"Pastimes"

A Play

CHARACTER NAME BRIEF DESCRIPTION AGE GENDER

COLE Aspiring Major Leaguer. 22 M

CLAY Former alligator hunter. 28 M

SANDRA Their mother. 50s F

TAGGART Cole's teammate. 31 M

MUGGS Another teammate. 35 M

QUEEN/DEB Figment/voodoo priestess. 30s F

SCENE ONE

MUGGS and TAGGART enter, wheeling a set of three locker-room cubbies--the middle of which is nearly empty save for a fresh baseball uniform. They use the two outside cubbies to dress themselves.

TAGGART

(re: middle cubby)Is that today?

MUGGSToday is today.

TAGGARTYou mean “Today’s the day.”

MUGGSI meant what I said. I mean what I say.

TAGGARTBut what’s that even--today is today--that’s a non-statement, far as I’m concerned.

MUGGSThen you’re not concerned far enough.

TAGGARTMuggs, what kind of workplace is this if I can’t make a simple observation and get a simple confirmation in return? A grunt would suffice.

MUGGSA grunt would only invite you to keep talking.

TAGGARTSo you were hoping to, what, derail me? With your fortune-cookie mumbo-jumbo?

MUGGSClearly nothing derails you.

TAGGARTThat’s right, I’m un-derailable. I’ve been in the same spot, right here, for . . . Shit. (Pause.) Today is today. And today we get a new locker buddy. That right? A new jerk to jack my stuff? Necessities! Eye-drops, hairbrush, snack cakes--all gone!

1

MUGGSAh, hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you: I nabbed your snack cakes. They’re no good for you. Wanted to clear out all manner of temptation.

TAGGARTBeen around your belly long enough to know your intentions weren’t so pure. Nab nothing, you ate ‘em.

MUGGSHey now, I was sacrificing my own welfare so you could maintain your svelte physique.

TAGGARTMore like you sacrificed Little Debbie.

MUGGSShe sacrificed herself.

TAGGARTAh yes; Saint Deb.

(Pause.)What was the last guy’s name? The guy between us.

(MUGGS shrugs.)Ain’t that how it goes: Here today, gone tomorrow. Nothing but the empty space where my Old Spice used to be to account for a man’s ever being here.

MUGGSToday is today, but only today.

TAGGARTSometimes today is long enough to steal. (Pause.) Maybe they’ve all stolen. Ever since I’ve been here. Maybe they’ve all swiped my shit. Piece by piece. ‘Cause they don’t respect me. Think that’s true?

MUGGSYou’re getting into yesterday, that’s not my jurisdiction.

TAGGARTWell, I won’t make the same mistake again. I’m gonna keep my eyes steady from now on.

MUGGSBet that’ll be hard without your eye-drops.

TAGGART examines jersey in middle cubby.

TAGGART“Landreaux.” As in . . .?

2

MUGGSCole Landreaux.

TAGGARTOh right, the young sharpshooter. Rolling back into his hometown.

MUGGSAnd you get to catch him.

TAGGARTHe’s coming with baggage I imagine.

MUGGSThat’s usually the case with people who move from one place to another.

TAGGARTYou’ll admit this is a special case.

MUGGSHey look at us: case. Like suitcase.

TAGGARTMuggs.

MUGGS‘Cause he’s coming with baggage.

TAGGARTThis is serious! You’ve seen the brother’s TV show, ain’t ya?

MUGGSWhose brother?

TAGGARTWHO WE TALKIN’ ‘BOUT--Cole Landreaux’s brother: Clay. From Bayou Badasses.

MUGGSOh yeah, the redneck ringleader.

TAGGARTThe local legend.

MUGGSWith all the alligator shooting and shenanigans. Not my cup of java.

TAGGARTAlligator hunting’s a generational pursuit. A rich part of this state’s history.

3

And if you watch the show you hear tell of Clay’s brother who left home rather than continue a fine tradition. AKA, our new teammate. What’s that say?

MUGGSHe left to play baseball, Taggart. Baseball. That’s us. We play baseball. Same boat.

TAGGARTNot same boat. If you believe the hype, he’s destined for greatness. Like on-a-yacht greatness. I don’t see us on a yacht. Do you see that, Muggs? Do you see that kind of future for us?

MUGGSDon’t go turning your back on a fellow you’ve yet to meet.

TAGGARTSoon as he gives me any lip, any high-and-mighty bullshit--

MUGGSWho says he will?

TAGGARTThe money says. How much was that contract worth? No, don’t tell me. It’s ridiculous. Would just make me sad. Never even played a major-league game.

MUGGSNeither have we. But if he is as good as they say . . . It’d be nice to actually win a few games.

COLE, early twenties, enters. His athletic frame sags under the weight of a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

He approaches the empty cubby, checks the jersey. He shoves the bag inside, begins to dress.

TAGGARTYou must be Cole.

COLEI am.

TAGGARTI’m Taggart. I’ll be catching you. And that there’s Muggs, our man on first.

(COLE nods at them.)You got enough supplies in that bag? Like deodorant, hairbrush, other provisions?

4

COLEWhy, you need something?

TAGGARTNo no, just wanna make sure you got what you need, so’s you don’t have to look elsewhere.

COLEI’m covered. Thanks.

Pause. He takes out the jersey, looks at the front, which reads “Zulu Coconuts.” He starts unbuttoning it.

COLEThis mean there’s some poor sap-mascot who has to dress as an actual Zulu Coconut?

TAGGARTYep. Looks like one of those M&M’s in the TV commercials.

MUGGSOr a giant hairy testicle with googly eyes.

TAGGARTWanted something “culturally specific,” they said. Instead of Denver’s old mascot, which they had for years.

COLERight.

TAGGARTSo it was either this or the Baby Cakes. Can you imagine how stupid that would be? I mean, who wants to be eating a cake and find a little plastic baby inside. Choke to death if you’re not careful. I mean, I hadn’t heard of a cake baby or a zebra coconut till I got here. (Brief pause. To COLE:) You grew up in town, right?

COLEA little outside of town. But yeah. Pretty much.

TAGGARTSo maybe you can remind us here, dig us out of this identity crisis.

COLEI don’t follow.

TAGGARTTell us: What is a Zulu Coconut?

COLEJust some trinket they throw out at Mardi Gras.

5

TAGGARTBut there’s gotta be a story behind it.

COLEYeah--I mean, look it up.

TAGGARTAnd forego an opportunity to hear it from a true Crescent City native?

Zulu QUEEN enters dressed in an extravagant peacock-like outfit, mostly white with dashes of purple, green and gold. Despite this, she goes unacknowledged.

COLEI’m not much for telling stories.

TAGGARTTelling stories is about all we do in here. Passes the time.

MUGGS

(almost apologetic)Takes our mind off losing.

COLEI don’t remember it too well, okay? I wouldn’t be thorough.

TAGGARTI prefer genuine over thorough anyhows.

COLENah.

TAGGARTIs it an issue of Can’t or Won’t?

COLEWon’t.

TAGGARTWhy?

COLEDon’t want to.

(To QUEEN:)Forget it, just go.

QUEENThis is some bullshit.

6

She exits.

TAGGART

(to COLE:)Boy, you’re no fun.

COLE

(To him, once having dressed:)Come find me when you want to go over signs.

Exits.

MUGGSThink your welcome wagon spun out.

TAGGART“Come find me when you want to go over signs.” How ‘bout you come find me? I’m the one with the signs! And I’m not just giving ‘em away!

MUGGSWe’re gonna lose.

TAGGARTI’ll make him tell me. What it means. The ‘nuts.

MUGGSLook it up.

TAGGARTNo. That’s no Win. He knows. And I’m gonna get it from him. Don’t you understand? He’s gotta do what I tell him.

Lights.

SCENE TWO

Night. A single light pole, against which leans SANDRA, somewhat disheveled, smoking a cigarette.

COLE enters, duffel bag over his shoulder. He appears lost, squinting into the distance, fiddling with a set of keys.

SANDRA Ride get stolen?

COLE It’s a rental, can’t remember what it looks like for the life of me. (Recognizing:) Wait . . .

7

He looks at her.

SANDRAHello, Cole. (No response.) What, ain’t I worth a hello at least?

COLEIt’s a startling sight is all. You, hanging around this parking lot like you’re gonna offer me some kind of sinister synthetic.

SANDRAThis wasn’t my first choice of meeting places but, figured I might catch you here. On your way . . .

COLE Home?

SANDRARight. Home.

COLEWell you caught me.

SANDRAWhere you staying?

COLENowhere special.

SANDRAWhy’nt you step into the light, see you better.

COLEYou know what I look like.

SANDRABeen a long time. (Pause.) I heard on the radio or somewheres that you were being sent up or called up here. Like a promotion, right? Promoted to Triple-A New Orleans, your old hometown. The way folks been talking about you, how good you’re supposed to be, you’d think it’s the second coming. (Slight pause. Unable to contain her amusement:) But man, did you get taken for a ride tonight!

COLEMy stuff was a little off.

SANDRAOff? You got shelled! You got lit up, / smoked--

COLEAlright.

8

SANDRAHosed.

COLEAlright! So you come up here, watch the game, wait out here over an hour so you can laugh at how I got my ass handed to me?

SANDRAI didn’t know you were gonna get your ass handed to you. I’m sorry. Lemme make it up to you: How ‘bout a juicebox and orange slices?

COLEI’m not sticking around / for this--

SANDRAC’mon, Cole, where’s your sense of humor? You know I like to break the ice all at once. (Slight pause.) I suppose there’s just a lot of ice. I mean, how long’s it been? How many years?

COLEI’m fading fast, gimme a reason we’re still standing here.

She stamps out her cigarette.

SANDRAI’ve thought about it several ways now, but it always seems to boil down to this: I been praying a lot. I mean, after seeing Mother Nature rip your city a new one, it just seems appropriate somehow--to pray. And your brother and I survived it, which is more than plenty other folks can say. But even survivors lose certain pieces, start to wonder: What am I surviving for? How do I approach life now? What’ll I do different? So, when I pray, what often happens is you get sprinkled into the mix.

COLEI get sprinkled?

SANDRAInto my prayers, yes.

COLESprinkled on top of your prayer sundae.

SANDRAI’d pray to see you again.

COLEAnd here I am.

9

SANDRAHere you are. (Slight pause.) ‘Course, you’re not the only person I been praying for. I do a lot of worrying over your brother, too.

COLEYou two still living together?

SANDRAYeah, it’s untenable as hell. I’m hoping to sweep him out so he’ll find his own place. But he needs looking after. And I love him but he rips my nerves to shreds sometimes. I need a vacation. (Slight pause.) But it’s a difficult situation to just pull yourself out of, assuming you care about what’s left behind.

COLEHe can take care of himself.

SANDRAYou haven’t been here, son. You haven’t seen him. It’s been a steady slide, a trip down a sewer pipe. Even before Beauchamp died / he was--

COLEBeauchamp’s dead?

SANDRAJust yesterday.

COLEI hated that dog.

SANDRAMe too, but your brother . . . Well, he pumped one of our Live Oaks full of lead when he discovered the hound without a pulse.

COLETake his gun away, then.

SANDRAI’d have an easier time bulletproofing the whole house.

COLESo you’re saying he’s dangerous.

SANDRAI’m saying I’d rather he not be left alone.

COLEFind someone to stay with him, then.

10

SANDRAI’m looking at him.

COLEWhat? No. No! I’m not even gonna be back here long, anyway. Couple more starts, then I’m gone, up to the Majors.

SANDRASo you say. Keep playing like you did tonight / and boy--

COLEThat was an anomaly. It’s the humidity, couldn’t grip the ball right.

SANDRAIf you really are such a sure-fire thing who’s just passing through, then is it so gosh-darn much to ask you to pass through his way? Just while you’re here?

COLEDoesn’t he have friends from that TV show of his? Maybe they can check / up on him--

SANDRAThe show’s a sore subject nowadays. Besides, I wouldn’t want those dummies around the house even on their best day. I want you.

COLEI can’t go pouring my energy down a sinkhole.

SANDRAThe sinkhole being your kin. Is that really what you think of us? You really gonna talk to your mother that way?

(Pause.)

COLE I had a dream last night. You were in it.

He sets the duffel down, unzips it, pulls out an umpire’s mask, hands it to her.

SANDRAWhat am I supposed to do with this?

COLEPut it on, I’m trying to show you something.

SANDRAWhy d’you even have one of these?

