Protect This House (Al-Adab-Al-Mufrad)

By Shaykh Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Every human makes mistakes. We were created to make mistakes. The Prophet (SAW) has

said that those who repent after making mistakes are the best of people. Adversity is what

makes people.

Islam is the single most divine religion as the Quran does not mention anything regarding

hatred.

Your biggest enemy is your own self. Allah (SWT) warns us in the Quran about our own

selves, and this is followed by the consequences of our actions. Mistakes are part of getting

back up.

You should learn before you lead! Many of the leaders (especially those people who give

dawah) don’t listen to the advice they give to others and tell people to maintain the ties of

kinship but don’t even spend enough time with their own families.

It is a prominent trade in Eastern culture that children hold a very high level of respect for

their parents. However, it is not even religious for them, it is cultural! Shariah makes it an

obligation to respect your parents.

In the Quran, Allah (SWT) says to the Prophet (SAW):

“Do what is beautiful. Allah (SWT) loves those who do what is beautiful.” (Al-Baqarah-195)

In the deepest sense, adab is quite literally, beautiful being and beautiful feeling and

beautiful thinking-expressing ourselves through beautiful action.

Adab designates a wide range of social and ethical virtues, like good manners,

discretion, and grace, indulgence towards friends, refined taste, courage, erudition

and literary skill.

Adab, thus, is education and upbringing, high moral principles and correct behaviour,

scholarship and knowledge, all at once.

Adab is to know how to speak correctly and act correctly, at the right time and place.

A lack of adab brings down the entire structure.

So adab is actually more than just being ‘respectful’ (as suggested by Asian languages) and is

closer to ‘a complete code of conduct and moral behaviour which determines our every

action in this world.’

It is noted that Bukhari was the only person to put a collection together about this topic!

The wise one is not who learns from his own mistakes; he is one

who learns from others mistakes.

Taqwa actually means God consciousness.

A hadith was narrated by Ahmad about the Prophet (SAW), ‘I was only sent to perfect good

manners.’

This states that the Prophet (SAW) was only sent to perfect the good manners of people,

which implies that non-Muslims before the time of the Prophet (SAW) already possessed

good manners, but some could do with refinement.

Islamic adab claims to be able to offer the human being to combine all that which is

praiseworthy from all sources and give it the divine signature of authenticity.

More specifically for the Muslims, adab becomes that vital key and component to

worshipping Allah (SWT) correctly.

Ibn al-Mubarak (RA) said, ‘If someone was to describe a man to me who had all the

knowledge of the early and the last, I would not be sad if I missed out on meeting him, yet if

it was a man who had achieved full adab, I would strive to meet him and would be

dismayed if I missed him.’

He also said, ‘I sought knowledge and was able to gain some, yet I tried to learn adab and

found that its people had passed away.’

Adab is paramount to learning our religion. In fact the Salaf would never take a narration or

some knowledge from anyone whose adab was not up to standard.

Ibrahim al-Nakha’ī said, ‘If we were to take some ‘ilm (knowledge) from a man, we’d look at

his manner, his prayer and his general conduct before we took from him.’ Some added, ‘We

would see how he treated his parents first…’

The story of Atika: Atika was the daughter of Zaid bin Amr bin Naufal. Zaid was the uncle of the Umar (RA). Atika was thus a cousin of Umar (RA). In Madina, Atika was married to Abdullah the son of Abu Bakr (RA). She was very beautiful and Abdullah was much enamoured of her. He was so lost in her love that he failed to participate in the various expeditions undertaken by the Muslims. He even neglected to offer his prayers in the mosque.

The Muslims were the first set of people to initiate a system for

accurate & valid information (quality control) as compared to the

overload of information we get these days from the internet.

Marriage is an institution which you realise is not just about love.

We lack the level of patience these days compared to that of our

parents’ lives.

A man is on the religion of his friends.

The love of Abdullah and Atika became proverbial. Abdullah felt that Atika was the most valuable thing in the world. When Abu Bakr (RA) came to know that Abdullah had not taken part in the various expeditions and had even neglected his prayers, he put him to questioning. Abdullah had no explanation to offer. The reality was that he was so overwhelmed by the love of Atika that he could not attend to other vital duties. Abu Bakr (RA) was left enraged and told his son in plain words that his failings and shortcomings were too grave to be passed over. Abdullah placed himself at the mercy of his father, and Abu Bakr (RA) decreed that Abdullah should divorce Atika within three days. Abdullah was torn between two minds. At times he thought that he should be faithful to his love. On second thought he felt that the command of his father should be obeyed whatever the cost. After three days Abdullah did divorced Atika. Yet this decision made Abdullah deranged. He would neither eat nor drink. He sobbed and sighed and sang heart rending verses giving expression to his great grief over the loss of his beloved. Abdullah divorcing Atika became the subject of conversation in Medina. When the Holy Prophet (SAW) came to know of the matter, he felt sympathy for Abdullah. The Holy Prophet (SAW) revoked the divorce, and the two lovers were reunited. Abdullah was very particular thereafter to ensure that the love for Atika did not stand in the way of his duty to Allah (SWT). In all the campaigns that were undertaken by the Holy Prophet (SAW) thereafter, Abdullah took part therein, and fought valiantly. In the battle of Taif, Abdullah was wounded and later died, as a result of the wounds, in Madina.

How do adab and khuluq differ?

Many words mean the exact same thing in Arabic except when you put them into the same

sentence. Khuluq is more innate, related to the khilqa (natural pure state); it is a natural

type of response, whereas adab is more of a physical thing.

The scholars, following the example of Allah (SWT), order their books on ahadith in a similar

way to the Quran, therefore the last hadith from Bukhari is the most powerful.

Background information regarding Imam al-Bukhari

His name: Abu ‘Abdullah Muhammad b. Ismā’īl b. Ibrahīm b. Mughīrah b. Bardizbah al-Ju’fī

al-Bukhāri

His birth: 13th of Shawwāl, 194 AH in the city of Bukhāra after the Jumu’ah prayer.

His childhood and early years:

Started studying with local scholars at the mere age of 10

He went for Hajj at the age of 16 and remained in Hijaz to study (with permission

from his mother)

There are exactly 100 hadiths directed on parents by Imam al-

Bukhari.

Bukhari’s last hadith regarding parents is about mercy.

