Divine Roles of Men & Women

(part 1)

Question and AnswerQ: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby

move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: childbirth

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college

Top 10 things only women understand!

10. Cat’s facial expressions.9. The need for the same style of shoes in different

colors.8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.7. Fat clothes.6. Taking a trip in the car without trying to beat your

best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-

white, and eggshell.4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3. Eyelash curlers.2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.1. OTHER WOMEN!

Eight ways to know if you have Estrogen Issues:

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything

you say.5. You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every

bumper sticker that says: “How’s my driving- call 1-800-***-****.”

6. Everyone seems to have just landed here from “outer space.”

7. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

8. The ibuprofen bottle is empty, and you bought it yesterday.

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

What did you do all day?

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made it’s way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

The Silent TreatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woke him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

(Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests)

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

WORDSA husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men… The husband then turned to his wife and said, “What?”

Moses 3:17-25

Thou mayest choose for thyself.

It was not good that the man should be alone.

Help meet (equal but opposite)

Rib (not front or back – side by side)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife.

Cut the strings!

“The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved”  (Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume). Women want to be equal with their husband, but also want to feel protected and loved!

TEN ways Mothers should spend time with Children…

1. Take the time to be at the crossroads when children are coming and going.

2. Take time to be a real friend. Listen, talk, laugh, joke, play, praise, cry with children; spend one on one time with each child.

3. Take time to read to your children, including the scriptures and good literature.

4. Take time to pray with your children, morning and night.

5. Take time to have a meaningful weekly family home evening. Let children be actively involved. Joseph F. Smith promised that love at home, obedience to parents, and the faith and power to combat evil and temptation will result if parents have FHE.

6. Take time to be together at mealtime. Talk and share and teach each other.

7. Take time to daily read scriptures as a family. Personal scripture study is important, but family scripture study is vital. Especially read the Book of Mormon.

8. Take time to do things together. Vacations, birthdays, or any events in which a member of the family is involved. Attend Church together. Sit together. Pray and play together.

9. Take time to teach your children throughout the day. “Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher. Don’t shift the responsibility to day care centers or babysitters.” Teach Gospel principles. Teach the evils of pornography and drugs. “To save and exalt your children requires teaching all the time.”

10. Take time to love your children. The key to overcoming the generation gap is love. Teenagers need love, attention, and empathy, not indulgence.

The Foreordained Roles of Women

President Heber J. Grant said:

“It is [the women of the Church] who carry the burden of the work…It is the mothers who stand the hardships far more than men. Men are engaged in many activities, and without the devotion and absolute testimony of the living God in the hearts of our mothers this Church would die” (Gospel Standards, 151).

Elder James E. Faust said:

“The Lord values his daughters just as much as he does his sons. In marriage, neither is superior; each has a different primary and divine responsibility”(Ensign, Nov. 1993, 38-39).

President Spencer W. Kimball prophesied:

“Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the world” (Ensign, Nov. 1979, 103-104).

President Benson said: “Before the world was created, in heavenly councils the pattern and role of women were prescribed. You were elected by God to be wives and mothers in Zion. Exaltation in the celestial kingdom is predicated on faithfulness to that calling” (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 546).

President N. Eldon Tanner said,

“Women, you are of great strength and support to the men in your lives, and they sometimes need your help most when they are least deserving. A man can have no greater incentive, no greater hope, no greater strength than to know his mother, his sweetheart, or his wife has confidence in him and loves him. And men should strive to live worthy of that love and confidence” (Ensign, Jan. 1974, 8).

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "We know so little. ..about the reasons for the division of duties between womanhood and manhood [and].. Motherhood and priesthood. These were divinely determined in another time and another place…[by divine design]…” (Women of God, Ensign, May 1978, 10-11).

President Benson said, “Before the world was created, in heavenly councils the pattern and role of women were prescribed. You were elected by God to be wives and mothers in Zion. Exaltation in the celestial kingdom is predicated on faithfulness to that calling” (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 546).

President David O. McKay said:

“No other success can compensate for failure in the home. The poorest shack in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than any other riches. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles” (CR, April 1964, 5).

President Harold B. Lee said:

“The most important of the Lord’s work that you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home. Home teaching, bishopric’s work, and other Church duties are all important, but the most important work is within the walls of your home”(Stand Ye in Holy Places, 255).

President Benson said,

“Love your wives…nothing except God Himself takes priority over your wife in your life, not work, not recreation, no hobbies…Surely when you love your wife with all your heart, you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, or abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions…Love means being sensitive to her feelings and needs. She wants to be noticed and treasured. She wants to be told that you view her as lovely and attractive and important to you. Love means putting her welfare and self-esteem as a high priority in your life… Husband’s, recognize your wife’s intelligence and her ability to counsel with you…Give her the opportunity to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually. Remember, brethren, love can be nurtured and nourished by little tokens. Flowers on special occasions are wonderful, but so is your willingness to help with the dishes, change diapers, get up with a crying child in the night, and leave the television or the newspaper to help with the dinner” (To the Fathers in Israel).