11

COLEI’ve picked up some trinkets during my travels. Go ahead, please.

(She reluctantly puts it on.)Now: In the dream, you’re the umpire. And then . . .

Two figures enter, each wearing a generic baseball uniform. One wears a catcher’s mask and mitt, gets into a crouch in front of SANDRA, facing COLE. The other figure wears a helmet and sunglasses, holds a bat. He steps into where the batter’s box would roughly be. SANDRA leans in.

SANDRASo I’m like this? Calling it how I see it?

COLEAnd I’m on the hill.

(He positions himself at a distance from them, gets into a windup position, no glove or ball.)

And I deliver what is, in my mind--no, objectively--a perfect twelve-to-six curve: up, down, boom.

(He throws. Catcher closes mitt to signify catch.)

But:

SANDRA

(as ump)Ball.

COLEYour calls are far from generous. In fact, they’re downright backward. So I shuffle the deck, fire a fastball--

(Throws.)About as dead-center as it gets. Batter lays off, and you--

SANDRABall.

COLEYou have an impossibly small strike zone, like you want me to thread a needle from sixty feet away. So with the count two-oh, and no discernible zone, I just try tempting him. I throw something so beautiful--

12

(Throws.)--so fat and luscious that to not offer a swing would look like a terrible sin. Ungracious. The ball rises as it travels, as if it’s eager to see the bat again after a long time apart. But in that moment, when things slow down and I have nothing to do but watch, I glimpse some familiarity on the face of this batsman. I notice for the first time, by the stern crease of his brow and the crooked hunk of a nose, that this is no ordinary batsman. This is actually my brother, Clay. And he swings . . .

SANDRA

(herself)Then?

COLEThat’s the last I see, is him swinging.

She removes tbe mask, tosses it back to him.

SANDRAWell did he hit it?

COLEI’m telling you, that’s when I woke up.

SANDRAI don’t see what that’s supposed to explain. Nothing happens.

COLEThat’s right. Hard as I work it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere with you.

SANDRAHard as you work? What work? You been gone, you left us.

COLEI’m not getting into this again.

SANDRAHaven’t done a thing for us in years. Didn’t visit us after the Storm, didn’t ask after your brother’s broken leg. Why should I give you a generous strike zone?

COLEBoth of you seemed pretty keen on me leaving. Now all of a sudden you’re saying “come back.”

SANDRAWe were upset. Upset you didn’t show much concern after what happened to your pa.

13

You always were your own man, Cole, but there are some things . . . Look, I’m in forgive-mode. Your brother’s gonna be a tougher cookie. But if you show a little good faith by coming to the dog’s funeral / maybe he’ll--

COLEA doggie funeral! He really has been sliding.

SANDRAIt’s at noon Saturday. You being there would mean a lot to him, even if he don’t show it. And it’d take a lot off my mind, assuming you two stubborn bunions could just, I don’t know, shake hands, bury hatchets, whatever. Don’t you want to move past that, deep down?

COLEMoving past it’s what I was doing before I got dragged back.

SANDRAI wish you wouldn’t think so poorly of this place.

COLEWhy is it I’m the one who has to be taken out of his routine to come all the way down there, when I’m the one with a real occupation to speak of?

SANDRAI traveled that distance tonight. And you’re right, it wasn’t easy. I mean, the drive was fine, traffic was okay. But it was hard in my head. I was scared to see you again, scared of what you might say. But I came anyway, because I figured it’s mighty stupid to be scared of your own son. (Slight pause.) Watching your game today, there was this one player on your team, name of Tooley or Tugboat or / something--

COLETaggart.

SANDRAThat’s the one. Little scrappy fella. He’s on third, itching to score. Then this other guy, big scowly man / steps up--

COLEMuggs.

SANDRAHe steps up to the plate, sees pitch one and sends it high and deep, but not far enough to leave.

COLESacrifice fly.

14

SANDRASo then Scrappy Doo over there on third takes off, trying to beat the ball to the plate. But they get there about the same time, and your man plows over the Catcher like blammo--and it’s all just a mess: clouds of dirt, sprawled bodies. But he’s called safe. It wasn’t pretty, but a score’s a score.

COLESomething tells me you’re recalling that moment for a reason.

SANDRAAnd I didn’t forget it’s called a sacrifice fly. All those little league games of yours I went to, I picked up some jargon.

COLEYou’re the only one ever came to those games.

SANDRASomeone had to bring you.

(Pause.)

COLEFine. I’ll be at the funeral. But beyond that? No promises.

(Looks around.)And I can’t go anywhere without a car. So help me find this thing, will you?

Blackout.

SCENE THREE

Late morning. Birdsong. Croaking frogs. A housefront with porch, screen door and adjacent window. Porch steps lead down to the lawn.

To one side of the lawn are two rock piles, each accompanied by a small whittled cross.

SANDRA enters onto the porch wearing an ill-fitting black dress--a formal getup from a bygone era. She paces, checks her watch, looks around.

COLE enters onto the lawn wearing shorts, sneakers, Zulu Coconuts t-shirt, and a baseball cap. He carries the duffel.

15

SANDRAThat’s what you’re wearing?

COLEIt’s ninety degrees, I wasn’t about to get gussied up.

SANDRAThis is a somber occasion.

COLENot to me.

SANDRA

(re: his bag)What’d you bring that for?

COLEGoing to the park after this.

SANDRAWhy don’t you leave it in the rental?

(Pause. A touch of worry in his voice:)

COLEWhere is he?

Distant sound of a shotgun firing. COLE ducks, covers his head.

SANDRA

(calling offstage)Goddammit, Clay! Quit that!

COLEThe hell’s he doing?

SANDRAThis is what I was telling you. He’s in a state of emotional upheaval, which makes him want to shoot things.

COLEDefine things.

SANDRAFar as I can tell he’s not totally allergic to reason so if you just talk peaceful to him everything should be fine.

She starts up the porch steps.

16

COLEWhere you going?

SANDRAHe asked me to gather a few things for the ceremony.

COLEI can’t be alone with him.

SANDRAAw, honey, don’t be scared; it’ll only makes things worse.

Into the house she goes.

COLE looks about, a bit on edge. He engages in half-hearted windups and pitching motions.

The shotgun fires, closer this time.

COLE

(back into defensive stance)Jeezis Gawd!

CLAY enters. He wears a black Stetson, sunglasses, black blazer over black shirt, crucifix around his neck, black jeans, and black boots. He walks with a limp, using the shotgun as a cane.

The brothers stare at each other.

Porch window slides open. SANDRA pokes out her head:

SANDRA

(to CLAY:)I thought I told ya to quit that shit.

COLEHe shot at me, Mama!

SANDRAClay, don’t shoot at your brother.

CLAYThought he was a bird.

COLEA bird?!

17

CLAYThe way his arms was moving, thought it coulda been the neck of a crane--a whooping crane.

COLEWHAT.

SANDRAWell don’t shoot at whooping cranes neither. They’re endangered.

(Shuts the window. Brief pause. Window reopens.)

It’s so good to see you two together again!

(Re-shuts window. Silence.)

CLAYWhatcha doing on the ground?

COLEI was dodging your bullet.

CLAYWhatcha still doing there?

COLE

(standing)What’re you shooting at birds for?

CLAYGathering feathers for Beauchamp’s stone.

COLE

(re: the wooden crosses)Burying him next to Dad?

CLAYNot exactly. Sent the body to Tuck’s Taxidermy. The grave’s more a monument.

COLEIsn’t stuffing him monument enough?

CLAYMama must’ve invited you. Why’d you come.

COLEI’m playing for the ball club / here in--

CLAYHeard about all that on the radio. Why’d you come here.

18

COLEJust wanted to pay homage to old Beauchamp.

CLAYWhat for, you never liked him.

(Pause.)

COLEJust thought of a joke: What’s Beauchamp’s favorite place in town to catch a concert? (No response.) Preservation Hall! (Nothing.) Too soon?

CLAYShe probably told you things. About me. How I act.

COLEShe may have mentioned being a little worried. But you did just nearly commit fratricide after supposedly mistaking me for a bird. So maybe she’s onto something.

CLAYIf you hadn’t come I wouldn’t have mistook you.

(Pause.)

COLEHow’s the show been going? The Backwater Brouhaha and all that.

CLAYBayou Badasses. But I don’t do that no more.

(re: his leg)Didn’t like the public seeing me struggle so.

COLEThat’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

CLAYIt is when you can’t perform like you used to.

COLEStill get money from reruns, right? Pays the bills, I imagine. (Looks at the house.) You really fixed the place up.

CLAYIt needed fixing.

COLEYou’d never even know a tree crashed into the living room.

19

CLAYThat was the idea.

COLEAnd now you’ll have the place to yourself.

CLAYAnd Beauchamp.

COLEAnd Beauchamp, right.

(Pause.)

CLAYWhy you dressed like a child?

COLEI’m not--Why you dressed like the Wild-West Grim Reaper?

CLAYCan’t you afford some nicer duds, what with that sizable signing bonus you got?

COLEYou heard about that.

CLAYMama and I both. Except she was probably too polite to mention it.

COLEI’m not one to blow it all in one place.

CLAYSo you’re gonna spread it around.

COLEDidn’t say that.

CLAYWhat good’s it gonna do sitting around?

SANDRA re-enters onto porch, carrying a Bible and a half-full bag of dog chow.

SANDRAClay, honey, not to be unceremonious but let’s get this so-called interment underway. I want to get on the road.

CLAY looks straight up.

20

CLAYI suppose it is high noon. (To them:) Will the congregation please gather around the grave site?

They do so. SANDRA sets bag on the ground, hands Bible to CLAY.

CLAY (CONT.)We are gathered here today--in a number larger than previously figured--to celebrate the life of my devoted friend and canine brother, the pious pooch, Little Reverend Beauchamp.

COLEReverend?

CLAYSilence from the congregation. Little Rev, undaunted by the Storm and ensuing economic downturn, led a rich, adventurous life. He was the scourge of rabbits but the friend of man. As much as he himself was loved, he paid that love back twofold.

COLEDamn near bit my pinky off / when I was--

CLAYHe loved with a true, pure and loyal intensity towards those deserving. He will be missed. May his glorious soul rest in ever-blessed peace.

(Opens Bible, flips to marked page:)

I now wish to read Beauchamp’s favorite psalm.

(Reads:)“Save me, O God, by your name; vindicate me by your might. Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth. Arrogant foes are attacking me; ruthless people are trying to kill me--”

(He bats away invisible foes.)“People without regard for God. Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Let evil recoil on those who slander me; in your faithfulness destroy them. I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you--”

(COLE takes a step away from CLAY.)

“I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good. You have delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.”

21

SANDRAAmen.

COLEWhich one is that? It’s a real humdinger. Think I’ll put a copy over my headboard.

CLAY reaches into the bag of dog chow, withdraws a fistful, sprinkles it atop the grave. He then withdraws a pan flute from a jacket pocket, begins to play something like “Amazing Grace.”

COLE paces, impatient.

SANDRA cries. CLAY stops playing, comes to her.

CLAYHey now, Mama, what’s troubling you?

SANDRALook at us. Together again. Just like I prayed for.

CLAYYou want a little something to quiet your nerves?

SANDRANo, I’ve got a trip ahead of me. Speaking of which: Do I have everything? Oh! There’s one more thing! It’s inside, one of you help me reach.

COLEI’ll do it. Clay shouldn’t exhaust himself.

CLAYNonsense, I know the way around. (To her:) Lead the way.

He and SANDRA exit.

COLE, alone again, idles around. His gaze lands upon the grave not covered with dog chow. He approaches it.

COLEHowdy, Pa. Come here often? Haha, now don’t go rolling around in there, I was just kidding. Trying to keep things light, despite the circumstances. . . . Clay was trying to round up some feathers, he said. There’s a kind of sad appeal, I guess. Things left behind. . . . One thing you and I had in common, we both hated that dog. You’d always scream at him for shitting everywhere during thunderstorms. And yet here he’s earned a spot in the family plot. Me, I’m gonna get myself cremated.

22

Think we all gotta do what we can to conserve space underground. I mean, where will people have room bury what’s useful around all these boxes and bones?

CLAY and SANDRA re-enter, SANDRA carrying a wooden jewelry box.

SANDRARemember this? You two made this for me when you were at that summer camp years ago. It’s a shame I never had any jewelry to put in it. Gonna use it to put seashells in.

CLAYYou gonna be alright?