He authored his 1st book Qadāyah Al-Sahābah at the age of eighteen, followed by al-

Tarikh al-Kabir. He then travelled to Baghdad and met Imam Ahmad and studied

with him

His memory:

Ibn Katheer narrates that he was able to look at a page once and memorize it

Once he went to Balkh and the inhabitants desired that he should recite one Hadith

from each of his shaykhs. So he orated one thousand ahadith from one thousand

Shaykhs

‘I memorized 100 000 authentic ahadith and 200 000 weak ones’

His beliefs:

One of the Imams of Ahl al-Sunna; his theology is one of the foundations of

Orthodox Islam

Wrote works on theology (Khalq Af’āl al-‘Ībād); his own Sahīh has multiple books

proving theology of Ahl al-Sunna. None of the ‘Six Books’ has more theology benefits

than his-also since he was challenged in theology he had to explain in detail what he

believed.

His fiqh:

Qadhi Abu Ya’la considers him from the Hanabalites; Al-Subki considers him from the

Shafites

However it is clear that he was from the Ahl al-Hadith school

His teachers:

He says that he narrates from more than 1,080 scholars

Ibn Hajr categorizes them into 5 main categories. From them were the like of:

- Ahmad b.Hanbal

- Yahya b. Ma’īn

- ‘Ali b. al-Madīni

- Ishāq b. Rāhwayh

His students:

He narrated his Sahīh to over 90,000 students

From them were the likes of:

- Imām Muslim

- Al-Tirmidhi

- Al-Nasa’i

- Abu Hātim

- Abu Bakr b. Abi al-Dunya

- Ibn Khuzaymah

- Al-Marwazi

Scholars’ praises for him:

Ibn Hajr said, ‘If we were to open the door (to recording) the words of praise for him

from those who came after his time, the pages would be exhausted… It is an ocean

that has no boundaries.’

Imām Ahmad b. Hanbal said, ‘Khurasan (his place of origin) has never produced

anything like Muhammad b. Ismā’īl (al-Bukhāri).’

Imām Muslim once came to al-Bukhāri and kissed him between his eyes and said,

‘Allow me to kiss your feet, O teacher of teachers, master of the scholars of hadīth,

and doctor of hidden defects in hadīth.’

His writings:

His total writings come out close to 21. Some of them were lost, some are still preserved,

and others merged into his Sahīh.

- Al-Adab al-Mufrad

- Khalq Af’āl al-‘Ibād

- Tārīkh al-Kabīr; al-Aswat, al-Saghīr

- Kitāb al-‘Ilal

- Juz fī Raf’ al-Yadayn

- Juz fī al-Qirā’a khalf al-Imām

- Qadāya al-sahābah wa’l-tābi’īn

His travels:

Travelling was the key to his knowledge, something for which he travelled the entire Islamic

world from Egypt to Basra, from Madina to Kufa. (Refer to map in booklet)

During one journey to Samarqand, he decided to stay at a village along the way called

‘Khartank.’ Here, he made the following invocation one night after the late night prayer:

‘O Allah (SWT) as vast as this earth is, it has become congested to me so I ask you to return

me to you.’

After this invocation, he became ill. He died on the night of Eid-ul-Fitr, the first night of

Shawwāl in the year 256 AH. He had reached the age of 62 years, less twelve days.

As for the title, what does it mean?

Mufrad = Farid = Unique

The unique/independent/separate book on Adab

Al-Adab al-Mufrad Hadith on Parents

Bukhāri starts his book by naming his title of the first chapter with Allah (SWT)’s statement

on obeying parents because naturally we have been commanded to submit to Allah (SWT)’s

tawhīd, worship Him, accept His Lordship and acknowledge that our parents are the cause

of our existence and thus enable us to fulfil our duties in this world!

Sometimes it is okay to use weaker narrations in the arena of adab and

other areas which do not determine Islamic belief, i.e. ‘aqīdah and Islamic

law, as long as the following conditions are met:

-the hadith itself is not very weak

-the hadith cannot bring in new information

-when you narrate the hadith, you indicate its weakness

Hadīth 1:

Abu ‘Amr al-Shaybāni said, “The owner of this house (and he pointed at the

house of ‘Abdullāh b. Mas’ūd) said, ‘I asked the Prophet, may Allah (SWT) bless

him and grant him peace, “Which action of Allah (SWT), the Mighty and

Exalted, is the most beloved to Him (SWT)?” He replied, “Prayer at its proper

time.” “Then what?” I asked. He said, “Then being good to the parents.” I

asked, “Then what?” He replied, “Then jihād in the way of Allah (SWT).” He

added, ‘He told me about these things. If I had asked him to tell me more, he

would have told me more.’”

This hadith is authentic, narrated by Bukhāri in his Sahīh.

Sahib – a person who has had a meeting with the Prophet (SAW) at least once before he

dies.

Tabi’een - a person who meets a companion of the Prophet (SAW) and dies a Muslim.

Atba’ ut tabi’een - the successors of the successors.

These people are referred to as the salaf. They establish the principles of everything and

made it clear for us; they gave us guidance. These are the principles we use to live our life by

however there is a little flexibility due to modernisation.

When we hear ‘the most beloved of actions,’ how should we understand such a statement?

- At a certain time one action may be better than another (like jihad vs hajj)

Both are important but when hajj is happening, jihad should be put behind.

- It could be different for many people (not everyone is the same)

This is like the Prophet (SAW) focusing on women as they are usually not regarded in

the same way as men.

- Sometimes the term is used for exaggeration (allowed as it doesn’t involve lying)

Walid - when it used by itself it means parent (even though technically it means father)

Birra - openness (related to honesty)

Birr’l wālidayn – Birr comes from the word Barra which means to be pious, to be righteous,

to be kind, or good, affectionate and considerate to someone especially kindred and

parents. It conveys honesty and righteousness, a sense of acceptance due to the quality of

the action.

It also refers to a sense of obedience as described in the Arabic dictionaries, but when used

with parents, it’s ‘to treat them gently and courteously, striving to do all that which pleases

them and avoiding all that which displeases them.’

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Quran:

The most beloved of relationships is the relationship with your

parents.

“We have commanded people to be good to their parents: their mothers carried them, with

strain upon strain, and it takes two years to wean them. Give thanks to Me and to your

parents-all will return to Me.” (Luqman-14)

In this ayah, Allah (SWT) has put Himself and your parents side by side, saying that we

should thank both.

