Purposes & Stagesof Dating

Dating Questions• Answer the following questions…be honest,

no one will see your answers!1. My first date was…2. My dream date would be…3. My most memorable date was…4. My worst date was…5. I think dating should be…Now think about these questions as you take

the notes on the Purpose of dating!

Purpose of Dating1. Socialization

–To develop appropriate social skills.

–To practice getting along with others in different settings.

Purpose of Dating2. Recreation

–To have fun and enjoy the companionship of others.

–To try new and different activities.

Purpose of Dating3. Mate (Partner) Selection–To see others in many different

settings.–To compare the personality and characteristics of many people.

What is your Ideal Date?Make a list of at least 15 creative date

ideas. Dates may NOT exceed $10.00

Other Date Ideas…Write down 10 more for your notes• Go to the park play football or baseball Go to the zoo• Rafting Go to a museum• Rent Movies Go out for breakfast• Swimming Fireworks• Ride bikes to store and buy ice cream cones Play catch• Ice skating Dessert cook off with judges• Card games or board games Play on a school play ground• Watch cartoons; eat cereal and milk (wear pj’s) Go to a pet store• Candlelight dinner with happy meals Make ice-cream• Mud football/wrestling Make cookies or something• Roller skating Feed the ducks/have a picnic• Canoeing Go caving• Dancing (dance, dance revolution) Holiday activities• Mountain biking Batting cages• Make home-made ice cream Karaoke• Video game competition Do service for someone• Visit a rest home• Go to a video arcade• Scavenger hunt• Play pool• Sound scavenger hunt• Video Scavenger hunt• Basketball, tennis, volleyball, etc.• Play musical instruments (guitar hero, rock band) • Fly kites• Homeless shelter volunteer

The Purpose of Dating

BOYS: When dating, Boys like it when Girls…When dating, Boys hate it when Girls…

GIRLS: When dating, Girls like it when Boys…When dating, Girls hate it when Boys…

Discuss

Stage One: Gushy• Typical Comments

– “We have so many things in common.”

– “No one else has ever felt quite like this before.”

Characteristics of Stage One• Always on time for dates • Laugh at each others jokes• Agree on everything• Artificial –both are on best behavior • Same likes: music, cars, people, food • Non-critical • Conversation keeps going • Need to be physical (always holding hands, hugging) • Writes the other persons name all over everything• Love the sound of their names together• Dating relationships are usually short • Everything is funny • Co-equals (where to eat, “you decide.” “No, you decide etc.)• Lots of kissing • Constantly saying “I love you” • Lots of talking to each other on the phone• Lots of text messaging, emailing, instant messaging• Attend ready made entertainment (movies, dances etc.)

Stage Two: Playing Games

• Typical Behaviors

– Have hearts crossed out all over their notebooks.

– Have swollen eyes from crying on the average of three times a day.

Characteristic of Stage Two• Have hearts crossed out all over their

notebooks• Have swollen eyes from crying on average of

three times a day• Remember who their friends are now, because

they need someone to cry to.• Have lots of ups and downs• Very possessive and jealous• Comes late for dates or the girl is not ready• Fighting all the time• Power struggle-where to eat, etc.• A time of extremes: tears, happiness• Pettiness – little things made into big things

More Characteristics Stage Two

• Pettiness- little things made into big things• A time to look at personality and character, not just

appearance• Dating relationships like to be confined to one person• Personality traits values more than just an interest in

the opposite sex• Feel more confident with the opposite sex now

Stage 3: Goal Directed• Typical Comments “Were planning our future together”

“I want YOU to be happy”

“ I will love you unconditionally”

Characteristics of Stage Three• They are glad to see each other do things with other friends• They trust one another • They are not all over each other whenever they’re alone• The are interested in seeing each other fulfill goals • They want each other to be happy • They are interested in each other’s long term happiness• It’s not all about short term pleasures• They can talk about non-romantic topics (in-laws, children,

money, sex, religion, occupation, politics, holidays etc.)• They are comfortable being themselves• They may become engaged • More mature • They begin to remember things about each other and adapt to

it (which foods they don’t like, they stay up late, they go to bed early, they are tight with money etc.)

• They will often times start to make wedding plans

Miscellaneous Notes about the Stages…

1. Everyone move through the stages differently.

2. Everyone will move through the stages from time to time.

3. Teenage marriage often begin in stage one: but still need to move through the other stages, and often end up divorced.

4. Stage three is for marriage.5. Stage three is not always followed by

marriage.