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Ideas and inspiration on conflict, communication and creating the life you want

• One Moment More• Simple Gifts: Making the Most of Life’s Ki Moments CD

• Powerful Presentations• Managing Difficult Conversations• The Magic of Conflict

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Judy Ringer

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Judy Ringer

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“76 Park Street

Portsmouth, NH 03801-5031phone: 603-431-8560

e-mail: Judy@JudyRinger.comwww.JudyRinger.com

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Conflict Management

Communication Skills

Training & Facilitation

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What if you are the only one interested in resolving the conflict?

It only takes one person to begin the resolution of a conflict. The belief that all people involved have to agree to resolve the conflictoften stops anyone from beginning the process. Perhaps you think

you’re the only one interested because you have a specific outcome in mind. You may need to give up your view of what

“should” be and focus on what is.

When you begin to look at the situation from a more discovering place, you will become curious about your partner’s needs, hopes, and frustrations. You will be more flexible and less judgmental.And you will move from feeling like a victim to being proactive insearching for solutions that work for all parties. Change your focus from trying to change them, and change yourself instead.

Can you do this? It takes true power and a strong center. But you will find that when you change, everything changes.

Visit: www.judyringer.com for other FAQs and freedownloadable articles about difficult people and situations.

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answer

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I’d like to take this opportunity to give you a huge ‘THANK YOU’for a beautiful and insightful day.Our staff was impacted in a verypositive way, and I’m convincedthat we will use the tools yougave us to make our working life better in every way.

– Sandy Jackson, NationalInstitute for NeurologicalDisorder and Stroke,National Institutes of Health,Rockville, MD

I have been amazed how muchimpact that one day of workingwith you had for me personally. Ijust his past week concentratedon my center – it’s a big help tome in many situations."

– Judy Deshaies, PrincipalLincoln Akerman School,Hampton Falls, NH

The impossible challenges oflife are the best teachers.– Amy Mindell

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? Call 603-431-8560 or e-mail Judy@JudyRinger.com or visit us online at www.JudyRinger.com

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Judy Ringer

Conflict ManagementCommunication SkillsTraining & Facilitation

Power&PresenceIdeas and inspiration on conflict, communication and creating the life you want

had a dream some years ago that I was about todie. I panicked. Not because I was dieing, butbecause I wasn’t sure I’d lived. I was afraid I hadn’tused my time on Earthwisely. I wanted thechance to do it over.And I thought, in thatmoment, that if Icould go back, I’d domore good. I’d be lessconcerned about me. Iremember feeling I’dhad this chance to be kind, to help. Was I? Did I?My heart sank.The dream came to mind recently as I listened to

a song by Ellen Stapenhorst called “One MomentMore.” It’s a wonderful song, and devastating. Ellensings it in a fast, upbeat tempo. There’s a wild andbeautiful fiddle that takes off in spontaneous burstsof improvisation. If you listen only to the music, youthink it’s a really happy song. But lyrics like, “All thethings that I took for granted are slipping away fromme now,” bring me back to that place in my dream–the “if only I could go back” place.

“All the questions I’m longing to ask you,All the answers I never could hearAre alive in my dreams ‘til sometimes it seemsThat I could never hold you more dear.”

But, in the song, it’s too late.

“The train’s pulling out of the station.What has this fighting been for? Now I think of everything I’d say If I had one moment more.”

The singer missed her chance.

Awakened DreamingWhat would you say if you had one moment more… To make things right? To say I’m sorry; I love you;I forgive you; Thank you. Or … I’m sad watchingyou struggle–how can I help? Or … Can we talk?We’ve been angry so long, I’ve forgotten why. I’dlike to put things right.For us, it isn’t too late. When I awoke from my

dream, I could in fact go back–and forward. Thedream isn’t present every minute, but since thatnight, I’ve been more awake, more attentive to life’skey moments, more aware that life has a purpose

and more committed to making choices that servethat purpose. Is this action intended to help orharm? Will it foster connection or build walls? Am

I acting out of fear or trust? What arethe consequences of this choice?

ConnectionLife is aboutconnection—at least mine is. I

notice walls, seen and unseen, of fear, judgment,anger, ignorance; walls we put up to keep ourselvessafe but that only keep us separate. I work to safelyremove the walls in my own relationships and forothers who ask for support.I try to practice connection whenever I can. For

example:• Smiling and saying hello to fellow Earth travelersat work, at play, in passing.

• Singing.• Breathing and centering whenever I can.• Connecting with the positive intention in others,even when I’m not sure I like them.

• When something's bothering me, I connect withmyself to see if I can solve the problem throughcentering and understanding another person’sperspective. Or I connect with the person and talkthings out instead of holding back.

When I do come to the end of this amazing trip, I hope I am present, as I was in my dream. And Iwant to be looking back not regretting the things I didn’t do but smiling and remembering the things I did. Each moment is a miracle. Each moment offers

choice. Therein lies power and presence. My powerdiminishes or grows with each choice. I practicewith each conscious intention.As I write this story, I am looking at photos of my

brother and sisters, my mom and dad, my husband,friends, and extended family on a bookcase in mydining room and wondering, “Have I said enough,done enough? Do they know who I am and howmuch our connection means?”