Imām Sufyān b. ‘Uyaynah said in his tafsīr of this ayah: ‘The one who prays the five prayers

has thanked Allah (SWT) and the one who makes du’a for his parents after these prayers has

thanked them as well.’

Thanking Allah (SWT) is a practical thing. There is nothing Allah (SWT) loves more than

Salah.

The importance of the parents and how they should be treated as stated by Allah (SWT) is

beautiful:

“Your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him, and that you be kind to

your parents, if either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows

impatience with them, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully and

lower your wing in humility towards them in kindness and say, ‘Lord, have mercy on them,

just as they cared for me when I was little.’” (Al-Isrā-23,34)

There is a distinct difference between Ta’leem and Tarbiyyah.

Tarbiyyah means a huge amount of effort is made for a small return; looking for the long

term. The key word for tarbiyyah is patience.

Preserve and conserve-the whole process is enduring and takes takes time.

You are doing this tarbiyyah for the end result; for your children to be brought up in the

right way and reach their potential.

Tarbiyyah is the job of parent’s and they spend their entire life doing it. The Prophet (SAW)

said in the hadith found in the Sahīhs Bukhāri and Muslim:

‘No child is born except that they are upon a pure innate nature; it is then the parents who

will either make the child a Jew, Christian or a Zoroastrian.’ (Bukhāri-1358)

Can your birr repay your parent’s goodness to you?

Despite what we often think, our birr is not sufficient enough to compensate their kindness;

in fact it is far less than that.

Hadīth 5:

Abu Hurayrah said, “The Prophet (SAW) was asked, ‘Messenger of Allah (SWT),

to whom should I be dutiful?’ ‘Your mother,’ he replied. He was asked, ‘Then

whom?’ ‘Your mother,’ he replied. He was asked, ‘Then whom?’ ‘Your

mother,’ he replied. He was asked, ‘Then whom?’ He replied, ‘Your father.’”

This hadith is very authentic and has been narrated by Bukhāri in his sahīh.

The top narrators each have over a 1000 hadith to their names (such as Aishah (RA) for

example).

Abu Hurayrah (RA) underwent much hardship and difficulties as a result of his dedicated

search for knowledge. He was often hungry and destitute. He said about himself: ‘When I

was afflicted with severe hunger, I would go to a companions of the Prophet (SAW) and

asked him about an ayah of the Quran and (stay with him) learning it so that he would take

me with him to his house and give food.’

How Abu Hurayrah’s mother accepted Islam:

After he accepted Islam, he tried to convince his mother to do the same yet she refused

each time. One day, he again invited his mother to believe in Allah (SWT) and His Prophet

(SAW). She answered with some bad words about the Prophet (SAW). Abu Hurayrah went

to the Prophet (SAW) with tears in his eyes. ‘Why are you crying, Abu Hurayrah?’ asked the

Prophet (SAW). ‘I always invite my mother to Islam, and she always refuses,’ said Abu

Hurayrah. ‘I asked her again today. But she said some things about you that made me upset.

Can you pray to Allah (SWT) for her to turn to Islam?’ The Prophet (SAW) prayed for Abu

Hurayrah’s mother to accept Islam. When Abu Hurayrah went home, he found the door

closed. He heard the splashing of water. He tried to enter the house, but his mother said,

‘Wait a minute. Don’t come in yet.’ Then she got dressed and told him he could enter. When

Abu Hurayrah went inside, his mother said, ‘I declare that there is no god but Allah (SWT)

and that Muhammad (SAW) is His Servant and Messenger.’ Abu Hurayrah again went to the

Prophet (SAW) crying; but this time with tears of joy. ‘I have good news, Rasul'Allah (SAW),’

he said. ‘Allah (SWT) has answered your prayer and guided my mother to Islam.’

Throughout his life, Abu Hurayrah remained kind and courteous to his mother even though

she accepted Islam after him.

Status of the Mother:

Emphasis on mothers fits their 3:1 ratio of work and care and pain and tarbiyyah, compared

to what a father usually does. Her value is priceless. However, if Allah (SWT) and his

Messenger (SAW) have not given importance to a number, neither should we.

A mother doesn’t want to be obeyed, she wants to be loved. It’s

the father who wants to be obeyed.

Combination of obedience and kindness is the explanation on the

hadith about the heaven being beneath the feet of the mother.

Abu Hurayrah (RA) literally means ‘the father of kittens.’ He got

this nickname as it is reported he was very affectionate towards

kittens when he was young.

Remember:

- Do not disrespect; even the word ‘uff’ (which seems diminutive to us) is prohibited,

so think of all the other things we say as part of ‘normal’ speech to our parents! (you

would never do such a thing if you were talking to royalty, so you shouldn’t do the

same to the king and queen in your life)

- Don’t shout or as they say, don’t reprimand them, or use hand movements whilst

speaking to them.

- Speak to them karīman, i.e. like humans should be addressed, with kindness,

gentleness, and honour.

Hadīth 10:

Abu Hurayrah (RA) said that the Prophet (SAW) said, ‘A child cannot repay his

father unless he finds him as a slave and then buys him and sets him free.’

This hadith is authentic, also narrated by Imām Muslim in his Sahīh.

Imām al-Bukhāri is drawing our attention again to how we should always keep on our toes

with regards to respecting out parent’s rights. In other words, you can’t overlook this issue.

Another interpretation could be that it is very unlikely to find your father as a slave much

less free him. The scholars actually differed on the idea of completely repaying your father,

some say this is enough and others disagree. Your obedience to your father is not

contingent with your father’s behaviour. The more hurtful your parents are towards you,

the more reward you get for putting up with it.

At the time (of freeing him) your father would be completely grateful to you. This is similar

to the hadith on tawbah. Allah (SWT) is happier with tawbah.

If you (the father) were in that situation, you would forgive your son straight away and

would want to just carry on with life.

Your obedience and obligation when your parents are asking you to do something that you

do not agree with should be present only when it is something that concerns them.

The mother in law usually feels threatened that she might lose her

son and that’s why she can be slightly mean to her daughter in

law.

Your mother loves you more than she loves her own father, more

than she loves your father and more than your father loves you.

The principle of birr-ul-walidayn:

Kindness to the mother and obedience to the father!

