Reducing Bullying April 10, 2014 Denyse Perry Slide 2 Afternoon
Agenda 1.Understand the problem of bullying Look at the broader
system in which aggressive behavior is one outcome Expose the
brains (subversive) role in the system See aggressive behavior as a
result of environmental influences 2.Use this understanding to
develop new strategies Create an intention for what needs to be
done Empathic connection Practice new tools and skills to support
the intention Slide 3 Conflict occurs when We think there is only
one way or one person to meet a need When the strategy chosen to
meet a need means that some other important need will not be met We
need to find ways to meet everyones needs Slide 4 Understanding
aggressive behavior What makes this problem so important? What is
the problem about? What is the best approach for addressing it?
Slide 5 Key Concepts Seeing the bully through a new lens A product
of his/her environment (biological, relational, cultural) More than
likely acting subconsciously instinctively, impulsively A result of
chronic stress, adolescent brain adaptation and other
non-intentional factors Treating the real problem by providing
empathic connection, and support Replacing punishment and zero
tolerance with a desire to understand, be curious and approach
safety as a protective use of force To make every interaction a
nano-shift in this direction Slide 6 Slide 7 EMPATHY &
COMPASSION Empathy is the ability to see the world as another
person, to share and understand another persons feelings, needs,
concerns and/or emotional state. Empathy is not agreeing. Empathy
is not sympathy. Sympathy is actually feeling their pain.
Compassion is empathy with the added desire to help. Slide 8 The
most important change we can make to reduce bullying Empathic
connection This afternoon, we learn why Slide 9 Kids do well if
they can. Ross Greene Ross Greene YouTube Slide 10 The Solution To
address the cause and reduce the problem is in a broad sense to:
Adopt a compassionate attitude when we work with the child Create
an empathic and authentic connection with the child Ideally
facilitate the attachment of the child with a caring and competent
adult As mentors, develop skills and tools to model healthy and
calming interactions Communication (verbal, nonverbal), word choice
Setting an intention of who we want to be in any interaction, even
difficult ones Pausing, breathing Encouraging release of calming
hormone, oxytocin to interrupt or offset flow on stress hormones
cortisol and adrenaline. Replacing certainty, assumption and
judgment with curiosity Slide 11 What % of your day is dealing with
aggressive behavior? 0-20% 20-40% 40-50% 50-60% 60-70% 70-80%
80-90% 90-100% What is the physical, emotional and financial cost?
Slide 12 The physical and emotional cost How would you rate the
stress levels of dealing with this type of problem on a scale of
1-10 with 10 being the highest stress? How would you rate the
stress of your job overall? APA finds about 25% of the population
experiencing high levels of stress (8 or >) while another 50%
experience moderate levels (4-7) This is over and about the 26% of
the population that is already diagnosed with some form of mental
illness. Slide 13 The cost of stress Chronic mild stress can mean
more susceptibility to sickness, being overweight, difficult
sleeping, less sex drive, and increased risk of more stress
Additional stress is created because access to problem solving,
decision making and social/relational skills is impeded which
creates a cycle of social emotional issues Its harder to relate,
manage difficulty, focus and sleep If stress levels are high and
chronic, the health risks become significant Slide 14 The cost of
high levels of chronic stress Obesity Heart disease Cancer Diabetes
aggression Depression Anxiety Other mental illness Loneliness
Estrangement Discomfort Separateness Slide 15 Law Enforcement
Marriage We all know that the divorce rate for the nation sits
right at about 50%, but did you know that the rate for officers is
60-75%? Staggering numbers when you really consider it.
Approximately one quarter of the officers who are married will
still be married to that same spouse at the end of their careers.
