PonyExpressVolume 45, Number 5 • San Marin High • Novato, California • April 1, 2013

Arts and technical arts can be beneficial to a school, but can they also be limiting? The SMARTt program at San Marin High School was put in place to give the students of all arts at San Marin a name and to make them feel that they belong to a meaning-ful program. All was going well for the SMARTt pro-gram until many students and parents began to com-plain because SMARTt seemed much too restrictive to one group of students. Principal Adam Littlefield said, “When creating the SMARTt program at San Marin, we thought that we were creating a very inclu-sive group that would make all students feel welcome. We never really thought that some students might not want to take an arts class, but a class in something else, something more broad.” In order to create a more inclusive program at San Marin, the administration realized that the SMARTt title would have to be re-vised. “I knew we needed something new, something fresh, and something catchy. But it also had to include all of our wonderful students. At first we thought of the name SLOWw- Students Loving Our Wonderful Whiteboards, but alas, many students don’t like white-boards and the title really didn’t cover our academics,” Littlefield explains, “We then came up with HEMS-DADPFGg which covered most of our basic courses but kept getting misspelled on flyers. Then it hit us. STUPIDd. San Marin Technology, Uranus Studies(and other planets), Paleontology, Ingeneering, Deadly War-fare, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. It covers ev-ery kind of student.” While it proved hard for Little-field to get the teachers on board, after the laughter died down about the word Uranus, the teachers were

unanimous in their descision to accept the new slo-gan. The former SMARTt initiator and drama teach-er Linda Kislingbury said, “I was completely against breaking up the SMARTt program that we had worked so hard to build, but then Mr. Littlefield agreed that if I vote in favor of it, I can teach one of the new classes. I am not only a drama teacher, but I now teach Dead-ly Warfare!” Kislingbury is joined by science teacher Mrs. Carlomagno to create real life battle simulations at school. Some students were so excited about bat-

tling at school, they started going for it themselves and began duking it out at lunch and break. Kislingbury said, “I’m glad students are so eager to take this class, they’ve already done their summer assignments and it’s only April!” The school is abuzz with the new program that should be fully established by next fall, so don’t forget to ask your counselors about taking any of these new, fun, and exciting classes. It’s not only a great way to represent your school, but a great way to meet new friends! Probably not in Deadly Warfare, but Uranus Studies is reportedly the place to mingle.

Recently, Principal Adam Littlefield has been supporting a huge effort at San Marin, to get new technology through do-nations, and fundraisers such as the tour of Novato. Students and teachers have started experimenting with iPads, and more technology is being ushered into the classroom. However, Mr. Littlefield has decided to do a complete ‘360’ and turn San Marin into Amish school. Computers, projectors, phones and even light bulbs are being left in the dark, as a drastic attempt to save money, and make students appreciate the simpler things in life. Instead of using computers to conduct research on the sophomore speech and JRP, students will resort to books, and reading by candlelight and oil lamps. And instead of going to the water fountain for a drink, students will have to visit the recently constructed well that was built by the janitorial staff. When asked about the monumental changes, sophomore Mark Wang had this to say, “I didn’t know that the school budget was this bad, its kind of disturbing actually, that we aren’t going to have indoor plumbing. I mean I might as well drive a horse and buggy to school. But I guess it will prevent carpel tunnel from texting so much.” However, with all the extreme cutbacks in electricity costs, San Marin will have more money for extracurriculars and sports. A pool will finally be able to be installed, as well as new lights for the football field, oh whoops we can’t have lights. As you can see these changes do pose problems for the school, yet Principal Littlefield says, “I think it will be good for our school, we’ll finally be able to save a substantial

amount of money, and the students will finally be able to reflect on their roots, and how their ancestors lived. We’ve always had this idea on the backburner since our school is next to a horse farm, it just took a long time for it to be approved by the district office.” As of now, its difficult to determine if this new way of conducting school will be ac-cepted from the student body, but we can hope that it will create a new and exciting atmosphere for San Marin.

Student walks to school while sporting new fashion.

smARTt Gets sTUPIDd

Amish Impact at San Marinby Katherine Minkiewicz

by Julia Raven

Photo by Niko Walas

Ingeneering students take notes during class.

What’s Inside:Extreme Makeover: Vatican

Edition pg. 2

An Adversary to the White House: How China effects

America pg. 4

Coke vs. Pepsi: Students take fight to the streets pg. 6

Sarah Palin Remembers Bush Doctrine pg. 7

New Harry Potter Book Re-leased pg. 9 3/4

Soccer Now a Summer Sport pg. 17

Varsity Dodgeball Wins Bigpg. 18

Photo by Niko Walas

NEWSApril 1, 2043 • Page 2Pony Express

Pony Express Staff

MVP’s Rave Dog and the Dark Lady

Wide Receiver Samari MufasaKicker Lauren SquaringerReferee We Needi this pageFifty Yard Line The Dark Lady and Rave DogCheerleaders Mary Kate and Ashley OlsenQuarterbacks Flipper the DolphinEnd of the Lineup Born A’ LionDefensive coach Metherine KinkerwiczThe People Who Take Your $ Raven Dog, Golden Voice and Young Tom HanksSpreads the News Little Nate Overlord King Arthur

Bench WarmersCho Cheng, Ding Ding Ding, Cat Woman, Gabo’s sister, BackPaige, Wall-e

The Pony Express is published by the journalism class at San Marin High School. The Pony Express seeks to provide a public forum for student expression and encourages letters to the editors. No unsigned letters will be accepted; however the author’s name will be withheld upon request.

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Due to recent budget cuts, Novato High School will be closing in June 2013. Similar to what happened to Hill Middle School only a year ago, NUSD can no longer afford to keep Novato High open. Because of budget cuts, the district had to choose to shut down either Novato High or San Marin, but in the end they came to the agreement that Novato High would be the high school removed from NUSD. Administrators felt that San Marin had too much potential in their new programs, SMARTt and STEM, to close the school. All students in grades nine through eleven who currently attend Novato High will now have the option of attending San Marin. And although San Marin’s campus will now be extremely overcrowded, previous Novato High students will finally be able to receive an education that will prepare them for a world outside of high school. “I know that the transition will be tough at first, but I know that Novato High students will truly be happier at San Marin,” said San Marin principal, Mr. Littlefield. Merging Novato High and San Marin may not be ideal but as soon as previous Novato High Students become accustomed to the smell of horse manure and sitting on the floor due

to a lack of desks, the school will blossom. Other than the pool, tennis courts, and gyms, which will be used to support San Marin’s promising athletes, Novato High’s campus will not be in use once the school is shut down. It looks like this cross-town rivalry is coming to a close.

After not raising enough money to have their prom on a private boat in the bay, this year’s senior class will be spending their prom on the Larkspur ferry. This idea came up during a Leadership meeting when all of the students were worried on how they would break the news to the rest of their seniors that there was going to be no boat. Leadership member Travis Roberts said, “We knew that everyone was going to be incredibly disappointed, but then we thought of it, we can just take the ferry.” He continued by saying, “By being on the ferry, we still get to go around the bay and get to be on a boat. While there will be no actual dance floor, we are going to provide a boom box to play music and can dance around the isles. Everyone else will think it’s a flash mob!” The news of this new and better boat has gotten many seniors very excited and it will save costs all around. When telling the seniors about how much money this will save, leadership students pointed out that the tickets are going to be a lot cheaper, you don’t have to stay in a hotel because everyone is going to be taking the ferry back as well, and instead of spending a fortune on the limo, people can just have their parents drive them to Larkspur. Leadership

teacher Mrs. Vogl said, “It’s really a win win. The students get to save a lot of money and we don’t have to decorate because that would be considered vandalism.” She followed up by saying, “It’s also a chance for people to meet new friends. The ferry isn’t going to be private so strangers can join in the dancing and won’t be strangers for very long. We’re also encouraging parents who want to to come aboard as well and take pictures. This is the first time that we can have parents capturing every moment of this magical night.” Even principal Adam Littlefield is excited for the senior class, “I know that many students are angry because the ferries don’t run very late, but that means that students are going to get to be home by ten o’clock. This allows students to have an awesome night and still get home in time to get a good nights sleep.” While some students still don’t know whether or not they like the idea of having their senior prom on a ferry, many are excited and have already practiced the drive with their parents to make sure they won’t miss the boat. However if they do, there will be another one, but that might contain the kids from Novato High School.

Novato High Closes

Prom is a Piece of Ship

STEM UPDATE:

April Fools, no one cares.

New prom destination

The newly proposed mascot for the combined schools.

Illustration by Paige Taul

by Julia Raven

by Rachel DeFilippis

NEWSApril 1, 1993 • Page 3Pony Express

Senior Ruthe Huang, posed for immortality as San Marin’s up-and-coming valedictorian, decided to renounce her title, as she will be dropping out of high school next week. Offered a job at the local McDonald’s on Grant Ave, the gifted student and artist will be trading her paintbrush for a spatula, as she felt the temptation of minimum wage under the golden arches calling to her. Though many question her rather abrupt decision, Huang sees her change in plans as a unique opportunity. “I felt that the pressures of senior year and the looming threat of graduation are a little too much to handle right now, so I’m just going to take the easy way out. I’ve always wanted to

experience the nuances of the fast food industry anyway, and this seems like an opportunity if I ever saw one. It seems like the best option for what I want to do with my life right now,” she said. As for her status as valedictorian, Huang feels that giving up her #1 spot will signal a new beginning for herself. After four long years of hard work, she desperately wanted a change of scene from crooked desks and grey walls to customer service and culinary artistry. And suspending the ritual of graduation isn’t an issue for the teenager. As Huang said so eloquently, “Diplomas are just pieces of paper. I need real work experience in order to succeed.”

The Novato Unified School District has decided to institute a new dress code policy that will take effect on April 2, 2013 and last throughout the year. A theme has been assigned to each day of the week, and students must make sure that they adhere to the code or there will be consequences. On Mondays, students must wear bright orange Snuggies. Teachers and administrators have noticed that many students complain of sleepiness on Mondays and have decided to let students catch up on sleep during school because it’s not like students pay attention on Mondays anyway. The Snuggies have to be bright orange because the district wants to promote a sense of happiness on Mondays. A lucky side effect is that orange will annoy the hell out of teachers and make them regret ever allowing us to sleep. Finally, we can have our revenge for all of those Cornell notes they made us take! On Tuesday, students are required to wear tactless or weird t-shirts. Examples are t-shirts that say, “I see dumb people” or “If you can read this, you are too close.” Students can also flaunt their nerdy sides by wearing shirts that say, “Trust me, I’m the Doctor” or “Obey gravity. It’s the law!” On Wednesday, students are required to

don Harry Potter-style cloaks and uniforms. If a student is evil, he or she must wear a Slytherin uniform. If a student is loyal, he or she must wear a Hufflepuff uniform. If a student is clever, he or she must wear a Ravenclaw uniform. And if a student is brave, he or she must wear a Gryffindor uniform. In addition to the dress code, San Marin

will host wizard duels on Wednesdays so that students will have a way to vent their anger and frustration. On Thursdays, students must dress like thugs. Sagging jeans (“the higher the swag, the lower the jeans”), white shirts, black hoodies, hats with stickers still on them, and bling will make students look like thugs. Administrators have decided to make us dress like this because they have realized that Novato is legit ghetto and that we ain’t got no time fo’ dis. On Fridays, every student must ensure that they follow these rules: If a student wants to wear shorts, then he or she must wear shorts that go below the knee. If a student wants to wear full-length pants, then those pants must stay above the knee. If a student wants to wear short-sleeved shirts, then those sleeves must go down to the wrists. And if a student wishes to wear a long-sleeved shirt, then those sleeves must stay above the elbow. Principal Littlefield warns, “Ensure that you do not break the dress code. If you do, you will be forced to eat the gum off of the undersides of desks and off of the pavement.”

Administration Alters Attire

San Marin students sport their fashionable Ravenclaw and Gryffindor scarves.

by Chloe Cheng

Beginning this year, STAR testing will no longer take place in high schools across California. Instead, taking its place is another form of standardized testing, called the Departmental Research on Universal Grading System (DRUGS) tests. This series of tests, designed by the California Ministry of Education, targets all 9th to 12th grade students and covers all subjects that each student takes. Based on the students' performances, the school will be given ratings for each subject area. By calculating the statistical correlation of each test score with its subject, the rating will determine the credibility of grades that students receive in their classes. The ratings serve as guides for teachers to map

out appropriate curriculum goals that meet state standards, thus creating a standardized subject grading system across California high schools. Due to the fact that administering subject tests to all students will take up curriculum time, students will have to do their DRUGS tests during spring break, from 8th to 15th of April. There will be no lessons that week, though students are expected to be in school on regular schedule throughout the whole week.

A STARy BreakRuthe Huang Drops Out

All seniors think about it. Disneyland. Having a great time with friends, going on roller coasters, eating candy, and thoroughly enjoying themselves. Luckily, the 2013 graduating class will not have to suffer through this and will get their own personalized senior trip to the Miwok Museum formally known as the Museum of the American Indian at Miwok Park. Leadership teacher Mrs. Vogl said, “We have had a lot of trouble raising money for this class, so we are extremely lucky to have booked the Miwok Museum before schools like Marin Catholic and Branson swooped in.” As well as being a bonding experience for the students, the trip will also be educational. Student Body President Issie Barzakov said, “I am so glad that we are going to the Miwok Museum. Teenagers nowadays are so wrapped up in enjoying themselves that they don’t take the time to learn about history and culture.” At the Museum of the American Indian, students are going to have a day full of fun events. Vogl said, “Though we won’t all be able to fit in the museum itself at one time, the students will all get to participate in fun activities. Those not in the museum will get to rotate between basket weaving, teepee building, and duck duck goose.”

According to the website, the Museum of the American Indian’s goal is to “Make Native American cultures, past and present, come alive for all

people.” And that is exactly what it will do for this year’s senior class. English teacher Nick Busselman, who will chaperone the trip, said, “I am so happy to be chosen to go on this fun yet educational trip with students who seem passionate about Novato’s past. I have already started practicing basket weaving and have a teepee set up in my backyard. I feel that if I really understand the culture, I’ll be able to pass my wisdom on to this young and curious group.” No date has been set for the trip yet, but seniors are already getting anxious as they learn more and more about it. Vogl said, “If all goes well this year, we’re hoping to continue these educational senior trips in the future. We have already started discussing taking the class of 2014 to Novato’s water treatment plant! We don’t know what the future holds, but we know it will be informative.”

Senior Trip Finally Meets Expectations

by Sumaiya Mubarack

by Julia Raven

by Garbo Gan

Photo courtesy of Google Images

To join journalism get your British citizenship and pass the New York driving test. If you do, then we will interview you and check your background. If you have not commited any federal crimes then you still might not get in.

Don’t forget to apply!

Photo by Niko Walas

APRIL FOOLS EDITION

FEATURESApril 1, 1683 • Page 4Pony Express

Shakespeare. Mozart. Einstein. These names which line the hallowed halls of the intellectual elite are soon to be joined by another, Berberian. Highly regarded by students for his relaxed demeanor in class, English teacher Ryan Berberian has some skeletons in his closet. Well less of skeletons and more of ornate marble sculptures. “Well, we always knew Ryan was special when we brought him home,” fondly recalls his

mother Jodie Berberian. “Yes, he was always the envy of the other parents, ‘destined for great things’ I remember one saying,” adds his father, Marin County District Attorney Ed Berberian. These unbeknownst gifts, Berberian hides under the tactful guise of apathy and mediocrity, but this assuredly is a mere charade. His first symphony at age four. His first domestic book tour at eight. International, age nine. His autobiography was published in seventeen different languages,

all of which were translated by him. These impressive feats simply serve to orient the reader to the mere foothills of the vast mountain range of achievement that is Ryan Berberian. To further express this sentiment, behold the many illustrious accomplishments, that Mr. Berberian has kept hidden or so long. Scripps National Spelling Bee champion of 1983, a fact he hides through feigning poor spelling abilities in class. Harvard summa cum laude, class of 1987. Interned at the Buck Institute in the summer of 1995, subsequently discovered the cure for chicken pox, 2003 best adapted screenplay, and foreign film at the Screen Actors Guild, and Academy Awards. In 2007 he had an epiphany, while lying stranded and alone 400 feet from the summit of K2 that would eventually lead to him taking up teaching a distinguished high school English class. Some may wonder why Mr. Berberian would want to keep these remarkable feats under wraps. New investigative research indicates that the reason for his inordinate modesty came in a semester abroad he spent in Tibet. While wandering the country’s rugged mountainsides he encountered an encampment of Buddhist Monks, whom he meditated with for three months without food or material goods. When he eventually walked out from the sanctuary, he was a different man. Without vanity, without cares, Ryan Berberian was finally content.

by Charlie St. Cloud

Prodigy and English teacher Ryan Berbarian fondly recalls his Harvard days.

Harvard, Stanford, San Marin:Ryan Berberian takes America by storm

One of the most popular teachers at San Marin is English teacher Mr. Bussleman. Because of this universal love for him, it is hard for students to grasp the fact that he is moving to Baltimore next year. However, students will be excited to know that he is no longer moving to Baltimore, but he is instead moving to Romania. When asked why he has made this sudden change in destinations, Busselman said, “I was all set for going to Baltimore, but something didn’t feel right. I was packing my suitcase when my Twilight book fell out and it hit me. I didn’t want to go to Baltimore, I wanted to try to find vampires in Romania!” Being notorious for having vampires, Romania is going to be Busselmans new home come this July. To follow up, Busselman said, “I have always been fascinated with vampires ever since I read the Twilight series. I know that the Cullens live in America, but I am almost positive there is a vampire family in Romania that will take me in as one of their own just like Edward did for Bella.” The announcement of the move across the Atlantic shocked many of the San Marin teachers and other staff. Principal Adam Littlefield said, “We never really pegged him(Busselman) as a vampire fan, but he was planning

on making Dracula required reading in his freshman classes so we should have guessed.” Fellow English teacher and friend Adam Williams had tears in his eyes when he said, “I really don’t know who he is anymore. One minute we’re discussing To Kill a Mockingbird and the next he’s an Edward fan. I really don’t know what to say!” Williams ran to his Prius in tears only to yell, “Team Jacob forever!” as he sped out of the parking lot. Math teacher Mr. Zechlin disagrees with Williams stating, “Team Edward because Jacob doesn’t sparkle.” Busselman said, “I didn’t want to lose friends over this, but I know that I will make many new friends at my new high school in Romania. I will be teaching English there, though I have been told that I will only

have two students in my class.” When asked where he sees himself in a year, Busselman said, “I imagine that I will be at the top of a mountain, looking out on the world below, the sun will be glistening and I will be looking for people who sparkle.” Whether his move is drastic or well decided, only time can tell, but either way, San Marin is going to lose an excellent English teacher.

Mr. Busselman Makes a Big Move

The bumper sticker Busselman keeps in his desk at school as a reminder of his love for vampires.

Photo courtesy of Google Images

by Julia Raven’s evil twin sister

FEATURESApril 1, 2513 • Page 5Pony Express

Many teachers have been drawn into the recent fights and have even taken opposing sides. Their arguments on who was right or wrong and who should or should not be punished for fighting have caused past conflicts to resurface between teachers. Teachers have formed rival gangs and are in a constant battle over the fresh coffee and sugar filled pastries in the staff room. These gangs - Team Jacob, Team Edward, and Team Twilight-Is-a-Waste-of-Paper - have also been engaged in a turf war over the only clean faculty bathroom. Last night at a PTA meeting, a pencil sword fight broke out between teachers. Many parents ran out of the room in horror. Several witnesses reported that they heard a male teacher yell, “You drank my coffee, prepare to die!” and a female teacher respond “Yippe-ki-aye…” The police broke up the fight later that night and the offending teachers have been relocated to an elementary school in Fairfax. When the teachers’ gang activity began, Mr. Littlefield seemed poised to put a stop to it and was even rumored to have contacted the district office. However, he has now assumed a Godfather-type role and was recently seen driving towards Sinaloa Middle School, muttering about the low test scores of incoming freshman. Students have been advised by local authorities to steer clear of the rival teacher conflicts and not be recruited into the gangs as a teacher’s aide. Students that already have participated in the rivalry have experienced a quickly lowered GPA as teachers from other gangs have given them F’s in their classes. The Pony Express’s Facebook page will provided students with an unbiased account of the teacher’s recent gang activities.

Watch Out Winter Wear! Spring has Sprung and Commands Comfort! Forget those uncomfortable sandals and suffocating sneakers, this spring, comfort is the main element in dressing fashionably. Crocs and socks are set as the new spring trend. Not only do they make you to feel as though you’re walking on air, they also give off a good vibe. Socks with shoes may lead people to believe that you are mainly dress for comfort and not pressured into society’s dress standards while the crocs give you the image of laid-back gardener. People will say you

place your personal comfort over popular fads. Not to mention they come in great colors! If you’re wondering what to pair with this instant trend, guys should try wearing the reverse of sagging. Wear suspenders to raise your pants to Grandpa level. Girls can also try a step up from past Spring’s “boyfriend jeans” frenzy. Try wearing your actual dad’s jeans, preferably extra-large. This look will show people that you not only dress for comfort but you also want to buck gender-specific trends.....while having no fear of taking trends literally!

by Niko Walas

How To Be Sexy

Girls are now encouraged to wear their dad’s work pants. Boys go way up with the waistline this spring.

Spectators egg on teachers as gangs colide.

Photo courtesty of Google Images

Teacher Gangs Threaten School Safety by Natalie Dybeck

Neon crocs and fuzzy socks take over

OPINIONApril 1, 2003 • Page 6 Pony Express

The population of the United States has been constantly rising over the past decade with a high birth rate and low mortality rate. Medication and age-related research has also allowed humans to live longer and stronger than ever before. Our world will soon be overpopulated and we will run out of the essentials that keep us alive. The more people that inhabit the country take away more land to sustain agriculture and livestock. Yet there is a simple solution to this problem. Cannibalism. Now don’t be too quick to turn your head as cannibalism is the key to our lock. Cannibalism would reduce the amount of humans living on land needed for farming, as well as provide us with a surplus of meat. By adopting this practice, the United States would also make new medical advances. Human bodies, which would later be consumed, would need to be sterilized in a safe but effective way. If the United States was purified, our risk of disease and sicknesses as simple as the common cold would be abolished. When the thought of cannibalism comes to mind, it’s not always a pretty one. But cannibalism doesn’t have to be repulsive. The world doesn’t need to become The Walking Dead. Meat can be cooked and presented in a socially acceptable way. As the practice becomes more widely spread, restaurants and grocery stores will be able to offer human meat in many different varieties. Human meat will substitute all meat used in tacos, burgers, hot dogs, burritos, and other meat dishes. Think of Sweeny Todd for example. Meat Pies anyone? Cannibalism is simply not accepted in today’s society, in the words of Willy Wonka

“Even I’m eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is, in fact, frowned upon in most societies.” Yet it doesn’t have to be. If humans become too picky on what they consume, our race itself will be consumed by hunger. We need to open up and try new things that may save our world, our society, and our lives. The answer, my fellow Americans, is cannibalism. Eat up and enjoy life. Our world is becoming quickly over populated, our farm land is turning into land

for housing, and our food supply will soon run short. Cannibalism is a simply solution for all of these problems. If our country starts allowing cannibalism we will be able to reduce our population, regain our farmland, and provide our nation with even more protein heavy meat. If you want to learn more about cannibalism watch NBC’s newest show Hannibal. Series premiere April 4th at 10/9 central.

How to Solve the World’s Problems:by Rachel DeFilippis and Natalie Dybeck

Most Likely to do Their Homework:Amount of Pony Express material that is actually correct:

Accurate

Made up because we need to fill space

A look into cannibalismIllustration by Paige Taul and Angela Ding

Hopefully you’re fast in this new cannabalistic society because the people are hungry and you look good.

ENTERTAINMENTApril 1, 1873 • Page 7Pony Express

Making a Name for Themselves:by Nidhi Mamidi and Laura Darken

The not so undercover hottie:

Mr. Philpot

Most likely to be the next Snoop Dog:

Mr. Williams (Science)

Most likely to be caught speeding in a Prius:Mr. Williams (English)

Most likely to marry a millionaire

Mr. Spinrad

Undercover hottie:

Mrs. Carlomagno

Most likely to lead a protest on Washington:

Mr. Krakora

Most like Regina George:

Mr. Watson

Most likely to marry Harry Styles:

Mrs. Smith

Secret king of San Marin:Mr. Lacy

Teacher superlatives

BACKPAGEApril 1, 2013Pony Express

YAYS & NEIGHS

Mustang Triviaby Angela Ding

1. San Marin’s logo, the mustang, was plagiarized by St. Vincent’s.

2. The school doesn’t belong to us- it’s actually property of the squirrels. It’s just on lease to us for now.

3. The cafeteria- it’s a lie.

4. The Student Center isn’t named after Mrs. Gates; it’s actually named after Bill Gates- he just told the school that he didn’t want anyone to know.

5. The lockers are actually really new; they’re just ordered with a “beat-up, battered” design.

6. Oh yeah, the random orange lockers dotting the blue lockers are a type of code- no one’s cracked them yet.

7. The cage: it was actually a cage for rowdy students that didn’t listen.

8. The grading system is a conspiracy.

9. All the pennants hanging in the gym are fakes.

10. You know that wooden box in front of Mrs. Lowrie and Mr. Moore’s classroom? It’s got a dead body in it.

a YAY to AP testing. We heart stress.

a YAY to rejection letters. We are not responsible for injuries caused by flying objects.

a YAY to embarassing moments. Nothing says rule the school like falling on your face.

a YAY to indirect tweets. We love it when you keep us guessing.

a YAY to Marin Catholic. Keepingour egos in check since 1950.

a YAY to gas prices. $5 dollars a gallon...lunch money.

a YAY to selfies on Instagram. On the daily.

a YAY to posting a video of yourself singing on Facebook. Ohmygawd stop you’re perfect.

a NEIGH to Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos. Ew.

a NEIGH to Spring Break. Let the school withdrawls begin.

a NEIGH to yoga pants. Hated by both girls and guys alike.

a NEIGH to graduation coming up. Can I stay please?

a NEIGH to attractive people. Please, my eyes.

a NEIGH to the Pony Express Staff. Hollllaaaaaaa.

a NEIGH to Senioritis. I enjoy doing homework.

a NEIGH to extra cwedit. Free points? No thanks Berb.

a NEIGH to this paper being a joke. We wish it was real too.

Yesterday was a __________ day. The ________ were singing 1. Adjective 2. Animaland the ______________ was shining. It seemed like the 3. Closest Star to Earthperfect day for a ____________. It seemed like it would be so 4. Something you would go to jail foreasy, so I grabbed my best friend ____________ and we headed 5. Person in Roomto __________ to buy a ______________. We smiled as we 6. Store 7. Weaponlooked at it. It was ___________ and was the perfect choice. 8. ColorWe walked to ____________ to get a group of people who 9. Sketchy Placewould be able to help us pull off our plan. After we paid them

______________, they eagerly agreed. The big day came, we felt10. Amount of Money____________ and I could hardly contain myself. We met at 11. Feeling_________ in the afternoon. Though right when we were about12. Timeto _________ the _____________ showed up and nearly 13. Horrible Crime 14. People who arrest youruined the day! Luckily we only had to kill ________ people with 15. Numberthe________. It was the best day of my life and I can’t wait to 16. Weapon do it again!

Answers to Mad Libs1. wonderful 2. birds 3. sun 4. surprise birthday party that would be so much fun, it’s criminal 5. Mr. MacLeod 6. CVS 7. water gun 8. sunshine yellow 9. Novato High 10. nothing, because they were genuinely nice people 11. ecstatic 12. 3:30 13. kill our friends with our jokes 14. parents of my friend 15. everyone 16. laughter