Ready, Set, Go! - Business eSampler

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Ready,Set,Go! eSampler

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Contents

Preface The Remarkable Legacy of Warren Bennis vii

Foreword David Gergen xi

Introduction 1

Part One: Your Journey to Leadership 13

1. Your Life Story 15Lead Story: Howard Schultz, Chair and CEO of Starbucks

2. Losing Your Way 41Lead Story: Rajat Gupta, Worldwide Managing Director of

McKinsey

3. Crucibles 57Lead Story: Daniel Vasella, Chair and CEO of Novartis

Part Two: Developing as anAuthentic Leader

77

4. Self-Awareness 79Lead Story: Arianna Huffington, Founder of The

Huffington Post

5. Values 103Lead Story: David Gergen, Harvard Professor and Presidential

Advisor

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6. Sweet Spot 123Lead Story: Warren Buffett, Founder and CEO of Berkshire

Hathaway

7. Support Team 142Lead Story: Tad Piper, Chair and CEO of Piper Jaffray

8. Integrated Life 159Lead Story: John Donahoe, CEO of eBay

Part Three: Your True North Meets the World 179

9. I to We 181Lead Story: Nelson Mandela, President of South Africa

10. Purpose 199Lead Story: Ken Frazier, Chair and CEO of Merck

11. Empowerment 219Lead Story: Anne Mulcahy, Chair and CEO of Xerox

12. Global Leadership 243Lead Story: Paul Polman, CEO of Unilever

Afterword Stakeholders in Society 265Lead Story: Jack Ma, Founder of Alibaba

New Leaders Featured in Discover Your True North 275

Participants from the Original Research for True North 277

Where Are They Now? 279

References 287

About the Author 293

Acknowledgments 295

Index 297

vi CONTENTS



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1YOUR LIFE STORY

The reservoir of all my life experiences shaped me as aperson and a leader.

—Howard Schultz, CEO, Starbucks

The journey to authentic leadership begins with understandingyourself: your life stories, crucibles, and setbacks. This knowledgegives you the self-awareness to discover your True North.

Howard Schultz’s Leadership Journey

In the winter of 1961, 7-year-old Howard Schultz was throwingsnowballs with friends outside his family’s apartment building in thefederally subsidized Bayview Housing Projects in Brooklyn, NewYork. His mother yelled down from their seventh-floor apartment,“Howard, come inside. Dad had an accident.” What followed hasshaped Schultz throughout his life.

He found his father in a full-leg cast, sprawled on the living roomcouch.While working as a delivery driver, Schultz’s father had fallenon a sheet of ice and broken his ankle. As a result, he lost his job—and the family’s health care benefits. Schultz’s mother could not goto work because she was seven months pregnant. His family hadnothing to fall back on. Many evenings, Schultz listened as hisparents argued at the dinner table about how much money theyneeded to borrow. If the telephone rang, his mother asked him to tellthe bill collectors his parents were not at home.

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Schultz vowed he would do things differently. He dreamed ofbuilding “a company my father would be proud to work at” thattreated its employees well and provided health care benefits. Littledid he realize that one day he would be responsible for 191,000employees working in 21,000 stores worldwide. Schultz’s life expe-riences provided the motivation to build Starbucks into the world’sleading coffeehouse.

“My inspiration comes from seeing my father broken from the 30terrible blue-collar jobs he had over his life, where an uneducatedperson just did not have a shot,” Schultz said. These memories ledSchultz to provide Starbucks employees access to health coverage,even for part-time workers.

That event is directly linked to the culture and the values of Starbucks. I wanted

to build the kind of company my father never had a chance to work for, where

you would be valued and respected, no matter where you came from, the color

of your skin, or your level of education. Offering health care was a transforming

event in the equity of the Starbucks brand that created unbelievable trust with

our people. We wanted to build a company that linked shareholder value to the

cultural values we create with our people.

Unlike some who rise from humble beginnings, Schultz is proudof his roots. He credits his life story with giving him the motivationto create one of the great business successes of the last 25 years. Butunderstanding the meaning of his story took deep thought because,like nearly everyone, he had to confront fears and ghosts from hispast.

Brooklyn is burned into Schultz. When he took his daughter tothe housing projects where he grew up, she surveyed the blight andsaid with amazement, “I don’t know how you are normal.” Yet hisexperience growing up in Brooklyn is what enables Schultz toconnect with practically anyone. He speaks with a slight Brooklynaccent, relishes an Italian meal, dresses comfortably in jeans, andrespects all types of people. He has not forgotten where he came fromor let his wealth go to his head: “I was surrounded by people who

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were working hand-to-mouth trying to pay the bills, felt there was nohope, and just couldn’t get a break. That’s something that neverleaves you—never.

“From my earliest memories, I remember my mother saying that Icould do anything I wanted in America. It was her mantra.” Hisfather had the opposite effect. As a truck driver, cab driver, andfactory worker, he never earned more than $20,000 a year. Schultzwatched his father break down while complaining bitterly about nothaving opportunities or respect from others.

As a teenager, Schultz clashed often with his father, as he felt thestigma of his father’s failures. “I was bitter about his underachieve-ment and lack of responsibility,” he recalled. “I thought he couldhave accomplished so much more if he had tried.” Schultz wasdetermined to escape that fate. “Part of what has always driven me isfear of failure. I know all too well the face of self-defeat.”

Feeling like an underdog, Schultz developed a deep determina-tion to succeed. Sports became his early calling, because “I wasn’tlabeled a poor kid on the playing field.” As star quarterback of hishigh school football team, he received a scholarship to NorthernMichigan University, becoming the first in his family to earn acollege degree. His fierce competitiveness never faded; it just shiftedfrom football to business.

Working in sales at Xerox, Schultz felt stifled by the bureaucraticenvironment. While others thrived in Xerox’s culture, Schultzyearned to go his own way. “I had to find a place where I couldbe myself,” he said.

I could not settle for anything less. You must have the courage to follow an

unconventional path. You can’t value or measure your life experience in the

moment, because you never know when you’re going to find the true path that

enables you to find your voice. The reservoir of all my life experiences shaped

me as a person and a leader.

Schultz encountered Starbucks Coffee during a sales call at PikePlace Market in Seattle. “I felt I had discovered a whole new

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continent,” he said. He actively campaigned to join the company,becoming its director of operations and marketing. On a buying tripto Italy, Schultz noticed the Milanese espresso bars that createdunique communities in their customers’ daily lives. He dreamed ofcreating similar communities in America, focusing on creating coffeebreaks, not just selling coffee.

When he learned he could acquire Starbucks from its founders,Schultz rounded up financing from private investors. As he wasfinalizing the purchase, he faced his greatest challenge when hislargest investor proposed to buy the company himself. “I feared allmy influential backers would defect to this investor,” he recalled, “soI asked Bill Gates Sr., father of Microsoft’s founder, to help me standup to one of the titans of Seattle because I needed his stature andconfidence.”

Schultz had a searing meeting with the investor, who told him,“If you don’t go along with my deal, you’ll never work in this townagain. You’ll never raise another dollar. You’ll be dog meat.” Leavingthe meeting, Schultz broke into tears. For two frenzied weeks, heprepared an alternative plan that met his $3.8 million financing goaland staved off the investor.