One quarter. November 3, 2013 LAW ENFORCEMENT TODAY Slide 16 The
effects are far reaching Slide 17 It is a serious problem to us
What about our kids: Effect on the child at the other end of the
behavior Effect on the witnesses very high Effect on the child who
is behaving in a bullying way Slide 18 Slide 19 Slide 20 Slide 21
Slide 22 Slide 23 Slide 24 Slide 25 Slide 26 What happened? What
can be done? Slide 27 What makes the problem so important? Slide 28
Characteristics of the Bully Impulsive Dominant Aggressive Easily
make friends (are not loners) Popular Comfortable with violence
Socially adept (may be cold and subtly manipulative) Hold
in-group/out-group mentality A form of control and attention
Lacking skills & tools; Asking for love, attention and support,
To family members and peers Anger management Lack of adult modeling
Lack of understanding of behavior 2013 copyright Sarah Peyton 28
Slide 29 Family Characteristics of Bullies Lack of warmth and
emotional support Lack of parental and family support Rigid
enforcement of rules Use of threats and bribes Uninvolved parents
Lack of supervision Inconsistent and corporal punishment Poor moods
Bullying of siblings Maltreatment by a parent Use of humiliation
Violence nearly twice as likely to have been exposed to domestic
violence Negative family functioning 2013 copyright Sarah Peyton 29
Slide 30 Bullying Video Bully Richard Gale Interview (Bully of
Casey Heynes) https://www.youtube.com /watch?v=__IjcLVBBYc Slide 31
Causes of Bullying Negative family function Too much control by
parents Abuse Neglect Sibling bullying Being bullied On rare
occasion a genetic predisposition Slide 32 Kids dont believe theyll
get help In a survey of American middle and high school students,
66 percent of victims of bullying believed school professionals
responded poorly to the bullying problems that they observed. Other
reasons the kids gave for not telling include: Feeling shame at not
being able to stand up for themselves Fearing they would not be
believed Not wanting to worry their parents Having no confidence
that anything would change as a result Thinking their parents or
teachers advice would make the problem worse Heartbreaking that
children are not only experiencing bullying, but dont trust the
reaction of the adults around them enough to get help Slide 33 Help
for the aggressive child Children who are bullied are not finding
the reactions from their parents. Children who bully are also not
finding help. Some schools have zero tolerance for bullying.
Children get sent home for bullying, but no support to change the
behavior. Other times when children bully, adults around them dont
know what to do. In attempt to name the behavior as wrong, the
child may perceive themselves as also wrong. Children are labeled
the bully and those around them have a static impressions of
whether or not the child can truly change behavior. A focus only on
the harm experienced by child who was bullied does not create space
for the child who is bullying to hope that their needs will be
acknowledged. Slide 34 1. Where it all began the lizard brain Slide
35 The brain evolved from the stem of the spine out and up. The
amygdala is the control center for the primitive, and still
dominant, fight/flight impulse. The newest, most sophisticated,
executive functioning part of the human brain is the prefrontal
cortex ( PFC ) behind the forehead. The Evolution of the Brain
Slide 36 Primitive brain = Survival Instinct Amygdala constantly
seeks threat primary function is survival Fight/flight/freeze
response activated when triggered Stress hormones cortisol &
adrenaline are released preparing body for action responds to
physical or emotional threat or an important unmet need Doesnt
distinguish between fantasy or reality Activation of the F/F/F cuts
off access to the PFC and with this the ability to problem solve,
make decisions, regulate emotions and perform other executive
functions. Slide 37 Prefrontal Cortex Integrates: Me - self You
empathy We - relational The purpose of adolescent brain development
is to integrate the brain To link different areas of the brain to
allow more sophisticated functions to emerge (so the whole is
better than the sum of its parts) How? During adolescence the brain
is remodeling Pruning (what you dont use) so it can specialize
Myelination for efficiency also disciplined practice Slide 38
Limbic region Where emotions come from Motivation should I bother
doing this thing? Evaluation how to get this process turned on so
the student will pay attention Memory Attachment our mammalian
capacity to have a child dependent on the parent for survival
Adolescents have emotional spark Slide 39 Effect of stress on
behavior Stress hormones Amygdala Executive Functioning PFC Slide
40 The 2 basic states of the brain Reactive or receptive NO or yes
Cant learn or communicate optimally if you are threatened Cant
engage in a supporting, connecting Fight, flight, freeze or faint
(vasil vagal response) Temperate (genetic) or attachment
(experiential) determines the response Slide 41 We are in
Social-Engagement when we Make eye contact Vocalize with an
appealing inflection and rhythm Display contingent facial
expressions Modulate the middle-ear muscles to distinguish the
human voice from background sounds more efficiently 41 Slide 42 We
are in Fight or Flight when We are afraid or angry We have an
increase in heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, muscle tone We
want to take action to protect, defend or get away 2013 copyright
Sarah Peyton 42 Slide 43 We are in Freeze when We no longer want to
move (fall in energy) Our heart rate, blood pressure, respiration
and muscle tone decrease Eyelids droop (not in sleepiness) Voice
loses inflection Positive facial expressions dwindle Awareness of
the sound of the human voice becomes less acute Sensitivity to
other s social engagement behaviors decreases 2013 copyright Sarah
Peyton 43 Slide 44 The impact of chronic activation of stress
hormones Biologically the threat response is meant for occasional
activation. Physical exertion balances the physiological changes
and normal functioning is maintained. Most threat is emotional with
no physical exertion which is not considered normal by the body and
results in: High blood pressure, digestive problems, sleep
problems, weight problems Anxiety, depression, memory &
concentration impairment, aggression, fatigue Impact of long term
stress on Children (video URL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak7o9nxpWD4) Slide 45 Rewiring the
brain - Neuroplasticity Neuroscientists now know that our brains
are plastic and changing throughout our lives. They also know that
we humans, by virtue of having a cortex, have the ability to
influence neural structure, thinking, choices, habits and behavior.
