st som e sex in du ced r ea ct ion .

By th e fifth da y I h a d th in g s pu t a w a y , la u n dr y a n d dish esw er e don e, a n d m y w in e g la ss w a s fu ll a s I flipped th r ou g h th ech a n n els on th e TV th e sa tellite g u y h a d in sta lled ea r lier th a tda y . Now a ll I h a v e to do is w a it for Joe. I w a s g ett in gbu tter flies w on der in g if h e’d w a lk in a n d a tta ck m e r ig h ta w a y , or sedu ce m e m a kin g su r e it ’s w h a t I w a n ted. Eith erw a y is fin e w ith m e.

My ph on e r a n g a t sev en -th ir ty . “ Hello?”

“ Hey Red, it ’s Goa t . You n eed to com e to th e clu b.”

“ Is Joe oka y ?” I felt sick su dden ly .

“ Yes a n d n o. Ph y sica lly h e’s fin e, bu t w e lost a cou ple g u y stoda y a n d h e’s a ll fu cked u p a bou t it . He th in ks it ’s h is fa u lt .”He ex pla in ed. “ Ju st g et dow n h er e. We ca n ’t g et n ea r h imw ith ou t h im g iv in g u s th e ev il ey e, ev en Slider w on ’t g o n ea rh im .”

“ I’m on m y w a y .” I dr ov e qu ickly ba ck to th e clu b a n d a llbu t r a n ov er th e g u y s open in g th e g a te.

Joe is sit t in g a t a picn ic ta ble w ith h is elbow s on h is kn eessta r in g a t th e g r ou n d a n d h is kn ee bou n cin g u p a n d dow nqu ickly .

I w a lked u p, “ Hey , let ’s g o h om e.”

“ Get ou t of h er e Ca r ly .” He or der ed w ith ou t lookin g a t m e.

“ Not a ch a n ce, a n d n ot w ith ou t y ou . Com e on . We’ll dea l

w ith th is pr iv a tely . You don ’t n eed to be sit t in g h er e like th is,it ’s n ot g ood for y ou or th e clu b.” Pu llin g th e clu b ca r d w a slow , bu t I kn ew if I w a s g oin g to keep h im fr om pu sh in g m ea w a y I w a s g oin g to h a v e to fig h t dir ty .

He looked u p a n d poin ted to th e ca r , “ GET OUT!!”

“ I sa id n o. Com e on , ju st g et in th e ca r .” I sta y ed ca lmbeca u se I kn ew it w ou ldn ’t do a n y g ood to y ell ba ck a t h im .

“ Godda m m it Ca r ly ! Wh en I tell y ou to do som eth in g y oufu ckin g do it !!” He’s r ea lly pissed, bu t I cou ld see it w a sn ’tr ea lly a t m e.

“ Is th a t w h a t h a ppen ed? Did y ou tell th em to do som eth in ga n d it g ot th em killed?” I a sked tr y in g to pr y it ou t of h im . Ikn ew h e w a s u sed to bossin g people a r ou n d, a n d to y ell a t m elike th is, it h a d to be r ela ted.

He set th ose a n g r y ey es on m e a n d I h a d to for ce m y self n otto r u n a n d lock m y self in th e ca r . “ Ju st like y ou ’r e doin g n ow ,th ey didn ’t fu ckin g do w h a t I told th em .”

“ Th a t ch a n g es ev er y th in g Joe. If th ey w er e su pposed to dow h a t y ou told th em , a n d didn ’t . Th is isn ’t y ou r fa u lt .”

“ Wh a t th e fu ck do y ou kn ow ?”

“ Wh a t don ’t I kn ow ? Wh a t else h a ppen ed?”

He let ou t a deep br ea th I g et th e feelin g h e’d been h oldin gw ith ou t r ea lizin g it . “ I sh ou ld h a v e m a de su r e th ey follow edor der s. Th is isn ’t th e m ilita r y .”

“ No, bu t it ’s pr etty da m n close. Wh a t h a ppen s w h en Sliderg iv es a n or der a n d it ’s n ot follow ed?”

“ Th a t ’s n ot th e poin t .”

“ I believ e it is. You ’r e sh ou lder in g g u ilt th a t ’s n ot y ou r s tosh ou lder . I’v e on ly been a r ou n d biker s for th r ee y ea r s, a n dkn ee deep in th is clu b for a lit t le ov er a w eek, bu t I kn owen ou g h to kn ow y ou follow or der s or ba d sh it h a ppen s. Th isisn ’t y ou r fa u lt Joe.”

“ Com e h er e.”

I stepped closer so h e cou ld w r a p h is a r m s a r ou n d m y w a ista n d r est h is h ea d a g a in st m y stom a ch . “ I sh ou ld h a v e g on ew ith th em , m a de su r e th ey did w h a t I told th em .”

I pu t m y h a n ds on h is h ea d a n d h eld h im , “ You ca n ’tba by sit ev er y body .”

“ Ta ke m e h om e.” He stood u p let t in g m e g o.

“ Gla dly .”

He didn ’t sa y a n y th in g th e du r in g th e sh or t r ide, so I keptth e r a dio on low . On ce in side th e h ou se h e looked a r ou n d,“ Looks g ood.”

“ Th a n ks. Go clea n u p a n d g et com for ta ble. I’ll fix y ousom eth in g to ea t .”

He w en t str a ig h t for th e bedr oom w ith ou t a w or d. I g u essh e’s g oin g to be m oody for a w h ile. I don ’t bla m e h im .

I w a s r ea dy for h im to be h u n g r y w h en h e g ot h om e so Ifix ed h im a n ice cou ple filets, ba ked pota to a n d fr esh cor n I’dcu t off th e cob. I like cor n on th e cob, bu t I ca n fla v or it betterif I cu t it off. Plu s I don ’t look like su ch a n idiot ea t in g it .

Joe ca m e dow n th e h a ll ju st in t im e for m e to slide h im apla te, “ Beer ?”

“ No, w h iskey .” He sa t to ea t fa st like h e a lw a y s does.

I pou r ed h im a tu m bler a n d follow ed it w ith a g la ss of icew a ter ju st in ca se h e w a s in ter ested.

He looked u p, “ A r en ’t y ou g oin g to ea t?”

“ I a te a r ou n d fiv e beca u se I w a sn ’t su r e w h a t t im e y ou w er ecom in g h om e.”

“ Fa ir en ou g h .” He fin ish ed clea r in g h is pla te. “ Th a t w a sg ood, th a n k y ou .”

“ I’m g la d y ou liked it . How y ou doin g ?” I a sked pu tt in g h ispla te a n d silv er w a r e in th e dish w a sh er .

He dow n ed th e tw o fin g er sh ot a n d pou r ed a n oth er .“ Wh en ev er I lose som eon e u n der m y com m a n d it fu cks m eu p. Th ose people a r e m y r espon sibility , a n d w h en som eon edies it m ea n s I didn ’t do m y job. I eith er didn ’t tr a in th empr oper ly , or I sh ou ld h a v e kn ow n th ey w er en ’t u p to th eta sk.”

“ I u n der sta n d.” I w a n ted to tell h im th e m en a r e u n derSlider ’s com m a n d, bu t th a t seem ed to deter fr om th e poin t h ew a s r ea lly tr y in g to m a ke. Plu s I w a n ted to be th e listen ern ow , n ot th e on e to tr y a n d con v in ce h im h e w a s w r on g .

“ How cou ld y ou ? You ’v e n ev er com m a n ded a n a r m y ofm en .” He sn a pped a t m e.

“ No, bu t I’m n ot stu pid. Ju st im a g in in g th a t kin d ofr espon sibility is sca r y . A n d m a y be I do g et it to som e ex ten t . Ifeel like th e g ir ls a r e m y r espon sibility . I ch ose to lea d th em ,or g a n ize th em , a n d in r etu r n I feel like I n eed to pr otect th ema n d th e g u y s. Th en y ou th r ow in Mich elle, a n d y ea h , m a y be Ido g et it . I sa v ed h er life, n ow it ’s m y r espon sibility to see th a tsh e’s oka y a n d g ets a ch a n ce a t th e life a ch ild deser v es.” I

r a m bled a lit t le, bu t I w a s a lso th in kin g ou t lou d.

“ Ma y be y ou do g et it .” He sa t ba ck dr in kin g a lit t le m or e.

“ A r e y ou g oin g to be a m ea n dr u n k?” I a sked sippin g m yw in e h a v in g fin ish ed clea n in g th e kitch en .

“ No. You don ’t h a ppen to h a v e a join t on y ou do y ou ?”

“ A lw a y s.” I w a lked ov er to m y pu r se a n d pu lled on e ou tfr om th e silv er cig a r ette ca se I’d bou g h t m y self a s a tr ea t forsu r v iv in g m y ex . I lit it a n d h a n ded it to h im . “ Rick g ets som eg ood ch r on ic, so ta ke it ea sy if y ou ’r e n ot u sed to it .”

He took a cou ple h its. “ Not ba d.” He h a n ded it ba ck.“ Th a n ks ba by . You did g ood ton ig h t .”

I sh r u g g ed, “ Wh a t ’s a n old la dy for ?” I took a h it a n dh a n ded it ba ck. “ It ’s a ll y ou r s. Th er e’s plen ty m or e if y oun eed it .”

He fin ish ed it a n d w en t to th e cou ch w ith a fr esh w h iskey .He la id h is h ea d ba ck a n d closed h is ey es. “ I h a te m em or ia lr u n s.”

I clim bed on h im str a ddlin g h is la p a n d g en t ly scr a tch in gh is sh ir t ov er h is ch est . “ We’ll do a big ch a r ity for th em a n dset u p a fu n d for don a t ion s to th eir fa m ilies.”

“ Doesn ’t m a ke u p for th e loss.” He lifted h is h ea d to fin d m ew ith slig h t ly r ed ey es n ow . “ You do w h a t I told y ou ?”

“ I a lr ea dy told y ou y es on th e ph on e, bu t w e’r e n ot doin gth is ton ig h t , n ot like th is.” I tu g g ed h is bea r d I lov e so m u ch .

“ I kn ow . I w ou ldn ’t be m u ch g ood in th is m ood.” He fin ish edh is dr in k a n d r ested h is h a n ds on m y h ips. “ Not h a v in g y oun ea r by th e la st few da y s su cked.”

“ Yea h , I g ot a lit t le lon ely too. Th a t ’s w h y th is pla ce is w a ytoo clea n a n d u n pa cked.” I sm iled scr a tch in g h is ch in .

“ It ’s n ice to h a v e a h om e for a ch a n g e. I’v e liv ed in sh ith oles for th e la st n in e y ea r s.”

“ Ca n I a sk a fa v or sin ce y ou ’r e h ig h a n d dr u n k?”

“ Wh a t?” He looked su spiciou s.

“ Ca n I g et a cu stom ba th tu b pu t in ? I’ll keep it on th e dow nlow , bu t it w ou ld be n ice if y ou cou ld join m e a n d n ot sen d a llth e w a ter on to th e floor .” I la u g h ed a lit t le a t th e m em or y .

“ Go for it . Th a t ’s n ot a big dea l. I h a v e too m u ch m on ey fory ou to spen d in on e lifet im e, bu t I don ’t w a n t a n y on e to kn owa bou t it . People g et stu pid w h en th ey th in k y ou ’r e r ich , th eysta r t lookin g for ex cu ses to bor r ow it w ith n o in ten t ion ofpa y in g it ba ck. Or th ey th in k y ou ’r e som e kin d of ch a r ity ju stfor th em .” He com pla in ed.

“ Ma y be I sh ou ld tr a de th e Mer cedes for a Ch r y sler .” I joked.

“ Fu ck n o. Som e th in g s a r en ’t n eg ot ia ble.” He scoldedt icklin g m e.

“ I w a s kiddin g !!” I la u g h ed h a ppy to h a v e ch a n g ed th esu bject a n d h is m ood.

He stopped, “ Do m e a fa v or a n d pu t som e m in dless m ov ie ona n d let m e h old y ou u n til I pa ss ou t .”

I w or ked m y w a y to sta n din g a n d took h is h a n d, “ Com e on ,w e’ll w a tch it in th e bedr oom so y ou ca n sleep com for ta bly .”

“ You g ot TV in th e bedr oom ?”

“ Yea h , I fig u r e it w ill h elp m e sleep w h en y ou g o on th ese

ov er n ig h t jobs. Tu r n s ou t I don ’t sleep w ell u n less y ou r big a ssis w r a pped a ll a r ou n d m e.” I tea sed.

“ I’m g oin g to g o ta lk to th e g u y ’s fa m ilies tom or r owm or n in g . A fter th a t I’m ta kin g th e r est of th e da y off. A r e y ousu r e y ou ’r e r ea dy ?” He a sked on th e w a y dow n th e h a ll.

“ I’m r ea dy . I ju st don ’t w a n t y ou w h ile y ou ’r e in tox ica ted.”

“ No a r g u m en t th er e, ju st m a kin g su r e.”

I pu lled th e cov er s ba ck for h im to clim b in , “ I g ot fa n cysh eets, h ope y ou don ’t m in d.”

He str ipped dow n a n d cr a w led in to w a tch m e u n dr ess fr ombetw een th e sh eets, “ Wh a t ’s fa n cy ?”

“ I g u ess y ou h a v e to be a g ir l to kn ow th e differ en ce.”

He pu lled m e in to h is sh ou lder w h ile I tu r n ed on th e TV . “ A slon g a s y ou r in th em th a t ’s a ll th e fa n cy I ca r e a bou t .”

“ I kn ow y ou m ig h t n ot r em em ber th is in th e m or n in g , bu t Ilov e y ou .”

He h u g g ed m e, “ A bou t t im e y ou fig u r ed th a t ou t .”

I poked h is side, “ Th a t ’s n ot n ice.”

“ I lov e y ou too ba be. Th a n ks for dr a g g in g m e dow n fr om th eclock tow er ton ig h t .”

I w r a pped a r ou n d h im h a v in g fou n d a com edy I th ou g h th e’d en joy fa llin g a sleep to. “ A n y t im e.”

7

Th e n ex t tw o da y s su cked. Joe w a s st ill in too ba d of a m ood to‘con su m m a te’ ou r r ela t ion sh ip. A ll th e pla n n in g of th em em or ia l r u n w a s fu ckin g w ith h is h ea d.

I felt th e sa dn ess, a n d h elped ou t a s m u ch a s I cou ld, bu t th em ood of th e clu b w a s r u bbin g off on m e. Both m em ber s h a dw iv es a n d kids, m a kin g th in g s th a t m u ch w or se. Sa lin a w a sr ea lly pissed beca u se sh e kn ew th e g u y s pr etty w ell. I fou n dm y self ju st h a n g in g ba ck a n d doin g w h a tev er th ey a sked.

I ch ecked on Mich elle ev er y da y a n d th a n ked God sh e h a dJea n n ie a n d Bill to ta ke ca r e of h er to keep h er fr om th issa dn ess. Neith er of th em cou ld r ide, so th ey m a de a don a t iona n d left it a lon e. I th a n ked th em for keepin g it a r m s len g thfr om Mich elle. Sh e’s been th r ou g h en ou g h .

Th e n ig h t befor e th e m em or ia l r u n Joe decided h e didn ’tw a n t to ea t . I cou ldn ’t bla m e h im .

I cr a w led in to h is la p on th e cou ch a n d w r a pped m y a r m sa r ou n d h is n eck a s m y h ea d h ea d r ested on h is sh ou lder . Heh eld m e by lockin g h is h a n ds tog eth er a t m y low er ba ck.

“ You st ill feel like it ’s y ou r fa u lt don ’t y ou ?” I a sked.

“ It is m y fa u lt .”

“ I’m n ot tr y in g to pick a fig h t , bu t y ou ’r e w r on g .”

“ A s m u ch a s I lov e y ou , h ea r in g y ou sa y th a t doesn ’tch a n g e th e w a y I feel.”

“ I kn ow . I ca n ’t h elp tr y in g .”

“ I don ’t deser v e y ou w h ile w e’r e bu r y in g th em .” Ev enth ou g h h e’d sa id h e w a n ted u s to m a ke lov e th e oth er n ig h t ,h is m ood w a sn ’t r ig h t . Th e clu b took th e loss pr etty h a r d, a sth ey sh ou ld. Oth er th a n a sw eet kiss ev er y n ig h t h e’s beenpr etty h a n ds off.

“ You a n d I h a v e n oth in g to do w ith th em .” I a r g u ed.

“ I ca n ’t g iv e y ou m y fu ll a t ten t ion w ith th is g oin g on . Th em em or ia l r u n is tom or r ow , th en th e fu n er a l th e n ex t da y .Too m u ch sh it is g ett in g in th e w a y .” He com pla in ed.

I stood u p a n d took h is h a n d, “ Com e w ith m e.”

He looked a t m e ex a sper a ted, “ Wh a t?”

“ Don ’t a r g u e, com e on .” I pu lled h is a r m u n til h e stood.

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?”

“ Does it m a tter ?” I pu lled h im to th e bedr oom , tu r n ed h isba ck to th e bed a n d pu sh ed h im to sit .

“ Ca r ly , com e on , qu it .” He beg g ed a n n oy ed w ith m e.

“ Qu it w h a t?” I pu lled h is boots off th en w en t for h is sh ir t .

He pu lled it th e r est of th e w a y off, “ I told y ou th is isn ’t ag ood t im e.”

“ I didn ’t a sk. Besides, h ow do y ou kn ow w h a t I w a n t?”

“ Wh a t do y ou w a n t?”

I stepped ba ck, “ Ta ke th ose off.” I m otion ed to h is pa n ts.

He stood lon g en ou g h to ta ke th em off a n d sa t ba ck dow n .“ Now w h a t?”

“ Tu r n a r ou n d a n d la y dow n on y ou r stom a ch .”

“ Wh y ?”

“ Beca u se I told y ou to. Do y ou tr u st m e?” Th is is th e fir stt im e I’v e a sked h im th is.

He looked a t m e for a secon d. “ If I didn ’t y ou w ou ldn ’t beh er e.”

“ Th en la y dow n .” I w a v ed m y h a n d for h im to follow m yor der s a n d w en t to fin d th e ba by oil I like to u se w h en th edeser t ta kes a toll on m y skin .

I sa t In dia n -sty le by h is side fa cin g th e TV a n d fou n d th er em ote w h ile I pu t dow n en ou g h oil on h is ba ck for a g oodba ck r u b.

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?” He a sked u n a ble to r ela x .

“ Sh h . Ju st w a tch th e m ov ie.” I set t led on a m in dless m ov iea n d spr ea d th e oil a s I beg a n m a ssa g in g h im . My a r m s a n dh a n ds a r e fa ir ly str on g a fter ca r r y in g ca ses of beer , w in e, a n dliqu or fr om th e ba ck r oom to th e ba r for th e la st th r ee y ea r s.

He m oa n ed a n d I felt h im r ela x u n der m y tou ch . “ You m a kea better old la dy th a n I deser v e.”

“ Pr oba bly , bu t y ou ’r e stu ck w ith m e, so g et u sed to it .” Itea sed lea n in g ov er to kiss h is ch eek.

He fell a sleep a bou t ten m in u tes la ter . I cov er ed h im a n dcu r led u p a lon g side h im . We’r e sidew a y s on th e bed, bu t Ifig u r ed h e’d m ov e if h e g ot u n com for ta ble, a n d likely ta ke m ew ith h im .

Ju st a bou t th e t im e I tu r n ed off th e TV h e w oke u p a n dtu r n ed to pu ll m e u n der h im . “ You ’r e st ill dr essed.”

“ I didn ’t th in k y ou ’d n ot ice. You w er e a sleep.”

“ Ta ke th em off.” He sa t u p w h ile I kicked m y cloth es to th efloor .

I tr ied to cu r l u p on th is sh ou lder bu t h e r olled ov er pu tt in gth is leg betw een m in e a s h is h a n d r a n th e len g th of m y body .

I ca n ba r ely see h im in th e da r k, bu t I kn ew h e w a s lookin ga t m e. “ I ch a n g ed m y m in d. I n eed y ou , a ll of y ou .”

“ I’m a lr ea dy y ou r s.” I r ea ch ed for h im a n d fou n d h im m or eth a n r ea dy .

He m a de su r e I w a s r ea dy befor e sett in g h im self betw eenm y leg s. He sta r ted to pu sh in to m e a n d kissed m y ja w , “ I’v en ev er w a n ted a w om a n so ba d in m y life.”

I r ela x ed a r ch in g to ta ke h im . “ You ’r e th e on ly m a n I’v eev er w a n ted, a n d th e on ly on e I w a n t th e r est of m y life.”

He pu sh ed in slow ly a s w e both m a de str a n g e n oises. “ Ohm y God, sor r y ba by , bu t th is isn ’t g oin g to la st v er y lon g .” Hem ov ed a bou t th r ee t im es a n d bu r ied h im self in m e for h isr elea se. He g en t ly bit m y sh ou lder w ith th a t g r oa n I lov e.

My body r ea cted to h is a n d ca m e w ith h im . I lifted tow a r dsh im a n d pu lled h im by th a t fa bu lou s bu tt a s deep a s I cou ldg et h im a s I felt m y self pu lsin g w ith h im . Da m n h e feels g ood.He fills m e in m or e w a y s th a n on e. My h ea r t filled w ith ou rn ew fou n d con n ect ion .

He beg a n kissin g m y n eck a s h e r ecov er ed. “ I kn ew y ouw ou ld fit m e per fect ly .”

I la u g h ed tu r n in g m y h ea d tow a r ds h im , “ A r e y ou sa y in gy ou ju st lov e m e for m y body ?”

He lifted u p m ov in g h is h ips n ow , “ You kn ow better .”

“ Ea sy ba by , it ’s been a lon g t im e.”

Th a t slow ed h im dow n . “ You ’r e g oin g to h a v e a difficu ltt im e keepin g m e fr om m a kin g lov e to y ou ev er y ch a n ce Ig et .”

I fou n d h is bea r d a n d pu lled h im ba ck dow n , “ I didn ’t sa ystop.”

“ I m a y n ev er stop.” He th r ea ten ed a s h e slow ly dr ov e ina n d ou t .

I cou ld tell I w a s g ett in g u sed to h is size so I a r ch ed u p forh im to g iv e m e m or e. He g r a bbed m y bu tt a n d r olled u s so I’msit t in g on h im n ow . Th is pu t h im a s deep a s possible m a kin gm e sit st ill for a m in u te.

I looked dow n a n d cou ld h a v e sw or n th er e w a s a h in t of asm ile tea sin g th e cor n er s of h is m ou th . “ You look h a ppy .” Ibeg a n to r ock slow ly a n d fou n d a n ew sen sa t ion . Oh th is isg ood. I set ow n pa ce a n d w a tch ed a s m y a lm ost h a ppy Joe bith is low er lip a n d lost h im self in side m e a s I felt a pow er fu lspa sm cr a sh ov er m e.

He g r a bbed m y w r ists a n d pu t m e ba ck u n der h im . “ You ’r edr a w in g blood w om a n .”

I looked a t h is ch est , “ Oops. Sor r y .”

“ Br a ce y ou r self ba by , th is on e m ig h t h u r t .” He kept m epin n ed a s h e bu r ied h is fa ce in m y n eck a n d took m e h a r d. Hedr ov e in fa ster a n d fa ster m a kin g m e g r a b th e ta il of th a t la stor g a sm a n d r ide it r ig h t ba ck u p a n d ov er .

My body pu lsed on h is a s h e spen t h im self deep let t in g ou t a

g r oa n th a t en ded in h im bit in g m y sh ou lder .

I h u g g ed h im t ig h t a s m y leg s tr em bled u n der h is w eig h t . “ Ica n ’t stop sh a kin g .”

“ Th a t ’s beca u se y ou n eed m or e.” He tea sed st ill ca tch in g h isbr ea th in m y ea r .

I la u g h ed sm a ckin g h is per fect bu tt , “ You ca n ’t h a n dle a n ym or e.”

“ You ’r e th e on e h a v in g a fter sh ocks u n der h er e.” He pu lledou t slow ly a s h e kissed dow n to m y sen sit iv e br ea sts.

“ I’m n ev er g oin g to w a lk a g a in .”

He kissed low er …a n d low er . “ Let ’s see w h o ca n ’t ta ke a n ym or e.” He ch a llen g ed.

I tr ied to g et a w a y , “ No!! Oh m y God!!”

He’s too str on g so I lost th a t ba tt le. I w on in th e en d th ou g h .My m a n h a s som e m a d or a l skills. I th in k th ey ca n h ea r m e inGlen da le. Wow .

Wh en h e slid ba ck u p to ta ke m e a g a in I cou ldn ’t w a it forh im to fill m e. Th is t im e w e fed off ou r n eed for on e a n oth er . Iw a n ted m or e, h e g a v e a n d g a v e. My h ips h u r t by th e t im e h ew a s don e h a v in g h is w a y w ith m e like a m a n sh ou ld be a bleto ta ke h is w om a n .

He low er ed to kiss m e sw eet ly a s h e pu lled fr ee a n d fell on toh is ba ck. “ You w in .”

I la u g h ed a s I fou n d th e bla n ket a t th e en d of th e bed to pu llov er u s.

He kicked it off, “ Too h ot .”

“ Yes y ou a r e.” My body felt g lor iou sly r a v a g ed. Th is is h owit ’s su pposed to feel w ith a m a n , n ot u sed like a tool th a t g etsw iped off a n d set a side for th e n ex t t im e.

“ You oka y ?”

“ Won der fu l.”

He r olled ov er a n d kissed m e soft ly befor e pu llin g m e in toh is sh ou lder w h er e I’v e been sleepin g la tely . “ Get som e sleep,tom or r ow is g oin g to su ck.”

“ I lov e y ou .” I h u g g ed h im w a llow in g in th e str on g ercon n ect ion w e’v e ju st for g ed.

“ I lov e y ou .”

Th e m em or ia l r u n for th e loss of tw o fa m ily m em ber s w a skept to clu b m em ber s on ly sin ce w e cou ldn ’t pu bliclya n n ou n ce h ow or w h y th ey died. Th e n ew s h a d to r epor tsom eth in g , so w e told th em it w a s a g a n g w e w er en ’t fa m ilia rw ith th a t h it ou r g u y s w h en th ey w en t th r ou g h th eir tow n .

It w a sn ’t too fa r fr om th e tr u th , ex cept w e w en t a fter th emin a sister city to h elp a n oth er ch a pter pu sh th em ou t of tow n .A h a n dfu l of m em ber s fr om Sea tt le w er e th er e to sh ow th eirr espect .

Not m u ch w a s sa id th r ou g h ou t th e da y , ex cept a bu n ch ofstor ies su r r ou n din g th e tw o g u y s w e’d be bu r y in g tom or r ow .Sa lin a collected don a t ion s fr om m em ber s to h elp w ith fu n er a lcosts. I collected fr om a n y on e w h o w a n ted to con tr ibu te to aw idow s a n d or ph a n s ty pe ch a r ity .

Joe kept m e v er y close, closer th a n u su a l. I w on der ed if itw a s beca u se of la st n ig h t , or if h e ju st n eeded m e beca u se ofth e m ea n in g of th e r u n . Ma y be it w a s both . I don ’t m in d. I

sa w som eth in g a lit t le differ en t in h is ey es th is m or n in g w h enh e kept h is ey es on m in e a s w e sta r ted th e da y like w e en dedit , bu t br iefly .

By th e t im e w e sa id g oodn ig h t to ev er y body a fter th e pa r tyit w a s pa st m idn ig h t . I fou n d m y u su a l g la ss of w in e w h ile h ekicked off h is boots.

“ Wh a t do I w ea r for th e fu n er a l tom or r ow ?” I a sked h a n din gh im a beer a n d sit t in g n ex t to h im .

“ Bla ck r idin g cloth es, m or e con ser v a t iv e I g u ess.” He took alon g dr in k a n d sa t ba ck. “ Th e la st fu n er a l I w en t to w a s for afr ien d in th e ser v ice. Th e fu cked u p pa r t w a s it w a s a tr a in in ga cciden t .”

“ I a lw a y s h a te seein g th a t on th e n ew s. Seem s like su ch aw a ste.”

“ It is.”

“ I’m t ir ed bu t n ot , it ’s w eir d.” I sa id a bsen t ly .

“ I’ll w ea r y ou ou t a s soon a s I sh a ke th is m ood off.” He r a nth e ba ck of h is h a n d ov er m y ch eek.

I ca u g h t it a n d kissed h is pa lm . “ Sou n ds like a pla n .”

Th e fu n er a l w a sn ’t a n y better th a n th e m em or ia l ser v ice.Ha v in g tw o ba ck to ba ck fu n er a ls took u p th e en t ir e da y ,w h ich w or e m e ou t . Ma y be it w a s th e com bin a t ion of bothda y s, bu t ton ig h t I’m com pletely ex h a u sted. I took a sh ow er ,dr ied off, fin ish ed m y g la ss of w in e a n d w en t str a ig h t for m ypillow . Joe tu r n ed on th e TV a n d h eld m e.

It took a cou ple w eeks for th e m ood of th e clu b to com e ba cka r ou n d to m or e of w h a t it u sed to be befor e th e h or r ible loss of

tw o m em ber s. Sta cy ea sily took ov er th e g ir ls w ith v er y lit t lesu per v ision fr om m e, so th a t w a s n ice.

Sa lin a a n d I beg a n to focu s on th e ba r to g iv e u s a llsom eth in g to look for w a r d to. We spen t th e n ex t few w eeks orso sh oppin g , decor a t in g , or der in g booze, a n d w h a tev er elsen eeded don e to open th e ba r .

Joe’s been keepin g m e u p la te m ost n ig h ts a s h e sh ow s m ew h a t fu n sex ca n be w ith th e r ig h t m a n . He’s ta ken tot icklin g m e so I’ll squ ir m a n d la u g h like a n idiot . I th in k h elikes it w h en I la u g h beca u se h e a lw a y s h a s sw eet kisses a n dw or ds for m e a fter w a r ds.

I th in k it h elped pu ll h im ou t of h is fu n k too. He’s ba ck tobein g m or e like h e w a s befor e th e g u ilt br ou g h t h is m ooddow n da r ker th a n u su a l. Joe doesn ’t do h a ppy , bu t if y ou lookclosely , a n d kn ow h im like I do n ow , y ou ca n tell w h en h e’scon ten t .

Rig h t n ow I’m fix in g din n er in a g r ea t m ood beca u se w e’r eopen in g th e ba r tom or r ow a fter n oon . He’s r ea din g th en ew spa per sit t in g a t th e kitch en ba r .

“ Ca n I a sk y ou som eth in g ?”

He looked u p, “ Wh a t?”

“ Wh y don ’t y ou ev er sm ile?”

He r a n h is h a n d ov er h is bea r d th in kin g . “ Th er e’s a lot ofba d sh it in m y h ea d. Th e la st t im e I ca n r em em ber sm ilin gw a s befor e I tu r n ed fou r teen .”

“ Som eda y I’d like to see y ou sm ile.”

“ You m a ke m e th e h a ppiest I’ll ev er be Ca r ly . Sm ilin g h a s

n oth in g to do w ith h ow I feel.”

“ Ma y be n ot to y ou . Som etim es y ou ’r e h a r d to r ea d.”

“ Th a t ’s th e m ilita r y tr a in in g . I’m th e best in m y field a tex tr a ct in g in for m a tion fr om people. To be th a t I h a d to lea r nto stom a ch som e pr etty n a sty sh it . I look a t peoplediffer en t ly .” He’s tr y in g to ex pla in .

“ How differ en t ly ?”

“ I m en ta lly tea r th em a pa r t so I kn ow h ow to g et in sideth eir h ea ds. I look for ph y sica l w ea kn esses, a s w ell a n dpsy ch olog ica l. I see lies so ea sily it ’s a n n oy in g .” Hecom pla in ed.

“ Do y ou do th a t w ith m e?”

“ Not a s ea sily beca u se I ca n ’t im a g in e h u r t in g y ou , bu tsom etim es, y es.” He didn ’t like a dm itt in g th a t .

“ I pr oba bly h a v e a lot of w ea kn esses.” I la u g h ed sa t isfiedw ith h is a n sw er a n d n ot w a n tin g to pu sh it .

“ You ’r e pr etty str on g for a y ou n g w om a n . I sa w th a t inSlider ’s let ter s a n d in y ou r ey es. You see y ou r self a s w ea k,ev en pla in . You ’r e a n y th in g bu t . You r br a v er y a n d la ck ofv a n ity a r e w h a t dr ew m e to y ou . Wh en y ou kicked th a t g u y sa ss th a t n ig h t y ou discov er ed Mich elle, it w a s ev er y th in g Icou ld do n ot to pr a ise y ou for it .”

I slid h im som e cu r r y ch icken on a pla te. “ Wh y didn ’t y ou ?”

“ I don ’t w a n t y ou pickin g fig h ts w ith ou t m e th er e to ba cky ou u p. If a n y th in g h a ppen s to y ou I’ll lose it in a w a y I ca n ’tim a g in e.”

“ I kn ow th e feelin g . Ev er y t im e y ou r ide ou t on a job I tu r n

in to a distr a cted idiot .”

“ A r en ’t y ou g oin g to ea t?” He’s a lw a y s on m e a bou t n otea t in g en ou g h .

“ I h a d a few pieces w h ile I cooked.”

“ You sh ou ld sit dow n a n d ea t m or e.” He scolded m e.

“ It ’s a n old h a bit . I u sed to lov e cookin g for th e g u y s in th em or n in g s befor e w or k. I’d a lw a y s ea t w h ile I m a de stu ff so Icou ld m a ke su r e it didn ’t su ck. A lth ou g h I th in k th ey w ou ldh a v e ea ten dog food if I pu t it in fr on t of th em .” I la u g h ed.

“ Pr oba bly , bu t y ou ’r e a g ood cook.”