If I had agreed to the terms the investor demanded, he would have taken away

my dream. He could have fired me at whim and dictated the atmosphere and

values of Starbucks. The passion, commitment, and dedication would have all

disappeared.

The saddest day of Schultz’s life came when his father died.Schultz shared with a friend the conflicts he has had with his father,and his friend remarked, “If he had been successful, you wouldn’thave the drive you have now.” After his father’s death, Schultzreframed his image of his father, recognizing strengths such ashonesty and commitment to family. Instead of seeing him as afailure, he realized his father had been crushed by the system. “Afterhe died, I realized I had judged him unfairly. He never had theopportunity to find fulfillment and dignity from meaningful work.”




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Schultz channeled his drive into building a company where hisfather would have been proud to work. By paying more thanminimum wage, offering substantial benefits, and granting stockoptions to all its workers, Starbucks offered employees what Schultz’sfather had never received and used these incentives to attract peoplewhose values are consistent with the company’s values. As a result,the employee turnover at Starbucks is less than half that at otherretailers.

Among Schultz’s greatest talents is his ability to connect withpeople from diverse backgrounds. He tells his story and theStarbucks story at special events and visits two dozen Starbucksstores per week. Each day he gets up at 5:30 AM to call Starbucksemployees around the world. He said, “Starbucks gave me thecanvas to paint on.”

Starbucks is the quintessential people-based business, where everything we do is

about humanity. The culture and values of the company are its signature and its

competitive difference. We have created worldwide appeal for our customers

because people are hungry for human connection and authenticity. Whether

you’re Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, or Greek, coffee is just the catalyst for that

connection. I don’t know if I was drawn to this business because of my

background, or whether it gave me the opportunity to connect the dots, but it

has come full circle for me.

In 2000, Schultz turned the reins over to a new CEO, JimDonald, but remained as board chair. In 2007, a controversial e-mailhe wrote to Donald and Starbucks’ executive committee expressinghis concerns that the Starbucks experience was becoming commodi-tized was leaked to the press. This created a firestorm in the mediaand among Starbucks’ customers and employees. In January 2008,Schultz returned to Starbucks as CEO. One of his first moves was toshut down all U.S. stores for a half day of employee training toemphasize Starbucks’ need to restore its original culture. Starbucks’spectacular results since then have validated the effectiveness ofSchultz’s leadership.

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Howard Schultz is one of dozens of authentic leaders who tracedtheir inspiration and success directly to their life stories. Like mostleaders, Schultz deals with both positive and negative thoughts thatcompete in his mind. I call this phenomenon “dueling narratives,” aphenomenon that influences even the most successful leaders.

Schultz’s positive narrative keeps him focused on his dream. Yethe retains a deep fear of failure emanating from his father’s expe-riences. Rather than let his negative narrative drag him down, heuses it in conjunction with his positive narrative to keep Starbucksfocused on succeeding.

Your Life Story Defines Your Leadership

The leaders we interviewed discovered their True North by under-standing their life stories. Their stories cover the full spectrum ofexperiences, including the impact of parents, teachers, coaches,and mentors; the support of their communities; and leadership inteam sports, scouting, student government, and early employment.Many leaders were influenced by difficult experiences, such aspersonal illness or illness of a family member; death of a loved one;or feelings of being excluded, discriminated against, or rejectedby peers.

These leaders found their passion to lead through the uniquenessof their life stories.

Not by being born as leaders.Not by believing they had the characteristics, traits, or style of a

leader.Not by trying to emulate great leaders.Simply by being their authentic selves, they became great

leaders, using their gifts to help others. Some outstanding leaders,such as Regeneron chair Roy Vagelos, did not see themselves asleaders at all. Instead, they wanted to make a difference and inspireothers to join with them in pursuing common goals. If that isn’tleadership, what is?




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As former secretary of Health andHuman Services JohnGardneronce said, “I guess I had certain leadership qualities that life was justwaiting to pull out of me.” Have you examined what leadershipqualities life wants to pull out of you? Let’s focus on the life stories oftwo more leaders. As you read these stories, think about the waysyour life story inspires you and defines your leadership.

Dick Kovacevich: From Grocery StoreClerk to Premier Banker

For 20 years as chairman and CEO of Wells Fargo, Dick Kovacevichcompiled the most successful track record of any commercial banker.In his interview for this book, however, he did not focus on hisprofessional success but talked instead about how his experiencesgrowing up in a small town in western Washington shaped hisleadership philosophy.

Kovacevich was raised in a working-class family and interactedwith people of all incomes and education levels. The dairy farmers,loggers, and workers that he knew at the local Weyerhaeuser sawmillwere intelligent people who worked hard and had high ethicalstandards but lacked college educations. His teachers had a tremen-dous influence on him, encouraging him to do well academically andgo to college.

From the age of 11, Kovacevich worked in a local grocery store,which stimulated his interest in business. After school he playedsports, then rushed home so that he could eat before heading to workfrom 6 to 9 PM. In the summers, he ran the produce department whenthe manager went on vacation, handling displays, pricing, andordering. Those experiences taught Kovacevich the importanceof customer relations. He noted, “There I developed the intuitionand leadership skills, more than in business school, where thereweren’t any leadership courses.”

Athletics had a significant impact on Kovacevich’s developmentas a leader. He played a team sport several hours every day, becomingteam captain in baseball and football. “On the athletic field I learned

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people can perform so much better as a team than the sum of theirindividual talents. By trial and error, I learned skills I could apply inbusiness.”

If you had 11 quarterbacks on the field, you would lose every game. Just as

quarterbacks are overrated, CEOs are too. You can’t be an all-star quarterback

unless you have some great linemen, outstanding receivers, and good running

backs. Diversity of skills is an important element of any effective team. There is

no way that leaders who surround themselves with people just like them can be

effective. We need to recognize our weaknesses, but not amplify them, and then

surround ourselves with people whose strengths complement our weaknesses.

Kovacevich used that principle at Wells Fargo, surroundinghimself with talented executives who built the bank’s individualbusinesses. He gave them authority to lead in their own way, whileacting as quarterback of the team.

His life experience growing up in a small town profoundlyinfluenced his banking philosophy. While other banks were usingcomputers to eliminate customer service personnel, Kovacevichendeavored to make Wells Fargo the most client-friendly bank inevery community. The primary concern of its employees is helpingclients meet their financial needs. Because Kovacevich and hishandpicked successor, John Stumpf, surrounded themselves withhighly talented executives, Wells Fargo navigated the 2008 financialcrisis better than any commercial bank.

Reatha Clark King: From Cotton Fields to the Boardroom

Reatha Clark King’s roots trace to a rural community, where manyencouraged her to become a leader. King acknowledged, “I didn’t gethere on my own. I am standing on the shoulders of the giants whohelped me get launched.”

King grew up in Georgia in the 1940s, the daughter of farmlaborers. Her father left the family when she was young, so hermother worked as a maid to support her three children. Her family




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was so poor that she often had to leave school to work in the cottonfields for $3 per day so that her mother could pay the bills. “Thosewere bitter moments in my experience, because white childrendidn’t have to leave school,” she recalled. “That contrast was soclear and so wrong.”

