Positive well-being enhances operational effectiveness

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IntroductionThis guide has been developed to assist you in your preparation for homecoming. It will explain some commonly experienced issues associated with homecoming, and provide useful tips and advice for preventing and minimizing any negative effects experienced. The intent of this guide is to promote positive well-being to enhance operational effectiveness.

The return of military personnel from deployment, or ”homecoming“, is usually associated with positive feelings. While we frequently understand the feelings of loss, loneliness and guilt that can occur when serving members are separated from their families, partners and friends, a lesser focus is usually given to negative emotions, including stress, that military personnel may experience when they return home.

Sections of this document have been prepared to promote awareness of key areas of potential concern or challenge that have been highlighted from the experiences of those who have previously returned home from deployment. To help you gain quick access to this useful information, a Table of Contents is provided on the next page.

Positive well-being enhances operational effectiveness.

Reproduced with permission from 1st Psychology Unit,Australian Defence Force

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ANTICIPATION OF HOMECOMING 1Common Reactions 1Time of Homecoming 2Jet Lag 2

REUNION 5Day of Reunion 5

HOMECOMING 7Accepting Change 7Adapting to Homecoming 7Expectations 9Common Emotions/Reactions to Homecoming 9

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION 13Intimacy 13Children 15For the Single Parent 19Social Concerns 20Friends 21Work 22For the Single Member 24

FOR THE PARTNER 27Prior to Homecoming 27Tips for Preparing for Homecoming 28The Day of Reunion 29The First Few Weeks After the Reunion 30

MENTAL WELL-BEING OF RETURNING SOLDIERS 33Enhancing Homecoming Through Stress Management 33Relaxation Techniques 40Alcohol 42Sleep 45Anger Management 47

CONCLUSION 53Some Positive Changes 53Points to Remember 53Tips for Those Coming Home 54

MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES 55

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ANTICIPATION OF HOMECOMING

In the period leading up to homecoming the service member will frequently en-counter a range of positive and negative emotions. There is often a great degree of excitement encountered from the opportunity to be reunited with loved ones. However, a degree of anxiety about the reunion can be quite common — both by the service member and by their partner/family/friends. Both you and those at home will have hopes and expectations about the homecoming. These thoughts can at times be idealistic so the reality of the situation needs to be placed into perspec-tive. Emotionally preparing for going home allows you to think about the challenges and discuss plans with loved ones and friends.

Common Reactions• Increasedenergyandactivity.• Sleepandappetitedisturbances.• Feelingsofjoy,excitement,anxiety,apprehension,restlessness,impatience.• Distractionfromoperationalroleandtask.

Tips for Preparing for Homecoming

• Maintainfocusonyourworktoensurethatalltaskingsarecompletedintime before returning to Canada.

• Planyourreturn—makesurethatyoucommunicatethedetailsofyourhomecoming well in advance including possible options if the times and dates change at the last moment.

• Shareyourexpectationsandanyfeelingsofapprehensionaswellas excitementandjoy.

• Includeyourchildreninplanningforthehomecomingcelebration.• Makeitspecial—seeyourhomecomingasanopportunitytoimprove

relationships, and try to make the event special for your partner, friends, and/or family members.

• Plantohavesomefamilytime.• LeaveyourbaddeploymenthabitsintheAreaofOperations(AO),i.e.

swearing, excessive smoking etc. — they may not be appreciated back home.

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Time of HomecomingIt is important that you consider the time of year of your homecoming. If you are returning at the end or the beginning of a year, you may have to consider the details relating to a posting, organizing leave at a new unit, and starting a new jobinanewlocation.Alternatively,ifyouarereturningmid-year,itisimportantto remember that command structures and roles may have changed, and that new members may have been posted in and old friends posted out.

Jet LagThe feelings of disorientation encountered as a result of crossing time zones are knownasjetlagandcanimpactonthesuccessofyourhomecoming.Whenarrang-ingyourhomecomingactivities,takethesymptomsofjetlagintoconsideration.Characteristicsofjetlagincludefatigue,generaltiredness,disorientation,grog-giness, loss of concentration, nausea, upset stomach, headaches, sinus irritation, insomnia, irregular sleep patterns, dehydration, loss of appetite, irritability and irra-tionality. The severity of symptoms may be worse two to three days after arrival than on the day immediately following disembarkation. Symptoms then gradually abate, but can still be acute at particular times of day.

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Tips to Assist With Jet Lag

• Sleepwellthenightbeforetheflight.• Limitalcoholconsumptionontheflight.• Drinkplentyofwaterontheflighttocombatdehydration.• Trytowalkaroundontheplane.• Doyourbesttofollowlocaltime;forceyourselftostayawakeuntilyour

normal bedtime.• Ifyouabsolutelymustgetsomerest,takeashortnaponly.• Usesunlightasadrug.Ifyoufeelsleepyduringtheday,gooutside.• Establishasleep/wakeroutinequicklyonreturn.• Participateinlightexerciseonreturn.• Activityandsocialcontactduringthedayhelpinacceleratingthe

adaptations.• Followyourregularmealscheduleinlocaltime.

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REUNION

Day of ReunionThe day you arrive back to be reunited with your loved ones and friends is generally a very special and rewarding day. It often involves the outpouring of a lot of emo-tion that has been built up over the period of your deployment. Tears, excitement, and happiness are quite common reactions. Some members might also experience a sense of loss, feelings of discomfort or uncertainty associated with the transition from the deployment environment back into the Canadian environment. Such feel-ings usually disipate within a couple of days but there are some things you can do on the day of the reunion to ensure a smooth transition.

Common Thoughts/Feelings in the Service Member

• WhydoIfeellikeastrangerinmyownhome?• Thatshouldbemydecision!• Mypartner/family/friendsthinkI’vejustbeenonaholiday.• Ijustwantafewdaystorelaxanddonothing.• WhydoesmypartnerwanttocontinuetodothatnowthatI’mback?• Idon’tseemtofitinaroundhereanymore.• I’mtiredofallthisattention—Ineedtimetomyself.• Mypartner/family/friendisnotthepersonIremember.

Tips for the Day of Reunion:

• Your Arrival.Onmostoccasionswhenservicepersonnelarriveatthereunionlocation, their partner/family/friends are there to meet them. However, changes in scheduling, missed messages and other unforeseen circumstances may mean that there is no one waiting for you when you arrive. If this is the case, be prepared to experience disappointment, but understand that there willinvariablybeajustifiedreasonfortheirlatenessandtheyreallydowantto see you.

• Be Prepared for Changes.Whenyoufirstarrivehomeyouwillnodoubtbeaware of changes to the home, the relationship, social arrangements, friends and other things that you cherish — that changes occurred during your absence. Take the time to look for the positive aspects of these changes andonlymakepositiveremarksaboutthemuntilyouhaveadjustedinto the new environment.

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HOMECOMING

Accepting ChangeTheperiodofreadjustmentcanaffectpeopleindifferentways.Duetodifferencesinculture and lifestyle while overseas, your return to Canada can be quite unsettling. Somemilitarypersonnelfindlittledifficultyreadjustingto“lifeathome”.However, be aware that this is not always the case, and that it may take some time. For example, youmayhavedifficultyadjustingtowhatappearstobelittlethingslikecitynoisesandtraffic,thewiderangeandlargeamountsofgoodsinsupermarkets,havingtouse money, the sense of time/urgency, and perhaps the relative lack of friendship orpurposeinCanadiansociety.Often,however,whatismostannoyingareminorchanges in the home like new locations for kitchen utensils, a new coffee table that you had no say in purchasing, or a new layout in the living room. It seems that sometimessuch“littlethings”registerjusthowmuchhomehaschanged.

Adapting to HomecomingCommon Issues

• Reunioncanoftenbemorestressfulandemotionalthanseparation.• Youmayhaveverydifferentexpectationsfromyourfamilyandfriendsabout

your homecoming.• Routinesmaybedisruptedand/orchanged.• Theremaybeanincreaseindisagreementsoverthingsthathave(orhavenot)

been done while you have been away.• Youmayfeelemotionallydistantorhavedifficultyenjoyingcertainactivities.• Itiscommontoexperiencefeelingsofgriefrelatedtobeingseparatedfrom

friends that you made on deployment or the deployment experience in general.• Sexualintimacywithyourpartnermaybeinitiallyawkward,asyoumightboth

have quite different hopes and expectations. Talk openly and respectfully about these issues.

• Youmayhavedevelopedhabitsthatmightnotbeappropriatebackathome (e.g.useofbadlanguageorincreasedlevelsofsmoking).

• Yourtoleranceforalcoholwillbeconsiderablylowerthanitwaspriortoyourdeployment. Also, be aware of the effects that alcohol might have on your body whenconsumedinconjunctionwithprescriptionmedicationsthatyoumayhaveto take.

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Useful Tips

• Itiscompletelynaturaltofeelnervousorapprehensiveaboutreturninghometosee family and friends, and it is quite likely that they will be experiencing similar feelings prior to your arrival. If you initially feel like this, do not be alarmed. AllowyourselftimetoreadjusttolifebackinCanada,justasyouwouldhavedone when you arrived in the country to commence your deployment.

