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By Stephen R. Covey. Pause and Give Wiser Responses. Secrets to building a happy family. Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of the number-one best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, shares secrets to building a strong, close family. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Pause andPause andGive WiserGive WiserResponsesResponses
By Stephen R. Covey
Secrets to building a happy family
Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of the
number-one best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,
shares secrets to building a strong, close family.
It is so easy to be reactive! You get caught Lip in the
moment.You say things you dot*
mean. Youdo things you later regret.
And youthink, "If only I had stopped
to think about it, I never would
have reacted that way!"
Family life would be a whole lot better if people acted according to their
values instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment.
It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiser
responses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react.
I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day.
When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the driveway
and pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her
family and what they are doing inside the house.
She considers what kind of feeling she wants to
helpcreate when she goes,
inside.She says to herself, "my
family is the most enjoyable,
the most pleasant, the most
important part of my life.
I'm going to go into my home
and feel and communicate
my love for them."
Just think of the difference
this makes in her family.
While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife's initial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently,
And another friend told me this story :
Brenton, what
were you tryingto do?
"I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly."What do you mean?" she asked.
I washed the dishes for you.
Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed with
the water from the jug. "Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?”
"I couldn't reach the
waterfrom the
sink."
"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you think
you could do next time that would make less of a mess?"
I could do it in the
bathroom!
"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this?
What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the
kitchen sink so you could do the work there?”
Good idea!
As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how important
it was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus
and response. She had made a proactive choice.
The balance in the account determines
howwell you can communicate
and solve problems with
another person.
One useful way to communicate the idea of pro-activity is through an analogy
I call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one in
that you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-
or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust.
One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to make
deposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there are
always things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.
Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust and
unconditional love. Just think about the impact in your own family
of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first."
Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything you
can pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need.
Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one is a deposit in the emotional bank account.
You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more
impact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! How
much excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise.
Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory: When I was twelve, Dad promised
to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! After
Dad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, take
a ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes
from room service. I was dying with anticipation.
The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30
p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heart sank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have
you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois and I would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you
must see theview from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the
drain.
I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said,
Gosh, Bill, I'd love to,
but this is a special time
with my daughter. We've
already got it planned
to the minute.
We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any young
girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night.
"The most important
thing you’ll ever do is
in the four walls of your own home."- Stephen Covey
Thank You Very MuchSompong Yusoontorn
This is a presentation dedicated to pay tribute
to Stephen Covey(1932 -
2012),author of the best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A
bigThank You to you. You
are ourinvisible mentor, though
wenever met, you helped us
andmany friends in the world
to be more effective people
andchanged our lives for the better. We will miss you.
Rest In Peace.