“ Th a n ks. You ’r e pr etty ea sy to cook for .” Joe ea tsev er y th in g I pu t in fr on t of h im . I w on der ed h ow h e kept insu ch g r ea t sh a pe u n til I w a lked in th e g a r a g e on e da y a n ddiscov er ed th eir fig h t r in g . Ev iden t ly th ey keep th eir fig h t in gskills sh a r p by spa r r in g w ith ea ch oth er . I w ou ldn ’t r ea lly ca llit spa r r in g , m or e like bea t in g ea ch u p u n til on e bow s ou t orth ey g et dr a g g ed a pa r t .

“ Th e g u y s h a v e been ta lkin g a bou t th e ba r . Th ey ca n ’tw a it .”

“ I h ope so. It ’s been fu n pu tt in g som eth in g tog eth er th a t ’sboth m e a n d Sa lin a . Th e pr ospects a r e a h u g e h elp. Th a n ksfor th e m on ey by th e w a y . I tr ied n ot to spen d too m u ch .”

“ You ’r e fin e.” He slid th e pla te ba ck to m e sta n din g u p to g eta n oth er beer . “ I n eed to ta lk to y ou a bou t som eth in g so I don ’tfr ea k y ou ou t .”

“ Oh y ea h ?” Th is sh ou ld be g ood.

“ Com e h er e.” He a lw a y s does th is. I don ’t kn ow if it ’s a

con tr ol th in g by a lw a y s m a kin g m e g o to h im , or if it ’ssom eth in g h e ju st does w ith ou t th in kin g a bou t it . I’m likefou r steps a w a y , so I ju st w en t to h im .

I looked u p, “ Wh a t?”

He sta r ted on m y belt , “ I don ’t h a v e a n ou n ce of sh y n ess inm e. Th er e’s been a few t im es w h er e I’v e w a n ted y ou a n ddidn ’t ca r e w h o w a s a r ou n d to see. It ’s g ett in g w or se n ow th a ty ou ca n h a n dle m e better .” He’s n ot sm a ll, a n d h is in ten sityh a s picked u p a s w e’v e g otten to kn ow ea ch oth er better in ou rbed.

“ A r e y ou tr y in g to tell m e y ou ’r e g oin g to h a v e y ou r w a yw ith m e a n y w h er e y ou w a n t?” I u n tu cked h is sh ir t .

“ It cou ld com e to th a t , y es. I don ’t kn ow if y ou ’v e n ot iced,bu t th e g u y s a r ou n d th e clu b a r e u sed to it .”

It took m e a few da y s to a dju st to seein g on e of th e g ir lsh a ppily sa t isfy on e of th e g u y s r ig h t th er e in th e g a r a g e. I’v eseen plen ty of a fter n oon delig h ts by n ow .

“ So I’v e n ot iced. If y ou ’r e g oin g to do th a t , ju st tr y to keep ita t th e clu b a n d n ot in som e pu blic pla ce w h er e w e cou ld g eta r r ested.” I lifted h is sh ir t u p en ou g h th a t h e took th e h in ta n d pu lled it th e r est of th e w a y off.

“ I’ll keep th a t in m in d. How a r e y ou w ith a pa ir of scissor s?”He ch a n g ed th e su bject a s I tr a ced m y fa v or ite ta t too.

I looked ba ck u p a t h is ey es, “ Oka y , w h y ?”

“ I n eed a tr im .” He g r a bbed h is bea r d.

I la u g h ed, “ Yes, y ou do.”

“ So y ou ’ll fix it?”

“ I’ll do m y best . Ju st tell m e h ow y ou w a n t it .”

“ Rig h t n ow I w a n t y ou u p a g a in st th e w a ll in th e sh ow er .”He scooped m e u p like a br ide a n d ca r r ied m e to th eba th r oom . He’s so str on g it a lw a y s seem s effor t less on h ispa r t . I dou bt h e’d dr op m e, bu t I a lw a y s w r a p m y a r m sa r ou n d h is n eck. Ma y be it ’s ju st a n ex cu se to kiss it .

He took m e like h e w a n ted, g iv in g m e a n ew a n d fu nex per ien ce, u n t il th e h ot w a ter r a n ou t .

I scr ea m ed like a lit t le bitch , “ Tu r n it off!”

Joe h a s a w a r ped sen se of h u m or despite th e la ck of sm ilin g .He let m e g o, a dju sted th e n ozzle so it w a s a im ed r ig h t a t m ea n d fled w h ile I fr oze to dea th tr y in g to tu r n off th e w a ter .

“ Da m m it Joe!! You ’r e g oin g to pa y for th a t sh it !!” Ith r ea ten ed g r a bbin g m y tow el a n d w r a ppin g u p to w a r mm y self. “ Jer k!!”

He’s a lr ea dy in th e bedr oom ou t of r ea ch or I’d h a v esm a cked h im h a r d on th e a ss. Th e m a n is n ot r ig h t . Th e oth erda y I w a s in th e kitch en a t h om e tr y in g to m a ke som e sn a cksfor th e g u y s in th e g a r a g e for th e n ex t da y so I slid h im a bow lof blu eber r ies th a t w er e in sea son to sn a ck on w h ile I w or ked.He pr oceeded to bou n ce th em off m y h ea d u n til h e discov er edh e cou ld sh oot th em r ig h t dow n th e fr on t of m y sh ir t . I spen th a lf a n h ou r fish in g blu eber r ies fr om m y clea v a g e.

I fou n d h im in th e kitch en w ith a ch a ir . “ Do it in h er e soy ou don ’t g et h a ir on th e ca r pet .”

“ Good idea . How do y ou w a n t it to look?”

“ Tr im th e bea r d ba ck to a g oa tee a n d g et th e dr y en ds inm y h a ir .” He sa t r ig h t a w a y sta r t in g w ith th e w a n der in g

h a n ds.

I sw a tted th em a w a y . He w a s tr y in g to see w h a t m yu n der w ea r looked like u n der m y sh or ts. “ Qu it , or I’m g oin g tom ess u p.”

“ I ca n ’t h elp it . I’v e spen t m on th s in for eig n pr ison s bein gtor tu r ed for top secr ets a n d n ev er ca v ed. If th ey kn ew a ll itw ou ld ta ke is y ou ou t of r ea ch , I’d h a v e been dea d y ea r s a g o.”He took tw o h a n dfu ls a n d pu sh ed th e g ir ls u p a n d tog eth er .

I sw a tted h im a w a y a g a in , “ Da m m it Joe! Qu it !” I la u g h edbeca u se h e sa t on h is h a n ds. “ You ’r e a n u t . I ca n ’t believ e y ouw er e in a for eig n pr ison .”

He lea n ed h is h ea d ba ck w h en I lifted h is ch in to com b a n dfig u r e ou t w h er e to sh a v e. “ Sh it h a ppen s.”

“ I h a te to th in k of y ou bein g h u r t .”

“ It w a sn ’t fu n .” He closed h is ey es.

“ Sor r y ba by . Wh a t kin d of stu ff did y ou do in th e Na v y ?” Itr im m ed th e a r ea w h er e I w a n ted to sh a v e.

“ A bu n ch of sh it . Ha v e y ou don e th is befor e?”

“ Yea h . I h a d u n cles.”

“ Ha d?”

“ I don ’t ta lk to, or a bou t , m y fa m ily .” I told h im g ett in g offh is la p to g et th e r a zor , sh a v in g cr ea m , a n d bow l of w a r mw a ter .

“ You do w ith m e. Tell m e w h a t h a ppen ed.” He dem a n ded.

“ It w a s ju st a n a sty situ a t ion . It ’s n ot im por ta n t .”

“ Wh er e’s y ou r fa m ily ?” He a sked a s I sta r ted sh a v in g .

“ Don ’t kn ow , don ’t ca r e.”

“ Wh a t did th ey do to y ou ?” He’s n ot g iv in g u p.

I sig h ed tr y in g to fin d a w a y to w or d th is a s sim ply a spossible. “ Wh en I tu r n ed th ir teen on e of m y u n cles dev elopeda cr a ck a ddict ion h e didn ’t h a v e th e m on ey to su ppor t . Hesold m e a n d m y sister for th e m on ey . Th r ee y ea r s la ter Ifou n d ou t h e’d g on e ba ck a n d killed m y pa r en ts to cov er it u p.I n ev er fou n d m y sister .”

He open ed h is ey es a n d took m y w r ist a s h e lifted h is h ea d tolook a t m e, “ A r e y ou ser iou s?”

“ I w ou ldn ’t m a ke th a t u p Joe.” I h a te th in kin g a bou t th eth r ee m ost h or r ible y ea r s of m y life.

“ Wh a t h a ppen ed to y ou w h en y ou w er e sold? Wh o bou g h ty ou ?”

“ Som e scu m ba g per v er t . He m a de m e w ea r sex y cloth esa n d da n ce for oth er per v er ts w h o pa id h im for th e sh ow .Th er e w er e fou r of u s. We fin a lly g ot tog eth er a n d killed h imbefor e bu r n in g dow n h is h ou se a n d r u n n in g . I lost tou ch w ithth em r ig h t a fter w a r ds beca u se w e w en t ou r sepa r a te w a y s.” Isw a llow ed. “ I don ’t w a n t to ta lk a bou t th is a n y m or e.”

He pu lled m e in for a sw eet kiss. “ Oka y ba by . I’ll dr op it forn ow . You oka y ?”

I stepped ba ck for th e w h iskey a n d stole a sh ot str a ig h t fr omth e bott le. “ Yea h .” I pu t m y h a n d on h is fa ce to lea n h imba ck, “ Ta lk a bou t som eth in g else.”

He kissed m y pa lm n o lon g er n eedin g to sit on h is h a n ds.

“ A r e y ou g oin g to m a r r y m e leg a lly ?”

“ Pr oba bly .” I tea sed likin g h is qu ick ch a n g e in dir ect ion .

“ Pr oba bly ? Ju st pr oba bly ? I g u ess I’ll h a v e to pu t th e r in g Ig ot y ou in th e sa fe u n t il y ou ca n g iv e m e a better a n sw erth a n th a t .”

“ You didn ’t g et a n y r in g .” I took a w a r m w et tow el a n dr in sed th e sides of h is fa ce w h er e I’d sh a v ed.

“ I did, bu t I w on ’t g iv e it to a w om a n w h o ‘pr oba bly ’ w a n tsto m a r r y m e.”

I pin ch ed h is n ose pu llin g h is h ea d ba ck u pr ig h t to tr im th eg oa tee. “ I ca n ’t pictu r e y ou in a su it sa y in g v ow s.” I la u g h ed.

“ On ly for y ou .” He’s w a tch in g m e.

I stepped ba ck to ch eck m y w or k. “ Th a t ’s better .” I w a lkeda r ou n d to h is ba ck a n d com bed h is h a ir ou t . “ How sh or t doy ou w a n t th is?”

“ Ta ke a cou ple in ch es off. Wh y a r e y ou a v oidin g th equ est ion ?”

“ Beca u se y ou ’r e ju st bein g silly tr y in g to ta ke m y m in d offth e la st con v er sa t ion .” I a ccu sed h im .

“ You ’r e w r on g .”

“ I’ll believ e y ou w h en I see th is m y ster y r in g .” I la u g h edst ill t r im m in g .

“ Go g et m y cu t .”

I stopped, “ Wh a t?”

“ You h ea r d m e, g o g et m y cu t .” He or der ed.

“ Ha n g on .” I fin ish ed tr im m in g a n d flu ffed h is h a ir to m a kesu r e it fell r ig h t . I fou n d h is lea th er v est a n d h a n ded it to h ima m in u te la ter .

He r ea ch ed in a n in side pocket a n d tossed m e a box . “ Youh a v e to sa y y es befor e y ou pu t it on .”

I looked a t h im w ith ou t open in g th e box . “ I don ’t n eed th is,if y ou ’r e r ea lly ser iou s, I’ll m a r r y y ou . I th ou g h t y ou w er ekiddin g .”

“ Open th e box .” He n odded feelin g h is fa ce.

I looked dow n a n d flipped th e lid open . “ Holy sh it .” It lookslike a fiv e or six ka r a t pr in cess cu t r u by su r r ou n ded by lit t ledia m on ds. “ Wow , it ’s bea u t ifu l.”

“ Com e h er e.” He took m y left h a n d a n d th e box lookin g a tm e. “ A r e y ou g oin g to m a r r y m e?”

“ Yes.”

He pu lled th e r in g ou t a n d slid it on m y fin g er . “ Good. Ma keth e a r r a n g em en ts w h en y ou ’r e r ea dy .”

I clim bed on h is la p str a ddlin g h im a n d pu tt in g m y h a n dson h is sh ou lder s a n d fin din g h is ey es. “ I lov e y ou .”

“ I lov e y ou .” He kissed m e a s h e stood a n d ca r r ied m e off tobed.

8

Sa lin a dr ooled ov er m y r in g th e n ex t da y . “ Sh ow th a t toSlider , th e ch ea p ba sta r d.” Sh e joked.

I la u g h ed. “ Gr ea t , g et Joe in tr ou ble.”

“ Th a t ’s w h a t h e g ets for sh ow in g off.” Sh e com pla in edtu r n in g th e r eg ister on .

With Joe’s m on ey a n d Slider ’s in flu en ce w e w er e a ble toskir t a lot of th e r ed ta pe n eeded to leg a lly open a ba r . Weh a v e or der s pla ced w ith booze v en dor s, bu t to open a s soon a spossible w e ju st w en t ou t a n d bou g h t a bu n ch of booze a n dstu ff y ou n eed to r u n a ba r .

I tu r n ed th e n eon Open sig n on w h ile sh e pr opped th e dooropen . It ’s a lm ost Ch r istm a s so th e w ea th er is per fect .

A g ood h a n dfu l of th e g u y s w er e ou t on a n oth er job so ou rfir st cu stom er s w er e m ost ly pr ospects a n d th e m em ber s th a tty pica lly h a n g ou t to pr otect th e g r ou n ds w h en th e g u y s g oou t .

It felt g ood to do som eth in g I’m fa m ilia r w ith , a n d g ood a t . Idon ’t h a v e to w ea r sex y cloth es for t ips a n y m or e, w h ich isn ice sin ce I h a v e to w ea r jea n s ev er y da y w ith Joe in sist in g Ir ide w ith h im a s m u ch a s possible.

Th e g u y s fin a lly ca m e ba ck a r ou n d m idn ig h t . I w a sch om pin g a t th e bit beca u se I’d been w or r ied som eth in g h a dg on e w r on g sin ce six . I t r ied ca llin g Joe a few t im es bu t g ot n oa n sw er .

Th ey w a ltzed in h a ppy a n d r ea dy to pa r ty . I w a lked ov er toJoe a n d looked u p seein g g lit ter in h is h a ir a n d bea r d, a n d

som e on h is cu t .

“ Wh er e w er e y ou ?”

“ Ou t.”

“ Ou t w h er e?” I sn iffed h im a n d sm elled ch ea p per fu m e.“ You sh it .”

He g r a bbed m y a r m a n d pu lled m e a side, “ It w a s ju st a str ipjoin t , n o big dea l. Gu n n er in sisted on pa y in g g ir ls to da n cea r ou n d m e to con g r a tu la te m e on m a kin g y ou m y old la dy .”

I jer ked m y a r m fr ee. “ Don ’t tou ch m e. You st in k.” I w a lkeda w a y befor e I m a de th e m ista ke of sm a ckin g h im .

He w en t a n d sa t dow n w ith th e g u y s. I w a ited on ev er y on ebu t h im . He didn ’t seem to n ot ice beca u se Sa lin a set pitch er son th e ta ble so h e didn ’t h a v e to a sk. Sm a r t g ir l. If h e ca lls m eov er I’m likely to du m p th a t pitch er of beer in h is la p.

A r ou n d tw o-th ir ty th in g s w er e st ill g oin g fa ir ly str on g . Isen t Sa lin a to ta ke a br ea k so I cou ld ta ke on e w h en sh e w a sdon e. I g r a bbed a join t a n d w en t ou tside to sit on a picn icta ble. Th is is ex a ct ly w h y I n ev er w a n ted to g et m ix ed u pw ith a biker . Str ip clu bs. Wh a t ’s n ex t? Th e a ppr ecia t iv ePr esiden t w h o ta kes in su lt w h en Joe doesn ’t fu ck h is best g ir l?

Th is lin e of th in kin g is ex a ct ly w h a t Sa lin a told m e toa v oid. I cou ldn ’t . I ex pected better fr om Joe. Th e let dow n w a sh ea r t-br ea kin g .

I looked u p w h en h e sta r ted tow a r ds m e a cr oss th e pa r kin glot . “ Ba d t im in g a ssh ole.” I g r u m bled to m y self.

He stopped in fr on t of m e a n d lifted m y ch in , “ Stop th is. Itw a sn ’t m y idea .”

I pu sh ed h is h a n d a w a y . “ I sa id don ’t tou ch m e.” I took th ela st h it fr om m y join t , flicked it a w a y , a n d stood u p to g o ba ckin side.

“ Ca r ly !” His boom in g v oice m a de m e ju m p.

I stopped st ill fa cin g th e ba r r efu sin g to look a t h im .“ Wh a t?”

“ Get ba ck h er e, I’m ta lkin g to y ou .” Th er e h e g oes, ba r kin gor der s a s u su a l.

“ Well I’m n ot ta lkin g to y ou u n til y ou g et th a t g odda m n edg lit ter a n d sten ch off of y ou .” I sta r ted w a lkin g bu t g ot ca u g h tby m y la r g e a n g r y old m a n .

He spu n m e to fa ce h im , “ Stop it .”

I tr ied to jer k fr ee bu t h e’s too str on g . “ No!! I’m m a d a t y ou !Let g o!”

“ No m or e ig n or in g m e, a n d n o m or e a tt itu de, or I’m ta kin gy ou h om e r ig h t n ow .” He decided.

“ You g o h om e.”

“ Wh a t is y ou r pr oblem ? I told y ou it w a sn ’t m y idea .”

“ A n d n eith er w ill be th e w h or e som e oth er ch a pter w a n tsy ou to do beca u se th ey ’r e g r a tefu l for som e r ea son . Ju st…lea v e m e a lon e.” I felt like cr y in g bu t didn ’t w a n t to.

“ Get on th e bike.” He poin ted to h is la r g e bla ck Ha r ley .

“ No. I’m n ot r idin g w ith y ou w ith a ll th a t…” I w a v ed m yh a n d in th e a ir in fr on t of h im , “ sh it a ll ov er y ou .”

“ You don ’t g et a ch oice.”

I pu sh ed h im h a r d a n d g ot m y a r m pa in fu lly fr ee. “ Scr ewy ou .” I r a n to m y ca r a n d locked m y self in side. I lea v e itu n locked w h en it ’s h er e, bu t m y du m b a ss left m y pu r se a n dkey s in side th e ba r .

Joe lea n ed a g a in st th e fr on t fen der w ith h is a r m s cr ossedlookin g in a t m e.

I pu t m y h ea d on th e steer in g w h eel a n d let th e tea r s flow .Gr ea t . I’m in lov e w ith a m a n w h o is g oin g to tr ea t m e likesom e piece of sh it . I g u ess h e g ot w h a t h e w a n ted, w h a t ’s th epoin t of g iv in g m e th is da m n r in g if h e’s ju st g oin g be a dog ?

I looked u p w h en I h ea r d h im kn ock on th e w in dsh ield.

He cr ooked h is fin g er a n d poin ted to th e spa ce in fr on t ofh im .

I w iped m y fa ce a n d g ot ou t . “ Wh a t?”

“ Get on th e bike, I’m ta kin g y ou h om e.” He’s too ca lm .

“ I’m g ett in g m y pu r se.” I w a lked in side a n d told Sa lin a Iw a s lea v in g . Sh e looked a lit t le w or r ied so I told h er a bou t th estr ipper g lit ter . Sh e ju st sh ook h er h ea d.

I h a d m y key s r ea dy a n d w en t str a ig h t for th e ca r . Joe w a sov er by h is bike w a it in g for m e so h e didn ’t fig u r e ou t w h a t Iw a s doin g u n til I w a s in side, door s locked, a n d en g in e sta r ted.I ca u g h t th e dir ty look on h is fa ce a s I dr ov e by h im on m yw a y ou t .

He follow ed m e h om e, of cou r se. I g ot ou t a n d h e a ll bu tdr a g g ed m e in side.

“ Qu it a ct in g like a jea lou s w ife. You h a v e n oth in g to bejea lou s a bou t .”

“ Wa sh th a t sh it off or I’m n ot ta lkin g to y ou .” I sa t on th ecou ch ta kin g m y sh oes off.

“ Don ’t or der m e a r ou n d w om a n .” He ba r ked befor e I h ea r dth e sh ow er sta r t a m in u te la ter .

I ch a n g ed in to u g ly com for ta ble cloth es befor e cr a w lin gu n der th e cov er s w ith m y ba ck to w h er e h e’d be com in g ou t ofth e ba th r oom .

I h ea r d th e w a ter sh u t off ju st befor e h e sa id, “ Sit u p.”

I ig n or ed h im h opin g h e’d th in k I w a s a sleep.

He jer ked th e bla n kets off a n d r olled m e on to m y ba ck toh ov er in a pu sh -u p ov er m e. “ Stop it . I’m n ot g oin g to pu t u pw ith th is sh it . I told y ou I on ly w a n t y ou . I’m n ot g oin g tor em in d y ou of th a t ev er y fu ckin g da y .”

His bea r d is dr ippin g w a ter on m y fa ce a n d n eck. “ You ju str em in ded m e of w h y I sw or e to m y self I’d n ev er to g etin v olv ed w ith biker s.” I w iped m y n eck a n d sw a tted h is bea r dspla sh in g m or e w a ter ev er y w h er e. “ Da m m it Joe, g et off m e!”

“ Not u n t il y ou u n der sta n d a n d stop qu est ion in g th is.” Heclosed in a n d h eld h is lips to m in e u n til I g a v e in a n d kissedh im ba ck. I g u ess it ’s tr u e w h a t th ey sa y a bou t m a ke-u p sex . Itook m y a n g er ou t on h im , h e took it h a ppily .

Wh en w e fell ba ck ca tch in g ou r br ea th h e a sked, “ A r e y oudon e bein g m a d a t m e n ow ?”

“ You ev er do th a t a g a in a n d I’m kickin g y ou r a ss.” Ith r ea ten ed h im a s I cu r led u p in to m y fa v or ite n ook to tr ya n d sleep.

“ En ou g h w ith th e jea lou sy bu llsh it Ca r ly .”

“ Th en don ’t com e h om e w ith fu ckin g str ipper g lit ter a llov er y ou a n d sm ellin g like a ch ea p w h or e.”

“ I didn ’t en joy it .”

“ Th en don ’t let it h a ppen . You ’r e n ot six teen , a n d y ou ’r ebig g er th a n a n y m a n I’v e ev er seen . If y ou ca n ’t w a lk a w a yth en y ou ’r e g oin g to h a v e to dea l w ith g ett in g sh it fr om m e.”

“ You n eed to u n der sta n d th is lifesty le Ca r ly , sh it like th is isn or m a l. It ’s ju st th e w a y w e do bu sin ess.”

“ It ’s n ot th e w a y y ou do bu sin ess. If y ou w a n t m e to m a r r yy ou , don ’t pu ll a n y th in g like th a t a g a in .”

He flipped m e u n der h im a n d qu ickly g r a bbed m y w r istspin n in g th em ov er m y h ea d. “ A r e y ou th r ea ten in g m e?”

“ It ’s n ot a th r ea t , it ’s th e pla in tr u th . Sa lin a m ig h t be a bleto tu r n a blin d ey e w h en Slider fu cks a r ou n d, bu t I w on ’t . Itdisg u sts m e to th in k y ou ev en let th e bitch g et close en ou g h tog et th a t g lit ter a n d st in k a ll ov er y ou . Wh a t did sh e doa n y w a y ? Giv e y ou a n ice lit t le la p da n ce?” I a sked w ithv en om ba ck in m y v oice.

“ I didn ’t tou ch h er .”

“ Did sh e tou ch y ou ?”

He closed h is ey es.

“ Th a t ’s w h a t I th ou g h t . Th is fig h t is ov er , n ow y ou kn oww h er e th e lin e is dr a w n . Don ’t cr oss it a g a in .” I scolded h im . Iseem to do th a t a lot . Th a t a n d ca ll h im ‘Da m m it Joe. ’

“ You ’r e a stu bbor n w om a n .”

“ A n d y ou w ou ldn ’t h a v e a n ou n ce of r espect for m e if I

didn ’t sta n d u p for m y self. You told m e to be str on g , n ot ta kea n y sh it . Th a t in clu des y ou r sh it . Ch a n g in g y ou r m in d?”

“ A bou t w h a t?” He’s m a d a n d g iv in g m e th e ev il ey e.

“ A bou t pu tt in g th is r in g on m y fin g er .” I w ig g led m yfin g er .

“ No, bu t y ou are pissin g m e off.” He low er ed a n d kissed m eu n til w e w er e on ce a g a in lost in ea ch oth er .

It felt g ood to sleep in for a ch a n g e, ev en if I didn ’t sleep th a tw ell. I’m st ill n ot su r e w h eth er h e u n der sta n ds if I’m ser iou sor n ot . I g u ess I’ll fin d ou t soon en ou g h .

I felt h im m ov e a n d g ot th a t n ow fa m ilia r t ickle of h is bea r din m y n eck.

“ Hey y ou .” I tu r n ed to fin d h im .

He m ov ed h a ir ou t of m y fa ce. “ Hello bea u tifu l.”

I scr a tch ed th e h a ir g r ow in g ba ck in on h is fa ce w h er e I’dsh a v ed it . “ You n eed a sh a v e.”

He sta r ted w ith th e w a n der in g h a n d. “ Th a t ’s n ot a ll In eed.” Th is t im e h e m a de lov e to m e slow ly w ith h is ey es onm in e. He m a de h is pr om ises to m e w ith th a t look. I don ’tth in k I’ll h a v e to w or r y a bou t h im m essin g a r ou n d on m ea g a in . Not th a t h e did a n y th in g r ea lly , bu t I n eeded to m a kesu r e th e lin e w a s dr a w n v er y clea r ly fr om th e beg in n in g .

A fter a sh or t n a p h e w oke m e u p w ith th a t bea r d a g a in ,“ Da m m it Joe! Qu it th a t!” I r olled ov er to fin d h im . He likes tospoon m e w h en I fa ll a sleep. I sta r t ou t on h is sh ou lder a n dsom eh ow a lw a y s en d u p w ith h im beh in d m e a ll cocoon ed inh is a r m s a n d leg s.

He sta r ted t icklin g . “ Go fin d m e m y ph on e so I ca n ca llSlider .”

“ You g o fin d it !” I t r ied to h ide bu t h e’s too str on g a n dsta r ted t icklin g .

“ Go fin d m y ph on e or I w on ’t ca ll in a n d tell h im I’m n otg oin g to be th er e toda y .” He ba r g a in ed.

I pu sh ed h im off, “ Fin e, m ov e.” I ju m ped u p ta kin g th ebla n ket w ith m e. “ You ’r e su ch a br a t .” I fou n d h is ph on e a n dtossed it to h im befor e g oin g to th e ba th r oom r ea l qu ick. Ih a v e ev er y in ten t ion of g ett in g ba ck in th ose big w a r m a r m s.

He w a s st ill on th e ph on e w h en I ca m e ou t . “ Sen d Kip, h ekn ow s th e dea l. Yu p. Ca ll m e if y ou n eed a n y th in g .” He h u n gu p a n d set th e ph on e on th e ta ble.

I clim bed ba ck in fin din g m y pillow . We fa ced ea ch oth er onou r sides. “ You ’r e off a ll da y ?”

“ I a m .” He con fir m ed pr oppin g h im self u p to look dow n a tm e.

I fou n d h is h a n d a n d ta n g led m y fin g er s w ith h is. “ Good. It ’sa fter lu n ch t im e. A r e y ou h u n g r y ?”

“ In a m in u te.” He’s lookin g a t m e like h e’s tr y in g to sa ysom eth in g .

“ Wh a t?”

“ I r ea lized a fter y ou r ta n tr u m la st n ig h t th a t y ou ’r e r ig h t .It w on ’t h a ppen a g a in .” He pr om ised.

“ It better n ot .”

“ If a n y on e ev er tou ch ed y ou th a t w a y I’d h a v e a h u g e

pr oblem w ith it . I ca n ’t ex pect y ou to be differ en t . It ’sh y pocr it ica l.” He ex pla in ed h is r ev ela t ion .

“ V er y tr u e. I’m g la d w e a g r ee.” I kissed h is h a n d.

“ Th er e’s on e pr oblem w ith th a t .”

“ Of cou r se th er e is.” I sh ou ld h a v e kn ow n .

“ You ’r e g oin g to h a v e to g o w ith m e on th e ov er n ig h ts, n oton th e jobs th em selv es, bu t th e on ly w a y to tu r n dow n th esh ow s of g r a t itu de is to h a v e m y old la dy w ith m e. Oth er w iseit ’s per ceiv ed a s r u de.” He ex pla in ed.

“ I su ppose I ca n do th a t .”

“ I n eed Slider ’s oka y for th is. He’s n ot g oin g to like it , bu t Ith in k h e’ll a llow it . You n eed to lea r n h ow to sh oot a g u n ju stin ca se.”

“ Oka y oka y . A n y th in g else?” My stom a ch g r ow led.

“ No, th a t w ill do for n ow .” He cr a w led on top of m e a n dkissed m e befor e r ollin g off th e bed. “ Get som e food befor e y ousta r v e.”

“ Gla dly .” I g ot u p decidin g th e ba th r obe w a s en ou g h . Withu s bein g h om e a ll da y , cloth es w ou ld ju st be a w a ste ofla u n dr y .

I fix ed u s a n ice big br ea kfa st of eg g s, ba con , pa n ca kes, a n dsom e fr u it on th e side w h ile h e sh ow er ed.

He a ppea r ed a few m in u tes la ter , picked m e u p a n d ea silyset m e on th e cou n ter , th en stood betw een m y leg s. “ If Slidersa y s n o, y ou ’r e g oin g to h a v e to tr u st m e.” He cr u n ch ed th eba con I sh ov ed in h is m ou th .

“ I tr u st y ou .” I decided a s I sa id it .

“ Didn ’t sou n d like it la st n ig h t .” He folded a pa n ca ke, g a v em e a bite, a n d a te th e r est .

I sw a llow ed, “ I w a s m a d.”

“ You ’r e sex y w h en y ou ’r e m a d.” He pu t a for k fu ll of eg g s inm y m ou th befor e ta kin g a bite h im self.

Is h e feedin g m e? “ You ’r e sca r y w h en y ou ’r e m a d.” I tooka n oth er bite of ba con fr om h im .

“ Th a t ’s th e poin t .” He fin ish ed th e ba con a n d w en t fora n oth er pa n ca ke.

“ Hm .”

“ Do I sca r e y ou ?” He’s st ill feedin g m e betw een qu est ion s.

“ Not r ea lly . You m a ke m e ju m p w h en y ou y ell, bu t I kn owy ou ’d n ev er h u r t m e.” I a dm itted.

“ I don ’t h it w om en .”

“ I kn ow .” I w a n ted to a sk w h a t th is w a s a ll a bou t bu t didn ’tw a n t h im to stop. I like th is t im e tog eth er ta lkin g , ea t in g …ta lkin g , ea t in g . It ’s fu n , a n d fu n n y .

“ No m a tter h ow m a d I g et , I w ill n ev er h u r t y ou . Youu n der sta n d th a t r ig h t?”

“ Is th a t w h a t th is is a ll a bou t? A r e y ou m a kin g su r e I kn owy ou w on ’t h it m e?”

“ Yes. I don ’t w a n t y ou fr ea kin g ou t a n d lea v in g m e beca u seI sca r e y ou w ith m y y ellin g .”

“ A h . Now I g et it . You ’r e w or r ied I’m g oin g to lea v e y ou

beca u se y ou ’r e so in ten se?”

“ Wou ld y ou ?”

I w r a pped m y leg s a r ou n d h is w a ist , “ No. Yell a ll y ou w a n t ,I’m n ot g oin g a n y w h er e.”

He seem ed to br ea th e for th e fir st t im e, “ I n eeded to h ea rth a t .”

“ For som e r ea son I ca n ’t ex pla in , I lov e y ou . I dou bt th er e’sa n y th in g y ou cou ld do to m a ke m e lea v e y ou . I m ig h t g etpr etty pissed a n d n ot spea k to y ou , or bea t y ou u p in y ou rsleep, bu t y ou ’r e stu ck w ith m e.” I tr ied to a ssu r e h im .

“ Wh a t do y ou w a n t for Ch r istm a s?” He w a s obv iou sly ov erw h a t w a s both er in g h im .

“ Ju st y ou .” I h a v en ’t g otten a g ift sin ce befor e m y u n cle soldm e a n d m y sister . I w ou ldn ’t kn ow w h a t to a sk for a n y w a y .To be h on est , if I w a ke u p w ith Joe in m y a r m s Ch r istm a sm or n in g , I’ll be h a ppy .

“ You h a v e to w a n t som eth in g .” He’s st ill ea t in g bu t I w a v edoff th e la st offer of a bite h a v in g h a d m y fill.

“ You ’v e don e en ou g h . You g ot m e a ca r , a h ou se,ev er y th in g in th is h ou se, a n d y ou ’r e sta n din g h er e. I don ’tth in k th er e’s a n y th in g left .” I r ested m y h a n ds on h issh ou lder s.

“ I cou ld ta ke y ou som ew h er e.” He sta r ted u n ty in g m y r obea n d I kn ew ta lk t im e w a s a bou t ov er .

“ Th e bedr oom w ou ld be n ice.”