• Makeplanspriortoyourhomecomingwithregardtohowyouwouldliketospendyourfirstweeksbackhome.Ifyoucommunicateopenlybeforehand,therewillbefewer opportunities for disagreements and misunderstandings later on.

• Havingtoconstantlycatchupwithanumberoffamilyandfriendswhenyoufirstget home can be draining. If possible, try to organize one large gathering to re-duce the number of engagements that you may feel obliged to keep. Also use this opportunity to ask people what they have been doing while you have been away. This should help you to feel more in touch with what has happened at home in your absence and therefore less alienated.

• Trytoplanabreakoratleastsomeothernovelactivitiesduringthefirstfewweeks after homecoming.

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ExpectationsBothyouandyourlovedones(especiallypartnersandyoungchildren)willbefac-ing the homecoming with huge excitement and some apprehension. All concerned will have hopes and expectations about the homecoming. These thoughts tend to become rather romantic or the stuff of fantasy. It is unfortunate that these expecta-tions and daydreams are often shaken by the reality of the arrival home. For some couples, the homecoming may well be a second honeymoon — for many, however, it takes considerable time before they feel like a couple again. For returning individu-als without partners, it can be a lonely time, as many of your friends will have long filledthegapthatyouoncetookupwithnewfriendsandinterests.

Common Emotions/Reactions to Homecoming

Emotional

Actual feelings different from expectations

Numbness/detachment

Increased sensitivity

Increased irritability and anger

Fear

Rapid mood changes

Low motivation

Physical

Hyper alertness/vigilance

Sleepdifficulties

Headaches

Muscle tension

Exaggerated startle response

Fatigue

Behavioural

Social withdrawal/isolation

Problems dealing with others

Increased smoking/drinking

Overreacting

Increased risk-taking

Poor communication

Thinking

Poorjudgement

Lowered self-esteem

Poor concentration

Easily distracted

Decreased decision-making ability

Justrememberthatitisnormaltoexperiencesomereactiontohomecoming.Youmay experience some or all of these reactions but be assured that you will usually adjustwithinashorttimeofcominghome(1–12weeks).Bepatientandallowyourselftimetoadjust.Ifyoufindthatthingsarenotreturningtonormalasquicklyas you would like, talk to someone early on so that guidance or assistance can be provided to you and your family as soon as possible.

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Insensitive Statements and Attitudes

Eventhefirstmomentsofthehomecomingcanbecriticallyimportanttohowsmoothly getting back together occurs. It only takes one insensitive statement (forexample,‘Howmuchdidthatdresscost?’)oromissiontohurtfeelings,dashexpectations,orstarttempersflaring.

Partners

Most service members will be facing the reunion with excitement and some appre-hension,wonderingwhattheirpartner’sreactionwillbewhentheyreunite.Bothservice members and their partners will have hopes and expectations, yet there will be fears and issues that may cause a degree of uncertainty about the relationship. It may well be almost like starting again, a relearning process. Partners must re-establish their relationship, reallocate roles, and reassign tasks. The whole family unitmustworkatreadjusting,stabilizingandacceptingthis‘new’personwhoisback in the home.

Invariably there comes a time in which the serving member starts to reassert their presence and role within the relationship/family environment and this can often lead to a great deal of tension, especially if there is a lack of recognition about how the relationship/family environment might have changed since they have been away.

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DOs

Take time to be with your family and friends, and plan some events to-getherevenifyoudon’tfeellikeit.

Trytofitinwiththeroutinethatyour family has established while you have been away. Take time to understand the family dynamics and changes. Do not take over.

Set aside time to talk with your partner.Youwillneedtimetogettoknoweach other again. Talking now can help you lay the foundation for a newly strengthened relationship.

Spend time alone with each member of your family. It is important to spend some special time with each persontofindouthowtheyhavecoped with you being away.

DON’Ts

Don’tbottlethingsup.Discussconcernsas they arise — your relationship will be better off for it. Don’tcriticizeorjudge.Appreciatethat your partner has done the best they could during your absence. Praise them for their efforts.

Don’ttrytoavoidthinkingandtalk-ing about deployment experiences. Share them with your family and friends.

Don’tisolateyourself.Trytobewithpeople when possible, but also re-serve some private time for yourself.

For example, partners might have become used to being more independent while you have been away out of necessity for getting things done. In some situations they may have adopted roles and activities that the returning spouse would usually haveperformed,andthismightcausealossof‘identity’onbehalfofthereturningmember. The partner, on the other hand, might resent the loss of independence they may encounter with a return to the roles that had been established prior to the deployment.

Common Thoughts/Feelings in the Partner

• Thatshouldbemydecision!• WhyshouldIgivethatupjustbecausemypartnerhasreturned?• Mypartnerdoesn’tunderstandthedifficultiesI’vehad.• Whoisthisstrangerinmyhouse?• Mypartnerthinkslifeherewasexactlythesamewhiletheywereaway.• Mypartner/friends/familyhas/havechangedalot.

Regardless of the different personal circumstances that exist, there are several tips that can assist you in re-establishing an effective and harmonious relationship with your partner and family.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

IntimacyIntimacy involves a combination of emotional and physical togetherness. These connectionsmaychangeduringseparationandtheremaybedifficultiesregainingprevious connections upon reunion. When a couple has been separated, particularly if the separation has been stressful in some respects, an emotional as well as physi-cal disconnect may occur. When reunited, it may take some time for the couple to return to their usual levels of emotional and physical intimacy.

Different people will experience different reactions once reunited with their partner. Some may experience high or low sexual interest that can cause disappointment, frictionorasenseofrejection.Othersmayfeelunfamiliarorawkwardaroundtheirpartner.Commonconcernsofcouplesmayincludehopingthatoneisstillloved;dealingwithrumoursorconcernsaboutfaithfulness;concernswiththecurrentstrengthoftherelationshiporthecompatibilityofthecouple;orconcernaboutmedications that can affect desire and performance.

Oncereunited,somepeoplefindthatphysicalintimacyisre-establishedquickly,whiletheemotionalintimacymaytakeawhiletodevelop.Othershowever,mayfindthemselves feeling uncomfortable with the physical aspects of intimacy until they havere-establishedtheemotionalconnection.Theseindividualsmayfindthatloveand sexual desire cannot be rekindled as quickly as their partner would prefer. Some-times, in the anticipation of reunion, they can forget the need for gentleness and patience,orthatenjoyablesexisatwowayprocess.Itisagoodideatoestablishintimacy slowly, making an effort to be patient, much as you did when you were firstdating.

With time, these changes in the levels of physical and emotional intimacy may return to their original state and doubts or concerns may pass. There are, however, several things you can do to speed up the process of regaining intimacy.

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Tips for Effective Intimacy

• Openlyandhonestlydiscussyourexpectations,fantasiesordesireswithyourpartner.

• Maketimetospendtimealonetorediscovereachother.• Setasidetimeforromance.• Useopencommunicationtodiscussyourfeelingstowardsintimacyandyour

reactions to the reunion. Encourage your partner to do the same.• Emotionalintimacyisrenewedwithcommunicationandtrust.• ‘Tunein’toyourpartnerandtrytopickuponsignsofdiscomfort.• Havepatience;reassurethemofyourrespect.• Don’texpecttoomuchonthefirstreunion.• Dospecialthingsforeachother,suchascommentingonpositivechanges

in your partner.• Giveeachothertimetosettlebackintolifetogether.

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ChildrenApproximately two weeks before you return home, both you and your family will begintoexperienceanxieties.Youmaybeconcernedabouthowthechildrenhavechanged in your absence or you may have missed rites of passage such as children learningtowalk,talk,theirfirstdayofschoolorgraduations.Youmayworryabouthow things have changed or if you are still needed. Children can change very quickly inthespaceofsixmonths—andnotjusttoddlers.Adaughtermayblossomintoayoung woman, and a teenage son into a man. These are initially eye-opening devel-opments but are usually quickly absorbed.

Children are often unpredictable in their reactions. While you might expect children to welcome you back with open arms, it is not uncommon for them to be shy or even scared. Be patient as they take the time to get to know you and accept you as a parent again. Most children have a mixture of positive and negative feelings towardareturningparent.Beneaththehappyhugsandsquealsofjoytheremaybeotherfeelingsofhurt,anger,resentment,insecurity,jealousy,andperhapshostilityandfear.Somechildren’sreactionscanbeemotionallydevastatingforthereturn-ing parent. Babies will probably not know you and may cry when held. Toddlers and preschoolersmaynotseemtorecognizeyouandmayevenappearfearful,flinchingaway from a homecoming kiss. Not only may they try to avoid or hide from you, they may try to stop you from going near your partner. Tantrums and ceaseless crying may be common in these younger children. Teenage children may seem distant and appearnottocareabouttheirmother/father’sreturn.Unlessyouexpectandtrytounderstand such reactions, you can be heartbroken.