Her church was a haven amid constant poverty and discrimina-tion. “I have fond memories of going to church every Sundaymorning. I can still close my eyes and see my grandmother praying.”The older women of the church identified King’s special abilities,noticing her intellectual potential, initiative, work ethic, anddependability. “The sisters, teachers, and people in the communitykept an eye on me, and encouraged me to overcome unjust barriersagainst black people.”

King credited her grade school teacher and the school librarianwith influencing her development. They encouraged her to go toClark University in Atlanta, where she won a scholarship andworked in the library for 35 cents an hour to pay for room andboard. While King studied at Clark, the chair of the chemistrydepartment mentored her, stimulating her interest in becoming aresearch chemist.

She applied to the University of Chicago’s doctoral program, abold step for a poor woman from Georgia. After earning her PhD inphysical chemistry, she worked at the National Bureau of Standardsand taught at York College in New York City. Even there, thingswere not easy. “One black faculty member called me an Uncle Tomfor trying to resolve issues,” she recalled. “That was one of the mosthurtful moments of my life.”

She got her first opportunity to lead when she became presidentof Metropolitan State University in Minneapolis. Even then she didnot see herself as a leader.

Others thought of me as a leader, but I saw myself as someone doing what

needed to be done. My reasons for leading were not centered on my needs but

on the needs of women, my people, and my community. I saw compelling

challenges to be met. If no one else is willing or capable of leading, then it is my

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obligation to step up to the challenge. My inspiration comes from the sisters and

teachers who had such great influence on my life.

While at Metro State, King was recruited by the CEO of GeneralMills to be president of its foundation. Using this platform, shepioneered programs to help young people of color. Since retiringfrom General Mills, she has devoted her energies to corporateboards. Her reputation grew as she was elected a director of Exxon-Mobil, Wells Fargo, and other companies. An advocate for strongcorporate governance, King currently chairs the National Associa-tion of Corporate Directors, which named her director of the year in2004. “I enjoy serving on corporate boards because diversity shouldbe at that table,” she said.

Throughout her life, King has used the inspiration of her lifestory to stay on course to her True North. She reaches out and helpsothers as she quietly walks past barriers of racial and genderdiscrimination, without ever succumbing to anger. As comfortablein the boardrooms of the world’s largest corporations as she is increating opportunities for the poor, King still worries whether she isdoing enough. “I’m leading toward a cause: to get more opportunitiesfor people. It is in my blood to remove unjust barriers and helppeople appreciate themselves and be who they are.”

What Is Your Life Story?

What can you learn from the stories of Howard Schultz, DickKovacevich, and Reatha Clark King? All of them, like the otherleaders interviewed, found the inspiration to lead in their own lifestories. By understanding the formative experiences of their earlylives, they have been able to reframe their understanding of their lifestories and shape their leadership around fulfilling their passions andfollowing their True North.

At this point, you may be asking, Doesn’t everyone have a lifestory? What makes leaders’ stories different? Many people with




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painful stories see themselves as victims, feeling the world has dealtthem a bad hand. Some get so caught up in chasing the world’sesteem that they never become genuine leaders. Or they lack theintrospection to connect the dots between their life experiences andthe goals they are pursuing now. Often this causes them to repeat themistakes that led to earlier problems.

The difference with authentic leaders lies in the way they frametheir stories. Their life stories provide the context for their lives, andthrough them, they find the passion to make an impact in the world.Novelist John Barth once said, “The story of your life is not your life.It is your story.” In other words, it is how you understand yourselfthrough your story that matters, not the facts of your life. Leaders whohave reflected on their stories understand how important events andinteractions with people have shaped their approach to the world.

Reframing our stories enables us to recognize that we are notvictims at all but people shaped by experiences that provide theimpetus to become leaders. Our life stories evolve constantly as weshape the meaning of our past, present, and future.

Can you connect the dots between your past and your future tofind your inspiration to lead authentically? What people or expe-riences have shaped you? What have been the key turning points inyour life? Where in your story do you find your passion to lead?

Having considered how our life stories provide the basis for ourleadership, we are ready to embark on the journey to authenticleadership.

The Journey to Authentic Leadership

When I graduated from college, I had the naive notion that thejourney to leadership was a straight line to the top. I learned the hardway that leadership is not a singular destination but a marathonjourney that progresses through many stages until you reach yourpeak. I was not alone. Of all the senior leaders we interviewed, nonewound up where they thought they would.

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Former Vanguard CEO Jack Brennan believes that the worstthing people can do is to manage their careers with a career map:“The dissatisfied people I have known and those who experiencedethical or legal failures all had a clear career plan.” Brennanrecommended being flexible and venturesome in stepping up tounexpected opportunities. “If you’re only interested in advancingyour career, you’ll wind up dissatisfied,” he said.

The idea of a career ladder places tremendous pressure on leadersto keep climbing ever higher. Instead, Sheryl Sandberg, chiefoperating officer (COO) of Facebook, favors the idea of a career“jungle gym” where you can move up, down, or across. Realistically,your development as a leader is a journey filled with many ups anddowns as you progress to your peak leadership and continue leadingthrough the final stage (see Figure 1.1).

The leader’s journey follows the new span of life, which oftenruns into the nineties. Individuals move through three periods ofleadership with different types of leadership opportunities unfoldingin each. There will be differences in the pace at which leadersnavigate the timeline, but there are many commonalities amongtheir experiences.

Figure 1.1 The Journey to Authentic Leadership




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Phase I is “Preparing for Leadership,” where leaders developthrough education and studying, as well as extracurricular experi-ences and early work as individual contributors. Phase II, “Leading,”begins as individuals take on more responsibility for leading othersand culminates in their peak leadership experience. Phase III is“Generativity,” a stage of human development psychologist ErikErikson identified. It begins when leaders have completed theirprincipal career leadership roles, and it continues for the rest of theirlives. In this phase, authentic leaders look for opportunities to spreadtheir knowledge and wisdom across many people and organizations,even as they continue an active learning process.

Phase I: Preparing for Leadership

Phase I is preparing for leadership,whencharacter formsandpeople actas individual contributors or lead teams for the first time. Today, veryfew leaders make career commitments in their twenties. Increasingly,they use the time following college to gain valuable work experience,oftentimes changing jobs every 18 to 24 months to diversify theirexperience. Many young leaders are interested in going to graduateschool inbusiness, law, or government. Even somewhocomplete theirmaster’s degrees prefer individual contributor roles in consulting orfinance before committing to a specific company or industry.

There is a natural amount of self-absorption in this phase.Measures of success in your teens and twenties are based primarilyon what you accomplish as an individual. Your performance deter-mines what schools you are admitted to and how well you do in yourwork. Here’s how Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers’s Randy Komisardescribed it:

We begin life on a linear path where success is based on clear targets. Life gets

complicated when the targets aren’t clear, and you have to set your own. By

rubbing up against the world, you get to know yourself. Either do that, or you’re

going to spend your life serving the interests and expectations of others.

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He acknowledged that the start of the journey is particularly hardfor young people. “They look at me and say, ‘Hey, man. All I want todo is to get a good job, buy a house, get married, and have kids.’”Komisar said he wished life were so simple. Instead, he tells them:

Let me just plant this seed. Keep it alive and come back to it in 10 years, but

don’t flush it. Ask yourself the question “What do you want out of your life?” I

want to empower you for that time when it’s relevant to you.

