101 Positive Discipline TechniquesBy Elizabeth O. Cooper

The scene plays out daily in grocery stores, restaurants, doctors’ offices and other public venues. A child acts up and refuses to obey his parent’s admonition to behave. Finally, the frustrated and embarrassed parent literally takes the situation into his own hands by delivering a swift smack to the child’s bottom.

That reaction causes more problems than it solves, according to Katharine C. Kersey, University Professor of early childhood education and chair of the Department of Early Childhood, Speech-Language Pathology and Special Education. The author of several books, including The Art of Sensitive Parenting, Helping Your Child Handle Stress and Don’t Take It Out On Your Kids, and co-author of The First Year Teacher, Kersey is a long-time opponent of spanking and other forms of corporal punishment. She believes that parents would like to find better ways to teach children cooperation but don’t know what to do, so they resort to spanking. 

“Spanking interrupts the learning process,” asserts Kersey, a 2005 recipient of the State Council of Higher Education for Virginia Outstanding Faculty Award. “You lose ground. You really aren’t accomplishing your goal. Spanking is a short-term fix. It works in that it usually stops what’s going on, but it teaches the child to hit and causes him to become sneaky or want to retaliate. It does not show the child how to solve a problem or provide him with the skills and training to accomplish the desired behavior. My bottom line is never do to the child what you wouldn’t want someone to do to you.”

So, if spanking is out, then what can tired, frustrated parents do to thwart their children’s misbehavior and instill self-control in their young hearts and minds? Kersey has the answer in the “101 Positive Principles of Discipline,” a list of 101 positive discipline techniques to help parents nurture and love their children, teach respect, shape behavior, foster independence and build resiliency. Available on DVD, VHS and CD-ROM (www.dl.odu.edu/101s), the 101s focus on positive discipline techniques demonstrated by childcare providers in Old Dominion’s Child Study Center who use each of the principles as Kersey provides comments. The material also includes resources and activities to help parents, educators and childcare workers apply and reinforce each principle and design their own effective disciplinary plan. 

Kersey began formulating the 101s several years ago after several encounters with audiences who objected when she spoke against the use of corporal punishment. “Many would insist that they were spanked and ‘turned out all right,’” she recalls. “I used to leave speeches feeling that I made people uncomfortable instead of convincing them that spanking was unnecessary and counterproductive.” To counter that, one of her students suggested that Kersey include alternatives to spanking in her speeches. Kersey introduced 30 original principles to provide specific positive discipline choices which teachers and

parents could use to guide a child’s behavior. As the 101s took shape, Kersey challenged her students to contribute additional techniques that have been successfully implemented in both the classroom and home environment. The 101s have since become a staple in the early childhood and PreK-6 curriculum. 

She emphasizes that the 101s do not encourage permissiveness. Rather, they include many basic principles that give guidelines, encourage parents to be consistent, listen to the child, form a connection with the child and help the child realize that behavior has consequences. They work best when parents, teachers and caregivers have laid a foundation of trust, kindness and respect. Kersey says that while all 101s may not “feel right” for any one person, she believes that most people can effectively and comfortably use at least 50 of the techniques to enhance discipline. 

Some of the 101s include:When/Then – Abuse It/Lose It Principle – “When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV.” Kersey notes that this technique teaches children to be responsible, obedient and accountable. 

Incompatible Alternative Principle – Give the child something to do that he can’t do while misbehaving. “Help me pick out six oranges” instead of running around the grocery store. It is a good idea to offer two positive alternatives that are incompatible with the inappropriate behavior: “Would you like to choose the cereal or select the apples?” 

Choice Principle – Give the child two choices, both of which are positive and acceptable to you. “When a child does something you don’t want him to do or doesn’t want to do what you have requested, give him a choice,” Kersey explains. “If your child balks outside the barbershop, you say, ‘You may either hold my hand or walk in now on your own.’ Then – ‘You choose, or I’ll choose’ is the next choice if he is still reluctant. Usually, he’ll choose, but if not, quickly take his hand and hurry into the barbershop talking about the interesting barber chairs that roll up and down or the park you are going to visit later.”

Make a Big Deal Principle – Make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior with attention, thanks, praise, thumbs-up, recognition, hugs and special privileges. “That’s something we forget to do,” Kersey notes. “Children want our eyeballs more than anything else, so we have to train ourselves to look for the good behavior and look away when it is inappropriate (as long as it is not dangerous or destructive). If it is dangerous or destructive, we have to stop it in the least reinforcing way possible – quickly before it escalates.”

Talk About Them Positively to Others – “Tell your husband ‘You should have seen Johnny at the barbershop. He sat up so tall and answered the barber’s questions.’ Johnny’s gotten an earful of good things.”

Modeling Principle – Model the behaviors you want. Show the child, by example, how to behave.

Take a Break Principle – Tell the child to “take a break” and think about what he could do differently that would work better or be more constructive. Tell him that he can come back as soon as he is ready to try again. Put the ball in his court – and make him responsible for changing his behavior.

Privacy Principle – Never embarrass a child in front of others. Always move to a private place to talk when there is a problem.

Positive Closure Principle – At the end of the day, remind your child that he is special and loved. Help him look for something good about the day that is finished and the day that lies ahead.

Talk With Them, Not to Them Principle – Focus on two-way communication rather than preaching to children. Listen as well as talk. 

Pay Attention Principle – Keep your eyes and mind on what is happening. Don’t wait until the child is out of control to step in. Remove the child from the situation if necessary. Stay calm and emotionally detached. Let him know what his options are. Be firm but not mean.

Use Actions Instead of Words – Don’t say anything. When the child continues to get out of bed and comes to the living room, take him back to bed – as many times as it takes. Don’t get upset, talk, scold, threaten or give reasons. Stay calm. Your child will learn that nighttime is for sleeping and that you are serious about enforcing bedtime. 

Whisper Principle – Instead of yelling, screaming or talking in a loud voice, surprise the child by lowering your voice to a whisper. This often evokes immediate attention and helps you stay in control and think more clearly. “It’s our reactions to children’s actions that teach them whether or not to repeat them,” Kersey adds. “They’ll get your attention whichever way they can get it. Children repeat the behavior that works.”

Get on Child’s Eye Level Principle – When talking with the child, get down on his/her eye level and look him in the eye while talking softly to him. 

Many of the principles are derived from common sense, Kersey notes. “A lot of them are ones people use intuitively. Good parents use many of them without even realizing it. They really empower children, making them responsible for their own behavior.”

Although the list may seem daunting at first glance, Kersey advises implementing the techniques slowly. She recommends parents and caregivers try one principle for a week until it becomes a common practice. “You have to build up until you can become confident you can get the child to obey you in other ways,” she says, adding that the child may not immediately respond to the principle. The 101s offer a variety of choices. Parents will find favorite techniques that will work most effectively with each particular child. 

Kersey shows how to help a child break bad habits or develop good ones that are in his own best interest. “We need to think of a kind way to help the child become responsible for his own behavior,” she explains. “For example, a child could keep track of every time he makes his bed or brushes his teeth. For every five tallies, he can help his mom make cookies or go to the park with his dad. By the time he has 20 tallies, he will be much more likely to brush his teeth or make his bed automatically. Habits are hard to break or cultivate. It helps if we can find a way to make the new behavior important enough for him to want to do it until it becomes habitual.”

Parents and caregivers can draw on the 101s to provide a healthy, nurturing environment focusing on positive discipline that teaches and trains, Kersey adds. “The goal of discipline is self-discipline. We want the child to learn to make good decisions for himself.”

On the other hand, punishment, including spanking, yelling and embarrassing the child, is counterproductive and unnecessary, according to Kersey. “My definition of punishment is hurting on purpose – either hitting or humiliating. Any time you do that, you disconnect because the other person feels alienated. Whenever we disconnect, the focus is on anger instead of helping the child to understand what he did wrong and what he can do better next time. This makes him want to retaliate, and our energy has to be spent trying to rebuild the connection.” 

Still, many parents believe spanking is the quickest and most effective form of discipline. Kersey notes that many proponents of spanking were spanked when they misbehaved as children and instinctively react in the same manner when their children exhibit bad behavior.

“Most people who say they were spanked turn out fine because the amount of love and respect they felt in their homes far outweighed the times when they felt alienated,” she says. “It should come as no surprise that we see more aggressive tendencies in children who are spanked. A child isn’t born violent. He learns to be violent from modeling the behaviors of those around him.”

Kersey adds that many parents spank out of anger toward the child’s inappropriate actions. She advises parents in those situations to count to 10 or simply walk away. “It is hard once you’ve gotten in the habit of spanking to stop, but once you stop, you never go back to it because you see how effective other discipline techniques are.”

The 101s can be used with all ages, including adolescents and even adults. Kersey acknowledges that she uses many of the principles with her staff and students. She notes that sports coaches, as well as business leaders, have used techniques found in the 101s with their teams and employees. During the past year, teachers at Newport News’ Newsome Park Elementary School, who had been trained to use the 101s, were filmed in their classrooms using the principles with their PreK-6th grade minority children. Kersey would especially like to see the 101s used in high schools, noting that while the wording of

the principles would have to be changed, the basic idea is the same. 

“Respect is the bottom line,” she adds. “When you treat a child with respect, then he comes to treat you with respect and comes to respect himself.”