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Problem behaviours in children that initially occurred upon your departure may recur:sleepdisturbances,fightingwithsiblingsandplayfriends,shyness,reversalsin toilet training and so on. Children will normally overcome these behaviours if they are handled with patience and concern. When they understand that you are notathreatbutanothersourceofsupportandlove,theyshouldreadjust.Somechildrenwhohavebeenapparentlywelladjustedthroughoutyourabsencemaysuddenly reveal problem behaviours on your return. They may not let you return emotionallyintotheirliveskeepingyouatadistance.Thisisthechild’sway of trying to deal with the possibility that you may go away again. In such a situation youshouldbepatientandtrytoinvolveyourselfinthechild’sday-to-dayactivitiesas often as you can. Most young children will go through an attention-seeking phase.Suchbehaviourscanbepositive(doingaspecialdrawingforyou),negative(breakingobjects),oroftenamixtureofboth.Trytoencouragethepositivebyrewarding the child — simply speaking to them is often enough, though cuddles and sharing time are perhaps the best rewards. And try simply to ignore the negative as much as possible.

Children base their reactions on how adults around them react. They mirror adult behaviour.Themoreyouareabletoaccepttheseparation,adjusttoandcopewiththechanges, and return to normal routines, the easier the transition will be for your children.

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Age

Infants

Toddlers

School Age

Teenagers

Typical Behaviours

Infants often might cry or pull away from you, clinging to your spouse or the caregiver they know.

Toddlersmightbeshyorclingy;notrecognizeyou;cry;havetempertantrums;orreturntobehaviours they had outgrown.

School age children typically experience a high degree of energy and excitement, and spend a lot of time trying to get your attention. They might experience a degree of guilt about how they have behaved since you have been away.

The response of teenagers is often a lot more complicated, especially if they have gone throughsignificantchangeswhile you were away. Feelings of guilt about not living up to standards are not uncommon, as are concerns about rules and responsibilities. They may be unwilling to change plans to spend extended time with you upon your return.

Suggestions

Engaging in activities that reinforce you meeting their basic physical needs — such as bathing, hugging, feeding and changing — is often effective.

Youmighthavetoinitially provide them with some space so that they can get used to you once again. It may be necessary to let them slowly warm up to you. A good idea is tostartagamewiththem;thisemphasizes sharing and fun.

Reinforce the positive things they have been doing since you have been away. Review class projects,schoolwork,reports,and, pictures, and express interest in their hobbies and activities.

In comparison to the tips above, you need to adopt more mature methods in renewing your relationship with teenag-ers. Sharing your experience of the deployment is quite useful and encourages them to share their experience of you being away.Youmayneedtore-establish boundaries that might have changed. Try not to be judgmental.

SUGGESTIONS FOR ASSISTING CHILDREN ADJUST TO yOUR RETURN

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Other problem behaviours may include:

• JEALOUSY — While you were away, children may have formed very close bonds with the parent who remained at home. They may be over protective, clingy and resent your return.

• POSSESSIvENESS — Some young children may become very protective of you on return, such as refusing to let go of your leg or constantly seeking your attention. Such behaviours might be reinforced the next time you are separated — such as when you return to work. Reassurance and brief calls from wherever you have gonecanassistchildreninmakingtheadjustment.

• DISCIPLINE — School-age children may initially be happy and loving towards you, but this may change if their established routine is disrupted too quickly and/or harshly. Parents may need to discuss discipline and any new boundaries that have been set for the children prior to developing new ones or re-establishing old ones. Try to remember that these are all natural responses for children at different ages. Adult children may also have concerns so ensure that you communicate effectively with them.

Suggestions for Dealing With Children

• Expectbothpositiveandnegativereactionsfromchildrenandtrytoshowunderstanding of the negatives.

• Expecttohavetowinbacktheiraffections.• Spendasmuchtimeaspossiblewiththefamilyforatleastaweekafter

your return.• Besensitiveaboutshowingfavouritism.• Acceptchangeandtrytofitintothecurrentroutine.• Encouragechildrentotalkaboutwhathappenedduringtheseparation.• Don’tforceyourselfonthem;allowtimeforadjustment.• Beavailabletothechildwithyourtimeandemotions.• Letthechildsetthepaceforgettingtoknowyou.• Don’tgiveintodemandsbecauseofguilt.

For the Single ParentSingle parents encounter unique challenges when preparing for homecoming and itcanbeaverylonelyanddifficulttime.However,theycanexperiencemanyof thesameissuesrelatingtochildrenandcommonreactionsthatmarriedmembers’mayfaceonhomecoming.OneventualreturntoCanada,accommodationisahighpriority. During your absence you may have arranged for a friend or family member to look after your children at your house or, alternatively, your children may have lived with the nominated caregiver. Perhaps you require a new residence altogether. Once“housekeeping”hasbeenestablished,youwillbeabletofocusyourattentionon reunion with your children, friends and family.

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Whetherornotyouhaveasignificantother,thereare,nodoubt,peopleinyourlifeyou consider to be family. It is important to be aware that changes may have oc-curred in your absence. For example, there may have been a marriage in the family, births,andnewneighbours;friendsmayhavebeenposted,relationshipsmayhavechanged. If you are in a relationship, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are likely to experience many of the same reactions, concerns, etc., experienced by married cou-ples, as detailed earlier. Take the time to discuss any concerns openly and honestly.

Yourparents/guardiansmayhaveexperiencedmanyofthesamereactionsandemo-tions that a partner may feel while you have been deployed. It is a good idea to shareyourandtheirexperiencesopenlyandhonestlyjustasyouwouldapartner.Try to understand that they are still concerned and worried about your safety and welfare despite your age and independence.

It is important to remember that there may have been changes in your social networkandextendedfamily,andthatyouwillneedtotaketimetoadjustandreintegrate. Developing and maintaining a routine, exercising regularly, maintaining ahealthydiet,participatinginenjoyableactivities,anddevelopingnewhobbies/interestscanassistthesingleparenttoadjustquickly.

Social ConcernsTheperiodofadjustmentbackintoCanadiansocietycanaffectpeopleindifferentways. Due to likely differences in culture and lifestyle while overseas, your return to Canadacanbequiteunsettling.Somepersonnelfindlittledifficultyreadjustingto‘lifeathome’,however,beawarethatthisisnotalwaysthecase,andthatitmaytake some time.

Forexample,youmayexperiencedifficultyinadjustingtowhatappeartobelittlethingslikecitynoises,trafficandtrafficlights,thewiderangeandlargeamountofgoodsinsupermarkets,havingtousemoney,thesenseof(orlackof)timeurgency,and perhaps the relative lack of friendship, teamwork or purpose in Canadian society.Often,however,whatismostannoyingareminorchangesinthehome orfamiliarplaces.Itseemsthatsometimessuch‘littlethings’registerjusthowmuch‘home’haschanged.

Partying—don’toverdoit.Rememberthatyourtolerancetoalcoholwillhavede-creased during your deployment. Try and balance social life with the need to spend time alone.

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FriendsItcanbeamazinghowquicklyandhowsignificantlyfriendshipscanchangeduringan absence. Some friendships will be re-established as if you were never away, while others will fade. Friends remaining in Canada will have gone on to make new friend-ships and you may feel unwelcome in some of these new circles. Many friendships you made while deployed may become distant or dissolve although you may have formed close bonds with these people due to the nature of the deployment. Thus, the homecoming can be a sad and lonely time — especially for single personnel. New friends are left behind and old friends may not be all that friendly or may now seemjuvenile,dullortoofixedintheirways.

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WorkThere are many potential frustrations associated with returning to your unit in Canada. It is not unusual to experience reduced motivation after returning from deployment, andnormalworkmayseemtobeananti-climax.Youcouldfindthesteadyroutineofyournormaljobtobeboring.Theremaybemoresupervisionandmoreregulationscomparedtoyourjobconditionsoverseas.Somecolleaguesmayappeardisinterestedin or envious of your time overseas and either avoid any discussion of it or make frequentcynicalcommentssuchas‘medalchasing’,or‘swantrips’.Yourbestfriendsmay have been posted during your absence. Some colleagues who remained in Canada mayhavegainedpromotionaheadofyou.Youmayfeelthatyouseemtohavebeenforgotten.Youmayharboursomegrudgesagainstthe‘system’foraperceivedlack of support to you or your family during your deployment.

Such thoughts and concerns may arise shortly after returning from a deployment. However, sometimes it is really concerns from other areas of your life that impact your attitude to work. Seek advice and opportunities to discuss your feelings related to the workplace — especially before doing anything like applying for leave without pay, requesting release or resigning.

Reservists

Returningtocivilianworkcanbejustasdifficultwithmanyuniquestressors.Youmayexperiencedifficulties‘turningoff’fromthemilitaryenvironmentandmayfeelthatyourciviliancounterpartslack‘discipline’.Duringyourdeploymentyouwillhave gained experiences that your civilian work colleagues are not able to share and you might suffer a degree of intolerance of everyday issues that now seem trivialinlightofyourrecentexperiences.Youmayevenreviewtheimportance of your civilian work routine in light of your deployment experience.

