I remember being in elementary and there being things that held me back from being a good student. Still,

I remember every time something ended and I had time to concentrate on being a student I would go back to redo

and finish my homework and scholarships. It didn’t matter if the teacher was not taking it anymore or the

scholarship deadline had passed. I made sure that at one point or another it would get done for the feeling of

completion. Doing this is what made me feel that if all of those obstacles would go away then I would be a good

student. As I finish up my portfolio I realize that as a graduate student, while I know I have access to an

educational privilege it is still as a first-generation and low-income student. I have learned that as a graduate

student I try to pretend that this part of my identity is not there by overcompensating with my paraprofessional

role.

This reflection is significant because I am in education to work with first-generation income students. As

a paraprofessional conversations on students building away from hardship and coping with its emotional trauma

are what reflect the most important work that I do. It reflects the most effort and passion I contribute. I have

become impatient as a professional because I drop my role of a student every time that a full-time staff member

doesn't show up. In the process of giving the best me I lost sight of the fact that still being a student these services

that I to provide are the same ones that I need as a graduate student. While this was an important perspective to

have in my department. When things were ignored this made me too involved and opinionated in my larger group.

I do not blame this on myself as I place responsibility on the perpetuation of years of unquestioned bias. Yet, I

now understand that as a professional of color my role will at times be to know and feed my bias until I build a

reputation that allows me to later navigate for my students.I learned that in order to be a good professional as a

student I will need to negotiate my identities in different settings. This lesson of politics has been difficult for me

to accept so in the process I have made many bold mistakes.

I learned that I am not able to do my work without passion or sense of connection. That in order for me to

show up as my best self there needs to be purpose in my work. That I am not in education to educate but to enable

those who have not received the tools through education. The distinction of what make me a strong leader and not

a teacher. I seek to keep my values while in partnerships and I propose to find work that does not require me to

negotiate between myself and its transactional tasks. Work that aligns with my values and my intended outcomes.

A space where my philosophy can be supported and flourish. Through this portfolio I have connected to mentors

that have helped me learn that in order to I need to be willing to ask for help. That as lonely or as difficult as trust

my work may feel on some days I cannot do it alone.