SANDRAOh I’ll be dandy. What about yourself?

CLAYNow don’t go worrying yourself to the point of break. I’ll be fine.

SANDRAI’m counting on you two to--to take care.

COLEWe’re both adults.

CLAYAre we ever.

SANDRAI’m serious now. (To COLE, in a confiding “whisper”) Been thinking about that dream of yours. With me as the umpire? It ain’t so much I think your pitches stink. It’s that your brother needs to get on base.

COLEWhat does / that--?

She hugs them both together.

SANDRAWell, I best be off. I’ll be checking in. And if I don’t like what I hear, I’ll have no fear interfering.

CLAYGet along now, lady, enjoy yourself. Let the good times roll.

SANDRA

(clumsy)Oh revoir!

23

She exits waving.

The brothers look in opposite directions. Sound of a car starting, driving away. Then silence.

CLAYSuppose you have places to be.

COLENot right away. So if you needed something . . .

CLAYWhat’s there needs doing?

COLEHow should I know? I just thought, since I’m here . . . What kind of stuff does Mama do for you?

CLAYShe’d infringe upon my personal freedoms. And get groceries.

COLEWhat personal freedoms.

CLAYLike being a true bachelor.

COLEYou could’ve gone elsewhere.

CLAYI like it here. It’s the family home. Dad’s buried here. I aim to be buried here myself.

COLEWhat are you gonna do till then?

CLAYBrother, that don’t concern you.

He moves toward the porch.

COLEMaybe it should.

CLAYNuh-uh.

COLEWhy’d you ask about my money?

24

CLAY

(halts)What?

COLEYou said my money’s not doing any good sitting around.

CLAYWell yeah, I stand by that assessment. But I didn’t mean nothing portentous by it. I’m no money-grubber, if that’s what you mean.

COLETell that to the John Hancock on your TV contract.

CLAYYou mean the contract I’ve since opted out of? Boy, you got me way mis-pegged. I don’t give a damn about your baseballer dollars.

COLEWell good, ‘cause you’re not getting any!

CLAYI don’t want it, jerk!

COLEWeirdo!

CLAYStupid-ass, dog-hating, bird-looking, ball-fondler!

Exits into house, slamming screen door.

COLEAlright, then. Good catching up.

He gathers his duffel and starts to exit, but stops. He opens the duffel, pulls out pen and paper, scribbles down some digits. He wedges the paper behind the screen-door. Then he reclaims his belongings and exits.

SCENE FOUR

MUGGS and TAGGART enter, wheeling on the locker room. They have just showered and begin the process of re-dressing. MUGGS applies lotion to himself.

25

TAGGART

(speaking to COLE who’s somewhere offstage.)

We all have our rituals, our superstitions. And it makes sense that we do, all this repetition and--whatzit--cycling nature of the game of baseball--

MUGGSCyclical.

TAGGARTBut the great thing about it is there’s many different kinds of rituals and superstitions within the overall spin cycle or whatever. Here’s mine, here’s what I do: I huff a little paint before each game. Just a little, just enough to get the flows juicing.

COLE

(off)You think that helps?

TAGGARTI mean, it’s not like we win every time I huff paint--

MUGGSFar from it.

TAGGARTBut it always makes me feel primed.

MUGGSI floss. (Beat.) I mean, that’s my ritual.

TAGGARTSo when you tell me you don’t believe in having a ritual or a superstition or anything, Cole, I am truly startled and concerned. Because if that is so, you are not truly contributing to the team. You are withholding positive vibrations that would otherwise be emanating from you. Now, you can’t huff paint, that’s my thing. And you can’t floss, that’s Muggs’s--

MUGGSNo, you can floss. Probably should if you don’t already.

TAGGARTBut you gotta have something. Some kinda belief.

COLE enters, fresh from the shower but wearing his duffel.

26

COLEI’m starting to believe in Purgatory. That repetitive enough for you?

TAGGARTIt’s a start, sure. But what I’m saying is, well, your brother’s taxidermizing his dog for instance--maybe it doesn’t make sense surface-wise, like you said, but if he felt it strongly . . . that’s important. I mean, look at you and that bag. I’ve yet to see you without that bag, is it sewn to your scapulas?

COLEYou’ve seen me without it. On the mound.

TAGGARTWell I should hope so. Can’t have you putting the “satchel” in Satchel Paige, it’ll just weigh you down. (Slight pause.) Were you watching Sorensen throw today?

COLE‘Course.

TAGGARTGood, wasn’t he.

COLEHe’s so gangly and pale the ball must disappear in the sightline.

TAGGARTHe doesn’t shake me off when I ask for a big Swedish breaking ball. You see, Swedes are perky. Happy. Amenable.

MUGGSIt’s that healthcare system of theirs. Keeps them fresh.

TAGGARTAnd you know what else? He’s probably got a good relationship with his Scandinavian gods like Olaf or Sven or whoever.

MUGGSOdin, Loki . . . Thor?

COLEI’m guessing Sorensen’s beliefs are a bit more modern. And as far as knowing what signs to call--maybe the reason I got shelled last time is ‘cause my catcher bobbed for paint fumes beforehand.

TAGGARTMay I ask you something, Cole?

27

COLENo.

TAGGARTWhat’s the dream?

COLEI’m sorry?

TAGGARTFor you, what is the dream? The capital-D-Dream. The thing that not only visits you while asleep but greets you come morning sun?

COLEI’m like anybody here; I want to make it.

TAGGARTBut you’re not like anybody here. Not if I believe what the people on the TV say about you. According to them you’ve got things just about sewn up. So why dream a sure thing?

COLEI’m not pitching like a sure thing.

TAGGARTWell that’s for damn sure.

MUGGSYour obnoxious is showing, Tag. Civility, civility.

TAGGARTI’m simply trying to familiarize myself with other members of the club, Muggs. Is that not civil?

MUGGSYou’re preaching.

TAGGARTWhyn’t you just keep lathering that Dad-bod of yours.

MUGGSI will, thanks.

COLEI can’t think straight. Feel suffocated everywhere I go.

TAGGARTYou haven’t embraced the atmosphere.

COLEI don’t need to embrace it. I’ve gotten to this point just fine, doing what I do.

28

TAGGARTYou yourself said you’re getting a Purgatory vibe. And you can’t just overleap Purgatory. You can’t just expect to do what you always did and hope it gets you to the next level. You may think you’re on your way somewhere, when really you’re motionless. In a rut. Luckily for you you’re young enough it shouldn’t take too long to dig yourself out of it.

COLEWhat do you care, anyway?

TAGGARTWe’re coworkers! And as someone who equally suffers the consequences of your business failings / I feel--

COLEOur fates are not stitched together and you / don’t suffer equally--

TAGGARTWe’re on a team here. We’re all Zulu Coconuts, dammit. I want you to play better. I want each one of us to play great all the time.

COLEThat’s impossible.

TAGGARTIt’s the polestar. I can’t touch it but I can look up at it. Navigate by it.

COLEI can’t explain why I’m not throwing well, okay? So what do you want me to do about it?

TAGGARTAh Cole I’m so glad you asked. As a native of this fair city you’re certainly acquainted with the fascinating tradition of voodoo.

COLENot personally.

TAGGARTI believe a sit-down with a veteran priestess could work wonders for your mental state.

COLEIt’s a bunch of hooey meant to hoax gullible tourists into feeling like they’ve experienced something significant or whatever.

29

TAGGARTNot true. Resident ballplayers have long paid visits to voodoo shops looking to get an edge.

COLE looks at MUGGS, who nods agreement.

COLEAnd does it work?

TAGGARTDepends on how you look at it. It’s not something that’ll translate to an undefeated season. But it’ll help you know where you stand. In the universe.

COLEIf it’s so helpful why don’t you just do that instead of huffing paint?

TAGGARTHuffing paint’s cheaper, and you know us plebeian players don’t get paid much at all. One reading’s about all we can afford. But I’d be glad to accompany you.

(to MUGGS)Wanna come?

MUGGS shrugs.

MUGGSWhy not.

TAGGART

(to COLE)And you know what’d be real good for you is a palm reading. Get your throwing hand read. See what the trouble is. I know a place that offers discounts if it’s your first reading.

COLEShoot. I’ve got nothing else to do. Suppose it could be worth a laugh at least.

TAGGARTThat’s the spirit, Cole old boy. Now put some damn clothes on.

Lights.

SCENE FIVE

A mixture of voodoo shop and Doctor’s office. Behind a counter stands DEB.

30

She is in her early thirties, wears a modest headdress, nurse scrubs, and lots of jewelry. She speaks into her phone.

DEBBack that up, Jerome, I did not give him nightmares. I told him a story. . . . He was enjoying it! He was charmed! Never seen the boy so focused . . . Well maybe he’s upset about it today but he . . . He’s gotta hear it eventually, it’s part of his lineage. My part, the good part. . . .

(TAGGART, MUGGS and COLE enter. DEB holds up a finger, points to a row of chairs. They sit.)

Well when he stays at my house I decide the yarns that get spun . . . Would you have me do like you, read him one of those shitty-ass Cliffords? One of those dime-a-dozen dreary-ass Cliffords? “Ooh, there go Big Cliff, strutting through the grocery store! Perusing the produce! What a life!” That ain’t life. Life is something like: “Ooh, there go Big Cliff, snooping down alleyways, eating garbage. Ooh, there go Big Cliff taking a ten-gallon shit, hoo-whee!” . . . Of course I don’t use that language ‘round him. . . . No, I know he’s sensitive. If you want me to talk to him I’ll talk to him. Next chance I get. But I won’t stop the stories. They’re good stories. They’re mine, they’re his. We share that. It’s my time with him, I should get to do what I want!

(Pause. She acknowledges the players again, who wave politely.)

Call you back, Jerome. I’m working. Remember: pick him up, three-thirty . . . Three-thirty . . . Three-thirty. . . . Idiot.

(Hangs up. To them:)Sorry you had to hear all that. Ex-husband blames me any time the boy breathes funny.

TAGGART

(standing)Your boy?

(She nods.)How old is he?

DEBThree.

31

TAGGARTTender age. Right after the terrible twos, when they can stay quiet long enough to listen just a smidge.

DEBDo you have kids?

TAGGARTNo but I was one.

MUGGSSome would argue he still is.

DEBWhat can I help you boys with?

TAGGARTThe shop isn’t quite as I remember it.

DEBI’m trying to keep up with the times. Hybridizing. In-home care service coupled with traditional herbal and spiritual healing methods. Do a little here, a little there. Whole setup’s got a flux-y vibe.

TAGGARTDidn’t see you around when I was here last.

DEBYou probably stopped by during my maternity leave.

TAGGARTBut you’re here now. We brought you some fresh blood to convert. A NOLA native but new to voodoo.

COLE stands.

DEB

(to COLE)And what is it you’re looking for?

COLEI’m just killing time.

DEBOh I don’t like that phrase. Time shouldn’t be killed. It’s what connects us to our ancestors, and our descendants. Time and blood.

COLECan I get a palm reading minus the blood?

32

DEBFollow me to the back. Your friends coming?

TAGGARTSomebody’s gotta make sure he don’t run off.

Transition: MUGGS and TAGGART set up a table and cover it with a homey tablecloth, surrounding it with the chairs from the waiting room.

DEB lights candles, spreads fragrance around the room. Once the table is set up, she covers the surface with various small items that don’t have an obvious connection to the proceedings. She also comes up with a deck of Tarot cards.

DEB

(to COLE)Your name, please?

COLECole.

DEBCole. Sit down, Cole. Please.

(They sit at the table.)Aren’t you gonna set down your bag?

COLEWhat for?

TAGGARTCome on, we’ll hold it for you.

COLENo.

TAGGARTWhat you got in there, contraband?

COLEWhy can’t I have my bag if you’ve got--

(COLE grabs one of the mysterious table-items and tries to examine it but DEB reclaims it and sets it aside.)

I mean what are those, like Bingo-ladies’ good-luck charms?

33

DEBGive me your dominant hand.

(COLE reluctantly offers his left hand.)

You’re left-handed?

COLESouthpaw. This is my moneymaker here.

DEBI’ll be gentle.

She studies his hand, maybe traces the outside with her fingers, makes little measurements.

COLEThat tickles.

DEBLet’s talk shape.

COLEShape? Isn’t it hand-shaped?

DEBThere are different interpretive shapes, based on the elements.

COLEOh, okay. So what am I, fire?