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Tips for Returning to Work:

• Allowtimeforreadjustmentbeforemakinganymajordecisions—allgoodcareer moves take a good degree of planning and execution. Take several weekstoreadjust,talktoworkfriendsandcareercounsellorsfirstandthendecide on possible options.

• Makesureyoumentallydistanceyourselffromtheoperationalrole.Younowhave another role to play.

• Trytoavoidcomparisonsbetweenyoureffectivenessandthatofothersifyou are replaced in a rotation.

• Enjoythereducedintensity.• RememberarealMilitaryisatrainingMilitary.

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For the Single MemberSingle members encounter unique challenges when preparing for homecoming and it can be a very lonely time regardless of whether you live in a barracks environment or live out in the community. However, you can experience many of the common reactionsonhomecomingdescribedpreviously.OneventualreturntoCanada,accommodation is a high priority. During your absence you may have maintained your barracks accommodation, have arranged for a friend to house sit or, alterna-tively, you might have placed belongings in storage, or perhaps you require a new residencealtogether.Once“housekeeping”hasbeenestablished,youwillbeable to focus on reunion with friends and family.

During your deployment you would have stretched your comfort zone, learning to adapt to foreign living and working environments. It is important to consider the potential impact these personal changes may have on your social relationships. Parentsandfriendswillnotechangesinyourappearance,self-confidence,andresponsibility.Itcanbeamazinghowquicklyandhowsignificantlyfriendships can change during an absence. Some friendships will be re-established as if you were never away, while others will take time to develop or will fade. Friends remaining in Canada will have gone on to make new friendships and you may feel unwelcome in some of these new circles. Many friendships you made while deployed may become distant or dissolve. Thus, homecoming can be a sad and lonely time — especially for single personnel. New friends are left behind and oldfriendsmaynotbeallthatfriendlyormaynowseemdullortoofixedin their ways. Recognize that relationships have changed and allow yourself time toadjust.

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Whetherornotyouhaveasignificantother,thereare,nodoubt,peopleinyourlifeyou consider to be family. It is important to be aware that changes may have occurred inyourabsence;forexample,theremayhavebeenamarriageinthefamily,births,new neighbours, friends may have been posted, or changes in relationships. If you are in a relationship, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are likely to experience many of the reactions, concerns, etc., detailed earlier when discussing the experiences ofmarriedcouples.Unlikeamarriedcouple,however,youmayhavehadconcernsaboutyourpartner’scommitmentorfaithfulnesswhileyouwereaway,orthedirectionyour relationship may take now that you have returned. Take the time to discuss any concerns openly and honestly.

Yourparents/guardiansmayhaveexperiencedmanyofthesamereactionsandemo-tions that a partner may have felt while you were deployed. It is a good idea to shareyourandtheirexperiencesopenlyandhonestlyjustasyouwouldapartner.Try to understand that they are still concerned and worried about your safety and welfare despite your age and independence.

It is important to remember that there may have been changes in your social networkandextendedfamily,andthatyouwillneedtotaketimetoadjustandreintegrate. Developing and maintaining a routine, exercising regularly, maintaining agooddiet,participatinginenjoyableactivities,anddevelopingnewhobbies/ interestscanassistthesinglememberadjustquickly.

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FOR THE PARTNER

Prior to HomecomingWhile deployments are frequently acknowledged as a potentially stressful situation for the serving member, the partners who stay at home are often faced with chal-lengingsituationswhicharenotascommonlyrecognized.Partnersoftenmustfillnew roles as single parents, making decisions that would have previously been made either by the departed spouse or by both partners together. In isolated families, the remainingspousemaybewithoutsignificantsocialandemotionalsupport.Youmayhave experienced a wide range of reactions while your spouse has been deployed, including:

• Fearsaboutyourspouse’ssafety.• Loneliness.• Addedresponsibilityformaintainingthehousehold.• Problemswithcommunications.• Problemswithlegalissues.• Financialworriesandproblems.

Childrenmayalsoexperienceanumberofthesereactionsduringaparent’sdeploy-ment. They may have experienced changes in their sleep patterns, interests, energy, eating habits and behaviours. They may have acted out in school or withdrawn from activities.

What your Partner May Have Experienced

Justasyouwillhaveadjustedtoanewsetofcircumstancesandchallenges,soyourdeployedpartnerwillhavetoo.Whiletheyhavereceivedspecifictrainingtoperformwithin an operational context, they are frequently exposed to stressors such as:

• Workinginharshclimates/terrain.• Livingsituation—closelivingquartersanduncomfortableconditions.• Limitedopportunitiestomaintainhygiene.• Excessivenoise.• Longdaysandinadequaterest.• Ambiguousrolesandtaskings.• Interpersonalproblemswithpeers.• Fearofdeathorinjury.• Exposuretoviolence,death,injury,devastation.• Limitedopportunitiesforrecreation.• Boredom.• Separationfromlovedones.

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Tips for Preparing for Homecoming• HOMECOMING DETAILS — Ensure you know when your partner is arriving

and where. While this seems to be quite a simple step, details such as the correct terminal and the time of arrival often get mistaken in the excitement of your partner returning.

• MAkE BACk-UP PLANS—Asflightdetailsoftenchange,ensurethereisa backup plan or another person who can be there to meet your partner when they arrive. This includes details such as how the service member will get home if you cannot make it, contact phone numbers where you can be reached, and how children can be looked after if you need to travel.

• PLAN SOMETHING SPECIAL — It only takes something as simple as a wel-come-back meal or a small gift to set the right path to a successful reunion.

• BE UNDERSTANDING — Manage your expectations about the reunion and be forgiving if the reality of the reunion does not match your plans and hopes.

Recognizing that both of you have experienced challenges as a result of the deploy-mentisthefirststeptoensuringasuccessfulhomecoming,andtoensurethattheexperience is seen as positive for both you and your partner.

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Tips for the Day of Reunion

• Takeyourtimetogetreacquaintedanddon’ttrytocoverseveralmonths ofadjustmentinseveraldays.

• Acceptthatyourpartnermaybedifferent.• Reassureyourpartnerthattheyareneededandthatyouarehappythey

have returned safely.• Seekhelpforfamilymembers,ifneeded.• Becalmandassertive,notdefensive,whendiscussingeventsthathave

takenplaceduringtheseparation.Yourpartnermayneedtohearthatitwasn’tthesamedoingthesethingsalone,thatyouaregladtheyareback,andthatyou’dliketodiscussproblemsandcriticismscalmly.

• Preparechildrenforhomecomingandinvolvetheminreunionactivities.• Ensureyoubothhavetimesetasidetorest,andschedulesocialeventsand

activities accordingly.• Limityouruseofalcohol.Rememberalcoholwasrestrictedduringyourloved

one’sdeploymentandtheirtoleranceislowered.

The Day of ReunionThe day on which you are reunited with your loved one is often a very special and rewarding day, and your expectations may be high and romanticized. Therefore there can be a degree of disappointment for both the returning service member and the partner. It is important to temper your expectations and view the reunion as the beginningofaprocessofadjustmentratherthantheeventitself.

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The First Few Weeks After the ReunionWhile the initial reunion can be a positive emotional experience, the initial days can seem somewhat of a relearning process. While you have certainly missed your partner, you both must re-establish your relationship and reallocate roles and tasks. Thewholefamilyunitmustworkatreadjusting,stabilizingandacceptingtheserv-ing member back into the group.

Considerations for the First Few Weeks After the Reunion

• DON’T OvER-SCHEDULE THE FIRST DAYS AFTER RETURN. After several months of regimentation and routine, serving members are often seeking a relief from constant responsibilities and scheduled activities. It is normal for the returning partner to “need space” upon their return.

• DON’T ExPECT YOUR PARTNER TO TAkE UP THEIR PREvIOUS ROLE STRAIGHT AWAY.Oftenthereturntripfromanareaofoperationleavesmostservicemem-bersinneedofrestsimplytoadjusttojetlag.

• SET TIME ASIDE TO COMMUNICATE.Youhavebothbeenthroughseparateexperiencesduringyourpartner’sdeployment,andyouhavebothchangedinsome ways as a result. Talking can help you get to know each other again, to regain the intimacy you had before, and to rebuild family routines that include you both.

• ExPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO TEST THE RULES NOW THAT BOTH PARENTS ARE HOME.Wheneverthereisachangeinafamily,childrenworktofindoutwhetherit might mean a loosening of limits. Talk with your spouse to explain any new rules you have set, so that you can present a united front.

• DON’T GIvE UP ACTIvITIES THAT YOU ENJOY AND THAT HELP YOU RELAx. If youhaveadoptedanexerciseroutine,takenupahobbyyoulike,orjoinedaclub,don’tgiveitupjustbecauseyourpartnerishome.Youmayneedtobeflexibletofittheseactivitiesintothenewfamilyschedule,butdoyourbesttofindaway.

• PRIORITIZE TIME FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. Postpone visits to relatives and friends until you both have settled into a comfortable routine at home.