President Ezra Taft Benson said:

“Fathers, yours is an eternal calling from which you are never released…Callings in the Church, as important as they are, by their very nature are only for a period of time, and then an appropriate release takes place. But a father’s calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity” (“To the Fathers in Israel,” Ensign, No. 1987, 48).

President Hunter said that a father has responsibility to teach, train, and discipline the children. This should be done in regular family home evenings, family scripture study, family prayer, and by attending church as a family. In March, 1980 the First Presidency announced the consolidated meeting schedule for the United States and Canada. President Ezra Taft Benson suggested that “the consolidated Sunday meeting schedule (was) implemented to give fathers more time on the Sabbath to teach their children…Blessed is the household that doest this on a consistent basis” (Ensign, May 1981, 36) “…your greatest influences with your (children) will be your example. If you want your (children) to see what the gospel will do for them, let them see what it has done for you” (Ensign, May 1985, 36) “…Great fathers lead their children to Christ” (Ensign, May 1981, 36) “…you have a sacred responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in your family”(Ensign, Nov. 1987, 48).

1. He regards marriage as a sacred privilege and obligation that should not be “unduly” postponed.

2. He understands that it is not good for man to be alone, that man is not complete without the woman.

3. He believes that marriage is ordained of God and that only through the new and everlasting covenant of

marriage can either a man or a woman realize the fullness of eternal blessings.

4. He understands his wife is to be pre-eminent in his life and that no other interest or person or thing should ever take precedence over her.

The Role of Men within the Plan of Salvation

5. He has reverence and respect for motherhood and expresses it often.

6. He honors his wife’s role of motherhood by being willing to be a father.

7. He regards the family as ordained of God and his leadership of that family as his most important and sacred responsibility.

8. He accepts the doctrine that women and children have claim upon him for their

maintenance.

Joseph F. Smith Counseled Fathers:

“If you wish your children to love the truth and understand it..to be obedient to and united with you, love them!...When you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts…Use no lash and no violence…approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned…You can’t do it any other way” (Gospel Doctrine, 316).

Righteous fathers preside over their homes in the same way Christ presided over the Church.

President Ezra Taft Benson Explained:

“The Apostle Paul points out that the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church (Ephesians 5:23) That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. No where do we find anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, His is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families (“To the Fathers in Israel”).

The Foreordained Roles of Men

As taught by living prophets, a man has three foreordained roles, First, to preside; second, to provide; and third, to protect.

PRESIDE:

From the beginning of this earth’s existence, the pattern was divinely established that the father is to be the Head of the home and family. To Adam, the Lord said ”I have set thee to be at the head..” (D&C 107:55). To Eve He said “thy desire shall be to they husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Moses 4:22). President Spencer W. Kimball said that the word “rule” in this scripture means “preside” (TSWK, 316).

1. He presides righteously by sharing, as a loving partner, the care of the children and the upkeep of the home. He helps to teach, train, and discipline his children.

2. He presides righteously by giving his family both quantity and quality time.

3. He presides righteously by accepting his wife as an equal partner in the leadership of the home with full knowledge and participation in decisions. Together they determine the spiritual climate of the home.

Presiding in Righteousness

4. He presides righteously by earning the respect and confidence of his children by performing appropriate priesthood ordinances and giving

blessings to his family.

5. He presides righteously by securing and honoring his priesthood and temple covenants and encouraging his family to do the same.

6. He presides righteously by teaching the gospel to his family through family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, and other teaching opportunities. He gives particular emphasis, in his teaching, to missions and temple marriage.

Elder Dean L. Larsen illustrated the inappropriate way that some men have attempted to preside over their family:

“Recently I was visited in my office by a young woman at whose forthcoming temple marriage I had been invited to officiate. She was distraught and tearful and disclosed that she had some serious questions about whether she should go ahead with the marriage. As we discussed the reasons for these questions, the young prospective bride told me of a conversation she had the previous evening with her fiancé.

“In a fashion uncharacteristic of their relationship, he had, at the insistence of his father, he said, laid down the law and the conditions that would have to prevail in their marriage. He was to be the unquestioned authority. His word would be law. She was to be willing to submit to his rule…It was interesting to me that this young man, who had won the hand and the heart of his sweetheart through a loving and gentle courtship, now was constrained to impose a strict dominion upon her. In so doing he was appealing to his misunderstanding of the patriarchal order, for there could hardly have been a greater distortion or misrepresentation of the actual conditions that must prevail within that order” (Ensign, Sep. 1982, 6).

President David O. McKay concluded that “love pretended has no influence. Love unfeigned always has the power to reach the heart” (Gospel Ideals, 150).