Quest Fall 2005 • Volume 8 Issue 2

 

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Positive Classroom Discipline

Chapter 18 - Discipline Management as an Integrated System

Positive Classroom Discipline has described in considerable detail a series of management procedures for dealing with classroom disruptions of almost any shape and size. These procedures have been presented as an integrated management system: a technology based on fundaments which are simple, powerful, and adaptable to the wide range of management dilemmas that characterize a typical day in the classroom. The present chapter attempts to describe more fully the interrelationships between the parts of positive classroom discipline, a careful organization of fundamental skills and procedures rather than a "bag of tricks."

THE BAG OF TRICKS

The way teachers talk about solving discipline problems reveals much about our traditional frame of reference for discipline management.

What do you do when a student . . . ? That's a neat idea. I can add that to my bag of tricks! Just show me briefly how it's done.

These statements, so common to my ears after years of teacher training, reveal with elegant simplicity the dominant

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notion held by most educators about how classroom management techniques are mastered.

A discipline technique is a reaction to a problem situation. The management of discipline consists of the collection of as many remedies for as

many problem situations as possible. You are better off the bigger your bag of tricks. Techniques are simple notions about what to do that can be quickly and easily

conveyed by a few words or a quick demonstration.

Such a simplistic view of discipline dooms teachers to be perpetually overwhelmed by the complexity of the task. A roomful of students will always have more tricks up their sleeves than you will have in your bag of tricks. In a week in the classroom any teacher will be faced with a thousand "what do you do if . . . ?" situations. Even if the prescriptions existed, who could learn them all and keep them all straight?

As the years go by, I have developed an increasing aversion to the term "bag of tricks." It characterizes the management of discipline as a hodgepodge of home remedies-a catch-as-catch-can collection of cures for the dilemmas of everyday life in the classroom. When teachers refer to their bag of tricks, they acknowledge that they are out there winging it with anything that they have been able to beg, borrow, or steal over the years.

Unfortunately the term bag of tricks describes rather accurately the lack of any systematic methodology for discipline management in education. Bag of tricks represents to me the antithesis of a modern profession with an empirically based technology of professional practice. A professional, most simply, is a person with highly specialized skills, skills taking years to master which equip that person to do a difficult job that is far beyond the capability of untrained lay people. For having these much-needed and difficult-to-master skills, professionals charge and receive a high price for their services. Teachers refer to each other as professionals, but the general public more frequently thinks of teaching as glorified baby-sitting. Until teachers are masters of a repertoire of specialized, professional-level management skills that clearly set their competencies apart from those of the average parent, teachers will be neither regarded highly nor paid highly by the general public.

Rather than being a bewildering array of home remedies, Positive Classroom Discipline clarifies fundamental vectors of management and defines high level yet basic professional skills and competencies. From this organization of skills and competencies comes the ability to choose between potent management options on the basis of cost-effectiveness rather than perpetually running through the bag of tricks for yet another quick cure or bail-out.

LEVELS OF MANAGEMENT

Differential Reinforcement

Most effective behavior management programs must deal with pairs of behaviors. You must systematically strengthen the behavior you want while systematically weakening the competing behaviors that you do not want. A discipline program, for example, should not only eliminate problem behavior, but it should also systematically build the positive behaviors that you want to replace the problems. If problem behaviors are simply eliminated, whatever

replaces them will be left to chance. It could be dawdling, or it could be another discipline problem.

Discipline management, therefore, is more appropriately viewed not as the simple suppression of problems but rather as the differential reinforcement of appropriate behaviors, often in conjunction with suppression of the problem. Since most problem behaviors in the classroom are self-rewarding, some suppression is usually needed to eliminate the reinforcement generated by the problem itself, which then competes with the differential reinforcement of appropriate behavior.

Each level of discipline management, therefore, should ideally have both reward and penalty components. The more explicit the reward component, the more predictably positive will be the outcome of an intervention.

The Three-Tiered Management System

Positive Classroom Discipline is composed of three different management methodologies which are integrated to form a three-tier approach to discipline management.

Limit-setting Incentive systems Back-up systems

Each of these three methodologies, however, can be properly understood only within the context of the differential reinforcement of appropriate behavior.

Limit-Setting Limit-setting is mild social punishment, and as such it is incomplete. For limit-setting to be in balance, there must be reward. The reward would, of course, be social reward-the positive social interactions between teacher and student that create an informal incentive system. The natural counterpart of limit-setting, therefore, is relationship. Together, limit-setting and relationship building form a tier of the management system which we might best describe as the interpersonal-interactive level of management.

In the interpersonal-interactive level all sanctions, both positive and negative, are delivered as part of the fleeting interpersonal interactions between teacher and student. The teacher's success at the interpersonal- interactional level depends on the social competenceteacher - his or her accurate assessment of interpersonal situations and spontaneous and effective use of a broad range of social skills and emotions with students of all kinds moment by moment throughout the day.

The effective juxtaposition of positive and negative sanctions during the social exchanges of teacher and student requires a much higher level of precision than we have any right to expect from an untrained teacher. And they require the consistently supportive and successful helping interactions to be described in Positive Classroom Instruction.

Incentive Systems Incentive systems make the exchange of positive and negative sanctions prearranged, explicit, concrete, and public. It is the formalized counterpart of the

interpersonal-interactive level of management with positive and negative sanctions being juxtaposed in an analogous fashion.

Incentive systems can be so formalized as to be written in the form of a contract. "Contingency contracting" is a type of individualized behavior modification program in which the quid pro quo of the behavioral exchange is both negotiated and set down in writing. Incentives in business and industry are typically negotiated and written down in the form of a contract, but in education the cost of the negotiation and the giving of individualized reinforcement limits their use to special settings in most cases.

With responsibility training the only thing that may need to be written down is the tally of accumulated PAT. This simple tally, however, is a kind of written contract that keeps the system honest by making the 6ze of the reward accurate (fair) and public. It is axiomatic in parent and teacher training that the first person to break a contract between adult and child is almost always the adult who fails to deliver the agreed-upon reward. It is often innocent: for example, losing track of time while teaching so that there is no time left for PAT. A public record, however, will almost always ensure that PAT happens on schedule. The class will see to that,

One might, therefore, consider incentive systems as the incentive-contractual level of management. Training in the proper use of incentives can be more "bookish" than training at the interpersonal- interactive level. Yet a basic technical understanding of incentive systems is indispensable for teachers, along with a thorough familiarity with the mechanics of some of the more important classroom management procedures. Social skills for implementing responsibility training focus primarily on relaxation and the issue of having fun - especially fun with learning.

Back-up Systems Back-up systems break the pattern of differential reinforcement. Back-up responses are negative sanctions, and the reinforcement of appropriate behavior is left to chance.

The smaller the back-up responses, the more likely it is that differential reinforcement will take place. In the classroom of a nurturant teacher, for example, the use of a small back-up response might be juxtaposed and balanced with warmth and approval for good behavior. Relationship therefore provides the balance for small back-up responses just as it does for limit-setting.

The larger the negative sanction, however, the more difficult it will be to offset penalty with reward. Thus the higher up the back-up system you go, the more unbalanced the management system will become. The more unbalanced the system, the more likely you will be to generate resentment, resistance, and revenge.

Teachers frequently use threat of impending punition, such as the loss of a privilege, to "control" their students.

"All right, class. If you don't settle down and take your seats right now, we are going nowhere when the recess bell rings! Do you understand?"

Almost any social exchange between people creates some kind of incentive system. When threat and loss of privilege are used by themselves, however, they typically signal a teacher who is off-balance and struggling to regain control of a situation that is unraveling. Such attempts at management are shortsighted, and their results are short-lived. Without clear differential reinforcement of appropriate behavior, there is no systematic behavior building, and no answer to the question, "Why should I?" that would produce lasting cooperation. Incentive systems based on punition alone are incentive systems gone awry - stripped of their incentive function. To avoid confusion we will refer to such unbalanced contingency exchanges which focus on penalty alone as "disincentive systems."

TABLE 18-1 LEVELS OF DISCIPLINE MANAGEMENT

1. Interpersonal-interactive

+ Informal incentive systems (relationship which includes positive instructional interactions)

- Limit-setting

2. Incentive-contractual (formal incentive systems)

A. Simple incentive systems

B. Complex incentive systems

+ Reward/bonus

- Penalty

3. Back-up and containment

Punishment, suppression (disincentive systems - penalty only)

+ (Nothing)

- Negative sanctions

Back-up systems, especially those negative sanctions going beyond the relatively innocuous exchanges of small back-up responses, are exercises in disincentive management. The lack of differential reinforcement dooms them to rarely self-eliminate if used repetitively since there is no systematic mechanism to build cooperation and thereby reduce the ongoing reliance on negative sanctions.

Medium back-up responses are an in-between zone in which a nurturant teacher with an effective classroom incentive program can still match penalty with reward to an acceptable degree. A less nurturing teacher who has established little relationship with his or her students will already be "in the hole." By the time large back-up responses are being used with a student on a regular basis, the management system will most likely have become counterproductive.

The differential reinforcement for back-up responses will in most cases have been borrowed or "bootlegged" from level I or level 2 (see Table 18-1). To the extent that you use your back-up system, therefore, you are living on credit. We may only hope that you have plenty of relationship "money in the bank" and that you draw out no more than you have put in. The economics of cooperation, therefore, dictate that you cannot live permanently within your back-up system. You may only visit while you buy time to develop a balanced, reward-based management system.

To a greater or lesser degree the decision to use negative sanctions signals the boundary between generating cooperation and achieving containment at any cost. The most appropriate term for level 3 of discipline management might, therefore, be backup and containment level of management.

