POSITIVITY 4 EVER MAGAZINE January-March 2012

Positive Conversation with Author Pam Reaves (Is It Love Or Merely a Sick Attachment)

Positive Topic (Decisions)

POSITIVITY 4 EVER MAGAZINE

Positivity 4 Ever is a quarterly mini magazine designed to promote positivity, and provide helpful resources to enrich everyone’s life. You will enjoy reading positive conversations from authors, entertainers, and entrepreneurs. Positivity 4 Ever was created by Glenda Staten in 2011.

Copyright 2011 by Glenda Staten, North Carolina

Printed in the United States of America

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Positive Conversation with Author Pam Reaves

Positive Topic (Decisions)

Positive Affirmations

Helpful Resources

Special Thanks

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POSITIVE CONVERSATION WITH AUTHOR PAM REAVES

Glenda: Hello Pam, how are you?

Pam: Hi Glenda, I am well and so honored to have this positive conversation with you.

I know that you and I have been discussing the two of us doing this for some time. So it is indeed a pleasure to finally be having the conversation.

Glenda: Tell us about yourself?

Pam: Well, I am the Founder and CEO of NELLA LLC, a Maryland limited liability company. I am a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) with concentrations in Motivational Coaching and Relationship Coaching. NELLA LLC provides motivational and conference speaking as well.

On my website, visitors will also find an On-Line Wellness Referral Center, where they have access to a variety of wellness experts. Although I have been in the corporate arena for well over thirty (30) years in areas such as human resources, legal, labor relations, finance and real estate, I find myself at that place in life where my value system is changing. My heart and energies are now directed at giving back to the human race rather than a one-dimensional focus of maximizing my wealth. I still want to maximize my wealth – it’s just not my sole purpose in life and not the only reason I do the work that I do. In any event, I am now pursuing many of my passions that have always been a

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part of me, but were not necessarily at the forefront of what I’ve been doing throughout my journey.

Glenda, the workplace has changed so much and many of the opportunities in the past that used to drive ambitious people like myself no longer exist. But I’m perfectly fine with this shift because I’ve come to the conclusion that the changes in the workplace and in the world in general are for good reasons. These changes have caused many creative, passionate, and driven individuals to redirect their talents, skill sets, and energies. I’m finding that the volatile environment in which we live has actually created opportunities for individuals and groups that may not have otherwise had these opportunities available to them if things were still status-quo.

I have seized the opportunities created by the marketplace’s reception to new and different talents, products and services, and decided to act on my passion for writing. My writing is a part of my overall business plan -- a model that includes writing books, life coaching, motivational and conference speaking. I felt that I needed a resource from which to coach and motivate. So what better way to develop credibility than to author your primary resource to use in coaching and motivational/ conference speaking? I am determined to participate in the charge to motivate, empower, and enlighten people all over the world about their rights and the real chance to live abundantly. Abundant living is attainable for all of us. Now each individual’s definition of abundant living may be different, but once we know exactly what we want, we do have the power to pursue our individual expectations of the abundant life.

Glenda: How long have you been an author?

Pam: I have been an author for three (3) years now. In addition to the book that is now on the market, I have three (3) others in manuscript. One is entitled, “Loving Scott Harrington”, which is a fictional novel based on the real life of my maternal grandfather, Scott Harrington. Scott Harrington was 17 years old when he became a free man. He was 63 years old when my mother Novella was born in 1912. Scott Harrington was described as an extremely handsome and charismatic man who could be distant and difficult. He was an attractive man that women loved, notwithstanding his complex personality. My mother frequently shared stories about her life growing up with Scott Harrington. Although she was not sharing her stories with her children in order for us to make certain judgments about her father, some of us, including me, came to loathe him (via his memory). One day, my mother and I were having a conversation about Scott Harrington, and I told her that I was glad that I never knew him. Her response was simple, when she replied, “But I loved him.” Now I was always extremely close to my mother and thought she was the most angelic person in the world. So my resentment of Scott Harrington was due to my displeasure at the thought of anyone being cold and distant to my mother. I felt horrible that I had obviously hurt her feelings in making such a negative statement about her father, and made a commitment

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to never speak of him in that way again. I have to admit that her stories intrigued me so much that Scott Harrington has always stayed on my mind. So rather than continuing to resent him, I’ve tried to understand him. As I began to age and became wiser, I did start to understand that a lot of Scott Harrington that was unattractive to some people was due to the system of slavery – a system that was his point of reference in living life and his relationships. Although I can’t say that I love the memory of Scott Harrington, I can say I understand him better.