Now I think of everything I’d say … Don’t wait.

Now I think of everything I’d say if I had one moment more.

– Ellen Stapenhorst

One Moment More – By Judy Ringer One Moment More~ By Ellen Stapenhorst

All the things that I took for grantedAre slipping away from me now

Time’s getting short, words getting fewI’ll get by but I don’t know how

And the train’s pulling out of the stationWhat has this fighting been for?Now I think of everything I’d say

If I had one moment more

All the things that I thought importantAre like weeds in the wind blowing by

I was sure I was right, I dug in for the fightNow I’ve got nothing but wondering why

All the reasons made beautiful logicAnd they kept me away from my fears

That I’d love and I’d lose and the scar and the bruiseWould never heal if I let you near

And the train’s pulling out of the stationWhat has this fighting been for?Now I think of everything I’d say

If I had one moment moreJust one moment more

All the questions I’m longing to ask youAll the answers I never could hear

Are alive in my dreams till sometimes it seemsThat I could never hold you more dear

And the train’s pulling out of the stationWhat has this fighting been for?Now I think of everything I’d say

If I had one moment moreJust one moment more

Just one moment more…

real life

The words Power and Presence are used in numerous and sometimes contradictory ways. In our workshops, power is defined as the life force that connects, engages and flows internally and from oneperson to another. Presence refers to a quality of being in the world and in the moment, a unity of mind, body and spirit, a place of awareness and stillness that promotes appropriate action.

©2008 Judy Ringer

From Bill Leicht, Founder, Urban Visions, Inc

Judy, I got your CD. Your story of coming down from the chapel atPeaceful Valley brought back my experience of learning to walk. Ithink I was actually going up, not coming down, Cornell Mountain(a “hillock” by the Rockies’ standard). My pack was pretty heavy; my dog was loping around in front, in back, off to either side.Walking was labor. It came to me that I didn’t have to “walk up that hard slope.”

All I had to do was breathe in, then breath out and take one step ata time. I could do that. Although my body was working just as hard,my brain stopped sending messages to itself about how hard thisclimb was. It settled me also into going up hill and coming downhill in the same awareness of each breath-step.Sounds pretty much like your experience with “One Rock at a

Time,” doesn’t it? It’s impossible while traveling in this way to“meet” the Buddha; he’s already there.I’m very much taken with the way you use art to lead readers’

awareness, whether it’s a song, a story or just the rhythm of yourvoice. That helps us to breathe in your beat and to feel at ease.

resources

Immediate Help Looking for help with a current conflict? Visitjudyringer.com’s Products page for freedownloadable articles on:• FAQs About Conflict• We Have to Talk: A Step by Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

• Improve Your Ability to Handle Workplace Conflict: An Interview with Judy Ringer

• Difficult People: 3 Questions to Turn Tormentors Into Teachers

• Are You Worried? 4 Steps to Peace of Mind

Visit www.judyringer.com and click on theProducts page.

Portsmouth AikidoMany of the principles reflected in Power & Presencecome from aikido, the Japanese martial art that teachesself-defense through redirection of energy. PortsmouthAikido is an ongoing martial arts school offering trainingand practice in aikido. Classes are held on Tuesdays,Thursdays, and Sundays. Beginners through advanced arewelcome. Stop by anytime and watch a class, or visithttp://www.portsmouthaikido.org.

ConflictQuestions.comDo you have burning questions you’d like answered aboutconflict? Visit our new website: ConflictQuestions.comand ask away! Judy will reply with suggestions andsupport. You can also email judy@judyringer.com.

KI MOMENTSAre you a Ki Moments subscriber? Judy Ringerpublishes an award-winning email newsletter, calledKi Moments.

“Ki” is Japanese for life energy. Each month,subscribers receive a brief article and helpful workshopson how to manage their life energy in the “key” momentsof life.

Enjoy a free centering tune up every month.Subscribe at: www.judyringer.com

Power & Presence Training AssociatesPower & Presence Training is a company that providesunique training for specific needs. Any of the workshopsin this newsletter can be tailored to your goals, and youwill find additional programs at www.JudyRinger.com. At Power & Presence Training, we have associates

with expertise in conflict and stress management,leadership development, strategic planning, customerservice, and powerful presentations. Please contact us todiscuss your training needs.

HOW ARE YOU INVENTING YOUR LIFE TODAY?Simple Gifts: Making the Most ofLife’s Ki Moments teaches us thatlife is now — this moment — not a time in the past or future. Ki isJapanese for universal energy or life force. Simple Gifts remindsus that how we direct our ki inlife’s “key” moments makes adifference.

Judy Ringer is a wise andtalented teacher. Just listen toher: her voice, her stories, herheart. You will get centered, your mind will open, your ki will expand. A quick centering fix any time you need it.– Thomas Crum, author andteacher, www.thomascrum.com

Order Simple Gifts for yourselfand friends. Send a check for$15.00 per copy plus $4.50(shipping for up to 4 copies) toJudy Ringer, 76 Park Street,Portsmouth, NH 03801.