The three levels of management might be characterized as shown in Table 18-1

DEALING WITH ESCALATION

Avoiding Negative Sanctions

In a sense positive classroom discipline can be divided into only two parts:

1. Everything you can possibly do to avoid the use of your back-up system2. Back-up systems

This division of positive classroom discipline accurately reflects the ambivalence and therefore the caution that any educator should have toward the use of negative sanctions in management. The repeated use of negative sanctions in discipline management places all teachers, who continually need the students' cooperation in both behaving properly and learning, into double jeopardy. One of the sad but predictable ironies of discipline management is that the more teachers rely on their back-up system for managing discipline, the less likely they are to effectively build relationship. Not only does the repeated use of negative sanctions kill relationship, but people who naturally favor punition also tend, obviously, to value relationship less and to build and preserve it less. Thus, as negative sanctions are used more often, balance becomes less likely and student resentment overwhelms the will to cooperate.

Most people, however, assume that discipline means punishment and that a bigger discipline problem deserves a bigger punishment. Never mind that the vast majority of the severe discipline problems at any school site are generated by that small minority of the student body that has been the recipient of the largest negative sanctions. Never mind that this pattern perpetuates itself year after year. If something is not working, more of the same must be the cure.

Saving the Loser

The progression in the management of discipline problems from mild negative sanctions for common disruptions to a preference for positive sanctions for extreme disruptions was as

much a product of the school of hard knocks as it was a result of theory or values. Classrooms full of emotionally, behaviorally, and learning-handicapped teenagers comprised the crucible in which the ideas of Positive Classroom Discipline were formed.

With regular elementary and secondary students and with behaviorally handicapped elementary students we learned about the incredible power of limit-setting. With behaviorally handicapped secondary students we learned that limit-setting was not enough, even with both the back-up of negative sanctions and the aid of individualized incentive programs. We learned that most alienated teenagers have a life or death commitment to winning any battle for behavioral control waged by adult authorities. In addition, they possess the jaded cockiness of a seasoned veteran in matters of discipline that produces a willingness to "high roll" in the classroom discipline poker game until the stakes are driven to dizzying heights. We learned that we would either come to understand incentive systems well enough to generatecooperation consistently among our alienated teenagers or we would burn out teachers faster than we could matriculate our problems.

The Negative Deadlock What kind of home do you think produces an angry, alienated child? The modal pattern is not as mysterious as one might think. Aggression produces counter-aggression - a continued reliance on management by negative sanctions in conjunction with a shortage of nurturance produces anger and alienation.

To raise a truly angry child, parents must usually start early. Slap the hands of a 9month-old for picking up forbidden objects. Swear in exasperation when the baby spills or smears or drops food on the floor. Admonish your 2-year-old through clenched teeth to 11 act your age!" when he or she fusses and whines in public. Threaten that things will get worse if the child does not learn his or her lesson. Meet the child at his or her emotional level so that you will be able to finally get through to him or her.

The dialogue of force progresses over the years from the terrible twos to the miserable threes to the abominable fours. It is a home where discipline all too often means nagging, threatening, yelling, spanking, criticizing, hitting, demeaning, and endlessly revoking privileges.

Get down off that counter top! How many times do I have to tell you before you'll listen! If you don't get down this instant, I'm going to warm your little bottom!

Would you shut up when I'm on the phone! I said shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to talk!

You get up those stairs right now or I'll give you a reason to move that you'll remember'.

This damn kid of mine won't do a thing I ask.

When you grow up with negative sanctions, you grow immune to them through repeated exposure. Your skin is thick, your feelings are defiant, and you take pride in your capacity to absorb punishment and prevail. Therapists often refer to this pattern as the "burned child" syndrome. You learn to fight force with counter force, and you learn to frustratenoncompliance. You master the art of passive resistance. Cooperation means capitulation, and you resist that humiliation as long as possible out of resentment and pride.

When these children finally enter the public education system, they will be seasoned veterans in the politics of power - their "school of hard knocks." They have been trained to regard adult authority as arbitrary, capricious, and unjust. And now you, the teacher, are going to ask these children to cooperate and go along with the demands for conformity with the multiplicity of rules, structures, and routines required for organized group activity. You will make more demands for both work completion and rule compliance before lunch than the parents would dare make in an entire day. And we are surprised at the response of a predictable minority?

You and your stupid rules! Gimme a break! You're always pickin' on me! This is unfair, I'm not going to do it! Get off my back!

How are we going to cope with their provocations and oppositionism? We are obviously going to have to "use discipline." Use discipline - our age-old stereotype of discipline sneaks up on us again. We will have to get rid of these intolerable behaviors - suppress them - put the lid on. See how easy it is to reach our back-up system in one easy step? When pushed, most teachers and parents instinctively turn to negative sanctions.

Can you ever make it with "burned children" while relying primarily on negative sanctions? Can you ever reach them or turn them around or shape them up using the same control techniques that they grew to hate and learned to overpower? To try to do so produces the same conflicts at school that characterize the home, an endless exchange of force and counter force, a war of attrition characterized by coercion.

And who are the casualties? Will you absorb the stress and punishment endlessly, or will you at some point simply "bounce"? "It's them or me, and it sure as hell isn't going to be me!"

Oh yes it is. Our alienated, burned child has already extracted his or her pound of flesh from you and from a succession of your colleagues. As long as we meet negativism with negative sanctions, force with counter force, we will pay the price of our folly until either these children drop out or the public education system spits them out.

A Philosophy of Punitive Parenting

"That damn kid won't do a thing I ask!" says the distraught, angry parent at his first family therapy session. "The only thing he understands is when I take off my belt!"

"Does it work?" I ask.

"It's the only damn thing that works!"

"It's the only thing that works!" I wonder how many times I have heard that sentence from a parent while wondering each time how they could say it out loud without hearing its sad irony. Things that work solve problems. Things that do not work perpetuate problems. "If it works so well, what do you think has brought you to therapy?" I think to myself.

If I have found any one predictable feature about parents who are deeply locked into a cycle of coercion and counter-coercion with their child, it is a marked failure to appreciate the role of reinforcement-either formal or informal-in generating behavior. It is a lacuna-a blank space in their understanding, a circumscribed ignorance that in many cases is nearly complete. In its more extreme forms it is encased in a series of attributions and rationalizations that form the punitive parent's philosophy of child rearing.

"Hey, listen, I don't buy this reward stuff! You're telling me I'm supposed to give them some kind of payoff or bribe just to get them to do something? Listen, Iexpect them to do things that I ask them to do because I say so. They're living in my house, eating off my table, and I'll be damned if I'll kiss their behinds to get them just to agree to do a few things around the house! Nobody ever offered me any rewards for doing what I was supposed to do when I was growing up!"

Indeed, nobody probably ever did, nor are those parents offering any now, nor in all likelihood will their children when they become parents. It is hard to give what you never got. You must be raised with nurturance, approval, and reward to understand and appreciate them. If you were raised by the scruff of the neck, the notion of reward does not compute, and the feelings and spontaneous responses of nurturance are withered and small. You are doomed to repeat the past to one degree or another because it is you.

And some of these burned individuals become teachers and some become principals. And some are more burned than others, and we are all burned to some degree. If an angry, withholding child meets a teacher cut from the same cloth, we will surely have a "personality conflict." And if an angry, withholding child meets a warm and nurturing teacher, he or she will frustrate that teacher to death. The child will continue to play the "you can't make me" game until the child's game extinguishes or until the teacher's patience runs out or until we somehow skillfully teach that child about nurturance and reward, about giving and receiving.

Lesser Degrees of Oppositionism

"But these alienated students are the few, not the many. They are the lower 5 percent. They are not typical. Most of the discipline problem kids are not 'at war'."

True, not many students qualify as severe cases. But a great many are mild to moderate cases. A few hate school from the beginning and fight authority all the way, but many others will be passive resisters who distinguish themselves by tuning out most of the time with occasional outbursts of squirrelly behavior. Some lose their education with a flourish, but most of the walking wounded lose it by inches.

Yet the lessons learned in the crucible of secondary special education apply to all. A class of alienated teenagers will give you only two choices, learn how to generate cooperation or struggle with enforcement until you burn out. Yet the choices are the same in any classroom. Only the rate of burn-out is different. You cannot write off the lower 5 percent without blinding yourself to the needs of the middle 50 percent. You cannot turn your back on the basic imperative of discipline management to deal constructively with students' negativism. Cooperation based on reward will always be the central issue of discipline management, and limit-setting and penalties will always serve only as a means of allowing appropriate rewards

to operate.

Most of us want to give and need only a sophisticated technology to set us free from the continual struggle for control. Some of us only understand control and will struggle with the notion of discipline based on reward. Most of our students want to respond with cooperation based upon affirmation and reward. Some of them respond only to threat and punishment.

For all the students we must learn the lessons of Positive Classroom Discipline. But we must learn our lessons especially well for the sake of the burned child. We must teach such children about rewards and cooperation and nurturance from scratch. Patience and sweetness are not enough - the negative transfer from home is too strong. They will fight us and they will wear us down. We must know our craft well enough to succeed at a price we can afford in spite of their resistance. For these burned students in particular but for all students to some degree we must either master the skills of limit-setting and the technology of incentive systems or be doomed to fight an eternal battle of containment that no one can win.

Escalation and Reward-Based Discipline Management

Before proceeding to an examination of Positive Classroom Discipline as a whole, it will be useful to examine the way in which limit-setting and incentive systems as used in Positive Classroom Discipline systematically fly in the face of the timeless notion that discipline is punition and that bigger problems call for bigger negative sanctions.