This is called neuroplasticity and it has been proven true in
altering conditions from depression, anxiety, aggression, stress
and conflict management. There is an interpersonal component as
well with evidence the brain is wired to interact socially and
attune to one another. Stroking premature babies for 10 minutes a
day promotes brain development. The brain responds to touch,
attachment, connection. Slide 46 What % of decisions are conscious?
0-20% 20-40% 40-60% 60-80% 80-90% 90-100% Slide 47 We create our
own reality Stories Judgment, Assumptions, Labels Habits Brain
prioritizes efficiency: -Habits -Judgment -Assumptions -Labels Our
brains create our stories subconsciously and retells them over and
over again, tweaking as convenient, without our approval. Slide 48
We have two Hemispheres 48 Slide 49 Right prefrontal cortex
qualities: (and qualities that counteract bullying) Regulation of
body systems Attuned communication Emotional balance Calming the
amygdala (modulating fear) Response flexibility Empathy Intuition
Morality 2013 copyright Sarah Peyton 49 Slide 50 The Hemispheres
Have Different Tasks: Left: Narrow focus, the known Is in charge of
approach and speaking in conversation Other people are tools Tracks
details Builds categories Can discern and differentiate Makes
patterns from the specific Right: Uncertainty, newness, broad scope
Is in charge of listening and the non-verbal, making space for the
other Understands emotion and the soul, the individual The new, the
novel, the specific Attends to the big picture Metaphor and poetry
50 Slide 51 Divided brain Left narrow focus to detail (finding
seeds, known), right is broad (unknown, change, connection) Frontal
lobe is to stop immediacy, stand back, outwitting the other party
(Machiavellian) and also to empathize and make bonds, is uniquely
human Right hemisphere is newer, understanding, disposition for
living, Not reason or imagination, need both hemispheres Started
long ago to drift to left hemisphere, very convincing, controlling
The right hemisphere does not have a voice Knowledge of parts and
wisdom of whole Rationality grounded in intuition Need to return to
right hemisphere, the intuitive mind is sacred The intuitive mind
is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We
have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten
the gift. Slide 52 Your brain is just another organ. It is not you.
Build skills in becoming aware of the thinking that is not working
for you. 52 Slide 53 Brain effects of bullying 53 Slide 54 Effects
of Bullying Reduces volume in the PFC where we: Interpret our
social world, process our emotional responses, perceive meaning and
language and where we self-express Teens being ostracized by ones
peers can throw adolescent hormones even further out of whack, lead
to reduced connectivity in the brain, and even sabotage the growth
of new neurons. Limbic region memory is compromised Corpus callosum
damage The researchers found that the more exposure to peer verbal
abuse subjects reported, the more likely they were to be
experiencing anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, dissociation,
or drug use effects that can be linked to damage to the corpus
callosum. PTSD Slide 55 PTSD In the short-term, bullied children
show cognitive damage and a tendency toward poor school
performance. In the long term, cumulative brain trauma can lead,
some psychiatrists to diagnose Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
(PTSD) in adults, depending on the severity and duration of the
childhood bullying. This is a crucial insightjust as we know
physical abuse by adults creates lasting damage in children, it s
becoming clearer that verbal or emotional abuse by a child s peers
is enough to create lasting, measurable damage in a child even as
she or he grows older.some psychiatrists to diagnose Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD) in adults, 2013 copyright Sarah Peyton 55
Slide 56 Cortisol - Quote cortisol may, in fact, underlie many of
the adverse effects of bullying: It can weaken the functioning of
the immune system, and at high levels can damage and even kill