He ca r r ied m e off w h er e w e took ou r t im e tog eth er . Th er e’sbeen plen ty of t im es w h er e w e didn ’t feel r u sh ed, bu t kn ow in g

w e h a d a ll da y tog eth er m a de m e r ea lly w a n t to tou ch a n dex plor e h im m or e.

I r ested on h is ch est keepin g h im in side m e to r ecov er a n dtr a ce a ta t too. “ Wh a t ’s th is on e m ea n ?”

I felt h im look dow n to see w h a t I w a s ta lkin g a bou t . “ Ju st abor ed dr u n ken n ig h t . How a bou t y ou r s? Wh a t in spir ed th a t?”

I h a v e h a lf a h ea r t th a t looks like it w a s r ipped a pa r t on m yh ip. “ Th a t sister I told y ou a bou t , w a s m y tw in .”

“ Rea lly ? Iden tica l?”

“ Yes, ph y sica lly , n ot m en ta lly . Men ta lly sh e w a s m y ex a ctopposite. We a r g u ed con sta n t ly .” I sa t u p. “ Ch a n g e th esu bject Joe. I don ’t w a n t to ta lk a bou t it .”

“ Wa n t to tr y a n d fin d h er ?”

“ I w ou ldn ’t kn ow w h er e to sta r t . Besides, th e police th in kw e’r e both dea d.”

“ Wh y do y ou sa y th a t?”

I g ot u p a n d w en t to th e kitch en w ith ou t a n sw er in g h im . Ih a te ta lkin g a bou t th is. I n eed a m a r t in i.

He follow ed m e a n d dem a n ded, “ Ca r ly , a n sw er th equ est ion .”

“ No. Stop pu sh in g th is.” I g ot ice ou t to ch ill th e g la ss.

“ Ju st tell m e a n d g et it ov er w ith .” He com pla in ed.

“ Giv e m e y ou r ph on e.”

He h a n ded it to m e.

I ca lled Doc.

He a n sw er ed on th e fou r th r in g , “ Hey Br o, w h a t ’s u p?”

“ It ’s Red. I’m g oin g to n eed som eth in g for a n a n x iety a t ta cka s soon a s y ou ca n g et it .”

“ Be r ig h t ov er .” He h u n g u p.

I th r ew Joe h is ph on e ba ck. “ Wh en m y u n cle sepa r a ted u sh e kn ew h e’d n eed fou r bodies, n ot ju st tw o. I don ’t kn oww h er e h e g ot th e oth er tw o bodies, bu t th ey h a d to be kids inor der for it n ot to look su spiciou s. Sin ce th er e w a s n o r ea son toqu est ion th a t a ch ild pla y in g w ith m a tch es ca u g h t th e h ou seon fir e, th e in su r a n ce com pa n y pa id h im ov er a m illiondolla r s for h is cr im e. He took th e m on ey a n d r a n .” I felt th ea n x iety bu ildin g . Ev er y t im e m y th ou g h ts tu r n to a n y th in gdu r in g th ose th r ee y ea r s I fr ea k ou t . La st t im e it took m eth r ee da y s ju st to feel r ig h t a g a in .

“ A n d y ou w er e sold to a str a n g er to pu t on sh ow s forper v er ts.” He con clu ded.

“ I didn ’t kn ow a bou t th e fir e, or m y pa r en ts dea th u n tilth r ee y ea r s la ter w h en w e esca ped a n d bu r n ed th e h ou sedow n w ith ou r ca ptor in it . I st ill liv e w ith th e g u ilt of killin ga m a n like m y u n cle killed tw o in n ocen t kids a n d m ypa r en ts.” I con fessed dr oppin g a n oliv e in th e g la ss a n d ta kin ga sip.

“ You h a v e n o r ea son to feel g u ilty Ca r ly .”

“ I did som e pr etty ba d th in g s to su r v iv e w ith ou t g ett in gth r ow n in to CPS. Th e th r ee y ea r s I w a s a pr ison er w a s on eth in g , th e tw o y ea r s a fter th a t w er e a liv in g h ell. I h a v e adeep a ppr ecia t ion for th e h om eless n ow , especia lly w om en .

Ev er w on der w h y y ou see m or e h om eless m en th a n w om en ?”I a sked h im ta kin g a n oth er sip.

“ I n ev er g a v e it m u ch th ou g h t .”

“ Wom en h a v e som eth in g m en don ’t . Wh en th ey tr y to sellit , th ey often g et killed in stea d of g ett in g pa id.” I fin ish ed th efir st m a r t in i a n d sta r ted a fr esh on e.

“ Gett in g dr u n k is n ot g oin g to h elp Ca r ly .” He scolded m e.

“ Wh a t do y ou kn ow ? You don ’t liv e in side m y h ea d. I spen da lot of t im e bu r y in g th ese m em or ies ju st to fu n ct ion like an or m a l h u m a n bein g . Ta lkin g to y ou a bou t it r ig h t n owfu ckin g su cks.” I took m y dr in k a n d w a lked a r ou n d h im to th eslidin g door th a t lea ds to a ba ck pa t io. “ I n eed a ir .”

Th e door bell r a n g a n d I kn ew it w a s Doc w ith som e m eds.Joe let Doc in a n d ou t th r ou g h th e slidin g g la ss door s tow a r dsm e.

“ Hey Red, y ou oka y ?”

“ I w ill be.” I took th e pill bott le h e h eld ou t .

“ Com e h er e.” He took m y h a n d a n d m y pu lse. “ Wh y is y ou rblood pr essu r e so h ig h ?”

“ He’s dig g in g in to m y pa st . Noth in g I h a v en ’t dea lt w ithbefor e. I’ll be oka y in a cou ple da y s.” I a ssu r ed h im .

“ Tr y n ot to dr in k too m u ch on th ese.”

“ Don ’t w or r y . I w on ’t ta ke on e u n til m u ch la ter . It ’s u su a llyw or se a fter I w a ke u p fr om th e pa ss-ou t dr u n k.”

“ A lr ig h t , ca ll m e if y ou n eed m e.” He pa tted m y sh ou ldera n d looked a t Joe, “ Ta ke it ea sy on h er .”

“ Don ’t tell m e h ow to h a n dle m y w ife.” He ba r ked lea din gDoc ou t fr on t .

Wh en h e g ot ba ck I sa id, “ You sh ou ldn ’t g et m a d a t Doc, h e’sr ig h t to w or r y .”

“ Did y ou sell y ou r self to su r v iv e th e str eet?”

“ Does it m a tter ?”

“ I’ll ta ke th a t a s a y es.” He tu r n ed m e a n d lifted m y ch in ,“ No, it doesn ’t m a tter , bu t I h a v e a r ig h t to kn ow m y w ife.”

“ I don ’t w a n t to ta lk a bou t it a n y m or e, m y ch est is sta r t in gto h u r t .”

“ Is th er e m or e?”

“ Th er e’s a lw a y s m or e. I n eed y ou to lea v e it a lon e.” Ibeg g ed.

“ Oka y . No m or e for n ow . I’m sor r y y ou h a d to g o th r ou g ha ll th a t .” He pu lled m e in for a h u g .

I let h im for a secon d so h e w ou ldn ’t ta ke it per son a lly w h enI pu sh ed h im a w a y . “ I’m sor r y Joe. I n eed a lit t le spa ce.”

He let m e g o a n d took m y n ow em pty g la ss. “ A n oth er on e?”

I n odded. “ Yea h . It cou ld be a n u g ly n ig h t .”

“ Na h , I’ll ta ke ca r e of y ou .” He kissed m y for eh ea d a n d w en tin side.

I looked u p a n d took a few stea dy in g br ea th s a s th em em or ies of m y h or r id pa st bou n ced r a n dom ly a r ou n d in m yh ea d n ow . It ta kes a lot of focu s to keep th em bu r ied. Ha v in git br ou g h t to th e su r fa ce a lw a y s su cks. I’ll h a v e n ig h tm a r esfor a n ig h t or tw o, a n d pr oba bly be v er y ju m py for a bou t a

w eek. It ’s n oth in g n ew , bu t it st ill su cks.

I’v e been pr etty g ood a bou t a v oidin g th ese tr ips dow nm em or y a n d a n x iety la n e, bu t ev er y cou ple m on th s or sosom eth in g w ill r em in d m e a n d I’ll str u g g le like I a m n ow .Th is t im e it ’s a lit t le m or e difficu lt beca u se Joe h a s m a de m ev er ba lize m y dem on s. Not a ll of th em . Th er e’s st ill on e dem onI keep to m y self. With a n y lu ck I ca n it keep fr om ev er y on e.

“ Her e y ou g o.” He h a n ded m e a fr esh m a r t in i. “ I ca n ’tim a g in e w h a t y ou w en t th r ou g h , a n d I’v e been th r ou g h som en a sty sh it .”

“ I kn ow y ou h a v e. I g u ess I’m n ot a s g ood a bou t dea lin g w ithit . I sh ou ld be str on g er . It is in th e pa st , bu t it st ill h a u n tsm e.” Th e a lcoh ol is h elpin g n u m b th e pa in of ta lkin g .

“ I don ’t like ta lkin g a bou t w h a t I’v e been th r ou g h , a n ddon e, eith er . So I w on ’t pu sh y ou a g a in . I w ou ld like y ou tokn ow th a t if y ou ev er feel th e n eed to v en t I’m h er e, a n d Iw on ’t ju dg e y ou . I lov e y ou Ca r ly , th er e’s n o ju dg m en t h er e.”He a ssu r ed m e.

I felt a lit t le better h ea r in g th a t , “ Th a n k y ou . Th a t h elps. Ig u ess a lot of m y a n x iety com es fr om kn ow in g w h a t peoplew ill th in k of m e if th ey kn ew . I w ou ld st ill r a th er n ot ta lka bou t it a g a in .”

“ Oka y ba by . Wa n t a h ot bu bble ba th ?” He offer ed m ov in gm y h a ir off m y sh ou lder .

“ Yea h , th a t w ou ld be n ice.”

He spen t th e r est of th e ev en in g a n d n ig h t doin g ev er y th in gh e cou ld to a m u se m e a n d keep m y th ou g h ts too bu sy to focu son th e a n x iety . I w a s g r a tefu l n ot to n eed th e pills th e n ex t

m or n in g . Wa kin g u p in h is lov in g a r m s m a de a ll th ediffer en ce. Th e fea r w a sn ’t th er e th is t im e, ju st lov e fr omh im , a n d a ppr ecia t ion for th e m a n I lov e. Th e m a n th a tliter a lly stole m y h ea r t . He fr u str a tes, a n d im pr esses m e a tth e sa m e t im e. He’s stu bbor n , pu sh y , fu n n y , a n d lov in g . Notto m en tion dr op dea d sex y g or g eou s.

9

We fell in to a n ice r ou t in e ov er th e n ex t cou ple w eeks. Hest ill m a de m e w or r y ev er y t im e h e w en t ou t on jobs, bu t Ikept bu sy ch eckin g on Mich elle, w or kin g w ith Sa lin a a t th eclu bh ou se ba r , a n d m a kin g su r e Sta cy w a s doin g h er n ew joba s ou r n ew Ma da m .

I felt like I h a d m or e th a n on e pu r pose in life n ow . It w a sg r ea t . Th e con tr ol I’d lost w h en Joe took ov er m y life beg a n tocom e ba ck n ow . I’m g ett in g to kn ow m or e of th e m em ber s a n dfeelin g th e con n ect ion w ith th e clu b Sa lin a keeps tellin g m ea bou t g r ow str on g er ev er y da y .

Sev er a l of th e g u y s, especia lly Gu n n er , h a v e th a n ked m efor fix in g th e situ a t ion w ith th e g ir ls, a n d for g ett in g th e ba ru p a n d r u n n in g . You ca n feel th e h a ppin ess in th e a ir .

Th er e’s som e fu n n y sh it th a t g oes on h er e I h a d n o clu ea bou t w h en I w or ked a t th e oth er ba r . Th e g u y s r u n a tow in gser v ice a lon g w ith th e bike r epa ir sh op ou t of th e g a r a g e.Som e of th e w r ecked v eh icles cr a ck m e u p. It ’s a m a zin g h owm a n y people en d u p in ca n a ls or cr a sh ed in to h ou ses.

Rig h t n ow Joe is kissin g m e g ood like h e does befor e w e openth e ba r a n d h e g oes a bou t doin g w h a tev er h e does in th eev en in g s. Som etim es th ey g o on jobs, h a n g ou t in th e g a r a g e,m a ke u se of th e fig h t r in g , or g o th eir sepa r a te w a y s forper son a l bu sin ess. On th ose n ig h ts Joe g oes ba ck a n d for thbetw een th e g a r a g e a n d ba r .

Sa lin a a n d I ju m ped w h en w e h ea r d a lou d cr a sh a n d abu n ch of com m otion ou tside.

Joe poin ted a t m e a n d or der ed, “ Sta y h er e.” He pu lled h is

g u n a n d h ea ded ou t th e door .

I g r a bbed th e g u n beh in d th e ba r a n d w en t ou t beh in d h im .I w a tch ed a s h e a n d sev er a l oth er g u y s a ppr oa ch ed th e ca rw ith g u n s dr a w n . A s th ey g ot closer to th e fem a le dr iv er th eylow er ed th eir g u n s.

Joe a n d Slider h olster ed th eir g u n s, picked u p th e fr on t ofth e ca r , w a lked it a r ou n d to fa ce th e dir ect ion in w h ich itca m e a n d dr opped it . Slider y elled som eth in g a t Goa t befor ew a lkin g off.

Joe w a s a lr ea dy h ea ded ba ck to m e. Ru t r oe. He looks pissed.“ I th ou g h t I told y ou to sta y in side!!!”

Oops. I sta r ted to tu ck th e g u n a w a y bu t h e’s so fa st I lost itto h is la r g e ca pa ble h a n d. “ Sor r y .”

He poin ted to h is bike, “ Get on .”

“ I h a v e.” I sta r ted bu t h e cu t m e off.

“ I sa id g et on !!” He’s y ellin g .

“ Oka y , g eeze, ca lm dow n .” I w a lked tow a r ds h is bike a n dg ot h a r sh ly picked u p a n d set on th e ba ck. “ Ow .”

He sw u n g h is leg ov er a n d r ode u s ou t a lit t le too qu ickly . Ih eld on for dea r life.

He pa r ked in th e g a r a g e a n d dr a g g ed m e by th e a r m in sidebefor e tu r n in g m e r ou g h ly to fa ce h im . “ Wh en I fu ckin g telly ou to do som eth in g , y ou do it !”

“ I’m sor r y , it w a s a kn ee-jer k r ea ct ion w h en I sa w y ou .” Hein ter r u pted m e a g a in .

“ Stop, r ig h t th er e. I don ’t ca r e w h a t ex cu se y ou g iv e m e.

Rem em ber th a t m em or ia l r u n for th ose tw o m en w h o didn ’tfollow m y or der s?”

I closed m y ey es w a n tin g to h ide. “ Yes.”

“ Do y ou w a n t a m em or ia l r u n in y ou r h on or Ca r ly ?!”

“ No.” I feel like su ch a sh it .

He let g o sh ov in g m e ba ck a lit t le, ju st en ou g h th a t Istu m bled. “ Go sit dow n u n til I fig u r e ou t h ow to pu n ish y ou .”He’s r ea lly m a d.

I sa t a t th e kitch en ba r . “ I’m sor r y Joe, I didn ’t .” He cu t m eoff a g a in .

“ You didn ’t fu ckin g th in k! You didn ’t do w h a t I told y ou !Tr u st m e, I kn ow . I don ’t n eed y ou to tell m e w h a t y ou didw r on g .” He tu r n ed a n d pu n ch ed a h ole in th e w a ll. “ Fu ck!”

I decided to keep m y m ou th sh u t u n t il h e ca lm ed dow n .

He pa ced a n d cu ssed for a g ood ten m in u tes. I h id m y fa ce inm y h a n ds w ith m y elbow s on th e cou n ter .

I ju m ped w h en h e spu n m y ch a ir a n d g r a bbed m y w r ists.His ey es told m e th e lev el of fea r a n d a n g er h e felt .

“ If y ou g et killed beca u se y ou didn ’t do w h a t I told y ou I’mn ev er g oin g to for g iv e y ou . I’ll spen d th e r est of m y life h a t in gy ou for bein g stu pid a n d lea v in g m e.”

“ I’m sor r y , it w on ’t h a ppen a g a in .”

“ How th e h ell a m I su pposed to ta ke y ou on ov er n ig h t jobsw h en y ou don ’t listen a t h om e?”

“ You m a de y ou r poin t , I sa id I’m sor r y .”

“ You ’r e sta y in g h om e. Eith er y ou tr u st m e, or y ou don ’t . Iw on ’t r isk y ou on th e r oa d kn ow in g y ou don ’t listen .” He’spu n ish in g m e w ith h a r sh w or ds a n d r efu sin g to ta ke m e w ithh im .

I g u ess I ca n ’t bla m e h im . “ I tr u st y ou . I’ll sta y h om e.”

“ You ’r e da m n r ig h t y ou w ill.” He let g o n ow a n d steppedba ck. “ Fix din n er . I’m g oin g for a r u n befor e I pu t a n oth erh ole in th e w a ll.” He w en t to th e bedr oom to ch a n g e befor esla m m in g th e fr on t door on h is w a y ou t a few m in u tes la ter .

I cr ied for a bou t fiv e m in u tes befor e fin din g w in e a n d food topr epa r e. My a ppet ite is sh ot , bu t I ca n cook for h im . I feel likesu ch a jer k. I w on der h ow lon g h e’s g oin g to be m a d a t m e.

A bou t th e t im e I pu t din n er in th e ov en h e ca m e ba cksla m m in g th e door a g a in . I ju m ped, bu t n ot in fea r of h im , itw a s ju st th e u n ex pected sla m th a t g ot m e.

He stor m ed in a ll sw ea ty a n d g r a bbed m y ja w to set th oseg r een ey es th a t a r e st ill fu ll of tu r m oil on m e. “ Th is is for m e,n ot for y ou .” He kissed m e h a r d befor e tu r n in g m e a r ou n da n d w or kin g m y belt fr om beh in d.

I br a ced m y h a n ds on th e cou n ter a n d bit m y lip w h en h een ter ed m e h a r d a n d fa st fr om beh in d. He g a v e m e a sm a r tsm a ck on th e bu tt a s h e pou n ded m e h a r d a n d deliber a te fr ombeh in d. He w a sn ’t h u r t in g m e, bu t h e w a s liter a lly dr iv in gh is a n g er in to m e.

He tor e m y sh ir t a n d br a a w a y to g et a fir m g r ip on th eg ir ls a s h e w or ked ou t h is a n g er th r ou g h m y body . I felt h isin ten sity a n d ca m e h a r d m a kin g h im m ov e fa ster to fin d h isow n r elea se. Th e fin a l pu sh a n d g r oa n told m e h e’d n eededth a t .

He sta y ed in side m e a n d lea n ed dow n to g en t ly r u n h isfin g er s ov er m y n eck. “ Don ’t ev er sca r e m e like th a t a g a in .”

I tu r n ed to fa ce h im , “ I w on ’t .”

He kissed m e soft ly befor e r ig h t in g u s a n d h oldin g m e in h isa r m s. “ Sor r y a bou t th a t . A r e y ou oka y ?”

“ I’m g ood.”

He ben t dow n a n d h elped m e fix m y jea n s. “ I kn ew y ouw ou ld be a ble to h a n dle m e. You r pu n ish m en t is to r em a intopless th e r est of th e n ig h t .”

“ Oka y , I th in k I ca n do th a t .” I pu t m y a r m s a r ou n d h isw a ist a n d h u g g ed h im t ig h t . “ I r ea lly a m sor r y .”

He h u g g ed m e ba ck. “ I kn ow .”

Th in g s w en t ba ck to n or m a l th e n ex t da y . It w a s liken oth in g h a ppen ed. Th e r elief w a s n ice. Ha v in g Joe m a d a t m ew a s a feelin g I n ev er w a n t r epea ted. It w a sn ’t th a t h e sca r edm e, it w a s th e pa in a n d h u r t I sa w on h is fa ce. Th e idea ofdisa ppoin t in g h im h u r t m e m or e th a n I cou ld h a v e im a g in ed.It su cked.

Ha v in g h im g o ba ck to h is n or m a l self h elped a lot .

Sa lin a a n d I a r e g ett in g r ea dy to open th e ba r for th e da yw h en sh e a sked, “ You oka y ? He looked pr etty pissed w h en y ouleft y ester da y .”

I la u g h ed a lit t le, “ You cou ld sa y th a t , bu t h e h a d a r ig h t tobe. He ch ew ed m e ou t w ith th a t lou d bellow in g v oice of h is,bu t th a t ’s it . If a n y th in g h e ju st m a de m e feel like a jer k.”

“ Wh a t ’s th a t n oise?” Sh e looked u p a n d I h ea r d th e sa m eth u m pin g in th e a ir sh e did.

“ I don ’t kn ow .” We h ea ded ou tside a s a la r g e m ilita r yh elicopter h ov er ed ov er th e pa r kin g lot .

It w a s so lou d n eith er of u s cou ld h ea r a n y th in g else. Itslow ly la n ded ba r ely fit t in g in th e em pty spa ce.

I looked ov er a n d sa w Joe com e ou t of th e g a r a g e a n d boldlyw a lk u p to th e m a n h oppin g ou t of th e big open door . Th eyta lked for a m in u te befor e h e tu r n ed a n d h ea ded tow a r ds m e.

He took m y a r m a n d led m e ba ck in side w h er e I cou ld h ea rh im .

“ Wh a t ’s g oin g on Joe?” I st ill h a d to y ell.

“ I h a v e to g o. Th er e’s a n em er g en cy a n d th ey n eed m e.” Helow er ed a n d kissed m e w ith th a t th ir st I kn ow so w ell n ow .

He let g o cu ppin g m y fa ce. “ I’ll be ba ck a s soon a s I ca n .Beh a v e y ou r self, a n d listen to Slider .”

“ No!!!” I scr ea m ed a n d ju m ped h im clin g in g a n d kissin g h isn eck. “ Don ’t lea v e m e. I sa id I w a s sor r y !!”

He h u g g ed m e ba ck. “ Th is isn ’t pu n ish m en t ba by . Th is isstr ict ly n a t ion a l secu r ity . It h a s n oth in g to do w ith y ou . Th isis m y job, I h a v e to g o if th ey n eed m e.”

“ No!!! You ’r e r et ir ed!!”

“ Tech n ica lly I’m on R&R for a y ea r . I sh ou ld h a v e told y ou ,bu t I w a sn ’t ex pect in g th is.” He pu lled m e off h im a n d set m eba ck on sh a ky kn ees. “ I’ll be ba ck. I lov e y ou .”

“ I lov e y ou ! Plea se, plea se don ’t g o.” I beg g ed.

He kissed m y for eh ea d. “ I h a v e to m y lov e. Be str on g a n dw a it for m e.”

“ I ca n ’t br ea th e w ith ou t y ou !” I cr ied u n con tr olla bly .

He took m y h a n d a n d g a v e m e ov er to Sa lin a , “ Ta ke ca r e ofh er .” He left w ith Sa lin a h oldin g m e u p.

“ NO!!!” I scr ea m ed a n d jer ked fr ee to r u n a fter h im . He w a sa lr ea dy steppin g in to th e big h elicopter a s th e w in d fr om th ebla des blew m e ba ck. I w a tch ed th r ou g h tea r s a n d scr ea m s a sth e big th u n der in g m a ch in e took m y m a n a w a y .

I sa t on th e g r ou n d a n d cr ied h a r d a s th e pa in slicedth r ou g h m e. Sa lin a sa t w ith m e h oldin g m y h a n d. “ Ca lmdow n sw eet ie, h e’ll be ba ck.”

“ How da r e th em w a ltz in h er e a n d ta ke h im a w a y ?!” I w a sg ett in g a n g r y n ow .

“ I kn ow , th a t w a s r a th er r u de.” Sh e a g r eed a s best sh ecou ld.

Slider w a lked ov er a n d scooped m e u p, “ Com e on Red, let ’sg et y ou in side.”

I clu n g to h im w ish in g h e w a s Joe. “ Wh y ?”

“ I’m n ot su r e, bu t it h a d to be im por ta n t for th em to dr op inlike th a t .” He tr ied to a ssu r e m e a s h e set m e dow n in a ch a irin side th e clu bh ou se.

Sa lin a h a n ded m e a g la ss of w in e a n d a lit join t . “ He’ll beba ck soon .” Sh e looked a t Slider , “ Did y ou kn ow h e w a s st illa ct iv e?”

“ Sor t of. He h a d a y ea r left bu t th ey w a n ted to r ew a r d h imfor som eth in g h e did by let t in g h im ta ke h is la st y ea r a sR&R.” He looked a t m e, “ You sh ou ld kn ow th a t beca u se of th ety pe of w or k h e does h e ca n n ev er r ea lly r et ir e. It ’s

com plica ted.” He obv iou sly w a sn ’t g oin g to ela bor a te.

“ Th is su cks. Wh a t th e h ell a m I su pposed to do w ith ou th im ?” I beg g ed Slider .

“ Be a g ood old la dy a n d pu ll y ou r sh it tog eth er .” He pa ttedm y sh ou lder a n d left .

I looked a t Sa lin a , “ Not v er y h elpfu l is h e?”

Sh e la u g h ed, “ No, h e doesn ’t do sen t im en t . Com e on , let ’sg et y ou bu sy so y ou ca n stop fr ea kin g ou t .”

A ll n ig h t I kept lookin g a t th e door for Joe to w a lk th r ou g hit . I th ou g h t by th e t im e a t g ot h om e a t th r ee in th e m or n in gI w ou ld be too t ir ed to m iss h im . Wr on g . Th e silen ce in th eh ou se w a s killin g m e. I cou ldn ’t sleep, th e TV didn ’t h elp, a n dn eith er did th e v odka . In fa ct th e v odka m a de it w or se. I ju stkept g oin g ba ck a n d for th betw een a n g r y a n d sa d.

I felt like I w a s sit t in g in side m y br a in w a tch in g a s m y bodyw en t th r ou g h th e m otion s for th e n ex t tw o w eeks. Ev er ybla ck lea th er ja cket w ith a pa tch m a de m e do a dou ble ta ke.Som etim es I th ou g h t I sa w h im , bu t of cou r se I n ev er did.

A t th e en d of th e secon d w eek I kn ew I n eeded to g et ou t ofh er e. Joe h a sn ’t ca lled m e on ce, a n d h e w on ’t a n sw er h isph on e. I don ’t kn ow w h a t to do w ith th is a n g er a n dov er w h elm in g sa dn ess.

I h u g g ed Sa lin a ex tr a h a r d on Su n da y n ig h t kn ow in g itw ou ld be a w h ile befor e I sa w h er a g a in . I th in k sh e sen sedsom eth in g , bu t left it a lon e. I’m n ot so ea sy to ta lk to la tely .

I cov er ed fu r n itu r e, pa cked w h a t I cou ldn ’t liv e w ith ou t inth e Mer cedes a n d h ea ded n or th . V eg a s. Th a t ’s a n ice bu sytow n w h er e I ca n dr ow n m y th ou g h ts of Joe, m y debilita t in g

sa dn ess of m issin g h im , a n d m y a n g er a t h im lea v in g .

I u sed h is cr edit ca r d a s m oder a tely a s possible u n t il I g ot ajob dea lin g Poker a t a ca sin o. For th e fir st m on th I didn ’tboth er g ett in g a pla ce to sta y . I ju st took n a ps in th e ca r in th epa r kin g lot a n d sh ow er ed a t tr u ck stops.

Fin a lly I g ot t ir ed of th a t a n d r en ted a n a pa r tm en t by th em on th . It w a s w or se th a n m y old pla ce, bu t a ll I w a n ted w a s apla ce to str etch ou t on th e floor a n d ta ke a sh ow er w ith ou tg ett in g h it on . I a te w h en I a bsolu tely h a d to a t ch ea p bu ffets.Ta lk a bou t a g ood w a y to lose w eig h t . Tw o m on th s a ftera r r iv in g in V eg a s I dr opped fr om on e-fifty to on e-tw en ty .

I like dea lin g ca r ds. Ha v in g to con cen tr a te for ces m e to keepm y m in d off Joe. It ’s th e on ly th in g th a t does. I st ill see h imev er y w h er e I g o.

On e n ig h t I g ot bor ed a n d decided to tr y m y h a n d on th eoth er side of th e ta ble. So, I w en t to a n oth er ca sin o a n d sa tdow n to pla y . On ce a g a in I focu sed a ll m y a tten t ion on th eg a m e a n d w a lked a w a y w ith eig h t h u n dr ed dolla r s m or eth a n w h en I w a lked in . Nice.

Now I h a v e a n ew r ou t in e. Dea l ca r ds, pla y ca r ds, ea t , a n dsleep. On ce in a w h ile I ta ke th e Mer cedes u p a n d dow n th estr ip ju st to cr a n k som e tu n es a n d en joy th e lig h ts.

Befor e I kn ew it th r ee m or e m on th s h a d pa ssed a n d I’mpa y in g ta x es on ov er tw o h u n dr ed th ou sa n d dolla r s in th eba n k. I stopped u sin g Joe’s cr edit ca r ds six w eeks a g o. On ce ina w h ile I tr y to ca ll h is ph on e, bu t I a lw a y s en d u p cr y in g likea n idiot a n d dr in kin g m y self in to a com a , so I g a v e u p.

I a dv a n ced to th e h ig h sta kes ta bles to see w h a t th ediffer en ce w a s. Th e differ en ce? I w a lked a w a y w ith a h u n dr ed

g r a n d in on e n ig h t . For th e fir st t im e in six m on th s I w a sh a ppy . Gr eedy h a ppy . Sh oe sh oppin g h a ppy .

I don ’t h a v e on e fr ien d in th is tow n , ev en th ou g h som epeople seem to kn ow m e a n d sa y h i w h en I pa ss th em . Ir ecog n ize som e r epet it iv e fa ces, a n d w a v e ba ck, bu t th a t ’s a sclose a s th ey g et .

Ton ig h t I’m pla y in g th e h ig h sta kes ta ble for th e th ir d t im e.A v er y la r g e m a n w ith lon g blon de h a ir a n d da r k su n g la ssesis m y on ly r ea l com petit ion a t th e ta ble. He r em in ds m e of an eg a t iv e of Joe. Lig h t w h er e Joe is da r k, bu t bu ilt a bou t th esa m e.

A s th e dea ler dea lt a n oth er h a n d th e m a n r em ov ed h isg la sses a n d lea n ed in to th e ta ble to look a t m e w ith br ig h tblu e ey es. “ My n a m e is Br et . Wh a t ’s y ou r ’s?”

“ Ca r ly .” I a n sw er ed sit t in g ba ck in m y sea t w on der in gw h a t h e w a n ted.

“ You th in k y ou ’r e g ood?” He a sked ta u n tin g m e.

“ I kn ow I a m , or I w ou ldn ’t be h er e.”

“ Wa n t to m a ke it in ter est in g ?”

“ Depen ds on w h a t y ou con sider in ter est in g .”

“ Best of fiv e h a n ds. If y ou w in , I’ll g iv e y ou a Ma libu bea chh ou se to u se a t y ou r w h im for on e y ea r . If I w in , y ou spen dth e n ex t w eek, tw en ty -fou r h ou r s a da y , w ith m e. No str in g sa tta ch ed. Th is is n ot a bou t sex .”

I felt m y ey ebr ow s lift in in ter est . “ Wh a t m a kes y ou th in k Iw a n t u se of som e str a n g er s bea ch h ou se?”

“ You don ’t?” He looked cocky n ow a s h e sa t ba ck. His ton e

a n d a r r og a n ce r em in d m e of Joe.

“ A ch a n g e of scen er y m ig h t be n ice.” I th ou g h t ou t lou d.

“ Th en w e h a v e a bet?” He a sked.

“ We h a v e a bet .” Wh y n ot . It ’s been fiv e m on th s a n d Ih a v en ’t h ea r d on e w or d fr om Joe. Un less h e sh ow s u p th isw eek, w h ich is h ig h ly u n likely , h e’ll n ev er kn ow . Ma y be th edistr a ct ion w ill do m e g ood.

Th e dea ler dea lt th e n ex t h a n d. “ Dow n a n d Dir tyg en t lem en , a n d la dy .” He looked a t m e. “ Good lu ck.”

I n odded focu sin g on th e g a m e. I w on th e fir st h a n d, h e w onth e n ex t tw o. I w on th e fou r th h a n d a n d n ow I’m n er v ou s.Sh it . Wh a t if I lose? Wh a t if Joe com es ba ck th is w eek? Wh a t ifh e fin ds ou t a fter w a r ds w h en h e fin a lly does com e ba ck? Fu ckit . Ser v es h im r ig h t .

I w on th e la st h a n d a n d felt m y self r ela x . “ Nice g a m e Br et .”

He stood, sh ook m y h a n d a n d h a n ded m e a bu sin ess ca r d.“ Ca ll m y la w y er . I’ll fill h im in . Giv e h im y ou r in for m a tiona n d h e’ll sen d y ou th e key s. Nice m eet in g y ou Ca r ly .” Hetu r n ed a w a y to lea v e.

“ Ca n I a t lea st bu y y ou a dr in k?”

He tu r n ed ba ck, low er ed h is g la sses a n d sm iled, “ No th a n ks,y ou ’v e been en ter ta in in g en ou g h for on e n ig h t .” He w in keda n d left .

I looked a t th e dea ler , “ Well, th a t w a s in ter est in g .”

“ You ju st bea t on e of th e best Poker pla y er s in V eg a s lit t lela dy . Con g r a tu la t ion s.”

“ Rea lly ?”

“ Yes m a ’a m .” He sta r ted to dea l a g a in bu t I w a v ed h im off.