Limit-Setting In dealing with the typical classroom disruption-the small, everyday disruption that accounts for most of the teacher's stress and most of the students' time off task - the most cost-effective way of responding will usually be limit-setting. Limit-setting, as part of the teacher's normal classroom demeanor, not only terminates disruptions effectively in those few instances when part of the limit-setting sequence is used, but it also trains the class that you mean business. Once a teacher's capacity to respond effectively to disruptions has been firmly established, his or her mere presence in the classroom serves as a discriminative stimulus for the continual presence of rule enforcement through limit-setting, which subsequently acts to prevent most disruptions from occurring.

Limit-setting, however, is mild social punishment. When given skillfully it is low key and gentle, and it minimizes the likelihood of a power confrontation between teacher and student. It saves the student from the consequences of his or her own foolishness as in the case of back talk and is therefore actively protective of the student. Nevertheless, from a scientific standpoint limit-setting is a mild aversive social consequence for an unacceptable behavior which suppresses the rate of that behavior: punishment as defined in any learning textbook.

Responsibility Training As a teacher attempts to deal with more difficult or off balance management situations in the classroom-the repeat disruptions, dawdling, noise level, coming to class without necessary materials, time wasters, and chronic nuisance behaviors such as pencil sharpening and hall passes-responsibility training becomes the most cost-effective technique. Responsibility training, however, is a complex incentive system with explicit reward and penalty components. In responsibility training reward is built in rather than being unstructured for the teacher to supply through relationship as in limit-setting. And penalty is

peer-based rather than residing solely in the person of the teacher.

Omission Training Finally when we must deal with one of the most difficult of our management situations - the angry, alienated student who turns his or her back on both relationship and formal rewards and locks him- or herself into a "you can't make me" power struggle with the teacher - omission training is the technique of choice. Omission training is an entirely reward-oriented management system, a bonus clause pure and simple.

Counteracting Escalation Ironically, the more difficult and negativistic the student's behavior becomes, the more reward-oriented is the teacher's response. As the teacher progresses from limit-setting (mild social punishment) to responsibility training (reward plus bonus and penalty) to omission training (bonus only), Positive Classroom Discipline progresses from mild social punishment (suppression) to pure reward (reinforcement). The tendency of Positive Classroom Discipline to become less punitive under conditions of increasing provocation is graphically represented here, in Figure 18-1.

FIGURE 18-1 The relationship between an increasing level of provocationand a reliance upon positive sanctions -the more provocative

the student, the more positive the response.

This progression from negative sanctions to positive sanctions in coping with discipline problems of increasing magnitude flies in the face of what most people would expect from a discipline management system: that meeting a bigger provocation dictates the use of a bigger negative sanction. This age-old stereotype of discipline, which we have attempted to overcome with Positive Classroom Discipline, is not only harsh but counterproductive in the long run.

POSITIVE CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE AS AN INTEGRATED

SYSTEM

The Discipline Decision Ladder

Informed Judgment vs. Rigid Prescription Positive Classroom Discipline has evolved over the years into an orderly process of problem solving. As teachers are forced to deal with discipline problems of increasing severity, they can proceed from one management strategy to the next in an ordered sequence that combines management power and cost-effectiveness with gentleness and protection of the student.

Yet each management technique has its strengths and limitations, and each management situation has subtleties known only to the teacher. Thus the decision-making process is ultimately a matter of informed judgment rather than rigid prescription. Prescriptions are doomed to failure in far too many cases because they lack the flexibility to adapt to the specific situation. Only a well-trained teacher with mastery of an adequate repertoire of responses - an integrated system of successful skills and procedures - can gamble well enough in the moment to consistently make the problems go away.

Figure 18-2 represents the full range of CMTP discipline management options as they would be considered chronologically in dealing with a discipline problem of increasing severity. Management options are arranged along two dimensions, (1) Reinforcement (reward) and (2) Suppression (penalty). Ironically, the age-old adage about the carrot and the stick accurately describes the basic polarity underlying the response options available for discipline management. Together reward for appropriate behavior and minimal penalty for inappropriate behavior produce the most efficient discrimination learning for the student. Response options to be used early in discipline management are placed at the bottom of the diagram.

FIGURE 18-2 Positive Classroom Discipline as an integrated system.To solve problems, go up the Decision Ladder.

Of course, this diagram represents an idealized management progression for a hypothetical problem, and certain liberties will be taken at the discretion of the teacher. The cardinal error, however, is to jump rapidly from the bottom toward the top in anything but a crisis situation. This pattern, which we refer to as "leapfrogging," usually represents a primary reliance on negative sanctions by the teacher rather than a reliance on smaller, more subtle, more reward-based sanctions toward the bottom of the decision ladder.

Judgments and Trade-Offs Relationship is the beginning of management, the informal yet fundamental human incentive system. Yet, relationship is not enough. The job of any student is to test limits-to find out what is real and what is not. With relationship students learn that you care. With limit-setting they can encounter firm boundaries without getting bruised.

Relationship is built spontaneously as a caring, loving teacher interacts with students on a moment-by-moment basis. Relationship is also built systematically as a byproduct of effective limit-setting, which is protective of the student, and as a by product of responsibility training as well, which structures fun with learning into classroom life as a means of getting necessary jobs done. Relationship is also built as a byproduct of effective instructional technique as the

teacher learns to have more frequent and more positive helping interactions with students. Thus, effective instructional techniques are an integral part of the interpersonal - interactive level of discipline management. We will learn much more about relationship building inPositive Classroom Instruction, the companion volume to this work, as we integrate discipline and instruction into a cohesive approach to classroom management.

Formal incentives, the incentive-contractual level of management, pick up where the interpersonal-interactive level of management leaves off. Incentives give us a predictable and affirmative way of answering the student's eternal "Why should I?" Simple incentives bring us back to the reward side of our decision ladder, but simple rewards are only occasionally useful for discipline. They lack the power to suppress the disruptions of the few so that the teacher will have the opportunity to reward the many. To put teeth into group incentive management we must cross over to the penalty side where responsibility training, a complex incentive system, gives us the capacity to suppress goofing off. With an extremely negativistic and oppositional student, however, we may need to cross back to the reward column as we use omission training.

Our back-up system picks up where the major portion of the incentive-contractual level of management leaves off. However, even in the lower half of the back-up containment level of management, incentives and negative sanctions continue to be interspersed as a means of juxtaposing peer sanctions with adult sanctions and reward with penalty. Small back-up responses are followed with group omission training before the transition to medium back-up responses is made. Medium back-up responses are also followed by a reward phase which may include omission training or any imaginable type of custom-built incentive program.

With further progression up the decision ladder, however, comes the obligation to stand back, to get help if necessary, and to examine how you got this far. Only large and extra-large back-up responses remain at the top of the decision ladder along with an exhortation to reexamine what you are doing and seek help. With repeated use of large and extra-large back-up responses the management system becomes increasingly unbalanced, and the likelihood of generating alienation and a cycle of coercion multiplies.

Basic Strategies

As positive classroom discipline evolved over the years into a tight system that could cope with the full range of discipline problems that a teacher might face, a simple problem-solving strategy emerged which is most graphically represented in  Figure 18-2 : When rewards prove ineffective, go to penalty. When penalty proves ineffective, go to reward.

Added to this strategy is a second strategy of equal simplicity: Proceed up the management system one level at a time. Jump a level only in the face of severe crisis.

Though simple enough as strategies go, both of these statements fly in the face of conventional wisdom. Most people will respond to the failure of a negative sanction by reaching for a larger negative sanction. And most people will jump rapidly to their back-up system on the basis of internal upset or inexperience rather than proceeding on the basis of systematic problem solving.

Added to these two basic strategies is a third which defines our long-range objective in discipline management. Our long-range objective is to work our way down the management system. Over time the use of the back-up system should self-eliminate so that we are handling almost all discipline problems at the incentive - contractual and interpersonal - interactive levels. With the passage of more time the penalty component of responsibility training should self-eliminate until only PAT is left.

Over time, therefore, the size of negative sanctions steadily decreases while the reinforcement components of the system remain constant or, as in the case of PAT, even grow. In the end almost all management takes place at the interpersonal level with limit-setting on the wing preventing even the use of the mild social punishment inherent in the limit-setting sequence.

When effective discipline management in the classroom can take place almost entirely at the interpersonal-interactive level of management, discipline management has finally become extremely cheap. easy, and positive. But this goal will elude us unless specific, advancedinstructional skills are employed in conjunction with effective discipline management. Lessons which produce confusion, boredom, or discouragement for certain students will always produce enough goofing off and fooling around to force us up the management system toward a stronger reliance on punishment. The instructional skills so important to completing the interpersonal-interactive level of classroom management are described in Positive Classroom Instruction, the other volume of this comprehensive treatment of behavioral management in the classroom.

Simplistic Discipline

Can a teacher have good discipline without all this technology? Haven't good teachers achieved good results in the past with a far simpler approach?

Well. yes and no. I have known many excellent teachers who had "no discipline problems to speak of" who reduced their disruptions by 80 percent and doubled their time-on-task as a result of systematic teacher training. And I have known teachers whose methods served them well in the past who nevertheless suffered painfully at the hands of a particularly difficult class. I have also seen the best teachers use much of Positive Classroom Discipline instinctively without realizing that they were using any special technique at all. And I have seen rather crude management techniques succeed beautifully with a fairly nice kid who wasn't all that much of a problem to start with. But more than anything I have observed that teachers who do not labor hard at a high level of stress in a classroom full of young people are few and far between.