DEBActually I’d say you’re a water-type. See how your palm looks like an oval? And these long fingers? You’ve got yourself a water hand.

COLESo what’s special about the water hand.

DEBIt means that you can be very emotional, that feelings can override your logic.

TAGGARTJust like me, Cole.

COLENuts.

DEBBut it also means you’re always looking for some kind of peace. Calm. Tranquility. Also means you’re very artistic.

34

TAGGARTPaint those corners, big boy.

DEBNow let’s read this oval-palm of yours. See this line here? The one that starts here, runs this way, stops?

COLEYeah.

DEBThat’s your Head Line.

TAGGARTHeadline: This Just In: Cole Sucks.

MUGGSStop interrupting.

DEB

(to COLE)It’s a little short.

COLEWhich means?

DEBYou decide things quick. So there’s that emotional, impulsive side of you again.

TAGGARTThat’s why he keeps shaking off my signs, Deb.

DEBYour Heart Line, the one up here, short and straight. Means you’re mos-def an individual. You like your freedom.

COLEWho doesn’t?

DEBBut you’re not so free in expressing your emotions. So I’m guessing you feel things strongly and you’re fueled by those things, but you don’t always communicate those things to others.

TAGGARTDeb, this is precisely what I’ve been telling the boy. You are spot-on.

MUGGSShh.

35

COLEI’m sorry but where’s all this going?

DEBWe’re getting there. Let’s take a look at your Life Line.

COLEOkay, Regis.

DEBYou’ve got a lot going on here. Tells us how you deal with stress. For one thing it’s short, keeping with the trend. When you’re up against something heavy you like to take on a lot of activity. Movement.

COLECan’t argue.

DEBBut you may be overworking yourself.

TAGGARTHe only works every five days.

DEBAnd look right here. See how the line breaks? That can indicate a past trauma. Maybe there was some kind of big event that really shook things up.

COLEThe past isn’t what I came for. I know that already.

DEBAm I right, though?

COLEEverybody has stuff that happens to them that could be deemed large, yes. So. Whatever.

DEBRelax your hand.

He pulls his hand away.

COLEThis isn’t therapy, right? I don’t have to tell you all about me.

DEBWould you prefer a different approach?

COLELike what.

36

DEBTarot readings are popular.

COLEThose are the cards that tell your future?

DEBThat’s a simplistic way of putting it. You ask me a question, something you’d like to know about your situation in the coming days. And we’ll see what the cards say about it.

TAGGARTDo it, Cole.

MUGGSThis is my favorite.

COLEOkay, fine. So I’m supposed to get called up to the Majors but I’m here in triple-A New Orleans for the time being. I guess everyone wants to know if they’re gonna make it. But I’ve already signed a deal so I’m not really wondering about if. It’s when. I’m looking to get out ASAP. Playing well would help that. But I’m not playing well. And I don’t know why.

DEBSo you’re feeling blocked by something and wanna know how to overcome it.

COLEYeah.

She pushes the cards toward COLE.

DEBGo ahead and shuffle for me.

(He does.)And cut.

(He does. DEB takes the bottom portion.)

So let’s do a three-card spread.

TAGGARTPerfect spread for baseball. Three strikes, three / outs--

COLEYes thank you Taggart.

She deals one card facedown.

37

DEBSo folks have different ways of doing this but here’s what I’ll do for you: Let’s say this first card indicates your situation here and now.

(She sets a second card face down, atop and perpendicular to the first card.)

This next one is the obstacle or blockage. Something that’s weighing you down--troubling the situation. That’s why I’ve covered the first one like so.

(She sets a third card facedown, away from the first two.)

And finally, what’re we gonna do about it? This card points to the way forward. Some advice. You with me?

COLEYeah.

DEBSo let’s see how the cards see your situation.

(Flips over first card.)Four of Wands.

(COLE strains to see it.)It’s upside down. Every card has two possible meanings, depending if it’s upright or reversed.

COLESo what’s this one mean?

DEBSee the wands propping up the canopy like a little shelter? Relates to the home. In your case, it suggests tension. Not many outstretched arms waiting for you there. Not much support. Which maybe breeds some uncertainty for you, keeps you bouncing around.

(Flips over second card.)Now here we got the Five of Cups.

COLEDon’t like the look of that one.

DEBIt is a bit melancholy-looking: the black clothes, the downward look, the three fallen cups--all point to loss, mourning. And separation--see how the river cuts the fellow off from the building in the distance. He regrets something. A lost opportunity, perhaps.

38

COLEBut what’s this have to do with my baseball career? I’ve always been able to focus on the game.

DEBHave you ever pitched in New Orleans before? Your hometown?

(He shakes his head “no.”)Well.

COLEAnd this last one’s the answer?

She flips the last card over.

DEBThe Hanged Man.

COLESo I’m just supposed to, what, kill myself?

DEBNo, look, he’s not dead: He’s just, you know, hanging out.

COLEOn a cross.

DEBThere’s a sacrificial element to this, yes. You’ve arrived at a crossroads. An opportunity to assess your next action--but it’s difficult. So I would say: don’t feel pressed. Take the time to figure it out.

COLEBut figure what out? This isn’t a way forward. A crossroads? It’s a roadblock. And I’d bulldoze that shit if I knew how. In a second. I don’t need the time. Look, I don’t want that card. Put it back.

DEBIt doesn’t work that way.

TAGGARTLet her do what she does, boy.

COLENo, this was a dumb idea. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t get to talk about my fate. Frankly I feel a bit violated. My fate’s mine. It’s not even fate. I don’t believe in it.

DEBAll I suggested is that maybe you have some stuff you need to work through. Like any one of us. But if you bottle it up it’ll just boil over.

39

And I ought to tell you: if you keep this temper up you’re bound to get yourself hurt. Then you’ll really be laid up with nowhere to go.

COLEI didn’t come here for judgment.

DEBIt’s just advice.

COLEI’m outta here.

(He pulls out his wallet, throws some cash on DEB’s table.)

Tell the spirits to take a day off.

He exits.

TAGGARTCole don’t be a dick!

(to DEB:)We apologize for him.

He runs after COLE.

MUGGS, unsure what to do, makes a sheepish bow to DEB, crosses himself, and exits.

DEB clears the table, blows out the candles--and lights go black.

SCENE SIX

CLAY rocks in a chair on the porch, drinks, pets Beauchamp. He is content. Then he spots something out of view. He stands, hobbles down the steps to get a closer look. His face lights up with recognition.

CLAYCome back for me, have you? Well I’ve been waiting.

He rushes into the house.

On the other side of the stage, COLE enters in uniform, stands on imagined pitching mound, facing the audience.

CLAY reappears with shotgun.

40

CLAYWhere’d you go? Come on now, I won’t miss again. You’re on my turf now.

COLEAnd you’re crowding it.

CLAY rushes offstage.

COLEThat’s right. Shake that ass, wiggle that stick. So-called rhythm. Bet you can’t cha-cha to save your life. Getting all up in my plate.

(brings glove to his face.)Let’s put that pelvis back in place.

(throwing motion, waits.)That’s right, scoot. Oh, don’t look at me like that. You’re a guest in my home and your feet are on the coffee table. I’m no saint, my generosity has limits.

(mimes catching throw from the plate)

What was that on the gun, ninety-seven? My, I’m a bad man. Get angry. I am angry. Why am I angry? I’m angry at Mr. Zone-plower here, sure. He’s at it again, won’t back down. But he ain’t the reason my stomach’s been sour. He’s asking for something closer to the jaw. Obliged! I’ll cut the cut of your jib.

(windup, throw)Ducked just in time. Ump’s pointing at me like Uncle Sam: “I Want You to Stop.” But I can’t stop. If I stop, well, I don’t go anywhere.

(catch)Umps are grumps, sure, but I bet I hate them more than most. Why is that? Do I simply reject authority figures? I don’t think so. I just wonder what they’re doing here. They don’t do what we do. And frankly, they are unnecessary. Thanks to video. But we keep them around, ‘cause they’ve been around forever. Tradition. That human element--that chance for error. But we hate the error when it happens. Every time a costly call gets blown we lose our damn minds! Blue gets chewed out with the dirtiest oaths. Maybe that’s why we keep them around, ‘cause we need someone to bark at. But the way I see it, I already got an enemy at the plate.

(windup, throw. Uptick in crowd noise)

Bam! Right in the thigh. That’s fleshy enough. But I did throw pretty hard, didn’t I? Ah, here he comes.

41

(removes hat and glove, raises fists.)

Can you believe this is my first?

Rears back to punch as focus shifts to the other side of the stage, where CLAY staggers on, clutching his gimpy leg, now bloody. He switches to crawling, hauls himself up the steps. After a moment of wounded indecision, he plucks a folded note--the one COLE left behind--from beneath Beauchamp’s collar. He looks at it.

Blackout.

SCENE SEVEN

SANDRA enters, speaking the words of a letter she’s written.

SANDRA“Dear boys: I am having a dee-lightful time away from it all. I’m staying at a hotel called the Renaissance. Isn’t that cute? And I feel the Renaissance rubbing off on me. It’s like I’ve shed five years in just a couple days. The water’s different here. Much clearer. You can see so far off. I won’t wax poetic about the waves or nothing ‘cause that’s been done to death. But the steady roll and crash is a comfort. Lotsa families here. Folks with their little kids. Which is fun to see but also kind of sad. Wish we could’ve done more stuff like this together. Maybe we still can yet. I miss you boys. I’ll see you in a couple weeks. Hope all’s well. Love, Mama.”

Lights shift focus to the home. The brothers sit side by side, COLE holding a raw steak over one eye, CLAY’s wounded leg bandaged. After a moment COLE removes the steak, revealing a blackened eye.

COLEYou could’ve just told them you got bit by a snake or something. I’m sure EMTs wouldn’t ask too many questions.

CLAYMedical pros would know this ain’t no snake bite.

COLEWould a doctor really blab to the cops that you’d been hunting gators out of season?

42

CLAYIt’s not the law I’m worried about. I hate hospitals. They’d just throw opioids at me till I nod off. I would’ve dressed the thing myself had I supplies around.

COLEWell I’m not gonna make a habit out of raiding the locker room for you.

CLAYWho’s gonna miss some gauze and rubbing alcohol?

COLEI’m not too well-liked over there right now.

CLAYI thought a pitcher’s appreciated for taking a punch.

COLEWasn’t retaliation or anything. I was just angry.

CLAYThey sending you down?

COLENo, just suspending me a couple games. Still get to travel with the team on the road trip. But they made me promise to walk the line from now on.

CLAYYou’re heading out of town, then.

COLESoon, yeah. That a problem?

CLAYThe bleeding’s stopped.

COLEMaybe it was good I left my number.

CLAYTook you long enough to get here.

COLEYou caught me at a bad time.

(Pause.)It really hurt, huh.

(CLAY just looks at him.)Why’d you go after it, anyway? Seems mighty stupid.

43

CLAYIt’s the one, Cole. The one that killed Pa.

COLEHow do you know.

CLAYHas a hook-shaped gash on his right forearm. Which I put there. Back in the day. That day. And I spotted that same gash when it was slinking around the shore.

COLENo way. He would’ve died by now, hunted down by someone else.

CLAYThis one’s strong. He’s a survivor. I thought I’d get him this time. But I’m too rusty, I guess.

COLESo he’s still out there?

(CLAY nods.)Look, maybe you should . . .

CLAYWhat?

COLEMaybe you should consider--if you’re in pain--consider getting someone to come here and help you out. When I’m away.

CLAYWhat kind of someone?

COLEShoot, I don’t know. You’re the one hurting, what do you want? Physical Therapist?

CLAYToo expensive.

COLEDo you have insurance? What about the TV show?

CLAYNo insurance, no show money, no nothing. I’m broke. Last bit of what I had went to stitching up old Beauchamp.

COLEMaybe Mama will throw some cash toward the cause.

44

CLAYShe’s used all her cash on this vacation.

COLEMaybe she’s got other ideas how to handle this. I can call her up.

CLAYLet her be. I don’t want her getting worried. Or thinking I can’t handle myself.

COLE buries his head in the steak. Pause.

COLELet’s say money isn’t an issue.

CLAY‘Course it’s an issue.

COLENot for me. Look, if you’re not a fan of modern medicine, can you at least imagine a scenario where you can get the help you need? I mean, what did you do after the tree crushed your leg?

CLAYMama fixed me a cast.

COLEJeezis, no wonder you’re still gimping around.