“ I th in k th a t ’s en ou g h for m e ton ig h t . Goodn ig h t Ch a r lie.”

“ Goodn ig h t m iss Ca r ly .” He seem ed a m u sed in a w a y I don ’tu n der sta n d. Oh w ell. I’m g ett in g ou t of h er e.

10

I ca lled th e la w y er ex pect in g to g et th e r u n a r ou n d. In stea dth e g u y kn ew ex a ct ly w h a t h a d h a ppen ed, a sked m e for m ya ddr ess, a n d th e n ex t da y I g ot a Fed-Ex pa cka g e w ith key s,a ddr ess, dir ect ion s, a n d a n a la r m code w ith in str u ct ion s a n dpa ssw or d in ca se I g ot it a ll m essed u p.

I pa cked u p m y a pa r tm en t, pa id th e n ex t m on th s r en t inca se I g et th er e a n d n eed to com e r ig h t ba ck, a n d h a u led a ss toMa libu .

Wow . Ta lk a bou t m on ey . Th is pla ce is fa n cy . Ev en th eh om eless g u y on th e cor n er w a s dr essed n icer th a n som e ofth e loca ls ba ck h om e.

It didn ’t ta ke lon g to fin d th e big bea ch h ou se sin ce, w ell, it ’sbig . I pa r ked th e ca r , u n locked th e door , pu n ch ed in th ea la r m code, a n d w a lked in . If it w a s da r k ou tside I m ig h t h a v en eeded lig h ts, bu t th e w in dow s pr ov ided plen ty lig h t to see byin th e m iddle of th e a fter n oon .

Th e w a lls a r e a cr isp w h ite like th e cloth cou ch es a n dch a ir s. Th e pillow s a n d decor focu s on blu es a n d y ellow sa ddin g a ch eer fu l qu a lity . I sn ooped a r ou n d fin a lly fin din gth e ba r a n d th e v odka . I’ll r epla ce it tom or r ow . Rig h t n ow , In eed a str on g dr in k.

I open ed th e slidin g door to th e pa t io w ith a tu m bler fu ll ofv odka on th e r ocks a n d in h a led th e sa lt a ir . Th e sou n d of th ew a v es cr a sh in g im m edia tely r em in ded m e of Joe beca u se Ir em em ber ed h e w a s a Na v y Sea l. I fell to m y kn ees to cr yh a r d. It took m e a cou ple m in u tes to r ig h t m y self a n d sit on ach a ise lou n g er to r ecov er .

“ Sh it .” I took a g ood cou ple sips likin g th e bu r n of th eex pen siv e v odka . Joe a n d I h a v e n ev er been to th e bea ch , bu tkn ow in g h e’s a Na v y Sea l a n d bein g th is close to so m u chw a ter im m edia tely bu ilt a br idg e betw een th e tw o. I sh ou ldh a v e th ou g h t a bou t th is, bu t it n ev er cr ossed m y m in d.

I w a tch ed th e su n g o dow n a n d th ou g h t a lot a bou t Joe.Betw een th e tea r s a n d th e v odka I en ded u p sleepin g ou tsideth a t n ig h t . Wh en I w oke u p to th e sou n d of sea g u lls I kickedm y self for m y w ea kn ess a n d told m y self it w a s t im e to m ov eon . I bu r ied Joe in th e ba ck of m y m in d a n d th e bottom of m yh ea r t decidin g it w a s t im e to g et m y sh it tog eth er . Sta r t an ew da y , a n d a n ew life.

I w en t in side a n d beg a n fa m ilia r izin g m y self w ith th e h ou sea n d m a kin g a g r ocer y list a fter a n ice h ot sh ow er . By th e t im eI sett led in it w a s a fter lu n ch a n d I r ea lized it w a s too qu iet , soI tu r n ed on som e m u sic a n d pu lled ou t m y Kin dle to r ea d onth e por ch in m y ba th in g su it to sta r t w or kin g on m y ta n .Ca lifor n ia n ’s h a v e ta n s. Ma y be I’ll die m y h a ir blon de to fitin . Na h . With m y lu ck it ’ll tu r n pin k.

A w h ile la ter I h ea r d th e door bell r in g a n d w on der ed w h oth e h ell th a t cou ld be. Ma y be it ’s a fr ien dly n eig h bor w a n tin gto kn ow w h o’s h er e.

I w r a pped a r obe a r ou n d m y self a n d open ed th e door . “ Br et .Wh a t a r e y ou doin g h er e?”

He pu sh ed pa st m e w a lkin g in side. “ How do y ou like th epla ce?”

“ It ’s n ice, bu t y ou bein g h er e w a sn ’t pa r t of th e dea l.” Iclosed th e door a n d follow ed h im in side.

“ We n eed to ta lk.” He w en t to th e fr idg e a n d pu lled ou t a

beer .

“ A bou t w h a t?”

He took a dr in k a s h e pu lled ou t h is w a llet a n d h a n ded m e apictu r e. “ Recog n ize h er ?”

I took th e pictu r e a n d im m edia tely sa t on th e closest ch a ir .“ Ca r olin e.” It w a s a spit t in g im a g e of m e, bu t it w a sn ’t , it ’sm y tw in . “ Wh er e is sh e?”

“ Dea d. Sh e left m e a w idow tw o y ea r s a g o. Took h er ow nlife.” He w a lked a r ou n d th e r oom .

“ Wh y ?” I cou ldn ’t ta ke m y ey es off th e pictu r e.

“ Sh e h a d depr ession issu es stem m in g fr om h er pa st . I n ev erkn ew th e deta ils. Wh en I sa w y ou in V eg a s I kn ew I h a d to fin dou t .”

“ Did y ou lose th a t g a m e on pu r pose?”

“ No. I kn ew eith er w a y I’d h a v e t im e to a sk y ou w h a t In eeded to kn ow .”

“ You w er e h er h u sba n d?”

“ Yes. Ma r r ied on e y ea r befor e sh e died. Ov er dosed on pillsa n d Wild Tu r key .”

“ Sh it .” I pu t th e pictu r e on th e ta ble u n a ble to look a t itn ow .

He sa t a cr oss fr om m e. “ Sh e n ev er told m e sh e h a d a sister ,let a lon e a tw in . Wh en I sa w y ou sit t in g a t th e Poker ta ble Ilost it . For tw o da y s I w a tch ed y ou w on der in g if sh e’dsom eh ow fa ked h er dea th to g et a w a y fr om m e. Th en w epla y ed a n d I kn ew it w a sn ’t h er .”

“ Th is is too m u ch of a coin ciden ce. How do I kn ow y ou ’r etellin g th e tr u th ?”

He pu lled h is w a llet ba ck ou t a n d set it on th e ta ble ba dg eu p. “ I’m a depu ty w ith th e Nev a da Sta te police. I don ’t g et offon ly in g . Wh en I r a n y ou r pr in ts I fou n d ou t w h o y ou bothw er e. Sh e lied to m e a n d m a r r ied m e u n der a fa lse n a m e. In ev er kn ew m y w ife.”

“ Wow . I’m sor r y sh e did th a t , bu t I h a v en ’t seen h er sin cew e w er e sepa r a ted. I ca n ’t h elp y ou .”

“ I th in k y ou ca n . Tell m e w h a t h a ppen ed. Wh y w er e y ousepa r a ted?”

“ No. I’m n ot tellin g a per fect str a n g er th a t stor y . If sh ew a n ted y ou to kn ow , sh e w ou ld h a v e told y ou . I th in k y oush ou ld lea v e. No, I’ll pa ck u p a n d lea v e. Th is is ju st toow eir d.” I stood u p to w a lk h im ou t .

“ Wh a t ’s w eir d is w a lkin g in to m y u su a l ca sin o, a t m y u su a lta ble, a n d fin din g th e m ir r or im a g e of m y dea d w ife sit t in gth er e pla y in g Poker . Sit dow n Ca r ly . I’m n ot g oin g to h u r ty ou , bu t I w ill h a v e m y a n sw er s.” He sou n ded a lit t le toom u ch like Joe su dden ly .

“ Oka y , n ow y ou ’r e fr ea kin g m e ou t .” I pa ced.

“ Wh y is th a t?”

“ You sou n ded a lot like m y …n ev er m in d.”

“ Like th e m a n w h o pu t th a t r in g on y ou r fin g er ?” He a skedn oddin g tow a r ds m y h a n d.

I looked a t th e r in g . “ Yes.”

“ Wh o is h e? You r h u sba n d?”

“ You cou ld sa y th a t . He w a s ca lled ba ck in to th e m ilita r ya lm ost six m on th s a g o. I h a v en ’t h ea r d fr om h im sin ce.”

“ I’m sor r y . You m u st h a v e lov ed h im .”

“ Mor e th a n I ev er th ou g h t possible.” I looked a t h im . “ Your ea lly sh ou ld g o.”

“ Not u n t il I kn ow w h y m y w ife n ev er told m e w h a th a ppen ed to h er a s a ch ild th a t u lt im a tely took h er life.You ’r e th e on ly on e w ith a n ex pla n a t ion . I’m n ot lea v in gw ith ou t it .” He in sisted.

I sa t on th e cou ch . “ If I tell y ou , w ill y ou lea v e?”

“ Yes.”

I took a deep br ea th . “ Fin e.” I g a v e h im th e sa m e stor y I’dtold Joe, m in u s th e pa r t a bou t w h a t h a ppen ed to m e a fter w ew er e sepa r a ted.

He sa t ba ck w a it in g ou t th e stor y befor e sa y in g , “ Th a t ’s on eh ell of a ta le. Th e pr oblem is, it doesn ’t tell m e a da m n th in ga bou t w h a t h a ppen ed to h er a fter y ou w er e sepa r a ted.”

“ Not m y fa u lt . I lost tr a ck of h er .”

“ Wh a t h a ppen ed to y ou a fter ?” He a sked.

“ Noth in g I’m g oin g to sh a r e w ith y ou . Tim e to lea v e.” In odded tow a r ds th e door .

“ Ca n I a sk y ou a fa v or ?”

“ You ca n a sk, doesn ’t m ea n I’m g oin g to oblig e y ou .”

“ I lost m y w ife too y ou n g . Seein g y ou m a kes m e w a n t to g etto kn ow h er th r ou g h y ou . Let m e sta y , like I sa id, n o str in g s. Iju st w a n t to ta lk to y ou , h er . Sh e kept so m a n y th in g s to

h er self.”

I sig h ed r ea lizin g bein g a lon e in th is h ou se w a s on ly a skin gfor m y ow n m iser y . How a m I su pposed to let Joe g o if I’ma lon e w ith m y m em or ies of h im a ll th e t im e?

“ You sta y a s a g u est . I lea v e on e y ea r fr om toda y a n d w epa r t w a y s. Th er e’s n ot a ch a n ce in h ell th is w ill be a n y m or eth a n a fr ien dsh ip. Got it?”

“ Dea l. It ’s too cr eepy th in kin g of y ou th a t w a y . I lov ed m yw ife v er y m u ch . No m a tter h ow m a n y w om en I’v e h a d sin ceth en , n on e com e close. I n eed a br ea k, a n d to g iv e m y self t im eto m ou r n . I th in k on ce it sin ks in th a t y ou r sister h a s pa sseda w a y , y ou ’r e g oin g to w a n t to m ou r n h er too. Ma y be I ca nh elp by tellin g y ou a bou t h er a s I kn ew h er .” He offer ed.

“ A lr ig h t , y ou ca n sta y , in th e g u est r oom . I did w in th eg a m e a fter a ll.”

He sm iled a n d I blin ked. “ Th a n k y ou Ca r ly .”

I sh ook m y h ea d a lit t le tr y in g to clea r m y th ou g h ts. Seein gBr et sm ile m a de m e w on der w h a t Joe w ou ld look like if h esm iled. Wou ld h is sm ile con su m e h is fa ce like Br et ’s does? Ir ea lly h a v e to stop th in kin g th is w a y .

“ You ’r e cookin g .” I told h im . Cookin g for a m a n th a t is n otJoe, is n ot g oin g to h a ppen .

“ You g ot it .” He seem ed to r ela x .

“ Wh a t did y ou sa y ?”

He r epea ted h im self a bsen t ly g oin g to th e kitch en .

I h a d to tell m y self ev er y body sa y s ‘y ou g ot it . ’ Not ju st Joe.Sta cy h a d sa id it r ig h t a fter h e did th e n ig h t w e fou n d

Mich elle. Th en a g a in , sh e w a s pr oba bly ju st ech oin g h im .

Th e n ex t cou ple w eeks I g ot to kn ow Br et pr etty w ell. He’skin d of a com edia n . Oka y , h e th in ks h e’s a com edia n , a n dth er efor e m a kes m e la u g h , ev en w h en I th in k h e’s a n idiot .

He doesn ’t h ov er , a n d lea v es m e a lon e w h en I g o ou t ev er yn ig h t to w a tch th e su n set on th e bea ch . I ta lk to Joe, pr a y forh im , a n d m ou r n h im . I n eed th is t im e ev er y da y to pu r g e th esa dn ess, a n g er a t h im , a n d fea r of w h a t m y life is g oin g to belike w ith ou t h im . Ev en th ou g h I don ’t kn ow if h e’s dea d ora liv e, I st ill m ou r n h im .

I h ea r d Br et pu ll u p so I w en t to open th e door for h imkn ow in g h e’d h a v e g r ocer ies. “ Wh a t did y ou do? Bu y ou t th estor e?”

He sm iled like h e does, “ I tr ied. Th ey w er e ou t of y ou rfa v or ite w in e, I th in k y ou dr a n k it a ll.”

“ Pr oba bly . I’ll liv e. Wh a t th e h ell did y ou g et?”

He set th e ba g s dow n a n d I sa w th e pa per ba g m ov in g befor eh e stu ck h is h a n d in a n d pu lled ou t a fla ilin g lobster , “ Wa n tto boil sh ellfish a liv e? You ca n pr eten d it ’s Joe.” He kn ow s I’mdea lin g w ith a n g er a s m u ch a s th e sa dn ess.

I la u g h ed, “ Yes!!”

He dr opped th e lobster in th e sin k befor e it g ot h im . “ Tellm e a bou t Joe. Do y ou h a v e a pictu r e of h im ?” Th is is th e fir stt im e h e’s r ea lly a sked. I didn ’t th in k m u ch of it beca u se w e’v ekin d of r u n ou t of oth er su bjects.

“ He’s a g ood m a n . Big like y ou , bu t da r k h a ir a n d lon gbea r d. I m iss th a t bea r d. He u sed to w a ke m e u p t icklin g m yn eck w ith it ev er y m or n in g .” I took th e bott le of w in e h e’d

bou g h t a n d open ed it . “ He lov es fier cely , like h e doesev er y th in g .” I told h im a bou t th e n ig h t w e sa v ed Mich elle.

“ Wow . Poor kid. Is sh e oka y ?”

“ I don ’t kn ow . I tu r n ed m y ph on e off th e da y I left .”

“ How is Joe su pposed to fin d y ou ?”

“ He h a s GPS on th e Mer cedes. If…w h en h e w a n ts to fin d m e,h e w ill.”

“ A r e y ou g iv in g u p on h im ?” He a sked sett in g th e secon dlobster in th e sin k. It h a d esca ped a n d w a s h a lfw a y a cr oss th estov e.

“ No. Bu t I a m g iv in g u p on ev er bein g h a ppy a g a in w ith ou th im .”

“ Th a t ’s too ba d. Did y ou sa y h e w a s a biker ?” He a skedca su a lly .

“ Yea h . His br oth er is th e h ig h est r a n ked Pr esiden t w est ofth e Mississippi. Joe h a d ju st r et ir ed fr om th e ser v ice w h en h eca m e ba ck to th e clu b. He u sed to sit in on cou n cil m eet in g sa n d stu ff, bu t h e didn ’t seem to h a v e a r a n k to spea k of. I w a sst ill lea r n in g h ow a ll th a t sh it w or ked w h en h e w a s ta kena w a y .”

“ Ta ken a w a y ?”

I descr ibed th e h elicopter a n d h ow I h a d to sa y g oodby e toh im .

“ Sou n ds like som eth in g ou t of a m ov ie.”

“ I th ou g h t th a t too. A n y w a y , I tr ied to st ick a r ou n d for acou ple w eeks, bu t ev er y th in g a n d ev er y on e br ou g h t m e to

tea r s r em in din g m e of h im . So, I w en t to th e n oisiest city Icou ld th in k of. Th e r est is h istor y .” I sa t w ith m y w in e tow a tch Br et cook, a g a in . He’s qu ite g ood. He h a s g ood ta ste inw in e too.

He h eld a lobster u p ov er boilin g w a ter a n d looked a t m e,“ Joe? Or Ca r olin e?”

“ You bou g h t , y ou g o fir st .” I la u g h ed.

He low er ed th e lobster in a n d looked a t it , “ Th is is for th epa in y ou ca u sed m e by n ot bein g str on g en ou g h to liv e form e.”

I g ot u p a n d picked u p th e oth er lobster , “ A n d th is is for th epa in y ou ca u sed m e, by lea v in g a n d n ot m a kin g m e y ou r fir stpr ior ity .” I dr opped th e poor g u y in qu ickly .

“ If Joe is a liv e, a n d I h ope h e is, h e’s a stu pid m a n forlea v in g y ou .”

I ta pped m y g la ss to h is beer bott le. “ Won ’t a r g u e th a t .”

We la u g h ed a n d a te ta lkin g a bou t a n y th in g bu t Ca r olin ea n d Joe. It w a s n ice.

11

An oth er cou ple w eeks w en t by a n d I sta r ted th in kin g a bou tlea v in g . I n eed m or e com m otion to dr ow n m y br a in . Br et iscool, a n d h e’s been a g r ea t fr ien d, bu t I’m g ett in g close tou sin g h im to tr y a n d for g et Joe. Th a t w ou ld be w r on g , a n dpr oba bly w ou ldn ’t w or k a n y w a y .

I decided it w a s on ly fa ir to be h on est w ith Br et . He’sflippin g bu r g er s on th e g r ill ou tside.

“ I n eed to lea v e Br et .”

“ Wh y ?”

“ It ’s too qu iet h er e. I w a n ted to th a n k y ou for ta lkin g to m ea bou t Ch a r lotte. I feel like I kn ow h er a lit t le better n ow , a s a na du lt , n ot ju st a s a kid.”

“ Th a n k y ou . I’m sor r y y ou ’r e lea v in g , bu t I u n der sta n d.”He pu t a bu r g er on a bu n a n d h a n ded it to m e. “ Do m e a fa v ora n d keep in tou ch . We don ’t h a v e to ta lk ev er y da y , bu t itw ou ld be n ice to h ea r fr om y ou n ow a n d th en to kn ow y ou ’r eoka y .”

“ I ca n do th a t .” We en joy ed ou r la st m ea l tog eth er . Hesu r pr ised m e by pa ckin g u p a n d lea v in g th a t n ig h t . He sa idg oodby e a n d kissed m e on th e for eh ea d w ith w h a t seem ed tobe a slig h t ly defea ted look on h is fa ce.

I w a lked dow n to th e bea ch a n d sa t in th e sa n d for w h a t w a slikely m y la st n ig h t h er e. With ou t Br et th is pla ce is w a y tooqu iet .

I cr ied in to m y w in e u n til I cou ldn ’t cr y a n y m or e. I set m yg la ss dow n a n d w a lked ou t in to th e w a ter . Fu ck it . No city

w ill ev er be bu sy en ou g h to for g et Joe. I ca n ’t g o h om e, n otev en to m y life befor e Joe. He’d br oken m e. Wh a t ’s th e poin t ofliv in g n ow ? If m y sister ca n ta ke h er ow n life, th en m a y beth e ocea n ca n ta ke m in e if I g iv e it fr eely .

I sw a m a s h a r d a n d a s fa r a s I cou ld. If I g et ou t fa r en ou g h Ish ou ld be a ble to dr ow n . Ma y be I’ll see Joe a s I die. It w ou ld ben ice to see h im on e la st t im e.

I floa ted on m y ba ck a n d looked a t th e sta r s. “ I h a te y ou forlea v in g m e. I h a te y ou for lov in g m e. You stole ev er y th in gfr om m e w h en y ou left .” I cr ied a g a in n ot feelin g th e tea r spa st th e sea w a ter .

I cou ldn ’t dr ow n a n d it pissed m e off so I sla pped th e w a tera n d r ig h ted m y self to tr y for a n oth er sw im . Ma y be I’ll g et acr a m p th is t im e.

“ A r e y ou don e?” Br et ’s v oice a sked in th e da r k.

“ Sh it ! Wh a t a r e y ou doin g h er e?”

“ I h a d a ba d feelin g y ou ’d tr y som eth in g like th is. I’v e seenth a t look befor e. Com e on , let ’s g o in .” He sw a m tow a r ds m e.

I sw a m ba ckw a r ds, “ No!! Ju st…g o a w a y !!”

He lu n g ed a n d ca u g h t m y foot .

I spit w a ter w h en I ca m e u p ca u g h t in h is a r m , “ Sor r yCa r ly . I lost on e bea u tifu l r edh ea d, I’m n ot losin g a n oth er .”He sw a m m e ba ck in , dr opped m e on th e sa n d a n d y elled,“ A r e y ou fu ckin g stu pid?!! Did y ou th in k I w ou ldn ’t fin d ou tm y w ife’s tw in sister com m itted su icide ju st ou tside m y bea chh ou se??!!!” He’s r ea lly m a d r em in din g m e of h ow Joe g otw h en h e w a s m a d th e n ig h t befor e h e left .

I sa n k to th e sa n d a n d cr ied h a r der th a n I’v e ev er cr ied inm y life.

Br et scooped m e u p a n d ca r r ied m e in side. “ I’m g oin g to pu ty ou in th e sh ow er a n d lea v e a g a in , bu t I w ill be w a tch in gy ou . You w a n t to be a lon e, fin e, bu t I’m n ev er ta kin g m y ey esoff y ou .”

He set m e dow n on th e ba th r oom cou n ter a n d left sla m m in gth e door beh in d h im .

I took a sh ow er a n d cr a sh ed ou t fr om ph y sica l ex h a u st ion .

For th e n ex t tw o da y s I w a s a zom bie. Too fu cked u p in th eh ea d to dr iv e, too depr essed to g o ba ck to V eg a s. I kn ew Br etw a s w a tch in g m e so I didn ’t tr y a n y th in g stu pid a g a in . Ig u ess I’m doom ed to m y m iser y .

Ton ig h t th e su n set did n oth in g for m e a s I sa t in th e sa n dw a tch in g it . I la id on m y ba ck to w a tch th e sta r s com e ou t .

“ Wh o’s h ou se is th is?”

I ju m ped u p th in kin g I h ea r d Joe’s v oice. It took m e am in u te to focu s. “ Joe?”

“ A n sw er th e qu est ion .” He or der ed.

I ju m ped h im . “ Is it r ea lly y ou ? A m I dr ea m in g a g a in ?!”

He pu lled m e off a n d set m e dow n . “ Wh a t a r e y ou doin gh er e?” He’s m a d.

I g r a bbed h is bea r d a n d h u n ted for h is ey es. “ It is y ou .”

“ A n sw er th e fu ckin g qu est ion Ca r ly !!”

I let g o a n d felt m y h ea r t cr a ck. “ Don ’t y ou da r e y ell a t m e!”

“ Wh o’s h ou se is th is?” His v oice is deeper n ow .

“ It ’s a lon g stor y . Wh a t took y ou so lon g ?!” I felt th e tea r sov er flow in g a g a in . Th is cr y in g sh it is r ea lly g ett in g old.

“ You better sta r t ex pla in in g r ig h t n ow .” He or der ed.

I closed m y ey es w on der in g if I’d fa llen a sleep on th e bea cha g a in a n d m a y be th is w a s a dr ea m …n ig h tm a r e. I open ed m yey es to fin d m y v er y a n g r y m a n sta r in g m e dow n .

“ I w on it for a y ea r in V eg a s. Tu r n s ou t th e g u y I w on itfr om w a s m y tw in sister ’s h u sba n d, n ow w idow beca u se sh ekilled h er self. He sa id it w a s a n a cciden t r u n n in g in to m eth er e.” I w a v ed it off. “ It doesn ’t m a tter . I on ly sta y ed h er e tota ke a br ea k fr om V eg a s.”

“ You left th e clu b.” He’s r ea lly m a d.

“ I h a d to!! I kept seein g y ou ev er y w h er e! It w a s m a kin g m ein sa n e. A lth ou g h m ov in g didn ’t do m u ch to h elp.” I a dm itted.

“ Wh a t ‘g u y ’ did y ou w in th is fr om ?”

“ His n a m e is Br et . Tr u st m e, n oth in g h a ppen ed. In fa ct , y oush ou ld th a n k h im for sa v in g m y life th e oth er n ig h t .”

“ Br et w h o?” He a sked su dden ly su spiciou s.

“ St . Cla ir . Wh y ?”

He spu n a r ou n d a n d y elled, “ You son of a fu ckin g bitch !!!GET OUT HERE!!”

“ Joe, h e’s n ot h er e.”

“ Th e h ell h e’s n ot .” He a r g u ed ta kin g m e by th e a r m .

“ You kn ow h im ? Ow , y ou ’r e h u r t in g m e.”

“ Did y ou fu ck h im ?” He sh ov ed m e in fr on t of h im to step u pon to th e pa t io.

“ Of cou r se n ot! Wh a t th e h ell?!” I tu r n ed on ly to g et ba ckedu p in to th e h ou se.

“ I sh ou ld h a v e kn ow n h e’d pu ll som eth in g like th is.” Hecom pla in ed. “ Pa ck y ou r sh it , w e’r e lea v in g n ow .”

“ You kn ow w h a t , bite m e.” I stopped a n d pu t m y h a n ds onm y h ips. “ How da r e y ou fu ckin g lea v e m e for six m on th s a n dw a lk in h er e like th is!”

He bor e dow n on m e. “ How da r e y ou fu ck m y br oth er .”

“ I didn ’t fu ck a n y body y ou jer k!!”

“ Yea h r ig h t . I kn ow Br et , y ou ’v e pr oba bly been r ollin ga r ou n d in bed w ith h im for m on th s.”

“ You son of a bitch .” My tem per h it a n ew h ig h .

He g r a bbed m y pu r se to fin d m y ph on e a n d ta pped th escr een . He tossed it on th e ta ble a s it r a n g th r ee t im es. “ Gla dy ou m a de it ba ck a liv e br oth er .” Br et ’s v oice pu r r ed.

I w a s speech less.

“ You h a v e ba lls fu ckin g w ith m y w ife w h ile I’m g on e.” Joesa id a ll to ca lm ly .

“ You ’r e th e idiot w h o left h er .” Br et a ccu sed.

“ Wh er e a r e y ou so I ca n fin a lly kill y ou ?”

I fou n d m y v oice th r ou g h a n g er . “ Wa it ! Br et is y ou rbr oth er ?!” I looked in to Joe’s v er y a n g r y ey es.

Br et la u g h ed on th e oth er en d. “ Don ’t w or r y Br o, sh e’s a s

loy a l a s th ey com e. Sh e w a n ted to ta ke h er ow n life for y ou .”

“ Br et?” I picked u p th e ph on e.

“ Yes Da r lin ” ?”

“ Wer e y ou r ea lly m y sister ’s h u sba n d?”

“ No. I kn ow y ou r w h ole stor y . Ch a r lotte did ta ke h er ow nlife, bu t sh e n ev er kn ew m e.”

“ Wh a t do y ou m ea n w h ole stor y ?” I h a v e a ba d feelin g .

“ Th e on ly pa r t of th e la st m on th th a t w a sn ’t a lie, w a s h owm u ch I like y ou . Wh en m y br oth er fu cks u p, a n d I a ssu r e y ouh e w ill. I’ll be w a it in g to g iv e y ou th e life y ou deser v e.” Hediscon n ected.

I closed m y ey es. Ev er y th in g a bou t Br et w a s a lie. Joe ish er e, a n d h e h a tes m e. Now I r ea lly r eg r et n ot dr ow n in g . Ifou n d th e ch a ir a n d sa t . “ Go a h ea d. Get it ov er w ith .”

“ Did y ou sleep w ith h im ?” I ca n tell h e’s pa cin g .

“ No.” I a lm ost sa id y es ju st to g et th is ov er w ith . I fig u r e itw ou ld ser v e h im r ig h t to fin d ou t h e killed m e for n o r ea son . Icou ldn ’t do it th ou g h .

“ Did y ou w a n t to?”

“ I th ou g h t a bou t it , to for g et y ou . Bu t I r ea lized th a tw ou ldn ’t be fa ir a n d decided to m ov e in stea d.” I fou n d som ein n er str en g th a n d stood u p to fin d v odka . It ’s a m a zin g h owy ou r a tt itu de ch a n g es w h en y ou stop g iv in g a sh it a bou tev er y th in g .

He follow ed m e. “ You h a v en ’t been w ith h im ?”

“ Fu ck off Joe.” I dr a n k fr om th e bott le. No sen se in lea v in g

dish es.

“ Look a t m e.”

“ No. You ’r e n ot r ea l.” If h e’s n ot r ea l th is w ill be ea sier .

“ Ex cu se m e?” He g r a bbed m y a r m s a n d tu r n ed m e a r ou n dto fa ce h im .

“ Noth in g .” I cou ldn ’t look a t h im beca u se th is w a s n ot th er eu n ion I w a n ted, ex pected, a n d dr ea m t of. He w a s su pposedto be h a ppy to see m e, n ot pu n ish in g m e. I g iv e u p. I ca n ’t doa n y th in g r ig h t .

“ Ca r ly !!” He y elled bu t I cou ldn ’t focu s. Th er e’s a n ice da r ktu n n el ov er th er e. I th in k I ca n sleep th er e. Su dden ly I’mex h a u sted.

I w en t in to th a t da r kn ess a n d fou n d th e com plete silen ce Iw a s lookin g for . Th er e’s n o Joe. No Br et . No lies.

Th e n u m bn ess w a s n ice. For on ce I stopped ca r in g . Nobodym a tter ed. Th ey w er e a ll ju st a ba d dr ea m . How ca n y ou ca r ea bou t som ebody th a t ’s n ot r ea l?

Th is is r ea l. Th e n u m b, th e qu iet .

Som ebody w a s y ellin g m y n a m e in th e dista n ce, bu t I don ’tca r e. Let th em y ell. Th ey ’ll g et t ir ed a n d g iv e u p ev en tu a lly .If I focu s I ca n v isu a lize su n flow er s in fr on t of m e. I ca n pickth em . Lots of th em . I like it h er e.

Ex cept for th a t a n n oy in g ech o of m y n a m e. Ma y be if I ju stth in k of it like a w in d ch im e I’ll g et u sed to it .

No, it ’s too lou d. Wh y does m y ch est h u r t?

“ CA RLY!!” Joe.

Wow th a t h u r t . I felt m y ey es str u g g le to sta y closed.

“ Sh it . Wh a t h a v e I don e? Wa ke u p Ca r ly !!” It ’s h is v oice,bu t it ’s n ot h im .

I’m so t ir ed. So t ir ed. I v isu a lized m y self in Joe’s a r m pitw h er e I like to sleep a n d let th e da r kn ess ta ke m e.

“ Wa ke u p ba by . Com e ba ck to m e. I’m n ot m a d a t y ou , ju stcom e ba ck.” I h ea r d Joe beg g in g .

I felt m y body con tr a ct a n d cu r l in to a ba ll.

“ I’m h er e n ow , com e on , open y ou r ey es for m e.”

I scr ea m ed n o, bu t I didn ’t h ea r it .

“ Ca r ly . Stop it . You ’r e sca r in g m e. Open y ou r ey es.”

Sh it . I w a n ted to die, n ot sca r e people. Fu ck. I str u g g led for am in u te a n d focu sed on Joe’s fa ce. “ You su ck.”

He let ou t a br ea th . “ Th er e sh e is. It ’s oka y ba by , y ou ca ncom e ba ck.”

“ You h a te m e.” I closed m y ey es tr y in g to r u n ba ck to th eda r kn ess.

I felt h is g r ip on m y ja w , “ No y ou don ’t . Look a t m e.”

I feel so t ir ed. I tu r n ed tow a r ds h im a n d tr ied to look. Heseem s off. Sa d a lm ost . “ I’m so t ir ed.”

“ Hey , look a t m e.” He beg g ed.

I closed m y ey es clea n ou t of en er g y . “ Dr ea m .” I told m y self.

Wh en I dr ea m , Joe’s n ot m a d a t m e. He h olds m e a n d t icklesm e. He scolds m e a n d con fesses h is lov e. I like it th er e.

Su dden ly I felt a r u sh of cold a n d sn a pped ba ck. “ Wh a t th efu ck?!” I tr ied to pu sh th e cold a w a y . Wh en it bu r n ed I open edm y ey es to fin d th e a ssa ila n t . “ Stop tor tu r in g m e!!!”

He w r a pped a tow el a r ou n d m e a n d sa id, “ Th a t ’s m y g ir l.Com e on . Com e ba ck to m e.”

“ You h a te m e.”

“ I ta lked to Br et , I don ’t h a te y ou .”

“ Br et . Th a t ly in g fu cker .”

I felt h is w a r m a r m s w r a p a r ou n d m e. “ I’m sor r y .”

“ You sh ou ld be.” I pu sh ed h im a w a y . “ Wh er e a r e w e?”

“ A h otel. I cou ldn ’t stom a ch th a t h ou se on ce h e told m e h e’dbeen sta y in g th er e w ith y ou for th e la st m on th .” Heex pla in ed tu r n in g m y ch in ba ck to fa ce h im . “ Hey , look a tm e.”

