RAIL LOOPRAIL LOOPEDITION

F2SPRING 2011

TURBOSTAR ENTHUSIAST IN NEAR MISS WITH BRIT

THE FREE TABLOID FOR THE RAILWAY ENTHUSIAST

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:- CROMFORD CRIMINAL CAUSES CONTROVERSY

- RH&DR 'UNSUITABLE' FOR FILM CONTRACT

- WHY WAS 47555 SO COMMON?

- KWVR OPERATES AUTHENTIC TRAIN

TURBOSTAR ENTHUSIAST'S BRUSH WITH BRITANNIA

A VIDEO described by enthusiasts as 'disgusting' has received over 50,000 hits since being uploaded to the internet. The footage, uploaded anonymously, shows a railway enthusiast deeply engrossed in filming an arriving turbostar, just inches from coming foul of a passing railtour hauled by 70013 Oliver Cromwell. Many have expressed concern that this incident could lead to Network Rail banning turbostar units from its rails over fears of similar irresponsible behavior. Said a NR spokesperson, “This incident has been brought to our attention, and an investigation is under-way. Of course, we would like everyone to be able to experience the sights and sounds of turbostars, but this cannot come at the price of potentially disrupting railtours.”

THE ROMNEY, Hythe and Dymchurch Railway's membership was disappointed to learn last month that the railway will now not be involved in a contract for the filming of a new series of level crossing safety adverts. Producers of the 'don't run the risk' campaign blamed the fact that level crossing incidents on the line over the years have generally done more harm to locomotives than road vehicles. “And it has to be said”, added producer Fai Pollor, “the sight and sound of Typhoon rattling towards the camera isn't QUITE as intimidating as the footage of a class 31 locomotive used in our previous series of adverts”. The search for a suitable location continues.

RH&DR 'UNSUITABLE' FOR LEVEL CROSSING CAMPAIGN

CROMFORD CONTROVERSY

PLANS TO reopen part of the Cromford and High Peak line have been the source of much ridicule after it was announced

that the main benefactor behind the project was a

wanted sex offender. David McCarthy, originally known by another name, has since vanished from

his Derbyshire home. Said a Cromford spokesperson

“It looks as though our plans have been

buggered.”

SUPER D 'JUST HAS VALVE ISSUES'

WINTER MAINTENANCE on Super D No.49395 has

revealed that the locomotive's characteristic

sound may in fact have been entirely due to valve

problems. The loco is due to return to traffic after Easter,

and is expected to sound similar to a BR standard.

FOLLOWING A comprehensive study, sparked by a tip off from an anonymous reader, RAIL LOOP can exclusively reveal that the numerous 'preserved' autocoaches were in fact designed and built by heritage railways during the 1970s. The coaches, formerly believed to have been of GWR origin, were designed to give some of the less entertaining preserved railways an excuse to run load 1, thus not having to overwork locomotives or crews. So thorough was the cover-up, professional photographers were called in to edit the new coaches into archive images of GWR branch termini, in place of the genuine branch rakes of 7-8 coaches, as accurately portrayed on the Severn Valley Railway.

AUTOCOACHES 'DESIGNED BY PRESERVATION LIGHTWEIGHTS'

RECENT USE of normally freight-only class 90s on the Virgin loco-hauled diagram was organised to please mystery passengers, it has been revealed. Shortly after employing mystery shoppers to review its services, the TOC became aware that cramped and uncomfortable conditions and lack of windows lining up with seats, as is the case on most services, could prove disastrous in public reviews. The use of Mark 3 stock, therefore, seemed obvious. A spokesperson has revealed anonymously to RAIL LOOP that the use of Freightliner's class 90s was intended to fill the train (or at least coach A) with happy passengers.

A substantial increase in ticket sales has been reported over the period, most notably a 25% increase in Birmingham New St to Coventry returns. Snapper said something condescending in response.