My second book is entitled, “Excuse Me…I Am Not the Invisible Woman”, which is a tribute to the mature woman. One day while I was looking at television, I saw an infomercial wherein a younger woman was, in good faith, attempting to explain the reasons why older women should wear the cosmetics that she was promoting. Her feelings were that women become invisible as they age. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing because I know plenty of older women who are definitely not invisible. I thought to myself, what group of older women has she been dealing with? An idea immediately popped into my head. Write a book and showcase mature women in all of their glory. So if you know of any older women who would like to be featured in this book, have them to contact me.

My third book is a compilation of my own inspirational, motivational, and empowering thoughts. Many of them have been posted on my facebook page and they seem to motivate, inspire, and empower my facebook friends. So I have decided to put them all in one book. Whenever readers need an inspirational, motivational, or empowering pick-me-up, they will find plenty in this book.

Also, I have joined a group of dynamic business women in a collaborative effort of writing a book entitled “The GlamourLESS Side of Entrepreneurship – What They DIDN’T Tell You.” I have contributed one chapter to the book, which is due to release in March 2012. My Chapter is entitled “A Well Thought-Out Stream of Choices – GlamourLESS, but Necessary”.

Glenda: Why did you become an author?

Pam: I became an author because I believe that I have a wealth of knowledge and experience, as well as much needed messages to share with the world. My calling is to apply a personal touch to a global situation and believe me the issues inherent to relationships are global. I also want people to know and experience the ultimate living experience, and that one of the most effective ways to ensure the experience of an abundant life is through empowerment. When you are not living in fear, you are motivated to pursue the things you wish for in life. Your sense of empowerment is your energy that drives you to pursue the healthy, happy and powerful human experience that I talk about so much.

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Glenda: Tell us about your book, “Is It Love Or Merely a Sick Attachment”.

Pam: “Is It Love...Or Merely a Sick Attachment?" is published by Tate Publishing & Enterprises. I am pleased to announce that the book has been well-received by readers as far away as Africa and Australia. Individuals of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and social status agree "Is It Love..." is a pager turner that offers a fresh perspective on the devastating difference between loving relationships and toxic relationships. Using real life relationships and news events that give the public insight into shocking truths, the book offers stories and lessons for everyone regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation. As my editor told me early in the book’s production process, this isn’t your grandma’s love story but a modern-day look at the complications of lustful love brought on by fairy-tale expectations.

Glenda: Please discuss a few things that you want readers to learn from your book?

Pam: The goals of the book are to examine and discuss loving relationships and toxic relationships from a number of perspectives. The analyses and discussions, along with illustrative short stories, are intended to encourage readers to distinguish truly loving relationships from those toxic relationships veiled as loving. Readers will evaluate or re-evaluate their own perspectives on love. They will consider the dynamics of the dysfunctional or toxic relationship. They may come away with new perspectives on love, and some readers will gain insight into certain perspectives they were unwilling to entertain prior to reading “Is It Love…Or Merely a Sick Attachment?” Even if a reader does not change his or her mind about these completely different types of relationships, they will not forget the content of this book. After reading the book, whenever someone attempts to confuse a dysfunctional or toxic relationship with love, readers will know exactly what to call these types of relationships. The distinction makes all the difference in the world.

Glenda: What advice would you give to anyone who is afraid to leave when it is not love, but it is a “sick attachment”?

Pam: Of course the dynamics of each individual relationship is going to be different. However, if an individual fears for his or her life, then I strongly advise them to distance themselves from the toxic and possibly deadly environment immediately. If your partner, through actions or conversation is making you choose between life and death, the answer should obviously be to leave or seek help from family members, law enforcement, etc. There is nothing loving about a deadly relationship. One of the chapters in my book is entitled, “When the Sick Attachment Becomes Deadly.” The statistics on domestic violence supports that toxic relationships become deadly more often than we would like to believe. According to 2010 reporting, at least three women and one man die daily at the hands of someone they were intimate with. I had a woman who purchased my book tell me that her sister had just been murdered the week before she purchased the book at the hands of her boyfriend. No one in the family even knew

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that she was in an abusive relationship. There I was happy that someone was purchasing the book and totally unprepared for the horrible story that she had to share with me. A pastor in Africa continuously shares with me horrific stories about women being killed by men with whom they are intimate. A lot of the Kenyan women are not self-sufficient and are drawn into toxic relationships because of certain dependencies. He says that my book is opening up so many doors for him in his efforts to enlighten and educate women in Kenya with respect to toxic relationships.