CLAYShe did the best she could. But if I could pick a healing method, let’s see . . .

(He thinks.)I think I’d give faith-healing a whirl. Something spiritual.

COLEYou mean like . . . Like voodoo?

CLAYYeah, kind of like voodoo.

COLEBut you’ve never tried it before?

CLAYNope.

COLEThen how do you know it’ll work?

45

CLAYI don’t. That’s why they call it faith healing.

COLEBut I’m the one who’s paying for this. It’s gotta be worth it.

CLAYI’m not being frivolous here. I’ve heard some pretty astounding stuff. There are forces of nature beyond our comprehension, I believe that.

COLEDo you have a particular place in mind?

CLAYI just don’t want to be carted around anywhere--not to some touristy voodoo shop. It’d be nice if there was a place that does house calls. Where the voodoo comes to you. But I don’t know if folks do that. Not without a little supplication first, anyway.

COLEWhat if I told you there are folks who do that?

CLAY takes the steak from COLE and places it on his own wounded leg.

CLAYFor once I’d say you’d come up with an interesting proposition.

Lights.

SCENE EIGHT

DEB’s voodoo shop.

DEBJerome! Jerome. I don’t want that Spivey boy sleeping over. He’s a bad influence. . . . I don’t care if you’re friends with his daddy, have you seen this boy? Must’ve been held back at least twice. Mumbles and spits. Scrapes and cuts. Stinks beyond the powers of soap. . . . If you think I scare our son just watch this Spivey boy, he’s a terror. I don’t care if he was invited you uninvite him.

COLE enters wearing sunglasses. DEB holds up a finger. COLE sits in an empty chair.

DEBBecause he slept over with him at my place and I pay attention! I told you all about it . . . Yeah-huh!

46

You watch this boy close and you’ll know what I mean. Now I gotta go. You send that boy home first thing tomorrow. Don’t even give him breakfast.

Hangs up, notices COLE but doesn’t recognize him.

DEBCan I help you?

COLEYou don’t remember me?

DEBThrow me a line here.

COLEI was here a couple days ago. Baseball player.

DEBOh yes, got your undies bunched super-tight. Why you wearing those glasses.

(Removes them. She sees his black eye.)

I told you you’d get beat up! Damn I’m good. What happened?

COLEYou mean you don’t know?

DEBI never claimed to be omniscient.

COLEI got in a fight.

DEBNo kidding. Want something for it?

COLEThanks but I’m not here for me. It’s my brother.

DEBWhy isn’t he here.

COLEHe got in a fight too but his injury was a bit more serious. Plus it happened on a leg that’s already pretty lame. So it’s hard for him to travel. And as I remember, beyond just palm readings and all that you also have this modern hybrid thing going. In-home care service, you said.

DEBYou want me to visit your brother’s what you’re saying.

47

COLEYes.

DEBWhat makes you think I can help him, seeing as how you threw a tantrum after seeing me at work.

COLEIt doesn’t matter so much what I think, it’s what he wants.

DEBWhat’s he do?

COLEIs that important?

DEBI like to know who my clients are.

COLEDon’t you serve all-comers?

DEBI’m not a charity.

COLEOh I know. And as much as it pains me, I’m the one who’s gonna be footing the bill here. So what’s it matter as long as you’re paid?

DEBBecause if he’s anything like you I don’t think it’s worth it.

COLENot even for what you charge?

(Pause.)I’m sorry I got so pissed off the other day. I’ve been in a lousy mood since I got back to town and I took it out on you unfairly. It wasn’t personal. (Slight pause.) Or maybe it was. Maybe I got so upset because you hit on something. Something I didn’t want to hear. And there’s nothing I can point to yet that’ll prove you were wrong. So I came back to you because I thought my brother--see, he’s nothing like me. I mean, we were both in Catholic school growing up and I know there’s some overlap between that and this voodoo business. I kind of gave up on whatever the nuns tried to teach us but he stuck to it better. He’s down-home and spiritual. He loved his dumb dog so much he had a funeral for it and stuffed it.

48

DEBThe dog?

(COLE nods.)If you two’ve got such a different way of doing things why you wanna help him?

COLEI’m not helping him. I can’t. I have to leave town for a bit and need someone else to help him. I’m just funding him.

DEBWell if I am going to help him you have to tell me who he is. I don’t make voodoo dolls wholesale. They’re personally crafted.

COLEVoodoo dolls? Aren’t those bad?

DEBBoy, how could you grow up here and not know that they’re actually meant as conduits for healing, not that black-magic torture bullshit you see on the TV.

COLEOkay, okay. Well, speaking of TV--maybe you’ve heard of Bayou Badasses?

DEBI have. Wait, don’t tell me your brother’s one of them?

COLEHe’s the one. Clay Landreaux. Since retired, of course.

(DEB rubs her eyes.)What?

DEBYeah I don’t like them.

COLEWell that’s his resume.

DEBI don’t like it when people take cultural traditions and turn them into some big loony circus.

COLESome would argue it’s educational.

DEBIt’s self-aggrandizement.

49

COLEI think a lot of that was just bluster for the cameras. He’s mellowed a bit since then.

DEBI saw a lot of negative energy on that show. Toxic. I don’t know if I wanna be around that. I see enough of it already.

COLELook: I definitely wish my family history had more to it than killing animals for money. Even if those animals themselves are killers. Sure, it’s toxic. I can tell you firsthand. But isn’t dispelling the toxic what you do? You and the spirits? Freaky as my brother is sometimes, he’s receptive to spirits or whatever. He’s planning a turnaround. He just needs some help getting there. I admit I don’t believe a lot but I kind of need you. And I need you fast, and I’ll pay you for your trouble. Even extra, if that’s what it takes. You like baseball? I can get you tickets to Coconuts / games.

DEBBaseball’s boring.

COLEO.K., just cash, whatever. But please; help some brothers out.

Pause.

DEBI’ll visit with him. If it goes well, I’ll go from there. If it goes wrong, I have the right to shut things down.

COLEOh Miss LeDay, you’re a saint.

DEBI damn well should be.

Lights.

SCENE NINE

The Landreaux home. Day. On the porch steps sits the taxidermied body of a basset hound--Beauchamp. His mouth is open, teeth bared.

DEB enters with an apothecary bag. She sees Beauchamp, approaches it without concern, strokes its head. Then she slowly steps up to the porch and knocks on the door. Waits.

50

Knocks again. Door opens slightly, CLAY peeking out.

CLAYYes?

DEBYou Clay Landreaux?

CLAYWho says I am?

DEBNo need to eye me like that. I promise I’m not Jehovah’s Witness.

CLAYWhat are you, then?

DEBMy name is Deb LeDay. I’m the holistic healer your brother requested on your behalf.

CLAYWhat’s your credentials?

DEBI come from a long line of New Orleans Voodoo priestesses. But I’m also a trained physical therapist. And I know CPR.

CLAYWill that be necessary?

DEBI’ve other appointments to get to, Mr. Landreaux.

CLAYOoohhh, yes yes. Well come on in, Miss Marie-Laveau-to-go.

DEBOut here on the porch is just fine.

CLAYYou sure? A little hot out there.

DEBWon’t take long.

CLAYHaven’t frightened you already, have I?

DEBYou’re gonna have to be comfortable taking direction.

51

CLAYYes, ma’am.

He fully opens the door and hobbles onto the porch. He wears a bandage but it’s not soaked in blood. She helps him into a chair.

DEBYour brother wouldn’t tell me how you got wounded.

CLAYIt looks worse than it is.

DEBAnd I’m guessing you won’t tell me either. But I know the state’s geography and have a little insight into your background. So let’s just say I’ve a pretty good idea what happened.

CLAYSo you’ve heard of me.

DEBUsed to watch your show. Whenever I was hammered.

He laughs.

CLAYSometimes I was drunk while filming.

DEBYou don’t say. Were you drunk when you got bit?

CLAYWon’t tell anyone will ya?

DEBYou’re lucky I don’t care for gators.

CLAYMaybe there’s nothing you can do. The bite’s really just a nick but it reaggravated an old fracture.

DEBHow’d the original fracture happen.

CLAYTree fell on it. During the Storm.

DEBYou were here during the Storm?

52

CLAYSpend enough time on a boat you start thinking like a Captain. Down with the ship and all that. I didn’t see the tree coming, it’s not like I’m slow or anything. It came right into the house.

DEBThis house?

CLAYYes, ma’am.

DEBSo you put it back together again.

CLAYCouldn’t leave it the way it was. Didn’t put as much effort into my leg, though. Healed kind of funny. Gave me enough trouble as it was before this fresh injury. (Slight pause.) Were you here when the Storm hit?

DEBNope. I was very pregnant at the time and hightailed it out of here.

CLAYThat was wise.

DEBLet’s try to relax here.

She opens her bag, comes up with a jar of oil.

CLAYWhat’s that?

DEBJust a little massage oil. Has the wound sealed up yet?

CLAYThink so.

DEB

(re: the gauze)May I?

CLAYDo what you gotta.

She carefully unravels the gauze from his leg, revealing a bruised and scratched hunk.

53

DEBSo you got bit by a gator and just walked away?

CLAYIsn’t it amazing? Can’t bring me down easy, no sir. Of course, I didn’t walk away so much as stagger.

DEBWell let’s get some aromatherapy going.

(She applies the oil to her hands, rubs them together.)

Breathe for me.

(CLAY breathes as she starts rubbing oil on his wounded leg. He grows embarrassed.)

You’re not breathing.

CLAYSorry.

DEBJust relax.

CLAYYour rubbing’s just--I mean you really rub.

DEBYou got a lot of tension. Don’t struggle so hard.

He shuts his eyes, breathes.

She continues to move her hands about his leg, masseuse-like. CLAY becomes more at ease. Eventually the rubbing slows, and DEB places her forehead on the leg, muttering something like a chant under her breath. CLAY opens an eye, looks to see if anyone’s watching.

CLAYFind anything good?

DEBLot of negative energy in that leg.

54

CLAYProbably jealous of the other leg.

(DEB returns to her bag, withdraws a small handwoven doll.)

Who’s that?

DEBIt’s you.

CLAYI’ve really changed.

(She takes a portion of the unraveled gauze and wraps it around the doll.)

White’s not really my color.

DEBIt is today. White’s the healing color.

CLAYRight, right.

DEBIt’s good to attach something that had direct contact with the person in question. Real healing is always personal.

CLAYHow many folks have you healed?

DEBI was in high demand after the Storm, I’ll say that.

CLAYPerhaps I would’ve requested your services back then, if I’d had the dough.

DEBI was working pro bono for a while.

CLAYIs that right. Even with a kid to raise.

DEBIt was only right. Let’s draw focus to the leg now.

She withdraws a white-headed pin from her bag.

55

CLAYKeeping with the white theme I see.

(She sticks the pin in the doll’s “injured” leg.)

Whoa whoa!

DEBNothing to worry about, just pointing it out for the spirits.

CLAYSorry. Just an instinct I guess. (Slight pause.) What are these spirits up to? Are they so busy that earthly folks have to spell out the issues for them all the time? Don’t they see everything? Don’t they know what’s up?

DEBHelp comes to those who ask for it. The loa like to see a little effort made on their behalf. So let’s set you up with a little altar.

CLAYCan we set it up by Beauchamp?

DEBWho’s Beauchamp?

(He points.)Oh. Well how ‘bout we put it on the step above Beauchamp, just so the spirits don’t get confused, and so nobody’ll trip going up and down.

She sets the doll on a porch step. She starts pulling candles out of her bag.

CLAYGosh, you’re like Mary Poppins, got everything in that bag. My brother’s like that, too. Doesn’t go anywhere without it.

DEBI noticed that.

She also pulls out short, ropy-looking strands.

CLAYWhat’re those?

DEBPatchouli roots.

56

CLAYSmell just like that oil you rubbed on me.

She arranges the altar, lights the candle with a cigarette lighter.

DEBAlright, Clay, we’re all good to go here.

CLAYThat’s it? You’re not gonna do any incantations or anything? No sacrifices? I can go kill something real quick.

DEBI have my own way of doing things.

CLAYSo what happens now?

DEBJust let those candles burn down. Think good thoughts. I’ll check up on you later to see how things went.

She packs up her things, comes down the porch steps.

CLAYWait a sec.

(She stops.)Thanks.

DEBDon’t gotta thank me yet.

CLAYThanks for coming out here. For trying.

DEBFeel better.

