Issue 6 In-Depth In-Depth 03.06.176 7

GENDER IDENTITY

FINDING HIS INNER SELFSenior Alexander Schmitz overcomes struggles of being transgenderPRIYA KUKREJACo-Editor-in-Chief

As senior Alexander Schmitz thinks back to his soph-omore year, there is one conversation that stands out in his mind. He was at a cast party sitting outside with a group of people. When the topic of transpeople came up, Schmitz shared what he knew about gender realignment surgeries. His friend asked him a foreshadowing question, “Is that something you would ever want to do?”

Schmitz hesitated. He said “no.”At the time, Schmitz was unclear about what the pro-

cess of transition meant for him. It had not clicked that being trans was going to be a defining aspect of Schmitz’s identity.

“Sometimes if I look back on my life, there’s a lot of signs that I should have seen, or that my parents should have seen. And now it seems pretty obvious,” Schmitz said.

Schmitz started to think he was trans during the sum-mer after his sophomore year. He feels as if a part of him has always known, though he could not put a name to it. Growing up with two older brothers, people often threw around the word “tom-boy” to describe Schmitz.

“Before I figured it out, I was very insecure about a lot of things. I always hated my name and I didn’t know why. I just didn’t like when people called me that,” Schmitz said.

Upon telling his mother and going to see a therapist soon after, Schmitz began to come to terms with the reality of his situation. He cut his hair, bought new clothes, wore a binder to flatten his chest, and began to go by the name Alexander. Alec for short.

Looking back, Schmitz’s mother, Micki Hoffee, took some time to ease into the idea of Schmitz being trans.

“It was introduced to me slowly, maybe intentionally, with things like ‘I don’t really like my name,’ or in choosing clothes and shoes that were more boyish or androgynous. The pivotal news that my daughter is a boy hit me pretty hard. I honestly didn’t see it coming,” Hoffee said.

During his freshman and sophomore years, Schmitz struggled with anxiety, depression, and fairly bad grades. But as his confidence increased after he began to transition, Schmitz maintained a 4.0 GPA through his last two years of high school.

“There was a lot of anger and confusion and insecurity. Then after I had chosen a name and after people started using the right pronouns, it was like this weight completely lifted off of me. I could breathe and I could focus on things that mattered,” Schmitz said.

While transitioning entails different steps for different

people, so far, Schmitz’s transition has included changing his physical appearance and coming out socially. He has considered taking hormone treatments in the future as well.

Coming out on Facebook was one of the first steps that Schmitz took to socially transition. He told a few of his friends first. His mom, dad, and brothers followed.

“I never struggled with a preference of who my kid wants to date. But this was different. Deeper. I was ter-rified—sometimes still am—that this amazing mother/daughter bond and the almost creepy way that we just ‘get’

each other is going to dissolve into a testos-terone-infused dis-connected version of its former self,” Hoffee said.

Schmitz had a short conversation with his mom when coming out as trans. He was sitting in class when he sent his dad the email explaining his situation. While both were a bit hesi-tant at first, they be-gan to come to term with Schmitz’s reality once they saw a posi-tive shift in his confi-dence and happiness.

“My gener-al mindset is to let it ride. I understand a need to make changes so that the life around you fits the life within you. If this is the right path then it will always be the right path,” Hoffee said.

Schmitz’s friends played a large role in creating a sup-portive and understanding community. MN 2015 graduate Alexandria Yakes was especially supportive of Schmitz as a friend through his entire process.

“Alec told me he was trans a few weeks before I left for college. I could tell he was very nervous to have that conversation with me. Who wouldn’t be? But as soon as he told me I could actually see him physically relax. We spent the next few hours talking about new names and what his future would look like. Rarely do I see Alec as happy as he was that night,” Yakes said.

Schmitz was actually so fond of his relationship with

his best friend Yakes, he chose his name, Alexander, based on her name, Alexandria.

“She’s been the rock for me, fighting against bigoted people and fighting against people that say horrible things to me,” Schmitz said.

When Schmitz came out as trans, he understood that everyone would not be accepting. Over time, he has learned how to deal with people who have malicious intent.

“When people deliberately call me by my birth name or call me she/her, it just hurts. It feels like I’m being disre-spected and ignored and invalidated. It’s a very infuriating feeling. But also, people come to my defense and it makes me feel a little bit better to be reminded who stands behind me,” Schmitz said.

Schmitz’s journey of coming out to his true gender identity has seen hardships, support, and struggle. In the end, he’s found a way to become secure in himself and his future.

“Alec gained a clearer picture of how he will create the future he wants for himself. At the same time, I’ve seen him really struggle with navigating this brand new world. I ad-mire him for his strength,” Yakes said.