Remember:

- Dads are the solid foundation of our lives

- They are the shore we swim to when our arms and legs feel increasingly tired

- They are the strength we rely on as we take our first tentative steps into the world

- Dads can be tender, tough, fragile or powerful but they are probably the most

uncomplicated love we will ever know

- For daughters, Daddy is the first man they adore

- He is the first man to fall in love with us

- For sons, Daddy is the role model they first aspire to emulate…their mirror image of

what will be and possibly the only man they will ever feel comfortable loving

- Daddy is the first man who held us, as a loving parent, with a lump in this throat so

huge, only the joy of that love could erase the overwhelming pain of chocking on

unexpected raw emotion

- When a father holds his newborn baby, he is touched by pure vulnerability for the

first time in his adult life, leaving him forever humbled by the unexplained miracles

of life

Hadīth 49:

On the authority of Abu Ayyūb al-Ansāri (RA) who said, “A Bedouin came to the

Prophet (SAW) whilst he was on a journey and asked, ‘Tell me what will bring

me near to the Garden and keep me away from the Fire.’ He replied, ‘Worship

Allah (SWT) and do not associate anything with Him, establish the prayer,

pay the alms-tax and maintain the ties of kinship.’”

This hadith is authentic and collected by Bukhāri and Muslim.

The prophet (SAW) stayed with Abu Ayyūb for a number of months until his own house was

built virtually next door, but he would still treat this house as his own.

Maintaining ties of kinship:

It is derived from ‘rahim’ which means to have mercy on another, to be tender to him, to

have compassion and so on.

Remember: it is not permissible to give advice/statements when

you are extremely happy or very angry!

Patience is controlling yourself in difficult circumstances.

YOU have to sacrifice to protect this house and give up your

rights. When YOU start it off, you will see results from others.

Linguistic meaning: the womb, where the child is cared for and nourished; in the womb the

mercy is most intense.

The obligation of obeying our parents and behaving in the most best and gentle way

towards them actually comes under this principle – to maintain the ties of kinship – or in

real terms, ‘to keep in regular contact and in service with politeness and excellent behaviour

to our entire extended family, whether practising or not, whether Muslim or not, at all

times.’

A few hadith before this in al-Adab al-Mufrad, we are introduced specifically to other

members of the family on whom there is a duty upon us to maintain ties with. When the

Prophet (SAW) was asked to whom we should be dutiful, he replied,

‘Your mother, your father, your sister and your brother. Then your mawla (your teacher) has

the next right upon you, and then your relatives who are connected.’

So other than the parents, we now see that it is an obligation upon us to look to and focus

on our relationships with our brothers and sisters and then other direct family members

such as grandparents, uncles, aunties, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc.

Therefore we discover that we must keep our family members happy and satisfied at all

costs, at all times, whether we like it or not. We learn that:

- Maintaining the ties means to go out of our way to contact and visit all our relatives,

however far away they may be

- When unable to visit them, we ring them or communicate by every other means

possible

- We give them gifts and do all that which will bring them happiness

- We make Du’a for them and forgive them ourselves for their mistakes or spitefulness

- To always greet them with a smile and never show your displeasure at the things you

disagree with or what might hurt your feelings. You’re there to soak up their

mistakes, their differences, and their difficulties. You’re there to help in whatever

way possible

- And remember the key rule: this should ALL be carried out without the intention to

receive anything in return i.e. even when they actually wish to have nothing to do

with you or perhaps even when they actually couldn’t care less whether you existed

or not

If you were to do all the positive actions mentioned above towards them because they did

the exact same for you, then you haven’t even maintained the ties of kinship. You’ve just

responded to their kindness and that does not equate to the same notion. If your actions

are not selfless and are carried out with the intention to receive something in return, then

you are not carrying out the correct practice of maintaining the ties of kinship.

We see that the reward for the one who does this will be Paradise, pure and simple.

We see that the punishment for the one who breaks his/her ties with their family member is

severe and swift.

Hadīth 53:

‘Abd’l-Rahmān b. ‘Awf (RA) heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say, “Allah

(SWT), the Almighty and Exalted, said, ‘I am the Merciful. I have created ties

of kinship and derived a name for it from My Name. Whoever maintains

these ties of kinship, I maintain ties with him, and whoever cuts them off, I

shall cut him off.’”

This hadith is authentic and narrated by Imām Abu Dāwūd and Imām al-Tirmidhi.

- This is hadīth qudsi and so we should pay attention and give that little bit of extra

respect as this is Allah (SWT) addressing His servants directly

- Allah (SWT) has taken from his own name and given it to the ties of kinship (Rahīm);

making it personal

- When Allah (SWT) says ‘I am Rahmān’, note that a variety of names could be used

such as Al-Rahīm (The Most Merciful) or Arham’l-Rahimīn (The Most Merciful of the

Merciful) but instead al-Rahmān is used

- The opening sentence to this hadīth sets the context for the entire narration

- This hadīth should focus our minds on the seriousness of this sin of breaking the ties

of kinship

- The maintaining could be to look after, protect, bless, help, give salvation, to

intercede on that Day when we’ll all need it

When any speech is attributed to Allah (SWT), then it is generally of three types:

- The best, perfect, most honourable and guaranteed of it is the Holy Quran

- The second best is the Books of the anbiyā’ before they were changed and distorted

such as the Torah and the Injīl

- The last are like these hadīth, which are from Allah (SWT) but narrated in the

Prophet (SAW)’s own words and hence the wording is not guaranteed like the Quran

– they can be weak, fair and authentic like all other hadīth

Hadīth 56:

Anas b. Mālik (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “Whoever

wishes to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged then let

him maintain his ties of kinship.”

This hadīth is authentic and is narrated by Bukhāri and Muslim.

Anas (RA) narrated most of the hadiths about the Prophet (SAW)’s life.

Everything in terms of the deep and detailed character of the Prophet (SAW) comes to us

from Anas:

His easy going nature (SAW):

He mentioned that if a little girl wanted to take the Prophet (SAW)’s hand, he would allow

her.

He observed the interaction between the Prophet (SAW) and his younger brother about a

bird.

His bravery (SAW):

The second the action started, he was at the forefront.

His nobility (SAW):

Anas (RA) narrated the most about the Prophet (SAW) on this topic.

He mentioned how the Prophet (SAW) walked.

How when he spoke, he would turn himself completely towards the person he was

addressing.

He would never let go of the other persons hand first while greeting them (giving salaam).

He would also visit the elder women of the town randomly in the middle of the day.

His generosity (SAW):

Anas (RA) narrated an encounter with a Bedouin who came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked

him for something. The Prophet (SAW) told his companions to give him 100 camels and the

guy was shocked with his generosity so he turned away and started shouting, ‘Turn to Islam,

this guy (the Prophet (SAW)) gives so much.’