neurons in the hippocampus, potentially leading to memory problems
that could make academics more difficult. Indeed, Vaillancourt has
already found that teens who are bullied perform worse on tests of
verbal memory than their peers. One of her next studies involves
trying to get at this question directly: She will be putting some
of her subjects, now ages 16 and 17, into an MRI machine to look
for evidence of damage to the hippocampus. 56 Slide 57 Effects of
corpus callosum damage The researchers found that the more exposure
to peer verbal abuse subjects reported, the more likely they were
to be experiencing anxiety, depression, anger, hostility,
dissociation, or drug use effects that can be linked to damage to
the corpus callosum. 2013 copyright Sarah Peyton 57 Slide 58 Things
adults should know about the brain The idea that its genetic and
brain function is permanent is untrue: Temperament and outlook is
genetic and alterable Most of what we do is habit The brain is able
to change throughout our lives with intention and practice
(neuroplasticity) The brain has 2 states; reactive or receptive
Interact from a yes if you want to be received Slide 59 Rewiring
the brain - Neuroplasticity Neuroscientists now know that our
brains are plastic and changing throughout our lives. They also
know that we humans, by virtue of having a cortex, have the ability
to influence neural structure, thinking, choices, habits and
behavior. This is called neuroplasticity and it has been proven
true in altering conditions from depression, anxiety, aggression,
stress and conflict management. There is an interpersonal component
as well with evidence the brain is wired to interact socially and
attune to one another. Stroking premature babies for 10 minutes a
day promotes brain development. The brain responds to touch,
attachment, connection. Slide 60 What to expect from our kids
courtesy of the adolescent brain Sensitive over-reactive Bored one
minute taking risks the next Hyper rational thinking means they
really do know the risks Extremely drawn to peers and fitting in
Slide 61 The adolescent brain Emotional spark from active limbic
region Trigger quickly but recover in 90 seconds Impulsivity in
early teens Social engagement for peer connection Peer pressure and
influence is enormous But primed for collaboration (more important
than IQ in life) Novelty for preparation of independence Dopamine
draws to pleasure 2 things happen with dopamine base line is much
lower which means more prone to boredom Release level is higher
which encourages risk taking Hyper rational thinking - imbalanced
Slide 62 Hyper Rational thinking - Risk Taking: What to do about it
Im trying to be like everyone else whose trying not to be like
anyone else. To access Neural networks around the heart and the
intestines/gut (through the vassal nerve) Heart-felt sense and
gut-feeling are real - this allows self awareness This is important
because it gives access to internal compass to positive values that
draws on intuition When emotions say I think Ill drive 90 mph
through town. Dont say dont do it, its dangerous. Theyll do
opposite. Get them to ask themselves what am I looking for here?
emotions say this is so exciting, low risk of death. Lets do it!
Pause, build the skill to say I am aware of a feeling in my heart
that tells me this doesnt feel right - an intuition. My emotions
say its good, my gut says its not right. Slide 63 Mental Illness
begins at early adolescence Major psychiatric disorders have onset
at adolescence 12-24 Because of pruning process if you are
genetically vulnerable or if you have had trauma your brain is set
up with an insufficient number of neurons Pruning process means
half neurons are lost Slide 64 Brain Function Summary Subconscious
impulse and instinct drive thinking and behavior: The brain is on
alert and under stress far more than is normal with significant
negative, immediate and long term physiological and emotional
health impact Habit and automation dominate decision making We are
biologically driven to assume, judge, blame, evaluate, and label.