Also, if an individual is afraid to leave a sick attachment for reasons other than his or her life, then he or she should be asking themselves what is the nature of his or her fear. Is being in a toxic relationship more important than being happy, feeling safe, knowing that you are of value and appreciated? What were your expectations when you entered into the relationship and if those expectations are not being met, ask yourself if you deserve better. I will say that not all bad relationships are toxic. There are times when people know immediately that they are in bad relationships. There are those relationships where people do something to fix the relationship and if it cannot be fixed, they make the choice to move on.

Glenda: How do you stay positive during difficult times?

Pam: You stay positive by reminding yourself that you deserve the best. You stay positive by being confident in who you are. During bad times, do not shut off everyone else around you. I truly believe we should always be aware that we need different types of loving relationships around us at all times. When there is imbalance or trouble in one area of our lives, our other loves will help us through trying times. The people who love you will remind you that your world does not come to an end because of one relationship gone badly. One of the abuser’s most effective weapons is to convince his or her victim that no one else loves them and they have no one to turn to. If you fall for this manipulative train of thought, then surely you will feel hopeless when this individual is making you feel unloved by him or her. If you are a person of faith, you should know that during bad times, you have to exercise your faith. By doing so, you are reaffirming that a brighter day is coming; that whatever is going on, it too shall pass; that you do have the power within to survive a troubled relationship. During difficult times, remember that you do have choices. You just have to be courageous and make certain choices. To do nothing will not change anything about your situation, and I would venture to say that most of us do not want to remain frozen in a bad state when it comes to our loving relationships.

Glenda: I purchased your book, and I recommended it to others. Please tell us how others can purchase “Is It Love Or Merely a Sick Attachment”.

Pam: The book can be purchased in-store at your local Barnes and Noble. It can also be purchased online at barnesandnoble.com, amazon.com, or at my website www.pamreavesnellallc.com.

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Glenda: Thank you for having a positive conversation with us.

Pam: Glenda, thank you for this golden opportunity and I look forward to having more positive conversations with you and your readers.

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DECISIONS

You should always try to make wise decisions because some of your decisions will affect your life permanently. Do not allow someone’s negative opinion to influence your choices, and always examine every option before you make a decision. Ask yourself questions. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences if your decision does not work? Are you prepared to take care of yourself? Do you have a contingency plan? Will you have to depend on others? Are the people you have to depend on reliable, and are they willing to help you? How long will you depend on them? How long are they willing to allow you to depend on them? How much stress will you cause them? Do you know how much stress you can handle? Ask yourself these questions, and answer them honestly. If you are a responsible person, or if you want to be responsible, you should make smart decisions.

Learn how to make logical decisions instead of emotional decisions. When you make logical decisions, you will avoid unnecessary issues. Evaluate the people around you. Are they supporting you in a negative way or in a positive way? Always choose to be around people who support you positively.

Positivity is Peaceful

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POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are a good way to help you focus on positivity, and they can prevent negative thoughts from consuming you. Use the following affirmations daily.

I am in control of my thoughts and my actions.

I love myself.

I am intelligent.

I am productive.

I am thoughtful.

I am confident.

I am independent.

I am strong.

I am fearless.

I am humble.

I am willing to learn.

I am energetic.

I am kind.

I am versatile.

I am mentally free.

I will handle adversity in a positive way.

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HELPFUL RESOURCES

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Phone Number: 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1 if you are a Veteran) http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7 http://www.thehotline.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1 800-656-HOPE (Free--Confidential 24/7) http://www.rainn.org

Stop Bullying http://www.stopbullying.gov

National Institute of Health http://www.nih.gov

National Alliance on Mental Illness Information Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI http://www.nami.org

American Diabetes Association 1-800-DIABETES http://www.diabetes.org

American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345 http://www.cancer.org

United States Department of Veterans Affairs http://www.va.gov

US SBA Administration http://www.sba.gov SBA Answer Desk: 800-827-5722 (TTY: 704-344-6640)

Entrepreneur http://www.entrepreneur.com

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SPECIAL THANKS

Pam Reaves, thank you for your brilliant insight, and your inspiring conversation. You are a wonderful example of positivity.

The picture of Pam Reaves on the cover of the Positivity 4 Ever magazine and the cover of “Is It Love or Just a Sick Attachment” were provided by Pam Reaves.

The nature picture was provided by Glenda Staten.

Jeanette Miller, thank you for editing the Positivity 4 Ever magazine.

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ORDER INFORMTION

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Glenda Staten retired from the Army in 2004. After Glenda retired, she created the Positivity 4 Ever mini magazine to promote positivity. Glenda enjoys sharing positive conversations from authors, entertainers, and entrepreneurs with her readers. She provides charity information, positive tips, employment information, and a host of helpful resources to enrich everyone’s life.