Doubt is an inevitable of any major life change, but Schmitz has been able to overcome those uncertainties by being secure in himself.

“I still have moments of doubt that are like ‘Am I mak-ing this up?’ because the voice in my head wants me to be making it up. I know it would be a lot easier to not be trans. So I have doubt in myself, but usually that’s overcome by me realizing ‘No, this is what I’m meant to be,’” Schmitz said.

Although getting to where he is at hasn’t been easy, Schmitz has finally reached a place where he is firm in his identity. As he explains, “This is who I am.”

NARRATIVE INTERVIEWSStudents share stories about discovering their gender identity

CHASESTOKESAs gender become a central issue in political and social discussion, we shift the focus back onto human stories. In this

issue of The Hoofbeat, we reveal a new perspective by sharing the narrative of transgender students at Millard North.

KAIMEACHAM

AUBREYMAX GILSON

When did you first realize you were trans? Had you ever considered it before?It was the summer after my sophomore year band camp. We had done a gender swap for our Wednesday theme. That was when I was like “this doesn’t feel wrong,” and I first started questioning it. Now it has just expanded.

I always felt more like I just wasn’t a feminine person, a quote unquote “girly girl.” My mom grew up tom-boyish, so I never felt like it was out of the ordinary for me to be that way. But I never had the words for it. I think that in order for you to know when you’re young, you have to have the vocabulary for it. You have to have the knowledge that it’s acceptable. I didn’t have the knowledge to correct-ly identify what I was feeling.

What word do you identify with now?I identify as a transgender male. I started out as a demigirl and then moved through the binary, in a way. For a while, I identified as agender. I asked a couple of my friends to use they/them pronouns for me. I was originally very uncomfortable about being a transgender guy. That just didn’t sit right with me. There is just a lot of things about hyper-masculinity and toxic-masculinity that didn’t feel right. Then, I identified as a demiboy. I just kept moving closer to this male identity. I started going by a different name. There was a time when being transmale felt more right to me, even with all the pressure that comes with it.

How did you feel about your transition in terms of security or confidence?I’m sure there are times in my past when I’ve doubted it, but they aren’t prevalent enough to me to cause doubt now. It’s the same way that you doubt what major you’re going to choose in college. It’s a big thing. And when I first came out to my parents, my mom was like “this is a big thing.” At the time, I was like “yeah mom, but this is who I am. Understand me. God.” But I know it was a big thing. And for a lot of parents, it can be scary. So I understand where it was coming from. As I’ve been referred to as “Chase” or as “he” more often, it makes me more confident in both myself and my transition.

What it is like being trans in high school?I’m in IB, which is a fairly liberal program and a lot of our teachers are very accepting. Especially Mr. Geerts, he has been my homie since day one and I’ve never doubted that he’s had my back. The other day, Magistra Kolander cor-rected someone about my pronouns. I’ve never felt out of place. There are always people who you can be with.

What do you identify as? What does it mean to you?I am agender. To me, that means that I don’t have a gen-der. I am genderless. Gender has never been a thing in my life. It has never existed to me. I feel like a lot of times people just see pink and blue. They see the binary. I have never seen anything like that. When people say things like “you can’t do things that boys can’t do” when you’re little, I would wonder why it matters. Gender never clicked in my head as a thing until someone asked me if I had ever questioned my gender.

Being agender I don’t have any stereotypes. It’s a blessing and curse. I can build my own road and everything about it is valid. That’s what I want to do, but then other people have no concepts of stereotypes surrounding this.

When did you first question your gender?I feel like it’s just been a life thing. When I was a kid, I was a “tom-boy” and that’s just what my mom thought. As time went by, just hearing my name made me uncomfortable. I felt dysphoric, which is the feeling you get when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself. I found “Kai” online and it was close to my birth name. If I needed to, I could say it was a nickname. Every time I had to write my birth name, it felt like a job. It was physically taxing. I had no attachment to that name. It’s just weird to write down a name that you know isn’t yours.

When and how did you start telling people that you were nonbinary?I told my mom in the car that I was agender and I had to explain so many terms to her. There is a lot of vocabulary. She was just like “okay.” The thing that she was thinking was just that this doesn’t exist. This is not a real thing. What you’re telling me is all just these fake words that you found online that you want to use. A lot of it was just not believing me at first.

What would you say to someone who is not ac-cepting of gender deviant identities?Just have a conversation with one of us. See that we’re not just seeking attention. We don’t put ourselves through the pain that we go through, physical and mental pain be-cause we want attention. We actually do not feel connect-ed to the gender that we were assigned to. I put myself through what I do to make myself feel comfortable.