Wendy Kopp: Stepping Up at 21

As a student at Princeton, Wendy Kopp developed a passion totransform K–12 education. Growing up in a middle-class family in anaffluent Dallas suburb, she lived in a community that was “extra-ordinarily isolated from reality and the disparities in educationalopportunity.” Kopp was influenced by her freshman roommate atPrinceton, who was from inner-city New York. Kopp described herroommate as brilliant but unable to keep up with her studies becauseher high school had not prepared her for the rigors of Princeton.Ultimately, her roommate dropped out of school.

As a senior, Kopp burned with desire to transform education butdidn’t know how to get there. Not wanting to pursue the typicalcorporate-training track, she went into “a deep funk.” As sheexplored teaching, she realized many others also believed thatdepriving kids of an excellent education was a national tragedy.

So she organized a conference of students and business leaders toexamine ways to improve K–12 education. During the conference,an idea came to her: “Why doesn’t this country have a nationalteacher corps of recent college graduates who commit two years toteach in public schools?” Her rhetorical question inspired her tofound Teach For America (TFA), the most successful secondaryeducational program of the past 25 years.

Kopp’s journey wasn’t easy. Lacking management experienceand permanent funding, Teach For America was constantly short ofcash, lurching from one crisis to the next. Time and again, Kopp




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threw herself into fundraising as she restructured budgets andfinancing to cover deficits. After working 100 hours a week forfive years to build TFA to 500 new teachers per year, Kopp feltoverwhelmed by the financial pressures of raising money to keep theorganization going.

When many initial funders decided not to continue funding theorganization, losses mounted to a cumulative deficit of $2.5 million.A blistering critique of TFA in an influential educators’ journal said,“TFA is bad policy and bad education. It is bad for the recruits. It isbad for the schools. It is bad for the children.” Reflecting on thearticle, Kopp recalled, “It felt like a punch in the chest. I read it moreas a personal attack than an academic analysis of our efforts.”Whensome of her original team left TFA, Kopp thought about shutting itdown. “Yet my passion for our cause and fear that we might let thechildren down kept me going,” she said.

Kopp’s experience at such a young age is the essence of authenticleadership: Find something you are passionate about, and inspireothers to join the cause. TFA’s crisis accelerated her development asa leader. Twenty years after founding TFA, Kopp’s tireless efforts andpassionate leadership have paid off. Today the program has 11,000corps members who are teaching more than 750,000 students.

Ian Chan: Creating a Scientific Revolution

Ian Chan is another young leader who discovered his passion to leadat an early age. As his college graduation approached, he knew hewanted “an opportunity that would get me excited to jump out ofbed every day and go to work.” After uninspiring experiences ininvestment banking and private equity, he and his younger brotherfocused on the human genome revolution.

The Chan brothers founded U.S. Genomics to revolutionizemedicine by delivering personalized genomics on a broad scale. Theyattracted noted advisers, such as scientist Craig Venter, who origi-nally mapped the human genome, and Bob Langer, a renownedtechnologist. They began with a $100,000 credit card loan, and

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subsequently raised $52 million from venture capitalists, several ofwhom joined the board as the Chan brothers gave up more than halftheir ownership.

Over the next five years the company’s work attracted attentionin the scientific community and venture capital world as U.S.Genomics became a pioneer in its field. When the founders pre-sented the company’s exceptional performance in December 2001,the board gave them a standing ovation. Yet, as the full potential ofU.S. Genomics became apparent to the venture capitalists, theydecided they needed a more experienced executive to lead it. Fourmonths later, Chan was shocked when his board told him he wasbeing replaced as CEO. “To this day, I have no idea why thishappened when things were going so well,” he said.

I put my heart and soul into it for many years, and then boom, it’s all gone. It

was gut-wrenching to have something taken away that I created and believed in

deeply. I still had some shares, but I wasn’t part of the enterprise anymore with

its mission I believe in. I wanted to continue fighting, but I felt helpless.

In hindsight, it was a rich experience I can build on for the next journey. I

had been working crazy hours and was very tired. I didn’t have a personal life

and needed more balance. To regroup, I spent two years getting my MBA.

That provided time for self-reflection and opportunities to interact with some of

the world’s top business leaders.

I realized I was still fortunate to have my health, family, and the privilege

of living in a free country. These should never be taken for granted. My heart is

still in entrepreneurship and biotechnology because there are so many untreat-

able diseases that provide opportunities to make broad impact.

Chan was a victim of his own success. Yet for all the heartacheand pain, he had an invaluable experience that has been formativeon his leadership journey. He and his brother, Eugene, rejoinedforces in 2007 to found Abpro, focusing on producing proteinsused in life sciences. They raised $1.5 million in seed capital buthave retained more than 50 percent ownership to avoid repeatingthe U.S. Genomics experience. Chan said he learned from these




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experiences “the importance of pursuing your passion to makescientific breakthroughs” but also “not to give up control tooutsiders.”

Unfortunately, fear of failure keeps many young leaders fromjumping into opportunities like Kopp and Chan did. Ann Fudgeoffered a priceless point of view, noting, “Struggle and toughexperiences ultimately fashion you.”

Don’t worry about the challenges. Embrace them. Go through them even if they

hurt. Tell yourself, there is something to be learned from this experience. You

may not fully understand it now, but you will later. It’s all part of life, and life is

a process of learning. Every challenging experience develops your core of inner

strength, which gets you through those storms. Nothing worth doing in life is

going to be easy.

Phase II: Leading

The second phase of your leadership journey begins with a rapidaccumulation of leadership experiences. As you take on greaterresponsibilities, you will likely face personal and professional set-backs that test you to your core. These periods transform yourunderstanding of what leadership is all about and can dramaticallyaccelerate your development. Typically, your successive leadershipassignments will culminate in your peak leadership experience.

In Phase II, many leaders face experiences at work that dramati-cally test their sense of self, their values, or their assumptions abouttheir careers. I call this “hitting the wall,” because the experienceresembles a fast-moving race car hitting the wall of the track,something most leaders experience at least once in their careers.

Jeff Immelt: Hitting the Wall

General Electric (GE) CEO Jeff Immelt was a rising star in hismidthirties when he faced his toughest challenge. Asked to return to

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GE’s plastics business as head of worldwide sales and marketing, hehad reservations about accepting the move because it was not apromotion. Jack Welch, the current CEO, told him, “I know thisisn’t what you want to do, but this is a time when you serve thecompany.”

Facing stiff competition, the plastics division had entered intoseveral long-term, fixed-price contracts with key customers, includ-ing U.S. automakers. When inflation spiked and his division’s costssoared, Immelt’s operation missed its profit target by $30 million,30 percent of its budget. Welch did not hesitate to reach down byphone to pepper him with questions. Immelt tried to increase prices,but progress was slow, and his efforts negatively affected GE’srelationship with General Motors (GM). This intensified the pres-sure on Immelt to produce results and required Welch to resolveissues directly with GM CEO Roger Smith.

For Immelt, the year was a remarkably difficult one. As he lookedback at this experience, he noted, “Nobody wants to be aroundsomebody going through a low period. In times like that you’ve gotto be able to draw from within. Leadership is one of these greatjourneys into your own soul.” Immelt lost the external validationthat comes from success during this assignment, yet demonstratedthe inner qualities—tenacity and resilience—necessary to leadthrough hard times.