She exits.

SCENE TEN

That night. CLAY enters out of the screen door, holding a bottle of beer and limping noticeably less. The candles at his altar still burn. He stoops to Beauchamp, uses its parted jowls to uncap the bottle.

57

He comes out into the yard, dances a little, testing his new range of motion.

Sound of a vehicle pulling up offstage. He hustles back up the steps, eases himself onto a chair.

COLE enters onto the lawn, duffel and a bag of groceries in tow. He recoils at the sight of Beauchamp.

CLAYLook at him, Cole. He’s returned to me.

COLENot his most flattering pose. And look at this other stuff--voodoo doll, candles. Come Halloween you won’t even need a jack-o-lantern.

CLAYAnd miss out on stabbing a smile into a gourd?

COLEThis dog always made this face at me. Snarling. Wouldn’t let me touch him. Wouldn’t even fetch for me. Might’ve been nice. To throw a ball around back here and have him actually go collect it.

CLAY

(pleased)He didn’t like you.

COLEYou’d think a Reverend would be a bit more . . . reverent.

He sets the groceries beside Beauchamp.

CLAYThanks.

COLEI take it your visit with Deb was productive?

CLAYIt was . . . A promising start. But I figure it’ll take a couple more sessions before a real breakthrough happens.

COLEShe never promised a full recovery.

58

CLAYNo, that’d be miraculous. And you can’t bank on miraculous.

COLESo what counts as a breakthrough for you?

CLAYI’ll know it when I feel it.

COLEJust make sure you’re nice to her. I’m not finding anyone else for you.

CLAYDon’t worry. I’m chock-full of charm.

Pause.

COLEI’m heading on the road tomorrow.

CLAYProfessional athletics. Shacking up in motels with a bunch of other men. Enjoy yourself. Let the good times roll.

COLEI think the change of scenery will do me good.

CLAYIt’s just the Heartland. Nothing but wind on the plains.

COLEExactly. Less distraction. My pitching gears got all gummed up down here, and I need to grease them again in a hurry. Gotta figure it out. Keeps me up at night. And I hate that; shouldn’t be thinking so much.

CLAYWhat’re you telling me for, don’t they have coaches for this kind of thing?

COLEForgot you never gave a damn. You and Pa were never interested.

CLAYWe had other things on the brain.

COLEThere’s similarities, you know. Like how there’s only one good place to shoot a gator to kill it--the strike zone, if you will.

59

CLAY‘Cept ours was a moving strike zone. And that’s the truer encounter. Nothing in life is gonna stay still for you. That’s what Pa was trying to teach. That and other things--real exciting things, shooting and such--but you didn’t have any interest in that.

COLEIt’s dangerous.

CLAYThat’s why it’s so interesting!

COLEHe had you for that, anyway. Mama was the only one who’d play catch.

CLAYOnly ‘cause you’d pitch a fit.

COLEThat’s right, I’d pitch a real good one.

Pause.

CLAYI suppose I just never understood why you took a liking to baseball. Of all sports.

COLEI think it was ‘cause I hated school so much. Sister Mary Albatross, back in third grade. Remember her? Had those gaping crater-nostrils, lips so thin they disappeared, curled inside, up against her teeth. She hated me. I’d flub the times tables and she’d whack me ‘cross the wrist with her yard stick: May God strike you dead! Thwack! As if God had something riding on me being able to multiply.

CLAYYeah, well, “Be fruitful.”

COLEI hated that sound. Like bat on ball. Any hit I give up takes me back to those wrist-slappings.

CLAYBut everybody knows the best part of baseball is seeing a guy just totally get hold of one and send it over the fence. What is it people say--chicks dig the long ball.

COLEHitters wave big sticks around all the time and folks think it’s, what, an extension of their virility? Nah, they’re just compensating.

60

CLAYUnlike pitchers, is that right?

COLEPitchers last. They throw and throw and throw. A power hitter can send it screaming out of the park but after that he jogs around the base paths, tired.

CLAYHitting and pitching are two different things--designed to oppose each other. So pitchers make lousy hitters. Typically. But which do you think the girl wants to play with, the orb or the scepter?

Pause.

COLEWho was that girl you went out with in high school.

CLAYYou’ll have to be more specific.

COLEThe one I was jealous over.

CLAYDescribe her.

COLEShe was blonde and . . . blonde.

CLAYAh yes! And the hips.

COLEThe hips, yes! God.

CLAYKathy Ann.

COLEKathy Ann. You had her over for dinner here once, and I was drooling--but not ‘cause of the food.

CLAYI brought her here? No. That would’ve meant it was serious. And I know it wasn’t serious.

COLEYou’d walk the hallways with her, once you were out of the Catholics’ clutches. And I--all us guys . . . We were jealous.

61

CLAYIt wasn’t very satisfying.

COLEHow come? Did you never . . .?

CLAYWhat?

COLEYou said it wasn’t . . .

CLAYEmotionally, it wasn’t, no.

COLEOh.

CLAYOh, you meant--but you meant the other thing.

COLEI always wondered. Imagined. I imagined her. In that--in that situation.

CLAYYou imagined me and Kathy Ann?

COLEWell, her, but yeah, I did imagine the act.

CLAYDon’t be so delicate: As a teenager you pictured me and Kathy Ann fucking.

COLEI wouldn’t’ve had to picture it if you had told me that you were.

CLAYI know you must think me a barbarian but I can be discrete.

COLEJust at all the wrong times.

CLAY laughs.

CLAYNow I know how your throwing hand got so strong, you were beating off the whole time.

62

COLEYou gotta understand how fascinating it was to us--to me. How someone like--someone with our gap-toothed bayou background would’ve wound up with someone like Kathy Ann. I mean, wasn’t her dad famous for something?

CLAYNot till later. Levee Workers’ Union Leader.

COLEOh.

(Pause.)You’re not gonna tell me if you did it.

CLAYYour problem there was telling me you wanted so bad to know.

COLEAw shit.

CLAYWhat the hell’s any of that matter now? It didn’t work out, for all the reasons you might suspect. She was just trying to cause a stir. Trying to make some other fellow so indignant. The idea was I’d be a sight so repellent to him that he’d scrape his way back to her.

COLEYou’re bullshitting me. She wouldn’t have come had dinner all the way down here if that was all it was. I think she really . . .

CLAYYou think she really what?

COLEI think she was actually in it. For real. And I think you broke it off. I don’t remember hearing about some scheme. I even asked Pa and Mama about it but they couldn’t explain why you split.

CLAYI kept it close.

COLEAnd I was watching close. Whatever she thought about you, she wasn’t faking.

CLAYSo what do you think she saw in me?

63

COLEHell if I know. Maybe it was . . . a kind of charm. Or hex.

(Pause.)I best get going. Got an early start tomorrow.

He starts to go.

CLAYGo out and win one for a change.

COLEFor real.

He exits.

SCENE ELEVEN

A motel room. Raining outside. MUGGS speaks on the phone. TAGGART in bed reading Sports Illustrated.

MUGGSJust a tweak. Nothing, don’t worry about it . . . How’re the kids? . . . No, don’t wake ‘em. . . .

Knock at the door.

TAGGART

(calling out)WHAT.

COLE

(off)It’s me.

TAGGARTSO?

COLE

(off)Come on, Tag, lemme in.

TAGGARTWHAT FOR.

COLE

(off)You mad at me or something?

64

(Pause.)There’s a half-finished sandwich out here I can bring in to you.

TAGGARTWHAT KIND.

Pause.

COLE

(off)Turkey.

TAGGARTWHAT ABOUT CHEESE. GIMME THE CHEESE, COLE.

MUGGS gestures for quiet.

TAGGART rolls out of bed and shuffles to the door, opens it for COLE, who enters with his duffel.

TAGGART

(to COLE:)Keep it down, Muggs is on the phone.

COLEHow’s he doing?

TAGGARTIt’s just a tweak.

COLELooked more serious.

TAGGARTSomething wrong with your own room?

COLECan’t stand rooming with Sorensen. He’s a weirdo.

TAGGARTSo are you, what’s the problem.

COLEMakes me edgy. Like he’s sizing me up. Plus he has a funny way of talking so we can’t really chat.

65

MUGGS

(phone)Wish you wouldn’t tell ‘em things like that. Don’t make them believe it’ll . . .

TAGGARTNot like there’s much going on here.

COLEWe could get something going.

TAGGARTDon’t take your restlessness out on us. Some of us are tired. Some of us actually played today.

COLEThis is how you unwind? Sitting around in this rinky-dink motel room?

TAGGARTWhere else is there to go? It raining like this.

MUGGS

(phone)They like it there, don’t they?

COLECan’t wait for Major-League road trips. See all the big cities. Get out and see things.

TAGGARTNew Orleans is a big city.

COLEIt’s a swamp. A noisy swamp.

TAGGARTWhy you gotta be so hard on it all the time? Family problems, okay, sure. But everybody’s got those, that’s not the city’s fault.

COLEIt’s my hometown and hometowns have a way of pigeonholing you. And I don’t like it. Feel like people can’t see me without seeing the city right along with it.

TAGGARTWho the hell’s judging you? The city doesn’t care much about you anyway.

COLE grabs the Sports Illustrated.

66

COLEDid you see that prodigal-son hoo-ha they wrote about me in here?

TAGGARTYou could’ve refuted it if you’d actually agreed to an interview. Most guys dream of getting their mug on this mag someday. But to you it’s just a bother.

MUGGS

(phone)Don’t know what I want anymore.

COLEMy personal life’s nobody’s business.

TAGGARTCole, you’re looking to be starting pitcher for a major-league ball club. You just gonna fend off fans and the media your whole career?

COLEAnything worth knowing they can see on the field.

TAGGARTWhat, that you’re a gutless kid who plunks guys for no reason?

(Pause.)That writer, you know, he’s just some out-of-towner overblowing things to sell copies. Bunch of feeble guesswork that doesn’t add up to anything. But that’s not the same as your hometown pigeonholing you. Your hometown doesn’t know what to think of you. You’re not worth their time. If you do well in the Majors I’m sure they’ll be happy to claim you. But till then why don’t you get comfortable and try not to pick a fight at every turn? Aw forget it, you’re just gonna do whatever you want anyway.

He reclaims his magazine and returns to his bed.

MUGGS re-appears, no longer on the phone. He too slumps on his bed.

COLEHow’s the hamstring, Muggs?

MUGGSTight.

COLEGonna be alright to play tomorrow?

67

MUGGSDon’t know.

COLENeed all the run support I can get.

MUGGSCould use some time off.

COLEIf I can’t win in triple-A . . .

TAGGARTTriple-A guys aren’t chumps, alright? I bet they all get a kick out of beating your baby-looking ass.

MUGGSTag, come on.

TAGGARTNah man I’m tired! I don’t give a shit if you play well, Cole. Matter of fact, I’d like to see your ass get beat.

MUGGSLeave him alone.

TAGGARTYou don’t deserve the attention and you don’t deserve to win. You just walk all over everybody. And I’m tired of it.

He gets under the covers.

COLETaggart what the hell man?

TAGGARTGET OUT!

Pause.

COLE starts to go.

COLEYou’re the baby.

TAGGARTWhat’d you say?

COLEYou’re a tired-ass, diaper-flooded baby-man!

TAGGART rushes at him, starts swinging. They tussle briefly before MUGGS limps over and intervenes.

68

MUGGSGod, even my own kids don’t pull shit like this. You’re both babies, how about that? Can we agree on that?

TAGGARTHe can’t talk to me like that.

COLEThen don’t put me up to it.

MUGGSBoys, I’m retiring.

TAGGARTWhat? What do you mean?

MUGGSBaseball. I’m hanging it up. After the season.

COLEAre you quitting ‘cause of us?

MUGGSNo, it’s just time. Me and my family have been in the city for years now and I don’t think I could ask them to move even if I do get called up. Which I don’t expect anyway, so I’ve decided it’s my last season. And I want it to be a good one. Which means no more of this nonsense. You’re gonna bury it right now. Go on and shake hands.

COLEYou really quitting?

MUGGSDon’t stall. Shake.

(COLE and TAGGART shake hands.)

Now I’m heading for the hot tub. It’s indoors, right?

TAGGARTGround floor.

MUGGSThen that’s where I’ll be. You’re welcome to join me.

He exits.

COLE

(calling after.)Aren’t you bringing trunks?

No answer.

69

TAGGARTHe could’ve talked to me first before he decided.