His ‘ibadah (SAW):

The Prophet (SAW) would go round to people’s houses and do 2 rakah there.

His narrations number in thousands. The Prophet (SAW) made the following dua for him:

‘O Allah (SWT)! Increase his wealth and his children and prolong his life.’

And as Anas (RA) himself said, as collected by our Imām in this very book with a good chain,

‘My fortune is huge and my children, and grand-children are now more than one hundred.’

He also said, ‘My fortune is such that I get a full harvest twice a year!’

The excellence of his mother, Umm Sulaym

Anas (RA) is her legacy and the proof of her birr to him and his long blessed life is the proof

of his birr to her and his silat’l-rahim to his relatives and indeed his place in this chapter.

Anas (RA) gives us that wonderful, intimate and truly beneficial insight into the khuluq of the

Prophet (SAW) when he said about his ten years of continual service to him:

‘I served him for ten years; he never hit me, nor scolded me nor even frowned at me –

never.’

Anas (RA) was nobility personified; he was honoured from his time with the Prophet (SAW).

Some of the statements of those around him bear witness to that:

Abu Hurayrah said: ‘I have never seen anyone resemble the Prophet (SAW) in his prayer as

the son of Umm Sulaym did.’

Thumāmah narrates that Anas (RA)’s feet would bleed from the length of time he would

stand in salah.

His ‘ibādah could only have come from his witnessing of the Prophet (SAW). They would say

that when he put on his ihram, it was not possible to speak to him until he had finished from

it.

The increase in age means here either:

- Actual lifespan, and this is the obvious and well known position

- Increased khayr/barakah in the little time that he has

- His old age will be a healthy one

- Some said that his prolonging will be a blessing for him to enjoy his children and

their birr and the ihsān and the birr of those family and friends with whom he

maintained ties

The word athar is used because not only can it mean his age now but it also means the

remnants of that which will be left behind (dual meaning).

Hadīth 64:

Jubayr b. Mut’im (RA) said that he heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say,

“The one who breaks ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.”

This is a very authentic narration, collected by Abu Dāwūd and Imām Muslim as well as our

author in al-Adab al-Sahīh i.e. in his Jāmi’ al-Sahīh.

Majority of the scholars believe that these people (mentioned in the above hadith) are

among the delayed. They say that those who don’t enter paradise are kufr and as these

people are not kufr and are Muslims, they will enter paradise after some time.

Jubayr b. Mut’im (RA):

He was from the nobles of Quraysh, the most honoured in lineage, the son of the great

Mut’im b. ‘Adiyy, and one of the distant relatives of the Prophet (SAW).

He became Muslim at the meeting that took place to determine the ransom of the prisoners

taken from the Quraysh from the battle of Badr.

The Prophet (SAW) said, ‘If your father was here, I would free them all.’ He said this because

everyone likes to hear their families praised. He was praising him to make him (Jubayr) feel

better. Then the Prophet (SAW) lead Maghrib prayer with Surah Tur. Jubayr became Muslim

after hearing a powerful ayah in the surah.

Remember:

When you are trying to change the opinion or belief of a family member, you are going up

against a mountain. Your parents still see you as a child. You need to destroy that image of

being a child in their head for them to take you seriously.

If you are good to your parents, you will enjoy life, whereas if you

are bad to your parents, your life will turn out to be a complete

misery.

The husband and wife

Everyone looks for a great spouse. This is the number one biggest factor in raising excellent

children. The absolute single most important source of success is the excellence and quality

of the spouses, especially the mother.

But for men, there’s a little reminder to start off with: Before you ask Allah (SWT) to grant

you a righteous wife, ask Allah (SWT) to grant your wife a righteous husband.

You should start with looking at yourself!

It is the right of the wife when she gets married to have her own room. The scholars have

now stated that she should get her own house, when the hiqum said that she should only

get a room.

The Prophet (SAW) once said: “Three men from among those who were before you, set out

together till they reached a cave at night and entered it. A big rock rolled down the

mountain and closed the mouth of the cave. They said (to each other), ‘Nothing can save

you from this rock but to invoke Allah (SWT) by giving reference to a righteous deed which

you did (for Allah (SWT)’s sake only).’ So, one of them said, ‘O Allah (SWT)! I had old parents

and I never provided my family (wife, children) with milk before them. One day, by chance I

was delayed, and I came late (at night) while they had fallen asleep. I milked the sheep for

them and took the milk to them, but I found them sleeping. I disliked providing my family

with the milk before them. I waited for them and the bowl of milk was in my hand and I kept

on waiting for them to get up till the day dawned. Then they got up and drank the milk. O

Allah (SWT)! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from our critical situation

caused by this rock.’

From the example of this first man we see that there is no limit to kind treatment of parents

as long as one does not commit sins in order to please them. Allah (SWT) tremendously

rewards those people who are kind and considerate to their parents.

Your parents own you and your wealth so therefore you should not go against them,

especially with marriage. The daughter is therefore not allowed to get married without the

acceptance of her father.

When parents disagree with certain marriages it’s because they have a right, as the person

marrying into the family (daughter in law) is joining their family. People are not racist when

they want you to marry from your own cultural background. It is only wrong when someone

comes to you from a good background and is very knowledgeable and you decline them

from marrying your daughter.

A practicing wife is a very important factor for your children.

It’s all about sacrifice and compromise.

Umar (RA) said that marriage is slavery, so be careful to whom your daughter goes to.

It is a shame that we spend a year to two preparing for one day (Walimah) and a couple of

days for learning about the actual marriage!

A study was done on the main reasons behind divorces among Muslims. Below are the top

reasons:

- Husband and wife looking for the perfect spouse; incompatibility

- People are so caught up in the dunya

- Abuse-physical or domestic

- Money-indirect (she is expecting to move out, he can’t afford to. She wants to get an

extension, he can’t afford to.)

- Lying or hiding important information. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

You don’t need to tell your partner everything about your past if you have repented and you

know it will not affect anything to do with your marriage.

If you are hiding something about beauty for instance (sterile, impotent, major birthmark,

disability) then you should say something before the marriage. If these were found out

afterwards your partner can divorce you on the basis of you not mentioning this before.

Divorce is something that Iblis loves and it is very much detested in Islam.

It is not just individuals that split up; it is the family and the community that splits up.

