Passive Voice vs. Active Voice Passive voice places the subject after

the thing being acted upon.

The ball was thrown by him.

Change to:

He threw the ball.

Change to Active Voice!

There were a great number of leaves covering the ground.

At dawn the crowing of a rooster could be heard.

The reason he left college was that his health became impaired.

It was not long before she was very sorry that she had said what she said.

Correct Answers

Dead leaves covered the ground. We heard the rooster crow at dawn. Failing health forced him to leave

college. She soon repented her words.

Usually sentences that are SHORTER are STRONGER.

Positive Form

Avoid language that shows hesitation. Do NOT use the word NOT as a way to

avoid making a direct statement.

The lunch menu was not small. What makes this a poor sentence?

Change to Positive Form!

He was not on time very often. She did not think studying history was

a good use of time. Shakespeare does not portray the

Montague and Capulet parents as admirable characters.

Correct Answers!

He usually came late. She thought studying history was a

waste of time. The parents in Romeo and Juliet are

deeply flawed.

Use Definite, Specific, and Concrete Language! Think specific, not general! Think definite, not vague! Think concrete, not abstract!

The car had many problems that forced it to run poorly.

Not as good as -

The car ran poorly as a result of its crippled engine, aging transmission, and faulty brakes.

Revise Language in Sentences!

A period of unfavorable weather set in.

He showed satisfaction as he took possession of his well-earned reward.

Correct Answers!

It rained everyday for a week. He grinned as he pocketed the

money.

Omit Needless Wording! Just like a painting should contain no

unnecessary lines, and a machine no unnecessary parts, a sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences.

This does not mean that sentences must be short or lacking in detail. Rather, every sentence is crafted with purpose and wastes no time in making a point.

Expressions to Avoid! The question as to whether There is no doubt that He is a man who In a hasty manner This is the subject that Her story is a strange one The reason why is that In spite of the fact that The fact that I had arrived Seems to be

What could you change in these expressions to make them more concise?

Correct Answers!

Whether Doubtless He Hastily This subject Her story is strange Because Since Although My arrival is

Apply the Rules!

Wordiness often happens when you present a complex idea, step by step, in a series of sentences that might be combined into one.

Revise!

Macbeth was very ambitious. This made him to wish to become King of Scotland. The witches told him that this wish would come true. The King of Scotland at the time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth murdered King Duncan. Macbeth became King. (44 words)

Correct Answer!

Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming King of Scotland in his place. (26 words)