I pu sh ed h im a w a y a g a in r efu sin g to look a t h im . “ No.” I g otu p a n d w en t to th e ba th r oom sla m m in g th e door beh in d m e. In eed a m in u te. Th e m ir r or is n ot m y fr ien d r ig h t n ow . Itu r n ed on th e sh ow er a n d h id u n der h ot w a ter for a lon gt im e.

How da r e Joe ca m e ba ck like h e did. I a ll bu t m ou r n ed h imfor six m on th s a n d h e r ejects m e? A ccu ses m e of ch ea t in g onh im ? I’m so m a d I w a n t to spit n a ils. I w a n ted so ba d for h imto h old m e.

I sa t in th e tu b w ith th e w a ter r u n n in g ov er m e a n d cr ied.My ch est h u r t so ba d I h a d to for ce m y self to stop so I cou ldbr ea th e.

Th e door open ed bu t I didn ’t both er lookin g u p sin ce I kn ew

w h o it w a s. He sh u t th e w a ter off a n d w r a pped a tow el a r ou n dm e befor e pickin g m e u p a n d ca r r y in g m e to th e bed.

“ Th a t ’s en ou g h ba by .” He sa id sooth in g ly .

“ You r ejected m e. I m issed y ou so m u ch a n d y ou pu sh ed m ea w a y .” I pu lled th e tow el t ig h t a r ou n d m e.

“ I kn ow . Not m y fin er m om en t. I’m sor r y .”

“ I th ou g h t y ou w er e n ev er com in g ba ck. I w a s so h a ppy tosee y ou , n ow I ca n ’t look a t y ou .” I com pla in ed lookin g a t th ebedspr ea d.

He lifted m y ch in , “ Wh a t ca n I do to m a ke it u p to y ou ?”

I tu r n ed a w a y , picked u p a pillow a n d sm a cked h im h a r d inth e h ea d w ith it . He took th e h it pa t ien t ly , so, I h it h im a g a in .A n d a g a in . I kept h it t in g h im a s h e let m e sit on h im a n d h ith im som e m or e. I w a sn ’t h u r t in g h im , bu t it felt g ood to bea th im , ev en if it w a s w ith a pillow .

I fin a lly tossed th e pillow a side a s I sa t on h is ch est to fin a llylook a t h im . “ You a r e su ch a jer k.”

“ I kn ow . Feel better ?”

“ I’m w or kin g on it .” I fou n d m y tow el a n d cov er ed ba ck u p.

“ Wh y a r e y ou cov er in g y ou r self. You kn ow a s soon a s I ca nI’m g oin g to a t ta ck y ou .”

“ Oh n o y ou ’r e n ot . I m ig h t h a v e m issed y ou , bu t th e w a yy ou ca m e ba ck w a s n ot a ccepta ble. I’m st ill pr etty pissed a ty ou .” I looked a r ou n d a n d fou n d a ba g w ith h is cloth es in it . Ig u ess h e didn ’t both er pa ckin g a n y of m y sh it so I stole a pa irof h is box er s a n d a t -sh ir t .

“ Fa ir en ou g h . Pr ospects a r e com in g to pa ck y ou r sh it a n dm ov e it to ou r h ou se.”

“ I’m g oin g to n eed cloth es if w e’r e r idin g .”

“ We’r e n ot . Th ey ’ll br in g m y bike. Th e Mer cedes is ou tside. Icou ldn ’t r ide w ith y ou pa ssed ou t . Wh a t h a ppen ed? Wh y didy ou con k ou t like th a t?” He a sked st ill la y in g on h is ba ck.

“ I don ’t kn ow . I w a s so m a d a n d so h u r t by both y ou a n dBr et , I ju st r em em ber w a n tin g to bu r y m y h ea d in th e sa n da n d h ide.”

“ I sh ou ld tell y ou Br et follow ed y ou to V eg a s. He sta lked y oua n d w a ited for a n oppor tu n ity to g et close to y ou . He’s a sickfu cker w h o’s h a d it in for m e sin ce w e w er e kids.”

“ I don ’t ev er w a n t to h ea r th a t n a m e a g a in .” I com pla in edopen in g th e m in iba r to fin d lit t le bott les of w in e. “ Eu r eka .” Iopen ed on e a n d sipped r ig h t fr om th e bott le befor e sit t in g n ex tto Joe on th e bed. “ I’m g la d y ou ’r e ba ck, bu t I’m st ill r ea llyr ea lly m a d a t y ou .”

“ I kn ow . Be m a d a ll y ou w a n t , I ca n ta ke it . Wa n t to bea t m ew ith a pillow a g a in ?” He r ested h is h a n d on m y th ig h .

“ No. I w a n t to bea t y ou w ith a st ick. Wh a t took y ou solon g ?”

“ I ca n ’t tell y ou . Ha n d m e th e TV r em ote.” Th er e’s th a tdem a n din g ton e I’v e m issed so m u ch .

I fou n d it a n d g a v e it to h im . He tu r n ed on th e n ew s a n dw a ited.

I sa w th e Br ea kin g New s of th e da y . A ter r or ist th a t h a spla g u ed th is cou n tr y for a lm ost ten y ea r s w a s fin a lly dea d.

Joe tu r n ed th e TV off a t th e en d of th e r epor t .

I looked a t h im . “ Th a t w a s y ou ?”

“ A r e y ou g oin g to kiss m e or do I h a v e to stea l on e?”

I sig h ed ta kin g a n oth er sip fr om th e bott le a n d sett in g itdow n . “ You h a v e to pr om ise n ev er to lea v e m e a g a in .”

He g r a bbed a h a n dfu l of h is sh ir t I h a v e on a n d pu lled m edow n . “ I pr om ise. I’m don e w ith th e g ov er n m en t w or k forg ood.”

I looked in h is ey es, “ You ev er disa ppea r like th a t a g a in I’mg oin g to h ide w h er e y ou ca n ’t fin d m e.”

“ Th a t ’s n ot possible m y lov e. I w ill a lw a y s fin d y ou . Nowstop th r ea ten in g m e a n d kiss m e.”

I g a v e in a n d kissed h im w ith a th ir st of m y ow n th is t im e.It didn ’t ta ke lon g befor e cloth es h it th e floor a n d w e cr a sh edin to ea ch oth er . I clu n g to h im fier cely a s h e r em in ded m ew h a t it w a s to be w ith h im . To lov e h im in side, a n d ou t .

It took m e a lon g t im e befor e I w a s w illin g to stop pu n ish in gh im in th a t bed. Som eh ow I don ’t th in k h e m in ded.

He fou n d y et a n oth er m u ch n eeded r elea se w ith a deepth r u st a s h e looked dow n in to m y ey es. “ I lov e y ou Ca r ly .”

“ I lov e y ou .” I g r a bbed h is ea r s a n d kissed h im .

He r ested h is for eh ea d on m in e. “ Get som e sleep. We’r eg oin g h om e in a few h ou r s.”

“ Sa lin a ’s g oin g to be so pissed a t m e.”

“ It ’s n ot Sa lin a y ou n eed to w or r y a bou t .”

“ Wh a t do y ou m ea n ?”

“ Lea v in g th e clu b th e w a y y ou did is n ot a llow ed. Slider isth e on e I’m g oin g to h a v e to pr otect y ou fr om . Th e on ly th in gth a t m ig h t sa v e y ou is th e fa ct th a t y ou w er e so n ew to th eclu b, a n d th e em otion a l distr ess a t m y lea v in g . He’s st illg oin g to w a n t to pu n ish y ou .” He ex pla in ed r ollin g off a n dtu ckin g m e in to th a t n ook of h is a r m I m issed so m u ch .

“ Som eth in g to look for w a r d to.”

“ I’ll ta lk to h im a n d see if I ca n ta ke w h a tev er pu n ish m en th e h a s in m in d for y ou .”

“ No. I’m a big g ir l. I ca n h a n dle it .”

“ We’ll see. I w on ’t let h im do a n y th in g too ba d. I’m su r e it ’sm or e to h u m ilia te y ou like y ou did h im by lea v in g .”

“ Wh y w ou ld h e ca r e?”

“ A s m y old la dy y ou ’r e u n der h is pr otect ion . By lea v in g inth e m iddle of th e n ig h t y ou ba sica lly sa id fu ck y ou to y ou rfa m ily . You sh ou ld h a v e told h im . Not to m en tion w h en I g oth om e a n d fou n d y ou g on e I pu n ch ed h im for n ot keepin g y outh er e. You ’r e n ot th e on ly on e w h o’s in tr ou ble.” He h u g g edm e.

“ You r ea lly pu n ch ed Slider ?”

“ Cr a cked h is ch eekbon e. Sa lin a ju m ped on m y ba ck a n dbea t th e h ell ou t of m e.”

I la u g h ed a n d sa t u p a lit t le to look a t h im . “ Sh e did?”

He looked ba ck a n d r a n h is fin g er a lon g m y ja w . “ Yea h . Sh ecu ssed m e for pu n ch in g h er old m a n th en ch ew ed m e ou t form a kin g y ou r u n a w a y .”

“ I ta ke it y ou tr a cked th e Mer cedes th r ou g h th e GPS?”

“ Yes. I let a ll kin ds of ba d th in g s br ew in m y h ea d a s to w h yy ou w ou ld be in som e fa n cy bea ch h ou se. I kept com in g ba ckto y ou w ith a n oth er m a n . It fu eled m y tem per . I sh ou ldn ’th a v e com e ba ck to y ou like th a t .”

“ No, y ou sh ou ldn ’t h a v e.” I su n k m y fin g er s in h is bea r d.“ Bu t I’m r ea lly g la d y ou ’r e ba ck. Th e la st six m on th s h a v ebeen a liv in g h ell.”

“ Wh a t w er e y ou doin g in V eg a s?”

“ Tr y in g to dr ow n m y th ou g h ts of y ou . Ev er y w h er e I lookeda r ou n d th e clu b I kept seein g y ou , th en it w a sn ’t y ou . I h a d tog et a w a y to som e pla ce n oisy . It didn ’t w or k. I lea r n ed to dea la n d pla y Poker , w h ich h elped a lit t le beca u se I h a d to focu s tooh a r d to th in k a bou t y ou for a cou ple h ou r s. Tu r n s ou t I’mpr etty g ood.”

“ So it w ou ld seem . I n ot iced y ou h a v en ’t been spen din g m ym on ey in m on th s.” He tw isted som e of m y h a ir in h is fin g er s.

“ Didn ’t n eed to. I’v e g ot ov er th r ee h u n dr ed g r a n d in th eba n k.”

His ey ebr ow s w en t u p, “ You m a de th r ee h u n dr ed g r a n d insix m on th s?”

“ No, I m a de tw o h u n dr ed g r a n d in a bou t tw o w eeks. I didn ’tpla y th e big g er ta bles u n t il th e en d. Befor e th a t I w a s ju stpa y in g bills.”

“ I don ’t believ e y ou .” He did, bu t didn ’t .

“ Fin e. Ta ke m e to V eg a s, m a r r y m e, a n d I’ll pr ov e it .” Ioffer ed.

“ You st ill w a n t to m a r r y m e?” I lov e it w h en h e’s con fu sed.

“ I do. You st ill w a n t to m a r r y m e?”

“ Of cou r se I do. I th ou g h t y ou ’d be too pissed to m a r r y m er ig h t n ow .”

“ I w a s. I’m g ett in g pa st it n ow . Besides, th is w a y if y ou lea v em e a g a in I ca n leg a lly spen d a ll y ou r m on ey to pu n ish y ou .” Itea sed.

“ Go for it , th er e’s a lw a y s m or e w h er e th a t ca m e fr om .”

I sa t u p In dia n -sty le to fa ce h im . “ How do y ou h a v e so m u chm on ey a n y w a y ?”

“ Old fa m ily m on ey I in v ested y ea r s a g o. Wh a tev er isea r n ed ju st tu r n s a r ou n d a n d g oes ba ck in to th e in v estm en t. Ipu ll ou t w h a t I n eed a s I n eed it . I a ll bu t ow n ed A OL w h enth ey g ot sta r ted, n ow it ’s Goog le, Ya h oo, a n d bu n ch of oth ersh it I h a d a g u t feelin g a bou t . Bein g a cr oss sea s ca n be pr ettybor in g w h en y ou don ’t h a v e a g ig . I r ea d a lot , in v ested h er ea n d th er e. Got g ood a t it .” He sh r u g g ed.

“ A r e y ou g oin g to w ea r a su it w h en w e g et m a r r ied?” Ich a n g ed th e su bject ba ck to w h a t I w a s m or e in ter ested in .

“ No. Th e best y ou ’ll g et ou t of m e is m y Ma r in e blu es orNa v y w h ites. You decide. It ’s eith er th a t or jea n s a n d m y cu t .I don ’t do m on key su its.”

I la u g h ed, “ Fa ir en ou g h . Wea r th e w h ites, it ’ll look n icea g a in st th a t da r k h a ir of y ou r s, w h ich n eeds a ser iou s tr im .Wh a t w er e y ou tr y in g to do? Fit in ov er th er e?”

“ No. I don ’t tr u st a n y on e bu t y ou w ith scissor s n ea r m yh ea d. A lth ou g h a fter th a t pillow bea t in g I g ot ea r lier I’m n ot

su r e I tr u st y ou a n y m or e eith er .”

“ Ha h a .” I set t led ba ck dow n for g ett in g m y a ppet ite a n d fella sleep dr ea m in g a bou t m a r r y in g h im in V eg a s.

12

Th e n ex t m or n in g h e or der ed ev er y br ea kfa st item on th em en u a n d m a de m e ea t u n t il I w a n ted to pop.

“ I ca n ’t ea t a n oth er bite.” I com pla in ed a s h e clim bed ov erm e w ith a piece of ba con tr y in g to g et it in m y m ou th .

“ You ’r e too skin n y . Ea t .”

I la u g h ed a n d pu sh ed th e ba con a w a y . “ Giv e m e a fewm in u tes plea se.”

He a te it for m e a s h e sett led betw een m y leg s. “ I g u ess I’llh a v e to w or k u p th a t a ppet ite a g a in .”

I w elcom ed h im for th e secon d t im e th is m or n in g . “ You ’r e an u t .”

“ A n d y ou ’r e bea u tifu l, ev en if y ou ’r e too skin n y . Didn ’t y ouea t w h ile I w a s g on e?”

“ Not m u ch . Fr om th e m in u te y ou g ot on th a t h elicopteru n til la st n ig h t I felt sick to m y stom a ch .”

“ I m issed y ou too.” He sy m pa th ized.

“ Wh y didn ’t y ou ca ll?” I like ta lkin g to h im a s h e ca r essesm e w ith h is slow m ov em en ts.

“ I cou ldn ’t , it ’s for bidden to m a ke con ta ct w ith a n y on e a th om e w h en y ou ’r e on a job like th a t .”

“ I’m n ev er let t in g y ou ou t of m y sig h t a g a in .” I pr om isedh im .

“ I st ill h a v e to g o ou t on clu b jobs w h en w e g et ba ck Ca r ly .”

He scolded m e.

“ Nope. Not g oin g to h a ppen . I’m ch a in in g y ou to th e g a r a g e.I’m pr etty su r e ev en y ou r big a ss ca n ’t ca r r y a r ou n d atw en ty -fiv e h u n dr ed squ a r e foot g a r a g e.” I tea sed sm a ckin gh is bu tt .

“ Ma y be n ot , bu t I’m su r e I ca n g et ou t of th e ch a in s.”

“ I’ll g et big th ick on es.”

“ Oddly en ou g h th ey ’r e ea sier to g et off.”

“ Ca n y ou ju st let m e h a v e on e lit t le fa n ta sy for on ce?” Iw h in ed.

“ I’v e g ot y ou r fa n ta sy w om a n .” He low er ed a n d kissed m elon g a n d h a r d, ju st like h e pr oceeded to ta ke m e.

He m a de m e ea t a g a in befor e w e h ea ded to V eg a s. I dr ov ebeca u se h is dr iv in g is in sa n e.

He tr ied distr a ct in g m e w ith h is w a n der in g h a n ds bu t I toldh im to qu it .

“ I’v e been a w a y fr om th a t body for six m on th s Ca r ly . I ca n ’th elp m y self.” He com pla in ed.

“ Un less y ou w a n t m e to g et a t icket for r eckless dr iv in gy ou ’r e g oin g to h a v e to fin d a w a y to beh a v e.”

“ I h a te bein g a pa ssen g er .”

“ Stop pou tin g . I don ’t kn ow h ow I m issed y ou so m u ch ,y ou ’r e a h u g e pa in in th e a ss.” I tea sed pickin g u p h is h a n da n d kissin g it .

“ You ’r e n ot m u ch ea sier . I g o a w a y a n d com e ba ck to fin dy ou w ith m y h a lf br oth er .”

“ Not w ith , a n d it ’s n ot like I kn ew . It does con n ect som e dotsth ou g h . He w ou ld sa y cer ta in th in g s th a t r em in ded m e ofy ou . I th ou g h t it w a s ju st m e, n ow I kn ow it w a sn ’t . It ’s adistu r bin g th ou g h t .”

“ Like w h a t?”

“ Ju st th e ton e of v oice, dem a n din g like y ou a r e.”

“ He’s don e som e fu cked u p sh it ov er th e y ea r s, bu t th is t im eh e cr ossed th e lin e. If I fin d h im I’m g oin g to kill h im .”

“ Don ’t both er . If y ou g et ca u g h t a n d g o to ja il I’m g oin g tobea t y ou w ith m or e th a n a da m n pillow .”

“ He n ev er tou ch ed y ou ?”

“ No ba by , I w ou ldn ’t h a v e a llow ed it , a n d h e kn ew it .”

“ Good.” He pu lled m y ph on e fr om m y pu r se. “ I do h a v e aqu est ion th ou g h .”

“ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?”

He dia led Br et .

“ Miss m e a lr ea dy ?” Br et a n sw er ed.

“ No, y ou sh it . Wh a t did y ou ex pect to a ccom plish bytr ickin g m y w ife in to bein g w ith y ou ?”

“ A h , th e in ev ita ble qu est ion . Som eda y sh e’s g oin g to fig u r eou t th a t h a v in g a r ea l m a n in h er life is m u ch m or ea ppea lin g . Wh en I ta ke h er fr om y ou , m y job w ill be don e a n dy ou ca n liv e in pea ce br oth er .”

Joe h u n g u p.

I w iped a tea r a w a y . “ I ca n ’t believ e I liv ed w ith th a t

a ssh ole.”

“ We w en t tog eth er to a sk for ou r fa th er to let u s pr ospect . Iw a s per m itted, h e w a s sen t a w a y . Sin ce th en h e’s been ath or n in m y side.”

“ Th a t m a kes sen se. Ca n w e ta lk a bou t som eth in g else?”

“ St ill w a n t kids?” He didn ’t m iss a bea t .

I la u g h ed. “ Nice. Yes, bu t n ot for a y ea r .”

“ Wh y a y ea r ?”

“ I w a n t t im e a lon e w ith y ou .”

“ Fa ir en ou g h .”

We ta lked a bou t h ow w e’d like to r a ise ou r kids, h ow m a n yw e w a n ted, a n d a ll kin ds of oth er stu ff w e n ev er h a d a ch a n ceto cov er u n t il V eg a s ca m e in to v iew .

“ Wh ich h otel?” I a sked h im .

“ Doesn ’t m a tter , pick on e.”

“ Sin ce w e’r e g ett in g m a r r ied I’m g oin g to pick a n ex pen siv eon e.”

“ Go for it .”

I pu lled in to th e Bella g io a n d g a v e th e key s to th e v a let . Joetook ca r e of or der in g u s a su ite w h ile I fou n d a cou ple dr in ksfor u s. We ba r ely m a de it in to ou r r oom befor e h e sta r tedr em ov in g cloth es a n d took m e ea g er ly a g a in st th e w a ll.

We took a lit t le n a p befor e or der in g r oom ser v ice. He fed m eu n til I w a s stu ffed a g a in .

Wh en th e secon d w in d kicked in ju st a fter da r k h e sa t u p,“ Let ’s g o dow n sta ir s. I w a n t to see y ou pla y .”

“ I don ’t h a v e a n y cloth es.”

“ Th en w e’ll sh op fir st .” He decided.

“ I sh ou ld w a r n y ou , I’m h ell to sh op w ith .” I tea sed fin din gh is box er s a n d a fr esh sh ir t . “ I st ill ca n ’t believ e y ou didn ’tbr in g m e a n y cloth es.”

“ I w a s in a h u r r y . Don ’t n a g .”

“ Na g n a g n a g .” I sm a cked h is bu tt r u n n in g to th eba th r oom .

Wh en w e w er e don e I dr a g g ed poor Joe to Ca esa r s Pa la ce a n dh id a lot of sm iles a t h is a n n oy ed ex pr ession s. I’d h oldsom eth in g u p a n d h e’d look a t m e like I w a s n u ts for ev ena skin g .

Sh oes w er e a lit t le ea sier . My poor m a n is loa ded dow n w ithba g s a n d lookin g m or e bor ed by th e m in u te. I fin a lly h a den ou g h so w e w en t ba ck to th e r oom w h er e I cou ld ch a n g e. Ofcou r se I h a d to ta ke a br ea k w h en h e decided w e n eeded toch r isten th e sh ow er .

I pu t on t ig h t n ew jea n s, a n d low cu t w h ite top w ith a h in tof m y n ew pin k la ce br a sh ow in g th r ou g h a n d som e kick-a ssbig bla ck h eels. I feel h u m a n a g a in .

I led h im to th e h ig h -sta kes ta bles a n d sa t . He sa t a cou plesea ts a w a y beca u se th er e w er e a lr ea dy people th er e. I keptbea t in g h im too ea sily , a n d I kn ew h e w a s tr y in g , so I fin a llyw en t a ll-in to en d m y g a m e.

He looked a t m e, “ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?”

“ I’m bor ed. Th er e’s a ba n d pla y in g dow n th e str eet I’dr a th er see.”

He sh ov ed h is ch ips in . “ Th en let ’s do th is.”

I la u g h ed, “ You sh ou ld h a v e ju st h a n ded th ose to m e. Sa v ey ou r self th e h u m ilia t ion .”

He tu r n ed ov er h is ca r ds a n d I sm iled fr om ea r to ea r . “ Nicetr y .” I tu r n ed m y ca r ds ov er a n d g ot ch a sed fr om th e ta ble.For tu n a tely I kn ow th e dea ler so I kn ow h e’ll sa v e ou r ch ipsfor u s.

I r a n to th e n ea r est ba r befor e h e ca u g h t m e a n d tr a ppedm e w ith th ose la r g e a r m s on eith er side of m e r est in g on th eba r .

His ey es seem ed pla y fu l, h a ppy for a ch a n g e, “ You lit t lev ix en .”

I la u g h ed fin g er in g h is bea r d. I m issed th is th in g . “ Wh er e’sy ou r Na v y w h ites?”

“ I’ll ca ll a n d h a v e th em sh ipped.”

“ How lon g ?”

“ Tw o da y s a t th e m ost .”

“ Wh o h a s th em ?”

“ Rig h t n ow ? I th in k th ey ’r e in th e Wh ite Hou se, n ot su r e.”

“ Wh y w ou ld th ey be th er e?”

“ You r ea lly don ’t w a n t to kn ow .”

“ Yes I do!! Com e on , y ou h a v e to tell m e n ow .”

Th e ba r ten der w a lked ov er w ith h is ey es stea dily on m ybr ea sts. “ Ca n I g et y ou folks a cou ple dr in ks?”

I la u g h ed, “ Th e h u sba n d cou ld u se a w h iskey , h e’s n otdr u n k y et .”

“ You g ot it .” He n ev er took h is ey es off m e a s h e pou r ed.

Joe r ea ch ed beh in d m e, u n tu cked m y sh ir t a n d slow ly slidh is h a n d u p to u n sn a p m y br a .

I looked a t h im , “ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?”

“ Ta ke it off. Do th a t th in g g ir ls do u n der y ou r sh ir t to ta ke itoff.”

I kn ew w h a t h e m ea n t a n d pu lled th e str a ps off u n der m ysleev es a n d h a n ded h im th e br a . “ Her e.”

“ Th r ow it a t h im .” He g estu r ed to th e ba r ten der .

“ You r ea lly a r e a n u t .” I tossed it a n d la n ded it per fect ly onh is sh ou lder .

He sm iled, “ Best t ip I’v e h a d in m on th s.” He sm iled a n dw en t ba ck to h is oth er cu stom er s lea v in g th e br a on h issh ou lder th e r est of th e t im e w e w er e th er e.

I looked a t Joe. “ You ’r e pr etty fu n n y for a g u y w h o n ev ersm iles.”

He m ov ed th e fa br ic of m y sh ir t a side ex posin g a n ipple topla y w ith . “ I cou ld pla y w ith th ese a ll da y , a n d n ig h t .”

I looked a r ou n d, “ People a r e lookin g .”

He cov er ed m e u p bu t sw a tted m y h a n d a w a y w h en I tr iedto bu tton m y sh ir t . “ Don ’t . We’r e in V eg a s. Besides, on ce w eg et sett led in ba ck h om e I m ig h t be stea lin g y ou r sh ir ts m or e

often . Best g et u sed to it n ow .”

I r olled m y ey es, “ Goofba ll.”

We pa id for ou r dr in ks a n d w a lked a r ou n d a w h ile. I sw ea rh e w a s sh ow in g off.

We fin a lly m a de it ba ck to ou r r oom a n d I felt th eex h a u st ion of th e la st six m on th s kick in .

I sh ed cloth es on m y w a y to th e bed cr a v in g th e com for t of apillow a n d clea n sh eets. “ I’m g oin g to sleep for a w eek.”

He h eld m e close, “ Sleep a s lon g a s y ou w a n t ba be.”

We g ot m a r r ied tw o da y s la ter in a ta cky ch a pel off th estr ip. We spen t th e n ex t w eek h on ey m oon in g in ou r r oom a n dsu r v iv in g on r oom ser v ice. It w a s n ice, r ea lly n ice. I n eededth is t im e a lon e w ith h im befor e g oin g ba ck to th e clu b a n d th edr a m a th a t w ill a ccom pa n y it .

I m iss ev er y body th er e, bu t I n eeded Joe to m y self for a slon g a s h e’ll let m e. We pr oba bly cou ld h a v e sta y ed th er e fortw o w eeks, bu t Joe g ets a n tsy . I kn ew h e w a s n ev er a n y g ooda t sit t in g st ill befor e, bu t h e’s g otten w or se. Eith er th a t or h ew a s a n x iou s to g et ba ck to th e clu b. I g et th e feelin g V eg a sisn ’t h is scen e.

His bike is ba ck a t th e clu b so w e took th e Mer cedes sou th toth e V a lley of th e Su n . I dr ov e, of cou r se. He w a s a lit t le betterbeh a v ed n ow , bu t n ot by m u ch . Like I sa id, h e g ets bor edea sy .

I h a n ded h im m y ph on e to ca ll th e clu b w h en w e g ot close,bu t h e sa id it didn ’t m a tter . Tow a r ds th e la st h a lf of th e dr iv eh is m ood seem ed da r ker . I g u ess h e’s g ett in g w or r ied a bou tw h a t Slider w ill do or sa y a bou t m y u n a n n ou n ced depa r tu r e.

I don ’t r ea lly ca r e. Sh or t of killin g m e, w h ich I kn ow h e w on ’tdo beca u se it w ou ld dev a sta te Joe, it doesn ’t m a tter .

Th e g u y s open ed th e g a te for u s, I fou n d m y old pa r kin gspa ce a n d looked a t Joe. “ Rela x , h e’s n ot g oin g to kill m e.”

“ He’s n ot a n ice m a n w h en cr ossed Ca r ly , don ’tu n der est im a te h im .” He g ot ou t sla m m in g th e door .

“ Her e w e g o.” I com pla in ed g ett in g ou t a n d lookin g a r ou n d.

It took a bou t tw o secon ds for Sa lin a to com e ou t of h er officea n d h ea d tow a r ds m e w ith w h a t I kn ow is h er a n g r y w a lk.Br a ce y ou r self.

Sh e w a s pissed a lr ig h t , sh e w a lked r ig h t u p a n d cold-cockedm e in th e ja w . Ow , th a t ’s g on n a lea v e a m a r k, bu t I kn ow Ideser v e it . Th en sh e g r a bbed m e a n d h u g g ed m e so h a r d Icou ldn ’t br ea th e.

“ You h or r ible, m ea n , lit t le bitch !!” Sh e g r a bbed m y a r m sa n d looked m e ov er , “ You ’r e oka y ?”

“ I’m fin e. I’m r ea lly sor r y Sa lin a .”

Sh e pu n ch ed m e in th e g u t . “ Fu ck y ou a n d y ou r a polog ies!Do y ou kn ow w h a t y ou did to m e?!! Do y ou kn ow h ow w or r iedI’v e been ?!” Sh e y elled a g a in .

Joe stepped u p, “ Oka y Sa l, th a t ’s en ou g h .”

I pu t m y oth er h a n d u p th a t w a sn ’t clu tch in g m y stom a ch ,“ It ’s oka y Joe. I ca n ta ke it .”

Slider w a lked u p a n d h u g g ed h is br oth er , “ Welcom e h om ebr oth er .”

“ Th a n ks m a n .”

Th en h e tu r n ed h is a t ten t ion to m e, “ You on th e oth er h a n da r e in deep sh it .”

“ I’m r ea lizin g th a t . I’m sor r y I didn ’t tell y ou I n eeded tolea v e. I w a sn ’t in m y r ig h t m in d. It w a s too h a r d bein g h er ea n d seein g Joe ev er y w h er e a n d n ow h er e. I lost it pr etty ba d.I’m sor r y .” I ba bbled.

“ Disr espect in g m e a n d th e clu b like th a t is n ot a ccepta ble.My br oth er ’s old la dy or n ot , y ou h a v e to pa y .” He in for m edm e.

“ I’ll ta ke w h a tev er pu n ish m en t y ou w a n t to dole ou t forh er .” Joe in ter v en ed.

Slider looked a t h im . “ It doesn ’t w or k th a t w a y , n ot forth is.” He looked ba ck a t m e. “ Sa lin a ’s been bu st in g h er a ss forsix m on th s to keep th a t ba r g oin g in y ou r a bsen ce. For th en ex t th r ee m on th s y ou ’r e doin g it a lon e so sh e ca n ta ke av a ca t ion . I don ’t w a n t to see h er ser v in g on e fu ckin g beer , g otit?”

I n odded, “ Got it .”

“ Fr om elev en ev er y m or n in g u n til tw o th e n ex t m or n in g Iex pect y ou to be in th er e spit sh in in g a n d ser v in g . If I don ’tsee y ou in th er e y ou ’ll g et th e bea t in g y ou sh ou ld r ea lly beg ett in g in stea d.” He th r ea ten ed.

“ Slide, ju st g iv e m e th e bea t in g . I w a n t m y w ife a t h om em or e th a n th a t .”

“ Too fu ckin g ba d. Ma y be y ou sh ou ld h a v e sch ooled h erbetter befor e y ou left . You m ig h t w a n t to edu ca te h er so th issh it doesn ’t h a ppen a g a in .” He sla pped Joe’s a r m . “ It ’s on lyth r ee m on th s Br o, a n d I w a n t m y w ife ba ck.” He cou n ter ed.

Joe let ou t a n a g g r a v a ted br ea th .

“ It ’s oka y ba be. I ca n do th is. I n eed to do th is. It w a sn ’t fa irto lea v e Sa lin a w ith th e ba r like th a t , a n d it w a sn ’t fa ir forSlider to lose t im e w ith h er eith er . Th is is on m e.”

“ You r da m n r ig h t it ’s on y ou .” Slider tu r n ed to Sa lin a . “ Youg et a n h ou r to ca tch u p, th en I’m ta kin g y ou h om e to sta r tm a kin g u p for th e t im e sh e stole fr om u s.”

“ A lr ig h t ba be.” Sh e sa id befor e tu r n in g ba ck to m e. “ Com eon , let ’s g o ca tch u p. I m a de som e ch a n g es y ou sh ou ld kn owa bou t .” Sh e h ooked m y a r m a n d led m e in side.

I h ea r d Joe cu ss befor e g oin g to fin d th e r est of th e g u y s.He’ll g et ov er it . Th is is ju st a s m u ch h is fa u lt a s m in e, w eboth deser v e th e pu n ish m en t. A t lea st th is w a y I kn ow h e’sh er e, a liv e a n d w ell, a n d w h en I g et h om e h e’ll be in m y bed.I’m n ot g oin g to be a ble to ca ter to h im like I’m su r e h e w ou ldlike, bu t h e’ll liv e. It ’s on ly th r ee m on th s, a n d n oth in gcom pa r ed to th e la st six m on th s of pu r e h ell I’v e su ffer ed.

Sa lin a a n d I ca u g h t u p. It took a bou t fiv e m in u tes befor e w ew er e r ig h t ba ck to w h er e w e left off. Sh e g a v e m e a n ice pa ckfor m y ja w a n d pou r ed u s w in e.

“ Th e pla ce looks g r ea t . You m u st h a v e w or ked y ou r a ss off.”

“ Na h , Slider ex a g g er a tes. I h a d plen ty of pr ospects h elpin gm e, y ou w on ’t be so lu cky .”

“ He w a s pr etty pissed h u h ?”

“ Not r ea lly . It ’s m or e a bou t r espect . Betw een y ou a n d m e h eu n der stood a n d didn ’t bla m e y ou for n eedin g to lea v e, bu ty ou r ea lly sh ou ld h a v e sa id som eth in g . To lea v e th e clu b th ew a y y ou did sh ow s y ou r la ck of r espect a n d tr u st in y ou r

fa m ily to h elp y ou th r ou g h a n y cr isis.” Sh e ex pla in ed.

“ I w a sn ’t lookin g a t it like th a t .”

