TO “I DO” OR NOT TO “I DO” THAT IS THE QUESTION

Pre-Marriage Discussion1/15/2011

Why Are You Here?

Schedule Session 1 – Knowing God and His Will Session 2 – Group Discussion Session 3 – When The Time Comes Lunch Session 4 – We Love Each Other,

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Session 5 – Group Discussion Session 6 – What Now?

Spiritual Inventory Where are you today? How is your

personal relationship with Him now? Does it need work?

Do you know the Word of God? Will you study to show your self approved? Become a diligent workman unashamed to proclaim Him.

Am I a servant now or self-focused?

How do I find God’s will for my life? Word of God – does it

encourage, forbid, or ignore? Godly counsel from

authorities and those that know you well

Circumstances Humility

Marriage and the Scripture Bible begins and ends with a wedding –

Jesus first miracle was at one – heading to a wedding feast

“Not good for man to be alone” – Genesis Leave his father and mother join with his

wife – Genesis/Matthew/Ephesians He who finds a wife finds a good thing –

Proverbs Two are better than one and a three stand

cord is not quickly broken – Ecclesiastes

Marriage and the Scripture Being single allows you to be

totally devoted to the Lord – 1 Corinthians 7

Not less of a person if not married Marriage seems to stop in heaven While most will marry, not all will

or should (Paul –remain as I am?)

Godly Counsel What do those in authority say

about your decision? What do those that know you

best say about you or your decision?

What do those that are more mature and experienced say to you about this decision?

Circumstances Really only two questions involved

if marriage is in your future – Who and when Are you considering marriage for

the right reasons? Is this the right time? Can you

provide? Are you running away from something? Are you attempting to prove something to someone?

Humility Being willing to admit you made a

mistake or you are not ready Being willing to listen to others

that are older and wiser Not demanding your own way or

timing Trusting God for direction and

confirmation Better to be happily married for 40

years than miserably married for 50!

So…. Is your relationship with God growing? Are you seeking Him daily for wisdom and

grace? Are you spending time in the Word of God? When facing major decisions: Consult the Word, your authorities, pay

attention to the circumstances, and remain humble

Step out in faith for you can’t steer a parked car!

Group Discussion

Two Questions1. What is the most important attribute that I should be looking for in a future spouse?

2. What should a future spouse be looking for in me?

What To Look For – My Take What type of spirit is within that

body? What is the commitment to the

Lord? How mature is the person

emotionally? How do they treat others,

specifically their family? Do we have similar interests and

goals? Are they selfish or self-less?

When the time comes…

Biblically – many ways to get a spouse Trade for them, capture them, slay

their male family members, meet them on your wedding day as arranged by parents or older siblings, etc.

In our day two primary ways – some sort of dating or some sort of courtship

Dating A guy and girl spending time together

enjoying each others company without any intention of pursuing marriage or a deeper commitment.

Often self focused and is noncommittal Morally dangerous, potential scars,

begins a pattern of breaking relationships instead of creating enduring ones

Courtship A guy and girl begin a relationship

with the express purpose of pursing marriage

The end goal is not just personal enjoyment, but seeking the Lord about spending the rest of your life with this person

Still will not prevent hurts, immorality is still possible without effective guidelines

Reinforces the lifelong concept of marriage

We Must Be Aware… Of our actions and how they

impact others Guys – paying special attention

to a young lady launches an entire series of thoughts that usually focus on marriage

Girls – flirtations/clothing can give the wrong impression as to your character and desires

A Good Way To Go About It Pray and observe Focus on life long traits not just

physical attraction Kindness, servanthood, growing

walk with God, spiritual or carnal Fruit production – Galatians 5:22-

23 Include parents early on for

wisdom and protection

Lunch

We Love Each Other- What Could Possibly Go Wrong? ½ of all couples divorce now –

including those in the Church Almost all of them said they loved

each other and vowed to stay married until death

Why?

Some Reasons Lack of commitment to the Lord or

backsliding Lack of commitment to the

covenant of marriage thus allowing a back door exit

An illusion of what married life was going to be like – two becoming one is a volatile process

Entertaining thoughts that should have been taken captive

Some Reasons Failure to realize the spiritual

nature of marriage, its significance and the attacks against it

Failure to recognize that help is needed, then being humble enough to seek it out

While $, the physical relationship, children, etc. are often blamed, the underlying reasons are spiritual and so is the solution.

Communication Topics $, in-laws, how much time is spent

with family and friends, same friends or different?

Vacations, child training, free time, hobbies, establishing a new home, home chores

Hurts, wounds, forgiveness, sensitive, insensitive, anger, pouting, assigning motives

Love and Respect Seminar by Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs based on Eph 5

Group Discussion

Problem SolvingA newly married couple faces a major decision – relocating for a job and the couple disagree – how does this get resolved?

My Take Ephesians 5:22-33 explains what God

expects Servant leaders and faith filled followers Love as Christ loved the Church and line up

under an imperfect authority with faith in God

God expects the two to become one and function as one and that takes death-to-self daily

No one is perfect except Christ – forgive and walk on

Some Other Thoughts While single, seek the Lord – Invest your

time and energy in growing and serving others

The issue is always God’s will and not our personal happiness or goals

God has placed authorities in your life for a reason – include them and listen to them

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church – What will we present to the waiting world?

1 Timothy 4:12Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Questions?