PRICELESSA M e m o i r P u b l i c a t i o n

LASH ELLE CO OP ER

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Copyright © 2020 by LaShelle Cooper.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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Tel: (833) 229-3553 ext 813 or email Freadom@Cayelle.comCover Art by Robin Ludwig, Inc.

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Published by Cayélle Publishing, LLC. Distributed by Freadom Distribution and Ingram

ISBN: 978-1-952404-05-4 [paperback] ISBN: 978-1-952404-01-6 [ebook]

Second Edition

PRICELESSA M e m o i r P u b l i c a t i o n

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My Dining Room Table

Core Values. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11A United Front – Interviews featuring: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46Aricca D. Fulbright . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49Tanya Williams-Mahee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54Sakiya R. Patton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59Aqual C. Dawson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63Traci L. Johnson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68Calix Leigh-Reign . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73Carolyn J. Smith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81Final Th oughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89Mom Lives Matter (Quizzes A and B) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92Mom’s Th anksgiving Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103Prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105A Message To My Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120Wall of Honor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122Out of the Mouth of My Babes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124

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Let’s open with a couple of questions. And no, this is not a riddle. What do we always hold on to? What cuts us so deep, but heals us completely? Th ink about it. Let the questions marinate before moving forward. Have you thought about it long and hard, or did you cheat to quickly get the answer? No problem. I understand you want to get to the meat of this book’s purpose. Th e answer is: our words. Words are powerful, and they leave permanent imprints throughout our lives. We all learned this early on in our toddler years, if not before. I have composed this book full of advice, sug-gestions, and valuable information, which I have planted within my children. No, I don’t have the perfect relationships with my children. My daughter is at a point in her life where she chooses not to accept the wisdom I have to share. It took me a while to accept and to just be here in existence until she is ready. Jasmyne had given me a directive to “love her and only give advice when she asked.” After me being the one to dictate, discipline, and direct for over 18 years, it was my turn to take a backseat. Every mother hopes the relationship with her children will be stellar, unbreak-able even. I realized my way was no longer going to be the only way. Just as I had to learn from my choices, so must my children.

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After a child turns 18, they take on a personality all their own. Th ey can no longer blame you for what paths they decide to take. And as parents, we must let go and allow them to tread those paths, even if they want to do it alone. However, there are steps to moving forward and letting go of past pain in any relationship. None are exempt. I can only do my part and ask for forgiveness from God for my mistakes, the other person for forgiveness based on any hurt I caused, and move forward. I humbly wait for the other person, children included, to also do the same.

Today, I am going to help you pass on a gift of communication to your children. Not because I have years of licensed experience, but because I have years of parenting experience. I believe that makes me qualifi ed to assist others in developing and bringing forth healthy relationships with their children. Some might even imply how I could even write this book while my daughter and I are at odds. I say in response: It is because of those odds that I amable to write this book. I volunteer this personal information to you so that you may have a peek inside my window of imperfec-tion. I, in no way, want to be mistaken for glamourizing mother-hood. You don’t just put on ice skates and start gliding across the ice. You fall on your face, knees, and backside. You endure through all those cuts, bruises, aches, and pain. It took me a while to accept this statement: “I am a great mother and I do the best I possibly can for my children with every ounce of my body.” Today is the day I move forward from doubt.

Time to cut to the chase. I had my fi rst child when I was 15. Oh my goodness, I was petrifi ed! Tears well up in my eyes even now

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when I think back to the scariest time in my life. I had no experi-ence. I was defi nitely unequipped to handle such a grown-up task. I was not raised in a two-parent home. Barely knew my father. And although the dynamics of my relationships with my parents have changed, back then life was diffi cult for a teenager, especially one in my position. I remember the day I ditched school to catch the bus to the doctor with my friend Bridgette. She was the fi rst one, aside from my sister, who I told I was pregnant. When we arrived at the local county hospital, I fi lled out the paperwork and took the pregnancy test. It seemed like a lifetime passed while waiting for the nurse to call me to the back to read the results.

“LaShelle Washington?”Finally! I thought. I can now get this nonsense of me being

pregnant settled and still make it back to the school in time for my mother to pick me up. As I watched the nurse toss the pregnancy test into the trash, my heart was relieved. Don’t get me wrong. I have always thought babies were blessings, but I was just a baby myself. She bent over to take the pregnancy test back out of the trash. And there it was again; the rapid and panicky heartbeat I tried to escape.

She then said, “Oops. You are pregnant.”I felt even her disappointment, and I wondered if she could

hear my heart beating through my chest. She gave me a packet of information and sent me on my way. I didn’t expect her to sit there and console me as I cried, but I wanted her to. I feared going home. Bridgette and I caught the bus back to school. She went her way and I went mine.