A teacher can sometimes manage with clear rules, clear warnings, and a handful of negative sanctions. But if they succeed with little stress they must (1) have a nice group of youngsters, (2) have a fairly young class in most cases, preferably fourth grade or below, and (3) have superb skills of relationship building. Yet even when these conditions pertain, effective teachers who are adequately trained typically experience (1) a rapid reduction of stress and exasperation, (2) a rapid increase in academic learning time and time-on-task, and (3) an elevation of standards.

FIGURE 18-3 A comparison of positive discipline and primitive discipline. (click for larger image)

Positive discipline management can be nonadversarial if you have the right tools (left)Primitive discipline management goes sraight to the Back-up System (right)

Primitive Discipline

The problem with simplistic discipline is that very few teachers can get away with it for long, and almost no one can get away with it forever. For the vast majority of teachers simplistic discipline becomes primitive discipline under pressure.

Primitive discipline is discipline management that goes from rules to reprimands to the back-up system. Primitive discipline begins with a warning or reprimand and has names on the board right away with the threat of worse to follow. It is the "three strikes and you're out" school of management which creates a semblance of order at the price of a high casualty rate. Most of the casualties are children, especially the losers who could have been saved, and the rest of the casualties are teachers.

Primitive discipline is the norm. It is the embodiment of our folk wisdom concerning discipline. At a relatively high price to the teacher it holds in check those students who are fairly easily controlled. But for the burned child it holds out no hope of learning to cooperate.

Positive classroom discipline, as it has grown over the past decade and a half, has sought to discover a better way. From observation, I have attempted to construct a management system that provides as much management power and flexibility as a teacher will ever need before the use of the back-up system. If primitive discipline leaps to medium, large, and extra-large back-up responses, positive classroom discipline does as much as possible to keep from getting there.

The contrast between positive classroom discipline and primitive discipline can be quickly seen by contrasting those procedures which have been either developed or refined as parts of positive classroom discipline over the years with those which are currently the mainstay of discipline for most classrooms and school sites. See Figure 18-3.

OVERVIEW

It was impossible for me to see classroom discipline as an integrated system so neatly arranged until the pieces had been developed. Only then was there a real sense of coherence-a sense that the major questions had been addressed, the major needs met, the major loopholes plugged. Only then was the full pattern clear.

Discipline dilemmas in the classroom, however, do not always lend themselves to the following of a management system in a neat, step-by-step progression. Yet the steps of the Positive Classroom Discipline decision ladder define the path and make the next step more sure. When teachers have mastered their basic discipline management skills, they are well equipped to make the necessary trade-offs and fine adjustments.

Until a teacher has been adequately trained, however, he or she has only a bag of tricks at best, and he or she must settle for partial results and a relatively greater reliance on negative sanctions. Since negative sanctions destroy relationship and since relationship is the basis of cooperation, such a simplistic system will rarely self-eliminate. In the final analysis the only alternative to punition and stress is finesse. And the only means of acquiring finesse is through careful and extensive training.

 

       

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Speaker’s Bureau

The Positive Discipline Association offers a Speaker’s Bureau referral service. A school or organization may request a speaker or consultant and referrals are made considering such factors as geographic location, budget, areas of particular focus or expertise, availability, etc.

Certified Positive Discipline Trainers on our Speaker’s Bureau have gone through an additional screening process to assure their competency to represent the Positive Discipline Association in presenting to large groups or organizations. Members of our Speaker’s Bureau will custom design a workshop to meet the needs and priorities of the host agency. For more information, contact the Positive Discipline Association at posdis@satx.rr.com.

Lead Trainer (LT)

A Lead Trainer (LT) is a CPDT who is authorized to provide the advanced training class that is the culminating experience in our advanced certification program. They typically take a strong leadership role in our organization, leading and contributing to Committees and the

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Board, organizing our Think Tank agenda, providing professional development for members, and serving as leaders in developing mentor groups.

Certified Positive Discipline Trainer (CPDT)

A Certified Positive Discipline Trainer has participated in an advanced training process to strengthen their skills and understanding of Adlerian principles and PD facilitation. CPDTs have attained a level of expertise where they are endorsed by the Positive Discipline Association as “Trainers of Trainers” and are recognized for attaining a high level of understanding and competency in utilizing the Positive Discipline model.

They are qualified to facilitate the two-day Teaching Parenting (TP) workshop, and/or the two-day Positive Discipline in the Classroom (PDC) and other Positive Discipline workshops.

Agencies and schools are encouraged to contract with a CPDT when they are looking to developing a campus- or organization-wide commitment to Positive Discipline model, where they want the depth and scope of understanding consistent with this level of certification, and where they want the program adapted for specific populations or settings.

CPDTs have a high level of expertise in offering parent classes, teacher training, and school or organizational consultations or training based on Positive Discipline principles.

Typically, CPDTs who are therapists or coaches strongly integrate PD within the framework of their practice.

Positive Discipline Trainer Candidate (PDTC)

A Positive Discipline Trainer Candidate is a Positive Discipline Parenting Educator who is a member of the Positive Discipline Association and has been accepted into our advanced certification program.

Most PDTCs have taken both our Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way and Positive Discipline in the Classroom core courses. Additionally, PDTCs are actively involved in an on-going training program to deepen their understanding of Positive Discipline and Adlerian concepts and methodology. Typically, PDTCs have or are working to attain a deeper understanding of Positive Discipline concepts and application beyond that of a PD Parenting Educator.

PDTCs provide parenting classes, typically using the model of a seven week series but frequently extending this to a variety of formats or settings.

PDTCs who are licensed therapists or coaches may integrate PD concepts within the framework of their practice. 

Many PDTCs work in schools and organizations where they have begun implementing PD concepts, ideas and activities in a broad variety of ways, sharing ideas with peers for example, supporting and encouraging co-workers in their exploration of this model, or providing basic workshops using this model.

Certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator (CPDPE)

A Certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator has successfully completed the 2 day intensive training in Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way.  Upon completion, Parenting Educators are encouraged to teach parenting classes using the manuals of experiential exercises and books from the Positive Discipline series. CPDPEs are also encouraged to become a part of the Positive Discipline Association in order to support their successful facilitation or use of PD materials, deepen their understanding of theory and practice, and to enrich their use of PD in their families or other work settings.  

CPDPEs provide parenting classes, typically using the model of a seven week series or consolidating it into a 1 – 2 day program.

CPDPEs may provide short seminars or introductory presentations on Positive Discipline ideas.

CPDPEs who are licensed therapists or coaches may integrate basic PD concepts within the framework of their practice. 

Certified Positive Discipline Classroom Educator (CPDCE)

A Certified Positive Discipline Classroom Educator has successfully completed the 2 day intensive training in Positive Discipline in the Classroom.  Upon completion, Classroom Educators are encouraged to use Positive Discipline in their classrooms using the experiential exercises from the PDC Teacher's Guide and books from the Positive Discipline series. CPDCEs are also encouraged to become a part of the Positive Discipline Association in order to support their successful facilitation and use of PD materials, deepen their understanding of theory and practice, and to enrich their use of PD in their classrooms, family and other work settings.  

CPDCEs use Positive Discipline in their own classrooms. 

CPDCEs may provide short seminars or introductory presentations on Positive Discipline ideas.

CPDCEs who are licensed therapists or coaches may integrate basic PD concepts within the framework of their practice. 

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Positive Discipline

Parent Educator Training - June 13-14

Positive Discipline Parent & Care Giver Educator Training*w/ Positive Discipline Certified Lead Trainer, Suzanne Smitha, MEd**

Sponsored by Positive Family Connections

Announcing a 2-day professional development workshop for *parent educators and other human service professionals working with families.   Including:  Foster Parent Trainers, Early Childhood Educators, Social Workers,     In-Home Councelors,Therapists, Mentors, Advocates, Shelter Counselors, and more.

Earn your certification as a Positive Discipline Parent Educator - While enhancing your work with families.  Make more of a difference!

June 13 and 14, 2013 - 14 hours of Training        8:30AM to 4:30PM - both days

COST:  $210 - Includes certification and registration with the Positive Discipline Association.  

 

 Space limited to 30 people.  We anticipate slots to fill quickly. 

Please plan to register as soon as possible.  If you need to pay by check, please call or send an email with that request.

Call Brenda Garrett at 757-291-2514 or email bkgarrett62@gmail.com

Training Location:  Catholic Charities of Eastern Virginia - 4855 Princess Anne Rd., Virginia Beach (near Baxter Rd. interaction)

NOTE:  The training usually costs $330.  We appreciate Catholic Charities' offering use of their conference room at no cost. And special thanks to Studio Sienna for hosting Mrs. Smitha!

Lunch is on your own.  There are more than 6 great spots across the street!

 **See end of page for Ms. Smitha's bio.

 

What is Positive Discipline?  Positive Discipline is a program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best selling Positive Discipline books by Dr. Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, Cheryl Erwin, Kate Ortolano, Mary Hughes, Mike Brock, Lisa Larson and others, it teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults (including parents, teachers, childcare providers, youth workers, and others). Recent research tells us that children are “hardwired” from birth to connect with others, and that children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. To be successful, contributing members of their community, children must learn necessary social and life skills. Positive Discipline is based on the understanding that discipline must be taught and that discipline also teaches. Watch video by Jane Nelsen on the Five Criteria for “effective discipline that teaches” FIVE CRITERIA FOR EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

1. Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)2. Is mutually respectful and encouraging.  (Kind and firm at the same time.)

3. Is effective long - term. (Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)

4. Teaches important social and life skills.  (Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)

5. Invites children to discover how capable they are.  (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE TOOLS   The Positive Discipline Parenting and Classroom Management models are aimed at developing mutually respectful relationships. Positive Discipline teaches adults to employ kindness and firmness at the same time, and is neither punitive nor permissive. The tools and concepts of Positive Discipline include: 

Mutual respect.  Adults model firmness by respecting themselves and the needs of the situation, and kindness by respecting the needs of the child.