WINNER 90 TO PLEASE MYSTERY SHOPPERS

KWVR OPERATES AUTHENTIC TRAIN

PASSENGERS AT a recent Keighley & Worth Valley Railway steam gala were shocked to see the line

operate an authentic and plausible train. Resident Ivatt 2MT No.41241 hauled a rake of 3 Mk1 suburban coaches from Keighley to Oxenhope, astounding onlookers. We

have been assured this was 'coincidental' and is not set to

become a regular feature.

Business as usual.

FFESTINIOG SECTIONRENAMED

PART OF the Ffestiniog Railway, namely the section between Porthmadog and

Minffordd, is to be renamed following years of intense

regional debate. Those volunteers at the line living in the Midlands have long been adamant that 'The

Cob' is indeed correct, but have now been overruled by those from the North West.

Services over The Muffin will not be affected by the

change in name.

47555...A WINNER?!

WSR SECOND TURNTABLE 'TO END BOILER FIRST RUNNING'

THE BANE of the 80s, it is often said that 47555 was twice as common as any other duff; now recently discovered records from Crewe, Toton and Haymarket depots have revealed that this may in fact have been true. Due to a communication problem, it is believed that several ETH class 47s may have been running in the guise of '555 in error, with up to four locomotives carrying the digits during late 1984. Furthermore, these records suggest that the real 47555 in fact spent many months out of traffic during this period, and was comparatively rare. Attempts to preserve the locomotive during the 1990s naturally fell flat as the realisation dawned that no sod wanted to see that number again.

THE WEST Somerset Railway has commissioned a second turntable, sited at Bishops Lydread, becoming the first standard gauge preserved railway in Britain to operate with a turntable at each end of the line. The decision was taken following a number of comments concerning recent galas, mentioning that locomotives were often arriving at Minehead tender first, being turned on the turntable and then departing tender first for Bishops Lydread. The introduction of a second turntable will allow for 100% tender first running, without the need for trains to run boiler first in one direction as had previously been the case. A spokesperson said 'We hope this has demonstrated to photographers that they should stop moaning, or we WILL give them something to moan about!'

YOU SAY, WE PAY!

CUT-DOWN BAGNALL0-4-0ST No.3058 'Alfred' is to be renamed 'Richard' as part of a sponsorship deal with Channel 4. Alongside sister locomotive No.2572 'Judy', it is to commence a

tour of preserved sites, including Barrow Hill

Roundhouse, where the Port of Par pair will

compete with Blue Peter.

GWR TRACKBED PROTEST

A REDUCED service is currently operating on the Gloucestershire & Warwickshire Railway,

after part of the trackbed, following

many years of begrudgingly being completely flat and largely featureless, collapsed, creating

several gradients on the line. Reflattening work

is ongoing.

THE BATTLEFIELD Line has included in its latest 5 year plan an extension in a North-easterly direction, taking the line from the middle of Nowhere to the outskirts. Phase one of the plan, due for completion in late 2012, is an extension of around 1.25 miles from Shackerstone to a new station close to the current station car park. From here, consideration was given to extending towards Snibston Museum of Colliery Winding Towers and Assorted Wagons, close to the Peoples' Republic of Coalville; however this was abandoned by the management, who considered it to be 'a dodgy area both politically and socially'. Instead, the decision has been taken to extend to a new station on the outskirts of Nowhere. The new station, Nowhere North, will not have a platform, as this would be redundant, with no access to the station available for vehicles or pedestrians, much like Market Bosworth.

SHACKERSTONE TO OPEN EXTENSION TO OUTSKIRTS OF NOWHERE

Schematic view of the local area, showing Shackerstone's extension plans.

GCR'S NORMAL RUNNING DAYAFTER MANY months of continual galas, themed weekends, festivals, events and special days, the Great Central Railway has announced a 'Normal running day' themed weekend during early August. Said event organiser Ian Lavender, “The theme for this event is a normal running day on the Great Central in 2011! An appropriate lineup of motive power will take to the double track to recreate perfectly a scene from 50 minutes ago this year on the double track! The event will naturally feature double track operation on our double track railway! Double track! Double track! DOUBLE... TRACK!” At this stage in the interview, Mr. Lavender was suddenly seen to be wearing a trilby, however it is not uncommon for his advertising strategies to be bizarre in the least, it will probably turn out to be an obscure film reference. For a full 15 page spread detailing the excellence of every aspect of the event, please see this month's Steam Beano.