He needed these qualities as he faced far greater challenges asWelch’s successor. The September 11, 2001, attacks occurred duringImmelt’s first week as CEO, negatively affecting several GE busi-nesses, including jet engines, insurance, and financial services.During the 2008 financial meltdown, GE’s balance sheet becameso precarious that Immelt telephoned President George W. Bush toask for financial support.

More than a decade later, Immelt is reinventing GE with a clearfocus on product innovation in health care, energy, and transporta-tion. In those sectors, he is building on GE’s traditional manufactur-ing and services strengths to include big data and advanced analyticssolutions. He is further reshaping GE by divesting major businesses




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such as NBCUniversal and parts of GE Capital that don’t align withhis strategy.

Hank Paulson: A Life of Service in All Sectors

Hank Paulson has contributed to the private, public, and philan-thropic sectors with fervor and determination. I have known himsince he worked as assistant to the assistant secretary of defense(comptroller), sitting at the same metal desk I’d sat in just two yearsbefore. After two years, he moved to the White House staff ofPresident Richard Nixon as assistant to John Ehrlichman. In 1974,he joined Goldman Sachs in its Chicago office, eventually runningits investment banking business before becoming COO in 1994. In1998, he became CEO and led the company’s first public offering thefollowing year.

Paulson was in the midst of a highly successful era at GoldmanSachs when President George W. Bush asked him to becometreasury secretary. Initially, he turned the position down, preferringto continue running Goldman, but Bush’s chief of staff, Josh Bolton,was persistent in recruiting him. Torn between his options, Paulsonasked former Goldman Sachs co-CEO Steve Friedman for advice.Friedman simply asked, “Hank, if you turn down this opportunity toserve your country, will you regret it later in life?” Paulson realizedjust how committed he was to public service and decided to acceptthe position.

For the sake of his country, it was a good thing Paulson accepted.When the financial crisis hit, Paulson aggressively took charge,working through the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers; nationalizingFannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and American International Group(AIG); bailing out Citibank; and finding new owners for MerrillLynch, Bear Stearns, Wachovia, Washington Mutual, and Coun-trywide Financial. Throughout the crisis Paulson partnered withFederal Reserve Board Chair Ben Bernanke to reopen credit marketsand capitalize the strong banks with the controversial TroubledAsset Relief Program (TARP).

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This was a stressful time for Paulson. An extremely responsibleleader, he foresaw the risk of a 1929-style financial collapse andresolved to do whatever was required to avoid it. Paulson is adedicated Christian Scientist who does not drink or smoke, andwas an Eagle Scout. At Dartmouth, he was Phi Beta Kappa andplayed offensive lineman on Dartmouth’s football team, winningAll-Ivy, All-East, and honorable mention All-American honors. Hiscollege nickname was “the Hammer.” In person, he is aggressive,blunt, and physically intimidating. Nevertheless, in his book On theBrink he described four times he had to excuse himself duringspeeches or key meetings to go into the men’s room because hehad stress-induced dry heaves.

Throughout the financial crisis, Paulson made hundreds oftelephone calls, trying to understand what was happening, negoti-ating solutions with private-sector leaders, and urging politicalleaders to stay calm in the midst of the presidential campaign.He told me he had full support from President Bush to take aggressiveactions that normally Bush would have opposed and to hold regularcalls with then Senator Barack Obama.

He became desperate while he was trying to persuade Congress topass the $700 billion TARP authorization because both Democratsand Republicans had politicized the legislation. As Paulson describedthe chaotic meeting President Bush called on September 25, 2008,with Senators Obama and John McCain and Congressional leaders:

It got so ridiculous. I’d never seen anything like it before in politics or business—

or in my fraternity days. Finally the president said, “I’ve clearly lost control of

this meeting. It’s over.” Appalled and disheartened, I approached the Demo-

crats gathered in the Roosevelt Room and urged moderation. They shouted at

me to leave. I didn’t know what to do. In an attempt at levity, I walked over to

(House Speaker Nancy) Pelosi and dropped down to my knees. “Don’t blow

this up,” I pleaded.

Ultimately, Paulson was successful in pushing through thecontroversial TARP, which played a key role in averting a second




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Great Depression. Despite criticism for being “bailed out,” finan-cial and automobile institutions in the end paid back the invest-ments with interest, enabling the Treasury to earn a profit on itsinvestment.

Concluding his government service in early 2009, Paulson couldhave retired, but that would have gone against his nature. Afterwriting his memoir, he founded the Paulson Institute at the Univer-sity of Chicago, funded with his own money, to strengthen relationsbetween the United States and China. His new book, Dealing withChina, provides unique insights into U.S.-China relationships. Anavid birder, he continues to support the Nature Conservancy, anorganization he chaired in 2004 when it was in crisis.

Few leaders would have had Paulson’s tenacity and courage totake such bold actions, knowing he would be severely criticized.History may well credit him with saving the U.S. financial system.

Phase III: Generativity

The last phase of a leader’s journey can be the most rewarding of all.These days many leaders are foregoing conventional retirement toshare their leadership and wisdom with multiple organizations. Theyserve on for-profit or nonprofit boards, mentor young leaders, take upteaching, or coach leaders. Many of these leaders work across allthree sectors: for-profit, nonprofit, and public service.

InGeeks and Geezers, Warren Bennis described his philosophy ofthe third phase of leadership with the little-known term neoteny, “theretention of all those wonderful qualities we associate with youth:curiosity, playfulness, eagerness, fearlessness, warmth, energy.”

Undefined by time and age, older people with neoteny are open, willing to take

risks, courageous, hungry for knowledge, and eager for each new day. Neoteny

keeps older people focused on all the marvelous undiscovered things to come,

rather than on past disappointments. Neoteny is a metaphor for all the youthful

gifts the luckiest of us never lose.

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It is a philosophy worthy of consideration throughout our life-times, but especially in the final third. Let’s look at how some leadersare using the third phase of their leadership journeys.

Erskine Bowles: Connecting Public Serviceand Private Sectors

Few leaders have moved as smoothly from the for-profit arena to thepolitical and educational domains as has Erskine Bowles. Early in hiscareer, Bowles built one of the first midmarket investment banks,which was sold for $300 million. Next he served as PresidentClinton’s chief of staff, where he led negotiations to produce thefirst balanced federal budget in 40 years. Later he became president ofthe 16-institution University of North Carolina system.

Throughout his varied career, Bowles has exemplified authenticqualities of leadership. “I’m not a visionary,” he said. “I’m aboutorganization, structure, focus, and timeline.”He uses his strengths tocreate high levels of employee engagement, setting high expect-ations, building teamwork, and ensuring intended outcomes.

In the last five years, Bowles emerged as the leading nationalvoice on fiscal reform as cochair of President Obama’s NationalCommission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform with Senator AlanSimpson. Bowles worked closely with Democrats, including Presi-dent Obama, and Republicans to forge consensus on fiscal recom-mendations. Meanwhile, he serves on important corporate boards,such as Facebook, Morgan Stanley, Norfolk Southern, and Belk,which strengthens his ability to influence public issues. “At 69, Iwant to stay relevant to what’s going on in the economy andcontinue to learn,” he said.

Michael Bloomberg: Going His Own Way

Mike Bloomberg is a leader who has always gone his own way.When I knew him in business school, he was so brilliant that he




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didn’t need to study the cases like the rest of us. He tells the story ofgetting called on in class when he hadn’t even bothered to glanceat the case.