Identifying the belief behind the behavior. Effective discipline recognizes the reasons kids do what they do and works to change those beliefs, rather than merely attempting to change behavior.

Effective communication and  problem solving skills. Discipline that teaches (and is neither permissive nor punitive). Focusing on solutions instead of punishment. Encouragement (instead of praise). Encouragement notices effort and

improvement, not just success, and builds long-term self-esteem and empowerment.

Unique Characteristics of the Positive Discipline Model also include:

Teaching adults and students through experiential activities. Creating opportunity to practice new skills and to have fun learning by doing.

Classroom discipline programs and parent education programs that are consistent. Parents, teachers, and childcare providers can work together to provide a secure, consistent environment for children.

Inexpensive training and ongoing support so members of communities can teach each other Positive Discipline skills.

Certified trainers across the country who can work with schools and communities.

 

A HISTORY OF POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

The Positive Discipline Parenting and Classroom Management Model is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.  Dr. Adler first introduced the idea of parenting education to United States audiences in the 1920s. He advocated treating children respectfully, but also argued that spoiling and pampering children was not encouraging to them and resulted in social and behavioral problems. The classroom techniques,

which were initially introduced in Vienna in the early 1920s, were brought to the United States by Dr. Dreikurs in the late 1930s. Dreikurs and Adler refer to the kind and firm approach to teaching and parenting as “democratic.”

In the 1980s, Lynn Lott and Jane Nelsen attended a workshop facilitated by John Taylor. Lynn began training interns to teach experientially and wrote (with the help of her interns) the first Teaching Parenting Manual. Jane was the director of Project ACCEPT (Adlerian Counseling Concepts for Encouraging Parents and Teachers), a federally funded project that had received exemplary status while in its developmental phase. Jane wrote and self-publishedthe book, Positive Discipline, in 1981. It was published by Ballantine in 1987. In 1988, Jane and Lynn decided to collaborate on the book which is now titled, Positive Discipline for Teenagers, and began to teach parenting and classroom management skills experientially. Lynn and Jane also wrote Positive Discipline in the Classroom and developed a manual filled with experiential activities for teachers and their students. In the years since, the Positive Discipline series has grown to include titles that address different age groups, family settings, and special situations.

Positive Discipline is taught to schools, parents, and parent educators by Certified Positive Discipline Trainers. Community members, parents, and teachers are encouraged to become trained facilitators and to share the concepts of Positive Discipline with their own groups. Positive Discipline parent education classes are taught across the country, and Positive Discipline  is successfully used as the classroom management model in private, religious, and public elementary schools. A demonstration school program was developed and is steadily expanding.

THE EVIDENCE FOR POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

Formal evaluation comparing Positive Discipline Schools with schools using other discipline programs is just beginning. However, studies of implementation of Positive Discipline techniques have shown that Positive  Discipline tools do produce significant results.

A study of school-wide implementation of classroom meetings in a lower-income Sacramento elementary school over a four-year period showed that suspensions decreased (from 64 annually to 4 annually), vandalism decreased (from 24 episodes to 2) and teachers reported improvement in classroom atmosphere, behavior, attitudes and academic performance. (Platt, 1979)

A study of parent and teacher education programs directed at parents and teachers of students with “maladaptive” behavior that implemented Positive Discipline tools showed a statistically significant improvement in the behavior of students in the program schools when compared to control schools. (Nelsen, 1979)

Smaller studies examining the impacts of specific Positive Discipline tools have also shown positive results. (Browning, 2000; Potter, 1999; Esquivel)

Studies have repeatedly demonstrated that a student’s perception of being part of the school  community (being “connected” to school) decreases the incidence of socially risky behavior (such as emotional distress and suicidal thoughts / attempts, cigarette, alcohol and marijuana use; violent behavior) and increases academic performance. (Resnick et al, 1997; Battistich, 1999; Goodenow, 1993)

There is also significant evidence that teaching younger students social skills has a protective effect that lasts into adolescence. Students that have been taught social skills are more likely to succeed in school and less likely to engage in problem behaviors. (Kellam et al, 1998; Battistich, 1999) Although specific studies of the Positive Discipline parenting program are in the early stages, programs similar to Positive Discipline have been studied and shown to be effective in changing parent behavior. In a study of Adlerian parent education classes for parents of teens, Stanley (1978) found that parents did more problem solving with their teens and were less autocratic in decision making.

Positive Discipline teaches parents the skills to be both kind and firm at the same time. Numerous studies show that teens who perceive their parents as both kind (responsive) and firm (demanding) are at lower risk for smoking, use of marijuana, use of alcohol, or being violent, and have a later onset of sexual activity. (Aquilino, 2001; Baumrind, 1991; Jackson et al, 1998; Simons, Morton et al, 2001)

Other studies have correlated the teen’s perception of parenting style (kind and firm versus autocratic or permissive) with improved academic performance. (Cohen, 1997; Deslandes, 1997; Dornbusch et al, 1987; Lam, 1997).

**SUZANNE SMITHA'S BIO:  Suzanne loves working with educators and parents to implement Positive Discipline! Recently retired, she is highly respected for her years of service to the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools where she  provided school psychology, counseling and school social work services for over 35 years. She has introduced hundreds of educators to Positive Discipline since 1991 and has consistently helped schools reduce discipline problems and improve the climate for learning. Suzanne has worked with public, private, charter, parochial and Montessori schools primarily at preschool and elementary levels. Participants in her workshops give her high marks for training that is informative, practical, well presented and fun.

Parent education through schools, houses of worship and community centers is also a high priority for Suzanne. She is available as a speaker for groups and enjoys training parent educators interested in learning to use Positive Discipline. In addition, she has worked with other organizations such as the Girl Scouts to provide adult education for working with children.

Suzanne's initial training in Positive 

Discipline was with Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott, co-authors of the Positive Discipline books and materials. In addition, she holds a Master’s Degree from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville and has continued to upgrade her education through other universities and through the Positive Discipline Association's training opportunities.  She is the mother of two lovely young adult daughters who have grown up with Positive Discipline at home and who continue the tradition in their own families and careers.

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What are the Steps to Positive Employee Discipline?By Charles Green, eHow Contributor

 

 

 

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Employee misconduct can be a big problem. Even so, how you handle a situation can have far-reaching consequences. Overreact and you could have a disgruntled and vindictive employee on your hands. Do nothing and other employees may perceive that you are weak or ineffectual. Utilizing corrective action can restore an employee by diffusing a problem and promoting accountability--steps that can go a long way toward helping to strengthen your organization.

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Positive Attitude Messages

Guidelines for Positive Discipline in the Workplace

1. Good Performanceo Though handling poor conduct or unfavorable performance is important, you

should recognize good performance and behavior too. In fact, in many companies today, formally acknowledging good performers is company policy--a way to spotlight positive outcomes as well as to recognize employees when they perform well. According to Dick Grote, a management consultant who specializes in the field of employee performance improvement and management, "recognizing good performance is no longer just good advice handled out in a management training class. Now it's a formal policy requirement, a step of the organization's overall discipline procedure."

Positive Disciplineo By recognizing good performance, workers know what is expected of them and

have a goal and a reward to work toward. In "Positive Discipline," a 1991 book co-authored by C. Osigweh and W. Hutchinson, the authors recognized a disciplinary style first used by Union Carbide in 1977 that has since been implemented company-wide. "The positive discipline approach includes participation in that 'each employee has the right to correct problems that arise in the workplace and be allowed the time required to return to fully acceptable performance.'"

Each step in the disciplinary process recognizes the employee's rights, beginning with an informal verbal discussion whereby the supervisor reminds the worker of what performance standards must be met. Should the first step not bring about the desired outcome, the supervisor would meet with the worker again, reiterate the points made during the first discussion and include a written memorandum of that meeting with a copy of the memo placed in the employee's personnel folder.

A third step would be employed, if needed, when the employee would be given a paid disciplinary suspension for 1 day with the intent to have the employee reflect on his behavior and consider his response. The employee would return to work the next business day and either proffer his resignation and leave the company or agree to make the required changes.

If the worker agrees to change, he would meet with his supervisor to discuss what steps would be taken to improve his work habits and behavior to meet satisfactory levels. Put in place disciplinary procedures to encourage positive outcomes in your employees.

o

Summationo Your positive discipline policy can include five points: clear expectations and

performance requirements; oral reminder; written reminder; disciplinary leave of absence; and discharge or restoration. Institute a clear policy of positive employee discipline to encourage the right kind of behavior and expected outcomes.

Read more: What are the Steps to Positive Employee Discipline? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/way_5565618_steps-positive-employee-discipline.html#ixzz2PPbv18mY

D. THE “GOLDEN RULES” OF DISCIPLINE

Supervisors who are perceived by those they supervise as being unfair are ineffective in motivating employees to make necessary changes in their behavior. If an employee does not trust his/her supervisor to be fair, that employee will see little or no purpose in correcting their behavior. In these situations employees tend to think “Why should I bother? I still have no assurance that I will be treated fairly even if I improve my attendance, work harder, etc.”

In order to be effective, a supervisor must be respected by his/her subordinates. In order to be respected, a supervisor must be fair. This means exercising good judgment in deciding when and how to discipline employees. It also means treating all employees, regardless of the nature of their work-related problems or deficiencies, like intelligent adults. In other words, treat employees like you would want to be treated. Do not attack or criticize the individual. Focus on the conduct to be corrected. Choose your words carefully. Supervisors should never belittle or talk down to an employee.