GCR'S NORMAL RUNNING DAY

CHURNET INNUENDO GALA COMES AGAIN

FOLLOWING THE success of last year's gala featuring RSH 12” Coch, 47703 Herpes, a bone and a bucket, amongst others, the Churnet Valley Railway is to repeat the event. The lineup for this year's 'kinks and curiosities' event includes Pocket Rocket No. 76079; 7029 Clunge Castle; Andrew Barclay 0-4-0ST Little Bastard from the MSLR; a class 13 master & slave; D212 Areola from the MRC; A4 Bittern, running as long-scrapped classmate No. 60035 Golden Shower; and the end coach from the 5BEL project. It was also hoped to feature the naming of a DRS class 66 in honour of The Catholic Church; sadly the man involved pulled out at the last minute. [Accompanying photo removed - Ed]

THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!

AFTER MUCH studying of drawings, photographic

evidence and maintenance notes, RAIL LOOP can

exclusively confirm that all Southern moguls ARE in fact

identical, and that the various classes are

distinguishable only by running number. The

reasoning behind the Ns, Us and their many variations

being given different classifications is unknown.

FLYING GEORDIE

LAST YEAR'S visit of J72 No.69023 to the Tanfield

Railway proved so successful that the line has

arranged for further visits of ex-BR locomotives. Flying

Scotsman is due to visit the Gateshead line in December

to operate Santa services alongside RSH Twizell,

appearing in LBSC livery as No.473 Byker Grove.

Geordie Birch Grove

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Rich Whittaker sent us this bi-lingual dictionary, for use with WNXX forum and the Daily Mail.

Very helpful it is too!

GENIUS!Our favourite letter each issue wins a

complimentary day rover for the Bowes Railway, valid on either running day this

year!

DAILY MAILBritain

Sex offendersSnow

Mohammed Al FayedClimate change

Piers MorganSpecial offer on ceramic pottery

Princess DianaCancerThe EU

Hooligan trainspottersStudents

RoyalsNew LabourImmigrants

FoxesThe Metric system

HoodiesUnderage sex

Colonel GadaffiFootball Hooligans

ImmigrantsLesbians

Tony BlairGuardian readers

Political correctnessCure for cancer

SocialismNorfolkLondon

Declining standards

WNXX FORUMNose pedsTrespassersFrothSnapperClimate changeHarry NeedleTapestriesNigella LawsonVoyagersSteamThe Daily MailBluebellnutterTrain driversFotopicClass 66s'Tone' chasing kidzzThe letter 'z'BellowingHSTsSnapper37 bashersCopper fairiesLadyboysSnapperFAFLizardsDavid IckeComplimentary breakfastsYeovilDeightonSome preserved class 25s aren't in working order!

HS2 SUFFERING FROM FUNDING CUTS?

I enclose a photo which I took recently, showing testing in progress on the HS2 system. Unfortunately it was taken over a fence with a cameraphone, so isn't of the best quality, but I have to say this wasn't what I had in mind on reading the original press release!Mick Wissington, Leeds.

Ed: Blimey!

BLUE WITH RAGEIS IT really true that A4 Bittern's owning group want to paint it in LNER blue?! To think that anybody could support such an atrocity is nothing short of an outrage! ALL locomotives, not least the big ones I like, should be painted in BR green, as I remember them from my childhood! There is simply no excuse for considering any other colour! Quite frankly, anyone considering such a hideous act of vandalism should be banned from owning a locomotive. If this goes ahead, I shall point blank refuse to travel to my local station to watch it pass on railtours!Kettle Bert, Rose Retirement Home, Grantham.

CLASSIFIEDLOOP

SPITFIRE RAILTOURS:THE COMPETITIVE

GROWLER

See Pathfinder Tours website for date and

destination.