COLEHe’s thirty-five.

TAGGARTI don’t know what I’ll do without him.

COLECome on, let’s go.

They start to go.

TAGGARTCole, where’s this sandwich you spoke of?

Exit.

SCENE TWELVE

Landreaux home. DEB rubs CLAY’s leg.

CLAYWhat do you think of this place?

DEBWhat place.

CLAYThe property. Nice view from here, don’t you think?

DEBI think the dead belong in cemeteries.

CLAYWhat?

(She points to the whittled crosses.)

Oh. Well one of those is empty. And the other only has parts.

DEBParts?

CLAYThere wasn’t much left of Pa after what happened. But see, I was talking about the water.

DEBIt’s not Lake Pont.

70

CLAYWell no. That it ain’t.

DEBFlex for me.

CLAY stretches his leg, withdraws it, back and forth, with straining concentration.

CLAYLake Pont doesn’t have these trees, though. I mean look at these trees.

DEBI see them.

CLAYThe way the sun hits it all, makes the swamp look beauteous. Who wouldn’t want to live out here?

DEBNormal folks.

CLAYI thought you were one with nature and all that.

DEBI gotta be where the people are.

CLAYAnd what’s so good about normal folks anyway. Would you consider yourself normal?

DEBNo. But I try hard to be.

CLAYHow’s your kid?

DEBI don’t know. I worry sometimes. He’s real smart, sensitive. But he goes back and forth so much I feel like we’re giving him some kind of parental whiplash.

CLAYAny family who hasn’t felt some whiplash isn’t really a family.

DEBHe wants a dog. A constant companion. But he doesn’t understand the responsibility of it.

71

CLAYCould get him an older dog. Not too old. Just one that’s been around enough. Self-sufficient.

DEBYou gonna get a new one?

CLAYA new dog?

DEBYou know, when the time’s right.

CLAYIt’s hard for me to think about right now. Hey let’s try moving around. Take a walk around the grounds. I’ll give you the official tour.

DEBYou sure you’re up to that?

He stands abruptly, hesitates. He “struggles” to the porch steps, stops, reaches out his hand to her. She takes his hand and they go down the steps together.

DEBHow’d that feel?

CLAYHow’d it look?

DEBYour leg felt a lot less tense when I had my hands on it.

CLAYIs tension really the issue?

DEBAnd you said the voodoo altar didn’t make much difference?

CLAYGuess we’ll just have to keep trying. Till the loa like me. Come on, let’s go.

DEBClay.

CLAYYeah?

DEBAre you pulling my leg?

72

CLAYWhat? In what respect? I mean, answer’s no, of / course--

DEBIt should’ve improved more than what you’re showing.

CLAYIt’s a baked-in injury, that’s all. Don’t take it personal.

DEBI know what I’m capable of.

CLAYAnd I look forward to knowing what you’re capable of. I believe in you. Now let’s go, before the sun sets. We get a great view of the sunset.

DEBAnyone who came down a couple steps like you just did wouldn’t be clamoring for more walking.

CLAYI’m a masochist.

Pause.

DEB rushes for Beauchamp, throws him across the yard.

CLAYWhoa shit!

CLAY runs after him, hardly a hitch in his step.

DEBThat’s right, favor the dog but not the leg.

CLAYHey wow it’s a miracle. That must be just what I needed.

DEBStop lying to me!

CLAYI wasn’t lying I was just being extra careful.

DEBMy job’s done here.

She starts packing up.

CLAYNo hey come on wait a sec.

73

DEBHow long would you have kept this up?

CLAYTill I could . . . Look, what’s the big deal anyway. A few extra unnecessary visits. You’re getting paid.

DEBYou took advantage. Made me come all the way down here, put my hands on you, channel my energy for you.

CLAYSo I ain’t worth the time.

DEBNot if you’re a liar, Clay. Why’d you lie?

Pause.

CLAYI had nothing else to do. A new lease on legs and nowhere to go with ‘em.

DEBFind yourself a hobby. Get back into TV.

CLAYSo folks like you can get drunk and poke fun?

DEBIt’s got nothing to do with me.

(Pause.)Bye, Clay.

She exits.

He sits there petting Beauchamp as lights fade.

SCENE THIRTEEN

COLE on the mound.

COLEThank you, Omaha. You’ve been very good to me. You Flatlanders are Flatliners. Big Whiffs on the Great Plains.

Sound of vibration. The cellphone in COLE’s pocket is ringing. He is surprised to discover he’s brought his phone to the mound with him. Nonetheless he answers it.

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COLEHello?

DEB

(entering)Cole?

COLEDeb?

DEBHope I didn’t catch you in the middle of something.

COLEActually I kind of / am--

DEBJust thought you needed to know what’s been going on. With your brother.

COLEI appreciate that but I can’t really talk / now--

DEBHe malingered.

COLEHe what?

DEBI must’ve healed him up pretty good in the early going but he wouldn’t show it. But I caught him now. His hobbling was a put-on. So our sessions are officially at a close.

TAGGART and MUGGS enter, join COLE on the mound.

TAGGART

(removing his catcher’s mask)Who you talking to?

MUGGSUmp’s giving us the dirty eye, Cole.

COLE

(phone)Are you sure he was faking?

TAGGARTWho’s faking? Cole who is it?

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COLE

(to him)Deb LeDay.

TAGGARTReally? Here, lemme talk to her.

DEBHe’s walking fresh as can be. I wouldn’t be so pissed off about it if he hadn’t-- . . .

TAGGART

(leaning toward phone)Hi, Deb!

COLEHadn’t what?

DEBI can’t be sure of his intentions. Maybe he was just lonely. But I don’t know him well enough to feel safe around him. Anyway, I just thought I’d tell you that you’ve been paying more than you had to.

MUGGSGuys, we gotta get going.

COLE

(to him)Okay, go set up. I’ll just keep throwing.

TAGGARTThis should be good.

MUGGS and TAGGART exit.

DEBCole?

COLEYeah, here. So Clay lied. But you really cured him? That leg’s been injured for years.

DEBYou’re right; I guess I’m worth it. But I can give you a partial refund.

COLENo, keep it. For your trouble. Sorry your time got wasted--on both our accounts.

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He tries to gather himself on the mound.

DEBI wouldn’t say it was wasted, Cole. I’m just sorry things ended the way they did. (Slight pause.) Can I tell you something?

COLEWhy stop now?

DEBI know you’re not a fan of my advice. And I won’t admit to knowing your life. ‘Cause I don’t. But I got a glimpse. And I did what I could to help but there’s still no peace at that house. There’s troubles I’m not qualified to dispel. But I believe you are.

COLEWhat do you mean?

With his gloved hand holding the phone to his ear, he pitches an invisible ball with the other.

DEBGoodbye, Cole.

She exits.

Sound of big hit. Cheers.

He turns to watch it go.

COLEGoodbye.

Lights fade.

SCENE FOURTEEN

CLAY drinking on the porch. He hums a somber tune to himself. He turns the voodoo doll of himself over in his hands. Then he draws a bowie knife from a sheath at his waist, plays with it, lets it hover at various points on the doll. He re-sheathes the knife, lets the doll fall.

Beauchamp stands guard.

COLE enters, with duffel.

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COLELet’s see it then.

CLAYAlright.

He flips COLE off.

COLEStand up.

CLAYWhat’re these orders, Officer?

COLEDeb told me everything.

CLAYFigured she would.

COLESo stand up, let’s see your miraculous cured leg.

CLAYWhat for? If she already told you I was faking and you believe her what do you need to see it for?

Pause.

COLEDid you just want to milk me? Like payback?

CLAYAnd what exactly would I be getting payback for, Cole?

(No response.)No, it wasn’t payback. Why you gotta make things about you all the time?

COLEWhat was it then?

CLAYWhy don’t you use your imagination.

COLE paces, imagining.

COLEOkay. I have a theory.

CLAYLet’s hear it then.

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COLENo. You’re the one who made me spend all this money on you. So you’re the one who owes me the explanation. You can stand, you can walk, and you can talk. So do it.

Pause.

CLAYWhat would you do? If a woman came to your home and worked some kind of magic that made you feel better than you have in years? Wouldn’t you want to keep that person around?

COLEIt didn’t bother you that you were lying to that person? And me?

CLAYI didn’t believe I was totally healed. I mean my leg was, yes. But I thought, maybe, it was only the beginning. So it didn’t feel much like lying.

COLEYou liked her.

CLAYYeah.

COLEBut you did lie to her. And it’s not typically a good idea to do that around women / you’re fond of--

CLAYI KNOW COLE GODDAMN. Just wanted more time. Didn’t think it’d work that fast. Guess I’ve got too much faith. That’s my problem. It leaves me open.

COLEWell. There’s plenty of gators in the swamp.

CLAYOh don’t pretend you care.

COLEI’m not pretending. I don’t like thinking of you here all alone and sorry for yourself. But you’ve got your leg back. If you’re mobile now, you don’t have to let the people come to you.

CLAYMade for a nice change.

COLEWhat do you mean you didn’t believe you were totally healed?

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CLAYNothing. You were right, my leg’s good so I don’t need people coming over here. You can run along now.

COLEWhat about restitution?

CLAYRestitution?

COLEWhat you owe me for milking those sessions.

CLAYDon’t talk to me about resti--...

Something offstage catches his attention.

COLEWhat is it?

CLAY stands, comes down the porch steps--unhampered by his leg. COLE notices this with no small surprise.

CLAYHear that?

COLEYour leg.

CLAYGet the boat.

COLEIt really worked.

CLAYCole, get the boat.

COLEWhat? What for?

CLAYGet the boat and push it to shore.

COLENo! Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.

Any menace CLAY formerly possessed has been enhanced by his now-good leg.

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CLAYIt’s not getting any of us this time. We’re gonna get it. But it’s a two-man job. Ready the boat.

COLEAre you talking about a gator? How can you even tell from here, it’s so dark.

CLAYI knew where to look.

COLEClay, seriously, maybe you oughta go to bed or something.

CLAYWe’re wasting time, go on.

COLEYou just got your leg back and already you’re gonna pull some dumbass stunt?

CLAYIt’s gonna get away.

COLELet it!

(CLAY draws a bowie knife from his waist.)

ALRIGHT JEEZIS PUT THAT SHIT AWAY.

COLE exits.

CLAY re-sheathes the knife. He rushes into the house. He reappears moments later carrying his shotgun. He runs off. Then he appears again, grabs Beauchamp and finally exits.

Transition: COLE and CLAY re-enter, pushing the motor-boat on, with Beauchamp as a kind of masthead. They climb into the boat. COLE holds a lantern as CLAY operates the boat. They motor for a bit, then CLAY shuts it off. They float in silence for a moment.

COLEI understand you’re upset but that doesn’t mean you should get crazy. ‘Cause this is crazy. Hereditary or no. It’s almost like you’re asking to die when you can afford to live like a normal modern human. You’ve got a lot going for you.

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CLAYI shouldn’t have to explain it.

COLEWhat good is payback if you can’t live to enjoy it?

CLAYCole, if this gator gets the best of me, I want you to promise to avenge me.

COLEOh stop.

CLAYIt’s all I’ll ever ask of you.

COLEIt’s not gonna get the best of you.

CLAYI don’t know. Feel like you’re gonna cock it up somehow.

COLEThen why’d you bring me.

CLAYYou’re pinch-hitting. Think of it that way.

COLEI’m not a hitter.

CLAYYou’re gonna have to someday, right? National League?

COLEMaybe there’s another way to move past this. Instead of killing.

CLAYThis is what he’d want. It’s like his spirit’s spurring me on. It ain’t just so I can rest easy. It’s so he can, too.

COLEI’m sure he’s satisfied. He probably tuned into your show over the celestial airwaves or whatever and got a real kick out of it.

CLAYNo, he would’ve frowned on it.

COLEBut you were just doing what you always did.

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CLAYThe show was a show. Real hunting is always personal.

Pause.

COLEYou know, you shouldn’t blame yourself. For what happened.

CLAYShine the light over there some.

COLENo one else blames you. And I know Dad wouldn’t.

CLAYShut up and look for ripples.

COLEEveryone knows the risks. But no one should have to see. What you / saw--

CLAYI said shut up.

COLEWe never talk about it and I get why but I just wanna say even if you beat yourself up over being there you would’ve beat yourself up for not being there.

CLAYYou can’t do anything if you’re not there.

COLEThere’s no way you could’ve anything. Not really.