To assist supervisors in developing and maintaining a fair and respectful approach to discipline, follow these "Golden Rules:"

1. Rule of Immediacy

The supervisor should begin the disciplinary process as soon as possible after a violation of the rule is noticed.

The more quickly the discipline follows the violation of the standard, the more likely it is that the offending employee will associate the discipline with the offense rather than the supervisor imposing the discipline. An immediate reaction also minimizes an employee's opportunity to insulate himself/herself from discipline by engaging in protected activity before discipline is communicated. For instance, some employees will sense that discipline is forthcoming and will report a workers' compensation injury, complain of sexual harassment, etc. When this happens it is more difficult to discipline because questions arise regarding the motive for the discipline.

2. Rule of Consistency

Should two employees violate the same standard, and one employee is disciplined more severely than the other, naturally there will be cries of favoritism. Consequently, one of the quickest ways for supervisors to lose employees' respect and to lower employee morale is to impose discipline in an inconsistent way.

Management should always keep in mind the educational function of corrective discipline. Consistent discipline helps to set limits: It lets employees know what they can and cannot do. Inconsistent discipline inevitably leads to confusion and uncertainty. When some rules are permitted to go unenforced, employees may either (1) decide to ignore all rules, or (2) become confused about what is really required of them.

It is very important, however, that supervisors understand that employees cannot realistically be treated like “widgets.” It is rare when two disciplinary problems are exactly alike. For instance, a supervisor’s reaction to a newly hired employee’s failure to report for work in a timely fashion and the supervisor’s reaction to the failure of an ordinarily dependable employee to report for work may call for different degrees of discipline. Distinctions might also be justified if one employee’s failure to call in is attributable to carelessness or laziness, and the other employee's reason is attributable to bona fide family emergency or other legitimate reasons.

However, exceptions to the consistent application of discipline should be limited to extraordinary situations. The exception should not, in other words, “swallow the rule.” Also, when there is a well-deserved departure from standards, the employee should be told that (s)he is being given extra consideration and that his/her conduct would normally result in a more severe disciplinary action. The action taken should, in turn, be documented as “the exception.” This will preserve the record in the event a less deserving employee commits the same or similar infraction and receives harsher treatment. It will also preserve the validity of the rule.

The bottom line is that when an employee commits a disciplinary violation or falls below the employer's performance standards, that problem should always be addressed, regardless of how valued and long term the employee may be. The degree of discipline taken may, however, vary in unusual situations . This approach represents a workable compromise. It recognizes the need for consistency in addressing similar employee problems, while at the same time allowing for the fact that employees are not widgets.

3. Rule of Impersonality

Good supervisors encourage subordinates to express themselves freely and try to play down differences in employment status without becoming so closely aligned with those they supervise that they become ineffective in enforcing Company standards. Such supervisors build up the feeling that they and the employee are on the same team. Does corrective discipline seriously endanger this relationship? It may. In fact, the disciplined employee might easily say, “That so-and-so. I thought we were friends.” It is not easy to impose discipline without causing the disciplined employee to feel resentful. But the supervisor can minimize the danger to the relationship by imposing discipline as fairly and impersonally as possible.

Discipline is most effective and has the least negative effect on individuals if the individual feels that his/her behavior at this particular moment is the only thing being criticized, and not his/her total personality.

4. Rule of Positivism

Supervisors should always keep in mind that the proper function of discipline is to rehabilitate, not punish an employee.

In short, effective discipline requires a clear communication that the responsibility for the correction rests with the employee, not the supervisor. When this message is coupled with a sincere expression of confidence in the employee's ability to meet this challenge, it is more likely to produce positive change. Supervisors who use this approach revert to the role of a “coach” after

advising the employee of the expectations that will be required for future conduct. The vast majority of employees react better to this approach than the approach of a supervisor who is acting in the role of an “enforcer.” The reason for this is that the coach allows an employee to return to work with the expectation that (s)he can succeed in correcting his/her deficiencies. Enforcers do not typically convey this vote of confidence. Consequently, it is more likely that the employee will return to work with the feeling that the supervisor does not believe improvement can be made.

Positive Discipline:

How to Resolve Tough Performance Problems

Quickly…and Permanently

PREVIEW GUIDEBackground Information

CRM Learning’s Positive Discipline training program provides the video

and workshop resources to present a focused, thought-provoking

session on this vital topic. Supervisors and managers will develop new

skills to help their employees meet performance goals.

During the workshop, participants will analyze current situations in their own

work environments and develop ways to solve disciplinary problems in a

positive, performance-oriented framework. They will discuss their issues and

develop new strategies, keeping their approach consistent with existing

organizational guidelines and standards.

Materials Included With Positive Discipline

The Positive Discipline workshop package includes a structured training

design to support a 2.75 to 3-hour workshop experience.

ƒ The video or DVD presentation illustrates the problem of workplace discipline

and outlines a series of steps managers can take to practice Positive

Discipline.

ƒ The Leader’s Guide provides an introduction to the Workshop and a

Presentation Script to help facilitate it. Workshop activities and structured

discussions help participants explore their own beliefs and tactics around the

issue of discipline and develop skills to provide positive discipline when

required.

ƒ Participant Workbooks (10 copies) provide worksheets for completing the

activities and space for notes.

ƒ A PowerPoint presentation on CD-ROM includes slides to support the

scripted presentation.

ƒ 10 copies of the book Positive Discipline: How to Resolve Tough

Performance Problems Quickly…and Permanently by Eric Harvey and Paul

Sims.

ƒ A Job Aid Reference Card (10 copies) provides participants with rapid

access to some of the key points and skills covered in the workshop, once

they return to their jobs.Program Information and Pricing

Purchase Price: $995.00

Rental Price: $275.00

Preview Price: Free

Video running time: 24 minutes

Quantity Pricing Discounts

Positive Discipline Program

1-2 copies $995 each

3-14 copies 10% off

15-25 copies 15% off

26-50 copies 20 % off

51+ copies call for quote

Participant Workbooks Positive Discipline Softback Books

1-50 $14.95 each (list price) 1-99 9.95 each

51-250 $12.71 each (15% off) 100-499 $9.45 each (5% off)

251-500 $11.96 each (20% off) 500-4999 $8.96 each (10% off)

501+ call for quote 5000+ call for quote

Job Aid Reference Cards* (sold in packs of 10)

1–50 packs $8.00 each

51-250 packs $6.80 each (15% off)

251-500 packs $6.40 each (20% off)

501+ packs call for quote

* BONUS: Buy 50 or more Positive Discipline Participant Workbooks

and get an equal number of Job Aid Reference Cards for FREE!

Industry discounts may apply; call your Sales Consultant for more information.Positive Discipline:

How to Resolve Tough Performance Problems

Quickly…and Permanently

SAMPLE PAGES FROM LEADER’’SGUIDEPage 5

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE LEADER’S GUIDE

Workshop Segment Handout Duration (min)

Workshop Introduction Worksheet A 10 minutes

• Workshop Purpose

• Objectives, Ground Rules and Logistics

• Participant Introductions

Activity 1: Redefining Discipline 10 minutes

• Participants define “discipline” as it relates

to employee performance

• Positive discipline concept introduced

• Introduce 5-step process

Activity 2: Video Presentation Worksheet B 25 minutes

• Video Introduction

• Positive Discipline Video

Activity 3: Video Review 10 minutes

• Group discussion of video concepts

Activity 4: Identify the Problem Worksheet C 15 minutes

• Discuss concepts of desired performance, actual

performance, and gaps.

• Review how closing this gap is the purpose of

discipline

• Individual Activity: Reviewing a past disciplinary

issue

Activity 5: Analyze Problem Severity Worksheet C 15 minutes

• Reasons for gauging severity

• Four actions to take to analyze problem severity

• Partner or small group

Break 10 minutes

Activity 6: Discuss the Problem Worksheet D, E 30 minutes

• Need for discussion

• Role-playing activity on disciplinary discussion skills

Activity 7: Document the Discussion Worksheet F, G 10 minutes

• Value of documentation

• Requirements for documentation

Activity 8: Follow Up to Monitor Results

• Value of follow-up in the overall process

• Group discussion of follow-up ideas Worksheet H 15 minutes

Optional Activity: 15 minutes

• Review of organizational policy for formal discipline

Workshop Summary 5 minutes

Total Estimated Time 2 Hours, 45 minutes or 3 Hours with optional activityPOSITIVE DISCIPLINE LEADER’S GUIDE

Page 13

WORKSHOP FOLLOW-THROUGH

We’ve all been to training sessions where the energy is high, the progress is tangible,

and everyone leaves with new skills and resolve for making changes. And we’ve all seen

how the grind of daily activity can quickly take the edge off new awareness and skills.

Planned follow-through is the best way to ensure that the new perspective and

motivation gained from this workshop can be maintained.

• Make arrangements to replay the video for the benefit of individuals who could not

attend the training.

• With participants’ permission, summarize and distribute key ideas generated during

the workshop.

• Email the participants after a few weeks to see if they have had disciplinary

problems in their departments and have been successful in using the principles of

Positive Discipline to resolve them. Offer to provide any required coaching to help

them implement the five stes in the Positive Discipline process.

TIME TO BEGIN!

Now you’re ready to begin your presentation of CRM Learning’s Positive Discipline

workshop.