It shakes the confidence of the community. It also starts to put people off the idea of

marriage as people getting divorces just like that.

There is a really big emphasis on ignoring the faults of your partner. The Prophet (SAW) said

that more woman were in hell because they were ungrateful to their husbands.

With this type of warning, you are making a huge mistake if you still choose divorce just like

that, if you have not sacrificed anything.

There is a lot of benefit in marriage. We all should make this an obligation upon ourselves.

Marriage is the solution, but it is a difficult ride.

Even though the mother always comes first, there are certain

situations where the wife needs to be protected.

Walimah is nothing but a victory dance! - Shaykh AE

Love is just a spark; the rest is about keeping it going. Love is

overrated; it’s more about sacrifice as you are doing it for your

kids or the community.

When things look very bad after all attempts to fix it up, reflect on this: It is here when the

Muslims have to step up and realise that marriage was most definitely more than just

‘falling in love.’ Rather, it is for the sake of Allah (SWT), it is for the sake of the children and

it is for the sake of the community at large who need to see people battle it out and

suppress their desires for excitement and risk throwing away stressful responsibility. It is

time to stand up and be counted and instead embrace the challenge of maintaining,

sustaining, remaining stable and accepting increased responsibility with honour, patience

and trust in Allah (SWT).

Divorce doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. The father should still pay for his child’s

upbringing. The average housewife would get £50, 000 a year for just the cooking and

cleaning; even more than if she were a teacher of her qualifications.

Men usually play a very dirty trick and emotionally blackmail the children. They tell their

child the one who is teaching them the religion (mother) is the boring one and that they are

the fun parent. The kid associates fun and games with the father and hurt and work with the

mother. And then when divorce comes, the father asks the children, who do you like most?

Who is the one who is more fun? This is haram to do and not permissible at all.

Allah (SWT) has gifted you with something; you can’t say that you don’t want it. And Allah

(SWT) puts the female offspring first in the Quran in Surah al-Shura (49-50). We should be

grateful for this and accept the responsibility that comes with this. Despite the blessing, it is

a huge responsibility.

There is a narration by Tirmidhi regarding how children can be a real fitnah.

“The Messenger of Allah (SWT) (SAW) was once giving the khutbah and Hassan and Hussain

both stumbled in wearing red shirts, upon which the Messenger of Allah (SAW) descended

from the pulpit, picked them and held them and then said, ‘What Allah (SWT) and His

Mesenger (SAW) said is true – ‘You wealth and your children are only a test for you’ – I

looked at these two small kids strolling and stumbling along and I couldn’t help myself but

cut short my sermon and lift them up.’”

Here, he is not celebrating the fact that he stopped what he was doing. They distracted him

from what he should be doing.

We become cowardly with our children. Not able to do everything because they are around.

They make you weak, but you enjoy them so much so you handle it all.

Our children can be out keys to Paradise or our tickets to the top. The Prophet (SAW) told

us:

‘When the son of Adam passes away, his actions are closed down except for three: a

continuous form of charity, something of knowledge by which others benefit from or a

righteous child who prays for him.’ (Muslim)

If your children have the correct tarbiyyah and if you invest in them properly then they will

understand this hadith and make dua for you. Also if you teach them something that can

benefit others, they can pass that knowledge on and you will get the rewards as well as

them.

It is authentically narrated that Abu Hurayrah (RA) himself said:

“The one who has passed away will move up in his position, and he will say, ‘O Lord, what’s

going on?’ It will be said to him, ‘Your child sought forgiveness for you.’” (al-Adab al-Mufrad

– 35)

The challenges of Islamic parenting:

Children, despite their great comforting and entertainment qualities, really do grow up very

quickly and you soon start to yearn for the good old days when they were all small and

innocent. The responsibility for educating them is a huge one and the emphasis on seeking

knowledge has always been to start as young as possible.

Bringing up our children is not just teaching them Quran, it is teaching them about life.

The bonus really is to teach our children as much as possible from the Islamic sciences when

they are as young as possible; they have plenty of spare time, they have no responsibilities

and they have the advantage of being in their peak memorising age for as the Arabs say,

‘Memorising whilst young is like engraving in stone, whereas later it’s like painting on

water.’

What is your vision for your children?

The shaykh’s opinion:

This country is his/her future. The Prophets (peace be upon them all) wanted their children

to lead mankind. We live in a very different society who looks down upon us, but we in fact

do that to ourselves. It’s unbelievable that these people tolerate us. We are like a plague to

this society. There are just a few people out there which are the reason they tolerate us (Mo

Farah).

If you work hard enough, you can get to the top. If you keep going, you can become

whoever you want to be. If you have the motivation, you can get there.

The people in this country just appreciate the talent here, not their background. I want my

children to inspire everyone!

When a crisis happens, the people in this country look to the people who have gone through

their education system. They don’t care about colour, whether you wear hijab or have a

beard. They will listen and accept as they are so invested in their education system. Sadly,

outside qualifications don’t help us in this country.

I want my child to become a professor in anything he wants. A leader in whatever he wants.

So when he speaks, it’s a platform to show off the Muslims. So they can’t think of anything

negative to link with this person.

You have to try and complete your education BEFORE you become

a parent.

Everyone respect people who are in good shape. You see someone who looks after

themselves; you respect them more as you know it took a lot of sacrifice. It is important to

realise Islam is bigger than what it used to be. Bigger population, if you focus on what the

non-Muslims respect, the Muslims will respect you too.

Number of children and frequency:

Because breast-feeding often acts as a natural contraceptive anyway, children can be

spaced between 2-3 years apart so that each child gets a full weaning period.

Imtiaz - the discern one

Tamyiz - the age when children are now held accountable at home for their actions (in

general 7 years old, but can be between 5-9)

The early stages:

Birth to Two years:

We should not belittle the importance of this age. The child is very much aware at this time

of their surroundings. No doubt the mother ends up with the major role in this stage

however the father should help once in a while, in helping giving the mother a break.

Two to Seven years:

Start telling them about things happening around them in childlike terms while also

mentioning about Allah (SWT) and paradise and hell and general knowledge about Islam in a

very simple content.

Your actions and mannerisms are the key here as they watch you a lot during this period.

You should also try and encourage them to learn the Quran at this stage.

One advantage of the early stage of education is that they are more relaxed (they don’t

need molvees, they need people who love their religion).