“ I kn ow , h e kn ow s. Like I sa id, it ’s m or e to sh ow th e oth erm em ber s th a t n o m a tter w h o y ou a r e, y ou don ’t w a lk ou t onfa m ily . Not w ith ou t pa y in g for it . If y ou w er e a m em ber h ew ou ld h a v e pu t y ou in th e r in g a n d h a d th e sh it bea t ou t ofy ou . Wom a n or n ot . Bu t sin ce y ou ’r e ju st a n old la dy h edoesn ’t n eed to do th a t .”

“ Good th in g . A lth ou g h I w ou ld h a v e ta ken it .”

“ Th a t ’s oka y , I a lr ea dy bea t y ou r a ss, so w e’r e g ood.” Sh ela u g h ed ta ppin g h er g la ss to m in e.

I la u g h ed, “ Ow . You g ot m e g ood. It a lm ost felt g ood th ou g h .I felt like I n eeded th a t , a ph y sica l pu n ish m en t to g o w ithh u r t I feel in side. I didn ’t m ea n to u pset y ou so m u ch bylea v in g .”

“ Yea h w ell, do th a t sh it a g a in a n d I’ll r ea lly bea t y ou r a ss.”Sh e scolded.

“ Poor Joe is g oin g to g o n u ts w ith m e w or kin g h er e a ll th et im e.” I la u g h ed.

“ He’ll g et ov er it . I h ea r y ou g ot m a r r ied in V eg a s?”

“ Yea h , it w a s n ice. It w a s a tou g h r eu n ion a t fir st . He ca m eba ck a n d fou n d ou t h is br oth er Br et h a d been liv in g w ith m efor a m on th .”

Sh e a lm ost ch oked. “ Wh a t?”

“ It w a sn ’t like th a t .” I w en t on to ex pla in w h a t h a ppen ed. Itfelt g ood to ta lk to m y best fr ien d a g a in .

Sa lin a left a n h ou r la ter a n d I open ed th e ba r . In or der tosh ow th e g u y s th a t I w a s sor r y for lea v in g th e w a y I did th edr in ks w er e on th e h ou se th a t n ig h t . I kept tr a ck of th e costa n d w r ote a ch eck to th e ba r so th er e w ou ldn ’t be a loss.

Joe ca m e in a n d ou t th r ou g h ou t th e n ig h t befor e fin a llysett lin g dow n w ith th e g u y s a t th eir u su a l ta bles. Slider h a dta ken Sa lin a h om e ea r ly .

By tw o I w a s m or e th a n r ea dy to g o h om e. Th en I r ea lizedth e h ou se h a d been deser ted for six m on th s. Gr ea t . I g u ess I’llh a v e to do som e sh oppin g in th e m or n in g befor e I com e ba ckh er e.

Joe w a s ba ck to w ea r in g h is cu t , w h ich m a de m e kiss h imsolid befor e w e g ot on h is bike. Seein g h im in h is cu t br ou g h tm e ba ck to th e w a y th in g s w er e su pposed to be.

“ How com e y ou didn ’t h a v e th is w h en y ou fou n d m e inCa lifor n ia ?” I a sked h im w h en h e pu lled in to th e g a r a g e.

“ Th ey sen t it ba ck to Slider for m e a fter I left .”

“ Oh .”

He open ed th e door for m e a n d tu r n ed on lig h ts. “ I h a d som epr ospects com e by a n d g et th is pla ce clea n ed u p for y ou .”

“ I lov e y ou .” Th e cov er s w er e off th e fu r n itu r e a n d it lookedlike som eon e h a d v a cu u m ed a n d du sted. I w en t to th e fr idg ew on der in g w h a t I’d left to r ot in th er e a n d a lm ost ju m ped forjoy . “ Now I r ea lly lov e y ou .”

“ I didn ’t kn ow w h a t y ou w a n ted so I left it u p to th em . Didth ey do a lr ig h t?”

“ Com e see.”

He looked ov er m y sh ou lder . “ Fig u r es.” He r ea ch ed in a n dg r a bbed a beer .

Th er e’s a bu cket of fr ied ch icken , tw o ca ses of beer , a bou teig h t bott les of w in e, sa lsa for th e ch ips on th e cou n ter , a ba gof a pples, eg g s a n d ba con . “ It ’s per fect .” I stole th e bu cket a n dch ow ed dow n . My ja w h u r t , bu t th e h u n g er ou tw eig h ed m ypa in .

Joe w a ited u n til I w a s don e a n d took a closer look a t m y fa ce.“ Sh e n a iled y ou .”

I la u g h ed, “ Yu p. I’m g la d sh e did, I n eeded th a t .”

“ Rea lly ? You liked it?” He took m y h a n d to lea d m e to th ebedr oom .

“ Mor e like I n eeded th a t . I kn ew sh e’d be pissed a n d w a n tedh er to ta ke it ou t on m e w ith m or e th a n ju st w or ds. I ca n ta keth e ph y sica l pa in better th a n th e a ss ch ew in g .” I sta r ted th esh ow er a n d u n dr essed.

He sh ed h is cloth es to join m e. “ Th a t ’s th e la st t im e a n y on eh its y ou . Sh e’s lu cky sh e’s Slider ’s old la dy .”

I la u g h ed, “ Don ’t w or r y a bou t it . I’m ju st g la d to be h om e.”

“ It ’s g oin g to be a lon g th r ee m on th s.”

“ Na h . I’ll be a t th e clu bh ou se a ll th e t im e a t lea st . You ca ncom e see m e w h en ev er y ou w a n t .”

“ You ’r e g oin g to be w or kin g lon g da y s. How a m I su pposedto a tta ck y ou a ll th e t im e if y ou ’r e w or kin g ?”

I stepped u n der th e w a ter , “ I su g g est y ou m a ke th e m ost ofth e t im e w e h a v e.” I tea sed.

He m a de m e squ ea k w h en h e picked m e u p a n d dr ov e in tom e for a g ood u p a g a in st th e w a ll in th e sh ow er a tta ck. I lov eh is in ten sity , especia lly w h en h e’s let t in g g o of pen t u p str essa n d w or r y .

Wh en w e fin a lly fou n d ou r w a y betw een th e sh eets to sleeph e sa id, “ In th r ee m on th s I w a n t to sta r t tr y in g for a ba by .”

“ I’m too ex h a u sted to h a v e th is con v er sa t ion .” I h u g g ed h ima n d fell a sleep w ith th ou g h ts of ba bies in m y h ea d.

13

Th e n ex t da y I w oke u p w ith h is bea r d in m y n eck a n dsm iled. I m issed is a n n oy in g w a y of w a kin g m e u p. I ba r elym a de it to th e clu bh ou se in t im e to open th e ba r . I h a d to pu tm y m a ke-u p on beh in d th e ba r . No big dea l.

I took m y t im e g ett in g ba ck in to th e sw in g of th in g s. Sa lin aca lled a r ou n d tw o in th e a fter n oon to tell m e sh e w a s g lu ed toSlider ’s h ip a n d w ou ld com e v isit w h en h e w a s don e bein gpossessiv e. We g ot a g ood la u g h for a few m in u tes befor e Iw en t ba ck to w or k.

Lots of people ca m e in to sa y h i a n d w elcom e m e ba ck. It w a sn ice to see ev er y body a g a in .

Th e n ex t cou ple w eeks took on a n ice r ou t in e, ev en if I w a sstu ck in th e ba r con sta n t ly . Joe h a d din n er w ith m e ev er yda y . I cou ldn ’t cook a t th e ba r so h e h a d to br in g som eth in g inor h a v e pr ospects g o g et u s som eth in g . It w a s n ice to be h om ea g a in .

Rig h t n ow I’m tr y in g to fig u r e ou t w h eth er to pu t th eNA SCA R r a ce on or a Poker tou r n a m en t. I ch ose th e r a cebeca u se Poker st ill r em in ds m e of Br et a n d h is betr a y a l.

Th en I h ea r d som e kin d of cr a zy com m otion ou t fr on t a n dw en t to ch eck it ou t . I sa w Slider a n d a few g u y s g a th er eda r ou n d a w om a n a n d y ou n g boy a bou t ten y ea r s old.

Sin ce it ’s st ill ea r ly a n d th er e’s n obody in th e ba r I w a lkedov er to see w h a t ’s u p. Th e w om a n is cr y in g fr a n t ica llyh oldin g th e boy in h er a r m s in fr on t of h er .

“ Th ey killed h im !!” Sh e y elled a t Slider . “ Th ose ba sta r ds

sh ot m y h u sba n d. You ’r e su pposed to pr otect u s fr om th issh it !”

Slider tu r n ed to Goa t . “ Ca ll a m eet in g . It ’s t im e to g et th eoth er ch a pter s in v olv ed a n d w ipe th is ou t .”

He looked ba ck a t th e cr y in g w om a n . “ I’m sor r y Ma r ie, th isis th e fir st t im e th ey ’v e com e a fter on e of ou r ow n .”

“ You sh ou ld be sor r y ! How a m I su pposed to r a ise th is kid onm y ow n ?!”

I took a closer look a t th e kid a n d g ot g oose bu m ps. “ Ohsh it .”

Slider looked a t m e. “ Wh a t?”

I looked a t h er , “ He doesn ’t kn ow .”

“ Ex cu se m e? Wh o th e fu ck a r e y ou ?” Sh e spa t .

“ Sh it .” I looked a t Slider , “ I n eed to ta lk to y ou . Pr iv a tely .”

“ Th is better be g ood Ca r ly .” He w a r n ed m e.

“ It is.” I looked a t Sta cy , “ Ca n y ou ta ke th em in side? Getth em som eth in g to dr in k.”

Sh e n odded, “ Su r e.”

Joe took m y a r m , “ Wh a t ’s g oin g on ?”

“ I n eed to ta lk to Slider .” I pu lled fr ee a n d w a lked ov er tow h er e I kn ew w e cou ldn ’t be h ea r d. I took a deep br ea th a n dlet it ou t , “ Th a t ’s m y son sh e’s g ot . I r ecog n ize h er a n d h im . Iw a s fou r teen w h en h e w a s bor n . I dr opped h im in h er a r m s a tth e m a ll a n d r a n . I pa n icked kn ow in g I cou ldn ’t ta ke ca r e ofh im .”

He r a n h is h a n d ov er h is fa ce, “ You ’r e pr ov in g to be a h u g epa in in m y a ss.”

“ I kn ow . I’m sor r y .”

“ You su r e it ’s y ou r kid?”

“ Yea h . It ’s a lon g stor y , bu t I see h is fa th er in th e boy , a n d Ir em em ber h er like it w a s y ester da y . I look ov er m y sh ou ldera ll th e t im e for h er in h opes of seein g w h a t h e g r ew u p to looklike.”

“ Fu ck. Does Joe kn ow y ou h a v e a kid?”

“ No. I w a s h opin g to bu r y th a t dir ty lit t le secr et .”

“ Wh a t h a ppen ed?”

“ You don ’t r ea lly w a n t to kn ow .” I felt sick su dden lyr ea lizin g I w a s g oin g to h a v e to tell Joe. Fig u r es, h e’d ju stbr ou g h t u p kids la st n ig h t .

“ You n eed to tell Joe, n ow .” He or der ed.

“ I kn ow . I w a n t to h elp th em , h im . Wh a t h a ppen eda n y w a y ?”

“ Coy otes did a h om e in v a sion w h en sh e took th e kid tosch ool. Th ey killed h er old m a n , a m em ber n a m ed Ben . Th eon ly r ea son sh e didn ’t w a lk in on it w a s beca u se sh e sa w th eblin ds bein g closed w h en sh e g ot ba ck a n d kn ew som eth in gw a s w r on g . I g u ess sh e h u n g a r ou n d lon g en ou g h to see th emta ke h is body a w a y in a tr u ck or som eth in g . Sh e’s been soh y ster ica l I ca n ’t g et th e w h ole stor y .”

“ Oh sh it .” I cov er ed m y fa ce.

“ Th is is m y fa u lt , n ot y ou r s, bu t y ou ’r e g oin g to tell Joe

r ig h t n ow .”

I n odded, “ Oka y .”

“ A n y m or e su r pr ises I sh ou ld kn ow a bou t?” He’s m a d.

“ No.”

“ Better n ot be. Pu t h er a n d th e kid u p, it ’s com in g ou t ofy ou r w a llet . I’m a bou t to g o to w a r .” He com pla in ed w a lkin gba ck.

I w a tch ed Joe w a lk tow a r ds m e. “ Wh a t th e h ell is g oin g on ?”

“ You ’r e n ot g oin g to like th is. I n eed to do som eth in g fir st ,th en I’ll tell y ou ev er y th in g .”

He g r a bbed m y a r m , “ No, y ou ’r e tellin g m e r ig h t n ow .”

“ Rem em ber w h en I sa id I h a d to do som e ba d sh it to su r v iv ea fter I esca ped th a t sick ba sta r d w h en I w a s a kid?”

“ Yea h .”

“ Well, on e of th ose th in g s w a s to ta ke th e v ir g in ity of a kida bou t a y ea r older th a n m e, per h is fa th er ’s r equ est . He pa idm e to sleep w ith h is son . We w er e ea ch oth er ’s fir sts. I didn ’tkn ow a n y th in g a bou t bir th con tr ol a t th e t im e. I a lso cou ldn ’ta ffor d a n a bor t ion . I h a d th e kid a n d dr opped h im in th a tw om a n ’s a r m s a t th e m a ll w h en h e w a s a w eek old.” I n eededto sit so I took Joe’s a r m a n d w a lked ov er to a stool ju st in sideth e g a r a g e.

“ Wh y didn ’t y ou tell m e th is befor e?” He’s too ca lm . Th a t ’sn ev er g ood.

“ I w a s h opin g to bu r y th is for g ood. I n ev er th ou g h t I’d seeh im a g a in . Ex cept for th e da y y ou left m e, I’v e n ev er been so

dev a sta ted in m y life w h en I g a v e h im u p.”

“ Keepin g sh it fr om m e is th e sa m e a s ly in g Ca r ly . You liedto m e, a bou t som eth in g v er y im por ta n t .” He’s lookin g a t m e,bu t I ca n ’t look a t h im .

“ I kn ow .” I stood u p. “ I n eed to g o g et th em a h otel r oom .”

“ Th is isn ’t ov er .” He w a lked a w a y a lit t le too ea sily .

I w en t in to th e clu bh ou se a n d fou n d m y pu r se beh in d th eba r .

Sta cy a n d th e oth er tw o w er e sit t in g a t th e ba r . Sh e a skedm e, “ Wh a t ’s u p Red?”

I h a n ded h er m y cr edit ca r d. “ Go g et th ese tw o a r oom .”

Th e g ir l seem ed to be stu dy in g m e. “ Do I kn ow y ou ?”

I looked a t h er , “ No, bu t y ou kn ow m y son .”

Her ey ebr ow s w en t u p in r ecog n it ion . “ Oh sh it . It is y ou .”Sh e looked a t th e kid a n d ba ck a t m e. “ You .”

I n odded, “ Me.”

“ We n eed to ta lk a bou t th is pr iv a tely .”

“ Let ’s g o g et a ta ble.” I g r a bbed a cou ple beer s a n d led h er toa ta ble a s fa r ou t of ea r sh ot a s I cou ld g et .

We sa t a n d sh e sa id, “ I n ev er told h im h e w a sn ’t m in e. Idon ’t w a n t to sta r t n ow .”

“ I u n der sta n d th a t . I n ev er th ou g h t I’d see h im a g a in . Is h eoka y ?”

“ He is, bu t w on ’t be on ce h e fig u r es ou t h is fa th er is dea d.”

Sh e com pla in ed.

“ He doesn ’t kn ow a bou t th e h om e in v a sion ?”

“ I don ’t th in k h e kn ow s w h a t I’m fr ea kin g ou t a bou t . I’mg oin g to h a v e to tell h im on ce w e g et to th e h otel.”

“ Do y ou h a v e a n y on e w h o ca n h elp y ou ?”

“ Yea h . I’ll ca ll m y g ir lfr ien d. I w a n t Slider to fix th is.Th er e’s n o r ea son th is sh ou ld h a v e h a ppen ed.”

“ I a g r ee. I’ll pa y for y ou r h otel, sta y a s lon g a s y ou w a n t .”

“ I ca n ’t g o ba ck to th a t h ou se.”

“ Oka y , w e’ll ta lk a bou t th a t la ter . I th in k y ou sh ou ld focu son y ou r son for n ow .”

“ I kn ow th a t . You ’r e r ea lly n ot g oin g to tr y a n d ta ke h imfr om m e?” Sh e sn a pped a t m e.

“ No. He’s y ou r son . If h e fin ds ou t , or y ou n eed m e form edica l sh it , y ou kn ow w h er e to fin d m e.”

Sh e br ea th ed. “ Oka y .”

“ Wh a t ’s h is n a m e?”

“ Mitch .”

“ Mitch . We’ll be in tou ch . If y ou n eed a n y th in g , plea se letm e kn ow .”

“ I n eed m y old m a n a liv e.” Sh e sta r ted cr y in g .

I h u g g ed h er . “ I ca n ’t im a g in e w h a t y ou ’r e g oin g th r ou g h .I’m so sor r y .”

A few m in u tes la ter sh e left w ith Sta cy to g o g et set u p in a

h otel.

Joe fou n d m e sta n din g by th e ba ck of m y ca r lost in th ou g h ta n d a lit t le sa dn ess a t h a v in g m issed ou t on h is life.

“ Well?” He lea n ed a g a in st th e tr u n k n ex t to m e.

“ Well w h a t?”

“ Wh en a r e y ou g ett in g y ou r kid ba ck?”

“ I’m n ot . He belon g s to h er .”

“ No, h e’s y ou r son . Ju st beca u se y ou w er e too y ou n g tom a ke th e r ig h t ch oice doesn ’t m ea n y ou deser v e to lose h imfor ev er .”

I looked u p a t h im , “ Yea h , it does. I w on ’t h u r t th ema n y m or e th a n th e pa in h e’s a bou t to feel a t losin g h is fa th er .”

“ His fa th er m a y n ot be dea d Ca r ly .” He cor r ected m e.

“ Dr op it Joe. I’v e m a de m y decision .”

“ You h a v e a ba d h a bit of m a kin g poor ch oices.”

Th a t sen t m y tem per ov er th e top. “ Fu ck y ou .” I w en t ba ckin side a n d g r a bbed m y pu r se a n d ca r key s to lea v e. Th en Istopped h a lfw a y a cr oss th e pa r kin g lot a n d r ea lized I ca n ’tju st lea v e. Slider h a d g iv en m e m y pu n ish m en t. w a lkin g ou ton it is g oin g to g et m y a ss kicked for r ea l.

I spu n ba ck a r ou n d a n d w en t ba ck in side beh in d th e ba r . Iser v ed dr in ks w ith ou t sa y in g a w or d th e r est of th e n ig h t . Ifsom ebody w a n ted som eth in g th ey h a d to com e a sk for it . Mysilen ce w a s m y w a y of sh u tt in g off w ith ou t lea v in g .

Joe sa t a t th e ba r a ll n ig h t . He kn ew I w a s r ea dy to ex plode,so h e sa t silen t ly , u n t il w e g ot h om e.

“ I’m so m a d a t y ou I cou ld ch ew on n a ils.” He com pla in ed.

“ I’m sor r y I didn ’t tell y ou .”

“ So a m I. Fir st y ou liv e w ith m y br oth er for a m on th w h ileI’m g on e, a n d don ’t g iv e m e a n y bu llsh it a bou t n ot kn ow in g ,it doesn ’t m a tter . You liv ed w ith a m a n y ou w er e da m n closeto betr a y in g m e w ith . Now y ou ’v e betr a y ed ou r tr u st bykeepin g th e fa ct th a t y ou h a d a ch ild fr om m e.”

“ I don ’t kn ow w h a t to sa y to y ou Joe.” I com pla in ed fin din gth e bott le of w h iskey a n d sit t in g on th e kitch en floor .

“ Don ’t pla y v ict im w ith m e, g et u p. Oh , a n d if y ou ev er sa y‘fu ck y ou ’ to m e a g a in , y ou ’r e g oin g to r eg r et it in a v er y bigw a y .”

I lost th e a bility to fig h t w ith h im . He h a s a r ig h t to be m a d,ev en disa ppoin ted. I seem to h a v e th is a bility to doev er y th in g w r on g . Ma y be Joe is fin a lly fig u r in g th a t ou t .He’ll pr oba bly div or ce m e. Na h . He’ll pr oba bly kill m e.

“ I sa id g et u p.” He ba r ked.

“ Wh y ? Wh a t ’s th e poin t?” I took a dr in k fr om th e bott le.

“ You don ’t a sk m e w h y , y ou g et th e fu ck u p.” He sn a tch edth e bott le.

I pu sh ed u p decidin g to ta ke th is h ea d on . Ju st like Slider ’spu n ish m en t, I’ll ta ke Joe’s. I r ea lize n ow th a t I h a v e to dea lw ith th is. Th er e’s n o m or e bu r y in g it . No m or e h idin g fr om it .I’v e been th r ou g h a lot in m y life, th is is ju st on e m or e th in g .If th is doesn ’t kill m e, th en th er e’s a lw a y s tom or r ow . I ju sth ope Joe ca n look a t m e like h e u sed to on e da y soon .

He stepped u p to m e a n d lifted m y ch in to set th ose h u r t

ey es on m e. “ I lov e y ou . I w ill a lw a y s lov e y ou . Rig h t n ow , I’mv er y m a d a t y ou . So m a d I w a n t to y ell a t y ou u n til y oucow er in th e cor n er a n d cr y so I kn ow y ou feel th e sa m e h u r t Ido.”

“ So y ell.”

“ No. I ca n ’t y ell a t y ou beca u se I ca n ’t im a g in e h ow y ou feltseein g th e son y ou g a v e a w a y toda y . I kn ow h ow m u ch y oum issed m e w h en I w a s g on e, beca u se I m issed y ou a t lea st a sm u ch . I’m n ot h a ppy th a t y ou a lm ost slept w ith w h a t tu r n edou t to be m y br oth er , bu t I’m w illin g to let th a t g o beca u se Ilov e y ou . Wh a t I’m n ot w illin g to let g o, is y ou let t in g th a tch ild g o, a g a in .”

“ It ’s n ot y ou r decision .”

“ You ’r e m y w ife. Ev er y th in g y ou do is ou r decision n ow , n otju st y ou r s. It ’s obv iou s y ou ca n ’t be tr u sted to m a ke th e r ig h tch oices for y ou r self or a n y on e else. Fr om n ow on ev er y th in gy ou do g oes th r ou g h m e. I w a n t th e kid.”

“ Wh y ? He’s n ot y ou r s.”

“ He’s y ou r s. Wh a t ’s y ou r s is m in e. Get y ou r son ba ck Ca r ly .You kn ow y ou w a n t h im .” He ch a llen g ed.

“ Wa n tin g h im is n ot th e pr oblem . I h a v e n o r ig h t to h im . Ia ll bu t th r ew h im a t a n oth er w om a n to r a ise. I g a v e u p m yr ig h t to w a n t h im .”

“ No ba by . You w er e a sca r ed ch ild w h o did th e on ly th in gsh e kn ew to do a t th e t im e to sa v e h er son . You ’r e h is m oth er ,n ot th a t la dy . He h a s a r ig h t to kn ow h is r ea l m oth er , a n d h isr ea l fa th er if y ou ca n fin d h im .”

“ No.”

“ Yes. Do y ou kn ow w h o h is r ea l fa th er is?”

I a lm ost lied bu t r ea lized th a t w ou ld be ju st a n oth er stu piddecision . “ Yes.”

“ Wh o?”

“ I ca n ’t do th a t to h im .”

“ Ca r ly , listen to m e. He’s a bou t to bu r y a m a n w h o h eth in ks is h is fa th er . He’s g oin g to fin d ou t on e da y , som e h ow ,th a t ev er y on e lied to h im . Wh a t do y ou th in k th a t ’s g oin g todo to h im ?”

“ I h a te it w h en y ou ’r e r ig h t , bu t I st ill ca n ’t do it . I’m sor r yJoe. I’m n ot str on g en ou g h to r ip som ebodies life a pa r t , ev en ifit is for th e best .”

He ben t a n d scooped m e u p like a br ide. “ Th a t ’s w h y y oum a r r ied m e ba by . I’m y ou r str en g th n ow . Com e on , let ’s g ety ou som e sleep. We’ll fig u r e th is ou t tom or r ow .”

“ I th ou g h t y ou h a ted m e.”

“ I cou ld n ev er h a te y ou . I ca n be m a d a t y ou , bu t I’ll a lw a y slov e y ou .” He dr opped m e on th e bed so I bou n ced a lit t le.

“ Hey ! Th a t ’s n ot n ice.”

He cr a w led ov er m e pin n in g m e u n der h im . “ I’ll sh ow y oun ot n ice.” He t ickled m e u n til m y m ood sh ifted, th en h e m a delov e to m e m a kin g su r e I kn ew w e w er e oka y . I h a v e to a dm ith e su r pr ised m e w ith h is r ea ct ion to w h a t h a ppen ed. Th ea n x iety w a s g on e n ow th a t I kn ow h e w a n ted to be m ystr en g th , a n d didn ’t h a te m e. I cou ldn ’t a sk for a better m a nto sta n d by m e, ev en if h e’s a difficu lt m a n som etim es.

Th e n ex t da y I didn ’t w a n t to g et ou t of bed. Joe kept tr y in g

to en cou r a g e m e to g et u p, bu t I kept h idin g u n der th e cov er s.I did’t w a n t to fa ce w h a t I kn ew Joe w a s g oin g to m a ke m e do.

“ Ca r ly , g et u p.” He’s ba r kin g or der s a t m e n ow beca u se th ela st t im e I g ot u p ju st lon g en ou g h for h im to lea v e th e r oom ,th en I w en t r ig h t ba ck u n der th e cov er s.

“ No.” I’m lea r n in g th a t it ta kes h im a n ex tr a tw o secon ds tog et th e bla n kets a w a y if I’m r olled u p in th em a n d u sin g m yku n g -fu dea th g r ip.

“ Wh a t ’s y ou r pr oblem ?” He sa t pu llin g en ou g h cov er s a w a yto see m y fa ce.

“ I don ’t w a n t to tell h im . Ca n ’t y ou ju st lea v e it a lon e, sta you t of it?” I beg g ed.

“ We ta lked a bou t th is la st n ig h t .”

“ No, y ou told m e h ow to h a n dle it . I don ’t w a n t to.”

“ You h a v e to tell h im befor e th e fu n er a l, or a t lea st m a keth a t w om a n tell h im . He’s y ou r son , h e h a s a r ig h t to kn ow .I’ll ba ck off on ta kin g h im a w a y fr om h er if y ou tell h im th etr u th .” He offer ed.

“ Ca n ’t sh e ju st tell h im th a t ’s n ot h is r ea l fa th er a n d lea v eit a t th a t?”

“ Th er e’s n o poin t in tellin g h a lf of th is tr u th . If h e ch ooses tosta y w ith th a t w om a n th a t ’s h is ch oice, bu t h e n eeds to kn oww h o h is r ea l m oth er is.”

I dov e ba ck u n der th e cov er s, “ Nooo.”

“ Stop bein g a pa in in th e a ss, g et u p, a n d g et th is ov er w ith .Go ov er a n d ta lk to h er , r ig h t n ow .” He’s pu llin g ou t th a tm ea n v oice h e u ses w h en people piss h im off.

“ I ca n ’t . I’m n ot str on g en ou g h to r ip th a t kids life a pa r t .”

“ Fin e, I’ll do it .” He g ot u p sla m m in g th e door on h is w a you t .

I tr ied to g et u p a n d g o a fter h im , bu t m y body w ou ldn ’tm ov e. I com pletely ch icken ed ou t .

Sa lin a sh ow ed u p a bou t a n h ou r la ter . I’m g u essin g Joe sen th er sin ce sh e didn ’t kn ock.

“ Get y ou r a ss u p Ca r ly . You don ’t g et to pu ssy ou t on y ou rkids.” Sh e’s r ea lly m a d.

I sa t u p m or e a fr a id of h er th a n Joe. “ Wh y ca n ’t h e ju stlea v e th is a lon e?”

Sh e sta r ted g oin g th r ou g h m y dr a w er s a n d th r ow in gcloth es a t m e. “ Ta ke a sh ow er , n ow . It ’s on e th in g to pa n ica n d du m p y ou r kid on a str a n g er w h en y ou ’r e a kid y ou r self,bu t a s a n a du lt y ou h a v e to be str on g er .”

“ I don ’t w a n t to h u r t h im .”

Sh e tu r n ed on th e w a ter in th e ba th r oom a n d ca m e ba ck todr a g m e off th e bed. “ He’s a lr ea dy h u r t th in kin g h e’s bu r y in gh is r ea l fa th er . He’ll be m a d a t y ou , a n d h is a dopted m oth er ,bu t a s h e m a tu r es h e’ll be g r a tefu l y ou told h im .”

“ Wh a t if h e h a tes m e?” I str ipped a n d took a sh ow er .

Sh e sa t on th e cou n ter . “ Th is isn ’t a bou t y ou . Th is is a bou ttellin g y ou r son th e tr u th . You ow e h im th a t m u ch .”

I fin ish ed m y sh ow er a n d g ot dr essed. “ Th is is g oin g tosu ck.”

“ I’ll h old y ou r h a n d.” Sh e a ssu r ed m e.

“ I ta ke it Joe didn ’t r u n ov er a n d do it?”

“ No. I told h im to w a it u n t il h e g ot a ca ll fr om m e fir st .”

“ I g u ess it ’s better th a t w a y . We h a v e to ta lk to h er a lon efir st .”

“ I kn ow . Hu r r y u p. Th e soon er y ou do th is th e soon er I ca ng o g et dr u n k.” Sh e sou n ded like som eth in g else w a s both er in gh er .

“ Wh a t ’s w r on g ?”

“ I’v e h a d fou r m isca r r ia g es Ca r ly . I’d g iv e m y left leg for akid.” Sh e’s m a d n ow .

“ Ma y be y ou sh ou ld w a it h er e.”

“ No. I w a n t to m a ke su r e y ou do th is.”

“ V eg a s is lookin g r ea l g ood r ig h t a bou t n ow .” I com pla in ed.

“ Don ’t sta r t w ith m e bitch .” Sh e scolded m e.

I fin ish ed g ett in g r ea dy a n d let h er dr iv e m e ov er to th eh otel w h er e Ma r ie a n d Mitch w er e sta y in g . We fou n d th em inth eir r oom , both lookin g lost .

I a sked to ta lk to Ma r ie in th e h a ll so Mitch cou ldn ’t h ea r .

Sh e cr ossed h er a r m s. “ Ch a n g ed y ou r m in d didn ’t y ou ?”

“ No. My h u sba n d is for cin g m e to tell Mitch th e tr u th . Ikn ow w h o h is fa th er is. Joe seem s to th in k h e sh ou ld a t lea stkn ow both h is pa r en ts. I don ’t w a n t to do th is, bu t if I don ’t , h ew ill. I ca n ’t do th a t to y ou .” I tr ied to ex pla in .

“ I h a v e to be th e on e to tell h im . He th in ks I’m h is m oth er ,a n d I w on ’t a m bu sh h im w ith y ou tw o h er e.”

“ How do I kn ow y ou ’ll tell h im ? Not for m e, bu t Joe is g oin gto w a n t to kn ow th is h a ppen ed.”

“ You ’ll be a ble to tell by th e w a y h e r ea cts. Ju st g iv e m e th eda y to do it .”

“ A r e y ou g oin g to r u n off?” I a sked beca u se if I w a s h er Ikn ow I’d be tem pted to ta ke off.

“ No, I h a v e to bu r y th e m a n I lov e fir st .”

“ I’m r ea lly sor r y , a bou t a ll of th is.”

“ It ’s n ot y ou r fa u lt . I r em em ber h ow y ou n g y ou w er e, a n dev en Slider w ith a ll h is pow er ca n ’t be ev er y w h er e a t on ce.I’m a n g r y a s h ell, bu t if y ou pr om ise n ot to tr y a n d stea l m yson fr om m e, I’ll tell h im . I’m th in kin g a bou t m ov in g beca u seof th e m em or ies, bu t I ca n keep in tou ch w ith y ou .”

I n odded w ipin g tea r s a w a y , “ Th a t ’s a ll I ca n a sk.”

Sh e pu lled m e in for a h u g , “ You ’r e st ill su ch a ba by . Don ’tlet th a t m a n r u n a ll ov er y ou .” Sh e pu lled ba ck a n d looked a tm e.

“ He doesn ’t r u n a ll ov er m e.” I a ssu r ed h er .

“ Ju st be ca r efu l. You ’r e a lr ea dy doin g som eth in g y ou don ’tw a n t to for h im .”

“ He’s r ig h t th ou g h . If I th ou g h t h e w a s w r on g I’d h a v e m or eba ckbon e, bu t I ca n ’t a r g u e w h en I kn ow h e’s r ig h t . I w on ’tta ke Mitch a w a y fr om y ou , th a t I ca n sta n d u p to h im a bou t .”

“ Good to kn ow .” Sh e took m y h a n d. “ Lea v e m e y ou r cellph on e n u m ber in ca se Mitch h a s qu est ion s I ca n ’t a n sw er .”

“ Will do. You su r e y ou w a n t to do th is a lon e?” I a sked a s w e

w en t ba ck in side.

“ Yea h .” Sh e seem ed a lit t le less su r e n ow .

“ Not to sou n d u n g r a tefu l, bu t if I don ’t lea v e a cou ple g u y sh er e to m a ke su r e y ou don ’t ta ke off Joe w ill kill m e.”

“ I fig u r ed a s m u ch .” We ex ch a n g ed ph on e n u m ber s a n dsa id ou r g oodby es.