• CHILDREN’S REACTIONS. Children may be feeling the same confusing things you and your spouse feel such as worry, fear, stress, happiness, and excitement. They may be unsure of what to expect from the parent who has returned, and may feel uncomfortable or think of them as a stranger. Allow children to give and receive the attention they need from the returning parent before you try to have quiet time alone with your partner.

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MENTAL WELL-BEING OF RETURNING SOLDIERS

Enhancing Homecoming Through Stress ManagementInday-to-daydiscussion,theterm‘stress’encompassesbothcausalfactors (i.e.stressors)andtheoutcomes(i.e.stressresponse).

‘Withoutstress,therewouldbenolife’.Weallexperiencestressinourlives—inourwork,athome,whenweplaysports,etc.Itisnotnecessarilyabadthing;weallneed a certain amount of stress in our lives to motivate and increase performance.

The trick is to determine and maintain an optimal level of stress that will allow you toperformatyourbest.Bothtoolittlestress(e.g.boredom)andtoomuchstress(e.g.burnout)willresultindeteriorationofperformance,well-beingandeffective-ness in all areas of your life including work, family, and social.

It is important to be able to identify when stress is becoming problematic in order foryoutotakeaction.Stressmanagementisessentially‘performanceenhancement’— it is imperative for maintenance of operational capability.

STRESS MANAGEMENT

HIGH

PE

RF

OR

MA

NC

E

STRESS

OPTIMALSTRESSLEVEL

LOW HIGH

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Signs of Stress

Recognizingthesignsofstressis‘halfthebattlewon’.Thesearethebody’s‘warningsystem’thatstressisbecomingproblematic.Recognizingandrespondingtotheseearlyonwillensurecontinuingeffectiveperformance.Ifignored,these‘signsofstress’willintensifyimpactingincreasinglyonperformanceandwell-being.Thelongertheyareignored,potentiallythemoredifficulttheyaretomanageandthegreater the impact they will have on all facets of your life. Not only does your stress have the potential to be a problem for you, but it can also impact on colleagues, friends and loved ones.

People’sreactionstostress,liketheirperceptionsofstress,varyfrompersontoperson. There are, however, a number of signs that are relatively common.

Physical• Nausea• Headaches• Sleepdisturbance• Excessivesweating• Muscletension

Emotional• Fear• Rapidmoodchanges• Lowmotivation• Irritabilityandshortertemper• Anger

Behavioral• Socialwithdrawal/isolation• Problemsdealingwithothers• Increasedsmoking/drinking• Overreacting• Increasedrisktaking

Thinking• Poorjudgment• Loweredself-esteem• Poorconcentration• Easilydistracted• Decreaseddecision-makingability

SIGNS OF STRESS

There are a number of strategies that can be used to manage the stress response or to mitigate the impact of stressors. Be prepared to try a number of different strate-giestofindoutwhichonesuitsyoubest.Thefollowingframeworkisdesignedtoassist in managing homecoming stressors.

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Delayed Stress Reactions

Most overseas deployments are moderately to highly stressful for the participants. Traumaticexperiences(forexample,experienceswithdeath)arenotuncommon,andexperiences that appear life threatening do occur. Such events usually elicit stress responses in the individual. These responses may range from momentary physical reactions such as profuse sweating or trembling to long-term emotional responses suchasanxietyanddepression.Oftenitisnotonlythedramaticstressorsthatcause stress reactions. Such things as language barriers, lack of mail, unusual living conditions,limitedaccesstocommunicationsfacilities,bureaucratic‘redtape’, lack of recreational opportunities and the prolonged separation from loved ones can cause extreme frustration. This can ultimately result in various stress reactions suchasheadaches,poorappetiteanddifficultysleeping.Thesereactionsshould not be considered abnormal or a sign of weakness.

Sometimes stress responses do not subside quickly but may continue for a period ofweeksormonths,longaftertheincident(s)thatcausedthem.Sometimesstressresponses do not seem to emerge until the person is removed from the stressful environment — that is, upon returning home. This is unfortunate as the homecom-ing period has enough of its own inherent stressors without needing to be further complicated by delayed stress responses.

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Managing Stress on Homecoming

• ALLOW ADJUSTMENT TIME.Giveyourselftimetoadjusttobeinghome.• EAT WELL: SLEEP WELL: BE WELL.

— maintain proper nutrition through a sensible diet,—ensuresufficientandproperrest/sleep,and— exercise regularly.

• CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS. Sometimes the way we choose to perceive a situation determines how frustrating or stressful it is. By changing our assumptions we can often decrease our stress levels. In particular, try to maintain a positive attitude and realistic expectations.

• ACCEPT REALITY.Understandthatthereareonthingsyoucaninfluenceandchange—expendyoureffortsonthese,NOTthosesituationsthatyouhavenocontrolover.Learntobeopen-mindedandflexible.

• MENTALLY REHEARSE STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. Think through likely situations that are of concern to you. Think about your possible reactions and the options you have in dealing with the possibilities. Ask yourself: “What could be the worst possiblethingthatcouldhappen?”Quiteoftentheanswerisnotasbadasyouinitiallybelieve.This‘rehearsal’alsohelpsyoutosuccessfullydealwiththesitua-tion when it arises.

• ExERCISE. Exercise is one of the best physical stress-reduction techniques avail-able. Exercise can cause the release of chemicals called endorphins into your blood stream and positively affect your overall sense of well-being. It improves bloodflowtoyourbrain,bringingadditionalsugarsandoxygenthatmaybeneeded when you are thinking intensely, and can help with muscle tension and sleepdifficulties.

• TALk IT OUT. This is one of the best ways to get something off your chest. When you are particularly upset — maybe you have received some bad news or are exceptionally frustrated about something — it is usually pretty obvious to those aroundyou.Usecolleaguesandfriendsasasoundingboard—sometimesyoumayjustneedtovent,othertimesitmayhelpyoutodevelopasolution.Theyareoftenjustwaitingforyoutoapproachthemtohaveachat.Whileitissomewhatcliché,‘aproblemsharedisaproblemhalved’hasmerit.

• WRITE LETTERS/JOURNAL.Ifyoucannot,ordonotwishto,‘talkitout’,considerwritingdownyourfeelings(letters,maintainingajournaletc).Somepeoplemaywrite things down as a starting point for discussion, to clarify their thoughts, etc.Writingaletterdoesn’tmeanyouhavetosendit;infact,becautiousaboutsending anything you write in these circumstances — you may regret it later on. Simplywritingthewordsonpaperwilloftenallowyoutogetit‘offyourchest’—youmaychosetokeepordestroytheletter(that’suptoyou).Ifkeepingajournalrememberthattheintentofthejournalistodetailthoughtsandfeelingsnotoperationalinformation.BeawareofOPSECrequirements.

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• RELAxATION TECHNIqUES. There are a variety of physical and mental relaxation techniques that can be used to manage the stress response. Some examples include the use of imagery, deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation exercises, meditation and self-hypnosis. Finding a technique that works for you is very much an individual preference — be prepared to give them a go and recognize how widely such techniques are used, particularly by elite sportsmen/women to enhance their performance.

• LIMIT ALCOHOL/CAFFEINE/TOBACCO INTAkE. The use of substances such as alcohol, caffeine and tobacco is an unhealthy practice that is more likely to exacerbate, rather than reduce, stress. Although they may seem to offer temporary relief, these substances only mask or disguise problems and can become habit forming through long term use.

• HUMOUR. Laughter can reduce the tension, but be sensitive in its use — it can backfire.

• ACkNOWLEDGE EMOTIONS. It is okay to feel angry or upset. Feelings are natural reactions to stressful circumstances. It is healthy to admit to and work through your emotions.

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Seeking Assistance

Therearetimeswhenwecan’tdoitalonewhenitcomestostressandstressmanagement. Seeking assistance is not a sign of weakness but rather a recognition that the situation is beyond our normal resources to cope. Effectively we have two choices: ignore or deny it, with guaranteed detriment to well-being and effective-ness(andpotentiallyoperationalcapability),ORseekprofessionalsupport(throughamentalhealthprofessional—MO,chaplain,psychologistetc.).

The following list is not exhaustive but is indicative of circumstances suggesting that you may need to seek assistance with stress management:

• Ifyouareexperiencingchronicsignsofstress.• Ifyoucannothandleintensefeelingsorphysicalsensations.• Ifyoufeelthatyouremotionsarenotreturningtonormal.• Ongoingdisturbedsleepand/ornightmares.• Ifyouareexperiencingincreasedsmoking/drinking.• Ifyoucontinuetofeelnumboremptyordonothaveappropriatefeelings.• Ifyourpartnerorchildrenareshowinganyofthesesignsandyouwishtodiscuss

the matter.• Ifyouhavenoonewithwhomyoufeelthatyoucantalk.• Yourrelationships(workandsocial)seemtobesuffering/deteriorating.• Youarehavingfrequentaccidents,difficultyconcentrating.• Youhavenoticedchangesinyouremotionsorbehavioursthatareworryingyou.• Ifyouhaveanyself-harm,suicidalorhomicidalthoughts.