CAPTIONS, PLEASE!Our favourite captions in each edition win a

complimentary copy of RAIL LOOP, worth its weight in paper!

What's going on?

CAPTIONS FROM THE PREVIOUS EDITION:

- “Careful where you put that shunter's pole!”

- “If anyone asks, we'll just say we're Nazis.”

- A cherry bakewell hauls half a tamper along the Barrow Hill demonstration line.

- Manchester, August 1841: As the final day of horse operation draws to a close, a commemorative headboard is placed upon

what the driver thought was a lamp iron.

- “I don't fancy a Nequay Adex - I don't like surfing or STDs.”

- “Is he steam heating a banana van?!”

- 6233's new livery is revealed to the public.

MODELSHOP EXCLUSIVE:FOXFIELD TRAINSET

Contents:1 x Bagnall Florence No.2,6 x Covhop, 1 x Brake Van.

Please read all paperwork thoroughly before use.

For that instantly recognisable scent, use

L'EAU DE STOAT.

Or just don't wash.

Is your loco average atbest?

Missing diverts?Sounds dull?

Suffering an identity crisis?Spruce it up with ALL NEW

TURD POLISH!The results speak for themselves!

NORTHAMPTON & LAMPORT RAILWAY

Opening of the new extension:Join us over the May bank holiday

weekend to celebrate the opening of our new section of line, extending the running line by over 30 yards!

PASSING THOUGHTS IN THE NEXT ISSUE:

- “A madcapped idea which belongs in somebody's back bedroom on a Hornby train

set” - A full investigation into the Amber Valley

regeneration project, and its soaring popularity among

local residents.

- “It has to go into Loadhaul or it'll clash with the driver's

high-vis!”

- BOMBS ON THE TUBE– We take a trip with

20189+20227 delivering LU's new S Stock.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH ROYAL SCOT? - Special

bumper feature.

-REVIEWS: Comprehensive reviews of three new railway themed

novels: HSTPrat's THRASHBERRIEZZ and dusty seatzzz!! - the true story of a modern 12 year old who

takes to bashing; plus Laura Ingalls-Less-Wild's long-

awaited Little House on the Bagnall 18” and Jerome K Walker's Three men in a U-

boat.

- BUILDING AN A1 BOILERHow hard can it be?

WE WERE WRONG!

EDITOR'S VIEWS

Although RAIL LOOP's staff take great pride in reporting only undisputed fact, we are only

human, and mistakes do happen.

Vic Reynolds of Atherstone is correct in pointing out that Warship D847 was named Strongbow, and not, as we

claimed in the previous issue, Old Rosie.

Similarly, we wish to thank Ralph Aldridge of Long Eaton for

reminding us that the charter operated with 50007 on the

GCR last year was organised by the Class 50 Spotters'

Association, raising funds to find ex-Rothley resident Madeleine McCann. The

statement in the last edition that the charter was organised

by the Madeleine McCann Spotters' Association raising

funds to import a Portuguese class 50 is incorrect.

YOU WERE WRONG!

Whilst we thank Mr. Patrick of Tonbridge for his contribution,

we find his claim to have seen a patch of dirt on B1 Mayflower

entirely unrealistic.

As ever, I wish to begin by thanking everyone who has

contributed to this edition of RAIL LOOP. In particular, Rich Whittaker's WNXX Forum / Daily Mail translator should prove an invaluable tool for

many readers. Inspired by Mr. Whittaker's work, I did briefly attempt to create an English / National Preservation forum translator; sadly, all English

phrases translated as “Everything in the world of

preservation is unquestionably perfect and must not be

criticised in any way”, so this project must still be considered very much a work in progress.

One newsworthy story which reached our desk too late to be included in the main section is the planned visit by GWR 3717

City of Truro to the Rutland Railway Museum. More in the

next issue.

RAIL LOOP is brought to you in association

with THE GREAT CENTRAL SINGLE TRACK

PROJECT, aiming to restore the line to its

condition in the halcyon days of the 1990s.