I ca lled Joe a n d told h im w h a t w a s g oin g on a n d a sked h imto sen d ov er som ebody to w a tch th em . He didn ’t sou n d r ea lth r illed bu t a g r eed.

Sa lin a took m e ba ck to th e clu b w h er e m y g r u m py h u sba n dpu lled m e off to th e side.

“ Wh y didn ’t y ou tell h er y ou w a n ted y ou r kid ba ck?”

“ Beca u se, it ’s n ot r ig h t . He’s ten y ea r s old, if h e w a n ts tospen d t im e w ith m e it sh ou ld be beca u se h e w a n ts to, n otbeca u se I’m for cin g h im . I for ced h im on h er , a n d n ow I’mfor cin g h er to tell h im th e tr u th . You n eed to ba ck off Joe.” I’mg ett in g defen siv e beca u se of w h a t sh e’d a ccu sed m e of ea r lier .A m I let t in g h im r u n m y life? I’v e m a de som e du m bdecision s, m a y be h e sh ou ld. I’m con fu sed, a n d th er efor eg ett in g a n n oy ed.

“ How ca n y ou n ot w a n t y ou r son ?”

“ Ba ck off, th a t ’s th e la st t im e I’m tellin g y ou .” I tu r n ed a n dsta r ted to w a lk a w a y .

“ Ca r ly !!’

I kept g oin g . I n eed som e w in e. I lov e Joe, bu t h e’s pissin g m eoff. I sla m m ed th e door to th e ba r open kn ow in g I n eeded toopen it so I left it u n locked. I sh ou ld h a v e locked it .

Joe a ll bu t th r ew it off it ’s h in g es com in g in beh in d m e.“ Wh en I tell y ou to stop, y ou stop.” I spu n in t im e to beg r a bbed by both a r m s, “ Do y ou kn ow w h a t I w ou ld h a v eg iv en to kn ow m y r ea l m oth er ?!”

“ It ’s n ot th e sa m e situ a t ion .”

“ Oh r ea lly ? If y ou don ’t sh ow th a t boy th a t h is r ea l m oth erw a n ts h im , y ou m ig h t a s w ell be dea d to h im . You ’ll ber eject in g h im w ith ou t ev en g iv in g h im a ch a n ce.” He sh ookm e.

“ You ’r e h u r t in g m e, let g o, r ig h t n ow .”

He in h a led a n d let g o g iv in g m e a lit t le sh ov e a t th e sa m etim e.

I sh ov ed h im ba ck, “ Don ’t pu sh m e y ou big jer k. Wh a t th eh ell a m I g oin g to do w ith a ten y ea r kid I don ’t kn ow ?!”

He sa t , “ I’m sor r y ba be, I didn ’t m ea n to sh ov e y ou liketh a t . Th is doesn ’t m a ke sen se to m e. How ca n y ou n ot w a n ty ou r ow n son ?”

I sa t a cr oss fr om h im , “ It ’s n ot th a t I don ’t w a n t h im , I don ’tw a n t to h u r t h im by ta kin g h im a w a y fr om th e on ly m oth erh e kn ow s. Un like y ou , h e doesn ’t kn ow a bou t m e, h e th in kssh e’s h is biolog ica l m oth er . Th e tr u th is g oin g to be h a r den ou g h w ith ou t r ippin g h im a w a y fr om ev er y th in g h e’skn ow n h is w h ole life.”

“ You n eed to m a ke su r e h e kn ow s y ou w a n t h im . Giv e h ima ch oice.” He in sisted.

“ Oka y , I ca n do th a t . Bu t I w on ’t for ce h im to do a n y th in g . Ifh e w a n ts to sta y w ith Ma r ie, th en th a t ’s w h a t I w a n t forh im .”

“ Ju st m a ke su r e y ou ex pla in th a t v er y clea r ly .” He’s n otlookin g a t m e.

“ Joe? I’m sor r y y ou lost y ou r m oth er .”

“ I didn ’t lose h er , I killed h er .” He pu n ch ed th e ta blesplit t in g it in h a lf a n d th is t im e h e br oke th e door a s h estor m ed ou t .

I took a deep br ea th . “ So m u ch for h im n ot bein g fu cked u pov er n ot h a v in g a m oth er .”

A m in u te la ter Sa lin a w a lked in . “ Holy sh it . Wh a t w a s th a ta ll a bou t?”

I picked u p h a lf th e lit t le ta ble to ca r r y to th e du m pster .“ Ju st a disa g r eem en t. He’ll be oka y .”

“ A bou t Mitch ?” Sh e picked u p th e oth er h a lf.

“ I th in k it ’s m or e a bou t h im th a n Mitch . Don ’t let Slider seey ou ca r r y in g th a t .”

Sh e set it dow n . “ Good poin t , y ou look like y ou ’r e in en ou g htr ou ble.”

“ It ’s oka y , I’ll liv e.” I pr oba bly don ’t sou n d too con v in cin g .

“ If y ou n eed a n y th in g let m e kn ow .”

“ I’v e don e en ou g h da m a g e, to y ou , to Slider , to Joe, a n d n owto Mitch . I’m tu r n in g th e A u to Pilot sw itch to On for a w h ile.”

“ It ’ll g et better .” Sh e pr om ised.

14

Joe sta y ed a w a y u n til Ma r ie sh ow ed u p w ith a sca r ed lookin gMitch in tow la ter th a t ev en in g . I br a ced m y self.

Ma r ia a n d Mitch sa t a t th e ba r . Joe m u st h a v e seen th emcom e in a n d n ow stood a cou ple feet a w a y to listen .

“ Ca n I g et y ou som eth in g to dr in k?” I a sked lookin g ba cka n d for th betw een th em h a v in g n o clu e w h er e else to sta r t .

“ Coke for th e kid, I’ll ta ke a Ja ck on th e r ocks.”

I n odded ig n or in g Joe. I’m n ot r ea dy to ta ke h im on y et .

Ma r ia con tin u ed, “ Mitch h a s som e qu est ion s for y ou .”

“ Oka y , a sk a w a y kiddo.” I fou n d m y w in e h idden in a coffeecu p.

“ Wh er e’s m y r ea l da d?” He sou n ded m a d.

“ A ll I kn ow is h is n a m e, I’ll fin d h im if y ou w a n t .”

“ I w a n t y ou to. Wh y did y ou h a v e m e so y ou n g ?”

I sw a llow ed. “ I w on ’t lie to y ou , bu t th a t ’s a stor y y ou ’r e tooy ou n g for . You sh ou ld kn ow th a t if I cou ld h a v e ta ken ca r e ofy ou , I w ou ld n ev er h a v e g iv en y ou u p.”

“ Does m y da d kn ow a bou t m e?”

“ No. I didn ’t h a v e th e m ea n s to tell h im . His fa th er w ou ldn ’th a v e let m e.”

“ Wh y ?”

“ Th a t ’s pa r t of th e tr u th I ca n ’t tell y ou r ig h t n ow .”

“ I w a n t to m eet h im .”

“ Oka y . I’ll g et a h old of h im a s soon a s I ca n .”

“ Do I h a v e to liv e w ith y ou n ow ?” He a sked a lit t le toog r ow n u p for h is a g e.

I sa w Joe sh ift ou t of th e cor n er of m y ey e, “ On ly if y ouw a n t to. Ma y be w e sh ou ld spen d som e t im e tog eth er fir st .Ma r ia lov es y ou v er y m u ch , I don ’t th in k eith er of u s w a n ts toh u r t h er .”

He looked a t Ma r ia . “ Sor r y Mom .”

Sh e pu t h er a r m a r ou n d h im , “ It ’s oka y Mitch , y ou sh ou ldkn ow y ou r r ea l pa r en ts.”

“ Ma r ia is y ou r m oth er too Mitch . Sh e r a ised y ou , lov ed y oulike h er ow n . I w ill a lw a y s ow e h er a n d r espect h er for th a t .” Itold h im .

“ Wh a t n ow ?” He a sked dr in kin g fr om th e str a w .

I let ou t th e br ea th I w a s h oldin g . “ How a bou t w e g et pa stth e fu n er a l fir st . He deser v es th a t r espect a s th e fa th er h e w a sfor y ou . I’ll fin d y ou r r ea l fa th er a n d w e’ll g o fr om th er e. Inth e m ea n tim e, y ou ca n com e h er e a n d h a n g ou t w ith m ea n y t im e y ou w a n t . I h a v e to w or k lon g h ou r s h er e for a fewm on th s to h elp ou t a fr ien d. A fter th a t w e’ll fin d som e betterw a y s to h a n g ou t a n d g et to kn ow ea ch oth er .” I took Ma r ia ’sh a n d on th e ba r . “ I w a n t y ou th er e too, if y ou w a n t . I don ’tw a n t to pu sh y ou ou t , th a t ’s n ot m y in ten t ion .”

Sh e sig h ed a n d I sa w th e r elief w a sh ov er h er fa ce. “ Th a n ksCa r ly . I n eeded to h ea r th a t . Th is is a lot to ta ke in .”

“ Tell m e a bou t it .” I la u g h ed a lit t le a n d pu lled ou t a bow l of

m ix ed sn a cks fr om u n der th e ba r for Mitch . “ On e da y a t at im e.” Th ey n odded in a g r eem en t.

“ Ca n I ta lk to y ou pr iv a tely Ca r ly ?” Joe a sked fir m ly .

I ch u g g ed th e r est of m y w in e. Din g din g , r ou n d tw o. “ Yu p.”I w en t to th e en d of th e ba r a n d pr eten ded to w ipe dir t fr om aclea n ba r . “ Wh a t ’s u p?”

He took th e tow el a w a y , “ Look a t m e.”

I did, “ I sw ea r if y ou ch ew m e ou t I’m g oin g to im plode. It ’sbeen a r ou g h cou ple da y s, a n d I sh ou ld w a r n y ou , I’m g ett in gto th e en d of m y r ope.”

“ Don ’t th r ea ten m e. Ma ke su r e y ou pu t effor t in to th is kid. Idon ’t w a n t to see y ou h a lf-a ss th is. Wr ite dow n th e fa th er ’sn a m e a n d a n y th in g else y ou kn ow . I’ll fin d h im .” Hein for m ed m e cooly .

I picked u p th e r eceipt pa d a n d w r ote dow n w h a t I kn ow a n dtossed it a t h im . “ Th a n ks for y ou r su ppor t .” I tu r n ed a w a y tog o fin d m y w in e a n d blow m y n ose befor e th e sn ifflin g g a v ew a y to tea r s.

Joe left m a kin g m e feel w or se. He’s n ot dea lin g w ith th isv er y w ell a t a ll, a n d it ’s n ot h elpin g m e. I fin ish ed m y lit t leself-pity m om en t a n d w en t ba ck to a u to-pilot m ode.

Ma r ia a n d Mitch left a lit t le w h ile la ter a fter w e ta lked som em or e. I felt pr etty g ood a bou t th e dir ect ion th in g s w er e g oin gth er e, bu t I cou ld feel th e sa dn ess of th eir r ecen t loss. Th eyst ill h a v e to bu r y a h u sba n d a n d a fa th er in a cou ple da y s. Ih ope th is isn ’t too m u ch for Mitch .

I didn ’t both er w a tch in g th e clock th e r est of th e n ig h t . Ifth er e w a s som ebody th er e I m a de su r e th e m u sic sta y ed on

a n d th e dr in ks w er e r ea dy . Goin g h om e w a s n ot som eth in g Iw a s lookin g for w a r d to.

Joe m u st h a v e g otten t ir ed of w a it in g beca u se h e ca m e ina n d flipped th e sig n to Closed befor e kickin g th e la st th r eeg u y s ou t .

“ Let ’s g o Ca r ly , y ou ca n ’t h ide h er e a ll n ig h t .”

“ Ca n ’t bla m e a g ir l for tr y in g th e w a y y ou ’r e a ct in g .” Ig r u m bled a n d locked th e r eg ister . I’ll dea l w ith th e m on eytom or r ow .

I tu r n ed off th e lig h ts a n d w en t ou tside to lock th e door w ithJoe a foot a w a y th e w h ole t im e. He r ode u s h om e a n d I felt sickth e w h ole r ide. I th in k I’m don e, y et I kn ow h e’s g oin g to g o offa g a in or som eth in g .

He h elped m e off th e bike like h e u su a lly does. “ Stoppou tin g .”

I pu lled m y h a n d a w a y a n d w en t in side. I w a n ted to tellh im to stop bein g a n a ss, bu t decided a ll I r ea lly w a n ted w a s am a r t in i, a ba th , a n d th e bed. Ma y be a n a n x iety pill fr om th eon es Doc h a d g iv en m e a w h ile ba ck.

“ Now y ou ’r e ju st g oin g to ig n or e m e?”

“ Yes. Lea v e m e a lon e. For God’s sa ke, lea v e m e th e fu cka lon e.” I beg g ed decidin g th e pill w a s better th a n booze,dow n ed it w ith som e w a ter , pu sh ed pa st h im a n d sla m m edth e ba th r oom door beh in d m e.

I cr ied h a r d on th e floor for a w h ile a s th e tu b filled.

Joe ca m e in a n d sh u t th e w a ter off. He popped th e dr a in fora m in u te, “ You ’r e g oin g to flood th e floor .”

“ Oh w ell. I’ll clea n it u p, ju st like ev er y fu ckin g th in g else.”

He sa t n ex t to m e bu t lea n ed ba ck a g a in st th e door . “ It g etsw or se.”

“ Oh g oodie.”

“ Mitch ’s fa th er is in pr ison for m u r der in g h is fa th er . He’s u pfor th e dea th sen ten ce in a bou t sev en y ea r s. Th ey ’r e tr y in g todo psy ch tests, bu t h e’s th r ow in g th em on pu r pose.”

“ Too ba d h e g ot ca u g h t . His fa th er w a s a skin g for it .” I feltn u m b.

“ You oka y ?” He r ea ch ed for m e bu t I pu lled a w a y a n d stoodu p.

“ I’m g oin g to ta ke th is ba th , a lon e plea se.”

“ Ca r ly , don ’t pu sh m e a w a y .”

“ I’m g oin g to pu sh y ou , kick y ou , a n d bea t y ou sen seless ify ou don ’t g et th e fu ck ou t of h er e!!” I scr ea m ed th e la st pa r t .

He stood, “ Com e h er e, plea se.” He u sed th ose big a r m s tofold m e in to h is ch est a n d h u g m e. “ I’m sor r y ba by .”

I cou ldn ’t h elp bu t h u g h im ba ck. Th is is th e Joe I n eededea r lier . “ Wh er e w er e y ou w h en I n eeded th is befor e?”

“ Bein g a n a ss, it ’s w h a t I do best .” He kissed th e top of m yh ea d.

“ I w ou ldn ’t sa y th a t , y ou ’r e pr etty g ood in th e sa ck.”

“ V er y fu n n y .” He pu lled m e ba ck a n d looked a t m e w ithth ose ey es th a t a lw a y s g o r ig h t to m y h ea r t . “ I’m g oin g toh a v e m y la w y er s sen d in a g u y to ta ke a look a t h is ca se. If h isfa th er w a s a s fu cked u p a s y ou sa id h e m ig h t g et off.”

“ Sou n ds like h e doesn ’t w a n t off if h e’s th r ow in g psy chex a m s. I w a n t to g o see h im .”

He n odded, “ Oka y . I’ll a r r a n g e it .”

I w a ited u n til a fter th e fu n er a l to sit Mitch a n d Ma r ie dow nto tell th em w h er e Mitch ’s fa th er w a s. Th e la w y er h a s h a d ach a n ce to g et th e w h ole stor y a n d believ es Ch a r lie w a n ts to bein pr ison beca u se h is fa th er fu cked h im u p too ba d for society .

I told Ma r ie th e tr u th befor e w e sa t dow n w ith Mitch . Wedecided to g iv e Mitch a v er y sca led ba ck v er sion of th e tr u th . Itold h im h is fa th er h a d don e som eth in g to defen d h im self, bu tth in g s g ot con fu sed in cou r t . I ex pla in ed th a t w e w er e g oin g toh elp tr y to str a ig h ten it ou t a s best w e cou ld.

Joe h a d been tr y in g to g et u s a v isit w ith Ch a r lie, bu tCh a r lie kept r efu sin g v isitor s. I ca lled a n d told th em I h a d h isson a n d n eeded to see h im a bou t em er g en cy m edica l issu es.

Ma r ie r ode w ith u s to th e pr ison , bu t sh e w a sn ’t a llow ed in ,n eith er w a s Joe, so th ey h a d to w a it in th e ca r .

My h ea r t skipped a bea t w h en a m u ch r ou g h er a n d w or nv er sion of th e kid w h o’s fa th er pa id m e to sleep w ith h im forh is fir st t im e sa t dow n on th e oth er side of th e g la ss.

I picked u p th e ph on e a n d m otion ed for h im to do th e sa m ea s h e r ea lized w h o w e r ea lly w er e to ea ch oth er .

“ Hi Ch a r lie. Rem em ber m e?”

“ Is h e r ea lly m y kid? He looks like m e.” He h a s a deeperv oice n ow , a n d a h in t of desper a t ion a s h e looked a t Mitch .

“ Yea h . He’s ou r s.”

“ Wh y a r e y ou h er e?” He a sked lookin g a t m e n ow .

“ I kn ow w h a t y ou r fa th er w a s like, I w a s th er e. I w a n t toh elp y ou , a n d I n eed y ou to h elp m e, so y ou r son ca n kn owy ou . He ju st bu r ied th e m a n h e th ou g h t w a s h is fa th er . Hen eeds y ou .” I ex pla in ed poor ly .

“ I’m n o fa th er . Look a t m e.”

“ Th is isn ’t y ou , w e both kn ow th a t . Neith er of u s w a n ted tog o th r ou g h th a t , bu t look w h a t w e h a v e fr om it .” I n odded toMitch w h o looked con fu sed a t th e on e-sided con v er sa t ion .“ You ’r e n ot y ou r fa th er . I kn ow w h a t h a ppen ed, I kn ow w h yy ou sn a pped. Let m e h elp y ou , for h im .” I tou ch ed th e ba ck ofm y fin g er to m y son ’s ch eek.

“ Wh a t do y ou th in k y ou ca n do?” He a sked w ith a n g erbu ildin g . He’s obv iou sly a fr a id to h ope.

“ Stop fig h t in g th e psy ch tests. Do w h a t th ey w a n t , let m etest ify for y ou . We w er e both v ict im s, n ot ju st y ou . Myh u sba n d h a s som e g ood la w y er s, let th em w or k y ou r a ppea l.”

He sea r ch ed m y ey es a s h e lea n ed for w a r d, “ Wh y n ow ?”

“ I g a v e Mitch a w a y a w eek a fter h e w a s bor n beca u se Icou ldn ’t ta ke ca r e of h im . I m a r r ied a m em ber of Ex iles n otlon g a g o. Th e w om a n I g a v e Mitch to, w a s m a r r ied to am em ber . I didn ’t kn ow u n til sh e sh ow ed u p a t th e clu bfr ea kin g ou t beca u se h er h u sba n d h a d ju st been killed in ah om e in v a sion . I r ecog n ized h er a n d h im r ig h t a w a y . Myh u sba n d w a n ted m e to ta ke Mitch ba ck.” I w a v ed th a t off.“ I’m n ot ta kin g h im a w a y fr om th e on ly fa m ily h e’s kn ow n ,bu t m y h u sba n d feels v er y str on g ly th a t y ou deser v e to kn owy ou r son , a n d v ice v er sa .”

He sa t ba ck, “ I’ll th in k a bou t it . Pu t th e kid on .”

I h a n ded Mitch th e r eceiv er , “ You don ’t h a v e to, bu t h ew a n ts to ta lk to y ou .”

He took th e r eceiv er a n d w a ited.

I sa w Ch a r lie sa y h i a n d fig u r ed h e w a s a skin g h ow h e is.

“ I’m oka y . Did y ou lov e m y m om ?” He a sked.

I felt m y ey ebr ow s g o u p a n d looked a t Ch a r lie.

He sm iled a lit t le a n d n odded.

“ I w a n t y ou to com e ou t .” Mitch sa id.

I cou ldn ’t tell w h a t Ch a r lie sa id.

Mitch h a n ded m e th e r eceiv er , “ He w a n ts to ta lk to y ou .”

I took it , “ Hey , sor r y a bou t th a t .”

“ No, Ca r ly …” He lea n ed for w a r d to look a t m e, “ I lov ed y ou .Th e w a y y ou w er e th a t n ig h t , so sw eet , a n d u n der sta n din g …a n d desper a te for a dim e to g et a m ea l. Yea h , I lov ed y ou . I’lldo w h a t y ou a sk on ly beca u se I ca n ’t do a n y w or se th a n w h er eI’m a t n ow . Do m e a fa v or a n d don ’t fill h im w ith fa lse h ope.”

I sw a llow ed, “ Th a n k y ou . Ca n w e com e v isit y ou ?”

“ Yes, I’d like th a t .” He sa t ba ck a g a in .

“ We’r e g oin g to do ev er y th in g w e ca n . My h u sba n d told m eto tell y ou h e’d sen d w or d to pu t y ou u n der Ex iles pr otect ion ify ou w a n t it .”

“ No, don ’t do th a t . I’m oka y .”

“ Oka y . Nex t w eek?”

He n odded, “ Nex t w eek. You oka y n ow ? Did y ou fin d a g ood

m a n to ta ke ca r e of y ou ?”

I sm iled a n d cr ied feelin g h a ppy for th e fir st t im e in a lon gt im e. “ Yea h , h e’s a big pa in in m y a ss, bu t h e lov es a s fier celya s h e fig h ts. He’s a g ood m a n .”

“ I ca n tell, or y ou w ou ldn ’t be h er e.” He stood u p a s th e copa r r iv ed beh in d h im . “ Let ’s do th is.” He h u n g u p.

I tu r n ed to Mitch . “ Ca n I h u g y ou ?”

He ju m ped to w r a p h is a r m s a r ou n d m y n eck to h u g m eh a r d. “ We g otta g et h im ou t .”

I h u g g ed h im ba ck feelin g tea r s flow like a r u sh in g r iv er .“ I’ll do m y best , I pr om ise.”

“ No m or e fu n er a ls.” He beg g ed.

“ He doesn ’t deser v e to be in h er e Mitch .” I pu lled h im ba ckto fin d h is fa th er ’s ey es, “ I kn ew h is h ea r t , a n d I ca n see h ew a s g iv in g u p. You g a v e h im h ope, n ow w e ju st h a v e to pr a yth e ju st ice sy stem w or ks. You sh ou ld kn ow th a t w h en y oufin d ou t la ter h ow th is a ll r ea lly sta r ted, th a t w e did ca r ea bou t ea ch oth er . Oka y ?”

He n odded h u g g in g m e a g a in . I picked h im u p a n d ca r r iedh im ba ck dow n th e h a ll a n d ou t to th e pa r kin g lot . He w a soka y to g et dow n by th e t im e w e r ea ch ed th e tr u ck.

He looked a t Ma r ie, “ Do I ca ll y ou or h er ‘Mom ’?”

Ma r ie looked a t m e, “ I don ’t kn ow .”

I looked a t Mitch , “ You ca ll m e w h a tev er y ou w a n t . Ta key ou r t im e decidin g w h a t y ou ’r e com for ta ble w ith , w e’r e in n oh u r r y .”

Ma r ie open ed th e door for Mitch , “ I a g r ee. Don ’t w or r y a bou tit kid, let ’s g o g et som e bu r g er s a n d ice cr ea m .”

Mitch lit u p w ith a fist pu m p, “ Yes!!”

I la u g h ed, “ Th a n k y ou Ma r ie. Th a t w a s pr etty in ten se, h en eeded th a t .”

“ I kn ow .” Sh e sh u t th e door on th e r u n n in g tr u ck, ev enw ith th e w in dow s open it ’s w a r m en ou g h for A /C. “ Listen , Iw a n t to keep h im a w a y fr om th e dr a m a of th is ca se. If th isg oes ba d I don ’t w a n t h im g ett in g a ll h opefu l on ly to h a v e itg o to sh it .”

“ Ch a r lie w a n ts to see h is son a bou t on ce a w eek. I th in k Ica n keep th e con v er sa t ion lig h t if y ou don ’t m in d let t in gth em a t lea st g et to kn ow ea ch oth er , in ca se it does g o ba d.He’ll h a te u s for keepin g h im a w a y fr om h is fa th er if Mitchen ds u p in th e ch a ir .”

Sh e th ou g h t for a secon d, “ Oka y , bu t keep th e con v er sa t ion slig h t . If h e sta r ts str essin g ou t I’m g oin g to step in . Leg a llyh e’s st ill m y son .”

I u n der stood h er defen siv en ess n ow . I g et w h a t it m ea n s topr otect th e on e y ou m a de, a n d lov e. “ Oka y , w e do th istog eth er . I don ’t w a n t to m a ke th is a n y w eir der th a n ita lr ea dy is. I’ll m a ke su r e Ch a r lie u n der sta n ds.”

Sh e h u g g ed m e a n d sa id in m y ea r , “ I lost m y h u sba n d bu tg a in ed a fr ien d. Th a n k y ou for n ot m a kin g th is th in g w ithMitch a liv in g h ell.”

I h u g g ed h er ba ck, “ Th a n k y ou for ta kin g ca r e of ou r son a llth ese y ea r s.” I cr ied a g a in feelin g like a piece of m e h a d com eh om e. Th e la st pu zzle piece w a s in pla ce n ow . No m or e secr ets,

n o m or e lies. Ju st on e h ell of a ba tt le a h ea d. I h a v e to sa v eCh a r lie fr om th e bein g pu n ish ed, or pu t in a n electr ic ch a ir ,for r iddin g th e w or ld of a v er y ev il m a n .

15

I w en t to Slider th a t ev en in g for a pr iv a te m eet in g . He ca lledm e in to ‘ch u r ch ’, w h ich is th eir pr iv a te m eet in g r oom . On lym em ber of th e cou n cil a r e a llow ed in h er e.

He sa t a t th e h ea d of th e ta ble a n d m otion ed for m e to sit .“ Wh a t ’s u p Red?”

I took a stea dy in g br ea th . “ Pu t m e in th e fig h t r in g . I don ’th a v e t im e for th e a ll-da y s a t th e ba r a n d m y son . I ca n ’t h elph im or h is fa th er tr a pped beh in d th a t ba r .”

“ You w a n t to fig h t?” He a sked in tr ig u ed.

“ Yea h . Ev en if I lose it ’ll be w or th it . I ju st n eed to g et th isov er w ith so I ca n focu s.”

“ You r ea lize I’m g oin g to pu t y ou u p a g a in st a pr ospectr ig h t? A m a le pr ospect .”

“ No, bu t th a t ’s oka y . Let h im kn ock m e ou t , I’ll liv e.”

“ So y ou w on ’t pu t u p a fig h t?”

“ No, I m ea n , Yes, I w ill. I’ll fig h t , defen d m y self a s best I ca n .If I g o dow n it ’s n ot g oin g to be w ith ou t a fig h t . I ju st n eed th isov er w ith so I ca n con cen tr a te on m y kid’s n eeds.”

He n odded, “ A lr ig h t , I’ll pu t y ou in th e r in g . I’m n ot g oin gto h old ba ck, y ou ’r e g ett in g th e big g u y .”

I felt m y body ten se, “ Th ey fa ll h a r dest . Ca n y ou keep Joea w a y ? Is th er e a n y w a y w e ca n stop h im fr om kn ow in g a bou tth is? Fa ke a ca r a cciden t or som e sh it?”

He sm iled, “ Nope. You r h u sba n d is a bou t to fin d ou t w h a t

I’v e kn ow n for y ea r s. Th er e’s a fig h ter in y ou Red. A w om a nth a t deser v es a cu t if y ou su r v iv e th is. I’m n ot steppin g in .You w a n t a fig h t , y ou ta ke th e fig h t on like n obody is g oin g tosa v e y ou r a ss. Be th e kin d of w om a n Joe deser v es, a n d th ekin d of w om a n th is clu b n eeds. You h a v e tw en ty -fou r h ou r s.”He sm a cked h is g a v el dow n . “ It ’s decided, g et ou t .” He n oddedto th e door .

I stood pa u sin g to fa ce h im . “ Th a n k y ou , I n eed th is. Howa r e y ou g oin g to h old Joe off?”

He sm iled sta n din g w ith m e, “ Don ’t y ou w or r y a bou t th a t .You sh ou ld g o h om e, th e ba r w ill be h a n dled by pr ospectston ig h t . You ’r e g oin g to n eed y ou r r est . Rem em ber , if y ousu r v iv e th is, y ou ’r e n ot on ly for g iv en , bu t y ou becom e a fu llblow n m em ber . I ca n h a v e y ou r la st y ea r decla r ed y ou rpr ospect y ea r w ith a u n a n im ou s v ote.”

“ It ’s on ly been like eig h t m on th s tota l.” I a r g u ed n ot su r eh ow th is w or ks.

“ Sin ce y ou pu t u p w ith th e g u y s so w ell a t th e ba r I’ll fu dg eit . I dou bt th ey ’ll h a v e a pr oblem w ith th a t . I n eed to g et y ouv oted in befor e Joe g ets on m y cou n cil. He’d n ev er a llow th is.”He sm iled w ickedly .

“ Wh a t if th ey don ’t v ote m e in a n d I m a n a g e to su r v iv e?”

“ Th ey ’ll r espect y ou too m u ch n ot to, a n d Joe isn ’t on th eCou n cil, so h is opin ion doesn ’t m a tter .” He open ed th e door ,“ Go spen d th e da y in bed w ith y ou r old m a n . It ’ll be a g oodw a r m u p for tom or r ow .” He tea sed pu sh in g m e by m y low erba ck tow a r ds Joe. “ Don ’t tell h im a bou t th is.”

“ Ya th in k?” I la u g h ed.

Th a t n ig h t I focu sed on bein g w ith Joe. He’s ju st bu syen ou g h in bed th a t I th ou g h t I’d g otten a w a y w ith it .

Th en h e bu sted m e, “ Wh a t did y ou a n d Slider ta lk a bou t?”

I ca n ’t lie to h im or h e’s g oin g to h a te m e, been th er e, don eth a t . Let ’s see if I ca n ‘skir t ’ th e deta ils. “ I ju st w a n ted to ta lkto h im a bou t Mitch , let h im kn ow th a t if th in g s g ot m essy Im ig h t n eed h is for g iv en ess for a cou r t da te or som eth in g .”

He’s st ill on top a n d stu dy in g m y ey es, “ You a r e th e w or stlia r I’v e ev er m et .”

“ Let it g o. Slider a n d I w or ked it ou t .”

“ Wh a t a r e y ou h idin g ?”

“ Mor e th a n I w a n t to. I’m sor r y , bu t it h a s to be th is w a y .”

“ Wh a t w a y ?”

“ Ju st let it g o, it ’ll be fin e.”

“ You m a de a n oth er stu pid decision w ith ou t m e didn ’t y ou ?”He r olled off on to h is ba ck. “ Wh a t do I h a v e to do to stop y oufr om doin g th in g s w ith ou t m y a ppr ov a l?”

Slider w a sn ’t kiddin g w h en h e sa id h e w a sn ’t g oin g to sh owm e m er cy . Joe h a d been w r a n g led a n d t ied to a bea m in th eg a r a g e. Th ey a sked h im if h e w a n ted to w a tch . He looked a tm e w ith m or e h u r t a n d a n g er th a n I’v e seen so fa r .

“ No. If sh e dies I n ev er w a n t to see h er a g a in .” He sa id w ithso m u ch a n g er it br oke m y h ea r t . Th ey tu r n ed h im a w a y .

I fa ced m y oppon en t a n d r esig n ed m y self to dea th . Fu ck it .Ma y be th en people w ill stop h u r t in g m e. Ju st on e m or em a ssiv e pa in a n d a ll th is sh it en ds. I’ll m iss Joe.

He sta r ted th e da n ce of pr ey v er su s h u n ted so I m ov ed w ithh im . Let ’s see if I ca n th in k of th is g u y a s ju st a n oth erdr u n ken biker in th e ba r . He’s big . Sh it .

He r ea ch ed for m e bu t I ju m ped, “ If I kill y ou I g et m y color ston ig h t .”

“ If y ou don ’t , I’ll be w ea r in g th em in y ou r pla ce.” I ta u n teddecidin g ba lls a r e best big n ot sm a ll.

“ No bitch is g oin g to w in a cu t ov er m e.” He w a r n edr ea ch in g for m e a g a in .

I h ea r d Joe g r ow lin g a n d pu t h im ou t of m y h ea d. “ A w e,r ea lly ?? You h a d to pu ll th e bitch ca r d? Wh a t a r e y ou g oin gto do w h en th is bitch ’s old m a n decides to kill y ou for killin gm e?” I’m st ill da n cin g to g et a w a y .

“ He ju st sa id h e n ev er w a n ts to see y ou a g a in if y ou lose.Besides, th is is a leg a l fig h t . He h a s n o r ig h t to com e a fter m efor th is.”

“ Well th en , let ’s stop ta lkin g a n d g et th is ov er w ith . I st illh a v e din n er to fix .” I br a ced m y self a s h e’d fin a lly w or ked m ein to a cor n er .

He sta r ted for m y th r oa t so I dr ov e m y h ea d in to h is ch esta n d kn eed h im a s h a r d a s I cou ld in th e g r oin . I th r ew m yh ea d u p to u se m y sku ll to cr a sh in to h is ja w . I qu ickly pu sh edoff h im a n d kicked th e side of h is kn ee. He w en t dow nscr ea m in g .

His kn ee is br oken a n d h is n u ts h u r t , bu t th a t didn ’t stoph im . He ca m e a fter m e on on e leg a n d r en ew ed a n g er .“ Bitch .”