ALISTOFSUPPORTSERvICESCANBEFOUNDINTHEMENTALHEALTH RESOURCESSECTIONATTHEENDOFTHEHOMECOMINGGUIDE.

Helping your Friends/Family Deal With Stress

• Onceyouhavereturnedhomefromtheoperationalenvironment,itwilloften beyourfamilyandfriendswhowillbethefirsttonoticewhenyouarestressed.Activelyseekhelpfromyourfriendswhenyoufinditdifficulttocopeand, likewise, be there to listen when they need help.

• Realizethatstressreactionsdooccur.Stressreactionsoccurforbothyouandothers. It is important to be aware that everyone reacts differently to stress and different stressors cause different stress reactions.

• Acceptstressresponsesinothers—reassurethemthatitisokay,thatsuchresponses are normal.

• Beavailableandapproachable.Showinganinterestandprovidingsupportenablesyour friends to feel reassured.

• Listen.Thisisnotalwayseasytodoasittakestimeandpatience.Listening is one of the best ways to assist a friend or loved one.

• Becarefulwithadviceanddonotjudge.Donotsay,“itcouldhavebeenworse”,or“youshouldn’thaveletthemdothat”—thesecommentsdonothelp.Try to be optimistic but avoid making promises that may not come true e.g. “every-thing will be alright”.

• Besensitivetochangesinpeople—thesechangescanbeawarningsignofsome-onehavingdifficultycoping.Apersonmaybecomeunusuallyquietortalkative,they may start to drink heavily, and they may become more irritable or aggressive and so on. These are all warning signs that should not be ignored.

• Knowyourlimits.Tacklingstressinotherscanbestressfulinitself.Donotletyour own well-being suffer by taking on too many emotional problems from others. There may be a time when those you are helping need professional assistance from someone like a psychiatrist, psychologist, doctor, chaplain, etc. Be aware that you could help them to go see such people if necessary.

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Relaxation TechniquesPracticingrelaxationtechniquesonaregularbasiscanbeverybeneficialinhelpingyou cope with the stress of day-to-day life. Relaxation techniques are not mysterious andyoudonotneedspecialistqualificationstocarrythemout.Anyonecanpracticerelaxation,justaboutanywhereandatanytime.Thekeytopracticingrelaxationtechniques is that they can be self-administered and, with a little practice, most peoplefindthemeasytomaster.

Thebenefitsofrelaxationinclude:

• Preventingstressfrombecomingcumulative.Stresscanbuildupovertimeandifleftalonecanbeveryharmful.Relaxingonaregularbasishelpsto‘breakthestresscycle.’

• Increasingenergylevelsandvitality.• Improvingconcentrationandmemory.• Helpingtoalleviateinsomniaandfatigue.

There are various relaxation techniques that you can use. We have chosen to high-light a few of the most commonly used ones to give you an introduction to the subject.However,asstressandstressmanagementare‘hot’topicsintoday’shurriedworld,manybookshavebeenwrittenbymanydifferentauthorsonthesubjectofrelaxation.Ifyouwishtolearnmoreaboutthesubject,itisrecommendedthatyouvisit your local library or bookshop to get more information.

Abdominal Breathing

Theleveloftensioncarriedinyourbodyisreflectedinthewaythatyoubreath. If you are tense, your breathing tends to be shallow, rapid and occur high in the chest. If you are relaxed, your breathing tends to be fuller, deeper and from yourabdomen.Itisdifficulttobetenseandtobreathefromyourabdomenat the same time.

Exercise

• Takeamomenttonotehowtenseyouarefeeling,thenplaceonehandonyourabdomenjustbeneathyourribcage.

• Inhaleslowlyanddeeplythroughyournoseintothe‘bottom’ofyourlungs—send the air as low down as you can. If you are breathing from your abdomen, yourhandshouldrise.Yourchestshouldmoveonlyslightly.

• Whenyou’vetakenafullbreath,pauseforamomentandthenexhaleslowlythrough your nose or mouth. Make sure you exhale fully. As you exhale try to fully relax your body.

• Nowdotenslow,fullabdominalbreaths.Keepyourbreathingslowandsmooth. Itmayhelptoslowlycounttofourontheinhale(1-2-3-4)andthenagainon theexhale.Remembertopausebrieflyattheendofeachinhalation.

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Ifyoustarttofeellight-headedduringtheexercise,stopfor15–20secondsandthen start again. With practice, you may be able to do a number of sets of ten full abdominalbreaths.Fiveminutesofabdominalbreathingcanhaveaverybeneficialrelaxing effect.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressivemusclerelaxation(withtension)worksonthetheorythatamuscle canberelaxedbyfirsttensingitforafewsecondsandthenreleasingit.Tensingand releasing various muscle groups throughout the body can produce a deep state ofrelaxation.Theideaistotenseeachmusclegrouphard(notstraininghowever)forabout10secondsandthentoletitgosuddenly.Youthengiveyourself15to 20 seconds to relax, noticing the difference in the muscle relaxed as opposed to when you tensed it, before going onto the next muscle group.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation can also be practised without tensing and releasing the muscles.Theideaisbasicallythesame.Youworkyourwayprogressivelythroughthedifferent muscle groups in your body, consciously relaxing each one as you go. The only difference is that you do not tense and release each muscle.

It may help to say to yourself something like “I am relaxing,” or “Letting go” during each relaxation phase between muscle groups. Maintain a focus on your muscles during the exercise.

The following general guidelines apply:

• Makesureyouareinaquiet,comfortablesetting.• Whenyoutenseamusclegroup,dosofor7–10secondsvigorously,without

straining, then release suddenly.• Allowallothermusclesinthebodytorelax;focusononegroupatatime.• Ifamusclegroupfeelsparticularlytense,youcantenseandreleaseit2–3times

if necessary. Just make sure you rest for 20 seconds between each cycle.• Theentirerelaxationsequenceshouldtakeyouabout30minutestocompletethe

firsttime.Asyoubecomemoreadeptatit,youmayfindthatyouworkthroughitmuch more quickly.

Concentrate on what is happening. Feel the build-up of tension in each particular muscle group. It may help you to visualize the muscle group as being tense.

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AlcoholSome deployments are dry while others include social opportunities where alcohol may be served. In either case your tolerance to alcohol will be lowered and therefore it is recommended that you moderate your alcohol consumption on your return. It is not uncommon for people to celebrate their homecoming by having a few drinks withfamilyandfriends;however,itisalsothecasethatmanypeople‘self-medicate’with alcohol when they are feeling upset, angry, or stressed. Drinking at risky levels can have a negative impact on all areas of your life including family, relationships, social, health and career. This will ultimately aggravate the issues that caused you todrinkinthefirstplace.

TheLowRiskDrinkingGuidelines,developedbythe(Canadian)CentreforAddictionsandMentalHealth(CAMH)provideinformationtohelpyoumakedecisionsaboutyour alcohol use that will lower the risk of alcohol-related harm. To minimize health risks, men should have no more than 2 standard drinks a day on average and not exceed 14 standard drinks a week. Women should have no more than 2 standard drinks a day on average and not exceed 9 standard drinks per week. Thefigurebelowprovidesinformationonwhatconstitutesastandarddrink.

What is your Level of Risk?

ThemostwidelyusedscreenforalcoholuseiscalledtheAUDIT(thealcoholusedisordersidentificationtest).YoucancompletetheAUDITonyourowndrinkingbehaviour to work out your level of risk. If your score is 8 or more, you are drinking in excess of low risk levels and your CF health provider can give you information and support to help you cut down to a less risky amount.

Wine Spirite Beer

or or

1 STANDARD DRINk = 13.6GRAMS OF ALCOHOL=

5 oz/142 ml of wine(12%alcohol)

Higher alcohol beers and coolers have more alcohol than one standard drink.

1.5 oz/43 ml of spirits(40%alcohol)

12 oz/341 ml ofregular strength beer

(5%alcohol)

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THE AUDIT

1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol?

(0) Never (Skip to qs 9-10)(1) Monthly or less(2) 2 to 4 times a month(3) 2 to 3 times a week(4) 4 or more times a week

3. How often do you have six or more drinks ononeoccasion?

(0) Never(1) Less tahan monthly(2) Monthly(3) Weekly(4) Daily or almost daily

Skip to question 9 and 10 if total score for ques-tions 2 and 3 = 0

5. How often during the last year have you failed to do what was normally expected fromyoubecauseofdrinking?

(0) Never(1) Less than monthly(2) Monthly(3) Weekly(4) Daily or almost daily

7. How often during the last year have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking?


9. Haveyouorsomeoneelsebeeninjuredasaresultofyourdrinking?

(0) No(2) Yes, but not in the last year(4) Yes, during the last year

11. Do you think you presently have a problem withdrinking?

(a) No(b) Probably not(c) Unsure(d) Possibly(e) Definitely

Do not score questions 11 and 12.