Called out for not being prepared, I suggested to the professor he should first get

inputs from several students and then I would summarize and draw conclu-

sions. With that, the professor dismissed the entire class and told us to come

back prepared the next day. When he called on me the next day, I offered a

radical solution that he and the rest of the class completely rejected. Years later,

the company did exactly what I suggested and was highly successful.

After graduation, Bloomberg went to work at Salomon Brothers.He was a rising star and head of equity trading at Wall Street’shottest firm 15 years later. When Salomon merged with Phibro, hewas ushered into Chairman John Gutfreund’s office and abruptlyfired. He was surprised and hurt. “There I was, 39 years old,terminated from the only full-time job I’d ever known and thehigh-pressure life I loved. Was I sad? You bet, but as usual, I wasmuch too macho to show it.”

His firing still gives him something to prove 30 years later. Hedecided he no longer wanted to work for someone else, so he used$4 million of his $10 million termination settlement to found acompany he named Bloomberg. There, he created the BloombergTerminal, still the most ubiquitous tool in the financial industry.

When we were in graduate school, I thought he was one of theleast likely of my classmates to go into politics. Was I wrong aboutthat. In 2001, he was elected mayor of New York, and became themost successful big-city mayor in the country. Direct, practical, andcompletely unafraid of confrontation, he took on tough issues andpowerful groups, such as teachers’ unions and the National RifleAssociation. During his tenure, he improved K–12 education,reduced rates of obesity, and controlled guns. Now an independentafter switching political parties twice, many believe he would be anexcellent candidate for president. He says he couldn’t win as anindependent, joking that he’s too short to be president.

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After completing his third term as mayor, Bloomberg intended tofocus on philanthropy and run his foundation, while giving awayhis entire $38 billion fortune. Within months, his passion for hisbusiness brought him back as CEO to the firm he founded. Anentrepreneur at heart like Howard Schultz, Bloomberg realized thecall of continuing to build this very successful company.

He told me recently he will continue to focus on the big public-sector issues: obesity, tobacco cessation, gun control, entrepreneur-ship, and the environment. He said, “At this stage what do I have tolose?” adding, “I intend to give it all away. The best financialplanning ends with bouncing the check to the undertaker.” InBloomberg’s third phase, he is blending together his philanthropic,public policy, and business passions to make an enormous differencein the world.

Exploring Leadership after Phase II

Early in life I adopted the philosophy of an old Schlitz beercommercial, “You only go around once, and you’ve got to grab forall the gusto you can.”My goal was to lead a major organization doingimportant work, turn it over to my successor, and then move on tonew and equally meaningful opportunities.

When I was elected CEO ofMedtronic in 1991, I told the board Ishould not serve more than 10 years, because that was sufficient timeto accomplish the organization’s goals and develop a well-qualifiedsuccessor, who turned out to be Art Collins. At the conclusion of myterm, I was 58 and lacked a clear vision of what was next for me. Ispent six months exploring wide-ranging opportunities in govern-ment, education, health care, and international relations. Each fieldwas interesting, but none seemed just right.

Meanwhile, I stayed active in the business community by servingon the boards of Goldman Sachs, Novartis, and Target, and laterExxonMobil and the Mayo Clinic. Viewing these corporations fromthe board’s vantage point has been a superb education into the




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challenges leaders face in such vital industries as financial services,health care, energy, and retail.

In 2002, Penny and I moved to Switzerland for a “workingsabbatical,” as I had appointments to teach leadership at two out-standing Swiss institutions. It was quite an adjustment to go fromleading an organization of 26,000 people to being completely on myown: creating my own courses, developing syllabuses, learning howto teach—even getting my students to help me create PowerPointcharts.

I vividly recall my first day in the classroom, when I taught 90MBAstudents from35 countries. It was a scary feeling to stand in frontof these very bright and demanding students. Talking about Med-tronic was easy, but leading a case discussion on Intel that engaged all90 students was a great challenge. I learned I loved teaching andenjoyed counseling students. Returning fromSwitzerland, I did a four-month stint at Yale School of Management, then joined the HarvardBusiness School (HBS) faculty as professor of management practice.At Harvard, I taught Leadership and Corporate Accountability andthen created an elective called Authentic Leadership Development,based on the ideas I wrote about in True North.

Shedding the constant pressures of running a large organizationgave me the opportunity to creatively explore how to develop a newgeneration of authentic leaders. At Medtronic, I often had 15 tightlyscheduled meetings per day. As I transitioned to Phase III, I createdroom to think deeply. One product was my first book, AuthenticLeadership. Through it, I discovered writing as a means of sharpeningmy own ideas and sharing them with others. I have since written fiveother books, including this one. My 12 years at HBS have been themost creative years of my life, replete with opportunities to integrateall my interests.

As someone who has led many organizations, the irony is that Ihave not led anything in the past decade. Instead, I have discovereda new purpose for my leadership: to develop authentic leadersfollowing their True North who are dedicated to making a positive

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impact on society. During the past two years, I have focused ondeveloping global leaders, a topic that is the focal point ofChapter 12.

Regardless of where you are in your journey—just gettingstarted, looking for a new challenge, or reaching the top of yourorganization—each leadership experience enables you to grow andto discover your authentic leadership. As Amgen’s Kevin Sharersaid, “You are the mosaic of all your experiences.” Just as youconclude one portion of your journey, another opportunity emerges,so you can take what you learned from previous experiences andapply it to new situations. If you embrace your life story and learn itslessons, your leadership journey will never end.

Exercise: Your Life Story and Journeyto Authentic Leadership

After reading Chapter 1, it’s important to examine your life story andleadership opportunities to this point.

1. Looking at patterns from your early life story, what people,events, and experiences have had the greatest impact on youand your life?

2. In which experiences did you find the greatest inspiration andpassion for your leadership?

3. Do the failures or disappointments you experienced earlier inyour life constrain you, even today, or have you been able toreframe them as learning experiences?

4. Do you think you need to make any adjustments to your personaland leadership development as a result? If so, what are they?






vi

Contents

About the Author ixForeword by Armand Beasley xiIntroduction: Why You Should Want to Speak to Absolutely Anyone xiii

Part One: Common Fears and Barriers about Speaking to Absolutely Anyone 11 Fear – Does It Hold You Back? 32 “I don’t want to experience rejection” 193 “I worry about what other people might think” 254 “I hate talking to strangers – why would I

want to?” 31

Part Two: Th e Four Stages of an Interaction 375 Stage 1 – Your Outcome and Starting a

Conversation 436 How – How Do You Mentally and Physically

Approach? 59 7 What – What Do You Say? 75

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CONTENTS

vii

8 Stage 2 – Creating Curiosity and Interest 859 Stage 3 – Making a Connection and Being

Understood 9510 Stage 4 – Get Th em to Take Action 125

Part Th ree: Making Your Communication Even Better 14111 Making Your Voice Work for You 14312 Common Pitfalls 14913 Diffi cult Work and Business Conversations 15514 Final Th oughts 171

Your “Zero to Hero Talk to Anyone” Development Plan 173Index 175

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1 Fear – Does It Hold You Back?