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Th ey say that when you are dying, your life fl ashes before you, but I beg to diff er. Sitting on that hard, concrete wall waiting for my mom to pick me up, fl ashes of my life rapidly took over my mind. I tried to fi gure out how I would tell her I was pregnant. How does a 15-year-old child tell her single mother of four that she’s pregnant? Th at there was another mouth to feed? Th ere was no easy way. What I can’t recall is how long I waited in between that day and fi nally mustering up the courage to tell her, but it was no easier the day I confessed to my mother then when I found out. I knew I would fi ght a constant battle. I knew nothing about…well, life. I still had to be told to clean my room, wash the dishes… Yet, here I was expecting a baby, adding to my list of responsibilities. I was still making wish lists for Christmas out of the JC Penney’s catalog. However, I knew one thing: I wanted to keep the baby. I knew he or she would love me, even when I believed no one else would. I would never have to feel alone again.

One night, I knocked on my mom’s bedroom door and asked to speak with her. It took her a minute to come to my room. Th ere I sat on my bed, shuffl ing coins from a jar as a distraction. It was just a way to avoid looking at my mother as I told her the news.

“Mom....I’m pregnant.”“No Shelle, not you…”Her response sits with me to this day, because I could hear how

disappointed she was with me. Her ambitious, 3.8 GPA, honor roll, the-world-is-yours daughter was pregnant and now an added number to one of the biggest statistic pools ever created.

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I had many hurdles during parenthood. We will leave that for another book at another time. You always hear people say, “Parent-hood does not come with a manual.” It truly does not, and many mistakes were made. However, through it all, I gained wisdom. I talked to people, read, learned from my choices and believe my children have turned out to be wonderful children to this— then amateur—mother. I wish I had this advice to start and not learned later during my parenting. But I am glad I learned at all. Some don’t. I was talking to one of my coworkers one day about leaving something for my children, aside from insurance. Leave something that is priceless. When you are no longer there holding their hand, when you have let them go, when you have passed on, when you can’t express your feelings to each other because of time and cir-cumstance, they can refer back to this book.

Look, we are not always going to get it right. I am sure there will be some who might believe parents should always be able to eff ectively communicate with their child. Based upon the actions of some of the people in this world, I would choose to think that if there were more parents talking to their children, children would be less likely to be out of control, committing crimes, being disre-spectful, etcetera. I am no MD. I carry a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology, and though I have not done the research myself, I stand by communication as being one of the most important key factors in a successful relationship. I have realized (and yes, I learned this in my adult life), just how much communication shapes lives. Communication guides a person to make better deci-sions. I yearned for that type of communication growing up, but

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of course, I didn’t realize it until I was juggling two full-time jobs, two kids, school, and an unhealthy relationship (pre-marriage).

My daughter, Jasmyne, is now discovering her own parenting techniques so she can make the best life for her daughter. Cameron is my son, and he is busy focusing on sports and academics. I am proud of both of my children. Th ey are at diff erent stages in their lives; however, I believe in who they are and who they want to be. When you are parenting children, it is important that we share our experiences and our failures with them. Th ey need to under-stand when we discipline them or advise them, it is not because we are trying to control each decision, but we are attempting to prevent them from making the same mistakes we made. Unfor-tunately, parents, we have to let them make their own mistakes. So my suggestion is to continue to communicate with them, and yes, that involves the ceaseless process of reiteration. We cannot close ourselves off from our children. We are the leaders and must be there in the back of their minds at all times, through good and bad. Th ey should know the door is never closed, but slightly ajar, when they want to reestablish the lines of communication.

I decided that writing this book would not only be good for my children, but for all who are parenting, helping, assisting, guiding, and mentoring. Each piece of advice given does not have to be agreed upon by each reader. However, these are my pieces of advice for my children, with hopes that others can use my words and build upon them for their own household.

I often hear people say, “My mother used to always tell me…” We live by memories and words created to guide us in a posi-

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tive direction. “My grandmother would always say…” Th at can be you. Th ese words can be your choice of words for your child to remember you by. Leave something for them. Most of the time, when people pass on in our lives, we hold on to the last voicemail or last text or most recent picture or spiritual phrase we received from our ancestors. Words are powerful. And what you feel you cannot say now, you can share in this book for them to remem-ber later. I will leave a little room at the back of the book for your words with which to enlighten your loved ones. I am sure there is one thing we can all agree on: Our children need support, love, and guidance from us at all po ints in their lives. Maybe something I am saying will inspire you to create a new line of communica-tion. Pass along this book to others, because it really does take a village to raise a child.

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