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Navigating Conflict to Improve

Communication

Sunita Mutha, MD

University of California, San Francisco

June 25, 2019

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What is conflict?

The state in which one person/group believes that their

interests/concerns are or could be negatively impacted by another

groups different interests/concerns.

Conflict is inevitable when solving complex adaptive problems

Conflict

Purpose Driven Work

Many Experts

Many Options

Dispersed Information

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The Ladder of Inference

Cases

1. You are a site director selected to lead an important committee for

your organization.

2. You are a clinic leader who must talk with a clinician about complaints

about her interpersonal skills and professionalism.

3. You are an organizational leader who is asked to speak with a senior

staff member about persistent and recalcitrant problems with anger

and hostility towards colleagues.

Exercise #1: Power and Control

• Is there a fixed power differential?

• What is the main concern of each of the relevant parties?

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Lack of Conflict as Bad as Too Much Conflict

Conflict

Succeed

Fail

Zone of

Creative

Tension

Zone of

Superficial

CongenialityWar

Zone

Relationships

Ou

tco

mes

Conflict Modes

• Dominant styles, not absolute traits

• Different, not wrong

• Individuals have modes, as do teams

• Value in…

– Recognizing your approach vs. others

– Normalizing differences and expanding options

– Choosing the right approach for the situation

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Conflict Mode Preferences can be Assessed

Exercise #2

1. Choose your top two styles and write them down.

2. Then, identify a situation in which each of

the modes would be the preferred mode

of conflict resolution.

Competitive Mode: Assertive, uncooperative

Appropriate Use ?

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Competitive Mode: Assertive, uncooperative

Appropriate Use

• Technical problems with 1 right answer

• Unpopular actions that need to be

implemented

• Emergencies

• When the rights of the vulnerable or key

principles are at risk

Accommodating Mode: cooperative, unassertive

Appropriate Use ?

Accommodating Mode: cooperative, unassertive

Appropriate Use

• When the concern is more important to the

other person (building capital..)

• When stakes are low and you want to support

the other person’s decision making

• When you realize you are wrong

• When you are losing anyway

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Compromising Mode: neither cooperative nor assertive

Appropriate Use ?

Compromising Mode: neither cooperative nor assertive

Appropriate use

• Goals are moderately important but not worth

more assertive strategies

• Two equally powerful opponents are committed

to mutually exclusive goals (think labor

relations)

• As a temporary solution to a complex issue

Avoiding Mode: uncooperative and unassertive

Appropriate use ?

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Avoiding Mode: uncooperative and unassertive

Appropriate use

• Unimportant issues

• More information is needed and the issue is

not urgent

• When others are better suited to manage this

conflict

• When the issue is symptomatic of a bigger

problem

• Buying time

Collaborating Mode: cooperative and assertive

Appropriate Use ?

Collaborating Mode: cooperative and assertive

Appropriate Use

• New learning is needed

• Build commitment

• Improve relationships

• Test assumptions

• Manage upset people

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Now what?

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Putting this knowledge to use for constructive conflict

1. Plan for success

2. Establish criteria, timeline, decision process

3. Prepare - know yourself and walk in their shoes

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Plan for success

Important habit

• the more serious the problem, the more

controversial the situation and the more people

involved….

• the more formal and transparent the planning

and ground rules should be to others

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Criteria, timeline, and process

Be clear

• What do we want to accomplish?

• How will we know we have accomplished it?

• When will we need to finish?

• What will happen if we can’t agree?

Prepare and plan

Practice

• Reflect: What is the concern that I care about?

• Anticipate: What might others view as their

major concern? What position might they take?

• Natural Mode: What is my dominant TK mode?

• Alternate Mode: What might be an acceptable

alternative?

Exercise 3: Preparing for constructive conflict

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Unconditionally constructive strategy

• Balance reason and emotion - Even if they act emotionally

• Be understanding- Try

• Communicate - Consult them before deciding on matters that affect them

• Be reliable - Neither trust them nor deceive them

• Persuasion is more helpful than coercion – Don’t yield to coercion nor try to coerce; be

open to persuasion and try to persuade

• Mutual acceptance - Accept them as worthy of consideration, care about them, and be open to

learning

Negotiation strategy

• Separate the people from the problem• Distinguish relationship and issue

• Deal directly with the issue• Speak for yourself

• Attend to perception• Use empathy• Watch the ladder of inference

• Propose solutions that are consistent with other’s values

Fisher et al. Getting to yes, 1991

Negotiation strategy

Attend to emotions• Acknowledge them

• Allow other side to let off steam

• Don’t react to outbursts

Use active listening and “I” statements

Focus on interests, not positions• Ask why? Why not? Uncover interests

• Be flexible and concrete

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Common mistakes in managing conflict

• Failure to anticipate and plan for conflict

• Failure to recognize conflict is present

• Reliance on the same style of conflict management for every situation

When emotions run high

• Assume positive intent

• Be curious

• Acknowledge the emotion in the room

• Switch conflict modes

• Take a time out

Exercise 4: Practice!

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Resources

• Getting to Yes : William Ury and Roger Fisher

• Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high: Kerry

Patterson

– Vitalsmarts website

• Emotional Intelligence: Daniel Goleman

• The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook:Peter Senge

• Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading:

Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky

• Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes