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A Need to BelongBullying/Cyberbullying
Pete SchumacherPersonal Counselor/AP Psychology Instructor
[email protected] ext. 2354
Social Motivation: A Need for AffiliationThe Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 New International Version (NIV)
The Greek philosopher Aristotle called man the social animal
Erikson’s stages of social developmentIdentity vs. role confusion (adolescence)Intimacy vs. isolation (young adulthood)
The need to belong is a basic human motivation
Bullying DefinedUnwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children
● An imbalance of power
● Repetition
Cyberbullying DefinedBullying that takes place using electronic technology● Can happen 24 hours a day,
7 days a week● Messages and images can be
posted anonymously and distributed quickly
● Deleting is extremely difficult after they have been posted or sent
Types of Bullying● Verbal bullying is saying or
writing mean things.
● Social bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships.
● Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions.
The Roles Students PlayIn the Mix● The bully - will need support to
change behavior and address challenges influencing the negative behavior
● The bullied - will need help learning how to respond to bullying
The Roles Students PlayOn the Fringe● The Assistants - encourage the bullying
behavior and occasionally join inThe Reinforcers - provide an audience that may encourage the bullying to continue
● The Outsiders - do not reinforce or defend either side; may be part of the audience; often want to help but do not know how
● The Defenders - actively comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child's defense when bullying occurs
Be Careful of the LabelsWhen referring to a bullying situation, it is easy to call the students who bully others "bullies" and those who are targeted "victims." This may have unintended consequences in the form of self fulfilling prophecies. It may:
● send the message that the child's behavior cannot change.● fail to recognize the multiple roles children might play in
different bullying situations.● disregard other factors contributing to the behavior such as
peer influence or school climate.
Who is at Risk . . . ?Of being bullied● Are perceived as different ● Are perceived as weak ● Are depressed, anxious, or have
low self esteem● Are less popular ● Do not get along well with others,
seen as annoying or provoking, or antagonize others for attention
Who is at Risk . . . ?Of bullying● Are aggressive or easily frustrated● Have less parental involvement or
having issues at home● Think badly of others● Have difficulty following rules● View violence in a positive way● Have friends who bully others
Who is at risk of bullying?Some are well-liked by their peers, have social power, are overly concerned about their popularity, and like to dominate or be in charge of others.
Others are more isolated from their peers and may be depressed or anxious, have low self esteem, be less involved in school, be easily pressured by peers, or do not identify with the emotions or feelings of others.
Warning SignsA child is possibly being bullied
● Unexplainable injuries● Lost or destroyed clothing or property● Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness● Changes in eating habits (not eating at school, etc.)● Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares● Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school● Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations● Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem● Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming
themselves, or talking about suicide
Warning SignsA child is possibly bullying others
● Gets into physical or verbal fights● Has friends who bully others● Is increasingly aggressive● Gets sent to the principal’s office or to detention
frequently● Has unexplained extra money or new belongings● Blames others for their problems● Does not accept responsibility for their actions● Is competitive and worries about their reputation or
popularity
Conflict Bullying
Equal power Imbalance of power
Happens occasionally Repeated actions
No intent to harm Purposeful intent
Equal emotional reaction Victim reacts strongly
Not seeking power/attention Is often seeking power/attention
Remorse No remorse
Effort to solve the problem Not motivated to solve the problem
Conflict vs. Bullying
Why do students not inform or ask adults for help?Recent statistics (School Crime & Safety, 2012) indicate adults were notified in less than 40% of bullying incidents. The reasons:
● Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Children may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.
● Children may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.● Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Children may not want adults to
know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
● Children who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
● Children may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect children from bullying, and children can fear losing this support.
Prevention Among Students● Encourage students to report bullying
to a trusted adult ● Keep the lines of communication
open● Model how to treat others with
kindness and respect● Encourage children to do activities
they love● Empower children to be more than
bystanders
Parents’/Teachers’ Response to Bullying ● Respond quickly and consistently to bullying
behavior● Find out what happened● Support all the children involved
● Assess Bullying in your school● Engage parents, teachers, and students● Create policies, rules, and procedures● Build a safe environment through education
and awareness
Prevent CyberbullyingBe aware of what children are doing online● Where are they going, what are they doing, with whom are they doing it?● Review their online communications, and install appropriate filters● Know their devices and how they operate● Have their passwords (in case of emergencies)● Should you “friend” or “follow” your children on social media?● Encourage your children to report cyberbullying and allay their fears about
consequences
Prevent CyberbullyingEstablish rules about technology use● Show them how to be safe online, what sites are OK, and what they are
permitted to do● Encourage and show them how to be smart about what they post and say
online● Discuss who should be allowed to see their posts and other information● Discuss the importance of not sharing passwords with friends
Help them to understand school policy and guidelines● Explain why the rules exist● Express and show your support
Resourceshttps://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/wisconsin.html
http://dpi.wi.gov/sspw/safe-schools/bullying-prevention
https://www.doj.state.wi.us/dci/icac/online-safety-tips-parents
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAwqkIzKK08&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFWfFCmjH_s
The Pain of Being Shut Out
• Anterior cingulate cortex• Activates under signs of physical pain
• Ostracized individuals have increased activity here
• Ostracism (social exclusion) • Self-defeating behaviors
• Underperformance on aptitude tests
• Develop lack of empathy
The Bully-Victim Profile
Someone who bullies and is bullied generally has• Negative attitudes about self and others• Social interaction difficulties• A lack of problem-solving skills• Poor academic performance• Experienced rejection and isolation by peers• Received negative influences by people with whom the
person interacts
Solutions and Interventions
• Model appropriate ways to resolve family conflicts and disagreements respectfully and in a safe environment
• Build a positive social culture in your school• Build Christian character in all students throughout the year• Provide academic help for at risk students• Monitor use of technology and social media
Use the Power of God’s Word
John 15:12-17New International Version (NIV)
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