Like most people, you ’ ll have experienced situations where you ’ ve held back from saying certain things or starting

conversations. It can happen with people you know well and with people you don ’ t. Some of this is due to a lack of skill set – simply not knowing how to start or handle a conversa-tion. But there ’ s another factor that holds many people back and that ’ s fear. Perhaps you don ’ t label it “fear”. Perhaps you call it “uncertainty”, or maybe you pass the moment off because it “just doesn ’ t seem right”. However you justify it though, it is one or another form of fear that is presenting itself and stopping you.

It could be the worry about what other people might think. It may be concern about looking stupid or making a mistake. Or it could be fear of rejection. After all, you ’ re not holding back because you ’ re worried people will accept you with open arms are you?

So what is fear and what can you do to change the “fear feeling” and get to a point where you ’ re comfortable taking action?

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HOW TO TALK TO ABSOLUTELY ANYONE

4

Fear is an emotional reaction to a situation you are in or thinking about. Your thoughts about the situation dictate how you feel or the emotions you experience, and that deter-mines the action you take (or don ’ t take). In turn, the quality of the action you take determines the result you get, which feeds back into the thoughts you associate with the situation in future.

For example, you ’ re likely to feel good about a meeting if you ’ re excited about the information you ’ re going to share. Enthusiasm means you are likely to perform very well and get a good result. Next time a similar meeting comes up you ’ re going to be very positive about it because of past results.

Of course the same is true of the things you fear. When you think about something going badly you don ’ t feel great about the situation and are unlikely to perform to the best of your abilities.

Remember this important formula:

Th oughts → Feelings → Action → Results

What Exactly Is Fear?

Fear is your emotional response to a situation that is happen-ing or that you imagine might happen. It ’ s a personal response: after all, if two people are in the exact same situation only one may experience fear. Fear can also be associated with the prehistoric part of your brain, such that when it takes over, your fi ght or fl ight response is triggered.

Most things you fear in everyday life are not really life threatening at all, but this makes little diff erence to the

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FEAR – DOES IT HOLD YOU BACK?

5

prehistoric part of your brain. Whether the fear is triggered when you are asked to stand up and do a presentation, or when speaking to someone you don ’ t know, or doing some-thing genuinely dangerous, it ’ s all the same to your prehis-toric mind.

Fear responses are learned over time, by seeing things our parents react to, experiencing scary situations or hearing about them from other people. So to reduce or remove the fear, you need to go about changing the thoughts and feel-ings associated with the formula:

Th oughts → Feelings → Action → Results

You need to reduce or remove the emotional tug that fear has on you because that ’ s what holds you back.

How m uch f ear d o y ou h ave?

When it comes to starting a diffi cult conversation, or a con-versation with people you don ’ t know, how much fear do you feel? It ’ s important to understand how much fear you feel in a given situation. For many people, the fear doesn ’ t have to be totally eliminated in order for them to take action – it just needs to come down to a comfortable level.

For some people fear is part of the process and they will push on even with a moderate to high level of it. For others, even just a small amount is enough to hold them back. If, in the past, you have achieved something despite an element of fear, you are likely to have a higher fear tolerance. As you ’ ve carried on despite fear in the past, your mindset could be that fear isn ’ t a reason to hold back and not take action.

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6

Let g o of y our f ear

A really good exercise you can do right now is to score the level of fear you currently experience in diff erent situations. Once you ’ ve established a baseline, you can measure your progress when you next take action regardless of the fear or undertake exercises to reduce that fear.

We ’ ll be measuring fear using something called a SUD level, which stands for Subjective Unit of Dis-comfort. You measure this yourself; it is your own scale and totally unique to you.

You don ’ t necessarily need to be in the actual fear situ-ation to work out your SUD level in a given situation. Just sitting down, relaxing and imagining the situation should be enough to give you a good sense of how much fear you would experience.

Th e way it works is as follows.

When you are in a situation and you experience fear ask yourself:

“How scared am I? How high is my level of fear on a scale of 0–10 where 0 is ‘It ’ s not a problem at all, I could do it in my sleep’ and 10 is ‘I know for certain I will die if I do this’.”

Th ese steps will help you measure your fear levels:

1. Remember the last time you were in the situation that you fear.

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7

2. Visualize in your mind what you saw at that time.

3. Imagine you can hear any sounds you heard or things you remember people saying or you said to yourself.

4. Ask yourself – “How much fear did I have in that situation on a scale of 0–10?”

If you are struggling to experience the fear in your im -agination then you just need to put yourself into the situation that causes the fear and take the measurement.

For example, if for you it ’ s talking to people you don ’ t know, then try the following exercise:

1. Go somewhere where there are lots of people around.

2. Tell yourself you are going to force yourself to speak to someone.

3. Th ink of something to say or a question to ask – even “Have you got the time please?”

4. Start to walk in their direction. 5. Speak to them.

Whether you do actually speak to them or not, it doesn ’ t matter. Th e important thing is to take your SUD reading by asking yourself: “What was that fear level on a scale of 0–10?”

It doesn ’ t matter what your number currently is. It ’ s a reference point for you and you alone. Now when you start to work through the book, you can take your SUD level at regular intervals and notice your progress.

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8

For some people, knowing that they ’ ve got the skill set to start and maintain a conversation and deal with diffi cult situations is enough for them to begin starting conversations despite their fear levels or SUD reading. For others though, the uncomfortable fear feeling that comes up still needs to be addressed and brought down to a more manageable level on their SUD scale. Th at ’ s what we are going to be looking at next.

Fear and a nxiety

It ’ s important to understand the diff erence between fear and anxiety.

Fear is generally based on a defi nite situation that is actually happening right now. For instance, someone says to you “Stand up and tell us all about what you have been up to this last week.” If this is something you ’ d hate to do, then you ’ d experience fear in that situation.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a little diff erent – although it manifests itself with very similar symp -toms and feelings to fear. Anxiety is worrying about a situation in the future that may not ever happen. It can be helpful to shift the dialogue from saying you have a fear of something, to saying you are anxious about it instead. For many people this transition can make the situation they ’ re about to go through less daunting.

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9

Ways to r educe y our f ear or p ush on r egardless

Th ere are a number of diff erent ways to reduce your SUD score. Diff erent techniques work better for dif-ferent people.

1. You might fi nd that gaining a skill set in a par-ticular area you fear helps you push through your fear. When you repeat the activity, the fear dimin-ishes further and further and in most cases goes away completely. It may not get to 0, but a 1 or 2 on a SUD scale is low enough for most people to get on with life. A small amount of fear is natural and normal to most people and perfectly healthy.

2. Fear is based on how you think about things and, in most situations, how you imagine things playing out. One simple way of reducing fear is to imagine the situation diff erently. Try imagining the situa-tion you fear in a similar way to something you don ’ t fear. For instance, I knew my fear of public speaking was made worse because I imagined everything going wrong. By comparison, I didn ’ t fear sales meetings, I liked them. However, with sales meetings I realized I always thought about things going well. I then used the same technique with speaking, i.e. I stopped thinking about all that could go wrong, and instead developed the habit of thinking about things going well. I also noticed my inner voice was upbeat when thinking about sales meetings, but down and dreary when

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10

thinking about speaking. I changed that as well: just by catching myself talking in my head in the dreary voice then repeating the same words again but with the upbeat internal voice. When you change the thought pattern, you change the feel-ings and the feelings are where the fear exists. It can be useful to consult a hypnotherapist or NLP specialist to help you change your thought pat-terns in this way.