The only hadith from the prophet about teaching is about Salah and it states that you should

pass it by them at 7, and implement it from the age of 10. The other ideas about math and

writing and swimming were from the companions.

Make them (your children) memorise the Quran before secondary

school as after that it will take too much of their time away from

schooling.

It is more important to just learn to read Arabic rather than the

speaking. The understanding is more important than the writing.

Seven years and on:

This third stage is called the ‘age of discernment’ (tamyiz). If you really want to make an

impact, you have to jump in right now.

You might be worried that the teachers at school have the ability to teach your children but

you should use it to your advantage and work with them side by side.

You should not let your child be taught the Quran by just their mother or father alone. They

should get another teacher to help.

Home-schooling is not the best option. Children get bored from just being taught by their

mother and father. And even the parents can’t take it sometimes. It is also very difficult to

do (for the parents).

Children and Salah:

The verb marra (to instruct) has different definitions.

4-15 years

You should not stop your children to pray from a younger age from 7. And do not force

them before this stage. The more you keep them away, the more they will get attracted.

They need to appreciate that praying is for special people. You also don’t start correcting

their mistakes at this stage. You ignore them. You start to praise them when they start

getting it correct. The prophet has given us 3 years to educate our children about prayer and

establishing it. From the age of 7 and 8, you start focusing on the child’s legs, sitting and

ruku’ for example. When they reach the age of 10, start bringing your children to the

mosque and also wake them up for fajr. If you think they are still too young, then push it to

11. They are still not accountable so it’s okay for them to miss a few days. But don’t let this

get into a habit.

When they get to secondary, they should have their prayer habit securely built into them. A

man who does not go to the mosque is not a man! They should come to it themselves; you

should not force them into anything. They have to understand that prayer is a blessing. So

you may banish them from prayer if they misbehave. These things will only work if you have

established reading the Quran and prayer from when they are young.

Once the Quran is associated with punishment, they will not take it seriously.

If they say, ‘I don’t want to read Quran today’ and you know that they are lying, then tell

them ‘it’s okay, but you can’t read it for the whole month.’ If they really are tired, then don’t

force it upon them or they will start to hate it.

Other acts of worship:

Hijab - don’t force them and they will follow

We tend to play out our fantasies in our kids’ lives. Hijab becomes obligatory when she

reaches puberty. Some scholars have said that if her body has become womanly, she should

also start wearing hijab even if she hasn’t reached puberty. If you want to introduce

something, do it during the summer period if she is developed. She must wear a hijab in

secondary.

Likewise with Salah, they have to be prepared with Salah before they start secondary.

Hajj - there is no point really to take children at such a young age.

It is better when they understand the concept. Even if they go with their parents, they still

have to repeat their hajj a second time.

Children and Mosques:

Men taking their sons to the mosque is the same concept as women dressing up their

daughters (they are trying to fulfil their fantasies).

The children are not recommended to come but they are allowed only under certain

circumstances. During the time of the Prophet (SAW), he never brought them to the

mosque. People have to understand that children can learn about the mosque and prayer

on Eid or Friday prayer. It is good to make it an event when they go to the mosque and they

will start to love going. And then you can ban them if they misbehave and it will upset them.

Life education:

The most important secret for success in the whole chapter of Islamic parenting is to ensure

that the parent is the life educator. This comes before all other priorities. Life education

means the parent has to be the guide, the motivator, the confidant, the role model, the

inspirer, the hero, the source of comfort and the fount of all knowledge. You should become

the funnel in creating the experience for your children. It is impossible to bring your children

up in this country without TV, movies, football, sports, celebrities etc.

If you do not become that funnel, they will run to somewhere else to get that information.

Since you can’t create the Islamic role model, you try and create the lesser evil like

something like sports for example.

Gaming systems make bigger money these days than movies and Hollywood. You can’t keep

your children away from these things. You have to only allow them to use these things as a

reward. You can’t avoid your children being exposed from the corrupt societies. You have to

be calm and explain these things to your kids about halal and haram.

Islamic School or Normal School?

It doesn’t matter where your children go, they will still need your involvement and concern.

There is a personal responsibility and the absolute necessity for the parents to review with

their children the contents of their day every single day whether they are home schooled,

go to normal schools, private schools or Islamic schools. If you are not their best friend, they

will find someone else. You need to always be there.

Summary of schooling issues:

There is no definitive right way. Every option has its benefits. The single most important

objective and rule and solution and principle and guarantee for your child and their

schooling is actually explained by a Prophetic statement: al-mar’u ‘ala dini sahibihi. The

VITAL key to this all is who your child’s best friend will be. If you invest in finding your child

at least one good friend (or a small group), they will be fine.

Issues with all these schools:

Public schools:

- You should know they are exposed to a lot here and you need to be prepared

- Mainly people are afraid of sex education

- If you don’t talk to them, they will talk to their friends and experiment instead

- The threat is out there, you cannot avoid it!

Private schools:

- Preferred education system (by the shakyh)

- Not affordable

- Every day you are the filter and help them by talking to them about right and wrong

Islamic schools:

- Easy way out of responsibility

- Not affordable

- The parents don’t know anything about their kids’ lives as they don’t ask them every

day

- Many unqualified teachers who don’t know how to teach

- Best option IF there are good teachers and the parents can afford

Madrasah:

- Option if it is good and worthy

- Similar to Islamic schools regarding not taking responsibility and asking about their

kids’ day

All of these systems will have their pros and cons. However, PARENTS ARE THE SOLUTION!

You also have to filter what goes out, so check their homework for instance.

Children will not speak Arabic as their main language in Western countries. They need to

first learn their mother tongue or English. The real focus should be on the pronunciation of

the letters.

Child discipline:

The Prophet (SAW) never hit a child or a woman. Ever.

There is no narration that prohibits physical disciplining or capital punishment – rather there

are narrations that establish its permissibility and give its limits. We can tell from the

scholars that one should use preventative measures first. The second level is to actually

apply those punishments. The third level is to take a kid by the ear gently which is

something narrated from many of the salaf and sahabah. But as a last resort, they allow

smacking with conditions:

- You cannot smack a child under the age of 10

- It cannot be more than 10 times (unless capital punishment)

- It mustn’t be on the face or say something along the lines of ‘May Allah (SWT) make

your face ugly!’