We look for difference and we see the problem. Objectivity,
conscious thought and the ability to manage behavior is only
possible with purposeful activation of the PFC. Where is the
control? Where is the intention? Slide 65 What just happened? What
is the truth? Basketball video Number of throws? Did you see the
lady? Video url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkn3wRyb9Bk Slide
66 Dan Siegel the Adolescent Brain YouTube url:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH-BO1rJXbQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH-BO1rJXbQ Please listen from 1:00
on Gut feeling and intuition Slide 67 Bullying is a complex system
of interdependent factors Aggressive Behavior
Societal/CulturalBiologyRelationships Slide 68 Focus of change
Factor Stress Lack of attachment Communication/conflict skills
Parental aggression/abuse Nourishment The teen brain School climate
Actions Managing stress Reattaching Building communication and
conflict skills Providing food Embracing teen brain Engaging in
climate efforts Slide 69 Afternoon Agenda Part 1: A deeper
understanding of the system contributing to aggression brain
biology Relationships Societal/cultural influences An understanding
of unmet needs Part 2: Creating compassionate connection and
understanding by: Creating an intention of how to interact with
every child Interrupting the trigger within the adult and the child
Listening and acknowledging objectively and empathically
Identifying unmet needs Requesting present positive action Slide 70
Every action is an attempt to meet a need. Marshall Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg Youtube Slide 71 The Summary The root of
Bullying Behavior The root of the cause likely has to do with one
or all of the following: Ineffective anger/stress management skills
Environmental factors (relational, social, cultural) that have
impacted the biology of the child Relational factors include
familial experiences (abuse, neglect, poor modeling, sibling
bullying), peers or experiences with people in the community
(police) Social or cultural factors including media influences
Biological factors tracing to natural brain function (threat
response) as well as neurological damage/alterations from chronic
stress due to the factors listed above Lack of attachment with a
caring and competent adult resulting in a defendedness against
adult trust, counter-will, peer orientation The cause may seem to
be intentional bad behavior but science and research indicate the
more likely explanation is defensive instinct and impulse due to
chronic emotional stress and lack of skills and tools Slide 72
Unmet Needs are at the center of Relational Conflict -Safety,
financial security -Attachment -Love & belonging -Food, Rest
-Self-worth, meaning -Being valued -Connection to others -Autonomy,
independence, -Having choices -Having control -Trust, respect
-Understanding -Validation -Individuality -Solitude Slide 73
Attachment Attachment is our mammalian capacity to have a child
dependent on the parent for survival We need attachment until the
day we die Limbic region genetically programmed to push away at
adolescence to prepare for independence We attach to peers instead;
we need them to survive; we feel being and Slide 74 The importance
of attachment Its not about earning every child needs to be
attached to at least one caring and competent adult Kids need a
home base someone to provide a place of retreat just knowing Evokes
the desire to be good for those attached to Children have instincts
to be good and bad, threat or reward just like us Slide 75 What is
your intention? Are you ready to give empathy in every situation?
Isolate the behaviors that may not have been as intentional as they
seem? Unconditional positive regard? Dignity? Respect? Compassion?
Slide 76 Summary Address the problem in order to stop it: Create
adult connections for kids who have none Replace punishment and
judgment with empathy, support and compassionate guidance Replace
zero tolerance with the protective use of force (a nonviolent
communication expression) Model compassionate communication and
conflict resolution Use natural tools available to each of us at
any time: Release oxytocin, say yes, be curious Slide 77
Compassionate Communication in Difficult Situations The Tools Slide
78 What is your intention? I will hold this as my intention in any
interaction, particularly with any child, regardless of
circumstance: Slide 79 Tools Use yes as much as possible Make a no,
a yes, no, yes. Yes to something important, no to the request (and
I cant let you do this), yes to something else. Curiosity helps
understanding much better than assumption, judgment and labeling
Slide 80 Achieving Connection through Empathic Understanding Goal =
Make a Connection. Always connect first. Phase 1 Preparation 1) Set
an Intention how do you want to be in the world? 2) Become
self-aware notice the thinking and events that cause you to trigger
3) Practice pausing as a first response to the trigger (breathe,
smile, yawn, touch) Slide 81 Connect Phase 2 Connecting 1) Remember
your intention expect it will be forgotten when you need it most 2)
Invite your connection smile, say name, greet In person
Electronically as well email Slide 82 Empathic Support Phase 3
Giving Empathic Support 1) Listen with full presence listening is
not waiting to speak 2) Acknowledge with empathy reflect back what
you heard, with a feeling if possible 3) Help identify the unmet
need help discover the source of their feelings or discomfort 4)
Request the opportunity to provide support ask how you can help
Slide 83 Requests Phase 4 Making requests 1) Share an observation a
neutral expression of what is affecting you 2) Share your feeling
if this is appropriate. If not, simply name it to yourself 3) State
your need share what this is about for you (value, wish, dream,
want) 4) Make a request say what you are hoping for in a doable,
concrete and present form Slide 84 Interrupting a Trigger be
curious remember your intention slow your speech breathe ask for a
pause Slide 85 Activity: Know thy trigger What does the trigger
signal? ____________________________________________________ Why is
that important?
____________________________________________________ What does your
trigger feel like in you?
____________________________________________________ How can you
use the trigger to your advantage?
____________________________________________________ Slide 86
Resources Kids do well if they can Ross Greene, child psychologist,
author of Lost at School Every action is an attempt to fulfill a
need Marshall Rosenberg, author/founder of Nonviolent communication
(NVC) Hold on to your kids Gordon Neufeld, adolescent development
specialist, author of Hold on to your Kids