I spu n a lit t le on m y left foot a n d pla n ted th e h eel of m y

r ig h t boot in to h is n ose. He dr opped in sta n t ly . Fa stest w a y tokill a per son , sh ov e th eir n ose th r ou g h ou t th eir br a in . Iw on der if it h u r ts.

Th e g u y s r u sh ed in to ch eck for v ita ls a n d ca r r y h im off. Isa t on th e pa dded floor lookin g a t th e blood in fr on t of m e.“ Sh it .”

Slider h opped u p th r ou g h th e r opes a n d pu lled m e u p. “ Ikn ew it .” He w r a pped a lea th er v est a r ou n d m e a n d h elpedm e dow n . “ You did g ood Red. I n ev er w ou ld h a v e pa tch ed th a tfu cker in a n y w a y . A n y m a n th a t a g r ees to a fig h t w ith aw om a n is n ot w elcom e in m y clu b.”

“ Wh a t if h e’d killed m e?”

“ I kn ew y ou ’d n ev er let th a t h a ppen . You lov e y ou rh u sba n d too m u ch .”

“ He’s g oin g to kill m e.”

Slider w a lked m e ov er to w h er e th e g u y s w er e u n ty in g Joe.“ Nope, h e’s likely g oin g to br ea k m y ja w .”

Joe pu lled fr ee a n d w en t to do ju st th a t . I ju m ped in th ew a y . “ NO!!! Th is is on m e.” I kin d of ju m ped h im w r a ppin ga r ou n d h im .

He tr ied to peel m e off bu t I bit h is sh ou lder . “ Godda m m itCa r ly !!” He y elled g r a bbin g m y h a ir a n d sett in g th ose r ea llypissed off ey es a t m e. He sober ed. “ You ’r e oka y ?”

“ Of cou r se I’m oka y . Do y ou r ea lly th in k I’d g o dow n th a tea sy ?”

He fou n d th e lea th er on m y sh ou lder s a n d g r a bbed it ,“ Wh a t th e fu ck is th is?”

“ Slider ’s idea , n ot m in e. I ju st w a n ted to do th e fig h t a n d g etpa st th is pu n ish m en t so I ca n focu s on y ou a n d m y son . He’sth e on e w h o w a n ted to pu t th e ja cket on m e.”

“ Cu t .” He cor r ected pu tt in g m e dow n a n d lookin g a t Slider ,“ Wh a t ’s th e poin t of m a kin g h er a m em ber if sh e’s m y oldla dy ?”

“ Sh e’s m or e th a n a n old la dy to th is clu b. Wh en y ou m a deh er y ou r w ife a n d h eir to th e con tr ollin g sh a r es of th epr oper ty th is clu b sits on , I h a d to m a ke su r e th e ow n er w a s am em ber .”

“ I did th a t for m y fu tu r e son .” Joe com pla in ed befor e h epicked m e u p a n d th r ew m e ov er h is sh ou lder , “ You ’r e g oin gto pa y for th is for a v er y lon g t im e.”

I squ ea led a n d sm iled kn ow in g I w a n ted h is pu n ish m en t.Needed it .

Ba ck a t th e h ou se h e tossed m e on th e bed a n d cr a w led ov erm e, “ I h a v e h a lf a m in d to lock y ou u p in h er e, pu t a lea sh ony ou , a n y th in g to keep y ou fr om sca r in g th e sh it ou t of m e liketh a t .” He h ov er ed a n d I kn ew m y pu n ish m en t w a s on h oldu n til h e’d sa id h is pea ce. “ Th ey fu ckin g h a d to t ie m e u pCa r ly . Do y ou h a v e a n y idea h ow h u m ilia t in g th a t w a s?”

“ Yea h , I do. I’m sor r y , bu t th er e w a s n o w a y to keep it fr omy ou , so I g u ess th a t w a s Slider ’s solu t ion .”

“ I’ll dea l w ith h im la ter . You m y lov e, a r e a bou t to g et aw h ole n ew set of r u les.”

“ Uh oh .”

“ Yea h , ‘u h oh . ’ You m ig h t be a m em ber n ow , bu t y ou ’r e m yw ife fir st . Don ’t y ou EV ER do a n y th in g so stu pid a g a in .” He’s

a lm ost y ellin g . I ca n ta ke it . I kn ew h e’d be m a d.

“ I didn ’t

“ I’m n ot don e.” He in ter r u pted. “ Get m e on th e v isitor s list ,y ou don ’t see Ch a r lie w ith ou t m e. In fa ct , y ou don ’t do afu ckin g th in g w ith ou t m e. Ev er y t im e I tu r n m y ba ck y ou dosom eth in g stu pid. I lov e y ou , bu t y ou ’r e g oin g to g iv e m e acor on a r y .”

I took a deep br ea th a n d let it ou t .

“ Fir st th in g tom or r ow y ou sta r t lea r n in g to sh oot . A s am em ber y ou ’ll be r equ ir ed to do sh it for th e clu b. I ca n ’tbeliev e h e m a de y ou a m em ber .” He r olled on to h is ba ck.“ How a m I su pposed to pr otect y ou w h en h e’s pu t y ou r ig h t inth e lin e of fir e?”

“ A m I a llow ed to ta lk y et?”

“ No…y es. Wh a t?” He’s st ill m a d.

“ Nev er m in d.”

“ Don ’t do th a t .”

“ Do y ou th in k Slider r ea lly kn ew I cou ld h old m y ow n inth a t r in g ? Beca u se I w a sn ’t so su r e.”

“ Th en w h y did y ou do it?”

“ Or ig in a lly I h oped h e’d g iv e m e som ebody w h o w ou ldkn ock m e a r ou n d en ou g h to ca ll it g ood. So I cou ld sa y I tookm y bea t in g in pla ce of th e th r ee m on th s beh in d th e ba r . Hetu r n ed it a r ou n d on m e, sa id h e w ou ldn ’t let m e off th a t ea sy .Th en h e sa id h e’d g iv e m e a ja cket if I su r v iv ed.”

“ It ’s a cu t Ca r ly , g et it r ig h t . If y ou ’r e g oin g to be a m em ber

y ou n eed to a ct like on e.” He is so m a d a t m e.

“ Sor r y .” I r olled ov er a n d set m y ch in on h is ch est . “ You ’r em a d a t m e for bein g a m em ber n ow a r en ’t y ou ?”

“ Yes.”

“ I didn ’t a sk for it .”

“ Doesn ’t m a tter .” He looked a t m e a n d tw isted m y h a ir inh is fin g er s. “ You ’r e g oin g to h a v e to tea ch m e a lot . I don ’tkn ow a n y th in g a bou t bein g a m em ber .”

He r olled m e u n der h im , “ I’m g oin g to tea ch y ou som eth in ga lr ig h t .” Th a t ’s w h en cloth es sta r ted com in g off. We spen t alon g t im e in bed a fter th a t . Som eth in g h a d been br okenbetw een u s ov er th e la st few da y s. Ha v in g th is t im e tog eth erpu t it ba ck tog eth er .

16

Joe w a s on m e like g lu e a fter th a t . He’s dr iv in g m e n u ts. Ica n ’t g et th r ee feet fr om th is g u y w ith ou t h im pu llin g m ein to h is la p or u n der h is a r m .

He took ca r e of th e leg a l stu ff w ith Ch a r lie a n d on ly ta lkedto m e a bou t it br iefly . Mitch is g oin g on ‘da tes’ w ith m e.Som etim es th er e’s a bu n ch of u s, bu t u su a lly it ’s ju st m e, Joe,Mitch , a n d Ma r ia . I like it better w h en th er e’s a bu n ch of u s.Mitch seem s ea g er to plea se both of u s, a n d especia lly Joe.

He sees Joe’s ja cket a s a r em in der of th e on ly m a n h e’skn ow n a s h is fa th er . Joe doesn ’t seem to m in d. I sta r ted tow on der if h e w a n ted a stepson w ith th e w a y h e w a s a ct in g .

We dr opped Mitch a n d Ma r ia off a t a n a pa r tm en t Joe h a dpu t th em in a cou ple w eeks a g o. Ma r ia w a s g ett in g a g oodsett lem en t for th e loss of h er h u sba n d, bu t sh e w a sn ’t su r ew h a t to do. Joe told h er to ta ke a y ea r a n d th in k a bou t it . Ih u g g ed h im for a lon g t im e th a t n ig h t . He didn ’t h a v e to doth a t , bu t h e did. He bou g h t u s a ll t im e. Tim e to kn ow ea choth er , t im e to h ea l, a n d t im e to see w h a t w a s g oin g to h a ppento Ch a r lie.

Joe a n d I g o see Ch a r lie a bou t on ce a w eek w ith u pda tes a n dpictu r es of Mitch . Mitch com es in a bou t on ce a m on th , n otbeca u se h e w on ’t com e m or e often , bu t w e a ll a g r eed on ce am on th w a s en ou g h a t h is a g e.

It ’s been a cou ple m on th s a n d I’m sta r t in g to dev elop a n icer ou tin e a g a in . Ma r ia is lookin g a t h ou ses a n d tr u st in g Mitcha lon e w ith m e a n d Joe. I’m n ev er a lon e a n y m or e. Joe is so fa ru p m y a ss m y ey es a r e tu r n in g th e sa m e color a s h is. I’m

lu cky h e let ’s m e g o to th e ba th r oom a lon e.

We stopped a t th e clu b to pick u p h is bike, m a y be g o for alit t le r ide befor e h ea din g h om e.

Sa lin a ca m e ou t qu ickly h ea din g for m e. “ Ha v e y ou ta lkedto Sta cy ?!!” Sh e y elled a lon g th e w a y .

“ No. Wh y ?”

“ I ca n ’t fin d h er . Gin g er sa id sh e g ot a w eir d ca ll a n h ou ra g o. Sh e cou ldn ’t m a ke it ou t .” Sh e ou t of br ea th .

“ Ha s a n y on e been to h er pla ce?”

“ Yea h , n oth in g .”

I pu lled m y ph on e ou t a n d dia led Sta cy ’s n u m ber . Noa n sw er . “ I’ll g et a ll th e g ir ls h er e, a n d ca ll a ll th e h ospita lsa n d th e cops. Ca n y ou a sk Slider if I ca n bor r ow a cou ple g u y sto g o h it h er u su a l h a u n ts?”

“ It ’s a lr ea dy don e, h e sa id w e cou ld u se th e pr ospects a n dth r ee m em ber s.”

Slider ca m e tow a r ds u s n ex t . “ We kn ow w h er e sh e is. Joe,g et r ea dy , Ca r ly y ou sta y h er e sin ce y ou ca n ’t sh oot y et . Keepth e clu b on lockdow n . Don ’t let a n y on e in h er e n o m a tterw h a t . Un der stood?”

“ Yes. Wh er e is sh e?”

“ It ’s a r iv a l’s old la dy . Sh e fou n d Sta cy fu ckin g h er old m a na n d w a n ts to kill h er . Th e on ly r ea son Sta cy ’s a liv e is beca u sesh e cla im s h e pa id h er . Th ey sea r ch ed h er for ca sh bu t didn ’tfin d a n y . Sta cy sa y s th e old la dy took th e m on ey befor e th eyg ot th er e.”

“ I w a n t to g o.”

Joe pu lled h is bu llet-pr oof v est on . “ No.”

Slider looked a t h im . “ Not y ou r ca ll w h en sh e’s u n der m ycom m a n d.”

Joe n odded u n h a ppily g iv in g m e th e ev il ey e.

“ Ca n I g et a v est?”

“ Go g et Sa lin a ’s, it ’s h a n g in g on th e h ook.” Slider told m e.

I r a n off to g et it a n d r ig h t ba ck in to Joe a n d Slider a r g u in g .

Slider poin ted to th e Mer cedes, “ Sh e dr iv es th e ca r u n t il sh eca n r ide. En d of a r g u m en t.” Slider tu r n ed a n d left .

Joe tu r n ed h is tem per on m e. “ Keep y ou m ou th sh u t u n lesstold oth er w ise.”

I stu ck m y ton g u e ou t a t h im a n d g ot in th e ca r . Hesm a cked m y tr u n k w h en h e pa ssed m e to ca tch u p w ith th eg u y s. I dr ov e beh in d th e bikes.

It took u s a lm ost a n h ou r to g et a cr oss tow n to th e r iv a lch a pter ’s clu b h ou se. Th ey ’r e con sider ed a r iv a l beca u se th eydon ’t ca r r y th e ‘MC’ pa tch a n d th er efor e don ’t pla y by th esa m e r u les.

I r a n u p to m a ke su r e I w a s close to Joe. For th e fir st t im e h edidn ’t pu t h is a r m a r ou n d m e.

We stood tog eth er a s Goa t spoke to th eir Pr esiden t , “ Wh er eis sh e?”

Th e oth er g u y n odded to a n oth er g u y . A cou ple secon dsla ter th ey br ou g h t ou t a v er y ba dly bea ten Sta cy .

I r a n to h er a n d sa t h er in a ch a ir . “ A r e y ou oka y ?”

“ Yea h , it ju st h u r ts. Wh a t th e h ell is g oin g on ?”

Goa t a n sw er ed for m e w h en h e a ddr essed th e Pr esiden t ,“ Wh y ’d y ou bea t u p on e of ou r g ir ls?”

“ Th a t w a s th e old la dy , sh e ca u g h t y ou r w h or e w ith h er oldm a n a n d g ot pissed.” He ex pla in ed w ith a ton e off a n n oy a n ce.Men don ’t like it w h en th e old la dies st ir u p dr a m a .

I looked a t Sta cy , “ Wh a t a r e y ou doin g w a y ov er h er e in th efir st pla ce?”

“ He’s a kin ky ba sta r d, it ’s g ood m on ey . He n ev er told m e h ew a s m a r r ied, n ot th a t it m a tter s.” Sh e flin ch ed a t th e pa in inh er side.

“ Wh er e’s th is old m a n w h o pr eten ds h e’s n ot ch ea t in g on h isw ife w ith on e of m y g ir ls?” I a sked g ett in g pissed.

A n ice lookin g y ou n g m a n w ith a sh a v ed h ea d steppedfor w a r d, “ Th a t ’s m e. Sn icker s.”

“ You ow e m e for th is. Nex t t im e y ou r isk on e of m y g ir ls I’llr ip y ou r fu ckin g th r oa t ou t .”

“ Wh a t do y ou w a n t? I didn ’t m ea n for th is to h a ppen .” Hesta m m er ed g ett in g th e ev il ey e fr om h is Pr esiden t a n d m e.

“ You ca n fin d h er a bike. It ’s a bou t t im e som e of u s lea r n edto r ide.” I looked a t Joe w h o r olled h is ey es bu t n odded.

I w a v ed a cou ple pr ospects ov er , “ Help h er to m y ca r .” Ilooked ba ck a t th e oth er Pr esiden t . “ Th ose g ir ls a r e u n der m ypr otect ion . If I ev er see som eth in g ev en r em otely close tow h a t I sa w ton ig h t , th is g ets per son a l, a n d y ou a n d I w illh a v e a h u g e pr oblem .”

He looked a t Joe. “ Sh e n eeds a m u zzle.”

“ Sh e h a s m y su ppor t , a lon g w ith Slider ’s. Get a h a n dle ony ou r m em ber s or th ey ’ll becom e som ebody else’s m em ber s.A r e w e clea r ?”

He looked a t Slider w h o n odded. Joe didn ’t ev en h a v e to looka t Slider to kn ow h e w ou ld h a v e h is fu ll su ppor t . Th a t w a spr etty cool. Un y ieldin g fa ith in y ou r br oth er .

“ Cr y sta l. Goodn ig h t g en t lem en .” He tu r n ed to h is m en a n dbeg a n ba r kin g or der s for th em to h a v e a m eet in g .

I looked u p a t m y da r k kn ig h t , “ Th a n k y ou ba by .”

“ By cla im in g th ose g ir ls ou tr ig h t like th a t y ou a lso pu tth em u n der Slider ’s pr otect ion . He doesn ’t h a v e a n y pr oblemw ith th a t , bu t y ou n eed to stop a n d th in k th in g s th r ou g hbefor e y ou open y ou r m ou th ba be.” He w a lked m e to m y ca rw ith Slider a n d Sa lin a fla n kin g u s, Sa lin a is on m y r ig h t .

“ Sor r y Slider .”

“ It ’s a ll g ood. I kin d of like h a v in g a fem a le g u a r d dog . Beca r efu l Joe, sh e m ig h t be m ea n er th a n y ou .”

He pu t h is a r m a r ou n d m y sh ou lder s, “ Sh e’s defin itelym ea n er th a n m e.”

“ I a m n ot . Som ebody ca ll Doc, I ca n ’t fin d m y ph on e.” Ipa tted m y pockets.

Joe h a n ded m e h is ph on e. “ Wh y didn ’t y ou g o a fter th e oldla dy for bea t in g Sta cy u p?”

“ Sh e’ll g et it fr om h er old m a n beca u se h e w a s h u m ilia ted,a n d is pr oba bly g ett in g tor n a pa r t a s w e spea k. Besides, sh e’sh is r espon sibility , it ’s pr oblem n ot m in e.”

“ How do y ou fig u r e th a t?” He’s cu r iou s a s h e g ets r ea dy tor ide like th e r est of th e g u y s.

“ If som eon e ca m e a fter m e y ou ’d m a ke th em g o th r ou g hy ou fir st , r ig h t?” I a sked g oin g a r ou n d to th e dr iv er ’s side ofm y ca r .

“ A bsolu tely .” He sw u n g h is leg ov er h is bike a n d looked a tm e, “ You com in g ?”

I sm iled r ea lizin g h e’d ju st pla y ed m e. “ You r ea lly n eededm e to a sk if y ou ’d pr otect m e?”

“ No, I n eeded y ou to kn ow th a t I w ill a lw a y s pr otect y ou .Com e on w om a n , I n eed to g et th ose cloth es off y ou .” Hesta r ted h is en g in e a n d w a ited w h ile I pu lled ou t in fr on t ofh im .

I looked a t Sta cy , “ Poor ba by . You sta y a w a y fr om th emfr om n ow on , y ou h ea r m e?”

Sh e n odded, “ Don ’t w or r y .”

“ If y ou n eed m or e m on ey w e’ll w or k som eth in g ou t . Don ’tpu t y ou r self a t r isk a g a in like th a t .” I took h er h a n d in m in e.

17

Sin ce Sta cy h a d br oken a m a jor r u le so I h a d to fin d a w a y topu n ish h er w ith ou t h er losin g th e r espect of th e g ir ls sh e’str y in g to lea d. I decided to w a it u n t il sh e’s h ea led to doa n y th in g , bu t I w a n ted to a sk Joe a bou t it ton ig h t .

“ Wh a t w ou ld y ou do? Sh e w a sn ’t su pposed to be ov er th er e.”

He kn ow s th e r u les for th e g ir ls a s w ell a s I do. “ Ma ke h erscr u b floor s in th e ba r . It ’s r ea lly n ot th a t big of a dea l. Sh eliv ed, th a t ’s th e im por ta n t pa r t .”

“ Th a t ’s n ot a ba d idea . Wh a t a r e y ou doin g ?” I a skedw a tch in g h im dig th r ou g h a closet a n d pu ll ou t a la r g e da r kg r een du ffle ba g .

“ I th in k I h a v e a sh ock colla r in h er e som ew h er e.”

“ A w h a t??”

“ A sh ock colla r . Th e ba tter ies m ig h t be dea d, bu t y ou n eed ash ock colla r .” He th r ew a ca m ou fla g ed t-sh ir t a t m e. “ Wa shth a t plea se.”

I sn iffed it , “ Ew . You ’r e n ot r ea lly lookin g for a sh ock colla ra r e y ou ?”

“ A ta ser g u n w ou ld be too pa in fu l.” He’s st ill h u n tin g .

I r a n ov er a n d g ot betw een h im a n d th e ba g . “ No sh ockcolla r s.”

He stopped dig g in g a n d pla n ted h is h a n ds on eith er side ofm e on th e ta ble. His ey es sea r ch ed m in e, “ Is th a t pill w or n offy et? I w a n t to kn ock y ou u p a n d off th ose bea u tifu l feet th a t

keep w a lkin g y ou in to tr ou ble. Ha v e y ou a lw a y s h a d th ism u ch dr a m a ?”

“ Kin d of, y ea h .” I a dm itted.

Sta cy w a sn ’t h a ppy a bou t clea n in g th e floor s, bu t it w a ssom eth in g sh e cou ld do w h ile sh e h ea led. Sh e ca n ’t w or k a llba n g ed u p. I g ot to h a n g ou t w ith h er w h ile sh e clea n ed.

“ Sor r y sw eet ie.” I sa id sit t in g on a ta ble a n d u sin g th e spr a ybott le of clea n er to pr esoa k som e spots for h er .

Sh e sh ook h er h a n d ou t . “ I h a te h ou sew or k, fu cks u p m yn a ils.”

“ I’ll bu y y ou a m a n i-pedi w h en y ou don ’t look like r a wbeef.” I pr om ised.

“ How ’s th in g s w ith th e kids fa th er ?” Sh e ch a n g ed th esu bject so w e cou ld ca tch u p.

“ Not su r e. A ll I kn ow is th e a ppea l looks g ood to g et h im offdea th r ow , bu t n ot ou t of pr ison . I g u ess w e h a v e to w a it for apa r ole h ea r in g in or der to see if w e ca n g et a n ea r ly r elea se.” Ir epea ted w h a t Joe h a d told m e ea r lier .

“ Th a t ’s som eth in g .”

“ Yea h , it ’s st ill a lon g w a y s fr om ov er . I like g ett in g to kn owMitch . He’s g oin g to be sta r t in g m iddle sch ool in a cou plew eeks. I h ope h e likes it .”

“ How ’s Ma r ie h oldin g u p?”

“ Not ba d. Sh e’s g ett in g stu ff m ov ed to stor a g e so sh e ca n pu tth e h ou se on th e m a r ket u n t il sh e fin ds a n oth er pla ce.”

“ Ha v e y ou ta lked a bou t cu stody of Mitch ?”

“ We’r e sh a r in g pr etty ea sily r ig h t n ow . If Mitch w a n ts com esta y w ith m e h e ca n , bu t I’m n ot h om e du r in g th e h ou r s h e is,so I see h im h er e a n d ov er a t Ma r ia ’s. We’r e st ill fin e tu n in gstu ff, bu t it ’ll w or k ou t .”

Sh e sa t ba ck on a dr y spot . “ I ca n ’t believ e th a t bitchfr ea ked ou t and took m y m on ey .” Sh e th ou g h t ba ck to la stn ig h t .

“ Th a t ’s w h y I don ’t w a n t y ou g ir ls w or kin g ou tside th e g a teh er e. It ’s n ot sa fe.”

“ I kn ow , don ’t n a g .” Sh e com pla in ed pickin g u p th e bu cketto g et fr esh soa p a n d w a ter . You ca n ’t g et th is floor r ea llyclea n w ith ju st a m op, n ot w ith th ese m en r u n n in g a r ou n d. Itn eeds a g ood scr u bbin g on ce a m on th . Pr ospects u su a llyw a r r a n t th e pu n ish m en t, bu t n ot th is t im e. Poor Sta cy .

Sa lin a w a lked in , “ Hey ch ickies, w h a t ’s cookin ?”

“ Fu ckin g Sim ple Gr een . I n ev er w a n t to sm ell th is sh ita g a in .” Sta cy com pla in ed.

Th in g s w en t ba ck to n or m a l for a w h ile. Mitch a n d Joe seemto be h it t in g it off pr etty w ell. Mitch took a n in ter est inm otor cy cles so Joe in tr odu ced h im to th e g a r a g e.

Th e fir st few da y s w a s a ll a bou t sa fety . Th e fir st t im e Joeh elped Mitch tu r n a w r en ch I kn ew Mitch w ou ld be t ied to th isclu b for life. Pa r t of m e h opes h e fin ds a n ice n or m a l life, th epa r t th a t ’s closer to h om e r ig h t n ow h opes h e fin ds h is fa m ilyh er e w ith m y n ew fa m ily .

Ma r ia w en t ba ck to w or k w a it in g ta bles so I h elped h erju g g le Mitch . Bein g Su m m er h e h u n g ou t in th e g a r a g e m osta fter n oon s in to la te ev en in g s. I w or ked in th e ba r , r a n

er r a n ds, took h im to pa r ks to m eet kids h is a g e, w h a tev er h ew a n ted. I w a s tr y in g to m a ke u p for lost t im e by bein g a t h isbeckon ca ll.

Som eh ow I a lw a y s seem bu sy . Th e fir st t im e Joe h a d to g oon a n ov er n ig h t job I g ot bu m py . Wh en h e w en t for tw on ig h ts I g ot cr a n ky .

He’s ju st told m e h e’s g oin g to be g on e fou r n ig h ts.

“ You ca n ’t g o fou r h ou r s.” I com pla in ed.

“ On ly w h en it com es to y ou . A r e y ou g oin g to g et m a dev er y t im e I h a v e to g o to w or k?”

“ Yes.” I sa t in m y fa v or ite ch a ir ou t ba ck w ith m y n ig h t lyg la ss of w in e.

“ St ill don ’t tr u st m e do y ou ?”

“ I don ’t kn ow . I w a n t to, bu t I kn ow h ow th ese g u y s a r ea r ou n d h er e. I ca n ju st im a g in e h ow th ey a r e elsew h er e.Th ey ’r e g oin g to th in k y ou ’r e r u de.”

“ Na h , I’ll ju st g et a blow job to h old m e ov er .”

My ey es sh ot da g g er s a t h im u n til I sa w th a t h in t ofa m u sem en t th a t h a d m e pu n ch in g h is big a ss u n t il h e tookth e h in t to g o ba ck in side a n d m a ke lov e to m e.

I w a tch ed h im r ide off fr om th e fr on t por ch w ith a ba dfeelin g . He better be ca r efu l. I h a te w h en h e’s n ot in tow n tosn ea k u p on m e for a qu ickie.

Joe’s a ppet ite for sex bor der lin es on in sa n e. I ca n ’t pictu r eh im g oin g fou r w h ole da y s. Th is both er ed m e a lot m or e th a nI sh ou ld h a v e let it .

Sa lin a picked u p on it a n d cu ssed m e. “ You ’r e su ch a bitchw h en th e g u y s h it th e r oa d.”

“ I keep pictu r in g som e w h or e in h is la p.”

“ I told y ou n ot to do th a t . Tou g h en u p ba by , y ou eith ertr u st h im , or y ou don ’t . If y ou don ’t tr u st h im th en y ou h a v eto a ccept th a t sh it h a ppen s a n d g et ov er it . It ’s n ot a bou t n otg ett in g en ou g h a t h om e. Th ey ’r e m en , th ey h a v e dicks. Th eirdicks m a ke th em stu pid.” Sh e com pla in ed.

I sh iv er ed. “ Uck. I’m g oin g to pow er w a sh h is a ss.”

“ Stop th in kin g a bou t it a n d y ou ’ll feel better .”

“ How ??”

“ Th in k a bou t th is w eeken d’s r u n .” Sh e’s been w or kin g onth is on e for m on th s.

My ph on e r a n g w ith Joe’s r in g ton e. “ Hey ba by .”

“ Hey , I’m on m y w a y ba ck. Ch a r lie w a s killed in th e y a r dth is m or n in g .”

“ Oh n o.” I sa t dow n . “ Wh a t h a ppen ed?”

“ Not su r e y et . Th ey ’r e on lockdow n r ig h t n ow . I’ll fin d ou ta s soon a s I ca n .”

“ Poor Ch a r lie.”

“ Poor Mitch . Th is w ill be th e secon d fa th er in th r ee m on th sh e’ll w a tch g o in th e g r ou n d.”

“ Oh n o.”

“ Th a t ’s w h y I’m com in g ba ck. Mitch a n d I a r e pr etty t ig h t ,don ’t sa y a n y th in g u n til I g et ba ck. In fa ct , g o h om e so

n obody fin ds ou t a n d fu cks u p by let t in g h im ov er h ea r .”

“ Do I ta ke Mitch h om e? Wh a t if I cr a ck?”

“ Ta ke h im to a m ov ie ba by , I’ll be h om e a bou t a n h ou r a fterit ’s ov er . Get som e pizza , g o to Ta r g et , h e likes sh oppin g forcloth es th er e.” He su g g ested. “ You oka y ?”

“ Yea h .”

“ Oka y , I’m g oin g n ow . I lov e y ou .”

“ I lov e y ou . Th a n k y ou Joe, for com in g h om e for m e.”

“ For y ou a n d th e kid. Th is is g oin g to h u r t ba d a t h is a g e.See y ou soon .”

Mitch a n d I w er e m a kin g a m ess in th e kitch en w h en Joefin a lly pu lled u p. Mitch w a n ted to m a ke a pizza for Joe w h enh e g ot h om e. We’r e a lit t le beh in d sch edu le. Th is is g oin g to bea ba d n ig h t .

Joe ca m e in a n d kissed m e h ello befor e pa tt in g Mitch on th esh ou lder a n d sa y in g h ello.

“ Hey bu ddy . I h a v e som eth in g I n eed to tell y ou a n d y ou rm oth er . It ’s n ot g ood.”

Mitch pu t th e la st pepper on i on top a n d looked u p a t Joe,“ Wh a t?”

“ Ch a r lie pa ssed a w a y th is m or n in g .” He kn elt dow n toMitch ’s lev el.

“ Nu t-u h .” He looked a t Joe.

“ I’m a fr a id so bu ddy . I don ’t kn ow w h a t h a ppen ed y et , bu tI’ll fin d ou t . I’m r ea lly sor r y .”

He sh ov ed Joe in th e ch est , “ Th is is y ou r fa u lt !” He lookedu p a t m e a n d poin ted, “ A n d y ou r ’s!! You told m e a bou t h im !!Now I don ’t h a v e a da d! I keep killin g th em !!” He r a n off to th eg u est r oom w h ich h a s becom e h is w h en h e’s h er e.

I cov er ed m y fa ce, “ Fu ck m e.”

“ Ca ll Ma r ie.” Joe follow ed Mitch to m a ke su r e h e didn ’tesca pe ou t th e w in dow . I ca lled Ma r ie.

Mitch took h is g r ief a n d r a n in to Ma r ie’s a r m s. Oth er th a nth e fu n er a l I didn ’t see eith er of th em for a lon g t im e. Ma r iem ov ed to a n eig h bor in g tow n w ith Mitch . Sh e sen ds m e ph on epictu r es a n d tex t u pda tes w ith ou t Mitch kn ow in g .

If sh e tr ied to br in g m e or Joe u p h e sh u ts dow n , so w eba cked off. I offer ed to pa y for th er a py if h e w a s open to it .Ma r ie did h er best , a n d I h a v e to g iv e th e w om a n cr edit , sh edid a da m n g ood job. Joe m a de su r e sh e didn ’t h a v e a n yfin a n cia l str u g g les.

I sta r ted m issin g Mitch a n d g ot testy . It ’s been a n oth ercou ple m on th s a n d Joe is w ea r in g m e ou t a bou t th is bir thcon tr ol sh it .

“ How m u ch lon g er ?” He a sked for th e secon d t im e th isw eek.

“ I sw ea r if y ou a sk m e th a t a g a in I’m g oin g to clobber y ou .”

“ If y ou don ’t a n sw er m e I’m g oin g to th r ow y ou in th e pool.”He th r ea ten ed.

I ba cked u p th in kin g th e spa tu la w ou ld be a n effect iv ew ea pon , “ Don ’t y ou da r e!!” He’s don e th is befor e.

“ Th en a n sw er m e.”

“ I’m n ot tellin g y ou . You don ’t listen a n y w a y .” I scoldedh im . He’s g ot a sh or t a t ten t ion spa n . I g u a r a n tee ten m in u tesa fter I told h im it w ou ld be w or n off in a bou t a w eek, h e’dfor g ot .

He stood u p com in g r ig h t for m e.

“ No!!! You better n ot th r ow m e in th a t da m n pool a g a in !Wh a t if y ou h u r t th e ba by ?” I poked h im in th e ch est w ith th espa tu la .

Th a t stopped h im u p sh or t . “ You ’r e pr eg n a n t?”

“ I dou bt it , bu t I cou ld be.”

“ I th ou g h t y ou sa id a w eek.”

“ Th a t ’s a n est im a te. I cou ld be w or n off a lr ea dy .”

For th e fir st t im e I sa w m y big ba d biker let a w icked g r insn ea k u p on th e cor n er s of h is m ou th . “ A w , y ea h . Now y ou ’r ein tr ou ble.”

I scr ea m ed a s h e tossed m e ov er h is sh ou lder . “ Tu r n th estov e off!!”

Fr om th a t m in u te on h e m a de it h is m ission to g et a ba byin side m e. Joe is a r et ir ed Ma r in e a n d Na v y Sea l. Wh en h e’son a m ission , h e’s on a ser iou s m ission . I th ou g h t h e w a s ba dbefor e, n ow I ca n ’t ev en w a lk pa st h im w ith ou t h im eith era tta ckin g or ey ein g m e w ith th a t flir ty th r ea t of w h a t ’s tocom e la ter .

I w r ote Mitch a let ter tellin g h im I w a s h opin g to g iv e h im aba by br oth er or sister a n d to plea se con sider bein g a pa r t ofou r fa m ily , Ma r ie too. We’ll see w h a t h a ppen s. For n ow , Ih a v e m y h u sba n d h om e, sa fe, a n d desper a te to g et n a ked

w ith m e. I’v e n ev er been h a ppier in m y life.

Table of ContentsDow n & Dir ty© 2 01 1 Reese Ma dison . A ll r ig h ts r eser v ed.Con ten tsPr olog u e1234567891 01 11 21 31 41 51 61 7

Table of ContentsDow n & Dir ty© 2 01 1 Reese Ma dison . A ll r ig h ts r eser v ed.Con ten tsPr olog u e1234567891 01 11 21 31 41 51 61 7