Complete your review of the materials and enjoy the session. We’re sure you’ll gain

some valuable insights about your own organization as you prepare for and conduct the

workshop!Page 14

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE LEADER’S GUIDE

PRESENTATION SCRIPT: POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

Purpose of Workshop and Expected Outcomes

Time: 10 minutes

SHOW SLIDE #1:

WORKSHOP TITLE

INTRODUCE yourself.

ASK

Has anyone here ever been disciplined at work?

Has anyone ever had to discipline an employee?

How much fun was it?

Today I’ll be leading you through CRM Learning’s new workshop on Positive

Discipline.

As we can see from your earlier comments, taking disciplinary action is one of the

most difficult functions performed by a supervisor - and it usually creates discomfort

for both parties involved.

The purpose of this workshop is to make this process less uncomfortable for both you

and the employee – and at the same time, make it a more effective process in terms of

reaching the organization’s performance goals.

FLIP CHART

Welcome the participants and ask them to introduce themselves by sharing their:

• Names

• Departments or job positions

• Most common employee disciplinary problem (FLIP CHART)

• Most unusual disciplinary problem they ever faced (FLIP CHART)

SAY

These are some fascinating situations – some quite typical, and some a bit on the

unusual side.

In this workshop, we’ll explore a better way to deal with the inevitable situations that

come up when people work together and rely on each other to get things done.Page 15

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE LEADER’S GUIDE

Ground Rules

Before getting started, explain the ground rules for the workshop.

• Clearly explain that confidential information may be discussed during the workshop

and that the discussions must remain confidential.

• Encourage everyone to participate, but reassure participants that they will not be

required to share any opinions or experiences they are not comfortable sharing.

Logistics

Review any necessary logistics for the workshop:

• Cell phones need to be turned off.

• Refreshments and/or breaks (if applicable).

• Location of restrooms and emergency exits.

• See if anyone needs to leave the session early and, if so, when.

Activity 1: Redefining Discipline

Time: 10 minutes

OVERVIEW: Participants define traditional discipline and learn the definition of

Positive Discipline.

DISCUSSION

Ask the participants to define the word “discipline” as it relates to employee

performance.

Expect comments such as the following:

• Punishment – inflicting pain on those who misbehave until you get their attention

and conformity.

• Progressive steps leading to dismissal.

• Something they have to do as supervisors, but need a more effective approach.

• Something they hate doing.Page 16

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE LEADER’S GUIDE

SHOW SLIDE #2:

DEFINITION

According to Webster, discipline is:

Training that develops self-control, character, or orderliness and efficiency.

SAY

Instead of using punishment to deal with performance issues, the Positive

Discipline approach involves a problem-solving process that encourages

employees to take personal responsibility for their behavior and for making

needed improvements.

Today, we’ll learn how to begin using this more effective approach.

SAY

Let’s first make a fuzzy distinction here, between Positive Discipline and “formal

discipline”.

• When we think of formal discipline, we think of the step-by-step, fully documented

process that is usually controlled by the policies and procedures of the Human

Resources department.

• Positive Discipline— while it must be consistent with HR policies and recommends

that you document the process— is more of a lower-level, coaching-oriented

process.

WORKSHEET A

SAY

Turn to Worksheet A, which lists the workshop purpose and objectives.Worksheet

A also lists the 5 key factors in positive discipline.

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Consumer > Issues > Children: Positive Discipline 

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Positive Discipline How do young children learn self-control, self-help, ways to get along with others, and family and school procedures? Such learning occurs when parents and teachers of infants, toddlers, or preschoolers are continuously involved in setting limits, encouraging desired behaviors, and making decisions about managing children. 

When making these decisions, caregivers often ask themselves these questions: Am I disciplining in a way that hurts or helps this child's self-esteem? Will my discipline help the child develop self-control? This digest suggests methods and language that can be used in handling common situations involving young children. 

Methods of Discipline that Promote Self Worth

Show that you recognize and accept the reason the child is doing what, in your judgment, is the wrong thing:

"You want to play with the truck but..." "You want me to stay with you but..."

This validates the legitimacy of the child's desires and illustrates that you are an understanding person. It also is honest from the outset: The adult is wiser, in charge, not afraid to be the leader, and occasionally has priorities other than those of the child. 

State the "but":

"You want to play with the truck, but Jerisa is using it right now."

"You want me to stay with you, but right now I need to (go out, help Jill, serve lunch, etc.)."

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This lets the child know that others have needs, too. It teaches perspective taking and may lead the child to develop the ability to put himself in other people's shoes. It will also gain you the child's respect, for it shows you are fair. And it will make the child feel safe; you are able to keep him safe. 

Offer a solution:

"Soon you can play with the truck."

One-year-olds can begin to understand "just a minute" and will wait patiently if we always follow through 60 seconds later. Two- and three-year-olds can learn to understand, "I'll tell you when it's your turn," if we always follow through within two or three minutes. This helps children learn how to delay gratification but does not thwart their short-term understanding of time. 

Often, it's helpful to say something indicating your confidence in the child's ability and willingness to learn:

"When you get older I know you will (whatever it is you expect)."

"Next time you can (restate what is expected in a positive manner)."

This affirms your faith in the child, lets her know that you assume she has the capacity to grow and mature, and transmits your belief in her good intentions. 

In some situations, after firmly stating what is not to be done, you can demonstrate how we do it, or a better way:

"We don't hit. Pat my face gently." (Gently stroke).

"Puzzle pieces are not for throwing. Let's put them in their places together." (Offer help).

This sets firm limits, yet helps the child feel that you two are a team, not enemies. 

Toddlers are not easy to distract, but frequently they can be redirected to something that is similar but OK. Carry or lead the child by the hand,

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saying,

"That's the gerbil's paper. Here's your paper."

"Peter needs that toy. Here's a toy for you."

This endorses the child's right to choose what she will do, yet begins to teach that others have rights, too. 

Avoid accusation. Even with babies, communicate in respectful tones and words. This prevents a lowering of the child's self -image and promotes his tendency to cooperate. 

For every no, offer two acceptable choices:

"No! Rosie cannot bite Esther. Rosie can bite the rubber duck or the cracker."

"No, Jackie. That book is for teachers. You can have this book or this book."

This encourages the child's independence and emerging decision-making skills, but sets boundaries. Children should never be allowed to hurt each other. It's bad for the self-image of the one who hurts and the one who is hurt. 

If children have enough language, help them express their feelings, including anger, and their wishes. Help them think about alternatives and solutions to problems. Adults should never fear children's anger:

"You're mad at me because you're so tired. It's hard to feel loving when you need to sleep. When you wake up, I think you'll feel more friendly."

"You feel angry because I won't let you have candy. I will let you choose a banana or an apple. Which do you want?"

This encourages characteristics we want to see emerge in children, such as awareness of feelings and reasonable assertiveness, and gives children tools for solving problems without unpleasant scenes. 

Establish firm limits and standards as needed. Until a child is 1 1/2 or almost 2 years old, adults are completely responsible for his safety and comfort, and for creating the conditions that encourage good behavior. After this age, while

adults are still responsible for the child's safety, they increasingly, though extremely gradually, begin to transfer responsibility for behaving acceptably to the child. They start expecting the child to become aware of others' feelings. They begin to expect the child to think simple cause/effect thoughts (provided the child is guided quietly through the thinking process). This is teaching the rudiments of self-discipline. 

To avoid confusion when talking to very young children, give clear, simple directions in a firm, friendly voice. This will ensure that children are not overwhelmed with a blizzard of words and refuse to comply as a result. 

Remember that the job of a toddler, and to some extent the job of all young children, is to taste, touch, smell, squeeze, tote, poke, pour, sort, explore, and test. At times toddlers are greedy, at times grandiose. They do not share well; they need time to experience ownership before they are expected to share. They need to assert themselves ("No," "I can't," "I won't," and "Do it myself"). They need to separate to a degree from their parents, that is, to individuate. One way they do this is to say no and not to do what is asked; another is to do what is not wanted. If adults understand children in this age range, they will create circumstances and develop attitudes that permit and promote development. Self discipline is better learned through guidance than through punishment. It's better learned through a "We are a team, I am the leader, it's my job to help you grow up" approach than through a "me against you" approach. 

Creating a Positive Climate Promotes Self Discipline 

Creating a positive climate for the very young involves:

Spending lots of leisurely time with an infant or child;

Sharing important activities and meaningful play;

Listening and answering as an equal, not as an instructor (for example, using labeling words when a toddler points inquiringly toward something, or discussing whatever topic the 2-year-old is trying to tell you about);

Complimenting the child's efforts: "William is feeding himself!" "Juana is

putting on her shoe!" (even if what you are seeing is only clumsy stabs in the right direction); and

Smiling, touching, caressing, kissing, cuddling, holding, rocking, hugging.

Harmful, Negative Discipline Methods 

Criticizing, discouraging, creating obstacles and barriers, blaming, shaming, using sarcastic or cruel humor, or using physical punishment are some negative disciplinary methods used with young children. Often saying, "Stop that!" "Don't do it that way!" or "You never..." is harmful to children's self-esteem. 

Any adult might occasionally do any of these things. Doing any or all of them more than once in a while means that a negative approach to discipline has become a habit and urgently needs to be altered before the child experiences low self-esteem as a permanent part of her personality. 

Good Approaches to Discipline 

Increase a child's self-esteem, Allow her to feel valued, Encourage her to feel cooperative, Enable her to learn gradually the many

skills involved in taking some responsibility for what happens to her,

Motivate her to change her strategy rather than to blame others,

help her to take initiative, relate successfully to others, and solve problems.

Source: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education Adapted from an article that appeared in the November 1988 issue of Young Children (pages 24-9). 

Page last modified or reviewed on January 6, 2010