- Must avoid sensitive areas (stomach or private parts)

- Must be in different areas to not specifically hurt one area and also timed separately

- Must not happen while you are angry

- One must stop immediately if the child implores you by Allah (SWT) to stop

- One must explain before any discipline what is happening and why and also how to

avoid that in the future

Memorisation of the Quran:

Although we don’t have a specific authentic hadith from the Prophet (SAW), some of the

sahabah and Salaf would state as collected by Imām al-Suyūti and Abu Nu’aym in al-Hilyah:

‘The right of the child upon his father is that he is taught the Quran, archery, swimming and

that he is given halal provision.’

The young age is about memorising and not understanding, as that will come later and it

MUST be accompanied with complete parental involvement and explanation, etc.

Memorisation Tips:

Some points to reflect over based on anecdotal evidence from Muslim families:

- Need to introduce surahs to your children after 3

- Need to believe it is possible to memorise the Quran by it

- One should not get depressed by slow development

- Children are still memorising still into their teens (don’t need to rush it)

- Focus on memorisation, not tajweed

- Focus on quality over quantity (don’t rate 3 pages on a day over 1 page on a day)

- Focus on at least twice a day (morning and evening)

- The reason for memorising so much is because they have free hearts (no stress) so

don’t expose your child to arguments/problems

- Encourage high number of repetition (one ayah-50/100 times); if you can, make your

children to write out the ayahs (if they have studied Arabic)

- Do not get depressed if your child is starting late

- Memorise things loudly

- Don’t rush – what comes quick, goes quick

- You have to get your child emotionally involved

Beating is overrated!

You don’t need to hit anyone these days, you just need to be

imaginative (no watching the match/no PS3!)

Children require presence, not presents!!

One of the most important things that you must do is to never

spoil you children. Keep things simple. Try to not devalue the

prize!

- There are many resources you can use

Miscellaneous issues:

The reward system

- Children love things that we love 10 times more

- If anyone has a right to rewards (or sweets), its children

Instant gratification vs deferred gratification

- Dunya vs akhirah concept

- Kufr if you accept dunya

Developing patience with matters of little interest

- You can’t always do what you want

- Have to accept this (already present in education system)

Developing the ability to share

- One of the main targets for the syllabus in primary education

The child should be listened to if they have knowledge or quality education

- You have to really become their friends and do things together

- Bring up their confidence, and let them feel involved and that they have

something to offer

Hadīth 76:

On the authority of ‘Uqbah b. ‘Amir (RA) who said, “I heard the Messenger of

Allah (SAW) say, ‘If someone has three daughters and is patient with respect

to raising them, and clothes them from his wealth, they will be a shield for

him from the Fire.’”

This is an authentic narration, collected by Ibn Mājah (3669) and Imām Ahmad (4/154) and

Abu Ya’lā in his Musnad (1764).

Jāhili Arab society over 1400 years ago had an intense dislike and disappointment of giving

birth to a daughter instead of a son, which unbelievably led some of them to actually kill this

child out of shame and despair, about which Allah (SWT) says in Surah’l-Takwīr:

“And when the female infant buried alive is questioned: for what sin was she killed?”

The Jāhili Arabs either feared poverty or they worried about what their enemies would do

with their families. As for fear of poverty, then Allah (SWT) says:

“Do not kill your offspring for fear of poverty.” (al-Isra – 31)

One of the Salaf ‘Ubaydullāh al-Sa’dī said, ‘It has reached me that Allah (SWT) loves those

who have daughters. Lūt (AS) had only daughters, Shu’ayb (AS) the same and the Prophet

(SAW) was one who had daughters.’

The Prophet (SAW) and his Daughter:

On the authority of Aishah (RA) who said:

‘I have not seen anyone resemble the Messenger of Allah (SWT) in the style, attitude and

way of standing and sitting than Fatimah, daughter of the Messenger of Allah (SAW).’

She added, ‘When she would enter upon the Prophet (SAW) he used to stand up for her,

kiss her and seat her in his place; and when the Prophet (SAW) used to visit her, she would

stand up for him, kiss him, and seat him in her place.’ (Imām Ahmed, Abu Dāwūd and al-

Tirmidhi)

Hadīth 90:

‘A’ishah (RA) said, “A Bedouin came to the Prophet (SAW) and said, ‘Do you

kiss your children, because we don’t!’ The Prophet (SAW) said, ‘Can I put

mercy in your heart after Allah (SWT) has removed it!?’”

This is narrated authentically in Bukhāri and Muslim.

Hadīth 93:

On the authority of al-Nu’mān b. Bashīr (RA) that his father came to the

Messenger of Allah (SAW) carrying him, and said, “O Messenger of Allah

(SAW), please bear witness that I have given al-Nu’mān such and such.” The

Prophet (SAW) replied, “Did you give every child the same?” “No,” said his

father. “Then ask someone else to bear witness,” said the Prophet (SAW). “Do

you not want them all to be equally dutiful to you?!” “But of course,” replied

his father. The Prophet (SAW) said, “Then don’t do that.”

This is narrated authentically in Bukhāri and Muslim.

You should invest the most time into your eldest child as they will be around for much

longer than you as a parent. The illa is that the other children feel the problem.

The other children should never feel like they are being neglected and one of the siblings is

getting favouritism. So you have to be careful in favouring each child as well as they might

not feel it at the time but they might later.

Concluding advice:

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

The command of Allah (SWT) given to the parents with respect to their children precedes

the command of Allah (SWT) given to the children with respect to their parents. Whoever is

negligent in the teaching of his child that which will benefit him and just leaves him to his

own devices, then he has sinned greatly, indeed most of the corrupting of children comes

from via the parents and their negligence and failure to teach children the obligatory

aspects of dīn and its sunan; they were neglected as children and didn’t benefit, and they

fail to benefit their parents in their elderly age either, just as is seen when some parents

complain of disobedience from their sons and daughters to which they reply, ‘Father, you

neglected me when I was young so I neglect you when you are old; you left me a child and I

leave you as an old man.’

Hadīth 100:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (RA) who said, “I heard the Messenger of

Allah (SAW) say, ‘Allah (SWT) the Mighty and Exalted has divided up mercy

into one hundred portions. He retained ninety-nine portions with Himself

and sent one portion to Earth – it is because of this portion that the Creation

is merciful to one another, to the extent that the mare lifts it hooves away

from its foal for fear of harming it.’”

This narration is highly authentic and narrated by Bukhāri and Muslim in their Sahīh

collections.

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d focus less on the love of power,

And more on the power of love.

(Diane Loomans)