Or, purchase online atwww.judyringer.com. Call Judy at 603-431-8560 for moreinformation.

The mostrevolutionary actone can commit in our world is to be publicly

happy.– Patch Adams

K

All of our public workshops are offered as openenrollment courses and filled on a first-come first-served basis. Please register early, as each workshophas a minimum and maximum limit. Public workshops are usually held in the southern

New Hampshire area. However, each is suitable as anintact training program that can travel to your site andbe tailored to meet your organizational or group goals.

POWERFUL PRESENTATIONSThis empowering workshop for beginning to advancedpresenters combines training in good vocal techniquewith practice in giving clear, effective, and compellingpresentations. Judy Ringer and Susan Losapio team up to help

participants develop a more powerful voice, enhanceconfidence and presence, and connect with anyaudience. You’ll learn simple kinesthetic exercises you can practice daily and use before, during, and after presentations. You will also be guided in the Four Defining Characteristics of a PowerfulPresentation and have the opportunity to deliverseveral one-minute presentations on tape and receiveindividual coaching.

WE HAVE TO TALK: MANAGING DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONSWhat makes difficult conversations so hard? And what attitudes and skills can be developed to improvethe process? Based on the text Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton and Heen of the Harvard NegotiationProject, this program introduces new strategies fordealing with tough topics, sharing difficult information,and managing interpersonal conflict through inquiry,advocacy and acknowledgment. You’ll practice mental, behavioral and verbal skills to

feel more confident expressing yourself, understanding

others, and transforming difficult conversations intolearning conversations. Workshop objectives:• Understand best practices for holding difficultconversations

• Practice behavioral and verbal conversation skills• Apply your new understanding and skills to real lifescenarios

Begin to turn your difficult conversations intobreakthrough opportunities to develop personally,advance professionally, and improve the quality of your interactions.

THE MAGIC OF CONFLICTMost of us see conflict as negative, but what if conflictis life’s way of offering us new information? Or if conflictis one way we get to know and understand ourselvesand our organizations?Based on Thomas Crum’s influential text on the Aiki

approach to resolving conflict, this one-day workshopoffers mind/body practice in the skills of centering,discovery, appreciation, and the willingness to changeourselves in order to achieve our goals. Workshopobjectives:• Identify your conflict mode and understand itsbenefits and drawbacks

• Increase awareness, perspective, and responsivenessunder pressure

• Recognize the opportunity conflict offers to increaseunderstanding, flexibility, and personal power

• Learn to direct emotional energy toward a usefulpurpose

• Practice language strategies for powerful communicationYour struggle with life’s challenges can change in an instant. It’s up to you!

The workshops listed on this page areexamples of trainings offered monthly

by Power & Presence Trainingand open to the public.

To learn more about our current offerings:

• Visit www.judyringer.com,Public Workshops Page

• Email judy@judyringer.com• Call Judy at 603-431-8560

Workshops are one-day programs (9:00 am to4:00 pm) unless otherwise stated. Tuitionvaries, but is generally $145.00 - $155.00,including lunch and all training materials.

Subscribers to Judy Ringer’s e-newsletter, Ki Moments, receive advancenotice of new workshops each month.Subscribe at www.judyringer.com.

CUSTOMIZED PROGRAMS

The following are examples of programsdesigned for organizations.

Descriptions of these and other programs canbe found at www.judyringer.com. All trainings

are tailored to meet specific goals andobjectives.

Please call 603-431-8560 or email judy@judyringer.com for

additional information.

CORPORATE/BUSINESS SEMINARS

Conflict in the Workplace

Managing Difficult Conversations

Managerial Courage: Addressing Disrespectful Behavior

Creating a Positive Work Environment

Team Building: Working Together Effectively

Powerful Presentations

Principled Negotiation

PROGRAMS FOR EDUCATORS

The Magic of Conflict

Unlikely Teachers

Violence: Dealing with Anger (for students)

Helping Students Deal with Anger and Conflict(for teachers)

Team Building: Working Together Effectively(staff development)

public workshopsHow to Register

Unlikely Teachers Would you like your own book filled with stories like those in Power & Presence,including Real Life reflections, great quotations, and practice techniques to integratethe concepts into your life?

Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, is a collection ofstories, practices, and inspiration on turning the challenges of life into life teachers.More than a “how-to” book on conflict management, Unlikely Teachers will help youmanage something much more important — yourself.

You can order Unlikely Teachers in a variety of ways:• Send a check for $15.00 plus $5.50 (shipping) to: Judy Ringer, 76 Park Street,

Portsmouth, NH 03801

• Visit www.JudyRinger.com and click on the Unlikely Teachers book cover topurchase online

• Visit RiverRun Bookstore, Portsmouth, NH

• Order Unlikely Teachers from Amazon.com

Begin now to find the hidden gifts in your daily conflicts.

This book is deliciously wise.It’s filled with stories that

delight and teach in the samemoment. And its wisdom, whichis eternal, illuminates the path

that leads us out of conflict andinto deeper relationship with

others and with ourselves.– Margaret J. Wheatley, author of

Leadership and the New Science and most recently, Finding Our Way