When did you first know you were trans? Have you always known or was it a slow realization?I’m a transwoman, but I personally feel like that separates me from cis girls. So I identify as a simple girl. Growing up, I always knew I was feminine. I loved Barbie, pink, long hair, etc. I would play dress up with my cousins, but won-dered why my dad would try to stop me or why people never let me have stereotypical girly things. It literally hit me like a truck that I was a girl. And I had to work to get everyone else to see that.

How did you come out to family and friends?I came out as a gay male when I was 13. No one was shocked since I’m so into makeup. But I still never real-ly felt comfortable. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school when I realized that I was recreating myself. I came out to friends, who were all more than supportive. I came out to my family two months later. They thought it was another teenage phase and still would not let me express my feminine side until I snuck behind their backs and did it anyways. Then they saw that I wasn’t joking.

Can you describe the steps of your transition? Is there anything you would like to do in the future as part of transitioning?I’m now in the process of changing my name. I had to pay 80 dollars to file it, publish the request to change from Blake Emmor Gilson-Nelson to Aubrey Max Nelson in a local newspaper for four weeks and then appear in front of a judge to ask it to be legally changed. I’m also trying to gather enough money to start therapy again so I can get a letter from the therapist saying I’m fit for hormone replacement therapy. Then, after being on hormones and living as a woman for a full year, I can apply for surgery.

What was it like being trans in high school?High school was odd. I went into winter break as Blake Gilson, and came back in 2016 as Aubrey and my tran-sition was very public. I had to walk down to the nurses office everyday to use the bathroom. Once I used the wom-en’s, and other people came in and out for over 15 minutes and I sat and waited until it was completely empty again. I was late for class because I was so scared if the other girls saw me they’d feel uncomfortable. I was bullied too. I was called Bruce Jenner, Tranny and Lady Boy. Being bullied hurt, but a lot of people that I didn’t know stood up for me and that was amazing and I’ll never forget that. It’s all about who you are inside and what you do.

LGBT+

TRANSGENDER

There was a lot of anger and confusion and insecurity. Then after I had chosen a name and after peo-ple started using the right pronouns, it was like this weight completely lifted off of me. I could breath and I could focus on things that mat-tered,”

Alexander Schmidt, 12

An initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. It is most frequently used to describe people who are neither cis nor heterosexual.

An umbrella term for when one’s assigned gender at birth does not match their gender identity.

BATTLING BULLYING MN works towards making school a safe environment

PRIYA KUKREJACo-Editor-in-Chief

According to the National Center For Gender Equality, transgender youth face significant challenges in school. A national survey has found that 75 percent of transgen-der youth feel unsafe at school. Those who are able to persevere had significantly lower GPAs and were more likely to miss school due to safety concerns.

“It is less the actual bullying, and more-so the fear of bullying. The constant thought that says what if it starts? And if it does, where does it end?” Counselor Loel Schettler said.

MN staff has taken steps to ensure that school is no place for hate. Schettler, who has worked with transgender students in the past, explains that even with professionals outside

of school, it is helpful to have a safe place in school to release emotions. Due to this, MN has maintained strict policies against any form of discrimination or bullying.

According to the American School Counselor’s Association, it is vital to affirm student’s gender identity in order to ensure educational success. Schettler alludes to Wheel of Wellness Model, where gender iden-tity is one component of ensuring success. If any component is lacking, it has potential to harm every aspect of student wellness.

“If supporting education means remov-ing barriers to student’s success, then denying gender identity can definitely be a barrier,” Schettler said.

MN staff continues to work towards en-suring student wellness through support and positive affirmation.

TRANSGENDER YOUTH EXPERIENCEVERBAL HARASSMENT AT SCHOOL

OF TRANSGENDER YOUTH WILL ATTEMPT SUICIDE BY AGE 20

EXPERIENCE PHYSICALHARASSMENT ATSCHOOL ON THEBASIS OF THEIRGENDER EXPRESSION

senior senior MN 2016 graduate

TRANSMALE FEMALEAGENDER

THE FACTSFrom the National Education Association

navigating

NON-BINARYAn umbrella term consisting of gender identities that do not conform to stereotypical notions of masculinity or femininity.

GENDERSYSTEMSystem of gender roles established in a social context.

CISDescribes people whose assigned gender at birth matches their gender identity.

GENDER BINARYThe gender system that classifies sex and gender into two distinct, opposite and disconnected forms of masculine and feminine.

TRANSITIONThe process of changing one’s gender presentation to accord with one’s inter-nal gender identity.

Priya Kukreja - Millard North High School