Score of 0 - 7 indicates low risk drinkingScore of 8 - 15 indicates alcohol use in excess of low-risk guidelines (risky or hazardous drinking)Score of 16 - 19 indicates risky drinking and a pattern of consumption that is already causing harmScore of 20 or greater indicates high-risk category of alcohol related harm

2. How many drinks containing alcohol do you have onatypicaldaywhenyouaredrinking?

(0) 1 or 2(1) 3 or 4(2) 5 or 6(3) 7, 8 or 9(4) 10 or more

4. How often during the last year have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you hadstarted?


6. How often during the last year have you needed afirstdrinkinthemorningtogetyourselfgoingafteraheavydrinkingsession?


8. How often during the last year have you been unable to remember what happened the night beforebecauseyouhadbeendrinking?


10. Has a relative or friend or a doctor or another health worker been concerned about your drink-ingorsuggestedyoucutdown?

(0) No(2) Yes, but not in the last year(4) Yes, during the last year

Record total of items 1 to 10 here

12. Inthenext3months,howdifficultwouldyoufindittocutdownorstopdrinking?

(a) very easy(b) Fairly easy(c) Neither difficult nor easy(d) Fairly difficult(e) very difficult

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Celebrating Safely

Although it is recommended that you curtail your alcohol intake on homecoming, it is realistic to expect that alcohol will feature prominently at many of your home-coming celebrations. If you are going to consume alcohol, here are some practical strategies for celebrating safely and reducing potential risks associated with alcohol use:

• Haveaplanforwhereyouaregoing,whoyouwillbewith,howmuchyouare goingtodrink,andhowyouwillgethome.Whatdoyouneedtodothenextday?

• Rememberthattheeffectsofalcoholvaryfromoccasiontooccasion(e.g.are youtakingmedications?haveyoueatenrecently?areyoutiredorangry?).

• Startwithanon-alcoholicdrinktoquenchyourthirstbeforeyoustartdrinkingalcohol.

• Besuretoeatsomethingbeforeyoustartdrinking.Eatingafteryoustartdrinkingdoesn’thelp.

• Knowyourlimit.Overdrinkingcanbeunsafeandunhealthy.• Drinkonedrinkatatime,paceyourselfanddrinkslowly.• Makesureyoudrinkwaterbetweendrinksandbeforeyougotosleepto

rehydrate.• Dosomethingelsewhileyouaredrinking,suchasplayingpoolordancing.• Don’tleaveyourdrinksunattended.• Lookoutforyourfriendsandmakesurethattheylookoutforyou.• Don’tdrive.Takeataxi,publictransportation,walkordecidewhowillbethe

designated driver before the party starts.

IFYOUARECONCERNEDABOUTYOURUSEOFALCOHOL,CONTACTYOURBASE/WINGADDICTIONSCOUSELLOR.

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SleepIt is not uncommon for the returning member to experience sleep disturbance on homecoming.Normallyitwillonlybeamatterofreadjustingtoyoursurroundings— new bed, noises, someone else in the bed with you — and sleep routine should return to normal within a matter of weeks. However, should you continue to suffer a sleep disturbance, you should seek early assistance from your mental health provider. Sleepisabasicnecessityanditisjustasimportanttoourhealthandwell-beingasdiet and exercise. Sleep helps renew your body, clear your mind and maintain mental andphysicalefficiency.Theamountofsleepneededtooperateeffectivelyisdifferentforeverybody;however,somewherebetween6–8hourspernightisagoodguide.

Sleep Diary.KeepingaSleepDiaryforafewweeksmaybehelpfulinidentifying behaviours that are contributing to your sleep disturbance. Record when you wake up, go to sleep, drink caffeinated beverages, exercise, eat, drink alcohol, and any other suspected sleep stealers. Simple changes in your daily routine may be surprisingly effective in improving your quality of sleep.

Tips for Good Sleep

• Trytomaintainaregularsleeppattern.• Makesureyourbedandbedroomarequietandcomfortable—youmayneed

to wear earplugs or use a white noise machine, like a fan, to block other noises.

• Developabedtimeroutineandtrytounwindbeforegoingtobed (read,haveabath,listentomusic).

• Practicerelaxationexercises.• Avoidcaffeine,alcohol,andnicotineatleast4–6hoursbeforebed.• Refrainfromexerciseatleast4hoursbeforebedtime.• Onlyusebedforsleepingandsex—don’teat,readorwatchTvinbed.• Ifyoufindyourselftossingandturning,getoutofbedandrestinacom-

fortable chair until you feel tired.• Avoiddaytimenaps.• Don’t‘activate’yourbrainbybalancingachequebook,workingonthecom-

puter or reading a thriller.• Lowertheroomtemperatureasacoolenvironmentimprovessleep.

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Anger ManagementIt is not uncommon for returning members to experience an increase in frustration andangeronhomecoming;however,ifnotcontrolled,excessiveangercanimpactevery aspect of your life. The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes.

Anger is a normal emotion and a part of being human. It is a feeling that usually occurs when we are required to protect ourselves or if we feel under attack in some way. It can have an energizing effect by mobilizing and motivating us, which in some cases can protect us from danger. Anger is an appropriate emotion for many circumstancesasithelpsustocopewithdifficultlifeeventsandallowsusto overcome obstacles.

However,insomecases,angercanbecomeproblematic;thatis,whenitstartstooccur too frequently, lasts for too long, is too intense and/or results in aggressive behaviour. Anger can also inhibit our ability to process information accurately and thereforeresultsinimpairedjudgment,decision-makingandproblem-solving.Inthemilitary,wetrainpeopletousecontrolledaggression,butsometimesthisflowsontoourprivatelives.Uncontrolledaggressionisanegative,destructivebehaviourthat usually takes the form of physical or verbal abuse resulting in physical, psycho-logical or emotional harm.

Ifyoufindyouhavedifficultycontrollingyouranger,therearethingsthatyoucandotolearntocontrolandbettermanageit.Angermanagementdoesn’tmeanthatyou learn to suppress your anger or never feel angry again. Rather, it encourages you to understand, prevent and regulate your anger responses in a more appropriate way.

Symptoms of Anger

• EMOTIONAL — Being nervous, anxious, keyed up, excessively worried, generally irritable, confused and forgetful.

• PHYSICAL — Experiencing a pounding heart, rapid breathing, dry mouth and throat,handsandfingerstremble,headachesandeyetension.

• BEHAvIOURAL — Displaying a short temper, being withdrawn, change in appetite, inability to get to or stay asleep, raising your voice, increased use of drugs (e.g.alcohol,cigarettesormedication).

Notallofthesesymptomswilloccuratonce.Youmayonlysufferfromafewofthoselistedaboveoryoumayexperienceothersymptomsspecifictoyou.Theaimofanger management is to become aware of these symptoms and deal with them before they get out of hand. This recognition allows you the opportunity to deal with the problembeforeitdevelopsintoamajordifficulty.

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Control of Anger

• Knowwhenyouareangryorwhatmakesyouangry.• Changeyourthoughtsonthematter—aimforanewangleorperspective,and

trytolookatitfromtheotherperson’spointofview.• Gaincontrolofwhatyousayanddobyregularlypractisingrelaxationtechniques

and/or mentally rehearsing a potentially anger-producing situation and the coping strategies you would use in this situation.

• Useactiveproblem-solvingtechniques.• Taketimeoutfromasituation.• Countingtotenisacommonmethodpeopleusetohelpmanagetheiranger

reactions.

Active Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Some problems are bigger than others and often they create agreatdealofstress.Someofthisstresscanbereducedbyquicklyandefficientlyfindingasolutiontotheproblem.

Changing the Way you Think

When you are angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing irrational thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of tellingyourself‘it’sawful’,tellyourself‘it’sfrustrating’and‘it’sunderstandablethatI’mupsetaboutit,butit’snottheendoftheworldandgettingangryisnotgoingtofixit’.Becarefulofwordslike‘never’or‘always’whentalkingaboutyourselforsomeoneelse.Remindyourselfthatgettingangryisnotgoingtofixanythingandthatitwon’tmakeyoufeelbetter.Logicdefeatsanger,sousehardlogiconyour-self.Remindyourselfthattheworldis‘notouttogetyou’,andthatyouarejustexperiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel angry and it will help you get a more balanced perspective.

Useful Tips for Problem Solving

• Realizethatsomeproblemscan’tbesolvedbutmaybemanaged.• Clearlyandspecifically‘DefinetheProblem’.• Workoutwhatyouwouldliketooccur.• Lookforrealisticsolutions.• Evaluateanddecideonthebestsolution(s)—lookatthebenefitsand

disadvantages for yourself and others.• Chooseasolution—makesurethatyoursolutionisrealisticanditis

headed towards your goal.• Developaflexibleplanofactionandcontingencyplans.• Putyourplanintoaction.• Monitoryourprogress.

