Practically Perfect Practically Perfect

Perfectionism and Underachievement in Gifted StudentsFacilitated by Kristin Fawaz

McKinney ISD 2014

Mary Poppins~“So people sayEach virtue virtually knows no boundEach trait is great and patently soundI’m practically perfect from head to toeIf I had a fault it would never dare to showI’m so practically perfectIn every wayBoth prim and proper and never too sternWell-educated yet willing to learnI’m clean and honest, my manner refinedAnd I wear shoes of the sensible kindI suffer no nonsense and whilst I remainThere’s nothing else I feel I need explainI’m practically perfect in every wayPractically perfect, that’s my forteUncanny nannies are hard to findUnique, yet meek, unspeakably kind.”

From Mary Poppins, the Musical

Critical EyeCritical Eye

High Achievers Perfectionists

Set goals highWork towards

achieving goalsSatisfied with doing a

great job and achieving excellence even if the very high goals aren’t completely met.

Sets goals unreasonably/ unattainably high.

Perfectionists will accept nothing less than perfection.

“Almost perfect” is seen as failure.

Davidson Institute, Helping Gifted Students Cope with PerfectionismEtienne Benson, The Many Faces of Perfectionism

Elizabeth Scott, 10 Telltale Traits of a Perfectionist

Push vs. PullPush vs. Pull

High Achievers Perfectionists

Tend to be “pulled” towards their goals by a desire to achieve them.

Are happy with any steps made in the right direction.

Tend to be “pushed” towards their goals by fear of NOT reaching them.

Anything less than a perfectly met goal is seen as failure.

Unrealistic StandardsUnrealistic Standards

High Achievers Perfectionists

Set goals highEnjoy the challenge of

going above and beyond once they meet their initial goal.

High achievers tend to be happier and more successful than perfectionists at meeting their goals.

Goals aren’t always reasonable.

Goals are often out of reach.

Often disappointed by the inability to meet their goals. This often leads to other problems.

Focus on ResultsFocus on Results

High Achievers Perfectionists

Can enjoy the process of chasing a goal as much if not more than actually reaching their goal.

See the goal and nothing else.

Entirely consumed by the thought of meeting the goal and avoiding failure that they can’t enjoy the process of growing and striving.

Depressed by Unmet GoalsDepressed by Unmet Goals

High Achievers Perfectionists

More happy and easygoing

Able to bounce back from disappointment

Have better “grit”

Less happy and easygoing

Tend to beat themselves up and wallow in negative feelings when high expectations go unmet

Lack “grit”

Fear of FailureFear of Failure

High Achievers Perfectionists

Would prefer to succeed than fail and work hard but see failure as a stepping stone and learning experience

Use constructive criticism to enhance future performances

Place the utmost importance on avoiding failure and are disappointed by anything less than perfection

Failure is seen as very scary and the ultimate curse.

Constructive criticism is seen as more evidence of failure

Fear of Failure Leads to…Fear of Failure Leads to…

Procrastination◦Such extreme fear of failure causes immobilization

for fear of failure (vicious cycle)Defensiveness

◦Because less than perfect performance is painful to perfectionists, they tend to take constructive criticism defensively

Low Self Esteem◦Perfectionists tend to be very self critical, lonely,

and isolated with lower self esteemFixed MindsetUnderachievement

“Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with

facts.”-George Banks

Perfectionism at a GlancePerfectionism at a Glance

High expectations of self and othersSelf imposed rules and structureHigh moral and ethical standards for self and

othersParent/teacher/sibling pressureNeatness: appearance and work areasLow tolerance for mistakesLower self confidenceSelf doubt; difficulty making decisionsLow trust of othersMaking decisions; not easyGood impressions are important/ works to

maintain an imageDifficulty accepting criticism/ correctionFew friendsOther – anxiety, depression, eating disorders,etc.

Miriam Adderholdt Ph.D., Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good, 1992

Overcoming PerfectionismLearning to be Perfectly Imperfect

Recognize the ProblemRecognize the Problem

Students may not know what perfectionist tendencies are or how they can harm growth. Imbed healthy thinking discussions in to community circle time.

Encourage students to identify the negative consequences associated with perfectionism.

Become aware of ways that perfectionism sneaks into our own behavior as teachers and draw attention to your efforts to modify your own behaviors and thinking patterns.

See the PositiveSee the Positive

Encourage positive reflectionJournalingEncourage your students to make a

conscious effort to notice all that is good with their work and the achievements of others.

Say: “If you notice something you don’t like about yourself or your work, look for five other qualities that you do like.” This will balance out their critical focus and become a positive new habit.

Positive Self- TalkPositive Self- Talk

Those who wrestle with perfectionism tend to have a critical voice in their head telling them their work isn’t good enough, they’re not trying hard enough, and they’re not good enough.

If you’re going to overcome perfectionism, you need to work on changing this little voice!

Try: Thought “stop”ping, milder wording, reframing, change self-limiting statements into questions, “Yes this is hard but I can do it if I keep working at it.”

Praise effort and hard work. (NOT intelligence)

Be careful HOW you praise.Be careful HOW you praise.

Learn to Set Reasonable GoalsLearn to Set Reasonable Goals

Help students differentiate between reasonable vs. unreasonable goals

Teach students to set goals that are reasonable and can be obtained through baby steps.

Setting bite sized goals allows students to feel successful right away and they can capitalize on that success by setting a slightly higher goal.

Demonstrate and practice goal setting.

“Oh George, you didn’t jump into the river. How sensible of you!”- Mrs. Banks

Focus on the ProcessFocus on the Process

Rather than always focusing on the end goal, encourage students to focus on the process of working towards the goal.

Discuss the process regularly: how they are feeling about their work, what they are learning, discuss their enjoyment and excitement. Help them reframe their experiences if necessary.

Help students see what they’ve gained just by working towards a worthwhile goal and help them assess and appreciate the goals that they made in the process.

Constructive CriticismConstructive Criticism

Share your mistakes with students and discuss how mistakes are a great way to learn and improve.

Celebrate mistakes and encourage students to share what they learned.

Create an environment that uses constructive criticism to improve performance and doesn’t allow it to be used as an attack.

Help students diffuse their defensiveness when hearing criticism and train students to use kindness and helpful phrasing when critiquing work. Make sure the critique is about the work, not about the person.

Assignment GuidesAssignment Guides

Clarify for students the maximum amount of time and effort you expect on certain assignments.

This helps students learn how to navigate different types of tasks and projects.

Scale of 1-5 for effort (indicate with # or *)Examples:

◦Making the bed **/3min.◦Brain surgery *****/ 10 hours◦Math homework ***/30min.◦STAAR test *****/ 4hours◦Folding socks */ 2 min.

QuotesAbout Perfectionism

       “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

QuotesAbout Perfectionism

“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really

about a deep love of being

meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of

making a mistake. Fear of

disappointing others. Fear of failure.

Fear of success.”

― Michael Law

“Good enough is good enough. Perfect will make you a big fat mess every time.” ― Rebecca Wells

“Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?" Perfectionism is others-focused: "What will they think?” ― Brené Brown

QuotesAbout Perfectionism http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/perfectionism.html

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a *crummy first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” ― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Mindset MattersHelp Perfectionists Move from a Fixed to a Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck, Mindset, 2006

http://www.broadway.com/videos/145373/show-clip-mary-poppins-supercalifragilistic/

Practically Perfect Practically Perfect

Perfectionism and Underachievement in Gifted StudentsFacilitated by Kristin Fawaz

McKinney ISD 2014