NLP works by helping you change your think-ing patterns so that you think about things in a way that generates a more positive emotion, or at least a reduced negative emotion. As with hypno-therapy, NLP is something that is best done with a qualifi ed NLP practitioner although there are many techniques that you can develop and use yourself.

3. Another way to reduce fear, anxiety and other negative emotions is through a “body awareness” exercise that you can do very easily with a little practice. Th e actual process itself is very, very simple and explained in the next exercise. Th is is all about dealing with emotions directly – dealing at a feelings level with that fear and releasing it.

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11

Exercise: Body Awareness for Dealing with Your Fear

It isn ’ t the thoughts you have that hold you back, it is the resulting fear emotion that you feel in your stomach or somewhere in your body when you have those thoughts that causes you to stop. What if you could just stop that feeling of fear or emotional response from happening? You can do this by following some really ancient lessons.

Our minds are constantly “on”. Even in the middle of a task, part of your mind will be imagining future scenarios or replaying past events. In fact, your mind, like most people ’ s, probably spends most of the time thinking about the future and the past and very little time focused in the exact moment you are currently living.

So why is this important? Well, most of the anxiety that you experience is based on thinking about future things that haven ’ t happened yet or may not happen. Meditation encourages you to be present in the current moment but the reality is that not many people can do that. Try this technique for interrupting your mind ’ s stream of consciousness:

→ When you notice your mind is running away on autopilot in a stream of negative thoughts, engage your conscious mind and ask yourself

“Why am I thinking this?” or

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12

“Why am I doing this to myself ? Is it helping me? I don ’ t have to do this right now!”

→ Become aware of any fear feeling or anxiety about the runaway thoughts.

OR:

When a fear comes up or anxiety starts, ask yourself:

“What must I be thinking in order to feel like this?”

“What was I just thinking about before I started to feel nervous or uncomfortable?”

Once you have got used to interrupting your mind ’ s fl ow, you are ready to move to the next stage.

Follow these steps when you notice you are thinking about things incessantly or worrying about something:

1. Notice the thoughts you are having. 2. Stop yourself by bringing your attention back into

the current moment – where you are and what you are doing.

3. Notice how your feet feel on the fl oor. 4. Notice what your arms feel like, your breath -

ing and the noises that you can hear in the environment.

5. Focus as much as you can on the present moment that you are in and simply notice the negative thoughts that you are having and observe them without getting dragged into them, perhaps just saying something to yourself like:

“Oh, I don ’ t need to think about that right now”.

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13

Fear feelings send us into a panic cycle which perpetuates the fear. We end up thinking more and more about the situation causing the fear, building it up more and more dramatically in our minds. Th e fear feeling becomes blocked and stuck in our system. To reduce and remove this fear feeling, follow this simple process, refi ning the technique you practised in the previous exercise.

Or, my favourite one when I notice my thoughts running away with themselves is to simply say to myself “Th ere it is” – not with any judgement or criticism – just an observational statement: “Th ere it is” .

In that split second when you realize what your mind is doing, you are in the current moment.

Remember: start to notice when your mind is running away with itself and observe it. Get used to the idea that this is what your mind does and understand that you don ’ t have to be dragged into it. You can say, “Hey. Th ere it is” or “I don ’ t need to think about that right now” and move your attention somewhere else. A great idea is to get up and go and do something to take your attention away.

1. Notice when you get any sort of uncomfortable, uneasy fear feeling come up – even the small ones that might arise in normal day-to-day life.

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14

Th e more you do this exercise, the better you will become at it. You are allowing the emotion to fl ow without resistance and without adding to it. At the same time you are prevent-ing your mind from focusing on the thoughts causing that feeling, making yourself feel worse and worse.

At the moment, you probably have a natural reaction to the fear feeling; you end up thinking about the thing you ’ re fearful of even more and perpetuating it. By doing these exercises, you will break the self-perpetuating cycle. Like most things in life it does takes practice and time to get the best results. At fi rst you may not think it ’ s making any dif-ference at all – but stay with it.

Th ese exercises are the basis of most of the spiritual and healthy living teachings through the ages, which tell you to

2. Notice them and, when they occur, just focus on the feeling fully.

3. Feel it; focus on it without letting your mind run away with whatever you were thinking about that caused that fear feeling. Instead, concentrate on the fear feeling; just observe it as a sensation in your body and allow it to be there.

4. Don ’ t resist it, think of it like you would an itch – you notice it as a body sensation but it doesn ’ t trigger a negative thought cycle of doom and gloom – it ’ s just a sensation.

5. Allow it to be there and simply say to yourself – “Oh, there it is: that feeling” – and as you focus on it, it will very often gradually fade away.

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notice your thoughts or feelings but not to get dragged into them. By doing this, you start to become more present – because you can only ever take action in the current moment. You can ’ t do anything yesterday and you can ’ t do any -thing tomorrow (yet). You need to take your mind off the past and the future and focus on the moment in hand, as that is the point where you can make a diff erence and change things.

Your Mindset – The Biggest Potential Barrier

Th e biggest potential barrier to successful communication is you and your mindset. Th e meaning you attach to the responses you get will have a huge bearing on how you build your communication skills. You may have heard it said that it ’ s not what happens to you in life – it ’ s the meaning that you attach to it.

If you tried to talk to someone and they looked away, what meaning would you attach to that?

You may think you ’ ve done something wrong, and conclude that starting conversations with people you don ’ t know is unacceptable. If you internalize that meaning you are unlikely to have much of an appetite for starting conversations with people in the future. But what if they were just shy? Maybe they were upset or having a bad day. If you attach this meaning to it, you ’ d have a very diff erent outcome.

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Th is shift in your mindset is what can help to overcome the fear around talking to absolutely anyone.

Conclusion

Fear is not real. It is an emotional reaction that you do to yourself under certain circumstances. Th is could be either when something is actually happening or when you think about something that might happen in the future. Your emotional pattern or reaction is based on out-of-date experi-ences from a time when you didn ’ t have all the resources you have today. In most cases, fears were developed when you were a child in situations that caused you distress. As a child you did not have the ability, the voice or the logical reasoning to stand up for yourself or deal fully with situations.

Scientists believe we are only born with two fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Th at means that all the other fears you ’ ve developed over time are learned – through observing what happens to other people, watching television, reading books and, of course, your own life experiences.

It is your thoughts that cause your anxieties and fears, so a great starting point to overcoming those fears is to develop a better awareness of your own thoughts and emotions.

Remember not to let fear stop you making progress or taking action. Yes, you may need to reduce the fear level on your SUD scale to get to a point where you feel you can push on and take action, but you now have the tools to work on this. Many people take action regardless of fear, even if it is quite

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a high SUD, because they know they really want the outcome. I once heard someone say that courage is mastery of fear and not the absence of fear – something worth remembering.

Finally, notice when thoughts drag you to the past or project you into the future and become aware of that – just notice it. You will probably be surprised how often it happens when you start observing. Focusing on the present moment will help retrain your mind to do this past and future projection less frequently. We associate diff erent feelings with diff erent words, and just quietly and calmly saying the word “relax” to yourself a few times can really help your body start that process. Fear doesn ’ t exist when you are relaxed.

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