President Kimball taught that fathers should preside “in love, in service, in tenderness, and in example,” (Ensign, May 1976, 45) and that “The husband is head of the family only insofar as he sacrifices for the family” (TSWK, 316).

1. A man provides for his family by accepting responsibility to temporally [and spiritually] provide for his wife and children.

2. A man provides for his family by not encouraging or insisting that his wife work outside the home for convenience sake.

3. A man provides for his family by doing all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home, caring for the children while he provides for the family as best as he can.

Providing for our Families

President Benson said:

“In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter…

President Hunter said,

“A man should neither insist nor encourage his wife to work outside the home for convenience sake. Rather, he should do everything in his power to let her remain in the home, caring for the children while he provides for the family as best as he can.

“Another vital aspect of providing for the material needs of your family is the provision you should be making or your family in case of an emergency…have you provided for your family a year’s supply of food, clothing, and where possible, fuel?...Are you living within your income and saving a little? Are you honest with the Lord in the payment of your tithes?...” (“To the Fathers in Israel”).

President Spencer W. Kimball said,

“I like to think of providing for our [wives and children] as including providing them with affectional security as well as economic security...[we have an] obligation to maintain loving affection and to provide consideration and thoughtfulness as well as food” (CR, Oct. 1978, 62-63).

1. A man protects by showing perfect moral fidelity to his wife, and is free from “pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies.”

2. A man protects by valuing his relationship with his wife above all other interests.

3. A man protects by bringing his children up in light and truth. He leads his family in church participation so that they will know the gospel and be under the protection of its covenants and ordinances.

4. A man protects by showing his wife reverence, respect and love.

PROTECTING OUR WIVES AND CHILDREN:

5. A man protects by acting with tenderness and respect and keeping himself above any domineering, selfish, or unworthy behavior in his intimate relationship with his wife.

6. A man protects by never being abusive with his wife or children.

7. A man protects by giving his time and presence at his children’s social, educational, spiritual activities and responsibilities.

8. A man protects by giving tender expressions of love and affection to his children.

President Hunter suggested that men protect their wives by showing perfect moral fidelity to his wife, and by being free from “pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies;” by valuing his relationship with his wife above all other interests; by showing reverence, respect, and love for his wife. He said “ You should express regularly to your wife and children your reverence and respect for her. Indeed, one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother” (“Being a Righteous Husband and Father”).

President Hunter said that a man protects his wife by acting with tenderness and respect and keeping himself above any domineering, selfish, or unworthy behavior in his intimate relationship with his wife.

He said: “Tenderness and respect– never selfishness – must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord” (“Being a Righteous Husband and Father”).

President Hunter said:

“Any man who abuses or demeans his wife physically or spiritually is guilty of grievous sin and is in need of sincere and serious repentance… You who hold the priesthood must not be abusive in your relationship with children. Seek always to employ the principles [of righteousness] set forth in the revelations..No man who has been ordained to the priesthood can with impunity abuse his wife or child” (“Being a righteous Husband and Father”).

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“No man who engages in such evil unbecoming behavior is worthy of the Priesthood of God. No man who so conducts himself undeserving of the love of their wives and children. There are children who fear their fathers, and wives who fear their husbands. If there be any such men within the hearing of my voice, as a servant of the Lord I rebuke you and call you to repentance” (“Women of the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 68).

“I had a father who was gently beneath his firmness, and a mother who was firm beneath her gentleness” (Quoted in “That My Family Should Partake,” by Neal Maxwell, 56).

Joseph Smith’s Love for Children

“One marked illustration of his character was his love for children. He never saw a child but he desired to take it up and bless it and many he did so bless, taking them in his arms and upon his knee. He was so fond of children that he would go far out of his way to speak to a little one, which is to me a striking characteristic of true manhood” (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 489).

“Joseph sorrowed over his loss of a newborn child. Seeing a neighbor, tired and fatigued by the constant care required by her own child, Joseph asked permission to relieve her by caring for the child during the day, and then returning the baby to her mother at night. An older sister of the baby, Margarette McIntire, later reported: ‘One evening he did not come [home] with [the child] at the usual time, and mother went down to the Mansion to see what was the matter, and there sat the Prophet with the baby wrapped up in a little silk quilt. He was trotting [or bouncing] it on his knee, and singing to it to get it quiet before starting out” (Ensign, Jan. 1971, 36-37).

Joseph saw a little girl and her brother struggling to make their way through the deep mud on their way to school. The little girl later reported: “The Prophet Joseph Smith stooped down and cleaned the mud from our little heavy-laden shoes, took his handkerchief from his pocket, and wiped our tear-stained faces. He spoke kind and cheering words to us, and sent us on our way to school rejoicing” (Juvenile Instructor, 15 Jan. 1892, 67).

Wife vs. HusbandA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

Women’s Revenge“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

WHO DOES WHAT?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I just can’t wait for my coffee.”

His wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

The husband replied, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

She fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed said……. “HEBREWS.”

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.