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Better Communication

Angrypeopletendtojumptoandactonconclusions,andsomeofthoseconclu-sionscanbeinaccurate.Thefirstthingtodoifyouareinaheateddiscussionisslowdownandthinkthroughyourresponses.Don’tsaythefirstthingthatcomesinto your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your timebeforeanswering.Listentowhatisunderlyingtheanger.Keepingyourcool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Communication Styles

There are three basic communication styles:

• AGGRESSIvE — In this style, opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated butattheexpenseofsomeoneelse’sfeelings.Theunderlyingmessageis,‘I’msuperiorandright’.Thedisadvantageisthataggressiveindividualsmakeenemies;those that you try to intimidate will retaliate, either directly through confron-tation or indirectly through avoidance and dishonesty. Confrontation leads to escalation and avoidance leads to a feeling of isolation.

• PASSIvE — In this style, opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld altogether orexpressedindirectlyandonlyinpart.Theunderlyingmessageis,‘I’mweakandinferior.’Althoughitmayminimizeresponsibilityformakingdecisionsortakinga stand, the disadvantages are a sense of impotence, lowered self-esteem, and havingtolivewiththedecisionsofothers.Younevergetwhatyouwantandwillmost likely carry around a load of resentment.

• ASSERTIvE — In this style, you clearly state your opinions, feelings, and wants withoutviolatingtherightsofothers.Theunderlyingassumptionis,‘YouandImay have our differences but we are equally entitled to express ourselves to one another’.Themajoradvantagesincludeactiveparticipationinmakingimportantdecisions, getting what you want without alienating others, the emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging feelings and ideas, and high self-esteem.

AssertivemessagesarecharacterisedbytheuseofthethreeF’s:facts,feelings,andfair requests.

• FACTS—Thefirstcomponentofanassertivestatementisanobjectivedescriptionof what you observe. It presents the facts, as you perceive them, without making judgments,tryingtoplaceblame,orguessingattheintentionsoftheotherper-son.Forexample:‘Inoticethatthesinkisfullofthedirtydishesfromlastnight’sdinner.’

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• FEELINGS — The second component acknowledges your honest reaction and personalfeelingsusing‘I’statements.Itletstheotherpersonbecomeaware that their behaviour has affected you. It is important to state this in a way thatavoidsmakingtheotherpersonfeeldefensive.Forexample:‘WhenIcomehomefromworkandfinddirtydishesinthesink,Ifeelangry’.

• FAIR REqUEST — The last and most important part of the assertive statement is making a fair request. This is basically saying what you want. The request must be specificandrealisticallyachievable.Makeonerequestatatimeaimingatachiev-ing a behavioural change as opposed to a change in attitudes, values, or feelings. Forexample:‘Wouldyouwashthedishesdirectlyaftereverymeal’.

Now, putting it all together:

‘Youspendalotoftimeatwork,andevenbringmoreworkhomewithyoutodoontheweekends.(Facts)Ifeellonelyandmissourintimatetimestogether.(Feelings)Iwouldliketomakeadatewithyouforaquiet,romanticdinnerthisweekend.’ (Fairrequest)

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CONCLUSION

Some Positive ChangesOfcourse,periodsofseparationarenotalwaysanegativeexperience.Thedifficul-ties explored in this guide do not always occur. Both those overseas and those at homecanprofitfromthenewexperiencesthatseparationtendstofoster.Someofthe positive changes that often occur are:

• Feelingmorecapableforhavingdealtwithmajorchallengesduringtheseparation.• Appreciatingjusthowmuchlovedonesmeantothem.• Beingabletosaythingstotheirlovedonesthattheycouldn’tbefore—

for example, how proud they are of them.• Returningservicemembersmaybemoreabletorelatecloselytooneorboth

parents when previously they could not.• Trivialthingsnolongercausemuchworry.• Familymemberslearntosupporteachotherthroughperiodsofstress.• Feelingasenseofpurposeintheirlifethatpreviouslywasn’tthere—theirexpe-

rienceshaveclarifiedtheirgoalsinlife.• Becominglessself-centred,morepatient,more‘worldly’,morewillingtohelp

those in need.• GainingarenewedappreciationofCanadiancultureandlifestyle.• Gainingadeeperappreciationoflifeingeneralandthevalueoflife.

Points to Remember• Somethingshavechangedwhileyouweregone.• Rolesmayhavechangedtomanagenormalchores.• Yourexpectationsmaybedifferentfromyourpartners’expectations.• Face-to-facecommunicationmaybedifficultatfirst.• Expectfriends/partnerstorememberpromisesmadebyphone/letter/e-mail.• Intimacymaybeawkwardatfirst.• Childrenhavegrownandmaybedifferentinmanyways.• A‘perfect’reunionmaynotoccur.• Partnersmaybemoreindependentandhavelearnednewcopingskills.• Friends/partnersmayhavenewfriends,job,andsupportsystems.• Youmayhavechangedinyouroutlookonandprioritiesinlife.• Rememberpreviousproblemsmaysurface.

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GOOD LUCk. Prepare well for separation. Make the effort to support your loved ones despite the physical gap of separation. Take things slowly during the homecoming period and be prepared for changes in your loved ones and the situation. There may be some resentment or other problems that will have to be worked through. Be sen-sitive to stress reactions in yourself and be prepared to seek assistance in dealing with stress. The reintegration phase may well take time, patience and considerable effort.

Tips for Those Coming Home• TALKtoeachother(partner,friends,family,children)andLISTEN.• SUPPORTgoodthingsyourfamily/friendshavedone.• Bepreparedtomakesomeadjustments.• Goslowlywhenre-establishingyourplacewithfamily/friends.• Curbthedesiretotakecontrol.• Goeasyonstoriesaboutwhereyou’vebeen/whatyou’vedone(expectalittle

envy).• Giveeachotheralittlespace.• Reaffirmbondswithchildren.• Makeindividualtimeforpartner/children/family/friends.• Thingsthatworkedbeforemightnotworknow.• Bepatientwithyourself/partner/children/family/friends.• Discussopenlyhowthefamilychoreswillbereallocated.• Avoidjumpingtoconclusions.• Avoidspendingyoursavingstooquickly.• Donotignoreproblemsofreadjusting—talktosomeone.• Rememberthattheseparationwasdifficultforboththoseathomeandthose

abroad.

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MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCESLocal Medical Centres/Clinics. Your local medical officer or civilian doctor can provide immediate assistance and referrals as required.

Psychosocial Program. The Psychosocial Program is available at all CF Medical Clinics. Social workers, mental health nurses and addiction counsellors normally staff the program. All CF personnel may self-refer on a walk-in basis, if in crisis, or be referred by a physician or others, such as a supervisor. More information on the program can be found by following the links at http://www.forces.gc.ca/health

CF Health Information Line. The Canadian Forces Health Information Line is a call centre de-signed to provide CF members with convenient telephone access to health care advice, general health information, and guidance on where and how to access health care services. The service is available to all eligible CF members, and is operated on a 24 hour/day, 7-day/week basis. Contact information: 1-877-633-3368 or follow the links at http://www.forces.gc.ca/health

Chaplains. There are Chaplains connected to all bases, ships, units and wings in Canada who can provide support and appropriate referrals.

Operational Stress Injury Social Support (OSISS). OSISS offers information and support for military personnel, veterans and their families and friends. Among other services, the OSSIS web site will provide information on the Peer and Family Support Network and contact numbers for your geographical area. Contact information: 1-800-883-6094, http://www.osiss.ca/

Operational and Trauma Stress Support Centres (OTSSC). These centres will provide assistance to serving members of the Canadian Forces and their families dealing with stresses arising from military operations; in particular, UN and NATO deployments abroad. This can cause a myriad of psychosocial, emotional, spiritual and relationship problems. Because these problems are multi-faceted, there is a need to address them from a holistic approach, with a multi-disciplinary team of caring professionals. More information on the OTSSC and their locations can be found by following the links at http://www.forces.gc.ca/health Canadian Forces Members Assistance Program (CFMAP). The CFMAP is a voluntary and confi-dential service, initiated by the Canadian Forces (CF) to help members (Regular Force, all Reserve Class Members, Cadets) and family members who have personal concerns that affect their personal well-being and/or work performance. Any individual wishing to talk to a professional counsellor or to make an appointment can simply call the Member Assistance Program, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Contact information: 1-800-268-7708, http://www.forces.gc.ca/assistance

Military Family Resource Centre (MFRC). The MFRC, dependant on location and resources, can provide a number of support and referral services to the families of military personnel. As well MFRCs can provide contact information for services available in the local community. A contact list of all MFRCs can be found at http://www.cfpsa.com/en/psp/dmfs/index.asp Canadian Forces Health Promotion Program, Strengthening the Forces, offers Health Promotion programs in Addictions Awareness and Prevention (Alcohol, Other Drugs, Gambling and Tobacco) Injury Prevention and Active Living, Nutritional Wellness and Social Wellness (Stress Management, Anger Management, Healthy Relationships, Suicide Prevention). These are available at your Base/Wing Health Promotion Office. A contact list of Local Health Promotion Offices can be found by following the links at http://www.forces.gc.ca/health

Documents

Positive well-being enhances operational effectiveness