CLAYIt’s not something you decide, Cole. You don’t rationalize it. Either you can or you can’t. And you don’t know if you’re not there, if you don’t try.

COLEAnd I’m saying you tried.

CLAYYou can’t speak to it like you saw it ‘cause you didn’t.

COLEBut you tried, you said you tried.

CLAYI didn’t do anything. I had a chance, when he fell out of the boat, but I couldn’t get a shot off. You know you gotta get it in just the right spot.

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COLEIf you misfired you could’ve made things worse.

CLAYBut I didn’t fire at all.

COLEYou could’ve hit Dad.

CLAYShhh--see that?

(Points offstage.)The line’s taut. It’s him.

COLEYou put up lines? Man this is so illegal. If they find out they’re yours--

CLAYJust be cool. I’ve got a little cred built up with authorities. Besides, no one comes around here. We’ll have it all packed up right after. No one will know. Very cloak-and-dagger. Fly-by-night. All that. Now when we pull up to it, I need you to hoist up the line and bring him into view.

COLEWhat?!

CLAYShhh!

COLEI’m not doing that.

CLAYWhat do you think I asked you out here for.

COLEI can’t risk fucking up my arm. Or worse. Lemme shoot instead.

CLAYI have to shoot. You’ve never worked a gun before.

COLEI’ve got good aim.

CLAYYou don’t know what you’re doing. Plus I want him. He’s mine.

84

COLEThen take me back, I’m not doing this.

CLAYJust think of it like holding a ladder steady.

COLELadders don’t bite.

CLAYI shoulda known you’d do this. Any sign of danger and you just--balk.

COLEI never balk.

CLAYDo too.

COLEDo not.

CLAYThis is why you’ll never be a Major-Leaguer, Cole. The highest echelon of anything demands your all. But you’d rather make things easier on yourself.

COLEI’ve worked hard as hell to get where I am.

CLAYBut you’re still not where you wanna be. Even if you do get there you could go bust easy, boy. Happens all the time.

COLEYou think I’m gonna bust?

CLAYGuys only play hard for someone they know’s got their backs.

COLEI always play hard.

CLAYFor yourself, maybe. But right here, right now, you play by my rules. If you want to go back to shore, fine. But you’ll have to swim.

Pause.

COLEWhat if I die?

85

CLAYWhat?

COLEWhat if the gator gets the best of me?

CLAYIt won’t.

COLEIf you die I get your albatross of vengeance placed ‘round my neck. But what’s my last request? Or do I even get one?

CLAYMake it quick.

COLEI’d want you to skin that gator and make a baseball out of it.

CLAYAre you serious?

COLEYou could put it in Beauchamp’s mouth or something.

CLAYIf we bag this sucker I promise we’ll use every square inch. But let’s quit talking and bag it.

COLEI’m scared.

CLAYI figured.

COLEI’m scared now and I was scared then.

CLAY starts fastening the lantern to Beauchamp so it stays put.

CLAYThen?

COLEYou must’ve thought I just didn’t care. But when this bastard killed Pa I took it as a sign to Get Out. Everything about this place seemed haunted. So when the Storm came I thought: Sign Number Two. Don’t Come. Stay Away.

CLAY cocks the shotgun.

86

CLAYThere’s some things should be instinct, Cole. Anyone with a gift should have the freedom to pursue it. I don’t blame you for that. I poke fun at baseball, sure. But I never showed disdain for it. Not the way you’ve done time and again toward our family’s gator-hunting history. Maybe it is crazy. But we never half-assed it. We failed, sure. Got laid low. I saw our Pa get chewed to death but I kept hunting. And when the Storm split our house in twain I put it back together ‘cause I wasn’t gonna let everything we did here get swallowed up like we’d never trod the ground and made impressions. But while the rest of us were getting back upright, where were you?

COLEGone.

CLAYThat’s right. Didn’t even balk. Just pulled yourself from the game.

(Pause.)But shit, forget that. You’re in it now. You’re not gonna balk. Not this time. When I give the signal you’re gonna pull up this line and watch your fingers while I take care of the rest.

COLEClay, I--

CLAYAnd it’s gonna rattle around, boy. Hard. Worse than any batter you’ll ever face. Stare him down.

Pause. CLAY holds the gun ready as COLE cautiously reaches overboard. He makes an upward motion as the lantern flickers and lights go black. We hear shouts, splashing, gator snarls, and a gunshot.

SCENE FIFTEEN

The house. SANDRA paces on the porch, squares off with Beauchamp. She takes out her phone, dials, waits--doesn’t get an answer.

Offstage singing is heard. COLE and CLAY enter, lugging the boat, which is streaked with blood.

SANDRAThe hell you been doing?

87

CLAYHey Mama you’re home! How was the vacation?

SANDRALook what happens when I go away. Clay, you’re not limping.

CLAYThat’s not even the biggest news.

COLEMama look what we hooked.

She approaches the boat, peeks inside.

SANDRALord. You coulda got yourselves killed.

COLEJeezis I never been so scared. My heart’s still speedbagging goddamn.

CLAYBut my aim’s good as it ever was. Better even.

COLEAnd I’ve still got all my fingers.

(He shows them to SANDRA.)See?

SANDRASeeing’s what I’m scared of. Anybody see you boys do this?

CLAYYou know the locals won’t go and tattle on me even if they had seen something. They’ll just wink and turn that blind eye.

SANDRAWhy were you out there anyway?

CLAYTo get him, Mama. The One. The Landreaux Killer.

SANDRAYou mean . . .

(She peeks inside the boat again.)

How . . .

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CLAYRemember I gave it that gash with the hook?

(Directs her.)Take a gander at that scar.

(She does. She seems very affected by the sight.)

Maybe when we slice him open we’ll find Papa’s wedding ring still somewhere inside--stuck to a rib or something.

SANDRABoth of you did this? Cole, you never once hunted gators.

COLEBeginner’s luck, I suppose.

CLAYNot without some whining on the way. Say, what happened to that bag of yours?

COLEWhat? Oh . . .

(Just now noticing it’s gone.)Must’ve went overboard. During the struggle.

SANDRAStruggle? Lordie.

CLAYDon’t start sweating. We made it through, that’s what matters.

SANDRAI still want to hear all about it. And about that leg of yours, Clay, I mean--how? Come on in, I’ll get you some coffee or blankets or something.

(She starts toward the house. When she doesn’t see them following:)

You’re not going back out for another, are you?

CLAYWe’ll be right there.

SANDRAGood.

(She makes it to the door this time.)

Glad you boys are alright. My boys.

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She exits.

Pause.

COLE

(re: alligator)How much meat will you get out of this?

CLAYCouple hearty stews at least.

COLEThis it for you? The last notch in the belt?

CLAYI’d say so.

COLEWhat’re you gonna do now?

CLAYI don’t know. Tomorrow I’ll start with flaying this sucker in the boat. Go from there.

COLEMaybe you could have it stuffed, too. Mount him on the wall.

CLAYThe head for sure. (Slight pause.) I can still make that gator-ball. Even though you didn’t die.

COLEI’d like that. (Slight pause.) You know, I can . . . I can maybe see what you got out of it. All those years riding with Pa. Hunting together.

CLAYTaught me a lot.

COLEPuts a lot in perspective.

CLAYThe feeling stays.

Pause.

COLEI’m glad I don’t have to avenge your death.

CLAYThere’s still time.

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SANDRA

(off)Boys!

They turn to the house, start walking. Then CLAY takes off at a run, COLE taking off after him. They barrel through the door together.

SCENE SIXTEEN

MUGGS and TAGGART in the locker room..

TAGGARTA four-hit shutout, tell me I don’t know how to call ‘em, Muggs.

MUGGSIt was a good game. All-around.

TAGGARTGreat game. And I’ll tell you something else: I went paintless today.

MUGGSYou mean you didn’t huff? Wow. End of an era.

TAGGART

(re: COLE’s locker)And look: no saddle bag for the workhorse either. Didn’t even notice when he got here, he was such a whirlwind. Surprised he reigned it in on the hill. Where is Lil Landreaux anyway?

MUGGSThink I saw him talking to Coach.

TAGGARTIn his office?

(MUGGS nods.)Talking about what?

MUGGSI wasn’t invited to participate in the conversation, Tag.

TAGGARTDid it look important?

MUGGSDoor was closed.

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TAGGARTMust mean some kind of move.

MUGGSMaybe it’s just a personal congratulations.

TAGGARTDon’t need a closed door for that. No, it’s a sendoff.

MUGGSAnd if it is?

TAGGARTThen it’s another empty locker. Everything keeps changing around here except us. Just when things start clicking someone gets dealt.

MUGGSThat’s how it is. How it’s always been.

TAGGARTAlways the other fella.

MUGGSBe happy for him.

TAGGARTTired of being happy.

MUGGSYou’ll get there someday.

TAGGARTYeah, yeah.

Pause.

COLE enters in his Coconuts uniform, glove on, betraying no emotion. He approaches his locker, studies it. TAGGART tries hard not to speak.

COLEAnybody got, uh . . . Some kind of plastic bag or something?

TAGGARTWhy.

COLEFor my stuff.

TAGGARTShould get yourself a new bag.

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COLETraveling light from now on.

TAGGARTWhere you traveling to?

Pause.

COLEUp. I got called up.

MUGGSWell heeeeyyyy, congrats!

TAGGARTYeah, good going...

COLEPromise you won’t forget me too quick.

MUGGSWe’ll be watching you on TV.

COLECouldn’t have done it without you guys.

TAGGARTSure you could’ve.

COLENo, really--

TAGGARTYou might as well forget everything we told you. It’s totally different up there.

MUGGSNot that we’d know.

TAGGARTBut it is different.

MUGGS

(to COLE)You’re gonna be okay.

TAGGART reaches into his cubby and comes up with a plastic bag, hands it to COLE.

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TAGGARTHere. Use this. And--

(Reaches in again, comes up with deodorant, hands it to him.)

The stuff you use smells like poe-purry, those guys’ll beat you up for it. This here’s . . . It’s tried and true. You’ll fit in better with this.

COLEThanks.

He packs his stuff into the bag in silence. When he’s gathered everything he looks around, then focuses on TAGGART.

COLESo you really don’t know what a Zulu Coconut is?

(TAGGART turns to him. MUGGS listens too.)

The Zulu part comes from something called the Zulu Social Aid and Pleasure Club, and before that of course was the Zulu African tribe. Well, the Zulu Krewe here in town elects a Zulu King to appear on their Mardi Gras parade float.

QUEEN enters, dressed as she was in Scene 1.

QUEENBut it took until 1948 for there to be Queens.

COLEAnd of course, a big part of riding in the parade is making “throws.” But because the Zulus were a bit underfunded at first, they couldn’t afford to throw anything fancy, and had to get creative.

QUEEN comes up with a coconut, decorated with a face.

COLEThese worked for a while. But as you might imagine, throwing real coconuts can get you in trouble.

QUEENThere wouldn’t be trouble if you people knew how to catch! Look alive out there!

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COLEThere were injuries, lawsuits. In 1987 no coconuts were thrown due to insurance issues. The Zulus couldn’t afford to cover their asses. But the whole hairy ordeal eventually got sorted out through a piece of legislation called SB188, also known as . . .

QUEENThe Coconut Bill! Which protected us from personal injury liability.

COLESo coconuts were thrown again, and peace returned to the land.

QUEENBecause although the thrown ‘nuts could get a little hazardous, most people loved ‘em and couldn’t stand another year without ‘em. It’s considered the most sought-after Mardi Gras “throw” of them all.

She lobs the Zulu Coconut to TAGGART, who catches it.

COLESo there you have it. In a nutshell.

TAGGART turns the coconut over in his hands.

TAGGARTSort of a dumb-looking fellow, ain’t he?

COLEYou disappointed?

TAGGARTHell no. He’ll fit right in. He’s gonna be a charm for us.

(Places it in his cubby.)Anybody in a slump just pops this guy by their jersey and the day’ll be theirs.

QUEEN

(to COLE)We’ve still got a whole parade route to run. Hop aboard.

COLE

(to teammates)Got a flight to catch, gentlemen. Muggs, finish strong. Taggart, I’ll see you around one day.

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MUGGSEnjoy it, man.

TAGGARTLater, Landreaux.

COLE joins QUEEN.

COLEAnd remember:

QUEENLaissez les bon temps rouler!

COLELet the good times roll!

Blackout.

END OF PLAY

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