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Primetime Fashion: Bachelor Recap Episode NineBy Melissa Goldstein on February 28, 2012
ABC.com
Filmed in the pastoral wonderland that is Interlaken, Switzerland, where adorable baby sheepscamper on green hillsides and mountainous panoramas twinkle at every turn, the ninthepisode of The Bachelor was, as Courtney observed, “like a fairytale.” And, as always, ourPrince Charming had to overcome many obstacles—including making forced metaphors abouthow the millionth helicopter ride of the season reflected his relationship arc with Nicki, and howforcing a terrified Lindzi down the cliff-face of a ravine would bring them closer together—but inthe end he achieved his goal: Bedding down with three Swiss Mistresses, with the help of hisvery own de Bergerac, Chris Harrison, who asked all the tough questions on his behalf, namely:“Do you want to win bad enough to come back to my place?” They did.
First there was Nicki, who following a dayof picnicking between helicopter drop-offs,came in with the tough transitive propertysell: If Ben thinks my dad is like his dad,then that means we’re meant to betogether, and should probably startnegotiating the size of our family. Bencouldn’t quite keep up with her math, so heelected to gush about the pair ’s gift of gab
before shutting her up. “I love our conversations, I must tell you I love our conversations,” heassured her in the manner of a British professor, then, “I have something for you.” Ben, is that akey in your pocket, or are you just happy to turn the conversation away from fictional kids?
Next up was Lindzi, who gamely faced herfear of heights once again, by comfortingherself that it was “a lot like stepping into arelationship.” We never thought about it,but you know what, it is a lot like steppinginto a relationship, if your relationship
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involves strapping yourself into a harness—could that be what Ben meant when hecalled Lindzi a “little bit country and a little
bit city”? Is a little bit “city” what the kids are calling it these days? Having passed her test onceagain, Lindzi slipped into something more dusky purple and Barbie-like (with a glittery necklineto boot) for the evening portion of the date.
“I do have something for you,” Ben warned. “Does it involve jumpingoff of something?” Lindzi asked, betraying a glimmer of posttraumatic stress. No sweetie, it doesn’t. But it does involve jumpingonto something.
Last, and certainly not nicest, wasCourtney, outfitted in smashing winterwear: A ruffled, nipped at the waist blackcoat and black knee boots, topped off withan English garden floral scarf. It was anidyllic day—including a magical train ridethrough the mountains—but soon thepleasantries were put aside.
“I noticed at certain times you would twist the knife,” the Bachelor said, confronting Courtneywith his fear that she can’t play well with other women. “Regardless of the situation, it’s prettymessed up.”
The gravity of the sentiment didn’t gounnoticed by Courtney, who offered hermea culpa later on, when Ben expressedworry about the fact that he has a momand a sister, which could prove tricky,given Courtney’s demonstrated female-intolerance. C ponied up the obligatory“my bad” and all was forgiven in time toshack up. “I’m ready to take this relationship to the next step and have uninterruptedeverything,” Ben said, stopping short of revealing, “because I haven’t had uninterruptedeverything with Courtney since that time in Puerto Rico.”
Leaving the couple to their own devices, itwas time for a commercial for Titanic,starring new bachelorette Emily Maynardand her trainers, Ali Fedotowsky andAshley Hebert, who treated viewers to a 3Depisode of Shit Bachelorettes Say,including, “I feel like the way Jack looks atRose is the way JP looks at me,” and “I feellike I’m there, like I can touch it.” Finally,
Emily chimed in with her secret wish: “I want to feel like how she feels,” she sighed, lookinglongingly at Kate Winslet’s character as she prepares to jump to her almost-certain death.
Before we knew it, we were back, and so was Kacie B., in time to getsome answers about her dismissal and ominously warn Ben aboutCourtney, like a ghost from rose ceremonies past. “I feel like if youwere to choose Courtney you’d get your heart broken,” she sobbed.It was a lot to process—enough to make Ben stare at unflatteringphotos of the women, with a tortured look on his face, beforesending Nicki, in an ill-fitting, asymmetrical white cocktail dress emblazoned with a sequinedapplique, on her way. As Lindzi (dressed in a meh, awkward length midnight gown with aplunging neckline) and Courtney (in a girly black lace cocktail dress) waited in the wings, Benwalked Nicki out.
“I cried a little bit today,” he confessed,reminding Nicki that everything wasn’talways about her. As she sobbedheartwrenchingly in the reject limo, Benreturned to his paramours for the happilyever after we were all waiting for: A
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Melissa GoldsteinMelissa Goldstein is a freelance writer for StyleBistro. Her work as alsoappeared in the Wall Street Journal, GQ, The Observer, Spin, ReadyMade andLucky Magazine
champagne toast that felt vaguely like theoverture for a threesome.
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